Speaker 1: You've prayed and prayed one thing. According to this email,
Speaker 1: you've prayed and prayed that he changes his mind.
Speaker 2: Yeah, what's up everybody?
Speaker 1: Welcome back to the podcast. And uh, this is man.
Speaker 1: What episode is it? Bernie? Mmm? Sometimes I have to
Speaker 1: sit in here and act like like, look up my
Speaker 1: podcast on let's see two hundred and terrible two hundred
Speaker 1: and six six, two undred and six. Welcome to the podcast, Bernie.
Speaker 1: Calculate how long have you been on the podcast? Years?
Speaker 3: Yeah? Years, Man, what a privilege. It's been a fun ride.
Speaker 1: Dude. You I love having you on here because you
Speaker 1: you have such wise answers, such wise counsel. And that's
Speaker 1: what we do, is answer people's questions. But we usually,
Speaker 1: like we just did, spend about at least thirty minutes
Speaker 1: when you get here working through our own questions that
Speaker 1: we have because we answer your questions on this podcast.
Speaker 1: But then we spend pretty good amount of time answering
Speaker 1: each others. And dude, you just told me you've had
Speaker 1: like a major life switch. Kind kind of exaggerated a
Speaker 1: little dramatic on that, but but yeah.
Speaker 3: I think minor shift with major impacts you could say that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so from one book, right.
Speaker 3: Yeah, one book, Habits of the Household. If you haven't
Speaker 3: picked it up and read it, it's really really great.
Speaker 3: It's a Christian based book around the habits that we
Speaker 3: call normal things that we do throughout our days, throughout
Speaker 3: our weeks that our kids as we're raising them and
Speaker 3: we're kind of shaping what our households look like. It's
Speaker 3: really an opportunity of formation for these kids. And I
Speaker 3: don't think a lot of times we forget that even
Speaker 3: the smallest things, the smallest rhythms are impacting them on
Speaker 3: a deep, deep level, and just kind of being aware
Speaker 3: of that. And then it was a great guide in
Speaker 3: just practical things, because sometimes we get caught up on
Speaker 3: these lofty ideas of loving God, serving people, reading the Bible,
Speaker 3: but how does that actually look when it comes to
Speaker 3: bedtime routine or screen time limits or food that we eat.
Speaker 3: And so it does a really good job of kind
Speaker 3: of helping guide some of those rhythms, and it's been
Speaker 3: really great.
Speaker 1: So, dude, so many people I think are out of rhythm,
Speaker 1: and there's a lot of factors that cause it. In America,
Speaker 1: people that are listening internationally might not understand this problem.
Speaker 1: We have but it's called youth sports, and it is
Speaker 1: I don't know, do you agree. I mean, it's horrible.
Speaker 1: I think that our kids should be in sports. Okay,
Speaker 1: and my kids all you know, both of them are
Speaker 1: almost at all three, both of them are. But we
Speaker 1: have to have limits on that and it cannot rule
Speaker 1: our lives, it cannot rule our schedules.
Speaker 3: I one hundred percent agree. I also think that even
Speaker 3: in the boundaries that you put sports, in competitive sports,
Speaker 3: there has to be an understanding of what is the
Speaker 3: purpose because there's a certain amount of pressure and like
Speaker 3: competitive nature that we can put on these kids at
Speaker 3: such a young age, and it's detrimental. It's it's more
Speaker 3: detrimental than it is beneficial. Teaching them to work as
Speaker 3: a team, to put other people first, to kind of
Speaker 3: push through adversity, those things are really great, Yes, but man,
Speaker 3: I've just seen so many kids, and from coaches as well,
Speaker 3: just get really.
Speaker 1: Just hurt.
Speaker 3: I mean, it's the big word, or the best word
Speaker 3: to use. They just get hurt. And those are wounds
Speaker 3: that I feel like they're going to be working through
Speaker 3: for a long time. So I think, yeah, competitive sports
Speaker 3: dictating our time and just the impact it has on kids.
Speaker 3: I think the biggest thing that we've done this fall,
Speaker 3: like I was telling you earlier, is somewhat unintentionally, but
Speaker 3: somewhat after reading this book and talking through it, we've
Speaker 3: we've slowed down. And it's amazing in our cult. It's
Speaker 3: amazing in our culture that that it's actually a counterculture
Speaker 3: thing to wait, slow down. You have family dinner and
Speaker 3: you cook food at your house together, and you eat
Speaker 3: together and you talk. And I'll be the first to
Speaker 3: admit in seasons past that was not us. And we
Speaker 3: have just kind of grabbed a hold of this, and
Speaker 3: I really hope we can hang on to it because
Speaker 3: I'm already seeing some of the benefits from us just
Speaker 3: being able to slow down.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we have somehow gone into a culture now where
Speaker 1: we say, man, my kids are, I make them go
Speaker 1: be in sports because they need that for their leadership
Speaker 1: and development and social skills and athletic skills. And they
Speaker 1: cannot miss a practice. They cannot quit. You know how
Speaker 1: we are as Americans, We're fighters and we don't quit.
Speaker 1: So once you start something, you don't quit. And you
Speaker 1: need to be in in team sports and you need
Speaker 1: to compete. And we've gotten into that somehow, and that
Speaker 1: somehow is now crept into Sunday mornings and we're no
Speaker 1: longer a culture at all that says we're gonna go
Speaker 1: to church as a family on Sunday mornings. We're gonna
Speaker 1: we're gonna have dinner together around a table as a
Speaker 1: family in our house. That's not a priority. It sounds nice,
Speaker 1: but it's definitely not because team sports and jobs win.
Speaker 1: I'm not, by any means saying that you cannot church
Speaker 1: and you cannot skip family dinner. I'm not saying that.
Speaker 1: I'm just saying where does it lie in the priority list?
