Speaker 1: Hello, Hi, can I actually before we start, can I
Speaker 1: just leave you with the stream for like a minute,
Speaker 1: just go outside?
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, you can go outside.
Speaker 1: So that I don't like this disturb my family and ship.
Speaker 2: Outside, go go get it, get out of here. Look
Speaker 2: at this guy? Who is this guy?
Speaker 1: Hi?
Speaker 2: Greck? Hey man? What's your name?
Speaker 1: I am Andy?
Speaker 2: I noticed that you have a plus four to twenty
Speaker 2: area code. What country is that?
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, that's the Czech Republic. Moment the country will
Speaker 1: fear and casual racism?
Speaker 2: There we go for where in the church?
Speaker 3: Public are.
Speaker 1: Just in the Prague, you know region?
Speaker 2: Cool man? I went to Prague like five years ago.
Speaker 2: It was great. They have all these like cool underground
Speaker 2: bars and ship they had what else do I remember
Speaker 2: from pro? I have like some bread bowl gulash. Is
Speaker 2: that what it's called?
Speaker 1: What the fuck? I have no idea what that might be,
Speaker 1: what that might be serving?
Speaker 2: Well?
Speaker 1: Is great though.
Speaker 2: It's gulash not a pro.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah yeah. It is not not like Brog food.
Speaker 1: Maybe it's not even like Czech origin, but yeah, it's
Speaker 1: it's heavily heavily eating here.
Speaker 2: It sounds kind of like a It sounds kind of
Speaker 2: like a death trap, like like if somebody has has
Speaker 2: been arrested, you send them to the gulagh.
Speaker 1: That's so good man, you can do this to me,
Speaker 1: call you with a depression and you make my mood good.
Speaker 1: Fuck you?
Speaker 2: Well, what's up man? What's you had a Did you
Speaker 2: have a particular thing you wanted to talk about?
Speaker 1: Well? Yeah, sort of, it's been like a long time,
Speaker 1: bruin like years and like ever since like a year ago.
Speaker 1: I found your stream. I wanted to call in, but
Speaker 1: I never actually dreamed of making it. Fucking hell, this
Speaker 1: is awesome, so uh yeah, thank you, thank you. So
Speaker 1: first of all, you know how the world is fucked? Right?
Speaker 2: Is that where we're starting? The world is sucked?
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, that's that's well, you know, let's start be everywhere.
Speaker 2: So let's start here. Let's start here. Why do you
Speaker 2: why do you see everywhere that the world is fucked?
Speaker 1: Well, just because it is. You know, like I know,
Speaker 1: I consume like too much American like you know, info,
Speaker 1: so I know way too much about American stuff, even
Speaker 1: though the stuff here, you know, in Czech Republic is
Speaker 1: basically fine, but like compared to America. But so but yeah,
Speaker 1: I just you know, I see all these like little
Speaker 1: clues that you know, the capitalist system is fucking unsustainable
Speaker 1: and we need just switch off it fucking quickly, allous
Speaker 1: we want to I don't know, get burnt, I guess
Speaker 1: you know stuff like that. And I think thinking that
Speaker 1: maybe there's like a brute force method to it that
Speaker 1: you might be or like someone like me might be
Speaker 1: able to go out to, like I don't know, an
Speaker 1: English speaking place, because that sure as shit end here
Speaker 1: are you talking.
Speaker 2: About trying to kill the president?
Speaker 1: Yes, exactly, you got it on the mail now and
Speaker 1: of course not.
Speaker 2: Okay for me real quick, So you're talking about a
Speaker 2: brute force method. By the way, just in case if
Speaker 2: any Secret Services members, we're talking about killing the presidents
Speaker 2: in a video game of McDonald land, which is the
Speaker 2: mayor mccheese, and that's not even a real person. But anyway, okay, exactly, So.
Speaker 1: No, I wasn't talking about like a violent resolution. Just
Speaker 1: you say yes, But I meant. What I meant was like,
Speaker 1: the world is evolving and we are progressing into a
Speaker 1: better future, but it's far too fucking slow. So I
Speaker 1: wanted to just like go out somewhere where a lot
Speaker 1: of people can speak English and understand, and you know,
Speaker 1: like go to a fucking square and just speak my
Speaker 1: mind about this. Just convince people that this it is
Speaker 1: fucking wrong, because I know it is, you know, And
Speaker 1: maybe that way we could just jump start the whole
Speaker 1: process tucking in a day, maybe a week.
Speaker 2: And you're talking about your you wanna you wanna go
Speaker 2: to a town square and just start rallying people about
Speaker 2: how the world is fucked.
Speaker 1: Well, yeah, not just about how how the world is fucked,
Speaker 1: but how we can fix it super easily if we
Speaker 1: just you know, stop alienating everyone who's different and accept
Speaker 1: some viewpoints that maybe don't really vibe with us or whatever.
Speaker 2: How do you think we can achieve world peace?
Speaker 1: Andy, Well, you know drawing capitalism is the first thing,
Speaker 1: because the way I see it, it's the it's the
Speaker 1: top brass just you know, using this concept of money
Speaker 1: who basically keep us in like what's called wage slavery,
Speaker 1: you know, where people live pay check to paycheck and
Speaker 1: they can't really improve their lives or you know, do
Speaker 1: anything with the money because they all have it, they
Speaker 1: have it all planned out with the money. So I've
Speaker 1: got a question, they're not really good anywhere.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so I know that like America is I mean,
Speaker 2: I'm dumb. I don't know. I haven't read the books,
Speaker 2: the Karl Marx stuff, but I know that America is
Speaker 2: like known for like like as as I guess, the
Speaker 2: most capitalist country, right, and everyone's like ah, and in
Speaker 2: different places they do it better. But what's the system
Speaker 2: in the Czech Republic? Is it the same thing or
Speaker 2: do you guys do it differently?
