Speaker 1: Also wrath where those are forks, I'm not afraid of that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: size and not for four Kish or Kids for Kids,
Speaker 1: which is a new Kenya Bears project that I'm sure
Speaker 1: he's working on. I'm a hundred percent so he's working
Speaker 1: on a show called Fokish he has I'm auditioning. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I hope so fat Uncle on four Kishi racists, money
Speaker 1: stuff I can't tell me. Welcome to another phenomenal episode
Speaker 1: of My Told Me, the podcast where we dive deep,
Speaker 1: deep into the pockets of black conspiracy theories and we
Speaker 1: finally worked to prove that Michael Jackson didn't fact invent
Speaker 1: the gritty on the hint of his music video they
Speaker 1: Don't Care about Us. That was a weird Michael Michael
Speaker 1: in Africa, strange time. Yeah, he got in trouble and
Speaker 1: he really started focusing on global issues. Yeah. Yeah, all
Speaker 1: of a sudden, everything's very Jamaican vibe, which I don't think.
Speaker 1: I didn't like it. But he did hit the gritty
Speaker 1: in that video. I don't remember that, but I'm excited
Speaker 1: to go back and look, and I do I believe.
Speaker 1: I'm I'm invested in whatever you're pitching here. Do you think,
Speaker 1: do you think John morant Is is aware of this?
Speaker 1: Is that going to change his position on the gritty
Speaker 1: even I often wonder about these kids who, like I
Speaker 1: grew up at the era where it was never weird
Speaker 1: till I Michael, Like, we saw him get weird, right,
Speaker 1: So I still had bad Michael Jackson, like everything before
Speaker 1: black or white, right, But these kids, he was always
Speaker 1: a freak. He was always just like right. I never
Speaker 1: knew him as dark skinned Michael Jackson. I by the
Speaker 1: time I mean, by the time I became aware of
Speaker 1: Michael Jackson, he was already the transformed Michael Jackson. And
Speaker 1: so every era after that was just him getting weirder.
Speaker 1: He was already a weird Oh to your point, but
Speaker 1: you grew up with him as a viable music. He
Speaker 1: wasn't a joke when you were a little not at all.
Speaker 1: He was a very serious, respected man in and certainly
Speaker 1: my home and all the homes of the people I loved. Oh,
Speaker 1: we lit a candle for him. We're praying for you, Michael.
Speaker 1: I pray those mean little boys don't get justice against you. Michael. Yeah,
Speaker 1: we leave the back door up, and you can you
Speaker 1: leave the back door unlocked. You can always come home. Right.
Speaker 1: I don't even know what side of argument. The point is,
Speaker 1: I'm saying John morand like that kind of guy. Michael
Speaker 1: Jackson was always like a crazy cartoon character. Right. He's
Speaker 1: he's young enough that like he probably started Michael Jackson
Speaker 1: at Wacko Jacko era shit, right, which means that he
Speaker 1: it's oh, I'm just doing silly ship, right, I'm I'm
Speaker 1: jumping around the house like that freak on TV. Yeah,
Speaker 1: he doesn't know about the remember the time video, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean? You mean the man with no nose. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think I'm gonna I'm gonna make fun of him. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I can do his dance holding babies over balconies. He's
Speaker 1: not a serious person. But yeah, Michael, I I remember
Speaker 1: when Michael got that bob, that that short little bob
Speaker 1: was the worst era. I think the music was still
Speaker 1: hit no and and it was right that what was
Speaker 1: that that that sad song where the sort of like fude,
Speaker 1: yeah you are not alone. That was the one where
Speaker 1: he introduced the bob. And for me it was like,
Speaker 1: I still a serious man in my book, still a
Speaker 1: man I respect. I don't know the bob to me
Speaker 1: that he looked you know who he looked like. He
Speaker 1: looked like who's he looked like Mike Myers? And so
Speaker 1: I married an ax murderer. It's like a very uncomfortable haircut,
Speaker 1: it is. I mean, it's a it's a phenomenal move
Speaker 1: to get the haircut of the boys you supposedly molested.
Speaker 1: Do you know what I'm site? It was some scarlet
Speaker 1: lettership it truly. He was like he was like, hey,
Speaker 1: give me the scared child. And the barber was like,
Speaker 1: say no more family, you mean like your man's who
Speaker 1: you brought in with you? Yeah? I got it. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1: Can I do you have a question about Michael Jackson,
Speaker 1: because we're talking about him anyways. Do you ever remember
Speaker 1: seeing his nipples? I don't remember Michael Jackson's nipples. No,
Speaker 1: I don't. I will say, I don't think he has
Speaker 1: ever been shirtless in any public for him, really, I don't.
Speaker 1: I don't think so. And in fact, I think he
Speaker 1: went out of his way to never take his shirt
Speaker 1: off because the claim was his vida ligo was much
Speaker 1: more apparent underneath his clothes. But I feel like he
Speaker 1: was always like wind swept shirts. Yeah, but he always
Speaker 1: had like an undershirt underneath that it was never chest
Speaker 1: out Michael Jackson as far as Oh no, I'm here
Speaker 1: to tell you. I googled Michael Jackson nipples image search.
Speaker 1: I got your man with his shirt off and the
Speaker 1: vibe the bob fuck, it's so bad. I gotta send this.
Speaker 1: Oh no, you're not gonna like it at all. There's
Speaker 1: no way I could. There's no way that I look
Speaker 1: up Michael Jackson's nipples and and it's a pleasant surprise.
Speaker 1: I always thought that he had weird nipples here. I
Speaker 1: bet they're dark. I bet they're They're thick and dark.
Speaker 1: That's what you want it to be. That's not what
Speaker 1: they are. Oh wow, let's let's see what he's got going.
Speaker 1: Oh no, oh no, Michael, they're so pronounced. He looks
Speaker 1: like an inappropriate anime character, like dirty ban. Yeah, like
Speaker 1: this is it's teetering into hints Ie. It's not quite Hintie,
Speaker 1: but there's a lot of tentacles. Oh but he's gonna
Speaker 1: get in there. Oh I don't like it, Michael. What happened?
Speaker 1: Because he's an in shape guy. It's not like he's
Speaker 1: like a bad bodied man. What what the funk? Happened
Speaker 1: to his nipples. Maybe maybe this is where it started.
Speaker 1: Maybe it was always that he had bad, bad nipples,
Speaker 1: because bad nipples on the dude, that'll suck you up.
Speaker 1: I've got bad nipples, and yeah they're there. I got,
Speaker 1: I got big ones. N Yeah, I got the like
Speaker 1: genuine nips. Yeah I don't. I'm not familiar with Genuine's nipples.
Speaker 1: You you seem to be a man well versed in
Speaker 1: uh in the nipples. I've seen some nips. I have
Speaker 1: no doubt that you've seen some nips. Please don't for
Speaker 1: a second thing that you're out that I think you're
Speaker 1: out here nipp list. That's all I wanted to know.
Speaker 1: I just want you to know. But Genuine had puffy ones.