Speaker 1: And it's very interesting, and I'm right there with you
Speaker 1: that I have gone through decades of this myself, and
Speaker 1: I know you said you have to, but I think
Speaker 1: I think it might be time for us just to
Speaker 1: have a shift in priorities and understanding of what might
Speaker 1: be really important.
Speaker 3: Yeah. From my childhood, I remember the normals. I remember
Speaker 3: what was the normal rhythm, not the exceptions. So if
Speaker 3: the normal rhythm is you skip church no matter what
Speaker 3: for a sports and that is where the priority is.
Speaker 3: When the kids are older, that's what they're going to remember.
Speaker 3: That's what we are teaching them what is a normal rhythm,
Speaker 3: and by our actions and by our leadership and our
Speaker 3: discipleship of them really forming who they're going to be
Speaker 3: and what their priorities, what they're going to look back
Speaker 3: on when they're our age and say, my household, this
Speaker 3: was normal and so so. Yeah, I think we have
Speaker 3: we have the opportunity to recognize it. But you have
Speaker 3: to know in anybody out there who's listening, who's like, man,
Speaker 3: you guys are talking crazy right now in our culture.
Speaker 3: Yet you will be fighting against the world. I've been
Speaker 3: in Romans twelve too, like Deep Dive recently, and I mean,
Speaker 3: do not conform to the pattern of this world. You're
Speaker 3: you're going to be fighting against the world if you
Speaker 3: try to slow down, if you try to say no
Speaker 3: to like more opportunities and more options. If you say
Speaker 3: no to those things in order to preserve your family
Speaker 3: mule time, to preserve your connection with your wifetime going,
Speaker 3: it's going to be a fight. If you limit the
Speaker 3: amount of time you're on your smartphone or social media,
Speaker 3: you are going to be fighting against the culture. It's
Speaker 3: not going to be easy. So don't expect like, oh well,
Speaker 3: listen to Graan, Jey Bernie and then I just did
Speaker 3: this and it's like, oh, life is great. It's like, no,
Speaker 3: it's going to be a fight, but there are things
Speaker 3: worth fighting for and I think this is one of them.
Speaker 1: So that's amazing. Man. You always come in here with
Speaker 1: some kind of great knowledge that I need, that I
Speaker 1: need to hear, and I appreciate that. Man. We answer
Speaker 1: questions on here. Whatever you have. It could be about
Speaker 1: any topic. You email us Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot
Speaker 1: com and put it in the queue here.
Speaker 3: And can I say something real quick about these question yea,
Speaker 3: because I was kind of thinking about coming up here
Speaker 3: and meet with you and the questions that people send,
Speaker 3: and I know that we've had some questions that are
Speaker 3: very similar in nature, and I started to think, is
Speaker 3: there anybody out there who may have a question that
Speaker 3: is so I don't want to say bizarre, but that
Speaker 3: is so uncommon that they don't want to send it
Speaker 3: in because they haven't they have It's easy to send
Speaker 3: something in about a relationship and a breakup and a
Speaker 3: because maybe you've heard that on the podcast before. But
Speaker 3: I'm going to just challenge anybody out there if you
Speaker 3: if you have a question that just feels like, man,
Speaker 3: I can't put that out there because nobody's ever said
Speaker 3: anything like that. That's what we want, really like, we
Speaker 3: really want because there may be another person out there
Speaker 3: wishing they could ask the same question and get some
Speaker 3: advice and some guidance. And so if one of you
Speaker 3: guys could just think of that thing you're going through,
Speaker 3: you may feel alone, but you're probably not, so put
Speaker 3: it out there.
Speaker 1: So yeah, that's a great it's a great point. And
Speaker 1: the opposite is also true if you've heard the question
Speaker 1: so many times but you have a different way of
Speaker 1: saying it. By by all means, send it in because
Speaker 1: we have a tendency. Well, first of all, we're going
Speaker 1: to get We could probably give you a tweak on
Speaker 1: the answer for sure, because we don't have notes in
Speaker 1: front of us, and then s Secondly, so many people
Speaker 1: fail to wreck fail to hear their own story in
Speaker 1: someone else's as much as you do hear your story
Speaker 1: in someone else's. There are the same group of people
Speaker 1: that are like, well, my problem is different, like this girl,
Speaker 1: Me and this girl were different. This girl that ghost
Speaker 1: to me right now, that's like I'm so heartbroken. It's
Speaker 1: different than all the other stories you read, Granger, my
Speaker 1: story is different, and so you could ask that again
Speaker 1: and then burning and I'll just reassure you maybe it's
Speaker 1: not that different. Maybe as humans were not as separate
Speaker 1: as you think we might be. That's good speaking of
Speaker 1: Let's get to the next question. YEP. Subject line here says,
Speaker 1: how do I honor my father when I don't respect him?
Speaker 1: You've probably heard something like this since. Hey, Granger, I'm
Speaker 1: fifty three years old. I'm a woman who was raised
Speaker 1: by an abusive father. As time passed, I have forgiven
Speaker 1: him and our relationship was mended, but have always continued
Speaker 1: to be guarded with him. I recently found out about
Speaker 1: something that he's done within the last ten years with
Speaker 1: my step sister, who is now deceased, and it's completely
Speaker 1: changed the way I feel about him. I've really been
Speaker 1: struggling with how I can honor him according to the
Speaker 1: Bible when I have zero respect for him. I want
Speaker 1: to do the right thing, but I really need help
Speaker 1: with this one. Thanks so much for a time, Tina.
Speaker 1: So awesome, Tina, thank you for emailing and being vulnerable
Speaker 1: in this situation. I'm going to recap here. You're fifty three.
Speaker 1: You're raised by an abusive father, but as time passed,
Speaker 1: you forgave him, and it sounds like things got better.
