WEBVTT - “I LOST A TESTICLE TO CANCER” 0:00:00.080 --> 0:00:03.160 Hello, Yeah, yeah, who is this? Oh? 0:00:03.200 --> 0:00:04.280 This is the Gecko guy. 0:00:04.800 --> 0:00:07.440 Oh dude, what the fuck? No way, what's up? 0:00:08.039 --> 0:00:08.440 What's up? 0:00:08.480 --> 0:00:08.600 Man? 0:00:08.640 --> 0:00:09.160 What's your name? 0:00:11.160 --> 0:00:14.560 I go by cousin online. 0:00:13.760 --> 0:00:16.720 Cousin cool. You go by cousin online. What do you 0:00:16.760 --> 0:00:18.480 mean by that? You like wear online? 0:00:20.160 --> 0:00:23.520 I have like a I have like a small Instagram 0:00:23.560 --> 0:00:29.440 following like a I'm like, I'm a weird golf artist online, 0:00:29.520 --> 0:00:36.120 but I don't like, uh, I don't like use or 0:00:36.159 --> 0:00:39.120 like exploit my page for that. It's just that I've 0:00:39.159 --> 0:00:43.960 never really felt like that my name fit me. So 0:00:44.000 --> 0:00:49.920 I've always kind of like gone by a moniker of sort. 0:00:50.000 --> 0:00:54.080 And so yeah, you've you have been that one sentence 0:00:54.120 --> 0:00:57.080 given me so many questions to ask you, yeah, to 0:00:57.160 --> 0:01:00.440 keep sure track of all of them. Well, like when 0:01:00.480 --> 0:01:03.800 you say you don't want to exploit your page for that, 0:01:03.920 --> 0:01:04.360 what do you mean? 0:01:05.640 --> 0:01:08.600 I mean? Like it's unrelated, Like the text that I 0:01:08.680 --> 0:01:14.200 sent you is like completely non related to like my 0:01:14.760 --> 0:01:19.840 Instagram presence. Like how for being like as small as 0:01:19.880 --> 0:01:24.959 it is, It's like it's probably like large to like 0:01:25.160 --> 0:01:29.040 the average Instagram user, but like on the scale of 0:01:29.080 --> 0:01:32.840 like how big Instagram pages can be, it's like tiny 0:01:32.959 --> 0:01:35.399 you know, there are cats with like four million followers, 0:01:36.000 --> 0:01:41.120 So it's not like a I try and keep like people, 0:01:41.400 --> 0:01:44.399 you know how, I'm sure you've seen it. People will 0:01:44.920 --> 0:01:47.039 you know, get to like that eight to ten k 0:01:47.840 --> 0:01:50.480 thing on Instagram and then you can like smell the 0:01:50.560 --> 0:01:56.200 merge coming, you know, for for me, like anything under 0:01:57.120 --> 0:01:59.920 I don't know five hundred k. People don't know who 0:02:00.080 --> 0:02:02.120 you are when you step outside of your house, you know, 0:02:02.200 --> 0:02:05.320 like a very niche group might, but like when you're 0:02:05.320 --> 0:02:07.800 at the store, people aren't recognizing you. You know, you're 0:02:07.840 --> 0:02:11.800 just a regular person who happens to use Instagram professionally 0:02:11.919 --> 0:02:12.359 or whatever. 0:02:13.360 --> 0:02:20.000 Okay, what so you have a you do weird golf art? 0:02:20.440 --> 0:02:21.040 What is that? 0:02:21.360 --> 0:02:25.400 Yeah? I make divot tools, like for a living. I 0:02:25.480 --> 0:02:27.799 was a machinist. I worked in the sewers for years, 0:02:28.200 --> 0:02:32.679 machining pumps and turbines, and when COVID came around, I 0:02:32.720 --> 0:02:38.040 got laid off. I've been a lifelong golfer, and it's 0:02:38.560 --> 0:02:41.560 like a white Bit's like a like white people problems. 0:02:41.639 --> 0:02:43.880 The tivot tools that are on the market, they don't 0:02:43.880 --> 0:02:47.440 really work very well. They're kind of like antiquated technology, 0:02:49.320 --> 0:02:53.360 and they just don't like repair the putting surface the 0:02:53.400 --> 0:02:56.720 way that they should. And so I went home and 0:02:56.760 --> 0:02:59.880 I made one, and then people started to like want 0:02:59.919 --> 0:03:03.000 to buy them, and so that ramped up into like 0:03:03.040 --> 0:03:06.280 basically a full fledged self sustaining business. Kind of randomly. 