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Speaker 1: Hello, Hi, can I actually before we start, can I

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Speaker 1: just leave you with the stream for like a minute,

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Speaker 1: just go outside?

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Speaker 2: Oh yeah, you can go outside.

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Speaker 1: So that I don't like this disturb my family and ship.

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Speaker 2: Outside, go go get it, get out of here. Look

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Speaker 2: at this guy? Who is this guy?

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Speaker 1: Hi?

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Speaker 2: Greck? Hey man? What's your name?

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Speaker 1: I am Andy?

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Speaker 2: I noticed that you have a plus four to twenty

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Speaker 2: area code. What country is that?

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Speaker 1: Oh yeah, that's the Czech Republic. Moment the country will

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Speaker 1: fear and casual racism?

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Speaker 2: There we go for where in the church?

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Speaker 3: Public are.

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Speaker 1: Just in the Prague, you know region?

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Speaker 2: Cool man? I went to Prague like five years ago.

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Speaker 2: It was great. They have all these like cool underground

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Speaker 2: bars and ship they had what else do I remember

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Speaker 2: from pro? I have like some bread bowl gulash. Is

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Speaker 2: that what it's called?

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Speaker 1: What the fuck? I have no idea what that might be,

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Speaker 1: what that might be serving?

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Speaker 2: Well?

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Speaker 1: Is great though.

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Speaker 2: It's gulash not a pro.

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Speaker 1: Oh yeah yeah. It is not not like Brog food.

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Speaker 1: Maybe it's not even like Czech origin, but yeah, it's

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Speaker 1: it's heavily heavily eating here.

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Speaker 2: It sounds kind of like a It sounds kind of

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Speaker 2: like a death trap, like like if somebody has has

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Speaker 2: been arrested, you send them to the gulagh.

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Speaker 1: That's so good man, you can do this to me,

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Speaker 1: call you with a depression and you make my mood good.

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Speaker 1: Fuck you?

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Speaker 2: Well, what's up man? What's you had a Did you

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Speaker 2: have a particular thing you wanted to talk about?

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Speaker 1: Well? Yeah, sort of, it's been like a long time,

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Speaker 1: bruin like years and like ever since like a year ago.

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Speaker 1: I found your stream. I wanted to call in, but

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Speaker 1: I never actually dreamed of making it. Fucking hell, this

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Speaker 1: is awesome, so uh yeah, thank you, thank you. So

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Speaker 1: first of all, you know how the world is fucked? Right?

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Speaker 2: Is that where we're starting? The world is sucked?

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Speaker 1: Oh yeah, that's that's well, you know, let's start be everywhere.

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Speaker 2: So let's start here. Let's start here. Why do you

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Speaker 2: why do you see everywhere that the world is fucked?

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Speaker 1: Well, just because it is. You know, like I know,

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Speaker 1: I consume like too much American like you know, info,

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Speaker 1: so I know way too much about American stuff, even

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Speaker 1: though the stuff here, you know, in Czech Republic is

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Speaker 1: basically fine, but like compared to America. But so but yeah,

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Speaker 1: I just you know, I see all these like little

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Speaker 1: clues that you know, the capitalist system is fucking unsustainable

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Speaker 1: and we need just switch off it fucking quickly, allous

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Speaker 1: we want to I don't know, get burnt, I guess

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Speaker 1: you know stuff like that. And I think thinking that

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Speaker 1: maybe there's like a brute force method to it that

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Speaker 1: you might be or like someone like me might be

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Speaker 1: able to go out to, like I don't know, an

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Speaker 1: English speaking place, because that sure as shit end here

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Speaker 1: are you talking.

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Speaker 2: About trying to kill the president?

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Speaker 1: Yes, exactly, you got it on the mail now and

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Speaker 1: of course not.

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Speaker 2: Okay for me real quick, So you're talking about a

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Speaker 2: brute force method. By the way, just in case if

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Speaker 2: any Secret Services members, we're talking about killing the presidents

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Speaker 2: in a video game of McDonald land, which is the

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Speaker 2: mayor mccheese, and that's not even a real person. But anyway, okay, exactly, So.

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Speaker 1: No, I wasn't talking about like a violent resolution. Just

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Speaker 1: you say yes, But I meant. What I meant was like,

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Speaker 1: the world is evolving and we are progressing into a

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Speaker 1: better future, but it's far too fucking slow. So I

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Speaker 1: wanted to just like go out somewhere where a lot

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Speaker 1: of people can speak English and understand, and you know,

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Speaker 1: like go to a fucking square and just speak my

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Speaker 1: mind about this. Just convince people that this it is

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Speaker 1: fucking wrong, because I know it is, you know, And

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Speaker 1: maybe that way we could just jump start the whole

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Speaker 1: process tucking in a day, maybe a week.

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Speaker 2: And you're talking about your you wanna you wanna go

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Speaker 2: to a town square and just start rallying people about

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Speaker 2: how the world is fucked.

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Speaker 1: Well, yeah, not just about how how the world is fucked,

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Speaker 1: but how we can fix it super easily if we

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Speaker 1: just you know, stop alienating everyone who's different and accept

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Speaker 1: some viewpoints that maybe don't really vibe with us or whatever.

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Speaker 2: How do you think we can achieve world peace?

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Speaker 1: Andy, Well, you know drawing capitalism is the first thing,

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Speaker 1: because the way I see it, it's the it's the

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Speaker 1: top brass just you know, using this concept of money

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Speaker 1: who basically keep us in like what's called wage slavery,

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Speaker 1: you know, where people live pay check to paycheck and

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Speaker 1: they can't really improve their lives or you know, do

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Speaker 1: anything with the money because they all have it, they

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Speaker 1: have it all planned out with the money. So I've

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Speaker 1: got a question, they're not really good anywhere.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, so I know that like America is I mean,

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Speaker 2: I'm dumb. I don't know. I haven't read the books,

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Speaker 2: the Karl Marx stuff, but I know that America is

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Speaker 2: like known for like like as as I guess, the

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Speaker 2: most capitalist country, right, and everyone's like ah, and in

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Speaker 2: different places they do it better. But what's the system

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Speaker 2: in the Czech Republic? Is it the same thing or

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Speaker 2: do you guys do it differently?

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Speaker 1: Well, it's it's more or less the same, except you know,

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Speaker 1: over here in Europe, especially in the Union, we're a

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Speaker 1: bit more socialized or like, you know, we have a

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Speaker 1: bit more socialistic tendencies towards like healthcare and education, which

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Speaker 1: is sort of I see it as the basics of

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Speaker 1: what the state should fucking do. And you know, the

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Speaker 1: US system just uses all that to just make more money,

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Speaker 1: which is again capitalism, and it's you know, it gets

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Speaker 1: its fucking roots into everything and fucking corrupts it into

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Speaker 1: a way for someone one rich asshole sitting on one

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Speaker 1: rich asshole chair just to sit on a slightly bigger

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Speaker 1: pile of money.

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Speaker 3: You know.

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Speaker 2: So this depression that you're talking about, Andy, is it

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Speaker 2: mainly centered around like social political economic issues at a

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Speaker 2: large scale.

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Speaker 1: Well, you could argue that I'm just projecting this shit,

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Speaker 1: and you know, the depression is just me and the

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Speaker 1: world isn't actually all that bad and it's getting better

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Speaker 1: as fast as it can. But I don't believe that.

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Speaker 1: I think we're better as human beings, and I think

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Speaker 1: we could do a hell of a lot better if

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Speaker 1: we just communicated with each other.

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Speaker 2: Well, what's your personal life like? Do you go to school,

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Speaker 2: do you walk around? What do you do?

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Speaker 1: No? I dropped school right before finishing high school because

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Speaker 1: I saw it as a place of indoctrination basically. And now, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I didn't work for like half a year after getting

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Speaker 1: getting fired from a wood shop, and then the wood

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Speaker 1: shop got fired too, and the warehouse that got left

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Speaker 1: hired me. Now, so that's what I'm doing now. I'm

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Speaker 1: a warehouse worker, slowly no wages, warehouse worker, and just yeah,

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Speaker 1: feeling super beaten down by capitalism. I mean, I'm privileged,

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Speaker 1: I have no actual troubles, but I would like things

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Speaker 1: to be different because I know there's way too many

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Speaker 1: people that do face genuine fucking horrors, you know, mm hmm,

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Speaker 1: I don't know. I just feel like if someone went

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Speaker 1: out and started talking about it honestly and passionately. People

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Speaker 1: would see capitalism for the monster that this fucking is.

