WEBVTT - Dating Check-Up with Becca Tilley

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<v Speaker 1>Hell I Suck at Dating with Denglert and Dared Haven

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<v Speaker 1>and I heard radio podcast. Hey, welcome to the Thursday

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<v Speaker 1>episode of Help I Suck at Dating. The caller section

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<v Speaker 1>one of our favorite sections. Dean is still backpacking with

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<v Speaker 1>no cell service, so let's just all make sure. Let's

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<v Speaker 1>just start writing letters to him and hopefully he gets them. Uh,

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<v Speaker 1>but we have three callers coming in. We have Began, Alissa,

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<v Speaker 1>and Caleb telling our their story about well if they

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<v Speaker 1>need any advice or how they suck at dating, or

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<v Speaker 1>maybe how they don't suck at dating. So let's get

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<v Speaker 1>the first caller up here. Megan. Oh, Becca's joining us

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<v Speaker 1>becas back Becky Tilly is back ladies and gentlemen to

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<v Speaker 1>help with these callers. So let's bring Megan up on

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<v Speaker 1>the line. Megan, are you there? I'm here? Hello, Hello Megan?

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<v Speaker 1>How are you welcome to Help I Suck a Dating?

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<v Speaker 1>Thank you? So what can we hope with? Well, I've

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<v Speaker 1>been dating a guy for three months and things are

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<v Speaker 1>going well. Um, but he's invited me to meet his

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<v Speaker 1>siblings who are going to be in town soon. Um.

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<v Speaker 1>And he wants to set up a trip actually for

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<v Speaker 1>Labor Day. Weekend. My only reservation is that he's never

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<v Speaker 1>dated anyone else besides me. Like we're moving fast. I mean,

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<v Speaker 1>I want a long term relationship, but I'm just anxious

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<v Speaker 1>that he doesn't know how to be in a long

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<v Speaker 1>term relationship. From what I can tell, he was a

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<v Speaker 1>player before we met, and he wanted to wait till

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<v Speaker 1>he found the right girl to be in a relationship

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<v Speaker 1>and introduced to his family. But what do you think

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<v Speaker 1>about all of this? I gotta be honest. From now,

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<v Speaker 1>I don't know much. But it feels like you're living

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<v Speaker 1>a lot of people's dreams. Like you got him, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>like a lot. It feels like if you said he

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<v Speaker 1>was a player, there's been a lot of people trying

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<v Speaker 1>to get him, and now you got him, You're you're

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<v Speaker 1>meeting the family, you're in. This is it? Oh my gosh,

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<v Speaker 1>I get figured it that way. I won the Golden ticket. Yeah. Um, So,

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<v Speaker 1>how how old a you? Guys? Thirty? Okay, so you're

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<v Speaker 1>both thirty. So I don't know. I mean, if you're

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<v Speaker 1>ready for a long term relationship and he seems all in,

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<v Speaker 1>maybe he hasn't been in a long I mean, has

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<v Speaker 1>he been in relationships before? Just nothing long term. He's

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<v Speaker 1>never been in a long term relationship. I mean like

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<v Speaker 1>a couple of weeks. Yeah, not much at all. So

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<v Speaker 1>do you know if any so, do you know if

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<v Speaker 1>he's Is it that you don't trust him? Or is

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<v Speaker 1>it that you feel like he's moving too fast and

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<v Speaker 1>has never had this experience before the ladder like he's

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<v Speaker 1>he's moving too fast and he's never had this experience.

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<v Speaker 1>So is he even sure that I'm the right one

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<v Speaker 1>or is it just like, oh, he wants to be

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<v Speaker 1>in a long term relationship, So I'm you know, I

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<v Speaker 1>was there at the right time. It's not really about me,

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<v Speaker 1>you know what I mean. Here's my question because I

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<v Speaker 1>can't figure out over your from your question. Do you

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<v Speaker 1>like him? Oh? Yes I do? Yes, yes, yes, No,

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<v Speaker 1>I liked him a lot. I'm nervous that we're moving

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<v Speaker 1>too fast. Have you been in a long term relationship before?

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<v Speaker 1>I have. I've been in a long term relationship before.

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<v Speaker 1>It was about two years and so you met the

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<v Speaker 1>whole fam and all that stuff. Yes, yes, I've done

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<v Speaker 1>this before. What aspect of the relationship do you think

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<v Speaker 1>is moving too quickly? I just it's only been three months,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, and because he's never been in a serious relationship,

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<v Speaker 1>It's like why now, I don't know. I just I

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<v Speaker 1>just worried that he just wants it so badly that

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<v Speaker 1>it might not be about me. It might just be

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<v Speaker 1>about him being like, I haven't been in a serious relationship.

