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Speaker 1: This is Cowboy Sam and this is Yeh John. And

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Speaker 1: we've last owed in some amazing stories for y'all the

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Speaker 1: Okay Storytime podcasts. But before that we got a wrangle,

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Speaker 1: a quick little two minute outbreak from those bucking sponsors.

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Speaker 1: We bucking love so much they're paying us the bucks

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Speaker 1: to help this show stay alive. I feel like my

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Speaker 1: husband is making me compete with his partner. My husband,

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Speaker 1: Dan forty male and I thirty four female, have been

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Speaker 1: married for five years and together for eleven years. We

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Speaker 1: were monogamous until September of twenty twenty five when he

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Speaker 1: told me that he believed he may be polyamorous, and

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Speaker 1: he asked me to open our marriage. By the way,

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Speaker 1: this comes from users Psychological t twenty seventy six. And

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Speaker 1: if you want to submit your own stories, go to

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Speaker 1: the r slash Okay Storytime subbured it.

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Speaker 2: I'm Dakota and I'm Megan Dirty. Hi.

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Speaker 3: Welcome Meghan for being a special guest today. She is

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Speaker 3: a first generation South Asian stand up comedian and writer

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Speaker 3: who got her start in Chicago back.

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Speaker 2: In Chicago, Chicago.

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Speaker 3: And is now based in Los Angeles. She's written for

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Speaker 3: the New Yorker Reductress and the Onion what works in

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Speaker 3: TV and film and projects at Amazon and is currently

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Speaker 3: touring her hour. She's so prude and off stage, she's

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Speaker 3: a political economy researcher at Harvard Kennedy School. Thank you

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Speaker 3: so much for being here.

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Speaker 2: Eh, that makes me sound so smart. Word there we go. Also,

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Speaker 2: I love that in the question she mentioned September twenty

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Speaker 2: twenty five, And that's how you know this is like

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Speaker 2: traumatic because she has like an exact chase, the exact

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Speaker 2: she's like on September eleventh. No, she's had a bad Yeah,

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Speaker 2: September is not a good month for her.

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Speaker 1: Oh P says I was excited at the prospect of

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Speaker 1: the new adventure, so I agreed. We had struggled with

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Speaker 1: intimacy issues for years. I wanted the spot to sleep

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Speaker 1: all the time, and he rarely wanted it. He felt

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Speaker 1: bad about rejecting me, and I felt undesirable. He told

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Speaker 1: me that spicy sleep was fun for him, but it

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Speaker 1: wasn't a top priority like it was for me, and

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Speaker 1: he had considered offering to let me be ethically non

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Speaker 1: monogamous while he stayed monogamous. I warned him that while

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Speaker 1: I would have fun being spacy with others. I craved

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Speaker 1: intimacy with him. I was willing to try opening up

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Speaker 1: our marriage and seeing if that would scratch my itch.

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Speaker 1: Since we opened our marriage, we have had spasi sleep

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Speaker 1: with each other twice, the last time being in early November.

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Speaker 1: At first, we took things slow. We pursued ethical non

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Speaker 1: monogamy subreddits and wrote an agreement. Our agreement included disclosure,

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Speaker 1: prioritizing our relationship over others, and closing the relationship if necessary.

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Speaker 1: See now, I think that that's so unrealistic.

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Speaker 2: What part of that just.

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Speaker 1: That it's like closing the relationship if necessary, Because it's

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Speaker 1: like if one person does want it to stay open

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Speaker 1: and the other person does it, it doesn't really matter

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Speaker 1: if you wrote it down on a piece of paper

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Speaker 1: three months ago. Everything is messed up now.

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Speaker 2: I also think it's unfair if like you're already seeing

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Speaker 2: somebody at that time, Like you can't just close it now,

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Speaker 2: like other people's feel feelings are involved. You can't just

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Speaker 2: like executive order.

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Speaker 1: Right because now we've got the the whole town is

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Speaker 1: involved in now. Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Now there's multiple people, there's plot threads. You can't just

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Speaker 2: like switch it off.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, low key. Honestly, it sounds like your husband is

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Speaker 1: just like low key. I don't think I'm into my wife.

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Speaker 1: Maybe I'm polyamorous, that's what I just read.

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Speaker 2: I don't know. Sometimes I feel like we put a

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Speaker 2: lot of pressure on people to like be turned on

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Speaker 2: all the time, Like, yeah, you're going through phase where

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Speaker 2: you're not so horny, Like is that so bad that

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Speaker 2: you have to be pollyed?

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Speaker 1: The mood only strikes me literally once in a blue moon,

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Speaker 1: so that's I don't know how what is that like

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Speaker 1: eight months? How long is that eight months for you? Yeah? Months,

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Speaker 1: blue moon? Eight months? That's it only strikes me when

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Speaker 1: I drink blue Moon No.

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Speaker 2: No More, which is which is every minute of every day.

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Speaker 1: We created accounts on Field at the end of September.

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Speaker 2: I don't know what that is Field Field. Here we go.

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Speaker 1: This is the story really, because that is that like

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Speaker 1: an app for people to like check in with their

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Speaker 1: feelings all the time or something? What is that?

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Speaker 3: No?

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Speaker 2: Field is a dating app, and it's like it's honestly

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Speaker 2: a great app. It's like everyone's just like really upfront

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Speaker 2: about exactly what they want, Okay, look in like a

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Speaker 2: very direct way, like someone's like, I want to go

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Speaker 2: to second base only and I want it with a guy.

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Speaker 2: Whatever you want. You could be like very direct on

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Speaker 2: there and other people find you. And also people use

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Speaker 2: like nicknames and not they're like interesting. You see a

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Speaker 2: lot of poly couples on there.

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Speaker 1: Just give people ads like I'm looking to go to

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Speaker 1: second base with Helen Mirren exclusively. If you is she

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Speaker 1: still alive? She is? She's still alive.

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Speaker 2: Someone knock on somewhere.

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Speaker 1: You're on this app hell and I'm looking for you.

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Speaker 2: There was one that was like, if you look like

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Speaker 2: any of the characters from F one, DM DM me,

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Speaker 2: and I was like, that's pretty good. That's a good

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Speaker 2: range to.

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Speaker 1: Anyone on the movie F one. It's open if you

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Speaker 1: look like Brad or you talk about the pit lane, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: the Brad.

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Speaker 2: Pit lane, the red plane.

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Speaker 1: I'm ready to work the pit okay. In November, two

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Speaker 1: months after this all started, things shifted. I had bad

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Speaker 1: luck dating. I could get tons of first dates, but

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Speaker 1: I struggled to get second dates.

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Speaker 2: Ooh, red Flag baby.

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Speaker 1: Didn't that working out well? But that's for you. You

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Speaker 1: didn't initiate it, though there was your husband who initiated.

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Speaker 1: I have friends with benefits, but no one else that

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Speaker 1: I have met for a first date will see me again.

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Speaker 1: I send my dates a text after the first date

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Speaker 1: to say I really enjoyed myself and look forward to

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Speaker 1: going out again, and then I wait days or weeks

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Speaker 1: before sending a second one if I get no response,

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Speaker 1: So I don't pester people. I have been ghosted or

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Speaker 1: stood up multiple times.

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Speaker 2: WHOA which hurts. Imagine being married and still having to

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Speaker 2: go through rejection like you're in middle school.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, oh, you're getting rejected by your husband. And also

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Speaker 1: the people.

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Speaker 2: He was like, Oh, that's hurtful, man, that's hurtful.

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Speaker 1: At the end of November, Dan met a new partner, Sandy,

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Speaker 1: twenty seven female. Are they forty? Wait? Oh wait, waitah wait?

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Speaker 2: What's their original age?

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Speaker 1: Dan's forty op is thirty four? Okay, okay, Starting to

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Speaker 1: get the feeling, start.

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Speaker 2: To catch the feel interesting.

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Speaker 1: Sandy is married, but they have been non monogamous from

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Speaker 1: the very beginning. She is a partial paraplegic, so she

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Speaker 1: is in a wheelchair. Dan and Sandy clicked immediately and

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Speaker 1: texted every day. She showed up multiple times to our

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Speaker 1: house when I was at work, and Dan told me

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Speaker 1: about this after the fact and only if I asked,

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Speaker 1: which is not the agreement.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it's not not at all. You're already going against

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Speaker 2: the agreement.

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Speaker 1: At first, I didn't let it bother me. I had

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Speaker 1: told him that I trust his judgment when it comes

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Speaker 1: to having people over and didn't need to preapprove visitors

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Speaker 1: like he did. He allowed Sandy to enter our master bedroom,

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Speaker 1: which was off limits per are agreement.

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Speaker 2: Oh no, no, he is so messing this up, like

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Speaker 2: your wife is allowing you to see other people and

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Speaker 2: you can't even come on, dude, get it together.

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Speaker 1: There's no respect here.

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Speaker 2: The bar is so low, like don't bring her into

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Speaker 2: your mosk.

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Speaker 1: He's just gonna be like bpe. We didn't get that notarized.

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Speaker 1: I know he made an agreement, but legally it's non binding.

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Speaker 2: No, I would sue him.

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Speaker 1: You should find a partner who's a notary and then

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Speaker 1: we can make this official. Her wheelchair cannot fit through

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Speaker 1: our guest bathroom door. So really, he's just eighty a compliant,

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Speaker 1: that's all. He's a babe. We have to be eighty

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Speaker 1: a compliment where she was gonna sue me.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, that was all was going on that is the one. Okay, yes, okay.

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Speaker 1: Out of any of the excuses you could possibly had.

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Speaker 1: That was pretty It was pretty good.

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Speaker 2: But also like you should have let her know, you

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Speaker 2: know what I mean, you could you should just be like, hey,

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Speaker 2: like just so you know, we're going too this bedroom.

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Speaker 2: But like because of this, you know what I mean.

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Speaker 2: It shouldn't be like a secret. It shouldn't be.

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Speaker 1: Because yeah, it was full discussion.

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Speaker 2: You'd have to investigate to find that out. Should be

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Speaker 2: very like up front.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, apparently our master bedroom door is wide enough for

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Speaker 1: her chair to fit through, and she can maneuver from

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Speaker 1: her chair onto the toilette in our master bedroom. It

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Speaker 1: bothered me that she was allowed into our bedroom, but

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Speaker 1: I didn't want to deny her the use of a toilet.

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Speaker 1: During December, Sandy told Dan that her life day is

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Speaker 1: the day that she beat the specter of death. It

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Speaker 1: happened to be New Year's Eve. She planned to throw

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Speaker 1: a party, but she doubted most of her friends would

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Speaker 1: show up because they had other New Year's Eve plans.

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Speaker 1: Oh thought she's partial paraplegic because of some accident that happened,

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Speaker 1: and maybe it happened on New Year's Eve and she survived.

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Speaker 2: Oh okay, got it, got it, got it. So it's

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Speaker 2: an important day for.

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Speaker 1: Right, Yeah, that's like her life celebration day.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, Dan wanted to go and invited me along. I

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Speaker 1: pointed out that she was manipulating him with this guilt trip.

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Speaker 1: I also pointed out that in eleven years, he has

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Speaker 1: never wanted to go out with me on New Year's Eve.

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Speaker 1: Two bars, restaurants, or parties. Yeah, he said that it

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Speaker 1: wasn't a New Year's Eve party. It was a party

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Speaker 1: that happened to be on New Year's Eve.

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Speaker 2: Bro, shut up, No, don't say that now. That is manipulative.

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Speaker 2: That is manipulative.

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Speaker 1: Just break up with this dude. He sucks.

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Speaker 2: No, he sucks.

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Speaker 1: Please. For eleven years, he didn't do anything with you

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Speaker 1: on New Year's and now Sandy comes along. I almost

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Speaker 1: said rose along, and I had to let that out.

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Speaker 1: I had. It didn't seem like I would see him

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Speaker 1: on New Year's Eve if I didn't go, so I

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Speaker 1: agreed to attend.

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Speaker 2: Dude, that is so messed up. Now you put her

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Speaker 2: in this situation where she can't she's uncomfortable. Yeah, and

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Speaker 2: you're like, okay with your wife being uncomfortable.

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Speaker 1: None of this so too, none of it.

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Speaker 2: He's a loser. Dump him.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, dude, this guy's Beck Yeah, because of this, just

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Speaker 1: because of the song. I'm a fan of beck Beck.

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Speaker 1: Hit me up. He made the song loser.

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Speaker 2: Oh that's right.

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Speaker 1: On December twenty sixth, Dan went to Sandy's house for

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Speaker 1: date night. I was home alone, but I started specially

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Speaker 1: texting somebody on field and I got a little tipsy.

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Speaker 1: When Dan came home, I tried to initiate spicy to

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Speaker 1: sleep with him. However, he could not get aroused. The

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Speaker 1: next day I discovered that he had a spicy kiss,

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Speaker 1: which I g is a mark. He had kiss mark

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Speaker 1: from Sandy. What do we call it? We call it

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Speaker 1: suck mark. Yeah. We'll say that Dan had been bothered

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Speaker 1: in the past when my friend with benefits did the

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Speaker 1: same thing. In fact, he said that he did not

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Speaker 1: want visible reminders that I had been with other men.

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Speaker 1: Then y'all are not built for this, yeah arrangement.

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Speaker 2: It literally that is the you don't want visible evidence,

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Speaker 2: she's visible evidence.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, Like, straight up, every time you are with Sandy,

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Speaker 1: you got visible evidence that your partner could be doing

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Speaker 1: the same thing with someone else.

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Speaker 2: Because you have not done the work.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. So my thing with Polly is that it's like,

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Speaker 1: and I think this situation is a little different because

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Speaker 1: it sounds like they might have already been in like

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Speaker 1: kind of a bad, languishing kind of relationship. Yeah, but

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Speaker 1: even that is also the contests like oh things are

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Speaker 1: going bad, maybe we just need to open our marriage.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, likea decisions when people are like, oh, things are

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Speaker 2: going bad, let's have a baby, right, It's like, no, yeah,

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Speaker 2: it doesn't work. You're actually bringing more people now into

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Speaker 2: your problem.

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Speaker 1: You know what I mean exactly. It's just you're just

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Speaker 1: spreading the mess up.

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Speaker 2: The only other person you should be seeing is a

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Speaker 2: couple's counselor boom. That's it.

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Speaker 1: I pointed out his suck marks more than once, but

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Speaker 1: Dan ignored me. He decided to gleefully tell me that

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Speaker 1: her paraplegia did not extend to her genitate, and I

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Speaker 1: expressed open discomfort at knowing this info.

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Speaker 2: No, wait, did they have an agreement about whether they

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Speaker 2: could discuss stuff.

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Speaker 1: I think the agreement was it's like, we're not going

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Speaker 1: to discuss anything, and we're going to just let the

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Speaker 1: other person know what's going on.

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Speaker 2: This is what friends are for. Like, why would you

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Speaker 2: not call up a friend and tell them that, why

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Speaker 2: would you tell your wife that?

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Speaker 3: Yeah?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, ye yay.

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Speaker 2: It's honestly like, I feel like she's really trying and

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Speaker 2: he is like kind of messing up on every front.

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Speaker 1: It feels almost on purpose. I really feel like he

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Speaker 1: started this because he was like, maybe she won't be

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Speaker 1: down when I offer this will break up And then

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Speaker 1: she's like, yeah, yeah, we'll do it. And he's like,

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Speaker 1: oh god, okay, well maybe if I do it and

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Speaker 1: then I literally throw it in her face right then

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Speaker 1: maybe she'll break up with me.

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Speaker 2: No, this is like how to lose a guy wife

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Speaker 2: in ten days. Yeah, that's the plot. The act one

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Speaker 2: is he's like, she's gonna break up with me. She's

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Speaker 2: still not breaking up with me.

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Speaker 1: Why won't she do it? I even made a joke.

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Speaker 2: Oh my god, it's not working.

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Speaker 3: People are saying, say love bite.

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Speaker 1: Okay one more time though, suck mark okay.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, shout out to all the marks.

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Speaker 2: Love bite. That is way sweeter.

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Speaker 1: So New Year's Eve rulled around. Dan told me that

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Speaker 1: Sandy wanted to kiss him at midnight, even though her

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Speaker 1: own spouse would be there.

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Speaker 2: Of course she does.

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Speaker 1: Andy told her that she'd have to get in line. Well,

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Speaker 1: there's one little nugget of support there. I guess this is.

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Speaker 2: Like triggering me the similar situation. That's so annoying. Get

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Speaker 2: in line. Now you're being rude to both of them.

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Speaker 1: It should just be me. It should just it should

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Speaker 1: It's not even just I don't know.

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Speaker 2: I just sort of feel like, if you're gonna spend

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Speaker 2: years whethers don't like try to do both.

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Speaker 1: I guess like, yeah, if you're going to the New

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Speaker 1: Year's party at Sandy's, just go, so probably don't because

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Speaker 1: your partner was like, Hi, ah, I'd love to do

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Speaker 1: something on New Year. Yeah, for the first time in

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Speaker 1: eleven years, that'd be nice.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: The party was at Sandy's apartment and we were the

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Speaker 1: first to arrive.

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Speaker 2: Oh my god. Why. I mean, I guess like it

301
00:12:59,320 --> 00:13:01,960
Speaker 2: makes sense the boyfriend like he should get there and

302
00:13:02,000 --> 00:13:03,480
Speaker 2: help her set up. It's her party.

303
00:13:03,640 --> 00:13:06,360
Speaker 1: Yeah, but she's already married, she's got her husband. Dudes,

304
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Speaker 1: I presume doing the same thing.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Maybe he was like, can you call your guy and put.

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Speaker 2: Him all in a group chat. I feel like they're

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00:13:13,120 --> 00:13:13,839
Speaker 2: not talking to.

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00:13:13,800 --> 00:13:17,240
Speaker 1: Each other since Sandy is wheelchair bound. Her spouse handled

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Speaker 1: all the cooking and waited on all the guests. Sandy

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Speaker 1: parked her chair next to the couch and Dan sat

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Speaker 1: down and immediately put his hand on her knee. I

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Speaker 1: awkwardly sat next to him, and he put his other

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Speaker 1: hand on my knee.

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Speaker 2: No wait, but do you think he's like we're like

316
00:13:33,160 --> 00:13:34,840
Speaker 2: judging him, But do you think he's like the happiest

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Speaker 2: he's ever been in that He's like he's like.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, like a like a like a king sitting on

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Speaker 1: a throne, both of his hands out.

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Speaker 2: This is like the epitome of his life where he's like, wow, too,

321
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Speaker 2: beautiful woman, that is his iron, and then everything's gonna

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Speaker 2: go downhill.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, starting the year right, Yeah.

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Speaker 2: He's so happy and we're like, oh.

