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Speaker 1: Hi, I'm Rashan McDonald. I host this weekly Money Making

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Speaker 1: Conversation Masterclass show. The interviews and information that this show

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Speaker 1: provides off for everyone. It's time to stop reading other

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Speaker 1: people's success stories and start living your own.

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Speaker 2: I'm talking about you now.

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Speaker 1: If you want to be a guest on my show,

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Speaker 1: money Making Conversations Masterclass, please visit our website, Moneymakingconversations dot

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Speaker 1: com and click the beat against button. If you're a

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Speaker 1: small business owner, entrepreneur, motivational speaker, influencer, or nonprofit I

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Speaker 1: want you on this show.

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Speaker 2: Now.

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Speaker 1: Let's get started. My guest new book, The Mirror Method

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Speaker 1: Twelve Weeks to Stop Abandoning Yourself in a twelve week

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Speaker 1: guided workbook designed to help you stop abandoning yourself and

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Speaker 1: finally choose your own needs without guill Please welcome to

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Speaker 1: Money Making Conversation Masterclass. Teresa Edwards. Hey you doing Teresa?

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Speaker 2: Hi?

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Speaker 1: You know it was a longer intro there, and I

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Speaker 1: wanted to cut short a little bit because it was

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Speaker 1: some things in that intro that I wanted to ask

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Speaker 1: you directly, okay, And because I think that we all

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Speaker 1: or have a pleasing personality. We want to please people,

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Speaker 1: because we want nice things, people to think nice about us. Now,

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Speaker 1: when does pleasing become extreme? Because that was a problem

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Speaker 1: for you.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, it becomes extreme when you're doing it and you

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Speaker 3: really don't want to do it, right, You got that

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Speaker 3: feeling because I think that's one of my people. Pleasing

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Speaker 3: is always want to you know, somebody ask me for help,

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Speaker 3: even though I don't have the time, you know, and

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Speaker 3: I'm stretched already thin. But then I was like, oh,

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Speaker 3: they're my friend, so I gotta do it. But instead

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Speaker 3: of setting those boundaries and say, hey, I don't have

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Speaker 3: the time, okay.

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Speaker 1: You know, and boundaries is a key, and so boundaries

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Speaker 1: are key. So let's go on your background. They allow

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Speaker 1: you to be to communic collect this are this based

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Speaker 1: on just personal history?

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Speaker 2: This book or this based on textbook.

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Speaker 3: Study, personal history and just watching others? So but yees,

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Speaker 3: definitely this is me telling my story and you know,

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Speaker 3: trying to share what has helped me.

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Speaker 4: You know.

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Speaker 3: So it was you know, it's always it's been an

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Speaker 3: accumulative story, but it really came to head when I

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Speaker 3: was laid off this last time, you know, and it's

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Speaker 3: like I have given this company everything, but yet you're

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Speaker 3: still not valuing what I am, and I found myself

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Speaker 3: shrinking because especially being African American, being a woman in

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Speaker 3: a corporate environment is all You're always on this tightrope

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Speaker 3: because if you're assertive, then you call something else, you know,

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Speaker 3: but then they expect you to be the yes person

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Speaker 3: even though you know what they're doing is not right.

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Speaker 3: So when you speak up, then you get penalized. So

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Speaker 3: it's like that's cause of stress, and it causes all

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Speaker 3: kind of health issues, and it's like, I can't keep

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Speaker 3: doing this but to reach it.

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Speaker 1: I've come from the corporate world, so I understand what

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Speaker 1: you're talking about. And so there's a lot of people

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Speaker 1: listening to this interview in the corporate world, in the

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Speaker 1: entrepreneurial space, and all they want to do is win,

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Speaker 1: you know, and sometimes there are cause factors that come there,

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Speaker 1: all sorts pull health relationships.

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Speaker 2: Twelve steps. You created twelve steps in your method.

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Speaker 4: Why twelve steps because it took you a while to

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Speaker 4: get to where you were, so it's going to take

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Speaker 4: a while to unravel all that stuff, you know, all

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Speaker 4: that junk that you have allowed to take presidents versus

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Speaker 4: be letting your true self emerge.