Speaker 1: Yeah I got. I got the puffy joints and and
Speaker 1: I don't love it. Uh, you know, because there's nothing
Speaker 1: you can do, right, I don't think so. I mean,
Speaker 1: I guess I could get like a surgery of some kind,
Speaker 1: but that feels like les man. Yeah, I got porno nipples.
Speaker 1: I got My ship looks like he's kisses. Oh nice. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's like one of the few good things I got.
Speaker 1: Everything else sucks, But ship blown out but the nips
Speaker 1: on point gorgeous nipples. I don't know that we can
Speaker 1: keep talking about nipples. I understand in this episode because
Speaker 1: we we have a conspiracy theory, don't have to do.
Speaker 1: We have a job to do, and and it's a
Speaker 1: conspiracy theory. I'm super excited to dig into. It feels
Speaker 1: fresh for this show. One that that is rare. It's not.
Speaker 1: It's one that I'm familiar with. What But I don't
Speaker 1: think it's often associated with black people at all. But
Speaker 1: I do think black people have long speculated about this
Speaker 1: as much as white people have. The conspiracy that we're
Speaker 1: talking about today is my mama told me there are
Speaker 1: alligators in the sewers. Love it, You're already on board.
Speaker 1: Tell me, tell me what you know about this? Is
Speaker 1: there is this a theory you believe? It's this one
Speaker 1: that that you tell your children. I've always had an
Speaker 1: obsession with under the streets since the Ninja Turtles. Yeah, definitely.
Speaker 1: I was one of those kids who like pulled off
Speaker 1: a few man manhole covers, you know what I'm saying,
Speaker 1: Like God in there a little bit, but then got
Speaker 1: too scared. But I it's a whole network of catacombs,
Speaker 1: and I believe that it seems reasonable to me that
Speaker 1: you could live down there. So you went so far
Speaker 1: as to attempt to hunt these these potential alligators. You
Speaker 1: weren't just uh, you aren't sucking around. I guess. I
Speaker 1: don't know if hunt is the word, And I don't
Speaker 1: know if I was even going down there because of alligators.
Speaker 1: Is much is maybe looking to find some teenage turtle
Speaker 1: friends or something like that, Like, I don't know. I
Speaker 1: just always wanted to. I've always felt like there is
Speaker 1: a life to be led under the streets, and I
Speaker 1: don't think it's crazy that an alligator ended up in there.
Speaker 1: You've ever been in Florida, I've seen alligators on the
Speaker 1: side of the high road. High wait, like, of course
Speaker 1: they could get in there. And then they start having
Speaker 1: gator babies, and they started I don't know why, but
Speaker 1: the way you said they started having gator babies felt bigoted,
Speaker 1: very like I was talking about Armenians. Yeah, it felt
Speaker 1: like you had a different group in mind that weren't
Speaker 1: the alligators when you said it. But you know well
Speaker 1: enough to call them alligators because yeah, your grandkids don't
Speaker 1: like when you talk like that. Yeah, I just don't
Speaker 1: want one. Dating my daughter is I will say that
Speaker 1: that I similarly had a massive obsession with the teenage
Speaker 1: mutant Ninja turtles. Leonardo was my guy, which I now
Speaker 1: know is dweep ship for Yeah, he was a smart one. No,
Speaker 1: Leonardo was the the Yeah, he was like the responsible one.
Speaker 1: It's like you fucking loser. In retrospect, I think Donna
Speaker 1: Tello is my favorite. He he was the smart one
Speaker 1: and and also staff Yeah, exactly as obviously a Michelangelo guy.
Speaker 1: You're Michelangelo. It felt heck to me if I was.
Speaker 1: He loved pizza and he had numb chucks. I was seven.
Speaker 1: There's it's like a low bar. That's all I want.
Speaker 1: He started living in your dream that yeah. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: you're a pretty good guy. Yes, Leonardo was the blue
Speaker 1: one with the swords. Yeah, Leonardo had the sword. Raphael
Speaker 1: I think was a very popular first choice for a
Speaker 1: lot of people, but he was too grumpy for my taste.
Speaker 1: It was a hothead too. Yeah, I like the more
Speaker 1: reasonable man and Leonardo he always came in reasonable, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean. The conversation that hand, These Niga
Speaker 1: Turtles did naturally progress for me into believing in all
Speaker 1: the living creatures that could potentially come out of the sewers,
Speaker 1: which for some reason I think are always reptiles in
Speaker 1: my mind, even though we know for sure are down there. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's a good point. Why is it so reptile? Bit
Speaker 1: it's something about their cold blooded right, something about that
Speaker 1: seems to lend itself to being away from the light forever.
Speaker 1: I don't I don't really know, Yeah it seems. And
Speaker 1: also it's like, oh, y'all, don't mind being wet and
Speaker 1: it wheah, yeah, when that seems like your vibe even
Speaker 1: though you like, yeah, you like it, you sick little
Speaker 1: fuss knocking out of my house. I also felt the
Speaker 1: idea that like there's something of like an alligator seems
Speaker 1: like somewhat of a rogue animal to me, like that
Speaker 1: it could like exist away from other like when I
Speaker 1: think about like birds or like cats, they have to
Speaker 1: be like in the mix with all the other animals.
Speaker 1: But like, for some reason, alligators, because they're so old,
Speaker 1: they're like dinosaurs, they seem to me like they could
Speaker 1: exist far away from everything, like they don't need to
Speaker 1: socialize like that, certainly not not with other kinds of species,
Speaker 1: like if they're they're together. Maybe alligators you know, hang
Speaker 1: out with other alligators, but they're not fucking uh chilling
Speaker 1: with like raccoons and ship exactly why, which is why
Speaker 1: the sewers is perfect for them. Yeah, now that makes
Speaker 1: perfect sense. I I doesn't. It doesn't seem impossible to me.
Speaker 1: It doesn't seem like this far fetched thing. Although you know,
Speaker 1: and we'll talk about this more when we look at
Speaker 1: the research, there are a lot of people who do
Speaker 1: treat it as this super far fetched idea that it's
Speaker 1: like and no, absolutely not. There are no alligators underneath
Speaker 1: our streets and ship. Alligators don't even have to be big,
Speaker 1: is the other thing? M what are those little ones
Speaker 1: you know? Uh or something like, oh, you're talking about
Speaker 1: funck now Cayman Cayman which you're referring to, But Cayman
Speaker 1: aren't actually that or they're not necessarily little either. It's
Speaker 1: just a different like mouth shape and head shape. Oh,
Speaker 1: they're not smaller. Now, they can be smaller, but they
Speaker 1: can also be big as fuck, like Cayman can be massive.
Speaker 1: Okadn't that but gators, gators similar to to Cayman can
Speaker 1: range like to your point, they can be like three
Speaker 1: feet or they can be like twelve feet, and it truly,
Speaker 1: it just depends on the gator. And I don't know
Speaker 1: what they eat, but I feel like they would eat
Speaker 1: our trash. Mm hmmm. Does that make sense? Do you
Speaker 1: think gators are like they're like eating McDonald's rappers and
Speaker 1: ship Well, I think that I throw away a lot
Speaker 1: of rib bones and things. I don't think it's only
Speaker 1: trash McDonald's. I've cooked for myself. I'm a grown man.
