Speaker 1: Rombergny podcast. Romburguny Podcast. Oh yeah, I can feel that
Speaker 1: one deep in my loins. I mean, that's your song
Speaker 1: for your aunt. Though it is is an emotional and
Speaker 1: funky song. It's like most funk songs. It tugs at
Speaker 1: your heartstrings. I don't know if I feel that way,
Speaker 1: but I will give you the benefit of the doubt.
Speaker 1: That's all I need, is the benefit of the doubt,
Speaker 1: which sounds like a funk song to me. All right,
Speaker 1: you're listening to Ron Burgundy. This is the Ron Burgundy Podcast.
Speaker 1: Last night, I was walking along a dark alley whistling
Speaker 1: a lonesome tune when I came upon a pack of
Speaker 1: wild dogs. I froze and fear stripped nude, as you
Speaker 1: need to let them know you are naked as they
Speaker 1: are to establish trust. Well, that didn't work, and they
Speaker 1: ran after me, nipping at my achilles heel like it
Speaker 1: was a chicken bone. Now, not a lot of you
Speaker 1: know what my achilles heel is, but it is my
Speaker 1: achilles heel, it literally is. I really don't like it
Speaker 1: when it gets hurt. It's one of the more sensitive
Speaker 1: areas of my body. The only thing that got them
Speaker 1: off me those wild pack of dogs was pure cruel bullying.
Speaker 1: What did you say to them? Well, I they called
Speaker 1: the MANGI I called them ununified, undignified, just mean horrible
Speaker 1: things that I knew wild dogs would would really recoil from.
Speaker 1: And you think they got it, well, I think they
Speaker 1: heard a loud noise is and it scared them away. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but my point is bullying is not cool. But hole right,
Speaker 1: I'm not talking to you butth hole, cheap bastard, nancy boy,
Speaker 1: loose woman sound familiar, m Oh, I've um no, I've
Speaker 1: never been called a butth hole or lose. No, I'm
Speaker 1: saying hypothetically, sure, these are examples of something a bully
Speaker 1: might say. And it was those types of words that
Speaker 1: protected me from the strays last night and what got
Speaker 1: me to the pay phone where I called the authorities, which,
Speaker 1: by the way, when you call the authorities and tell
Speaker 1: them that you've been attacked by a pack of stray dogs,
Speaker 1: they don't really respond to it. Yeah, no, I don't know. Um,
Speaker 1: I I know almost zero people that's happened too. But
Speaker 1: still it's a public service. They're supposed to protect the people,
Speaker 1: the text paying public. But they said there's nothing we
Speaker 1: can do, and we don't believe you. I have a question,
Speaker 1: did you put quarters in the pay phone? Well? I
Speaker 1: didn't have any change, So what I did was in
Speaker 1: the coin slot. I folded up very tightly a one
Speaker 1: dollar bill and I jammed it into the slot. Okay,
Speaker 1: I see the problem. Yeah, you heard nothing on the
Speaker 1: other lie, No, I heard. I heard the operator. Oh okay, great,
Speaker 1: b b By Yeah, b By. That's not a robot
Speaker 1: or anything. That's just a please hang up that lady.
Speaker 1: I heard that lady. Yeah, And I thought, well, i've
Speaker 1: I'm here to have been attacked by stray dogs. Yeah, no,
Speaker 1: that's usually like pay phones are hard to find these days.
Speaker 1: Have you noticed absolutely how long did you go trying? Finally, Well,
Speaker 1: there was one right there in that dark alley, So
Speaker 1: on one hand I was lucky. On the other hand,
Speaker 1: I had no coins and no one responded anyway. Three
Speaker 1: hours later, when I was wrapped in a blanket in
Speaker 1: the back of an ambulance, and after speaking to the
Speaker 1: cops and the E M T. S. I realized I
Speaker 1: don't bully often, but when I do, I can be rough.
Speaker 1: And what were your injuries major lacerations and what they
Speaker 1: referred to as slabber marks. I was coated in a
Speaker 1: sheen of slabber, which they said, there are a lot
Speaker 1: of germs. Even though then again, it's so confusing because
Speaker 1: I read another story that said the inside of a
Speaker 1: dog's mouth is one of the cleanest areas there is. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I've read that story. So you just you know, like
Speaker 1: have to take a bath. They hosed me down in
Speaker 1: a solution. Okay, anyway back to bullying now. I don't
Speaker 1: I don't want to say anything partisan, but I for
Speaker 1: one am starting to take an anti bullying stance. Powerful.
