Speaker 1: We know it's parenting. Peter McNerney, Welcome back, Welcome back, kiddos, kids, parents,
Speaker 1: Calm down, Calm down, guys, it's another weekend parenting. We
Speaker 1: did it. Holy cow, how is everyone doing? I think
Speaker 1: this month has been kind of crazy for a lot
Speaker 1: of people because I don't know if we said this before,
Speaker 1: but we have a shorter December this year in terms
Speaker 1: of the amount of weeks after Thanksgiving we have to
Speaker 1: prepare for Christmas. That it feels true. I I am.
Speaker 1: I feel a thousand percent underwater right now. The amount
Speaker 1: of things I need to accomplish before we leave on
Speaker 1: Saturday is over. You better get on it. I think
Speaker 1: this whole month is like, it's not been bad, It's
Speaker 1: just been a lot of little things where you're just like,
Speaker 1: I can't stop focusing on all these little things I
Speaker 1: need to get done. Like I found this year more
Speaker 1: than ever, I feel like as kind of a factor
Speaker 1: of having kids is like the amount of people who
Speaker 1: sort of work for me in some capacity or watch
Speaker 1: my children, or like sort of helped me day to
Speaker 1: day that I feel responsible for in terms of getting
Speaker 1: a small token of my appreciation, which for me is
Speaker 1: mostly cash. Um the the sheer number of people is
Speaker 1: just crazy, and I feel, I feel honestly very grateful
Speaker 1: that we have these people in our lives that make
Speaker 1: our day to day life function pretty smoothly. And the
Speaker 1: fact that we're in a year in our lives where
Speaker 1: we have money to give them. I feel so grateful
Speaker 1: for that. It's still a staggering amount of things to
Speaker 1: think about in terms of preparation for the holidays. Like
Speaker 1: it's just like, okay, I need to say that much.
Speaker 1: Oh there's also this person and this person, and like
Speaker 1: you're just I don't know, but I'm glad. I'm just
Speaker 1: very glad that like there's a number of people I
Speaker 1: can just throw twenty bucks to or whatever amount that
Speaker 1: feels on par with the amount of work they do
Speaker 1: for us to day today and then feel like just
Speaker 1: feel like I can do that for them and it's
Speaker 1: not a strain on us at this moment. Yeah, that's
Speaker 1: not That is not any more stressful than just getting
Speaker 1: that done right. It's like, it's nice to know that
Speaker 1: the stress is just getting it done in The stress
Speaker 1: is not like tallying up meticulously the amount of money
Speaker 1: we have available to expand on this You know like
Speaker 1: it's one thing to have a checklist of things you
Speaker 1: need to get through another where each item just you
Speaker 1: need to weigh against all these other factors and can
Speaker 1: we do this is the right things? Just do this,
Speaker 1: do this, do this, do this? Yeah, because yeah, there's
Speaker 1: just a lot of I can do it checklist. I'll
Speaker 1: get through it. I don't have room in my brain
Speaker 1: right now for nuance, for big picture. I just need
Speaker 1: to get through the stuff. It's gonna be. So it
Speaker 1: feels I mean, I'm I'm stressed, but I'm happy, but
Speaker 1: it does feel it feels like finals week. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1: I was telling someone this week where I was like,
Speaker 1: there's a lot of things to get done. I feel
Speaker 1: like I'm pretty on top of them getting them all done.
Speaker 1: But I'm very eager to move into the portion of
Speaker 1: the holidays where we all just drink. Yes, we all go,
Speaker 1: and then most seasons I go, I can relax. So
Speaker 1: I instantly get sick because my body is like, well,
Speaker 1: you don't need to pull through. Well, the good news
Speaker 1: is we've all been coughing all month, so I think
Speaker 1: it sounds terrible. I feel this week a very like
Speaker 1: I'm just I'm annoyed at myself at the level of
Speaker 1: guilt I feel about these coughs because more than one
Speaker 1: person has made a comment. It's always some older woman
Speaker 1: who is like, our children are coughing, and there's always
Speaker 1: someone who asked to step in and be like, did
Speaker 1: you realize your children are sick? Like? And it just
Speaker 1: is very dramatic because it's like kids get these colds
Speaker 1: and then the costs linger, and that's what happens, and
Speaker 1: there's really not much you can do besides waited out,
Speaker 1: keep the humidifiers on, rub eucalyptus oil on their feet,
Speaker 1: you know, like you do all these things and it's
Speaker 1: just a matter of time, and then you get these comments.
Speaker 1: You really take these comments. I know it's so are
Speaker 1: not too though, because it's like I feel for you,
Speaker 1: but I don't understand it because I couldn't care less.
Speaker 1: I know you don't. I just feel like are So.
Speaker 1: We had a babysitter Saturday so we could go out
Speaker 1: to a party for a holiday party, which we almost
Speaker 1: never do. We went to an adult so we're letting loose.
Speaker 1: We're like, We're I'm going to have two drinks tonight,
Speaker 1: Like we're kind of We're like relaxing for like the
Speaker 1: two hours of a six month period, and then we
Speaker 1: get a text from our babysitter that was like, are
Speaker 1: you aware of Brin's cough? Harsh and consistent cough? Is
Speaker 1: harsh and consistent cough. And I'm sure she means perfectly well,
Speaker 1: and she's trying. I think in her mind she's just
Speaker 1: trying to appear concerned and she's trying to look like
Speaker 1: she cares about our kids, and I think she does,
Speaker 1: and she's I think the cough was genuinely, genuinely concerning
Speaker 1: to her. Yeah, but it's also just like when you're
Speaker 1: leaving your kids for like three hours on a Saturday,
Speaker 1: it's like, yeah, I know they have a cough. I
Speaker 1: should break She texted me, and I showed you this text,
Speaker 1: and it had an effect on you. I did not anticipate.