Speaker 1: Scrap some things like that that ain't nerve. I don't
Speaker 1: know what you looked this weekend, but but some meal
Speaker 1: you had this weekend, I felt like the wrong choice.
Speaker 1: And I brought up McDonald's and you're like, look, I
Speaker 1: I do other things for myself. I'm a big strong man.
Speaker 1: Oh man, you really did get me. I put cheese
Speaker 1: on a hot lake and I've been like, I've been
Speaker 1: like you gotta relax, like you can't live like bro.
Speaker 1: My friend was like, he was like, that's like putting
Speaker 1: more frosting on top of a cupcake. Like, and I
Speaker 1: was trying to tell people, it's like we're at the lake,
Speaker 1: and I was like, oh no, it's good with the cheese,
Speaker 1: and everybody was like, what are you doing? Yeah, like,
Speaker 1: hey man, it's America's birthday, not yours. You gotta relax.
Speaker 1: Put your shirt down, take the cheese off, the hot wake,
Speaker 1: put those gorgeous nipples, those nips back, little chocolate chip nipples.
Speaker 1: Put them away. You're acting wild right now. Yeah, so
Speaker 1: you caught me on that. That's fair. Let me ask
Speaker 1: you this before we take a break. Has there ever
Speaker 1: been in your home a conversation around the potential alligators
Speaker 1: in the sewers? Where you ever? Did you ever bring
Speaker 1: this to your mom, your family of any kind and
Speaker 1: say like, hey, y'all, here's what I think. Where y'all
Speaker 1: at with this? I don't think so. Because so this
Speaker 1: is strange my mom. I don't know if it's because
Speaker 1: she's African, I don't know what it is. She has
Speaker 1: a very strange aversion to the Ninja Turtles, Like she
Speaker 1: fucking she hated the Ninja Like I wasn't supposed to
Speaker 1: watch it until a little older and then you can
Speaker 1: kind of navigate she like, and she's never really given
Speaker 1: me a good excuse why, but she hates the Ninja Turtles.
Speaker 1: So I think that I don't think I ever brought
Speaker 1: this up. This was like one I kept inside. That's fascinating.
Speaker 1: I don't what could the Ninja turtles have done that
Speaker 1: made her feel that way. I've never had I've never
Speaker 1: really understood because it's like I could watch G. I. Joe.
Speaker 1: If you watch X Men, do you think it's and
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna start guessing stuff, but do you think
Speaker 1: that like there's some weird race thing inside of this
Speaker 1: where she like feels like it's some like this is
Speaker 1: the black people of of the mutant community and she
Speaker 1: didn't like the representation it was implying or something like that.
Speaker 1: I have literally never thought neither did I until just now.
Speaker 1: I think she thought it was gross. I don't know, man,
Speaker 1: I think that she was fresh from Si leone, right,
Speaker 1: and then she comes here and they got these weird
Speaker 1: these turtles that eat pizza in the sewer and they're talking.
Speaker 1: That's kind of gross. I understand that like mutants you
Speaker 1: get because they like they got superpowers, but they still
Speaker 1: look like people. Uh. G I. Joe is just dudes
Speaker 1: with guns. But it's just this gross abomination. Why were
Speaker 1: there no girls like everything about right that they were
Speaker 1: How were they gonna Because that's the other thing is
Speaker 1: why were they Why were there no turtle girls? Well,
Speaker 1: what were they gonna do? They went through puberty at
Speaker 1: some point. Well I and this this is maybe tough
Speaker 1: for you. They did add a girl at one point.
Speaker 1: They added a fifth Turtle for the I believe the
Speaker 1: Third Turtle film, and her name escapes me. It was
Speaker 1: she's named after an art tiste eight but it's it's
Speaker 1: bad it yes, Venus de Milo or some ship in life. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so she was added for that film. Was supposedly like
Speaker 1: the Lost Turtle sister. And her her mask is light
Speaker 1: blue and yep, you guessed it. She does have titties.
Speaker 1: She has turtle ties. I hate that. But also the
Speaker 1: Lost Sister. That's not really getting it done, you know
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. No, you can't funk on your sister. Yeah,
Speaker 1: doesn't really help at all. No, So them boys, and
Speaker 1: you know, we saw it over and over again. Them
Speaker 1: boys just had to be horny for a news reporter
Speaker 1: lady who could never really fuck them, and they just
Speaker 1: had to watch their friend in the hockey mass fucker instead.
Speaker 1: I don't think that they watched. You don't think so
Speaker 1: you don't think that these guys who climb through her
Speaker 1: apartment window every night we were still kids, like even
Speaker 1: more reason why they would feel comfortable going and sneaking
Speaker 1: and watch her. Fuck Casey Jones. Oh, I hate that.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry. I'm sorry for what's happening here, but I
Speaker 1: truly believe they watched them. Fuck you know, let's put
Speaker 1: a break. I got well, David, this price lessing. We'll
Speaker 1: take a break. We'll be back when more, my mama
Speaker 1: told me, and we are that you got what I need. Yeah,
Speaker 1: We're back here with more, David boy, more length, thinker,
Speaker 1: I mean more. My mama told me. We're still talking
Speaker 1: about the possibility that alligators live in our sewers. That
Speaker 1: they are, they are beneath our feet as we speak,
Speaker 1: running around. They're doing alligator ship, whatever the funk that
Speaker 1: might be. Are you at all worried about the alligators
Speaker 1: and the sewers? Does it feel like a threat to
Speaker 1: you at all? No, because I don't hang out in
Speaker 1: your train ditches and I'm not in the suitters like
Speaker 1: that anymore. So like anymore, I don't mean that like
Speaker 1: that's crazy, that's crazy, Like I'm not even ever trying
Speaker 1: to get down there to get like a ball or
Speaker 1: I'm fucking they got their own life, I got you. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it doesn't bother me at all. What about you? I
Speaker 1: don't think so. I guess my fear is that they
Speaker 1: come up the drains right like. That would be the
Speaker 1: biggest anxiety that I feel. Yeah, I don't want to
Speaker 1: gator up my butt, you know what I'm saying, But
Speaker 1: that would probably be more of a Cayman because of
Speaker 1: the smaller head. Yeah, they got that little head. They
Speaker 1: get up there real good, and then they you know,
Speaker 1: now they're in my butt hole and I don't want to.
Speaker 1: But beyond that fear, I think I'm fine with them
Speaker 1: living beneath us and getting ship on their foreheads. I
Speaker 1: guess I don't. I don't know what else could be
Speaker 1: the thing I don't. That's the thing I also don't.