Speaker 1: Well, it's it's more or less the same, except you know,
Speaker 1: over here in Europe, especially in the Union, we're a
Speaker 1: bit more socialized or like, you know, we have a
Speaker 1: bit more socialistic tendencies towards like healthcare and education, which
Speaker 1: is sort of I see it as the basics of
Speaker 1: what the state should fucking do. And you know, the
Speaker 1: US system just uses all that to just make more money,
Speaker 1: which is again capitalism, and it's you know, it gets
Speaker 1: its fucking roots into everything and fucking corrupts it into
Speaker 1: a way for someone one rich asshole sitting on one
Speaker 1: rich asshole chair just to sit on a slightly bigger
Speaker 1: pile of money.
Speaker 3: You know.
Speaker 2: So this depression that you're talking about, Andy, is it
Speaker 2: mainly centered around like social political economic issues at a
Speaker 2: large scale.
Speaker 1: Well, you could argue that I'm just projecting this shit,
Speaker 1: and you know, the depression is just me and the
Speaker 1: world isn't actually all that bad and it's getting better
Speaker 1: as fast as it can. But I don't believe that.
Speaker 1: I think we're better as human beings, and I think
Speaker 1: we could do a hell of a lot better if
Speaker 1: we just communicated with each other.
Speaker 2: Well, what's your personal life like? Do you go to school,
Speaker 2: do you walk around? What do you do?
Speaker 1: No? I dropped school right before finishing high school because
Speaker 1: I saw it as a place of indoctrination basically. And now, yeah,
Speaker 1: I didn't work for like half a year after getting
Speaker 1: getting fired from a wood shop, and then the wood
Speaker 1: shop got fired too, and the warehouse that got left
Speaker 1: hired me. Now, so that's what I'm doing now. I'm
Speaker 1: a warehouse worker, slowly no wages, warehouse worker, and just yeah,
Speaker 1: feeling super beaten down by capitalism. I mean, I'm privileged,
Speaker 1: I have no actual troubles, but I would like things
Speaker 1: to be different because I know there's way too many
Speaker 1: people that do face genuine fucking horrors, you know, mm hmm,
Speaker 1: I don't know. I just feel like if someone went
Speaker 1: out and started talking about it honestly and passionately. People
Speaker 1: would see capitalism for the monster that this fucking is.
Speaker 2: You know what I think is gonna happen, Andy, I
Speaker 2: think you're gonna go it into the town square and
Speaker 2: you're gonna step up on a on a box and
Speaker 2: you're gonna rally the people of Prague and everyone's gonna
Speaker 2: be like yeah, fuck yah. And then you got you
Speaker 2: got all these people and they're all gonna look at
Speaker 2: you and be like, well, what do we do now?
Speaker 2: And you're gonna be like, fuck, I don't get this far,
Speaker 2: And then you guys can go storm a candy store
Speaker 2: or something like that.
Speaker 1: Yeah No, because I didn't. I don't think I would
Speaker 1: I will get that far. But if I do, I
Speaker 1: do have it fanned out.
Speaker 2: You do it? So youah, you have you have a
Speaker 2: whole revolution planned out.
Speaker 1: Well sort of, it's all like fuzzy in my head
Speaker 1: because I haven't written anything of it down, but the
Speaker 1: concrete points still stand because like the first thing we
Speaker 1: would have to do is just, you know, drop the
Speaker 1: concept of currency to release us from the shackles of
Speaker 1: our fucking capitalist overlords, which would free us you know,
Speaker 1: to do whatever the fuck we please finally, And you know,
Speaker 1: some people would see this as fucking anarchy, but I
Speaker 1: think we're better than that. We wouldn't just like fucking
Speaker 1: start killing each other like the purge, just just because
Speaker 1: there's no money to be had.
Speaker 2: Well what would be if there was? If there was
Speaker 2: no money, what would what would we do?
Speaker 1: Well, what do you mean we do? We would do whatever. Like,
Speaker 1: you know, there's a ton of problems in the world,
Speaker 1: and you know, leaving money behind would just free us
Speaker 1: to deal with those problems, whether it's people needing help
Speaker 1: or you know, the planet burning or whatever, ship like that.
Speaker 2: Because you know, why don't you start a Why don't
Speaker 2: you start like a commune or something. Why don't you
Speaker 2: go to the town square, rally up a couple hundred
Speaker 2: people and go start a little society.
Speaker 1: Well that would be nice, but that would still solve nothing,
Speaker 1: because it would be just you know, like you say,
Speaker 1: a couple hundred people living off the land that they
Speaker 1: choose to live off of. It would be the capitalist overloads.
Speaker 2: Andy, How the hell are you, Andy, How the hell
Speaker 2: are you gonna change the entire world if you don't
Speaker 2: even want to go and change a hundred people.
Speaker 1: No, this isn't a question of scale. I'm just saying that, uh,
Speaker 1: doing it on a lesser scale than the entire world
Speaker 1: will be pointless because as long as there's you know,
Speaker 1: countries fucking polluting or whatever and fucking you know what's
Speaker 1: whate a they called companies just the capitalist overworlds. You know,
Speaker 1: as long as they're free to do whatever the fuck
Speaker 1: they want, they're gonna like function up.
Speaker 2: So the fucking have you made an Have you unconsciously
Speaker 2: made a contract with yourself that you will be unhappy
Speaker 2: until all human suffering is eliminated?
