WEBVTT - Mix U A Drank (Shawty Sippin'): Motherf*ckin Mini Episode

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<v Speaker 1>Motherfucking miniyar So mini episode, motherfucking miniar So. Yep, yep, yep,

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<v Speaker 1>there it is. There it is. Ladies and gentlemen, Welcome

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<v Speaker 1>to another phenomenal mini episode of My Mama Told Me,

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<v Speaker 1>the podcast where we died deep into the pockets of

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<v Speaker 1>black conspiracy theories and we finally worked to prove the

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<v Speaker 1>theories that you pieces of ship have at home. There

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<v Speaker 1>you are jo away from it right on time, baby,

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<v Speaker 1>just queued up perfectly the cut. You heard it here first.

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<v Speaker 1>You're a goddamn jigaboo if you listen to this and

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<v Speaker 1>we're sick of you. I don't like the big lips, oh,

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<v Speaker 1>your big lipt attitude. If you ask me, why did

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<v Speaker 1>you want? Take the filler out that attitude, baby girl

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<v Speaker 1>or boy? Fillers for everybody. Now, I'm like Stint Kerman

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<v Speaker 1>and we're we're here to to deal in in your

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<v Speaker 1>shenan against this week. We're gonna yeah, let's let's see

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<v Speaker 1>what you got. We're gonna read an email from from

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<v Speaker 1>a person uh named Gilanni Gilanni, And I want to

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<v Speaker 1>point out that that uh that Gilanni has contacted me

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<v Speaker 1>on multiple platforms. It's it's worth noting Gilani has been

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<v Speaker 1>very persistent about getting this conversation started, I guess, and

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<v Speaker 1>has screamed at me multiple times about not not responding

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<v Speaker 1>to him on other platforms. So so I hope Gilanni

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<v Speaker 1>that this is gonna be satisfying and do all the thing.

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<v Speaker 1>But Gilanni said, well, first of all, it said forwarding

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<v Speaker 1>this because I sent it to the wrong email. But

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<v Speaker 1>you know, he stilled at me. He said, my mama

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<v Speaker 1>told me biz it's like they seal like they get money.

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<v Speaker 1>It's probably dot biz. Yeah, what's the Jelani said, forwarding

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<v Speaker 1>this because I sent it to the wrong email? He said, Hey, man,

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<v Speaker 1>first off, love the show been down for about a

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<v Speaker 1>year now and I'm locked in every every week, twice

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<v Speaker 1>a week. Love the dynamic y'all to have I be

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<v Speaker 1>crying dead as a New Yorker. I believe my conspiracy

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<v Speaker 1>tries to date at least dead ass and wrote it out,

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<v Speaker 1>you're passionate about that ship. Uh. My conspiracy is that

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<v Speaker 1>mixing dark and light liquor makes you drunk or faster

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<v Speaker 1>or just flat out sick. If this is true, how

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<v Speaker 1>the hell does this work? And why respect? Peace and

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<v Speaker 1>love Gelani? I don't even think yes, you're saying absolutely,

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<v Speaker 1>this isn't even a conspiracy. We've all known that since

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<v Speaker 1>high school, right right, that that you're supposed to if

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<v Speaker 1>you if you go light, you stay light. If you

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<v Speaker 1>go dark, you stay dark. Yeah. I live my life

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<v Speaker 1>by a phrase, and it's dance with the one you brought.

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<v Speaker 1>M M. I like that. That's how you got it,

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<v Speaker 1>that's how you gotta do it otherwise. I like that.

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<v Speaker 1>I could see you saying that to a young man

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<v Speaker 1>on your porch one day. Yeah, you've got a lounge chair.