Speaker 1: And then recently you found out some stuff. After you
Speaker 1: forgave him, after you thought that things were mended and
Speaker 1: were better, you found out he really was the same
Speaker 1: snake that you always thought that he was. Bible also
Speaker 1: says a leopard doesn't lose its spots. So that's what
Speaker 1: happened here, and now you're struggling, and so let's walk
Speaker 1: through it. First of all, your forgiveness, and understandably, your
Speaker 1: forgiveness was conditional upon him not messing up again. So
Speaker 1: it's like, hey, dad, I forgive you as long as
Speaker 1: you don't ever do this again, and then he did.
Speaker 1: I don't blame you, because all of us at some
Speaker 1: level have a condition to our forgiveness, because we don't
Speaker 1: have perfect forgiveness. But then the other thing is you've
Speaker 1: recognized that forgiveness doesn't mean trust. Forgiving someone doesn't mean
Speaker 1: now you trust them. I forgive you, now I trust you.
Speaker 1: That's false. You don't have to trust. You can forgive,
Speaker 1: which is a selfless gift that you give them as
Speaker 1: you're releasing that from yourself. But that doesn't mean I'm
Speaker 1: going to trust you. You're still a rattlesnake and you
Speaker 1: can still bite me. And you kind of got that
Speaker 1: in the first paragraph when you said, but I've always
Speaker 1: continued to be guarded with him, then you found out
Speaker 1: he really screwed up. Now, I don't think any of
Speaker 1: that's part of your question. I'm just kind of establishing
Speaker 1: the situation. None of that's your question. Your question is
Speaker 1: how could I honor him? Because the Bible says honored
Speaker 1: your mother and father. You're saying, how in the world
Speaker 1: could I do that? And that's the question, and I
Speaker 1: think it's a good one, and I think a lot
Speaker 1: of people are could be in a situation like this.
Speaker 1: And so without having any notes or special quotes or
Speaker 1: even the Bible besides my phone sitting in front of me,
Speaker 1: I would say, what do we think it means to honor?
Speaker 1: What do we think the Bible meant by that? Because
Speaker 1: surely it would be all encompassing. It didn't say honor
Speaker 1: your mother and father unless they did this, And it also,
Speaker 1: of course the Bible that any inspired writer of the
Speaker 1: Bible would understand that that's not a universal thing. That
Speaker 1: parents are going to be good. Okay, so we know
Speaker 1: those two things, like that's just common sense. So as
Speaker 1: we're kind of unpacking this and building this story, and
Speaker 1: I'm trying to show y'all that what Bernie and I
Speaker 1: are doing it, we're not we don't have special revelation.
Speaker 1: We're just gonna slowly, let's just talk through it and
Speaker 1: unpack it. And so I would say, probably in the
Speaker 1: same way that you could honor a soldier for what
Speaker 1: he has done and your father because he is your
Speaker 1: father by identity, by biological purposes, he's your father. Just
Speaker 1: like a soldier would be a soldier and participate in
Speaker 1: some battle and we would honor him or her for
Speaker 1: the battle the soldier, but that doesn't mean that we
Speaker 1: take that soldier's personal life and accept it and trust
Speaker 1: it and love all of it. Right, what they have done.
Speaker 1: And we see this happening now when they're taking down
Speaker 1: statues because they're like, we honored him at one time,
Speaker 1: but then we found out some dark secret about him,
Speaker 1: so we're tearing down the statue. And I think that's
Speaker 1: when it comes there's a difference between the honor for
Speaker 1: who they are and what they represent. To you and
Speaker 1: the person that they are and what they have done
Speaker 1: in their life. I think we have to be able
Speaker 1: to separate that. We think this is Tina. Tina.
Speaker 3: Yeah, so, Tina, thank you for sending this in. You
Speaker 3: did what I just kind of asked. I didn't know
Speaker 3: this question was coming. So I don't think that abusive
Speaker 3: fathers are questions that we hear very often. But I know,
Speaker 3: whether it is physical or verbal, emotional, I know that
Speaker 3: there are a ton of abusive fathers out there, and
Speaker 3: one you don't deserve that at all. Nobody does. If
Speaker 3: you're listening and you're in this situation, there's nothing you've
Speaker 3: done to deserve the abuse that you're getting. It's not
Speaker 3: right in any capacity. They are taking advantage of their
Speaker 3: power and their position, which we know is something that
Speaker 3: people can do.
Speaker 1: For sure.
Speaker 3: As far as showing like how I'm trying to like
Speaker 3: get down to this, like, well, practically, how does she
Speaker 3: show honor to him? I think you nailed it by
Speaker 3: saying there's a difference between forgiveness and trust, and you
Speaker 3: you know it's it's it's good for us to be
Speaker 3: guarded in a sense, especially when we're dealing with a
Speaker 3: snake of some kind. When we're dealing with toxic people,
Speaker 3: abusive people, we we have to put those boundaries in place.
Speaker 3: We have to align with other people that can help
Speaker 3: establish those boundaries for us. As far as showing him honor,
Speaker 3: it's almost like she would need to clarify what is
Speaker 3: the nature of their relationship now, like did they still
Speaker 3: have family dinners? Are they in relationship currently? Yeah, I
Speaker 3: just don't know if it's If it's somewhat estrange, then
Speaker 3: I don't know how you really there's no interaction, there's
Speaker 3: no communication. I don't showing honor isn't going back to
Speaker 3: him and asking him to come be in relationship with you.
Speaker 1: And we don't know the exact answer to give you
Speaker 1: for how you play that out. But since you're asking
Speaker 1: how to honor the Bible, basically is what you're saying,
Speaker 1: how to honor the Bible by that word honor. What's
Speaker 1: interesting because one Peter two seventeen, I'm gonna read the
Speaker 1: King James. Since a lot of people love King James.