Speaker 1: You shouldn't have shown me this. I I really regret
Speaker 1: it because I saw it and I was like, Okay,
Speaker 1: it's not like I'm gonna come home, and it did
Speaker 1: not bother me in the slightest. Um well, because the
Speaker 1: text was also in the context of us we sat
Speaker 1: in a lot of traffic to get to our friend's party,
Speaker 1: and then by the time we got there, we were like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, we'll have to leave soon to get
Speaker 1: back for When we told her so, we were like,
Speaker 1: can you stay a little bit later? And she was
Speaker 1: like fine, and then she actually she said absolutely, have fun. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And then she sends this text that is like, are
Speaker 1: you where your children are? On death's door? With a cough?
Speaker 1: Are you just out there partying the night away like that?
Speaker 1: During this I'm illustrating this really terrible sounding cough. It's
Speaker 1: just it's just a cough. I know. I I don't
Speaker 1: um I she's a good babysitter, meant anything bad by it.
Speaker 1: I just think the timing of it is it's I'm
Speaker 1: not saying I'm having a rational response. I'm just saying
Speaker 1: that's that's okay. Your society has heavily conditioned me to
Speaker 1: be hair trigger responsive to this kind of mom j
Speaker 1: mom judgment. And it's like, and I don't even think
Speaker 1: she's judgmental, but she it's because she's under her own
Speaker 1: spell of feeling judgment for like being like, I'm responsible
Speaker 1: for these children tonight. I have to look like a
Speaker 1: care I have to like when we leave, she leaves
Speaker 1: the door open to their bedroom, Like they're three and five.
Speaker 1: We haven't kept the door open while they're sleeping in years.
Speaker 1: But she's like, we've never done that. Whatever. But she's
Speaker 1: she's like, what's going on? Are they okay? Like she's
Speaker 1: like very tuned in, and I know she means well,
Speaker 1: and she concerned about the cops. Yeah, she worked them
Speaker 1: to give the water. Which when you grew up, Um,
Speaker 1: did you sleep with your door open? I think I did.
Speaker 1: I don't think so. Our kids always have the I
Speaker 1: mean because we live we sleep right next to them.
Speaker 1: I feel like the house I grew up when the
Speaker 1: house when I grew up in similar to our current apartment.
Speaker 1: It's like the walls feel like cardboard, like like the
Speaker 1: doors are very thin, and it feels like even if
Speaker 1: you shut the door, you're never quite alone. Yeah, do
Speaker 1: you know what I mean? I mean, that's definitely why
Speaker 1: we do it here. Yeah, because we're gonna wake them
Speaker 1: up because we're right there. Um. So I went to
Speaker 1: another birthday party. Pause for a second. Okay, I just
Speaker 1: had a coughing attack which was which was intense, and
Speaker 1: I'm gonna have a cough trop in my mouth during this,
Speaker 1: so you're welcome. I went to a birthday party. Brand
Speaker 1: and I to a fifth birthday party from his old
Speaker 1: daycare and pre k bus buddy. And how did I do? Beth?
Speaker 1: Is that your question? Did all right? Go on? I
Speaker 1: was a little more a little more social than the
Speaker 1: last party, but not by much. I got in there
Speaker 1: and I said, it was at the California Pizza Kitchen
Speaker 1: all the which was a great simple birthday where they
Speaker 1: bring out, you know, some dough and sauce, the kids
Speaker 1: make their own pizzas and then they cook him in
Speaker 1: and then then they eat them. And they addison the
Speaker 1: corner or where the kids can run around, and I
Speaker 1: said him picked this seat that was like in the corner.
Speaker 1: I was just trying get out of people's way, and
Speaker 1: then I got trapped as and became just like the
Speaker 1: kid wrangler because I was the parent closest to everybody,
Speaker 1: and all the other parents were all moms. Um, we're
Speaker 1: all fast friends and knew each other and chatted the
Speaker 1: day away. And I was there and I tried to
Speaker 1: ask somebody about something and the waiter came at that moment.
Speaker 1: Then I gave up and trying to be an adult
Speaker 1: so when I said I did okay, what I meant
Speaker 1: was I didn't do great, but Bernard had a lovely time. Well,
Speaker 1: while you were doing that, I was trying to convince
Speaker 1: Maven to get dressed so that we could go to
Speaker 1: the nail salon, which she was very excited about. But
Speaker 1: she took an hour and a half to get dressed.
Speaker 1: Getting dressed is it's like a holiday. She Here's what
Speaker 1: I have to say about Mayben is that she is
Speaker 1: such a taurust, which is I don't know what, okay.
Speaker 1: So two of my very close friends are tauruses, and
Speaker 1: they love tactile pleasures like the experience of putting on
Speaker 1: makeup or skincare, or like lotion or like massage, like
Speaker 1: something like that. Like they're just sort of kind of
Speaker 1: reveling in the moment of that experience that feed into
Speaker 1: Like if you try to push, maybe to get dressed quickly,
Speaker 1: she will exponentially get slower. Yeah, and she'll sort of
Speaker 1: she and she's developed this method where she I think
Speaker 1: you one day as a fun thing, laid her outfit
Speaker 1: out for her as if it was like a mini
Speaker 1: me on the ground. I want to get her excited
Speaker 1: about putting it on and it worked. But now, but
Speaker 1: now every time she gets dressed, she wants to lay
Speaker 1: out her outfit as if it's a person on the ground,
Speaker 1: like like a talk figure, and it has to go
Speaker 1: in a very specific order, with underwear on the bottom
Speaker 1: and the socks, and she's meticulous and if you try
Speaker 1: to take anything out of the drawer as a suggestion
Speaker 1: of what she might add to the outfit for the day,
Speaker 1: she freaks out. She's like, that's not what I wanted
Speaker 1: to pick. And she's like slowly picking this out. So
Speaker 1: like Saturday was a Saturday or Sunday, So I was
Speaker 1: like I was way less urgent about getting her out
Speaker 1: the door because it's just like we're just going to
Speaker 1: go for a walk and maybe get nails done or whatever,
Speaker 1: and so it's not I'm just like I'm not going
Speaker 1: to force you, just like go get your clothes on. It.
