Speaker 1: Hey, viewers.
Speaker 2: Sniffy's Cruising Confessions is an explicit podcast about queer sex.
Speaker 2: Filter dirty words and unfiltered descriptions of sexual activities. If
Speaker 2: hearing about orgies, anonymous sex, kink, fetish, and more offends
Speaker 2: your sensibilities, you might want to skip this. Viewer discretion
Speaker 2: is advised. It's definitely not for kids. Chris, Yes, would
Speaker 2: you say you are a very verbal person when you're
Speaker 2: in bed with someone.
Speaker 1: I'm actually not.
Speaker 3: I do a lot of talking outside of the bedroom,
Speaker 3: and that's where I feel like I.
Speaker 1: Can shut up. Though I do like nonverbal things of
Speaker 1: like affirmation.
Speaker 3: But I'm not like one of these people that like
Speaker 3: has like a list of things that I say when
Speaker 3: I'm engaged in the acts.
Speaker 1: What about you, I would say, I am.
Speaker 2: I like receiving encouragement and I like vocalizing when I
Speaker 2: enjoy things. Yeah, but I would say that I'm not
Speaker 2: like verbal, Like I think there's a lot there's like
Speaker 2: porn verbal and there's like casual verbal. Yeah, And I
Speaker 2: think some people think they've got to be like.
Speaker 3: Porn verbal, yes, yeah, And I'm not into that yeah,
Speaker 3: because it feels performative.
Speaker 2: I mean, for me, I'm like, oh, am I in
Speaker 2: my college impropit group again, like do I need to yes?
Speaker 1: And what's our setting?
Speaker 2: What's your intention? What's my intention for me? I'm like
Speaker 2: trying to do dramaturgy in my head that takes.
Speaker 3: Me out of the space, and then I'm not into
Speaker 3: it because then I'm like, we're living that drama.
Speaker 2: I mean, I'm pretty against I'm a loud mouth in
Speaker 2: all aspects of my life for you, and sex is
Speaker 2: truly no different good for you, which does bring us
Speaker 2: to the topic of today's episode. In sexual situations and spaces,
Speaker 2: it can often seem like silence and nonverbal communication are
Speaker 2: the most reliable way to let your partner know what
Speaker 2: you want. After all, if you speak up, you do
Speaker 2: risk ruining the mood or breaking the fantasy butt.
Speaker 1: In today's episode, we're.
Speaker 2: Going to teach you how to use the voice to
Speaker 2: have better and hotter hookups.
Speaker 1: Welcome to Stiffy's Cruising Confessions.
Speaker 3: I Am Gabe goin, I'm Chris Patterson rosso Each week
Speaker 3: weeks four, the sublime world of queer sex, cruising and
Speaker 3: relationship will be talking to queer folks of all kinds,
Speaker 3: ask them questions, swap sex stories, share intimate revelations.
Speaker 4: A lot of us are discovering ourselves in cruising spaces.
Speaker 5: This happened to me at this toilet stall in the
Speaker 5: library or the airport.
Speaker 6: I feel like everybody's gonna fuck a little harder here.
Speaker 4: Damn.
Speaker 1: So I've been like the neighborhood flat and I took
Speaker 1: pride in that. I was so afraid but yet so intrigued.
Speaker 7: And the more I gave him, the more he could take.
Speaker 1: If you're having sex on Sniffy's, you already have a
Speaker 1: moral deficit, Gabe.
Speaker 3: Yeah, have you ever heard about verbal porn?
Speaker 1: Like like, yah, fuck me harder like that?
Speaker 2: Like, what's no, this is a little bit different. It's
Speaker 2: like a subgenre. Yeah, okay, it's a little bit different.
Speaker 1: So what it is.
Speaker 3: It's audio tracks that are designed to take you to
Speaker 3: an erotic headspace, right, so like people do these recordings.
Speaker 3: It's almost like ASMR, but for like sex.
Speaker 2: I was gonna say, it sounds like a like a
Speaker 2: horny podcast. Yeah, but if so this one, Yeah, yeah, welcome.
Speaker 2: Maybe you're listening to verbal porn right now.
Speaker 1: So here's the thing. We have some examples. Do you
Speaker 1: want to hear a something?
Speaker 4: Oh?
Speaker 1: Absolutely, Are you kidding? Yeah?
Speaker 3: These are by induced Priapism who puts these tracks on Patreon.
Speaker 3: So let's hear the first track. This is called happiness.
Speaker 1: Spelled just sort of. Viewers called penis h A P
Speaker 1: P E N. I s, Oh what you're doing there?
Speaker 1: You a little masturbator? Are you masturbating?
Speaker 7: Oh?
Speaker 4: I couldn't sell because you see, happiness supposed to be fun. Wait,
Speaker 4: and you don almost like you're having fun.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, I'm in my head about it.
Speaker 4: If you're having fun, you'd smile.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, I'm screaming it right now.
Speaker 4: Just give me a little grin, the like.
Speaker 3: Growishness, but then like the undertone of the happiness, my smile,
Speaker 3: happiness smile.
Speaker 2: Bigger people put up like YouTube videos of them doing
Speaker 2: a hell on their own and you get like.
Speaker 4: Figure there you go, Oh my god, I just want
Speaker 4: you to have a big dopey grin while you watch
Speaker 4: your porn while you touch yourself.
Speaker 3: Kind it is kind Okay, that's enough of that.
Speaker 2: I truly feel like I walked into the art gallery
Speaker 2: of my college's art departments and the gay guy that
Speaker 2: I've had a crush on for three years is like, Hey,
Speaker 2: I'm doing my senior thesis projects and yeah, and.