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Speaker 1: God, ah yeah yeah. More guests arrived and I talked

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Speaker 1: to them while the three of us were seated in

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00:14:00,480 --> 00:14:04,280
Speaker 1: this configuration, like, oh, you put like a yemmachos, like

328
00:14:04,360 --> 00:14:05,920
Speaker 1: you're like a megazord a twister.

329
00:14:06,160 --> 00:14:07,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's twister.

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Speaker 1: During the conversation, I looked over and they were both gone.

331
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Speaker 1: Sandy was just a magician the whole time. She was

332
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Speaker 1: never real The story Dan gave me was that Sandy

333
00:14:16,760 --> 00:14:19,760
Speaker 1: was overwhelmed by all the people and so was he,

334
00:14:19,960 --> 00:14:23,000
Speaker 1: so they took a minute to breathe. I was extremely uncomfortable,

335
00:14:23,080 --> 00:14:25,560
Speaker 1: so we decided to leave. Around eleven. Sandy gave out

336
00:14:25,640 --> 00:14:27,560
Speaker 1: letters that she had written to all of the party

337
00:14:27,600 --> 00:14:30,480
Speaker 1: guests earlier in the week while she was wasted, and

338
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Speaker 1: Dan planted a goodbye kiss on her in front of me.

339
00:14:33,520 --> 00:14:37,280
Speaker 1: I blurted out, that was weird, and then we left. Wait.

340
00:14:37,360 --> 00:14:39,760
Speaker 2: I love her for saying that that was weird. Sometimes

341
00:14:39,800 --> 00:14:41,000
Speaker 2: you just got to say that.

342
00:14:40,720 --> 00:14:42,520
Speaker 1: That was weird. You did that, that was weird.

343
00:14:42,600 --> 00:14:45,240
Speaker 2: Let's go we should just say that more. That was weird. Yeah,

344
00:14:45,680 --> 00:14:47,280
Speaker 2: pulled out time out. That was weird.

345
00:14:47,480 --> 00:14:50,080
Speaker 1: That was weird. You just did. We should let's all

346
00:14:50,160 --> 00:14:52,640
Speaker 1: do that please this year. That was weird, and then

347
00:14:52,720 --> 00:14:56,239
Speaker 1: just calmly move forward. On New Year's Day, I explained

348
00:14:56,320 --> 00:14:59,360
Speaker 1: to Dan how uncomfortable I was, and I suggested that

349
00:14:59,480 --> 00:15:03,560
Speaker 1: we not meet metamores at their homes in the future.

350
00:15:03,720 --> 00:15:06,400
Speaker 1: You agreed, couldn't you have agreed to that before the party? Dan?

351
00:15:06,920 --> 00:15:07,320
Speaker 2: Yeah?

352
00:15:07,440 --> 00:15:08,280
Speaker 1: You really knowing?

353
00:15:08,400 --> 00:15:11,040
Speaker 2: He put her in like a situation that really just

354
00:15:11,040 --> 00:15:13,560
Speaker 2: like no matter even if he was on his best behavior,

355
00:15:13,720 --> 00:15:15,280
Speaker 2: it just still would have hurt her feelings, you know

356
00:15:15,320 --> 00:15:17,200
Speaker 2: what I mean, Like it was just a recipe for disaster.

357
00:15:17,400 --> 00:15:22,280
Speaker 1: It's just there's not enough room for that. I'm sorry, weird, you.

358
00:15:22,240 --> 00:15:25,360
Speaker 2: Got overwhelmed by the people. This is your party, girl,

359
00:15:25,440 --> 00:15:27,800
Speaker 2: What are you talking about? Like you should be out

360
00:15:27,840 --> 00:15:30,440
Speaker 2: and about mingling with your Can you get overwhelmed at

361
00:15:30,480 --> 00:15:31,160
Speaker 2: your own party?

362
00:15:31,320 --> 00:15:31,800
Speaker 1: Yeah?

363
00:15:31,880 --> 00:15:33,480
Speaker 2: I can see that, Oh totally. But then it's like,

364
00:15:33,480 --> 00:15:35,320
Speaker 2: why are you throwing in your Like what did you think?

365
00:15:35,360 --> 00:15:37,920
Speaker 1: What happen? Sometimes you just got to lock in, right, you're.

366
00:15:37,920 --> 00:15:40,080
Speaker 2: Get host parties. That's why I don't throw a party.

367
00:15:40,200 --> 00:15:42,480
Speaker 2: But as we can see, these people are making decisions

368
00:15:42,560 --> 00:15:44,360
Speaker 2: that are not correct for them.

369
00:15:44,400 --> 00:15:46,840
Speaker 1: That's okay, yes, very much. So. I was supposed to

370
00:15:46,840 --> 00:15:49,240
Speaker 1: have a first date that night, but he stood me up.

371
00:15:50,040 --> 00:15:52,760
Speaker 2: No, what is going on with her? Is she maybe

372
00:15:52,760 --> 00:15:53,760
Speaker 2: she's coming on too strong?

373
00:15:53,880 --> 00:15:54,080
Speaker 1: Yeah?

374
00:15:54,080 --> 00:15:55,000
Speaker 2: What do you think her?

375
00:15:55,360 --> 00:15:55,440
Speaker 1: Like?

376
00:15:55,480 --> 00:15:58,160
Speaker 2: How is she getting first? Like she's clearly attracted.

377
00:15:57,760 --> 00:15:59,880
Speaker 1: Like I feel like she like she maybe like she

378
00:16:00,000 --> 00:16:02,960
Speaker 1: an opening where it's like three paragraphs of like like

379
00:16:03,120 --> 00:16:06,280
Speaker 1: the agreement that they had that they wrote out.

380
00:16:06,480 --> 00:16:08,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, and it's just like maybe she talked too much

381
00:16:09,040 --> 00:16:11,080
Speaker 2: husband too much. Maybe she talks about Dan too much

382
00:16:11,400 --> 00:16:13,880
Speaker 2: and the other person's like, Okay, you're clearly.

383
00:16:13,560 --> 00:16:15,840
Speaker 1: Not Yeah, you're you're doing this just for Dan.

384
00:16:16,000 --> 00:16:18,440
Speaker 2: There's something she's doing that she's not realizing, because there's

385
00:16:18,480 --> 00:16:20,960
Speaker 2: no way you can get that many first eights phen nominee. Second,

386
00:16:21,040 --> 00:16:21,640
Speaker 2: you know what I mean.

387
00:16:21,840 --> 00:16:23,360
Speaker 1: No, I was about to say, check your breath, but

388
00:16:24,120 --> 00:16:26,040
Speaker 1: you got stood up, So I don't know. Unless it's

389
00:16:26,040 --> 00:16:28,200
Speaker 1: so bad they can smell through the phone, like in

390
00:16:28,200 --> 00:16:33,200
Speaker 1: this SpongeBob episode, it just wafts through. I'm ugly.

391
00:16:33,560 --> 00:16:33,800
Speaker 3: Yeah.

392
00:16:33,960 --> 00:16:37,280
Speaker 1: No, I took it hard, and Dan attempted to comfort

393
00:16:37,320 --> 00:16:39,640
Speaker 1: me but didn't feel like there was much he could do.

394
00:16:39,880 --> 00:16:42,640
Speaker 1: On the second, I made a mistake. When Dan was out,

395
00:16:42,680 --> 00:16:45,200
Speaker 1: I found the letter that Sandy wrote to him. Oh no.

396
00:16:45,720 --> 00:16:49,280
Speaker 1: She said that he loved her like she had never

397
00:16:49,320 --> 00:16:52,400
Speaker 1: been loved before, that loving him was like having her

398
00:16:52,440 --> 00:16:54,720
Speaker 1: own fairy tale, and that he was the piece that

399
00:16:54,840 --> 00:16:57,520
Speaker 1: was missing from her life and that she can't wait

400
00:16:57,600 --> 00:17:00,200
Speaker 1: to be part of there forever. In all ways. She

401
00:17:00,240 --> 00:17:03,040
Speaker 1: signed her name and followed it with also known as

402
00:17:03,080 --> 00:17:03,880
Speaker 1: your good girl.

403
00:17:04,000 --> 00:17:04,639
Speaker 3: Wow wow.

404
00:17:04,840 --> 00:17:08,719
Speaker 2: Oh no, okay, but also you shouldn't have like, what

405
00:17:08,760 --> 00:17:10,000
Speaker 2: did you think was gonna happen.

406
00:17:10,080 --> 00:17:14,280
Speaker 1: Oh, I am disappearing. If I'm op I new life,

407
00:17:14,560 --> 00:17:17,439
Speaker 1: new existence. I say, well, that's fine, she can have

408
00:17:17,440 --> 00:17:21,200
Speaker 1: two husbands. That's fine. I'll let mine go into the wild.

409
00:17:21,520 --> 00:17:24,400
Speaker 2: Well. Also, if that letter breaks her heart, then she's

410
00:17:24,440 --> 00:17:26,840
Speaker 2: not Polly, you know what I mean? Yeah, if you

411
00:17:26,880 --> 00:17:30,119
Speaker 2: were Polly like that, you would have ultimately been fine.

412
00:17:30,240 --> 00:17:31,679
Speaker 1: Yeah, you'd be like that's so sweet.

413
00:17:31,800 --> 00:17:34,000
Speaker 2: You'd be like, wow, that's I shouldn't have read that.

414
00:17:34,000 --> 00:17:37,879
Speaker 2: That's a violation. But good for him, you know. But no, no, no,

415
00:17:38,000 --> 00:17:40,639
Speaker 2: you gotta leave now. D ivo rce.

416
00:17:41,359 --> 00:17:45,400
Speaker 1: What's that spell divorce? This is a nickname that Dan

417
00:17:45,440 --> 00:17:49,600
Speaker 1: had used for me in bed. No, you wouldn't.

418
00:17:49,240 --> 00:17:52,160
Speaker 2: Say that, Oh, I mean, it's not like the most

419
00:17:52,160 --> 00:17:54,239
Speaker 2: original name. But it's like, yeah, you know what I mean.

420
00:17:54,800 --> 00:17:56,920
Speaker 2: Why am I siding with Dan? No? Yeah, you're right

421
00:17:56,920 --> 00:17:57,320
Speaker 2: to be mad.

422
00:17:57,480 --> 00:18:01,280
Speaker 1: I texted him a photo of the letter and told

423
00:18:01,359 --> 00:18:03,639
Speaker 1: him he needed to come home a sap. When he

424
00:18:03,680 --> 00:18:06,160
Speaker 1: got home, I admitted that I had done wrong by

425
00:18:06,200 --> 00:18:09,000
Speaker 1: reading the letter and apologized. He said that he is

426
00:18:09,160 --> 00:18:11,639
Speaker 1: in love with her. I asked him to close the

427
00:18:11,640 --> 00:18:15,200
Speaker 1: marriage at least temporarily while we figure this out and

428
00:18:15,480 --> 00:18:18,600
Speaker 1: he wouldn't answer. Yeah, see what I mean? What did

429
00:18:18,600 --> 00:18:19,000
Speaker 1: I say?

430
00:18:19,240 --> 00:18:22,280
Speaker 2: Oh, so you can't you can't close now like once you,

431
00:18:22,320 --> 00:18:24,639
Speaker 2: once you, you gotta like it's not on an off switch.

432
00:18:24,680 --> 00:18:26,159
Speaker 2: Another person's feelings are involved me.

433
00:18:26,200 --> 00:18:29,119
Speaker 1: He's in love with paraplegic Sandy. There's nothing you can

434
00:18:29,160 --> 00:18:29,719
Speaker 1: do to stop it.

435
00:18:29,760 --> 00:18:31,119
Speaker 2: He is in love with her, and you can't like

436
00:18:31,440 --> 00:18:33,040
Speaker 2: take that away. It's it's there now.

437
00:18:33,200 --> 00:18:35,119
Speaker 1: I offered to give the night to think about it. No,

438
00:18:35,400 --> 00:18:38,240
Speaker 1: he admitted that he hasn't been spicely attracted me for

439
00:18:38,280 --> 00:18:40,200
Speaker 1: a while, but was too scared to tell me. Dude,

440
00:18:40,200 --> 00:18:42,080
Speaker 1: somebody give me the medal pinned on me. No, I

441
00:18:42,760 --> 00:18:43,880
Speaker 1: clocked all of this.

442
00:18:44,160 --> 00:18:47,120
Speaker 2: God, he is a jerk. He was waiting to jump shit,

443
00:18:47,280 --> 00:18:48,119
Speaker 2: that's all I'm doing.

444
00:18:48,240 --> 00:18:51,240
Speaker 1: He did. He literally was like, how much do I

445
00:18:51,280 --> 00:18:53,000
Speaker 1: have to push to get her to leave me?

446
00:18:53,119 --> 00:18:55,960
Speaker 3: I was gonna say, I was feeling that he was

447
00:18:56,000 --> 00:18:58,280
Speaker 3: trying to have op break up with him, or yes

448
00:18:58,280 --> 00:19:00,560
Speaker 3: with him, make it easy for him and then he

449
00:19:00,600 --> 00:19:03,240
Speaker 3: can be like, oh, he's literally humiliating.

450
00:19:03,359 --> 00:19:07,560
Speaker 1: Yeah, just a just a disgusting little bug move, just

451
00:19:07,600 --> 00:19:11,040
Speaker 1: a little insect move so gross. We got into a

452
00:19:11,119 --> 00:19:13,919
Speaker 1: huge disagreement, and he decided to spend the night at

453
00:19:13,960 --> 00:19:14,639
Speaker 1: his best friends.

454
00:19:14,680 --> 00:19:16,600
Speaker 2: Oh my god, girl, move on, it's over.

455
00:19:17,000 --> 00:19:17,520
Speaker 1: It's time.

456
00:19:17,680 --> 00:19:18,120
Speaker 3: Yeah sure.

457
00:19:18,160 --> 00:19:20,040
Speaker 2: Oh wait, not at Sandy's at his best friend yea, okay,

458
00:19:20,040 --> 00:19:23,640
Speaker 2: I thought, be.

459
00:19:23,640 --> 00:19:25,520
Speaker 3: Real, let's be real, it's not his best friend.

460
00:19:25,680 --> 00:19:29,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's like Sandy's husband is his best friend. Yeah.

461
00:19:29,560 --> 00:19:32,239
Speaker 2: Wait, what is Sandy's husband's opinion in all this? I

462
00:19:32,280 --> 00:19:33,360
Speaker 2: really want his perspective.

463
00:19:33,400 --> 00:19:36,119
Speaker 1: I bet he's the He's probably chill. He's the chiller,

464
00:19:36,200 --> 00:19:36,520
Speaker 1: he's the.

465
00:19:36,680 --> 00:19:38,280
Speaker 2: I bet he has like three girlfriends, you know what.

466
00:19:38,320 --> 00:19:40,639
Speaker 1: I'm like, Yeah, no, I get it. Yeah, that's my wife,

467
00:19:40,920 --> 00:19:42,479
Speaker 1: your wife. We're all wiped up.

468
00:19:42,600 --> 00:19:45,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, he's Polly. So he's like, why are you upset?

469
00:19:45,160 --> 00:19:46,399
Speaker 3: You might have a chair in the corner.

470
00:19:46,520 --> 00:19:48,680
Speaker 1: You never know, it's a chair in the corner. Baby.

471
00:19:48,760 --> 00:19:50,760
Speaker 1: When he came home the next day, I told him

472
00:19:50,800 --> 00:19:53,520
Speaker 1: that I was devastated but willing to work on things.

473
00:19:53,880 --> 00:19:56,159
Speaker 1: He didn't think I would ever trust him again, and

474
00:19:56,160 --> 00:19:58,840
Speaker 1: that our relationship would no longer work. I pointed out

475
00:19:58,880 --> 00:20:01,000
Speaker 1: that we had been married for years and that I

476
00:20:01,040 --> 00:20:04,080
Speaker 1: helped raise his child from his first marriage, who had

477
00:20:04,119 --> 00:20:06,760
Speaker 1: just turned eighteen in November, and I couldn't believe he

478
00:20:06,840 --> 00:20:09,800
Speaker 1: was throwing away everything for someone he just met. I

479
00:20:09,840 --> 00:20:13,280
Speaker 1: told him that I thought he was infatuated or experiencing

480
00:20:13,440 --> 00:20:16,400
Speaker 1: limerens and not love. What is what is limerens?

481
00:20:16,480 --> 00:20:19,000
Speaker 2: Limerens is like when you're in a situationship and you're

482
00:20:19,080 --> 00:20:23,000
Speaker 2: like so intensely obsessed with them that you're like, you

483
00:20:23,040 --> 00:20:24,760
Speaker 2: imagine you spend the rest of your life with them,

484
00:20:24,800 --> 00:20:26,800
Speaker 2: But then it's like you don't know them enough to

485
00:20:26,880 --> 00:20:28,560
Speaker 2: actually judge that, you know what I mean?

486
00:20:28,640 --> 00:20:31,119
Speaker 1: Yeah, you just like have a full blown face like

487
00:20:31,200 --> 00:20:32,320
Speaker 1: injected into your.

488
00:20:32,400 --> 00:20:35,640
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah life. It's like you're high on the love

489
00:20:35,720 --> 00:20:37,879
Speaker 2: that you feel for someone. Like you can't tell someone

490
00:20:37,920 --> 00:20:40,440
Speaker 2: that what they're feeling isn't what they're feeling, you know

491
00:20:40,480 --> 00:20:42,359
Speaker 2: what I mean, Like that's gonna make them feel that

492
00:20:42,400 --> 00:20:42,880
Speaker 2: even more.

493
00:20:43,040 --> 00:20:45,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, she'd be like, you know, I am feeling that

494
00:20:45,080 --> 00:20:47,080
Speaker 1: I'm feeling actually twice yea right now now you're.

495
00:20:46,960 --> 00:20:49,920
Speaker 2: Just his mom and he's like the you know, it's.

496
00:20:49,560 --> 00:20:52,320
Speaker 1: Oh yeah yeah, and baby, he's trying. He's hard selling

497
00:20:52,320 --> 00:20:53,920
Speaker 1: a breakup to you right now. He's like, no, no, no,

498
00:20:54,280 --> 00:20:55,960
Speaker 1: it's over, we need to be done. And you're like, well,

499
00:20:56,000 --> 00:20:57,560
Speaker 1: noll we could work on. He's like, no, actually no,

500
00:20:57,640 --> 00:20:59,520
Speaker 1: I'm like totally in love and I haven't even been

501
00:20:59,520 --> 00:21:00,640
Speaker 1: attracted in five years.

502
00:21:00,800 --> 00:21:02,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, and you're like, but that's okay.

503
00:21:02,720 --> 00:21:04,240
Speaker 1: We get I raised your child.

504
00:21:04,480 --> 00:21:06,760
Speaker 2: Oh my god, I will just women are too patient.