Speaker 1: Like she just kept getting sidetracked by so many things,
Speaker 1: and it's so it's very funny because I have to
Speaker 1: like basically best friends who are also touristic is and
Speaker 1: they both have been diagnosed with a d h D,
Speaker 1: which I think is maybe like there's some connection there.
Speaker 1: I think to sort of being like I kind of
Speaker 1: relate to this, like it sounds like you have a
Speaker 1: thorough data set data set. No, but like this is
Speaker 1: kind of what you actually love to talk about sometimes,
Speaker 1: which is like attention blindness, which is like you I
Speaker 1: think maybe maybe this is like you know, this is
Speaker 1: beyond just Toruss, but like a sort of creative type
Speaker 1: of person or whatever, like a right brained person will
Speaker 1: sometimes get in a mode we're the thing that we're
Speaker 1: excited about in the moment, we're just so completely sucked in.
Speaker 1: Do you know what I mean? It's just like you,
Speaker 1: it's very hard to perform a linear task. Yeah, Well,
Speaker 1: she's really locked on to some idea and it makes
Speaker 1: her totally blind to the simple thing you're asking her
Speaker 1: to do. Right, we have to go and you have
Speaker 1: to get her like excited about this. Yeah, you can
Speaker 1: only read. You have to find where her attention is
Speaker 1: in order to redirect it. But a lot of times
Speaker 1: it's a real mystery with Mayven. She's locked onto a
Speaker 1: thing I cannot see. Yeah, whereas Brandon, I know exactly
Speaker 1: what he's thinking about. I was reading something about people
Speaker 1: with a d h D. Maybe this was like a
Speaker 1: Twitter threat or something. But someone was talking about how
Speaker 1: like part of what gets them stuck in the AD
Speaker 1: to B C D whatever process is like in order
Speaker 1: to have an executive function and to sort of map
Speaker 1: out a task in your mind, you have to be
Speaker 1: able to sort of picture the beginning to end result
Speaker 1: and like map out steps and sort of like you
Speaker 1: have to get a big picture. And it's very hard
Speaker 1: sometimes for people with a d h D to like
Speaker 1: figure out that route so that they can like plan
Speaker 1: a worse to hyper attached to the current moment. Yeah,
Speaker 1: like because they would like take out their craft supplies
Speaker 1: or whatever and throw them on the table and then
Speaker 1: sort of they just get stuck there staring at them
Speaker 1: like sort of like what wait, what am I trying
Speaker 1: to do? Like it's sort of like and and that
Speaker 1: kind of makes sense to me. I've had that moment
Speaker 1: with certain things, like with I guess with like newer
Speaker 1: tasks where you're sort of like, wait, how do you like? Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean that's I can relate to some of that.
Speaker 1: Whereas I've built this workflow that allows me to start
Speaker 1: at any point and just start going. And this thing
Speaker 1: leads to distance, leads to disting leads to this thing,
Speaker 1: and I have enough systems so that I don't totally
Speaker 1: miss things, but it leads to certain moments where I
Speaker 1: suddenly am like, oh my god, I need to do
Speaker 1: that thing, and now I have almost no time. Um,
Speaker 1: and so it's it's just it's not the most efficient
Speaker 1: way to do it. And now that I'm saying out loud,
Speaker 1: I'm I should figure it out. See, I think I
Speaker 1: do sometimes get stuck with this, but I think I'm
Speaker 1: actually really great at the big picture part when I
Speaker 1: when I let myself go with it, when I let
Speaker 1: me when I let myself take the time to plan
Speaker 1: instead of trying to rush through. I like, I think
Speaker 1: I'm actually really great at the plan. I agree, you're
Speaker 1: not a great communicating that any of it's happening, and
Speaker 1: I'll come home one day is suddenly a meticulous, extremely
Speaker 1: complicated plan has been executed. I'm like, oh, I guess
Speaker 1: you've been thinking about this. Well, yeah, I get frustrated
Speaker 1: because I have like a master plan that I've been
Speaker 1: really thinking over and then you interject some thought that
Speaker 1: presumes that I don't have a master plan, and yeah,
Speaker 1: because you never told me anything. Well, so I'm like cool,
Speaker 1: and you're like you think I haven't thought of that,
Speaker 1: And I'm like, I didn't know you thought of any
Speaker 1: of this because it takes so long to catch you up.
Speaker 1: It's just like you you have no tolerance for catching
Speaker 1: people up. Sometimes it's hard. You're doing better, it's hard.
Speaker 1: I told you. It is a detective trying to map
Speaker 1: out a serial killer on the wall. That's how my
Speaker 1: brain is attacking any issue at any time and free thumbtacks. Well,
Speaker 1: get away from my board. I had this. I had
Speaker 1: a moment in meeting years ago where like someone asked
Speaker 1: me a question and then I paused for a second
Speaker 1: because I was like thinking over like what the mechanics
Speaker 1: of the question were, and then they were just there
Speaker 1: immediately were like you don't like it. It was like
Speaker 1: what they were like, you're mad, and it was just
Speaker 1: like when there's like no, I'm just thinking, like like ever,
Speaker 1: I don't know. I was like, other people are just
Speaker 1: reacting in the moment, and I was like I don't
Speaker 1: understand that. Well, that's that's mavin you where there's she's
Speaker 1: in a certain mode's processing. She's like and I just
Speaker 1: let me get this right. But she doesn't show you that.