Speaker 1: It says honor all men, love the brotherhood, fear God,
Speaker 1: honor the King. A lot of other translations say honor
Speaker 1: the Emperor. So Peter is saying honor the emperor right now.
Speaker 1: Obviously they have huge qualms with the Emperor of Rome.
Speaker 1: The Emperor of Rome is bringing persecution and will continue
Speaker 1: to bring persecution on people that Peter is associated with here,
Speaker 1: these Christians, and yet he's saying honor the Emperor. So
Speaker 1: this is something for you, Tina, to kind of wrestle with,
Speaker 1: is that the Bible is going to call you to
Speaker 1: honor your father, and the Bible is also going to
Speaker 1: call you to honor everyone. Is the ESV says in
Speaker 1: One Peter two seventeen, it says, honor everyone, love the brotherhood,
Speaker 1: fear God, honor the Emperor.
Speaker 3: Yeah, man, that's good. As you were saying that, this
Speaker 3: kind of jumped out to me that maybe the practical
Speaker 3: nature of how Tina is to honor her father is
Speaker 3: really up to her. Is there's so much nuance we
Speaker 3: don't know. Yeah, But exactly it starts in her heart. Exactly,
Speaker 3: it starts with her viewing human life as God given
Speaker 3: and seeing the imaga day, seeing that there's value in
Speaker 3: his life. God has him here for a reason, and
Speaker 3: I view the way that I view him is not
Speaker 3: as a waste of life, as something that needs to
Speaker 3: be taken off this earth. But that that's when I
Speaker 3: think that forgiveness really wells up in us and is
Speaker 3: and is true. Is when we look at that person
Speaker 3: that has abused us, that that person that is our enemy,
Speaker 3: persecuted us, whatever it is, and we see past that
Speaker 3: sin because that's all that that is unrepentant sin, and
Speaker 3: we can view them with a light of like, I
Speaker 3: still see the image of God in you, and I
Speaker 3: know that there's value of human life. Now when you
Speaker 3: view someone that way, maybe the reactions that we have
Speaker 3: to them, or the responses or the communication, it will
Speaker 3: just look different. But I think that's a start to
Speaker 3: like finding the step and pathway towards honoring him is really.
Speaker 1: Just how do I love? You? Said? Starts with the heart?
Speaker 3: Yeah, how do we view him where it was our heart?
Speaker 3: Looking at him through what lends.
Speaker 1: Instead of starting with him, start with your heart? Yeah,
Speaker 1: look at him as an image of God, an image
Speaker 1: bearer of God. Honor your father, Honor the Emperor.
Speaker 3: And if you can't do that, that's where you are,
Speaker 3: be honest about that. I think there's counselors, there's therapy,
Speaker 3: there's things that you can like maybe there's some wounds
Speaker 3: in there that you really need to. Like, it's great
Speaker 3: talk about take to the father and just pray, pray, pray.
Speaker 3: I know that it sounds the most cliche thing in
Speaker 3: the world read proble, won't pray. I get it, guys,
Speaker 3: But there is so much power in it. Redemptive power,
Speaker 3: restoring power, and healing power.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: I think that's that's where at startina. I hope that's helpful.
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Speaker 1: All right, back to the podcast. We're going to get
Speaker 1: into another question. We didn't get to too many questions
Speaker 1: in that last break, but we're gonna rock.
Speaker 3: Me and Grell's just start blabbing. We could waste the
Speaker 3: old time.
Speaker 1: That's true. So something else that's changed in my life
Speaker 1: with Burns is his brother now, his older brother is
Speaker 1: now a member at my church a Maas and Georgetown.
Speaker 1: And that's pretty cool, man, because I love your brother,
Speaker 1: and I've gotten to see him a lot more. There
Speaker 1: was a time when I only really knew you, and
Speaker 1: then I got to know him a little bit. We
Speaker 1: went to a conference together. It was our first time
Speaker 1: to really spend time together. And then, man, just a
Speaker 1: crazy thing happened. Is life unfolded and the cow coach
Speaker 1: that We've had very deep connections with our two families
Speaker 1: for decades, for all different reasons. And in this particular season,
Speaker 1: I was thinking about our church and I was thinking
Speaker 1: about your brother, and anybody might be wondering, why doesn't
Speaker 1: why don't you tell Bernie, Well, because Bernie lives a
Speaker 1: lot longer, You live a lot farther away than your
Speaker 1: brother lives a lot closer to me, And I just
Speaker 1: felt in this particular season, I was like, man, I
Speaker 1: got to hit up Jason because I would He could
Speaker 1: serve our church so well. And there's an interesting thing
Speaker 1: about being a member at a local church that sometimes
Speaker 1: we think that it's for us, so that it could
Speaker 1: serve us and entertain us, and we could just absorb it,
Speaker 1: but it goes both ways equally. In a church, you know,
Speaker 1: you do take it in, but you also give it
Speaker 1: back equally because there's other people that need it. And
Speaker 1: I thought, man, Jason and Ann and his wife would
Speaker 1: be able to serve really well in our church, and
Speaker 1: I think it would be great. So I texted him
Speaker 1: and he was like, a man, I'll never if you
Speaker 1: have a good feeling about it, I would never deny that.
Speaker 1: So yeah, we'll come check it out. Lo and behold,
Speaker 1: you know, several months later, now they are actually at
Speaker 1: the church.
