Speaker 1: Hello, Yeah, yeah, who is this? Oh?
Speaker 2: This is the Gecko guy.
Speaker 1: Oh dude, what the fuck? No way, what's up?
Speaker 2: What's up?
Speaker 1: Man?
Speaker 2: What's your name?
Speaker 1: I go by cousin online.
Speaker 2: Cousin cool. You go by cousin online. What do you
Speaker 2: mean by that? You like wear online?
Speaker 1: I have like a I have like a small Instagram
Speaker 1: following like a I'm like, I'm a weird golf artist online,
Speaker 1: but I don't like, uh, I don't like use or
Speaker 1: like exploit my page for that. It's just that I've
Speaker 1: never really felt like that my name fit me. So
Speaker 1: I've always kind of like gone by a moniker of sort.
Speaker 2: And so yeah, you've you have been that one sentence
Speaker 2: given me so many questions to ask you, yeah, to
Speaker 2: keep sure track of all of them. Well, like when
Speaker 2: you say you don't want to exploit your page for that,
Speaker 2: what do you mean?
Speaker 1: I mean? Like it's unrelated, Like the text that I
Speaker 1: sent you is like completely non related to like my
Speaker 1: Instagram presence. Like how for being like as small as
Speaker 1: it is, It's like it's probably like large to like
Speaker 1: the average Instagram user, but like on the scale of
Speaker 1: like how big Instagram pages can be, it's like tiny
Speaker 1: you know, there are cats with like four million followers,
Speaker 1: So it's not like a I try and keep like people,
Speaker 1: you know how, I'm sure you've seen it. People will
Speaker 1: you know, get to like that eight to ten k
Speaker 1: thing on Instagram and then you can like smell the
Speaker 1: merge coming, you know, for for me, like anything under
Speaker 1: I don't know five hundred k. People don't know who
Speaker 1: you are when you step outside of your house, you know,
Speaker 1: like a very niche group might, but like when you're
Speaker 1: at the store, people aren't recognizing you. You know, you're
Speaker 1: just a regular person who happens to use Instagram professionally
Speaker 1: or whatever.
Speaker 2: Okay, what so you have a you do weird golf art?
Speaker 2: What is that?
Speaker 1: Yeah? I make divot tools, like for a living. I
Speaker 1: was a machinist. I worked in the sewers for years,
Speaker 1: machining pumps and turbines, and when COVID came around, I
Speaker 1: got laid off. I've been a lifelong golfer, and it's
Speaker 1: like a white Bit's like a like white people problems.
Speaker 1: The tivot tools that are on the market, they don't
Speaker 1: really work very well. They're kind of like antiquated technology,
Speaker 1: and they just don't like repair the putting surface the
Speaker 1: way that they should. And so I went home and
Speaker 1: I made one, and then people started to like want
Speaker 1: to buy them, and so that ramped up into like
Speaker 1: basically a full fledged self sustaining business. Kind of randomly.
Speaker 2: What is a divot tool?
Speaker 1: It is so when you hit so like let's say
Speaker 1: you're playing like a standard par four on a golf course,
Speaker 1: you hit your t shot into the middle of the
Speaker 1: fairway and then your approach shot onto the green, it
Speaker 1: leaves a mark on the putting surface. And generally that
Speaker 1: mark is directly in the way of you putting to
Speaker 1: the cup. So you have to repair that ball mark.
Speaker 1: And if you just try and put over it, if
Speaker 1: your ball is going to bounce and do weird stuff,
Speaker 1: it's also just proper etiquette to fix the ball mark.
Speaker 1: H And so my givot tools fix those ballmarks. That's
Speaker 1: like what they're engineered for. They're also fidget spinners so
Speaker 1: that you can sit there and fuck with it while
Speaker 1: you play.
Speaker 2: Now you have my attention, cousin, Now you have my attention.
Speaker 1: Yeah, they're they're a little spinners with what.
Speaker 2: Year was it that the pidget spinner was was hip
Speaker 2: and popular?
Speaker 1: That's oh shit. I was like I would like a couple.
Speaker 1: I was like a couple of years. This was like
Speaker 1: a couple of years out of high school. So maybe
Speaker 1: like twenty thirteen, twenty fourteen is like when I really
Speaker 1: started to notice them like coming about.
Speaker 2: And why did you choose? Well, okay, multiple questions. I'm
Speaker 2: going back to the thing. I'm going back to the
Speaker 2: thing you said initially that sparked all the questions. Okay,
Speaker 2: you make weird golf art, you hate, you hate selling,
Speaker 2: you hate the idea of selling T shirts. Yeah, and
Speaker 2: then you like to go buy a moniker and you
Speaker 2: you mentioned something about you like to go by a
Speaker 2: moniker in multiple why do you like going by a moniker?
Speaker 1: So I have a namesake, So like, my first name
Speaker 1: is Chris, but I was named after my uncle Chris,
Speaker 1: and he's like successful and you know, wealthy and well
Speaker 1: spoken and just like has this Chris thing or he
Speaker 1: has all the attributes of a Chris, and I just
Speaker 1: have always felt like something different. I appreciate being named
Speaker 1: after him. It's, you know, a huge compliment to share
Speaker 1: a name with him, But I've just never really identified
Speaker 1: with my name. I guess you don't feel like I
Speaker 1: feel like names are weird in the first place, Like like,
Speaker 1: you know, what sound do I make to get your attention?
