1 00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:14,640 Speaker 1: Welcome to the Therapy for Black Girls podcast, a weekly 2 00:00:14,720 --> 00:00:19,480 Speaker 1: conversation about mental health, personal development, and all the small 3 00:00:19,520 --> 00:00:22,680 Speaker 1: decisions we can make to become the best possible versions 4 00:00:22,680 --> 00:00:26,800 Speaker 1: of ourselves. I'm your host, doctor joy Hard and Bradford, 5 00:00:27,160 --> 00:00:32,239 Speaker 1: a licensed psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia. For more information or 6 00:00:32,360 --> 00:00:35,760 Speaker 1: to find a therapist in your area, visit our website 7 00:00:35,880 --> 00:00:39,600 Speaker 1: at Therapy for Blackgirls dot com. While I hope you 8 00:00:39,640 --> 00:00:43,639 Speaker 1: love listening to and learning from the podcast, it is 9 00:00:43,680 --> 00:00:46,600 Speaker 1: not meant to be a substitute for a relationship with 10 00:00:46,640 --> 00:00:57,520 Speaker 1: a licensed mental health professional. Hey, y'all, thanks so much 11 00:00:57,560 --> 00:01:00,080 Speaker 1: for joining me for session three seventy five of the 12 00:01:00,080 --> 00:01:03,160 Speaker 1: Therapy for Black Girls podcasts. We'll get right into our 13 00:01:03,200 --> 00:01:05,399 Speaker 1: conversation after a word from our sponsors. 14 00:01:06,000 --> 00:01:09,120 Speaker 2: Hi, you guys. I'm doctor Janelle, the Vagina Rehab Doctor, 15 00:01:09,200 --> 00:01:12,920 Speaker 2: and I'm on the Therapy for Black Girls podcast. I'm 16 00:01:13,120 --> 00:01:18,240 Speaker 2: in the session today unpacking all things about anxiety and sex. 17 00:01:28,080 --> 00:01:30,479 Speaker 1: For the fourth year in a row, Therapy for Black 18 00:01:30,520 --> 00:01:34,320 Speaker 1: Girls invites you to join us in celebrating sex Positive September, 19 00:01:34,840 --> 00:01:37,040 Speaker 1: a month in which we center the importance of black 20 00:01:37,080 --> 00:01:41,840 Speaker 1: women's pleasure, agency and sexual liberation. What better way to 21 00:01:41,959 --> 00:01:44,880 Speaker 1: kick off this month's programming than with a conversation with 22 00:01:45,000 --> 00:01:49,560 Speaker 1: returning guests, Doctor Janelle Frederick, also known as the Vagina 23 00:01:49,600 --> 00:01:53,760 Speaker 1: Rehab Doctor. Doctor Janelle, is a pelvic floor physical therapist 24 00:01:54,000 --> 00:01:59,360 Speaker 1: who specializes in helping individuals and couples overcome vaginismus, volvadinia, 25 00:01:59,680 --> 00:02:03,080 Speaker 1: and painful sex via remote one on one vaginal fitness 26 00:02:03,080 --> 00:02:07,279 Speaker 1: coaching and online education. She uses social media to produce 27 00:02:07,320 --> 00:02:12,160 Speaker 1: shame free entertaining and high quality sex education. In our conversation, 28 00:02:12,800 --> 00:02:15,920 Speaker 1: we discussed some of the overlooked contributors to sexual pleasure, 29 00:02:16,440 --> 00:02:19,080 Speaker 1: the ways in which anxiety and depression can impact a 30 00:02:19,120 --> 00:02:22,560 Speaker 1: person's ability to have pleasurable sex, and what we wish 31 00:02:22,600 --> 00:02:25,520 Speaker 1: our parents would have taught us about sex. If something 32 00:02:25,560 --> 00:02:28,919 Speaker 1: resonates with you while enjoying our conversation, please share with 33 00:02:29,000 --> 00:02:32,360 Speaker 1: us on social media using the hashtag tpg in session 34 00:02:32,840 --> 00:02:35,320 Speaker 1: or join us over in the sister circles to talk 35 00:02:35,320 --> 00:02:38,200 Speaker 1: more about the episode. You can join us at community 36 00:02:38,240 --> 00:02:46,200 Speaker 1: dot therapy for blackgirls dot com. Here's our conversation. Well, 37 00:02:46,240 --> 00:02:48,920 Speaker 1: thank you so much for jointing us again today, Doctor Janelle. 38 00:02:49,639 --> 00:02:52,600 Speaker 2: Absolutely, I am so so excited to be here and 39 00:02:52,760 --> 00:02:55,040 Speaker 2: just honored that she would have invited me back again. 40 00:02:55,520 --> 00:02:58,280 Speaker 2: So thank you so much, Doctor George for having me today. 41 00:02:58,400 --> 00:03:00,880 Speaker 1: Yes, we had such a great conversation for our sex 42 00:03:00,919 --> 00:03:02,959 Speaker 1: past September episode in twenty twenty two. 43 00:03:03,080 --> 00:03:04,399 Speaker 2: Is that we wanted to have you back. 44 00:03:04,440 --> 00:03:06,320 Speaker 1: But I want to hear what's been up with you 45 00:03:06,400 --> 00:03:07,600 Speaker 1: since we last chatted. 46 00:03:08,240 --> 00:03:10,799 Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, I feel like a whirlwind of things 47 00:03:10,840 --> 00:03:15,960 Speaker 2: have happened. I got married two months ago, so that 48 00:03:16,160 --> 00:03:20,800 Speaker 2: was a huge, huge transition with the wedding and not 49 00:03:21,000 --> 00:03:24,000 Speaker 2: calling my now husband my fiance. As soon as I 50 00:03:24,040 --> 00:03:27,560 Speaker 2: got used to saying fiance, then he was husband. So 51 00:03:27,600 --> 00:03:29,560 Speaker 2: it's like a lot of changes that have gone on. 52 00:03:29,919 --> 00:03:32,519 Speaker 2: We moved, we're still in Chicago, but we're living together 53 00:03:32,600 --> 00:03:36,720 Speaker 2: obviously now and mainly just work changes. I'm glad that 54 00:03:36,720 --> 00:03:40,320 Speaker 2: we're growing. I just hired another public floor therapist to 55 00:03:40,360 --> 00:03:44,400 Speaker 2: come and work with us at VRD, So just career 56 00:03:44,440 --> 00:03:46,960 Speaker 2: stuff and a little bit of family changes. But that's 57 00:03:47,000 --> 00:03:48,680 Speaker 2: the biggest thing that has changed for me. 58 00:03:49,680 --> 00:03:52,640 Speaker 1: Nice, Nice, Well, congratulations on all of those transitions, though, 59 00:03:52,680 --> 00:03:54,400 Speaker 1: I'm sure it has kept you plenty busy. 60 00:03:54,800 --> 00:03:57,440 Speaker 2: Oh my gosh. Absolutely. So. 61 00:03:57,520 --> 00:03:59,800 Speaker 1: The last time we chatted, we talked about the vagina 62 00:03:59,840 --> 00:04:03,160 Speaker 1: will meant to be flexible. And today we're gonna talk 63 00:04:03,200 --> 00:04:07,080 Speaker 1: more about fear and anxiety and how that actually impacts sex. 64 00:04:07,320 --> 00:04:09,000 Speaker 1: So can you say a little bit about why you 65 00:04:09,040 --> 00:04:10,920 Speaker 1: think that that's important for us to talk about and 66 00:04:10,920 --> 00:04:11,400 Speaker 1: think about. 67 00:04:11,920 --> 00:04:15,360 Speaker 2: Absolutely over the past couple of years, as I've been 68 00:04:16,120 --> 00:04:21,120 Speaker 2: evaluating women that have sexual pain or that have pellic 69 00:04:21,120 --> 00:04:23,760 Speaker 2: floor muscle tightness, which is really common, or just pellic 70 00:04:23,760 --> 00:04:26,440 Speaker 2: floor dysfunction, because a lot of people don't know whether 71 00:04:26,440 --> 00:04:29,360 Speaker 2: their pellic floor is tight to begin with. So just 72 00:04:29,480 --> 00:04:32,359 Speaker 2: like the urinary changes, like if you always have the 73 00:04:32,400 --> 00:04:35,560 Speaker 2: rush of the bathroom, these things are honestly, so so common. 74 00:04:35,839 --> 00:04:38,200 Speaker 2: But one of the common trends that I saw among 75 00:04:38,320 --> 00:04:41,040 Speaker 2: I would say at least eighty to ninety percent of 76 00:04:41,080 --> 00:04:43,960 Speaker 2: my patients was that many of them would say that 77 00:04:44,000 --> 00:04:48,120 Speaker 2: they've always struggled with anxiety and even have a therapist 78 00:04:48,200 --> 00:04:52,080 Speaker 2: for anxiety and or depression. And so I was getting 79 00:04:52,160 --> 00:04:55,719 Speaker 2: a lot of clinical expertise seeing that there was this 80 00:04:55,839 --> 00:05:01,000 Speaker 2: strong relationship between sexual pain, sexual dysfunction, peblic flord dysfunction, 81 00:05:01,160 --> 00:05:06,960 Speaker 2: and anxiety, and I really have just gathered more appreciation 82 00:05:07,520 --> 00:05:11,279 Speaker 2: for the mental health side of how pelvic florid dysfunction 83 00:05:11,440 --> 00:05:14,600 Speaker 2: can be healed, because that's honestly just a big part 84 00:05:14,600 --> 00:05:18,000 Speaker 2: of it. And I'm really appreciative of the collaboration that 85 00:05:18,000 --> 00:05:20,640 Speaker 2: we're starting to see of it more in this space. 86 00:05:20,720 --> 00:05:23,400 Speaker 2: So that's really what intrigued me to just seeing it 87 00:05:23,480 --> 00:05:26,080 Speaker 2: amongst so many of my clients saying that they were 88 00:05:26,080 --> 00:05:29,039 Speaker 2: struggling with anxiety, and then eventually I started reading more 89 00:05:29,080 --> 00:05:30,640 Speaker 2: about the connection between the two. 90 00:05:31,640 --> 00:05:34,159 Speaker 1: Got it. Can you say, well, there's some kind of 91 00:05:34,320 --> 00:05:37,920 Speaker 1: common themes that were coming up for your clients around 92 00:05:37,960 --> 00:05:41,279 Speaker 1: any anxieties of fear and is it related mostly to 93 00:05:41,360 --> 00:05:43,120 Speaker 1: sake or just general anxiety. 94 00:05:43,800 --> 00:05:46,640 Speaker 2: I would say that most of the people that I 95 00:05:46,720 --> 00:05:50,520 Speaker 2: see for either vaginistness, which can mean that intercourse or 96 00:05:50,600 --> 00:05:55,680 Speaker 2: vaginal assertion is not possible, like whether tampon, finger pelvic 97 00:05:55,720 --> 00:06:02,479 Speaker 2: exam are intercourse or sexual pain, they do have generalized anxiety, 98 00:06:02,520 --> 00:06:05,719 Speaker 2: but it also tends to show up in their sex life. 99 00:06:06,120 --> 00:06:08,839 Speaker 2: So then a fear of sex or a fear of pain, 100 00:06:09,080 --> 00:06:11,640 Speaker 2: or just a fear of things going into the vagina. 