0:03:06.960 --> 0:03:08.320 What is a divot tool? 0:03:09.360 --> 0:03:13.480 It is so when you hit so like let's say 0:03:13.600 --> 0:03:16.760 you're playing like a standard par four on a golf course, 0:03:17.000 --> 0:03:19.000 you hit your t shot into the middle of the 0:03:19.000 --> 0:03:22.480 fairway and then your approach shot onto the green, it 0:03:22.600 --> 0:03:27.480 leaves a mark on the putting surface. And generally that 0:03:27.560 --> 0:03:29.760 mark is directly in the way of you putting to 0:03:29.800 --> 0:03:34.520 the cup. So you have to repair that ball mark. 0:03:35.320 --> 0:03:38.280 And if you just try and put over it, if 0:03:38.320 --> 0:03:40.320 your ball is going to bounce and do weird stuff, 0:03:40.560 --> 0:03:43.240 it's also just proper etiquette to fix the ball mark. 0:03:45.280 --> 0:03:49.960 H And so my givot tools fix those ballmarks. That's 0:03:50.000 --> 0:03:52.680 like what they're engineered for. They're also fidget spinners so 0:03:53.120 --> 0:03:54.600 that you can sit there and fuck with it while 0:03:54.600 --> 0:03:54.880 you play. 0:03:55.000 --> 0:03:58.120 Now you have my attention, cousin, Now you have my attention. 0:03:59.040 --> 0:04:02.600 Yeah, they're they're a little spinners with what. 0:04:02.600 --> 0:04:05.680 Year was it that the pidget spinner was was hip 0:04:05.720 --> 0:04:06.320 and popular? 0:04:06.400 --> 0:04:08.920 That's oh shit. I was like I would like a couple. 0:04:08.960 --> 0:04:10.960 I was like a couple of years. This was like 0:04:11.000 --> 0:04:13.640 a couple of years out of high school. So maybe 0:04:13.680 --> 0:04:18.000 like twenty thirteen, twenty fourteen is like when I really 0:04:18.040 --> 0:04:19.719 started to notice them like coming about. 0:04:20.839 --> 0:04:24.600 And why did you choose? Well, okay, multiple questions. I'm 0:04:24.640 --> 0:04:26.560 going back to the thing. I'm going back to the 0:04:26.560 --> 0:04:29.559 thing you said initially that sparked all the questions. Okay, 0:04:29.560 --> 0:04:33.719 you make weird golf art, you hate, you hate selling, 0:04:33.760 --> 0:04:40.400 you hate the idea of selling T shirts. Yeah, and 0:04:40.440 --> 0:04:44.799 then you like to go buy a moniker and you 0:04:44.800 --> 0:04:46.080 you mentioned something about you like to go by a 0:04:46.080 --> 0:04:49.599 moniker in multiple why do you like going by a moniker? 0:04:51.400 --> 0:04:53.760 So I have a namesake, So like, my first name 0:04:53.800 --> 0:04:56.680 is Chris, but I was named after my uncle Chris, 0:04:56.880 --> 0:05:03.240 and he's like successful and you know, wealthy and well 0:05:03.360 --> 0:05:11.520 spoken and just like has this Chris thing or he 0:05:11.560 --> 0:05:15.919 has all the attributes of a Chris, and I just 0:05:17.920 --> 0:05:25.119 have always felt like something different. I appreciate being named 0:05:25.160 --> 0:05:29.320 after him. It's, you know, a huge compliment to share 0:05:29.360 --> 0:05:34.800 a name with him, But I've just never really identified 0:05:34.839 --> 0:05:38.320 with my name. I guess you don't feel like I 0:05:38.360 --> 0:05:42.520 feel like names are weird in the first place, Like like, 0:05:42.720 --> 0:05:44.760 you know, what sound do I make to get your attention? 0:05:45.120 --> 0:05:50.120 You know? It's just like a it's just a strange 0:05:50.440 --> 0:05:52.600 I mean, like if the world was different, we'd all 0:05:52.760 --> 0:05:55.200 just be making like random gurgling noises to get each 0:05:55.240 --> 0:05:55.880 other's attention. 0:05:56.120 --> 0:06:00.440 I don't know, I get you, I get you. I 0:06:00.520 --> 0:06:03.920 had a bit of a uh, I don't want to 0:06:03.960 --> 0:06:06.600 say an ego. This is a whole I can talk 0:06:06.640 --> 0:06:09.440 about this more on the podcast itself, but I'm trying. 