1 00:00:04,400 --> 00:00:09,240 Speaker 1: Hello everybody, and welcome back to the Psychology of Your Twenties, 2 00:00:09,920 --> 00:00:12,240 Speaker 1: the podcast where we talk through some of the big 3 00:00:12,480 --> 00:00:16,840 Speaker 1: life changes and transitions of our twenties and what they 4 00:00:16,920 --> 00:00:26,279 Speaker 1: mean for our psychology. Hello everybody, or welcome back to 5 00:00:26,360 --> 00:00:29,200 Speaker 1: the show. Welcome back to the podcast. 6 00:00:29,160 --> 00:00:32,400 Speaker 2: New listeners, our listeners, wherever you are in the world. 7 00:00:32,960 --> 00:00:34,559 Speaker 2: It is so great to have you here. Back for 8 00:00:34,640 --> 00:00:39,240 Speaker 2: another episode as we of course break down the psychology 9 00:00:39,760 --> 00:00:42,800 Speaker 2: of our twenties. It's a bit of a different episode today. 10 00:00:43,200 --> 00:00:46,559 Speaker 2: It's a chit chat, catch up with me kind of 11 00:00:47,440 --> 00:00:50,880 Speaker 2: episode because it's kind of been a while since I've 12 00:00:51,000 --> 00:00:55,440 Speaker 2: just popped myself in front of the microphone and talked 13 00:00:55,440 --> 00:00:58,920 Speaker 2: about my life, Jemma's life, what's been happening, what's been 14 00:00:58,960 --> 00:01:04,240 Speaker 2: happening behind the scenes of the Psychology of Your Twenties. 15 00:01:05,400 --> 00:01:09,560 Speaker 2: I always feel a little bit weird doing these life updates, 16 00:01:09,800 --> 00:01:13,800 Speaker 2: doing these like chatty episodes, because I feel like that's 17 00:01:13,920 --> 00:01:18,399 Speaker 2: not what you're really here for. Perhaps I feel like 18 00:01:18,480 --> 00:01:22,080 Speaker 2: you expect more from me sometimes, like you expect the 19 00:01:22,160 --> 00:01:27,360 Speaker 2: fully researched, fully fleshed out episodes and not delivering on that. 20 00:01:27,440 --> 00:01:29,280 Speaker 2: It's like not delivering on a promise and people are 21 00:01:29,319 --> 00:01:31,800 Speaker 2: going to be disappointed that it's just me and my 22 00:01:31,920 --> 00:01:35,160 Speaker 2: personality and no science. But trying to get over that 23 00:01:35,200 --> 00:01:37,160 Speaker 2: a little bit. I also just think that that's my 24 00:01:37,600 --> 00:01:41,919 Speaker 2: toxic productivity, you know. I released two episodes a week, 25 00:01:42,520 --> 00:01:45,839 Speaker 2: one of them every now and again can just be 26 00:01:46,120 --> 00:01:50,200 Speaker 2: me getting to talk about myself and my learnings and 27 00:01:51,040 --> 00:01:53,960 Speaker 2: how my beliefs in my life is changing. I'm actually 28 00:01:53,960 --> 00:01:57,680 Speaker 2: reading this book right now called The Ambition Trap. I 29 00:01:57,720 --> 00:02:00,480 Speaker 2: cannot remember who it's by, but it's called The Ambition Trap, 30 00:02:01,080 --> 00:02:05,760 Speaker 2: and it's completely, like fundamentally changed how I'm viewing work 31 00:02:05,920 --> 00:02:13,840 Speaker 2: and productivity, specifically how I'm viewing perfection and allowing myself 32 00:02:13,880 --> 00:02:16,840 Speaker 2: to make mistakes and not even make mistakes, but allowing 33 00:02:16,840 --> 00:02:19,960 Speaker 2: myself to have fun with my job and to have 34 00:02:20,040 --> 00:02:23,880 Speaker 2: fun with my life. And something I'm really aiming for 35 00:02:23,919 --> 00:02:26,560 Speaker 2: at the moment is trying to measure my life more 36 00:02:26,600 --> 00:02:30,640 Speaker 2: by how I feel what I can do for others, 37 00:02:30,800 --> 00:02:35,079 Speaker 2: whether I feel creative, whether I'm patient, whether I have 38 00:02:35,120 --> 00:02:39,480 Speaker 2: the capacity for patients and the capacity for kindness, and 39 00:02:39,680 --> 00:02:42,919 Speaker 2: how I'm taking care of myself. And this is kind 40 00:02:42,960 --> 00:02:45,040 Speaker 2: of an effort to do that, to just sit down 41 00:02:45,240 --> 00:02:48,960 Speaker 2: and talk rather than feel like I owe people something. 42 00:02:49,080 --> 00:02:54,720 Speaker 2: So anyways, long winded way of saying hello, welcome today, 43 00:02:54,720 --> 00:02:56,800 Speaker 2: we're going to talk about what's been going on in 44 00:02:57,320 --> 00:03:01,799 Speaker 2: my life. You may remember, maybe almost a year ago, 45 00:03:01,840 --> 00:03:04,960 Speaker 2: I would say seven months, I did another little chatty 46 00:03:05,000 --> 00:03:08,639 Speaker 2: episode What's been going on with Me? And it was very, 47 00:03:08,760 --> 00:03:10,640 Speaker 2: very different to what I normally talk about. It was 48 00:03:10,680 --> 00:03:16,359 Speaker 2: me essentially giving you the details behind my mental breakdown. 49 00:03:16,600 --> 00:03:18,720 Speaker 2: Let's call it what it is. It was a mental breakdown. 50 00:03:19,360 --> 00:03:23,120 Speaker 2: I was in such a dark and raw place, and 51 00:03:23,160 --> 00:03:28,880 Speaker 2: I was honestly, so deeply detached from who I am, 52 00:03:29,360 --> 00:03:33,760 Speaker 2: and I felt so awful and detached from the world 53 00:03:33,919 --> 00:03:37,400 Speaker 2: and from reality, and I was just a complete mess. 54 00:03:37,480 --> 00:03:39,800 Speaker 2: And I feel like I kind of released that episode. 55 00:03:40,480 --> 00:03:43,720 Speaker 2: I felt very brave doing it, and then I just 56 00:03:44,600 --> 00:03:49,840 Speaker 2: went back to my regularly scheduled programming and it didn't 57 00:03:49,840 --> 00:03:54,960 Speaker 2: really acknowledge it again, probably because so much happened afterwards. 58 00:03:55,280 --> 00:03:59,040 Speaker 2: You know. I announced my book probably a month or 59 00:03:59,080 --> 00:04:02,800 Speaker 2: two after I really that episode, so that I just 60 00:04:02,840 --> 00:04:07,320 Speaker 2: got so caught up in, you know, promoting person in progress. 