WEBVTT - #206 Abusive Father, Trust Issues, & Knowing When To Say No 0:00:00.240 --> 0:00:03.199 You've prayed and prayed one thing. According to this email, 0:00:03.600 --> 0:00:06.520 you've prayed and prayed that he changes his mind. 0:00:06.720 --> 0:00:19.120 Yeah, what's up everybody? 0:00:19.200 --> 0:00:22.919 Welcome back to the podcast. And uh, this is man. 0:00:22.960 --> 0:00:28.080 What episode is it? Bernie? Mmm? Sometimes I have to 0:00:28.080 --> 0:00:29.840 sit in here and act like like, look up my 0:00:30.400 --> 0:00:37.120 podcast on let's see two hundred and terrible two hundred 0:00:37.120 --> 0:00:40.040 and six six, two undred and six. Welcome to the podcast, Bernie. 0:00:40.080 --> 0:00:42.800 Calculate how long have you been on the podcast? Years? 0:00:43.240 --> 0:00:46.960 Yeah? Years, Man, what a privilege. It's been a fun ride. 0:00:47.320 --> 0:00:51.160 Dude. You I love having you on here because you 0:00:51.159 --> 0:00:55.640 you have such wise answers, such wise counsel. And that's 0:00:55.680 --> 0:01:00.400 what we do, is answer people's questions. But we usually, 0:01:00.560 --> 0:01:03.120 like we just did, spend about at least thirty minutes 0:01:03.440 --> 0:01:07.319 when you get here working through our own questions that 0:01:07.360 --> 0:01:10.240 we have because we answer your questions on this podcast. 0:01:10.319 --> 0:01:13.400 But then we spend pretty good amount of time answering 0:01:13.440 --> 0:01:16.600 each others. And dude, you just told me you've had 0:01:16.680 --> 0:01:21.520 like a major life switch. Kind kind of exaggerated a 0:01:21.560 --> 0:01:25.560 little dramatic on that, but but yeah. 0:01:24.959 --> 0:01:28.360 I think minor shift with major impacts you could say that. 0:01:28.640 --> 0:01:31.320 Yeah, so from one book, right. 0:01:31.959 --> 0:01:34.559 Yeah, one book, Habits of the Household. If you haven't 0:01:34.560 --> 0:01:37.560 picked it up and read it, it's really really great. 0:01:38.800 --> 0:01:45.080 It's a Christian based book around the habits that we 0:01:45.400 --> 0:01:48.240 call normal things that we do throughout our days, throughout 0:01:48.240 --> 0:01:52.160 our weeks that our kids as we're raising them and 0:01:52.200 --> 0:01:54.760 we're kind of shaping what our households look like. It's 0:01:54.840 --> 0:02:00.520 really an opportunity of formation for these kids. And I 0:02:00.520 --> 0:02:02.920 don't think a lot of times we forget that even 0:02:02.960 --> 0:02:06.760 the smallest things, the smallest rhythms are impacting them on 0:02:06.800 --> 0:02:09.760 a deep, deep level, and just kind of being aware 0:02:10.000 --> 0:02:14.120 of that. And then it was a great guide in 0:02:15.120 --> 0:02:18.440 just practical things, because sometimes we get caught up on 0:02:18.440 --> 0:02:23.800 these lofty ideas of loving God, serving people, reading the Bible, 0:02:24.440 --> 0:02:26.840 but how does that actually look when it comes to 0:02:27.000 --> 0:02:31.560 bedtime routine or screen time limits or food that we eat. 0:02:32.639 --> 0:02:34.400 And so it does a really good job of kind 0:02:34.400 --> 0:02:37.440 of helping guide some of those rhythms, and it's been 0:02:37.480 --> 0:02:37.960 really great. 0:02:38.320 --> 0:02:41.440 So, dude, so many people I think are out of rhythm, 0:02:42.000 --> 0:02:46.239 and there's a lot of factors that cause it. In America, 0:02:46.800 --> 0:02:49.480 people that are listening internationally might not understand this problem. 