Speaker 1: You know? It's just like a it's just a strange
Speaker 1: I mean, like if the world was different, we'd all
Speaker 1: just be making like random gurgling noises to get each
Speaker 1: other's attention.
Speaker 2: I don't know, I get you, I get you. I
Speaker 2: had a bit of a uh, I don't want to
Speaker 2: say an ego. This is a whole I can talk
Speaker 2: about this more on the podcast itself, but I'm trying.
Speaker 2: I'm in the process of doing ketamine therapy treatments and
Speaker 2: I did my first infusion yesterday and that was, uh.
Speaker 2: I had I had this little moment where I did
Speaker 2: kind of feel like, oh, what, Like I'm piloting the
Speaker 2: who is Lyle? Like what is that? That's like a
Speaker 2: weird thing? Like I'm and I'm like, oh, I'm just
Speaker 2: like I'm I've just fucking just talked about this to
Speaker 2: death on the podcast or whatever. But like I'm just
Speaker 2: you know, I'm biological material that's gained sentience and like
Speaker 2: I've got now I have this identity that's tied to
Speaker 2: this name. You know, it's where I'm with you on
Speaker 2: the name's thing. I think the names thing is is, uh,
Speaker 2: it's a little weird. And also, you know, I'm also
Speaker 2: I'm also a big I'm a name. I'm gonna go
Speaker 2: ahead and coin the turn name Libertarian. You can go
Speaker 2: ahead and call yourself whatever the fuck you want. What
Speaker 2: cousin is fine, Like you know, like I don't know,
Speaker 2: I can't. You should be able to name yourself whatever
Speaker 2: you want. Like there's no name, there's no name to
Speaker 2: me that you can start calling yourself. That's stupider than
Speaker 2: any real name, right, Like if you walk around and
Speaker 2: you're like if you walk around and you're like, hey,
Speaker 2: I want everyone to start calling me sock, you know.
Speaker 1: But you're you know, but like your real name is David,
Speaker 1: but your.
Speaker 2: It's like sock and David are equally stupid words. That
Speaker 2: don't that equally mean? All meaning is subjective. I'm with
Speaker 2: you on the names thing. I get you on that.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, So I've always had a non self appointed
Speaker 1: moniker that people have just sort of like lashed onto
Speaker 1: the cousin thing. The cousin thing particularly came about because
Speaker 1: my business was originally building golf clubs, but I stopped
Speaker 1: building golf clubs in pursuit of doing these tools full time,
Speaker 1: and so people were confused because my original Instagram tag
Speaker 1: was custom Clubs, but I no longer, you know, built
Speaker 1: golf clubs. So I got tired of people like, hey,
Speaker 1: you know, do you still build golf clubs? So I
Speaker 1: decided to just rebrand as cousin and so. And the
Speaker 1: reason for that was there was this longtime customer that
Speaker 1: I had that said, hey, man, I don't know like why,
Speaker 1: I've never met you in person, but you kind of
Speaker 1: feel like everyone's cousin and so I just and so
Speaker 1: I just took that and just implemented it and just
Speaker 1: you know, put it there and then yeah, it just
Speaker 1: it just stuck. So yeah, I've been cousin for years now, and.
Speaker 2: So uh, okay, more questions, more questions for you. Okay,
Speaker 2: so you didn't feel like a Chris. Do you feel
Speaker 2: like a cousin?
Speaker 1: I do? Yeah, Like, uh I noticed that. Like when
Speaker 1: people say Chris sometimes I don't. I don't know if
Speaker 1: I don't hear it or whatever, but I don't. I
Speaker 1: don't like or like when my wife calls me Chris,
Speaker 1: I'm like, whoa that's weird, you know, like I don't know,
Speaker 1: there's just something, there's a weird detachment that I have
Speaker 1: to my name, Like it could disappear tomorrow. Who we
Speaker 1: could be, you know, thrown into like a weird post
Speaker 1: apocalyptic thing where we all rename ourselves and I would
Speaker 1: still be cousin over Chris.
Speaker 2: So when your wife, does your wife call you like
Speaker 2: to people in your real life, Like, do people in
Speaker 2: your real life call you cousin?
Speaker 1: No, like my I mean, yes, like my friends do,
Speaker 1: but like my my wife babe or whatever. Both of
Speaker 1: my parents call me Christopher, like in reference to me,
Speaker 1: like like to my friend. Which is fine that they
Speaker 1: named me, they can call me whatever. But yeah, like
Speaker 1: most of my friends call me cousin or whatever. Most
Speaker 1: of them don't call me Chris. And I mean this
Speaker 1: goes back all the way to like elementary school. I
Speaker 1: had my fifth grade teacher who named me Vans because
Speaker 1: I always had like a different color pair of vans.
Speaker 1: So and then into middle school, people called me fish
Speaker 1: because of my last name. I don't know, I've never
Speaker 1: really had like a never really had like a direct
Speaker 1: attachment to my name, So being called a moniker it
Speaker 1: just kind of seemed normal when it started to happen.