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<v Speaker 1>People are giving me a hard time because I'm thirty. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>I mean that's something you could totally address with him.

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<v Speaker 1>I think he'd you know, uh, you should talk to

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<v Speaker 1>him about that and just see you kind of where

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<v Speaker 1>his head is at. But um, you know, sometimes I

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<v Speaker 1>feel that in uh, in my own life at least,

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<v Speaker 1>if something is going too well, I like to self

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<v Speaker 1>sabotage it because I'm like, wow, it's going too well.

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<v Speaker 1>Like this obviously can't be real, but sometimes it is.

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<v Speaker 1>And um, you know, of course, don't rush in. You know,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm not saying marry this guy right now, but you know,

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<v Speaker 1>I think meeting the family and kind of taking steps

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<v Speaker 1>towards a long distance for you know, taking steps towards

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<v Speaker 1>building a strong foundation for strong future. I don't know

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<v Speaker 1>if that's the worst thing, um, but uh, yeah, I

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<v Speaker 1>mean listen, if he if he's like, hey, let's get

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<v Speaker 1>married tomorrow, then yeah, tell him to slow down a

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<v Speaker 1>little bit and you know, let's let's relax. Um. And

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<v Speaker 1>I I understand where your reservations are, but I wouldn't

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<v Speaker 1>see them as giant red flags. I would kind of

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<v Speaker 1>go with the flow and and um, especially if you

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<v Speaker 1>like him and you want to build something with this person, like,

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<v Speaker 1>don't don't just ruin it because you're scared that I

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<v Speaker 1>might be moving too quickly, you know, certainly slow things

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<v Speaker 1>down a little bit. But I wouldn't. I wouldn't be

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<v Speaker 1>too concerned. Yeah, I think you're right. It might be

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<v Speaker 1>that he's because you said you feel like he's a player,

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<v Speaker 1>and it might be that he's never found someone that

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<v Speaker 1>he wanted to introduce to his family or people that

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<v Speaker 1>he loves. So maybe he's just really excited to like

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<v Speaker 1>get to that step and see what they think of you,

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<v Speaker 1>because he really likes you. So I'm with Jared. I

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<v Speaker 1>think you just enjoy it and maybe if it comes,

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<v Speaker 1>if it if it's not settling in you, then maybe

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<v Speaker 1>you bring it up to him and just say like,

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<v Speaker 1>this is what I'm feeling, and I really like you.

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<v Speaker 1>I like where this is going. But um, I think

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<v Speaker 1>also just enjoy it. Because, like Jared said at the beginning,

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<v Speaker 1>it sounds like you've got what everyone's wanted from him.

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<v Speaker 1>I think you're right. That's such a good point. Thank

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<v Speaker 1>you so much, an thank you back. I've always been

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<v Speaker 1>the person too that I, um, I guess I've never

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<v Speaker 1>seen meeting the parents as like the biggest deal. Is

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<v Speaker 1>that bad? No, because I think we I think there's

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<v Speaker 1>like I think it's important for I think it's important

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<v Speaker 1>for the people that we love to love the person

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<v Speaker 1>we're with. But there's been such a like societal expectation

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<v Speaker 1>that your parents or your family has to love here

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<v Speaker 1>with and like the pressure of meeting the family. So

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<v Speaker 1>I actually appreciate that about you that you're like, well,

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<v Speaker 1>I wasn't. I guess I just because especially coming from

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<v Speaker 1>such a small state that like, my family is such

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<v Speaker 1>a big part of my life that I never really

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<v Speaker 1>thought of like, oh man, now they're meeting my parents,

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<v Speaker 1>this is a huge deal. It was more like I've

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<v Speaker 1>definitely been in short term relationships with people that have

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<v Speaker 1>met my parents because like I had to go pick

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<v Speaker 1>up my dog or something like that, I'm like, yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>just come with me, and then you meet my mom

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<v Speaker 1>and dad and so maybe I was naive or ignorant,

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<v Speaker 1>but I remember too. On Bachelor I and went with Caitlin,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, the week before hometowns. So many guys were like,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, I don't know if I, you know, am

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<v Speaker 1>in love with Caitlin as much as I need to

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<v Speaker 1>be in order for her to meet my parents. And

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<v Speaker 1>I remember always like nodding, being like yeah yeah. But

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<v Speaker 1>in the back of my head, I'm like, I would

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<v Speaker 1>love for Caitlin to me my parents like, yeah, me,

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<v Speaker 1>my mom and dad like, of course, come to island. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>my parents would. Literally this was kind of in my

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<v Speaker 1>later like high school, early college, if I went on

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<v Speaker 1>a date with a guy, he was expected to like

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<v Speaker 1>come in and meet them, so like, I poor guys

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<v Speaker 1>now looking back, but m yeah, I was always like

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<v Speaker 1>that expectation. So I just I've never I'm the same

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<v Speaker 1>as you. Like. I always felt like I was like nodding,

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<v Speaker 1>like yeah, yeah, this is a huge deal. But no,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm like, what, It's just people, exactly. They're just people.