Speaker 3: Yeah, Matt, I am so excited for you to like
Speaker 3: dive deeper in relationship with that dude. There are very
Speaker 3: few men on this planet that have influenced me in
Speaker 3: the way that Jason has.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: I could, Yeah, I could waste the rest of the
Speaker 3: podcast time talking about it. But I'm excited that you're
Speaker 3: going to get to kind of jump into the you know,
Speaker 3: the depths of you know, what it means to you know,
Speaker 3: glorify God with our lives with you know, with him,
Speaker 3: it's yeah, he's super humble, so everything that he knows
Speaker 3: and has experienced when it comes to you know, theology
Speaker 3: and walking with the Holy Spirit and you it will
Speaker 3: take a while because he's going to be so interested
Speaker 3: in like hearing what you have to say and like
Speaker 3: asking about this and but that's fun.
Speaker 1: Man.
Speaker 3: I'm so happy for you guys. I'm not jealous at all.
Speaker 3: But this is just it's all good man. This is though,
Speaker 3: you know, just another reason Tyler, Hello, Granger's brother, I've
Speaker 3: been asking you to come and run trails with me. Dude,
Speaker 3: they could do their church thing, we could do the
Speaker 3: trail run of things. Is it's just dirt church. That's
Speaker 3: the only difference.
Speaker 1: Man. Come on, could let me ask you a question
Speaker 1: in relation to you living a lot farther away than
Speaker 1: your brother does from here. Why I was thinking about
Speaker 1: this today this morning. Why do you drive up here
Speaker 1: so often to be on this podcast.
Speaker 3: Oh that's a long answer.
Speaker 1: You were, but you were a busy guy. We've established that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you have a well established career and a family. Why
Speaker 1: do you do this?
Speaker 3: God said, go H opened the door, gave me the opportunities.
Speaker 3: And I think that part of my gifting is And
Speaker 3: you know, there's another book I'm reading right now by
Speaker 3: Jamie Winship. I don't know if you know him. It's
Speaker 3: called Living Fearless, and it talks about like our true
Speaker 3: identity in Christ and how we are created uniquely each
Speaker 3: one of us for certain things, and a lot of
Speaker 3: times we're living in a false identity. So there's we're
Speaker 3: not feeling the presence of the Holy Spirit, we're not
Speaker 3: feeling the fruit of the Spirit, We're not we're running
Speaker 3: into turmoil. There's a lot of different things. Or maybe
Speaker 3: we're just complacent in this identity that's a false identity.
Speaker 3: And I think what when we first started, when you
Speaker 3: asked me to come do this, and the first time
Speaker 3: that we did it, it really felt the format of
Speaker 3: it and what you were asking of me felt like
Speaker 3: it fit into my identity.
Speaker 1: And how you say that your identity has to do
Speaker 1: with the humility, curiosity, diligence, and confidence.
Speaker 3: Sorry that's what you're Yeah, these are these are core
Speaker 3: values of our company. But yeah, I think there's you know,
Speaker 3: there's those are in there, but really just being able
Speaker 3: to listen, listen to people and just empathize and no
Speaker 3: matter if it's you know, and and you've seen this
Speaker 3: with me and you for a long time. I'm not
Speaker 3: just gonna like hand the dude on the street corner
Speaker 3: five dollars, I'm gonna sit down and talk to him.
Speaker 3: I'm gonna understand his name, But then I have billionaire
Speaker 3: clients that I have to also be able to sit
Speaker 3: with and like the same thing. We were telling Tina
Speaker 3: to view both of those people with the same value
Speaker 3: of life and and really consider them more important than myself, Like, Hey,
Speaker 3: what can I do to help you? What can I
Speaker 3: do to help you? What can I hear? You can
Speaker 3: I is there something I can impart? And and yeah,
Speaker 3: this just going on tour with you was awesome and
Speaker 3: being able to meet you know a lot of these
Speaker 3: Ye Nation fans. Man, It's just such a privilege. I mean,
Speaker 3: I think the short answer is is like, who wouldn't
Speaker 3: want to do this? It's so it's really really fun.
Speaker 3: And to get to say it with one of my
Speaker 3: best friends and talk about life and all the God's doing.
Speaker 1: Yeah, man, dude, you know what that means to me
Speaker 1: and what it's It's important to say this on the
Speaker 1: podcast too. Before we get to a question. Is basically
Speaker 1: what you said, because when you started it and you said,
Speaker 1: what do you say? This is what God called me to do.
Speaker 1: That's what God told. God said, you said, God said,
Speaker 1: go Well, so somebody might hear that and be like
Speaker 1: he audibly said, Bernie, go you no, but how you
Speaker 1: articulated it through your story is what you mean is
Speaker 1: when you are in the word, when you when your
Speaker 1: prayer life feels healthy and it's not ever going to
Speaker 1: be great, but when it feels healthy and you you
Speaker 1: feel like you you have a good walk, and you
Speaker 1: have people around you that are counseling you and that
Speaker 1: are walking with you and affirming you as you're moving forward,
Speaker 1: then at that level, you could start doing what you
Speaker 1: want to do because you're following the desires of your
Speaker 1: heart that God has given you those desires. You don't
Speaker 1: have unrepentant sin lurking around in your life. So at
Speaker 1: that level, when I say hey, Bernie, want to come
Speaker 1: to this podcast, and you think you feel, yeah, I
Speaker 1: want to, then you follow that because that equals God says, go.
Speaker 1: How far is a drive for you?
Speaker 3: It's about forty five minutes from my office. My office
Speaker 3: is about twenty minutes the other way from my house,
Speaker 3: So from my house it's over an hour. But I'm
Speaker 3: usually downtown in my office and then I'll come up,
Speaker 3: work for a while and then come up.
Speaker 1: That's all I'll do. Well, I appreciate you, and I
Speaker 1: know these people do too, So thank you man, Thank.
Speaker 3: You, thank you.
Speaker 1: You want to do a question here.
Speaker 3: Let's do I think that's what this podcast is about,
Speaker 3: so we should probably get to more of those.