Speaker 2: Fish is good. I like fish. Okay, when your when
Speaker 2: your wife calls you Okay, so when your wife calls
Speaker 2: you christ so like okay, when your wife calls you, babe, right,
Speaker 2: like you feel you feel like all right? But how
Speaker 2: do you do? You do you identify with anything? You
Speaker 2: have to have some some attachment to some ego to
Speaker 2: exist in the world, don't you.
Speaker 1: I think I think I've done a pretty I used
Speaker 1: to do a lot of psychedelics, So I think I
Speaker 1: think I've had enough ego deaths to kind of zoom
Speaker 1: out from that and realize like how unimportant everything is.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I well, I don't know. I'm I'm, I don't know.
Speaker 2: Ego deaths are fine. I have a bit of I'm
Speaker 2: still all of my opinions are works in progress. But
Speaker 2: like I feel the best when I'm like very attached
Speaker 2: to reality and like the like the ego death thing,
Speaker 2: it's like it starts it gets me down this whole
Speaker 2: thing of like, oh, nothing's important, and you know who
Speaker 2: am I? And you know, like ego death tends to
Speaker 2: lead me to like nihilistic places that actually I don't
Speaker 2: think are helpful for my development personally, So it sounds
Speaker 2: like for you, it sounds like for you, ego death
Speaker 2: has been good for your development.
Speaker 1: Yeah. I had a pretty unconventional childhood, and then I
Speaker 1: was raised by women. My dad wasn't really around, and
Speaker 1: the women that I was raised around were like super
Speaker 1: like strong, domineering, for lack of a better term, kind
Speaker 1: of ditchy, and so it was it was kind of
Speaker 1: it was kind of good for me because then when
Speaker 1: I got out into the world, I was like, man,
Speaker 1: no one is just mean as my mom, like, this.
Speaker 2: Is so the You're making it sound like your dad
Speaker 2: just like dropped you off at a house of women,
Speaker 2: like being like like kids, like being raised by wolves
Speaker 2: in the forest or something like what.
Speaker 1: My mom has nine siblings and six of them are women,
Speaker 1: and they're all very close in proximity, a very small radius.
Speaker 1: And my mom was in school a lot, because my
Speaker 1: mom has like four college degrees, So my mom was
Speaker 1: in school a lot and divorcing my dad and life
Speaker 1: was weird, and so I spent most of my time
Speaker 1: kind of bouncing around from most of my aunt's houses.
Speaker 1: And they all have different, very educated perspectives, and so
Speaker 1: It gave me this broad spectrum of like understanding without
Speaker 1: you know, really judging, because I kind of made me
Speaker 1: realize as I was older, I kind of realized, like
Speaker 1: everyone has their fucking reasons for why they are the
Speaker 1: way they are, and so I just kind of assume
Speaker 1: that everyone's like a little bit weird as normal as
Speaker 1: they may seem. Like everyone's got their weird hot takes,
Speaker 1: and I just try to give people a little bit
Speaker 1: of grace. So, but they're they're unique, you know, they're
Speaker 1: they're my mom's sisters. They're all unique in their own way,
Speaker 1: and having them gave me this weird spectrum of understanding.
Speaker 2: How old were you when you're so your dad kind
Speaker 2: of like your dad just kind of like left and
Speaker 2: was he so your dad hasn't been like a part
Speaker 2: of your life at all.
Speaker 1: It probably would have been easier if he wasn't a
Speaker 1: part of my life at all. Like during those years,
Speaker 1: he was a really violent alcoholic and my mom was
Speaker 1: kind of stuck between like do I keep him around
Speaker 1: in the kid's life, you know, like in any facet
Speaker 1: at all, or should I just you know, remove him.
Speaker 1: And he didn't fight for custody or anything. Just when
Speaker 1: my parents divorced, it was just pretty simple for him.
Speaker 1: He has always been pretty self aware, and I think
Speaker 1: he was aware enough to realize like that he was
Speaker 1: not necessarily fit to be even you know, the smallest
Speaker 1: percentage of custody parent, and so he had he had
Speaker 1: like non court appointed visitation rights, like you know, he
Speaker 1: could just come and visit like as he wanted to.
Speaker 1: But mostly that was just my mom like footing the
Speaker 1: bill and like doing most of that work. And generally,
Speaker 1: like when he was around, it was pretty weird and
Speaker 1: like generally embarrassing if we were in public. There was
Speaker 1: like a line that he had. It was like he
Speaker 1: would drink up to a point and everything was kind
Speaker 1: of fine, and then it was like a two beer
Speaker 1: line and everything was just suddenly really downhill really quickly. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Just kind of like weird and white trashy during that
Speaker 1: part of my childhood. And then now he's great, he's
Speaker 1: been cleaned for like ten years.
Speaker 2: Oh, but do you have a relationship with him now?
Speaker 1: Yeah? Yeah, Yeah, it's kind of weird, Like to get
Speaker 1: to know it's kind of weird, like to get to
Speaker 1: know your dad like as an adult, you know, like
Speaker 1: to you have to like figure out what your relationship
Speaker 1: is like, are your friends? Is he still your dad?