Speaker 1: Haha? Not really, you are close, though, I have made
Speaker 1: a contract with myself, fully consciously, that I won't start
Speaker 1: working on myself until I see the world start working
Speaker 1: on itself, you know, because I feel like whatever I
Speaker 1: feel about me is bad. I got from the world
Speaker 1: because I feel like, you know, I can't help myself
Speaker 1: for shit, I can't. Uh, I don't know. I feel
Speaker 1: like I'm you know, fucking up all the time. And
Speaker 1: I think I got that from like the general culture
Speaker 1: of the world, Like, you know, people just not willing
Speaker 1: to help other people just because they're different than shit
Speaker 1: like that so.
Speaker 2: Well, it does make sense. But when you say I'm
Speaker 2: not going to help myself until I'm not going to
Speaker 2: try to fix myself into the world fix itself, does
Speaker 2: that just like does that just manifest itself as you
Speaker 2: just being unhappy and upset all day and not trying
Speaker 2: to like use any amount of your agency to make
Speaker 2: life for you a little bit better.
Speaker 1: Well, No, Like, I still like do stuff for me
Speaker 1: because there's stuff I enjoy and stuff I like, laugh
Speaker 1: at the stuff I cry about and shprappy cry, you know,
Speaker 1: all this kind of shit. And you know, no amount
Speaker 1: of suffering in the world will stop me from laughing.
Speaker 1: And I recognize that. But still there's like I have,
Speaker 1: like you know, physical or medical problems or like mental
Speaker 1: shit as well. There's way too much of that. But yeah,
Speaker 1: until I see the world going in a direction where
Speaker 1: I know it's worth it for me, you know, for
Speaker 1: the for my future to work on myself, then I
Speaker 1: won't like I don't want to work towards something, and
Speaker 1: then just you know, have the world and just want
Speaker 1: to commit suicide, you know.
Speaker 2: All right, So that would be sure. So let me
Speaker 2: think about what you just said and make sure I
Speaker 2: understand it. So you don't want to work on yourself
Speaker 2: because it would be pointless because even if you did
Speaker 2: work on yourself, you would be living in a fucked
Speaker 2: up world no matter what, and there is nothing that
Speaker 2: you can do to unfunck the world that you live in. Yes,
Speaker 2: I have, I have. I have a few thoughts on that,
Speaker 2: if if you if you want to hear that, so like, sorry,
Speaker 2: you know, man, I actually think I think about this
Speaker 2: stuff a lot. I really do. I really think about
Speaker 2: this stuff a lot, especially because especially because it's it's
Speaker 2: really it's a really prevalent conversation for a lot of
Speaker 2: people in terms of like, you know, there's there's the
Speaker 2: system and whatever, capitalism and socialism, and then there's like
Speaker 2: society at large, there's individualism, there's what can you do
Speaker 2: for yourself? Is what can you do with other people?
Speaker 2: And I think about all this stuff and I don't
Speaker 2: have a definitive answer for it. One thing I do
Speaker 2: think about is that I don't understand why there's why
Speaker 2: it's a binary, you know what I mean, I don't
Speaker 2: understand why it's always like like why is it like
Speaker 2: either I you know, why are the two choices? You know?
Speaker 2: Make yourself better? Well why not not that? I mean,
Speaker 2: why are the two choices? Okay, makes why are the
Speaker 2: two choices make society better or make myself better?
Speaker 1: Like?
Speaker 2: Why why is that a binary? Why can't I do
Speaker 2: whatever is within my agency to make my own life
Speaker 2: better and then also try to do whatever is within
Speaker 2: my own agency to help the people around me? Man?
Speaker 2: I mean sure, you know you can sit and be
Speaker 2: like upset at the current systems that are are what's
Speaker 2: going on right now, and you can you and you know,
Speaker 2: you can criticize them to death and be right in
Speaker 2: your criticisms, and you could be trying to enact change
Speaker 2: through those criticisms. But at the end of the day,
Speaker 2: it's like, I don't, I don't. I'm trying to figure out,
Speaker 2: you know, just for you, Andy, Like, what's gonna make
Speaker 2: you not go through life feeling so shitty all the time?
Speaker 3: You know?
Speaker 2: That's what I'm thinking of it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well.
Speaker 2: It's also like, well, there's also well there's also like
Speaker 2: I assume a feeling of helplessness because this is such
Speaker 2: a global issue that you're in your tiny, little, single
Speaker 2: human brain trying to solve it. It's impossible, but there
Speaker 2: is certain things that you could do so that when
Speaker 2: you go to sleep at night you can go well,
Speaker 2: at least I tried my best and the rest is
Speaker 2: out of control. And I accept that, And so I'm like, Okay,
Speaker 2: what is you trying your best? Look like? Does it
Speaker 2: look like you going out into the town square and
Speaker 2: having a microphone and just literally to the people saying
Speaker 2: your thoughts and feelings. Maybe it could look like that,
Speaker 2: and maybe you would go and do that, and then
Speaker 2: when you go to sleep at night, you can go
Speaker 2: I didn't solve the global economic crisis, but I tried
Speaker 2: my best to, you know, so maybe you would feel
Speaker 2: better at least trying to. I don't. I don't know.
Speaker 2: I mean you have you have agency of some kind.
Speaker 2: Do you agree with that?
Speaker 1: I mean, you have a you have a very valid
Speaker 1: point of if I tried, I would be significantly significantly happier.
Speaker 1: But there's a lot of you know, fear that that
Speaker 1: won't work out, and like if that doesn't work out,
Speaker 1: like I might just keep trying. But if I don't,
Speaker 1: I'll just, you know, I'll be even more miserable.