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Speaker 3: So it's all about unraveling. It's all about seeing what is,

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Speaker 3: what has been the problem, identifying that, unraveling that, and

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Speaker 3: then putting you first. There is not rediscovering somebody else.

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Speaker 3: That's rediscovering the old you.

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Speaker 1: Now, once people say the word you first, the next

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Speaker 1: word that comes out is selfish. And I'm an advocate

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Speaker 1: that selfish is not a negative world. It's not, and

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Speaker 1: a lot of people want to use it as a

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Speaker 1: negative word. Please talk to us why is not a

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Speaker 1: negative word and why it's important to discovering yourself and

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Speaker 1: also leading to a much more healthier and prosperous life.

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Speaker 3: Selfish is never putting yourself and your health and your

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Speaker 3: all that first. Never, It's never selfish. It is perseverance

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Speaker 3: of yourself. So you can't be your best self if

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Speaker 3: you're not your best self. How are you going to

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Speaker 3: be your best for others if you're not best to

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Speaker 3: you and you? And we tend to treat others to

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Speaker 3: give more others, you know, more respect on how they feel,

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Speaker 3: versus identifying how we feel and respecting our own feelings

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Speaker 3: and how we want to move in this life and

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Speaker 3: boundaries is a good thing. Selfish is not being I'm

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Speaker 3: all about myself. It's setting boundaries and say hey, this

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Speaker 3: is something that I cannot do or this is something

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Speaker 3: that I will do, and just letting folks know. And

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Speaker 3: then it's like, hey, if you can't respect that, then

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Speaker 3: you don't respect me in the first place, right, right,

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Speaker 3: So maybe maybe you're not supposed to be.

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Speaker 2: In my life, right And that's important, And that's on

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Speaker 2: this conversation.

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Speaker 1: Some people say honest talk, and I think that that's

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Speaker 1: what we're having this interview about this conversation because fear

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Speaker 1: comes into the play because we all want to be successful. Yes, Teresa,

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Speaker 1: but when did you realize you would hit that maybe

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Speaker 1: bumping the road or that marking your life that I

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Speaker 1: gotta change when.

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Speaker 3: Your hell start telling you like okay, now keep playing,

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Speaker 3: you have to change cause stress is that silent killer.

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Speaker 3: We all know that. And then was.

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Speaker 1: It a doctor visit was it you sitting in a

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Speaker 1: dark room because people are dealing with this every day and.

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Speaker 2: Some people don't want to go to the doctor.

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Speaker 3: It's everything. I mean, the doctor is that one is

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Speaker 3: I guess saying okay, now the metrics in front of you, Yes,

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Speaker 3: it puts but you already know inside of you that

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Speaker 3: you're not right, You're not happy, and why can't Why

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Speaker 3: is it not okay for you to be happy? Everybody

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Speaker 3: else is making everybody else around you happy, so why

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Speaker 3: not put you first? So it was those those those

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Speaker 3: really conversations with myself.

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Speaker 1: Right now, let's talk about this because I want people

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Speaker 1: to understand that this conversation, this interview that we're having

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Speaker 1: right now is about looking in the mirror and saying enough,

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Speaker 1: it's enough, enough enough. And that could be to your children,

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Speaker 1: to the person that you love, your mate, your husband

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Speaker 1: or your wife, your girlfriend, your boyfriend, your job, your church.

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Speaker 1: Everybody can abuse a pleaser, and the pleaser can't be

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Speaker 1: the person who's the saddest person in the room. I

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Speaker 1: always tell people you can't throw a party, and you

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Speaker 1: mad at your own party, And that's what I done.

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Speaker 2: I think you're doing that.

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Speaker 1: You know they're out there, it was supposed to be

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Speaker 1: having a good time, but you look at their face

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Speaker 1: and it's sad or angry.

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Speaker 3: Yes.

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Speaker 1: And now this conversation, when I right across your method,

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Speaker 1: your technique.

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Speaker 2: That's why I asked you earlier. You know a lot

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Speaker 2: of people talk.

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Speaker 1: About these techniques from their journalistic or their educational background.