Speaker 1: And this is, you know, showing my ignorance. I don't
Speaker 1: know how elaborate the sewers system is. Like once you
Speaker 1: were referencing a lot of T and M M T
Speaker 1: or whatever, they led you to believe that they were
Speaker 1: like abandoned subway stations and shipped down there. I don't
Speaker 1: think it's that crazy, right you think? So you think
Speaker 1: there's just like a couple of pipes and and that's that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think it's just a couple of tunnels. Damn. I
Speaker 1: actually think it's I've always imagined it's like a world,
Speaker 1: the whole world beneath us, like that's you know, Atlantis
Speaker 1: in my mind, the system. But why would it be that,
Speaker 1: because there there are and I've read articles about it,
Speaker 1: there are actual human beings that live in our not
Speaker 1: in our sewers necessarily, but in the subway systems underneath
Speaker 1: New York City. So it's like entire families and ship
Speaker 1: like have built you know, communities down there. And okay,
Speaker 1: so it is so it is elaborate. I think it's
Speaker 1: pretty elaborate. Yeah, and they're down there. And I don't
Speaker 1: know to that point if that the sewer system and
Speaker 1: the subway system crossed, you know what I mean, Like,
Speaker 1: I don't know if there's a point where like that
Speaker 1: piping dumps out into this place kind of thing. And
Speaker 1: maybe it doesn't, and that is my own ignorance as well,
Speaker 1: but I do know that at least the subways are elaborate.
Speaker 1: So I would imagine maybe our our ship goes through
Speaker 1: a few you know, it looks like Futurama down there,
Speaker 1: right right right right, right right right, yeah, mutants. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I guess I've always felt, regardless of what I know
Speaker 1: about the system, I've always felt like there was enough
Speaker 1: space to that to inhabit there. Yeah. And I don't
Speaker 1: think gators need like a lot, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: Like they're not like they're not collecting big properties. They're
Speaker 1: just sort of this pipe works. I'm chilling here, and
Speaker 1: I'll come out to eat something and come back. They're
Speaker 1: one of the oldest species, their toughest. Yeah, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean, they could like you'll be finding there.
Speaker 1: So this urban myth quote unquote, and I'm gonna put
Speaker 1: heavy quote unquote on this dates all the way back
Speaker 1: to the early nineteen hundreds that this this has been
Speaker 1: a rumor, a if that's sort of circulated all the
Speaker 1: way back then. There was actually a New York Times
Speaker 1: piece from nineteen oh seven that I found where a
Speaker 1: city worker was bitten by a baby gator that they
Speaker 1: found in a sewer while trying to clear it out.
Speaker 1: So they see this sew this uh strange creature. They
Speaker 1: point to it. The boss goes over to try to
Speaker 1: check it out, picks it up, and it bites him
Speaker 1: on the hand. And then he's like, what the funk
Speaker 1: it's an alligator. And then this is where it gets crazy.
Speaker 1: They traced the owner somehow, like they figured out who
Speaker 1: the gator belonged to, and apparently the gator had escaped,
Speaker 1: and they returned the gator to its owner, like they
Speaker 1: found this sewer gator technology. Yeah. I don't know how
Speaker 1: they did this. I don't know if they like put
Speaker 1: out an ad in the newspaper, like we found a
Speaker 1: baby gator if you've been looking for him? What's up?
Speaker 1: But something right, that's back when men were men, and
Speaker 1: they didn't play the gator. That wasn't there's And I
Speaker 1: always get and this might sound don't come from New Yorkers.
Speaker 1: I just get the feeling that New Yorkers have a
Speaker 1: disconnect from nature and reality in that Like I feel
Speaker 1: like a New Yorker would try to just like flush
Speaker 1: an alligator down the toilet. Yeah, they're like, it's it's
Speaker 1: no Yeah, what do you want me to do? Take
Speaker 1: it to the woods? Yeah, and seating all of my meatballs.
Speaker 1: I gotta go all the way up down to Central
Speaker 1: Box to get rid of this fucking no thanks. Yeah, Like,
Speaker 1: I don't know, man, you could have called anybody to
Speaker 1: help you with this. You didn't just let me go
Speaker 1: on the street. You It probably would be nicer than
Speaker 1: putting it down the fucking toilet. Yeah, that's a really
Speaker 1: gross way to do it. So in nineteen thirty two,
Speaker 1: there was a major gator hunt that happened apparently like
Speaker 1: New York as well. In New York. A lot of
Speaker 1: this is New York based sort of theory, I guess,
Speaker 1: like New York is sort of the hub for whether
Speaker 1: this theory was born and continues to to blossom. But yeah,
Speaker 1: ninety two there was a major gator hunt organized by
Speaker 1: the police because some boys claimed that they saw swarms
Speaker 1: of gators near the Bronx River and in fear. As
Speaker 1: this sort of legend was growing and more and more
Speaker 1: people are claiming to have seen alligators in rivers, on streets,
Speaker 1: in their steward pipes, everything, they then decided that they
Speaker 1: they armed themselves. They got rifles and went hunting for
Speaker 1: gators to basically like wipe out the steward gator population.
Speaker 1: So here's my first question. A few questions, were these
Speaker 1: white boys are black boys? Uh, that is a great question,
Speaker 1: and I don't actually know. It wasn't clear at the
Speaker 1: implication or at least the energy it had was white
Speaker 1: boys that these were these were white boys who found
Speaker 1: this gay eater. Because now it makes me feel like
Speaker 1: the gator is gonna get emmett too or for lack
Speaker 1: of a better trip, Oh yeah that they they claimed
Speaker 1: the gator was whistling at them, and now all of
Speaker 1: a sudden, we're murdering a gator for for no reason. Right,
Speaker 1: they runted up a posse just because these little white
Speaker 1: boys said they saw gator. Yeah, they said they saw swarms,
Speaker 1: which makes it even more hateful in the way that
Speaker 1: you're talking about where it's like, if you say swarms,
Speaker 1: you're being yeah, you're pretending like there's more than there are.
Speaker 1: There were like two of them, and you're like everywhere
Speaker 1: there were swarms. The windows were talking about like those
Speaker 1: gators weren't bothering nobody, big Uh, they were. They were
Speaker 1: grilling in the park just like you have every right.
Speaker 1: They've been living here longer than your family's been here. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you know what, those gators are more American than you are,
Speaker 1: but you don't want to have that conversation, not today,
Speaker 1: not today. You just want to run and tell the cops.
Speaker 1: So in the gator round up, did they find it
Speaker 1: doesn't seem like they did. It seems like they It
Speaker 1: just sort of created more kerfuffle, right that that the
Speaker 1: legend sort of grew from this, And the theory that
Speaker 1: this all comes from is actually that wealthy families would
Speaker 1: vacation and warmer climate and then return from those places
Speaker 1: to New York City with cute little baby gators as pets.
Speaker 1: And then the gators get bigger, they outgrow the space.
Speaker 1: You gotta put them in the bathtub. Now you don't
Speaker 1: know where to put your your side, where to watch.