Speaker 2: Isn't that life? You If you try and you try
Speaker 2: and you try and then you can die.
Speaker 1: But yeah, but yeah, this specific one. Failing this specific
Speaker 1: challenge would mean to me that were doomed as a
Speaker 1: human race.
Speaker 2: And you and all the things we know, Eddie, you
Speaker 2: can't be telling me right now that you are trying to,
Speaker 2: like literally just as one guy, take on all the
Speaker 2: world's problems. And you're you're literally saying right now, if
Speaker 2: I cannot solve world hunger, the global economic crisis well
Speaker 2: and achieve world peace, I will be happy. That's crazy.
Speaker 1: I know that sounds crazy, but that's not really what
Speaker 1: I'm saying. Like, I'm saying that there needs to be
Speaker 1: like a thought revolution for at least for the people
Speaker 1: who are like, I don't know, fucking conservative boomers and
Speaker 1: shit like that, and they need to realize, you know,
Speaker 1: that our side of the argument is right, that capitalism
Speaker 1: does need to fucking change at the very least or
Speaker 1: be extinct solely and right, and I and I.
Speaker 2: And and and I support you're taking whatever action is
Speaker 2: within you to fight for your causes. But if you're
Speaker 2: so far, but this is just general. This isn't even
Speaker 2: a political This is not a political thing. When I'm saying,
Speaker 2: this is just about what This is just about what
Speaker 2: is and is not in your control, and about how
Speaker 2: if you obsess over things that aren't in your control,
Speaker 2: you're going to be deeply unhappy. And I think working
Speaker 2: towards and you working towards and campaigning towards and taking
Speaker 2: whatever action is within you as an individual towards things
Speaker 2: that you believe in are positive, great things. But I
Speaker 2: think weighing your happiness on the outcome of a thing
Speaker 2: that is just totally beyond any one individual's control is
Speaker 2: just is a recipe for constant sadness.
Speaker 1: Look, this is what I tried to say, because that
Speaker 1: thought revolution it has to have a beginning somewhere and it,
Speaker 1: you know, logically, it has to be one mind. And
Speaker 1: you know, I'm not saying like I'm saving the world.
Speaker 1: I'm just saying like, if if someone voiced this, then
Speaker 1: we could save the world as humans as a species.
Speaker 1: And that's not too big, you know, because there's seven
Speaker 1: fucking eight almost eight billion of us. That's a fucking force. Man,
Speaker 1: we could do anything.
Speaker 2: Can I also say that? Can I also say this
Speaker 2: one thing before? Yeah? Before I believe we might have
Speaker 2: exhausted the bounds of this conversation. Oh, yeah, I want
Speaker 2: to say this.
Speaker 1: I expected it to go I talked, well, okay.
Speaker 2: We talked about I want to say this, and I
Speaker 2: hope this gets to you in some way. You talked
Speaker 2: about that, we talked about the hundred people that you
Speaker 2: rally are and then you and you said, well, what's
Speaker 2: the point if it's just one hundred people and it's
Speaker 2: like the world is the world is just a lot
Speaker 2: of one hundred people, you know?
Speaker 1: Well, yeah, I just meant, like, you know, if it's
Speaker 1: a hundred people that go off and like separate from
Speaker 1: rest of society, that's pointless because right the rest of
Speaker 1: society would go on as.
Speaker 2: It's nowl you know, So I just what if I
Speaker 2: were if I were here, and if I were you,
Speaker 2: I would go take I would take a walk around
Speaker 2: your neighborhood.
Speaker 1: That's right, I did just now.
Speaker 2: I would take a walk around your neighborhood, and I
Speaker 2: would just look at what's directly around you or even
Speaker 2: the people that you talk to in your daily life,
Speaker 2: your friends, your family, whatever you're doing, and I would
Speaker 2: just in what's directly in front of you, go how
Speaker 2: can I help or improve these things? And if you're
Speaker 2: focusing if you're focusing on how I'm going to save
Speaker 2: the world. You're just gonna you were just gonna drive
Speaker 2: yourself insane, and you seem like a cool guy. And
Speaker 2: I don't want to watch you just go insane and
Speaker 2: kill yourself.
Speaker 1: I would well, o, I should stop that, just think
Speaker 1: you know.
Speaker 2: I don't know, man, I hate that you're like hinging
Speaker 2: your happiness upon such a gigantic issues like how.
Speaker 1: Can I be happy? How can any truly empathetic person
Speaker 1: be happy in a world world so much useless suffering,
Speaker 1: you know occurs.
Speaker 2: You limit your empathy to You limit your empathy to
Speaker 2: about You limit your empathy to about one hundred people.
Speaker 2: You goth. I have no hold on, hold on, hold on,
Speaker 2: I have no qualms with that. I don't like whatever.
Speaker 2: I don't know. I'm not like here to argue about
Speaker 2: what makes a person a good person. I have no idea,
Speaker 2: but at least personally, I think realistically, realistically, you can
Speaker 2: only truly actually care about like maybe a hundred people.
Speaker 1: That's true. I don't know, like the way I see it,
Speaker 1: I don't think that's that.
Speaker 2: I don't.
Speaker 1: But you can't. But you can't know one hundred.
Speaker 2: People that's okay, because why would that make you care?
Speaker 2: Give me, give me second, give me a second age.