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<v Speaker 1>He's standing because he respects you different, you know, yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>maybe water out of a mason jar. I could say, yeah, yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm hosing down the lawn for no reason. He's got

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<v Speaker 1>questions and the and the main answer. He says a

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<v Speaker 1>whole bunch of bullshit about being young and passionate and

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<v Speaker 1>what are you gonna do? And you just look at him,

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<v Speaker 1>real calm and you say, hey, dance with the one

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<v Speaker 1>you got. That's all, that's all it is. And he's

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<v Speaker 1>like in his head he's like, what the fund does

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<v Speaker 1>that mean? But also he respects you enough to wait,

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<v Speaker 1>he'll figure it out. Yeah, hit him with the hose

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<v Speaker 1>and said, get out of here yet yours. I gotta

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<v Speaker 1>water these petunias. You're like, yeah, he's wise, but he's met.

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<v Speaker 1>He also cares about his garden. He really cares about

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<v Speaker 1>those petunias. Yeah, shout out to my money tree. He's thriving.

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<v Speaker 1>So so you are a firm believer in this conspiracy theory,

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<v Speaker 1>no questions asked. I have no I need no research. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>that's you. You mix it and that's when it goes

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<v Speaker 1>bad for you. I assume that you're speaking from some

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<v Speaker 1>level of experience that you've personal and and I've I've

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<v Speaker 1>viewed it from other people. Yeah, it's always like that. Also,

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<v Speaker 1>I feel like you know what it is. It's it's

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<v Speaker 1>like wearing a Nike hood do you with a Didas

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<v Speaker 1>shorts or something like? Oh yeah, when we were kids,

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<v Speaker 1>we call it that perpetrating. Yeah, it's just it's just

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<v Speaker 1>offensive and it's not gonna go the way you wanted

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<v Speaker 1>to know. It never looks as cool as you think

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<v Speaker 1>it is. And because it never looks cool, yeah, you're like, well,

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<v Speaker 1>these are black joggers and this is a black sweatshirt,

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<v Speaker 1>so more more, and they won't even notice the different

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<v Speaker 1>emblems on this ship and I'll just put them on

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<v Speaker 1>and nobody, no, no, any different And boy do we

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<v Speaker 1>know different? Man? Yeah, and I'll make fun of you.

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<v Speaker 1>M hmm, that's all make fun of you. Why would

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<v Speaker 1>it work? Why would it work? It's poison. You mix

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<v Speaker 1>some poises. You're gonna mix poisons inside of you? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

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<v Speaker 1>And it's specifically I I guess I. I was sitting

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<v Speaker 1>wondering why that would be such a major problem, right,

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<v Speaker 1>because in theory poisons poison, Why why would these poisons

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<v Speaker 1>have these weird sort of interaction. But I don't think

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<v Speaker 1>it's particularly different than like mixing certain foods with each other.

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<v Speaker 1>Like essentially, these poisons are made of various edible products

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<v Speaker 1>that then get fermented, and so you don't want to

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<v Speaker 1>be you know what I mean, Like you're sort of

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<v Speaker 1>mixing steak and and fucking cereal d It's not that

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<v Speaker 1>they're they're bad foods by themselves, but you don't got

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<v Speaker 1>to do that at once. Yeah. No, it's just it's uncouth,

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<v Speaker 1>it's disgusting. It makes you look slovenly. Oh man, do

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<v Speaker 1>you think And this I'm gonna ask, uh what I

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<v Speaker 1>feel like might be a risk a question giving your

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<v Speaker 1>response to all this, do you feel like there are

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<v Speaker 1>certain dark and light liquors you could test the boundaries with,

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<v Speaker 1>Like if you had to do the mixing, you're you

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<v Speaker 1>drink one thing, they're all out, so you gotta mix.

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<v Speaker 1>Are there ones where you're like, this is a reasonable mixture?

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<v Speaker 1>Verse is others where you're like, what the funk were

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<v Speaker 1>you thinking? I mean, also I want you to say,

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<v Speaker 1>I want you to understand that. Yeah, I'm stand out

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<v Speaker 1>on this, but it's like booty play every day and

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<v Speaker 1>and you did you let a little slip in. So

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<v Speaker 1>I'm not pro this, but it does happen every now

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<v Speaker 1>and again, this mixing of things, you know what I mean?

