WEBVTT - Men-tuition 0:00:12.880 --> 0:00:22.920 We know it's parenting. Peter McNerney, Welcome back, Welcome back, kiddos, kids, parents, 0:00:23.280 --> 0:00:28.720 Calm down, Calm down, guys, it's another weekend parenting. We 0:00:28.760 --> 0:00:32.360 did it. Holy cow, how is everyone doing? I think 0:00:33.920 --> 0:00:36.279 this month has been kind of crazy for a lot 0:00:36.320 --> 0:00:38.600 of people because I don't know if we said this before, 0:00:38.640 --> 0:00:42.920 but we have a shorter December this year in terms 0:00:42.960 --> 0:00:45.680 of the amount of weeks after Thanksgiving we have to 0:00:45.800 --> 0:00:51.360 prepare for Christmas. That it feels true. I I am. 0:00:51.640 --> 0:00:56.760 I feel a thousand percent underwater right now. The amount 0:00:56.760 --> 0:00:58.600 of things I need to accomplish before we leave on 0:00:58.640 --> 0:01:05.160 Saturday is over. You better get on it. I think 0:01:05.280 --> 0:01:08.160 this whole month is like, it's not been bad, It's 0:01:08.160 --> 0:01:10.240 just been a lot of little things where you're just like, 0:01:11.000 --> 0:01:13.720 I can't stop focusing on all these little things I 0:01:13.760 --> 0:01:17.080 need to get done. Like I found this year more 0:01:17.120 --> 0:01:19.759 than ever, I feel like as kind of a factor 0:01:19.800 --> 0:01:22.559 of having kids is like the amount of people who 0:01:23.000 --> 0:01:26.240 sort of work for me in some capacity or watch 0:01:26.319 --> 0:01:30.040 my children, or like sort of helped me day to 0:01:30.160 --> 0:01:33.040 day that I feel responsible for in terms of getting 0:01:33.520 --> 0:01:37.240 a small token of my appreciation, which for me is 0:01:37.760 --> 0:01:44.840 mostly cash. Um the the sheer number of people is 0:01:45.720 --> 0:01:50.040 just crazy, and I feel, I feel honestly very grateful 0:01:50.080 --> 0:01:52.160 that we have these people in our lives that make 0:01:52.200 --> 0:01:54.920 our day to day life function pretty smoothly. And the 0:01:54.960 --> 0:01:57.720 fact that we're in a year in our lives where 0:01:57.760 --> 0:02:01.280 we have money to give them. I feel so grateful 0:02:01.360 --> 0:02:06.280 for that. It's still a staggering amount of things to 0:02:06.400 --> 0:02:09.760 think about in terms of preparation for the holidays. Like 0:02:09.800 --> 0:02:12.160 it's just like, okay, I need to say that much. 0:02:12.200 --> 0:02:14.640 Oh there's also this person and this person, and like 0:02:14.800 --> 0:02:20.320 you're just I don't know, but I'm glad. I'm just 0:02:20.520 --> 0:02:24.040 very glad that like there's a number of people I 0:02:24.080 --> 0:02:27.160 can just throw twenty bucks to or whatever amount that 0:02:27.600 --> 0:02:29.760 feels on par with the amount of work they do 0:02:29.840 --> 0:02:34.120 for us to day today and then feel like just 0:02:34.200 --> 0:02:36.240 feel like I can do that for them and it's 0:02:36.240 --> 0:02:38.720 not a strain on us at this moment. Yeah, that's 0:02:38.760 --> 0:02:43.639 not That is not any more stressful than just getting 0:02:43.680 --> 0:02:47.280 that done right. It's like, it's nice to know that 0:02:47.320 --> 0:02:49.120 the stress is just getting it done in The stress 0:02:49.160 --> 0:02:52.960 is not like tallying up meticulously the amount of money 0:02:53.000 --> 0:02:55.880 we have available to expand on this You know like 0:02:55.960 --> 0:02:58.520 it's one thing to have a checklist of things you 0:02:58.560 --> 0:03:02.440 need to get through another where each item just you 0:03:02.480 --> 0:03:05.359 need to weigh against all these other factors and can 0:03:05.440 --> 0:03:07.680 we do this is the right things? Just do this, 0:03:07.720 --> 0:03:10.840 do this, do this, do this? Yeah, because yeah, there's 0:03:10.880 --> 0:03:13.040 just a lot of I can do it checklist. I'll 0:03:13.040 --> 0:03:16.880 get through it. I don't have room in my brain 0:03:17.000 --> 0:03:20.519 right now for nuance, for big picture. I just need 0:03:20.520 --> 0:03:24.960 to get through the stuff. It's gonna be. So it 0:03:25.000 --> 0:03:29.760 feels I mean, I'm I'm stressed, but I'm happy, but 0:03:29.840 --> 0:03:35.680 it does feel it feels like finals week. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 0:03:35.840 --> 0:03:38.480 I was telling someone this week where I was like, 0:03:39.120 --> 0:03:40.680 there's a lot of things to get done. I feel 0:03:40.680 --> 0:03:42.680 like I'm pretty on top of them getting them all done. 0:03:43.320 --> 0:03:45.600 But I'm very eager to move into the portion of 0:03:45.640 --> 0:03:50.000 the holidays where we all just drink. Yes, we all go, 0:03:50.680 --> 0:03:54.120 and then most seasons I go, I can relax. So 0:03:54.160 --> 0:03:58.360 I instantly get sick because my body is like, well, 0:03:58.400 --> 0:04:00.840 you don't need to pull through. Well, the good news 0:04:00.920 --> 0:04:04.120 is we've all been coughing all month, so I think 0:04:04.160 --> 0:04:10.240 it sounds terrible. I feel this week a very like 0:04:12.720 --> 0:04:15.160 I'm just I'm annoyed at myself at the level of 0:04:15.160 --> 0:04:19.640 guilt I feel about these coughs because more than one 0:04:19.680 --> 0:04:23.960 person has made a comment. It's always some older woman 0:04:24.920 --> 0:04:29.040 who is like, our children are coughing, and there's always 0:04:29.040 --> 0:04:31.240 someone who asked to step in and be like, did 0:04:31.279 --> 0:04:35.239 you realize your children are sick? Like? And it just 0:04:35.040 --> 0:04:38.880 is very dramatic because it's like kids get these colds 0:04:38.920 --> 0:04:41.320 and then the costs linger, and that's what happens, and 0:04:41.320 --> 0:04:43.640 there's really not much you can do besides waited out, 0:04:44.160 --> 0:04:47.880 keep the humidifiers on, rub eucalyptus oil on their feet, 0:04:47.960 --> 0:04:50.520 you know, like you do all these things and it's 0:04:50.560 --> 0:04:54.640 just a matter of time, and then you get these comments. 0:04:55.320 --> 0:05:00.160 You really take these comments. I know it's so are 0:05:00.320 --> 0:05:03.520 not too though, because it's like I feel for you, 0:05:03.640 --> 0:05:08.120 but I don't understand it because I couldn't care less. 0:05:08.320 --> 0:05:13.120 I know you don't. I just feel like are So. 0:05:13.160 --> 0:05:15.680 We had a babysitter Saturday so we could go out 0:05:15.720 --> 0:05:18.920 to a party for a holiday party, which we almost 0:05:18.960 --> 0:05:23.719 never do. We went to an adult so we're letting loose. 0:05:23.920 --> 0:05:26.560 We're like, We're I'm going to have two drinks tonight, 0:05:26.760 --> 0:05:29.880 Like we're kind of We're like relaxing for like the 0:05:30.000 --> 0:05:35.400 two hours of a six month period, and then we 0:05:35.480 --> 0:05:39.719 get a text from our babysitter that was like, are 0:05:39.760 --> 0:05:43.840 you aware of Brin's cough? Harsh and consistent cough? Is 0:05:44.000 --> 0:05:48.640 harsh and consistent cough. And I'm sure she means perfectly well, 0:05:48.680 --> 0:05:51.880 and she's trying. I think in her mind she's just 0:05:51.920 --> 0:05:54.920 trying to appear concerned and she's trying to look like 0:05:55.000 --> 0:05:59.039 she cares about our kids, and I think she does, 0:05:59.480 --> 0:06:03.599 and she's I think the cough was genuinely, genuinely concerning 0:06:03.640 --> 0:06:08.400 to her. Yeah, but it's also just like when you're 0:06:08.480 --> 0:06:12.640 leaving your kids for like three hours on a Saturday, 0:06:12.800 --> 0:06:16.120 it's like, yeah, I know they have a cough. I 0:06:16.120 --> 0:06:19.400 should break She texted me, and I showed you this text, 0:06:19.600 --> 0:06:22.760 and it had an effect on you. I did not anticipate. 