1 00:00:00,160 --> 00:00:02,760 Speaker 1: Welcome to Can't Believe Reckless, the production of Our Heart 2 00:00:02,840 --> 00:00:16,160 Speaker 1: Radio and the Black Effects, and just like that, we're 3 00:00:16,200 --> 00:00:19,000 Speaker 1: back on the air. Welcome back to yet another carefully 4 00:00:19,000 --> 00:00:21,959 Speaker 1: reckless episode with your girl just hilarious. Listen. I've been 5 00:00:22,000 --> 00:00:24,040 Speaker 1: busy for the past two weeks, y'all. I know, I 6 00:00:24,079 --> 00:00:26,079 Speaker 1: know you're gonna kick my ass, but that's why we 7 00:00:26,160 --> 00:00:29,520 Speaker 1: got a really really good episode for y'all today. Between filming, 8 00:00:29,640 --> 00:00:34,760 Speaker 1: between traveling in between shooting Reckless discussions and switching from 9 00:00:34,760 --> 00:00:37,400 Speaker 1: this agent to this agent and then all good problems. 10 00:00:37,840 --> 00:00:40,199 Speaker 1: But I've been super duper busy, and I'm sorry for 11 00:00:40,240 --> 00:00:44,080 Speaker 1: the abandonment. I'm so sorry for the abandonment. All right, 12 00:00:44,159 --> 00:00:46,319 Speaker 1: but I'm back, y'all. We're gonna jump right in. I'm 13 00:00:46,360 --> 00:00:49,520 Speaker 1: fixing mess. Here we go. So just me and this guy. 14 00:00:49,960 --> 00:00:53,280 Speaker 1: We dated for a year and a half on and off, 15 00:00:53,880 --> 00:00:56,560 Speaker 1: and last year when we dated, we left off on 16 00:00:56,760 --> 00:00:59,680 Speaker 1: really bad terms. I started to notice a lot of 17 00:00:59,680 --> 00:01:02,240 Speaker 1: red ass about him towards the end of the relationship, 18 00:01:02,560 --> 00:01:06,400 Speaker 1: and um, it got so messy that he broke my 19 00:01:06,480 --> 00:01:10,720 Speaker 1: back car window and well shattered it. I didn't have 20 00:01:10,760 --> 00:01:14,280 Speaker 1: a window back there, so he shattered it and he 21 00:01:14,440 --> 00:01:18,119 Speaker 1: tried to break in my apartment, so it got so messy. 22 00:01:18,280 --> 00:01:20,800 Speaker 1: We end up going our separate ways, did not speak 23 00:01:20,840 --> 00:01:24,199 Speaker 1: to each other for five months, and throughout those whole 24 00:01:24,200 --> 00:01:27,560 Speaker 1: five months, I was feeling hurt. I missed him. You know. 25 00:01:27,600 --> 00:01:29,839 Speaker 1: It would be times where, you know, I would dream 26 00:01:29,880 --> 00:01:32,280 Speaker 1: about him, you know, and I'm like, why am I 27 00:01:32,319 --> 00:01:35,800 Speaker 1: missing this guy when he put me through this bullshit. 28 00:01:36,400 --> 00:01:39,959 Speaker 1: Let's fast forward to May of this year. We're gonna 29 00:01:40,000 --> 00:01:43,240 Speaker 1: call him See. So she ends up reaching out to 30 00:01:43,319 --> 00:01:47,240 Speaker 1: me on Instagram and we end up reconnecting and becoming 31 00:01:47,240 --> 00:01:50,800 Speaker 1: good friends. Now, in the beginning, I was very hesitant, 32 00:01:51,800 --> 00:01:53,800 Speaker 1: and I have my guard up all the way, and 33 00:01:53,840 --> 00:01:55,840 Speaker 1: I know that he noticed that because he would always 34 00:01:55,880 --> 00:01:59,560 Speaker 1: bring that up. But while me and see You were 35 00:01:59,560 --> 00:02:04,680 Speaker 1: working on a friendship, I also had another guy friend 36 00:02:04,760 --> 00:02:07,080 Speaker 1: on the side that I had been speaking to for 37 00:02:07,160 --> 00:02:11,600 Speaker 1: three months. Let's call him BE. So we're gonna call 38 00:02:11,680 --> 00:02:16,560 Speaker 1: him Be. She knew about B. She knew that, you know, 39 00:02:16,760 --> 00:02:20,080 Speaker 1: I was talking to BE or I had a guy 40 00:02:20,200 --> 00:02:22,720 Speaker 1: friend on the side, So I made that clear from 41 00:02:22,800 --> 00:02:25,520 Speaker 1: the beginning so he won't think, you know, hey, I'm 42 00:02:25,520 --> 00:02:29,760 Speaker 1: trying to get back with you. So eventually she got 43 00:02:29,919 --> 00:02:33,600 Speaker 1: tired of it. He got tired of me seeing this 44 00:02:33,720 --> 00:02:36,640 Speaker 1: other guy. He didn't like the fact that, you know, 45 00:02:36,840 --> 00:02:40,440 Speaker 1: I was seeing another person. You know, he didn't like that. 46 00:02:40,840 --> 00:02:44,120 Speaker 1: So he decided to tell me one day, guy, I 47 00:02:44,160 --> 00:02:46,720 Speaker 1: don't care what you say, I'm gonna have you again. 48 00:02:46,960 --> 00:02:50,160 Speaker 1: And I laughed it off. I was like, boy, you crazy. Whatever, 49 00:02:50,440 --> 00:02:55,320 Speaker 1: those days are over. So eventually she started to do 50 00:02:55,480 --> 00:03:00,720 Speaker 1: things for me romantically, started doing things he didn't do 51 00:03:00,880 --> 00:03:04,160 Speaker 1: before when we dated, and I'm like, oh my god, 52 00:03:04,280 --> 00:03:07,560 Speaker 1: he really changed, Like this guy really wants me, he 53 00:03:07,600 --> 00:03:11,120 Speaker 1: really cares about me. And then my feelings started to 54 00:03:11,120 --> 00:03:15,400 Speaker 1: get really stronger and I couldn't help myself at that point. 