61 00:04:07,880 --> 00:04:10,560 Speaker 2: Then I launched my new podcast, Mantra, So then I 62 00:04:10,600 --> 00:04:13,560 Speaker 2: got so caught up in launching Mantra because I love 63 00:04:13,560 --> 00:04:16,920 Speaker 2: it and because it's incredible, and then the book came out, 64 00:04:16,920 --> 00:04:18,760 Speaker 2: and then I had to promote the book coming out, 65 00:04:18,839 --> 00:04:24,000 Speaker 2: and from the outside, you would definitely have this perception, 66 00:04:24,240 --> 00:04:25,760 Speaker 2: or maybe not, but I think that there would be 67 00:04:25,800 --> 00:04:30,160 Speaker 2: this perception that this last year of my life has 68 00:04:30,200 --> 00:04:32,960 Speaker 2: been like amazing and incredible and I must be on 69 00:04:33,080 --> 00:04:38,680 Speaker 2: such a high and I'm not. Really. There's definitely elements 70 00:04:38,680 --> 00:04:42,360 Speaker 2: of it in which I'm very happy and in which 71 00:04:42,400 --> 00:04:46,560 Speaker 2: my life is getting exceedingly better. But there has been 72 00:04:46,560 --> 00:04:51,599 Speaker 2: a lot of misery, I guess, a lot of silent struggling, 73 00:04:51,640 --> 00:04:54,600 Speaker 2: like behind the scenes that you know, what we need 74 00:04:54,640 --> 00:04:57,760 Speaker 2: to talk about because what you see online isn't real, 75 00:04:57,839 --> 00:05:01,159 Speaker 2: what you hear on podcasts isn't always real. What you 76 00:05:01,200 --> 00:05:04,680 Speaker 2: think about someone else's life isn't real. And as much 77 00:05:04,680 --> 00:05:06,440 Speaker 2: as I love talking about our twenties and I love 78 00:05:06,520 --> 00:05:09,440 Speaker 2: talking about psychology, I think my real passion is just 79 00:05:09,520 --> 00:05:12,800 Speaker 2: talking about the vulnerable things that make us human. And 80 00:05:13,560 --> 00:05:16,320 Speaker 2: part of that is being open, just just sitting here 81 00:05:16,320 --> 00:05:18,640 Speaker 2: and saying, hey, like, there has been some things I've 82 00:05:18,680 --> 00:05:21,600 Speaker 2: been really that have been really hard in my life recently, 83 00:05:21,680 --> 00:05:25,119 Speaker 2: and you wouldn't have any clue. So let's talk about 84 00:05:25,120 --> 00:05:27,560 Speaker 2: it despite all of that, and I will obviously give 85 00:05:27,600 --> 00:05:31,040 Speaker 2: you updates on what I'm talking about. Life is slowly 86 00:05:31,040 --> 00:05:33,719 Speaker 2: getting really really good, and I feel like I've had 87 00:05:33,760 --> 00:05:39,920 Speaker 2: some really incredible epiphanies and mindset shifts and just like radical, 88 00:05:39,960 --> 00:05:44,520 Speaker 2: I've just experienced some radical acceptance about unchangeable things in life. 89 00:05:44,560 --> 00:05:47,359 Speaker 2: And when you have those kinds of radical moments and 90 00:05:47,360 --> 00:05:49,919 Speaker 2: transformative moments, like you just kind of want to scream 91 00:05:49,920 --> 00:05:51,960 Speaker 2: it from the rooftop and just say to people, like 92 00:05:52,120 --> 00:05:55,200 Speaker 2: it gets better, Like it's going to get better. I've 93 00:05:55,240 --> 00:05:58,040 Speaker 2: had a really tough year. I felt very ungrateful and 94 00:05:58,160 --> 00:06:00,920 Speaker 2: guilty for not being able to enjoy my moments as 95 00:06:01,000 --> 00:06:03,839 Speaker 2: much as I wish I had been able to. But 96 00:06:04,560 --> 00:06:07,480 Speaker 2: throughout it all, like there are some really incredible learnings 97 00:06:07,520 --> 00:06:10,000 Speaker 2: that I think are life changing for me. So that's 98 00:06:10,040 --> 00:06:11,440 Speaker 2: what we're going to talk about today. We're going to 99 00:06:11,480 --> 00:06:13,720 Speaker 2: talk about why sometimes it has to get worse before 100 00:06:13,720 --> 00:06:16,000 Speaker 2: it gets better, what it means to struggle, what it 101 00:06:16,000 --> 00:06:18,880 Speaker 2: means to thrive, what it means to be freaking human. 102 00:06:19,720 --> 00:06:22,640 Speaker 2: Without further ado, let's get into a little life update. 103 00:06:27,800 --> 00:06:32,159 Speaker 2: So behind the scenes of the podcast. At the moment, 104 00:06:32,760 --> 00:06:35,760 Speaker 2: I have been going through it, and I've been really 105 00:06:35,800 --> 00:06:40,800 Speaker 2: building like this very whole new deep belief system. I 106 00:06:40,800 --> 00:06:43,800 Speaker 2: feel like the reason I had this mental breakdown last 107 00:06:43,880 --> 00:06:47,400 Speaker 2: year was quite existential for those of you who don't know. 108 00:06:47,440 --> 00:06:49,120 Speaker 2: Like when I was growing up, I used to be 109 00:06:49,800 --> 00:06:53,279 Speaker 2: I used to have really deep faith. My family was 110 00:06:53,320 --> 00:06:56,719 Speaker 2: not religious, we never went to church. They were about 111 00:06:56,720 --> 00:07:00,440 Speaker 2: as atheist as it comes. But for some reason, I 112 00:07:00,480 --> 00:07:03,560 Speaker 2: always really felt called into like organized religion, and so 113 00:07:03,720 --> 00:07:05,480 Speaker 2: like for a lot of my teen years and like 114 00:07:06,120 --> 00:07:08,080 Speaker 2: definitely just my late teen years, maybe like the first 115 00:07:08,160 --> 00:07:09,960 Speaker 2: year of my twenties, like I always felt this like 116 00:07:10,320 --> 00:07:14,200 Speaker 2: real higher calling and this sense of like meaning in 117 00:07:14,240 --> 00:07:16,920 Speaker 2: life that was attached to religion. And then I don't 118 00:07:16,920 --> 00:07:19,040 Speaker 2: think I've ever talked about this, but I went through 119 00:07:19,040 --> 00:07:21,080 Speaker 2: something I don't want to call it traumatic, but just 120 00:07:21,120 --> 00:07:25,280 Speaker 2: like really frustrating and disturbing with the church that I 121 00:07:25,360 --> 00:07:31,240 Speaker 2: was in, involving someone I was dating, and I just 122 00:07:31,280 --> 00:07:34,200 Speaker 2: never went back, Like I was just like, no, I 123 00:07:34,280 --> 00:07:36,480 Speaker 2: just can't do this anymore. Like I just it just 124 00:07:36,480 --> 00:07:39,880 Speaker 2: completely like broke my belief structure. And then for a 125 00:07:39,880 --> 00:07:42,080 Speaker 2: while there was just kind of like this abyss. There 126 00:07:42,160 --> 00:07:45,880 Speaker 2: was just this whole I guess, like in my soul 127 00:07:45,920 --> 00:07:49,760 Speaker 2: where I all these big questions that faith really felled 128 00:07:50,160 --> 00:07:52,160 Speaker 2: for me, Like I didn't have answers to like what 129 00:07:52,200 --> 00:07:54,920 Speaker 2: are we here for? What's the meaning of love? Is 130 00:07:54,960 --> 00:07:57,160 Speaker 2: this a hostile or a loving universe? 