Speaker 1: I thank you. I went back and forth, but I
Speaker 1: finally realized that maybe just because they're usually the funnest,
Speaker 1: coolest kids in class, it doesn't make them the good guys. Right, No,
Speaker 1: definitely not. I usually thought they were pretty mean. Actually,
Speaker 1: I don't know. I'm thinking back to a good Palamine
Speaker 1: bard Ox Nordeah, gosh, he was great with the bullying,
Speaker 1: he was great with the put downs, and I wanted
Speaker 1: to be like him. Yeah, I don't know. I got
Speaker 1: a swirly once from some um girls that went to
Speaker 1: a sorority, and it was really painful. It was really humiliating.
Speaker 1: What's a swirly? Is that an ice cream treat? No?
Speaker 1: They put my head in a toilet? Yes, a swirly,
Speaker 1: Yeah that was I didn't think that was funny at all. Yeah,
Speaker 1: we um. That was a regular baptismal for me from
Speaker 1: bart But boy, I looked up to him in a
Speaker 1: weird way. I looked up to him. I can't even
Speaker 1: think about it. It's so painful. All right, let's don't.
Speaker 1: But when you're least expecting a Carolina, I'm going to
Speaker 1: give you a swirly. No, I please don't. For old
Speaker 1: time's sake, I don't think it's okay. You won't know
Speaker 1: it's about to happen, and you laugh afterwards. I don't
Speaker 1: think I will. And it's not bullying. Just so you know,
Speaker 1: it's a fun joke. I'm not doing it because I'm
Speaker 1: a bully. I'm just like Caroline is going to get
Speaker 1: a kick out of this swirly time. That was a
Speaker 1: toilet flushing. By the way, all right, Carolina now joining
Speaker 1: us is an expert on bullying. Ah, and who could
Speaker 1: be a better expert than a lame young child Gwendoline
Speaker 1: Daisy carrab Please introduce yourself to the listener is and
Speaker 1: and speak up. Hello. My name is Gondalin Daisy Corraba.
Speaker 1: And do you go by the full name? Should I
Speaker 1: call you Gwendoline Daisy Carraba? Just call me Gwen, call
Speaker 1: you Gwen great, Gwenn. Thank you for joining us. Have
Speaker 1: you met Carolina? Hi? Gwen? Hi Carolina. Um, so let
Speaker 1: me ask you this, Gwen. What great are you in?
Speaker 1: I'm in fifth grade? Fifth grade? So that means you're what, no,
Speaker 1: not at all? Older? No younger? Okay, okay, fourteen? He
Speaker 1: already guess that. Geez, help me, Carolina. So I would
Speaker 1: say your life perserver here? You're about ten? Yeah, okay, ten,
Speaker 1: fifth grade? Ten? It's I was a long time since
Speaker 1: I was in fifth grade, so I just forgot looks
Speaker 1: like it too, Okay, relax, relax. So, Gwen, let me
Speaker 1: ask you this. Who's Who's How do I phrase that?
Speaker 1: I want to put this elegantly because I'm a journalist. Um,
Speaker 1: when you think of the schoolyard or your friends, Who's
Speaker 1: who's the biggest act toll? You know? Oh, Jane Doe,
Speaker 1: she sounds like a piece of work. What what is
Speaker 1: it that Jane Done does exactly? She calls my dance
Speaker 1: competitions a little Oh my god, Jane done even dance.
Speaker 1: She goes to a valet in school. Oh so she's
Speaker 1: pretty good. Oh okay, And what do you say to
Speaker 1: Jane Doe when she attacks you in such a way? Stop?
Speaker 1: This is not nice. It sounds like what you said
Speaker 1: to those dogs. That's what I tried. I was attacked
Speaker 1: by a pack of wild dogs the other night, and
Speaker 1: I I told them to stop. It's not nice. Dogs
Speaker 1: don't understand English a least not. No, he he'll roll
Speaker 1: over and drive the car. No, well my dog does.
Speaker 1: I'm surprised you're not in a car accident by now.
Speaker 1: Well we haven't been, so stop bullying me. Stop bowling, Baxter.
Speaker 1: Let me ask you this. Do people come up to you,
Speaker 1: meaning children, your fellow classmates? Do they do? They do
Speaker 1: mean things like come up and clink you on the
Speaker 1: nose or snap your suspenders. But I don't wear suspenders.
Speaker 1: Do do many of the children wear suspenders nowadays? No? Not,
Speaker 1: but they're coming back right? No? Okay, okay, strike that, Carolina.
Speaker 1: You gotta give me better questions here. Sorry, these are
Speaker 1: some old questions. Um, are you familiar with Milannia Trump.