Speaker 1: This is it.
Speaker 2: It's it's queer soundscapes to get you hard. I am
Speaker 2: kind of obsessed. Also, this can't be easy to edit. No,
Speaker 2: Like I know, I've seen a lot of videos on
Speaker 2: porn streaming sites where people kind of egg you on,
Speaker 2: Like there's like the Popper training videos to like verbal daters.
Speaker 2: But this is really interesting because I don't think i've
Speaker 2: ever heard like just audio trucks.
Speaker 1: This is like a mantra.
Speaker 2: I would start my morning with smile, smile when you masturbate.
Speaker 1: You know what.
Speaker 3: And I would play that as like a morning mantra.
Speaker 3: I will not play it when I'm in my sexy mood.
Speaker 2: No, yeah, you know I played before to like get
Speaker 2: in the mindset like hours later.
Speaker 1: But it's like you gotta start your day, start your
Speaker 1: day with this.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm like, oh yeah, I'm going to do that
Speaker 2: later exactly exactly see where smiling.
Speaker 1: So this was effective? Yeah it was. And you can't
Speaker 1: tell but I am masturbating right now. Oh my god.
Speaker 1: Yeah it's wild. Okay, you want to hear another one?
Speaker 3: Oh wow, yes, absolutely, yeah, this one is let porn
Speaker 3: entertain you.
Speaker 1: Well, it has okay.
Speaker 4: Hey they're masturbate or I heard you're having trouble falling
Speaker 4: in love with porn and I'm here to help you out.
Speaker 4: It is completely normal for porn addicts to lose interest
Speaker 4: in pornography from time to time. Normally it's your body
Speaker 4: signaling you to do other.
Speaker 1: Things, like other than the monks chanting in the background.
Speaker 1: We both know they're changing chanting phography as.
Speaker 8: You and so your only other option, of course, is
Speaker 8: to find a new appreciation for porn, one that truly
Speaker 8: compliments your porn addictive lifestyle.
Speaker 4: First and foremost.
Speaker 1: I need to sit back like a three B.
Speaker 2: Yeah gets that I would have had a crush on
Speaker 2: in high school. Yeah, and then comes out years later,
Speaker 2: and when we hook up in our hotel events.
Speaker 4: From wanting to be more addicted to porn, you're just
Speaker 4: taking your addiction way too seriously.
Speaker 1: Oh my goodness, I feel like I'm getting verbally done.
Speaker 1: Yeah that was.
Speaker 9: Well, that wasn't an experience as a sober person talk
Speaker 9: about your.
Speaker 1: Triggered by this.
Speaker 9: I was like, uh, should we be leaning into the
Speaker 9: addictions of events? You gotta babes. Yeah, you can't be
Speaker 9: calling in late because we're still jerking in.
Speaker 2: Yeah, this has got to be like a very specific
Speaker 2: maybe like fetish, right, having somebody like like kind of
Speaker 2: enable you dom you into being like, oh, I'm like
Speaker 2: wow over porn.
Speaker 1: That's that's my impression. Yeah, that's what good is. Right,
Speaker 1: let's go to the next track. I need to hear
Speaker 1: this next one. So the next track is called how
Speaker 1: I approach verbal Okay.
Speaker 4: I just thought like I would teach you just how
Speaker 4: to verbal bate just a little bit better. If you
Speaker 4: can already hold a conversation while you masturbate, then you
Speaker 4: should be fine and honestly.
Speaker 1: Love doing Probably then just started.
Speaker 4: May not live in a place where you can, you know,
Speaker 4: be verbal when you masturbate. You may live with roommates
Speaker 4: or family, and that's completely fine. Maybe someday you'll afford
Speaker 4: your own apartment some day. This is so aspirational work
Speaker 4: I love. And so first of all, you're gonna need
Speaker 4: to masturbate. You're gonna need to touch yourself. Okay, that's
Speaker 4: that feels very pleasurable. Yeah, do this by stroking your penis,
Speaker 4: looping it up and stroking it really fast, or if
Speaker 4: you finger your hole and digging around or you could
Speaker 4: play with your nipples, or you can use the massage
Speaker 4: or whatever you want to do. Just fucking masturbate, you know.
Speaker 4: And step simple too, of course, would be you gotta
Speaker 4: open your mouth. Oh you know, just open your mouth,
Speaker 4: just let it slack, you know, just keep it open
Speaker 4: so open that I could go in there and now
Speaker 4: and I was like to have their mouth open with
Speaker 4: drool coming out on the perch to say some stupid
Speaker 4: ship around the verge, to say something that makes them
Speaker 4: really horny. So keeping a nice open jaw, nice open
Speaker 4: mouth is really fucking important for verbal then that's a
Speaker 4: good first step to learning how to talk while you
Speaker 4: masturbate is actually moaning a lot. It really is no
Speaker 4: different than you know, somebody learning how to speak for
Speaker 4: the first time. It really is just like penis speech therapy.
Speaker 1: Just moan a lot, you know where and does medicaid
Speaker 1: coverund come out and just moan.
Speaker 4: That's that's a great first steps. Listen to the sound
Speaker 4: of your voice. Feel how good it feels to talk
Speaker 4: while you masturbate, To moan while you masturbate, really just
Speaker 4: enjoy how your voice sounds and how your voice feels.
Speaker 4: That's that's what most verbobaters get out of it, you know,
Speaker 4: and I'd say the next natural step is moan while
Speaker 4: your tongue's hanging out. You know, your tongue gets a
Speaker 4: lot of use throughout the day. It gets really worn
Speaker 4: out to particulate words and use it in different speech patterns.