131 00:07:57,320 --> 00:07:57,440 Speaker 1: Like? 132 00:07:58,000 --> 00:08:00,680 Speaker 2: What does fairness mean? What does justice? Like? I didn't 133 00:08:00,680 --> 00:08:04,040 Speaker 2: really have answers for those things. And I feel like 134 00:08:04,080 --> 00:08:06,960 Speaker 2: that all kind of came to a head last year 135 00:08:07,000 --> 00:08:09,480 Speaker 2: when I was like, Oh, I really don't have answers 136 00:08:09,480 --> 00:08:12,880 Speaker 2: for these things, and that's actually really scary, and I 137 00:08:12,960 --> 00:08:14,480 Speaker 2: have to kind of figure out what I want to 138 00:08:14,520 --> 00:08:16,720 Speaker 2: believe in, and I have to figure out what I 139 00:08:16,760 --> 00:08:19,960 Speaker 2: see my place in this world is like through my 140 00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:24,480 Speaker 2: own means and through spirituality, through science, through philosophy, whatever 141 00:08:24,520 --> 00:08:26,960 Speaker 2: it was that was going to guide me there. And 142 00:08:27,000 --> 00:08:29,320 Speaker 2: there were some other things going on as well, and 143 00:08:29,400 --> 00:08:33,360 Speaker 2: it really pushed me to such a low place just 144 00:08:33,400 --> 00:08:36,160 Speaker 2: thinking about the absurdity of the world and what I 145 00:08:36,240 --> 00:08:38,520 Speaker 2: really learned through that. And I honestly feel like the 146 00:08:38,640 --> 00:08:40,800 Speaker 2: last month has been the first time that I've really 147 00:08:40,840 --> 00:08:44,280 Speaker 2: come out of it since it happened last year, Like 148 00:08:44,320 --> 00:08:46,680 Speaker 2: it's this last month I've really been having like a 149 00:08:46,720 --> 00:08:49,199 Speaker 2: moment of like, oh my God, like I'm getting things 150 00:08:49,240 --> 00:08:53,240 Speaker 2: now and like I'm happy and wow, like life is beautiful. 151 00:08:53,280 --> 00:08:55,680 Speaker 2: And I feel like I'm such an optimistic person that 152 00:08:56,480 --> 00:08:59,079 Speaker 2: I spent so much of last year and the start 153 00:08:59,080 --> 00:09:01,920 Speaker 2: of this year feeling like life was defined by misery 154 00:09:01,920 --> 00:09:06,160 Speaker 2: and suffering, and I've finally been able to appreciate like 155 00:09:06,640 --> 00:09:09,640 Speaker 2: the miracle of existence, and that's like something that I 156 00:09:09,679 --> 00:09:12,160 Speaker 2: really value. As such an optimistic person, I have to 157 00:09:12,160 --> 00:09:14,360 Speaker 2: see the good in the world. So I'm glad that 158 00:09:14,360 --> 00:09:17,040 Speaker 2: that is coming back to me. But what it's really 159 00:09:17,120 --> 00:09:20,240 Speaker 2: reminded me of is like it's just continually reminded me 160 00:09:20,320 --> 00:09:25,559 Speaker 2: that it's always darkest before the dawn, that sometimes true 161 00:09:25,559 --> 00:09:28,440 Speaker 2: growth does come from suffering, and that you can endure 162 00:09:29,120 --> 00:09:32,200 Speaker 2: so much more than you think you can. And I 163 00:09:32,240 --> 00:09:34,920 Speaker 2: remember like hearing people say that and being like what 164 00:09:34,960 --> 00:09:38,880 Speaker 2: are you talking about? Like what are you on about? 165 00:09:39,240 --> 00:09:42,160 Speaker 2: And then like the mental kind of battle that I've 166 00:09:42,200 --> 00:09:44,000 Speaker 2: been through has just proven that to me time and 167 00:09:44,040 --> 00:09:47,560 Speaker 2: time again, like how strong I am, how resilient I am. 168 00:09:48,160 --> 00:09:49,640 Speaker 2: I always want to talk about some other things that 169 00:09:49,679 --> 00:09:54,360 Speaker 2: have been happening I so I haven't talked about this 170 00:09:54,400 --> 00:09:57,679 Speaker 2: at all. But right before my book was launched, I 171 00:09:57,720 --> 00:10:01,600 Speaker 2: went into the optometrist random. I needed to get new glasses. 172 00:10:02,400 --> 00:10:06,480 Speaker 2: And when I was at the optometrist, they like found 173 00:10:06,480 --> 00:10:11,880 Speaker 2: something really scary on my what's it called optical nerve 174 00:10:12,160 --> 00:10:15,200 Speaker 2: optic nerve? Sorry? And I was in just like a 175 00:10:15,240 --> 00:10:19,840 Speaker 2: regular schedule, regularly scheduled like eye appointment, and this optometrist 176 00:10:19,920 --> 00:10:23,400 Speaker 2: like looking at these like retinal images that I had 177 00:10:23,400 --> 00:10:25,720 Speaker 2: gotten done, and it was so random that I gotten 178 00:10:25,760 --> 00:10:28,040 Speaker 2: them done. I wasn't paying attention, and the person at 179 00:10:28,080 --> 00:10:29,480 Speaker 2: the front desk was like, oh, do you want these done? 180 00:10:29,480 --> 00:10:30,840 Speaker 2: And I was like yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I 181 00:10:30,880 --> 00:10:32,199 Speaker 2: was like, oh do I really want those done? But 182 00:10:32,240 --> 00:10:34,440 Speaker 2: I'd already said yeah. So she was looking at these 183 00:10:34,480 --> 00:10:36,840 Speaker 2: photos and she was she basically was like, oh you 184 00:10:36,920 --> 00:10:39,920 Speaker 2: have I'm not going to say what it is, Oh 185 00:10:39,960 --> 00:10:42,400 Speaker 2: maybe I will. Like basically it was like that it's 186 00:10:42,440 --> 00:10:48,160 Speaker 2: swelling and it's all around the optic nerve, which is 187 00:10:48,200 --> 00:10:52,640 Speaker 2: a really really bad sign. And within like twenty I 188 00:10:52,640 --> 00:10:55,040 Speaker 2: think forty eight hours, I was like at a specialist 189 00:10:55,679 --> 00:10:58,760 Speaker 2: doing all these tests. The things they had to rule 190 00:10:58,760 --> 00:11:02,600 Speaker 2: out were really scary. They had to rule out ms, 191 00:11:02,960 --> 00:11:05,319 Speaker 2: they had to rule out a brain tumor. They had 192 00:11:05,320 --> 00:11:08,600 Speaker 2: to rule out all these really scary things that I 193 00:11:08,640 --> 00:11:12,560 Speaker 2: wasn't having a stroke within forty eight hours. Like it 194 00:11:12,640 --> 00:11:17,120 Speaker 2: was like, oh, this huge thing is happening with my vision, 195 00:11:17,559 --> 00:11:23,000 Speaker 2: with my brain, Like that's so scary. And I was 196 00:11:23,040 --> 00:11:27,400 Speaker 2: in like the ophthalmologist's office forty eight hours after I 197 00:11:27,440 --> 00:11:29,760 Speaker 2: found out I had this thing that I literally knew 198 00:11:29,800 --> 00:11:32,679 Speaker 2: nothing about. And I remember I like kept my cool, 199 00:11:32,720 --> 00:11:35,719 Speaker 2: and then suddenly they were dilating my pupil, which I 200 00:11:35,760 --> 00:11:37,760 Speaker 2: don't know if you've ever had this happen, but they 201 00:11:37,800 --> 00:11:40,040 Speaker 2: put this stuff in your eye that makes your pupil 202 00:11:40,040 --> 00:11:43,200 Speaker 2: go huge and then you can't see for like the 203 00:11:43,240 --> 00:11:45,080 Speaker 2: next four hours. And I was sitting there and I 204 00:11:45,120 --> 00:11:46,840 Speaker 2: was like and why. As they were putting it in 205 00:11:46,880 --> 00:11:48,679 Speaker 2: my eye, I was like, oh my gosh, like this 206 00:11:48,760 --> 00:11:52,520 Speaker 2: is something huge is happening to me, Like this is 207 00:11:52,600 --> 00:11:54,920 Speaker 2: really scary, and I've only just started processing it. So 208 00:11:54,960 --> 00:11:56,760 Speaker 2: They're trying to put these like drops in my eye 209 00:11:57,120 --> 00:12:00,520 Speaker 2: and I'm like crying and I'm like hysteric, and like 210 00:12:00,559 --> 00:12:03,000 Speaker 2: my boyfriends are being like, I know, it's so scary. 