Speaker 1: New York City obviously isn't building for accommodating alligators. And
Speaker 1: so then they just get rid of the motherfucker's either
Speaker 1: by flushing them or throwing them out of windows, whatever
Speaker 1: the funk it is. And then subsequently those gators buill
Speaker 1: colonies underneath the the systems because I know that the
Speaker 1: New York to Miami pipeline is real, yes, just like
Speaker 1: the people, So it makes sense to gators, what way
Speaker 1: right that they would also vacation part of the year
Speaker 1: in in Miami and then come back to New York
Speaker 1: talk about it like they went to a different country
Speaker 1: or something that you have to go. You simply have
Speaker 1: to go to Miami. Have you ever met a Cuban man?
Speaker 1: You simply must meet one of these Cubans. But I've
Speaker 1: met four Puerto Ricans. You told me that. I don't
Speaker 1: mean that. So what gets even crazier is and I
Speaker 1: didn't realize this. In the nineteen thirties, baby gators for
Speaker 1: purchase were constantly advertised in magazines and newspapers, and they
Speaker 1: would ship you the gators by mail. If you wanted
Speaker 1: a baby gator, you could simply call a number from
Speaker 1: the newspaper and they would send you a baby gator
Speaker 1: as a pet in the mail. Okay, so this is
Speaker 1: even more viable than it was like a fashionable pet
Speaker 1: to have. It was apparently like a super cool thing
Speaker 1: to be able to like buy a gator in the mail.
Speaker 1: This country, man, I mean, we've taken in light of
Speaker 1: a few recent steps, we've taken pretty far back. But
Speaker 1: we were going nuts. Yeah, we and stuff like this
Speaker 1: doesn't make me. It does make me go, oh, I
Speaker 1: see what they're talking about when they say make America
Speaker 1: great again? You know what I mean? Yeah, you couldn't.
Speaker 1: You could do anything. You could just order alligators in
Speaker 1: the mail. Bro You could have called a number and
Speaker 1: had an alligator the next day. That's fucking crazy. Who
Speaker 1: sent him this and nobody? That's what made it so beautiful.
Speaker 1: There were no sanctions, there was not Everything was anything.
Speaker 1: You drift it. You could have it, man, just to
Speaker 1: get oh man, see so a lot of those I
Speaker 1: guarantee you that flush rate on mail alligators. No fucking
Speaker 1: way am I keeping a mail gator. There's no I
Speaker 1: have no commitment. I didn't even go out and earn it. No, no,
Speaker 1: I didn't wrangle it. I just got it in a box.
Speaker 1: I don't even know if it came down or alive.
Speaker 1: It's got fucking instructions next to it. Um, I'm fleshing
Speaker 1: this gator. I gotta feed this thing pineapples? What are they?
Speaker 1: Don't you truly have no idea? What alligators that I love?
Speaker 1: I have no idea. Old chicken they meet, right they meet.
Speaker 1: I don't think it's pineapples. I think they think if
Speaker 1: you gave them one, I bet it would I bet
Speaker 1: it's not turning down pineapple. It's not better than pineapple. No,
Speaker 1: it's a very good. So although the city and and
Speaker 1: experts claim that it's a mostly unfounded theory right that
Speaker 1: that there are not New York City the government says, so,
Speaker 1: the government denies that there are any versions of colonies
Speaker 1: of gators living beneath the earth. And it is worth
Speaker 1: noting that one of the things that people claim now
Speaker 1: is not only that there are alligators in our sewers,
Speaker 1: but that the the gators themselves have now evolved to
Speaker 1: be like these blind albino alligators that basically are better
Speaker 1: at managing without sunlight and and sort of like fresh
Speaker 1: air the way that the average alligator would be able
Speaker 1: to live. Okay, because I've seen an albino gator at
Speaker 1: the zoo. Yeah, no, there are real albino gators. They're
Speaker 1: saying that sewer albino gators are like a different breed
Speaker 1: that has grown from like they evolved. Yeah exactly. That, Like,
Speaker 1: I kind of have a tough time like that because
Speaker 1: like evolution, the one thing we know about it is
Speaker 1: that it takes a long time. So they got albino
Speaker 1: and what three generations that seems kind of Yeah, seventy
Speaker 1: years doesn't seem like enough to like turn you your
Speaker 1: whole species white, right right right, right right exactly exactly.
Speaker 1: So I don't believe that, do I believe that maybe
Speaker 1: if there's a bunch of gators down there, one is
Speaker 1: an albino. Sure, albinos are everywhere I've seen. I've seen
Speaker 1: the multiple albinos in real life, so you know what
Speaker 1: I mean. And that's just walking around, you know, wherever
Speaker 1: I'm at. You know what scares me is I don't
Speaker 1: know if albino is now suddenly like uh not the
Speaker 1: term that you're supposed to call somebody if they are
Speaker 1: talking about people. Yeah, like I know, I don't think
Speaker 1: you can call them binos. I think you have to.
Speaker 1: You gotta say the whole word. Yeah, you gotta have that.
Speaker 1: That's like the one. That's the part I do know
Speaker 1: for I guess you and I imagine you know this
Speaker 1: from experience this. I just assume listen, I wouldn't. I'm
Speaker 1: not gonna be I'm not like on the street yelling
Speaker 1: at them. I will also say, though, I've seen so
Speaker 1: many more black albinos then white. But I think that's
Speaker 1: because of Africa say more like him in Freetown. You
Speaker 1: pretty much every time you go out you'll see in albino. Oh.
Speaker 1: Because you know what's funny, We actually did an episode,
Speaker 1: uh not too long ago about the fact that there
Speaker 1: are a bunch of nations throughout the world, not specific
Speaker 1: just to Africa, that where albinos are are hunted, that
Speaker 1: they're actually treated like either they are cursed or that
Speaker 1: their bodies can be used for like uh, curses and
Speaker 1: and hexes and and ship Asia. No, it's it's it's
Speaker 1: not just I think Australia probably focks around over there,
Speaker 1: but like the Philippines, I think they did that ship
Speaker 1: Nigeria they murdered their albinos for jest and ship for
Speaker 1: Jesus Christ. Uh not in Yeah, it wasn't like that necessarily,
Speaker 1: but we we digress. The point is, do I think
Speaker 1: that there are some magical albinia that's the least reasonable
Speaker 1: part of this whole conspiracy to me, that they've now
Speaker 1: developed into like some type of super see in the dark.
Speaker 1: I don't believe that. I definitely think not swarms because
Speaker 1: I'm not racist, but I'm sure that's down there. So
Speaker 1: what's funny is, and I'm glad that you said that.
Speaker 1: Is that they're despite this, the city sort of denying it.
Speaker 1: And part of the reason that these experts say that
Speaker 1: it's not possible is that New York sewers are too
Speaker 1: cold and toxic for alligators to actually survive for very long,
Speaker 1: especially if they're eating rats and raw sewage. They're they're basically,
Speaker 1: you know, constantly eating poison because of the ship that's
Speaker 1: floating around in our sewers, and that would kill them,
Speaker 1: along with the freezing temperatures and the lack of sunlight's
Speaker 1: freezing as hard as that city gets in the summertime.