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Speaker 2: You know what I think is gonna happen, Andy, I

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Speaker 2: think you're gonna go it into the town square and

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Speaker 2: you're gonna step up on a on a box and

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Speaker 2: you're gonna rally the people of Prague and everyone's gonna

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Speaker 2: be like yeah, fuck yah. And then you got you

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Speaker 2: got all these people and they're all gonna look at

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Speaker 2: you and be like, well, what do we do now?

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Speaker 2: And you're gonna be like, fuck, I don't get this far,

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Speaker 2: And then you guys can go storm a candy store

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Speaker 2: or something like that.

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Speaker 1: Yeah No, because I didn't. I don't think I would

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Speaker 1: I will get that far. But if I do, I

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Speaker 1: do have it fanned out.

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Speaker 2: You do it? So youah, you have you have a

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Speaker 2: whole revolution planned out.

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Speaker 1: Well sort of, it's all like fuzzy in my head

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Speaker 1: because I haven't written anything of it down, but the

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Speaker 1: concrete points still stand because like the first thing we

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Speaker 1: would have to do is just, you know, drop the

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Speaker 1: concept of currency to release us from the shackles of

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Speaker 1: our fucking capitalist overlords, which would free us you know,

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Speaker 1: to do whatever the fuck we please finally, And you know,

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Speaker 1: some people would see this as fucking anarchy, but I

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Speaker 1: think we're better than that. We wouldn't just like fucking

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Speaker 1: start killing each other like the purge, just just because

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Speaker 1: there's no money to be had.

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Speaker 2: Well what would be if there was? If there was

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Speaker 2: no money, what would what would we do?

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Speaker 1: Well, what do you mean we do? We would do whatever. Like,

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Speaker 1: you know, there's a ton of problems in the world,

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Speaker 1: and you know, leaving money behind would just free us

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Speaker 1: to deal with those problems, whether it's people needing help

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Speaker 1: or you know, the planet burning or whatever, ship like that.

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Speaker 2: Because you know, why don't you start a Why don't

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Speaker 2: you start like a commune or something. Why don't you

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Speaker 2: go to the town square, rally up a couple hundred

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Speaker 2: people and go start a little society.

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Speaker 1: Well that would be nice, but that would still solve nothing,

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Speaker 1: because it would be just you know, like you say,

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Speaker 1: a couple hundred people living off the land that they

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Speaker 1: choose to live off of. It would be the capitalist overloads.

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Speaker 2: Andy, How the hell are you, Andy, How the hell

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Speaker 2: are you gonna change the entire world if you don't

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Speaker 2: even want to go and change a hundred people.

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Speaker 1: No, this isn't a question of scale. I'm just saying that, uh,

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Speaker 1: doing it on a lesser scale than the entire world

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Speaker 1: will be pointless because as long as there's you know,

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Speaker 1: countries fucking polluting or whatever and fucking you know what's

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Speaker 1: whate a they called companies just the capitalist overworlds. You know,

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Speaker 1: as long as they're free to do whatever the fuck

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Speaker 1: they want, they're gonna like function up.

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Speaker 2: So the fucking have you made an Have you unconsciously

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Speaker 2: made a contract with yourself that you will be unhappy

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Speaker 2: until all human suffering is eliminated?

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Speaker 1: Haha? Not really, you are close, though, I have made

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Speaker 1: a contract with myself, fully consciously, that I won't start

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Speaker 1: working on myself until I see the world start working

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Speaker 1: on itself, you know, because I feel like whatever I

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Speaker 1: feel about me is bad. I got from the world

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Speaker 1: because I feel like, you know, I can't help myself

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Speaker 1: for shit, I can't. Uh, I don't know. I feel

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Speaker 1: like I'm you know, fucking up all the time. And

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Speaker 1: I think I got that from like the general culture

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Speaker 1: of the world, Like, you know, people just not willing

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Speaker 1: to help other people just because they're different than shit

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Speaker 1: like that so.

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Speaker 2: Well, it does make sense. But when you say I'm

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Speaker 2: not going to help myself until I'm not going to

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Speaker 2: try to fix myself into the world fix itself, does

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Speaker 2: that just like does that just manifest itself as you

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Speaker 2: just being unhappy and upset all day and not trying

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Speaker 2: to like use any amount of your agency to make

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Speaker 2: life for you a little bit better.

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Speaker 1: Well, No, Like, I still like do stuff for me

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Speaker 1: because there's stuff I enjoy and stuff I like, laugh

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Speaker 1: at the stuff I cry about and shprappy cry, you know,

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Speaker 1: all this kind of shit. And you know, no amount

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Speaker 1: of suffering in the world will stop me from laughing.

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Speaker 1: And I recognize that. But still there's like I have,

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Speaker 1: like you know, physical or medical problems or like mental

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Speaker 1: shit as well. There's way too much of that. But yeah,

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Speaker 1: until I see the world going in a direction where

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Speaker 1: I know it's worth it for me, you know, for

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Speaker 1: the for my future to work on myself, then I

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Speaker 1: won't like I don't want to work towards something, and

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Speaker 1: then just you know, have the world and just want

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Speaker 1: to commit suicide, you know.

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Speaker 2: All right, So that would be sure. So let me

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Speaker 2: think about what you just said and make sure I

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Speaker 2: understand it. So you don't want to work on yourself

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Speaker 2: because it would be pointless because even if you did

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Speaker 2: work on yourself, you would be living in a fucked

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Speaker 2: up world no matter what, and there is nothing that

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Speaker 2: you can do to unfunck the world that you live in. Yes,

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Speaker 2: I have, I have. I have a few thoughts on that,

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Speaker 2: if if you if you want to hear that, so like, sorry,

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Speaker 2: you know, man, I actually think I think about this

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Speaker 2: stuff a lot. I really do. I really think about

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Speaker 2: this stuff a lot, especially because especially because it's it's

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Speaker 2: really it's a really prevalent conversation for a lot of

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Speaker 2: people in terms of like, you know, there's there's the

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Speaker 2: system and whatever, capitalism and socialism, and then there's like

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Speaker 2: society at large, there's individualism, there's what can you do

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Speaker 2: for yourself? Is what can you do with other people?

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Speaker 2: And I think about all this stuff and I don't

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Speaker 2: have a definitive answer for it. One thing I do

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Speaker 2: think about is that I don't understand why there's why

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Speaker 2: it's a binary, you know what I mean, I don't

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Speaker 2: understand why it's always like like why is it like

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Speaker 2: either I you know, why are the two choices? You know?

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Speaker 2: Make yourself better? Well why not not that? I mean,

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Speaker 2: why are the two choices? Okay, makes why are the

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Speaker 2: two choices make society better or make myself better?

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Speaker 1: Like?

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Speaker 2: Why why is that a binary? Why can't I do

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Speaker 2: whatever is within my agency to make my own life

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Speaker 2: better and then also try to do whatever is within

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Speaker 2: my own agency to help the people around me? Man?

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Speaker 2: I mean sure, you know you can sit and be

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Speaker 2: like upset at the current systems that are are what's

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Speaker 2: going on right now, and you can you and you know,

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Speaker 2: you can criticize them to death and be right in

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Speaker 2: your criticisms, and you could be trying to enact change

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Speaker 2: through those criticisms. But at the end of the day,

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Speaker 2: it's like, I don't, I don't. I'm trying to figure out,

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Speaker 2: you know, just for you, Andy, Like, what's gonna make

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Speaker 2: you not go through life feeling so shitty all the time?

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Speaker 3: You know?

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Speaker 2: That's what I'm thinking of it.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, well.