Speaker 4: And I can't very about dis muscles, so you know,
Speaker 4: relaxing it just sticking your tongue out while you really
Speaker 4: really pleasurable. You have to just stick it out and
Speaker 4: go like, you know, you can just really try that out,
Speaker 4: to just let it flop out of your mouth.
Speaker 1: Oh what a journey. Yeah.
Speaker 9: Yeah.
Speaker 3: What I found interesting is that as he's breaking the
Speaker 3: steps down, I'm like, oh, I could do this.
Speaker 1: Yeah? Is this the future of porn?
Speaker 2: I love the idea of like porn on the go,
Speaker 2: like yes, Like I could see someone listening to this
Speaker 2: on the l train, Yes, and just not knowing and
Speaker 2: having like a little secret to themselves.
Speaker 1: I don't know if we tried to make one of these,
Speaker 1: what do you think it would sound like?
Speaker 9: You do it?
Speaker 1: Why not? Do you want to take like the main
Speaker 1: role and I'll do the background sound. I'm much better
Speaker 1: at the background. You're better. I love switch off. I
Speaker 1: like the harmony. Let's find the harmony. Okay, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean. You picked the note and I'll find
Speaker 1: the harmony.
Speaker 2: Okay, great, Okay, so let's give it. Let's give it
Speaker 2: a show. We kind of have to get close to
Speaker 2: the mics for this one. Ah, you woke up this
Speaker 2: morning this morning and realized you needed to run errands,
Speaker 2: which is an unpleasant thing to do.
Speaker 1: But then.
Speaker 2: You walk into your bathroom thinking that you don't have
Speaker 2: any toothpaste, only to find your boyfriend already woke up
Speaker 2: and bought some.
Speaker 1: Doesn't that cut you hard? It's the poetry. Now.
Speaker 2: Well, thank you to Induce Priapism for this wonderful prompt
Speaker 2: and auditory experience. Please check out his Patreon and Twitter
Speaker 2: using the handle induced Priapism.
Speaker 3: When we come back Toomic Dash shops by to talk
Speaker 3: about what it means to be a verbal affectionate dom
Speaker 3: see you after the break.
Speaker 1: All right, y'all, welcome back. I am thrilled to welcome
Speaker 1: our first guest.
Speaker 3: Thoma Dash is a black, gay, left handed, near sighted,
Speaker 3: outspoken entrepreneur, writer, activists, and sex worker. As the CEO
Speaker 3: of fag Rag Magazine, he publishes Evocative Fine Art LGBTQI
Speaker 3: plus magazines, which have editions in New York City, Fire Island,
Speaker 3: and Provincetown. Toomic also serves as the executive director of
Speaker 3: the Black and Brown Equity Coalition, a nonprofit advocating for
Speaker 3: qtpo C equity on Fire Island.
Speaker 1: And he also used to cut my hair. Yes, welcome topic.
Speaker 1: That's like a pint tumple threat.
Speaker 7: Right there is wild business card just says doing the most.
Speaker 1: You know what I do the most?
Speaker 9: Yeah?
Speaker 7: Too much? In New York fashion, right truly.
Speaker 2: Tomic, I saw that you describe yourself as a verbal
Speaker 2: affectionate dom What does that mean to you exactly? And
Speaker 2: how do you think that sort of describes not just
Speaker 2: your voice, but like your sort of demeanor and energy
Speaker 2: with other folks? I, like I said, I default to
Speaker 2: being domb but when I do that, I also like to.
Speaker 7: Shower my partner with affection like in between, right, So
Speaker 7: I let them know the things that I'm going to
Speaker 7: be getting into, like the things I might want to
Speaker 7: say or the things that I might want to do.
Speaker 7: I let them know that there is like a punishment
Speaker 7: aspect and there's a reward aspect.
Speaker 1: Right, Okay, yeah, we're looking hole for immunity.
Speaker 7: So it's like, you know, I like telling guys what
Speaker 7: to do. I like guys who can follow direction, and
Speaker 7: so if they can't follow direction, there's going to be
Speaker 7: some kind of like punishments involved. So when I approach that,
Speaker 7: I like to invite the guy over and typically start
Speaker 7: with punishments.
Speaker 1: Right, Okay, yeah, a my co hosts perking up.
Speaker 7: And the reason I like to do that is because,
Speaker 7: like one, I'll go through the things that, like, you know,
Speaker 7: punishment might intel in my intel slaps in the face,
Speaker 7: it might Intel spanking, it might Intel flogging, it might intel.
Speaker 7: You know, all these different kinds of things. And if
Speaker 7: you say that you're into these things, and we can
Speaker 7: start with the punishments, I like to start and let
Speaker 7: you let me know if that's too much. So I
Speaker 7: start light with all of them. Right. So I'll set
Speaker 7: somebody down in front of me. Usually like guy gets
Speaker 7: into like a sub position, like on their knees in
Speaker 7: front of me, and I let them know. Okay, so
Speaker 7: we're gonna start with punishments. I'm gonna start light with everything,
Speaker 7: and you let me know if I can go harder. Right,
Speaker 7: And that's before we even start fucking. Sometimes my clothes
Speaker 7: are still on, and so I'll start and I'll be like, Okay,
Speaker 7: that's good. Can I do harder? Yes, I keep going harder.
Speaker 7: And then when I get to like a threshold and
Speaker 7: I know that when we actually do start fucking, this
Speaker 7: is where I this is how hard I can go.