Speaker 1: It's just like you're not there, and she wishes you
Speaker 1: weren't there. But if I didn't know you, I might
Speaker 1: be worried about this child, and said, I just I
Speaker 1: just learned quicker that like, oh, okay, she's in this mode.
Speaker 1: I gotta get out of her way. It would be good.
Speaker 1: I think. I know we don't realistically have the time
Speaker 1: to do this all the time, but I think it
Speaker 1: would be helpful if we let her plan her outfits
Speaker 1: the night before. I've thought about I think it's just
Speaker 1: it's a thing she cares about for whatever reason, this
Speaker 1: is her passion. It's like she like she got dressed
Speaker 1: on Saturday and she put on on a tank top
Speaker 1: for no reason in the middle of the winter, and
Speaker 1: a skirt and pants and then mismatched socks, like she
Speaker 1: purposely mismatched and she yeah, she was like having a
Speaker 1: lot of fun with it. And then I was I
Speaker 1: was going to take her to the nail salon. And
Speaker 1: this was again after like a full hour and a
Speaker 1: half of like coming it going, what's happening? And she
Speaker 1: insisted on wearing a fleece vest over a tank top
Speaker 1: so like nothing had sleeve and she refused to put
Speaker 1: sleeves on, and then I said, and then I took
Speaker 1: her to the nail salon. And then this is just
Speaker 1: to reinforce my point from earlier about judgmental women, is
Speaker 1: that at the nail salon, she insisted on taking off
Speaker 1: her jacket, and then she insisted on also taking off
Speaker 1: the fleece. So I'm like, so you're just in a
Speaker 1: tank top in the middle of winter, and she's like,
Speaker 1: she wouldn't have it any other way. And she and
Speaker 1: this older woman at the nail salon was like her
Speaker 1: cough and like like literally this woman like I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: she's sick, Like she like told me as if I
Speaker 1: can't hear the cop and I was just like, I didn't.
Speaker 1: It wasn't my decision to put her in a tank
Speaker 1: top in December, Like I don't like, but you were
Speaker 1: the one who allowed it. It's so funny. I know, well,
Speaker 1: in the morning when I get her ready for school,
Speaker 1: I can't let her do those things. So I'm always like, no,
Speaker 1: you gotta do this kind. You can pick but this kind.
Speaker 1: But I can't remember the last time I was like, hey,
Speaker 1: pick whatever you want, and that's what you get. Well,
Speaker 1: it's a Saturday. I think they needed to day. That's
Speaker 1: like just whatever tank top skirt day. It's a weird
Speaker 1: kid's days. Let's go put on your costumes and let's
Speaker 1: get our nails done. And now it's time for Did
Speaker 1: you notice this is where we share thing we read.
Speaker 1: We're thinking about Beth. Thank you? What do you got?
Speaker 1: Thank you? Peter Um Peter Longer, that's my name. I
Speaker 1: want to talk about this article from fatherly dot com.
Speaker 1: It's by E J. Dixon and she wrote U sort
Speaker 1: of response to It's an advice column. She wrote in
Speaker 1: a response to a dad who says, my wife and
Speaker 1: I recently had a baby. I'm I'm just going to
Speaker 1: try to summarize it. He says. I'm involved, dad. Everything
Speaker 1: is mostly great, except that my wife's postpartum body is
Speaker 1: confusing me. I have so much respect for my wife.
Speaker 1: Blah blah blah. And he says things like milk trips
Speaker 1: out of her breasts and her body seems so animal.
Speaker 1: I'm an animal too. I get it, but also I don't.
Speaker 1: My image of the human body is radically changed, and
Speaker 1: her body is the place where that is manifesting, which
Speaker 1: seems unfair. Um. He goes on to say, I'm attracted
Speaker 1: to her still, but something's different now. She's some kind
Speaker 1: of goddess, beast animal mother that my libido doesn't know
Speaker 1: how to respond to. I'm almost afraid to touch her,
Speaker 1: which I think she's picking up on and wish. I'm
Speaker 1: afraid of making her feel bad. It certainly makes me
Speaker 1: feel awful because I'm also more in love with her
Speaker 1: than ever. Blah blah blah. Anyway. Um. Their response to this,
Speaker 1: which I liked, was sort of just like, hey, your
Speaker 1: wife's going through a lot of ship with her own body.
Speaker 1: I'm sure she's not exactly attracted to you right now either,
Speaker 1: And then this sort of like you're you have to
Speaker 1: put your issues on hold right now, like not worry
Speaker 1: about this. Why did you write that? And it's like
Speaker 1: I didn't. I mean the headline here, which I should
Speaker 1: say on fatherly dot com is um, oh shoot, sorry,
Speaker 1: I meant to take this from prepared the twitter, the tweet,
Speaker 1: but it was just that attention men, your wife's post
Speaker 1: part of body doesn't belong to you, and it doesn't
Speaker 1: belong to your baby. It belongs to her, and the
Speaker 1: sooner you realize that the better. Um no, ship, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think sometimes it's Here's the thing I don't. I
Speaker 1: don't blame men for their skewed, bizarro perspective of the
Speaker 1: world because it is reinforced by literally all medias that
Speaker 1: surrounds them and people and things. But like the like
Speaker 1: we have all these movies, like we have like Father
Speaker 1: of the Bride, we have movies where we see a
Speaker 1: man experience pregnancy, And then what drives me literally insane
Speaker 1: is that we have not You are literally insane because
Speaker 1: I'm literally insane and I was diagnosed as a result
Speaker 1: of the lack of representation in media. Uh my for it. Yeah, anyway,
Speaker 1: I what drives me literally insane is that one I
Speaker 1: get interrupted when I'm trying to But two is that
Speaker 1: the like this very core human experience that women have,
Speaker 1: who women who happen to be more than fifty of
Speaker 1: the population and also responsible literally for the lives and
Speaker 1: the existence of of the population, the story of how
Speaker 1: that comes to be is literally never represented fully or
Speaker 1: completely or interesting lee in media from their perspective in
Speaker 1: any meaningful way. And then the representations we do get
Speaker 1: of it are about and four men nine months is
Speaker 1: not a perfect representati I'm talking. I'm talking exactly about
Speaker 1: movies like Nine Months, where we explore the frustration of
Speaker 1: a man watching a woman have this transformative, difficult experience.