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Speaker 2: It's also like, well, there's also well there's also like

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Speaker 2: I assume a feeling of helplessness because this is such

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Speaker 2: a global issue that you're in your tiny, little, single

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Speaker 2: human brain trying to solve it. It's impossible, but there

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Speaker 2: is certain things that you could do so that when

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Speaker 2: you go to sleep at night you can go well,

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Speaker 2: at least I tried my best and the rest is

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Speaker 2: out of control. And I accept that, And so I'm like, Okay,

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Speaker 2: what is you trying your best? Look like? Does it

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Speaker 2: look like you going out into the town square and

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Speaker 2: having a microphone and just literally to the people saying

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Speaker 2: your thoughts and feelings. Maybe it could look like that,

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Speaker 2: and maybe you would go and do that, and then

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Speaker 2: when you go to sleep at night, you can go

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Speaker 2: I didn't solve the global economic crisis, but I tried

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Speaker 2: my best to, you know, so maybe you would feel

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Speaker 2: better at least trying to. I don't. I don't know.

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Speaker 2: I mean you have you have agency of some kind.

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Speaker 2: Do you agree with that?

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Speaker 1: I mean, you have a you have a very valid

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Speaker 1: point of if I tried, I would be significantly significantly happier.

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Speaker 1: But there's a lot of you know, fear that that

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Speaker 1: won't work out, and like if that doesn't work out,

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Speaker 1: like I might just keep trying. But if I don't,

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Speaker 1: I'll just, you know, I'll be even more miserable.

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Speaker 2: Isn't that life? You If you try and you try

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Speaker 2: and you try and then you can die.

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Speaker 1: But yeah, but yeah, this specific one. Failing this specific

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Speaker 1: challenge would mean to me that were doomed as a

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Speaker 1: human race.

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Speaker 2: And you and all the things we know, Eddie, you

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Speaker 2: can't be telling me right now that you are trying to,

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Speaker 2: like literally just as one guy, take on all the

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Speaker 2: world's problems. And you're you're literally saying right now, if

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Speaker 2: I cannot solve world hunger, the global economic crisis well

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Speaker 2: and achieve world peace, I will be happy. That's crazy.

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Speaker 1: I know that sounds crazy, but that's not really what

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Speaker 1: I'm saying. Like, I'm saying that there needs to be

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Speaker 1: like a thought revolution for at least for the people

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Speaker 1: who are like, I don't know, fucking conservative boomers and

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Speaker 1: shit like that, and they need to realize, you know,

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Speaker 1: that our side of the argument is right, that capitalism

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Speaker 1: does need to fucking change at the very least or

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Speaker 1: be extinct solely and right, and I and I.

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Speaker 2: And and and I support you're taking whatever action is

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Speaker 2: within you to fight for your causes. But if you're

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Speaker 2: so far, but this is just general. This isn't even

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Speaker 2: a political This is not a political thing. When I'm saying,

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Speaker 2: this is just about what This is just about what

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Speaker 2: is and is not in your control, and about how

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Speaker 2: if you obsess over things that aren't in your control,

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Speaker 2: you're going to be deeply unhappy. And I think working

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Speaker 2: towards and you working towards and campaigning towards and taking

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Speaker 2: whatever action is within you as an individual towards things

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Speaker 2: that you believe in are positive, great things. But I

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Speaker 2: think weighing your happiness on the outcome of a thing

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Speaker 2: that is just totally beyond any one individual's control is

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Speaker 2: just is a recipe for constant sadness.

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Speaker 1: Look, this is what I tried to say, because that

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Speaker 1: thought revolution it has to have a beginning somewhere and it,

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Speaker 1: you know, logically, it has to be one mind. And

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Speaker 1: you know, I'm not saying like I'm saving the world.

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Speaker 1: I'm just saying like, if if someone voiced this, then

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Speaker 1: we could save the world as humans as a species.

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Speaker 1: And that's not too big, you know, because there's seven

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Speaker 1: fucking eight almost eight billion of us. That's a fucking force. Man,

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Speaker 1: we could do anything.

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Speaker 2: Can I also say that? Can I also say this

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Speaker 2: one thing before? Yeah? Before I believe we might have

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Speaker 2: exhausted the bounds of this conversation. Oh, yeah, I want

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Speaker 2: to say this.

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Speaker 1: I expected it to go I talked, well, okay.

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Speaker 2: We talked about I want to say this, and I

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Speaker 2: hope this gets to you in some way. You talked

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Speaker 2: about that, we talked about the hundred people that you

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Speaker 2: rally are and then you and you said, well, what's

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Speaker 2: the point if it's just one hundred people and it's

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Speaker 2: like the world is the world is just a lot

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Speaker 2: of one hundred people, you know?

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Speaker 1: Well, yeah, I just meant, like, you know, if it's

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Speaker 1: a hundred people that go off and like separate from

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Speaker 1: rest of society, that's pointless because right the rest of

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Speaker 1: society would go on as.

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Speaker 2: It's nowl you know, So I just what if I

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Speaker 2: were if I were here, and if I were you,

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Speaker 2: I would go take I would take a walk around

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Speaker 2: your neighborhood.

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Speaker 1: That's right, I did just now.

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Speaker 2: I would take a walk around your neighborhood, and I

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Speaker 2: would just look at what's directly around you or even

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Speaker 2: the people that you talk to in your daily life,

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Speaker 2: your friends, your family, whatever you're doing, and I would

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Speaker 2: just in what's directly in front of you, go how

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Speaker 2: can I help or improve these things? And if you're

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Speaker 2: focusing if you're focusing on how I'm going to save

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Speaker 2: the world. You're just gonna you were just gonna drive

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Speaker 2: yourself insane, and you seem like a cool guy. And

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Speaker 2: I don't want to watch you just go insane and

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Speaker 2: kill yourself.

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Speaker 1: I would well, o, I should stop that, just think

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Speaker 1: you know.

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Speaker 2: I don't know, man, I hate that you're like hinging

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Speaker 2: your happiness upon such a gigantic issues like how.

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Speaker 1: Can I be happy? How can any truly empathetic person

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Speaker 1: be happy in a world world so much useless suffering,

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Speaker 1: you know occurs.

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Speaker 2: You limit your empathy to You limit your empathy to

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Speaker 2: about You limit your empathy to about one hundred people.

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Speaker 2: You goth. I have no hold on, hold on, hold on,

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Speaker 2: I have no qualms with that. I don't like whatever.

387
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Speaker 2: I don't know. I'm not like here to argue about

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Speaker 2: what makes a person a good person. I have no idea,

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Speaker 2: but at least personally, I think realistically, realistically, you can

390
00:24:04,480 --> 00:24:11,119
Speaker 2: only truly actually care about like maybe a hundred people.

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Speaker 1: That's true. I don't know, like the way I see it,

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Speaker 1: I don't think that's that.

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Speaker 2: I don't.

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Speaker 1: But you can't. But you can't know one hundred.

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Speaker 2: People that's okay, because why would that make you care?

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Speaker 2: Give me, give me second, give me a second age.

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Speaker 2: All right? If let's look, every day, there's all around

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Speaker 2: the world, hundreds and hundreds of people being fucking killed

399
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Speaker 2: in terrorist attacks and starving to death and all these things,

400
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Speaker 2: and it's a thousands, and I'm we can't look to

401
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Speaker 2: say we don't care about them, is like, but how

402
00:25:01,160 --> 00:25:07,480
Speaker 2: do I say this? Obviously you care, but there's only

403
00:25:07,640 --> 00:25:11,919
Speaker 2: so much that you can do for other people. And

404
00:25:11,960 --> 00:25:16,040
Speaker 2: if you pick okay, these are the dude, even if

405
00:25:16,080 --> 00:25:19,160
Speaker 2: it's just my family, even if it's this is my son,

406
00:25:19,440 --> 00:25:22,520
Speaker 2: this is my wife, this is my daughter. These are

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Speaker 2: the three people that I'm going to make a lot

408
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Speaker 2: of active effort to make sure I can improve their lives.

409
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Speaker 2: And then when I read on the news about these

410
00:25:33,800 --> 00:25:39,359
Speaker 2: people that are dying somewhere else, I'm gonna go, that sucks.

411
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Speaker 2: But today I have to feed my children, you know

412
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Speaker 2: what I mean. I have to water my crops proverbially

413
00:25:47,119 --> 00:25:50,560
Speaker 2: whatever that means, you know. And I don't know if

414
00:25:50,640 --> 00:25:54,080
Speaker 2: that makes somebody a piece of shit, but it's like

415
00:25:54,200 --> 00:25:59,119
Speaker 2: the opposite of that, trying to yeah, trying to go

416
00:25:59,240 --> 00:26:02,800
Speaker 2: insane every horrible thing happening everywhere at the world all

417
00:26:02,840 --> 00:26:06,000
Speaker 2: the time. It's just our brains are not meant to

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Speaker 2: be able to do that.