101 00:06:12,160 --> 00:06:15,760 Speaker 2: And so I think that it's hard to say which 102 00:06:15,800 --> 00:06:19,880 Speaker 2: one comes first or what's causing what, but generally it 103 00:06:19,960 --> 00:06:23,240 Speaker 2: seems that people tend to discover it like twelve or 104 00:06:23,279 --> 00:06:26,360 Speaker 2: thirteen when they're trying to put in a tampon, or 105 00:06:26,400 --> 00:06:28,159 Speaker 2: as they get a little bit older and they're going 106 00:06:28,240 --> 00:06:30,600 Speaker 2: to get that peblic exam and they realize that they 107 00:06:30,640 --> 00:06:34,680 Speaker 2: have a fear in addition to pain. And of course, 108 00:06:34,720 --> 00:06:37,120 Speaker 2: if you're having pain, that can make you afraid, because 109 00:06:37,480 --> 00:06:40,320 Speaker 2: no one just welcomes pain, that can be some anxiety 110 00:06:40,360 --> 00:06:43,400 Speaker 2: with that. So I do think it's interdependent, like they're 111 00:06:43,440 --> 00:06:46,839 Speaker 2: both interacting with each other. But I would say that 112 00:06:47,160 --> 00:06:51,880 Speaker 2: anxiety for sure can directly lead to peblic floor dysfunction 113 00:06:52,000 --> 00:06:55,680 Speaker 2: and sexual pain, which can create this cycle of fear. Right, 114 00:06:55,800 --> 00:06:57,719 Speaker 2: fear of sex are fear of pain. 115 00:06:58,800 --> 00:07:00,279 Speaker 1: So can you say a little bit of a like 116 00:07:00,360 --> 00:07:02,359 Speaker 1: how you would then work with a client like that 117 00:07:02,440 --> 00:07:05,240 Speaker 1: when you discover that there is this anxiety around it. 118 00:07:05,760 --> 00:07:08,360 Speaker 2: Absolutely, So a lot of what we will do is 119 00:07:08,800 --> 00:07:12,480 Speaker 2: we have to of course resolve the physical dysfunction because, 120 00:07:12,560 --> 00:07:15,840 Speaker 2: like we've talked about, that could be driving the fear. Right, 121 00:07:15,920 --> 00:07:19,120 Speaker 2: So if we go to have intercourse and as soon 122 00:07:19,240 --> 00:07:23,800 Speaker 2: as insertion is attempted there's a burning, stinging type pain, 123 00:07:24,240 --> 00:07:27,160 Speaker 2: then we want to resolve that so that when attempts 124 00:07:27,200 --> 00:07:30,760 Speaker 2: are made, their nervous system is not so jarred, right, 125 00:07:30,800 --> 00:07:34,480 Speaker 2: So just bringing the pain down generally does have such 126 00:07:34,520 --> 00:07:38,000 Speaker 2: a positive effect on their fear because they're gonna not 127 00:07:38,160 --> 00:07:41,240 Speaker 2: be as guarded, right, They're not gonna be as afraid, 128 00:07:41,280 --> 00:07:43,600 Speaker 2: and so their nervous system begins to calm down with that. 129 00:07:44,080 --> 00:07:45,720 Speaker 2: But then a lot of the other things that we 130 00:07:45,760 --> 00:07:51,680 Speaker 2: can do is exercises and activities that directly lower just 131 00:07:51,720 --> 00:07:53,760 Speaker 2: the state of the nervous system that is on guard. 132 00:07:53,840 --> 00:07:58,320 Speaker 2: So diaformatic breathing and not just diaformatic breathing, but getting 133 00:07:58,480 --> 00:08:01,640 Speaker 2: our clients to and I say our clients because I 134 00:08:01,680 --> 00:08:04,240 Speaker 2: don't do all of the one on one coaching anymore myself, 135 00:08:04,560 --> 00:08:06,400 Speaker 2: so I have people working with me, and so I 136 00:08:06,400 --> 00:08:09,360 Speaker 2: think my brain is in that our mode. But what 137 00:08:09,400 --> 00:08:12,440 Speaker 2: we would do is even have them to touch the 138 00:08:12,480 --> 00:08:15,840 Speaker 2: pelic floor while they're breathing, so that they can see 139 00:08:15,840 --> 00:08:18,480 Speaker 2: that when they breathe in a certain way, their pelic 140 00:08:18,520 --> 00:08:22,440 Speaker 2: floor muscles actually relax, right, So doing things that help 141 00:08:22,480 --> 00:08:25,840 Speaker 2: them to connect with their peblic floor and their sexual 142 00:08:25,880 --> 00:08:31,480 Speaker 2: anatomy and also just reinforcing that insertion is not bad. Right. 143 00:08:31,520 --> 00:08:33,640 Speaker 2: So one of the things that we use is dilators, 144 00:08:34,000 --> 00:08:37,520 Speaker 2: and that's especially helpful for anyone who's having sexual pain 145 00:08:38,080 --> 00:08:43,040 Speaker 2: or inability to have intercourse. And when we're inserting those dilators, 146 00:08:43,080 --> 00:08:45,880 Speaker 2: even if there is pain, what we try to do 147 00:08:46,000 --> 00:08:50,200 Speaker 2: is retrain how they react to that pain. So instead 148 00:08:50,200 --> 00:08:53,040 Speaker 2: of clenching and guarding and closing the muscles because they're 149 00:08:53,080 --> 00:08:56,280 Speaker 2: scared or they're afraid they're making themselves worse, we try 150 00:08:56,280 --> 00:08:59,720 Speaker 2: and teach them to keep those muscles relaxed, to stay 151 00:08:59,760 --> 00:09:03,720 Speaker 2: breathing right, to not close the hips or the thighs, 152 00:09:04,120 --> 00:09:07,000 Speaker 2: and so a lot of it is honestly retraining how 153 00:09:07,040 --> 00:09:10,120 Speaker 2: they think about pain and even letting them know that 154 00:09:10,160 --> 00:09:13,240 Speaker 2: pain is not always bad. Sometimes it's just like a 155 00:09:13,280 --> 00:09:15,800 Speaker 2: siren that's going off and it needs to be calmed. 156 00:09:16,120 --> 00:09:17,840 Speaker 2: So those are some of the things that we like 157 00:09:17,920 --> 00:09:21,880 Speaker 2: to do with our clients who are struggling with fear, anxiety, 158 00:09:21,920 --> 00:09:22,840 Speaker 2: and pain with sex. 159 00:09:23,320 --> 00:09:25,400 Speaker 1: And I would imagine that for some people, you know, 160 00:09:25,440 --> 00:09:27,960 Speaker 1: the difficulty and the tension comes from a history of 161 00:09:28,000 --> 00:09:31,280 Speaker 1: sexual trauma or sexual abuse. Can you say a little 162 00:09:31,280 --> 00:09:34,240 Speaker 1: bit more about how this impacts your sex life and 163 00:09:34,280 --> 00:09:36,600 Speaker 1: how you would work with them. I would imagine at 164 00:09:36,640 --> 00:09:38,080 Speaker 1: some point. I think we talked about this for your 165 00:09:38,160 --> 00:09:41,240 Speaker 1: last visit, Like working with a therapist also as a 166 00:09:41,280 --> 00:09:44,640 Speaker 1: part of the care team for these kinds of concerns. 167 00:09:44,320 --> 00:09:48,240 Speaker 2: We can be sensitive to certain things. Right, We definitely 168 00:09:48,240 --> 00:09:52,760 Speaker 2: want to include regular and frequent communication. Right, So how 169 00:09:52,800 --> 00:09:55,160 Speaker 2: are you doing with this? I may instruct them to 170 00:09:55,280 --> 00:09:57,480 Speaker 2: use a pelvick Won, which is like a tool that's 171 00:09:57,600 --> 00:10:00,040 Speaker 2: used to get out tension inside the vagina and some 172 00:10:00,080 --> 00:10:03,680 Speaker 2: times even the anus. But if that's bringing up memories 173 00:10:03,679 --> 00:10:06,520 Speaker 2: of the past or it's making them feel afraid, that 174 00:10:06,600 --> 00:10:09,839 Speaker 2: communication is so important, like how are you doing with this? 175 00:10:10,240 --> 00:10:12,520 Speaker 2: Are you feeling pain? Are you worry? How are you 176 00:10:12,520 --> 00:10:16,040 Speaker 2: feeling in your mind? That communication is important. But also 177 00:10:16,200 --> 00:10:19,200 Speaker 2: I'm just very thankful that we have you. Right, we 178 00:10:19,320 --> 00:10:23,600 Speaker 2: have psychologists, we have sex therapists, we have mental health therapists, 179 00:10:23,640 --> 00:10:26,160 Speaker 2: and generally a lot of the clients that we work 180 00:10:26,200 --> 00:10:29,400 Speaker 2: with have either already been so that's like thank you. 181 00:10:29,720 --> 00:10:31,600 Speaker 2: They've already been and they've done a lot of the 182 00:10:31,679 --> 00:10:34,760 Speaker 2: mental work and now it's more so that they're trying 183 00:10:34,800 --> 00:10:37,720 Speaker 2: to work through the physical pain and the physical tension. 184 00:10:38,040 --> 00:10:42,120 Speaker 2: So collaboration is still a key part. I remember last 185 00:10:42,200 --> 00:10:43,840 Speaker 2: year I worked with a woman who was having a 186 00:10:43,840 --> 00:10:47,920 Speaker 2: difficult time reaching an orgasm, and she definitely had a 187 00:10:47,960 --> 00:10:51,960 Speaker 2: lot of pelic floor muscle tightness, difficulty breathing, like when 188 00:10:51,960 --> 00:10:55,400 Speaker 2: she would inhale, her belly really wouldn't expand very much. 189 00:10:55,880 --> 00:10:58,840 Speaker 2: And that's a whole other topic because we're told a 190 00:10:58,840 --> 00:11:01,079 Speaker 2: lot that our way should be small and you should 191 00:11:01,080 --> 00:11:04,120 Speaker 2: suck it in and wear waste trainers and all these 192 00:11:04,200 --> 00:11:07,199 Speaker 2: things that restrict you. But that was actually contributing to 193 00:11:07,240 --> 00:11:09,959 Speaker 2: why she couldn't orgasm. And we were doing all of 194 00:11:10,000 --> 00:11:13,280 Speaker 2: the things, working on the public floor, working on her breathing, 195 00:11:13,400 --> 00:11:15,840 Speaker 2: working on the pain inside of the vagina, and she 196 00:11:15,960 --> 00:11:19,440 Speaker 2: was still having a lot of difficulty with orgasming. Towards 197 00:11:19,480 --> 00:11:22,440 Speaker 2: the end of our time working together, thankfully, she did 198 00:11:22,480 --> 00:11:25,080 Speaker 2: get to the place where she could orgasm. But she 199 00:11:25,240 --> 00:11:28,400 Speaker 2: actually just reached out to me yesterday and she said 200 00:11:28,480 --> 00:11:30,880 Speaker 2: she's so thankful for the work that we did because 201 00:11:30,880 --> 00:11:32,720 Speaker 2: it opened up her eyes to a lot of things 202 00:11:32,720 --> 00:11:36,080 Speaker 2: about her body. But she said she wasn't able to 203 00:11:36,120 --> 00:11:39,959 Speaker 2: completely be present because of our history with sexual trauma. 