WEBVTT - Dear Chiquis: I’m My Mom’s Least Favorite Child, I’m Having Second Thoughts About Getting Married and Team Appreciation

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<v Speaker 1>Hello, everyone, it's your girl Cheeky's and you've reached the

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<v Speaker 1>voicemail box for Dear Cheeky's. I'm here to give you

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<v Speaker 1>advice on anything and everything you need help with. Maybe

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<v Speaker 1>you're going through a breakup, maybe you're having issues with

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<v Speaker 1>your family, or maybe you need help figuring out how

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<v Speaker 1>to balance your checkbook or how to start a business.

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<v Speaker 1>Whatever the cases, I want to hear from you. Remember

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<v Speaker 1>these are my thoughts and opinions, and if you're suffering

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<v Speaker 1>from an issue or hardship, you should seek help from

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<v Speaker 1>a qualified professional. All right, now go ahead and leave

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<v Speaker 1>your question at the sound of the beeB.

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<v Speaker 2>Hi, Cheeky's.

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<v Speaker 3>My name is Stasia, and I like to start off

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<v Speaker 3>by saying you're so amazing and a huge inspiration to me.

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<v Speaker 3>This year, I am getting married on September ninth, and

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<v Speaker 3>of course I am incredibly excited for my big day.

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<v Speaker 3>I'm also incredibly sad. My mom has recently passed away

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<v Speaker 3>in December, and it's so hard for me to imagine

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<v Speaker 3>getting ready, walking down the aisle, and enjoying my entire

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<v Speaker 3>day without her physical presence. I'm hoping you can give

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<v Speaker 3>me some advice on how I can still enjoy every

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<v Speaker 3>moment of that day without feeling guilty that she can't

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<v Speaker 3>be here with me. Thank you so much, Love you, Daisia.

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<v Speaker 1>First of all, congratulations, I'm sure you're going to be

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<v Speaker 1>a beautiful, beautiful bride. Your voice, you have such a

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<v Speaker 1>pretty voice, by the way, So this is what I

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<v Speaker 1>did when I got married. We're not going to talk

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<v Speaker 1>too much about that, but when I got married, once

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<v Speaker 1>upon a time, I had a chair at the ceremony

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<v Speaker 1>that had a picture of my mom, and I just

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<v Speaker 1>it made me feel better that I'm like, Okay, she's there.

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<v Speaker 1>I see her picture. At the reception, I also had

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<v Speaker 1>a picture of her. It just makes you feel just

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<v Speaker 1>closer to your loved one. It may just made me

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<v Speaker 1>feel better. So I'm hoping that you can have like

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<v Speaker 1>a little not necessarily sanctuary, but just somewhere where you

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<v Speaker 1>can have a picture of her, where you know that

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<v Speaker 1>she's present, because regardless, she's there with you. And I'm

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<v Speaker 1>not gonna lie and tell you that it's not gonna

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<v Speaker 1>be hard, because when you're getting ready and all that stuff,

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<v Speaker 1>it's gonna hurt. I definitely cried. I cried so much

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<v Speaker 1>in the shower that morning, and I let it out

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<v Speaker 1>and I was like, I'm just gonna let it out,

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<v Speaker 1>and then I said a prayer, and I'm like, Mom,

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<v Speaker 1>be with me because I'm gonna need you today and

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<v Speaker 1>then you feel better and I'm hoping that's your situation

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<v Speaker 1>as well. But definitely, I think you should cry it out,

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<v Speaker 1>cry it out before your hair and makeup, and just

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<v Speaker 1>know that she's with you. And it sounds a low cliche,

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<v Speaker 1>but it's the truth. There with us and they're definitely

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<v Speaker 1>angels and I know she's gonna be there walking you

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<v Speaker 1>down the aisle as well. So I'm sending you a

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<v Speaker 1>big hug and hopefully you can send us pictures of

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<v Speaker 1>you and your wedding dress. I can't wait to see him.

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<v Speaker 1>Thank you for your question, bim Okay, So our next

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<v Speaker 1>question comes from Lesdi Hi Cheeky's.