419
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Speaker 1: Well, yeah, I guess mine is like I just do that.

420
00:26:12,359 --> 00:26:15,399
Speaker 1: I just live like that, you know, And I know

421
00:26:15,520 --> 00:26:18,720
Speaker 1: it sounds fucking shitty, but I think someone has to,

422
00:26:20,600 --> 00:26:20,800
Speaker 1: you know.

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Speaker 2: Well, Andy, I hope, I hope, I hope you can

424
00:26:26,600 --> 00:26:30,680
Speaker 2: you carve out five minutes for yourself to just look

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Speaker 2: at the sky and go, I'm you know, I'm fine.

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00:26:36,520 --> 00:26:38,440
Speaker 1: Well, yeah, I do that, you know, Like I mean,

427
00:26:41,760 --> 00:26:43,560
Speaker 1: oh yeah, I have hours.

428
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Speaker 2: Uh Andy, is there anything else that you want to

429
00:26:47,960 --> 00:26:49,800
Speaker 2: talk about or say to the people of the computer

430
00:26:49,880 --> 00:26:52,360
Speaker 2: before we go? Uh?

431
00:26:52,640 --> 00:26:55,240
Speaker 1: Just, I don't know. I guess be kind to everyone,

432
00:26:55,840 --> 00:27:00,520
Speaker 1: especially yourself, unless they're being a dick or a fascist.

433
00:27:01,359 --> 00:27:03,359
Speaker 1: And oh yeah. What I want to end on is

434
00:27:04,080 --> 00:27:07,440
Speaker 1: it's never morally wrong to bunch of fascists.

435
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Speaker 2: I have a good rest of the day, you too, lie,

436
00:27:13,160 --> 00:27:19,240
Speaker 2: But oh my goodness, I wish we talked. I wish

437
00:27:19,280 --> 00:27:23,159
Speaker 2: we talked more about goulash. Goulash is really good. I

438
00:27:23,160 --> 00:27:24,960
Speaker 2: think it's some kind of suit. See if I were

439
00:27:25,040 --> 00:27:26,720
Speaker 2: that guy and I lived in Prague, what I would

440
00:27:26,760 --> 00:27:29,440
Speaker 2: do today is I would go have some gulash and

441
00:27:29,800 --> 00:27:34,760
Speaker 2: find a little cinnamon bun and I would go, you

442
00:27:34,800 --> 00:27:38,800
Speaker 2: know what this very I don't. I don't know about

443
00:27:38,840 --> 00:27:42,200
Speaker 2: the past. I don't know about the future. I don't

444
00:27:42,200 --> 00:27:45,359
Speaker 2: know what's going on in other countries. I don't know

445
00:27:45,400 --> 00:27:48,280
Speaker 2: what's going on in other people's brains. But what I

446
00:27:48,359 --> 00:27:55,760
Speaker 2: know for sure is that this particular individual moment where

447
00:27:55,800 --> 00:27:59,840
Speaker 2: I'm eating this gulash and I'm looking at the sky,

448
00:28:00,040 --> 00:28:00,680
Speaker 2: it's pretty good.

449
00:28:05,160 --> 00:28:07,640
Speaker 3: Hello, Hi, oh my god.

450
00:28:08,920 --> 00:28:13,400
Speaker 2: Yeah, what's your name? My name is Ashley Ashley. How's life?

451
00:28:14,359 --> 00:28:16,000
Speaker 3: It's pretty good? Wow. I didn't think you.

452
00:28:15,960 --> 00:28:18,919
Speaker 2: Called me, hey, check this out instead of you know

453
00:28:18,960 --> 00:28:20,560
Speaker 2: when you know that you know when that guy says

454
00:28:20,960 --> 00:28:27,160
Speaker 2: Sunday Sunday Sunday. Uh huh Ashley Ashley Ashley. I don't

455
00:28:27,200 --> 00:28:29,000
Speaker 2: know why the fuck I just said that. That was

456
00:28:29,160 --> 00:28:33,800
Speaker 2: really I I as soon as I said, do you

457
00:28:33,840 --> 00:28:36,159
Speaker 2: know how that guy says Sunday Sunday Sunday? I was like,

458
00:28:36,200 --> 00:28:37,760
Speaker 2: I don't want to do the second part of this,

459
00:28:37,960 --> 00:28:41,720
Speaker 2: but yeah, it would have been weird if I had

460
00:28:41,720 --> 00:28:46,480
Speaker 2: abandoned it. Right anyway, what's up?

461
00:28:48,440 --> 00:28:51,680
Speaker 3: Not much, just text to scenes. Maybe he wanted to

462
00:28:51,720 --> 00:28:54,520
Speaker 3: hear about my unorthodox childhood a little bit.

463
00:28:55,680 --> 00:29:00,200
Speaker 2: Yeah, sure, let's let's let's let's de orthodox.

464
00:29:00,440 --> 00:29:07,720
Speaker 3: This all right. So this was the early two thousands,

465
00:29:07,720 --> 00:29:13,440
Speaker 3: you see, and my mom was a single mom and uh,

466
00:29:13,640 --> 00:29:17,120
Speaker 3: she was raising three kids. And so my mom was

467
00:29:17,200 --> 00:29:22,640
Speaker 3: an escort and she rose the ranks of escort hood

468
00:29:22,920 --> 00:29:28,680
Speaker 3: to owning her own escort service. And I just had

469
00:29:28,680 --> 00:29:32,480
Speaker 3: a lot of crazy, nothing crazy. My mom never put

470
00:29:32,480 --> 00:29:34,000
Speaker 3: me in danger or anything like that. So it just

471
00:29:34,600 --> 00:29:37,080
Speaker 3: a lot of crazy crazy.

472
00:29:37,120 --> 00:29:39,160
Speaker 2: So where do you want to.

473
00:29:39,160 --> 00:29:51,680
Speaker 3: Start, Well, uh, let me think, uh one time, my

474
00:29:52,320 --> 00:29:54,880
Speaker 3: how it worked is my mom when she no, no,

475
00:29:54,920 --> 00:29:58,600
Speaker 3: I'll start a little earlier than that. So my mom

476
00:29:59,120 --> 00:30:02,600
Speaker 3: was an escort for this woman and her name was Blaze,

477
00:30:03,200 --> 00:30:04,640
Speaker 3: and she kind of she was one of the ones

478
00:30:04,720 --> 00:30:08,840
Speaker 3: running the first escort service, I guess in the area,

479
00:30:10,280 --> 00:30:16,560
Speaker 3: and she was in a relationship with another escort and

480
00:30:16,600 --> 00:30:19,440
Speaker 3: she kind of like was roughen her up a little bit.

481
00:30:20,240 --> 00:30:22,680
Speaker 3: And I remember just sitting in the car one day,

482
00:30:22,920 --> 00:30:25,080
Speaker 3: my mom goes to get her her friend who is

483
00:30:25,520 --> 00:30:31,040
Speaker 3: in a relationship with this other lady, and I remember

484
00:30:31,160 --> 00:30:34,600
Speaker 3: just watching my mom just beat this lesbians ass. Her

485
00:30:34,640 --> 00:30:38,000
Speaker 3: name was blaze and just kind of just beat her

486
00:30:38,040 --> 00:30:41,480
Speaker 3: ass because she was beating her her friend. And then

487
00:30:42,480 --> 00:30:44,959
Speaker 3: they kind of just started their own escort service together,

488
00:30:46,240 --> 00:30:51,880
Speaker 3: like sands the beating. And I was homeschooled, and so

489
00:30:51,960 --> 00:30:55,040
Speaker 3: there's like I'm sorry, I'm I'm all over the place,

490
00:30:56,480 --> 00:30:58,560
Speaker 3: and so I just like I was just one of

491
00:30:58,160 --> 00:31:03,000
Speaker 3: the things that I remember my mom doing to defend

492
00:31:03,000 --> 00:31:07,600
Speaker 3: her friend. And then like there was just all kinds

493
00:31:07,600 --> 00:31:12,640
Speaker 3: of like escorts, you know, sex workers who would just

494
00:31:12,720 --> 00:31:15,760
Speaker 3: hang out at our house. Then they'd go on calls

495
00:31:15,800 --> 00:31:19,520
Speaker 3: and you know, they would just they'd bring their kids.