0:02:49.480 --> 0:02:53.360 We have but it's called youth sports, and it is 0:02:54.360 --> 0:02:56.959 I don't know, do you agree. I mean, it's horrible. 0:02:57.919 --> 0:02:59.920 I think that our kids should be in sports. Okay, 0:03:00.040 --> 0:03:02.040 and my kids all you know, both of them are 0:03:02.120 --> 0:03:06.800 almost at all three, both of them are. But we 0:03:06.960 --> 0:03:09.880 have to have limits on that and it cannot rule 0:03:09.919 --> 0:03:12.480 our lives, it cannot rule our schedules. 0:03:13.000 --> 0:03:16.680 I one hundred percent agree. I also think that even 0:03:16.800 --> 0:03:21.160 in the boundaries that you put sports, in competitive sports, 0:03:21.560 --> 0:03:24.080 there has to be an understanding of what is the 0:03:24.160 --> 0:03:28.960 purpose because there's a certain amount of pressure and like 0:03:29.080 --> 0:03:32.640 competitive nature that we can put on these kids at 0:03:32.680 --> 0:03:37.240 such a young age, and it's detrimental. It's it's more 0:03:37.240 --> 0:03:40.840 detrimental than it is beneficial. Teaching them to work as 0:03:40.880 --> 0:03:44.440 a team, to put other people first, to kind of 0:03:44.520 --> 0:03:49.480 push through adversity, those things are really great, Yes, but man, 0:03:49.560 --> 0:03:53.040 I've just seen so many kids, and from coaches as well, 0:03:53.320 --> 0:03:56.000 just get really. 0:03:57.760 --> 0:03:58.360 Just hurt. 0:03:59.320 --> 0:04:01.400 I mean, it's the big word, or the best word 0:04:01.440 --> 0:04:03.320 to use. They just get hurt. And those are wounds 0:04:03.320 --> 0:04:05.520 that I feel like they're going to be working through 0:04:05.520 --> 0:04:08.160 for a long time. So I think, yeah, competitive sports 0:04:08.480 --> 0:04:13.120 dictating our time and just the impact it has on kids. 0:04:14.000 --> 0:04:15.880 I think the biggest thing that we've done this fall, 0:04:15.880 --> 0:04:19.599 like I was telling you earlier, is somewhat unintentionally, but 0:04:19.720 --> 0:04:22.799 somewhat after reading this book and talking through it, we've 0:04:23.560 --> 0:04:30.000 we've slowed down. And it's amazing in our cult. It's 0:04:30.160 --> 0:04:33.960 amazing in our culture that that it's actually a counterculture 0:04:33.960 --> 0:04:37.880 thing to wait, slow down. You have family dinner and 0:04:37.920 --> 0:04:42.080 you cook food at your house together, and you eat 0:04:42.120 --> 0:04:46.280 together and you talk. And I'll be the first to 0:04:46.360 --> 0:04:50.159 admit in seasons past that was not us. And we 0:04:50.279 --> 0:04:51.760 have just kind of grabbed a hold of this, and 0:04:51.800 --> 0:04:53.160 I really hope we can hang on to it because 0:04:53.160 --> 0:04:59.000 I'm already seeing some of the benefits from us just 0:04:59.040 --> 0:05:00.000 being able to slow down. 0:05:00.400 --> 0:05:04.640 Yeah, we have somehow gone into a culture now where 0:05:04.680 --> 0:05:09.080 we say, man, my kids are, I make them go 0:05:09.520 --> 0:05:12.200 be in sports because they need that for their leadership 0:05:12.320 --> 0:05:16.880 and development and social skills and athletic skills. And they 0:05:16.920 --> 0:05:20.400 cannot miss a practice. They cannot quit. You know how 0:05:20.400 --> 0:05:22.800 we are as Americans, We're fighters and we don't quit. 0:05:23.200 --> 0:05:25.159 So once you start something, you don't quit. And you 0:05:25.200 --> 0:05:28.520 need to be in in team sports and you need 0:05:28.560 --> 0:05:32.320 to compete. And we've gotten into