505
00:21:06,880 --> 00:21:09,280
Speaker 2: You gotta leave. I'm a leaver. How about you?

506
00:21:09,440 --> 00:21:14,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, you should leave. I'm not. Well, no, I'm not

507
00:21:14,000 --> 00:21:14,320
Speaker 1: a leaver.

508
00:21:14,480 --> 00:21:15,200
Speaker 3: He's a believer.

509
00:21:15,440 --> 00:21:16,119
Speaker 1: I'm a believer.

510
00:21:16,480 --> 00:21:17,760
Speaker 2: Ooh believer.

511
00:21:18,320 --> 00:21:20,520
Speaker 1: Well no, I used to just like pull up like

512
00:21:20,560 --> 00:21:22,679
Speaker 1: that and we'll never talk about that. It's like, yeah,

513
00:21:22,760 --> 00:21:25,000
Speaker 1: our relationship would be perfect. We'll just we'll just never

514
00:21:25,080 --> 00:21:26,479
Speaker 1: talk about the things that bother us.

515
00:21:26,480 --> 00:21:27,600
Speaker 3: You throw them, that was weird.

516
00:21:28,200 --> 00:21:28,800
Speaker 2: You don't say that.

517
00:21:29,119 --> 00:21:32,359
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, we would just always avoid hard conversations and

518
00:21:32,600 --> 00:21:33,640
Speaker 1: uh yeah.

519
00:21:33,560 --> 00:21:35,520
Speaker 2: No, I see I like this. I'm a ride or die.

520
00:21:35,600 --> 00:21:37,879
Speaker 2: I'm loyal to the end for like whatever you go

521
00:21:37,960 --> 00:21:39,639
Speaker 2: through like Trump, Like, I'll be there for you. But

522
00:21:39,680 --> 00:21:42,160
Speaker 2: the minute you like disrespect me, I'm gone.

523
00:21:42,320 --> 00:21:45,199
Speaker 1: Yeah. No, there's no space for distress. He is.

524
00:21:45,359 --> 00:21:47,320
Speaker 2: She is letting him walk all over.

525
00:21:47,320 --> 00:21:49,360
Speaker 1: Like, I'm all, I'm all for banter, but if it's

526
00:21:49,400 --> 00:21:52,080
Speaker 1: like disrespect. Yeah, I saw a video once of a

527
00:21:52,119 --> 00:21:54,000
Speaker 1: guy and it's like this is like a perfect window

528
00:21:54,040 --> 00:21:56,119
Speaker 1: of like like just a relationship where like your partner

529
00:21:56,200 --> 00:21:58,640
Speaker 1: just like hates you. It just like just it does

530
00:21:58,680 --> 00:22:01,960
Speaker 1: not respect you. Girlfriend is like picking out like potatoes

531
00:22:02,040 --> 00:22:04,479
Speaker 1: or like something like you know, produce at a market

532
00:22:04,560 --> 00:22:06,720
Speaker 1: and putting it in the bag, and then he has

533
00:22:06,760 --> 00:22:09,720
Speaker 1: his camera out recording him literally taking one of the

534
00:22:10,080 --> 00:22:12,520
Speaker 1: things from the bag that she just picked out and

535
00:22:12,560 --> 00:22:14,679
Speaker 1: then handing it to her like he just picked it.

536
00:22:14,720 --> 00:22:16,200
Speaker 1: And then she looks at it and puts it back.

537
00:22:16,280 --> 00:22:19,800
Speaker 3: Oh the onion, it was yeah, yeah yeah, and she's

538
00:22:19,840 --> 00:22:20,639
Speaker 3: like that sucks.

539
00:22:20,720 --> 00:22:23,600
Speaker 1: And it's just like yeah, just like literally anything you

540
00:22:23,640 --> 00:22:25,720
Speaker 1: touch is terrible, and anything you touch they don't like.

541
00:22:25,800 --> 00:22:28,840
Speaker 1: Whatever you think is worthless. Yes, very bad.

542
00:22:28,960 --> 00:22:29,480
Speaker 2: Yeah.

543
00:22:29,600 --> 00:22:32,720
Speaker 1: Dan disagreed with me and said that he falls hard

544
00:22:32,800 --> 00:22:35,399
Speaker 1: and fast and he was not sorry for disclosing that

545
00:22:35,440 --> 00:22:38,080
Speaker 1: to me because he wants you to break up with him, Yeah,

546
00:22:38,200 --> 00:22:40,720
Speaker 1: or divorce him, that's what he wants. I left to

547
00:22:40,800 --> 00:22:42,880
Speaker 1: run errands, and when I came home, I told him

548
00:22:42,880 --> 00:22:45,000
Speaker 1: that I believed we were not past the point of

549
00:22:45,040 --> 00:22:45,600
Speaker 1: no return.

550
00:22:45,840 --> 00:22:50,679
Speaker 2: Oh my god. Some people cannot accept the truth that

551
00:22:50,720 --> 00:22:53,160
Speaker 2: is in front of him at any point is Dan

552
00:22:53,320 --> 00:22:55,800
Speaker 2: being like he should also be saying like, yes, I'm

553
00:22:55,840 --> 00:22:57,280
Speaker 2: in love with this person, but I still want to

554
00:22:57,320 --> 00:22:59,320
Speaker 2: work on this with you, like if you are Polly,

555
00:22:59,400 --> 00:23:02,120
Speaker 2: he should be like like reaffirming how we can still

556
00:23:02,119 --> 00:23:04,280
Speaker 2: make this work. At no point is he trying to

557
00:23:04,320 --> 00:23:05,880
Speaker 2: do that, Like he's fully.

558
00:23:05,600 --> 00:23:08,680
Speaker 1: Like, no, I like her, So no, he's fully he's

559
00:23:08,720 --> 00:23:10,760
Speaker 1: he's literally like one step away from just being like,

560
00:23:10,760 --> 00:23:13,399
Speaker 1: you know what, I can't be I'm not a coward

561
00:23:13,400 --> 00:23:15,399
Speaker 1: because you're not in a wheelchair. There I have to

562
00:23:15,400 --> 00:23:17,600
Speaker 1: be with someone in a wheelchair. Now what Now, what

563
00:23:17,600 --> 00:23:18,080
Speaker 1: are you gonna do?

564
00:23:18,119 --> 00:23:19,679
Speaker 2: And she's gonna be like, I'll find a way to

565
00:23:19,680 --> 00:23:21,000
Speaker 2: make it work. I'll sit in a chair all the

566
00:23:21,000 --> 00:23:21,760
Speaker 2: time like that.

567
00:23:21,720 --> 00:23:24,120
Speaker 1: I will surgically have my lower legs remember.

568
00:23:23,880 --> 00:23:26,880
Speaker 2: One hundred percent, Like she is not accepting Also, she

569
00:23:26,960 --> 00:23:28,760
Speaker 2: just deserves better, Like you don't need to be like

570
00:23:28,800 --> 00:23:30,080
Speaker 2: begging someone like this.

571
00:23:30,560 --> 00:23:34,000
Speaker 1: His assumption that I would never trust him again was

572
00:23:34,040 --> 00:23:37,600
Speaker 1: not his decision to make. It was mine. I offered

573
00:23:37,640 --> 00:23:39,639
Speaker 1: to spend the night at a friend's house if he

574
00:23:39,680 --> 00:23:42,400
Speaker 1: needed some space. He agreed to work on our issues,

575
00:23:42,720 --> 00:23:44,840
Speaker 1: but also said that it would be a good idea

576
00:23:44,880 --> 00:23:47,040
Speaker 1: for me to spend the night elsewhere. When I got

577
00:23:47,040 --> 00:23:49,639
Speaker 1: home the next day we talked. He said he's in

578
00:23:49,680 --> 00:23:52,840
Speaker 1: love with me, but he is not physically attracted to me.

579
00:23:52,960 --> 00:23:55,679
Speaker 1: I admitted to not trusting in him to do things

580
00:23:56,000 --> 00:23:59,359
Speaker 1: like not doing chores without being reminded repeatedly, and I

581
00:23:59,400 --> 00:24:03,119
Speaker 1: hadn't realized how badly my trust was damaged. We that is, no,

582
00:24:03,200 --> 00:24:06,320
Speaker 1: we are not on the same level of comparison here,

583
00:24:06,400 --> 00:24:07,359
Speaker 1: No early pop.

584
00:24:07,480 --> 00:24:10,720
Speaker 2: She's talking about chores. He's like, he's like the side

585
00:24:10,760 --> 00:24:14,119
Speaker 2: of you discuss me. Yeah, And she's like and sometimes

586
00:24:14,119 --> 00:24:15,920
Speaker 2: like I can also get like annoyed when you don't

587
00:24:16,160 --> 00:24:16,720
Speaker 2: tick out the dish.

588
00:24:16,840 --> 00:24:18,280
Speaker 1: Yeah, when I have to tell you the fifty seventh

589
00:24:18,359 --> 00:24:20,159
Speaker 1: time to do the thing that I've always told you

590
00:24:20,200 --> 00:24:22,080
Speaker 1: we need to do on the same day every week.

591
00:24:22,600 --> 00:24:24,920
Speaker 1: But that's my bad and I'm sorry, and that's caused

592
00:24:24,960 --> 00:24:25,760
Speaker 1: you to not trust me.

593
00:24:25,960 --> 00:24:27,520
Speaker 2: I mean, to be fair, I don't know what it's

594
00:24:27,560 --> 00:24:31,200
Speaker 2: like to be married for eleven years. I'm sure from

595
00:24:31,240 --> 00:24:33,919
Speaker 2: seeing parents and other people like, yeah, like you're not

596
00:24:34,400 --> 00:24:37,000
Speaker 2: attracted to each other all the time, and you're not

597
00:24:37,240 --> 00:24:40,399
Speaker 2: like you're like sort of in this really comfortable. It's

598
00:24:40,400 --> 00:24:42,840
Speaker 2: another type of beautiful sort of relationship that you have

599
00:24:42,880 --> 00:24:45,119
Speaker 2: to appreciate in its own way, Like, yeah, she can't

600
00:24:45,160 --> 00:24:48,479
Speaker 2: compare their relationship right now to like the beginning of

601
00:24:48,600 --> 00:24:53,639
Speaker 2: a new relationship, just like adolescent sparks, and like, you know,

602
00:24:53,760 --> 00:24:55,159
Speaker 2: all of the things you feel at the beginning of

603
00:24:55,160 --> 00:24:57,880
Speaker 2: a relationship, Like you can't compare that to an eleven

604
00:24:58,000 --> 00:25:00,560
Speaker 2: year old relationship where you raised a child together, Like

605
00:25:00,640 --> 00:25:03,360
Speaker 2: those are two completely different things. And so like, yeah,

606
00:25:03,400 --> 00:25:06,240
Speaker 2: like if you're gonna be Paula, you can't control how

607
00:25:06,400 --> 00:25:09,199
Speaker 2: he feels at the beginning of that, right But like

608
00:25:09,480 --> 00:25:12,480
Speaker 2: he's being really rude to you. I don't know she's

609
00:25:12,560 --> 00:25:15,040
Speaker 2: either like accept who he is, leave.

610
00:25:14,920 --> 00:25:18,680
Speaker 1: Base you gotta leave. He's just straight, blatantly on its face,

611
00:25:18,760 --> 00:25:22,520
Speaker 1: like weaponizing the open marriage to just try to make

612
00:25:22,520 --> 00:25:23,360
Speaker 1: you uncomfortable.

613
00:25:23,359 --> 00:25:25,639
Speaker 2: He's asking him to like change how he feels, and

614
00:25:25,680 --> 00:25:27,320
Speaker 2: it's like, yeah, you can't do that.

615
00:25:27,600 --> 00:25:31,800
Speaker 1: Dan agreed to not be spicy with anyone outside of us,

616
00:25:31,920 --> 00:25:34,119
Speaker 1: but he wanted to be able to keep contact with Sandy,

617
00:25:34,280 --> 00:25:36,240
Speaker 1: so now he just wants to have him fear that's nice.

618
00:25:36,320 --> 00:25:38,959
Speaker 1: He left briefly to call Sandy to update her, and

619
00:25:39,000 --> 00:25:42,000
Speaker 1: when he got home, he said, I was unfairly asking

620
00:25:42,080 --> 00:25:45,000
Speaker 1: him to make more concessions than I was willing to make.

621
00:25:45,119 --> 00:25:47,640
Speaker 1: I asked him not to flirt with her, you send

622
00:25:47,720 --> 00:25:51,080
Speaker 1: her explicit texts or kiss her. I was only willing

623
00:25:51,160 --> 00:25:53,959
Speaker 1: to permit hugging her. And even then I was leary.

624
00:25:54,280 --> 00:25:57,360
Speaker 1: He said, I was trying to intentionally sabotage their relationship.

625
00:25:57,520 --> 00:25:59,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, this is over which she's an expert in.

626
00:26:00,040 --> 00:26:01,040
Speaker 1: That's what he was doing to you.

627
00:26:01,440 --> 00:26:03,600
Speaker 2: He would know, he would, he would be the expert.

628
00:26:03,680 --> 00:26:06,480
Speaker 2: Oh man, oh no, she's now she's like, you can

629
00:26:06,800 --> 00:26:09,240
Speaker 2: hug but can't kiss. Like, no, this is never gonna

630
00:26:09,280 --> 00:26:09,960
Speaker 2: lead to a good thing.

631
00:26:10,200 --> 00:26:14,360
Speaker 1: It's it's fully busted up into a billion little pieces.

632
00:26:14,560 --> 00:26:17,640
Speaker 2: Yeah, you can't control what like you how your partner? Yeah,

633
00:26:17,680 --> 00:26:19,240
Speaker 2: that's that's just thank god.

634
00:26:19,280 --> 00:26:22,320
Speaker 1: The kid's eighteen. Yeah no, really, perfect time if you're

635
00:26:22,359 --> 00:26:23,920
Speaker 1: gonna get divorced, he's eighteen.

636
00:26:24,119 --> 00:26:26,320
Speaker 2: Yeah, truly, what is stopping you from getting a divorce?

637
00:26:26,800 --> 00:26:27,040
Speaker 1: Love?

638
00:26:27,320 --> 00:26:29,679
Speaker 2: Also, Sandy like why she's still with him too? This

639
00:26:29,760 --> 00:26:30,200
Speaker 2: is crazy?

640
00:26:30,560 --> 00:26:30,760
Speaker 3: Yeah?

641
00:26:30,840 --> 00:26:33,680
Speaker 1: I get yeah, because her husband is just the ultimate chiller.

642
00:26:33,720 --> 00:26:37,399
Speaker 3: I mean meg if OPI went to Sandy and like, stop,

643
00:26:37,440 --> 00:26:41,840
Speaker 3: this is that still like crossing a line is it

644
00:26:42,240 --> 00:26:44,600
Speaker 3: the right thing to do for OP to be like, Hey,

645
00:26:45,040 --> 00:26:47,560
Speaker 3: my husband doesn't love me anymore, and you're kind of

646
00:26:47,560 --> 00:26:49,679
Speaker 3: the reason for that is that like, oh, you know,

647
00:26:50,040 --> 00:26:52,160
Speaker 3: you can't hate the player hate the game kind of thing.

648
00:26:52,240 --> 00:26:54,600
Speaker 3: Or it's like okay, I'll respect that, Like I'm ruining

649
00:26:54,640 --> 00:26:58,000
Speaker 3: your relationship. I will Sandy will as Sandy, I will

650
00:26:58,000 --> 00:26:58,800
Speaker 3: stay away. Op.

651
00:26:59,240 --> 00:27:01,920
Speaker 2: No, I don't think up to the ope to say

652
00:27:01,920 --> 00:27:04,880
Speaker 2: that to Sandy. Sandy is like her own person, and

653
00:27:05,359 --> 00:27:08,280
Speaker 2: she's Polly. She has a husband, for all she knows,

654
00:27:08,320 --> 00:27:10,800
Speaker 2: she's entering a relationship into a guy who's just as

655
00:27:10,840 --> 00:27:13,119
Speaker 2: interested in her as she's in him. And now all

656
00:27:13,160 --> 00:27:15,280
Speaker 2: of a sudden, this other person is trying to like

657
00:27:15,400 --> 00:27:18,600
Speaker 2: meddle and control. Like that's not fair to Sandy. Honestly,

658
00:27:18,600 --> 00:27:20,879
Speaker 2: if I was Sandy and he was like, hey, we

659
00:27:21,000 --> 00:27:23,520
Speaker 2: can hug but can't kiss, I'd be like cool, never

660
00:27:23,640 --> 00:27:26,760
Speaker 2: talking to you again, right, Like that's no, it's like.

661
00:27:26,800 --> 00:27:30,080
Speaker 1: Think anything stop in Sandy. No, I think Sandy's locked.

662
00:27:30,119 --> 00:27:32,639
Speaker 2: But that's so disrespectful, dude. It's like, yeah, you can't.

663
00:27:32,880 --> 00:27:35,760
Speaker 1: The only thing OPI could do, Like OP is so

664
00:27:35,840 --> 00:27:38,120
Speaker 1: desperate to keep this relationship. OP would like be like Sandy,

665
00:27:38,160 --> 00:27:40,240
Speaker 1: we need to meet up somewhere, and then she's just

666
00:27:40,240 --> 00:27:41,720
Speaker 1: throwing a bike lock on that wheelchair.

667
00:27:41,800 --> 00:27:44,760
Speaker 2: They can't have everything, but they can have a lot,

668
00:27:44,840 --> 00:27:46,400
Speaker 2: but you just you can't have everything.

669
00:27:46,560 --> 00:27:49,159
Speaker 1: To me, Sandy is acting like she wants him to

670
00:27:49,200 --> 00:27:52,560
Speaker 1: be her nesting slash primary partner, and I explained that

671
00:27:52,640 --> 00:27:55,040
Speaker 1: since I believe she's trying to push me aside, I

672
00:27:55,119 --> 00:27:57,399
Speaker 1: wanted their relationship to end so he and I can

673
00:27:57,440 --> 00:28:00,800
Speaker 1: focus on us. I pulled up the written agreement. It

674
00:28:00,840 --> 00:28:05,000
Speaker 1: pushes up glasses agreement, and I pointed out the parts

675
00:28:05,040 --> 00:28:07,560
Speaker 1: that had been broken, so all of it, all of it.

676
00:28:07,880 --> 00:28:10,679
Speaker 1: You pointed out every part, right, all of it. We

677
00:28:10,800 --> 00:28:13,320
Speaker 1: mutually agreed that we needed to go to couples counseling

678
00:28:13,359 --> 00:28:17,000
Speaker 1: and went to bed. We argued again that following morning.