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Speaker 1: You're talking about technique developed from your personal experience.

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Speaker 3: My personal experience. Talk to us, and it's really about

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Speaker 3: listening to the old youth. It's rediscovering you because we

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Speaker 3: all we all have that intuition, we have that voice

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Speaker 3: that's telling all night you know you shouldn't do that.

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Speaker 3: So and it's just really just undoing those people pleasing

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Speaker 3: patterns where you're not putting yourself first and putting yourself

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Speaker 3: first and making sure that you're happy, you're happy with

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Speaker 3: what you're doing. And it's like, for example, you know, well,

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Speaker 3: you're talking about children, because I have an adult child,

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Speaker 3: and it's really sometimes it's about her. But I had

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Speaker 3: to learn from her too, because she said boundaries with me.

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Speaker 3: So it's like, you know what, that is not a

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Speaker 3: bad thing because she's like, Mom, I can't do this

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Speaker 3: so and it's like, you're right, that's unfair for me

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Speaker 3: to ask you to do something that you can't possibly

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Speaker 3: give me your best. But I have to also reciprocate

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Speaker 3: that too, because she's ready, like hey, when stuff hit

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Speaker 3: the fan, here comes mom. You know, the savior. It's like,

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Speaker 3: I can't put my household in jeopardy because of some

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Speaker 3: of the decisions you made. So yeah, so it definitely

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Speaker 3: comes from really just having those conversations with yourself that

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Speaker 3: you already know. Really, it's really kind of just all

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Speaker 3: about reminding yourself of who you were and stepping into

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Speaker 3: that power so you can still be.

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Speaker 1: Now it's important returning to yourself. Let's talk about that,

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Speaker 1: because I feel that a lot of people to get

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Speaker 1: a certain age, they kind of throw their arms up

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Speaker 1: in the air. They give up because I'm forty, I'm fifty,

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Speaker 1: I'm sixty and seventy. I always tell people stop using

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Speaker 1: age as an excuse. And when I'm listening to returning

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Speaker 1: to yourself, that's what you're saying. There's an opportunity to

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Speaker 1: recover your lovel or disappointment at any age or direction

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Speaker 1: that you're leaving or living your life. Returning to yourself.

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Speaker 1: Talk to us, returning to yourself. You're number too old

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Speaker 1: who says that there's.

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Speaker 3: A limit on being happy. There's no time spend on

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Speaker 3: when or how I can be happy. I'm happy until

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Speaker 3: I'm no longer here, right, so you have to just

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Speaker 3: I had well, my blood pressure was up at one time,

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Speaker 3: and the doctor, Look, what do you call up where

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Speaker 3: it was. She's trying to put me on some medication. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: and she's like, I don't know what's going on in

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Speaker 3: your life, but that has changed. But you need to

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Speaker 3: fix this because this is not where you want to be.

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Speaker 3: And it's like, DoD, you're right, And I had to

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Speaker 3: go home and I had to clean out. Everybody had

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Speaker 3: to go because that was so a lot of us

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Speaker 3: tied to stress and also stressed affected your health, undue

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Speaker 3: stress that I allow to be put on me because

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Speaker 3: at the end of the day.

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Speaker 1: I start making those changes to reasons, A lot of

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Speaker 1: people not happy when you start making these changes, A

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Speaker 1: lot of people are not happy.

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Speaker 3: Well, who's gonna be happy? Me or you?

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Speaker 1: But I'm saying, we're talking to people out there who

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Speaker 1: want to do these things.

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Speaker 2: I don't want to make it sound like it's easy

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Speaker 2: to do.

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Speaker 3: No, it's never easy.

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Speaker 2: Okay, That's what I'm saying.

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Speaker 1: People, when you started making these adjustments, how do you

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Speaker 1: make these adjustments so there's some level of comfort for

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Speaker 1: yourself because you don't want to make people mad, But.

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Speaker 2: There is some people who are going to be mad,

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Speaker 2: are disappointed.

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Speaker 3: And that's okay because if they can't accept the you

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Speaker 3: and the set and the boundary. They weren't for you anyway,

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Speaker 3: so you have to be okay with losing some of

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Speaker 3: those folks that were draining you in the first place.