55 00:03:16,040 --> 00:03:20,079 Speaker 1: So eventually things that I would find attractive about Be 56 00:03:20,880 --> 00:03:24,239 Speaker 1: started to become very annoying to me or very irritating, 57 00:03:24,320 --> 00:03:27,080 Speaker 1: like things that he would do, And I thought to myself, 58 00:03:27,080 --> 00:03:29,320 Speaker 1: I told myself, I need to come to a conclusion. 59 00:03:29,400 --> 00:03:33,880 Speaker 1: I need to tell BE about C because this is 60 00:03:33,880 --> 00:03:37,520 Speaker 1: where my heart lies. It lies with C. And you know, 61 00:03:37,600 --> 00:03:40,680 Speaker 1: it did hurt me to let him know, but he 62 00:03:40,760 --> 00:03:44,760 Speaker 1: was very understanding because he had been in that situation before, 63 00:03:44,840 --> 00:03:48,360 Speaker 1: so he was a good friend about that. Eventually, me 64 00:03:48,680 --> 00:03:52,640 Speaker 1: and Ce end up becoming a couple again, me and c. 65 00:03:52,840 --> 00:03:57,600 Speaker 1: His relationship started to become really good. You know. I 66 00:03:57,640 --> 00:04:00,320 Speaker 1: started to hang around his family more. He has a 67 00:04:00,320 --> 00:04:03,360 Speaker 1: two year old daughter. I started to see her more. 68 00:04:03,400 --> 00:04:05,600 Speaker 1: You know. He started to open up to me more. 69 00:04:06,040 --> 00:04:08,480 Speaker 1: You know, he even spoke to me about, you know, 70 00:04:08,560 --> 00:04:11,520 Speaker 1: having a family with me, and he showed me things 71 00:04:11,640 --> 00:04:14,760 Speaker 1: that he didn't show me before when we were together 72 00:04:14,880 --> 00:04:18,280 Speaker 1: last year. So I felt like this was real, you know, 73 00:04:18,279 --> 00:04:21,560 Speaker 1: and I started to fall deeply in love with this man. 74 00:04:21,880 --> 00:04:25,880 Speaker 1: And that's when the red flag started to show. He 75 00:04:26,000 --> 00:04:31,800 Speaker 1: started becoming possessive and controlling. It was getting out of hand, 76 00:04:32,400 --> 00:04:35,360 Speaker 1: and I felt like he started to test me at 77 00:04:35,400 --> 00:04:38,640 Speaker 1: times to see how I would react to certain situations. 78 00:04:39,400 --> 00:04:43,240 Speaker 1: Over time, the red flag started to get worse, you know, 79 00:04:43,440 --> 00:04:48,240 Speaker 1: way worse than last year. Things got abusive. It's like 80 00:04:48,360 --> 00:04:54,320 Speaker 1: he would be a narcissist, but he would try to 81 00:04:54,360 --> 00:04:56,280 Speaker 1: be there for me at the same time, you know. 82 00:04:56,560 --> 00:04:59,680 Speaker 1: And it was confusing because it was a roller coaster. 83 00:05:00,240 --> 00:05:03,440 Speaker 1: One minute, he wants to motivate me, you know, he 84 00:05:03,480 --> 00:05:05,800 Speaker 1: makes me feel like I'm the world. Then the next 85 00:05:05,839 --> 00:05:09,680 Speaker 1: minute he puts me down and tossed his ship about me, 86 00:05:10,600 --> 00:05:15,200 Speaker 1: and cheat told me and abuses me, And it was 87 00:05:15,240 --> 00:05:18,080 Speaker 1: a roller coaster. I did not know what to do 88 00:05:18,200 --> 00:05:21,120 Speaker 1: because I was so deeply in love with this man, 89 00:05:22,040 --> 00:05:25,360 Speaker 1: like I was everywhere. I was a mess. Just I 90 00:05:25,400 --> 00:05:29,600 Speaker 1: started to have so much hope in our relationship and 91 00:05:29,720 --> 00:05:33,040 Speaker 1: for this man that I even you know, I would 92 00:05:33,120 --> 00:05:35,960 Speaker 1: pray every day for our relationship to heal and for 93 00:05:36,040 --> 00:05:38,720 Speaker 1: him to become a better man. And I even went 94 00:05:39,040 --> 00:05:43,080 Speaker 1: as far as speaking to a psychic about our relationship 95 00:05:43,200 --> 00:05:47,080 Speaker 1: to see where our love lies with each other and 96 00:05:47,160 --> 00:05:49,520 Speaker 1: to see what the future holds between us, you know. 97 00:05:50,440 --> 00:05:54,359 Speaker 1: And I had to come to a conclusion, Kay, you 98 00:05:54,480 --> 00:05:58,480 Speaker 1: need to let this go. You need to let it go. 99 00:05:59,040 --> 00:06:02,240 Speaker 1: He has to change his own You cannot change a 100 00:06:02,279 --> 00:06:06,520 Speaker 1: man no matter what you do, no matter how good 101 00:06:06,560 --> 00:06:10,640 Speaker 1: you treat him, He's still going to act up unless 102 00:06:10,680 --> 00:06:14,520 Speaker 1: he wants to change for himself. So eventually I got 103 00:06:14,600 --> 00:06:17,120 Speaker 1: sick and tired of the bullshit. I got tired of 104 00:06:17,160 --> 00:06:21,440 Speaker 1: the cheating, the abusive ways, the line. I wanted to 105 00:06:21,440 --> 00:06:25,200 Speaker 1: give up on the relationship, even though um I still 106 00:06:25,279 --> 00:06:28,520 Speaker 1: had my hope in him. I wanted to see him 107 00:06:28,560 --> 00:06:32,919 Speaker 1: get better as a man before