Speaker 1: Oh wow, what a great in the heat of the moment,
Speaker 1: we're not like figuring that out.
Speaker 7: Yeah, because if you let me, I will slap the
Speaker 7: shit out of you.
Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, let me introduce you to my mom. You
Speaker 1: have a very similar ethos in life.
Speaker 7: Yeah, yeah, and I and there have been times, like
Speaker 7: in the heat of the moment where I have like
Speaker 7: gone and slapped the ship as somebody. And I remember
Speaker 7: with one guy who was like a friend for a
Speaker 7: long time and like we ended up hooking up. This
Speaker 7: was after I cut his hair, not you, this is
Speaker 7: my sister. We were fucking and I just like, damn
Speaker 7: well them and he like turned around like like a
Speaker 7: mad woman in a telenovela, just like that shock right,
Speaker 7: and he was like not my face and I was like,
Speaker 7: I am so sorry, like it just kind of you know,
Speaker 7: And that was like something in the moment where I
Speaker 7: was like, Okay, I need to check myself on that,
Speaker 7: you know. So yeah, having being able to start that
Speaker 7: way is super helpful. It's also hot.
Speaker 2: It is It's like a very sexy way to sort
Speaker 2: of communicate what limits are, what is enjoyed and what
Speaker 2: is not, and I think there are ways to do that.
Speaker 2: Everybody's like, oh, do we really have to ask for
Speaker 2: people to consent? And I was like, yeah, you do,
Speaker 2: and it doesn't have to be like may I do this,
Speaker 2: may I do that. It's like you can kind of
Speaker 2: communicate very clearly about what's going to happen, make sure
Speaker 2: folks are okay with it, gauge where limits are, and
Speaker 2: then start playing. Like that sounds like a really lovely
Speaker 2: and very hot way to engage in four play especially.
Speaker 1: I was just going to say, it's like, it's really
Speaker 1: hot for play.
Speaker 7: Also, some guys don't think that they're into something, but
Speaker 7: if you say you're going to start really lightly like,
Speaker 7: they try it and they're like, oh wait.
Speaker 1: A little light bulb goes off.
Speaker 7: Yeah wait a minute, Yeah, I feel like I'm going
Speaker 7: to start with playful slaps. Then guys are like, okay, yeah,
Speaker 7: I can try that and then before you know it,
Speaker 7: they're like, oh yeah, keep going, keep going. I'm like, okay, cool,
Speaker 7: we just unlocked a new level.
Speaker 3: Yes, I'm really bad at the sex talk, but I
Speaker 3: would like to get better at that.
Speaker 1: How do you suggest I start that?
Speaker 7: There's two ways you could do that.
Speaker 1: I think.
Speaker 6: One way.
Speaker 1: I feel like you just five more ways. While you
Speaker 1: were thinking about.
Speaker 7: Yeah, I was gonna say one way you could be
Speaker 7: like in the mirror, yeah, before somebody broke in a
Speaker 7: you know, before somebody comes over, hype yourself up and
Speaker 7: just like practice it. I think another good way to
Speaker 7: do it is to hook up with somebody who is verbal.
Speaker 7: You know. One thing I really love to do is
Speaker 7: make guys repeat stuff after me, especially guys who like
Speaker 7: aren't verbal. Yeah, and if they're like nervous about it,
Speaker 7: maybe I'll make them do it with their mouthful so
Speaker 7: the full words don't have to come out.
Speaker 1: You're like, I'm helping, Yeah, of course. Yeah.
Speaker 7: I really love making guys talk with their mouth Okay, okay, yeah,
Speaker 7: I love what right? And sometimes like guys are really
Speaker 7: kind of like timid about it, you know, like say
Speaker 7: something and be like, you know, even if it's easy
Speaker 7: like say thank you, you know, and they'll just kind
Speaker 7: of like look at me, and I'll be like say
Speaker 7: thank you, you know, until they do it, and then
Speaker 7: it's just like eventually they're like, Okay, this is what
Speaker 7: we're doing, and then they get into it. So I
Speaker 7: think that's another way to like, you know, get like
Speaker 7: hook up with someone who is verbal yah and can
Speaker 7: like bring that out of you.
Speaker 2: I'm curious, do you have sort of a persona that
Speaker 2: you take on when you are doming that is different
Speaker 2: than Tomic in real life that helps you kind of
Speaker 2: be less self conscious?
Speaker 7: Yeah, I mean Tomic in real life is total like pussy,
Speaker 7: like serving pussy. Clarify that. Yeah, my persona is my
Speaker 7: daytime persona is very different than my in the bedroom persona.
Speaker 7: Like there is a code switch that happens for sure,
Speaker 7: And I don't know how that happened, you know, I
Speaker 7: don't I was into it for I got into sex work.
Speaker 7: It may have come from just like watching porn and
Speaker 7: also like seeing the way like black tops are portrayed
Speaker 7: in porn and maybe me have feeling like there is
Speaker 7: an expectation for like the way I should show up
Speaker 7: and kind of like leaning into that and then I
Speaker 7: just maybe kind of like stuck with it and like
Speaker 7: ended up enjoying it. I don't I don't know how
Speaker 7: to you know, tell someone to how to switch into
Speaker 7: that into that mode, you know, because if you don't
Speaker 7: own it, it's very obvious.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know.
Speaker 7: I saw this one interview with Jill Scott on The
Speaker 7: Breakfast Club and she was talking about how she's like
Speaker 7: such like a dominating woman, right, and she's like, you
Speaker 7: can't just be like a man who comes in and
Speaker 7: like tries to just like tries to tell me what
Speaker 7: She's like, if you can tell me what to do,
Speaker 7: you can tell me what to do, but if you
Speaker 7: cannot tell me what to do, you cannot tell me
Speaker 7: what to do.