Speaker 2: All right? If let's look, every day, there's all around
Speaker 2: the world, hundreds and hundreds of people being fucking killed
Speaker 2: in terrorist attacks and starving to death and all these things,
Speaker 2: and it's a thousands, and I'm we can't look to
Speaker 2: say we don't care about them, is like, but how
Speaker 2: do I say this? Obviously you care, but there's only
Speaker 2: so much that you can do for other people. And
Speaker 2: if you pick okay, these are the dude, even if
Speaker 2: it's just my family, even if it's this is my son,
Speaker 2: this is my wife, this is my daughter. These are
Speaker 2: the three people that I'm going to make a lot
Speaker 2: of active effort to make sure I can improve their lives.
Speaker 2: And then when I read on the news about these
Speaker 2: people that are dying somewhere else, I'm gonna go, that sucks.
Speaker 2: But today I have to feed my children, you know
Speaker 2: what I mean. I have to water my crops proverbially
Speaker 2: whatever that means, you know. And I don't know if
Speaker 2: that makes somebody a piece of shit, but it's like
Speaker 2: the opposite of that, trying to yeah, trying to go
Speaker 2: insane every horrible thing happening everywhere at the world all
Speaker 2: the time. It's just our brains are not meant to
Speaker 2: be able to do that.
Speaker 1: Well, yeah, I guess mine is like I just do that.
Speaker 1: I just live like that, you know, And I know
Speaker 1: it sounds fucking shitty, but I think someone has to,
Speaker 1: you know.
Speaker 2: Well, Andy, I hope, I hope, I hope you can
Speaker 2: you carve out five minutes for yourself to just look
Speaker 2: at the sky and go, I'm you know, I'm fine.
Speaker 1: Well, yeah, I do that, you know, Like I mean,
Speaker 1: oh yeah, I have hours.
Speaker 2: Uh Andy, is there anything else that you want to
Speaker 2: talk about or say to the people of the computer
Speaker 2: before we go? Uh?
Speaker 1: Just, I don't know. I guess be kind to everyone,
Speaker 1: especially yourself, unless they're being a dick or a fascist.
Speaker 1: And oh yeah. What I want to end on is
Speaker 1: it's never morally wrong to bunch of fascists.
Speaker 2: I have a good rest of the day, you too, lie,
Speaker 2: But oh my goodness, I wish we talked. I wish
Speaker 2: we talked more about goulash. Goulash is really good. I
Speaker 2: think it's some kind of suit. See if I were
Speaker 2: that guy and I lived in Prague, what I would
Speaker 2: do today is I would go have some gulash and
Speaker 2: find a little cinnamon bun and I would go, you
Speaker 2: know what this very I don't. I don't know about
Speaker 2: the past. I don't know about the future. I don't
Speaker 2: know what's going on in other countries. I don't know
Speaker 2: what's going on in other people's brains. But what I
Speaker 2: know for sure is that this particular individual moment where
Speaker 2: I'm eating this gulash and I'm looking at the sky,
Speaker 2: it's pretty good.
Speaker 3: Hello, Hi, oh my god.
Speaker 2: Yeah, what's your name? My name is Ashley Ashley. How's life?
Speaker 3: It's pretty good? Wow. I didn't think you.
Speaker 2: Called me, hey, check this out instead of you know
Speaker 2: when you know that you know when that guy says
Speaker 2: Sunday Sunday Sunday. Uh huh Ashley Ashley Ashley. I don't
Speaker 2: know why the fuck I just said that. That was
Speaker 2: really I I as soon as I said, do you
Speaker 2: know how that guy says Sunday Sunday Sunday? I was like,
Speaker 2: I don't want to do the second part of this,
Speaker 2: but yeah, it would have been weird if I had
Speaker 2: abandoned it. Right anyway, what's up?
Speaker 3: Not much, just text to scenes. Maybe he wanted to
Speaker 3: hear about my unorthodox childhood a little bit.
Speaker 2: Yeah, sure, let's let's let's let's de orthodox.
Speaker 3: This all right. So this was the early two thousands,
Speaker 3: you see, and my mom was a single mom and uh,
Speaker 3: she was raising three kids. And so my mom was
Speaker 3: an escort and she rose the ranks of escort hood
Speaker 3: to owning her own escort service. And I just had
Speaker 3: a lot of crazy, nothing crazy. My mom never put
Speaker 3: me in danger or anything like that. So it just
Speaker 3: a lot of crazy crazy.
Speaker 2: So where do you want to.
Speaker 3: Start, Well, uh, let me think, uh one time, my
Speaker 3: how it worked is my mom when she no, no,
Speaker 3: I'll start a little earlier than that. So my mom
Speaker 3: was an escort for this woman and her name was Blaze,
Speaker 3: and she kind of she was one of the ones
Speaker 3: running the first escort service, I guess in the area,
Speaker 3: and she was in a relationship with another escort and
Speaker 3: she kind of like was roughen her up a little bit.
Speaker 3: And I remember just sitting in the car one day,
Speaker 3: my mom goes to get her her friend who is
Speaker 3: in a relationship with this other lady, and I remember
Speaker 3: just watching my mom just beat this lesbians ass. Her
Speaker 3: name was blaze and just kind of just beat her
Speaker 3: ass because she was beating her her friend. And then
Speaker 3: they kind of just started their own escort service together,
Speaker 3: like sands the beating. And I was homeschooled, and so
Speaker 3: there's like I'm sorry, I'm I'm all over the place,
Speaker 3: and so I just like I was just one of
Speaker 3: the things that I remember my mom doing to defend
Speaker 3: her friend. And then like there was just all kinds
Speaker 3: of like escorts, you know, sex workers who would just
Speaker 3: hang out at our house. Then they'd go on calls
Speaker 3: and you know, they would just they'd bring their kids.