I could be with 108 00:06:33,040 --> 00:06:35,400 Speaker 1: him any longer. So I did what I had to do, 109 00:06:35,800 --> 00:06:39,000 Speaker 1: you know, I left the relationship, and of course that 110 00:06:39,080 --> 00:06:42,320 Speaker 1: caused problems. Of course, he did not like that, he 111 00:06:42,360 --> 00:06:44,640 Speaker 1: did not want that, he did not want to accept that. 112 00:06:45,360 --> 00:06:50,279 Speaker 1: So he started to get out of line and he 113 00:06:50,360 --> 00:06:53,960 Speaker 1: tried to be abusive with me once again. Tried to 114 00:06:54,040 --> 00:06:56,960 Speaker 1: hit me, tried to dog down on me, tried to 115 00:06:57,000 --> 00:07:01,920 Speaker 1: say the most coolest thing said you could ever think 116 00:07:01,920 --> 00:07:04,600 Speaker 1: of somebody saying to you. I don't even want to 117 00:07:04,640 --> 00:07:07,359 Speaker 1: say it because it's so disturbing, but he would not 118 00:07:07,480 --> 00:07:10,200 Speaker 1: let me leave. It got so bad that when I 119 00:07:10,240 --> 00:07:14,840 Speaker 1: tried to leave and he noticed, he tried to fake 120 00:07:14,960 --> 00:07:21,200 Speaker 1: an overdose. He had um bought some xanax and he 121 00:07:21,320 --> 00:07:25,239 Speaker 1: wanted attention. He wanted to manipulate me, and he called 122 00:07:25,280 --> 00:07:28,120 Speaker 1: the ambulance to come pick him up and was trying 123 00:07:28,160 --> 00:07:32,840 Speaker 1: to say, oh, I'm gonna overdose, and it was so wrong. 124 00:07:33,320 --> 00:07:37,920 Speaker 1: I'm like, you're so sick, you don't even know. And 125 00:07:38,320 --> 00:07:41,760 Speaker 1: when I had the chance to leave this man, I 126 00:07:41,880 --> 00:07:46,040 Speaker 1: ran and I never looked back. I never looked back. 127 00:07:46,120 --> 00:07:50,080 Speaker 1: And I will say he reached out to me about 128 00:07:50,280 --> 00:07:54,800 Speaker 1: five times since then, and I never reached back out 129 00:07:54,840 --> 00:07:57,920 Speaker 1: to him. I blocked him on everything, and yes I 130 00:07:57,960 --> 00:08:01,800 Speaker 1: did contact the police after all of this happened. I 131 00:08:01,840 --> 00:08:04,400 Speaker 1: did contact the police, but I have to wake up 132 00:08:04,400 --> 00:08:06,560 Speaker 1: out of a trance. I had to wake up and 133 00:08:06,560 --> 00:08:10,640 Speaker 1: tell myself, Kyle, you deserve better. No woman should ever 134 00:08:10,760 --> 00:08:15,400 Speaker 1: go through this ever, and I just had to wake up. 135 00:08:16,040 --> 00:08:19,119 Speaker 1: But being the caring person that I am, no matter 136 00:08:19,200 --> 00:08:23,800 Speaker 1: if you hurt me, I will still want better for you. 137 00:08:24,400 --> 00:08:28,080 Speaker 1: And I guess since I've gotten older, I became more 138 00:08:28,160 --> 00:08:32,040 Speaker 1: forgiving of people. And no matter how hard I tried 139 00:08:32,080 --> 00:08:35,520 Speaker 1: to be cold hearted towards him, I can't seem to 140 00:08:36,600 --> 00:08:41,920 Speaker 1: have that heart towards him. I still want him to 141 00:08:42,000 --> 00:08:46,480 Speaker 1: get better for himself, and I hate that about myself. 142 00:08:47,000 --> 00:08:49,560 Speaker 1: And yet I'm still traumatized a little bit after the 143 00:08:49,640 --> 00:08:54,160 Speaker 1: situation because now that I'm mingling with people, it's like 144 00:08:54,240 --> 00:08:57,760 Speaker 1: they see my self worth and my potential more than 145 00:08:57,840 --> 00:09:01,720 Speaker 1: I see my own potential and self worth because of 146 00:09:01,800 --> 00:09:06,000 Speaker 1: the situation that I was in, and it's gonna get better. 147 00:09:06,520 --> 00:09:10,680 Speaker 1: I'm gonna make that better because now I know not 148 00:09:10,800 --> 00:09:17,200 Speaker 1: to let a man determine my value myself worth. I 149 00:09:17,240 --> 00:09:20,679 Speaker 1: will never make that mistake again. I'm so happy that 150 00:09:20,720 --> 00:09:23,800 Speaker 1: I'm out of that situation. I'm so glad that I 151 00:09:23,840 --> 00:09:26,840 Speaker 1: can move forward with my life and I hope he 152 00:09:26,880 --> 00:09:32,320 Speaker 1: gets better. But until then, I'm focused on me healing me. 153 00:09:32,480 --> 00:09:35,920 Speaker 1: I'm not looking forward to another relationship because I feel 154 00:09:35,960 --> 00:09:41,440 Speaker 1: like I'm not ready for it at all. Okay, all right, 155 00:09:41,640 --> 00:09:43,800 Speaker 1: so that was a pretty long one. But what I 156 00:09:43,840 --> 00:09:47,600 Speaker 1: love about your story, guy, is you know you don't 157 00:09:47,600 --> 00:09:49,760 Speaker 1: need any advice. I have just a little bit for you, 158 00:09:49,800 --> 00:09:53,440 Speaker 1: but you don't. You got out of there. Listen, this 159 00:09:53,760 --> 00:09:57,080 Speaker 1: story is far too common. It's way too common, meaning 160 00:09:57,120 --> 00:10:01,199 Speaker 1: it happens a lot more than we think. You are 161 00:10:01,240 --> 00:10:02,760 Speaker 1: not the only one that has gone through that. You 162 00:10:02,760 --> 00:10:05,120 Speaker 1: are not the only one that's still traumatized by a 163 00:10:05,240 --> 00:10:09,080 Speaker 1: narcissist ex boyfriend. You were with him for a year, 164 00:10:09,480 --> 00:10:12,480 Speaker 1: then you took a break, you started talking to someone else. 165 00:10:12,520 --> 00:10:15,760 Speaker 1: You told him that you started talking to someone else. 166 00:10:16,280 --> 00:10:18,760 Speaker 1: He couldn't handle it, so he found a way to 167 00:10:18,800 --> 00:10:23,480 Speaker 1: get back in. That's what narcissists do. They're very methodical. 