WEBVTT - Mid-Week Mom Chat: Catherine Powers. 0:00:00.560 --> 0:00:04.520 So I've been pretty lucky lately. I've been getting to 0:00:04.559 --> 0:00:08.639 spend all of my days with my amazing older sister, 0:00:08.960 --> 0:00:12.480 Katherine Power's dream come true. It really is. We've always 0:00:12.480 --> 0:00:17.000 like communal living, I know, and it has not been hard. No, 0:00:17.160 --> 0:00:19.680 because you and I are very honest with each other too. 0:00:21.040 --> 0:00:23.919 No begrudging weirdness. Do you feel like it took a 0:00:23.920 --> 0:00:26.080 minute for us to get here? How's our journey as 0:00:26.079 --> 0:00:33.000 siblings gone? Oh gosh, get a nutshell. I think God 0:00:33.040 --> 0:00:35.120 gave us each other to be the best humans we 0:00:35.120 --> 0:00:38.120 could be because our brains cannot be more opposite. It's 0:00:38.159 --> 0:00:41.120 so true. But I am such a better human for 0:00:41.240 --> 0:00:44.400 loving you, and I am such a better human for 0:00:44.520 --> 0:00:47.879 loving you because I was sitting there. Oh, this is 0:00:47.880 --> 0:00:50.279 what I was reading in Gay Gaddis. So everyone needs 0:00:50.320 --> 0:00:53.479 to check out Gay Gaddis's book. Um, oh gosh, a 0:00:53.560 --> 0:00:55.639 Cowgirls A Guide to Kicking Us. I forgot what it's called, 0:00:55.760 --> 0:00:59.080 gay gaddas dot com gay gadas dot com. She had 0:00:59.120 --> 0:01:02.280 on her new letter that I'm a part of the 0:01:03.560 --> 0:01:05.080 you know what, I need to just read it because 0:01:05.080 --> 0:01:06.920 I will mess it up. Okay, I'm gonna read this 0:01:06.959 --> 0:01:10.280 because I thought of you. Sister, I thought of, here's 0:01:10.280 --> 0:01:15.840 what it says talking about right now in the lockdown, 0:01:17.480 --> 0:01:26.399 she said something about the sorry everyone, I don't want 0:01:26.400 --> 0:01:31.679 to mess this up. She said, the the ones who 0:01:31.680 --> 0:01:34.000 can hold their composure. I'm not finding it. Who can 0:01:34.160 --> 0:01:37.120 hold their composure in the middle of all of this 0:01:37.240 --> 0:01:41.399 are the leaders of tomorrow and I and I really 0:01:41.400 --> 0:01:43.000 thought that I can't find it, and I'm really sad 0:01:43.040 --> 0:01:47.840 about it because it was a really good, um little thing. Anyway, 0:01:47.920 --> 0:01:50.000 check her out gay guyas dot com. But she's basically saying, 0:01:50.200 --> 0:01:56.080 the people who can stay positive and like find silver 0:01:56.200 --> 0:02:00.200 lining and keep their head above water in the these 0:02:00.320 --> 0:02:02.840 kinds of times are the leaders up tomorrow. And I 0:02:02.880 --> 0:02:06.200 thought to myself, that is your sister, Like that is you, 0:02:06.360 --> 0:02:09.680 and that is totally how you have always been. And 0:02:09.720 --> 0:02:13.400 you even like recently our grandfather is had had a 0:02:13.480 --> 0:02:17.880 hip surgery and he's you know, it's been hard to 0:02:18.080 --> 0:02:21.640 navigate what to do, especially in coronavirus, but you have 0:02:21.919 --> 0:02:25.240 just stepped up. You find a plan, you find a solution. 0:02:25.360 --> 0:02:27.560 You don't get lost in your feelings so much that 0:02:27.800 --> 0:02:30.200 you feel stuff, but you don't just swim in the feelings. 0:02:30.400 --> 0:02:32.560 You're like, Okay, what's our plan, what's our action? How 0:02:32.639 --> 0:02:34.320 do we do this? And then not only do you 0:02:34.480 --> 0:02:37.600 think that way, you actually do it and you do 0:02:37.680 --> 0:02:39.320 all the action stuffs and make it happen, like you 0:02:39.360 --> 0:02:41.480 have like a full plan with like you've already called 0:02:41.520 --> 0:02:44.520 like four different assistant livings and all sorts of stuff, 0:02:44.520 --> 0:02:46.320 and like you talk to my aunt, my mom, everyone, 0:02:46.320 --> 0:02:47.600 and all of a sudden there's like this perfect plan 