679
00:28:17,160 --> 00:28:19,080
Speaker 1: I told him that I had talked to multiple people,

680
00:28:19,200 --> 00:28:22,240
Speaker 1: my therapist, my sister, two close friends, and my friends

681
00:28:22,240 --> 00:28:24,480
Speaker 1: with benefits, and all of them had agreed that he

682
00:28:24,560 --> 00:28:27,080
Speaker 1: needed to slow down with Sandy and focus on us.

683
00:28:27,320 --> 00:28:30,399
Speaker 1: I asked him what his therapist and friends thought. He said,

684
00:28:30,400 --> 00:28:32,920
Speaker 1: no one else has any say in what he does.

685
00:28:33,400 --> 00:28:35,679
Speaker 2: I mean, that's if.

686
00:28:35,520 --> 00:28:37,480
Speaker 1: One of those people happens to be your wife. I

687
00:28:37,480 --> 00:28:39,440
Speaker 1: would think maybe they have a little bit of weight.

688
00:28:39,520 --> 00:28:43,520
Speaker 1: Hello written agreement. Yeah, this literally this, I'm put myself

689
00:28:43,560 --> 00:28:45,200
Speaker 1: on blast. This happened to me.

690
00:28:45,400 --> 00:28:47,440
Speaker 2: Oh no, this happened to me too.

691
00:28:47,560 --> 00:28:49,120
Speaker 1: It was like an agreement where it's like, all right,

692
00:28:49,120 --> 00:28:50,800
Speaker 1: if we do you know. It was I was with

693
00:28:50,880 --> 00:28:52,600
Speaker 1: someone and we were we were really ownly got together

694
00:28:52,680 --> 00:28:54,520
Speaker 1: and we were dating for like years and years years. Well,

695
00:28:54,640 --> 00:28:57,080
Speaker 1: we're still really young. Clearly we're not. I mean we're trying.

696
00:28:57,080 --> 00:28:58,520
Speaker 1: We were trying to get ahead of like oh what

697
00:28:58,600 --> 00:29:00,400
Speaker 1: if like in the future. We're like, oh, but what

698
00:29:00,400 --> 00:29:02,720
Speaker 1: about other people who were like okay, and we'll do this,

699
00:29:02,800 --> 00:29:04,920
Speaker 1: And it's like we're the you know, it's us above

700
00:29:04,920 --> 00:29:06,800
Speaker 1: everyone else, and they all know that going into it.

701
00:29:06,920 --> 00:29:09,400
Speaker 1: And then it ended up like my partner was talking

702
00:29:09,440 --> 00:29:12,959
Speaker 1: to some freaking unhinged lunatic and got like caught in

703
00:29:12,960 --> 00:29:15,440
Speaker 1: like a like almost like a cycle of abuse type situation,

704
00:29:15,600 --> 00:29:18,480
Speaker 1: like through like long distance and this person's like facetiming

705
00:29:18,520 --> 00:29:20,120
Speaker 1: them all the time, and like it would be like

706
00:29:20,200 --> 00:29:23,080
Speaker 1: I couldn't be in the room. It's like it was crazy.

707
00:29:23,120 --> 00:29:25,320
Speaker 2: That is worst case scenario, But there's.

708
00:29:25,160 --> 00:29:27,760
Speaker 1: A lot of underlying factors going into these kind of behaviors,

709
00:29:28,240 --> 00:29:31,320
Speaker 1: and you know, we've all moved on and apologized and

710
00:29:31,400 --> 00:29:34,000
Speaker 1: accepted our responsibilities in this situation, so no ill will

711
00:29:34,080 --> 00:29:36,440
Speaker 1: upon anyone involved. But yeah, as soon as that happened,

712
00:29:36,440 --> 00:29:37,880
Speaker 1: it was like, no, I don't think this is gonna

713
00:29:37,880 --> 00:29:40,000
Speaker 1: happen because I felt like such a chump. Every day

714
00:29:40,000 --> 00:29:44,480
Speaker 1: I'd wake up in chump City, go to sleep chump City.

715
00:29:44,600 --> 00:29:46,440
Speaker 2: Yeah, this happened to me twos. I was I was

716
00:29:46,480 --> 00:29:48,320
Speaker 2: sort of the same. I was the Sandy in the situation.

717
00:29:48,880 --> 00:29:51,280
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, and it and I mean I didn't I

718
00:29:51,320 --> 00:29:53,160
Speaker 2: didn't have a husband. That was the only thing that's

719
00:29:53,360 --> 00:29:56,640
Speaker 2: razing from Sandy. I was single, but I was with

720
00:29:56,800 --> 00:29:59,959
Speaker 2: someone who had already been with somebody for like a year,

721
00:30:00,320 --> 00:30:02,239
Speaker 2: so and they weren't like living together or anything, so they

722
00:30:02,240 --> 00:30:05,200
Speaker 2: weren't like super serious. But like when we fell in love,

723
00:30:05,240 --> 00:30:08,680
Speaker 2: it became really hard because now all of a sudden,

724
00:30:08,720 --> 00:30:12,240
Speaker 2: I did want more, and like this person kind of

725
00:30:12,400 --> 00:30:14,479
Speaker 2: made a lot of false promises to both me and

726
00:30:14,520 --> 00:30:16,959
Speaker 2: his other partner because I think he sort of just

727
00:30:17,000 --> 00:30:19,640
Speaker 2: wanted like both of us to the full extent.

728
00:30:19,400 --> 00:30:21,320
Speaker 3: And he wanted his cake and wanted to eat yeah,

729
00:30:21,360 --> 00:30:21,600
Speaker 3: and it.

730
00:30:21,600 --> 00:30:23,920
Speaker 2: Just it doesn't work out, man, because like you know,

731
00:30:23,960 --> 00:30:26,720
Speaker 2: you got ADHD, you got a certain number of money.

732
00:30:26,960 --> 00:30:29,320
Speaker 2: You know, Like it's like you can't, can't you can't

733
00:30:29,360 --> 00:30:33,000
Speaker 2: be the best boyfriend to two people. But also in

734
00:30:33,040 --> 00:30:35,720
Speaker 2: the end he was actually just a shitty boyfriend to

735
00:30:35,080 --> 00:30:36,320
Speaker 2: to two people.

736
00:30:36,360 --> 00:30:38,600
Speaker 1: And there you go. Yeah, and it seems like all

737
00:30:38,600 --> 00:30:40,440
Speaker 1: the stories you read about Polly, that's just it. It's

738
00:30:40,480 --> 00:30:43,960
Speaker 1: just a bad partner. Is like, let's freaking open it up, dude.

739
00:30:44,000 --> 00:30:46,240
Speaker 2: It's never like a guy that's like, wow, like I

740
00:30:46,240 --> 00:30:48,760
Speaker 2: have so much free time after taking care of my

741
00:30:48,800 --> 00:30:50,520
Speaker 2: wife that I can take care of somebody else. It's

742
00:30:50,520 --> 00:30:53,400
Speaker 2: always like a guy that's like, oh, somebody else be

743
00:30:53,520 --> 00:30:56,520
Speaker 2: with me, Like yeah, they're not thinking about the giving.

744
00:30:56,560 --> 00:30:58,040
Speaker 2: Their only thing about the fact that they're going to

745
00:30:58,080 --> 00:30:59,840
Speaker 2: receive twice as much, right exactly.

746
00:31:00,560 --> 00:31:02,840
Speaker 1: Yeah, to me, that shows he knows he's doing the

747
00:31:02,840 --> 00:31:05,080
Speaker 1: wrong thing but doesn't want to be called out. We

748
00:31:05,120 --> 00:31:08,400
Speaker 1: agreed to pause the discussion because we weren't getting anywhere. Yesterday,

749
00:31:08,440 --> 00:31:10,440
Speaker 1: I wrote him a long letter where I poured my

750
00:31:10,520 --> 00:31:13,440
Speaker 1: heart out about everything we've been through, about things he

751
00:31:13,480 --> 00:31:16,240
Speaker 1: has done well, things I have messed up, and how

752
00:31:16,280 --> 00:31:18,200
Speaker 1: badly I want us to work this out.

753
00:31:18,560 --> 00:31:19,920
Speaker 2: Hey, do you know that phrase where it's like, as

754
00:31:19,960 --> 00:31:22,400
Speaker 2: soon as you start writing a message in the notes app,

755
00:31:22,600 --> 00:31:23,920
Speaker 2: you need to break up with it.

756
00:31:24,040 --> 00:31:27,160
Speaker 1: Yeah? No, I but that's a good it's so far down.

757
00:31:27,480 --> 00:31:28,920
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's like, oh, you're already.

758
00:31:29,120 --> 00:31:30,920
Speaker 3: Yeah, we're on ten pages and you're like, the.

759
00:31:30,880 --> 00:31:31,320
Speaker 1: Time is now?

760
00:31:31,440 --> 00:31:33,040
Speaker 2: Yeah, she's like on a Google doc.

761
00:31:33,800 --> 00:31:37,760
Speaker 1: I never mentioned the open marriage or Sandy. I gave

762
00:31:37,760 --> 00:31:39,560
Speaker 1: it to him after dinner and then left so he

763
00:31:39,600 --> 00:31:42,240
Speaker 1: could read it alone. When I got home, he immediately

764
00:31:42,280 --> 00:31:44,760
Speaker 1: came to me and held me while I sobbed about

765
00:31:44,760 --> 00:31:48,160
Speaker 1: how scared I am. Oh, he said, he appreciated what

766
00:31:48,240 --> 00:31:50,640
Speaker 1: I wrote, and we have a little bit more story here, Sam.

767
00:31:50,640 --> 00:31:52,000
Speaker 3: Here, We're gonna get back to the stories.

768
00:31:52,000 --> 00:31:53,920
Speaker 2: But here's three of it's bad from our sponsors.

769
00:31:54,440 --> 00:31:57,000
Speaker 1: Don't fall This is a trap, dude, This is a trick.

770
00:31:57,240 --> 00:32:00,920
Speaker 1: I understand they're sobbing and emotions. This is not gonna

771
00:32:00,920 --> 00:32:05,040
Speaker 1: solve anything, because I feel like this guy is incapable

772
00:32:05,080 --> 00:32:07,960
Speaker 1: of just saying how he really thinks about anything. And

773
00:32:08,200 --> 00:32:11,160
Speaker 1: now he's like, oh no, her feelings are hurt because

774
00:32:11,200 --> 00:32:13,920
Speaker 1: like this whole thing from what I'm picking up just

775
00:32:13,960 --> 00:32:16,200
Speaker 1: stems from his inability to be like, yeah, I don't know.

776
00:32:16,240 --> 00:32:18,080
Speaker 1: I just think our marriage isn't working and we might

777
00:32:18,160 --> 00:32:19,719
Speaker 1: need to, like, yeah, you know, split up.

778
00:32:19,840 --> 00:32:22,880
Speaker 2: He's not like fully being honest with himself, so it's

779
00:32:22,880 --> 00:32:24,840
Speaker 2: hard for him to be honest with other.

780
00:32:24,720 --> 00:32:27,320
Speaker 1: People, and so he's just like oh God, like yeah,

781
00:32:27,400 --> 00:32:30,120
Speaker 1: you're oh oh your emotions and all your feelings. But

782
00:32:30,160 --> 00:32:32,200
Speaker 1: he's just gonna He's just I don't feel like it's

783
00:32:32,200 --> 00:32:34,600
Speaker 1: gonna fix the problem. You guys are going to individual therapists.

784
00:32:34,600 --> 00:32:36,160
Speaker 1: I think you need to go to a therapist together.

785
00:32:36,560 --> 00:32:38,120
Speaker 1: Let's finish this story, let's see other sense.

786
00:32:39,040 --> 00:32:39,720
Speaker 2: Oh my god.

787
00:32:39,760 --> 00:32:45,160
Speaker 1: Then we argued again. He said, my insecurity is insurmountable,

788
00:32:45,320 --> 00:32:47,840
Speaker 1: that nothing will make me happy unless he gives up

789
00:32:48,000 --> 00:32:51,040
Speaker 1: everything he wants, and that it's unfair for one person

790
00:32:51,080 --> 00:32:54,680
Speaker 1: to demand that the relationship close because they're quote having

791
00:32:54,720 --> 00:32:56,400
Speaker 1: a bad time. You know what.

792
00:32:56,760 --> 00:32:58,960
Speaker 2: I'm so sorry to say. I already I agree with him.

793
00:32:59,120 --> 00:33:01,560
Speaker 1: I mean that is true. That's true, and that's the

794
00:33:01,640 --> 00:33:03,760
Speaker 1: point of It's like, well, you can't just make a

795
00:33:03,880 --> 00:33:06,080
Speaker 1: clause on a piece of paper that says and by

796
00:33:06,080 --> 00:33:08,160
Speaker 1: the way, we could just close it whenever cause it's like, Yeah,

797
00:33:08,720 --> 00:33:10,840
Speaker 1: that gets to a point, things change, it gets too messy.

798
00:33:11,000 --> 00:33:14,840
Speaker 2: Yeah, you can't just have unequivocal now there's other people involved,

799
00:33:14,840 --> 00:33:15,800
Speaker 2: Like I said, you can't.

800
00:33:15,960 --> 00:33:16,280
Speaker 1: Yeah.

801
00:33:16,320 --> 00:33:18,920
Speaker 2: I think he's right and you need to dump his ass.

802
00:33:19,000 --> 00:33:22,200
Speaker 1: It's over. It's time. This marriage is a bad time.

803
00:33:23,040 --> 00:33:24,160
Speaker 1: That is your bad.

804
00:33:24,000 --> 00:33:26,480
Speaker 2: Time so far. He said, he hasn't been to talk

805
00:33:26,520 --> 00:33:29,120
Speaker 2: to you in five years, and he's not. It's either

806
00:33:29,200 --> 00:33:31,680
Speaker 2: that he's Polly and you aren't, so it doesn't work,

807
00:33:31,840 --> 00:33:34,840
Speaker 2: or he's selfish and it doesn't work. Like either way,

808
00:33:34,880 --> 00:33:38,360
Speaker 2: it doesn't work unless she gets really cool, really fast.

809
00:33:38,080 --> 00:33:41,080
Speaker 1: About a lot of stuff, it just ain't working.

810
00:33:41,280 --> 00:33:41,720
Speaker 2: Yeah.

811
00:33:41,800 --> 00:33:44,760
Speaker 1: I told him that my insecurity is hard for me

812
00:33:44,920 --> 00:33:47,000
Speaker 1: and I'm working on it, and that i want for

813
00:33:47,080 --> 00:33:49,560
Speaker 1: both of us to be happy, and I'm humiliated and

814
00:33:49,680 --> 00:33:52,800
Speaker 1: scared and not feeling like a priority. He doesn't understand

815
00:33:52,880 --> 00:33:55,000
Speaker 1: why I want him to give up Sandy and the

816
00:33:55,040 --> 00:33:57,920
Speaker 1: open marriage and be miserable. I told him that when

817
00:33:57,960 --> 00:34:00,360
Speaker 1: he says that, it makes me feel like I'm not

818
00:34:00,520 --> 00:34:02,840
Speaker 1: enough and that I make him miserable. We have completed

819
00:34:02,920 --> 00:34:06,680
Speaker 1: intake paperwork for an Ethical non monogamy Experienced Couples therapist,

820
00:34:06,760 --> 00:34:09,600
Speaker 1: and our first appointment is tentatively happening next week. Am

821
00:34:09,640 --> 00:34:12,640
Speaker 1: I overreacting? Is he being an a hole? Are we

822
00:34:12,760 --> 00:34:15,680
Speaker 1: both being really awful about this? Any and all thoughts

823
00:34:15,760 --> 00:34:18,120
Speaker 1: would be welcome, and that is the end of that story.

824
00:34:18,239 --> 00:34:20,920
Speaker 2: Well, yes, you are overreacting and he is being an ahole.

825
00:34:20,960 --> 00:34:23,279
Speaker 1: It's yeah, it's it's it's it's you know what. And

826
00:34:23,320 --> 00:34:25,520
Speaker 1: that's a have your cake and eat it too a moment. Yeah,

827
00:34:25,520 --> 00:34:28,279
Speaker 1: in the context of if you're Polly, yeah, sure you're overreacting.

828
00:34:28,280 --> 00:34:29,960
Speaker 1: I don't think either of you are. I think this

829
00:34:30,040 --> 00:34:32,759
Speaker 1: is a guy who is just like I cannot bring

830
00:34:32,800 --> 00:34:36,799
Speaker 1: myself to be the bad guy on paper by being like, oh, yeah,

831
00:34:36,840 --> 00:34:40,440
Speaker 1: I want the divorce. Yeah, so he's just trying desperately

832
00:34:40,640 --> 00:34:43,000
Speaker 1: to get you to do it, which you know makes

833
00:34:43,000 --> 00:34:44,919
Speaker 1: you the bad guy. By the way, Dan, I don't

834
00:34:44,920 --> 00:34:47,320
Speaker 1: know if you've yeah, you rub your brain cells together

835
00:34:47,360 --> 00:34:49,080
Speaker 1: a little bit, Come on, I.

836
00:34:49,000 --> 00:34:50,919
Speaker 2: Think I don't know. It just seems like she's doing

837
00:34:50,960 --> 00:34:53,120
Speaker 2: a lot of the work to try to do to

838
00:34:53,200 --> 00:34:55,640
Speaker 2: repair the relationship, and it sort of feels like it's

839
00:34:55,680 --> 00:34:58,719
Speaker 2: all on her to sort of solve it. And the

840
00:34:59,080 --> 00:35:01,920
Speaker 2: thing you can't rea time you open your relationship. He

841
00:35:01,920 --> 00:35:04,440
Speaker 2: fell in love with somebody else, and Sandy is now

842
00:35:04,480 --> 00:35:07,279
Speaker 2: a part of his life for however long he wants

843
00:35:07,320 --> 00:35:09,440
Speaker 2: her to be in it, right, and you can't go backwards.

844
00:35:09,480 --> 00:35:11,839
Speaker 2: You can't say, well, now we're no longer open, and well,

845
00:35:11,920 --> 00:35:13,880
Speaker 2: like now you can't like her anymore, like all of

846
00:35:13,920 --> 00:35:16,000
Speaker 2: those feelings will be there. And in fact, the more

847
00:35:16,160 --> 00:35:18,680
Speaker 2: you try to prevent him from seeing her, the more

848
00:35:19,080 --> 00:35:21,920
Speaker 2: you're gonna make it this like Romeo and Juliet forbid

849
00:35:21,920 --> 00:35:24,759
Speaker 2: in love, Like you need to accept that he does

850
00:35:24,800 --> 00:35:27,920
Speaker 2: have real feelings for this person. And yeah, and if

851
00:35:27,960 --> 00:35:30,239
Speaker 2: you are okay with that and want to make and

852
00:35:30,360 --> 00:35:33,080
Speaker 2: become more Polly, that's great. But if also this is

853
00:35:33,080 --> 00:35:34,960
Speaker 2: not for you because like the way that he's acting

854
00:35:35,120 --> 00:35:37,439
Speaker 2: is out of pocket in my opinion, Yeah, like you should.