168 00:10:23,840 --> 00:10:26,680 Speaker 1: His method was to show I'm gonna show her everything 169 00:10:26,720 --> 00:10:28,640 Speaker 1: that she's wanted me to do. I can do it 170 00:10:28,880 --> 00:10:32,240 Speaker 1: everything that she glorifies in the man I'm gonna do 171 00:10:32,280 --> 00:10:34,600 Speaker 1: that I'm gonna treat her the best. I'm going to 172 00:10:34,640 --> 00:10:37,920 Speaker 1: build her up, and as time goes on, they still 173 00:10:37,920 --> 00:10:41,599 Speaker 1: will show who they are, because one thing a narcissist 174 00:10:42,040 --> 00:10:45,360 Speaker 1: will do is paint a perfect picture. That's manipulation. They'll 175 00:10:45,360 --> 00:10:49,440 Speaker 1: paint the perfect picture right, and they'll act right for 176 00:10:49,480 --> 00:10:53,240 Speaker 1: a while, but then they will soon reveal who they 177 00:10:53,280 --> 00:10:55,439 Speaker 1: really are. And if someone is showing you who they are, 178 00:10:55,480 --> 00:10:58,400 Speaker 1: you have to believe them. You cannot think that you 179 00:10:58,480 --> 00:11:01,640 Speaker 1: can ever change someone. You can help someone evolve, but 180 00:11:01,720 --> 00:11:06,319 Speaker 1: you cannot change anyone. It's up to them. He's very 181 00:11:06,360 --> 00:11:10,560 Speaker 1: systematic on how he did it. Narcissists they create these systems, 182 00:11:10,600 --> 00:11:14,800 Speaker 1: these ways that they can manipulate people, you know, women, 183 00:11:14,920 --> 00:11:17,760 Speaker 1: female or whatever to get whatever they want. And he 184 00:11:18,320 --> 00:11:20,080 Speaker 1: got you back. That's what he wanted. He wanted to 185 00:11:20,720 --> 00:11:24,040 Speaker 1: have you back, especially after you told him you wanted 186 00:11:24,120 --> 00:11:26,880 Speaker 1: someone else. That was a recipe for a disaster. In 187 00:11:26,920 --> 00:11:29,280 Speaker 1: his eyes, He's like, oh, hell no, nobody's ever gonna 188 00:11:29,320 --> 00:11:33,280 Speaker 1: treat her like I treat her, So let me give 189 00:11:33,280 --> 00:11:36,079 Speaker 1: her a better version of myself to lure her back in. 190 00:11:36,320 --> 00:11:38,320 Speaker 1: And I'm not gonna do anything but build her up 191 00:11:38,320 --> 00:11:41,360 Speaker 1: and tell her to funk back down, because it won't 192 00:11:41,360 --> 00:11:45,040 Speaker 1: be long until I show these flags again, before I 193 00:11:45,040 --> 00:11:48,240 Speaker 1: show these signs again, before I fucking put my hands 194 00:11:48,280 --> 00:11:51,200 Speaker 1: on her, before he's obsessed with you. He wants to 195 00:11:51,240 --> 00:11:55,120 Speaker 1: control you. You left the other guy alone because all 196 00:11:55,200 --> 00:11:58,600 Speaker 1: you wanted was for that one person to act right, 197 00:11:59,120 --> 00:12:01,560 Speaker 1: and that's what he showed with you. This pattern is 198 00:12:01,720 --> 00:12:07,200 Speaker 1: all so calmon. This pattern happens too. Maybe don't quote me, 199 00:12:07,240 --> 00:12:10,480 Speaker 1: but maybe to what eight out of ten women? This 200 00:12:10,559 --> 00:12:12,679 Speaker 1: is how it always happens. Women do this to men 201 00:12:12,720 --> 00:12:15,400 Speaker 1: as well. You don't really need much advice. Only thing 202 00:12:15,559 --> 00:12:20,880 Speaker 1: you need now moving forward is motivation and self love, 203 00:12:21,280 --> 00:12:26,520 Speaker 1: and honestly, therapy would help you. Even in your tone 204 00:12:27,000 --> 00:12:29,520 Speaker 1: when you're talking to me, when you sent in the 205 00:12:29,600 --> 00:12:33,040 Speaker 1: voice notes and I'm hearing you, you sound like you're crying. 206 00:12:33,200 --> 00:12:35,400 Speaker 1: You sound like this is still extremely hard for you 207 00:12:35,440 --> 00:12:37,719 Speaker 1: to even talk about. You understand what I'm saying. So 208 00:12:37,760 --> 00:12:40,640 Speaker 1: it has affected you and it's still affecting you. And 209 00:12:40,679 --> 00:12:42,440 Speaker 1: I'm glad that you even came clean and said that. 210 00:12:42,520 --> 00:12:45,200 Speaker 1: You know, I'm still traumatized. I notice when I mingle 211 00:12:45,280 --> 00:12:48,400 Speaker 1: now people see more potential in me than I've even 212 00:12:48,400 --> 00:12:50,959 Speaker 1: seen it myself. Yes, because you let this man break 213 00:12:51,000 --> 00:12:54,679 Speaker 1: you down. You let this man pull you down and 214 00:12:54,720 --> 00:12:56,760 Speaker 1: make you hit rock bottom, and it's like it's only 215 00:12:56,760 --> 00:13:01,880 Speaker 1: one way but up. And I absolutely love the transparency. 