0:06:22.880 --> 0:06:25.360 You shouldn't have shown me this. I I really regret 0:06:25.440 --> 0:06:28.840 it because I saw it and I was like, Okay, 0:06:29.120 --> 0:06:31.120 it's not like I'm gonna come home, and it did 0:06:31.160 --> 0:06:35.480 not bother me in the slightest. Um well, because the 0:06:35.480 --> 0:06:38.880 text was also in the context of us we sat 0:06:38.960 --> 0:06:41.120 in a lot of traffic to get to our friend's party, 0:06:41.160 --> 0:06:42.520 and then by the time we got there, we were like, 0:06:42.520 --> 0:06:44.279 oh my god, we'll have to leave soon to get 0:06:44.279 --> 0:06:45.840 back for When we told her so, we were like, 0:06:45.880 --> 0:06:48.359 can you stay a little bit later? And she was 0:06:48.400 --> 0:06:52.880 like fine, and then she actually she said absolutely, have fun. Yeah, 0:06:53.520 --> 0:06:56.560 And then she sends this text that is like, are 0:06:56.600 --> 0:06:59.839 you where your children are? On death's door? With a cough? 0:07:01.440 --> 0:07:04.640 Are you just out there partying the night away like that? 0:07:04.800 --> 0:07:11.200 During this I'm illustrating this really terrible sounding cough. It's 0:07:11.440 --> 0:07:16.200 just it's just a cough. I know. I I don't 0:07:16.320 --> 0:07:23.520 um I she's a good babysitter, meant anything bad by it. 0:07:23.760 --> 0:07:30.720 I just think the timing of it is it's I'm 0:07:30.760 --> 0:07:34.600 not saying I'm having a rational response. I'm just saying 0:07:35.480 --> 0:07:39.160 that's that's okay. Your society has heavily conditioned me to 0:07:39.280 --> 0:07:43.400 be hair trigger responsive to this kind of mom j 0:07:43.960 --> 0:07:46.760 mom judgment. And it's like, and I don't even think 0:07:46.800 --> 0:07:52.520 she's judgmental, but she it's because she's under her own 0:07:52.560 --> 0:07:56.760 spell of feeling judgment for like being like, I'm responsible 0:07:56.840 --> 0:07:58.800 for these children tonight. I have to look like a 0:07:58.920 --> 0:08:02.640 care I have to like when we leave, she leaves 0:08:02.680 --> 0:08:06.000 the door open to their bedroom, Like they're three and five. 0:08:06.080 --> 0:08:09.000 We haven't kept the door open while they're sleeping in years. 0:08:09.720 --> 0:08:13.240 But she's like, we've never done that. Whatever. But she's 0:08:13.360 --> 0:08:16.360 she's like, what's going on? Are they okay? Like she's 0:08:16.400 --> 0:08:18.640 like very tuned in, and I know she means well, 0:08:18.720 --> 0:08:22.320 and she concerned about the cops. Yeah, she worked them 0:08:22.360 --> 0:08:27.760 to give the water. Which when you grew up, Um, 0:08:27.960 --> 0:08:32.240 did you sleep with your door open? I think I did. 0:08:32.480 --> 0:08:35.080 I don't think so. Our kids always have the I 0:08:35.080 --> 0:08:38.959 mean because we live we sleep right next to them. 0:08:39.080 --> 0:08:42.120 I feel like the house I grew up when the 0:08:42.160 --> 0:08:45.520 house when I grew up in similar to our current apartment. 0:08:45.760 --> 0:08:50.120 It's like the walls feel like cardboard, like like the 0:08:50.200 --> 0:08:53.760 doors are very thin, and it feels like even if 0:08:53.800 --> 0:08:57.360 you shut the door, you're never quite alone. Yeah, do 0:08:57.440 --> 0:08:59.280 you know what I mean? I mean, that's definitely why 0:08:59.280 --> 0:09:02.560 we do it here. Yeah, because we're gonna wake them 0:09:02.640 --> 0:09:07.559 up because we're right there. Um. So I went to 0:09:07.600 --> 0:09:14.240 another birthday party. Pause for a second. Okay, I just 0:09:14.559 --> 0:09:19.679 had a coughing attack which was which was intense, and 0:09:19.880 --> 0:09:22.000 I'm gonna have a cough trop in my mouth during this, 0:09:22.400 --> 0:09:26.080 so you're welcome. I went to a birthday party. Brand 0:09:26.120 --> 0:09:29.840 and I to a fifth birthday party from his old 0:09:29.920 --> 0:09:35.480 daycare and pre k bus buddy. And how did I do? Beth? 0:09:35.679 --> 0:09:40.160 Is that your question? Did all right? Go on? I 0:09:40.240 --> 0:09:42.280 was a