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<v Speaker 1>You might not even like them, you know, I find people. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>all right, So our next call is Alyssa, Alyssa, Hey, Lissa,

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<v Speaker 1>how are you good? How are you guys doing very well.

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<v Speaker 1>What can we help with? So? I am, um, I've

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<v Speaker 1>been kind of down in the dump lately, since literally

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<v Speaker 1>every person I know is either married or in a relationship.

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<v Speaker 1>Where I've nearly made it to thirty not even coming

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<v Speaker 1>close to having a serious relationship, I feel like I

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<v Speaker 1>must be doing something wrong, and especially since everyone I

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<v Speaker 1>know seems to not have a problem meeting someone, and

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<v Speaker 1>I'm kind of worried that I might be too picky. Um,

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<v Speaker 1>but I want to keep my standards high, So I'm wondering, like,

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<v Speaker 1>do I need to be more open and date people

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<v Speaker 1>that I usually wouldn't like? What am I doing wrong?

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<v Speaker 1>I doubt you're doing anything wrong, Alyssa, Uh, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>obviously the title of this podcast has helped us like

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<v Speaker 1>a dating but it's, you know, meant to be playful.

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<v Speaker 1>I doubt you're doing anything wrong. I'm sure that you

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<v Speaker 1>just haven't met the right person yet. And um, also,

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<v Speaker 1>I know you said you're down in the dumps right

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<v Speaker 1>now because everybody around you is married. I totally get that.

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<v Speaker 1>I've been in situations like that before, before I was

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<v Speaker 1>with Ashley, where it's like everybody's in a relationship everybody's

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<v Speaker 1>coupled up, so like you go to these places and

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<v Speaker 1>you're by yourself and they're, you know, spending time with

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<v Speaker 1>their certificate other. But at the same time, you gotta

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<v Speaker 1>also remember you don't have to answer to anybody, which

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<v Speaker 1>is quite nice. Like if you want to go take

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<v Speaker 1>a ride, you can just take a drive. Like for me,

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<v Speaker 1>I gotta get a babysitter. I gotta talk to Ashley.

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<v Speaker 1>I gotta make sure she's not doing anything. Like there's

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<v Speaker 1>so many times I come home from work I'm like,

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<v Speaker 1>oh man, I just wish I could go play golf.

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<v Speaker 1>And she's like, you don't want to go on a

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<v Speaker 1>date with me, And I'm like, no, of course I do.

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<v Speaker 1>But like, damn, I wish I just had some a

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<v Speaker 1>long time. So don't ever take that. Don't don't ever

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<v Speaker 1>take that for granted. A listen, It's a very important

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<v Speaker 1>part of life. Yeah, Alissa, I just want to say, like, I, um,

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<v Speaker 1>this is Becca. By the way, I I um did not.

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<v Speaker 1>I dated Robert, my ex boyfriend, when I think I

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<v Speaker 1>was like twenty eight, somewhere in that range. But my

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<v Speaker 1>first serious relationship, which is the one I'm in now,

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<v Speaker 1>didn't happen until I was literally about to turn thirty,

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<v Speaker 1>and um, I think I'm so grateful for the time

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<v Speaker 1>I had to like be independent and have these moments

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<v Speaker 1>by myself, like Jared said, of doing whatever I wanted

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<v Speaker 1>to do. And actually, my girlfriend's on tour right now,

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<v Speaker 1>and I'm kind of like living this like not single life,

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<v Speaker 1>but I'm alone, and I'm realizing all my friends are

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<v Speaker 1>in relationships and have their own things going on. And

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<v Speaker 1>of course, if if I was like, hey, can I

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<v Speaker 1>come hang out or whatever, they would obviously have me.

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<v Speaker 1>But I'm learning to do things that I love to

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<v Speaker 1>do by myself and the like enjoying them. And I

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<v Speaker 1>think Jared's right, like you're going to come to a

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<v Speaker 1>point where you do have all these things and you

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<v Speaker 1>don't have the um the independence that comes with being

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<v Speaker 1>a single person, Like you can still be independent as

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<v Speaker 1>someone in a relationship, but I think it's so so

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<v Speaker 1>beautiful to be able to have this time by yourself.