211 00:12:03,120 --> 00:12:06,960 Speaker 2: And anyways, the thing is is that I still don't 212 00:12:07,000 --> 00:12:10,960 Speaker 2: have any answers around what's going on. This was literally 213 00:12:13,200 --> 00:12:16,280 Speaker 2: I'm trying to get the timeline right, like very like 214 00:12:16,559 --> 00:12:19,880 Speaker 2: within weeks of before my book was launching, before my 215 00:12:19,920 --> 00:12:24,080 Speaker 2: book was coming out, and suddenly it was just like, 216 00:12:24,120 --> 00:12:26,320 Speaker 2: oh my god, what is happening? And we're still trying 217 00:12:26,320 --> 00:12:30,200 Speaker 2: to figure it out, just having to get all these 218 00:12:30,240 --> 00:12:33,400 Speaker 2: tests done, having to get all these MRIs, having to 219 00:12:33,400 --> 00:12:37,800 Speaker 2: get all these this blood work, and it's been really 220 00:12:37,880 --> 00:12:41,480 Speaker 2: really scary. And the thing is is that that was 221 00:12:41,679 --> 00:12:45,560 Speaker 2: that was life getting worse. Like I had all this 222 00:12:45,600 --> 00:12:48,280 Speaker 2: other stuff going on, and then it was like and bam, 223 00:12:48,320 --> 00:12:52,840 Speaker 2: health scare and you know, and bam, like life is fragile, 224 00:12:52,960 --> 00:12:56,400 Speaker 2: like just in case you needed that reminder, and it 225 00:12:56,480 --> 00:12:59,440 Speaker 2: was incredibly stressful. Like I'm laughing about it now even 226 00:12:59,440 --> 00:13:02,280 Speaker 2: though I think now that I know I don't have 227 00:13:02,360 --> 00:13:04,960 Speaker 2: like a significant brain tumor, and now that I definitely 228 00:13:04,960 --> 00:13:07,080 Speaker 2: know that I wasn't having a stroke, I can laugh 229 00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:09,200 Speaker 2: about it. But like it was kind of touch and 230 00:13:09,240 --> 00:13:13,040 Speaker 2: go there. And actually, like the optometrist called me after 231 00:13:13,040 --> 00:13:14,600 Speaker 2: I'd left because she'd been like, oh, just go to 232 00:13:14,640 --> 00:13:17,240 Speaker 2: the doctor eventually, and then she called me like six 233 00:13:17,280 --> 00:13:19,880 Speaker 2: times and was like, hey, like, this is actually an emergency. 234 00:13:20,840 --> 00:13:23,480 Speaker 2: So that was scary. Now I feel fine, and I 235 00:13:23,520 --> 00:13:26,360 Speaker 2: feel like that was really the low point. I also 236 00:13:26,440 --> 00:13:28,720 Speaker 2: had some people asking me like, how was my mental 237 00:13:28,800 --> 00:13:33,160 Speaker 2: health leading up to my book coming out? And I 238 00:13:34,080 --> 00:13:36,040 Speaker 2: so you guys might know, I tried to go off 239 00:13:36,040 --> 00:13:38,439 Speaker 2: my medication. I'm on lexipro. I tried to go off 240 00:13:39,040 --> 00:13:43,640 Speaker 2: last year and it didn't go very very well. Unfortunately, 241 00:13:44,840 --> 00:13:48,320 Speaker 2: this year I have actually taped down to ten milligrams. 242 00:13:48,320 --> 00:13:50,360 Speaker 2: And I liked, this is not medical advice. I just 243 00:13:50,480 --> 00:13:53,720 Speaker 2: like to talk openly about dosages and everything because just 244 00:13:54,120 --> 00:13:57,600 Speaker 2: might be helpful to you. And I feel like I 245 00:13:57,679 --> 00:13:59,400 Speaker 2: need it less and less. But it is such a 246 00:14:00,040 --> 00:14:03,400 Speaker 2: safety net for me, right, Like I was gonna say, 247 00:14:03,400 --> 00:14:04,960 Speaker 2: I know I could never get to a really low point, 248 00:14:05,000 --> 00:14:07,240 Speaker 2: but obviously I could, but that was when I wasn't 249 00:14:07,280 --> 00:14:09,920 Speaker 2: taking it. It's just a nice safety net for me. 250 00:14:10,000 --> 00:14:15,800 Speaker 2: It's just like, Okay, I know that my depression of 251 00:14:15,800 --> 00:14:21,080 Speaker 2: my anxiety is biological. I know that I exercise like 252 00:14:21,200 --> 00:14:24,160 Speaker 2: four to five times a week. I eat really well, 253 00:14:24,360 --> 00:14:27,960 Speaker 2: I spend a lot of time outdoors. I have loving family, 254 00:14:28,680 --> 00:14:33,640 Speaker 2: social connection, I have a purposeful career. I'm safe, I 255 00:14:33,680 --> 00:14:36,760 Speaker 2: have all my needs met, and then some I'm able 256 00:14:36,840 --> 00:14:39,000 Speaker 2: to give back, Like I'm doing all the things that 257 00:14:39,520 --> 00:14:46,000 Speaker 2: people say are externally protective against depression and anxiety, and 258 00:14:46,640 --> 00:14:49,720 Speaker 2: you know, I'm doing all the behavioral interventions that people 259 00:14:49,760 --> 00:14:52,640 Speaker 2: always say as helping, and they didn't work, so I 260 00:14:52,760 --> 00:14:55,120 Speaker 2: know that it's biological. And I think just having this 261 00:14:55,200 --> 00:15:00,920 Speaker 2: kind of intervention has been really really so that's kind 262 00:15:00,960 --> 00:15:04,040 Speaker 2: of like a medication update. But yeah, leading up to 263 00:15:04,080 --> 00:15:08,080 Speaker 2: my book coming out, I was struggling, not just because 264 00:15:08,120 --> 00:15:11,160 Speaker 2: I had that health scare thing, which was significant, but 265 00:15:11,200 --> 00:15:13,040 Speaker 2: because a lot of other big changes were happening in 266 00:15:13,040 --> 00:15:17,320 Speaker 2: my life. I had to move house the day before 267 00:15:17,440 --> 00:15:20,040 Speaker 2: my book came out as well, which was just like 268 00:15:20,760 --> 00:15:24,800 Speaker 2: two huge things happening at once. And also, something they 269 00:15:24,800 --> 00:15:26,640 Speaker 2: may not tell you about writing a book is that 270 00:15:26,760 --> 00:15:28,160 Speaker 2: it's quite anticlimactic. 