Speaker 1: And it's but yeah, such a It's like I'm like,
Speaker 1: you know that makes sense, Yeah, truck.
Speaker 7: Yeah, Like it's not hot if like someone's coming in
Speaker 7: and like trying to like play this role and being
Speaker 7: like trying to be a dom it's like girl, yeah.
Speaker 1: Right, And that's maybe the response I get. Okay, girl,
Speaker 1: I didn't know it was you taking off the blind hole.
Speaker 7: Yeah, that's not saying don't try it, you know. I
Speaker 7: feel like there's always hopefully someone where you can like
Speaker 7: go into a space where you're comfortable with exploring things.
Speaker 7: Maybe it's not something that you should be trying with
Speaker 7: like a one off, you know, but if there's someone
Speaker 7: who like you, are regular with or comfortable with and
Speaker 7: they want to like try something new, then try that.
Speaker 1: If you were going to tell me to do something,
Speaker 1: how would you tell me to do something?
Speaker 7: What if I tell gable to do?
Speaker 1: Okay, Oh, this will be interesting, this will be very interesting.
Speaker 1: All right, I'm gonna I'm gonna Jill Scott.
Speaker 7: You.
Speaker 1: I was like, if you can't tell me what to do,
Speaker 1: you can't tell me what to do.
Speaker 2: But yeah, get on your fucking knees. Okay, yeah, okay,
Speaker 2: yeah would you? Yeah you just get you get a
Speaker 2: you add a fucking and you say it with vigor.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's like it ran, I have to own it. Yeah. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I can never fully commit, you know, but I meant to.
Speaker 6: Okay for real.
Speaker 1: Oh, these aren't my genes. I'm sorry, these aren't my genes.
Speaker 1: She's like to give them back time. I'm curious.
Speaker 2: I feel like enthusiastic consent is a phrase Wese often
Speaker 2: these days, it's relatively new to describe something that people
Speaker 2: have been doing for a long time. How besides the
Speaker 2: sort of preamble for play that you told us about,
Speaker 2: do you think of incorporating enthusiastic consent both into your
Speaker 2: work and your personal life.
Speaker 7: I always like to do check ins, you know, so
Speaker 7: like in the middle of things, Like even if we
Speaker 7: did kind of like agree to something in the beginning.
Speaker 1: It's just like, how are we doing?
Speaker 7: Like throwing that in there, it's like doesn't break character,
Speaker 7: it doesn't make anything weird. But just like doing that
Speaker 7: little check in, it's like very helpful, and it keeps
Speaker 7: everybody like feeling like, Okay, this is good. We can
Speaker 7: keep going, you know. Yeah, and yeah, I think that's
Speaker 7: what I think. It's just a good check in is
Speaker 7: always always very helpful.
Speaker 1: I love that. That's a really good piece of advice.
Speaker 7: I also like to check in during breaks, because that's
Speaker 7: when like the demeanor comes down.
Speaker 4: You know.
Speaker 7: It's like if we're like laying there and like taking
Speaker 7: a little break and like making out or something, it's
Speaker 7: just like, how are we doing? You know, is there
Speaker 7: anything you don't like? I also like to tell guys like,
Speaker 7: don't feel like you have to endure anything, Like the
Speaker 7: point of this is for you to be experiencing pleasure too. Like,
Speaker 7: I know it feels like this is very me centric,
Speaker 7: but I want to make sure that you are having
Speaker 7: a good time because that is also what like gets
Speaker 7: me off, and we should both be having a good
Speaker 7: time here, right, Yeah, So I think that's another great
Speaker 7: reason for breaks, and that's another great time to make
Speaker 7: sure that everybody is consenting and having a good time.
Speaker 2: And I think at the end of the day that
Speaker 2: still is a form of enthusiastic consent, right, regardless of
Speaker 2: the however enthusiastic the delivery sounds. You're taking the time
Speaker 2: to like check in during the act, take breaks, and
Speaker 2: like drop the persona.
Speaker 1: I mean, this is something I love doing. Like just
Speaker 1: looking down at somebody where you're sucking them, being like
Speaker 1: you good? Is this cool?
Speaker 2: And hearing the very excited yes is to me kind
Speaker 2: of a turn on, but it's also a great moment.
Speaker 2: So there are just so many places and ways that
Speaker 2: you can check in during sex, especially with like subdom
Speaker 2: play and like kind of like more physical play. I
Speaker 2: think those things are really important. And the fact that
Speaker 2: you have like a practice and a system. I think
Speaker 2: says a lot about how much care you put into it,
Speaker 2: for sure.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, part of that can verbo veer towards being corny.
Speaker 7: If you don't own it. Yeah. A couple of weeks ago,
Speaker 7: I went to a sex party and there's this one
Speaker 7: guy who was just kind of like yeah, fuck yeah
Speaker 7: fuck him, you know, and I'm just like.
Speaker 1: Can you not please you know, that's the best way
Speaker 1: to clear a room.
Speaker 2: Yeah, honestly, they should bring in that guy at three
Speaker 2: point fifty nine every bar.
Speaker 4: Fuck true.
Speaker 1: I was like, what are you dumb? Yeah, but I
Speaker 1: will say for I mean, I remember when I was
Speaker 1: editing porn.
Speaker 2: I'd be going through the footage sometimes and I think
Speaker 2: when people run out of things to say but want
Speaker 2: to feel like they're like I'm putting my all into it,
Speaker 2: what you.