that somehow, and that 0:05:32.520 --> 0:05:36.359 somehow is now crept into Sunday mornings and we're no 0:05:36.480 --> 0:05:40.320 longer a culture at all that says we're gonna go 0:05:40.320 --> 0:05:43.640 to church as a family on Sunday mornings. We're gonna 0:05:43.680 --> 0:05:47.039 we're gonna have dinner together around a table as a 0:05:47.080 --> 0:05:52.279 family in our house. That's not a priority. It sounds nice, 0:05:52.520 --> 0:05:56.159 but it's definitely not because team sports and jobs win. 0:05:57.240 --> 0:06:00.719 I'm not, by any means saying that you cannot church 0:06:00.800 --> 0:06:03.159 and you cannot skip family dinner. I'm not saying that. 0:06:03.560 --> 0:06:06.240 I'm just saying where does it lie in the priority list? 0:06:06.240 --> 0:06:08.520 And it's very interesting, and I'm right there with you 0:06:08.839 --> 0:06:11.160 that I have gone through decades of this myself, and 0:06:11.520 --> 0:06:14.800 I know you said you have to, but I think 0:06:14.920 --> 0:06:17.039 I think it might be time for us just to 0:06:17.040 --> 0:06:20.920 have a shift in priorities and understanding of what might 0:06:20.960 --> 0:06:21.880 be really important. 0:06:22.640 --> 0:06:28.440 Yeah. From my childhood, I remember the normals. I remember 0:06:28.480 --> 0:06:32.040 what was the normal rhythm, not the exceptions. So if 0:06:32.040 --> 0:06:34.880 the normal rhythm is you skip church no matter what 0:06:34.960 --> 0:06:37.120 for a sports and that is where the priority is. 0:06:37.600 --> 0:06:39.920 When the kids are older, that's what they're going to remember. 0:06:40.040 --> 0:06:45.520 That's what we are teaching them what is a normal rhythm, 0:06:46.360 --> 0:06:50.679 and by our actions and by our leadership and our 0:06:50.680 --> 0:06:54.839 discipleship of them really forming who they're going to be 0:06:54.960 --> 0:06:57.200 and what their priorities, what they're going to look back 0:06:57.240 --> 0:07:00.560 on when they're our age and say, my household, this 0:07:00.680 --> 0:07:04.600 was normal and so so. Yeah, I think we have 0:07:06.920 --> 0:07:09.720 we have the opportunity to recognize it. But you have 0:07:09.760 --> 0:07:12.480 to know in anybody out there who's listening, who's like, man, 0:07:12.560 --> 0:07:16.080 you guys are talking crazy right now in our culture. 0:07:16.200 --> 0:07:20.720 Yet you will be fighting against the world. I've been 0:07:20.760 --> 0:07:24.360 in Romans twelve too, like Deep Dive recently, and I mean, 0:07:25.080 --> 0:07:27.800 do not conform to the pattern of this world. You're 0:07:28.360 --> 0:07:31.360 you're going to be fighting against the world if you 0:07:31.440 --> 0:07:34.080 try to slow down, if you try to say no 0:07:34.360 --> 0:07:37.080 to like more opportunities and more options. If you say 0:07:37.120 --> 0:07:39.840 no to those things in order to preserve your family 0:07:39.920 --> 0:07:44.840 mule time, to preserve your connection with your wifetime going, 0:07:45.000 --> 0:07:47.240 it's going to be a fight. If you limit the 0:07:47.240 --> 0:07:49.720 amount of time you're on your smartphone or social media, 0:07:50.320 --> 0:07:53.400 you are going to be fighting against the culture. It's 0:07:53.480 --> 0:07:56.800 not going to be easy. So don't expect like, oh well, 0:07:56.840 --> 0:07:58.440 listen to Graan, Jey Bernie and then I just did 0:07:58.440 --> 0:08:00.560 this and it's like, oh, life is great. It's like, no, 0:08:00.680 --> 0:08:04.760 it's going to be a fight, but