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Speaker 3: So it's a win win, it's a win win.

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Speaker 2: But please don't go anywhere.

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Speaker 1: We'll be right back with more Money Making Conversations Master Class.

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Speaker 1: Welcome back to Money Making Conversations Master Class with me

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Speaker 1: Rashaun McDonald. It's always going to be a win win

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Speaker 1: because of the fact that, you know, I looked through

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Speaker 1: my life.

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Speaker 2: I grew up with six sisters and two brothers, Okay.

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Speaker 1: And I always remember my brother who's right after me,

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Speaker 1: follow me through high school, you know, so he had

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Speaker 1: to live with the you know, the accnfidence spent that

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Speaker 1: I had, and I didn't understand how it affected him.

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Speaker 1: And because I was living my life, I was trying

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Speaker 1: to Hey, I'm trying to learn my own steps.

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Speaker 2: I don't know who I am.

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Speaker 1: And so sometimes when you don't know the impact that

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Speaker 1: you have on people because you're so busy trying to

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Speaker 1: grow yourself up. And so this conversation we're having is

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Speaker 1: about allowing yourself to grow but in the process of growing,

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Speaker 1: you got less certain situations that you have been consistently

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Speaker 1: involved in.

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Speaker 3: Go yes, that's been draining you in the first place. Right,

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Speaker 3: my happiness will come first, period.

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Speaker 1: Now in your work for twelve weeks by design? What

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Speaker 1: transformation is possible in twelve weeks that wasn't happening in.

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Speaker 2: People's day to day lives before.

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Speaker 1: Because we talking about twelve weeks, you know roughly you

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Speaker 1: know three to four months, you know, depending on how

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Speaker 1: you want to pattern out your twelve weeks?

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Speaker 2: What what what? How could it happen?

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Speaker 3: When?

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Speaker 1: The reason I say that because you can you can

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Speaker 1: you skip a week or you have to do twelve

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Speaker 1: straight weeks.

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Speaker 3: It's still at your pace, okay, because not not each week,

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Speaker 3: because I got it broken down, so it is expands

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Speaker 3: across a couple of days and you're actually working and

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Speaker 3: answering questions. So it's deep. You're you're going within yourself.

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Speaker 3: So sometimes if you're not ready to move on to

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Speaker 3: the next week, that's what I'm saying, that is okay,

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Speaker 3: because it's still you. Is about you and building you.

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Speaker 2: Okay, let's talk about getting into this.

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Speaker 1: If I'm talking to Teresa ed which your book about

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Speaker 1: changing your lives The Mirror Method.

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Speaker 2: Where can we go get that book? What website? What's

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Speaker 2: the name of your website?

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Speaker 3: It would be it's it's on Amazon. Okay. My website

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Speaker 3: is the Mirror Method Workbook dot com. And I also

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Speaker 3: have it in downloadable where you can just you know,

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Speaker 3: is where you can feel it, right, you know, right

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Speaker 3: there right versus having an actual boo because some people

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Speaker 3: don't write no more.

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Speaker 2: So I got it.

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Speaker 1: However you need it's ready, you're ready technology. You taking

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Speaker 1: advantage of yes, because we're talking about truths.

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Speaker 2: Correct, you know your truth? Well, you know.

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Speaker 1: It's my truth, but it's also tied to the people

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Speaker 1: that I'm impacting, and so can I ask you this?

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Speaker 2: Your people? Please it?

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Speaker 1: Yes, I don't know people please it? But I like

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Speaker 1: people to like me, and sometimes I don't. And most

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Speaker 1: people say I'm just a straight shooter, and sometimes I

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Speaker 1: say things that a lot of people can't believe. I say,

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Speaker 1: will you it's a person who's accepting of a people pleaser,

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Speaker 1: a user.

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Speaker 3: Accepting of people.

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Speaker 1: You know, come on, you know, when you get no

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Speaker 1: wrong people, you can make that phone calls. You come over,

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Speaker 1: take care of the kids, right right right right? Their

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Speaker 1: users so so want to point that out because that's

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Speaker 1: important that people who are pleasing people.