271 00:15:28,280 --> 00:15:29,520 Speaker 1: Right, So you. 272 00:15:31,080 --> 00:15:33,760 Speaker 2: Do a lot of work, it takes so many hours 273 00:15:33,760 --> 00:15:36,320 Speaker 2: and so much of you to write a book, and 274 00:15:36,360 --> 00:15:40,880 Speaker 2: then it all like comes to fruition on like one day, 275 00:15:42,120 --> 00:15:44,400 Speaker 2: and then after that, like it's so weird, like you 276 00:15:44,400 --> 00:15:46,520 Speaker 2: don't really hear from a lot of the people that 277 00:15:46,560 --> 00:15:49,480 Speaker 2: you've worked with, like you're suddenly just kind of on 278 00:15:49,520 --> 00:15:52,560 Speaker 2: your own, and you're suddenly just like, okay, I have 279 00:15:52,640 --> 00:15:54,960 Speaker 2: to do I'm just on my own. Like this this 280 00:15:55,040 --> 00:15:58,200 Speaker 2: book is here, and you know it's open, it's open 281 00:15:58,280 --> 00:16:00,440 Speaker 2: for public opinion, and you need people to buy it 282 00:16:00,480 --> 00:16:02,680 Speaker 2: and you don't really know how to do that, and 283 00:16:03,400 --> 00:16:05,880 Speaker 2: you also, like will face disappointments in terms of people 284 00:16:05,960 --> 00:16:09,400 Speaker 2: in your life not supporting you, and people in your 285 00:16:09,440 --> 00:16:12,360 Speaker 2: life yeah, not really showing up for you at a 286 00:16:12,360 --> 00:16:16,560 Speaker 2: big moment and not buying copies or you know, not 287 00:16:17,040 --> 00:16:20,440 Speaker 2: saying congratulations or like small things. I was saying to 288 00:16:20,480 --> 00:16:23,240 Speaker 2: someone the other day, like you know the the quote 289 00:16:23,240 --> 00:16:25,240 Speaker 2: that's like you know who your real friends are when 290 00:16:25,280 --> 00:16:28,880 Speaker 2: you have a baby, you also know who your real 291 00:16:28,880 --> 00:16:32,080 Speaker 2: friends are when you write a book, because I don't know. 292 00:16:32,080 --> 00:16:33,600 Speaker 2: I feel like I'm the kind of friend where people 293 00:16:33,600 --> 00:16:36,160 Speaker 2: do cool things like that. I'm like really all behind it. 294 00:16:37,440 --> 00:16:40,880 Speaker 2: And it was interesting seeing how big things for you 295 00:16:40,880 --> 00:16:43,480 Speaker 2: don't necessarily translate to big things for other people. So 296 00:16:44,080 --> 00:16:46,560 Speaker 2: I think if I had been in a better mental 297 00:16:46,600 --> 00:16:48,720 Speaker 2: state and hadn't had a big health scare rite before 298 00:16:48,760 --> 00:16:50,520 Speaker 2: my book came out, I would have been able to 299 00:16:50,560 --> 00:16:52,320 Speaker 2: let those things go a little bit better. But it 300 00:16:52,480 --> 00:16:55,200 Speaker 2: was a real struggle. So there was like a weird 301 00:16:55,240 --> 00:16:57,280 Speaker 2: low point high point where I was like, Wow, huge 302 00:16:57,280 --> 00:16:59,720 Speaker 2: career milestone. Also like, oh my god, what is going 303 00:16:59,720 --> 00:17:02,560 Speaker 2: on in life? This is when I want to talk 304 00:17:02,560 --> 00:17:04,760 Speaker 2: about how things get better. Like the theme of this 305 00:17:04,880 --> 00:17:07,840 Speaker 2: episode is things get worse before they get better. Things 306 00:17:07,840 --> 00:17:09,840 Speaker 2: could have gotten a whole lot worse to me. Let's 307 00:17:09,840 --> 00:17:13,440 Speaker 2: be completely real, Like, honestly, what I was going through 308 00:17:13,520 --> 00:17:15,600 Speaker 2: is nothing compared to what so many people around the 309 00:17:15,600 --> 00:17:19,240 Speaker 2: world are going through right now. But things got worse, 310 00:17:19,960 --> 00:17:25,200 Speaker 2: and then slowly these changes started in my life, and 311 00:17:26,240 --> 00:17:29,280 Speaker 2: I felt like I had been in this waiting room. 312 00:17:29,680 --> 00:17:32,080 Speaker 2: I felt like I had gone through like the dark 313 00:17:32,160 --> 00:17:35,760 Speaker 2: night of the soul as they call it. And suddenly 314 00:17:36,440 --> 00:17:38,680 Speaker 2: someone like opened the door and was like, all right, cool, 315 00:17:38,960 --> 00:17:42,160 Speaker 2: you've like done enough, Like you've sat here for long enough, 316 00:17:42,240 --> 00:17:44,320 Speaker 2: we can tell you can take it. Welcome to the 317 00:17:44,320 --> 00:17:47,320 Speaker 2: next chapter of your life. And I want to spend 318 00:17:47,320 --> 00:17:49,520 Speaker 2: the next part of this episode talking about what that 319 00:17:49,520 --> 00:17:53,119 Speaker 2: felt like and how grateful I am for where I 320 00:17:53,160 --> 00:17:56,560 Speaker 2: am now and what it is that I'm grateful for. 321 00:17:56,720 --> 00:18:00,280 Speaker 2: So stick around, stay with me. I want to tell 322 00:18:00,320 --> 00:18:08,959 Speaker 2: you why it always gets better. So this was the 323 00:18:08,960 --> 00:18:12,679 Speaker 2: first thing that transformed my life and has gotten me 324 00:18:12,760 --> 00:18:18,720 Speaker 2: out of a very dark period. I fostered a dog, 325 00:18:19,560 --> 00:18:23,520 Speaker 2: and you guys might know that that foster is no 326 00:18:23,640 --> 00:18:26,119 Speaker 2: longer my foster dog. It's now my actual dog. But 327 00:18:26,880 --> 00:18:30,040 Speaker 2: I started out fostering this dog her name is Tyloe, 328 00:18:30,840 --> 00:18:35,159 Speaker 2: because I saw her on the RSPCA website and I 329 00:18:35,280 --> 00:18:37,080 Speaker 2: just don't know what it was. I was like, I 330 00:18:37,119 --> 00:18:40,680 Speaker 2: need to help this dog. I need her in my life, 331 00:18:40,800 --> 00:18:43,679 Speaker 2: like I have space, I have capacity, I have time, 332 00:18:44,440 --> 00:18:47,240 Speaker 2: I have well, my house at the time did not 333 00:18:47,280 --> 00:18:51,000 Speaker 2: allow dogs, but whatever I got around that, Like I 334 00:18:51,080 --> 00:18:54,360 Speaker 2: just felt this calling to go and rescue her. And 335 00:18:55,480 --> 00:18:57,560 Speaker 2: we brought her home and within like two days, me 336 00:18:57,600 --> 00:19:01,720 Speaker 2: and my partner Tom were like, oh, oh, like really 337 00:19:02,240 --> 00:19:06,639 Speaker 2: really screwed up here, because this dog is the biggest sweetheart. 