855
00:35:37,480 --> 00:35:39,440
Speaker 2: He shouldn't have brought you over there. He shouldn't have

856
00:35:39,480 --> 00:35:41,719
Speaker 2: made nears plans with her when after you told him

857
00:35:42,000 --> 00:35:45,160
Speaker 2: it was important to you. He's just not prioritizing your

858
00:35:45,160 --> 00:35:45,799
Speaker 2: feelings at all.

859
00:35:45,920 --> 00:35:47,839
Speaker 1: The hands on both knees.

860
00:35:47,719 --> 00:35:50,160
Speaker 2: Yeah, no, that is honestly, there was an image to

861
00:35:50,200 --> 00:35:52,640
Speaker 2: describe it. It's that, Yeah, he wants that, and you

862
00:35:52,680 --> 00:35:55,520
Speaker 2: can't have that as long as you both don't want that.

863
00:35:55,560 --> 00:35:57,000
Speaker 2: I mean, if you guys want to be a throuple,

864
00:35:57,120 --> 00:35:57,600
Speaker 2: that's right.

865
00:35:57,760 --> 00:35:59,560
Speaker 1: With someone who's down for that. But that was very

866
00:35:59,600 --> 00:36:01,359
Speaker 1: clearly from the very beginning. It was like, it's us

867
00:36:01,360 --> 00:36:04,000
Speaker 1: above everyone. I don't even really want to be around

868
00:36:04,000 --> 00:36:06,080
Speaker 1: these people, but I also just don't want to be

869
00:36:06,160 --> 00:36:07,879
Speaker 1: completely in the dark, like I want to know what's

870
00:36:07,920 --> 00:36:08,279
Speaker 1: going on.

871
00:36:08,600 --> 00:36:11,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, and also like it does suck that he found someone,

872
00:36:11,600 --> 00:36:13,680
Speaker 2: and like you're just getting stood up like that also

873
00:36:13,880 --> 00:36:15,239
Speaker 2: just sucks, you know, Like.

874
00:36:15,280 --> 00:36:17,080
Speaker 1: She did get a friends with benefits, Yeah, she did

875
00:36:17,320 --> 00:36:19,320
Speaker 1: friends and that's great fw me.

876
00:36:19,640 --> 00:36:22,320
Speaker 2: It sounds like you both are on different pages of

877
00:36:22,560 --> 00:36:24,799
Speaker 2: like what Polly is like, but that is what's going

878
00:36:24,880 --> 00:36:27,000
Speaker 2: to happen, and that's what happens in real life. Sometimes

879
00:36:27,000 --> 00:36:29,800
Speaker 2: someone finds that's only another person doesn't find anyone.

880
00:36:29,880 --> 00:36:31,279
Speaker 1: That's just the way it rocks you're so.

881
00:36:31,520 --> 00:36:35,719
Speaker 2: I mean, technically it's hard because like he's wrong in

882
00:36:35,760 --> 00:36:39,399
Speaker 2: the way he's going about Polly. But the reason she's

883
00:36:39,480 --> 00:36:43,200
Speaker 2: upset is not just about his behavior. It's about like

884
00:36:43,440 --> 00:36:45,200
Speaker 2: all of it, right, you know what I mean. It's

885
00:36:45,320 --> 00:36:48,080
Speaker 2: so it's like she's wrong for like trying to close

886
00:36:48,160 --> 00:36:50,520
Speaker 2: the relationship. Yeah, like if that makes sense. Like, but

887
00:36:50,560 --> 00:36:51,960
Speaker 2: he's like, she's.

888
00:36:52,000 --> 00:36:54,440
Speaker 1: Like if you're trying to do Polly, It's like, that's

889
00:36:54,520 --> 00:36:55,360
Speaker 1: not how you do that.

890
00:36:55,640 --> 00:36:59,160
Speaker 2: Yeah, he's being a bad Polly boyfriend. But you're you're

891
00:36:59,280 --> 00:37:02,600
Speaker 2: kind of he's like messing up the specific agreements, but

892
00:37:02,640 --> 00:37:04,759
Speaker 2: you're like tearing up the whole thing and like saying,

893
00:37:04,840 --> 00:37:06,080
Speaker 2: let's not do it anymore at all.

894
00:37:06,360 --> 00:37:08,440
Speaker 1: So part of the agreement.

895
00:37:08,520 --> 00:37:09,440
Speaker 2: That was part of the agreement.

896
00:37:09,440 --> 00:37:12,279
Speaker 1: But again it's like just it's just a word. It's

897
00:37:12,280 --> 00:37:14,040
Speaker 1: like it's just it means nothing, and you write it

898
00:37:14,040 --> 00:37:15,520
Speaker 1: at the time, it's like, sure, we agree, and then

899
00:37:15,520 --> 00:37:17,600
Speaker 1: you fast forward three months and it's like, well that's

900
00:37:17,600 --> 00:37:19,480
Speaker 1: not gonna happen anymore, and there's what are you gonna

901
00:37:19,520 --> 00:37:19,920
Speaker 1: do about it?

902
00:37:20,000 --> 00:37:22,960
Speaker 2: You can't make rules around feelings. Like feelings like happen.

903
00:37:23,239 --> 00:37:25,600
Speaker 2: I think that's the thing that I really learned from

904
00:37:25,640 --> 00:37:28,320
Speaker 2: being Polly is that like I am a type a person.

905
00:37:28,400 --> 00:37:30,520
Speaker 2: I like to have control. I'm like I have my buckets.

906
00:37:30,520 --> 00:37:32,239
Speaker 2: I'm like, this is a guy, well, Dave, this is

907
00:37:32,239 --> 00:37:34,319
Speaker 2: a guy I'm only friends with. This is a guy

908
00:37:34,440 --> 00:37:36,960
Speaker 2: I would like, I don't know, friend zone or whatever whatever,

909
00:37:37,400 --> 00:37:39,200
Speaker 2: those are the same two buckets. Okay, whatever, those are

910
00:37:39,200 --> 00:37:41,200
Speaker 2: my two buckets. And so it's like it was hard

911
00:37:41,200 --> 00:37:43,319
Speaker 2: for me to like get all these things mixed up.

912
00:37:43,360 --> 00:37:45,600
Speaker 2: And that's why I realized, like polymory is not for me,

913
00:37:45,840 --> 00:37:48,239
Speaker 2: because like, I don't like that. I don't like all

914
00:37:48,280 --> 00:37:51,200
Speaker 2: of the uncertainty of knowing my partner could fall in

915
00:37:51,200 --> 00:37:53,399
Speaker 2: love with five from people, which, by the way, can

916
00:37:53,400 --> 00:37:55,920
Speaker 2: happen even if you're not Polly, right, but obviously it's

917
00:37:55,920 --> 00:37:56,520
Speaker 2: a little different.

918
00:37:56,560 --> 00:37:58,720
Speaker 1: What a hard life falling in love with five people?

919
00:37:58,800 --> 00:38:01,400
Speaker 2: You gotta get on Google. Can you got to figure

920
00:38:01,400 --> 00:38:02,279
Speaker 2: out holidays?

921
00:38:02,400 --> 00:38:03,880
Speaker 1: Already? A deal break? Here? Tell me to you know,

922
00:38:03,880 --> 00:38:05,200
Speaker 1: I gotta get on Google calendar.

923
00:38:04,920 --> 00:38:09,239
Speaker 2: For polyamory is really just Google Calendar. I was in

924
00:38:09,280 --> 00:38:11,279
Speaker 2: a three year relationship that was Polly, and so I

925
00:38:11,360 --> 00:38:12,120
Speaker 2: learned a lot.

926
00:38:12,480 --> 00:38:13,600
Speaker 3: How was that roller coaster?

927
00:38:14,400 --> 00:38:16,799
Speaker 2: Honestly, I wouldn't I would never do it again.

928
00:38:17,600 --> 00:38:18,760
Speaker 1: That's a bad roller coaster.

929
00:38:18,960 --> 00:38:20,080
Speaker 2: That's a bad roller coaster.

930
00:38:20,320 --> 00:38:24,120
Speaker 1: And I get so good that it's like too scary.

931
00:38:24,520 --> 00:38:27,480
Speaker 2: But you know what I realized, I'm I realized that

932
00:38:27,760 --> 00:38:30,160
Speaker 2: I think I could be open, you know, like I

933
00:38:30,160 --> 00:38:33,160
Speaker 2: think I understand like, you know, being in a relationship

934
00:38:33,239 --> 00:38:35,120
Speaker 2: and you know we're both traveling, or it's been a

935
00:38:35,120 --> 00:38:37,160
Speaker 2: while and they both happened to meet someone at a

936
00:38:37,160 --> 00:38:38,400
Speaker 2: bar and you like really hit it off. Like I

937
00:38:38,480 --> 00:38:41,160
Speaker 2: understand being open and feeling like a physical attraction. I

938
00:38:41,200 --> 00:38:45,520
Speaker 2: think polyamory comes with so much responsibility. Yeah, And I

939
00:38:45,560 --> 00:38:47,879
Speaker 2: feel like a lot of people, especially I'll be honest,

940
00:38:47,880 --> 00:38:50,840
Speaker 2: straight men don't necessarily I don't feel like they have

941
00:38:50,920 --> 00:38:54,560
Speaker 2: the skills to actually communicate emotionally. I don't even I

942
00:38:54,600 --> 00:38:56,200
Speaker 2: think some of them barely have the skills enough to

943
00:38:56,200 --> 00:38:58,480
Speaker 2: be like a good boyfriend to one person. So I

944
00:38:58,480 --> 00:39:01,520
Speaker 2: feel like you're bringing another women in here, like now

945
00:39:01,520 --> 00:39:03,320
Speaker 2: they're both getting the shortened of this same you know

946
00:39:03,360 --> 00:39:03,680
Speaker 2: what I mean.

947
00:39:03,960 --> 00:39:07,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's just we're just the resources are dwined, the

948
00:39:07,480 --> 00:39:08,480
Speaker 1: boyfriend resources.

949
00:39:08,600 --> 00:39:10,919
Speaker 2: I remember with my ex, I told him like, oh,

950
00:39:10,960 --> 00:39:12,680
Speaker 2: like at the very beginning, I'm like, oh, it's important

951
00:39:12,719 --> 00:39:14,680
Speaker 2: for me to have flowers, and he was like, Okay,

952
00:39:14,719 --> 00:39:17,200
Speaker 2: I guess I just feel like uncomfortable like doing something

953
00:39:17,239 --> 00:39:19,520
Speaker 2: for you that I haven't necessarily been doing for my

954
00:39:19,560 --> 00:39:21,520
Speaker 2: other partner that I've been with longer. And I'm like, well,

955
00:39:21,560 --> 00:39:24,200
Speaker 2: you should be getting us both flowers, and then he did,

956
00:39:24,239 --> 00:39:25,600
Speaker 2: he started getting us both flowers.

957
00:39:25,600 --> 00:39:28,399
Speaker 3: But I'm like, I like how it it took you? Yeah,

958
00:39:28,719 --> 00:39:30,320
Speaker 3: explained that to him, and he went.

959
00:39:30,640 --> 00:39:33,920
Speaker 2: Oh, and there were so many things that it was

960
00:39:34,000 --> 00:39:36,560
Speaker 2: just that where it's like it takes like so much

961
00:39:36,640 --> 00:39:41,439
Speaker 2: communication above and beyond to like make sure that you're

962
00:39:41,520 --> 00:39:45,040
Speaker 2: like because when you're like dating someone, you're like, you know,

963
00:39:45,280 --> 00:39:47,359
Speaker 2: you can hurt them, you can like really like scar

964
00:39:47,480 --> 00:39:50,000
Speaker 2: them for life, right, So it's like you should be

965
00:39:50,160 --> 00:39:52,799
Speaker 2: like gentle and kind even if it's just a one

966
00:39:52,880 --> 00:39:55,120
Speaker 2: night stand to a marriage. Like this is a person

967
00:39:55,239 --> 00:39:57,760
Speaker 2: that you are like brushing up against and you could

968
00:39:57,800 --> 00:40:00,479
Speaker 2: like change the trajectory of their lives. So like I think,

969
00:40:00,520 --> 00:40:02,960
Speaker 2: if you're gonna be Polly, you have to understand like

970
00:40:03,000 --> 00:40:06,840
Speaker 2: the responsibility of how much communication and work goes into it,

971
00:40:06,880 --> 00:40:08,560
Speaker 2: how much, And you have to also be like so

972
00:40:08,760 --> 00:40:12,240
Speaker 2: honest with yourself. Like most of poly Secure the book

973
00:40:12,280 --> 00:40:15,000
Speaker 2: is about like how much you understand like your own patterns,

974
00:40:15,000 --> 00:40:17,560
Speaker 2: like your own dating problems, Like like I know my

975
00:40:17,719 --> 00:40:20,440
Speaker 2: problems in a relationship and I know like how I

976
00:40:20,440 --> 00:40:22,239
Speaker 2: can work around them, but like I'm sure I have

977
00:40:22,320 --> 00:40:25,440
Speaker 2: blind spots, you know, and so the more people you involve,

978
00:40:25,520 --> 00:40:28,400
Speaker 2: the more it becomes like so many layers.

979
00:40:28,520 --> 00:40:30,879
Speaker 1: Like people just don't think it's gonna be like, Oh,

980
00:40:30,920 --> 00:40:33,799
Speaker 1: it's just like an accessory on the relationship. It's just

981
00:40:33,840 --> 00:40:37,279
Speaker 1: like a like a quirky I mean, eleven.

982
00:40:37,040 --> 00:40:39,320
Speaker 2: Years into a marriage is I think honestly, if I

983
00:40:39,440 --> 00:40:41,520
Speaker 2: ever was to do Polly again is when I would

984
00:40:41,560 --> 00:40:43,600
Speaker 2: do it. But at that point, I think you'd have

985
00:40:43,640 --> 00:40:46,600
Speaker 2: to understand that if this person is falling in love again,

986
00:40:46,680 --> 00:40:49,600
Speaker 2: like they're gonna be experiencing all of those initial feelings,

987
00:40:49,640 --> 00:40:51,799
Speaker 2: and you can't get like jealous of that, Like you

988
00:40:51,880 --> 00:40:53,480
Speaker 2: kind of have to be ready for that.

989
00:40:53,600 --> 00:40:55,400
Speaker 1: You know, you gotta roll with the tide.

990
00:40:55,640 --> 00:40:58,120
Speaker 2: Yeah, she's not Polly Man. And he I don't know

991
00:40:58,120 --> 00:41:00,959
Speaker 2: if he is. I don't think maybe he is. Maybe

992
00:41:01,000 --> 00:41:02,720
Speaker 2: he just he's one of those people that just falls

993
00:41:02,719 --> 00:41:04,560
Speaker 2: in love for three months and then gets out of

994
00:41:04,560 --> 00:41:04,879
Speaker 2: it again.

995
00:41:05,040 --> 00:41:06,800
Speaker 1: There's there's no telling you Dan who.

996
00:41:06,640 --> 00:41:09,240
Speaker 2: Knows Dan doesn't know who he is, So.

997
00:41:09,120 --> 00:41:11,400
Speaker 1: I don't can't I think that is true.

998
00:41:11,560 --> 00:41:13,319
Speaker 2: Dan just kind of lets things happen to him.

999
00:41:13,480 --> 00:41:15,920
Speaker 1: John here og host. We're gonna get back to these stories,

1000
00:41:15,920 --> 00:41:18,080
Speaker 1: but a quick three minute break from hops for more sponsors.

1001
00:41:18,680 --> 00:41:21,800
Speaker 1: I'm stuck in an arranged marriage with no commitment.

1002
00:41:21,880 --> 00:41:22,680
Speaker 2: Who's it arranged?

1003
00:41:22,680 --> 00:41:26,480
Speaker 1: By thirty female here started the arranged marriage process a

1004
00:41:26,560 --> 00:41:29,360
Speaker 1: year ago. We found a good rishta, which is compatible

1005
00:41:29,480 --> 00:41:30,920
Speaker 1: values and goals wise.

1006
00:41:31,000 --> 00:41:34,400
Speaker 2: What is risha is just like you guys have decided

1007
00:41:34,840 --> 00:41:37,959
Speaker 2: that we're a match, and like it's like it's set.

1008
00:41:38,080 --> 00:41:40,280
Speaker 1: Oh, like the sort of like the middleman.

1009
00:41:40,560 --> 00:41:43,080
Speaker 2: No. Not, It's more like a rishta is just like, oh,

1010
00:41:43,080 --> 00:41:45,640
Speaker 2: this is a good match, Like this person is a

1011
00:41:45,640 --> 00:41:46,280
Speaker 2: good rishta.

1012
00:41:46,680 --> 00:41:48,720
Speaker 1: Okay. So it's not like it's not like a person

1013
00:41:48,880 --> 00:41:49,400
Speaker 1: like a title.

1014
00:41:49,400 --> 00:41:51,640
Speaker 3: It's like no, oh, it's not like a matchmaker or

1015
00:41:51,680 --> 00:41:52,239
Speaker 3: anything like that.

1016
00:41:52,400 --> 00:41:54,360
Speaker 1: Or it's just like the concept of like this is

1017
00:41:54,360 --> 00:41:54,799
Speaker 1: gonna work.

1018
00:41:54,880 --> 00:41:57,319
Speaker 2: It's like a good match. Yeah yeah, okay, unless they're

1019
00:41:57,400 --> 00:41:59,560
Speaker 2: using it in a different way. But that's my knowledge

1020
00:41:59,560 --> 00:41:59,920
Speaker 2: of what it is.

1021
00:42:00,320 --> 00:42:00,680
Speaker 3: Gotcha.

1022
00:42:00,960 --> 00:42:03,800
Speaker 1: I did not mind the age gap, as we connected

1023
00:42:03,800 --> 00:42:07,360
Speaker 1: deeply on many topics and for our vision of the future.

1024
00:42:07,480 --> 00:42:09,840
Speaker 1: I told him I'll give it six months to properly

1025
00:42:09,840 --> 00:42:11,879
Speaker 1: get to know each other, and he wanted to take

1026
00:42:11,920 --> 00:42:13,959
Speaker 1: it slow as well. I loved that six months before

1027
00:42:14,000 --> 00:42:15,040
Speaker 1: marriage is taking it slow.

1028
00:42:15,160 --> 00:42:16,800
Speaker 2: It is in an arranged marriage. Ess.