496
00:31:19,520 --> 00:31:21,400
Speaker 3: It was it was a very strange kind of like

497
00:31:21,640 --> 00:31:26,280
Speaker 3: a community growing up community of a lot of queer women,

498
00:31:26,440 --> 00:31:33,240
Speaker 3: a lot of like LGBT people and their kids. And

499
00:31:34,600 --> 00:31:36,240
Speaker 3: there's still kind of like a little bit of shame

500
00:31:36,600 --> 00:31:39,880
Speaker 3: like talking about it because it's you. You bring up

501
00:31:39,920 --> 00:31:42,200
Speaker 3: sex work, and people kind of squick out and they're like, oh,

502
00:31:42,400 --> 00:31:46,560
Speaker 3: like your mom was a bad person or you know

503
00:31:46,600 --> 00:31:48,480
Speaker 3: those people are that I don't know, does that make sense?

504
00:31:49,520 --> 00:31:51,280
Speaker 2: What how does this affect that you? What do you

505
00:31:51,360 --> 00:31:53,480
Speaker 2: do these days? Well?

506
00:31:53,600 --> 00:32:01,040
Speaker 3: I did get into online sex work, and I think

507
00:32:01,080 --> 00:32:04,920
Speaker 3: it affected me because like I was never in a

508
00:32:04,920 --> 00:32:08,160
Speaker 3: public school, and we did homeschooling or I guess you

509
00:32:08,160 --> 00:32:11,360
Speaker 3: would call it unschooling, so it's not kind of self

510
00:32:11,360 --> 00:32:19,720
Speaker 3: directed learning. I think it's uh affected me because like

511
00:32:19,760 --> 00:32:22,680
Speaker 3: I can't really you know, people talk about their childhood

512
00:32:22,720 --> 00:32:25,239
Speaker 3: and like it's either like really really bad or they

513
00:32:25,280 --> 00:32:27,040
Speaker 3: have like kind of normal childhood, and I don't really

514
00:32:27,120 --> 00:32:31,760
Speaker 3: relate to a lot of the experiences. And then when

515
00:32:31,760 --> 00:32:33,880
Speaker 3: I do kind of open up, which is so weird.

516
00:32:33,880 --> 00:32:35,840
Speaker 3: I'm opening up to the internet right now. That's crazy.

517
00:32:39,360 --> 00:32:42,840
Speaker 3: But like talking to like, you know, regular people, sometimes

518
00:32:43,880 --> 00:32:48,880
Speaker 3: people get close to it can feel I don't know,

519
00:32:49,000 --> 00:32:51,880
Speaker 3: really isolating and like there's a lot of Judgie stuff.

520
00:32:52,040 --> 00:32:56,680
Speaker 3: And I ended up doing some of that work myself.

521
00:32:56,520 --> 00:33:00,000
Speaker 2: And so I was like, uh, I know, are you

522
00:33:00,080 --> 00:33:01,880
Speaker 2: Are you still close with your mom?

523
00:33:03,920 --> 00:33:04,080
Speaker 1: Oh?

524
00:33:04,120 --> 00:33:06,240
Speaker 3: Yeah, she's great, We're very close.

525
00:33:07,920 --> 00:33:09,800
Speaker 2: Does she still run the escort business?

526
00:33:10,480 --> 00:33:16,440
Speaker 3: No, she she stopped doing that and we moved from

527
00:33:16,800 --> 00:33:19,959
Speaker 3: the city that she was doing that, and because one

528
00:33:20,000 --> 00:33:22,680
Speaker 3: of her friends was murdered and so she kind of

529
00:33:22,720 --> 00:33:25,440
Speaker 3: like packed us up and then we lived in a

530
00:33:25,520 --> 00:33:27,440
Speaker 3: kind of a big city and then we moved to

531
00:33:27,520 --> 00:33:31,120
Speaker 3: a really small town and a very country kind of town.

532
00:33:31,240 --> 00:33:31,560
Speaker 1: And so.

533
00:33:33,040 --> 00:33:34,800
Speaker 3: Like that portion of my life, I was about a teenager.

534
00:33:34,840 --> 00:33:37,360
Speaker 3: I think I was like fourteen. That portion of my

535
00:33:37,440 --> 00:33:39,360
Speaker 3: life was really weird because we went from this big

536
00:33:39,440 --> 00:33:42,640
Speaker 3: city and you know, kind of diverse people to not

537
00:33:42,720 --> 00:33:46,760
Speaker 3: a lot of different people and like adjusting to that

538
00:33:46,840 --> 00:33:51,760
Speaker 3: life and like a lot of the values were very different.

539
00:33:51,800 --> 00:33:55,360
Speaker 3: I mean, I guess it's never been acceptable. But there

540
00:33:55,400 --> 00:34:01,080
Speaker 3: was a pretty heavy like evangelical, evangelic cool overtone in

541
00:34:01,120 --> 00:34:04,239
Speaker 3: the town we lived in because it's very small, and

542
00:34:04,320 --> 00:34:05,880
Speaker 3: so could not open up about it.

543
00:34:06,320 --> 00:34:08,400
Speaker 2: So what did she start doing when you guys moved.

544
00:34:11,080 --> 00:34:14,239
Speaker 3: Well, she had a lot of money stays up because

545
00:34:14,280 --> 00:34:17,840
Speaker 3: she had been doing it, oh for years, and then she,

546
00:34:19,800 --> 00:34:22,280
Speaker 3: like I said, she she was an escort and then

547
00:34:23,040 --> 00:34:26,440
Speaker 3: she kind of developed her own like service, and then

548
00:34:26,480 --> 00:34:28,759
Speaker 3: she had people working for her. So she was able

549
00:34:28,760 --> 00:34:32,520
Speaker 3: to make a pretty decent, you know, life for herself.

550
00:34:34,560 --> 00:34:35,840
Speaker 3: So she was about that for a little bit. But

551
00:34:35,880 --> 00:34:38,960
Speaker 3: then she just got a regular job at a grocery

552
00:34:38,960 --> 00:34:43,680
Speaker 3: store and then met my stepdad and you know that

553
00:34:43,800 --> 00:34:46,880
Speaker 3: was that. It was like that chapter was closed. And

554
00:34:48,200 --> 00:34:52,520
Speaker 3: as far as there's cars.

555
00:34:51,200 --> 00:34:54,680
Speaker 2: How old are you now, I'm twenty nine. Oh, so

556
00:34:54,760 --> 00:35:05,080
Speaker 2: this is about fifteen years ago. M does your huh so?

557
00:35:05,400 --> 00:35:07,200
Speaker 2: And do you are are you do? Are you still

558
00:35:07,200 --> 00:35:08,720
Speaker 2: doing like the camming stuff?

559
00:35:10,560 --> 00:35:10,640
Speaker 1: No?

560
00:35:10,760 --> 00:35:13,640
Speaker 3: I stopped because I got a pretty good job at

561
00:35:13,680 --> 00:35:19,200
Speaker 3: a doggy daycare. No, I don't do that anymore. I

562
00:35:19,239 --> 00:35:21,399
Speaker 3: mean not that I'm opposed to it, Like I could

563
00:35:21,440 --> 00:35:23,200
Speaker 3: probably take it back up if I ever needed the.

564
00:35:23,840 --> 00:35:30,840
Speaker 2: Extra, you know, And what's the deal with your dad?

565
00:35:30,920 --> 00:35:34,120
Speaker 2: Is he in the picture at all? Oh?

566
00:35:34,280 --> 00:35:38,880
Speaker 3: My biological dad is not. He tried to set us

567
00:35:38,920 --> 00:35:43,440
Speaker 3: on spire when we were kids, so I try to

568
00:35:43,440 --> 00:35:45,880
Speaker 3: burn the house down with us in it. So he's

569
00:35:46,280 --> 00:35:50,640
Speaker 3: he went to prison and you know, not a part

570
00:35:50,680 --> 00:35:52,040
Speaker 3: of the life or our life at all.