little more a little more social than the 0:09:42.360 --> 0:09:45.600 last party, but not by much. I got in there 0:09:45.640 --> 0:09:48.240 and I said, it was at the California Pizza Kitchen 0:09:49.400 --> 0:09:52.319 all the which was a great simple birthday where they 0:09:52.320 --> 0:09:55.880 bring out, you know, some dough and sauce, the kids 0:09:55.920 --> 0:09:57.679 make their own pizzas and then they cook him in 0:09:57.760 --> 0:09:59.720 and then then they eat them. And they addison the 0:09:59.760 --> 0:10:02.560 corner or where the kids can run around, and I 0:10:02.559 --> 0:10:05.160 said him picked this seat that was like in the corner. 0:10:05.800 --> 0:10:07.600 I was just trying get out of people's way, and 0:10:07.600 --> 0:10:10.840 then I got trapped as and became just like the 0:10:10.920 --> 0:10:14.320 kid wrangler because I was the parent closest to everybody, 0:10:14.520 --> 0:10:18.560 and all the other parents were all moms. Um, we're 0:10:18.600 --> 0:10:21.319 all fast friends and knew each other and chatted the 0:10:21.400 --> 0:10:25.200 day away. And I was there and I tried to 0:10:25.920 --> 0:10:29.960 ask somebody about something and the waiter came at that moment. 0:10:30.000 --> 0:10:31.760 Then I gave up and trying to be an adult 0:10:33.600 --> 0:10:35.559 so when I said I did okay, what I meant 0:10:35.600 --> 0:10:42.800 was I didn't do great, but Bernard had a lovely time. Well, 0:10:42.840 --> 0:10:46.000 while you were doing that, I was trying to convince 0:10:46.120 --> 0:10:48.160 Maven to get dressed so that we could go to 0:10:48.400 --> 0:10:52.880 the nail salon, which she was very excited about. But 0:10:54.160 --> 0:10:58.679 she took an hour and a half to get dressed. 0:10:58.760 --> 0:11:04.480 Getting dressed is it's like a holiday. She Here's what 0:11:04.600 --> 0:11:07.160 I have to say about Mayben is that she is 0:11:08.360 --> 0:11:12.120 such a taurust, which is I don't know what, okay. 0:11:12.160 --> 0:11:16.000 So two of my very close friends are tauruses, and 0:11:16.800 --> 0:11:22.400 they love tactile pleasures like the experience of putting on 0:11:22.960 --> 0:11:28.480 makeup or skincare, or like lotion or like massage, like 0:11:28.600 --> 0:11:30.800 something like that. Like they're just sort of kind of 0:11:30.840 --> 0:11:35.160 reveling in the moment of that experience that feed into 0:11:35.160 --> 0:11:37.320 Like if you try to push, maybe to get dressed quickly, 0:11:37.440 --> 0:11:41.480 she will exponentially get slower. Yeah, and she'll sort of 0:11:43.320 --> 0:11:46.720 she and she's developed this method where she I think 0:11:46.840 --> 0:11:50.160 you one day as a fun thing, laid her outfit 0:11:50.200 --> 0:11:52.480 out for her as if it was like a mini 0:11:52.559 --> 0:11:55.160 me on the ground. I want to get her excited 0:11:55.200 --> 0:11:57.920 about putting it on and it worked. But now, but 0:11:58.040 --> 0:12:00.959 now every time she gets dressed, she wants to lay 0:12:01.000 --> 0:12:05.080 out her outfit as if it's a person on the ground, 0:12:05.160 --> 0:12:09.440 like like a talk figure, and it has to go 0:12:09.480 --> 0:12:12.640 in a very specific order, with underwear on the bottom 0:12:12.720 --> 0:12:16.760 and the socks, and she's meticulous and if you try 0:12:16.840 --> 0:12:19.479 to take anything out of the drawer as a suggestion 0:12:19.559 --> 0:12:21.680 of what she might add to the outfit for the day, 0:12:24.120 --> 0:12:26.280 she freaks out. She's like, that's not what I wanted 0:12:26.280 --> 0:12:30.600 to pick. And she's like slowly picking this out. So 0:12:30.679 --> 0:12:34.600 like Saturday was a Saturday or Sunday, So I was 0:12:34.640 --> 0:12:38.400 like I was way less urgent about getting her out 0:12:38.440 --> 0:12:40.319 the door because it's just like we're just going to 0:12:40.440 --> 0:12:42.840 go for a walk and maybe get nails done or whatever, 0:12:43.480 --> 0:12:45.480 and so it's not I'm just like I'm not going 0:12:45.520 --> 0:12:48.520 to force you, just like go get your clothes on. It. 0:12:48.800 --> 0:12:52.480 Like she just kept getting sidetracked by so many things, 0:12:53.120 --> 0:12:56.520 and it's so it's very funny because I have to 0:12:57.040 --> 0:13:00.760 like basically best friends who are also touristic is and 0:13:00.800 --> 0:13:03.720 they both have been diagnosed with a d h D, 0:13:04.280 --> 0:13:09.600 which I think is maybe like there's some connection there. 