Speaker 1: Here's you. Remember when you started this and you said,
Speaker 1: ask me something different? This might be it. Just judging
Speaker 1: by the subject line, it says want another baby, but
Speaker 1: husband isn't on board. Hey Granger, I'm hoping you could
Speaker 1: help me with this struggle that's been very heavy on
Speaker 1: my heart for over a year now. We have two boys,
Speaker 1: ages eight and ten, but we have felt the persistent
Speaker 1: feeling in my heart. But I have felt the persistent
Speaker 1: feeling in my heart that our family needs another child
Speaker 1: to be complete. However, me and my husband decided about
Speaker 1: four years ago that our family was complete with two.
Speaker 1: But our lives have changed drastically over the last two years,
Speaker 1: and I feel more capable and ready to add to
Speaker 1: the family. But my husband is not all caps on board.
Speaker 1: He says, age, among other things, is a factor for him.
Speaker 1: He's forty and I am thirty four. How can I
Speaker 1: get past this? I have prayed and prayed for him
Speaker 1: to change his mind, but it hasn't happened, and I
Speaker 1: have not felt peace in my heart to just leave
Speaker 1: this behind. I don't want to resent him for it,
Speaker 1: but I'm struggling with accepting that no into my heart.
Speaker 1: Any advice is welcome. Thank you, Stephanie from Ohio.
Speaker 3: Well, I like this question. Hmm, this is good.
Speaker 1: We could get we can we could really dissect this
Speaker 1: question here.
Speaker 3: Okay, So let's let's do this because I heard last
Speaker 3: week when Amber was on she said, you know, without uh,
Speaker 3: there's a lot of other follow up questions I would
Speaker 3: like to ask, and since we don't have that option
Speaker 3: this her name is Stephanie. Yes, okay, I'm going to
Speaker 3: be Stephanie. Okay, and I know that Stephanie. There's a
Speaker 3: ton of nuance to everything you're saying. But if there's
Speaker 3: questions that you I'm going to pretend i'm Stephanie, and
Speaker 3: if you have questions that fall like, ok just a
Speaker 3: little more context, I'm going to give that to you
Speaker 3: as if that's her, and maybe it is, maybe it's not,
Speaker 3: but it'll at least give us like a okay, if
Speaker 3: that is the answer to these things, then we would
Speaker 3: answer it this way.
Speaker 1: So okay, Hi, Stephanie.
Speaker 3: Thanks Cranger for reading my question, what do you think?
Speaker 1: Oh, you always make me laugh on these. I'm assuming Stephanie,
Speaker 1: that you had a maybe a very busy job with
Speaker 1: two kids at home, and you guys decided collectively, you
Speaker 1: agreed no more children after this.
Speaker 3: Yes, that's what drastically changed is that I have You know,
Speaker 3: my husband got a raise as well, which also kind
Speaker 3: of like gave us a little bit more of a
Speaker 3: buffer for stress and the finances, but also allowed me
Speaker 3: to be at home. And so now I feel like
Speaker 3: I have more bandwidth.
Speaker 1: Did you know, Stephanie, that when he says age among
Speaker 1: other things, that's the factor for him. He's forty. Did
Speaker 1: you know that he's not telling you the whole story. No, Yeah,
Speaker 1: there's there are other fears that he has there, and
Speaker 1: he might not be able to fully tell you because
Speaker 1: he's a man and you're a woman, and he might
Speaker 1: not be able to fully articulate all of what he's feeling.
Speaker 1: But there is a core of fear in that and
Speaker 1: a contentment that he has with what he has now
Speaker 1: and why risk it when you could have a child
Speaker 1: with some kind of disability, or you could have a miscarriage,
Speaker 1: or you could you could suffer a loss, and to
Speaker 1: add something else to this family adds the risk that
Speaker 1: he could be responsible for a loss or a or
Speaker 1: a death, or a heartache, or a disability or any
Speaker 1: number of other things. And that is not a risk
Speaker 1: he's willing to take right now.
Speaker 3: Did you know that I want to make sure I'm
Speaker 3: getting the character backstory right. Did she mention anything about
Speaker 3: being follower Jesus?
Speaker 1: No? Okay, no, no, no, no, she said, I have
Speaker 1: prayed and prayed for him to change his mind. But
Speaker 1: that's the only context we have.
Speaker 3: Okay, so.
Speaker 1: Let me say something interesting stuffan me is that you're
Speaker 1: prayer is for you. Did you realize that you've prayed
Speaker 1: and prayed one thing according to this email, You've prayed
Speaker 1: and prayed that he changes his mind.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but what.
Speaker 1: About your mind or your heart? Yeah, it's very interesting
Speaker 1: to think about with the dynamic that's going on that
Speaker 1: this sounds very one sided, both on both spouses here. Yeah.
Speaker 3: So I've prayed and prayed for him to change his mind.
Speaker 3: I just feel like he's he's being stubborn. And since
Speaker 3: I pray, I'm a believer, and I also know that
Speaker 3: the Bible tells me that I am as the wife
Speaker 3: to submit to my husband. Am I so supposed to
Speaker 3: just like submit to his authority that like, this is
Speaker 3: the decision for our family? Or do I just keep
Speaker 3: fighting for this?
Speaker 1: Well, I just so happened to have been in the
Speaker 1: situation very similar to this one. I've lived it, and
Speaker 1: so that's why this is this whole question is interesting.
Speaker 1: And in fact, even the age thing, I was forty.
Speaker 1: I was the forty year old husband in the situation,
Speaker 1: but the situation was flipped. I was the one that
Speaker 1: felt like our family wasn't complete and we could have
Speaker 1: another baby. I had, in my words, I had more
Speaker 1: love to give. And Amber was not on board with it.
Speaker 1: She said, no way, River was their last. How could
Speaker 1: we even think about replacing him? I won't even consider it.