there are things 0:08:06.120 --> 0:08:08.360 worth fighting for and I think this is one of them. 0:08:08.440 --> 0:08:12.320 So that's amazing. Man. You always come in here with 0:08:12.360 --> 0:08:16.000 some kind of great knowledge that I need, that I 0:08:16.040 --> 0:08:19.440 need to hear, and I appreciate that. Man. We answer 0:08:19.600 --> 0:08:22.720 questions on here. Whatever you have. It could be about 0:08:22.720 --> 0:08:27.640 any topic. You email us Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot 0:08:27.680 --> 0:08:30.080 com and put it in the queue here. 0:08:30.440 --> 0:08:32.760 And can I say something real quick about these question yea, 0:08:33.040 --> 0:08:35.640 because I was kind of thinking about coming up here 0:08:35.679 --> 0:08:37.880 and meet with you and the questions that people send, 0:08:38.200 --> 0:08:42.160 and I know that we've had some questions that are 0:08:42.280 --> 0:08:47.480 very similar in nature, and I started to think, is 0:08:47.480 --> 0:08:52.360 there anybody out there who may have a question that 0:08:52.520 --> 0:08:54.360 is so I don't want to say bizarre, but that 0:08:54.520 --> 0:09:00.560 is so uncommon that they don't want to send it 0:09:00.640 --> 0:09:04.240 in because they haven't they have It's easy to send 0:09:04.280 --> 0:09:06.960 something in about a relationship and a breakup and a 0:09:07.320 --> 0:09:09.440 because maybe you've heard that on the podcast before. But 0:09:09.840 --> 0:09:12.120 I'm going to just challenge anybody out there if you 0:09:12.240 --> 0:09:14.480 if you have a question that just feels like, man, 0:09:14.520 --> 0:09:16.920 I can't put that out there because nobody's ever said 0:09:16.960 --> 0:09:20.439 anything like that. That's what we want, really like, we 0:09:20.880 --> 0:09:23.520 really want because there may be another person out there 0:09:24.600 --> 0:09:27.000 wishing they could ask the same question and get some 0:09:27.080 --> 0:09:31.680 advice and some guidance. And so if one of you 0:09:31.720 --> 0:09:34.839 guys could just think of that thing you're going through, 0:09:35.200 --> 0:09:37.680 you may feel alone, but you're probably not, so put 0:09:37.720 --> 0:09:38.240 it out there. 0:09:38.280 --> 0:09:41.559 So yeah, that's a great it's a great point. And 0:09:42.880 --> 0:09:45.280 the opposite is also true if you've heard the question 0:09:45.960 --> 0:09:48.160 so many times but you have a different way of 0:09:48.200 --> 0:09:51.720 saying it. By by all means, send it in because 0:09:51.760 --> 0:09:54.040 we have a tendency. Well, first of all, we're going 0:09:54.120 --> 0:09:56.520 to get We could probably give you a tweak on 0:09:56.559 --> 0:09:59.040 the answer for sure, because we don't have notes in 0:09:59.040 --> 0:10:01.960 front of us, and then s Secondly, so many people 0:10:02.679 --> 0:10:05.160 fail to wreck fail to hear their own story in 0:10:05.200 --> 0:10:08.559 someone else's as much as you do hear your story 0:10:08.559 --> 0:10:10.959 in someone else's. There are the same group of people 0:10:11.000 --> 0:10:14.520 that are like, well, my problem is different, like this girl, 0:10:14.640 --> 0:10:18.079 Me and this girl were different. This girl that ghost 0:10:18.120 --> 0:10:20.839 to me right now, that's like I'm so heartbroken. It's 0:10:20.880 --> 0:10:23.000 different than all the other stories you read, Granger, my 0:10:23.080 --> 0:10:25.480 story is different, and so you could ask that again 0:10:25.640 --> 0:10:28.880 and