0:02:47.680 --> 0:02:49.920 in place. I'm like, are you a wizard? No? I 0:02:49.960 --> 0:02:54.560 think the older, the older I've gotten the world is 0:02:54.560 --> 0:02:57.920 so daunting. I've really made a conscious decision to focus 0:02:57.919 --> 0:03:01.480 on what I can control. I'm really let go of 0:03:02.680 --> 0:03:09.760 Sorry I don't have Corona Corona Texas allergies. I made 0:03:09.760 --> 0:03:12.720 a conscious decision to focus on what I can control 0:03:12.800 --> 0:03:14.920 and let go of what I can't. And it's allowed 0:03:14.960 --> 0:03:18.239 me to live in freedom and not in fear. Because 0:03:18.240 --> 0:03:22.760 when you're trying to I'm a type one type of personality, 0:03:23.040 --> 0:03:26.200 and so when you're trying to make sense of everything, 0:03:26.240 --> 0:03:29.000 it's daunting. If everything that crosses your path through giving 0:03:29.040 --> 0:03:31.480 feelings to you're trying to control, you're trying to fix 0:03:31.560 --> 0:03:35.640 not that not And I felt compelled to try to 0:03:35.680 --> 0:03:40.520 do everything and I've acknowledged now that everybody is so 0:03:40.600 --> 0:03:44.119 gifted and unique, and to focus on the best thing 0:03:44.200 --> 0:03:47.440 about everybody and then focus on what I can control 0:03:48.120 --> 0:03:50.040 and let go of what I can and it's freed me. 0:03:50.280 --> 0:03:53.800 It's change my life. It has because I was, I 0:03:53.880 --> 0:03:59.800 was in bondage to expectations, and you know the way 0:03:59.800 --> 0:04:02.800 my brain is wired. I now know. I have thoughts 0:04:02.840 --> 0:04:06.560 on how like for you, for instance, I've seen you 0:04:06.680 --> 0:04:08.960 in this light. I mean, you're living your best life. 0:04:09.080 --> 0:04:12.200 And I've seen you in this light always, even when 0:04:12.200 --> 0:04:14.360 you weren't here, and it's a weird thing. And now 0:04:14.400 --> 0:04:17.760 I realize it's something. It's a gift if you use 0:04:17.800 --> 0:04:19.360 it as a gift, or it's a burden if you 0:04:19.440 --> 0:04:21.400 let it drag you down. And that's such a good point. 0:04:21.400 --> 0:04:22.600 I want to live in the light. I want to 0:04:22.680 --> 0:04:25.839 enjoy people. I mean, the world, despite the craziness, is 0:04:25.839 --> 0:04:28.440 such an interesting, wonderful place. And I feel like right 0:04:28.480 --> 0:04:32.840 now we see that because we're blessed beyond measure by 0:04:32.839 --> 0:04:35.960 incredible people. And you intentionally get to keep up with 0:04:36.000 --> 0:04:38.920 these incredible people. So how did we start on this? 0:04:39.160 --> 0:04:40.440 I don't know. I feel like I cut you off 0:04:40.480 --> 0:04:44.160 in the first question, did I bin? So that's how 0:04:44.240 --> 0:04:45.960 we were talking about our different brains. Do you have 0:04:46.000 --> 0:04:47.960 the high high fields and the low low fields? And 0:04:48.000 --> 0:04:51.120 I will say, you've really helped our family be want 0:04:51.200 --> 0:04:54.440 be real with our feelings. You know, I feel like 0:04:54.480 --> 0:04:57.280 we're tough and we can. You know, we were raised. 0:04:57.800 --> 0:04:59.719 You wrote that song about I come from a long 0:04:59.760 --> 0:05:01.960 line and women that never gave up? Did I have 0:05:02.000 --> 0:05:07.719 all these songs about three people? Know? And so I 0:05:07.720 --> 0:05:09.839 feel like we're so tough and we were you know. 0:05:09.920 --> 0:05:12.680 I love our endurance. But I feel like you've really 0:05:12.760 --> 0:05:18.120 helped us, or helped me feel and connect and be 0:05:18.440 --> 0:05:20.479 true and honest and say what we feel like. I 0:05:20.560 --> 0:05:23.200 really have gotten to a point because of you, your 0:05:23.240 --> 0:05:25.560 therapy and all the vicariously she makes me feel good 0:05:25.600 --> 0:05:27.640 because I always feel like a hot mess. No, all 0:05:27.680 --> 0:05:30.919 of the working on yourself has helped me work on myself, 0:05:30.960 --> 0:05:33.880 Like I truly feel like I can be honestly myself 0:05:34.279 --> 0:05:36.000 and you've helped me come that way because I didn't 0:05:36.040 --> 0:05:37.719 even know what I was feeling for a minute. But 0:05:37.760 --> 0:05:40.240 you've always been good at reading self help and journaling 0:05:40.279 --> 0:05:42.720 and taking note of your big deal. I saw Obrah 0:05:42.839 --> 0:05:45.960 the week before, Corona went down, held hands and hugged. 