0:13:09.920 --> 0:13:12.960 I think to sort of being like I kind of 0:13:13.000 --> 0:13:14.880 relate to this, like it sounds like you have a 0:13:15.040 --> 0:13:18.120 thorough data set data set. No, but like this is 0:13:18.200 --> 0:13:20.560 kind of what you actually love to talk about sometimes, 0:13:20.600 --> 0:13:24.960 which is like attention blindness, which is like you I 0:13:25.000 --> 0:13:28.640 think maybe maybe this is like you know, this is 0:13:28.679 --> 0:13:32.120 beyond just Toruss, but like a sort of creative type 0:13:32.120 --> 0:13:35.400 of person or whatever, like a right brained person will 0:13:35.480 --> 0:13:39.600 sometimes get in a mode we're the thing that we're 0:13:39.679 --> 0:13:43.680 excited about in the moment, we're just so completely sucked in. 0:13:44.160 --> 0:13:46.320 Do you know what I mean? It's just like you, 0:13:46.679 --> 0:13:51.720 it's very hard to perform a linear task. Yeah, Well, 0:13:51.840 --> 0:13:54.280 she's really locked on to some idea and it makes 0:13:54.280 --> 0:13:57.040 her totally blind to the simple thing you're asking her 0:13:57.080 --> 0:14:00.600 to do. Right, we have to go and you have 0:14:00.679 --> 0:14:03.480 to get her like excited about this. Yeah, you can 0:14:03.520 --> 0:14:08.040 only read. You have to find where her attention is 0:14:08.160 --> 0:14:10.840 in order to redirect it. But a lot of times 0:14:11.200 --> 0:14:14.040 it's a real mystery with Mayven. She's locked onto a 0:14:14.120 --> 0:14:18.600 thing I cannot see. Yeah, whereas Brandon, I know exactly 0:14:18.640 --> 0:14:22.400 what he's thinking about. I was reading something about people 0:14:22.440 --> 0:14:24.480 with a d h D. Maybe this was like a 0:14:24.480 --> 0:14:26.600 Twitter threat or something. But someone was talking about how 0:14:26.640 --> 0:14:30.640 like part of what gets them stuck in the AD 0:14:30.720 --> 0:14:35.720 to B C D whatever process is like in order 0:14:35.760 --> 0:14:38.880 to have an executive function and to sort of map 0:14:38.920 --> 0:14:41.720 out a task in your mind, you have to be 0:14:41.800 --> 0:14:44.760 able to sort of picture the beginning to end result 0:14:44.920 --> 0:14:48.400 and like map out steps and sort of like you 0:14:48.440 --> 0:14:51.960 have to get a big picture. And it's very hard 0:14:52.120 --> 0:14:54.440 sometimes for people with a d h D to like 0:14:55.320 --> 0:14:59.680 figure out that route so that they can like plan 0:14:59.760 --> 0:15:04.640 a worse to hyper attached to the current moment. Yeah, 0:15:04.680 --> 0:15:08.640 like because they would like take out their craft supplies 0:15:08.760 --> 0:15:10.600 or whatever and throw them on the table and then 0:15:10.640 --> 0:15:12.960 sort of they just get stuck there staring at them 0:15:13.040 --> 0:15:15.160 like sort of like what wait, what am I trying 0:15:15.200 --> 0:15:17.680 to do? Like it's sort of like and and that 0:15:17.760 --> 0:15:22.520 kind of makes sense to me. I've had that moment 0:15:22.600 --> 0:15:25.520 with certain things, like with I guess with like newer 0:15:25.640 --> 0:15:30.800 tasks where you're sort of like, wait, how do you like? Yeah, 0:15:30.960 --> 0:15:33.400 I mean that's I can relate to some of that. 0:15:33.520 --> 0:15:37.600 Whereas I've built this workflow that allows me to start 0:15:37.640 --> 0:15:41.160 at any point and just start going. And this thing 0:15:41.240 --> 