204 00:11:40,160 --> 00:11:44,319 Speaker 2: So that reinforced me the importance of you really got 205 00:11:44,360 --> 00:11:47,400 Speaker 2: to collaborate with other healthcare providers. I mean, that's just 206 00:11:47,520 --> 00:11:50,880 Speaker 2: not our scope as public floor physical therapists. So we 207 00:11:50,960 --> 00:11:54,720 Speaker 2: could do all the things, but if they're not present right, 208 00:11:54,720 --> 00:11:57,600 Speaker 2: they're reminded, or they're scared, or they're clinching because of 209 00:11:57,960 --> 00:12:01,160 Speaker 2: that history or those trauma responses, then it can still 210 00:12:01,200 --> 00:12:05,840 Speaker 2: be difficult, and even sometimes focusing more on what's going 211 00:12:05,880 --> 00:12:09,200 Speaker 2: to help them relax as opposed to immediately going to 212 00:12:09,400 --> 00:12:14,800 Speaker 2: physical interventions like internal release are using these invasive tools. 213 00:12:15,240 --> 00:12:21,960 Speaker 2: Sometimes just focusing on exercises, mobility, breathing is appropriate if 214 00:12:22,000 --> 00:12:25,600 Speaker 2: someone is still in a phase where they're I don't 215 00:12:25,600 --> 00:12:29,880 Speaker 2: want to say stuck, but still reminded by those traumatic experiences. 216 00:12:30,200 --> 00:12:33,400 Speaker 2: So it's not always easy, but I definitely think that 217 00:12:33,440 --> 00:12:35,880 Speaker 2: there's so much room for growth even if there is 218 00:12:35,920 --> 00:12:38,319 Speaker 2: a history of trauma involved. 219 00:12:38,760 --> 00:12:40,600 Speaker 1: So that's just now. I do want to hear more 220 00:12:40,679 --> 00:12:43,160 Speaker 1: about it, because you mentioned like the process of breathing 221 00:12:43,200 --> 00:12:45,520 Speaker 1: and like how much that is a part of your work, 222 00:12:45,800 --> 00:12:48,199 Speaker 1: and if you could say more about the connection between 223 00:12:48,240 --> 00:12:51,520 Speaker 1: breathing and the ability to orgasm. What is the connection there. 224 00:12:52,160 --> 00:12:55,559 Speaker 2: The first one is just the way that your diaphragm, 225 00:12:55,600 --> 00:12:58,559 Speaker 2: which is the main muscle of breathing interacts with your 226 00:12:58,640 --> 00:13:02,599 Speaker 2: vagus nerve. Right, so our vegus nerve pierces the diaphragm 227 00:13:02,880 --> 00:13:05,960 Speaker 2: and it has offshoots that go to the glitterists that 228 00:13:06,040 --> 00:13:09,440 Speaker 2: go to the pelvis. It helps with our breathing rate, 229 00:13:09,520 --> 00:13:12,360 Speaker 2: it helps with our blood pressure. It's a nerve that's 230 00:13:12,400 --> 00:13:16,280 Speaker 2: really responsible for calming us down, for calming anxiety, and 231 00:13:16,320 --> 00:13:19,720 Speaker 2: for helping us to feel pleasure. So if your body 232 00:13:19,840 --> 00:13:23,320 Speaker 2: is in a state of hypervigilance, if your body is 233 00:13:23,320 --> 00:13:26,240 Speaker 2: in a state of anxiety, one of the ways to 234 00:13:26,320 --> 00:13:30,000 Speaker 2: help activate that nerve is through proper breathing, because every 235 00:13:30,000 --> 00:13:34,360 Speaker 2: time you take a diaphramatic breath, you stimulate that vegus nerve, 236 00:13:34,920 --> 00:13:38,400 Speaker 2: And so that's why it's important for us to be 237 00:13:38,520 --> 00:13:41,760 Speaker 2: mindful of how we're breathing, and also if we're even 238 00:13:41,840 --> 00:13:46,040 Speaker 2: relaxing our belly, because if we're restricting our abdominals inward 239 00:13:46,160 --> 00:13:49,880 Speaker 2: and sucking in all the time, you're limiting the movement 240 00:13:49,880 --> 00:13:53,400 Speaker 2: of your diaphragm, which then limits the activation of that 241 00:13:53,520 --> 00:13:57,000 Speaker 2: vagus nerve. So that's the first way. It is just 242 00:13:57,040 --> 00:13:59,840 Speaker 2: the way the nervous system is interacting with the main 243 00:14:00,080 --> 00:14:04,160 Speaker 2: muscle of breathing. The second way is that the diaphragm 244 00:14:04,240 --> 00:14:07,720 Speaker 2: and the pelic floor works simultaneously. So when we take 245 00:14:07,720 --> 00:14:10,360 Speaker 2: a nice, big belly breath in, when we breathe in, 246 00:14:10,880 --> 00:14:13,480 Speaker 2: our belly should get nice and big, right, I tell 247 00:14:13,559 --> 00:14:16,720 Speaker 2: why people let it all hang out. When you breathe in, 248 00:14:17,160 --> 00:14:21,360 Speaker 2: the pelic floor also naturally relaxes and it opens not 249 00:14:21,440 --> 00:14:24,320 Speaker 2: a huge amount. And even if you take a big breath, 250 00:14:24,360 --> 00:14:26,800 Speaker 2: if you do have a lot of pelic floor muscle tightness, 251 00:14:26,960 --> 00:14:29,000 Speaker 2: you may not feel a whole bunch And that's okay, 252 00:14:29,440 --> 00:14:31,960 Speaker 2: But that's the other way. So that means then if 253 00:14:32,000 --> 00:14:35,000 Speaker 2: someone always has their belly sucked in, or if their 254 00:14:35,040 --> 00:14:38,680 Speaker 2: breathing habits are not ideal, that their pelic floor muscle 255 00:14:38,800 --> 00:14:42,640 Speaker 2: could be restricted. And this is gonna limit blood flow 256 00:14:42,680 --> 00:14:45,680 Speaker 2: that riches your glitterist. It's gonna limit blood flow that 257 00:14:45,720 --> 00:14:47,720 Speaker 2: obviously gets to the vagina, and it can make it 258 00:14:47,760 --> 00:14:51,880 Speaker 2: difficult for the muscles to contract and relax for an orgasm, 259 00:14:52,320 --> 00:14:56,160 Speaker 2: because essentially that orgasm is that contraction, that relaxation, contraction 260 00:14:56,320 --> 00:15:00,080 Speaker 2: and relaxation, and so trying to get that pelic the 261 00:15:00,160 --> 00:15:03,760 Speaker 2: floor and the diaphragm to open up is so crucial 262 00:15:04,200 --> 00:15:06,680 Speaker 2: when it comes to just overall pelic health, not just 263 00:15:06,840 --> 00:15:11,640 Speaker 2: orgasmic potential, but overall pelic health and helping someone to 264 00:15:11,680 --> 00:15:15,280 Speaker 2: feel pain free sex. So that's I would say the 265 00:15:15,280 --> 00:15:18,720 Speaker 2: two major things that I see in relationship to breathing 266 00:15:19,160 --> 00:15:20,760 Speaker 2: and sexual and peblic health. 267 00:15:21,240 --> 00:15:23,680 Speaker 1: Got it, I wonder, doctor Janelle. I think we talked 268 00:15:23,720 --> 00:15:26,480 Speaker 1: the last time about like water and how important that 269 00:15:26,720 --> 00:15:29,600 Speaker 1: was in terms of orgasm, well the other things that 270 00:15:29,640 --> 00:15:32,280 Speaker 1: we might be overlooking or missing as it released to 271 00:15:32,440 --> 00:15:33,240 Speaker 1: sexual pleasure. 272 00:15:33,840 --> 00:15:37,080 Speaker 2: Absolutely, I would say that one of the things is 273 00:15:37,200 --> 00:15:42,800 Speaker 2: just preparing our body for pleasure and even for orgasm, 274 00:15:43,120 --> 00:15:44,720 Speaker 2: and a lot to think of it as when we 275 00:15:44,800 --> 00:15:47,640 Speaker 2: go to sleep at night. Right, we're planning to have 276 00:15:47,760 --> 00:15:51,240 Speaker 2: this amazing night where we're relaxed and we're just out 277 00:15:51,280 --> 00:15:54,720 Speaker 2: for the count. But a lot of people notice that 278 00:15:54,800 --> 00:15:57,880 Speaker 2: if they prepare for their sleep, they sleep better. So 279 00:15:58,120 --> 00:16:00,520 Speaker 2: if you put on your pajamas, or if you take 280 00:16:00,560 --> 00:16:03,520 Speaker 2: a warm bath, or if you drink something relaxed, or 281 00:16:03,520 --> 00:16:06,760 Speaker 2: if you take your melatonin, right, So that's preparing. If 282 00:16:06,800 --> 00:16:10,880 Speaker 2: we're going into this eight hour activity, we can't just 283 00:16:10,920 --> 00:16:13,120 Speaker 2: be on our phone scrolling off of the night and 284 00:16:13,160 --> 00:16:15,200 Speaker 2: then try and go to sleep. So I like to 285 00:16:15,200 --> 00:16:19,160 Speaker 2: think of orgasms and pleasure as like this activity that 286 00:16:19,200 --> 00:16:22,440 Speaker 2: we have to prepare for. So thinking of how relaxed 287 00:16:22,480 --> 00:16:26,440 Speaker 2: do you feel before sex, right, do you feel anxious? 288 00:16:26,560 --> 00:16:30,040 Speaker 2: Do you feel stressed or tired? Your vagina gonna be 289 00:16:30,080 --> 00:16:34,160 Speaker 2: tired too. There's no way that you're gonna be exhausted, tired, 290 00:16:34,240 --> 00:16:37,960 Speaker 2: stressed and then expect your vagina to be all wet 291 00:16:38,040 --> 00:16:40,240 Speaker 2: and you to be having these great orgasms because your 292 00:16:40,320 --> 00:16:43,640 Speaker 2: vagina is connected to your body. So I think that's 293 00:16:43,640 --> 00:16:45,680 Speaker 2: a huge part of it, is just checking in with 294 00:16:45,800 --> 00:16:49,360 Speaker 2: your overall state for play. I think we talked about 295 00:16:49,360 --> 00:16:51,760 Speaker 2: that a lot generally in terms of pelic health and 296 00:16:51,840 --> 00:16:56,680 Speaker 2: sexual wellness especially. I do think that's underrated quite a bit. 297 00:16:57,280 --> 00:16:59,680 Speaker 2: I don't know if it's because we are typically having 298 00:16:59,680 --> 00:17:02,880 Speaker 2: sex with men, and so men are more excited to 299 00:17:02,880 --> 00:17:05,600 Speaker 2: get to the penetration and so foreplay is not valued. 