then burning and I'll just reassure you maybe it's 0:10:28.920 --> 0:10:32.200 not that different. Maybe as humans were not as separate 0:10:32.240 --> 0:10:35.560 as you think we might be. That's good speaking of 0:10:35.640 --> 0:10:38.559 Let's get to the next question. YEP. Subject line here says, 0:10:38.880 --> 0:10:42.160 how do I honor my father when I don't respect him? 0:10:42.800 --> 0:10:46.839 You've probably heard something like this since. Hey, Granger, I'm 0:10:46.840 --> 0:10:49.160 fifty three years old. I'm a woman who was raised 0:10:49.200 --> 0:10:53.079 by an abusive father. As time passed, I have forgiven 0:10:53.160 --> 0:10:56.480 him and our relationship was mended, but have always continued 0:10:56.520 --> 0:10:59.640 to be guarded with him. I recently found out about 0:10:59.640 --> 0:11:03.040 something that he's done within the last ten years with 0:11:03.120 --> 0:11:06.520 my step sister, who is now deceased, and it's completely 0:11:06.640 --> 0:11:10.120 changed the way I feel about him. I've really been 0:11:10.120 --> 0:11:12.400 struggling with how I can honor him according to the 0:11:12.400 --> 0:11:15.600 Bible when I have zero respect for him. I want 0:11:15.600 --> 0:11:17.880 to do the right thing, but I really need help 0:11:18.200 --> 0:11:20.080 with this one. Thanks so much for a time, Tina. 0:11:20.920 --> 0:11:23.959 So awesome, Tina, thank you for emailing and being vulnerable 0:11:24.280 --> 0:11:26.680 in this situation. I'm going to recap here. You're fifty three. 0:11:27.800 --> 0:11:30.880 You're raised by an abusive father, but as time passed, 0:11:32.040 --> 0:11:35.400 you forgave him, and it sounds like things got better. 0:11:36.240 --> 0:11:40.000 And then recently you found out some stuff. After you 0:11:40.080 --> 0:11:42.640 forgave him, after you thought that things were mended and 0:11:42.679 --> 0:11:46.520 were better, you found out he really was the same 0:11:46.600 --> 0:11:51.080 snake that you always thought that he was. Bible also 0:11:51.120 --> 0:11:54.800 says a leopard doesn't lose its spots. So that's what 0:11:54.880 --> 0:11:57.840 happened here, and now you're struggling, and so let's walk 0:11:57.880 --> 0:12:04.360 through it. First of all, your forgiveness, and understandably, your 0:12:04.400 --> 0:12:10.680 forgiveness was conditional upon him not messing up again. So 0:12:10.679 --> 0:12:13.480 it's like, hey, dad, I forgive you as long as 0:12:13.520 --> 0:12:15.720 you don't ever do this again, and then he did. 0:12:16.720 --> 0:12:18.760 I don't blame you, because all of us at some 0:12:18.840 --> 0:12:22.320 level have a condition to our forgiveness, because we don't 0:12:22.320 --> 0:12:29.600 have perfect forgiveness. But then the other thing is you've 0:12:29.679 --> 0:12:35.440 recognized that forgiveness doesn't mean trust. Forgiving someone doesn't mean 0:12:35.480 --> 0:12:37.880 now you trust them. I forgive you, now I trust you. 0:12:38.120 --> 0:12:42.040 That's false. You don't have to trust. You can forgive, 0:12:42.720 --> 0:12:45.480 which is a selfless gift that you give them as 0:12:45.480 --> 0:12:48.719 you're releasing that from yourself. But that doesn't mean I'm 0:12:48.760 --> 0:12:51.080 going to trust you. You're still a rattlesnake and you 0:12:51.120 --> 0:12:54.160 can still bite me. And you kind of got that 0:12:54.640 --> 0:12:57.439 in the first paragraph when you said, but I've always 0:12:57.520 --> 0:13:00.800 continued to be guarded with him, then you found out 