Speaker 1: But here's a thing, here's a thing. It was It
Speaker 1: was difficult to hear that, but she's my wife, and
Speaker 1: so I had to say, I love you, I trust you.
Speaker 1: We have to be all in with something like a
Speaker 1: that's a really big deal, the biggest deal in our family.
Speaker 1: We have to be all in together, and if you're not,
Speaker 1: then I won't push you and I won't bring it
Speaker 1: up again. I just had a feeling, and I understand,
Speaker 1: I'll back off. Guess what happened when I said that
Speaker 1: about a week or two goes by, and she said,
Speaker 1: I've been thinking it was nagging her. I've been thinking,
Speaker 1: and since you said that, I don't want to. I
Speaker 1: don't want to discount a feeling that you had. So
Speaker 1: maybe I should just at least talk to the doctor.
Speaker 1: Just we'll just see what the doctor says about our
Speaker 1: ages and about the situation she had her tubes tied.
Speaker 1: Maybe we'll just see what the doctor says. We're not saying, yes,
Speaker 1: let's have a baby. We're just saying, let's just see
Speaker 1: if there's an option to even try. And suddenly that
Speaker 1: opened up. And I didn't say absolutely right, you know it.
Speaker 1: We're going to get this about time you submit. You
Speaker 1: know I didn't say that. I said, okay, I said
Speaker 1: and if any point you start feeling uncomfortable, we're done.
Speaker 1: We're backing out. And Stephanie, so would I would tell
Speaker 1: you have you been that way to your husband or
Speaker 1: is it just like have you just have you made
Speaker 1: up your mind yet? Because I'm really just I'm the
Speaker 1: clock is ticking, and I feel my biological clock and
Speaker 1: this is I'm thirty four and then this is my
Speaker 1: last chance? And is that how you are?
Speaker 3: Guys? Granger has just done for Stephanie what he does
Speaker 3: for so many of you. That is just it's where
Speaker 3: it all lies. The answers to all of these questions
Speaker 3: most of.
Speaker 1: The time.
Speaker 3: Lie in you taking the mirror and turning it on yourself,
Speaker 3: like starting with your heart, your approach, your response. So
Speaker 3: that's the question, Stephanie, is what is your conversation around
Speaker 3: this topic, like with your husband? And if you sense
Speaker 3: around this topic that there is there's something there, don't
Speaker 3: keep pushing on it. Maybe just like pivot and say, hey,
Speaker 3: I'd love to talk about this thing. I feel like
Speaker 3: it may be bugging you or just there may be
Speaker 3: something going on with him and if the answer to
Speaker 3: your question may just be you know, secondary, so like
Speaker 3: try to connect with him and understand like why does
Speaker 3: he feel like the family's done? Or why doesn't he
Speaker 3: want to have another kid? And approach it with a
Speaker 3: kind of a grace mentality like Granger's talking about, but
Speaker 3: also start with just examining like how am I approaching it?
Speaker 3: Where is my heart at in this? And I don't know,
Speaker 3: I think that you may actually it may change your
Speaker 3: heart and it may change his heart at the same time. Yes,
Speaker 3: and you may be surprised at where you guys end up.
Speaker 3: It may not be with having another kid, but I
Speaker 3: guarantee you it'll be with you and your husband having
Speaker 3: a better relationship.
Speaker 1: So that's so good. So when when that's so good,
Speaker 1: let me, let me give you a quick thought on
Speaker 1: a prayer. Stuffan me. Instead of saying, God, change his mind,
Speaker 1: change his mind, change his mind, what if it was
Speaker 1: this God, you, if there is another baby in this family,
Speaker 1: you know it. You have done it, you have purposed it,
Speaker 1: you've planned it. You are sovereign, you're providential. So if
Speaker 1: there's another baby, it's coming and there's nothing stopping that.
Speaker 1: But I pray right now because I want one and
Speaker 1: you know that I want one. But I also feel
Speaker 1: like this is a lack of trust in you that
Speaker 1: I'm feeling like it's up to me to convince my husband.
Speaker 1: That's ridiculous, the Lord, I'm so sorry. I repent of that,
Speaker 1: to think that the baby's up to me and that
Speaker 1: my husband has to decide and I have to convince
Speaker 1: him a baby is here or not, depending upon you.
Speaker 1: So I just trust you you and to praise you,
Speaker 1: and I glorify you soften my heart. And if there
Speaker 1: is a baby, I pray that you soften my husband's heart.
Speaker 1: And this comes together with clarity. Let me know what
Speaker 1: to do in these next steps. I will try that,
Speaker 1: try that kind of prayer, and that will change you.
Speaker 1: And I can tell you from experience, those kind of
Speaker 1: prayers rearrange everything inside you.
Speaker 3: Yeah. Thanks graner N Dude, that's Goreird Stephanie. Yeah, he
Speaker 3: just nailed it.
Speaker 1: You want to take a much lighter hearted question here.
Speaker 1: Next one, the subject client says don't trust myself to
Speaker 1: date while on the road while working on the road.
Speaker 1: That says, Hey, my name is Ashton. I'm twenty one
Speaker 1: years old and I work on a pipeline and I
Speaker 1: like this girl, but I don't trust myself enough to
Speaker 1: date while I'm working on the road, and I don't
Speaker 1: know what I should do.
Speaker 3: I'm not laughing at Ashton. Sometimes when you read questions,
Speaker 3: depending on what the content is, Griz Okay, yes, yeah, Ashton,
Speaker 3: you got some trust issues, man um and you're and
Speaker 3: you may be going after the wrong girls.