Speaker 1: Like what? Obviously biologically that doesn't change, but you know,
Speaker 1: like do you you know, call him when you have,
Speaker 1: you know, questions about life? Not not not not really,
Speaker 1: it's more like a we're too alike for me not
Speaker 1: to be friends with them. Other than the fact that
Speaker 1: I just I don't drink, so I just stayed away
Speaker 1: from him completely. I didn't understand alcohol. Uh, pretty much
Speaker 1: like entirely. I just I knew that for me it
Speaker 1: wouldn't be different, it would be the same thing. I
Speaker 1: have a super addictive personality, and if something gives me
Speaker 1: dopamine and serotonin, even in small doses, I pretty much
Speaker 1: just stick to it.
Speaker 2: Mm hmmm. So you were raised mostly by your mom's
Speaker 2: like the six of her siblings that were around, and
Speaker 2: they were all and they were all you remember had
Speaker 2: nine siblings, all sisters.
Speaker 1: I no, she had three brothers, okay, but.
Speaker 2: But the brothers weren't as around as the sisters.
Speaker 1: Uh. The brothers all have kids of their own. Oh,
Speaker 1: ok six sisters do not, So all.
Speaker 2: All six of them didn't have their own kids.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and you.
Speaker 2: Were you were almost like the adopted child of all
Speaker 2: six of the sisters. You got it interesting? And did
Speaker 2: you did you kind of like so question like did
Speaker 2: you kind of spend an equal amount of time with
Speaker 2: all six of them? Like would you would you refer
Speaker 2: to all six of them? You're not a titles guy,
Speaker 2: but would you refer all six of them as like
Speaker 2: your mom in a way?
Speaker 1: So like in third person? Yeah, pretty much like, yes,
Speaker 1: they all had their own little facet in my development.
Speaker 1: They all had their own little percentage of it. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you know, like zoom out. Yes, definitely, they're all kind
Speaker 1: of my mom in a weird way. But my mom
Speaker 1: had one older sister that was her and her husband
Speaker 1: were they couldn't have to She had ovarian cancer young
Speaker 1: and had to have a full hysterectomy. And so when
Speaker 1: I went home from the hospital, I actually didn't go
Speaker 1: home with my mom. I went home with my aunt.
Speaker 1: And so kind of like from birth, basically I've I've
Speaker 1: had basically just two moms, just super weird and unconventional
Speaker 1: and just not not a normal upbringing. But it's probably
Speaker 1: more common than I think if you're from like a
Speaker 1: large family.
Speaker 2: M hm, And are you still close with all of
Speaker 2: your your aunts. Oh yeah, yeah, do you have a
Speaker 2: relationship with your uncle's.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean at family events. Yeah, my uncle Chris
Speaker 1: is probably the closest to me. My I have, I have,
Speaker 1: you know, to tow others, but they are they're both
Speaker 1: like they're in that part of their life where they're
Speaker 1: both retired and traveling and they're living life. My uncle
Speaker 1: Chris is still you know, young and working, and so
Speaker 1: he's probably the closest to me.
Speaker 2: A lot of Chris is running around.
Speaker 1: It's just my just my uncle Chris and myself. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but yeah, that's I mean, I'm sure there's like millions
Speaker 1: of Christmas in the world.
Speaker 2: Probably, I'm sure.
Speaker 1: Whether it's christal Ball or Christopher or Christian or you know,
Speaker 1: any of the other variations.
Speaker 2: So let's see you. Uh, you're texted me something you said, Uh,
Speaker 2: you know, actually I don't like I don't sometimes I
Speaker 2: like reading the text. Sometimes I like, let's just do this.
Speaker 2: What did you want to talk to me about today, Chris?
Speaker 1: Well, I mean, like you can you can read like
Speaker 1: the like the text that I sent. That's that's that's
Speaker 1: perfectly okay. It's like I do think it'll help people
Speaker 1: and there they're probably is there probably are people who
Speaker 1: are going through that that are not that particular you
Speaker 1: know form, but there are people who are probably going
Speaker 1: through it.
Speaker 2: Well, I guess. I mean, like sometimes I don't if
Speaker 2: sometimes when someone texts me like a whole pair, if
Speaker 2: someone texts me like a short thing, I'll be I'll like,
Speaker 2: I'll read the text. But if sometimes be a long thing,
Speaker 2: I'm like, I'd just rather I would just rather ask
Speaker 2: you what you want to talk about and you can,
Speaker 2: you know, explain to your own words.
Speaker 1: Yeah, hello, do we lose you? Yeah? No, I'm still here.
Speaker 2: So what were you saying?
Speaker 1: Sorry, I'm sorry. I'm telling my wife to skidaddle because
Speaker 1: I want to be myself and talk without without her
Speaker 1: judging me and like looking at me.
Speaker 2: Funny, Oh she's in the room.
Speaker 3: Yeah okay, yeah, So like, yeah, I had stage three
Speaker 3: testicular cancer and I was diagnosed at thirty.