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<v Speaker 1>So like, are there ones that I would know? It's

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<v Speaker 1>all It's all the same to me. I think the

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<v Speaker 1>biggest worry I have is don't mix wine in there. WHOA,

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<v Speaker 1>that's that's what that's to me personally. So you're saying,

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<v Speaker 1>if I'm understanding correctly, if you went, if I went

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<v Speaker 1>fucking whiskey all night and then wine, that is a

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<v Speaker 1>worst choice, and whiskey all night than uh um or

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<v Speaker 1>something like that. Yeah, definitely you when you throw wine

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<v Speaker 1>in there. Because also when you throw wine in there.

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<v Speaker 1>It's such a mood shift, like what were you doing?

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<v Speaker 1>You understand, like, what were you doing? Then? You started

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<v Speaker 1>out a Hennessy night and then all of a sudden

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<v Speaker 1>it's one am and you're drinking white wine or low

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<v Speaker 1>something moved. You're not dancing with the one you brought.

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<v Speaker 1>That's what you're right, I got you. Yeah, that's that

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<v Speaker 1>one feels the most honest to your to your signature catchphrase.

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<v Speaker 1>That that feels everybody knows. I've come on man, you

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<v Speaker 1>said it the first day I met you. You shook

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<v Speaker 1>my hand firm in the It's like, I think I'm

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<v Speaker 1>older than him. Why is he talking to me like this?

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<v Speaker 1>But but no, it does because because like you're saying,

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<v Speaker 1>a Hennessy night is a very specific night. You are.

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<v Speaker 1>You are trying to funk on something, You're trying to move,

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<v Speaker 1>You're trying to share. It's probably a lot of us

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<v Speaker 1>is out. Yeah, I'm like a night you're ready to

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<v Speaker 1>argue if if need be, for whatever reason that is.

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<v Speaker 1>It's a passionate night. It's a passionate night. But then

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<v Speaker 1>you you to somehow find yourself shifted into a white wine.

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<v Speaker 1>What transpired in your logic and your approach that broke

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<v Speaker 1>so quickly. Yeah, I mean, well, but to be fair,

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<v Speaker 1>shout out to my man, little Johnny Hat. This man,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, I love me some little Johnny had, Little

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<v Speaker 1>Johnny Hat a little little black and Pacific islander, young man.

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<v Speaker 1>He claimed that white wine mixed with Henessey was a drink. Whoa,

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<v Speaker 1>And I ain't seen any order that at the bar sometimes.

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<v Speaker 1>Now here's what I think might be happening there. They're

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<v Speaker 1>both I think made from grapes. If I'm not mistaken,

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<v Speaker 1>Hennessey is a great based drink. So maybe that was

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<v Speaker 1>a motherfucker being like grapes is grapes. And but that's

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<v Speaker 1>what that's the whole problem with this whole thing is

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<v Speaker 1>grapes as grapes. That mentality, that's how we got here

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<v Speaker 1>as a grapes grapes its grapes. And and you're right

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<v Speaker 1>that we we can't just treat every grape the same.

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<v Speaker 1>We gotta we gotta respect the difference. These winemakers, respect

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<v Speaker 1>the difference these Hennessy. I believe uh Sarack Obama is

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<v Speaker 1>also made of grapes. No, but it should be. There's

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<v Speaker 1>a slight tent of purple. If they made Sarack Obama,

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<v Speaker 1>you guys got Dragon Barry or whatever the funk you're doing,

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<v Speaker 1>but Obama, that's insane. And also, I can't speak to

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<v Speaker 1>the Hennessy thing. I went to France and everyone I

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<v Speaker 1>was accompanied with refused to go to the Hennessy factory. Whoa,

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<v Speaker 1>you can tour it. I plan to go by myself.

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<v Speaker 1>Why why they not? Why were they so passionately against

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<v Speaker 1>the Hennessy facause it was ours out of the way.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh damn, it's not. It's like it's it's not it's

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<v Speaker 1>not in Grand Old Perry. It's no, no, no, it's

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<v Speaker 1>not in Gay Perry. It's like way out there. I

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<v Speaker 1>got you. Yeah, I can see why they wouldn't want

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<v Speaker 1>to make that trip. Then if Hennessy wasn't their passion

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<v Speaker 1>in the first place. I also understand myself as a

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<v Speaker 1>travel travel companion. You don't know what I'm gonna do

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<v Speaker 1>with the Hennessy factory. That's real. That's a real word.