216 00:13:01,960 --> 00:13:05,080 Speaker 1: I love it that nigga need help himself. That guy 217 00:13:05,160 --> 00:13:08,559 Speaker 1: needs counseling. He needs to see a therapist. He needs 218 00:13:08,840 --> 00:13:10,840 Speaker 1: to be in jail a little bit. You know, you 219 00:13:10,880 --> 00:13:13,640 Speaker 1: asked me, he needs to be away from the motherfucking public. 220 00:13:13,679 --> 00:13:16,719 Speaker 1: You're faking overdoses and ship and all of that, Like 221 00:13:16,800 --> 00:13:19,480 Speaker 1: that's that's too much. But that's something in his own mind. 222 00:13:19,520 --> 00:13:21,240 Speaker 1: It trust me, it's not you. It has nothing to 223 00:13:21,280 --> 00:13:23,079 Speaker 1: do with you, because he would do it to someone 224 00:13:23,120 --> 00:13:26,360 Speaker 1: else as well. I feel like his issues are abandonment. 225 00:13:26,480 --> 00:13:28,720 Speaker 1: I don't know what his childhood was like. Did you 226 00:13:28,720 --> 00:13:31,440 Speaker 1: get to know that a lot of our childhood is 227 00:13:31,480 --> 00:13:34,160 Speaker 1: what makes us, what helps us evolve into who we 228 00:13:34,200 --> 00:13:36,960 Speaker 1: are today. Not in every case, but most of the 229 00:13:37,000 --> 00:13:39,480 Speaker 1: time it is. Your childhood has an effect on you 230 00:13:39,520 --> 00:13:41,320 Speaker 1: for the rest of your life, whether it be a 231 00:13:41,320 --> 00:13:43,439 Speaker 1: good or bad childhood, whether it was so so, whether 232 00:13:43,440 --> 00:13:46,079 Speaker 1: you were poor, whether you were beaten, whether you know whatever. 233 00:13:46,760 --> 00:13:51,599 Speaker 1: I feel that he has a serious issue with abandonment. 234 00:13:51,880 --> 00:13:54,440 Speaker 1: He didn't want you to leave. He would fake overdose 235 00:13:54,480 --> 00:13:57,080 Speaker 1: all that ship. He didn't want you to get out 236 00:13:57,120 --> 00:13:59,600 Speaker 1: of there on him. You know. It just seems like 237 00:14:00,120 --> 00:14:03,439 Speaker 1: he had to have you with him, and while you 238 00:14:03,480 --> 00:14:06,040 Speaker 1: were with him, he had to control you as well. 239 00:14:06,440 --> 00:14:09,160 Speaker 1: It's sad, but it's a very common thing. Yes, I 240 00:14:09,200 --> 00:14:11,880 Speaker 1: hope that he actually moved on to get help. I 241 00:14:12,000 --> 00:14:14,959 Speaker 1: need you to not even miss him. I don't care 242 00:14:15,000 --> 00:14:17,080 Speaker 1: what they say, girl, not even miss him. Now. You 243 00:14:17,120 --> 00:14:20,520 Speaker 1: said you left and you didn't look back, and you ran, 244 00:14:20,640 --> 00:14:23,480 Speaker 1: you got the help out of there. But you did 245 00:14:23,520 --> 00:14:25,320 Speaker 1: that a year ago as well, So we don't want 246 00:14:25,320 --> 00:14:28,120 Speaker 1: to step and repeat, you know, we don't want a 247 00:14:28,120 --> 00:14:30,560 Speaker 1: new cycle of that. Because he knows you, he knows 248 00:14:30,800 --> 00:14:32,640 Speaker 1: what to say to get under your skin. He knows, 249 00:14:32,720 --> 00:14:36,080 Speaker 1: he knows. But the only way to let someone break 250 00:14:36,120 --> 00:14:39,000 Speaker 1: you down is if you give them everything to like. 251 00:14:39,120 --> 00:14:41,880 Speaker 1: You give them all the key to your heart, your life, 252 00:14:41,920 --> 00:14:44,160 Speaker 1: your mind. And you gave him all that before. Don't 253 00:14:44,160 --> 00:14:47,080 Speaker 1: make that mistake again because you're now in a stage 254 00:14:47,080 --> 00:14:50,840 Speaker 1: where you're trying to learn your self worth. Don't go backwards. 255 00:14:51,400 --> 00:14:54,120 Speaker 1: Check in with me, babe. I appreciate you. Hold up, 256 00:14:54,160 --> 00:14:56,080 Speaker 1: Hold up, I know the ship getting good. But listen 257 00:14:56,120 --> 00:14:58,160 Speaker 1: to just a couple of seconds of a commercial. If 258 00:14:58,160 --> 00:15:03,880 Speaker 1: you love me, you'll listen. Okay, next, Hey, Jess, I 259 00:15:03,920 --> 00:15:07,200 Speaker 1: am back to get some more of your advice. This 260 00:15:07,280 --> 00:15:11,240 Speaker 1: is a totally new situation and I just love the 261 00:15:11,280 --> 00:15:13,480 Speaker 1: advice that you give. You keep it really, keep it 262 00:15:13,480 --> 00:15:17,880 Speaker 1: a hunted. So yeah, basically, I work with a man 263 00:15:18,120 --> 00:15:21,240 Speaker 1: that is he's forty three years old. I'm twenty eight 264 00:15:21,320 --> 00:15:26,280 Speaker 1: years old. We don't see each other that often while working. 