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<v Speaker 4>I am reaching out because I haven't very stressed relationship

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<v Speaker 4>with my mother. I know that I have never been

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<v Speaker 4>her favorite child. I think her and I have just

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<v Speaker 4>always butt heads, and so it's been really hard to

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<v Speaker 4>be around her. She is a very invasive woman, and

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<v Speaker 4>so it's really hard because she triggers a lot of

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<v Speaker 4>anger and disappointment. And sadness in me all the time.

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<v Speaker 4>So I just want to know if you can help

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<v Speaker 4>me and give me some tips and tricks, because even

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<v Speaker 4>staying away from her, she will reach out to send

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<v Speaker 4>me nasty messages and make me feel bad, and she

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<v Speaker 4>will just do everything in her power to be invasive

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<v Speaker 4>of absolutely everything that's going on in my life.

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<v Speaker 2>Thank you by ooh.

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<v Speaker 1>Okay, this was tough because you know, I know we

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<v Speaker 1>have to honor our parents, and she's your mother, and

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<v Speaker 1>you are so blessed to have your other here on earth.

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<v Speaker 1>I am one that has learned throughout the years and

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<v Speaker 1>through therapy that it is okay to love people from afar.

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<v Speaker 1>If she still and continues to reach out to you

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<v Speaker 1>and sending you nasty messages, that doesn't mean that you

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<v Speaker 1>have to engage in those messages and make the situation worse.

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<v Speaker 1>I think sometimes when you ignore things like that, especially

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<v Speaker 1>because she's your mom and you know you have to

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<v Speaker 1>respect her, in my opinion, it's better to just not

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<v Speaker 1>say anything at all and just kind of ignore them,

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<v Speaker 1>and they're going to hopefully get tired and stop it eventually.

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<v Speaker 1>I would suggest having a conversation with her, but it

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<v Speaker 1>sounds like you've tried. I'm one that loves to write

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<v Speaker 1>letters because sometimes when I'm in front of the person,

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<v Speaker 1>I get nervous or I get to emotional, and like

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<v Speaker 1>writing a letter to someone. It allows you to express

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<v Speaker 1>yourself fully without being interrupted, and then they have no

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<v Speaker 1>choice but to read it and sit on it and

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<v Speaker 1>hopefully listen to your heart.

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<v Speaker 4>You know.

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<v Speaker 1>So I think that that would be a great way

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<v Speaker 1>to speak to her and tell her how she's making

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<v Speaker 1>you feel. And if it continues, I think it is okay.

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<v Speaker 1>And it sounds like you have a baby, because I

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<v Speaker 1>heard a baby in the background. You have to be

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<v Speaker 1>okay for your family, for your partner, for your life,

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<v Speaker 1>for your child, if you have a child, and it's

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<v Speaker 1>sometimes okay to say I'm going to give this relationship

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<v Speaker 1>some space. Pray for them from afar, because it's just

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<v Speaker 1>not fair if someone is trying to drag you into

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<v Speaker 1>a dark hole that they're in emotionally, even if it

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<v Speaker 1>is your mom. And I know that sounds some people

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<v Speaker 1>might not agree with me, and that is okay, but

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<v Speaker 1>you have to be okay your peace of mind and

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<v Speaker 1>don't engage and don't be disrespectful, don't go back and

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<v Speaker 1>forth with her. That's your mom. Respect her and just

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<v Speaker 1>love her. But you do have to give yourself your place.

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<v Speaker 1>Like that's what my heart is telling me to tell you,

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<v Speaker 1>and it's my best advice. And I hope that it

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<v Speaker 1>works out for you guys, and the relationship mens eventually.

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<v Speaker 1>But sometimes people don't know what they have until you

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<v Speaker 1>know you're not as available. I don't know. It's something

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<v Speaker 1>you and I both have to pray for because it

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<v Speaker 1>is your mom. So I really really hope it gets better.