0:06:09.440 --> 0:06:14.360 I'm in the process of doing ketamine therapy treatments and 0:06:15.680 --> 0:06:18.800 I did my first infusion yesterday and that was, uh. 0:06:19.600 --> 0:06:22.520 I had I had this little moment where I did 0:06:22.600 --> 0:06:26.760 kind of feel like, oh, what, Like I'm piloting the 0:06:26.920 --> 0:06:29.760 who is Lyle? Like what is that? That's like a 0:06:29.800 --> 0:06:33.840 weird thing? Like I'm and I'm like, oh, I'm just 0:06:33.880 --> 0:06:36.200 like I'm I've just fucking just talked about this to 0:06:36.279 --> 0:06:38.200 death on the podcast or whatever. But like I'm just 0:06:38.240 --> 0:06:43.800 you know, I'm biological material that's gained sentience and like 0:06:43.880 --> 0:06:46.479 I've got now I have this identity that's tied to 0:06:46.520 --> 0:06:49.880 this name. You know, it's where I'm with you on 0:06:50.000 --> 0:06:53.360 the name's thing. I think the names thing is is, uh, 0:06:53.680 --> 0:06:56.719 it's a little weird. And also, you know, I'm also 0:06:56.760 --> 0:07:01.320 I'm also a big I'm a name. I'm gonna go 0:07:01.320 --> 0:07:05.560 ahead and coin the turn name Libertarian. You can go 0:07:05.600 --> 0:07:08.320 ahead and call yourself whatever the fuck you want. What 0:07:09.240 --> 0:07:14.680 cousin is fine, Like you know, like I don't know, 0:07:14.760 --> 0:07:16.400 I can't. You should be able to name yourself whatever 0:07:16.400 --> 0:07:19.920 you want. Like there's no name, there's no name to 0:07:20.040 --> 0:07:23.640 me that you can start calling yourself. That's stupider than 0:07:23.680 --> 0:07:28.200 any real name, right, Like if you walk around and 0:07:28.240 --> 0:07:29.760 you're like if you walk around and you're like, hey, 0:07:29.880 --> 0:07:33.040 I want everyone to start calling me sock, you know. 0:07:33.560 --> 0:07:35.960 But you're you know, but like your real name is David, 0:07:36.000 --> 0:07:37.120 but your. 0:07:37.240 --> 0:07:42.000 It's like sock and David are equally stupid words. That 0:07:42.080 --> 0:07:45.840 don't that equally mean? All meaning is subjective. I'm with 0:07:45.880 --> 0:07:47.520 you on the names thing. I get you on that. 0:07:47.640 --> 0:07:53.440 Yeah. Yeah, So I've always had a non self appointed 0:07:54.200 --> 0:07:57.720 moniker that people have just sort of like lashed onto 0:07:59.160 --> 0:08:03.960 the cousin thing. The cousin thing particularly came about because 0:08:04.680 --> 0:08:09.000 my business was originally building golf clubs, but I stopped 0:08:09.040 --> 0:08:13.360 building golf clubs in pursuit of doing these tools full time, 0:08:14.000 --> 0:08:20.400 and so people were confused because my original Instagram tag 0:08:20.840 --> 0:08:27.320 was custom Clubs, but I no longer, you know, built 0:08:27.360 --> 0:08:29.760 golf clubs. So I got tired of people like, hey, 0:08:29.800 --> 0:08:31.720 you know, do you still build golf clubs? So I 0:08:31.760 --> 0:08:36.440 decided to just rebrand as cousin and so. And the 0:08:36.480 --> 0:08:39.600 reason for that was there was this longtime customer that 0:08:39.679 --> 0:08:42.560 I had that said, hey, man, I don't know like why, 0:08:42.679 --> 0:08:44.960 I've never met you in person, but you kind of 0:08:44.960 --> 0:08:48.320 feel like everyone's cousin and so I just and so 0:08:48.400 --> 0:08:51.760 I just took that and just implemented it and just 0:08:52.120 --> 0:08:55.320 you know, put it there and then yeah, it just 0:08:55.679 --> 0:09:01.199 it just stuck. So yeah, I've been cousin for years now, and. 0:09:03.040 --> 0:09:06.120 So uh, okay, more questions, more questions for you. Okay, 0:09:06.120 --> 0:09:08.880 so you didn't feel like a Chris. Do you feel 0:09:08.920 --> 0:09:09.560 like a cousin? 