0:05:46.120 --> 0:05:49.400 But what did her hand feel like? I asked you, 0:05:49.480 --> 0:05:55.840 she's calm, just I mean grounding. She's so she's grounded. 0:05:56.680 --> 0:05:59.240 How do you think people that know who they are 0:05:59.400 --> 0:06:02.000 and what they're going going for? Or stable? Your rudder 0:06:02.200 --> 0:06:05.200 is firm and stable and you're not. I was reading 0:06:05.200 --> 0:06:08.160 a devotional this morning, and when your rudder is stable, 0:06:08.160 --> 0:06:11.640 the winds don't. You don't spin in circles like you're 0:06:12.279 --> 0:06:15.400 you're straight and you're on a path. And I think 0:06:15.440 --> 0:06:17.960 if you don't even necessarily have to know where you're going, 0:06:18.080 --> 0:06:20.800 but if you know generally what you're going for, I 0:06:20.800 --> 0:06:26.200 feel like it just helps you make make stay calmer 0:06:26.279 --> 0:06:29.839 during the thrashing. What are you going for? I'm going 0:06:30.800 --> 0:06:33.880 I really want to be present in every moment, Like 0:06:34.279 --> 0:06:38.080 as a mom. Now, that's what I'm I. I live 0:06:38.279 --> 0:06:40.560 by to do list. I'm Type A and so I 0:06:40.600 --> 0:06:42.360 always have it to do list every day I wake up, 0:06:43.080 --> 0:06:44.480 What am I going to do today? What am I 0:06:44.480 --> 0:06:46.880 going to do this week? I mean nauseating to a 0:06:46.920 --> 0:06:49.400 brain like you or but it's also really like the 0:06:49.440 --> 0:06:51.840 list now, I like to listen. I like a type 0:06:51.880 --> 0:06:54.520 A sister who wants to get everything. Okay, I'm just 0:06:54.560 --> 0:06:59.400 gonna ride the wave behind you. And I have, I think, uh, 0:06:59.640 --> 0:07:03.320 a knee to control, to compensate for the the like 0:07:03.400 --> 0:07:07.640 the ego or the insecurity of that type a wanting 0:07:07.640 --> 0:07:10.680 to be in charge. But for what is the ego 0:07:10.760 --> 0:07:13.080 or the insecurity? What's the flip side of it? Well, 0:07:13.240 --> 0:07:17.040 is seeing the beauty of everybody's individuality, not trying to 0:07:17.080 --> 0:07:19.760 control the situation, but showing up and letting people be 0:07:20.440 --> 0:07:22.880 who they are and seeing them for what they have 0:07:22.960 --> 0:07:25.400 to offer. So you have to flip your brain, yes, 0:07:25.440 --> 0:07:28.000 because I used to view people as, oh, here's this 0:07:28.040 --> 0:07:30.600 person and for whatever reason, not that I know better, 0:07:30.640 --> 0:07:32.720 but I felt like, how can I help them? What 0:07:32.760 --> 0:07:34.400 can I do for them? Oh, let me do your 0:07:34.480 --> 0:07:36.480 laundry and make your food, or help you get a job, 0:07:36.560 --> 0:07:39.720 or edit your resume, or cook you meals or drive 0:07:39.760 --> 0:07:42.240 you to your doctor's appointment and figure out your whole 0:07:42.280 --> 0:07:45.040 life like you did from me, which I appreciated. You 0:07:45.040 --> 0:07:47.440 had to find your own way, like ultimately, for to 0:07:47.520 --> 0:07:51.200 have joy, you have to figure it out yourself. And 0:07:51.240 --> 0:07:55.240 so now my goal is to walk alongside people like 0:07:55.440 --> 0:07:58.000 be your partner always be there for you as much 0:07:58.040 --> 0:08:00.360 as you can, but to let everyone's on their own 0:08:00.400 --> 0:08:03.520 path and you don't know what that is the only 0:08:03.800 --> 0:08:05.520 for me, I think the way you can show up 0:08:05.560 --> 0:08:10.520 for people is just acknowledging that loving them, being there 0:08:10.560 --> 0:08:14.880 for them, but not having an expectation. Expectations will kill you. 0:08:15.680 --> 0:08:18.760 The thing though, that must be daunting and frustrating for you, 0:08:19.360 --> 0:08:22.560 because I would be frustrated if I was you. You 0:08:23.080 --> 0:08:26.840 have the ability to do. It's like Genevieve, your daughter. 