338 00:19:06,760 --> 00:19:11,040 Speaker 2: She is so smart, she is so kind, She just 339 00:19:11,119 --> 00:19:14,080 Speaker 2: so wants to be loved, and she just so wants 340 00:19:14,160 --> 00:19:17,960 Speaker 2: to be part of the pack. And we said to 341 00:19:18,280 --> 00:19:21,040 Speaker 2: each other, we have to we have to give it 342 00:19:21,119 --> 00:19:25,119 Speaker 2: three months before deciding, and if nobody has adopted her 343 00:19:25,160 --> 00:19:29,760 Speaker 2: in three months, we can consider it. That did not 344 00:19:29,880 --> 00:19:32,600 Speaker 2: last very long. We adopted her after a month, and 345 00:19:33,640 --> 00:19:39,160 Speaker 2: there's just something around having a dog that changes your perspective. 346 00:19:39,200 --> 00:19:41,800 Speaker 2: It makes you so much more selfless, it makes you 347 00:19:41,840 --> 00:19:45,439 Speaker 2: more patient, you see life through it through their eyes. 348 00:19:45,560 --> 00:19:48,720 Speaker 2: I feel like I'm rehashing what so many other people 349 00:19:48,800 --> 00:19:52,119 Speaker 2: have discovered, but oh my lord, it was just so 350 00:19:52,680 --> 00:19:56,320 Speaker 2: glorious getting like waking up every single morning, I wake 351 00:19:56,400 --> 00:19:57,760 Speaker 2: up and I have to take her outside and I 352 00:19:57,800 --> 00:19:59,760 Speaker 2: have to take her for a walk. And it's meant 353 00:19:59,760 --> 00:20:02,840 Speaker 2: that I'm outdoors more and I have to do these 354 00:20:02,880 --> 00:20:05,000 Speaker 2: things for her, even if I don't want to, even 355 00:20:05,040 --> 00:20:07,119 Speaker 2: if I'm busy, even if I'm in a bad mood. 356 00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:12,000 Speaker 2: Life has become about her. And honestly, I think that 357 00:20:12,080 --> 00:20:14,080 Speaker 2: it was the just not the distraction, but I think 358 00:20:14,119 --> 00:20:16,440 Speaker 2: it was the thing I needed to get myself out 359 00:20:16,480 --> 00:20:19,000 Speaker 2: of my ego. Like I feel like I was really 360 00:20:19,040 --> 00:20:22,200 Speaker 2: investing in this like idea of myself as like being 361 00:20:23,320 --> 00:20:26,520 Speaker 2: being like suffering, and I was like, oh, life is 362 00:20:26,560 --> 00:20:29,640 Speaker 2: really hard and I'm trying my best and it's not working. 363 00:20:29,760 --> 00:20:33,120 Speaker 2: And then I rescued her and her history is so terrible, 364 00:20:33,160 --> 00:20:38,200 Speaker 2: like she yeah, was really badly abused, and then was removed, 365 00:20:38,280 --> 00:20:41,960 Speaker 2: like was forcibly removed, like someone came in and rescued her, 366 00:20:42,000 --> 00:20:44,600 Speaker 2: and then the people who they rescued her from like 367 00:20:44,640 --> 00:20:48,040 Speaker 2: took took the RSPCA to court and wanted to get 368 00:20:48,040 --> 00:20:50,000 Speaker 2: her back and like so that meant she had to 369 00:20:50,000 --> 00:20:52,199 Speaker 2: stay in the pound for a year before she was 370 00:20:52,240 --> 00:20:54,199 Speaker 2: even allowed to go out of the pound and do 371 00:20:54,320 --> 00:20:57,760 Speaker 2: visits and stuff. And I don't know, I was just like, wow, 372 00:20:57,880 --> 00:20:59,680 Speaker 2: my life could be so much worse, and here is 373 00:20:59,720 --> 00:21:03,280 Speaker 2: thisautiful animal, this beautiful creature who you know has a 374 00:21:03,280 --> 00:21:05,960 Speaker 2: burn on her nose and is missing teeth and had 375 00:21:06,000 --> 00:21:08,960 Speaker 2: such a hard start, and she freaking loves life and 376 00:21:09,000 --> 00:21:11,720 Speaker 2: she is like down to play, and every moment that 377 00:21:11,760 --> 00:21:13,679 Speaker 2: she is allowed, like to roll around in the grass, 378 00:21:13,760 --> 00:21:16,120 Speaker 2: is a beautiful moment. And breakfast is the best thing 379 00:21:16,520 --> 00:21:18,840 Speaker 2: of every day. And she wakes up and gets twenty 380 00:21:18,920 --> 00:21:21,160 Speaker 2: minutes of cuddles in the bed because of course we're 381 00:21:21,200 --> 00:21:22,919 Speaker 2: such SOFTI as we allow her in the bed, and 382 00:21:23,320 --> 00:21:25,520 Speaker 2: it's just really transformative. And now I keep saying to 383 00:21:25,560 --> 00:21:29,000 Speaker 2: people like, if you struggle with socializing, if you struggle 384 00:21:30,280 --> 00:21:33,080 Speaker 2: with feeling optimistic about life, if you struggle to see 385 00:21:33,080 --> 00:21:36,040 Speaker 2: the joy and little things, foster a dog. If you 386 00:21:36,080 --> 00:21:38,959 Speaker 2: can't adopt a dog, foster a dog or adopt a 387 00:21:38,960 --> 00:21:44,840 Speaker 2: dog and just see how it completely changes your life. Obviously, 388 00:21:44,880 --> 00:21:46,879 Speaker 2: like make sure that you are in a good space. 389 00:21:46,960 --> 00:21:49,600 Speaker 2: Like I feel like we didn't rush into it. We 390 00:21:49,600 --> 00:21:52,200 Speaker 2: were really concentrated around like can we have a pet 391 00:21:52,280 --> 00:21:55,399 Speaker 2: right now? And it just happened to work out. But 392 00:21:56,640 --> 00:21:58,879 Speaker 2: the introduction of her into my life, I honestly feel 393 00:21:58,920 --> 00:22:02,600 Speaker 2: like was a gift from the universe. Then I started 394 00:22:02,640 --> 00:22:06,120 Speaker 2: seeing a new therapist, and that was also incredible, because 395 00:22:06,119 --> 00:22:08,760 Speaker 2: I feel like I was getting really stuck with my 396 00:22:08,800 --> 00:22:10,960 Speaker 2: old therapist. She was amazing, but I just felt like 397 00:22:11,000 --> 00:22:14,800 Speaker 2: I had reached It sounds weird, I'd reached what I 398 00:22:14,880 --> 00:22:17,200 Speaker 2: was willing to share with her. And I was so 399 00:22:17,480 --> 00:22:22,120 Speaker 2: deeply worried about being triggered actually, and about a therapist 400 00:22:22,200 --> 00:22:24,679 Speaker 2: saying something that I hadn't considered in really upsetting me. 401 00:22:25,440 --> 00:22:28,240 Speaker 2: That I wasn't revealing anything more to her. And I 402 00:22:28,320 --> 00:22:31,560 Speaker 2: felt like because I hadn't revealed things to her in 403 00:22:31,600 --> 00:22:33,159 Speaker 2: the past, that she would like call me out for 404 00:22:33,240 --> 00:22:36,040 Speaker 2: almost lying, like saying that I was okay when I wasn't. 405 00:22:36,040 --> 00:22:38,440 Speaker 2: So I needed to frushlate And so I went and 406 00:22:38,480 --> 00:22:41,520 Speaker 2: I started seeing a new therapist. An existential therapist who 407 00:22:42,119 --> 00:22:45,440 Speaker 2: has just been freaking amazing and has really just revealed 408 00:22:45,440 --> 00:22:47,760 Speaker 2: to me how so much of what I struggle with 409 00:22:47,840 --> 00:22:49,680 Speaker 2: is just a fear of the unknown, and so much 410 00:22:49,680 --> 00:22:52,840 Speaker 2: of what I struggle with is just just my brain 411 00:22:52,920 --> 00:22:58,480 Speaker 2: working differently. And I also have started running. I just 412 00:22:59,040 --> 00:23:02,359 Speaker 2: I'm just going to leave that there. I felt like 413 00:23:02,400 --> 00:23:06,199 Speaker 2: my life was becoming very much an obsession with work 414 00:23:06,520 --> 00:23:09,560 Speaker 2: and an obsession with how much more I could do. 415 00:23:10,080 --> 00:23:12,160 Speaker 2: You know, I was doing I'm still doing the Psychology 416 00:23:12,200 --> 00:23:14,320 Speaker 2: of your Twenties. I was also doing Mantra, my other 417 00:23:14,359 --> 00:23:18,159 Speaker 2: podcast where there were more spiritual discussions going on, and 418 00:23:18,320 --> 00:23:20,800 Speaker 2: I love them both so much, but it is a 419 00:23:20,840 --> 00:23:24,080 Speaker 2: lot to put your brain into, Like it is a 420 00:23:24,119 --> 00:23:26,840 Speaker 2: lot of mental energy to create two things that you 421 00:23:26,920 --> 00:23:29,080 Speaker 2: really love and promote a book and do all these 422 00:23:29,119 --> 00:23:33,280 Speaker 2: other activities as well. And I needed something else. And 423 00:23:33,359 --> 00:23:36,239 Speaker 2: so my friend Sarah, I was at the park one 424 00:23:36,320 --> 00:23:38,000 Speaker 2: day and she was running and I ran into her 425 00:23:38,000 --> 00:23:39,120 Speaker 2: and she was like, do you just want to run 426 00:23:39,160 --> 00:23:41,240 Speaker 2: with me for a little bit, And I was like, yeah, okay, 427 00:23:41,320 --> 00:23:44,520 Speaker 2: I'll do that. Ever since then, I've got the bug. 428 00:23:45,440 --> 00:23:47,880 Speaker 2: I've got the freakin' bug, and I've been posting about 429 00:23:47,880 --> 00:23:50,040 Speaker 2: it on my personal Instagram a lot, and you guys 430 00:23:50,080 --> 00:23:52,239 Speaker 2: have been like, what the heck, how come you are 431 00:23:52,240 --> 00:23:55,879 Speaker 2: suddenly running fifteen kilometers when you used to say you 432 00:23:55,880 --> 00:24:01,160 Speaker 2: hated running. It's because I've been going slow, going super slow. 433 00:24:01,200 --> 00:24:03,760 Speaker 2: I started like, I started at a pace that was 434 00:24:03,800 --> 00:24:06,919 Speaker 2: probably like a walk or a jog, and now I 435 00:24:06,960 --> 00:24:09,040 Speaker 2: feel like I'm actually running, and I feel like through 436 00:24:09,119 --> 00:24:14,800 Speaker 2: running as well, I've also been really testing my limits. 437 00:24:14,840 --> 00:24:19,280 Speaker 2: I've been testing my ability to persevere and to endure, 438 00:24:19,520 --> 00:24:22,120 Speaker 2: and I've showed myself how strong I am. And I've 439 00:24:22,160 --> 00:24:27,160 Speaker 2: taught myself patience, and I've taught myself like consistency. There's 440 00:24:27,200 --> 00:24:30,080 Speaker 2: just all these discoveries that I'm having around the meaning 441 00:24:30,119 --> 00:24:33,280 Speaker 2: of life that I'm figuring out through such simple acts, 442 00:24:33,720 --> 00:24:36,080 Speaker 2: through moving my body in a way that so many 443 00:24:36,080 --> 00:24:40,200 Speaker 2: other people have done for centuries, through sharing a bond 444 00:24:40,240 --> 00:24:45,200 Speaker 2: with an animal, through connecting with people, through having new discussions, 445 00:24:45,480 --> 00:24:48,760 Speaker 2: and I just finally feel like I'm out of this 446 00:24:48,880 --> 00:24:53,679 Speaker 2: really dark cloud. Also, it's just been so wonderful to 447 00:24:53,720 --> 00:24:56,560 Speaker 2: see how many of you have been reading my book 448 00:24:58,480 --> 00:25:01,480 Speaker 2: and how many of you are lading and resonating with it. 449 00:25:02,240 --> 00:25:06,360 Speaker 2: I think it's been a while since I've really appreciated 450 00:25:06,359 --> 00:25:09,439 Speaker 2: that I'm doing meaningful work. I think that I can 451 00:25:09,480 --> 00:25:12,760 Speaker 2: be a little bit too self deprecating. Tell me if 452 00:25:12,760 --> 00:25:15,919 Speaker 2: you're the same where I'm like, if I acknowledge that 453 00:25:16,119 --> 00:25:17,960 Speaker 2: I'm good at what I do, or that I care 454 00:25:18,000 --> 00:25:19,920 Speaker 2: about what I do, or that maybe I have something 455 00:25:19,960 --> 00:25:24,800 Speaker 2: to say, people are going to immediately cut me down 456 00:25:24,800 --> 00:25:27,879 Speaker 2: for that, or that's entitlement or it will be taken 457 00:25:27,920 --> 00:25:32,160 Speaker 2: away from me. The moment that you feel, I guess, 458 00:25:32,200 --> 00:25:34,320 Speaker 2: not grateful, but the moment that you take something for granted, 459 00:25:34,400 --> 00:25:36,720 Speaker 2: or that you assume that you're good at something, or 460 00:25:36,760 --> 00:25:41,560 Speaker 2: you assume that something is safe, it will be up 461 00:25:41,600 --> 00:25:45,159 Speaker 2: in the air. And I just have been reminded that 462 00:25:45,160 --> 00:25:47,000 Speaker 2: that's not the case, that there are people who really 463 00:25:47,040 --> 00:25:50,399 Speaker 2: want you to succeed, and that it's okay to just say, like, 464 00:25:50,480 --> 00:25:52,760 Speaker 2: I'm good at this thing, and I care about this, 465 00:25:52,800 --> 00:25:54,800 Speaker 2: and I put a lot of work into it, and 466 00:25:54,840 --> 00:25:58,160 Speaker 2: I'm proud of it. That's not bragging. That's not even 467 00:25:58,160 --> 00:26:01,240 Speaker 2: a humble brag. That's just talking about the thing that 468 00:26:01,280 --> 00:26:03,800 Speaker 2: you care about. I think all of this is just 469 00:26:03,840 --> 00:26:08,280 Speaker 2: to say that I'm learning so much and I'm constantly 470 00:26:08,320 --> 00:26:12,879 Speaker 2: being reminded that there is a lot of darkness in 471 00:26:12,920 --> 00:26:17,600 Speaker 2: the world and life is