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<v Speaker 1>You don't know how it's because I don't know. I

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<v Speaker 1>think that was part of their debate, like it's so

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<v Speaker 1>far out of the way. And also, you're gonna turn

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<v Speaker 1>into a menace. I think we're just gonna there's too

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<v Speaker 1>much of a risk that you'll you'll be shirtless and

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<v Speaker 1>dry humping a barrel by the end of this though,

0:11:46.800 --> 0:11:52.240
<v Speaker 1>just trying to single handedly bring krunk back. Where did

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<v Speaker 1>he get clown makeup? We have no idea, but he's

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<v Speaker 1>totally He's fucking crumping shirtless next to a barrel, and

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<v Speaker 1>we try to little Scrappy. He brought his own gas candies,

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<v Speaker 1>just putting it straight up to the Hennessy tap like anything.

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<v Speaker 1>He's he keeps saying, look mym one of the east

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<v Speaker 1>Side boys look at me, because Mob says how long

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<v Speaker 1>is this gonna take? So, yeah, I do agree that

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<v Speaker 1>there's something and at least the the grapes is grapes

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<v Speaker 1>misstep that would allow somebody to mix white wine and

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<v Speaker 1>fucking hennessy. Yeah, it's just like you don't want to

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<v Speaker 1>live like that. No, But I do think and I

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<v Speaker 1>maybe this is part of what we're talking about. This

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<v Speaker 1>down shifting is a really important part of it, or

0:12:52.760 --> 0:12:56.520
<v Speaker 1>this weird shifting gears as it were. And some of

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<v Speaker 1>this just feels like you gotta be honest with yourself

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<v Speaker 1>about what specific liquors due to you that if if

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<v Speaker 1>there is a behavioral equivalent in both dark and light liquors,

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<v Speaker 1>then maybe you are gonna have this major combative sort

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<v Speaker 1>of battle in your body. Whereas like if you're like, no,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm at a fucking tequila level and I know what

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<v Speaker 1>tequila does to me, and then I'm mixing it with

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<v Speaker 1>the weird ass personality of dark rum? What the fund

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<v Speaker 1>did I just do to myself? You know what I mean?

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<v Speaker 1>Like you, you're playing dangerous? Because when when are two?

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<v Speaker 1>When are two opposing anything? Battling in your body? A

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<v Speaker 1>good time? Yeah? Right? When does that? Ever? What does

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<v Speaker 1>anything fighting inside of you good? Haven't y'all seen now?

0:13:47.600 --> 0:13:51.160
<v Speaker 1>Osmosis Jones? You don't want things fighting inside of you?

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<v Speaker 1>You want everybody at peace. Yeah, you don't want Eddie

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<v Speaker 1>Murphy and they're shooting down viruses or whatever. Rock Chris Rock,

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<v Speaker 1>I knows, Rock was as most as Jones. Man who

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<v Speaker 1>was Eddie Murphy? He was what was that movie where

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<v Speaker 1>they were inside Eddie Murphy? Oh I believe you're thinking of?

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<v Speaker 1>Is that Pluto Nash and No Pluto Pluto on the

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<v Speaker 1>Strip Club on the Moon? Yeah? Yeah, I don't I

0:14:19.200 --> 0:14:26.560
<v Speaker 1>think he was. Yeah, maybe you got the gist that

0:14:26.600 --> 0:14:28.880
<v Speaker 1>was maybe that's I love the idea, and then you

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<v Speaker 1>pull up a script. Maybe that's the movie I'm working on.

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<v Speaker 1>Never mind, that's actually called Pluto Gash gross gross boy.