Speaker 3: Get is just fuck fuck yeah fuck fuck yeah.
Speaker 1: It's like just a series of funcks.
Speaker 2: And I was like, we gotta we need to whip
Speaker 2: out a physaurus, baby, like we need un vocabulary. I
Speaker 2: need some Like it doesn't even feel like they're responding
Speaker 2: to what's happening. It just feels like they're going into
Speaker 2: sort of an automated It's like straightcorn like that.
Speaker 7: Is like such a straightcorn thing to do. Like I
Speaker 7: feel like we don't do that as much in like
Speaker 7: gay porn, Like it's more authentic, it's more real and
Speaker 7: like when you can tell when it's not totally.
Speaker 3: Well, Atomic, thank you so much for stopping by. It
Speaker 3: is really good to see your face.
Speaker 7: Good to see you. Thank you for having me.
Speaker 1: Of course, where can people find you?
Speaker 7: I am at toomic T O M I K to
Speaker 7: the number two point oh p O I N T
Speaker 7: zero on everything.
Speaker 1: On everything right across the world. Awesome. Well, thanks so
Speaker 1: much for coming in. We love that consistency.
Speaker 2: And when we come back, we are going to be
Speaker 2: talking with a very notable and very sexy Daddy is
Speaker 2: going to teach us about a new sex practice that
Speaker 2: will help you better communicate with yourself.
Speaker 1: Oh god, what is that like?
Speaker 9: On exposure?
Speaker 1: Welcome back our final guest.
Speaker 2: Deale Corpino found his confessional voice at Queer Underground Literary Salons,
Speaker 2: where he first started reading his salacious writing about his
Speaker 2: youth spent as an object of lawe. His debut novel,
Speaker 2: Bonds and Boundaries was just published, and it's a collection
Speaker 2: of short stories which explore conflicts between chosen and biological families,
Speaker 2: sex work interactions, and the afterlives queer people must often
Speaker 2: build over displacement and loss. For decades, Dale has kept
Speaker 2: meticulous records of his own sexual history in sex journals,
Speaker 2: some of which inspired the stories in Bonds and Boundaries. Welcome,
Speaker 2: Dale Corvino.
Speaker 1: How are you doing.
Speaker 6: I'm doing great. Thanks for having me over.
Speaker 1: Talk to us a little bit about the book.
Speaker 6: I'm so excited about this book. It came out in October.
Speaker 5: It's a collection of short stories which I've been working
Speaker 5: on over a decade, and there's a level of auto
Speaker 5: fiction in all of them, Like they're pulled from my
Speaker 5: real experiences. I'm processing my childhood trauma as a queer
Speaker 5: gen xer. I'm processing my sex work interactions, the loss
Speaker 5: that you experienced inevitably when you get to be somebody
Speaker 5: my age, like processing the grief of those losses. So like,
Speaker 5: that's what I think of as afterlives. The middle section
Speaker 5: is actually all sex work interactions and characters and scenarios,
Speaker 5: and that's those are all pulled directly from my sex
Speaker 5: work diaries because I was like a by the hour
Speaker 5: hustler in the early two thousands, and.
Speaker 6: I made a fabulous living.
Speaker 5: So I started journaling diary keeping just to keep sane
Speaker 5: through it all and also like to keep an account
Speaker 5: of what I was picking up, like learning.
Speaker 3: I love this idea of taking Jordan winters and writing
Speaker 3: them to sort of stories. I kind of wish that
Speaker 3: I had done that. I'm currently writing my book and
Speaker 3: I kind of I have forgotten so much, but I
Speaker 3: love this.
Speaker 1: I think it's just really really powerful work.
Speaker 5: I wanted a depiction of a sex worker that was
Speaker 5: like a little more real to my experience because a
Speaker 5: lot of the depictions in lit are like damaged or
Speaker 5: drug addicted or like seeking needing redemption.
Speaker 1: You were like, on my journal, this is me.
Speaker 5: And all of those things can be true, but it
Speaker 5: was not my experience. So I'm just trying to like
Speaker 5: bring a different representation, like for me, honestly by that
Speaker 5: our sex work was my redemption, Like it really helped
Speaker 5: me to understand my place in the world.
Speaker 6: Strangely enough, No.
Speaker 1: I love that you've printed out some of your sex journals.
Speaker 2: I sure have.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I mean, like I just wrote one from I
Speaker 5: went on this six city book tour and as a
Speaker 5: matter of fact, I had a Sniffy's enabled hookup in
Speaker 5: five of those six.
Speaker 1: Would you look at that's a great ratio? Yeah, very
Speaker 1: that's very good.
Speaker 5: And one one I r L encounter which happened at
Speaker 5: a bar, which was like a cute throwback right, so
Speaker 5: if you want, I can read you.
Speaker 1: Love to hear this?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 6: Please?
Speaker 5: This was super last minute. I was invited by a
Speaker 5: close friend to participate in this sex worker festival and
Speaker 5: it was organized by sex workers who had figured it
Speaker 5: all out like the week before. They screened an amazing
Speaker 5: documentary and some really strong short films in progress. I
Speaker 5: was invited to read in the literary program set in
Speaker 5: a somewhat grimy but charming theater today on Town. When
Speaker 5: I got there, I said, this place smells like cheetos
Speaker 5: and weed, and one of the organizers said, welcome to Tucson.