0:13:01.000 --> 0:13:03.959 he really screwed up. Now, I don't think any of 0:13:03.960 --> 0:13:05.959 that's part of your question. I'm just kind of establishing 0:13:05.960 --> 0:13:08.320 the situation. None of that's your question. Your question is 0:13:09.080 --> 0:13:11.280 how could I honor him? Because the Bible says honored 0:13:11.280 --> 0:13:14.040 your mother and father. You're saying, how in the world 0:13:14.120 --> 0:13:16.680 could I do that? And that's the question, and I 0:13:16.679 --> 0:13:18.160 think it's a good one, and I think a lot 0:13:18.160 --> 0:13:21.080 of people are could be in a situation like this. 0:13:21.559 --> 0:13:25.720 And so without having any notes or special quotes or 0:13:25.760 --> 0:13:28.240 even the Bible besides my phone sitting in front of me, 0:13:29.280 --> 0:13:32.880 I would say, what do we think it means to honor? 0:13:32.920 --> 0:13:35.920 What do we think the Bible meant by that? Because 0:13:36.400 --> 0:13:40.600 surely it would be all encompassing. It didn't say honor 0:13:40.640 --> 0:13:44.840 your mother and father unless they did this, And it also, 0:13:45.160 --> 0:13:49.680 of course the Bible that any inspired writer of the 0:13:49.679 --> 0:13:54.320 Bible would understand that that's not a universal thing. That 0:13:54.480 --> 0:13:57.440 parents are going to be good. Okay, so we know 0:13:57.480 --> 0:14:00.240 those two things, like that's just common sense. So as 0:14:00.240 --> 0:14:04.280 we're kind of unpacking this and building this story, and 0:14:04.320 --> 0:14:07.040 I'm trying to show y'all that what Bernie and I 0:14:07.120 --> 0:14:10.160 are doing it, we're not we don't have special revelation. 0:14:10.920 --> 0:14:13.680 We're just gonna slowly, let's just talk through it and 0:14:13.760 --> 0:14:16.920 unpack it. And so I would say, probably in the 0:14:16.960 --> 0:14:20.440 same way that you could honor a soldier for what 0:14:20.560 --> 0:14:23.520 he has done and your father because he is your 0:14:23.600 --> 0:14:28.720 father by identity, by biological purposes, he's your father. Just 0:14:28.760 --> 0:14:34.240 like a soldier would be a soldier and participate in 0:14:34.320 --> 0:14:38.000 some battle and we would honor him or her for 0:14:38.120 --> 0:14:41.600 the battle the soldier, but that doesn't mean that we 0:14:41.640 --> 0:14:45.160 take that soldier's personal life and accept it and trust 0:14:45.200 --> 0:14:49.120 it and love all of it. Right, what they have done. 0:14:50.200 --> 0:14:53.080 And we see this happening now when they're taking down 0:14:53.120 --> 0:14:55.920 statues because they're like, we honored him at one time, 0:14:55.960 --> 0:14:58.440 but then we found out some dark secret about him, 0:14:58.560 --> 0:15:01.160 so we're tearing down the statue. And I think that's 0:15:01.200 --> 0:15:03.640 when it comes there's a difference between the honor for 0:15:03.720 --> 0:15:06.280 who they are and what they represent. To you and 0:15:06.840 --> 0:15:08.680 the person that they are and what they have done 0:15:08.720 --> 0:15:10.520 in their life. I think we have to be able 0:15:10.560 --> 0:15:15.000 to separate that. We think this is Tina. Tina. 0:15:15.360 --> 0:15:19.120 Yeah, so, Tina, thank you for sending this in. You 0:15:19.160 --> 0:15:21.160 did what I just kind of asked. I didn't know 0:15:21.200 --> 0:15:25.520 this question was coming. So I don't think that abusive 0:15:25.680 --> 0:15:29.280 fathers are questions that we hear very often. But I know, 0:15:30.160 --> 0:15:34.520 whether it is physical or verbal, emotional, I know that 0:15:34.560 --> 0:15:37.880 there are a ton of abusive fathers out there, and 0:15:38.080 --> 0:15:42.760 one you don't deserve that at all. Nobody does. If 0:15:42.800 --> 0:15:45.760 you're listening and you're in this situation, there's nothing you've 0:15:45.800 --> 0:15:49.120 done to deserve the abuse that you're getting. It's not 0:15:49.320 --> 0:15:54.120 right in any capacity. They are taking advantage of their 0:15:54.200 --> 0:15:59.880 power and their position, which we know is something that 0:16:00.320 --> 0:16:00.920 people can do. 0:16:01.040 --> 0:16:01.440 For sure. 0:16:03.440 --> 0:16:06.920 As far as showing like how I'm trying to like 0:16:07.000 --> 0:16:10.640 get down to this, like, well, practically, how does she 0:16:10.880 --> 0:16:14.800 show honor to him? I think you nailed it by 0:16:14.840 --> 0:16:21.080 saying there's a difference between forgiveness and trust, and you 0:16:21.080 --> 0:16:24.000 you know it's it's it's good for us to be 0:16:25.320 --> 0:16:28.640 guarded in a sense, especially when we're dealing with a 0:16:28.680 --> 0:16:31.520 snake of some kind. When we're dealing with toxic people, 0:16:31.600 --> 0:16:35.160 abusive people, we we have to put those boundaries in place. 0:16:35.200 --> 0:16:40.000 We have to align with other people that can help 0:16:40.440 --> 0:16:45.920 establish those boundaries for us. As far as showing him honor, 0:16:46.080 --> 0:16:50.320 it's almost like she would need to clarify what is 0:16:50.360 --> 0:16:53.920 the nature of their relationship now, like did they still 0:16:53.920 --> 0:17:01.040 have family dinners? Are they in relationship currently? Yeah, I 0:17:01.120 --> 0:17:04.240 just don't know if it's If it's somewhat estrange, then 0:17:05.160 --> 0:17:07.760 I don't know how you really there's no interaction, there's 0:17:07.760 --> 0:17:12.080 no communication. I don't showing honor isn't going back to 0:17:12.160 --> 0:17:16.879 him and asking him to come be in relationship with you. 0:17:17.960 --> 0:17:21.040 And we don't know the exact answer to give you 0:17:21.119 --> 0:17:24.399 for how you play that out. But since you're asking 0:17:24.720 --> 0:17:27.040 how to honor the Bible, basically is what you're saying, 0:17:27.480 --> 0:17:30.520 how to honor the Bible by that word honor. What's 0:17:30.560 --> 0:17:34.280 interesting because one Peter two seventeen, I'm gonna read the 0:17:34.359 --> 0:17:36.159 King James. Since a lot of people love King James. 0:17:36.560 --> 0:17:42.160 It says honor all men, love the brotherhood, fear God, 0:17:42.359 --> 0:17:45.280 honor the King. A lot of other translations say honor 0:17:45.359 --> 0:17:50.960 the Emperor. So Peter is saying honor the emperor right now. 0:17:51.280 --> 0:17:55.800 Obviously they have huge qualms with the Emperor of Rome. 0:17:57.280 --> 0:18:01.800 The Emperor of Rome is bringing persecution and will continue 0:18:01.800 --> 0:18:06.480 to bring persecution on people that Peter is associated with here, 0:18:06.520 --> 0:18:09.879 these Christians, and yet he's saying honor the Emperor. So 0:18:09.920 --> 0:18:12.320 this is something for you, Tina, to kind of wrestle with, 0:18:13.160 --> 0:18:15.320 is that the Bible is going to call you to 0:18:15.359 --> 0:18:18.080 honor your father, and the Bible is also going to 0:18:18.119 --> 0:18:21.320 call you to honor everyone. Is the ESV says in 0:18:21.520 --> 0:18:26.520 One Peter two seventeen, it says, honor everyone, love the brotherhood, 0:18:26.560 --> 0:18:27.880 fear God, honor the Emperor. 