Speaker 1: I was thirty one when I was diagnosed, and I
Speaker 1: actually kind of figured I found out something was wrong
Speaker 1: when I was playing golf. I stepped into a sprinkler
Speaker 1: hole and my left nut like hit the inside of
Speaker 1: my thigh. And you know how like sometimes if you
Speaker 1: do something weird, like you know, you can like sit
Speaker 1: on your ball funny or whatever, it's like, oh weird,
Speaker 1: that's uncomfortable, but like, uh, this it just barely clapped
Speaker 1: the inside of my left thigh and it was like
Speaker 1: a weird like deep internal like stomach like gross feeling
Speaker 1: like in my guts, Like it felt like I got
Speaker 1: kicked really hard in the nuts like fifteen minutes ago,
Speaker 1: and like I didn't know how to like describe that.
Speaker 1: It was super like disgustingly dull, weird ache like deep
Speaker 1: in my gut. And then I went home and I
Speaker 1: tried to sleep that night, and I went from like
Speaker 1: Florida couch to bed to Florida couch, and I like
Speaker 1: nothing was comfortable. Everything was just weird. So my wife's
Speaker 1: in medical, like she's really high up in her hospital,
Speaker 1: and so she told me, like I need to go
Speaker 1: to her works advanced urgent Care, and so I did,
Speaker 1: and I was probably seen by like no less than
Speaker 1: like thirty medical professionals and probably like yeah, it probably
Speaker 1: like six hours probably of just being in like the
Speaker 1: weird Like I had to go from like cat scan
Speaker 1: to like MRI to like ultrasound to like physicians to
Speaker 1: all these like different professionals that were there, and it
Speaker 1: was just like they all have like this like this
Speaker 1: really I don't know as like the really like unfortunate
Speaker 1: look on their face, you know, and like I kind
Speaker 1: of realized that it wasn't just going to be like
Speaker 1: something simple. No one said anything because they can't. I
Speaker 1: don't think they can say anything until they know like
Speaker 1: for certain that like what they're saying is true. You know,
Speaker 1: they can't tell someone that they have cancer if they
Speaker 1: don't have cancer. So no one said anything. And then
Speaker 1: the physician who examined me first like put that cat
Speaker 1: scan thing like on the board and like showed me
Speaker 1: all of like the nodes along my app like my
Speaker 1: abdomen and my torso and in my lungs. Then you know,
Speaker 1: I was like a Christmas tree like totally lit up
Speaker 1: with cancer. And I up until that point I felt
Speaker 1: pretty normal, Like I really didn't looking back thirst subtle things,
Speaker 1: but like pretty much all of the symptoms that I
Speaker 1: had you would chalk up to being something else, like
Speaker 1: night sweats, like rapid weight loss, but like I was
Speaker 1: on testosterone and like dieting really well, so didn't really
Speaker 1: think that much about it, and the night sweats. I
Speaker 1: kind of just attributed that to like your metabolism working
Speaker 1: overdrive from being on testosterone and you know, like working
Speaker 1: out and eating well. I pretty much all of the
Speaker 1: things that I experienced in terms of like being symptomatic
Speaker 1: were easily overlooked, like you wouldn't have thought twice about them. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And then they he put that piece of paper up
Speaker 1: on the board and told me that I had stage
Speaker 1: three testicular cancer and that basically I was going to
Speaker 1: have to do it's like targeted chemo therapy treatment and
Speaker 1: have my left not removed, which was fine, Like I
Speaker 1: already had kids, so and apparently that doesn't actually like
Speaker 1: affect you being able to have kids losing your left nut.
Speaker 2: I guess, yeah, I was gonna have I was gonna
Speaker 2: can you can you still come?
Speaker 1: Oh yeah yeah yeah.
Speaker 2: Like just as much like is it's not like I mean,
Speaker 2: what was a full load is like now half a load?
Speaker 2: Is it still a full load?
Speaker 1: I call it like a symbol. I don't see like
Speaker 1: a unit of measurement. Yeah, I'd like if I was
Speaker 1: going to compare it to like a metric, you know,
Speaker 1: like I used to be. Yeah, it's definitely like less
Speaker 1: than it was, for sure. But I'm also like I'm
Speaker 1: also not you know, spry Chicken anymore. I'm in my
Speaker 1: thirties now, so I don't exactly like know what's like
Speaker 1: to be ex Like, I don't know how much you're
Speaker 1: supposed to come.
Speaker 2: I don't. I feel like thirties it's a bit too
Speaker 2: young to call yourself like done coming.
Speaker 1: No no, no, no, no, I'm still coming. It's just like
Speaker 1: I don't know like what the like if there's a
Speaker 1: general amount, like what's the metric we should be comparing
Speaker 1: it to, because like none of us come side by side, right,
Speaker 1: so like you know, you don't like you're not like
Speaker 1: look at each other's stomachs after you're done, like, hey,
Speaker 1: like how much would you blow? It's like more than me?
Speaker 1: That's right?
Speaker 2: Well now, but I guess I guess I'm I mean, like,
Speaker 2: do you but you know how much you came before
Speaker 2: you when you had both nuts?
Speaker 1: Right? Yeah? Yeah, I mean it's really not that different.