265 00:15:26,400 --> 00:15:29,880 Speaker 1: We're kind of like in two different departments, but whenever 266 00:15:29,960 --> 00:15:32,560 Speaker 1: we pass each other, we always say hi or have 267 00:15:32,720 --> 00:15:36,520 Speaker 1: like a brief conversation. I've always kind of felt like 268 00:15:36,560 --> 00:15:40,480 Speaker 1: a small chemistry, but it was never anything deep or anything, 269 00:15:40,600 --> 00:15:43,880 Speaker 1: so I never even like paid it any mind. I've 270 00:15:44,280 --> 00:15:48,120 Speaker 1: always was like attracted to him. But yeah, so this 271 00:15:48,280 --> 00:15:53,200 Speaker 1: past Friday, he and I were able to have a 272 00:15:53,240 --> 00:15:56,920 Speaker 1: longer conversation. I found out that he has three kids, 273 00:15:57,560 --> 00:16:02,800 Speaker 1: one eighteen and fourteen. And he asked me, like my age, 274 00:16:03,040 --> 00:16:05,600 Speaker 1: and then he mentioned like, oh yeah, woman mature faster. 275 00:16:05,920 --> 00:16:08,320 Speaker 1: He asked me, like, what do I like to do 276 00:16:08,400 --> 00:16:11,800 Speaker 1: around the city. He asked me if I was still 277 00:16:11,840 --> 00:16:15,360 Speaker 1: with my child's father. He mentioned like he, you know, 278 00:16:15,680 --> 00:16:19,560 Speaker 1: has a relationship with God. Yeah. So it was a 279 00:16:19,600 --> 00:16:24,080 Speaker 1: longer conversation, but not anything too deep. He did not 280 00:16:24,240 --> 00:16:28,040 Speaker 1: have a ring on his finger, and so I assume 281 00:16:28,160 --> 00:16:33,680 Speaker 1: that he's single. However, moving forward, basically, he asked if 282 00:16:33,720 --> 00:16:35,680 Speaker 1: I had his number and I said I did from 283 00:16:35,720 --> 00:16:40,280 Speaker 1: a previous situation of an encounter with him. And then 284 00:16:40,600 --> 00:16:44,560 Speaker 1: later on that day he texted me he said, I 285 00:16:44,640 --> 00:16:49,280 Speaker 1: really enjoy speaking with you. I replied I enjoy speaking 286 00:16:49,320 --> 00:16:54,600 Speaker 1: with you too. He then texas, hopefully we can chat 287 00:16:54,960 --> 00:16:59,680 Speaker 1: some more sometime soon. At that point, I didn't really 288 00:16:59,720 --> 00:17:02,400 Speaker 1: know which way to go, so I ended up asking 289 00:17:02,400 --> 00:17:04,200 Speaker 1: a friend like, what do you think I should stay back? 290 00:17:04,359 --> 00:17:06,800 Speaker 1: You know, I'm kind of a little dusty in the game. 291 00:17:07,000 --> 00:17:09,199 Speaker 1: But basically my friend was like, go ahead and like 292 00:17:09,359 --> 00:17:12,040 Speaker 1: put the ball in his court, say you know, we 293 00:17:12,080 --> 00:17:14,760 Speaker 1: can chat this weekend or whatever. So I ended up texting, 294 00:17:14,920 --> 00:17:18,080 Speaker 1: we can chat this weekend if you're free. He did 295 00:17:18,200 --> 00:17:22,000 Speaker 1: not reply after that, and he also did not hit 296 00:17:22,040 --> 00:17:25,560 Speaker 1: me up all weekend. So my question is, do you 297 00:17:25,600 --> 00:17:28,800 Speaker 1: think that's a red flag? Is it too soon to 298 00:17:28,840 --> 00:17:34,200 Speaker 1: assume anything, because honestly, my mind goes straight to, oh, 299 00:17:34,240 --> 00:17:37,480 Speaker 1: he has somebody at home. This is why he hasn't 300 00:17:37,520 --> 00:17:41,720 Speaker 1: texted me yet. Mind you, I'm probably going to see 301 00:17:41,760 --> 00:17:45,400 Speaker 1: him tomorrow. So am I going to keep it cordial 302 00:17:45,440 --> 00:17:47,879 Speaker 1: and just give it a quick hi and buy? Or 303 00:17:48,160 --> 00:17:50,359 Speaker 1: am I bringing this up? Like? Yo, what's up? Why 304 00:17:50,359 --> 00:17:53,440 Speaker 1: don't you texting me this weekend? You know? Communication is key? Right? 305 00:17:54,080 --> 00:17:57,879 Speaker 1: Or is it not even worth it? Yes? Let me know, Jess, 306 00:17:57,960 --> 00:18:00,720 Speaker 1: just let me know. I don't know. I feel like 307 00:18:00,760 --> 00:18:03,840 Speaker 1: I'm a little dusty when it comes to this whole 308 00:18:03,920 --> 00:18:09,560 Speaker 1: dating scene. So this is why we have you, hey girl, 309 00:18:09,680 --> 00:18:13,040 Speaker 1: Yes you you already know what I'm gonna say is 310 00:18:14,000 --> 00:18:16,160 Speaker 1: don't say you're a little dusty girl. If it's any 311 00:18:16,200 --> 00:18:18,440 Speaker 1: time to be dusty and dating, it's right now because 312 00:18:18,480 --> 00:18:21,320 Speaker 1: these nigga ain't ship neither all these women, so um um, 313 00:18:21,600 --> 00:18:25,000 Speaker 1: let me let me be professional. Um now. No, it 314 00:18:25,040 --> 00:18:27,879 Speaker 1: all depends on what you want. It depends on exactly 315 00:18:27,880 --> 00:18:29,760 Speaker 1: what you want. Do you want to date? Are you 316 00:18:29,800 --> 00:18:33,080 Speaker 1: looking for something serious? Do you want just a partner, 317 00:18:33,160 --> 00:18:35,840 Speaker 1: a sexual partner? Do you want someone that you just 318 00:18:35,880 --> 00:18:37,520 Speaker 1: want to go to the movies with, bullshit with? Do 319 00:18:37,560 --> 00:18:39,639 Speaker 1: you want someone just to be in communication with, just 320 00:18:39,680 --> 00:18:42,520 Speaker 1: to hold your attention long? Enough to you figure out 321 00:18:42,960 --> 00:18:45,679 Speaker 1: what it actually is that you do want. You know, 322 00:18:45,720 --> 00:18:48,840 Speaker 1: because it's okay to not know exactly what you want. 323 00:18:49,760 --> 00:18:52,840 Speaker 1: What makes it not okay is when you demand something 324 00:18:52,880 --> 00:18:55,440 Speaker 1: from somebody else not even knowing what you want. You know, 325 00:18:55,840 --> 00:18:59,119 Speaker 1: that's the difference. I've made these mistakes plenty of times 326 00:18:59,480 --> 00:19:01,840 Speaker 1: and my life time. You know, I'll have a list 327 00:19:01,880 --> 00:19:04,199 Speaker 1: of demands. You know, as a woman, you know, we 328 00:19:04,320 --> 00:19:05,800 Speaker 1: do it all the time. You know, I'm not a man. 329 00:19:05,840 --> 00:19:08,800 Speaker 1: I can't speak for them. I'm sure it's a humanistic thing, 330 00:19:09,119 --> 00:19:11,320 Speaker 1: but I've done it, you know, I've had my list 331 00:19:11,359 --> 00:19:13,679 Speaker 1: of demands, like, oh, this guy need to have this 332 00:19:13,920 --> 00:19:15,280 Speaker 1: and didn't need to have this. You need to know 333 00:19:15,320 --> 00:19:16,760 Speaker 1: what you want. I want this, I want this way, 334 00:19:17,520 --> 00:19:19,320 Speaker 1: and I don't even know what I want. You may 335 00:19:19,400 --> 00:19:21,080 Speaker 1: think you want to be in love. That's a whole 336 00:19:21,119 --> 00:19:23,359 Speaker 1: another ballgame. People are not ready for. You're not ready 337 00:19:23,359 --> 00:19:25,440 Speaker 1: for the downs of love. You're ready for the ups 338 00:19:25,480 --> 00:19:27,199 Speaker 1: of love. But love ain't always fun, Love is not 339 00:19:27,200 --> 00:19:30,720 Speaker 1: always kind. There are trials and tribulations with anything, So 340 00:19:31,040 --> 00:19:32,600 Speaker 1: are you ready for that? At first you have to 341 00:19:32,600 --> 00:19:34,880 Speaker 1: ask yourself that question, what do I want? And then 342 00:19:34,920 --> 00:19:36,679 Speaker 1: you work with him, So you have to kind of 343 00:19:36,720 --> 00:19:40,239 Speaker 1: tread a little lightly because I know that you know 344 00:19:40,280 --> 00:19:42,080 Speaker 1: you know what I'm about to say that no fraternization 345 00:19:42,240 --> 00:19:44,480 Speaker 1: policies and all that type of ship. Not even only 346 00:19:44,520 --> 00:19:48,639 Speaker 1: that in a legal sense, I mean just personally, say 347 00:19:48,960 --> 00:19:51,640 Speaker 1: you're dealing with somebody that you're working with. You see 348 00:19:51,640 --> 00:19:54,480 Speaker 1: this man every day at work. Obviously, say if it 349 00:19:54,520 --> 00:19:57,160 Speaker 1: don't go right, you will still see this man every day. 350 00:19:57,400 --> 00:20:00,720 Speaker 1: So when it comes to relationship, ships and matters of 351 00:20:00,720 --> 00:20:03,240 Speaker 1: the heart with people that you work with, it's very 352 00:20:03,280 --> 00:20:06,919 Speaker 1: easy to complicate things when you work with a person. 353 00:20:07,200 --> 00:20:10,399 Speaker 1: But that's not me telling you you should not date him. Now, 354 00:20:11,000 --> 00:20:12,639 Speaker 1: I think you should say something about it. Yes can. 355 00:20:12,760 --> 00:20:15,360 Speaker 1: Communication is key and I preached this every single week 356 00:20:15,400 --> 00:20:19,960 Speaker 1: and carefully reckless as well as reckless discussions. Communication is key, 357 00:20:20,080 --> 00:20:24,959 Speaker 1: like in any situation, whether it be friendship, family ship, relationship, 358 00:20:25,400 --> 00:20:29,959 Speaker 1: from child to parents, from boss to staff, colleague to colleague, whatever. 359 00:20:30,240 --> 00:20:33,879 Speaker 1: Communication is everything, from preacher to the people sitting in 360 00:20:33,920 --> 00:20:37,879 Speaker 1: the views. Everything starts with communication, from doctor to patient. 361 00:20:38,320 --> 00:20:42,280 Speaker 1: If you get what I'm saying, everything, So I think 362 00:20:42,880 --> 00:20:45,280 Speaker 1: you should be honest and telling how you felt. I 363 00:20:45,280 --> 00:20:48,440 Speaker 1: don't think it's too early to ask questions. I really 364 00:20:48,480 --> 00:20:51,960 Speaker 1: don't because mostly how it starts is how it ends. 365 00:20:52,359 --> 00:20:53,960 Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying. If you think he's hiding 366 00:20:53,960 --> 00:20:56,160 Speaker 1: the fact that he has a wife or a girlfriend 367 00:20:56,280 --> 00:20:58,159 Speaker 1: or dating or anything, I think you should just be 368 00:20:58,240 --> 00:21:01,680 Speaker 1: upfront with him. And I think that looks like this, Hey, 369 00:21:01,720 --> 00:21:03,920 Speaker 1: I text you um Friday. I didn't get a text 370 00:21:03,920 --> 00:21:05,639 Speaker 1: from you all weekend. I had some free time. If 371 00:21:05,640 --> 00:21:07,439 Speaker 1: you wanted to go get some meat or something, If 372 00:21:07,440 --> 00:21:09,080 Speaker 1: you just in case, you wanted to see me outside 373 00:21:09,080 --> 00:21:11,879 Speaker 1: of work, do you have a girlfriend or something that 374 00:21:11,920 --> 00:21:14,159 Speaker 1: I should be worried about or something like that, you 375 00:21:14,160 --> 00:21:16,480 Speaker 1: could ask just like that. It can be very casual. 