0:08:27.080 --> 0:08:29.080 Genevieve is such a perfect mix of you and Willie. 0:08:29.120 --> 0:08:32.640 It's so fun to watch her because now she's nine 0:08:33.120 --> 0:08:37.560 and she's like, she's got Willie's wild, creative, like let's 0:08:37.600 --> 0:08:41.240 go get dirty in the mud and run around totally. 0:08:41.760 --> 0:08:44.920 She's scared. Ain't scared, en nothing shooting a gun and 0:08:45.040 --> 0:08:47.040 not driving a car. I mean use it all that too, though. 0:08:47.040 --> 0:08:50.200 I mean you were very capable, but then she has 0:08:50.280 --> 0:08:52.920 your ability to Like I have told her how to 0:08:52.960 --> 0:08:56.280 take care of Sonny one time. On everything. I was 0:08:56.320 --> 0:08:59.120 just like, okay, when we get her up, we will 0:08:59.440 --> 0:09:01.800 turn off this machine, take her out of her sleep. 0:09:01.840 --> 0:09:04.400 Sack um, change your diaper. I showed her how to 0:09:04.480 --> 0:09:06.079 change the diaper because their diaper is a little big 0:09:06.120 --> 0:09:10.880 to put the the everything perfectly, like she doesn't skip 0:09:10.920 --> 0:09:12.680 a step, and then she's so joyful and fun. And 0:09:12.679 --> 0:09:14.840 that's what you have, Like you have that ability to 0:09:14.880 --> 0:09:16.760 never skip steps. So where I was going with this 0:09:16.920 --> 0:09:20.160 is it would be frustrating to me if I was you, 0:09:20.760 --> 0:09:23.400 and not only was I so capable like you are 0:09:23.480 --> 0:09:25.880 to do all these things, so smart to think in 0:09:25.920 --> 0:09:28.959 a way to figure them out, then you have the 0:09:28.960 --> 0:09:32.680 ability to like you make them happen and it doesn't 0:09:32.720 --> 0:09:35.200 feel hard for you, Like it's not like that. The 0:09:35.320 --> 0:09:38.240 fun memories are not that planned out stuff. But I 0:09:38.240 --> 0:09:39.719 would be frustrated if I was you, if I was 0:09:39.760 --> 0:09:45.120 dealing like someone like me who literally my brain when 0:09:45.120 --> 0:09:47.960 I have chores and task and learning and things to do, 0:09:48.040 --> 0:09:50.480 like it shuts down. I get this like buzz feeling 0:09:50.559 --> 0:09:52.800 in my head back to you on an amazing race. 0:09:52.880 --> 0:09:55.000 But I'll how to read a manual to put together 0:09:55.080 --> 0:09:59.240 that car, like reading instructions that your nightmare? Yeah, you 0:09:59.320 --> 0:10:01.400 freaked out. See all these things that have to be 0:10:01.440 --> 0:10:03.800 done in my brain, it overwhelms it and it just 0:10:03.800 --> 0:10:05.560 shuts it out. Oh I love Amnuel. We got new 0:10:05.600 --> 0:10:08.160 internet out here, give me instructions and a plan. And 0:10:08.520 --> 0:10:11.520 but you you see like one thousand puzzle pieces laying 0:10:11.520 --> 0:10:13.400 on the table. I love it, and you're like, nobody 0:10:13.440 --> 0:10:17.880 do this until I wake up. I'm like, please, don't worry. 