571
00:35:52,600 --> 00:35:53,719
Speaker 2: Why the hell did he do that?

572
00:35:54,120 --> 00:35:58,480
Speaker 3: You know? He was an alcoholic, super abusive. I was

573
00:35:58,560 --> 00:36:02,480
Speaker 3: probably like three, so I don't remember that it completely,

574
00:36:02,640 --> 00:36:05,160
Speaker 3: but there's a lot of back and forth with my

575
00:36:05,280 --> 00:36:12,759
Speaker 3: mom and my biological dad. And one night he put

576
00:36:13,480 --> 00:36:17,120
Speaker 3: accelerant on the doors and set the house on fire.

577
00:36:17,200 --> 00:36:22,239
Speaker 3: Luckily everyone got out, but yeah, I was pretty so

578
00:36:22,280 --> 00:36:24,560
Speaker 3: that's kind of that. That set the tone because my

579
00:36:24,600 --> 00:36:28,920
Speaker 3: mom was terrified of him because he's on the run.

580
00:36:28,920 --> 00:36:33,040
Speaker 3: They didn't catch him right away, so yeah, we didn't

581
00:36:33,040 --> 00:36:35,879
Speaker 3: have any family. My mom wasn't close with her side

582
00:36:35,880 --> 00:36:39,840
Speaker 3: of the family. Obviously, my biodad's side of the family

583
00:36:39,960 --> 00:36:41,800
Speaker 3: is not great.

584
00:36:43,160 --> 00:36:46,080
Speaker 2: Is he now? Is he still in prison?

585
00:36:48,320 --> 00:36:53,360
Speaker 3: I want to say no, maybe he didn't because he

586
00:36:53,480 --> 00:36:57,120
Speaker 3: technically didn't murder any of us, but he did get

587
00:36:57,160 --> 00:36:59,840
Speaker 3: caught for like four counts attempted.

588
00:37:01,480 --> 00:37:01,600
Speaker 2: Uh.

589
00:37:01,800 --> 00:37:05,520
Speaker 3: So I'm I want to say, if he's out, he

590
00:37:05,880 --> 00:37:07,759
Speaker 3: probably got out maybe a few years ago.

591
00:37:07,840 --> 00:37:08,279
Speaker 2: I don't know.

592
00:37:09,480 --> 00:37:14,960
Speaker 3: I do not like to to think about that personally. Terrible.

593
00:37:15,960 --> 00:37:18,920
Speaker 2: H And what about your stepdad?

594
00:37:20,160 --> 00:37:24,080
Speaker 3: Oh, he's great. He's was a military medic, he was

595
00:37:24,080 --> 00:37:27,040
Speaker 3: in the Air Force, so he's great. He's a pretty

596
00:37:27,040 --> 00:37:31,080
Speaker 3: cool person. I call him my normal like my dad.

597
00:37:31,320 --> 00:37:34,160
Speaker 3: You know, he's a good guy. He uh kind of

598
00:37:34,160 --> 00:37:38,719
Speaker 3: came into our lives when we were teenagers. But he

599
00:37:39,120 --> 00:37:41,560
Speaker 3: knows about it. He you know, my mom doesn't. I

600
00:37:41,560 --> 00:37:43,040
Speaker 3: guess she didn't. Obviously she's not going to keep it a

601
00:37:43,080 --> 00:37:45,120
Speaker 3: secret from her husband. But she did tell him and

602
00:37:45,160 --> 00:37:51,560
Speaker 3: he was okay with it. And yeah, it's just it's like,

603
00:37:52,920 --> 00:37:56,239
Speaker 3: I don't know how to like it's it happened so

604
00:37:56,320 --> 00:37:58,760
Speaker 3: long ago, and so it shouldn't even matter. Anymore, I guess,

605
00:37:58,840 --> 00:38:00,560
Speaker 3: but it does to me.

606
00:38:00,719 --> 00:38:04,200
Speaker 2: In a weird way interesting because I was wondering. I

607
00:38:04,239 --> 00:38:09,600
Speaker 2: was wondering, you know, well no, wait when you said yeah,

608
00:38:09,600 --> 00:38:11,440
Speaker 2: I was wondering, like, as you're telling me all this

609
00:38:11,520 --> 00:38:13,319
Speaker 2: and I know what happened about fifteen years ago, I

610
00:38:13,360 --> 00:38:15,879
Speaker 2: was wondering if you were telling this to me as

611
00:38:15,960 --> 00:38:20,759
Speaker 2: a you know, just an interesting anecdote about your life,

612
00:38:20,920 --> 00:38:24,319
Speaker 2: or if it was something that still, uh, you know,

613
00:38:24,440 --> 00:38:24,960
Speaker 2: plagues you.

614
00:38:27,239 --> 00:38:29,120
Speaker 3: I think it's a little bit of both, because you know,

615
00:38:29,120 --> 00:38:30,440
Speaker 3: it's kind of like a fun fact. I was like,

616
00:38:30,480 --> 00:38:32,600
Speaker 3: you know what, the therapy getical chat might want to

617
00:38:32,600 --> 00:38:38,000
Speaker 3: hear this, but yeah, no, I like it probably does

618
00:38:38,000 --> 00:38:40,680
Speaker 3: a little like that bothered me because nothing really terrible

619
00:38:40,800 --> 00:38:43,319
Speaker 3: happened to me because of what my mom did. It's

620
00:38:43,440 --> 00:38:49,120
Speaker 3: just the isolating experience of like the the perceptions of

621
00:38:49,160 --> 00:38:51,480
Speaker 3: other people. They're like, oh my god, your mom was

622
00:38:52,000 --> 00:38:55,400
Speaker 3: a hooker and she exposed you to other hookers, and

623
00:38:56,200 --> 00:38:59,759
Speaker 3: you know, I never saw like nothing. She'd never take

624
00:38:59,760 --> 00:39:01,920
Speaker 3: me on calls like I never there was nothing, nothing

625
00:39:01,960 --> 00:39:03,640
Speaker 3: like that. I'm sure that that has happened to a

626
00:39:03,680 --> 00:39:05,279
Speaker 3: lot of people, but that was not the case.

627
00:39:08,719 --> 00:39:09,000
Speaker 2: Hm.

628
00:39:09,040 --> 00:39:13,520
Speaker 3: But it's just the kind of assumption that like sex

629
00:39:13,560 --> 00:39:21,799
Speaker 3: workers are bad people, I guess just inherently. When do

630
00:39:21,880 --> 00:39:22,200
Speaker 3: I think of it?

631
00:39:23,480 --> 00:39:25,719
Speaker 2: From from what well, I was going to say, from

632
00:39:25,760 --> 00:39:27,520
Speaker 2: what you've told me. I like your mom a lot

633
00:39:27,560 --> 00:39:28,440
Speaker 2: more than your dad.

634
00:39:29,160 --> 00:39:34,319
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I think it's pretty cool. Like she did

635
00:39:34,320 --> 00:39:37,279
Speaker 3: what she did to keep us, you know, a roof

636
00:39:37,320 --> 00:39:41,560
Speaker 3: over her head, and we wanted from nothing, like we

637
00:39:41,600 --> 00:39:44,120
Speaker 3: didn't just have our knees, that we had the extra stuff.

638
00:39:44,160 --> 00:39:48,640
Speaker 2: And I don't know, And how's she doing now? Is she?

639
00:39:49,000 --> 00:39:50,959
Speaker 2: I mean, she seems like she's got a pretty good life.

640
00:39:50,960 --> 00:39:54,080
Speaker 2: It seems like this, uh now this, I mean he's

641
00:39:54,120 --> 00:39:58,120
Speaker 2: not a new guy, but your stepdad is a much

642
00:39:58,160 --> 00:40:00,040
Speaker 2: better guy for her than the guy who tried to

643
00:40:00,120 --> 00:40:06,880
Speaker 2: kill you guys. Absolutely, So, like is she happy and

644
00:40:07,160 --> 00:40:07,759
Speaker 2: living good?

645
00:40:09,200 --> 00:40:11,640
Speaker 3: She is? She at least I think she is. We

646
00:40:11,680 --> 00:40:13,880
Speaker 3: have some good talk. I mean, my childhood wasn't perfect.