376 00:21:16,520 --> 00:21:18,920 Speaker 1: It could be you know, very reserved. You know you 377 00:21:18,960 --> 00:21:21,480 Speaker 1: don't have to so what you got bitch alum or 378 00:21:21,680 --> 00:21:23,399 Speaker 1: you know you don't have to be that way unless 379 00:21:23,440 --> 00:21:25,960 Speaker 1: that's your personality and he knows that, you know. But 380 00:21:26,359 --> 00:21:28,880 Speaker 1: I think it's just a simple question and you're gonna 381 00:21:28,920 --> 00:21:33,160 Speaker 1: receive a simple answer. Now, however you feel about his response, 382 00:21:33,200 --> 00:21:36,680 Speaker 1: whether that be a lie or the truth, that's how 383 00:21:36,720 --> 00:21:38,440 Speaker 1: you make your decision on moving forward. But no, I 384 00:21:38,480 --> 00:21:41,160 Speaker 1: think the first thing is just first put into perspective 385 00:21:41,400 --> 00:21:43,840 Speaker 1: what it looks like that you want, like, what do 386 00:21:43,880 --> 00:21:47,119 Speaker 1: you want? You know? And then but I think whether 387 00:21:47,680 --> 00:21:49,400 Speaker 1: you want to be with this thing or not, whether 388 00:21:49,440 --> 00:21:51,879 Speaker 1: you want to talk to this man or not, I 389 00:21:51,920 --> 00:21:55,159 Speaker 1: think that you should still ask him about going the 390 00:21:55,200 --> 00:21:57,560 Speaker 1: whole weekend without talking to you, because it sounds like 391 00:21:57,560 --> 00:21:59,280 Speaker 1: that to me too. It sounds like he got somebody 392 00:21:59,280 --> 00:22:02,280 Speaker 1: out and he just wants to have a little work fling, 393 00:22:02,680 --> 00:22:04,040 Speaker 1: you know, because you see you every day and you 394 00:22:04,320 --> 00:22:06,280 Speaker 1: probably be looking good, you know what I'm saying, And 395 00:22:06,720 --> 00:22:08,840 Speaker 1: I think that's what it is. Yes, yes, And the 396 00:22:08,880 --> 00:22:14,680 Speaker 1: fact that he told you, oh, women mature faster than men. Okay, 397 00:22:14,720 --> 00:22:16,720 Speaker 1: that's a disclaimer for something. Sorry, what then are you 398 00:22:16,760 --> 00:22:21,000 Speaker 1: trying to tell me? Huh huh okay, because usually it's 399 00:22:21,000 --> 00:22:23,360 Speaker 1: a woman saying that to you, not a man. So 400 00:22:23,880 --> 00:22:26,280 Speaker 1: check back in with me, beautiful. I thank you so 401 00:22:26,359 --> 00:22:28,920 Speaker 1: much for reaching out again. You got um advice for 402 00:22:29,000 --> 00:22:31,800 Speaker 1: me before with something, and I want to say thank you. 403 00:22:31,840 --> 00:22:35,160 Speaker 1: And as many times as you need me, definitely come back. 404 00:22:35,240 --> 00:22:37,560 Speaker 1: It does not matter. And just like that, we've come 405 00:22:37,600 --> 00:22:40,399 Speaker 1: to the end of another carefully reckless episode with your girl. 406 00:22:40,480 --> 00:22:43,320 Speaker 1: Just hilarious. Make sure you tune in, make sure you're 407 00:22:43,320 --> 00:22:45,720 Speaker 1: sending your stories once again, Guys, you can send in 408 00:22:45,840 --> 00:22:49,360 Speaker 1: voice notes, whatever makes you feel more comfortable, because sometimes 409 00:22:49,359 --> 00:22:51,160 Speaker 1: it's a lot to type, and a lot of y'all 410 00:22:51,160 --> 00:22:53,879 Speaker 1: be trying to get me your story so fast, like 411 00:22:54,000 --> 00:22:56,840 Speaker 1: y'all be, y'all be having hell of typos, so I 412 00:22:56,880 --> 00:22:58,880 Speaker 1: can't really read through a lot of it. If you're 413 00:22:58,880 --> 00:23:02,359 Speaker 1: going to send in words, make sure that you prove 414 00:23:02,440 --> 00:23:04,399 Speaker 1: read because I don't want to skip over your story, 415 00:23:04,400 --> 00:23:06,159 Speaker 1: which may be a good story, and I want to 416 00:23:06,160 --> 00:23:08,720 Speaker 1: help everybody that I can. If you don't prove free to, 417 00:23:08,800 --> 00:23:11,400 Speaker 1: I can't get through it though. So again, I see 418 00:23:11,480 --> 00:24:26,639 Speaker 1: y'all next week, same time, same place. Carefully Reckless is 419 00:24:26,640 --> 00:24:29,360 Speaker 1: a production of I Heart Radio and The Black Effect. 420 00:24:29,600 --> 00:24:32,159 Speaker 1: For more podcasts from my Heart Radio, visit the I 421 00:24:32,280 --> 00:24:35,760 Speaker 1: Heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to 422 00:24:35,800 --> 00:24:36,560 Speaker 1: your favorite shows.