0:10:17.920 --> 0:10:20.400 I'm not even coming near the puzzle table. But I 0:10:20.440 --> 0:10:24.480 think now, because I like to be in control, so 0:10:24.520 --> 0:10:26.720 it's great if I don't have to compete, I can 0:10:26.840 --> 0:10:28.839 just do it. Lazy people out here aren't going to 0:10:28.880 --> 0:10:31.280 think that at all. I don't see it that way. 0:10:31.559 --> 0:10:35.200 Like the way my brain is wired. You and you 0:10:35.240 --> 0:10:39.079 had so much fun, Like a plan is boring. I 0:10:39.120 --> 0:10:42.440 mean it's essential, especially when you're surviving and you're feeding 0:10:42.480 --> 0:10:45.920 and cleaning, and I thrive on a routine. But the 0:10:46.000 --> 0:10:49.840 memories I always think. So my freshman year in college, 0:10:49.840 --> 0:10:52.880 one of our pleets sisters, Melissa Cafee, was killed in 0:10:52.920 --> 0:10:55.079 front of all of us. It was hit by a car. 0:10:55.120 --> 0:10:57.679 It was horrible, a total tragic. It could have been 0:10:57.720 --> 0:10:59.720 any of us. Baylor. We went to Baylor, we were 0:10:59.720 --> 0:11:02.880 all right there, the streets are dark, it couldn't nobody 0:11:03.000 --> 0:11:06.200 was drinking. I mean, it was pure, just freak accident. 0:11:07.160 --> 0:11:11.000 And honestly, that change my thinking because today has to 0:11:11.040 --> 0:11:12.840 be a good day. You said that every day. Every 0:11:12.840 --> 0:11:14.200 time I call you, You're like, today is a good 0:11:14.280 --> 0:11:16.959 day because there's no guarantee. I mean, Corona, all these 0:11:17.000 --> 0:11:19.600 weird things, and I don't want to live in fear 0:11:19.760 --> 0:11:22.240 because I don't want to miss out on the beauty 0:11:22.240 --> 0:11:25.280 of today. And I think your personality and Willie and 0:11:25.320 --> 0:11:28.360 Genevieve y'all have helped me be fun, have dance parties, 0:11:28.400 --> 0:11:31.079 be weird, get muddy. Who cares if you get money? 0:11:31.240 --> 0:11:33.320 It's so fun to be muddy. You can take a shower. 0:11:33.360 --> 0:11:35.160 You can take a shower. I mean you have to 0:11:35.200 --> 0:11:36.760 get over that, like, oh my gosh, don't have to 0:11:36.800 --> 0:11:38.719 clean the house, clean the laundry, clean the kid all that. 0:11:38.960 --> 0:11:42.400 It's like, who cares? Well if you're going for the 0:11:42.480 --> 0:11:44.480 moments and the memories. I think at the end of 0:11:44.760 --> 0:11:46.520 I always say too that one day in my house 0:11:46.600 --> 0:11:48.440 is going to be clean and small white mothballs. Like 0:11:48.640 --> 0:11:52.560 right now it's a muddy mess. But if I died tomorrow, 0:11:52.559 --> 0:11:55.160 today was a great day. And we enjoyed the mud 0:11:55.240 --> 0:11:58.200 and the being outside, and the rabbit that hot by 0:11:58.200 --> 0:12:00.880 the window, the rabbit and the bunny, the two dogs 0:12:00.960 --> 0:12:05.840 and the hair everywhere. But I don't know. I think 0:12:05.880 --> 0:12:08.240 that is something that's probably that's what I always say. 0:12:08.280 --> 0:12:11.040 I'm going for, like just to be present and you 0:12:11.040 --> 0:12:13.120 don't have to say yes to everything, but just trying. 0:12:13.360 --> 0:12:15.240 You're the one that told us if it's not a yes, 0:12:15.240 --> 0:12:16.840 it's a if it's not a hell, yes, it's no. 0:12:17.080 --> 0:12:19.600 Oh yeah, I got that from a podcast I listened to, 0:12:19.720 --> 0:12:22.240 but that Michael and I use that all the time, 0:12:22.320 --> 0:12:24.600 and I forget that, but I when I remember it, 0:12:24.600 --> 0:12:26.480 it's so true. If it's not a hell, yes, it's 0:12:27.000 --> 0:12:29.880 And here's the thing, Like, I have this like this 0:12:30.120 --> 0:12:33.040 need to keep up sometimes, like I feel because I 0:12:33.080 --> 0:12:34.880 know I have like certain goals and I like have 0:12:35.000 --> 0:12:36.599 like career goals that I'm like, Okay, I need to 0:12:36.559 --> 0:12:39.680 accomplish these. But then also like I need to try. 0:12:39.960 --> 0:12:41.960 This is what you do so well. I need to 0:12:42.040 --> 0:12:45.280 just trust the flow of the spirit and like the 0:12:45.360 --> 0:12:48.520 spirit will flow me into I mean, yes, I gotta 0:12:48.520 --> 0:12:51.160 wake up and work hard and show up every day, 0:12:51.360 --> 0:12:54.280 but I can't plour something to happen. And you're so 