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<v Speaker 1>But that is my suggestion. I think a nice, long, intimate,

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<v Speaker 1>detailed letter will help. I hope it gets better. I'm

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<v Speaker 1>sending you up big, big, big big hug because I

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<v Speaker 1>feel it. I am like I'm feeling your emotions right now. Okay,

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<v Speaker 1>so our next question comes from Lydia.

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<v Speaker 2>All the chickies right now. My questions are do I

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<v Speaker 2>move forward with my wedding planning. I'm literally two months

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<v Speaker 2>away from my wedding day and I hate commitment. You know,

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<v Speaker 2>I have two kids from a previous relationship. They are teenagers,

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<v Speaker 2>though they do get along great with my fiance. I

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<v Speaker 2>am six years older than him. He does have a

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<v Speaker 2>child with another woman in Californi Ornia. She's a better

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<v Speaker 2>baby Mama. Let sid And right now he's going through

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<v Speaker 2>a file for a visitation, right since she's not allowing

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<v Speaker 2>him to see his child just because he's with me,

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<v Speaker 2>just because he's getting married, just because, And I'm like,

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<v Speaker 2>do I really want to go through this? You know

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<v Speaker 2>this is just a beginning.

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<v Speaker 1>It stay okay, Well, if you hate commitment, then you

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<v Speaker 1>probably shouldn't be getting married.

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<v Speaker 4>Girl.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm just kidding, but I get it, because commitment is scary.

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<v Speaker 1>I I've been there, and a therapy really helped me

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<v Speaker 1>understand what marriage is. And only you know if this

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<v Speaker 1>person is worth it? How does he treat you? Does

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<v Speaker 1>he love you? He loves your kids? Like? All of

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<v Speaker 1>those are questions that you need to ask yourself and

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<v Speaker 1>put it on a balance, right down on a piece

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<v Speaker 1>of paper, the pros and the cons. You know, the

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<v Speaker 1>good things about him, the bad things about him, and

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<v Speaker 1>you'll see in the list. Okay, well he has more

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<v Speaker 1>good things. This is worth fighting for, baby Mama. Drama sucks.

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<v Speaker 1>Been there, done that. It sucks so bad and it

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<v Speaker 1>is heavy. But does your partner? Does your man make

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<v Speaker 1>you feel better about it? Does he give you your place.

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<v Speaker 1>That all changes everything. Like if he's like, hey, I'm

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<v Speaker 1>going to marry you, you are now my priority, even

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<v Speaker 1>before the children. Like that's just even in the Bible

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<v Speaker 1>it says that it's just kind of like when you

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<v Speaker 1>get married, that is what's most important, even before your children.

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<v Speaker 1>So the good thing is that you're there supporting him

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<v Speaker 1>through this whole like legal situation and trying to get

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<v Speaker 1>like you know, to see his child more. That that's good.

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<v Speaker 1>That says a lot about you. But if he's also

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<v Speaker 1>like putting you to the side, then that's a red

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<v Speaker 1>flag to me. But then it's maybe something that you

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<v Speaker 1>should fight for, you know, sola mene, is this man

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<v Speaker 1>worth all of this? Bs? You know what I mean?

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<v Speaker 1>So that's kind of where it kind of like lays

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<v Speaker 1>and lies.

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<v Speaker 4>I mean.

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<v Speaker 1>So I don't know, you're two months away and one time,

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<v Speaker 1>once upon a time again I canceled the wedding a

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<v Speaker 1>month before. So I'm not saying to do that. I'm

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<v Speaker 1>just saying, you know, you probably have the place and everything.

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<v Speaker 1>It's a lot to think about. Bettltu tennis la claves

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<v Speaker 1>laresposta uzmos Is he worth it? Does he love you

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<v Speaker 1>the right way does he value you ask yourself those questions.

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<v Speaker 1>That's important. It goes a long way. All right, thank

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<v Speaker 1>you for your question, babe. Okay, so our last question

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<v Speaker 1>comes from Jessica Hi Chiki's.

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<v Speaker 5>First of all, oh my god, myhead. I have the

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<v Speaker 5>privilege of seeing you in Fresno, and you are freaking amazing.