Speaker 5: After the festival, I started chatting with this guy on
Speaker 5: Sniffy's Hello, which is Matt based, so you know it
Speaker 5: appeals to my travel logistics oriented mind. I was chatting
Speaker 5: with this solidly built Mexican stud whose position relative to
Speaker 5: mine was close but ever changing. Turned out he worked
Speaker 5: in a nearby body shop and was running errands. He
Speaker 5: was discreet with the photos he shared, which I'm usually
Speaker 5: not about, but the ones he did share were enticing.
Speaker 5: One photo of a thick, purplish bushy cock, a tight,
Speaker 5: hairy Torso I got him to come over, and he
Speaker 5: wouldn't let me put it in my mouth. But we
Speaker 5: got on the bed, pulled down our pants, pulled up
Speaker 5: our shirts, and stroked each other's cocks while looking intently
Speaker 5: into each other's eyes, his brown and glassy like agot.
Speaker 5: He wanted more, and I told him I'd be back soon,
Speaker 5: But I'm not even sure that's true.
Speaker 3: The way we say that, yeah, no, I'll be back,
Speaker 3: I probably yeah, I'm never where else can you go?
Speaker 1: I'm not.
Speaker 2: I also love the idea of a discreet guy being like,
Speaker 2: putting my dick in your mouth is perhaps too intimate,
Speaker 2: but sitting next to you and masturbating and looking at
Speaker 2: you is not.
Speaker 5: It was strangely more intimate than like the standard procedures.
Speaker 1: Totally, yeah, for sure. How many of these sex journals
Speaker 1: do you have?
Speaker 5: Oh gosh, okay, so can we look for for decades?
Speaker 5: This is These are the tranporium reports, So for decades
Speaker 5: like that's that's probably a full decade of travel sex
Speaker 5: Travel Sex Diaries.
Speaker 1: There's pictures, Yeah.
Speaker 6: There's pictures.
Speaker 1: There are screen shots, most of those.
Speaker 5: That really actually that whole thing tracks from like Craigslist
Speaker 5: hook ups, Craigslist, M for M hook us to the
Speaker 5: house and in all these different US cities and amazing.
Speaker 5: The way it got the the way I got started
Speaker 5: with that is I have this friend he was like
Speaker 5: one day I ran into him and he was like, so,
Speaker 5: how's the Tramporium?
Speaker 1: And I was like, what is that?
Speaker 5: And he was like, you know, the Tramporium. It's like
Speaker 5: the sphere of trampiness that you go travels with you
Speaker 5: where we go. And I was like, whoa, that's intense.
Speaker 5: So I decided that I was going to write the
Speaker 5: sex Diaries as reports to the Tramporium, which I this
Speaker 5: is I kind of defined as a kind of quasi
Speaker 5: governmental body that overseas.
Speaker 6: The sexual system came out this great. So they're written
Speaker 6: as like official reports.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, this is I love this.
Speaker 2: You you write on page eight, this report is submitted
Speaker 2: to the Tramporium in hopes of its acceptance into the record.
Speaker 2: Everything recounted here is one hundred percent unembellished truth down.
Speaker 1: I love it.
Speaker 5: I love.
Speaker 2: No fictive memories here, bitch, I remember that dick with
Speaker 2: great detail.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I mean I was really holding myself accountable to
Speaker 5: no embellishments.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I like that. Do you feel obligated to do
Speaker 1: that more with your sex journals than with your writing.
Speaker 6: In the book.
Speaker 5: There are definitely embellishments. There are things that didn't happen.
Speaker 5: There are like fictional departures from a baseline of truth.
Speaker 5: Some of the stories are like almost happened verbatim, And
Speaker 5: I think that's the freedom of fiction. But I like having, like,
Speaker 5: at least my processes. I'm kind of grounded in my
Speaker 5: diary keeping, which I think, whether it's sex writing or
Speaker 5: other writing, is like, at least for me, it's a
Speaker 5: level of accountability. I used to try to write things
Speaker 5: like when I went through college, I used to try
Speaker 5: to write my way into the person that I thought I.
Speaker 6: Should be, or like that academia expected me to be.
Speaker 5: And like, at least when I started writing sex tires,
Speaker 5: I was like, no, this is my voice, so like
Speaker 5: it kind of redeemed writing for me, because up until
Speaker 5: then I was a pretty fucking pretentious writer.
Speaker 2: It was the same thing with me when I wrote
Speaker 2: my first stand up set, or tried to it's horrible.
Speaker 2: I was like, oh, I should emulate this person. I
Speaker 2: should be like this person that I like. And then
Speaker 2: you get upstate on stage and you try to read
Speaker 2: those words or remember those words and make it sound
Speaker 2: like it's you, and it's not. It feels like a
Speaker 2: a simulation of something else that's that's not quite ringing.
Speaker 2: And so I think, you know, when you give up
Speaker 2: the pretense, you're like, this is me and it's kind
Speaker 2: of gross sometimes, but sometimes I'm really cute and you
Speaker 2: just like embrace all the messier parts what comes out,
Speaker 2: I've realized, And I think having an immediate audience there
Speaker 2: to affirm is much easier than you know, publishing and
Speaker 2: then going around the country and figuring out how people
Speaker 2: feel about it. But it's great for in the moment
Speaker 2: you could just be like, oh, I said this thing
Speaker 2: that I was not prepared to say I thought would
Speaker 2: be oversharing, too confessional, a little messy, and it goes great.
Speaker 2: So it's finding your voice is kind of just like
Speaker 2: letting go of every reference and expectation and.
Speaker 1: Just be exactly yeah, just using your voice.
Speaker 2: I'm imagining some of our audience might be curious if
Speaker 2: you had any tips for starting your own sex journal,
Speaker 2: how would you recommend folks go about it if they're interested.