0:18:28.640 --> 0:18:30.880 Yeah, man, that's good. As you were saying that, this 0:18:31.000 --> 0:18:34.959 kind of jumped out to me that maybe the practical 0:18:35.080 --> 0:18:39.119 nature of how Tina is to honor her father is 0:18:39.160 --> 0:18:41.720 really up to her. Is there's so much nuance we 0:18:41.760 --> 0:18:47.200 don't know. Yeah, But exactly it starts in her heart. Exactly, 0:18:47.680 --> 0:18:54.159 it starts with her viewing human life as God given 0:18:54.320 --> 0:18:59.399 and seeing the imaga day, seeing that there's value in 0:18:59.440 --> 0:19:02.000 his life. God has him here for a reason, and 0:19:02.080 --> 0:19:06.760 I view the way that I view him is not 0:19:07.359 --> 0:19:10.000 as a waste of life, as something that needs to 0:19:10.000 --> 0:19:13.320 be taken off this earth. But that that's when I 0:19:13.359 --> 0:19:16.199 think that forgiveness really wells up in us and is 0:19:18.480 --> 0:19:21.479 and is true. Is when we look at that person 0:19:21.560 --> 0:19:25.480 that has abused us, that that person that is our enemy, 0:19:25.720 --> 0:19:29.119 persecuted us, whatever it is, and we see past that 0:19:29.359 --> 0:19:33.639 sin because that's all that that is unrepentant sin, and 0:19:33.680 --> 0:19:37.880 we can view them with a light of like, I 0:19:38.000 --> 0:19:40.840 still see the image of God in you, and I 0:19:40.920 --> 0:19:45.679 know that there's value of human life. Now when you 0:19:45.760 --> 0:19:49.919 view someone that way, maybe the reactions that we have 0:19:50.040 --> 0:19:53.600 to them, or the responses or the communication, it will 0:19:53.640 --> 0:19:55.720 just look different. But I think that's a start to 0:19:55.840 --> 0:20:00.919 like finding the step and pathway towards honoring him is really. 0:20:00.760 --> 0:20:03.960 Just how do I love? You? Said? Starts with the heart? 0:20:04.119 --> 0:20:06.480 Yeah, how do we view him where it was our heart? 0:20:06.760 --> 0:20:08.640 Looking at him through what lends. 0:20:08.520 --> 0:20:11.600 Instead of starting with him, start with your heart? Yeah, 0:20:11.800 --> 0:20:13.840 look at him as an image of God, an image 0:20:13.840 --> 0:20:18.840 bearer of God. Honor your father, Honor the Emperor. 0:20:19.040 --> 0:20:21.880 And if you can't do that, that's where you are, 0:20:22.000 --> 0:20:25.320 be honest about that. I think there's counselors, there's therapy, 0:20:25.440 --> 0:20:28.439 there's things that you can like maybe there's some wounds 0:20:28.480 --> 0:20:30.520 in there that you really need to. Like, it's great 0:20:30.640 --> 0:20:34.680 talk about take to the father and just pray, pray, pray. 0:20:35.920 --> 0:20:38.679 I know that it sounds the most cliche thing in 0:20:38.720 --> 0:20:41.439 the world read proble, won't pray. I get it, guys, 0:20:41.640 --> 0:20:46.639 But there is so much power in it. Redemptive power, 0:20:47.560 --> 0:20:49.919 restoring power, and healing power. 0:20:51.480 --> 0:20:51.680 Yeah. 0:20:51.720 --> 0:20:55.840 I think that's that's where at startina. I hope that's helpful. 0:20:56.280 --> 0:21:02.399 We'll take a break your back. I've really told anybody 0:21:02.440 --> 0:21:04.600 this yet, but we are building a brand new grangersmith 0:21:04.640 --> 0:21:07.760 dot com, all new, and we decided to build it 0:21:07.800 --> 0:21:11.600 onto Shopify. 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