Speaker 1: We watch a man ask Tom Arnold about his experience,
Speaker 1: and we're supposed to feel empathy for them and sympathy.
Speaker 1: I'm just still stuck on that. Uh what what does
Speaker 1: he think he's going to get out of this email?
Speaker 1: This letter? He just wants some This is what men want.
Speaker 1: They want someone to pat him on the head and
Speaker 1: say it's okay, they're selfish. We want you to be selfish. No,
Speaker 1: this guy wants to be congratulated for being self deprecating
Speaker 1: because he goes, I feel so guilty about this thing,
Speaker 1: and like not guilty enough to like put your emotions
Speaker 1: aside for one minute while your wife heals the gaping
Speaker 1: wound in her uterus were a placenta detached from her
Speaker 1: body while she created a human being. I gotta say
Speaker 1: I did not have the experience of of of this guy.
Speaker 1: Because you love my squishy body. You're like, oh, that's
Speaker 1: so squishy. I guess there was something in a like
Speaker 1: uh you know, like, oh, there's a body has changed
Speaker 1: because of this process. You were too overwhelmed with pride
Speaker 1: of being a Yeah, I was just like I did this.
Speaker 1: I did um um is it's it's I under fand
Speaker 1: the fascination and it's really what are the way he
Speaker 1: describes like this animalistic thing, and it's a reminder that
Speaker 1: we're that we're not what society paints humans to be,
Speaker 1: but we are truly animals, you know, And it is
Speaker 1: sort of an indicator of of that. And he's grappling with,
Speaker 1: you know, his own morality and his own like we're
Speaker 1: just animals, you know, if I'm going to give him credit,
Speaker 1: which I'm giving them too much of right now. And
Speaker 1: I think I can relate to that. But I found
Speaker 1: that affirming life affirming and exciting because you were like,
Speaker 1: we're all animals, Yes, nothing matters. I think if you
Speaker 1: can watch a person come out of your wife's body
Speaker 1: and then find a new, an interesting way of being
Speaker 1: attracted to her, then you you're sort of more animal
Speaker 1: than ever. You don't have to find I mean find
Speaker 1: a way. Makes it sound like how do I figure
Speaker 1: this now? No, but it does. I think you sort
Speaker 1: of have to grapple. It's like this moment of like, oh,
Speaker 1: we're all dirt, you know, like you have to face
Speaker 1: your own mortality and be like, she made a me,
Speaker 1: she gave me another me. That's that's a woman. She
Speaker 1: made a me. I am nothing and not neither I,
Speaker 1: nor it nor her. Nothing is anything. Nothing matters. You
Speaker 1: have to move through that. The concept of mattering is imaginary.
Speaker 1: My penis is not so big and important as I
Speaker 1: thought it be is to me. I'm mad at I'm
Speaker 1: mad at me and my little pen And then he
Speaker 1: was like, Peter, hey, focus up. You've been talking to
Speaker 1: yourself in the corner for twenty minutes. But why am
Speaker 1: I here. You have to go pick up your kids.
Speaker 1: You're a father, Now do something. I pay the bills,
Speaker 1: pick up your kids, cook some food. I was telling.
Speaker 1: So I went tonight to my sister, her company's holiday
Speaker 1: party at her apartment and her she has a business
Speaker 1: partner for her political consulting company. Who is this guy?
Speaker 1: And he was there with his fiance and he did
Speaker 1: he was doing something where he took ice out of
Speaker 1: the freezer and then he went to put it back
Speaker 1: in the freezer, but put it in like a totally
Speaker 1: different place. And his fiancee was like, what are you doing?
Speaker 1: Why would you do it like that? And I was
Speaker 1: like telling her that me and me and Jackie in
Speaker 1: our book, there's no manual have February four. In the book,
Speaker 1: I we had a little sidebar where we gave a
Speaker 1: definition for men tuition, which is just the opposite of intuition.
Speaker 1: And that's kind of the mail. I'm not gonna argue
Speaker 1: with that. It just takes us. It takes a second
Speaker 1: to catch up every time. I'm too busy thinking about
Speaker 1: a different thing than whatever the thing is I was
Speaker 1: supposed to do. Uh. So we're holidays, We're gonna go
Speaker 1: on a trip. Um so next week I don't know,
Speaker 1: I don't know what our episode will be. It's going
Speaker 1: to be something weird, a typical um but that's not
Speaker 1: the point. But just be ready for that. Just but
Speaker 1: we're getting on an airplane and I think this, unless
Speaker 1: it snows a bunch, I think this will be the
Speaker 1: just one. Yeah, yeah, yeah, probably we gotta well what
Speaker 1: you gotta charge up all the devices. It's a short flight,
Speaker 1: will be okay, it's fine. They I'm excited to be
Speaker 1: on a plane with Brian for a long time. And
Speaker 1: do you know, like puzzles and word games and facts
Speaker 1: and figures, because that kid can lock in on that
Speaker 1: stuff and I love it. I'm literally never excited to
Speaker 1: be on an airplane, but I am less dreading this
Speaker 1: trip than every other trip we've taken with children. And
Speaker 1: our last one was to Atlanta and we were in
Speaker 1: that airport for like ten hours and it was not bad. Yeah,
Speaker 1: we did pretty well. We can handle anything. We can
Speaker 1: do it. One of my friends was taking her two
Speaker 1: kids from New York to l A for the holidays
Speaker 1: by herself, no other parents. She has a two and
Speaker 1: a four year old. This is what my mom did
Speaker 1: all over Europe by yourself. Yeah, your mom is like
Speaker 1: your mom's like next level and her ability to just
Speaker 1: like shrug things off, detached and go, we'll get there.