Speaker 1: I mean I would say, like maybe the one thing
Speaker 1: that is different is probably like the pressure behind it.
Speaker 1: There's not as much like there's not as much like
Speaker 1: behind it, which.
Speaker 2: Is it's more of a dribble than a than a
Speaker 2: than a sprit.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, it's like it's not there's like there's less
Speaker 1: like lift off. I guess you know, it's not like
Speaker 1: a you gotta like aim at somewhere you can. You know,
Speaker 1: it's there's less clean up. There's that.
Speaker 2: So, uh, okay, you said a bunch of things in
Speaker 2: your text. So let's see. You said, well, I want
Speaker 2: to talk you. You're a father of three children. I'd
Speaker 2: like to talk about that. But you said, uh, I'm
Speaker 2: dealing with weird survivorship issues.
Speaker 1: What is that? Man, there's some there's some weird like
Speaker 1: well people, uh, especially obviously only men get testicular cancer.
Speaker 1: But testicular cancer is a young men's cancer, Like you
Speaker 1: really don't get testicular cancer passed like your mid thirties.
Speaker 1: You just it's a very low percentage of men that
Speaker 1: do get it in past their like their mid thirties,
Speaker 1: and so it's a young men's cancer. The most prominent
Speaker 1: ages are between like sixteen and like twenty seven. That's
Speaker 1: like the range nor and it's kind of unknown like
Speaker 1: what causes testicular cancer. There's kind of a divide in
Speaker 1: the medical community between like the plastics in the water,
Speaker 1: like the PFA's or whatever they call them, and genetics,
Speaker 1: like just genetics. So for me, like, not a lot
Speaker 1: of men do as well as I did through chemotherapy,
Speaker 1: and it beat the shit out of me. And I'm
Speaker 1: a pretty large, resilient male. But people who are smaller
Speaker 1: tend not to fare as well through chemo therapy because
Speaker 1: they don't have a lot of the body mass to
Speaker 1: devote to it in the first place. And then they
Speaker 1: beat the living shit out of you with targeted chemo
Speaker 1: therapy to cure through testicular cancer. That's the difference between
Speaker 1: like having like a like for women who have like
Speaker 1: a like breast cancer, a non curable one, right, they
Speaker 1: mostly just like treat it and give you like a
Speaker 1: miigatory regimen for the rest of your life where you
Speaker 1: go in and get a shot once a month or whatever,
Speaker 1: and that's like your chemotherapy. But for something like testicular
Speaker 1: cancer that they have a chance of curing, they're going
Speaker 1: to fuck you up to get you, you know, cured.
Speaker 1: Obviously they're not doing it on purpose, but they can't
Speaker 1: target cancer that's already all the ways spread through your body.
Speaker 1: So They pretty much just have to beat the living
Speaker 1: shit out of you and kill all of yourselves and
Speaker 1: bring your ancs, which is like your immunity. They have
Speaker 1: to bring your ANCS down so low that no cancer
Speaker 1: cells can survive period. So I was severely like neutrals.
Speaker 1: I couldn't go anywhere, talk to anyone, do anything. And
Speaker 1: my chemo regimen was hell I had to do. My
Speaker 1: rounds were uh, three weeks of five day chemo therapy
Speaker 1: that was like six to seven hours a day. It
Speaker 1: was basically like a full time job for four months,
Speaker 1: and I sat in this stupid chemo chair drawing on
Speaker 1: my pattern shit for like like three and a half months.
Speaker 1: Basically I couldn't open my mouth very wide because I
Speaker 1: had some weird dental implications from it. I couldn't really eat.
Speaker 1: I lived on like a liquid diet of like bone
Speaker 1: broth and like those chocolate breakfast shakes. Those things are
Speaker 1: fucking disgusting now. I can't even look at those things. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it was weird. Man, And the survivorship, it's just like
Speaker 1: a like a guilt kind of thing. But you know,
Speaker 1: you didn't really do anything to earn the guilt other
Speaker 1: than you're not dead and other people are.
Speaker 2: So it's a so so it's just a thing of
Speaker 2: like I'm there's to think of like your you feel
Speaker 2: guilty that you didn't that you feel guilty that you survived,
Speaker 2: and like you're thinking about all the other people that didn't.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I made the mistake of Uh, I had to
Speaker 1: like leave all the Facebook groups because you don't like
Speaker 1: the weird like support Facebook groups because you don't. No
Speaker 1: one no one posts there that just like is normal
Speaker 1: and gets through the treatment.
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, no one, no one posts the who's doing well? Yeah.
Speaker 1: No, It's always just like the worst of the worst, like, yeah,
Speaker 1: my husband passed away yesterday, my brother died this morning.
Speaker 1: Like it's it's always just like the worst of the worst,
Speaker 1: and there's just you know, ages of that of just
Speaker 1: dudes that just didn't make it through their treatment. And
Speaker 1: it's not the cancer that kills you, it's the treatment
Speaker 1: that kills you. So it's like, I mean there are
Speaker 1: instances where like it gets to the brain before like
Speaker 1: you catch it, but there's if it gets to the brain,
Speaker 1: you ignored like a lot of shit leading up to that,
Speaker 1: Like you ignored most of like your health, So leading.