0:09:10.640 --> 0:09:16.040 I do? Yeah, Like, uh I noticed that. Like when 0:09:16.080 --> 0:09:20.040 people say Chris sometimes I don't. I don't know if 0:09:20.040 --> 0:09:22.160 I don't hear it or whatever, but I don't. I 0:09:22.160 --> 0:09:25.120 don't like or like when my wife calls me Chris, 0:09:25.120 --> 0:09:28.600 I'm like, whoa that's weird, you know, like I don't know, 0:09:28.640 --> 0:09:32.640 there's just something, there's a weird detachment that I have 0:09:32.840 --> 0:09:36.680 to my name, Like it could disappear tomorrow. Who we 0:09:36.720 --> 0:09:38.920 could be, you know, thrown into like a weird post 0:09:38.960 --> 0:09:42.160 apocalyptic thing where we all rename ourselves and I would 0:09:42.200 --> 0:09:43.679 still be cousin over Chris. 0:09:44.320 --> 0:09:46.400 So when your wife, does your wife call you like 0:09:46.400 --> 0:09:48.640 to people in your real life, Like, do people in 0:09:48.679 --> 0:09:50.200 your real life call you cousin? 0:09:51.400 --> 0:09:56.480 No, like my I mean, yes, like my friends do, 0:09:57.720 --> 0:10:04.320 but like my my wife babe or whatever. Both of 0:10:04.360 --> 0:10:08.520 my parents call me Christopher, like in reference to me, 0:10:08.640 --> 0:10:11.680 like like to my friend. Which is fine that they 0:10:11.800 --> 0:10:17.080 named me, they can call me whatever. But yeah, like 0:10:17.120 --> 0:10:21.840 most of my friends call me cousin or whatever. Most 0:10:21.880 --> 0:10:26.960 of them don't call me Chris. And I mean this 0:10:27.080 --> 0:10:29.600 goes back all the way to like elementary school. I 0:10:29.640 --> 0:10:33.160 had my fifth grade teacher who named me Vans because 0:10:33.280 --> 0:10:37.360 I always had like a different color pair of vans. 0:10:38.160 --> 0:10:43.720 So and then into middle school, people called me fish 0:10:43.920 --> 0:10:46.760 because of my last name. I don't know, I've never 0:10:46.840 --> 0:10:51.280 really had like a never really had like a direct 0:10:51.320 --> 0:10:56.400 attachment to my name, So being called a moniker it 0:10:56.559 --> 0:10:59.560 just kind of seemed normal when it started to happen. 0:11:00.080 --> 0:11:04.120 Fish is good. I like fish. Okay, when your when 0:11:04.160 --> 0:11:05.920 your wife calls you Okay, so when your wife calls 0:11:05.920 --> 0:11:09.760 you christ so like okay, when your wife calls you, babe, right, 0:11:09.880 --> 0:11:12.439 like you feel you feel like all right? But how 0:11:12.440 --> 0:11:17.760 do you do? You do you identify with anything? You 0:11:17.760 --> 0:11:20.560 have to have some some attachment to some ego to 0:11:20.679 --> 0:11:22.840 exist in the world, don't you. 0:11:27.320 --> 0:11:31.080 I think I think I've done a pretty I used 0:11:31.120 --> 0:11:34.720 to do a lot of psychedelics, So I think I 0:11:34.720 --> 0:11:38.160 think I've had enough ego deaths to kind of zoom 0:11:38.200 --> 0:11:40.920 out from that and realize like how unimportant everything is. 0:11:42.800 --> 0:11:47.920 Yeah, I well, I don't know. I'm I'm, I don't know. 0:11:48.000 --> 0:11:50.600 Ego deaths are fine. I have a bit of I'm 0:11:50.600 --> 0:11:53.080 still all of my opinions are works in progress. But 0:11:53.640 --> 0:11:58.040 like I feel the best when I'm like very attached 0:11:58.760 --> 0:12:03.079 to reality and like the like the ego death thing, 0:12:03.120 --> 0:12:04.840 it's like it starts it gets me down this whole 0:12:04.880 --> 0:12:07.680 thing of like, oh, nothing's important, and you know who 0:12:07.720 --> 0:12:11.120 am I? And you know, like ego death tends to 0:12:11.200 --> 0:12:14.679 lead me to like nihilistic places that actually I don't 0:12:14.720 --> 0:12:19.600 think are helpful for my development personally, So it sounds 0:12:19.600 --> 0:12:22.320 like for you, it sounds like for you, ego death 0:12:22.360 --> 0:12:25.600 has been good for your development. 