Speaker 1: Yeah, uh, yeah, I don't know. What it is. Yeah. Yeah,
Speaker 1: if you if you're if you're twenty one and you
Speaker 1: like a girl and you don't trust yourself to be
Speaker 1: faithful to her, then keep looking. Keep looking. There's two
Speaker 1: things could be wrong. Once, she's not the right girl
Speaker 1: and two you're not in the right space. And I
Speaker 1: got I got a feeling it's probably both at the
Speaker 1: same time. Yeah.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and you're and you're young. Don't don't rush.
Speaker 1: Yeah, nothing wrong twenty one, you're you're totally good. Yeah.
Speaker 1: And at the same time, don't go be a whore.
Speaker 1: Just don't do that either. Yeah. This question says subject
Speaker 1: line what what's next for the band? Hey grangeraw is
Speaker 1: wondering what the band member's reaction is was to you
Speaker 1: retire from music, and what the next step is for them,
Speaker 1: and how the rest of the crew is involved in touring,
Speaker 1: like the bus drivers and Tyler. Thank you for being
Speaker 1: a light in the world, Emily. Yeah, Bernie got the
Speaker 1: privilege of going out the last few weeks, and I
Speaker 1: did see in everybody and and maybe you could attest
Speaker 1: what the attitude was like backstage.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I talked, I talked to those guys. I talked
Speaker 3: to it just about everybody apart from you, So they
Speaker 3: weren't just like in front of Granger trying to say,
Speaker 3: oh that's great. I think that there was a just
Speaker 3: a spirit of gratitude and like understanding. I think at first,
Speaker 3: you know, you know, it was like WHOA, this is
Speaker 3: going to be a big change. I felt like an
Speaker 3: excitement from people that there was there was opportunity, and
Speaker 3: sometimes like you know, I think there was acceptance of like, man,
Speaker 3: God is doing something here amongst that team. Man, I
Speaker 3: just felt like people sensed God is doing something. How
Speaker 3: how am I going to be a part of it?
Speaker 3: Some of them had, you know, you can speak more specifically,
Speaker 3: like what they're going to do. I know Chris is
Speaker 3: staying on with you. Obviously, Tyler is going to continue
Speaker 3: everything he's doing. But the band guys, I mean, Johnny
Speaker 3: is gonna be with you in some sense.
Speaker 1: Yeah. So I think there was a sense of everyone
Speaker 1: was very kind of at peace with it and content
Speaker 1: with it, and some of them saw it coming. I
Speaker 1: guess I could say that to your first question of
Speaker 1: what do they think when you told them? Some of
Speaker 1: them were shocked and so kind of all the emotions,
Speaker 1: there is a sense within all of them of a
Speaker 1: little bit of worrying on what's going to happen in
Speaker 1: the next season, because no one really had a for
Speaker 1: sure plan. I think Nard my merch guy, he's assistant
Speaker 1: tour manager for Cody Johnson, now Ryan my monitor guy.
Speaker 1: He's out working with somebody, maybe even Cody Johnson to
Speaker 1: Ryan as a stud So love those grizz the front
Speaker 1: of house guy love him. And he is working for
Speaker 1: a media company in Austin, not traveling anymore, just got
Speaker 1: married and they're pregnant now, so South Austin Grizz. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think he is. I think he is. Todd's gonna
Speaker 1: be playing lots of gigs doing doing what he does.
Speaker 1: Dusty is in a season of limbo. Not really sure.
Speaker 1: I'm secretly hoping that he doesn't tour. He's a fantastic
Speaker 1: drummer and such a value to any band. But he's
Speaker 1: also a father of three and they're building a home,
Speaker 1: and I think this might be a really cool season
Speaker 1: for him to see what it's like for the first
Speaker 1: time in his life to not travel and to what
Speaker 1: was it redeemed the household.
Speaker 3: What was it habits of that, habits of the household.
Speaker 1: And then Johnny is probably going to be doing some
Speaker 1: property management for me here the Yege Farm and some
Speaker 1: other places, which I'm excited about.
Speaker 3: And then he'll pick up some gigs too, right yeah, yeah,
Speaker 3: And the.
Speaker 1: Him and his wife have a real estate deal going
Speaker 1: on that they like to flip houses, and he's a
Speaker 1: really good handyman. And then Chris is still working for me.
Speaker 1: His role instead of tour manager, it's more like personal assistant.
Speaker 1: And Tyler is still managing, and Paul is still editing
Speaker 1: this podcast and all that. So yeah, they the guy's
Speaker 1: got a they got a bonus and tomorrow as we
Speaker 1: record this podcast tomorrow they'll get it and they know
Speaker 1: it's coming. But they're all going to get a bonus.
Speaker 1: And that the money is from the buses that we sold.
Speaker 1: So I think it's really cool that and kind of
Speaker 1: poetic that the the vehicles that took them away from
Speaker 1: their families for so long are the that's the money
Speaker 1: that's being paid back to them to their families. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so in that aspect, there's not like they're hurting. They're
Speaker 1: not like looking for immediately to pay the bills or anything.
Speaker 1: So they're all okay. But but it's going to be
Speaker 1: an exciting time to see what's next for everybody, and
Speaker 1: I'll still keep in touch with everybody. Yeah.
Speaker 3: I think there's something really special about new seasons and chapters,
Speaker 3: kind of like ending and new things beginning.
Speaker 1: So same, same, great bro. I appreciate you being on Yeah,
Speaker 1: thanks for having me again. See next time. See all
Speaker 1: of y'all next Monday. Ye, thanks for joining me on
Speaker 1: the Granger Smith Podcast. I appreciate all of you guys.
Speaker 1: You could help me out by rating this podcast on iTunes.
Speaker 1: If you're on YouTube, subscribe to this channel, hit that
Speaker 1: little like button and notification spell so that you never
Speaker 1: miss anytime I upload a video. If you have a
Speaker 1: question for me that you would like me to answer,
Speaker 1: email Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com.
Speaker 3: Yi