0:15:43.120 leads to distance, leads to disting leads to this thing, 0:15:43.520 --> 0:15:46.280 and I have enough systems so that I don't totally 0:15:46.360 --> 0:15:51.040 miss things, but it leads to certain moments where I 0:15:51.080 --> 0:15:52.880 suddenly am like, oh my god, I need to do 0:15:52.960 --> 0:15:57.240 that thing, and now I have almost no time. Um, 0:15:57.280 --> 0:16:00.400 and so it's it's just it's not the most efficient 0:16:00.400 --> 0:16:04.960 way to do it. And now that I'm saying out loud, 0:16:05.760 --> 0:16:10.400 I'm I should figure it out. See, I think I 0:16:10.520 --> 0:16:12.640 do sometimes get stuck with this, but I think I'm 0:16:12.720 --> 0:16:16.360 actually really great at the big picture part when I 0:16:16.880 --> 0:16:21.600 when I let myself go with it, when I let 0:16:21.600 --> 0:16:24.000 me when I let myself take the time to plan 0:16:24.160 --> 0:16:28.960 instead of trying to rush through. I like, I think 0:16:28.960 --> 0:16:34.120 I'm actually really great at the plan. I agree, you're 0:16:34.160 --> 0:16:40.040 not a great communicating that any of it's happening, and 0:16:40.080 --> 0:16:43.680 I'll come home one day is suddenly a meticulous, extremely 0:16:43.680 --> 0:16:47.360 complicated plan has been executed. I'm like, oh, I guess 0:16:47.360 --> 0:16:50.400 you've been thinking about this. Well, yeah, I get frustrated 0:16:50.440 --> 0:16:54.120 because I have like a master plan that I've been 0:16:54.160 --> 0:16:57.720 really thinking over and then you interject some thought that 0:16:58.080 --> 0:17:01.200 presumes that I don't have a master plan, and yeah, 0:17:01.200 --> 0:17:05.520 because you never told me anything. Well, so I'm like cool, 0:17:05.520 --> 0:17:08.880 and you're like you think I haven't thought of that, 0:17:08.960 --> 0:17:10.560 And I'm like, I didn't know you thought of any 0:17:10.600 --> 0:17:13.800 of this because it takes so long to catch you up. 0:17:14.080 --> 0:17:18.080 It's just like you you have no tolerance for catching 0:17:18.080 --> 0:17:22.920 people up. Sometimes it's hard. You're doing better, it's hard. 0:17:22.960 --> 0:17:27.160 I told you. It is a detective trying to map 0:17:27.200 --> 0:17:29.480 out a serial killer on the wall. That's how my 0:17:29.560 --> 0:17:35.440 brain is attacking any issue at any time and free thumbtacks. Well, 0:17:35.840 --> 0:17:38.080 get away from my board. I had this. I had 0:17:38.119 --> 0:17:41.520 a moment in meeting years ago where like someone asked 0:17:41.520 --> 0:17:43.560 me a question and then I paused for a second 0:17:43.560 --> 0:17:48.840 because I was like thinking over like what the mechanics 0:17:48.840 --> 0:17:50.840 of the question were, and then they were just there 0:17:50.880 --> 0:17:54.359 immediately were like you don't like it. It was like 0:17:54.400 --> 0:17:56.119 what they were like, you're mad, and it was just 0:17:56.160 --> 0:18:01.080 like when there's like no, I'm just thinking, like like ever, 0:18:01.320 --> 0:18:05.000 I don't know. I was like, other people are just 0:18:05.520 --> 0:18:08.480 reacting in the moment, and I was like I don't 0:18:08.560 --> 0:18:14.360 understand that. Well, that's that's mavin you where there's she's 0:18:14.359 --> 0:18:19.239 in a certain mode's processing. She's like and I just 0:18:19.359 --> 0:18:22.000 let me get this right. But she doesn't show you that. 0:18:22.119 --> 0:18:25.920 It's just like you're not there, and she wishes you 0:18:25.960 --> 0:18:30.360 weren't there. But if I didn't know you, I might 0:18:30.400 --> 0:18:34.040 be worried about this child, and said, I just I 0:18:34.119 --> 0:18:37.840 just learned quicker that like, oh, okay, she's in this mode. 0:18:37.880 --> 0:18:40.520 I gotta get out of her way. It would be good. 0:18:40.680 --> 0:18:43.200 I think. I know we don't realistically have the time 0:18:43.240 --> 0:18:44.680 to do this all the time, but I think it 