0:14:43.560 --> 0:14:45.240
<v Speaker 1>And if you want to, if you want to say

0:14:45.360 --> 0:14:48.360
<v Speaker 1>something about what David just said and send us your thoughts,

0:14:48.680 --> 0:14:51.440
<v Speaker 1>you can send them to my Mama pot at gmail

0:14:51.520 --> 0:14:53.880
<v Speaker 1>dot com. We would love to hear your thoughts on

0:14:54.000 --> 0:15:00.720
<v Speaker 1>Pluto gash. Don't hit the though it is. That's gonna

0:15:00.720 --> 0:15:02.800
<v Speaker 1>be bad for business if you if you hit that

0:15:02.960 --> 0:15:06.720
<v Speaker 1>at the dot biz. Oh wait, Olivia has some science here.

0:15:07.040 --> 0:15:12.560
<v Speaker 1>Oh nice for us. I love Google dot com. Clear beverage,

0:15:13.760 --> 0:15:18.920
<v Speaker 1>just something Clear. Beverages like vodka, gin and white wine

0:15:19.280 --> 0:15:25.640
<v Speaker 1>contain less congeners that dartor drinks like brandy, whiskey, rum,

0:15:25.680 --> 0:15:29.640
<v Speaker 1>and red wine. Mixing the congenier's main increased stomach irritation.

0:15:30.200 --> 0:15:33.000
<v Speaker 1>So that's a fact. We proved it. And then she

0:15:33.000 --> 0:15:36.040
<v Speaker 1>she has a definition for congeniers just below it. A

0:15:36.120 --> 0:15:44.000
<v Speaker 1>minor chemical constituent fancy, especially one that gives a distinctive

0:15:44.120 --> 0:15:49.320
<v Speaker 1>character to a wine or liquor or uh is responsible

0:15:49.360 --> 0:15:56.360
<v Speaker 1>for some of its physiological effects. I think it proves it,

0:15:56.400 --> 0:15:59.680
<v Speaker 1>and I think in essence, it is saying something similar

0:15:59.720 --> 0:16:03.200
<v Speaker 1>to what I'm saying about, like the ship that it's

0:16:03.280 --> 0:16:06.040
<v Speaker 1>doing in your body. And the truth is that all

0:16:06.120 --> 0:16:10.640
<v Speaker 1>of these quote unquote congeners affect us differently and and

0:16:10.680 --> 0:16:13.600
<v Speaker 1>make us act a different kind of fool. So you

0:16:13.680 --> 0:16:18.760
<v Speaker 1>gotta stick with the one you brought and and just

0:16:19.280 --> 0:16:21.920
<v Speaker 1>act the specific kind of fool you chose at the

0:16:21.960 --> 0:16:23.920
<v Speaker 1>beginning of the night. You know what I mean, and

0:16:24.200 --> 0:16:26.760
<v Speaker 1>you know what you should do. You start a booze journal.

0:16:27.680 --> 0:16:29.360
<v Speaker 1>So then every time you get drunk. You know what

0:16:29.440 --> 0:16:32.480
<v Speaker 1>happened last night? I drank a bunch of tequila and

0:16:32.520 --> 0:16:36.600
<v Speaker 1>I tried to fight two bouncers. Now I know tequila

0:16:36.640 --> 0:16:39.240
<v Speaker 1>makes me fight bouncers. Yeah, yeah, last night I drank

0:16:39.200 --> 0:16:41.320
<v Speaker 1>a bunch of rum. I told the uber driver I

0:16:41.360 --> 0:16:44.320
<v Speaker 1>had a gun. Like it's like you figure out right,

0:16:45.240 --> 0:16:58.880
<v Speaker 1>rum rum makes me honest, That's that's because I think

0:16:59.040 --> 0:17:00.640
<v Speaker 1>I do got a gun. But I have to do

0:17:01.560 --> 0:17:05.879
<v Speaker 1>I have to tell him all that, you know, but

0:17:05.960 --> 0:17:08.120
<v Speaker 1>otherwise he wasn't going to go through the drive through.