300 00:17:06,320 --> 00:17:10,320 Speaker 2: But we need about twenty to thirty minutes. And that's 301 00:17:10,320 --> 00:17:14,120 Speaker 2: so important because in order for us to really get 302 00:17:14,119 --> 00:17:17,399 Speaker 2: that clitteral blood flow, which is the erection, so we 303 00:17:17,520 --> 00:17:20,440 Speaker 2: have erections too. That's not going to happen as well 304 00:17:20,480 --> 00:17:23,680 Speaker 2: if we're not being aroused, and so I think that's 305 00:17:23,720 --> 00:17:27,240 Speaker 2: a huge part of it, and just your emotional state, right, 306 00:17:27,240 --> 00:17:29,960 Speaker 2: how do you feel are you feeling connected to your partner? 307 00:17:30,480 --> 00:17:33,760 Speaker 2: Some people are turned on just by conversations, you know. 308 00:17:34,000 --> 00:17:37,080 Speaker 2: So I think that again, the connection between the mental 309 00:17:37,160 --> 00:17:41,240 Speaker 2: emotional and then with the Pelvican sexual is so intimate 310 00:17:41,720 --> 00:17:45,399 Speaker 2: that we have to constantly remind ourselves of that and 311 00:17:45,480 --> 00:17:49,160 Speaker 2: look to see how we are generally feeling and address that. 312 00:17:49,560 --> 00:17:51,560 Speaker 1: So I wonder if you could give us some suggestions 313 00:17:51,600 --> 00:17:54,280 Speaker 1: about how we might talk with a partner if we 314 00:17:54,359 --> 00:17:57,199 Speaker 1: do have some anxiety around sex, like how might we 315 00:17:57,240 --> 00:17:59,159 Speaker 1: bring this up? And when do we bring this up? 316 00:17:59,400 --> 00:18:02,640 Speaker 2: That is such a great question. I think that any 317 00:18:02,640 --> 00:18:08,119 Speaker 2: conversations about your pleasure, just sexual communication are so important 318 00:18:08,160 --> 00:18:11,960 Speaker 2: to have, and I would say that having the conversations 319 00:18:12,040 --> 00:18:15,160 Speaker 2: outside of the bedroom is best. I think a lot 320 00:18:15,200 --> 00:18:17,720 Speaker 2: of times when you try and tell someone they may 321 00:18:17,760 --> 00:18:19,960 Speaker 2: be trying to, I don't know, go down on you 322 00:18:20,160 --> 00:18:22,000 Speaker 2: or y'all in the middle of sex, and you're trying 323 00:18:22,000 --> 00:18:24,800 Speaker 2: to tell them and give them instructions. They're like in 324 00:18:24,800 --> 00:18:27,560 Speaker 2: this performance mode, right, they want to do everything right, 325 00:18:27,680 --> 00:18:30,479 Speaker 2: and so coming to them was what you want them 326 00:18:30,560 --> 00:18:33,960 Speaker 2: to do. Differently, I think that time is not ideal. 327 00:18:34,040 --> 00:18:37,480 Speaker 2: So I would say maybe the day before sex, or 328 00:18:37,480 --> 00:18:39,840 Speaker 2: when you anticipate sex to happen, or just at any 329 00:18:39,920 --> 00:18:42,800 Speaker 2: time where you think the person is a little bit 330 00:18:42,880 --> 00:18:46,360 Speaker 2: more softened. So let's say that you're watching a movie together, 331 00:18:46,640 --> 00:18:49,960 Speaker 2: or you're just having dinner, or let's say that you're cuddling. 332 00:18:50,359 --> 00:18:53,040 Speaker 2: I think these are great times to actually bring up 333 00:18:53,440 --> 00:18:56,359 Speaker 2: what are the issues that you're having number one? And 334 00:18:56,400 --> 00:18:59,879 Speaker 2: then two, what are the expectations that you have for them? Right? 335 00:19:00,240 --> 00:19:02,280 Speaker 2: And I did this in my stories, and I did 336 00:19:02,280 --> 00:19:05,119 Speaker 2: this mainly as a demonstration because I do have a 337 00:19:05,160 --> 00:19:07,840 Speaker 2: lot of women telling me that they don't know how 338 00:19:08,400 --> 00:19:10,960 Speaker 2: to tell their partners like what they like in bed, 339 00:19:11,400 --> 00:19:14,399 Speaker 2: or what they're having issues with like pain or anxiety, 340 00:19:15,080 --> 00:19:17,640 Speaker 2: and so a lot of times it's honestly just being 341 00:19:17,760 --> 00:19:21,760 Speaker 2: as specific as possible regarding what you want. And so 342 00:19:22,080 --> 00:19:26,560 Speaker 2: I did a scripted scene where again I was doing 343 00:19:26,560 --> 00:19:29,600 Speaker 2: it mainly for the people watching my stories. But I 344 00:19:29,640 --> 00:19:33,320 Speaker 2: went into my husband's office yesterday after knocking on his door, 345 00:19:33,760 --> 00:19:37,200 Speaker 2: and I said, baby, can you give me an orgasm tonight? 346 00:19:37,960 --> 00:19:41,240 Speaker 2: I mean, it was very straightforward, right to the point, 347 00:19:41,760 --> 00:19:44,199 Speaker 2: and he's like, what, of course, He's all confused, like 348 00:19:44,240 --> 00:19:46,560 Speaker 2: you're what you're talking about? And I said, I don't 349 00:19:46,600 --> 00:19:48,920 Speaker 2: really want to work for my own orgasm tonight. I'm 350 00:19:48,960 --> 00:19:50,840 Speaker 2: just really would love for you to do that for 351 00:19:50,880 --> 00:19:54,119 Speaker 2: me tonight, and he said sure. So a lot of 352 00:19:54,160 --> 00:19:58,240 Speaker 2: times it's just being willing to be open, right. My 353 00:19:58,320 --> 00:20:01,960 Speaker 2: tone of voice wasn't demanding aggressive, right, because sometimes people 354 00:20:02,000 --> 00:20:04,000 Speaker 2: can be more defensive if we come to them with 355 00:20:04,040 --> 00:20:06,840 Speaker 2: something they're doing wrong. But even the same with anxiety 356 00:20:06,840 --> 00:20:10,040 Speaker 2: and pain, we can say, hey, I've been struggling with anxiety. 357 00:20:10,359 --> 00:20:14,000 Speaker 2: Whenever we have intercourse or whenever we're intimate, do you 358 00:20:14,080 --> 00:20:16,560 Speaker 2: mind just spending some time with me, just breathing for 359 00:20:16,680 --> 00:20:19,119 Speaker 2: maybe five to ten minutes before we have sex tonight. 360 00:20:20,040 --> 00:20:23,119 Speaker 2: I think most partners who care about you would be open, 361 00:20:23,640 --> 00:20:25,800 Speaker 2: especially if you're asking them at a time where it's 362 00:20:25,800 --> 00:20:28,719 Speaker 2: a good time. I think the timing is everything, and 363 00:20:28,760 --> 00:20:32,040 Speaker 2: also in a non sort of aggressive way, and I 364 00:20:32,040 --> 00:20:34,520 Speaker 2: think that that would work well and see how they 365 00:20:34,560 --> 00:20:35,280 Speaker 2: respond to that. 366 00:20:36,000 --> 00:20:38,920 Speaker 1: More from our conversation after the break, but first, a 367 00:20:39,040 --> 00:20:41,440 Speaker 1: quick snippet of what's coming next week on TVG. 368 00:20:42,200 --> 00:20:46,480 Speaker 3: Sexuality at sixty is not what it was at thirty. Okay, 369 00:20:46,560 --> 00:20:50,160 Speaker 3: that's what it is, but it doesn't mean that it's over. 370 00:20:51,080 --> 00:20:53,800 Speaker 3: And if there are things that are getting in the way, 371 00:20:54,600 --> 00:20:58,919 Speaker 3: like you don't feel well, like you can't sleep, like 372 00:20:59,119 --> 00:21:02,640 Speaker 3: you have vaginal dryness, like you have painful sex, then 373 00:21:02,720 --> 00:21:06,840 Speaker 3: go fix those things. Go fix them. It's easy and 374 00:21:06,960 --> 00:21:10,359 Speaker 3: it involves hormones. So no, it ain't over till it's over. 375 00:21:11,040 --> 00:21:14,880 Speaker 3: You know when that time is. But don't let the 376 00:21:14,920 --> 00:21:28,080 Speaker 3: things that are fixable get in the way. 377 00:21:31,400 --> 00:21:33,480 Speaker 1: So, doctor Janelle, something else that has come up in 378 00:21:33,520 --> 00:21:36,879 Speaker 1: conversations in the community. Is there a way to like 379 00:21:37,040 --> 00:21:40,800 Speaker 1: actually increase your libido? So is that possible? 380 00:21:41,440 --> 00:21:45,320 Speaker 2: You know what? It's such a huge topic just libido, 381 00:21:46,000 --> 00:21:49,760 Speaker 2: and I think it definitely is a way. Sometimes it 382 00:21:49,800 --> 00:21:52,920 Speaker 2: seems to happen naturally, Like with some of our clients 383 00:21:53,000 --> 00:21:56,080 Speaker 2: they do tell us after being able to have pain 384 00:21:56,119 --> 00:21:59,760 Speaker 2: for sex, is that they're libido naturally spiked. I mean, 385 00:22:00,040 --> 00:22:01,919 Speaker 2: your brain is not really going to tell you to 386 00:22:01,920 --> 00:22:05,120 Speaker 2: do something that hurts, right, unless you like pain, right, 387 00:22:05,200 --> 00:22:08,399 Speaker 2: some people do like kling pain. But if you don't, 388 00:22:08,840 --> 00:22:11,600 Speaker 2: then your brain is going to sort of put up 389 00:22:11,640 --> 00:22:13,919 Speaker 2: a wall to try and guard you from what it 390 00:22:14,000 --> 00:22:17,760 Speaker 2: thinks is harming you. Right, So just that alone can 391 00:22:17,800 --> 00:22:22,000 Speaker 2: decrease your libido. Another thing that is actually super important. 392 00:22:22,000 --> 00:22:24,199 Speaker 2: I was just reading about this the other day is 393 00:22:24,359 --> 00:22:29,480 Speaker 2: vitamin D. This vitamin, I think is like the powerhouse 394 00:22:29,560 --> 00:22:32,440 Speaker 2: vitamin because number one, it helps with their mental health. 