0:18:44.720 --> 0:18:47.680 would be helpful if we let her plan her outfits 0:18:47.680 --> 0:18:50.600 the night before. I've thought about I think it's just 0:18:50.800 --> 0:18:53.960 it's a thing she cares about for whatever reason, this 0:18:54.040 --> 0:18:58.000 is her passion. It's like she like she got dressed 0:18:58.040 --> 0:19:01.440 on Saturday and she put on on a tank top 0:19:01.600 --> 0:19:04.320 for no reason in the middle of the winter, and 0:19:04.480 --> 0:19:08.320 a skirt and pants and then mismatched socks, like she 0:19:08.440 --> 0:19:13.040 purposely mismatched and she yeah, she was like having a 0:19:13.040 --> 0:19:15.159 lot of fun with it. And then I was I 0:19:15.200 --> 0:19:16.800 was going to take her to the nail salon. And 0:19:16.800 --> 0:19:19.000 this was again after like a full hour and a 0:19:19.000 --> 0:19:21.520 half of like coming it going, what's happening? And she 0:19:22.800 --> 0:19:27.000 insisted on wearing a fleece vest over a tank top 0:19:27.119 --> 0:19:30.320 so like nothing had sleeve and she refused to put 0:19:30.400 --> 0:19:33.240 sleeves on, and then I said, and then I took 0:19:33.240 --> 0:19:35.040 her to the nail salon. And then this is just 0:19:35.600 --> 0:19:39.679 to reinforce my point from earlier about judgmental women, is 0:19:39.680 --> 0:19:41.760 that at the nail salon, she insisted on taking off 0:19:41.800 --> 0:19:44.840 her jacket, and then she insisted on also taking off 0:19:44.840 --> 0:19:47.320 the fleece. So I'm like, so you're just in a 0:19:47.359 --> 0:19:50.520 tank top in the middle of winter, and she's like, 0:19:51.600 --> 0:19:54.560 she wouldn't have it any other way. And she and 0:19:54.720 --> 0:19:58.160 this older woman at the nail salon was like her 0:19:58.359 --> 0:20:04.440 cough and like like literally this woman like I was like, oh, 0:20:04.520 --> 0:20:07.840 she's sick, Like she like told me as if I 0:20:07.880 --> 0:20:11.600 can't hear the cop and I was just like, I didn't. 0:20:12.400 --> 0:20:14.840 It wasn't my decision to put her in a tank 0:20:14.880 --> 0:20:18.520 top in December, Like I don't like, but you were 0:20:18.560 --> 0:20:23.600 the one who allowed it. It's so funny. I know, well, 0:20:23.640 --> 0:20:25.359 in the morning when I get her ready for school, 0:20:25.400 --> 0:20:29.680 I can't let her do those things. So I'm always like, no, 0:20:29.760 --> 0:20:31.880 you gotta do this kind. You can pick but this kind. 0:20:32.800 --> 0:20:35.040 But I can't remember the last time I was like, hey, 0:20:35.440 --> 0:20:40.040 pick whatever you want, and that's what you get. Well, 0:20:40.160 --> 0:20:43.080 it's a Saturday. I think they needed to day. That's 0:20:43.119 --> 0:20:48.200 like just whatever tank top skirt day. It's a weird 0:20:48.320 --> 0:20:54.120 kid's days. Let's go put on your costumes and let's 0:20:54.119 --> 0:21:08.040 get our nails done. And now it's time for Did 0:21:08.080 --> 0:21:10.800 you notice this is where we share thing we read. 0:21:11.320 --> 0:21:18.160 We're thinking about Beth. Thank you? What do you got? 0:21:19.000 --> 0:21:24.199 Thank you? Peter Um Peter Longer, that's my name. I 0:21:24.240 --> 0:21:28.480 want to talk about this article from fatherly dot com. 0:21:28.480 --> 0:21:33.600 It's by E J. Dixon and she wrote U sort 0:21:33.600 --> 0:21:36.359 of response to It's an advice column. She wrote in 0:21:36.359 --> 0:21:40.600 a response to a dad who says, my wife and 0:21:40.600 --> 0:21:43.359 I recently had a baby. I'm I'm just going to 0:21:43.440 --> 0:21:45.879 try to summarize it. He says. I'm involved, dad. Everything 0:21:45.920 --> 0:21:48.800 is mostly great, except that my wife's postpartum body is 0:21:48.840 --> 0:21:51.480 confusing me. I have so much respect for my wife. 0:21:51.520 --> 0:21:57.199 Blah blah blah. And he says things like milk trips 0:21:57.200 --> 0:22:00.359 out of her breasts and her body seems so animal. 