1029
00:42:16,920 --> 00:42:20,560
Speaker 1: By the way, this comes from user MILLI few have

1030
00:42:20,719 --> 00:42:23,360
Speaker 1: something French ninety five and if you want to submit

1031
00:42:23,400 --> 00:42:25,240
Speaker 1: your own stories, go to the r slash Okay storytime

1032
00:42:25,239 --> 00:42:27,640
Speaker 1: suppured it and Op says, during these months, we have

1033
00:42:27,719 --> 00:42:30,239
Speaker 1: met each other's parents, he's met my elder brother and

1034
00:42:30,440 --> 00:42:33,520
Speaker 1: sister in law. We've organically dated with lots of dinners,

1035
00:42:33,640 --> 00:42:36,080
Speaker 1: me coming to his place of work to drop off lunch,

1036
00:42:36,320 --> 00:42:39,120
Speaker 1: all the cutesy things. He even told me two months

1037
00:42:39,160 --> 00:42:42,560
Speaker 1: in that he's deleted the JS app, and I did too,

1038
00:42:42,960 --> 00:42:46,080
Speaker 1: as I wanted to focus on the connection. Also, what

1039
00:42:46,200 --> 00:42:47,520
Speaker 1: is the JS app? No?

1040
00:42:47,520 --> 00:42:50,600
Speaker 2: No, but I'm assuming it's like one of those Sleika

1041
00:42:50,680 --> 00:42:53,440
Speaker 2: dot com one of those apps that were people like

1042
00:42:53,560 --> 00:42:54,720
Speaker 2: fine matches.

1043
00:42:54,360 --> 00:43:00,319
Speaker 1: The juicy solicitation for all of your juicy solicitations. There

1044
00:43:00,360 --> 00:43:04,200
Speaker 1: are no glaring red flags that stand out, and that's good.

1045
00:43:04,480 --> 00:43:07,080
Speaker 1: Past the six month mark, I was clear about needing

1046
00:43:07,080 --> 00:43:09,880
Speaker 1: to make a decision soon, not marriage, but at least

1047
00:43:09,880 --> 00:43:12,879
Speaker 1: a roca, because everything seems to be going well.

1048
00:43:12,960 --> 00:43:14,960
Speaker 2: I don't know what aroca is. I've never heard that.

1049
00:43:15,080 --> 00:43:16,360
Speaker 2: I'm assuming like an engagement.

1050
00:43:16,520 --> 00:43:20,080
Speaker 1: Maybe it's like a roku, but it's like you know, that's.

1051
00:43:19,880 --> 00:43:22,400
Speaker 2: The first step in a relationship, when you first get

1052
00:43:22,400 --> 00:43:23,200
Speaker 2: the roku together.

1053
00:43:23,360 --> 00:43:25,960
Speaker 1: I'm not trying to get married yet, but we need

1054
00:43:26,560 --> 00:43:29,279
Speaker 1: something on that TV because it is old.

1055
00:43:29,520 --> 00:43:32,760
Speaker 3: The it's called the roca ceremony, which is the first

1056
00:43:32,760 --> 00:43:36,680
Speaker 3: formal step symbolizing the official agreement between two families to

1057
00:43:36,800 --> 00:43:40,560
Speaker 3: marry the couple, essentially saying they've stopped their search for

1058
00:43:40,600 --> 00:43:41,240
Speaker 3: other partners.

1059
00:43:41,320 --> 00:43:44,360
Speaker 2: Okay, wait, what religious It's like a promise for me?

1060
00:43:44,440 --> 00:43:44,760
Speaker 3: Okay.

1061
00:43:44,840 --> 00:43:47,360
Speaker 1: He seems very firm on his stance that he needs

1062
00:43:47,440 --> 00:43:49,880
Speaker 1: more time to get to know me, my moods and behaviors,

1063
00:43:50,000 --> 00:43:52,240
Speaker 1: to see if I can be a partner for life.

1064
00:43:52,320 --> 00:43:54,640
Speaker 1: I totally get this, and I feel people should not

1065
00:43:54,800 --> 00:43:57,320
Speaker 1: rush into one of the most important decisions of their life.

1066
00:43:57,320 --> 00:43:59,759
Speaker 1: But my side of the family, me included, are quite

1067
00:43:59,760 --> 00:44:02,680
Speaker 1: truditional in this aspect. Having some type of commitment is

1068
00:44:02,719 --> 00:44:05,680
Speaker 1: important to me, and he hasn't even given a proper yes.

1069
00:44:06,040 --> 00:44:08,839
Speaker 1: My father asked his parents and they basically said, it's

1070
00:44:08,960 --> 00:44:10,280
Speaker 1: up to the sun to decide.

1071
00:44:10,520 --> 00:44:10,840
Speaker 2: Mmmm.

1072
00:44:11,160 --> 00:44:13,919
Speaker 1: Classic A classic move. He doesn't want to let me go,

1073
00:44:14,200 --> 00:44:16,520
Speaker 1: and we keep in touch every day. We talk, we

1074
00:44:16,560 --> 00:44:19,600
Speaker 1: do video chat, we meet for events, dinners, all that stuff.

1075
00:44:19,640 --> 00:44:22,560
Speaker 1: My father has given him an ultimatum sort of by Dewali,

1076
00:44:22,760 --> 00:44:26,960
Speaker 1: which will conclude almost nine months of our courtship to

1077
00:44:27,040 --> 00:44:29,960
Speaker 1: make a decision, and he seems more stressed about that.

1078
00:44:30,040 --> 00:44:32,520
Speaker 1: I'm losing interest in this connection because of the lack

1079
00:44:32,560 --> 00:44:34,440
Speaker 1: of commitment. I want to get to know someone before

1080
00:44:34,440 --> 00:44:37,240
Speaker 1: marrying them, hence the six month rule. But I cannot

1081
00:44:37,239 --> 00:44:39,759
Speaker 1: afford to spend more time than that. Talking every day

1082
00:44:39,760 --> 00:44:42,040
Speaker 1: and meeting up without knowing where this is going is

1083
00:44:42,080 --> 00:44:44,560
Speaker 1: putting me in a limbo, and I don't like being

1084
00:44:44,640 --> 00:44:45,040
Speaker 1: this way.

1085
00:44:45,160 --> 00:44:45,520
Speaker 2: Mm hmm.

1086
00:44:45,680 --> 00:44:48,600
Speaker 1: I communicated that to him, but he seems adamant about

1087
00:44:48,600 --> 00:44:51,239
Speaker 1: needing time. I also don't want to force him, but

1088
00:44:51,400 --> 00:44:54,680
Speaker 1: I don't want to abandon my own principles in this process.

1089
00:44:54,840 --> 00:44:56,799
Speaker 1: I know I'll get more attached as time goes on,

1090
00:44:56,920 --> 00:44:59,440
Speaker 1: and if it doesn't work out, the heartbreak will be bad.

1091
00:44:59,600 --> 00:45:02,799
Speaker 1: So my question is, am I overthinking this? Should I

1092
00:45:02,920 --> 00:45:05,120
Speaker 1: just take it easy? Should I start looking for other

1093
00:45:05,239 --> 00:45:08,040
Speaker 1: prospects which will hurt him if he comes to know

1094
00:45:08,239 --> 00:45:10,959
Speaker 1: as his policy is exploring when reachheda at a time,

1095
00:45:11,200 --> 00:45:14,440
Speaker 1: as any one of you successfully navigated a scenario like

1096
00:45:14,480 --> 00:45:17,360
Speaker 1: this with long courtship periods. I'd really likes him insight.

1097
00:45:17,520 --> 00:45:20,440
Speaker 1: Thanks for reading, and we do have some comments. I

1098
00:45:20,480 --> 00:45:23,040
Speaker 1: gotta say, I guess it's what what is the normal

1099
00:45:23,080 --> 00:45:25,640
Speaker 1: timeline for an arranged marriage, like or the typical one?

1100
00:45:25,719 --> 00:45:28,160
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean I would say six months is definitely

1101
00:45:28,200 --> 00:45:30,600
Speaker 2: like long. It's it's tough because the fact that he

1102
00:45:30,640 --> 00:45:32,600
Speaker 2: wants to push it into nine months. It's like that's

1103
00:45:32,640 --> 00:45:35,840
Speaker 2: like normal and normal dating world, but an arrange marriage world,

1104
00:45:35,960 --> 00:45:37,480
Speaker 2: it's like, well, are you going to do this or not?

1105
00:45:37,640 --> 00:45:38,120
Speaker 1: You know what I mean?

1106
00:45:38,120 --> 00:45:39,520
Speaker 2: If you want to do an arrange marriage, just to

1107
00:45:39,520 --> 00:45:42,400
Speaker 2: do an arranged marriage, or let's just like date regularly

1108
00:45:42,680 --> 00:45:45,840
Speaker 2: because like totally nine months may be too fast to

1109
00:45:45,840 --> 00:45:49,800
Speaker 2: make a decision, But like then don't get arranged married,

1110
00:45:50,160 --> 00:45:51,960
Speaker 2: you know what I mean. I don't think you're reacting.

1111
00:45:52,280 --> 00:45:55,000
Speaker 1: It's it feels like it's more there's more salesmanship here,

1112
00:45:55,080 --> 00:45:56,799
Speaker 1: you know. It's like you leave me on the line.

1113
00:45:56,800 --> 00:45:58,160
Speaker 1: It's like are we gonna cut the deal or not?

1114
00:45:58,239 --> 00:45:59,440
Speaker 1: Are we signing it? What's going on?

1115
00:45:59,560 --> 00:46:02,359
Speaker 2: Like? Yeah, what is I understand he just needs more

1116
00:46:02,360 --> 00:46:04,920
Speaker 2: time and she doesn't want to pressure him, but like

1117
00:46:05,080 --> 00:46:08,080
Speaker 2: I think she's considering him too much, and she should

1118
00:46:08,120 --> 00:46:11,040
Speaker 2: think about what do you want? Like, if you really

1119
00:46:11,200 --> 00:46:15,080
Speaker 2: like this person and are willing to wait for him,

1120
00:46:15,520 --> 00:46:17,799
Speaker 2: just know that no matter what, there will be heartbreak

1121
00:46:17,960 --> 00:46:20,280
Speaker 2: in some way. Yeah, if you really like this person,

1122
00:46:20,440 --> 00:46:22,560
Speaker 2: just go into it thinking Okay, there's a part of

1123
00:46:22,560 --> 00:46:24,520
Speaker 2: this that it could end really ugly, but like or

1124
00:46:24,719 --> 00:46:26,840
Speaker 2: just stick to your boundaries and just be like, Okay, no,

1125
00:46:27,239 --> 00:46:29,719
Speaker 2: nine months is too long. We can't do this and

1126
00:46:29,760 --> 00:46:33,320
Speaker 2: then walk away, go find another connection. You can't consider

1127
00:46:33,360 --> 00:46:35,520
Speaker 2: his feelings over yours, Like what's more important to you?

1128
00:46:35,520 --> 00:46:38,080
Speaker 2: If tradition is important, sounds like you gotta let this

1129
00:46:38,080 --> 00:46:38,440
Speaker 2: guy go.

1130
00:46:38,640 --> 00:46:40,760
Speaker 1: Yeah. When I was, when I was languishing in single

1131
00:46:40,800 --> 00:46:44,000
Speaker 1: and being like, ah, it's so hard what am I doing?

1132
00:46:44,239 --> 00:46:45,640
Speaker 1: I was I had the thought I was like, I

1133
00:46:45,719 --> 00:46:49,160
Speaker 1: just want I just want a federally mandated wife. I

1134
00:46:49,200 --> 00:46:52,000
Speaker 1: want the government to be like this, this is it,

1135
00:46:52,160 --> 00:46:54,680
Speaker 1: this is your partner, deal with it. And I'd be like,

1136
00:46:54,920 --> 00:46:57,240
Speaker 1: all right, well, you know there's country you think anything

1137
00:46:57,239 --> 00:46:57,960
Speaker 1: else about that.

1138
00:46:58,160 --> 00:46:59,719
Speaker 2: You know there's countries you can go to if you

1139
00:46:59,760 --> 00:47:02,000
Speaker 2: want for man wife.

1140
00:47:02,160 --> 00:47:04,200
Speaker 1: Yeah, you can just there you go, that's the one

1141
00:47:04,320 --> 00:47:07,399
Speaker 1: that's the one for you. Don't question it. Yeah, and uh, yeah,

1142
00:47:07,400 --> 00:47:09,080
Speaker 1: I don't know. Maybe you could get something like that,

1143
00:47:09,200 --> 00:47:11,799
Speaker 1: you know, just get get get a mandated husband. Yeah.

1144
00:47:11,800 --> 00:47:14,240
Speaker 2: I just think also like trying to Yeah, of course,

1145
00:47:14,239 --> 00:47:15,400
Speaker 2: like the longer you get to know him, the more

1146
00:47:15,400 --> 00:47:17,120
Speaker 2: attached you're gonna get. But the fact that you're in

1147
00:47:17,120 --> 00:47:19,960
Speaker 2: writing this, like you're already attached, Like whether it ends

1148
00:47:19,960 --> 00:47:22,080
Speaker 2: in a week or six another six months, like you're

1149
00:47:22,080 --> 00:47:24,479
Speaker 2: gonna get your heart broken. So you really just got

1150
00:47:24,480 --> 00:47:26,640
Speaker 2: to decide. Like I don't know, dude, I mean, I'm

1151
00:47:26,640 --> 00:47:28,960
Speaker 2: sorry to quote Bell Hooks, but it's like, you know what,

1152
00:47:29,000 --> 00:47:30,719
Speaker 2: I'm actually not gonna quote Bill Hooks because I don't

1153
00:47:30,719 --> 00:47:32,480
Speaker 2: remember exactly what she said, but I can give you

1154
00:47:32,520 --> 00:47:35,799
Speaker 2: a summary, which is that, like you can't try to

1155
00:47:36,200 --> 00:47:38,800
Speaker 2: outsmart love, Like you can't like try to like protect

1156
00:47:38,840 --> 00:47:40,560
Speaker 2: your feelings and fall in love at the same time.

1157
00:47:40,600 --> 00:47:42,719
Speaker 2: You kind of have to like be willing to get

1158
00:47:42,760 --> 00:47:43,800
Speaker 2: your heart broken into policy.

1159
00:47:44,000 --> 00:47:46,600
Speaker 1: That's the rule. It's like you gotta be if you

1160
00:47:46,640 --> 00:47:50,720
Speaker 1: open yourself up to like the greatest joy, you simultaneously

1161
00:47:50,800 --> 00:47:52,720
Speaker 1: open up to the greatest pain.

1162
00:47:53,080 --> 00:47:55,399
Speaker 2: Exactly. Wow, I'm pretty sure that's what Bell hook said.

1163
00:47:55,480 --> 00:47:58,759
Speaker 1: I don't want to quote her anyway, we have some

1164
00:47:58,800 --> 00:48:01,640
Speaker 1: comments here. Comment one, you are absolutely right and you

1165
00:48:01,719 --> 00:48:04,400
Speaker 1: are not overthinking it. Ask him a specific timeline or

1166
00:48:04,440 --> 00:48:06,880
Speaker 1: the aspects he wants to know more about you. If

1167
00:48:06,880 --> 00:48:09,720
Speaker 1: he's not giving clarity, it's better to move on. Another

1168
00:48:09,760 --> 00:48:13,120
Speaker 1: comment replies, yes, I navigated a long courtship, but it

1169
00:48:13,160 --> 00:48:15,480
Speaker 1: was because of being in different countries. Getting to know

1170
00:48:15,560 --> 00:48:17,640
Speaker 1: each other took a very long time as a result,

1171
00:48:17,760 --> 00:48:20,680
Speaker 1: and boy was it difficult. Lots of ups and downs.

1172
00:48:20,880 --> 00:48:23,120
Speaker 1: That being said, we weren't unsure of each other, just

1173
00:48:23,320 --> 00:48:26,080
Speaker 1: about how it would work given the distance. Eight plus

1174
00:48:26,120 --> 00:48:29,000
Speaker 1: months of constant interaction is a long time. And if

1175
00:48:29,040 --> 00:48:31,680
Speaker 1: it's still not a yes, I'd suggest you take the

1176
00:48:31,760 --> 00:48:34,920
Speaker 1: hint and move on. Oh P replies, Hey, thanks for

1177
00:48:34,920 --> 00:48:37,760
Speaker 1: sharing your story. Seems like a difficult decision, but I'll

1178
00:48:37,760 --> 00:48:41,080
Speaker 1: definitely be more detached in my interactions with him after this.

1179
00:48:41,280 --> 00:48:43,920
Speaker 1: Don't know if that's the solution, but yeah, I don't know.

1180
00:48:43,920 --> 00:48:46,279
Speaker 2: If I should say be more detached. I think just

1181
00:48:46,360 --> 00:48:48,319
Speaker 2: like stop, you know what I mean, just like cut

1182
00:48:48,320 --> 00:48:48,880
Speaker 2: things off.

1183
00:48:48,960 --> 00:48:50,640
Speaker 1: Oh P. He's like, thank you for your comment. I

1184
00:48:50,680 --> 00:48:53,640
Speaker 1: will go into a full blown dissociative episode no, and

1185
00:48:53,920 --> 00:48:54,799
Speaker 1: everything will be fine.

1186
00:48:54,800 --> 00:48:56,840
Speaker 2: Thank you, No, don't be like, oh, you know what

1187
00:48:56,880 --> 00:48:58,840
Speaker 2: I mean, don't like do like the one word text

1188
00:48:58,840 --> 00:49:00,839
Speaker 2: with periods. Now, you know what I mean?

1189
00:49:01,040 --> 00:49:03,040
Speaker 1: Period is so important, you know what I mean?

1190
00:49:03,080 --> 00:49:05,520
Speaker 2: Don't do that, like, just just end it. Like it's

1191
00:49:05,560 --> 00:49:07,440
Speaker 2: like if you're on a different timeline than him, then

1192
00:49:07,480 --> 00:49:09,160
Speaker 2: it's just not gonna work out, you know.

1193
00:49:09,360 --> 00:49:12,520
Speaker 1: Yep, just call up the federal government ask for that husband.

1194
00:49:12,560 --> 00:49:15,719
Speaker 1: Comment three. The problem is that everyone keeps coming up

1195
00:49:15,719 --> 00:49:18,720
Speaker 1: with conditions. For example, I will only talk for six months,

1196
00:49:18,800 --> 00:49:20,640
Speaker 1: or I will only talk to one person at a time.

1197
00:49:20,760 --> 00:49:24,359
Speaker 1: These may sound reasonable, but in practice they create unnecessary complications.