Speaker 1: It's fine. Uh uh uh boot boot. It's the worst
Speaker 1: cough and you wonder why the babies did their next
Speaker 1: You guys right in with your cough remedies. We're literally dying.
Speaker 1: We're gonna not make it. Oh I was gonna say,
Speaker 1: is that my little brother Sam and his new baby. Um,
Speaker 1: you heard all about it if you've listened to the
Speaker 1: podcast their baby announcement on the show. Um, they're bringing
Speaker 1: their little baby, and they we didn't know if they're
Speaker 1: going to come, and they are coming. They're putting that
Speaker 1: little guy in an airplane. And we need to get
Speaker 1: read of these coughs so that we can squeeze that baby.
Speaker 1: A perfect elf baby, he has like a little elf.
Speaker 1: He's so cute. Um, I want to I want to
Speaker 1: throw him around like a football, but not really, but metaphorically,
Speaker 1: I want to hold him Buttaphorically, I want to throw
Speaker 1: him around like a football. He's so tired about Peter, don't.
Speaker 1: I'm not going to, I'm saying metaphorically, I want to
Speaker 1: throw him around like a football, like the old pigskin
Speaker 1: wrong with men. Just I want to put him in
Speaker 1: my pocket. This is toxic masculinity. Chest bump that baby metaphorically,
Speaker 1: but to be clear, his sweet smelling little head. I mean, literally,
Speaker 1: that's what I'm gonna do. But metaphorically, we're going to
Speaker 1: get into the trenches. Metaphorically, we're gonna teach him how
Speaker 1: to be manly. We're gonna kill some ship. We're metaphorically
Speaker 1: we're gonna get into into the woods with a six
Speaker 1: pack and and uh, you know, shoot things literally I'm
Speaker 1: gonna smell his baby head, hold those little onesie, You're
Speaker 1: gonna hold his little him and his little snuggling ones.
Speaker 1: I just picture you're in his room when no one
Speaker 1: else is around, bling his drawers, just sniffing his onesies. Creepo.
Speaker 1: Oh my god. I mean, last time we saw him,
Speaker 1: he was like still I think he was still kind
Speaker 1: of like sleeping off the billy ruben and he was
Speaker 1: like just completely out of it. But this time he's
Speaker 1: going to be a little guy. Those eyes are gonna
Speaker 1: be open, he's gonna be checking things out. Who knows
Speaker 1: what he's like. It's a totally different person for the
Speaker 1: last time. You know. It's crazy. You know, every you know,
Speaker 1: three months or so, babies and little kids become a
Speaker 1: totally different kid. And then at a certain age, it's
Speaker 1: like every six months or two a different kid. Blah
Speaker 1: blah blah. They seem like, ol, here's a totally new person.
Speaker 1: But when you go back and you watch videos of
Speaker 1: you know, Brin at four months old, you're like, oh,
Speaker 1: that's Brin a hundred percent same kid. Always been that kid.
Speaker 1: This has been did you know? This next segment is
Speaker 1: called Listeners want to Know is where we take questions
Speaker 1: and comments from you guys. Alright, this email comes to
Speaker 1: us from Mandy. Mandy. Hey, they're Beth and Peter. I've
Speaker 1: been listening since episode one came out, and I finally
Speaker 1: have a question about a parenting situation that you seem
Speaker 1: to have a life experience with. My kids are almost
Speaker 1: exactly two years apart, as in almost shared a birthday,
Speaker 1: but I missed it by three days. They're also both
Speaker 1: Leo's throwing that in there in case Beth further advice.
Speaker 1: That's signed related. Anyway, we have one bedroom for two kids.
Speaker 1: My almost two and a half year old daughter is
Speaker 1: still in her crib and uses a crib tent. It's wonderful.
Speaker 1: She also got a twin bed in the room that
Speaker 1: we lay and read on, and she knows it will
Speaker 1: be her big kid bed when her five and a
Speaker 1: half month old brother takes over the crib. She seems
Speaker 1: pretty excited about it. Little brother sleeps in a pack
Speaker 1: and play in my room, and eventually we're going to
Speaker 1: need to introduce him to sleeping in the same room
Speaker 1: as his sister. This is mostly out of sizing needs,
Speaker 1: because he's going to outgrow the pack of place sooner
Speaker 1: rather than later. He's in twelve months clothes. He's in
Speaker 1: twelve months clothes and a very tall baby. As of now,
Speaker 1: they're both going to bed at seven pm mission wake
Speaker 1: up around twelve hours later. I know we are extremely
Speaker 1: luckily they both love sleeping. I don't tell many people
Speaker 1: about it. Also, except the podcast, you just did tell
Speaker 1: how many people? That's okay. Also, we have a never
Speaker 1: We have never co slept and don't nurse, so there's
Speaker 1: no special transition needed there. Since Brittain Maven are of
Speaker 1: similar age difference, it sounds like they share a room.
Speaker 1: What did you guys do to make the transition work?
Speaker 1: Was it sort of kindness? Smooth? Um? When did you
Speaker 1: do it age wise? I know kids have shared bedrooms
Speaker 1: for millennia and it's obviously doable, but I'd like to
Speaker 1: hear how it went for you and the kids. This
Speaker 1: is a bit long, but I appreciate any insight you
Speaker 1: may have. Your podcast certainly helped me through my second
Speaker 1: pregnancy while I was also chasing around a toddler. Your
Speaker 1: podcast will not help me through a third pregnancy, because
Speaker 1: that never ever, because that's never ever happening. Cheers Mandy
Speaker 1: us too. Mandy us to, you're officially declaring it. I
Speaker 1: never ever again pregnancy. Done with it. I just don't
Speaker 1: want a kid that's so far age different from these two.