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<v Speaker 1>And I know it feels like everyone's moving on to

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<v Speaker 1>new phases in their life, but um, I think just

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<v Speaker 1>like soaked this time, and and also don't don't be

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<v Speaker 1>so I think standards are so important. I don't think

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<v Speaker 1>you should ever lower them or settle, but I do think, um,

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<v Speaker 1>being open to dating people that maybe you would never

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<v Speaker 1>have considered in the beginning, Like you might connect with

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<v Speaker 1>someone that you never expect. So I think just like

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<v Speaker 1>being open to different types of people in relationships, um,

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<v Speaker 1>and just not overthinking it, like just dating and have

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<v Speaker 1>fun as much as you can. Yeah. Yeah, And also

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<v Speaker 1>about that point off of Becca. You know, Ashley, my wife,

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<v Speaker 1>UM was not in a relationship. Her first boyfriend was

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<v Speaker 1>when she was thirty. That was our first boyfriend. So

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<v Speaker 1>you know, sometimes it comes later in life, um, even

0:12:09.160 --> 0:12:12.920
<v Speaker 1>though thirty is still very young. UM, So hopefully don't

0:12:13.040 --> 0:12:14.920
<v Speaker 1>you know, try not to be down in the dumps

0:12:14.960 --> 0:12:18.040
<v Speaker 1>about it. I mean, relationships are incredible, you know, being

0:12:18.040 --> 0:12:20.080
<v Speaker 1>able to share your love with someone is incredible. But

0:12:20.120 --> 0:12:23.120
<v Speaker 1>loving yourself as you know, probably the most important thing

0:12:23.120 --> 0:12:30.040
<v Speaker 1>you can do. UM. And uh yeah, um, you know,

0:12:30.080 --> 0:12:31.800
<v Speaker 1>I wish you nothing but the best of luck of Lissa.

0:12:31.840 --> 0:12:34.000
<v Speaker 1>Thank you so much for calling in. But definitely, you know,

0:12:34.080 --> 0:12:36.960
<v Speaker 1>keep your head up high. I guarantee it's not anything

0:12:37.000 --> 0:12:38.800
<v Speaker 1>you're doing. It's just kind of the way life is.

0:12:38.960 --> 0:12:40.880
<v Speaker 1>I know for a fact, it wasn't anything actually was doing.

0:12:40.920 --> 0:12:43.360
<v Speaker 1>I know it was anything Becca was doing. It just

0:12:43.440 --> 0:12:47.640
<v Speaker 1>wasn't time yet. Mm hmm. Yeah, Oh my gosh. That's

0:12:47.640 --> 0:12:52.160
<v Speaker 1>so refreshing. Thank you so much, guys, Thank you Luck Alyssa,

0:12:52.200 --> 0:12:55.120
<v Speaker 1>you're great. All right, Well, that's actually gonna do it.

0:12:55.120 --> 0:12:59.240
<v Speaker 1>Our last call or unfortunately is ghosting us. Um, So

0:12:59.280 --> 0:13:03.680
<v Speaker 1>hopefully Caleb can come back next week where he'll suck

0:13:03.720 --> 0:13:07.000
<v Speaker 1>a little bit less if he shows up. Um. But

0:13:07.080 --> 0:13:09.400
<v Speaker 1>I appreciate all the phone calls, Megan Alyssa, thank you

0:13:09.440 --> 0:13:11.520
<v Speaker 1>so much for calling in. Please keep calling in, guys.

0:13:11.520 --> 0:13:13.400
<v Speaker 1>We love it. It's our favorite part of the of

0:13:13.440 --> 0:13:15.720
<v Speaker 1>the segment. We do what we love doing, these little

0:13:15.720 --> 0:13:19.200
<v Speaker 1>Thursday podcasts. We love you guys listening. Thank you so much. Becca,

0:13:19.440 --> 0:13:21.360
<v Speaker 1>once again, you're amazing. Thank you so much for joining

0:13:21.400 --> 0:13:24.160
<v Speaker 1>us on the podcast. You're the best. Thanks for helping

0:13:24.160 --> 0:13:27.200
<v Speaker 1>me suck. Like hey, anytime, give Phoebe a big kiss

0:13:27.240 --> 0:13:30.320
<v Speaker 1>for me. She's right there. Well, she's right here. All right, guys,

0:13:30.360 --> 0:13:32.199
<v Speaker 1>we'll make sure you're tune in next week. We're hopefully

0:13:32.200 --> 0:13:34.600
<v Speaker 1>we all suck just a little less. Follow help by

0:13:34.720 --> 0:13:37.600
<v Speaker 1>Suck at Dating on I Heart Radio or wherever you

0:13:37.679 --> 0:13:39.400
<v Speaker 1>listen to podcast