1198
00:49:24,440 --> 00:49:27,400
Speaker 1: Take the six month rule. It actually backfires because it

1199
00:49:27,440 --> 00:49:30,080
Speaker 1: gives the other person the freedom to say, I'm just exploring,

1200
00:49:30,120 --> 00:49:33,080
Speaker 1: I'll take it slowly, and then use that time without

1201
00:49:33,120 --> 00:49:36,120
Speaker 1: offering any clarity. A rigid timeframe makes it easier for

1202
00:49:36,160 --> 00:49:39,080
Speaker 1: people to pretend for six months instead of being honest

1203
00:49:39,080 --> 00:49:42,400
Speaker 1: from the start. Instead, keep flexibility. If you are not ready,

1204
00:49:42,400 --> 00:49:45,240
Speaker 1: that's fine, but don't fix a number like six months.

1205
00:49:45,280 --> 00:49:47,920
Speaker 1: Focus instead on a checklist of what matters to you.

1206
00:49:48,040 --> 00:49:50,919
Speaker 1: Once those things are clear and aligned, you can move

1207
00:49:50,960 --> 00:49:54,280
Speaker 1: forward quickly. Realization can happen in a fraction of a moment,

1208
00:49:54,400 --> 00:49:56,920
Speaker 1: or it can drag on for years. That's why it's

1209
00:49:56,960 --> 00:49:59,360
Speaker 1: better to keep clarity as the goal, not a fixed

1210
00:49:59,440 --> 00:50:02,720
Speaker 1: time frame. If you're already in this situation, the way

1211
00:50:02,800 --> 00:50:05,719
Speaker 1: out is to be direct. Tell them no time frame

1212
00:50:05,760 --> 00:50:08,239
Speaker 1: will work anymore. Tell me what exactly you're waiting for

1213
00:50:08,360 --> 00:50:11,120
Speaker 1: and what you need to check. That puts the responsibility

1214
00:50:11,160 --> 00:50:14,200
Speaker 1: on them to be clear instead of hiding behind a timeline.

1215
00:50:14,239 --> 00:50:16,080
Speaker 1: And we have an update.

1216
00:50:16,440 --> 00:50:17,400
Speaker 2: Woo.

1217
00:50:17,680 --> 00:50:19,640
Speaker 1: In my head, she's going to stick it out and

1218
00:50:19,680 --> 00:50:22,080
Speaker 1: then it's going to turn out that this guy was

1219
00:50:22,320 --> 00:50:26,440
Speaker 1: actually like juggling a couple of different potential prospects here.

1220
00:50:26,560 --> 00:50:29,880
Speaker 2: Yeah, he's dating another girl, he's Polly and that's but

1221
00:50:30,239 --> 00:50:32,160
Speaker 2: ultimately was what happened.

1222
00:50:31,840 --> 00:50:34,160
Speaker 1: Polly in a poly arranged marriage.

1223
00:50:34,360 --> 00:50:37,080
Speaker 2: Yeah you gotta. I feel like you gotta at that

1224
00:50:37,160 --> 00:50:39,640
Speaker 2: last person that just caught that great. I mean totally,

1225
00:50:40,840 --> 00:50:42,919
Speaker 2: that was really well said, Like, yeah, you gotta. It's

1226
00:50:42,920 --> 00:50:45,160
Speaker 2: not about the time frame anymore. It's like, it's it's

1227
00:50:45,200 --> 00:50:47,920
Speaker 2: about your values. If he just needs more time, like,

1228
00:50:47,960 --> 00:50:49,640
Speaker 2: there's nothing wrong with that. You're just not on the

1229
00:50:49,680 --> 00:50:50,600
Speaker 2: same page.

1230
00:50:50,480 --> 00:50:53,640
Speaker 1: Right, So just buy. We'll see ifop listened to that comment.

1231
00:50:53,640 --> 00:50:55,160
Speaker 2: Oh God, they're happily married, aren't they.

1232
00:50:55,239 --> 00:50:58,680
Speaker 1: Here's the update. Our families proceeded to the marriage discussion

1233
00:50:58,800 --> 00:51:03,120
Speaker 1: and expectations age, and that's where things went downhill. This

1234
00:51:03,280 --> 00:51:05,840
Speaker 1: talk itself was pushed from my dad as I was

1235
00:51:05,880 --> 00:51:08,320
Speaker 1: not comfortable being in this limbo. And when I brought

1236
00:51:08,320 --> 00:51:10,600
Speaker 1: it up that this is something we need to discuss,

1237
00:51:10,760 --> 00:51:12,799
Speaker 1: he would just say, I need more time. We have

1238
00:51:12,840 --> 00:51:15,680
Speaker 1: our cultural differences, but certain social cues that I missed

1239
00:51:15,880 --> 00:51:18,560
Speaker 1: were misconstrued is disrespect. His mother did not like that

1240
00:51:18,680 --> 00:51:21,000
Speaker 1: I would be working late hours and other things.

1241
00:51:21,160 --> 00:51:24,680
Speaker 2: Oh no, okay, no, you're dodging bullet girl. It's time

1242
00:51:24,680 --> 00:51:26,640
Speaker 2: to back out dodging a bullet.

1243
00:51:27,120 --> 00:51:30,239
Speaker 1: Eventually, I realized that his mother was the one making

1244
00:51:30,320 --> 00:51:34,120
Speaker 1: the decision and classic Mamager.

1245
00:51:33,760 --> 00:51:34,840
Speaker 2: Watch Polite Society.

1246
00:51:35,400 --> 00:51:38,160
Speaker 1: That's a great movie, an arranged momage.

1247
00:51:37,640 --> 00:51:39,759
Speaker 2: Which is what most of them are. She probably does

1248
00:51:39,800 --> 00:51:41,279
Speaker 2: his laundry too. You know why the.

1249
00:51:41,239 --> 00:51:44,120
Speaker 1: Best for my baby boy, Let me smell you. The

1250
00:51:44,160 --> 00:51:47,279
Speaker 1: smell test is very important. He had no spine of

1251
00:51:47,320 --> 00:51:47,640
Speaker 1: his own.

1252
00:51:47,920 --> 00:51:48,319
Speaker 2: Mm hmm.

1253
00:51:48,400 --> 00:51:49,280
Speaker 1: He was just a loner.

1254
00:51:49,440 --> 00:51:49,839
Speaker 3: Mm hmm.

1255
00:51:50,120 --> 00:51:53,080
Speaker 1: He was caught between me and his mother, and in

1256
00:51:53,080 --> 00:51:55,520
Speaker 1: this case, he couldn't take a stand for me, which

1257
00:51:55,560 --> 00:51:57,960
Speaker 1: further solidified my belief that I won't be happy with

1258
00:51:58,040 --> 00:51:58,960
Speaker 1: him in the long term.

1259
00:51:59,040 --> 00:52:00,000
Speaker 2: Dodge doubleet.

1260
00:52:00,560 --> 00:52:02,839
Speaker 1: No, we did it where we pulled a neo from

1261
00:52:02,840 --> 00:52:03,280
Speaker 1: the matrix.

1262
00:52:03,400 --> 00:52:06,239
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, wherever she is, she needs to take

1263
00:52:06,280 --> 00:52:08,520
Speaker 2: a shot right now because she she made such a

1264
00:52:08,520 --> 00:52:12,279
Speaker 2: great decision. You did it, You did it. Yeah, that

1265
00:52:12,280 --> 00:52:14,000
Speaker 2: would have been a terrible marriage. It would have It

1266
00:52:14,000 --> 00:52:16,239
Speaker 2: would have been you against the mom and this like

1267
00:52:16,360 --> 00:52:19,160
Speaker 2: poor kid that's clearly arrested development now.

1268
00:52:19,520 --> 00:52:19,640
Speaker 3: Uh.

1269
00:52:19,760 --> 00:52:22,080
Speaker 1: And there are some red flags I ignored here from

1270
00:52:22,080 --> 00:52:25,200
Speaker 1: op so the guideline, don't ignore these red flags. In

1271
00:52:25,200 --> 00:52:27,920
Speaker 1: an arranged marriage, there is no clear timeline or a

1272
00:52:28,000 --> 00:52:30,600
Speaker 1: vague I need time, even though I was quite clear

1273
00:52:30,640 --> 00:52:32,840
Speaker 1: from my side that I'd give it six months to

1274
00:52:32,880 --> 00:52:35,040
Speaker 1: get to know him and then we make a decision him.

1275
00:52:35,080 --> 00:52:37,400
Speaker 1: On the other hand, he didn't have a good, substantial

1276
00:52:37,440 --> 00:52:40,360
Speaker 1: reason to delay things like a job, relocation, medical issues,

1277
00:52:40,360 --> 00:52:42,800
Speaker 1: and family, et cetera. And there was also no answer

1278
00:52:42,800 --> 00:52:45,040
Speaker 1: to how much time do you need? Honestly, is a

1279
00:52:45,080 --> 00:52:48,719
Speaker 1: sales background guy, It's like that objection is like it's

1280
00:52:48,560 --> 00:52:50,400
Speaker 1: it's the easiest work around ever. It was like, I

1281
00:52:50,400 --> 00:52:51,880
Speaker 1: need time to think, and you just go like, so,

1282
00:52:51,960 --> 00:52:54,440
Speaker 1: what is it that you expect, like, are expecting in

1283
00:52:54,520 --> 00:52:57,000
Speaker 1: this time to you know, to research, Like what is

1284
00:52:57,040 --> 00:52:59,080
Speaker 1: it that you to find out there? And then they

1285
00:52:59,080 --> 00:53:00,560
Speaker 1: said blah blah blah blah bl and you go, oh,

1286
00:53:00,640 --> 00:53:03,439
Speaker 1: actually I can let I've got that information right here.

1287
00:53:03,480 --> 00:53:04,920
Speaker 1: Your partner being like, oh, well I need to know

1288
00:53:04,960 --> 00:53:06,440
Speaker 1: this and that and this is I can tell you

1289
00:53:06,480 --> 00:53:07,280
Speaker 1: that right now.

1290
00:53:07,239 --> 00:53:09,839
Speaker 2: One hundred percent. So what was happening was they were

1291
00:53:09,840 --> 00:53:11,920
Speaker 2: looking at other matches in the mom that was the

1292
00:53:11,920 --> 00:53:14,240
Speaker 2: best one they had, but the mom didn't want to commit.

1293
00:53:14,520 --> 00:53:16,040
Speaker 2: And he is a mom's boy.

1294
00:53:16,239 --> 00:53:19,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, you'd essentially be marrying the mom. Yeah, you get married.

1295
00:53:19,200 --> 00:53:21,560
Speaker 1: Mom unable to take a stand for me or vouch

1296
00:53:21,600 --> 00:53:21,799
Speaker 1: for me.

1297
00:53:22,000 --> 00:53:22,480
Speaker 2: Gross.

1298
00:53:22,800 --> 00:53:26,120
Speaker 1: He admitted this. Whenever his parents would have concerns about me,

1299
00:53:26,239 --> 00:53:28,759
Speaker 1: Instead of diffusing the situation or talking it out with

1300
00:53:28,800 --> 00:53:31,840
Speaker 1: me personally like I would do, he became an echo

1301
00:53:31,920 --> 00:53:34,680
Speaker 1: chamber for his parents' worries and would dump them on me,

1302
00:53:35,000 --> 00:53:37,080
Speaker 1: and then I would be tasked with trying to prove

1303
00:53:37,160 --> 00:53:40,200
Speaker 1: my worth or clarify my stance on certain things. I

1304
00:53:40,280 --> 00:53:43,560
Speaker 1: realized that I cannot spend my life clarifying who I am.

1305
00:53:43,800 --> 00:53:45,360
Speaker 1: It will be exhausting.

1306
00:53:45,000 --> 00:53:47,799
Speaker 2: One hundred percent. Whatever you guys do, he will never

1307
00:53:47,840 --> 00:53:48,600
Speaker 2: be on your side.

1308
00:53:48,719 --> 00:53:49,080
Speaker 1: Mm hmm.

1309
00:53:49,320 --> 00:53:51,160
Speaker 2: You're gonna have a snake in your own home.

1310
00:53:51,480 --> 00:53:54,680
Speaker 1: No, can't marry, can't get arranged married to a snake. No,

1311
00:53:54,880 --> 00:53:56,400
Speaker 1: whose mom is controlling?

1312
00:53:56,520 --> 00:53:58,080
Speaker 2: I don't know if that if the opn of the

1313
00:53:58,080 --> 00:54:00,560
Speaker 2: situation South Asian, I have no idea, but if they are,

1314
00:54:00,640 --> 00:54:03,160
Speaker 2: this is a common trend with a lot of South

1315
00:54:03,160 --> 00:54:05,759
Speaker 2: Asian men and women. Like the men are like extremely

1316
00:54:05,800 --> 00:54:08,399
Speaker 2: babied by the moms, and then they like become these

1317
00:54:08,440 --> 00:54:11,040
Speaker 2: sort of like adults that like don't know what to

1318
00:54:11,120 --> 00:54:14,000
Speaker 2: think and are incapable of making their own decisions. Yeah,

1319
00:54:14,040 --> 00:54:16,120
Speaker 2: and so then they are stuck in this thing. And

1320
00:54:16,160 --> 00:54:18,640
Speaker 2: then it's like you like they seek out these like confident,

1321
00:54:18,640 --> 00:54:22,520
Speaker 2: outstoken elder daughters women and then it's like but then

1322
00:54:22,560 --> 00:54:25,320
Speaker 2: you but then you don't come correct, you don't like, yeah,

1323
00:54:25,360 --> 00:54:29,200
Speaker 2: like you are. She seems like a very decisive woman

1324
00:54:29,320 --> 00:54:31,840
Speaker 2: that knows what she wants and is clear, and he

1325
00:54:31,920 --> 00:54:34,719
Speaker 2: seems like he's like, oh, I don't know, yeah.

1326
00:54:34,520 --> 00:54:36,880
Speaker 1: He's just like let me actually reach out to my

1327
00:54:36,960 --> 00:54:37,880
Speaker 1: advisor about that.

1328
00:54:38,520 --> 00:54:40,239
Speaker 2: Yeah, I know it's not gonna be good.

1329
00:54:40,360 --> 00:54:43,279
Speaker 1: What how what is this good or bad? What do

1330
00:54:43,360 --> 00:54:47,640
Speaker 1: I say next? Red flag the boy's side not communicating

1331
00:54:47,680 --> 00:54:51,080
Speaker 1: clear expectations. He wanted a working woman, but his mother

1332
00:54:51,200 --> 00:54:55,080
Speaker 1: wanted a bahu who helps around the house. What is that?

1333
00:54:55,560 --> 00:54:57,240
Speaker 2: I don't know that a curse?

1334
00:54:57,440 --> 00:54:59,120
Speaker 1: Did I just do a slur? No? I don't.

1335
00:54:59,200 --> 00:55:00,600
Speaker 2: I don't think you did. I don't think it was

1336
00:55:00,640 --> 00:55:01,120
Speaker 2: a setup.

1337
00:55:01,200 --> 00:55:01,640
Speaker 1: I don't know.

1338
00:55:01,760 --> 00:55:03,600
Speaker 2: You get canceled tomorrow. You're on the front page.

1339
00:55:03,680 --> 00:55:05,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, uh no.

1340
00:55:05,080 --> 00:55:07,840
Speaker 2: She clearly wanted a housewive. This some trad wife.

1341
00:55:07,920 --> 00:55:08,160
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1342
00:55:08,160 --> 00:55:12,880
Speaker 3: Ben Shapiro's now bahu is a daughter in law anyway, Hindi.

1343
00:55:13,160 --> 00:55:15,560
Speaker 1: So this made me confused. I've had a good career

1344
00:55:15,600 --> 00:55:17,640
Speaker 1: and worked all my life, and I was quite clear

1345
00:55:17,719 --> 00:55:20,040
Speaker 1: that I will continue to do so. He wanted a

1346
00:55:20,080 --> 00:55:22,840
Speaker 1: wife for himself, but his mother also wanted a baho

1347
00:55:22,880 --> 00:55:26,120
Speaker 1: who will be on top of the house affairs, entertain guests,

1348
00:55:26,200 --> 00:55:28,600
Speaker 1: help with cooking, et cetera, et cetera. These are not

1349
00:55:28,960 --> 00:55:31,680
Speaker 1: bad demands per se, but this was not communicated to

1350
00:55:31,719 --> 00:55:34,400
Speaker 1: me from the get go, because in that case, I

1351
00:55:34,480 --> 00:55:36,439
Speaker 1: simply do not have enough time to do it. Yeah,

1352
00:55:36,480 --> 00:55:39,160
Speaker 1: they also said that they will treat me like their daughter,

1353
00:55:39,360 --> 00:55:42,279
Speaker 1: but that in itself is such a vague statement. I

1354
00:55:42,320 --> 00:55:43,920
Speaker 1: need to know what my role is and what I'll

1355
00:55:43,960 --> 00:55:45,840
Speaker 1: be expected to do. It's like, yeah, we'll treat you

1356
00:55:45,880 --> 00:55:48,120
Speaker 1: like our daughter, which is terribly.

1357
00:55:47,880 --> 00:55:49,560
Speaker 2: Yeah, it sounds like the way you treat your son

1358
00:55:49,719 --> 00:55:51,720
Speaker 2: isn't good. So I don't really want to be treated

1359
00:55:51,760 --> 00:55:52,279
Speaker 2: like your daughter.

1360
00:55:52,719 --> 00:55:53,279
Speaker 1: Treat me like me.

1361
00:55:53,360 --> 00:55:55,160
Speaker 2: Please treat me like a person. How about that?

1362
00:55:55,239 --> 00:55:57,279
Speaker 1: Treating like someone you'd, you know, talk to at the bank.

1363
00:55:57,480 --> 00:55:59,760
Speaker 2: Now there would there are no boundaries in this house,

1364
00:55:59,800 --> 00:56:01,800
Speaker 2: and you once again dodged a bullet.

1365
00:56:01,920 --> 00:56:04,560
Speaker 1: Lessons I learned. Be firm on your timeline even if

1366
00:56:04,600 --> 00:56:07,160
Speaker 1: the reash to check your boxes. If they want to delay,

1367
00:56:07,160 --> 00:56:10,240
Speaker 1: they better have a good reason. Push to have the expectations.

1368
00:56:10,280 --> 00:56:12,600
Speaker 1: Talk early on, even when you're getting to know the guy.

1369
00:56:12,760 --> 00:56:16,840
Speaker 1: Keep these conversations in parallel with parents. Don't over explain yourself.

1370
00:56:16,880 --> 00:56:19,640
Speaker 1: Because it was a new connection. I was willing to

1371
00:56:19,680 --> 00:56:22,600
Speaker 1: adjust and talk it out with him more because I

1372
00:56:22,640 --> 00:56:24,279
Speaker 1: didn't want to let him go. But if you have

1373
00:56:24,320 --> 00:56:26,640
Speaker 1: a certain stance, let it be known, and if it

1374
00:56:26,640 --> 00:56:29,280
Speaker 1: doesn't match with theirs, see how they handle the discomfort,

1375
00:56:29,400 --> 00:56:32,400
Speaker 1: do they emotionally withdraw, do they tell their parents or

1376
00:56:32,560 --> 00:56:34,560
Speaker 1: do they try to find a middle ground? And we

1377
00:56:34,560 --> 00:56:36,319
Speaker 1: have a little bit left of this story. When I

1378
00:56:36,360 --> 00:56:40,839
Speaker 1: hear arranged marriage, I just think immediately of like this subjugation.