Speaker 1: You want me to think it's freezing in the I
Speaker 1: think it's getting pretty cold. Where are our sewage is
Speaker 1: where there's no sun and you know, the fucking the
Speaker 1: city is not hot all year round. That's fair. So
Speaker 1: they're just saying because so frozen temperate cany migrant. I
Speaker 1: also don't know, is there like, like, is there like
Speaker 1: an outlet where it would be like, oh, in the wintertime,
Speaker 1: you know they come out, Yeah, they go by this
Speaker 1: abandoned space eater and yeah, come out for a little bit.
Speaker 1: And then I don't I mean, I don't know. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I I to your point, I do presume that they're
Speaker 1: not just sitting in the same spot no matter what,
Speaker 1: no matter what, Like they're they're no animal stationary. So
Speaker 1: maybe they're just figuring out, like I, this is cool
Speaker 1: for this part of the year or this time of day,
Speaker 1: and then I'll go over here where it's similar temperatures
Speaker 1: during the other part of the day or year. Right,
Speaker 1: Like maybe they got a brownstone in Brooklyn that runs
Speaker 1: the heat too much in the day. Yeah, the basement
Speaker 1: has like a real thin floor and they can just
Speaker 1: feel whatever's coming through. Yeah, they just soak it up.
Speaker 1: So these experts deny the possibility that the alligators can
Speaker 1: be down there, But despite that, the city does acknowledge
Speaker 1: that they have to rescue multiple alligators a year. Even
Speaker 1: to this day, multiple alligators a year are being taken
Speaker 1: out of the sewards by the city. Multiple a year
Speaker 1: is insane. Yes, bro, if there's multiple, any more than five,
Speaker 1: they're down there, fucking right that this isn't just like
Speaker 1: isolated incidents, now, this is no. No. I could believe
Speaker 1: up to five random people put alligators in the sewer
Speaker 1: at different places. Anything more than that those they're recreating
Speaker 1: one per borough is what David Bori says, One alligator
Speaker 1: per borrow. I mean that if it's happenstance. Anything after that, though,
Speaker 1: is they're they're fucking they're I'm with you on this.
Speaker 1: I I truly believe that if you're pulling out multiple
Speaker 1: alligators a year, and more than that, they're also fielding.
Speaker 1: They said hundreds of calls every year of people either
Speaker 1: just curious about the alligator situation or reporting having seen
Speaker 1: something alligator related. Who is that guy who calls the
Speaker 1: cops because he's curious about the alligator situation. I think
Speaker 1: he's just like, hey, man, I've been hearing a lot
Speaker 1: of stuff for the past. No, no, no, no, yeah,
Speaker 1: I'll hold I get you. Got some other stuff going on, No,
Speaker 1: I handle the burglars and then get back to me.
Speaker 1: It's gonna take a while, Yeah, but please just make
Speaker 1: sure you section off some time because I have questions,
Speaker 1: big gator questions. Do we have Do you have any
Speaker 1: numbers on that? No? They tried to be I think
Speaker 1: particularly vague about it, and some of this I think
Speaker 1: this is the you know, this is that that's how
Speaker 1: they get you moment because this is them trying to
Speaker 1: to pretend as if this isn't an actual problem by
Speaker 1: by sort of keeping the numbers unclear, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean, Like this, this might be we might be
Speaker 1: dealing with a big fucking problem. And they go, oh,
Speaker 1: it's just you know, every once in a while we
Speaker 1: find a gator. It's nobody, it's not a problem. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but like we feel a lot of calls. We feel
Speaker 1: a lot of calls, Like we save multiple gators. How
Speaker 1: many constitutes a swarm? Yeah? And and what's even scarier
Speaker 1: is that they're sitting and they're they're pretending as if
Speaker 1: the people who are calling are the crazy ones. Do
Speaker 1: you know what I mean? They go, you nutty sons
Speaker 1: of bitches, there's no gators in the sewer, But there are,
Speaker 1: in fact gators in the sewers. We recover gators from
Speaker 1: the sewer regularly, and they won't tell those people on
Speaker 1: the phone. You know who we gotta get to as
Speaker 1: the gator butt Who's who's recovering m m hmmm. Almost
Speaker 1: the gator busters. But that's not a term. Again, it
Speaker 1: sounds racist, but no one does sound bad. That one
Speaker 1: does sound bad. The gator busters. There's no way, that's
Speaker 1: a warm, more group of people that you have affection for. No,
Speaker 1: that's not anybody who celebrates the culture, not at all.
Speaker 1: All Right, we're gonna take our second break. We'll be
Speaker 1: back with more gator talk and more. My mama told me,
Speaker 1: and we are bad. Ain't nobody got time for that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: we're back here with more David Borie, more Langston Kerman.
Speaker 1: We're still talking about the possibility that there are alligators
Speaker 1: in our sewers, that they're living down there, fucking and
Speaker 1: sucking and making gator babies that that then go on
Speaker 1: to do uh gator ship. We don't know what they do,
Speaker 1: and we certain David definitely doesn't know what they eat. Pineapples.
Speaker 1: I think pineapples is the best guests we've gotten so far.
Speaker 1: I here's the thing. New York City is so big,
Speaker 1: um hm, and like I just I think this one
Speaker 1: is real. Man. I really believe in this. So one
Speaker 1: of the things that that sort of became the go
Speaker 1: to story and where the the theory really found its
Speaker 1: legs and maybe this will even help support what you
Speaker 1: believe in is that there was this big story in
Speaker 1: nineteen thirty five about a group of teams in East Harlem.
Speaker 1: So now you know what race. They are a group
Speaker 1: of teams in East Harlem spotting an alligator in a
Speaker 1: storm drain. And then last so did out and that
Speaker 1: gator ended up being more than eight ft long and
Speaker 1: a hundred and twenty five pounds. Okay, so the reasonable
Speaker 1: young black man rescued gator, didn't run of the cops
Speaker 1: and cry about how they were swarms attacking their families. Well,
Speaker 1: let me be clear that gator was murdered because it
Speaker 1: did snap at the police and then the police stomped
Speaker 1: it to death. That's that's a legit thing. That are
Speaker 1: you making fun of me? I swear to God this
Speaker 1: is what happened in the in the story, the cops
Speaker 1: stomped out the gator. They curb stopped the gator for
Speaker 1: snapping at them after it was found in a storm
Speaker 1: drained by some urban youth. So somehow the urban youth
Speaker 1: extracted this gator just fine, and then the cops had
Speaker 1: to stop it out. The cops showed up and murdered
Speaker 1: the gator because because it did gator things. That's not
Speaker 1: even like a technology, no it they they truly, they
Speaker 1: acted purely out of like rage and passion when they
Speaker 1: killed it. Man, I hate that. But once again, eight
Speaker 1: foot gators, that's fucking that. It was. If it's a
Speaker 1: feet and there's something down there, it's sucking it. It's
Speaker 1: you don't let me get eight feet tall and I'm
Speaker 1: not fucking yeah, now you earned it. No, you're eight
Speaker 1: feet that's too the victor goals of spoils. Come on, man,
Speaker 1: if if ain't nobody sucking you, I'll fuck you if
Speaker 1: you're a feet Yeah, got to got to what I see?