0:12:27.080 --> 0:12:33.880 Yeah. I had a pretty unconventional childhood, and then I 0:12:33.960 --> 0:12:38.200 was raised by women. My dad wasn't really around, and 0:12:38.240 --> 0:12:41.120 the women that I was raised around were like super 0:12:41.640 --> 0:12:45.640 like strong, domineering, for lack of a better term, kind 0:12:45.679 --> 0:12:50.560 of ditchy, and so it was it was kind of 0:12:50.720 --> 0:12:52.280 it was kind of good for me because then when 0:12:52.280 --> 0:12:53.920 I got out into the world, I was like, man, 0:12:54.040 --> 0:12:55.959 no one is just mean as my mom, like, this. 0:12:56.080 --> 0:13:03.920 Is so the You're making it sound like your dad 0:13:04.160 --> 0:13:08.160 just like dropped you off at a house of women, 0:13:08.320 --> 0:13:10.680 like being like like kids, like being raised by wolves 0:13:10.679 --> 0:13:12.000 in the forest or something like what. 0:13:12.720 --> 0:13:21.760 My mom has nine siblings and six of them are women, 0:13:22.080 --> 0:13:27.200 and they're all very close in proximity, a very small radius. 0:13:29.000 --> 0:13:30.880 And my mom was in school a lot, because my 0:13:30.920 --> 0:13:34.880 mom has like four college degrees, So my mom was 0:13:34.920 --> 0:13:38.839 in school a lot and divorcing my dad and life 0:13:38.880 --> 0:13:42.439 was weird, and so I spent most of my time 0:13:42.600 --> 0:13:47.160 kind of bouncing around from most of my aunt's houses. 0:13:47.320 --> 0:13:53.960 And they all have different, very educated perspectives, and so 0:13:54.080 --> 0:14:04.960 It gave me this broad spectrum of like understanding without 0:14:05.080 --> 0:14:10.839 you know, really judging, because I kind of made me 0:14:10.960 --> 0:14:13.760 realize as I was older, I kind of realized, like 0:14:13.760 --> 0:14:16.240 everyone has their fucking reasons for why they are the 0:14:16.280 --> 0:14:22.920 way they are, and so I just kind of assume 0:14:23.040 --> 0:14:27.600 that everyone's like a little bit weird as normal as 0:14:27.600 --> 0:14:30.360 they may seem. Like everyone's got their weird hot takes, 0:14:30.600 --> 0:14:35.040 and I just try to give people a little bit 0:14:35.040 --> 0:14:40.560 of grace. So, but they're they're unique, you know, they're 0:14:40.960 --> 0:14:43.960 they're my mom's sisters. They're all unique in their own way, 0:14:44.560 --> 0:14:48.520 and having them gave me this weird spectrum of understanding. 0:14:51.200 --> 0:14:54.040 How old were you when you're so your dad kind 0:14:54.080 --> 0:14:56.560 of like your dad just kind of like left and 0:14:56.720 --> 0:14:58.120 was he so your dad hasn't been like a part 0:14:58.120 --> 0:14:58.800 of your life at all. 0:15:01.600 --> 0:15:04.000 It probably would have been easier if he wasn't a 0:15:04.040 --> 0:15:06.880 part of my life at all. Like during those years, 0:15:06.920 --> 0:15:11.000 he was a really violent alcoholic and my mom was 0:15:11.120 --> 0:15:15.000 kind of stuck between like do I keep him around 0:15:15.040 --> 0:15:18.160 in the kid's life, you know, like in any facet 0:15:18.200 --> 0:15:20.520 at all, or should I just you know, remove him. 0:15:20.520 --> 0:15:24.280 And he didn't fight for custody or anything. Just when 0:15:24.280 --> 0:15:26.680 my parents divorced, it was just pretty simple for him. 0:15:26.880 --> 0:15:29.960 He has always been pretty self aware, and I think 0:15:30.000 --> 0:15:33.720 he was aware enough to realize like that he was 0:15:33.760 --> 0:15:38.760 not necessarily fit to be even you know, the smallest 0:15:38.800 --> 0:15:44.000 percentage of custody parent, and so he had he had 0:15:44.040 --> 0:15:48.680 like non court appointed visitation rights, like you know, he 