Speaker 1: She's the wife of the president. Um, I don't like her?
Speaker 1: Oh okay, well, um, interesting, interesting, that is a hot take.
Speaker 1: Hot take from Gwen. Well, you're not holding back, are you? Do?
Speaker 1: You feel like the president is a bit of a
Speaker 1: bully sometimes? And here's the irony is that Milannia Trump
Speaker 1: she has a social media campaign fighting against bullying. Now
Speaker 1: do you think her stance has helped the situation with
Speaker 1: bullying at all? No? No, not at all? Not effective.
Speaker 1: Jane Doe hasn't heard. Jane Doe younger than me, she's
Speaker 1: in fourth grade. What is her deal? Then? Why does
Speaker 1: she think she can talk smack? Do you? I don't know.
Speaker 1: So basically it sounds like Jane Done, Milannia need to
Speaker 1: hang out. You know. She kind of looks like you,
Speaker 1: Jane Done. Ugly. Um, I mean, let's move on. I'm
Speaker 1: going to ignore that, Gwen. Let me let me ask
Speaker 1: this question. I back in the seventies for the ABC network,
Speaker 1: I recorded a public service announcement on bullying. Have you
Speaker 1: ever heard it? Now? But my mom works? Oh great?
Speaker 1: Does she enjoy it? Then she's probably heard of this?
Speaker 1: Would you like to hear? Let's let's play let's play
Speaker 1: my ps A. Listen to this dummy four eyes, jolly
Speaker 1: green giant. How's the air up there? Liar swamp boy,
Speaker 1: trailer trash humpback of your notary mom, geek jack wagon,
Speaker 1: poor kid. Hey, when you put on a red shirt
Speaker 1: and lean out a window, people think you're the kool
Speaker 1: aid man face, metal mouth, cupcake face, loser. This is
Speaker 1: ron Burgundy. Those were some tough words. These words don't
Speaker 1: feel so good. Do they remember what you say matters?
Speaker 1: I actually like cupcake face. That sounds good. It does
Speaker 1: sound delicious. Do you ever at times? I'm getting off
Speaker 1: topic here? Do you ever dream that your face is
Speaker 1: different foods? Well? Last night I had dreamed that my
Speaker 1: brother was a Hamburger and I hate him. Was he delicious? No?
Speaker 1: Hamburger boy, hamburger hey, hamburger boy. Take that you're in
Speaker 1: my belly and now I'm about to poop you out.
Speaker 1: We are enjoying each other's company. I'm not oh, especially
Speaker 1: you Gwendolin. Please, this is anti. But did you feel
Speaker 1: like my p s A was effective? It wasn't the most.
Speaker 1: Let's move Let's move on. Let's move on. Um so
Speaker 1: look back to Jane Doe. Do you think you might
Speaker 1: be bringing some of her bullying onto yourself? Well, really
Speaker 1: think about it. Yeah, okay, yeah, I think that's one
Speaker 1: of the things about bullying that's fascinating. Of Course, it
Speaker 1: doesn't feel good, but I think at the end of
Speaker 1: the day, we have to look in the mirror sometimes,
Speaker 1: ron Is, I'm just gonna say hard on me, and
Speaker 1: I still keep showing up to work. You know, even
Speaker 1: though my mom, my therapist, my friends, my boyfriend, my
Speaker 1: loved ones um, people online say I should just get
Speaker 1: a new job. So I don't know, maybe he should. Well,
Speaker 1: you know, I'm right. Well, you know, it's hard out there.
Speaker 1: When you start working, it's much harder. They say it's
Speaker 1: a good economy, it's not really. Just so you know, Gwen,
Speaker 1: let me ask you this. David Edelstein, an art critic
Speaker 1: for New York Magazine, had this to say about Christian
Speaker 1: Marclays The Clock. Beyond the coincidental temporal associations, I could
Speaker 1: discern little connection among the clips. It's just a gimmick.
Speaker 1: I just can't conceive of watching it for longer than
Speaker 1: I did, let alone nineteen effing hours. Do you think
Speaker 1: he's a bully? And if so, should we destroy him? Well,
Speaker 1: if he doesn't repeatedly, he would be a bully by definition.
Speaker 1: But yeah, but if she just does it once, then
Speaker 1: that's not a bully. It's just a one time. It's
Speaker 1: just one time where he's kind of mean. They could
Speaker 1: actually make up and become friends. That's really that's that
Speaker 1: really is a lot of foresight there. How are you
Speaker 1: familiar with Jadakiss? No singer s he's not really a
Speaker 1: friend of mine, but more of an acquaintance. Um. And
Speaker 1: he had this to say about fifty Cent, another person
Speaker 1: I know through music circles, And this is what he said.