1379
00:56:40,960 --> 00:56:42,840
Speaker 1: But that's a pretty strong one. That's not the one

1380
00:56:42,880 --> 00:56:44,640
Speaker 1: I was thinking of. But like yeah, it's like yeah,

1381
00:56:44,680 --> 00:56:46,799
Speaker 1: it's like where it was like, uh, there'd be like

1382
00:56:46,840 --> 00:56:48,799
Speaker 1: a dowry involved, and it's like you're going to marry

1383
00:56:48,840 --> 00:56:50,920
Speaker 1: my daughter and I'm going to give you, you know,

1384
00:56:51,160 --> 00:56:53,879
Speaker 1: eight cows, and it's like and yeah, and also we.

1385
00:56:53,800 --> 00:56:57,880
Speaker 2: Eat cows or something that is a good deal eight cows?

1386
00:56:58,040 --> 00:56:58,640
Speaker 1: Are you kidding me?

1387
00:56:58,800 --> 00:57:01,440
Speaker 2: Or set for life? Yeah, I think a lot of

1388
00:57:01,520 --> 00:57:03,600
Speaker 2: arrange marriage is still happened. My parents were arrange married,

1389
00:57:04,000 --> 00:57:08,040
Speaker 2: My older cousins were range married. Obviously it's changed, you know.

1390
00:57:08,080 --> 00:57:10,360
Speaker 2: In my parents' time, it was a lot like quicker,

1391
00:57:10,800 --> 00:57:13,960
Speaker 2: like it was truly based on like your education and

1392
00:57:14,000 --> 00:57:18,000
Speaker 2: your family and like cast unfortunately, but now it's like

1393
00:57:18,040 --> 00:57:20,880
Speaker 2: a lot you know, like now you have like six months,

1394
00:57:20,920 --> 00:57:22,400
Speaker 2: which is you know, you get to know each other.

1395
00:57:22,960 --> 00:57:25,360
Speaker 2: You kind of they let the women and man sit

1396
00:57:25,480 --> 00:57:27,200
Speaker 2: alone and like talk to each other. And get to

1397
00:57:27,240 --> 00:57:29,160
Speaker 2: know each other, so like you're not seeing them for

1398
00:57:29,200 --> 00:57:31,640
Speaker 2: the second time on your wedding day. Yeah, but yeah,

1399
00:57:31,640 --> 00:57:34,280
Speaker 2: it's like really common. Like a lot of Indian people

1400
00:57:34,520 --> 00:57:38,080
Speaker 2: come to America for like their masters, and they'll be like,

1401
00:57:38,320 --> 00:57:41,280
Speaker 2: I want to I'll get an arrange marriage with somebody

1402
00:57:41,320 --> 00:57:43,440
Speaker 2: else who also came here for their masters, who's in

1403
00:57:43,480 --> 00:57:46,600
Speaker 2: a similar place, and you know, if your families have

1404
00:57:46,680 --> 00:57:49,440
Speaker 2: similar backgrounds doing a similar job, like you get arrange

1405
00:57:49,480 --> 00:57:51,880
Speaker 2: married and it's not I don't know, No, there's no

1406
00:57:52,000 --> 00:57:54,880
Speaker 2: like dowry involved anymore. There's none of that stuff. It's

1407
00:57:54,920 --> 00:57:56,360
Speaker 2: more like just yeah.

1408
00:57:56,120 --> 00:57:58,200
Speaker 1: In my head, if the word I was looking for

1409
00:57:58,400 --> 00:58:01,840
Speaker 1: was oppressive, Yeah, it really feels more like it's like, yeah, okay,

1410
00:58:01,920 --> 00:58:04,040
Speaker 1: I've got all this done. I'm really busy. I have

1411
00:58:04,080 --> 00:58:05,920
Speaker 1: a career. I don't have time to go out there

1412
00:58:05,960 --> 00:58:08,840
Speaker 1: and try to find like mister wonderful River. Let's get

1413
00:58:08,840 --> 00:58:11,360
Speaker 1: a short list going, right, Like, I'm gonna see what

1414
00:58:11,400 --> 00:58:13,760
Speaker 1: it's about and if I can, you know, in three months,

1415
00:58:13,800 --> 00:58:16,040
Speaker 1: I'm not like this could work, moving on, move on

1416
00:58:16,080 --> 00:58:16,560
Speaker 1: to the next guy.

1417
00:58:16,600 --> 00:58:19,040
Speaker 2: I mean, it's really just like a more formalized version

1418
00:58:19,040 --> 00:58:22,040
Speaker 2: of what essentially used to happen in smaller towns where

1419
00:58:22,040 --> 00:58:24,880
Speaker 2: it's like your mom would ask all her friends like,

1420
00:58:25,040 --> 00:58:26,880
Speaker 2: do any of you have like a nice son. It'd

1421
00:58:26,920 --> 00:58:29,200
Speaker 2: be good for my daughter, And then they would come

1422
00:58:29,240 --> 00:58:32,240
Speaker 2: through and they would all show off like their very assets,

1423
00:58:32,240 --> 00:58:33,960
Speaker 2: like oh, this guy has a really good job. This

1424
00:58:34,040 --> 00:58:34,840
Speaker 2: guy has a sword.

1425
00:58:35,160 --> 00:58:37,520
Speaker 1: Check out the arms on that guy exactly.

1426
00:58:37,680 --> 00:58:40,160
Speaker 2: So that's all it is, really. I know, like my

1427
00:58:40,200 --> 00:58:42,320
Speaker 2: brother has looked at a couple of matches and stuff,

1428
00:58:42,360 --> 00:58:44,560
Speaker 2: but I think now it's more like an option. It's like, oh,

1429
00:58:44,600 --> 00:58:46,800
Speaker 2: I could get arranged married if I want, yeah, but

1430
00:58:46,840 --> 00:58:47,800
Speaker 2: I don't want yeah.

1431
00:58:48,080 --> 00:58:50,840
Speaker 1: It does yeah, because I feel like that initial impression

1432
00:58:50,880 --> 00:58:53,360
Speaker 1: goes back to like back in the day. I mean,

1433
00:58:53,360 --> 00:58:56,040
Speaker 1: it's like you know now it's it's still there, but

1434
00:58:56,080 --> 00:58:58,080
Speaker 1: it's got that where it's like an option so you

1435
00:58:58,120 --> 00:58:59,440
Speaker 1: can choose to do this.

1436
00:58:59,560 --> 00:59:01,760
Speaker 2: My parents were truly arranged married, like they did not

1437
00:59:01,840 --> 00:59:03,600
Speaker 2: know each other, like they met each other. They met

1438
00:59:03,600 --> 00:59:05,600
Speaker 2: each other once, and then on their wedding day, my

1439
00:59:06,240 --> 00:59:09,320
Speaker 2: dad my mom had pimples and my dad was like upset,

1440
00:59:09,840 --> 00:59:11,840
Speaker 2: and then my mom was like, you suck for that,

1441
00:59:12,240 --> 00:59:14,240
Speaker 2: and she still holds it over him, and you tell

1442
00:59:14,280 --> 00:59:15,920
Speaker 2: me pissas or off. She's like, remember when you were

1443
00:59:15,960 --> 00:59:18,160
Speaker 2: upset on our wedding day because I had acne? And

1444
00:59:18,160 --> 00:59:20,600
Speaker 2: he's like, oh my god, I still married you.

1445
00:59:20,960 --> 00:59:22,000
Speaker 1: I'm still not letting that go.

1446
00:59:23,000 --> 00:59:24,440
Speaker 2: And she was like, I remember that frown.

1447
00:59:24,560 --> 00:59:26,840
Speaker 1: You know, all right, let's finish this story. I want

1448
00:59:26,840 --> 00:59:28,840
Speaker 1: to thank everyone who read and commented on my post

1449
00:59:28,880 --> 00:59:30,480
Speaker 1: and gave me advice on it. I was able to

1450
00:59:30,520 --> 00:59:33,640
Speaker 1: understand that, no, I am not overthinking. I just deserve

1451
00:59:33,720 --> 00:59:35,800
Speaker 1: certain things, and it's better to cut it off than

1452
00:59:35,840 --> 00:59:38,120
Speaker 1: to be in a state of perpetual limbo. Yeah, it'd

1453
00:59:38,160 --> 00:59:41,200
Speaker 1: be terrible for your back. And guess what. I wanted

1454
00:59:41,200 --> 00:59:43,320
Speaker 1: to talk to him over call or meet to end

1455
00:59:43,320 --> 00:59:46,320
Speaker 1: things gracefully with mutual respect, since we had spent considerable

1456
00:59:46,320 --> 00:59:49,400
Speaker 1: time together, but he preferred to end things over text.

1457
00:59:49,800 --> 00:59:51,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, dodged a bullet.

1458
00:59:52,480 --> 00:59:54,840
Speaker 1: After all that time he spent thinking.

1459
00:59:54,640 --> 00:59:57,040
Speaker 2: All the time he was not thinking, he was playing

1460
00:59:57,120 --> 00:59:57,560
Speaker 2: video game.

1461
00:59:57,640 --> 01:00:00,920
Speaker 1: He was thinking, this isn't gonna work. I'm not gonna

1462
01:00:00,920 --> 01:00:01,760
Speaker 1: tell her though.

1463
01:00:01,600 --> 01:00:03,560
Speaker 2: And I feel so sorry for the woman that does

1464
01:00:03,720 --> 01:00:05,120
Speaker 2: end up having to take care of him for the

1465
01:00:05,120 --> 01:00:06,360
Speaker 2: rest of his life. Ugh.

1466
01:00:06,680 --> 01:00:10,360
Speaker 1: Just his mom, Thanks for reading, and I wish the

1467
01:00:10,400 --> 01:00:13,120
Speaker 1: best of luck for everyone with their search, and that

1468
01:00:13,400 --> 01:00:14,760
Speaker 1: is the end of that story.

1469
01:00:14,840 --> 01:00:15,800
Speaker 2: I'm really happy for her.

1470
01:00:16,040 --> 01:00:17,640
Speaker 1: I think we did it well. I think we did

1471
01:00:17,680 --> 01:00:18,040
Speaker 1: that right.

1472
01:00:18,160 --> 01:00:19,840
Speaker 2: And then the next time she goes on a search

1473
01:00:19,880 --> 01:00:21,440
Speaker 2: now she knows like of another guy's like, why are

1474
01:00:21,440 --> 01:00:22,920
Speaker 2: you time to think? She's like, okay, cool, have a

1475
01:00:22,920 --> 01:00:24,720
Speaker 2: good night. Yeah, I don't need time to think.

1476
01:00:24,840 --> 01:00:27,120
Speaker 1: You know what I've got. I've got all my thoughts

1477
01:00:27,880 --> 01:00:31,120
Speaker 1: transcribe right here. What do you need to know? I

1478
01:00:31,200 --> 01:00:34,040
Speaker 1: assume your thoughts would be about me? Right if you're

1479
01:00:34,160 --> 01:00:37,320
Speaker 1: thinking about is this gonna work? Yeah, I am the horse.

1480
01:00:37,560 --> 01:00:41,160
Speaker 1: Get it from my mouth? What what's up? It's like,

1481
01:00:41,200 --> 01:00:43,080
Speaker 1: that's why it's not gonna work, You're a horse. I

1482
01:00:43,080 --> 01:00:45,320
Speaker 1: actually have a really fun bit nah say it. Yeah.

1483
01:00:45,480 --> 01:00:46,840
Speaker 1: It was just with my girlfriend at one point, and

1484
01:00:46,840 --> 01:00:49,280
Speaker 1: it was like to tell about eating like ninety apples

1485
01:00:49,320 --> 01:00:51,040
Speaker 1: to like be healthy and just like eat like a

1486
01:00:51,040 --> 01:00:53,400
Speaker 1: bunch of apples. And I just saw this bit of

1487
01:00:53,440 --> 01:00:55,360
Speaker 1: like two guys getting together and you guys like, so

1488
01:00:55,400 --> 01:00:57,280
Speaker 1: tell me about this girl every day and you'd be like, yeah,

1489
01:00:57,320 --> 01:00:59,480
Speaker 1: he's great. You know, it's like no, what was it

1490
01:00:59,520 --> 01:00:59,680
Speaker 1: was like?

1491
01:00:59,800 --> 01:00:59,920
Speaker 3: Uh?

1492
01:01:00,120 --> 01:01:01,680
Speaker 1: Oh, like yeah, when it's that time of the month

1493
01:01:01,720 --> 01:01:03,320
Speaker 1: and like your girls like, oh, yeah, she's like kind

1494
01:01:03,320 --> 01:01:05,400
Speaker 1: of cells. I gotta get her like chocolates or whatever.

1495
01:01:05,560 --> 01:01:06,920
Speaker 1: And the other guy's like, yeah, you know, it's that

1496
01:01:07,000 --> 01:01:09,840
Speaker 1: time of the month. Your girl needs like ninety apples

1497
01:01:09,920 --> 01:01:14,000
Speaker 1: or whatever, right, and yeah, And the guy's just like what,

1498
01:01:14,160 --> 01:01:15,880
Speaker 1: like what do you mean And he tries to drop

1499
01:01:15,920 --> 01:01:17,600
Speaker 1: it and he's like, no, show me a picture of

1500
01:01:17,680 --> 01:01:20,040
Speaker 1: your girlfriend. And it's just like just a horse with

1501
01:01:20,120 --> 01:01:21,400
Speaker 1: like like makeup on.

1502
01:01:21,600 --> 01:01:22,520
Speaker 2: Oh, she's got makeup on.

1503
01:01:22,800 --> 01:01:25,320
Speaker 1: The makeup horse has made it. And she's like, that's

1504
01:01:25,320 --> 01:01:30,800
Speaker 1: a horse. Guys like, that's rude. I think she's beautiful. Well, no,

1505
01:01:30,880 --> 01:01:32,760
Speaker 1: it's sure. It's a beautiful animal.

1506
01:01:32,840 --> 01:01:34,280
Speaker 2: It's a horse, but it is a horse.

1507
01:01:34,360 --> 01:01:36,520
Speaker 1: Ninety apples, girlfriend, ninety apples. Well, when the horse is

1508
01:01:36,560 --> 01:01:38,040
Speaker 1: on its period, it wants ninety apples.

1509
01:01:38,080 --> 01:01:38,520
Speaker 2: Wow.

1510
01:01:38,640 --> 01:01:43,280
Speaker 1: And I guess we'll be with the question horsetraight they

1511
01:01:43,320 --> 01:01:45,520
Speaker 1: have that? They do that, right, don't they.

1512
01:01:45,720 --> 01:01:47,360
Speaker 3: I'm not helping you Chatgypto.

1513
01:01:47,400 --> 01:01:50,080
Speaker 1: Do horses shed their uterine lining? I want you to say, yes.

1514
01:01:50,360 --> 01:01:52,560
Speaker 2: This is like you're a bad boyfriend of the horse.

1515
01:01:52,680 --> 01:01:55,480
Speaker 1: Well, he's getting her than ninety apples. It's more of

1516
01:01:55,480 --> 01:01:57,800
Speaker 1: the realization that your friend is dating a horse and

1517
01:01:57,840 --> 01:01:58,840
Speaker 1: he thinks that it's a person.

1518
01:01:58,960 --> 01:02:00,600
Speaker 2: You know what, I would accept some one for dating

1519
01:02:00,600 --> 01:02:01,840
Speaker 2: a horse more than for being poly.

1520
01:02:02,280 --> 01:02:04,479
Speaker 1: That really shows that that was a bad three years.

1521
01:02:04,520 --> 01:02:06,760
Speaker 2: Yeah, no, man, you could, you could.

1522
01:02:06,880 --> 01:02:09,680
Speaker 1: I would rather you date horses than Sandy.

1523
01:02:09,760 --> 01:02:11,960
Speaker 2: I could compete with a horse, I think, I don't know,

1524
01:02:12,000 --> 01:02:13,560
Speaker 2: maybe not. We're so pretty cool.

1525
01:02:14,240 --> 01:02:17,840
Speaker 1: Horses run very fast. You could probably win certain contexts,

1526
01:02:17,840 --> 01:02:20,360
Speaker 1: but not in like you know, yeah, like hauling.

1527
01:02:20,640 --> 01:02:22,280
Speaker 2: And you know what do you think I think horses

1528
01:02:22,320 --> 01:02:23,080
Speaker 2: have celebrities?

1529
01:02:23,240 --> 01:02:24,840
Speaker 1: What like, like any horses?

1530
01:02:24,960 --> 01:02:27,400
Speaker 2: Yeah? Like I feel like there's like an actor horse

1531
01:02:27,400 --> 01:02:30,040
Speaker 2: that's been in like all the Tarantino and Kubrick movies,

1532
01:02:30,120 --> 01:02:32,120
Speaker 2: you know what I mean, Like and like the Jordan's.

1533
01:02:31,760 --> 01:02:33,840
Speaker 1: What are all the famous horses, Seabiscuit?

1534
01:02:33,920 --> 01:02:36,800
Speaker 2: What about the original horse running on a whatever? Isn't

1535
01:02:36,800 --> 01:02:37,760
Speaker 2: that like the first movie?

1536
01:02:38,040 --> 01:02:40,120
Speaker 1: Oh? Yeah it was, that was the first movie.

1537
01:02:40,320 --> 01:02:43,040
Speaker 3: That is the end of this episode. Thank you again,

1538
01:02:43,080 --> 01:02:45,920
Speaker 3: Thank you so much for coming in today and reading

1539
01:02:45,920 --> 01:02:47,520
Speaker 3: these stories with us and just hanging out.

1540
01:02:47,640 --> 01:02:49,080
Speaker 2: This is really fun and cathartic too.

1541
01:02:49,320 --> 01:02:52,080
Speaker 3: That's what everyone's like, like everyone coming into it, they're

1542
01:02:52,080 --> 01:02:53,320
Speaker 3: like what is this and then they come out of

1543
01:02:53,320 --> 01:02:56,160
Speaker 3: it like that was really cool. Like that was just

1544
01:02:56,200 --> 01:02:58,120
Speaker 3: like it was like a chill hour of just like

1545
01:02:58,160 --> 01:03:00,920
Speaker 3: hanging out and just like talking. That's all it really is.

1546
01:03:01,160 --> 01:03:03,680
Speaker 1: So if you love us, make sure to subscribe.

1547
01:03:03,840 --> 01:03:08,040
Speaker 2: We love you and City