647
00:40:13,920 --> 00:40:16,799
Speaker 3: There was some kind of like she you know, there

648
00:40:16,920 --> 00:40:20,320
Speaker 3: was things that happened that like probably weren't the best.

649
00:40:20,400 --> 00:40:23,640
Speaker 3: But like you know, not putting us in a regular school,

650
00:40:23,920 --> 00:40:26,640
Speaker 3: you know, that's that's created obstacles for me for getting

651
00:40:26,680 --> 00:40:29,239
Speaker 3: a job, because I don't have high school transcripts. But

652
00:40:29,320 --> 00:40:32,879
Speaker 3: like she's owned up to it, taken accountability for apologize.

653
00:40:34,480 --> 00:40:38,000
Speaker 3: But now she's I mean, she has a lovely life.

654
00:40:38,320 --> 00:40:44,000
Speaker 3: She makes cups, she sells, makes little craft cups, and

655
00:40:44,040 --> 00:40:45,640
Speaker 3: she you know, they go to craft fairs all the

656
00:40:45,680 --> 00:40:49,520
Speaker 3: time and you know, sells her like her little things.

657
00:40:49,600 --> 00:40:52,160
Speaker 3: And yeah, it's a pretty good life for her. My

658
00:40:52,200 --> 00:40:54,400
Speaker 3: sister's got kids and she's good grandma.

659
00:40:54,560 --> 00:40:59,600
Speaker 2: So she makes these cups, she goes to craft fairs.

660
00:41:00,400 --> 00:41:02,120
Speaker 3: Mm hmm, that's what she does.

661
00:41:02,800 --> 00:41:03,560
Speaker 2: That's pretty cool.

662
00:41:04,520 --> 00:41:06,240
Speaker 3: And she makes the cups and stuff.

663
00:41:06,800 --> 00:41:09,920
Speaker 2: Yeah, you're a sister. What's her whole deal with all this?

664
00:41:10,160 --> 00:41:13,960
Speaker 2: Is this still does she still think about it? And yeah,

665
00:41:13,960 --> 00:41:15,239
Speaker 2: what's her experience kind of been?

666
00:41:15,360 --> 00:41:21,040
Speaker 3: Like her experience was a little bit different than mine

667
00:41:21,880 --> 00:41:24,760
Speaker 3: because I was She's the oldest and I was the youngest.

668
00:41:24,800 --> 00:41:29,240
Speaker 3: So my sister, I'm not gonna get into her stuff.

669
00:41:29,280 --> 00:41:32,719
Speaker 3: But like some unsavory things happened, and so she doesn't

670
00:41:32,719 --> 00:41:34,919
Speaker 3: really like to talk about it, you know, she kind

671
00:41:34,920 --> 00:41:39,279
Speaker 3: of they all just my mom and my brother, they

672
00:41:39,280 --> 00:41:40,880
Speaker 3: all just kind of moved on. And I'm like, I

673
00:41:40,880 --> 00:41:43,400
Speaker 3: don't know why I'm still stuck in the past. Like

674
00:41:43,840 --> 00:41:45,480
Speaker 3: because it's like I'm not ashamed of it, and I

675
00:41:45,520 --> 00:41:47,680
Speaker 3: think that I had a pretty good experience. I think

676
00:41:47,680 --> 00:41:52,319
Speaker 3: I'm a well rounded person because of those experiences, like

677
00:41:52,360 --> 00:41:56,600
Speaker 3: I was exposed to, especially back in the day. I

678
00:41:56,600 --> 00:41:59,600
Speaker 3: don't know if anyone remembers the early two thousands of

679
00:41:59,680 --> 00:42:03,040
Speaker 3: how you know, anti gay stuff was like how people

680
00:42:03,080 --> 00:42:06,840
Speaker 3: were pretty homophobic, and I was exposed to that. It

681
00:42:06,880 --> 00:42:10,640
Speaker 3: was just it was completely normal for me. And then,

682
00:42:11,200 --> 00:42:15,520
Speaker 3: like you know, I learned a lot, and I just

683
00:42:15,520 --> 00:42:18,879
Speaker 3: feel like there's not a really like a safe place

684
00:42:18,920 --> 00:42:21,520
Speaker 3: to like talk about it and like not feel the

685
00:42:21,719 --> 00:42:24,760
Speaker 3: like obligatory like I have to express how that's probably

686
00:42:24,760 --> 00:42:26,600
Speaker 3: not the best thing or whatever. I just want to

687
00:42:26,640 --> 00:42:30,200
Speaker 3: talk about it in my experience. I don't know, I'm rambling.

688
00:42:30,239 --> 00:42:31,000
Speaker 3: I'm so sorry.

689
00:42:31,400 --> 00:42:33,920
Speaker 2: Well, it's like I don't know, I just keep thinking

690
00:42:33,920 --> 00:42:40,439
Speaker 2: about the comparison, because I mean, you know, you're talking

691
00:42:40,480 --> 00:42:45,680
Speaker 2: about when we're talking about like I guess bad childhoods

692
00:42:45,800 --> 00:42:48,400
Speaker 2: or like bad I guess we're talking about like like parenting,

693
00:42:49,400 --> 00:42:53,440
Speaker 2: like the sort of what is good or bad parenting,

694
00:42:54,200 --> 00:42:58,120
Speaker 2: It's like, well, at the very if we compare your

695
00:42:58,120 --> 00:43:00,719
Speaker 2: mom to your dad, your mom did did pretty well.

696
00:43:00,760 --> 00:43:05,520
Speaker 2: By you, you know, so so if if if the

697
00:43:05,680 --> 00:43:11,239
Speaker 2: standard of a bad parent is to you know, set

698
00:43:11,280 --> 00:43:18,360
Speaker 2: their children on fire, I think that you know, you're

699
00:43:18,400 --> 00:43:20,800
Speaker 2: you had a pretty good mom and you still have

700
00:43:20,840 --> 00:43:22,799
Speaker 2: a good relationship with her, and you seem like you

701
00:43:22,800 --> 00:43:25,680
Speaker 2: have a good life, so you know, as long as

702
00:43:25,719 --> 00:43:30,279
Speaker 2: you're happy with uh, your relationship with her and how

703
00:43:30,280 --> 00:43:32,440
Speaker 2: everything turned out that I I don't know if it

704
00:43:32,480 --> 00:43:37,640
Speaker 2: matters so much what uh you know other people think, Yeah, you.

705
00:43:37,680 --> 00:43:40,160
Speaker 3: Think that that's like the answer, right, and it should be.

706
00:43:40,360 --> 00:43:44,320
Speaker 3: It's correct. It's just like that lingering feeling of shame

707
00:43:44,640 --> 00:43:49,200
Speaker 3: is still there for some reason, and I don't know

708
00:43:49,200 --> 00:43:49,720
Speaker 3: how to get.

709
00:43:49,640 --> 00:43:51,480
Speaker 2: Rid of it. And I don't know why have you

710
00:43:51,520 --> 00:43:53,920
Speaker 2: ever talked to a real therapist about this?

711
00:43:54,960 --> 00:43:55,399
Speaker 1: I have?

712
00:43:56,280 --> 00:43:57,000
Speaker 2: What did they say?

713
00:43:57,960 --> 00:44:00,480
Speaker 3: I this is gonna sound terrible, but I have opened

714
00:44:00,520 --> 00:44:04,600
Speaker 3: up about that part because because I'm like, what if.

715
00:44:06,560 --> 00:44:08,680
Speaker 2: When you say that part, do you mean just do

716
00:44:08,680 --> 00:44:12,600
Speaker 2: you mean everything we've we've been talking about?

717
00:44:12,680 --> 00:44:18,960
Speaker 3: Yeah, really like not everything, Like I'll dance around it.

718
00:44:19,239 --> 00:44:22,000
Speaker 3: I won't. I'll just it's not I don't. It's lying

719
00:44:22,000 --> 00:44:25,120
Speaker 3: by omission. So like I'll talk about experiences like oh,

720
00:44:25,200 --> 00:44:27,400
Speaker 3: I'll say I had an underworth it out of childhood.

721
00:44:27,880 --> 00:44:30,319
Speaker 3: I just homeschooled, and I'll just kind of dance around that.