Speaker 1: He said, Yeah, you've got a felony, but you ain't
Speaker 1: a predicate, never the King of New York. You live
Speaker 1: in Connecticut. First of all, Connecticut is lovely, so I
Speaker 1: don't I don't see an insult. Yeah, my my family
Speaker 1: lives some of my family lives in Connecticut. Okay, so
Speaker 1: you're familiar with it, and it's it's a perfectly great place,
Speaker 1: so you can't really not Connecticut. And New York is
Speaker 1: nice too. But so how should I How should I
Speaker 1: handle the beef between both of them? As since I'm
Speaker 1: friends with both, this is something that Ron has been
Speaker 1: stressed out about for a while. Should I get him
Speaker 1: in a room? You know what I should do? And Gwen,
Speaker 1: with your permission, maybe I do kind of a Oh
Speaker 1: what's the movie with the girls Lindsey Lohan Parent Parent
Speaker 1: trappl I love it to remember the part? Yeah, Natasha
Speaker 1: Richardson Dennis Quaid one and then there's like a new one.
Speaker 1: There was the old one with Hailey Mills. I like
Speaker 1: the old one better, but the new one still pretty good. Yeah,
Speaker 1: they're both really good. I'm wondering if I pull a
Speaker 1: parent trap and I tell Jada Kiss that why don't
Speaker 1: you come to Connecticut to my friend Gwen's family's house?
Speaker 1: And then I tell Fitty, like, you want to come
Speaker 1: down to Connecticut just you and me? Bro time? And
Speaker 1: then Jadakiss walks in the room, fifty cent walks in
Speaker 1: the room. Jane Doe, we just work it out. I
Speaker 1: don't like Jane Doe, all right, but still, can I
Speaker 1: use your family's house in Connecticut? No? No, I don't
Speaker 1: think they would like a crazy person coming through their house.
Speaker 1: What invited me here? But crazy person being just a
Speaker 1: fond term of endearment. No crazy person oh, you literally
Speaker 1: think I'm crazy. Well, we have like a few more questions,
Speaker 1: A few more questions here. Uh, Gwen, if if you
Speaker 1: were a bully to me, what would you say? I
Speaker 1: just I just want to be prepared. Um the seventies
Speaker 1: called they want their clothes back. Okay, you know, Okay,
Speaker 1: Hey wait wait one second, Ron, Hey open, come on, Ron,
Speaker 1: It's okay, it's okay. What did she keep laughing like that?
Speaker 1: I think that she keeps? Okay, Gwen, Ron, we can
Speaker 1: get through this trying to examine boying not have perpetuated.
Speaker 1: We've got this. You want to put this one in
Speaker 1: the bag, and you want to go My clothes look fine,
Speaker 1: don't they? Gwendolen, We've got we've got two more questions.
Speaker 1: Remember your say matters? What do you say matters? Yes,
Speaker 1: well you're you're suspenders don't look so good. I don't,
Speaker 1: But if you did, I don't. Maybe we could turn
Speaker 1: the tables here. What about Carolina? What would you say
Speaker 1: to her? Would you point out her dumb glasses? No?
Speaker 1: I like her glasses. They were expensive. So I'm got
Speaker 1: to compose myself here, let's have some water. Okay, I'm fine.
Speaker 1: I think we've covered a lot of ground here to day, Caroline,
Speaker 1: do you have any thing else you'd like to ask?
Speaker 1: Winn Um, I just want to say I'm so glad
Speaker 1: the progress we made today, and I really think that
Speaker 1: if Gwen and run Um can get along and continue
Speaker 1: their friendship, then there's hope for all of us. Gwen,
Speaker 1: I just want to say this. And I'm an adult man,
Speaker 1: and I've heard a lot of things good and bad
Speaker 1: said about me being in the media. It's commonplace. But
Speaker 1: what you said was probably the most hateful thing I've
Speaker 1: ever heard. Okay, yet I'm happy to have gone through it,
Speaker 1: so in a weird way, thank you, Thank you, thank
Speaker 1: you for being here, thank you for being who you are.
Speaker 1: And I hope Jane do you know lays off? Thank you?
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, No, it's okay. Hey see that's wonderful. Thank you,
Speaker 1: thank you for saying that. And I'm sorry for anything
Speaker 1: I said. And I think that's how you can fix bullying.