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<v Speaker 5>The show was amazing, the atmosphere like, you are one

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<v Speaker 5>badass bitch. I also got to do the meet and

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<v Speaker 5>greet and I just love how humble you are, how

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<v Speaker 5>you really just are not about the talk, you actually

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<v Speaker 5>walk the walk and that's something that I really appreciate.

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<v Speaker 5>So with that being said, I have a two part question.

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<v Speaker 5>My first question is with the show that you just

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<v Speaker 5>put on, I know it takes a lot of hours

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<v Speaker 5>to put it all together, So how do you prepare

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<v Speaker 5>for that or what goes into play as you're trying

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<v Speaker 5>to come up with your show? So just curious of

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<v Speaker 5>you know where you get your ideas from, because yeah,

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<v Speaker 5>the two hours and a half flew by when I

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<v Speaker 5>was there because it was just such an amazing show.

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<v Speaker 5>So that's part one. Part two is I know you

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<v Speaker 5>have your team that are with you from your hairstylists,

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<v Speaker 5>to your manager, you know, everybody and your team, what

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<v Speaker 5>do you do to show your appreciation to them, especially

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<v Speaker 5>when you work long hours or you guys travel. I

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<v Speaker 5>currently manage a team, and I always feel that I'm

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<v Speaker 5>not doing enough for them, So just wondering, like, how

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<v Speaker 5>do you show your appreciation to them?

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<v Speaker 1>Jessica, You're making me blush. You made me blush. Thank

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<v Speaker 1>you so much. That is like the best compliment that

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<v Speaker 1>you can give me is that you went to my show,

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<v Speaker 1>that you met me, that you are happy and satisfied,

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<v Speaker 1>mission accomplished one hundred and thousand percent, So thank you

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<v Speaker 1>for taking the time to go and see my performance.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm very proud to say that I am definitely involved

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<v Speaker 1>in everything in the wardrobe and the colors I want

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<v Speaker 1>to use in the set list. The set list is

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<v Speaker 1>the hardest part for me because I think of me

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<v Speaker 1>as a fan and as a consumer of music and

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<v Speaker 1>what i'd like to feel and what i'd like to

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<v Speaker 1>hear if I go to someone's concert, you know, and

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<v Speaker 1>I want to take you on the emotional roller coaster

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<v Speaker 1>that I'm on, you know, I want to take you

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<v Speaker 1>on a high and then bring you down and then

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<v Speaker 1>make you cry and then make you laugh and then

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<v Speaker 1>you go home super happy. So it's like, that's what

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<v Speaker 1>I that's the most important part for me is where

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<v Speaker 1>am I going to place this song? And that took

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<v Speaker 1>me hours and I don't let anyone else get involved

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<v Speaker 1>until the very end where I'm like, Okay, this is

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<v Speaker 1>my idea. Then I get my you know, my musical

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<v Speaker 1>director and my manager. I'm like, okay, what are your suggestions?

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<v Speaker 1>And I'm also open to hearing suggestions. I'm not like Mente,

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<v Speaker 1>like it's what I say and what I say goes.

0:12:28.480 --> 0:12:31.360
<v Speaker 1>I think that's super important. No matter what level you're

0:12:31.400 --> 0:12:34.200
<v Speaker 1>at or if you're the boss or whatnot. Always listening

0:12:34.240 --> 0:12:36.959
<v Speaker 1>to your team is super important. That's going to take

0:12:37.000 --> 0:12:39.640
<v Speaker 1>you a long way. Like they say, two minds are

0:12:39.679 --> 0:12:42.200
<v Speaker 1>better than one, you know. So that's one thing that

0:12:42.640 --> 0:12:44.840
<v Speaker 1>I like to do, and I like to incorporate my

0:12:44.920 --> 0:12:46.640
<v Speaker 1>team and everything that I do. And talking about my

0:12:46.679 --> 0:12:49.559
<v Speaker 1>team the second part of your question. I love my

0:12:49.640 --> 0:12:52.880
<v Speaker 1>team and I treat them as as family and I

0:12:52.920 --> 0:12:55.200
<v Speaker 1>want them to be happy and I want them to