Speaker 3: It was it was a very strange kind of like
Speaker 3: a community growing up community of a lot of queer women,
Speaker 3: a lot of like LGBT people and their kids. And
Speaker 3: there's still kind of like a little bit of shame
Speaker 3: like talking about it because it's you. You bring up
Speaker 3: sex work, and people kind of squick out and they're like, oh,
Speaker 3: like your mom was a bad person or you know
Speaker 3: those people are that I don't know, does that make sense?
Speaker 2: What how does this affect that you? What do you
Speaker 2: do these days? Well?
Speaker 3: I did get into online sex work, and I think
Speaker 3: it affected me because like I was never in a
Speaker 3: public school, and we did homeschooling or I guess you
Speaker 3: would call it unschooling, so it's not kind of self
Speaker 3: directed learning. I think it's uh affected me because like
Speaker 3: I can't really you know, people talk about their childhood
Speaker 3: and like it's either like really really bad or they
Speaker 3: have like kind of normal childhood, and I don't really
Speaker 3: relate to a lot of the experiences. And then when
Speaker 3: I do kind of open up, which is so weird.
Speaker 3: I'm opening up to the internet right now. That's crazy.
Speaker 3: But like talking to like, you know, regular people, sometimes
Speaker 3: people get close to it can feel I don't know,
Speaker 3: really isolating and like there's a lot of Judgie stuff.
Speaker 3: And I ended up doing some of that work myself.
Speaker 2: And so I was like, uh, I know, are you
Speaker 2: Are you still close with your mom?
Speaker 1: Oh?
Speaker 3: Yeah, she's great, We're very close.
Speaker 2: Does she still run the escort business?
Speaker 3: No, she she stopped doing that and we moved from
Speaker 3: the city that she was doing that, and because one
Speaker 3: of her friends was murdered and so she kind of
Speaker 3: like packed us up and then we lived in a
Speaker 3: kind of a big city and then we moved to
Speaker 3: a really small town and a very country kind of town.
Speaker 1: And so.
Speaker 3: Like that portion of my life, I was about a teenager.
Speaker 3: I think I was like fourteen. That portion of my
Speaker 3: life was really weird because we went from this big
Speaker 3: city and you know, kind of diverse people to not
Speaker 3: a lot of different people and like adjusting to that
Speaker 3: life and like a lot of the values were very different.
Speaker 3: I mean, I guess it's never been acceptable. But there
Speaker 3: was a pretty heavy like evangelical, evangelic cool overtone in
Speaker 3: the town we lived in because it's very small, and
Speaker 3: so could not open up about it.
Speaker 2: So what did she start doing when you guys moved.
Speaker 3: Well, she had a lot of money stays up because
Speaker 3: she had been doing it, oh for years, and then she,
Speaker 3: like I said, she she was an escort and then
Speaker 3: she kind of developed her own like service, and then
Speaker 3: she had people working for her. So she was able
Speaker 3: to make a pretty decent, you know, life for herself.
Speaker 3: So she was about that for a little bit. But
Speaker 3: then she just got a regular job at a grocery
Speaker 3: store and then met my stepdad and you know that
Speaker 3: was that. It was like that chapter was closed. And
Speaker 3: as far as there's cars.
Speaker 2: How old are you now, I'm twenty nine. Oh, so
Speaker 2: this is about fifteen years ago. M does your huh so?
Speaker 2: And do you are are you do? Are you still
Speaker 2: doing like the camming stuff?
Speaker 1: No?
Speaker 3: I stopped because I got a pretty good job at
Speaker 3: a doggy daycare. No, I don't do that anymore. I
Speaker 3: mean not that I'm opposed to it, Like I could
Speaker 3: probably take it back up if I ever needed the.
Speaker 2: Extra, you know, And what's the deal with your dad?
Speaker 2: Is he in the picture at all? Oh?
Speaker 3: My biological dad is not. He tried to set us
Speaker 3: on spire when we were kids, so I try to
Speaker 3: burn the house down with us in it. So he's
Speaker 3: he went to prison and you know, not a part
Speaker 3: of the life or our life at all.
Speaker 2: Why the hell did he do that?
Speaker 3: You know? He was an alcoholic, super abusive. I was
Speaker 3: probably like three, so I don't remember that it completely,
Speaker 3: but there's a lot of back and forth with my
Speaker 3: mom and my biological dad. And one night he put
Speaker 3: accelerant on the doors and set the house on fire.
Speaker 3: Luckily everyone got out, but yeah, I was pretty so
Speaker 3: that's kind of that. That set the tone because my
Speaker 3: mom was terrified of him because he's on the run.
Speaker 3: They didn't catch him right away, so yeah, we didn't
Speaker 3: have any family. My mom wasn't close with her side
Speaker 3: of the family. Obviously, my biodad's side of the family
Speaker 3: is not great.
Speaker 2: Is he now? Is he still in prison?
Speaker 3: I want to say no, maybe he didn't because he
Speaker 3: technically didn't murder any of us, but he did get
Speaker 3: caught for like four counts attempted.
Speaker 2: Uh.
Speaker 3: So I'm I want to say, if he's out, he
Speaker 3: probably got out maybe a few years ago.
Speaker 2: I don't know.
Speaker 3: I do not like to to think about that personally. Terrible.
Speaker 2: H And what about your stepdad?
Speaker 3: Oh, he's great. He's was a military medic, he was
Speaker 3: in the Air Force, so he's great. He's a pretty
Speaker 3: cool person. I call him my normal like my dad.