0:12:54.320 --> 0:12:56.920 good at that. How did you get there? Well, I'm 0:12:56.960 --> 0:12:58.920 a pleaser. I want everyone to be happy all the 0:12:58.960 --> 0:13:02.640 time to a fault, and so I think that if 0:13:02.679 --> 0:13:06.240 it's not hell yes, then it's a nose stuck with 0:13:06.280 --> 0:13:10.520 me because somebody, if if you're saying yes to everything 0:13:10.520 --> 0:13:14.800 else besides your hell yeses, then you're saying no to 0:13:14.880 --> 0:13:19.680 your best yeses down. So if you're saying yes to 0:13:19.720 --> 0:13:22.480 everybody because you don't want to hurt people's feelings and 0:13:22.520 --> 0:13:25.800 you're not intentionally deciding what you're going for, then you're 0:13:25.840 --> 0:13:28.960 saying no to the stuff that's your heart and soul. 0:13:29.240 --> 0:13:31.400 Like if you say yes to all those stupid little 0:13:31.400 --> 0:13:35.000 things you don't care about, are not excited about, then 0:13:35.400 --> 0:13:38.320 that's your time and it's sucking your energy from who 0:13:38.360 --> 0:13:41.960 you are and your love and your passion of the 0:13:42.040 --> 0:13:44.480 things that mean the most to you. So then by focusing, 0:13:44.520 --> 0:13:46.640 but first you have to here's the hard thing. You 0:13:46.640 --> 0:13:49.880 have to take the time to know you. How do you? 0:13:49.520 --> 0:13:51.760 How you helped me with that? I mean, I feel 0:13:51.760 --> 0:13:55.120 like it's so easy to just have noise and activities 0:13:55.160 --> 0:14:00.480 and business. I feel like we just bow have been 0:14:00.520 --> 0:14:03.600 on a journey to be our best selves. Like we 0:14:03.720 --> 0:14:07.400 try really hard to be good people and obviously we 0:14:07.440 --> 0:14:10.640 mess up and it's not perfect. But being intentional and 0:14:10.679 --> 0:14:13.800 really like just being quiet with yourself, knowing who you are, 0:14:14.120 --> 0:14:17.280 what makes you tick, what makes you happiest, acknowledging that 0:14:17.400 --> 0:14:22.080 not trying to save the world, but doing what is 0:14:22.320 --> 0:14:25.400 I feel like God puts on our hearts. Everybody has, 0:14:25.560 --> 0:14:27.960 you know, our own unique makeup, and so if you 0:14:28.040 --> 0:14:32.080 just focus on those huge heart strings and callings, if 0:14:32.160 --> 0:14:35.400 everybody does a little thing, if everybodybody takes care of ourselves, 0:14:35.400 --> 0:14:37.240 then all of a sudden, you've made a big difference 0:14:37.400 --> 0:14:40.040 versus being stressed out about all the things to do. 0:14:40.240 --> 0:14:42.960 And that's where I used that's okay, not I can't 0:14:42.960 --> 0:14:45.280 say used to live because I still do live. There 0:14:46.520 --> 0:14:50.520 I can see in my mind all this suffering, and 0:14:50.520 --> 0:14:52.640 I'm sure I'm just seeing whatever my mind sees. There's 0:14:52.640 --> 0:14:55.000 so much suffering in and we get feelings to dogs 0:14:55.000 --> 0:14:59.720 and all the animals and give everybody I know it 0:14:59.760 --> 0:15:02.440 but to make believe because it is coming from my 0:15:02.600 --> 0:15:06.880 personal brain, these made up feelings that I am creating 0:15:06.880 --> 0:15:10.560 a whole life story, saga scenario for whatever I'm feeling 0:15:10.600 --> 0:15:14.000 sad for. But that's really if if we were to 0:15:14.040 --> 0:15:17.440 cut open the brain of that living being, they're experiencing 0:15:17.440 --> 0:15:19.840 something totally different because they have their own makeup and 0:15:19.840 --> 0:15:22.640 they hold there's totally different circumstances, So there is no 0:15:22.720 --> 0:15:25.480 reason for me to put my feelings on it. What 0:15:25.560 --> 0:15:27.680 there is a reason for me to do is exactly 0:15:27.720 --> 0:15:31.320 what you're saying. And I'm really trying to grasp this, 0:15:31.440 --> 0:15:33.760 and I'm this is my corona goal for myself, and 0:15:33.800 --> 0:15:35.920 I challenge anyone who's un lockdown to think of it 0:15:35.920 --> 0:15:38.320 this way. I'm really trying to grasp what you're saying. 