0:15:48.720 --> 0:15:52.160 could just come and visit like as he wanted to. 0:15:52.880 --> 0:15:56.840 But mostly that was just my mom like footing the 0:15:56.840 --> 0:16:01.200 bill and like doing most of that work. And generally, 0:16:01.320 --> 0:16:09.000 like when he was around, it was pretty weird and 0:16:09.840 --> 0:16:13.800 like generally embarrassing if we were in public. There was 0:16:13.840 --> 0:16:16.520 like a line that he had. It was like he 0:16:16.560 --> 0:16:19.680 would drink up to a point and everything was kind 0:16:19.680 --> 0:16:22.080 of fine, and then it was like a two beer 0:16:22.160 --> 0:16:28.880 line and everything was just suddenly really downhill really quickly. Yeah. 0:16:29.160 --> 0:16:32.640 Just kind of like weird and white trashy during that 0:16:32.680 --> 0:16:36.080 part of my childhood. And then now he's great, he's 0:16:36.080 --> 0:16:38.040 been cleaned for like ten years. 0:16:38.320 --> 0:16:39.920 Oh, but do you have a relationship with him now? 0:16:40.920 --> 0:16:43.040 Yeah? Yeah, Yeah, it's kind of weird, Like to get 0:16:43.040 --> 0:16:44.920 to know it's kind of weird, like to get to 0:16:44.960 --> 0:16:48.320 know your dad like as an adult, you know, like 0:16:48.360 --> 0:16:56.440 to you have to like figure out what your relationship 0:16:56.520 --> 0:16:59.040 is like, are your friends? Is he still your dad? 0:16:59.160 --> 0:17:02.400 Like what? Obviously biologically that doesn't change, but you know, 0:17:02.480 --> 0:17:06.119 like do you you know, call him when you have, 0:17:06.600 --> 0:17:12.679 you know, questions about life? Not not not not really, 0:17:12.920 --> 0:17:18.760 it's more like a we're too alike for me not 0:17:18.960 --> 0:17:20.560 to be friends with them. Other than the fact that 0:17:20.640 --> 0:17:25.400 I just I don't drink, so I just stayed away 0:17:25.440 --> 0:17:30.280 from him completely. I didn't understand alcohol. Uh, pretty much 0:17:30.320 --> 0:17:33.720 like entirely. I just I knew that for me it 0:17:33.760 --> 0:17:37.800 wouldn't be different, it would be the same thing. I 0:17:38.480 --> 0:17:44.200 have a super addictive personality, and if something gives me 0:17:44.280 --> 0:17:48.000 dopamine and serotonin, even in small doses, I pretty much 0:17:48.080 --> 0:17:48.720 just stick to it. 0:17:50.160 --> 0:18:01.159 Mm hmmm. So you were raised mostly by your mom's 0:18:01.480 --> 0:18:05.199 like the six of her siblings that were around, and 0:18:05.240 --> 0:18:07.000 they were all and they were all you remember had 0:18:07.040 --> 0:18:08.480 nine siblings, all sisters. 0:18:09.880 --> 0:18:12.160 I no, she had three brothers, okay, but. 0:18:12.359 --> 0:18:16.320 But the brothers weren't as around as the sisters. 0:18:17.480 --> 0:18:21.120 Uh. The brothers all have kids of their own. Oh, 0:18:21.200 --> 0:18:23.880 ok six sisters do not, So all. 0:18:24.640 --> 0:18:26.879 All six of them didn't have their own kids. 0:18:27.840 --> 0:18:31.600 Yeah, and you. 0:18:31.560 --> 0:18:34.120 Were you were almost like the adopted child of all 0:18:34.160 --> 0:18:38.440 six of the sisters. You got it interesting? And did 0:18:38.440 --> 0:18:42.360 you did you kind of like so question like did 0:18:42.400 --> 0:18:45.800 you kind of spend an equal amount of time with 0:18:45.920 --> 0:18:47.879 all six of them? Like would you would you refer 0:18:47.960 --> 0:18:50.640 to all six of them? You're not a titles guy, 0:18:51.520 --> 0:18:53.919 but would you refer all six of them as like 0:18:53.960 --> 0:18:54.880 your mom in a way? 0:18:56.320 --> 0:19:04.480 So like in third person? Yeah, pretty much like, yes, 0:19:05.680 --> 0:19:12.679 they all had their own little facet in my development. 