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Speaker 2: Are not working with people who have their best interests.

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Speaker 1: And so you so having that user in your life

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Speaker 1: is never going to be the right person that come

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Speaker 1: to you, that you go to for advice or trying

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Speaker 1: to change the values that don't benefit them talk to me.

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Speaker 3: So those are the poines you need to leave anyway.

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Speaker 3: That is see, that's the purpose of the book. So

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Speaker 3: now you're recognizing that what you're doing is allowing users

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Speaker 3: to continue using and still not putting you first. So

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Speaker 3: if folks are not a line in your setting your boundaries,

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Speaker 3: then there was probably pulling from you in the first place.

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Speaker 3: So then that's okay, right, that is okay And a

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Speaker 3: good way of I guess making that known is like,

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Speaker 3: why are you still people pleasing someone that taken from you?

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Speaker 3: When in a relationship is given take, it can't be

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Speaker 3: all all you giving and they just taking.

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Speaker 1: Now, with that being said, what do you believe is

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Speaker 1: the hardest truth to resell? When you people confront themselves

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Speaker 1: when they finally stop and look in the mirror. Because

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Speaker 1: this is about the mirror method, which is important because

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Speaker 1: you're looking in the mirror, confronting yourself.

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Speaker 3: Talk to me, the hardest thing of confronting yourself is,

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Speaker 3: I guess when say believe in those truths or those

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Speaker 3: lies that you've been telling yourself and actually seeing the truth,

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Speaker 3: that's about what's really going on. Because like when you're

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Speaker 3: in relationships, even with your spouse, you can you know

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Speaker 3: now it's okay for we know it's a compromise. But

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Speaker 3: it comes to a point where it's if you're always

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Speaker 3: the one giving, right, and then that mirror method is

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Speaker 3: putting it in your face like, hey, you're the one

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Speaker 3: is always giving, So why are you always giving? What

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Speaker 3: are you getting? And why aren't you standing how these

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Speaker 3: kids say standing on business to make sure you're getting

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Speaker 3: something too. You're the one that is always giving. So

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Speaker 3: it's that realization that hey, you gotta change, right.

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Speaker 1: So when we talk about this, if someone completes the

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Speaker 1: mirror method right and fully commits, when you use the

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Speaker 1: word fully commits, what does that mean?

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Speaker 3: Fully commit is accepting all those good, better or ugly

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Speaker 3: moments that you're gonna have to revisit and actually be

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Speaker 3: okay with, and that includes some people you're gonna have

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Speaker 3: to let go and be okay with that. You're gonna

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Speaker 3: have to be okay with that.

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Speaker 1: And it's all tied to your book that you can

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Speaker 1: get through Amazon. And then you said something about online

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Speaker 1: if they don't have a pen and paper, right, you.

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Speaker 3: Can all you can download it where you can just

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Speaker 3: you know, have it on your computer and just go

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Speaker 3: in and enter it that way where it's fillable, or

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Speaker 3: you can actually download it and just have the paper itself,

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Speaker 3: you know, like going to you just printer, just print

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Speaker 3: it out. So it's however you want to get it,

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Speaker 3: it is there for you.

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Speaker 2: So we're talking about truth. That's what's all this interview

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Speaker 2: about you.

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Speaker 3: What was your.

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Speaker 1: Hardest truth and what do you think the average person's

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Speaker 1: hardest truth when they're going through the mirror method process.

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Speaker 3: My hardest truth is really setting those boundaries and standing

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Speaker 3: on those boundaries, and folks that you thought were there,

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Speaker 3: you got the realization that they truly wasn't there, and

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Speaker 3: then that that missing or that morning of that person.

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Speaker 3: But then once you get through your mourning of that person,

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Speaker 3: you realize the person wasn't for you in first place.

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Speaker 3: So that's that free up some space for others. That's

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Speaker 3: truly gonna rock with you, to continue rocking with you.