395 00:22:33,080 --> 00:22:37,280 Speaker 2: If you are depressed, the dopamine, the serotonin, the oxtatocin 396 00:22:37,400 --> 00:22:40,000 Speaker 2: levels are not where they need to be, you're not 397 00:22:40,040 --> 00:22:44,199 Speaker 2: going to be craving play because really that's what sex is. 398 00:22:44,240 --> 00:22:48,399 Speaker 2: That's a playful activity, right, and reproductive of course, but 399 00:22:48,560 --> 00:22:51,040 Speaker 2: just getting where vitamin D can actually help your body 400 00:22:51,080 --> 00:22:54,639 Speaker 2: to make sex hormones. So testosterone is one of the 401 00:22:54,680 --> 00:22:58,080 Speaker 2: primary ones that helps us to feel horny, and so 402 00:22:58,720 --> 00:23:01,360 Speaker 2: getting out and getting that souff Like as simple as 403 00:23:01,400 --> 00:23:05,399 Speaker 2: it sounds, it's so so important. Another thing that we 404 00:23:05,440 --> 00:23:08,119 Speaker 2: can do, I think, to support our sex drive is 405 00:23:08,160 --> 00:23:11,919 Speaker 2: making sure that we're getting enough sleep so we actually 406 00:23:11,960 --> 00:23:14,880 Speaker 2: get clitteral erections when we go to sleep at night. 407 00:23:15,600 --> 00:23:17,600 Speaker 2: When I found out about this, I was like, what 408 00:23:17,920 --> 00:23:22,199 Speaker 2: we get mourning wood too. That is so amazing that 409 00:23:22,240 --> 00:23:24,680 Speaker 2: you're not really gonna see it because our stuff is hidden. 410 00:23:25,080 --> 00:23:27,639 Speaker 2: But all genders have the same thing that happens a 411 00:23:27,680 --> 00:23:30,120 Speaker 2: few times of the night. There's an erection. But if 412 00:23:30,160 --> 00:23:32,960 Speaker 2: you're not getting enough sleep, you're not going to be 413 00:23:33,000 --> 00:23:36,680 Speaker 2: getting that same amount of blood flow to those organs 414 00:23:36,720 --> 00:23:40,560 Speaker 2: to create more sensory awareness of that body part. I 415 00:23:40,600 --> 00:23:42,760 Speaker 2: think another thing that we can do is go check 416 00:23:42,760 --> 00:23:45,840 Speaker 2: our hormone panel. So when was the last time you've 417 00:23:45,840 --> 00:23:47,800 Speaker 2: gone to your doctor and ask them to look at 418 00:23:47,840 --> 00:23:53,159 Speaker 2: your progesterone, your testosterone, your estrogen, your insulin. All of 419 00:23:53,200 --> 00:23:57,439 Speaker 2: this is so so important because hormones essentially tell the 420 00:23:57,480 --> 00:24:00,200 Speaker 2: body what to do. So I think that it's a 421 00:24:00,240 --> 00:24:02,800 Speaker 2: great way. We don't want to underestimate the power of 422 00:24:02,960 --> 00:24:06,800 Speaker 2: just checking the facts right using the tools that our 423 00:24:06,840 --> 00:24:10,000 Speaker 2: doctors have. And I don't want to underwrite the importance 424 00:24:10,040 --> 00:24:13,800 Speaker 2: of also just being overworked. I mean, this is therapy 425 00:24:13,840 --> 00:24:17,359 Speaker 2: for black girls. We work hard, like we really do it. Generally, 426 00:24:17,359 --> 00:24:19,920 Speaker 2: we have to work harder than other people to get 427 00:24:19,960 --> 00:24:24,399 Speaker 2: to the same place. And so I think just giving 428 00:24:24,400 --> 00:24:29,520 Speaker 2: yourself permission to do nothing. I remember someone said that 429 00:24:29,560 --> 00:24:32,399 Speaker 2: you have to get unbusy to get busy, like the 430 00:24:32,480 --> 00:24:35,200 Speaker 2: more relaxed you are. We saw what happened with the pandemic, 431 00:24:35,480 --> 00:24:38,320 Speaker 2: more people were getting pregnant one much to do so 432 00:24:38,480 --> 00:24:42,480 Speaker 2: like you like on vacations, your lobido maybe higher. So 433 00:24:42,600 --> 00:24:45,000 Speaker 2: of course we can't go on a vacation every two weeks, 434 00:24:45,440 --> 00:24:48,320 Speaker 2: But what can you do to just slow down? I mean, 435 00:24:48,840 --> 00:24:51,480 Speaker 2: you really can't even feel your sex drive if you're 436 00:24:51,640 --> 00:24:55,320 Speaker 2: stressed out and you're always running around. So just slowing 437 00:24:55,400 --> 00:24:58,879 Speaker 2: down more to be in tune to your desires is 438 00:24:58,960 --> 00:25:01,240 Speaker 2: I think an important one. I know for me, if 439 00:25:01,240 --> 00:25:03,720 Speaker 2: I'm too busy, I can forget to eat, right. It's 440 00:25:03,760 --> 00:25:06,120 Speaker 2: not that I don't get hungry, I just couldn't even 441 00:25:06,560 --> 00:25:08,960 Speaker 2: pay attention to the fact that I need to eat, 442 00:25:09,119 --> 00:25:11,280 Speaker 2: And so I think it's a similar thing with sex. 443 00:25:11,680 --> 00:25:14,600 Speaker 2: If you're always on the go, always working, always checking 444 00:25:14,640 --> 00:25:17,320 Speaker 2: your emails, your body just is not going to be 445 00:25:17,400 --> 00:25:20,639 Speaker 2: prioritizing pleasure. So I think that's a direct way to 446 00:25:20,680 --> 00:25:22,880 Speaker 2: increase your libido, a slowing down. 447 00:25:23,359 --> 00:25:26,480 Speaker 1: Yeah, thank you so much for those suggestions, Doc Jel. 448 00:25:26,520 --> 00:25:29,159 Speaker 1: I'm curious to know if you hear from your patients 449 00:25:29,359 --> 00:25:31,879 Speaker 1: who may be struggling with depression of anxiety, and we 450 00:25:31,960 --> 00:25:34,840 Speaker 1: know one of the common treatments for that is an SSRI, 451 00:25:35,760 --> 00:25:40,040 Speaker 1: and unfortunately sometimes a common side effect of SSRIs is 452 00:25:40,160 --> 00:25:43,000 Speaker 1: decrease libido. So I'm curious if you are working with 453 00:25:43,040 --> 00:25:46,159 Speaker 1: patients who describe that and what suggestions people have or 454 00:25:46,200 --> 00:25:49,200 Speaker 1: you would have to help to combat that temptom. 455 00:25:49,119 --> 00:25:51,200 Speaker 2: Ooh, that's a good question, girl, you want to strike 456 00:25:51,280 --> 00:25:54,760 Speaker 2: to it. I love this question because I'm also getting 457 00:25:54,800 --> 00:25:58,240 Speaker 2: more messages and questions about this, and not just about libido, 458 00:25:58,280 --> 00:26:01,760 Speaker 2: but about inability to organ at all after getting on 459 00:26:01,840 --> 00:26:06,119 Speaker 2: an SSRI. I think it's posts SSRI syndrome something to 460 00:26:06,160 --> 00:26:09,160 Speaker 2: that effect. Even after coming off, some of these people 461 00:26:09,200 --> 00:26:12,080 Speaker 2: are saying that they still cannot reach an orgasm. So 462 00:26:12,440 --> 00:26:15,240 Speaker 2: one of the first things I always recommend is asking 463 00:26:15,400 --> 00:26:19,760 Speaker 2: about dosage right. Again, this is not my expertise, so 464 00:26:19,920 --> 00:26:24,119 Speaker 2: just disclaimer there, but asking your psychiatrist, can we play 465 00:26:24,160 --> 00:26:27,400 Speaker 2: with the dosage right? Are we able to decrease this 466 00:26:27,480 --> 00:26:31,080 Speaker 2: one medication that maybe making it more difficult to have 467 00:26:31,200 --> 00:26:34,160 Speaker 2: a sex drive or making it more difficult to orgasm, 468 00:26:34,520 --> 00:26:36,960 Speaker 2: and maybe work with a different medication a little bit 469 00:26:37,040 --> 00:26:39,760 Speaker 2: more that doesn't have as much of an impact on 470 00:26:39,760 --> 00:26:43,240 Speaker 2: my sex drive. Another thing is the type of SSRIs. 471 00:26:43,240 --> 00:26:46,560 Speaker 2: There are tons of them, so some people try one 472 00:26:46,600 --> 00:26:49,520 Speaker 2: and it does not impact their libido, and then another 473 00:26:49,600 --> 00:26:54,280 Speaker 2: one does. So I think being willing to investigate and 474 00:26:54,480 --> 00:26:58,000 Speaker 2: have some patients with the process. And another one, honestly 475 00:26:58,080 --> 00:27:01,560 Speaker 2: is trying sex toys because you may just need a 476 00:27:01,600 --> 00:27:04,560 Speaker 2: little bit more stimulation because of the way these drugs 477 00:27:04,600 --> 00:27:09,080 Speaker 2: are impacting how serotonin binds with your sex organs, like 478 00:27:09,119 --> 00:27:12,400 Speaker 2: your glitterists and stuff. So that is impacting the way 479 00:27:12,440 --> 00:27:15,879 Speaker 2: the receptors interact with your vagina and your clitters. You 480 00:27:15,880 --> 00:27:18,520 Speaker 2: can't really change that, right, That's what the medication is doing. 481 00:27:19,160 --> 00:27:22,280 Speaker 2: But then can we use something that stimulates us a 482 00:27:22,359 --> 00:27:24,760 Speaker 2: little bit more that can make it a little bit 483 00:27:24,800 --> 00:27:27,960 Speaker 2: easier to orgasm, And the same thing with your libido, 484 00:27:28,000 --> 00:27:31,320 Speaker 2: because sometimes just getting more satisfaction and pleasure with sex 485 00:27:31,359 --> 00:27:35,000 Speaker 2: will increase your drive, right, because I can't tell you 486 00:27:35,040 --> 00:27:37,000 Speaker 2: how many times women tell me that they don't feel 487 00:27:37,000 --> 00:27:39,960 Speaker 2: anything during sex, So why are you going to want 488 00:27:39,960 --> 00:27:42,400 Speaker 2: to do that if it's not feeling good? Those are 489 00:27:42,440 --> 00:27:44,120 Speaker 2: some of the things I think are helpful. 