Speaker 1: I'm pretty done with pregnancy. But why do you think
Speaker 1: the age difference is big? You and your brothers are
Speaker 1: like four years apart. Uh? Yeah, I mean, I don't know.
Speaker 1: Let's let's not have this conversation here. You're so scared
Speaker 1: of this conversation that you brought up, Mandy, did I
Speaker 1: love it? Um? So, I was a little confused as
Speaker 1: to what her question is. She's asking, how do you
Speaker 1: do the transition to putting the kids? Yeah, so the
Speaker 1: four and a half month old is in the pack
Speaker 1: and play and her daughter is in the crib, So
Speaker 1: how do you transition the daughter to the bed? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Exactly the situation we were in. I'm struggling to remember exactly.
Speaker 1: But didn't we put this off for a long time?
Speaker 1: May even slept with us for a long time. But
Speaker 1: then there I feel like there was maybe like an
Speaker 1: attempt at this that didn't work. Maybe I'm just confusing
Speaker 1: it with potty training. Brin's bed started as a mattress
Speaker 1: on the ground, yeah, with a guardrail, which I just
Speaker 1: found a picture of and I forgot that was like,
Speaker 1: that was a weird choice. Um, that's the choice of
Speaker 1: first time parents, you know what, I think we just
Speaker 1: I mean, Bryn was twenty months old when May was born,
Speaker 1: and how long did she sleep with us? I feel
Speaker 1: like maybe a long time. I don't remember this six
Speaker 1: months very much A blurred to me. It might have
Speaker 1: been like six months. All I know is that I
Speaker 1: think when you have two, it's that age two and
Speaker 1: six months ash or whatever they're doing. Um wait, there's
Speaker 1: this four and a half, four and a half months
Speaker 1: and two and a half years. Okay, okay, so similar.
Speaker 1: So you do what do you have to do to survive?
Speaker 1: And if you don't transition them from one thing to
Speaker 1: another at the time you thought you would, it doesn't
Speaker 1: matter at all. I was just talking to my friend
Speaker 1: who was like she was saying how she was talking
Speaker 1: to her mom. We were talking about like holiday traditions
Speaker 1: and how she was trying to remember her Hanukah traditions
Speaker 1: growing up, and she had this kind of memory. But
Speaker 1: she was also the youngest child and she was like,
Speaker 1: I probably remember like a more organized version of this
Speaker 1: than what actually happened. So she was telling her mom, like,
Speaker 1: I don't understand how you had us all sitting down
Speaker 1: to dinner every night for dinner and like all eating together,
Speaker 1: because she my friend currently has two and a four
Speaker 1: year old, and she's like, it's just chaos. You just
Speaker 1: like throw them food, you know what I mean. And
Speaker 1: her mom was like, oh, no, when your brothers were little,
Speaker 1: I definitely didn't have a dinner together. Like she's like,
Speaker 1: you're just remembering when we got through that, Like that's
Speaker 1: so funny because I was thinking the exact same thing
Speaker 1: because I remember every night and I'm sure this is
Speaker 1: not true. Everyone sat down and we had dinner together,
Speaker 1: and you you couldn't leave till everyone's done, you couldn't
Speaker 1: start until mom picked up her fork, and all these rules.
Speaker 1: But it's because I had two older brothers who could
Speaker 1: be good enough to sit still well. And that's what
Speaker 1: my friend was saying about her Hanuka presence, because we
Speaker 1: were talking about like do you put the presents out
Speaker 1: where your kids could grab them, or do you hide
Speaker 1: them all until Christmas morning? And she was saying her
Speaker 1: mom laid them out, but like she was the youngest kid.
Speaker 1: So the older kids would be like, do not touch
Speaker 1: the presence. Were not allowed to touch the presence, and
Speaker 1: she just believed that that was the rule. Yeah, you know,
Speaker 1: like well, it's like, remember, okay, we earlier relationship, our
Speaker 1: first big fight when I told you you weren't invited
Speaker 1: to Christmas because I was very certain that there were
Speaker 1: very specific rules. And when I asked my brothers about it,
Speaker 1: they were like no. But I asked my little brother.
Speaker 1: He was like, oh, yes, a hundred percent. Those are
Speaker 1: the rules. And it's just like but it's also the
Speaker 1: same thing brand. We got him an advent calendar and
Speaker 1: he immediately opened all the doors and I was so
Speaker 1: upset by this, but it is older siblings are like,
Speaker 1: here's the deal, you don't open these. Yeah, he's not
Speaker 1: modeling that for his sister. He is, but he just
Speaker 1: makes up his own rules for her. He makes up
Speaker 1: rules about everything. Yeah, because he's copying you to make
Speaker 1: a rule. I know, new rule. Don't remind me alright,
Speaker 1: So I think, Mandy, when it comes time whenever, that is,
Speaker 1: if you want to follow our model, it was just
Speaker 1: just do it. Just you put the baby in the
Speaker 1: crib and you go all right, it's it's the baby's
Speaker 1: now sleep in the bed, and then they will react
Speaker 1: in the way they react, which is different than the
Speaker 1: way our kids reacted. Also, I will say, putting two
Speaker 1: kids in the same bedroom, there was a period of
Speaker 1: time that I've partially blocked out of my memory, which
Speaker 1: was just kind of hell of trying to get them
Speaker 1: booked to sleep, which kind of continues into today on
Speaker 1: a less a lower key level. But like when you're
Speaker 1: when you're trying to rock mayving to sleep, and Brin
Speaker 1: would be like NonStop talking as a two year old,
Speaker 1: all these things like it was just impossible, and you
Speaker 1: just like you just resign yourself to the fact that
Speaker 1: on any given day, any given bedtime, it's just going
Speaker 1: to be hell. Any even Sunday, it's going to be hell. Um,
Speaker 1: you know, until it's not. Maybe it never is that
Speaker 1: it sounds like your kids are chill, it goes away.