0:12:56.400 --> 0:13:00.240
<v Speaker 1>be happy working. So you don't have to necessarily like

0:13:00.320 --> 0:13:04.080
<v Speaker 1>do extravagant things to show your appreciation. I think just

0:13:04.120 --> 0:13:07.000
<v Speaker 1>even saying thank you, like texting them, hey, thank you guys,

0:13:07.040 --> 0:13:10.160
<v Speaker 1>a great job today. I really like what you did,

0:13:10.400 --> 0:13:12.720
<v Speaker 1>or you know, show that you're happy with their work

0:13:12.920 --> 0:13:15.120
<v Speaker 1>before you're gonna like lash out, you know, because sometimes

0:13:15.160 --> 0:13:17.559
<v Speaker 1>heat and say hey, I don't like this, but it's

0:13:17.600 --> 0:13:19.440
<v Speaker 1>all again. I always say this you guys. How you

0:13:19.440 --> 0:13:22.720
<v Speaker 1>deliver your message, of course, but you can also even say, hey,

0:13:22.760 --> 0:13:25.440
<v Speaker 1>here's a ten dollar gift card. You know, I just

0:13:25.640 --> 0:13:27.920
<v Speaker 1>thought about you and I'm so grateful for you. Here

0:13:28.120 --> 0:13:30.280
<v Speaker 1>something on me. You know, little things like that go

0:13:30.400 --> 0:13:32.959
<v Speaker 1>a long way, and I think just even stopping and

0:13:33.000 --> 0:13:34.760
<v Speaker 1>saying here, let me give you a hug. You know,

0:13:34.920 --> 0:13:37.120
<v Speaker 1>I'm very like that, Like I like to treat my

0:13:37.160 --> 0:13:39.480
<v Speaker 1>people that are around me like my family and show

0:13:39.480 --> 0:13:41.480
<v Speaker 1>that I love them and I appreciate them, not a

0:13:41.640 --> 0:13:44.120
<v Speaker 1>i'm the boss. And here's the thing. Some people get

0:13:44.200 --> 0:13:46.440
<v Speaker 1>it confused with I'm the boss and you have to

0:13:46.440 --> 0:13:48.760
<v Speaker 1>do what I say. But no, it's how you leave them.

0:13:48.880 --> 0:13:51.520
<v Speaker 1>It's let me show you by example. You know, so

0:13:52.040 --> 0:13:53.560
<v Speaker 1>to go a hole to learn that, but I got it.

0:13:53.640 --> 0:13:55.680
<v Speaker 1>So I hope that helps with your team, you know,

0:13:56.080 --> 0:13:58.000
<v Speaker 1>So thank you for your question. It was so lovely

0:13:58.080 --> 0:14:00.520
<v Speaker 1>listening to you and to your question. I'm so glad

0:14:00.559 --> 0:14:03.600
<v Speaker 1>you loved it. What's up? We still have a few

0:14:03.640 --> 0:14:06.200
<v Speaker 1>more days, guys. Check on Instagram okay to see if

0:14:06.200 --> 0:14:10.800
<v Speaker 1>I'm gonna be in your city. Okay, guys, So Deja, Leslie, Lydia,

0:14:10.840 --> 0:14:14.120
<v Speaker 1>and Jessica. I hope you all found my advice really helpful.

0:14:14.400 --> 0:14:16.480
<v Speaker 1>I love connecting with you all on Dear Cheeky so,

0:14:16.520 --> 0:14:19.280
<v Speaker 1>thank you so much for submitting your questions, and you

0:14:19.320 --> 0:14:22.200
<v Speaker 1>can submit your questions or situations that you need help

0:14:22.240 --> 0:14:25.800
<v Speaker 1>with at speakpipe dot com. Slash Cheeky's and Chill Podcasts.

0:14:34.760 --> 0:14:38.920
<v Speaker 1>This is a production of iHeartRadio and the Micaeldura podcast Network.

0:14:39.360 --> 0:14:42.280
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0:14:42.320 --> 0:14:45.000
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0:14:45.520 --> 0:14:49.960
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