Speaker 2: Up Okay, so so let me stop you for a second,
Speaker 2: because you you kicked your wife out of You kicked
Speaker 2: your wife out of the room, Okay, multiple things. Yeah,
Speaker 2: you kicked your wife out of the room because you
Speaker 2: didn't want her to judge you. And then you also
Speaker 2: said there's no one I can talk to about it.
Speaker 2: That isn't close to the situation. So what Here's what
Speaker 2: I'm curious about from all this is that you seem
Speaker 2: to feel like, what do you what is the thing
Speaker 2: that you kicked your wife out about or that you
Speaker 2: feel like you have no one to talk to you
Speaker 2: about that you're like ashamed of? Is it you're you're
Speaker 2: like ashamed to feel a survivorship thing? Like, what is
Speaker 2: it that you're feeling ashamed of?
Speaker 1: Now? My wife is just really medically educated. She is
Speaker 1: a master's in like nursing science, and she's a nurse practitioner,
Speaker 1: and she's super like medically educated, and she was really
Speaker 1: protective over me through all through all of that, and yeah,
Speaker 1: thank god, you know, thank thank God for her through that,
Speaker 1: because I, for one, I probably wouldn't have gone to
Speaker 1: the hospital as quickly as I did. I probably would
Speaker 1: have done like the stereotypical man thing and just like
Speaker 1: I was an inside pain, it's fine now, and like
Speaker 1: without her that I definitely wouldn't have fared as well.
Speaker 1: And having her there to like go over like my
Speaker 1: blood work every time it came out. I just have
Speaker 1: a high school education in like ten years of machining,
Speaker 1: I'm just articulate. I don't know anything about biology.
Speaker 2: But but I want to bring I want to bring
Speaker 2: it back to this question that I have. I was like,
Speaker 2: what is it? What is it you're ashamed of that
Speaker 2: you don't want?
Speaker 1: It's not like its not really like it's it's when
Speaker 1: people are so close to like the cancer, it brings
Speaker 1: them back to it and like they they get emotional
Speaker 1: about it, and then you kind of end up like
Speaker 1: counseling them through your cancer.
Speaker 2: Yeah that is actually something I've heard. Yeah, yeah, it's
Speaker 2: like you kind of like, yeah, that makes sense.
Speaker 1: You kind of like end up being like the martyr
Speaker 1: for their feelings about your cancer that you had to
Speaker 1: deal with.
Speaker 2: So let's go back to the guilts for a second.
Speaker 2: Was what so why I So I get logically the
Speaker 2: guilt of like, oh why did I, like I got
Speaker 2: to survive all the people in this Facebook group died
Speaker 2: like why me kind of thing? And uh, you're a
Speaker 2: guy from what I understand about you that is pretty
Speaker 2: unattached to his ego. But I'm gonna run something by
Speaker 2: you that I've been thinking about. I thought about it
Speaker 2: a lot yesterday, but thinking about this a lot, and
Speaker 2: I feel like we've talked about this on the podcast
Speaker 2: a little bit. Is this thing of like you know,
Speaker 2: oh yeah, I was thinking about this a little bit
Speaker 2: and like my fucking kind of meane therapy bullshit is
Speaker 2: like you know, listen your I know that you do.
Speaker 2: I know that you don't identify with your name Chris,
Speaker 2: but whatever you are, and we'll put a name to
Speaker 2: it because that's why we have names, so we can
Speaker 2: identify shit. So like Chris cousin, we'll call you cousin, cousin,
Speaker 2: your your like this. This is my argument to the
Speaker 2: guilt thing is like your biological material that has evolved
Speaker 2: to gain sentience of itself, and you don't know why
Speaker 2: you were your you have there's the like we kind
Speaker 2: of know how we got to be people, but we don't.
Speaker 2: I don't. The question that I have is like, oh,
Speaker 2: why why is my consciousness of my body or whatever.
Speaker 2: But like we don't know why. We can't really explain why.
Speaker 2: Like you're the conscious captain of like this ship, but
Speaker 2: I do I do believe that, like you, Chris, as
Speaker 2: the conscious captain of your ship, it is your like
Speaker 2: duty in some way, shape or form as the captain
Speaker 2: of your conscious ship to like protect yourself. And like
Speaker 2: you're like it's like your instinctual biological duty to survive.
Speaker 2: And you're like instinctual biological duty to protect the people
Speaker 2: in the things that are close to you. So like
Speaker 2: that's your kind of like divine duty as as the guy,
Speaker 2: as the spiritual whatever the fuck consciousness tasked with being
Speaker 2: cousin you know. So by nature of that the perform
Speaker 2: that's really it's like kind of what you're tasked with
Speaker 2: is this guard in the ship, kind of this idea
Speaker 2: that you you take you kind of treat yourself like
Speaker 2: someone you're like tasks being taken care of. And so
Speaker 2: by that logic, you know you're doing your job is
Speaker 2: of which is to survive, you know. So so I
Speaker 2: don't think you should feel don't think should feel guilty
Speaker 2: about doing that job.