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Speaker 1: I do, that's right, Teresa Everwards. She created her book

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Speaker 1: The Mirror Method from our own journey of overcoming people

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Speaker 1: pleasing and emotional exhaustion, and each week she offers simple,

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Speaker 1: honest exercise that lead to your real inner transformation. That's

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Speaker 1: the key here. You know, we're all trying to make money,

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Speaker 1: but you're trying to change lives. You're trying to help

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Speaker 1: people be better. We live in a society where, you know,

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Speaker 1: for the first time and our Black life, we use

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Speaker 1: the word therapy.

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Speaker 2: That was a no note in the black community, say

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Speaker 2: you're going to therapy. Was it COVID that.

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Speaker 1: Made that adjustment in our community or we were just

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Speaker 1: headed in that direction.

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Speaker 3: I think it was a little bit of both. But

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Speaker 3: COVID definitely brought it to the forefront quickly and we

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Speaker 3: saw that, hey, we need help because the mind is

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Speaker 3: a muscle too. So sometimes just like you go to

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Speaker 3: the gym to build your body, you got to build

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Speaker 3: you You got to have your mind too. And even you know,

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Speaker 3: I expressed that sometimes and I'm dealing with, you know,

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Speaker 3: talking with folks, and it's like it's okay to go

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Speaker 3: sit on sitting on that couch. You know. Now everything's virtual.

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Speaker 3: You don't necessarily have to go physically, but that muscle

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Speaker 3: you need somebody that has no agenda, you know, they

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Speaker 3: can truly give you those tools you know to because

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Speaker 3: we always want to just.

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Speaker 1: Not trying to give away the concept, but what are

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Speaker 1: some of the tools that you're talking about?

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Speaker 3: So for in my book and tools is more of

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Speaker 3: just that inner self of just writing, because you know,

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Speaker 3: writing that stuff, whether you type it in on a

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Speaker 3: computer or just writing it down, that's really that realization

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Speaker 3: of what's going on. Because you can think it all

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Speaker 3: you want to, but when you put that thing on

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Speaker 3: paper literally, you know, then you see it and it's

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Speaker 3: like okay, okay. So you don't have to use any

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Speaker 3: kind of tools per se other than your fingers. But

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Speaker 3: it's more of you getting okay with who you used

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Speaker 3: to be and saying that that is okay, awesome, that

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Speaker 3: is okay.

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Speaker 2: I really appreciate you. Terricha.

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Speaker 1: You know The Mirror Method Twelve Weeks to Stop Abandoning Yourself.

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Speaker 1: It's a twelve week guided workbook designed to help you

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Speaker 1: stop abandoning yourself and finally choose your own needs without

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Speaker 1: guilt as we close out this interview without guilt, because

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Speaker 1: the word guilt can hang on people hardy, really hard.

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Speaker 2: What do you mean when you say without guilt.

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Speaker 3: That guilt and almost like morning that you're going to

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Speaker 3: lose some people and making sure that you are okay

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Speaker 3: with that because it's going to be okay. It is

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Speaker 3: all in your best interests. And that's what it is

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Speaker 3: about finding that what you used to be and making

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Speaker 3: and saying that old person was okay, you know all

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Speaker 3: these new stuff not necessarily okay, and just being just

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Speaker 3: be okay with being okay.

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Speaker 2: I love that. I love it again. Where can we

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Speaker 2: get your book?

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Speaker 3: You can get it from Amazon or you go to

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Speaker 3: the Mirror Methodworkbook dot com and it has everything that

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Speaker 3: you need either Amazon or downloaded.

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Speaker 1: Well, thank you for coming on Money Making Conversations. She's

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Speaker 1: the one and only Tuisa Evers. Her book, The Mirror

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Speaker 1: Method Twelve Weeks to Stop Abandoning Yourself is a twelve

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Speaker 1: week guided workbook designed to help you stop abandoning yourself

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Speaker 1: and finally choose your own needs a purpose without guilt.

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Speaker 2: Thanks for coming on my shelf.

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Speaker 3: Thank you.

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Speaker 1: This has been money making Conversations Masterclass with Rashaun McDonald

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Speaker 1: thanks to I Guess and our audience. Visit Moneymakingconversations dot

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Speaker 1: com to listen and register to be a guest