490 00:27:44,680 --> 00:27:46,920 Speaker 1: No, that's helpful, you know, doctor Denail's something you said, 491 00:27:46,960 --> 00:27:48,880 Speaker 1: just maybe think so. I feel like the last time 492 00:27:48,920 --> 00:27:52,760 Speaker 1: we talked, you were preparing for a masterclass something about 493 00:27:52,760 --> 00:27:55,320 Speaker 1: like maybe all your mama didn't teach you about sex. 494 00:27:55,320 --> 00:27:56,760 Speaker 1: I don't do you remember the name of it. 495 00:27:57,000 --> 00:28:01,040 Speaker 2: Yes, yes, things your mama couldn't say about sex, got it? 496 00:28:01,080 --> 00:28:03,760 Speaker 1: Okay? Something you just said made me think about, like 497 00:28:03,800 --> 00:28:07,360 Speaker 1: how maybe our moms and aunties and grandmother's. It made 498 00:28:07,359 --> 00:28:09,919 Speaker 1: me think about what kinds of conversations you're even having 499 00:28:09,960 --> 00:28:13,359 Speaker 1: with patients about what sex should feel like, because I 500 00:28:13,400 --> 00:28:17,720 Speaker 1: think only now are we really having conversations about women's pleasure, 501 00:28:17,840 --> 00:28:19,960 Speaker 1: and like that it isn't just something that you have 502 00:28:20,040 --> 00:28:23,639 Speaker 1: to do, right, that women deserve to have pleasure also, 503 00:28:23,920 --> 00:28:25,719 Speaker 1: So I'm curious to hear if you can say more 504 00:28:25,720 --> 00:28:28,639 Speaker 1: about the kinds of conversations you're having with clients about 505 00:28:28,640 --> 00:28:30,560 Speaker 1: what sex can actually feel like. 506 00:28:31,320 --> 00:28:33,720 Speaker 2: Girl, I just love your questions. Doctor. Sorry, I didn't 507 00:28:33,720 --> 00:28:37,240 Speaker 2: mean to call you, but I really just I love 508 00:28:37,320 --> 00:28:39,560 Speaker 2: that question because I think a lot of times my 509 00:28:39,720 --> 00:28:43,440 Speaker 2: mind thinks about the physical the sexual, but you brought 510 00:28:43,440 --> 00:28:47,080 Speaker 2: that generational insight into it, which is so huge, especially 511 00:28:47,080 --> 00:28:49,680 Speaker 2: for sex. I'm gonna call my mom out a little 512 00:28:49,680 --> 00:28:53,120 Speaker 2: bit here since I'm into this whole sexual wellness femling floor, 513 00:28:53,240 --> 00:28:56,160 Speaker 2: jazz I said, Mom, what's one thing you wish you 514 00:28:56,160 --> 00:28:59,120 Speaker 2: would have taught me about sex? Now? What you know, 515 00:28:59,240 --> 00:29:02,120 Speaker 2: doctor joy, I am now full on married with a 516 00:29:02,280 --> 00:29:04,400 Speaker 2: whole husband, and you want to know what she said. 517 00:29:05,400 --> 00:29:07,360 Speaker 2: She said, I wish I would have tasted you more 518 00:29:07,400 --> 00:29:12,240 Speaker 2: to wait. I'm like, what, I am full of married? 519 00:29:12,320 --> 00:29:15,280 Speaker 2: I'm trying to get a sex lesson from you. I 520 00:29:15,400 --> 00:29:17,840 Speaker 2: literally got a whole husband in this same apartment, and 521 00:29:17,880 --> 00:29:20,920 Speaker 2: you are telling me that the most important thing is 522 00:29:20,960 --> 00:29:23,560 Speaker 2: to wait, like I couldn't believe. So that just goes 523 00:29:23,600 --> 00:29:26,720 Speaker 2: to show all the generational differences, because listen, if my 524 00:29:26,840 --> 00:29:29,080 Speaker 2: daughter asked me that, it would be a whole different conversation. 525 00:29:29,640 --> 00:29:32,240 Speaker 2: But I think many of the conversations that we're having 526 00:29:32,400 --> 00:29:35,840 Speaker 2: is that pleasure is good. I think it's a great 527 00:29:35,880 --> 00:29:39,040 Speaker 2: place to start. Many of us have been told that 528 00:29:39,680 --> 00:29:42,760 Speaker 2: if you get horny, it's bad, or you're like evil, 529 00:29:43,080 --> 00:29:46,000 Speaker 2: and we even call sex dirty, like you nasty, You're 530 00:29:46,000 --> 00:29:47,800 Speaker 2: about to go get some dirty, you know. We have 531 00:29:47,920 --> 00:29:50,880 Speaker 2: this connotation that sex is like this dirty, nasty thing. 532 00:29:51,480 --> 00:29:55,960 Speaker 2: So I think starting from a place of embracing that 533 00:29:56,040 --> 00:29:58,720 Speaker 2: sex is good. This is a part of our health, 534 00:29:59,080 --> 00:30:02,000 Speaker 2: and we know that because when sex is not working well, 535 00:30:02,480 --> 00:30:06,440 Speaker 2: we see how it impacts relationships, how it impacts people's 536 00:30:06,440 --> 00:30:09,320 Speaker 2: mental health. And so starting from there, I think is 537 00:30:09,360 --> 00:30:12,680 Speaker 2: a great way, and then also letting people know that 538 00:30:13,000 --> 00:30:16,320 Speaker 2: a lot of the message you've seen about sex are fake. 539 00:30:16,840 --> 00:30:19,280 Speaker 2: So a lot of people think that their libido has 540 00:30:19,320 --> 00:30:22,200 Speaker 2: to be raging for it to be working, right, you know, 541 00:30:22,280 --> 00:30:24,520 Speaker 2: Like we've seen the TV shows. You literally run in 542 00:30:24,520 --> 00:30:26,520 Speaker 2: the house, you're throwing the person against the wall, and 543 00:30:26,560 --> 00:30:30,040 Speaker 2: you're like having sex with your coat halfway on. Most 544 00:30:30,040 --> 00:30:33,800 Speaker 2: people are not that horny. So I think just accepting 545 00:30:33,880 --> 00:30:37,480 Speaker 2: and normalizing even when you have that small inkling of 546 00:30:37,520 --> 00:30:39,440 Speaker 2: a thought like ooh, I wish I could do that 547 00:30:39,600 --> 00:30:43,880 Speaker 2: right now, that's part of your libido, right your partner 548 00:30:43,920 --> 00:30:47,240 Speaker 2: Walt's values. Smack them on the butt. That's sexual attraction. 549 00:30:47,720 --> 00:30:49,440 Speaker 2: So I think one of the things that I love 550 00:30:49,520 --> 00:30:52,480 Speaker 2: to do, especially when people are struggling with sexual fear 551 00:30:53,040 --> 00:30:57,880 Speaker 2: and low libido, is creating more of a positive relationship 552 00:30:57,920 --> 00:31:00,719 Speaker 2: with sex. So when you have those thoughts, even if 553 00:31:00,720 --> 00:31:04,360 Speaker 2: it's just like a sexual flirtation thought or a fantasy, 554 00:31:04,840 --> 00:31:08,760 Speaker 2: write it down right, emphasize that text your partner. You 555 00:31:08,840 --> 00:31:12,040 Speaker 2: really want to hype it up and remind yourself that hey, 556 00:31:12,080 --> 00:31:15,640 Speaker 2: you do have this sexual energy in you, but we 557 00:31:15,720 --> 00:31:18,520 Speaker 2: have to water it, we have to celebrate it and 558 00:31:18,560 --> 00:31:21,480 Speaker 2: I think that's a big part. And then reminding them 559 00:31:21,520 --> 00:31:24,440 Speaker 2: also that they have agency. You don't have to have 560 00:31:24,520 --> 00:31:27,560 Speaker 2: sex if it hurts, you can say no. In the middle, 561 00:31:27,680 --> 00:31:30,440 Speaker 2: you can say stop like right before they or cast 562 00:31:31,120 --> 00:31:33,600 Speaker 2: You can do whatever you want to do. And I think, 563 00:31:33,760 --> 00:31:38,320 Speaker 2: especially as women, we have to reinforce that because sexual 564 00:31:38,960 --> 00:31:42,200 Speaker 2: activity should be a choice, a happy choice, you know, 565 00:31:42,320 --> 00:31:44,760 Speaker 2: not like a reluctant choice. It's gould be something that 566 00:31:44,800 --> 00:31:48,479 Speaker 2: you're excited to do. And just letting people know that 567 00:31:48,520 --> 00:31:52,200 Speaker 2: they have that agency, I think it's so so helpful 568 00:31:52,480 --> 00:31:54,880 Speaker 2: as we're looking to heal the relationship that we have 569 00:31:54,960 --> 00:31:55,440 Speaker 2: with sex. 570 00:31:56,360 --> 00:32:08,040 Speaker 1: More from our conversation after the break, I wonder if 571 00:32:08,040 --> 00:32:10,240 Speaker 1: there are some other lessons from that master class that 572 00:32:10,280 --> 00:32:12,320 Speaker 1: you want to share, Like what other things came up 573 00:32:12,560 --> 00:32:15,280 Speaker 1: that you were surprised, Like, oh okay, people are still 574 00:32:15,360 --> 00:32:16,200 Speaker 1: wondering about this. 575 00:32:16,840 --> 00:32:19,920 Speaker 2: I think we talked about vaginal librication, like my mom 576 00:32:19,960 --> 00:32:23,120 Speaker 2: may never talk to me about librication. Some of it 577 00:32:23,240 --> 00:32:26,360 Speaker 2: was not even like super erotic, crazy things, but just 578 00:32:26,800 --> 00:32:29,880 Speaker 2: providing the platform for us to talk about these things. 