Speaker 1: This is just so in what year was that? That
Speaker 1: was nineteen thirty five? Come on, man, this is a consistent.
Speaker 1: So now we have a consistent timeline of gators being
Speaker 1: found in the sewers, and more to that point, in
Speaker 1: the nineteen thirties, late nineteen thirties, the nyc UH sewer
Speaker 1: officials basically no, apparently there are like they're sewer officers, right,
Speaker 1: like people who are truly in charge of of our
Speaker 1: sewer systems. And it had become such a big conspiracy
Speaker 1: theory it'd be myth for everybody to be dealing with that.
Speaker 1: They actually lead a giant army of sewer man down
Speaker 1: to the sewers to exterminate the gator colonies, so not
Speaker 1: just hunting one gator like the previous story. They went
Speaker 1: down there fully being like, Yo, we're about to go
Speaker 1: wipe out all the gators so that everybody could get it. Yeah, exactly,
Speaker 1: which also feels like environmentally kind of crazy, right. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I don't think you're supposed to just wipe out entire
Speaker 1: species of anything. You can't just be like we're gonna
Speaker 1: go down there and kill all of them. No, Like
Speaker 1: you hear how crazy that sounds when I say it.
Speaker 1: And then so what was the what was the response
Speaker 1: on that? Did they kill some alligators down there? I
Speaker 1: don't think so, or if they did, I don't think
Speaker 1: it was enough to justify the man hunt that they
Speaker 1: sort of created out of this. Well, here's another thing.
Speaker 1: They live in the sewers. They were born in the darkness.
Speaker 1: We merely adapted to it. We're not gonna go down
Speaker 1: there and like they're not just gonna be like, oh ship,
Speaker 1: you found us, right And we're sitting up there and
Speaker 1: I know people, people go yuck, it's poop. I can't
Speaker 1: And it's like the gators fucking love it there, dude,
Speaker 1: Just some drunk dudes, you know what I mean, Like, yeah,
Speaker 1: it probably wasn't effective, but I don't know how easy
Speaker 1: it is to hunt the gator on land, let alone
Speaker 1: in its element in the sewer. I have trouble when
Speaker 1: I go to the few times that I go to
Speaker 1: the zoo, I have even seeing the gator and it's
Speaker 1: in his area. Yeah, no, the gator is yeah, because
Speaker 1: they hide. So I think that like, of course that
Speaker 1: you go and like, yeah, everybody's all loud, they got
Speaker 1: fucking torch lamps and ship like that. Of course they
Speaker 1: ain't catch any gators. Yeah, you're not catching no goddamn gators,
Speaker 1: you losers? Eight footer? What are you? A bunch of
Speaker 1: Harlem teans. So the part of this, or the part
Speaker 1: that that sort of grew out of control, is that
Speaker 1: it the conspiracy comes starts to spread into popular culture,
Speaker 1: right that it stops being just news, and then it
Speaker 1: starts to appear in things like Leave It to Beaver
Speaker 1: had an episode about them buying an alligator in the
Speaker 1: newspaper for like fifty cents. Thomas Pensions v talks about
Speaker 1: someone buying an alligator in the newspaper as well, when
Speaker 1: there was even this is my favorite thing. Uh. There
Speaker 1: was a movie called Alligator that was about a giant
Speaker 1: mutant gator in the sewer, But this is my favorite part.
Speaker 1: There was also even a nineteen seventy five porno called
Speaker 1: Suprentice are In, which involves a unit nurse treating a
Speaker 1: team of scuba divers returning from a gator hunting expedition
Speaker 1: in New York City. Sewers, Wait, that was all the
Speaker 1: plateau a porno? That was a porno. Yes, that's a
Speaker 1: lot of exposition. It is, especially since it's about the nurse.
Speaker 1: Did they fuck that? But I think these scuba men
Speaker 1: showed up fully suited, and I guess, and I guess
Speaker 1: bit from from the alligators they were hunting. And she
Speaker 1: was like, boys, there's only one way to fix this.
Speaker 1: I gotta I gotta suck that gator poison. Why did
Speaker 1: she hit super We've really fallen off as a country
Speaker 1: pornal wise. They were really telling stories that they were
Speaker 1: telling stories. Now it's just like, oh, hey, how did
Speaker 1: you get to my couch? Yeah? No, they had it.
Speaker 1: That had to have had a writer's room, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean? They didn't. That's a fool. That's a story.
Speaker 1: That's a short story, they went for it, and now yeah,
Speaker 1: it's we all. It's pizza delivery guys and and naughty
Speaker 1: teachers and like a lot of step sisters for some reason,
Speaker 1: I'm yeah, i am, but that's my business, as is
Speaker 1: your right. As a puffy nipped man. You can like,
Speaker 1: you gotta you gotta have something when your nips are
Speaker 1: this big, you know. So. One of the things that
Speaker 1: then gets even crazier is that, despite denying all of
Speaker 1: this being real, the Sewer's Department at one point changed
Speaker 1: their logo to an alligator wearing sunglasses and climbing out
Speaker 1: of a manhole, and they even began selling t shirts
Speaker 1: that said, the legend lives underneath the alligator climbing out
Speaker 1: of the manhole with sunglasses. That's that's too brazen New
Speaker 1: York City. They're they're truly being like, yeah, this ain't real,
Speaker 1: but we'll we'll get rich off y'all dumbasses. They think
Speaker 1: we're idiots. I don't think that we're dumb though, we're right, yeah, no,
Speaker 1: we're a hundred percent right. But they're they're trying to
Speaker 1: get it on both ends, you know what I mean, right, right, right, right,
Speaker 1: I gotta look this sewer alligator logo. I'm not gonna lie,
Speaker 1: it's pretty hard logo. Yeah, I think I found it
Speaker 1: here is I I'd rock the ship out of the
Speaker 1: T shirt that uh that that had that. Yeah. Man,
Speaker 1: see this is I think this all goes back to, like, yes,
Speaker 1: there are gators, Like now they're coming from us. They're
Speaker 1: they're they're like they're they're they're trying to make us
Speaker 1: seem like, no, you're stupid idiots. But like, the proof
Speaker 1: is in the pudding. All I've heard this whole podcast
Speaker 1: today is proof that, multiple multiple sources from different only
Speaker 1: in New York City, but other than that, the alligators
Speaker 1: live in the sewer. I gotta believe it. I'm I'm
Speaker 1: my mom, I'm I'm pro. I'm pro gators in the
Speaker 1: in the sewer. You support the gators in the sewer too.
Speaker 1: I think I land on on the side of this
Speaker 1: is a very legitimate thing, even if the the experts
Speaker 1: and officials claim that it isn't. I will say that
Speaker 1: the last little bit that I'll share with you is
Speaker 1: that this conspiracy theory reminded me of an old news
Speaker 1: clip that I saw about snakes being in our toilets.