really painful sometimes, but you 472 00:26:17,680 --> 00:26:19,639 Speaker 2: will come out on the other side and that you 473 00:26:19,720 --> 00:26:23,920 Speaker 2: have handled it all. I'm grateful for the fact that 474 00:26:24,000 --> 00:26:28,280 Speaker 2: this last year hasn't been amazing internally, because every single 475 00:26:28,359 --> 00:26:30,240 Speaker 2: day now that I wake up and I feel good, 476 00:26:31,119 --> 00:26:34,000 Speaker 2: it's this weird thing of like, oh my gosh, like wow, 477 00:26:34,040 --> 00:26:36,320 Speaker 2: what a great day, What a great day. I've been 478 00:26:36,359 --> 00:26:40,280 Speaker 2: having just like incredible days, And I don't know how 479 00:26:40,280 --> 00:26:43,919 Speaker 2: to express it, but I guess the whole purpose of 480 00:26:43,920 --> 00:26:49,119 Speaker 2: this was just really to give you a story that 481 00:26:49,320 --> 00:26:53,479 Speaker 2: makes you feel optimistic about your future, and just to 482 00:26:53,560 --> 00:26:55,719 Speaker 2: give you the story of the last year of my 483 00:26:55,800 --> 00:26:59,840 Speaker 2: life that makes you feel that if you're going through 484 00:26:59,840 --> 00:27:03,199 Speaker 2: some similar you don't feel like you're always going to 485 00:27:03,200 --> 00:27:06,560 Speaker 2: be here. And maybe you've heard that a million times before. 486 00:27:07,119 --> 00:27:09,520 Speaker 2: Maybe you've heard the sentiment life gets worse before it 487 00:27:09,520 --> 00:27:12,560 Speaker 2: gets better. It's not always gonna last time heals a 488 00:27:12,640 --> 00:27:15,960 Speaker 2: million times over. But I think when there's a personal 489 00:27:16,000 --> 00:27:20,120 Speaker 2: story attached to it, it really gives us hope. And 490 00:27:21,160 --> 00:27:23,320 Speaker 2: when I was going through it, I guess I'm still 491 00:27:23,359 --> 00:27:25,439 Speaker 2: in the tail end of going through it. I just 492 00:27:25,480 --> 00:27:28,879 Speaker 2: wanted to hear stories of people having hard times and 493 00:27:28,960 --> 00:27:33,240 Speaker 2: in persevering and knowing that you can change your mindset, 494 00:27:33,280 --> 00:27:35,520 Speaker 2: you can change the way you think about your problems. 495 00:27:35,840 --> 00:27:40,280 Speaker 2: You can get yourself unstuck, will see a better day, 496 00:27:40,440 --> 00:27:44,320 Speaker 2: You will have hope again, you will have belief again. 497 00:27:44,560 --> 00:27:47,840 Speaker 2: And I don't know, it's just been a really, really 498 00:27:47,920 --> 00:27:52,000 Speaker 2: nice feeling. And as I'm recording this, I am about 499 00:27:52,040 --> 00:27:55,000 Speaker 2: to go to Fiji with my mom and with my 500 00:27:55,080 --> 00:27:57,560 Speaker 2: auntie and with my cousin for our girls trip. And 501 00:27:58,080 --> 00:28:00,439 Speaker 2: this time last year, I was in Bali for our 502 00:28:00,480 --> 00:28:03,280 Speaker 2: girl's trip last year, and I spent that whole trip 503 00:28:03,640 --> 00:28:08,919 Speaker 2: basically crying and having panic attacks and just feeling so 504 00:28:10,119 --> 00:28:17,680 Speaker 2: awful and so heavy and uncomfortable in my brain. And 505 00:28:17,720 --> 00:28:20,800 Speaker 2: now I'm going into this trip one year later feeling 506 00:28:21,680 --> 00:28:24,960 Speaker 2: not amazing, but pretty remarkable, and feeling transformed and feeling 507 00:28:25,040 --> 00:28:29,520 Speaker 2: like I've kind of, I don't know, I've kind of 508 00:28:29,520 --> 00:28:32,320 Speaker 2: built a new part of my armor. I don't know. 509 00:28:32,359 --> 00:28:35,720 Speaker 2: It sounds like a cliches and cheesy, but that's really 510 00:28:35,720 --> 00:28:37,520 Speaker 2: what I wanted to talk about today. And thank you 511 00:28:37,560 --> 00:28:40,280 Speaker 2: so much to you guys for supporting me. I don't know, 512 00:28:40,280 --> 00:28:42,720 Speaker 2: if you've even noticed if anything's been different. Maybe you've 513 00:28:42,720 --> 00:28:46,680 Speaker 2: noticed some more like existential themes in recent episodes, but 514 00:28:46,840 --> 00:28:49,880 Speaker 2: that's really where it's coming from. And I'm hoping that 515 00:28:49,920 --> 00:28:52,240 Speaker 2: I get a clean bill of health very very soon, 516 00:28:52,320 --> 00:28:54,800 Speaker 2: or that at least I have an answer as to 517 00:28:54,800 --> 00:28:58,240 Speaker 2: what's going on in my freaking brain and with my 518 00:28:58,320 --> 00:29:03,160 Speaker 2: freaking eyeball. But I'm optimistic and I feel like life 519 00:29:03,200 --> 00:29:06,920 Speaker 2: is good. I feel good, Take the good days, love 520 00:29:06,920 --> 00:29:10,160 Speaker 2: one another, foster a dog. There you go. That's my 521 00:29:10,240 --> 00:29:13,560 Speaker 2: life advice. But until next time, make sure you are 522 00:29:13,560 --> 00:29:17,320 Speaker 2: following me on Instagram at that psychology podcast. Thanks for 523 00:29:17,360 --> 00:29:19,840 Speaker 2: sticking around for this life update. Tell me how you're 524 00:29:19,840 --> 00:29:21,960 Speaker 2: going in the comments. Make this a two ways straight. 525 00:29:22,080 --> 00:29:24,280 Speaker 2: I feel like I just dumped a lot of information 526 00:29:24,360 --> 00:29:27,360 Speaker 2: on you. If you've made it this far, wow, thank 527 00:29:27,400 --> 00:29:30,440 Speaker 2: you for enduring all of that. And also, yeah, I 528 00:29:30,440 --> 00:29:32,720 Speaker 2: want to hear what's been happening with you as well. 529 00:29:33,160 --> 00:29:35,360 Speaker 2: How we feeling out of town? What's the emoji that 530 00:29:35,360 --> 00:29:38,840 Speaker 2: best represents your life? Right now? Make sure you are 531 00:29:38,840 --> 00:29:41,920 Speaker 2: following along, make sure that you have left us a 532 00:29:41,920 --> 00:29:44,000 Speaker 2: five star review if you feel cold to do so, 533 00:29:44,640 --> 00:29:47,520 Speaker 2: and remember to take care of yourself. Remember life gets better. 534 00:29:47,640 --> 00:29:51,000 Speaker 2: Remember it is all. It's not always meant to be great, 535 00:29:51,160 --> 00:29:52,680 Speaker 2: and it's not always going to be great, but it's 536 00:29:52,680 --> 00:29:56,600 Speaker 2: always gonna end up amazing. Until next time, stay safe, 537 00:29:56,600 --> 00:29:59,160 Speaker 2: be kind, be gentle to yourself. We will talk very 538 00:29:59,240 --> 00:29:59,640 Speaker 2: very soon.