722
00:44:30,719 --> 00:44:33,480
Speaker 2: Why do you have I'm curious. I'm very curious as

723
00:44:33,480 --> 00:44:35,920
Speaker 2: to why you avoid talking about it with your real therapist,

724
00:44:35,960 --> 00:44:39,799
Speaker 2: but yet you're you feel comfortable talking about it in

725
00:44:39,840 --> 00:44:43,359
Speaker 2: front of you know, ten thousand internet strangers.

726
00:44:43,880 --> 00:44:47,040
Speaker 3: I think it's because I've watched your stream for really

727
00:44:47,040 --> 00:44:49,800
Speaker 3: a long time and I've heard people call in and like,

728
00:44:50,120 --> 00:44:53,640
Speaker 3: you know, tell you really insane things about their life

729
00:44:53,640 --> 00:44:56,200
Speaker 3: and that you know, I don't just look for your reaction.

730
00:44:56,520 --> 00:44:59,080
Speaker 3: I like the chat isn't really good about you know,

731
00:44:59,160 --> 00:45:03,600
Speaker 3: not being digs for the most part. Uh and so,

732
00:45:03,719 --> 00:45:06,600
Speaker 3: and there's like that vale of anonymity. You're not going

733
00:45:06,680 --> 00:45:10,120
Speaker 3: to know who I am, Like like I could say

734
00:45:10,120 --> 00:45:12,279
Speaker 3: it and then just like it's like a confessional, you know.

735
00:45:13,480 --> 00:45:16,120
Speaker 2: So, I mean, as your therapist provided you with anything

736
00:45:16,120 --> 00:45:19,799
Speaker 2: helpful even out of the lack of information you've given

737
00:45:19,840 --> 00:45:20,279
Speaker 2: them on this.

738
00:45:21,080 --> 00:45:24,920
Speaker 3: Oh absolutely absolutely, I'm a better person for therapy. But

739
00:45:24,960 --> 00:45:27,080
Speaker 3: I know the big thing is that you've got to

740
00:45:27,080 --> 00:45:29,719
Speaker 3: be really honest with your therapist. And I should absolutely

741
00:45:29,760 --> 00:45:32,160
Speaker 3: talk to this talk to my therapist about this but

742
00:45:32,160 --> 00:45:34,200
Speaker 3: it's just that shame. You know what I'm talking about.

743
00:45:34,200 --> 00:45:34,440
Speaker 1: I don't.

744
00:45:34,480 --> 00:45:36,080
Speaker 3: I don't even know why it's there, and so I

745
00:45:36,080 --> 00:45:37,400
Speaker 3: should I should absolutely do that.

746
00:45:38,160 --> 00:45:43,799
Speaker 2: Mm hmm. Good. I'm glad to hear that. Yeah, yeah,

747
00:45:43,960 --> 00:45:47,319
Speaker 2: you know. I I hope, I hope that this that

748
00:45:47,440 --> 00:45:50,040
Speaker 2: you know, talking about all this stuff was helpful for you.

749
00:45:50,120 --> 00:45:53,560
Speaker 2: Thanks for telling us all about this stuff. It's certainly

750
00:45:53,719 --> 00:45:58,000
Speaker 2: very very fascinating. I hope you know, uh, you know,

751
00:45:58,000 --> 00:46:00,879
Speaker 2: anytime someone is talking about something and like this that's

752
00:46:01,000 --> 00:46:04,319
Speaker 2: uh personal to them, I'm I hope, I hope you

753
00:46:04,360 --> 00:46:05,880
Speaker 2: I hope you've got to benefit out of it of

754
00:46:05,920 --> 00:46:14,160
Speaker 2: some kind cathartic or mm hmmm. So, and how is

755
00:46:14,200 --> 00:46:18,319
Speaker 2: your brother doing. He's cool, your mom's cool. It's just

756
00:46:18,400 --> 00:46:19,200
Speaker 2: you and your sister.

757
00:46:20,440 --> 00:46:25,399
Speaker 3: Yeah, my brother's doing great, guys, motorcycle. He's living his life.

758
00:46:25,440 --> 00:46:27,120
Speaker 3: He doesn't really have kids. I don't have kids either.

759
00:46:28,760 --> 00:46:31,840
Speaker 3: My sister's got kids. And I don't know. He's seems happy.

760
00:46:32,200 --> 00:46:33,880
Speaker 3: I'm sure he's got his own life stuff. No one

761
00:46:33,920 --> 00:46:35,880
Speaker 3: can truly I get. I don't want to say happy content.

762
00:46:36,000 --> 00:46:42,040
Speaker 3: I guess m hm, he's not, you know, struggling with

763
00:46:42,239 --> 00:46:43,640
Speaker 3: addiction or anything.

764
00:46:43,680 --> 00:46:43,880
Speaker 1: Like that.

765
00:46:43,960 --> 00:46:49,560
Speaker 3: I'm not struggle with addiction besides nicotine, and my sister's

766
00:46:49,560 --> 00:46:52,920
Speaker 3: the same, So I mean we're pretty good. I think you.

767
00:46:52,920 --> 00:46:55,960
Speaker 2: Gotta keep Look, dude, I'm a big fan of lowering

768
00:46:56,080 --> 00:47:00,719
Speaker 2: the uh what would you call it? Lowering the standards?

769
00:47:01,400 --> 00:47:01,640
Speaker 3: You know.

770
00:47:01,960 --> 00:47:05,520
Speaker 2: I think if you're not addicted to drugs and killing people,

771
00:47:06,760 --> 00:47:09,239
Speaker 2: you're doing pretty all right in this world.

772
00:47:09,600 --> 00:47:12,920
Speaker 3: I think so.

773
00:47:13,440 --> 00:47:15,640
Speaker 2: Yeah, of course. What's your name again?

774
00:47:16,640 --> 00:47:17,080
Speaker 3: Ashley?

775
00:47:17,840 --> 00:47:21,560
Speaker 2: Ashley? Ashley, Ashley, Ashley. I'm gonna cut that party, you

776
00:47:21,600 --> 00:47:22,600
Speaker 2: know what. No, I'm gonna keep it in.

777
00:47:23,000 --> 00:47:24,720
Speaker 3: No, keep it. It's important.

778
00:47:25,960 --> 00:47:28,840
Speaker 2: Well, Ashley, is there anything else you wanna say to

779
00:47:28,920 --> 00:47:30,560
Speaker 2: the fund? There was one other question I was going

780
00:47:30,640 --> 00:47:35,040
Speaker 2: to ask you. I fucking forgot what it was. We're

781
00:47:35,040 --> 00:47:37,359
Speaker 2: gonna keep this part into Ashley, is there anything else

782
00:47:37,360 --> 00:47:38,600
Speaker 2: you want to say to the people of the computer

783
00:47:38,680 --> 00:47:39,239
Speaker 2: before we go?

784
00:47:42,440 --> 00:47:47,640
Speaker 3: Y'all be good to yourself, I guess, and that'll be

785
00:47:47,680 --> 00:47:48,040
Speaker 3: good to me.

786
00:47:48,920 --> 00:47:49,480
Speaker 1: And thank you.

787
00:47:50,480 --> 00:47:51,080
Speaker 2: Bye, Ashley?

788
00:47:51,640 --> 00:47:52,239
Speaker 3: All right, bye.

789
00:47:58,520 --> 00:48:05,080
Speaker 2: See. I should start my own and uh business of

790
00:48:05,320 --> 00:48:12,120
Speaker 2: gecko escorts. I don't know what they would do. I

791
00:48:12,120 --> 00:48:13,800
Speaker 2: don't know if it would be a sex thing. It

792
00:48:13,880 --> 00:48:16,960
Speaker 2: might just be like a you can hang out with

793
00:48:17,160 --> 00:48:22,759
Speaker 2: somebody in a gecko costume. Yeah, that'll I'm gonna do that.

794
00:48:23,560 --> 00:48:27,680
Speaker 2: Never goes on the line taking your phone calls every night,

795
00:48:28,040 --> 00:48:31,120
Speaker 2: never goes to a a ride. He's teaching you aloud

796
00:48:31,160 --> 00:48:34,759
Speaker 2: to them of your life, but he's not really an expert.