0:15:39.080 --> 0:15:42.640 I have a certain calling and I feel called called 0:15:42.680 --> 0:15:45.880 towards certain things that feel easy and right for me. 0:15:46.280 --> 0:15:48.760 That's what I need to focus on, not everything else, 0:15:48.960 --> 0:15:51.720 because it's going to suck on my energy out. I'm 0:15:51.720 --> 0:15:53.480 going to do a bad job at everything, and I'm 0:15:53.480 --> 0:15:55.200 going to end up in a ball on the floor 0:15:55.360 --> 0:15:58.280 crying because I can't. The world is so sad and overwhelming. 0:15:58.720 --> 0:16:01.000 Whereas if what gay gaddis of saying and I said 0:16:01.000 --> 0:16:04.200 totally wrong in her email, the leaders of tomorrow are 0:16:04.240 --> 0:16:07.600 the ones who can find silver lining because everybody needs hope, 0:16:07.760 --> 0:16:09.720 and you give people hope by doing what you're meant 0:16:09.760 --> 0:16:12.040 to do. And so how did you learn that to 0:16:12.320 --> 0:16:14.920 listen to those callings on your heart, because that is 0:16:14.960 --> 0:16:17.640 the key to happiness. I feel like I was just 0:16:17.880 --> 0:16:20.040 I had this moment. It started my sophomore year in college, 0:16:20.040 --> 0:16:21.880 which I know I'm an old soul. He always really, 0:16:21.920 --> 0:16:25.560 how did you have this? But I was so overwhelmed 0:16:25.560 --> 0:16:29.240 by all the feelings, and so I just didn't like 0:16:29.360 --> 0:16:33.440 the existence, like it was so daunting, and so I 0:16:33.520 --> 0:16:36.560 just started reading. It was heavy. I mean, I think 0:16:36.720 --> 0:16:39.200 starting with our relationship. I remember the first self hope 0:16:39.240 --> 0:16:41.240 book I read that totally changed my life with Gary 0:16:41.320 --> 0:16:45.400 Chapman's Five Love Languages, great book if anyone hasn't read it. 0:16:45.760 --> 0:16:48.080 But for you and I'm acts of service and I 0:16:48.880 --> 0:16:51.040 and you were not, and so I would spend my 0:16:51.120 --> 0:16:54.360 life trying to help you, like and as acts of service, 0:16:54.440 --> 0:16:56.320 you're not doing what you want to do, like you're 0:16:56.560 --> 0:17:00.480 being a martyr and doing something for someone else. And 0:17:00.560 --> 0:17:06.119 so I realized that you were were words of affirmation, 0:17:06.119 --> 0:17:07.879 which to me is a cop out because I'm like, 0:17:07.920 --> 0:17:11.000 that takes one second, but I know that means a 0:17:11.040 --> 0:17:13.119 lot to you, and so I'm like, Okay, well I 0:17:13.160 --> 0:17:15.080 can tell her how much I love her and how 0:17:15.080 --> 0:17:17.040 wonderful she is and what a great mom she is. 0:17:17.119 --> 0:17:18.880 And I don't have to go to the grocery store 0:17:18.920 --> 0:17:21.280 and prepare you a healthy meal and do your laundry 0:17:21.320 --> 0:17:24.359 and clean your house, which I don't know why I 0:17:24.400 --> 0:17:27.560 would even think that. So that helps, That's probably what 0:17:27.600 --> 0:17:30.000 you would appreciate it. Oh, I love poor Willie. I've 0:17:30.040 --> 0:17:33.359 trained him. Get a bottle of spray out spray the 0:17:33.359 --> 0:17:35.520 counters down. If you want to show me you love me. 0:17:35.600 --> 0:17:38.680 It's like I'm getting lucky tonight next all the window. 0:17:40.800 --> 0:17:43.880 I know, I'm like, do something, but I will say 0:17:43.920 --> 0:17:48.800 to another thing another boundaries, like we are loved. We 0:17:48.920 --> 0:17:52.280 both come from huge families, Willie and us, and we 0:17:52.280 --> 0:17:55.280 we always say family first, like we're that's our life, 0:17:55.400 --> 0:17:58.000 like we hang out with people and when you spend 0:17:58.000 --> 0:17:59.919 long times. I think this is why we live so 0:18:00.040 --> 0:18:05.160 well together in captivity we are in our little cages. 