0:19:12.800 --> 0:19:16.440 They all had their own little percentage of it. Yeah, 0:19:16.600 --> 0:19:20.240 you know, like zoom out. Yes, definitely, they're all kind 0:19:20.280 --> 0:19:23.760 of my mom in a weird way. But my mom 0:19:23.840 --> 0:19:29.280 had one older sister that was her and her husband 0:19:29.359 --> 0:19:32.680 were they couldn't have to She had ovarian cancer young 0:19:33.280 --> 0:19:38.160 and had to have a full hysterectomy. And so when 0:19:38.200 --> 0:19:40.879 I went home from the hospital, I actually didn't go 0:19:40.920 --> 0:19:42.880 home with my mom. I went home with my aunt. 0:19:43.800 --> 0:19:50.399 And so kind of like from birth, basically I've I've 0:19:50.680 --> 0:19:57.040 had basically just two moms, just super weird and unconventional 0:19:57.080 --> 0:20:00.479 and just not not a normal upbringing. But it's probably 0:20:00.520 --> 0:20:03.000 more common than I think if you're from like a 0:20:03.080 --> 0:20:03.719 large family. 0:20:04.560 --> 0:20:09.560 M hm, And are you still close with all of 0:20:09.600 --> 0:20:15.879 your your aunts. Oh yeah, yeah, do you have a 0:20:15.920 --> 0:20:18.000 relationship with your uncle's. 0:20:20.720 --> 0:20:26.440 Yeah, I mean at family events. Yeah, my uncle Chris 0:20:26.480 --> 0:20:32.800 is probably the closest to me. My I have, I have, 0:20:33.040 --> 0:20:39.160 you know, to tow others, but they are they're both 0:20:39.320 --> 0:20:41.280 like they're in that part of their life where they're 0:20:41.280 --> 0:20:46.560 both retired and traveling and they're living life. My uncle 0:20:46.640 --> 0:20:49.639 Chris is still you know, young and working, and so 0:20:49.720 --> 0:20:53.119 he's probably the closest to me. 0:20:53.760 --> 0:20:55.640 A lot of Chris is running around. 0:20:56.400 --> 0:20:58.800 It's just my just my uncle Chris and myself. Yeah, 0:20:58.840 --> 0:21:01.720 but yeah, that's I mean, I'm sure there's like millions 0:21:01.720 --> 0:21:02.720 of Christmas in the world. 0:21:03.000 --> 0:21:04.600 Probably, I'm sure. 0:21:07.119 --> 0:21:11.600 Whether it's christal Ball or Christopher or Christian or you know, 0:21:12.280 --> 0:21:15.919 any of the other variations. 0:21:19.119 --> 0:21:27.000 So let's see you. Uh, you're texted me something you said, Uh, 0:21:29.440 --> 0:21:31.399 you know, actually I don't like I don't sometimes I 0:21:31.440 --> 0:21:33.159 like reading the text. Sometimes I like, let's just do this. 0:21:33.240 --> 0:21:36.240 What did you want to talk to me about today, Chris? 0:21:39.560 --> 0:21:42.720 Well, I mean, like you can you can read like 0:21:42.760 --> 0:21:45.720 the like the text that I sent. That's that's that's 0:21:45.720 --> 0:21:50.800 perfectly okay. It's like I do think it'll help people 0:21:51.480 --> 0:21:57.080 and there they're probably is there probably are people who 0:21:57.080 --> 0:22:00.840 are going through that that are not that particular you 0:22:00.840 --> 0:22:03.880 know form, but there are people who are probably going 0:22:03.880 --> 0:22:04.239 through it. 0:22:04.760 --> 0:22:06.960 Well, I guess. I mean, like sometimes I don't if 0:22:07.200 --> 0:22:09.119 sometimes when someone texts me like a whole pair, if 0:22:09.160 --> 0:22:11.159 someone texts me like a short thing, I'll be I'll like, 0:22:11.200 --> 0:22:13.200 I'll read the text. But if sometimes be a long thing, 0:22:13.200 --> 0:22:15.320 I'm like, I'd just rather I would just rather ask 0:22:15.400 --> 0:22:17.320 you what you want to talk about and you can, 0:22:17.480 --> 0:22:19.000 you know, explain to your own words. 0:22:20.480 --> 0:22:31.000 Yeah, hello, do we lose you? Yeah? No, I'm still here. 0:22:32.960 --> 0:22:33.720 So what were you saying? 