Speaker 1: It just every transition feels like a nightmare for a
Speaker 1: little while, every transition is a nightmare. Every kiss begins. Um, alright,
Speaker 1: So can I just say an incredibly spooky thing happened
Speaker 1: and loud and scary before you came home. I was
Speaker 1: sitting here working trying to catch up on things, got
Speaker 1: a lot of work done, and then out of nowhere,
Speaker 1: our sound system starts blaring radio Internet radio and in
Speaker 1: the loudest level I have. I even knew our speakers were.
Speaker 1: It just turned on a radio station on our receiver.
Speaker 1: And so I had my headphones in, and how can
Speaker 1: you interpret the sign if you didn't pay attention to
Speaker 1: what was being sent by the radio station, Because it
Speaker 1: was I had my headphones in. It was so loud,
Speaker 1: and I jumped up. I couldn't tell where it was
Speaker 1: coming from. So I jumped up and I was like, hey,
Speaker 1: theoried off And it was like, nothing's happening, you idiot,
Speaker 1: what do you mean? And I jumped up to the basics,
Speaker 1: that's what it sounded like to you. And I jumped
Speaker 1: up to the speaker and realized it wasn't an Apple project,
Speaker 1: it was this, And so I ripped our the door
Speaker 1: off the thing. And it was so loud for so long,
Speaker 1: and I was so scared. And then I turned it
Speaker 1: off and I was like, how the hell did that happen?
Speaker 1: I still don't know. Wow, that's my story. There's a ghost.
Speaker 1: There was a ghost in the receiver. Um it was.
Speaker 1: You know, it's just like a random pop station. All right,
Speaker 1: you ready for this last email of the night. This
Speaker 1: is from Ashley Night Diapers and Toxic Masculinity. What a combo? Hi,
Speaker 1: We knows I've been binging your pod for the last
Speaker 1: few months and I've just caught up so I can
Speaker 1: finally send you an email without you thinking why is
Speaker 1: she writing about old shit? I don't. I won't go
Speaker 1: on about how much I like the pod. So Beth
Speaker 1: is an annoyed at Peter with Peter reading every week,
Speaker 1: but knows that I really enjoy your woke yet realistic perspective.
Speaker 1: Woke is in quotes. I'm a mom to a nine
Speaker 1: year old and a five girl and a five year
Speaker 1: old boy, and I have a few recommendations for you
Speaker 1: listed with headings for Peter. Thank you. One night diapers.
Speaker 1: My daughter sleeps like a rock and doesn't yet have
Speaker 1: the active hormones, so she still wets the bed. We
Speaker 1: had a great success with the target brand Up and
Speaker 1: Up night diapers, so I highly recommend as a cheaper
Speaker 1: and more absorbent alternative to Good Nights. Two non stereotypical
Speaker 1: book reference with a male subject. My household loves the
Speaker 1: book Big Mean Mike by Michelle Knudsen uh Um. It
Speaker 1: challenges a few aspects of toxic masculinity and entertaining way
Speaker 1: through a tough guy dog main character and his encounters
Speaker 1: with some cute fuzzy buddies. Opportunities to read in fun
Speaker 1: character voices included enjoy your holidays, Ashley, that sounds like
Speaker 1: a cool book. I like that the sound of that.
Speaker 1: We should get that. There's still type for Christmas. Um So,
Speaker 1: Brin has a weird Britain now because I got all
Speaker 1: these good nights. He has a weird attachment to his
Speaker 1: old pull ups, which were too small, and the first
Speaker 1: time we got them, I was like, we've got a
Speaker 1: fight about it. I'm like, put because you're leaking through
Speaker 1: the butever, and so now, in order to avoid putting
Speaker 1: on the good nights, he sneaks off and he peas
Speaker 1: in the toilet before bed, and then refuses to have
Speaker 1: help getting dressed so that he can secretly find a
Speaker 1: pull up and put that on and then put his
Speaker 1: jammies on. And he thinks that if I see it,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna like be upset and make him change. But
Speaker 1: I'm like he's getting ready for bed all by himself
Speaker 1: and doesn't need me bugging him. It's perfect. And honestly,
Speaker 1: we have a whole box of pull ups that I
Speaker 1: would rather just get rid of than waste. Yeah, so
Speaker 1: I solved that problem. Congratulations, thank you, and not in
Speaker 1: the way that I intended. Accidental good parenting, that's the net.
Speaker 1: You know your book mentuition, and yeah, my books called mentuition,
Speaker 1: or it's called oops. Some of the things I did
Speaker 1: were good. Accidentally got kids, accidentally got kids, and not
Speaker 1: all my decisions are disruptive, not disruptive, destructive or disruptive.
Speaker 1: Men's men. Man inspiration is something else, all right? Do
Speaker 1: you think on that man inspiration means mands, mentuition, menstruation, menstruation, mandella. Anyway,
Speaker 1: thank you guys. Another episode of We Know His Parenting.
Speaker 1: If you would like to send us an email, kive
Speaker 1: this advice, how about would you know scenario? You need
Speaker 1: some of those? You don't have some of those in
Speaker 1: a while? UM, you can email us at you know
Speaker 1: spot at gmail dot com, or you can leave us
Speaker 1: a voicemail at three four seven three eight four seven
Speaker 1: three nine six. Find us on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, and
Speaker 1: we knows pod and go rate, review, subscribe, Everybody's doing it,
Speaker 1: this podcast laps. Somebody did right a review with that.
Speaker 1: Write your review of our podcast subjects having Everybody's doing it,
Speaker 1: Everybody's doing it, five stars, and we'll see you in
Speaker 1: the new year. Babies, Fine, it's a new year.