0:17:08.560 --> 0:17:10.439
<v Speaker 1>It was like, bro, I just I need you to

0:17:10.440 --> 0:17:16.120
<v Speaker 1>know I got like that before you take me home. Yeah, yeah,

0:17:16.800 --> 0:17:19.280
<v Speaker 1>none of that fiddle fattle you'd be up to yeah

0:17:19.800 --> 0:17:22.640
<v Speaker 1>with the gunless people out here, but no, no, no,

0:17:22.680 --> 0:17:31.680
<v Speaker 1>we're taking the highway. Well, Gelanti, I I hope that

0:17:31.720 --> 0:17:34.560
<v Speaker 1>this was this was informative for you. I hope it

0:17:34.640 --> 0:17:38.200
<v Speaker 1>was cathartic, finally getting us to to do as you've

0:17:38.240 --> 0:17:42.159
<v Speaker 1>been screaming and demanding on the internet. We greatly appreciate

0:17:42.240 --> 0:17:44.480
<v Speaker 1>your email, and I hope you learned a little something.

0:17:44.560 --> 0:17:49.200
<v Speaker 1>Stop making yeah, and also always tell the Uber driver

0:17:49.280 --> 0:17:52.480
<v Speaker 1>you got that thing on you? Yeah? You? Why why wait?

0:17:53.119 --> 0:17:56.439
<v Speaker 1>Why wait to to assert that level of dominance in

0:17:56.480 --> 0:18:02.440
<v Speaker 1>another man's car. Huh? Well boy, you want to tell

0:18:02.480 --> 0:18:04.600
<v Speaker 1>the people where they can find you? Uh, you know,

0:18:04.720 --> 0:18:09.440
<v Speaker 1>my years winding down, But December twenty second, you can

0:18:09.480 --> 0:18:13.760
<v Speaker 1>find me at the Jimmy Kimmel Comedy Club in Las

0:18:13.880 --> 0:18:17.040
<v Speaker 1>Vegas at the Wink Hotel. Also, thank you with my

0:18:17.119 --> 0:18:18.919
<v Speaker 1>mama told me fans we've been coming out to My

0:18:19.000 --> 0:18:21.560
<v Speaker 1>Life shows. That's been great. It's really nice to see

0:18:21.600 --> 0:18:24.800
<v Speaker 1>you keep on coming out. I'll keep telling inappropriate jokes

0:18:25.080 --> 0:18:28.840
<v Speaker 1>about having sex with African women. Hell yeah, oh man,

0:18:28.880 --> 0:18:31.000
<v Speaker 1>I haven't heard any of those bits. I'm excited to

0:18:31.720 --> 0:18:38.120
<v Speaker 1>catch them. That this is exciting, it's a complicated. Uh well,

0:18:38.160 --> 0:18:40.280
<v Speaker 1>As always, you can follow me at Mikes and Kerman

0:18:40.359 --> 0:18:43.680
<v Speaker 1>on all platforms and I'll weigh in. I've had sex

0:18:43.680 --> 0:18:46.320
<v Speaker 1>with a few African women. I'll throw a few tip

0:18:46.400 --> 0:18:49.280
<v Speaker 1>bits in just on the social media, just the I

0:18:49.280 --> 0:18:53.720
<v Speaker 1>don't think they're tidbits. I think they're big tits. You

0:18:53.760 --> 0:18:57.520
<v Speaker 1>ain't wrong. And as always, if you want to send

0:18:57.640 --> 0:19:02.359
<v Speaker 1>us your conspiracy theories, your drow, your your opinions on

0:19:02.440 --> 0:19:05.240
<v Speaker 1>sexing African women, you can send them all to my

0:19:05.400 --> 0:19:08.800
<v Speaker 1>Mama pod at gmail dot com. Do that ship without

0:19:08.840 --> 0:19:15.800
<v Speaker 1>mixing your liquors. Okay, we did it by bitch, motherfucking

0:19:15.920 --> 0:19:26.480
<v Speaker 1>Mini year so many episode, motherfucking Mini year so, motherfucking

0:19:26.600 --> 0:19:32.639
<v Speaker 1>Minie so many episode, motherfucking Mini epso