Speaker 5: I mean, I would definitely say start out with the assumption,
Speaker 5: with the with the baseline assumption. That's for you and
Speaker 5: you alone, right, whatever that means to you. And then
Speaker 5: also I think it's I think it's kind of like
Speaker 5: maybe the hardest thing to describe sex in a way
Speaker 5: that's compelling. So if I'm gonna just like say, you know,
Speaker 5: you don't know where to start, I would say, like
Speaker 5: read Straight to Hell's Straight to Hell was this series
Speaker 5: of like zines which was run by this guy Boyd McDonald,
Speaker 5: who I think started in the seventies and it was
Speaker 5: later Billy Miller who took it over. He had a
Speaker 5: very distinct voice for describing sexual encounters, and it was
Speaker 5: like people would write in like, you know this happened
Speaker 5: to me at this toilet stall, here in this in
Speaker 5: the library, or the airport, or you know, I have this,
Speaker 5: and he, you know, he had a strong editorial hand
Speaker 5: and he would always like finesse the sexual descriptions in
Speaker 5: a very particular way, Like I remember, like he always
Speaker 5: used to say, like things like he sniffed of my balls.
Speaker 1: He sniffed of my musket ball, all of this.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so deal, Before we let you go, I did
Speaker 2: want to ask. We've talked a little bit about the
Speaker 2: impact journaling has had on you being able to look
Speaker 2: back and sort of track moments in history. But I'm
Speaker 2: curious now that you had a chance to look back,
Speaker 2: incorporate some of those journals into your work, publish some
Speaker 2: of them online, what do you think journaling throughout these
Speaker 2: different phases of your life, whether sporadically or consistently, has
Speaker 2: kind of done for you and both your personal and
Speaker 2: sex life.
Speaker 5: The way I was trying to help people understand what
Speaker 5: it was they wanted, I think journaling helped me understand
Speaker 5: what I want right, so, like all of us are
Speaker 5: figuring it out. It's like a hell we are. It's
Speaker 5: like an ongoing process. So if you start journaling, I
Speaker 5: think you will find that it helped to figure out
Speaker 5: what you really want.
Speaker 2: Our last guesstomic is a sex worker who describes himself
Speaker 2: as a verbal affectionate dom And you were a sex
Speaker 2: worker too. Yeah, I'm curious how did you sort of
Speaker 2: approach the dominant persona. Did you feel that it was
Speaker 2: something separate than you, like a different voice, a different vibe,
Speaker 2: or was it sort of woven into who you were
Speaker 2: day to day outside of sex work.
Speaker 5: I think it was definitely being a dom verbal top
Speaker 5: from either Brooklyn or Long Island in Italian. My worker
Speaker 5: name was Dominic, so it was like in the name,
Speaker 5: Oh there you go, that's built in the it's kind
Speaker 5: of built in and even now, like I fulfill that
Speaker 5: role for a lot of adorable young man on the
Speaker 5: apps and on the platforms, and I'm not complaining.
Speaker 1: Yeah, no, great person, not at all.
Speaker 5: And one of my favorite catchphrases which I find I
Speaker 5: say a lot is get in there.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and I also where to wear. Yeah, I'm very curious.
Speaker 1: Get in there, Get in there, get in there. Yeah,
Speaker 1: we're not just penetrating. I'm sniff this is like, Yeah, you.
Speaker 5: Know, there's a lot of Dad's son role play. Are
Speaker 5: you going to service Dad the way he likes it?
Speaker 5: Get that mouth to work, boy?
Speaker 1: Okay, Yeah, these are classics.
Speaker 4: I love that.
Speaker 3: All right, Dale, thank you so much for coming in
Speaker 3: and sharing your journals with us. It's been absolutely a pleasure.
Speaker 1: It's a blessed. Where can people find you?
Speaker 5: I am, my name is my name Dale Corvino. It's
Speaker 5: I'm only one apparently like and you can find me
Speaker 5: on Instagram, you can find me on Facebook, you can
Speaker 5: find I have a website of my name, Dale Corvino
Speaker 5: dot com. And the memoirs coming out from CNR Press
Speaker 5: in September kept Boy in the Afterlife.
Speaker 1: Amazing, so keep your eyes peeled for that. We we
Speaker 1: did so much this episode. We did a lot. I'm
Speaker 1: really a jam packed episode. I'm proud of. We're really
Speaker 1: feeding the girls today. We are feeding the girls.
Speaker 3: I had never heard the verbal porn audio track no,
Speaker 3: but I'm definitely gonna check it out.
Speaker 1: I'm so interested.
Speaker 2: Thank you to induce Prietism for opening the gate into
Speaker 2: a new genre of porn I did not know about.
Speaker 3: And then we had Tomic, oh yeah, who was so great,
Speaker 3: so great, And then we ended with Dale, who was fantastic,
Speaker 3: which was really really inspiring. It it was like, oh,
Speaker 3: maybe I should be writing more, especially since I'm writing
Speaker 3: my own book.
Speaker 1: I'm going to start putting pin to paper.
Speaker 2: Sniffy's Cruising Confessions is a production from Outspoken podcast network
Speaker 2: from iHeart Podcasts.
Speaker 1: It's directed by Adam Barron, produced by Stevie Williams and
Speaker 1: Camerons Semino, and executive producers by Eli Martin.
Speaker 2: Cruising Confessions is presented by Sniffy's, the ultimate map based
Speaker 2: cruising platform.
Speaker 1: Pregay by and curious people ready to cruise. Check out
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