Speaker 3: You know, he's a good guy. He uh kind of
Speaker 3: came into our lives when we were teenagers. But he
Speaker 3: knows about it. He you know, my mom doesn't. I
Speaker 3: guess she didn't. Obviously she's not going to keep it a
Speaker 3: secret from her husband. But she did tell him and
Speaker 3: he was okay with it. And yeah, it's just it's like,
Speaker 3: I don't know how to like it's it happened so
Speaker 3: long ago, and so it shouldn't even matter. Anymore, I guess,
Speaker 3: but it does to me.
Speaker 2: In a weird way interesting because I was wondering. I
Speaker 2: was wondering, you know, well no, wait when you said yeah,
Speaker 2: I was wondering, like, as you're telling me all this
Speaker 2: and I know what happened about fifteen years ago, I
Speaker 2: was wondering if you were telling this to me as
Speaker 2: a you know, just an interesting anecdote about your life,
Speaker 2: or if it was something that still, uh, you know,
Speaker 2: plagues you.
Speaker 3: I think it's a little bit of both, because you know,
Speaker 3: it's kind of like a fun fact. I was like,
Speaker 3: you know what, the therapy getical chat might want to
Speaker 3: hear this, but yeah, no, I like it probably does
Speaker 3: a little like that bothered me because nothing really terrible
Speaker 3: happened to me because of what my mom did. It's
Speaker 3: just the isolating experience of like the the perceptions of
Speaker 3: other people. They're like, oh my god, your mom was
Speaker 3: a hooker and she exposed you to other hookers, and
Speaker 3: you know, I never saw like nothing. She'd never take
Speaker 3: me on calls like I never there was nothing, nothing
Speaker 3: like that. I'm sure that that has happened to a
Speaker 3: lot of people, but that was not the case.
Speaker 2: Hm.
Speaker 3: But it's just the kind of assumption that like sex
Speaker 3: workers are bad people, I guess just inherently. When do
Speaker 3: I think of it?
Speaker 2: From from what well, I was going to say, from
Speaker 2: what you've told me. I like your mom a lot
Speaker 2: more than your dad.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I think it's pretty cool. Like she did
Speaker 3: what she did to keep us, you know, a roof
Speaker 3: over her head, and we wanted from nothing, like we
Speaker 3: didn't just have our knees, that we had the extra stuff.
Speaker 2: And I don't know, And how's she doing now? Is she?
Speaker 2: I mean, she seems like she's got a pretty good life.
Speaker 2: It seems like this, uh now this, I mean he's
Speaker 2: not a new guy, but your stepdad is a much
Speaker 2: better guy for her than the guy who tried to
Speaker 2: kill you guys. Absolutely, So, like is she happy and
Speaker 2: living good?
Speaker 3: She is? She at least I think she is. We
Speaker 3: have some good talk. I mean, my childhood wasn't perfect.
Speaker 3: There was some kind of like she you know, there
Speaker 3: was things that happened that like probably weren't the best.
Speaker 3: But like you know, not putting us in a regular school,
Speaker 3: you know, that's that's created obstacles for me for getting
Speaker 3: a job, because I don't have high school transcripts. But
Speaker 3: like she's owned up to it, taken accountability for apologize.
Speaker 3: But now she's I mean, she has a lovely life.
Speaker 3: She makes cups, she sells, makes little craft cups, and
Speaker 3: she you know, they go to craft fairs all the
Speaker 3: time and you know, sells her like her little things.
Speaker 3: And yeah, it's a pretty good life for her. My
Speaker 3: sister's got kids and she's good grandma.
Speaker 2: So she makes these cups, she goes to craft fairs.
Speaker 3: Mm hmm, that's what she does.
Speaker 2: That's pretty cool.
Speaker 3: And she makes the cups and stuff.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you're a sister. What's her whole deal with all this?
Speaker 2: Is this still does she still think about it? And yeah,
Speaker 2: what's her experience kind of been?
Speaker 3: Like her experience was a little bit different than mine
Speaker 3: because I was She's the oldest and I was the youngest.
Speaker 3: So my sister, I'm not gonna get into her stuff.
Speaker 3: But like some unsavory things happened, and so she doesn't
Speaker 3: really like to talk about it, you know, she kind
Speaker 3: of they all just my mom and my brother, they
Speaker 3: all just kind of moved on. And I'm like, I
Speaker 3: don't know why I'm still stuck in the past. Like
Speaker 3: because it's like I'm not ashamed of it, and I
Speaker 3: think that I had a pretty good experience. I think
Speaker 3: I'm a well rounded person because of those experiences, like
Speaker 3: I was exposed to, especially back in the day. I
Speaker 3: don't know if anyone remembers the early two thousands of
Speaker 3: how you know, anti gay stuff was like how people
Speaker 3: were pretty homophobic, and I was exposed to that. It
Speaker 3: was just it was completely normal for me. And then,
Speaker 3: like you know, I learned a lot, and I just
Speaker 3: feel like there's not a really like a safe place
Speaker 3: to like talk about it and like not feel the
Speaker 3: like obligatory like I have to express how that's probably
Speaker 3: not the best thing or whatever. I just want to
Speaker 3: talk about it in my experience. I don't know, I'm rambling.
Speaker 3: I'm so sorry.
Speaker 2: Well, it's like I don't know, I just keep thinking
Speaker 2: about the comparison, because I mean, you know, you're talking
Speaker 2: about when we're talking about like I guess bad childhoods
Speaker 2: or like bad I guess we're talking about like like parenting,
Speaker 2: like the sort of what is good or bad parenting,
Speaker 2: It's like, well, at the very if we compare your
Speaker 2: mom to your dad, your mom did did pretty well.