579 00:32:30,000 --> 00:32:34,480 Speaker 2: Another thing that I think is important is advocating for 580 00:32:34,680 --> 00:32:38,680 Speaker 2: your sexual pleasure in a relationship. Right. And I think 581 00:32:38,720 --> 00:32:41,320 Speaker 2: that a lot of times we sort of just accept 582 00:32:41,560 --> 00:32:45,000 Speaker 2: the way that things are instead of saying, hey, this 583 00:32:45,160 --> 00:32:48,160 Speaker 2: is something that I need to stand up for, you know, 584 00:32:48,200 --> 00:32:50,280 Speaker 2: like same way that we vote for who we want 585 00:32:50,320 --> 00:32:53,479 Speaker 2: to be president, like vote for what you want to 586 00:32:53,520 --> 00:32:56,120 Speaker 2: happen in your sex life. Right. So let's say that 587 00:32:56,160 --> 00:32:59,480 Speaker 2: your partner is the one that's always pleased every single time, 588 00:32:59,520 --> 00:33:02,719 Speaker 2: they're leaving the situation happy and satisfy. But there are 589 00:33:02,760 --> 00:33:04,680 Speaker 2: some things that you don't like. Maybe you don't like 590 00:33:04,720 --> 00:33:06,480 Speaker 2: the amount of time that they give you for play, 591 00:33:07,160 --> 00:33:09,240 Speaker 2: or maybe you don't like how as soon as they're 592 00:33:09,240 --> 00:33:12,040 Speaker 2: done they act like the whole experience is done right, 593 00:33:12,200 --> 00:33:14,360 Speaker 2: Or maybe you don't like that you don't have any aftercare, 594 00:33:14,480 --> 00:33:16,480 Speaker 2: you want to cuddle after sex, or you want to 595 00:33:16,480 --> 00:33:20,719 Speaker 2: have a conversation. I think just understanding that's something that 596 00:33:20,760 --> 00:33:23,719 Speaker 2: we have to intentionally stand up for. It's not going 597 00:33:23,800 --> 00:33:28,840 Speaker 2: to be like this easy, natural happenstance without us actually 598 00:33:28,880 --> 00:33:31,280 Speaker 2: taking the effort to do it. The other thing that 599 00:33:31,320 --> 00:33:34,240 Speaker 2: we talked about in the masterclass was not being afraid 600 00:33:34,280 --> 00:33:37,360 Speaker 2: of your clutterists. I think this is a controversial topic 601 00:33:37,440 --> 00:33:40,560 Speaker 2: just because of religion and different things we may believe 602 00:33:40,760 --> 00:33:44,920 Speaker 2: about sexual activity before marriage, and so especially for me, 603 00:33:45,000 --> 00:33:47,280 Speaker 2: I'm a religious person. I do believe in God. I 604 00:33:47,320 --> 00:33:51,040 Speaker 2: believe in Jesus all the things. However, I believe that 605 00:33:51,280 --> 00:33:53,800 Speaker 2: science is real. And one of the things that we 606 00:33:53,960 --> 00:33:57,000 Speaker 2: know is that when a body part is not used, 607 00:33:57,400 --> 00:34:02,520 Speaker 2: it atrophies. Right, So it's a thing. And so bring 608 00:34:02,560 --> 00:34:04,880 Speaker 2: those things up, like, even if you don't feel comfortable 609 00:34:04,880 --> 00:34:09,400 Speaker 2: with masturbation, right, your moral decisions are your moral decisions. 610 00:34:09,719 --> 00:34:12,680 Speaker 2: But we should feel comfortable checking on that body part, 611 00:34:13,160 --> 00:34:16,319 Speaker 2: making sure that the c litteral hood still moves when 612 00:34:16,360 --> 00:34:19,880 Speaker 2: you have a shower cleaning that area was water. You 613 00:34:19,880 --> 00:34:23,280 Speaker 2: don't even really need salp right there. But just saying 614 00:34:23,320 --> 00:34:25,920 Speaker 2: that openly and without shame, I think is so important. 615 00:34:25,920 --> 00:34:29,680 Speaker 2: If you just touch your clutterest, that is not bad, right, 616 00:34:29,719 --> 00:34:32,360 Speaker 2: If you touch your knee that's not bad either. Just 617 00:34:32,400 --> 00:34:36,160 Speaker 2: giving people permission to take care of their sexual health essentially. 618 00:34:36,560 --> 00:34:38,880 Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, And I really appreciate you bringing in and 619 00:34:38,920 --> 00:34:42,399 Speaker 1: answering these questions because I do think these intergenerational conversations 620 00:34:42,400 --> 00:34:45,080 Speaker 1: around sex are so important. So to expand on the 621 00:34:45,120 --> 00:34:47,920 Speaker 1: conversation or the question that you ask your mom, I'm 622 00:34:47,960 --> 00:34:50,359 Speaker 1: wondering what kinds of things do you wish you would 623 00:34:50,400 --> 00:34:53,120 Speaker 1: have asked her when you were younger, or what kinds 624 00:34:53,160 --> 00:34:55,160 Speaker 1: of things would you have liked to hear when you 625 00:34:55,200 --> 00:34:57,800 Speaker 1: were younger from older women in your life about six. 626 00:34:58,080 --> 00:35:00,720 Speaker 2: Yeah, so I kind of did badge mom a little 627 00:35:00,719 --> 00:35:02,799 Speaker 2: bit more. So maybe I should share what she ended 628 00:35:02,880 --> 00:35:06,960 Speaker 2: up saying. So she actually told me that she wished 629 00:35:06,960 --> 00:35:09,920 Speaker 2: she would have taught me that sex is not really 630 00:35:09,960 --> 00:35:13,400 Speaker 2: something that you have to do right now. Isn't important 631 00:35:13,400 --> 00:35:17,719 Speaker 2: in a marriage. Absolutely? Can it be beautiful, yes, but 632 00:35:17,760 --> 00:35:19,879 Speaker 2: it's not something that you have to do to keep 633 00:35:19,920 --> 00:35:24,120 Speaker 2: the marriage quote unquote running or the relationship healthy. And 634 00:35:24,160 --> 00:35:26,760 Speaker 2: she says she wished that was something that she learned 635 00:35:26,800 --> 00:35:30,120 Speaker 2: and also taught to me. It's like, you can decide 636 00:35:30,160 --> 00:35:32,960 Speaker 2: to not engage today and you don't have to have 637 00:35:33,040 --> 00:35:36,839 Speaker 2: this elaborate reason every single time. So that was one 638 00:35:36,840 --> 00:35:38,600 Speaker 2: thing that she ended up saying. So sorry. I had 639 00:35:38,600 --> 00:35:40,399 Speaker 2: to give her a little props there, just in case 640 00:35:40,440 --> 00:35:44,960 Speaker 2: she listens to this episode. And then what I would 641 00:35:45,000 --> 00:35:49,759 Speaker 2: suggest if I had a daughter of my own is 642 00:35:49,800 --> 00:35:53,760 Speaker 2: that I would let them know that number one pleasure 643 00:35:53,960 --> 00:35:55,719 Speaker 2: is not bad. And I'm sorry if I feel like 644 00:35:55,719 --> 00:35:58,400 Speaker 2: a broken record. But I think it's a common theme 645 00:35:59,000 --> 00:36:02,359 Speaker 2: even in marriage. Right, So let's say that you're religious, 646 00:36:02,760 --> 00:36:05,279 Speaker 2: unlearning a lot of those things that say like sex 647 00:36:05,360 --> 00:36:08,080 Speaker 2: is bad, or is evil or it's dirty can be 648 00:36:08,239 --> 00:36:11,080 Speaker 2: so difficult. There's a lot of sexual shame going around 649 00:36:11,160 --> 00:36:14,040 Speaker 2: even for non religious people, and so I think that's 650 00:36:14,360 --> 00:36:17,080 Speaker 2: number one thing that I would discuss, but then also 651 00:36:17,880 --> 00:36:20,919 Speaker 2: creating an open platform for us to talk about it. 652 00:36:21,440 --> 00:36:23,719 Speaker 2: I would start with sexual anatomy. First of all, I 653 00:36:23,760 --> 00:36:26,560 Speaker 2: would get my whole clitterists out, not my own literous 654 00:36:26,719 --> 00:36:32,800 Speaker 2: let my clitteral model, my pelvic model, the puppets, because 655 00:36:33,400 --> 00:36:35,719 Speaker 2: there's people that don't even know where their clitterist is. 656 00:36:36,040 --> 00:36:39,080 Speaker 2: How can we talk about orgasm and pleasure when we 657 00:36:39,200 --> 00:36:42,359 Speaker 2: have women and people and men who don't even know 658 00:36:42,440 --> 00:36:46,040 Speaker 2: where to find the glitterists. So I think starting with 659 00:36:46,120 --> 00:36:50,640 Speaker 2: a good foundation definitely consent right that this is something 660 00:36:50,680 --> 00:36:52,920 Speaker 2: that you have to vote for. You have to actively 661 00:36:52,960 --> 00:36:56,920 Speaker 2: say I want this for sex to happen. Sexual anatomy 662 00:36:56,960 --> 00:37:00,279 Speaker 2: and just celebrating pleasure. I think pleasure is under rate 663 00:37:00,320 --> 00:37:03,200 Speaker 2: it and not just sexually, not sexually as well. And 664 00:37:03,239 --> 00:37:06,120 Speaker 2: that's something that I where so many people could learn it. 665 00:37:06,239 --> 00:37:08,880 Speaker 2: Embrace is that, Hey, this is something we get to 666 00:37:08,920 --> 00:37:13,560 Speaker 2: do every day by yourself. Flowers right, relax for the evening. 667 00:37:13,600 --> 00:37:15,480 Speaker 2: You don't always have to be working. These things are 668 00:37:15,520 --> 00:37:18,279 Speaker 2: so so important. And I'm not sure if I'm gonna 669 00:37:18,280 --> 00:37:20,440 Speaker 2: have kids because I have like the whole PCOS thing 670 00:37:20,520 --> 00:37:23,920 Speaker 2: going on, but if I do, that would be something 671 00:37:23,960 --> 00:37:25,759 Speaker 2: that I would love to pass on. 672 00:37:27,280 --> 00:37:29,800 Speaker 1: Thank you so much for that. So, doctor Janelle, I 673 00:37:29,840 --> 00:37:32,440 Speaker 1: wonder if you have some affirmations that you could share 674 00:37:32,520 --> 00:37:35,200 Speaker 1: maybe or that you have shared with clients who may 675 00:37:35,200 --> 00:37:37,280 Speaker 1: be having some anxiety around sex. 676 00:37:37,840 --> 00:37:40,160 Speaker 2: So one of the affirmations that I really love for 677 00:37:40,200 --> 00:37:43,320 Speaker 2: pleasure is this one here and I have it listed 678 00:37:43,440 --> 00:37:46,840 Speaker 2: in my affirmation Bible. It's free, I have it in 679 00:37:46,920 --> 00:37:50,640 Speaker 2: my shop. And this one says my body is my 680 00:37:50,800 --> 00:37:54,440 Speaker 2: home and I deserve to feel good in the home 681 00:37:54,520 --> 00:37:58,799 Speaker 2: I live in. And a lot of people really love 682 00:37:58,840 --> 00:38:00,920 Speaker 2: this one, and I think it just just feel cozy. 683 00:38:00,960 --> 00:38:03,080 Speaker 2: It's like, wow, my body is my home, Like there's 684 00:38:03,120 --> 00:38:05,200 Speaker 2: nothing wrong with seeking to feel good and my home. 685 00:38:05,840 --> 00:38:09,160 Speaker 2: So that's one that I really love. And then another 686 00:38:09,200 --> 00:38:12,120 Speaker 2: one is about sort of the definition of sexy. Right. 