0:22:00.720 --> 0:22:03.359 I'm an animal too. I get it, but also I don't. 0:22:03.440 --> 0:22:05.919 My image of the human body is radically changed, and 0:22:05.960 --> 0:22:08.360 her body is the place where that is manifesting, which 0:22:08.400 --> 0:22:12.320 seems unfair. Um. He goes on to say, I'm attracted 0:22:12.320 --> 0:22:17.360 to her still, but something's different now. She's some kind 0:22:17.359 --> 0:22:20.480 of goddess, beast animal mother that my libido doesn't know 0:22:20.520 --> 0:22:22.679 how to respond to. I'm almost afraid to touch her, 0:22:22.720 --> 0:22:24.880 which I think she's picking up on and wish. I'm 0:22:24.880 --> 0:22:26.919 afraid of making her feel bad. It certainly makes me 0:22:26.960 --> 0:22:29.679 feel awful because I'm also more in love with her 0:22:29.720 --> 0:22:34.840 than ever. Blah blah blah. Anyway. Um. Their response to this, 0:22:36.200 --> 0:22:40.480 which I liked, was sort of just like, hey, your 0:22:40.480 --> 0:22:42.840 wife's going through a lot of ship with her own body. 0:22:43.000 --> 0:22:45.879 I'm sure she's not exactly attracted to you right now either, 0:22:46.240 --> 0:22:51.320 And then this sort of like you're you have to 0:22:51.400 --> 0:22:56.480 put your issues on hold right now, like not worry 0:22:56.480 --> 0:23:03.120 about this. Why did you write that? And it's like 0:23:03.800 --> 0:23:06.520 I didn't. I mean the headline here, which I should 0:23:06.520 --> 0:23:12.919 say on fatherly dot com is um, oh shoot, sorry, 0:23:12.960 --> 0:23:17.040 I meant to take this from prepared the twitter, the tweet, 0:23:17.320 --> 0:23:20.120 but it was just that attention men, your wife's post 0:23:20.320 --> 0:23:22.399 part of body doesn't belong to you, and it doesn't 0:23:22.400 --> 0:23:24.240 belong to your baby. It belongs to her, and the 0:23:24.320 --> 0:23:32.080 sooner you realize that the better. Um no, ship, Yeah, 0:23:32.200 --> 0:23:37.679 I think sometimes it's Here's the thing I don't. I 0:23:37.720 --> 0:23:43.840 don't blame men for their skewed, bizarro perspective of the 0:23:43.880 --> 0:23:47.840 world because it is reinforced by literally all medias that 0:23:47.960 --> 0:23:54.840 surrounds them and people and things. But like the like 0:23:54.920 --> 0:23:59.120 we have all these movies, like we have like Father 0:23:59.280 --> 0:24:03.040 of the Bride, we have movies where we see a 0:24:03.320 --> 0:24:09.720 man experience pregnancy, And then what drives me literally insane 0:24:10.480 --> 0:24:13.560 is that we have not You are literally insane because 0:24:13.560 --> 0:24:16.160 I'm literally insane and I was diagnosed as a result 0:24:16.280 --> 0:24:23.240 of the lack of representation in media. Uh my for it. Yeah, anyway, 0:24:23.480 --> 0:24:28.879 I what drives me literally insane is that one I 0:24:28.880 --> 0:24:32.840 get interrupted when I'm trying to But two is that 0:24:33.560 --> 0:24:41.040 the like this very core human experience that women have, 0:24:41.280 --> 0:24:45.119 who women who happen to be more than fifty of 0:24:45.160 --> 0:24:49.280 the population and also responsible literally for the lives and 0:24:49.320 --> 0:24:53.640 the existence of of the population, the story of how 0:24:53.680 --> 0:24:58.320 that comes to be is literally never represented fully or 0:24:58.400 --> 0:25:02.840 completely or interesting lee in media from their perspective in 0:25:02.880 --> 0:25:07.880 any meaningful way. And then the representations we do get 0:25:07.880 --> 0:25:13.879 of it are about and four men nine months is 0:25:13.880 --> 0:25:17.000 not a perfect representati I'm talking. I'm talking exactly about 0:25:17.040 --> 0:25:20.560 movies like Nine Months, where we explore the frustration of 0:25:20.600 --> 0:25:26.600 a man watching a woman have this transformative, difficult experience. 0:25:26.720 --> 0:25:30.640 We watch a man ask Tom Arnold about his experience, 0:25:31.240 --> 0:25:37.320