0:18:05.320 --> 0:18:08.960 Is because I've realized, especially as like an act of 0:18:09.000 --> 0:18:12.399 service person, it's up to me to know me and 0:18:12.480 --> 0:18:16.240 what I'm okay with. It's not fair to you to 0:18:16.359 --> 0:18:18.959 let you do something to me you don't know you're doing. 0:18:19.720 --> 0:18:23.480 That's ruining my life for stressing me out. This is 0:18:23.520 --> 0:18:26.560 what we call wisdom. Well, but you're so good, we're 0:18:26.600 --> 0:18:29.399 both if you I can be truthful for you, you know, 0:18:30.640 --> 0:18:32.760 because and Willie taught me that he was, Like Catherine, 0:18:32.760 --> 0:18:35.399 I don't know what you're feeling. It's not fair for 0:18:35.480 --> 0:18:37.800 you to have something inside of you that's bothering you 0:18:37.840 --> 0:18:41.159 that I don't know about. And it's really transpired. So 0:18:41.240 --> 0:18:43.919 then all these people that you love so much that 0:18:44.000 --> 0:18:47.560 you spend all your time with, be honest. But first again, 0:18:47.600 --> 0:18:49.520 it gets back to you have to know who who 0:18:49.600 --> 0:18:52.600 you are and what you're okay with and that takes time. 0:18:52.640 --> 0:18:55.040 But I feel like you and tailingin on the road 0:18:55.119 --> 0:18:58.960 and all the therapy I've lived vicariously through all, I 0:18:59.040 --> 0:19:02.080 was thinking we should time them too. We should, I know, 0:19:02.240 --> 0:19:06.160 have a little reunion. Man, So you're crazy up and down. 0:19:06.240 --> 0:19:09.080 Life has helped me a lot with my Excel spreadsheet, 0:19:09.160 --> 0:19:13.280 crossing the eyes and dot in the tea life. But Kevin, 0:19:13.600 --> 0:19:15.880 the thing that you have always done from me, which 0:19:16.080 --> 0:19:17.719 I don't know if you've done this because I've been 0:19:17.760 --> 0:19:19.080 such a hot mess in the middle of it. You 0:19:19.080 --> 0:19:21.760 probably don't even know what I'm saying. In the midst 0:19:21.800 --> 0:19:26.560 of all this uh energy, I put out there you 0:19:26.640 --> 0:19:29.000 have all And Willie said this in his podcast, and 0:19:29.119 --> 0:19:33.800 I agree. You provide a feeling of safety and stable 0:19:34.320 --> 0:19:38.040 and I think it's because you're like one of your 0:19:38.080 --> 0:19:43.479 greatest assets is the fact that you are type one, 0:19:43.720 --> 0:19:46.919 Type A and one on Instagram and all that. But 0:19:46.960 --> 0:19:49.000 then you've done all this also is work on yourself, 0:19:49.040 --> 0:19:51.960 so you're so compassionate and aware that you have the 0:19:52.040 --> 0:19:57.040 ability to make people feel safe and calm and sturdy. 0:19:57.400 --> 0:20:00.760 And that is such a blessing because because unhealthy one 0:20:00.800 --> 0:20:03.200 makes you feel like you've got stick in the mud. 0:20:03.400 --> 0:20:06.880 Like you know, I feel like you love so well. 0:20:07.000 --> 0:20:08.879 People are drawn to you. You have a light and 0:20:08.960 --> 0:20:11.040 an aura and you set people in and you make 0:20:11.080 --> 0:20:16.080 people feel good like ones are can be very cold 0:20:16.560 --> 0:20:20.679 and magnetizing, like somebody oh gosh, like okay, calm. If 0:20:20.680 --> 0:20:23.240 you need you know something, then but don't want to 0:20:23.280 --> 0:20:24.959 necessarily be around him. I don't want to be like 0:20:25.000 --> 0:20:27.639 I've learned so much from you because I want to 0:20:27.680 --> 0:20:30.080 be approachable and I want to be fun and I 0:20:30.080 --> 0:20:32.720 want to be present. It's easy to be distracted. So 0:20:32.840 --> 0:20:36.600 I appreciate you saying that, because that is that's what 0:20:36.680 --> 0:20:38.760 I want from my people. I've never wanted to be 0:20:38.800 --> 0:20:41.600 the star. I'll never forget it. Baylor. When you were 0:20:41.600 --> 0:20:43.840