0:22:33.880 --> 0:22:37.359 Sorry, I'm sorry. I'm telling my wife to skidaddle because 0:22:37.359 --> 0:22:41.239 I want to be myself and talk without without her 0:22:41.359 --> 0:22:42.760 judging me and like looking at me. 0:22:42.800 --> 0:22:45.359 Funny, Oh she's in the room. 0:22:46.359 --> 0:22:55.200 Yeah okay, yeah, So like, yeah, I had stage three 0:22:55.320 --> 0:22:59.480 testicular cancer and I was diagnosed at thirty. 0:23:00.000 --> 0:23:03.639 I was thirty one when I was diagnosed, and I 0:23:03.680 --> 0:23:08.479 actually kind of figured I found out something was wrong 0:23:09.000 --> 0:23:12.120 when I was playing golf. I stepped into a sprinkler 0:23:12.119 --> 0:23:16.000 hole and my left nut like hit the inside of 0:23:16.000 --> 0:23:20.679 my thigh. And you know how like sometimes if you 0:23:20.720 --> 0:23:24.080 do something weird, like you know, you can like sit 0:23:24.160 --> 0:23:26.240 on your ball funny or whatever, it's like, oh weird, 0:23:26.240 --> 0:23:31.960 that's uncomfortable, but like, uh, this it just barely clapped 0:23:31.960 --> 0:23:34.119 the inside of my left thigh and it was like 0:23:34.800 --> 0:23:41.520 a weird like deep internal like stomach like gross feeling 0:23:41.720 --> 0:23:43.840 like in my guts, Like it felt like I got 0:23:43.920 --> 0:23:46.760 kicked really hard in the nuts like fifteen minutes ago, 0:23:47.200 --> 0:23:50.760 and like I didn't know how to like describe that. 0:23:51.560 --> 0:23:57.520 It was super like disgustingly dull, weird ache like deep 0:23:57.520 --> 0:24:01.960 in my gut. And then I went home and I 0:24:02.000 --> 0:24:04.359 tried to sleep that night, and I went from like 0:24:04.440 --> 0:24:07.600 Florida couch to bed to Florida couch, and I like 0:24:07.720 --> 0:24:12.600 nothing was comfortable. Everything was just weird. So my wife's 0:24:12.640 --> 0:24:15.879 in medical, like she's really high up in her hospital, 0:24:16.320 --> 0:24:18.520 and so she told me, like I need to go 0:24:18.600 --> 0:24:22.639 to her works advanced urgent Care, and so I did, 0:24:22.960 --> 0:24:30.480 and I was probably seen by like no less than 0:24:30.560 --> 0:24:35.920 like thirty medical professionals and probably like yeah, it probably 0:24:35.960 --> 0:24:40.919 like six hours probably of just being in like the 0:24:41.880 --> 0:24:46.560 weird Like I had to go from like cat scan 0:24:46.760 --> 0:24:51.879 to like MRI to like ultrasound to like physicians to 0:24:54.119 --> 0:24:59.840 all these like different professionals that were there, and it 0:24:59.880 --> 0:25:03.800 was just like they all have like this like this 0:25:03.960 --> 0:25:08.240 really I don't know as like the really like unfortunate 0:25:08.280 --> 0:25:10.840 look on their face, you know, and like I kind 0:25:10.840 --> 0:25:13.359 of realized that it wasn't just going to be like 0:25:14.080 --> 0:25:19.280 something simple. No one said anything because they can't. I 0:25:19.280 --> 0:25:23.040 don't think they can say anything until they know like 0:25:23.200 --> 0:25:26.639 for certain that like what they're saying is true. You know, 0:25:26.680 --> 0:25:28.679 they can't tell someone that they have cancer if they 0:25:28.720 --> 0:25:32.280 don't have cancer. So no one said anything. And then 0:25:34.640 --> 0:25:39.560 the physician who examined me first like put that cat 0:25:39.640 --> 0:25:42.760 scan thing like on the board and like showed me 0:25:42.880 --> 0:25:46.480 all of like the nodes along my app like my 0:25:46.520 --> 0:25:50.000 abdomen and my torso and in my lungs. Then you know, 0:25:50.080 --> 0:25:52.600 I was like a Christmas tree like totally lit up 0:25:52.640 --> 0:25:55.760 with cancer. And I up until that point I felt 0:25:55.800 --> 0:26:00.840 pretty normal, Like I really didn't looking back thirst subtle things, 0:26:01.280 --> 0:26:04.639 but like pretty much all of the symptoms that I 0:26:04.680 --> 0:26:09.320