687 00:38:12,160 --> 00:38:15,280 Speaker 2: We all may have different definitions, but This one says, 688 00:38:15,680 --> 00:38:20,480 Speaker 2: sexy is not a body, Sexy is not lingerie. Sexy 689 00:38:20,600 --> 00:38:24,319 Speaker 2: is in me and I get to exude it. And 690 00:38:24,400 --> 00:38:27,280 Speaker 2: so this one is I think helpful to remind people 691 00:38:27,320 --> 00:38:30,920 Speaker 2: that regardless of what body you're in or regardless of 692 00:38:31,000 --> 00:38:33,719 Speaker 2: how you look, sexy is sort of something that you 693 00:38:33,800 --> 00:38:36,960 Speaker 2: get to release, right, It's like an aroma that you 694 00:38:37,040 --> 00:38:39,919 Speaker 2: get to release, and just feeling empowered to do that. 695 00:38:40,200 --> 00:38:43,600 Speaker 2: This other one says, pleasure is my birthright and I've 696 00:38:43,640 --> 00:38:48,080 Speaker 2: decided to embrace it and explore it. Of the word explorer, 697 00:38:48,640 --> 00:38:51,680 Speaker 2: I love exploring. I like traveling, going all over and 698 00:38:51,760 --> 00:38:53,719 Speaker 2: I like to think of pleasure in that same way. 699 00:38:53,920 --> 00:38:57,400 Speaker 2: It's something that can continually be explored more and more. 700 00:38:58,120 --> 00:39:01,640 Speaker 2: Like big cities. I don't know where, where do you live, doctor, Atlanta? 701 00:39:02,280 --> 00:39:06,120 Speaker 2: Atlanta's perfect. Have you seen the entire city? Like have 702 00:39:06,239 --> 00:39:08,920 Speaker 2: you gone to all the neighborhoods? And say, right, it 703 00:39:09,160 --> 00:39:13,200 Speaker 2: just continues to be able to explore more. In Chicago's 704 00:39:13,239 --> 00:39:15,839 Speaker 2: the same way. I've been here for four years and 705 00:39:16,000 --> 00:39:18,640 Speaker 2: there's still so many things that have not seen our experience. 706 00:39:19,120 --> 00:39:20,880 Speaker 2: So I think if we're looking at pleasure in that 707 00:39:20,920 --> 00:39:23,000 Speaker 2: same way, it's like, oh wow, this is something we 708 00:39:23,120 --> 00:39:27,680 Speaker 2: get to explore. I think that's an empowering and inspiring 709 00:39:27,719 --> 00:39:30,400 Speaker 2: way to look at our bodies. And so those are 710 00:39:30,400 --> 00:39:32,280 Speaker 2: a few affirmations that I enjoy. 711 00:39:33,000 --> 00:39:34,960 Speaker 1: I love that one more question before we read from 712 00:39:35,000 --> 00:39:38,240 Speaker 1: doctor Janelle, because you've introduced this whole piece around sometimes 713 00:39:38,239 --> 00:39:41,319 Speaker 1: how faith and spirituality and religion kind of impact our 714 00:39:41,360 --> 00:39:44,080 Speaker 1: relationship to pleasure. And I also think that there are 715 00:39:44,080 --> 00:39:47,000 Speaker 1: some like pop culture kind of just things that people 716 00:39:47,040 --> 00:39:50,400 Speaker 1: throw around that also impact our relationship to pleasure. And 717 00:39:50,400 --> 00:39:52,880 Speaker 1: one of those is like body count or even the 718 00:39:52,960 --> 00:39:55,960 Speaker 1: idea of virginity. Can you say a little bit about 719 00:39:56,000 --> 00:39:59,279 Speaker 1: how those kinds of terms maybe impact our anxiety and 720 00:39:59,280 --> 00:40:00,600 Speaker 1: our relationship to pleasure. 721 00:40:01,280 --> 00:40:05,560 Speaker 2: That's a great question. I think understanding the difference between 722 00:40:06,560 --> 00:40:11,520 Speaker 2: truth and what society says is crucial. Society will tell 723 00:40:11,560 --> 00:40:13,200 Speaker 2: you that you have to look a certain way, you 724 00:40:13,239 --> 00:40:14,880 Speaker 2: have to have a certain job, you have to have 725 00:40:14,920 --> 00:40:17,920 Speaker 2: a certain income, your waistline has to be a certain size. 726 00:40:18,560 --> 00:40:23,720 Speaker 2: Those things generally are created to make someone else profitable. Listen, 727 00:40:24,239 --> 00:40:28,440 Speaker 2: a lot of them really profitable businesses and industries. They 728 00:40:28,480 --> 00:40:32,359 Speaker 2: profit off of our insecurities. Right, Let's think about even 729 00:40:32,480 --> 00:40:35,799 Speaker 2: how feminine hygiene was started, right, That was started to 730 00:40:35,880 --> 00:40:39,440 Speaker 2: tell women that they needed to use disinfectant actually lifesol 731 00:40:39,840 --> 00:40:43,080 Speaker 2: to clean their vaginas, right, and now the feminine hygiene 732 00:40:43,120 --> 00:40:45,200 Speaker 2: industry is one of the biggest industries. And you talk 733 00:40:45,280 --> 00:40:47,799 Speaker 2: to doctors, they'll tell you that you actually don't even 734 00:40:47,800 --> 00:40:51,600 Speaker 2: need help down there. So I think understanding that what 735 00:40:51,760 --> 00:40:56,440 Speaker 2: society says is not truth, right, but then looking at 736 00:40:56,600 --> 00:41:00,160 Speaker 2: who you are and your past, what you've done on 737 00:41:00,320 --> 00:41:04,000 Speaker 2: already does not define you. And in the same breath, 738 00:41:04,280 --> 00:41:08,720 Speaker 2: your quote unquote purity doesn't determine your value either. We're 739 00:41:08,760 --> 00:41:12,480 Speaker 2: all valuable, right, every single one of us, and understanding 740 00:41:12,520 --> 00:41:18,160 Speaker 2: that we still get to embrace pleasure. Right, whether you 741 00:41:18,320 --> 00:41:22,360 Speaker 2: have a STI, or whether you are after a certain age, 742 00:41:22,480 --> 00:41:25,719 Speaker 2: or whether you are a virgin, right, we all have 743 00:41:25,840 --> 00:41:28,320 Speaker 2: access to pleasure. And I think coming to the space 744 00:41:28,800 --> 00:41:34,080 Speaker 2: knowing that what society says generally is harmful generally, and 745 00:41:34,200 --> 00:41:37,640 Speaker 2: so recognizing that and then trying to help yourself come 746 00:41:37,680 --> 00:41:40,840 Speaker 2: to a place of truth, whether you believe in God 747 00:41:41,120 --> 00:41:44,840 Speaker 2: or whether you don't, what is that healthy narrative about 748 00:41:44,880 --> 00:41:48,080 Speaker 2: your body and then looking to embrace and believe that, 749 00:41:48,600 --> 00:41:51,160 Speaker 2: I think is what is going to help you when 750 00:41:51,200 --> 00:41:53,400 Speaker 2: it comes to your sexual and peblic wellness. 751 00:41:53,880 --> 00:41:56,080 Speaker 1: Thank you so much for that, Doctor Janelle. So where 752 00:41:56,120 --> 00:41:58,560 Speaker 1: can we stay connected with you? What is your website 753 00:41:58,880 --> 00:42:01,320 Speaker 1: as well as any social media handles you like to share? 754 00:42:01,920 --> 00:42:06,520 Speaker 2: Absolutely, so, Vagina Rehab Doctor dot com. That's my website. 755 00:42:07,080 --> 00:42:11,640 Speaker 2: And I am all always on Instagram, so you can 756 00:42:11,680 --> 00:42:15,080 Speaker 2: find me on Instagram. Even when I'm trying to not post, 757 00:42:15,360 --> 00:42:19,640 Speaker 2: I end up posting. I'm on there posting exercises. I 758 00:42:19,719 --> 00:42:22,400 Speaker 2: go live quite frequently to explain and go deeper on 759 00:42:22,480 --> 00:42:25,600 Speaker 2: certain topics. And then also I have a podcast now 760 00:42:25,680 --> 00:42:27,439 Speaker 2: I don't think I had one when I last talked 761 00:42:27,440 --> 00:42:32,760 Speaker 2: to you. Yeah, so the podcast name is the Vagina 762 00:42:32,880 --> 00:42:36,319 Speaker 2: Rehab Doctor Podcast, and I love to talk about all 763 00:42:36,320 --> 00:42:40,160 Speaker 2: things pleasure, sex, peblic floor and even sexual fear because 764 00:42:40,200 --> 00:42:45,040 Speaker 2: that's a big thing surrounding like volvidinia, vaginismus, pelvic pain 765 00:42:45,320 --> 00:42:48,200 Speaker 2: and so all the things sex education. You can find 766 00:42:48,239 --> 00:42:50,680 Speaker 2: me over there. But yeah, those are the two ways 767 00:42:50,680 --> 00:42:54,200 Speaker 2: my podcast and also Instagram. 768 00:42:53,280 --> 00:42:55,480 Speaker 1: Perfect We be sure to include all of that in 769 00:42:55,560 --> 00:42:57,319 Speaker 1: the show notes. Thank you so much for spending some 770 00:42:57,360 --> 00:42:59,080 Speaker 1: more time with us today, Doctor Janelle. 771 00:42:59,480 --> 00:43:01,239 Speaker 2: Absolutely, thank you for having me back. 772 00:43:01,400 --> 00:43:06,960 Speaker 1: Of course, I'm so glad doctor Janelle was able to 773 00:43:07,040 --> 00:43:09,880 Speaker 1: join me again for this conversation. To learn more about 774 00:43:09,920 --> 00:43:12,239 Speaker 1: her and the work she's doing. Be sure to visit 775 00:43:12,280 --> 00:43:14,960 Speaker 1: the show notes at Therapy for Blackgirls dot com slash 776 00:43:14,960 --> 00:43:17,839 Speaker 1: Session three seventy five, and don't forget to text two 777 00:43:17,880 --> 00:43:20,000 Speaker 1: of your girls right now and tell them to check 778 00:43:20,000 --> 00:43:22,520 Speaker 1: out the episode. If you're looking for a therapist in 779 00:43:22,560 --> 00:43:26,320 Speaker 1: your area, visit our therapist directory at Therapy for Blackgirls 780 00:43:26,320 --> 00:43:29,120 Speaker 1: dot com slash directory. And if you want to continue 781 00:43:29,160 --> 00:43:32,480 Speaker 1: digging into this topic or just being community with other sisters, 782 00:43:32,920 --> 00:43:35,000 Speaker 1: come on over and join us in the Sister Circle. 783 00:43:35,440 --> 00:43:37,799 Speaker 1: It's our cozy corner of the Internet designed just for 784 00:43:37,840 --> 00:43:40,880 Speaker 1: black women. You can join us at community dot Therapy 785 00:43:40,960 --> 00:43:44,400 Speaker 1: for Blackgirls dot com. This episode was produced by Elise 786 00:43:44,480 --> 00:43:48,320 Speaker 1: Ellis and Zaria Taylor. Editing was done by Dennison Bradford. 787 00:43:48,719 --> 00:43:51,080 Speaker 1: Thank y'all so much for joining me again this week. 788 00:43:51,280 --> 00:43:54,040 Speaker 1: I look forward to continuing this conversation with you all 789 00:43:54,280 --> 00:44:00,080 Speaker 1: real soon. Take good care, what