Speaker 2: By you, you know, so so if if if the
Speaker 2: standard of a bad parent is to you know, set
Speaker 2: their children on fire, I think that you know, you're
Speaker 2: you had a pretty good mom and you still have
Speaker 2: a good relationship with her, and you seem like you
Speaker 2: have a good life, so you know, as long as
Speaker 2: you're happy with uh, your relationship with her and how
Speaker 2: everything turned out that I I don't know if it
Speaker 2: matters so much what uh you know other people think, Yeah, you.
Speaker 3: Think that that's like the answer, right, and it should be.
Speaker 3: It's correct. It's just like that lingering feeling of shame
Speaker 3: is still there for some reason, and I don't know
Speaker 3: how to get.
Speaker 2: Rid of it. And I don't know why have you
Speaker 2: ever talked to a real therapist about this?
Speaker 1: I have?
Speaker 2: What did they say?
Speaker 3: I this is gonna sound terrible, but I have opened
Speaker 3: up about that part because because I'm like, what if.
Speaker 2: When you say that part, do you mean just do
Speaker 2: you mean everything we've we've been talking about?
Speaker 3: Yeah, really like not everything, Like I'll dance around it.
Speaker 3: I won't. I'll just it's not I don't. It's lying
Speaker 3: by omission. So like I'll talk about experiences like oh,
Speaker 3: I'll say I had an underworth it out of childhood.
Speaker 3: I just homeschooled, and I'll just kind of dance around that.
Speaker 2: Why do you have I'm curious. I'm very curious as
Speaker 2: to why you avoid talking about it with your real therapist,
Speaker 2: but yet you're you feel comfortable talking about it in
Speaker 2: front of you know, ten thousand internet strangers.
Speaker 3: I think it's because I've watched your stream for really
Speaker 3: a long time and I've heard people call in and like,
Speaker 3: you know, tell you really insane things about their life
Speaker 3: and that you know, I don't just look for your reaction.
Speaker 3: I like the chat isn't really good about you know,
Speaker 3: not being digs for the most part. Uh and so,
Speaker 3: and there's like that vale of anonymity. You're not going
Speaker 3: to know who I am, Like like I could say
Speaker 3: it and then just like it's like a confessional, you know.
Speaker 2: So, I mean, as your therapist provided you with anything
Speaker 2: helpful even out of the lack of information you've given
Speaker 2: them on this.
Speaker 3: Oh absolutely absolutely, I'm a better person for therapy. But
Speaker 3: I know the big thing is that you've got to
Speaker 3: be really honest with your therapist. And I should absolutely
Speaker 3: talk to this talk to my therapist about this but
Speaker 3: it's just that shame. You know what I'm talking about.
Speaker 1: I don't.
Speaker 3: I don't even know why it's there, and so I
Speaker 3: should I should absolutely do that.
Speaker 2: Mm hmm. Good. I'm glad to hear that. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 2: you know. I I hope, I hope that this that
Speaker 2: you know, talking about all this stuff was helpful for you.
Speaker 2: Thanks for telling us all about this stuff. It's certainly
Speaker 2: very very fascinating. I hope you know, uh, you know,
Speaker 2: anytime someone is talking about something and like this that's
Speaker 2: uh personal to them, I'm I hope, I hope you
Speaker 2: I hope you've got to benefit out of it of
Speaker 2: some kind cathartic or mm hmmm. So, and how is
Speaker 2: your brother doing. He's cool, your mom's cool. It's just
Speaker 2: you and your sister.
Speaker 3: Yeah, my brother's doing great, guys, motorcycle. He's living his life.
Speaker 3: He doesn't really have kids. I don't have kids either.
Speaker 3: My sister's got kids. And I don't know. He's seems happy.
Speaker 3: I'm sure he's got his own life stuff. No one
Speaker 3: can truly I get. I don't want to say happy content.
Speaker 3: I guess m hm, he's not, you know, struggling with
Speaker 3: addiction or anything.
Speaker 1: Like that.
Speaker 3: I'm not struggle with addiction besides nicotine, and my sister's
Speaker 3: the same, So I mean we're pretty good. I think you.
Speaker 2: Gotta keep Look, dude, I'm a big fan of lowering
Speaker 2: the uh what would you call it? Lowering the standards?
Speaker 3: You know.
Speaker 2: I think if you're not addicted to drugs and killing people,
Speaker 2: you're doing pretty all right in this world.
Speaker 3: I think so.
Speaker 2: Yeah, of course. What's your name again?
Speaker 3: Ashley?
Speaker 2: Ashley? Ashley, Ashley, Ashley. I'm gonna cut that party, you
Speaker 2: know what. No, I'm gonna keep it in.
Speaker 3: No, keep it. It's important.
Speaker 2: Well, Ashley, is there anything else you wanna say to
Speaker 2: the fund? There was one other question I was going
Speaker 2: to ask you. I fucking forgot what it was. We're
Speaker 2: gonna keep this part into Ashley, is there anything else
Speaker 2: you want to say to the people of the computer
Speaker 2: before we go?
Speaker 3: Y'all be good to yourself, I guess, and that'll be
Speaker 3: good to me.
Speaker 1: And thank you.
Speaker 2: Bye, Ashley?
Speaker 3: All right, bye.
Speaker 2: See. I should start my own and uh business of
Speaker 2: gecko escorts. I don't know what they would do. I
Speaker 2: don't know if it would be a sex thing. It
Speaker 2: might just be like a you can hang out with
Speaker 2: somebody in a gecko costume. Yeah, that'll I'm gonna do that.
Speaker 2: Never goes on the line taking your phone calls every night,
Speaker 2: never goes to a a ride. He's teaching you aloud
Speaker 2: to them of your life, but he's not really an expert.