Speaker 1: And sort of like climbing up our toilets. And as
Speaker 1: it turns out, there are a ship ton of those
Speaker 1: that like toilets. Yes, if you look it up on YouTube,
Speaker 1: there are places where like one man I was watching
Speaker 1: a video reported having had five four or five different
Speaker 1: snakes that he's now had to pull out of his
Speaker 1: toilet because they keep just finding their way in. And
Speaker 1: you were just watching those for personal reasons. I my
Speaker 1: my business. I watched snakes come out of toilets. That's
Speaker 1: naughty stepsisters and snakes and toilets. That's my ship all right,
Speaker 1: all right, I got, I got. Yeah, snakes to me,
Speaker 1: for some reason, seems less interesting, less interesting. I've always
Speaker 1: kind of found snakes were stupid. I don't have reasoning
Speaker 1: behind it, but that's just how I've always Oh, they
Speaker 1: seem like brilliant, seductress type animals to me. You think
Speaker 1: snakes are brilliant and women? Yes, I think they're. Man.
Speaker 1: Maybe this is my own misogyny kicking in in a
Speaker 1: way that I don't love because they're they're not positive
Speaker 1: animals in the popular culture. But yeah, I think they're
Speaker 1: they're like sexy like ladies. You know, snakes are sexy ladies.
Speaker 1: Snakes were stupid. Dude. Look, if you repeat it back
Speaker 1: to me, it's gonna sounding awful. If you just let
Speaker 1: me say it, it's fine. But when you when you
Speaker 1: say it back the way you say things, it makes
Speaker 1: it seem like I'm I'm a monster. I don't know
Speaker 1: what anything greets me on it. I just said what
Speaker 1: you said, you think snakes are sexy ladies is a
Speaker 1: very concise way of saying a thing that I didn't
Speaker 1: mean for it to sound like, you know, he said
Speaker 1: sexy seductress. Your eyes got told Squinty. Look, all I'm
Speaker 1: saying is snakes make me horny. And I'm not sure why.
Speaker 1: The point is that the snakes are actually very common
Speaker 1: in our sewers and in our rather in our pipes,
Speaker 1: and part of what the reason or the reasoning for
Speaker 1: the snakes finding their way into the pipes as they
Speaker 1: like cold damp areas. But it's not that they're coming
Speaker 1: up from the sewers necessarily, but they're sort of like
Speaker 1: moving into drain pipes or falling into drain pipes from
Speaker 1: trees and then working their way up the toilets. It's
Speaker 1: so it's it's less of the conspiracy theory of them
Speaker 1: living in sewers, but more them just finding their way
Speaker 1: into pipes and finding their way up them. But I mean,
Speaker 1: isn't that similar to what's happening with the alligators, Like
Speaker 1: they're kind of just finding their way in I think so,
Speaker 1: or being forced in by our own sort of like
Speaker 1: bad choices. And then you know, I think it's mostly that.
Speaker 1: I think it's more. I think humans put the I
Speaker 1: think they live down there and they proke right now.
Speaker 1: But we are definitely the reasons that they're done there. Yeah,
Speaker 1: there's no way the alligators were, Like I, this is
Speaker 1: where I wanted to be the whole time. It wouldn't
Speaker 1: even be in New York, right. No, I don't think
Speaker 1: alligators are natural to New York City. I don't really
Speaker 1: think anything is. No, nothing's thriving in New York. No, no, no,
Speaker 1: it's just a lot of surviving. Uh. Yeah, man, I
Speaker 1: I gotta say, I mean, I know we're getting towards
Speaker 1: the end of the episode. I I'm I think I
Speaker 1: believe it. I believe that alligators live live in the
Speaker 1: sewers system, and I believe that do your own research.
Speaker 1: Don't let Big Gator tell you any different. Yeah, don't
Speaker 1: don't let these motherfuckers who want to take down the
Speaker 1: Gator community convince you that the gators aren't real. They're
Speaker 1: very real, and they live beneath you, and and you
Speaker 1: don't have to be scared of them. I think they'll
Speaker 1: mind their business if you mind yours. Yes, snakes are
Speaker 1: coming from your ass. Yeah, you should be terrified about
Speaker 1: the snakes. They're really They're gonna bite your gooch. They're
Speaker 1: the bit that's the worst the work. I can't figure
Speaker 1: anything worse happening than go in and just sit down
Speaker 1: on the toilet and getting just in your fucking like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, in your minding your business. You're on
Speaker 1: your phone. Yeah I'm fucking I'm doing word and it's
Speaker 1: a tough one today. And here it comes a goddamn
Speaker 1: snake biting you. And now you forget you forget which
Speaker 1: letters that you didn't didn't use, you know what I mean. Also,
Speaker 1: I have to take a snake off my penis. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's and that's gonna take a while. It's your days over.
Speaker 1: You can't just like slap the back of a snake's
Speaker 1: neck and be like released, No, it's not a pit bull.
Speaker 1: You gotta I don't even I wouldn't even know who
Speaker 1: to call. Yeah, they say when a pit bull bites you,
Speaker 1: you gotta like kick it in the dick, Isn't that? Yeah?
Speaker 1: I don't know where snake dick is and our nuts, man,
Speaker 1: it'd be a lot easier if you did. Also, you
Speaker 1: think snakes snakes are women? There's no you don't. There's
Speaker 1: no nuts on your snake. I don't think all snakes
Speaker 1: are women. I'm not sitting here. Do you think all
Speaker 1: women are snakes? Excuse me? All right, we did it.
Speaker 1: This is enough. I'm not gonna sit here this abuse
Speaker 1: any longer. Didn't David tell the people where they can
Speaker 1: find you on what cool ship going on? You can
Speaker 1: find me at Cool Guy Jokes City seven on Instagram.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be in the Washington d C at the
Speaker 1: Improv from July, and I'm gonna be at Cleveland at
Speaker 1: Hilarities from August twelve to thirteen. And I'm gonna be
Speaker 1: at the Dead Crow Comedy Club in Women to North
Speaker 1: Carolina aug Goddamn a lot of dates. Check out check
Speaker 1: out David while he's on the road, and as always,
Speaker 1: you can follow me at Lankston, Kerman. I'd love to
Speaker 1: hear from you. I have dates too, but I always
Speaker 1: forget him and I don't I don't care to look
Speaker 1: him up. I'll be honest with you. I'm sitting here
Speaker 1: and I have the potential, but I'm not gonna do it.
Speaker 1: But you can follow me at lengths in Kerman. And
Speaker 1: if you want to send us drops, if you want
Speaker 1: to send us your own conspiracy theories, if you want
Speaker 1: to tell us what a terrible job we're doing, please
Speaker 1: send all of that to my mama pod at gmail
Speaker 1: dot com. We would love to hear from you. Otherwise,
Speaker 1: that's it. Bye, bitch babies, crop chips in your pails.
Speaker 1: Quala bears are racist. The host mostly money, any stuff, really,
Speaker 1: I can't tell me