Speaker 1: The two most beautiful words in the English language or
Speaker 1: what i'm I'm oh, I'm sorry, sorry, I'm isn't I know? Well,
Speaker 1: it's also it's i am. It's a contraction, so it's
Speaker 1: three words. Hey, Gwen Carolina totally screwed up. Huh because
Speaker 1: she's dumb. Oh, she's not dumb. Okay, No, I was
Speaker 1: just you're not dumb. I think we should wrap this
Speaker 1: one up, Bron, Gwendolyn Daisy Corraba, thank you for coming by.
Speaker 1: Thank you for taking time out of your busy schedule
Speaker 1: in fifth grade. You really enlighten us on this discussion
Speaker 1: and bullying. Thank you very much, Thank you, thank you.
Speaker 1: We'll be right back after this short break. This is
Speaker 1: Ron Burgundy with my final faults. Wait, afray to that.
Speaker 1: I just got an email from legal. Um, we're not
Speaker 1: going to be able to use the girl that UM
Speaker 1: is bowling Gwen. We're not We're not able to use
Speaker 1: her name, but we said it throughout the whole podcast. Okay,
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, it's just the chances are too right, Okay,
Speaker 1: I'll just you know what, let me handle that. You want.
Speaker 1: I'll cover that. Are you sure? Just make sure that
Speaker 1: you don't hear her name ever, because we could get
Speaker 1: sued be really bad. Yes, No, you're absolutely right. These
Speaker 1: are young children and Sophie Lichtman does not deserve that. Yeah. No,
Speaker 1: she doesn't deserve it. She's just a little kid. Okay,
Speaker 1: I'll make sure no one knows we're talking about Sophie perfect. Okay, okay,
Speaker 1: let me just express my final thoughts. This is wrong Burgundy.
Speaker 1: A long long time ago, I wrote, treat others how
Speaker 1: you want to treat them, and that's it right? That
Speaker 1: was good God, Where did you get that kid? Juvi?
Speaker 1: She was real? You know what. Put my my fist
Speaker 1: right in the middle of her two front baby teeth.
Speaker 1: She was just a kid. She was like ten years old. Boy.
Speaker 1: I mean you, you probably won't even think about her
Speaker 1: by the time you get Oh no, I'll never forget her.
Speaker 1: Okay her, Yes, I'll get my co Stay tuned for
Speaker 1: scenes from the next episode of the Ron Burgundy podcast.
Speaker 1: On the next Ron Burgundy podcasts, I thought about why
Speaker 1: bad things happened to good men m meeting me, I
Speaker 1: realized the safest way to prepare against the apocalypse of
Speaker 1: the future is talk to a psychic so you can
Speaker 1: receive similar to a dolphin. We should take on our
Speaker 1: dolphin questions. I was gonna ask you most of my
Speaker 1: questions were about dolphins, but let's just let me just
Speaker 1: throw those out. What was hogwarts like and how hard
Speaker 1: is it to make friends? There? I can safely say
Speaker 1: I've never met a Gemini. Not just real quick. There
Speaker 1: are no ghosts in this room, right, I don't sense
Speaker 1: any in this room. In particular Nick at the controls
Speaker 1: he's he's kind of a ghoul. I remember when when
Speaker 1: I was horse whispering. At first, I would whisper very delicately,
Speaker 1: and then I get frustrated. Like you, listen to me.
Speaker 1: If Carolina doesn't do her job, how hard would it
Speaker 1: be for me to put a hex on her? I know,
Speaker 1: as a psychic, you've been alive forever? Um? What was
Speaker 1: the Civil War? Like, Laura, let's see how good you are?
Speaker 1: Can you tell who passed gas between the two of us?
Speaker 1: Using your psychic ability? Draw the curtains, light some black candles,
Speaker 1: bringing the psychic Everyone shut up. The Ron Burgundy Podcast
Speaker 1: is a production of I Heart Radio podcast Network and
Speaker 1: Funnier Die. I'm Ron Burgundy. I'm the host, writer and
Speaker 1: executive producer. Carolina Barlow is my co host, writer and producer.
Speaker 1: The show was also produced by Whitney Hodeck, Jack O'Brien,
Speaker 1: Miles Gray, and Nick Stuff. Our executive producer is Mike
Speaker 1: farre Our consulting producer is Andrew Steve. Our associate producer
Speaker 1: is Anna Hosnier. Our writer is Jake Vocalis. Our production
Speaker 1: supervisor is Colin McDougall. This episode was engineered, mixed, and
Speaker 1: edited by Nick Stump. See you next Thursday on The
Speaker 1: Ron Burgundy podcast