Speaker 1: It's it's it's not it's funny, Like I think the
Speaker 1: closest feeling that I can relate it to is guilt,
Speaker 1: but it's more like a like ah, I would say,
Speaker 1: it's yeah, it's more like a like a that's fucking weird,
Speaker 1: you know, like.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, and that sounds that doesn't sound like guilt,
Speaker 2: that sounds like a how why?
Speaker 1: Yeah, Like you have you have fucking questions man like
Speaker 1: and I I know you kind of struggle with like
Speaker 1: the premise of God and like me too, and there
Speaker 1: was just some weird like divine ain't intervention type ship
Speaker 1: that went on through this whole experience for me. And
Speaker 1: it's like I'm really struggling to ignore like the feeling
Speaker 1: of a higher power. And I've done a pretty good
Speaker 1: job of ignoring a higher power do most of my life?
Speaker 2: Well, okay, multiple things to this is yeah, what do
Speaker 2: you what do you mean by ignoring a higher Like
Speaker 2: what are you trying to ignore?
Speaker 1: Well, it's not that I'm not anymore, but I think
Speaker 1: I went to Catholic school for years and that kind of,
Speaker 1: you know, shunned the whole religious aspect out of me.
Speaker 1: I just didn't just didn't get it. And then going
Speaker 1: after I left in a Catholic school and went to
Speaker 1: public school. It was kind of just like not there anymore,
Speaker 1: just to foo gazy, just something that was part of
Speaker 1: my life. And now it's not like I quit smoking
Speaker 1: or something, you know, it was just something I did
Speaker 1: every day and now I don't. And then throughout this
Speaker 1: cancer treatment thing, there was a lot of really interesting
Speaker 1: like the timeline kind of things that just are unusual
Speaker 1: phenomena that just shouldn't have occurred, but did, like the
Speaker 1: the rate that I So when I walked into that
Speaker 1: urgent care on a Friday evening, I left the next
Speaker 1: day Saturday, less than twenty hours from being diagnosed to
Speaker 1: having my left testicle removed, which is unheard of. Most
Speaker 1: people who are diagnosed they wait, you know, like weeks
Speaker 1: to months for their surgery. But the my surgical oncologist
Speaker 1: just happened to be on call that evening and he
Speaker 1: decided to fore go sleep and just come to my
Speaker 1: operation at six in the morning. He just decided, this
Speaker 1: just came across my phone. I'm not gonna let this
Speaker 1: guy die, and just came and did it immediately, like
Speaker 1: snap of the fingers. There was just some really other,
Speaker 1: some other really interesting timeline things that like made me
Speaker 1: feel like there is something higher that I should probably
Speaker 1: like look into. I don't. I don't know about like
Speaker 1: the conventional religion thing, but sure, but well like the.
Speaker 2: Uh well, I you know, I mean I when I
Speaker 2: think of like a higher power, I never, I never.
Speaker 2: I don't think about like any sort of like interpretation
Speaker 2: of like God. I just think about like I mean,
Speaker 2: I got my My idea of a higher power is
Speaker 2: very like logical in the sense of like anything you know,
Speaker 2: the I mean, there's the idea of like there's what
Speaker 2: you can control and then what you can't.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, and.
Speaker 2: And everything outside of your control is like a higher
Speaker 2: power than you. You know, I mean like if you're
Speaker 2: fucking like if my friend decides to, like, uh, go
Speaker 2: out and get ice cream, you know, whatever he whatever
Speaker 2: ice cream flavor he fucking chooses to get. I mean,
Speaker 2: that's a higher power than me, you know what I mean,
Speaker 2: Like everything, everything is a fucking higher Like everything outside
Speaker 2: of your control is just like what I look at
Speaker 2: as a higher power. And I and then you know,
Speaker 2: and I so like so so the question, so the
Speaker 2: higher the higher power of like you survived in a
Speaker 2: situation where other people didn't. Is like a sort of
Speaker 2: a thing that at least if like, if I'm in
Speaker 2: your situation, that's like a thing I fucking just surrender to,
Speaker 2: Like I don't know why, uh something happens, and so
Speaker 2: why something doesn't happen. That's like a you know, that's
Speaker 2: higher power. I don't know if I equate that to
Speaker 2: like a lot of people take that and they roll
Speaker 2: it into like there's a god or a fucking you know,
Speaker 2: horse watching over me or I'm yeah and an omnip
Speaker 2: thing and like that's I mean, if that's what you
Speaker 2: want to get into, that's great. But to me, I'm
Speaker 2: just like, I'm going to try to focus on, you know,
Speaker 2: what the hell is in my control, which actually which
Speaker 2: to me for for you, that brings me to how
Speaker 2: are your kids doing? I want to know about the
Speaker 2: about the family. You got a whole ass family, dude.
Speaker 1: Yeah, they're they're great, man. I mean I have a two,
Speaker 1: a four, and a six year old, and throughout my
Speaker 1: treatment they had to go and stay with my mom
Speaker 1: for the three months. Because kids just they'll ship in
Speaker 1: your fucking eye and they'll you know, sneeze directly in
Speaker 1: your food and then you know, I would have died,
Speaker 1: so they had to go and stay with my mom
Speaker 1: during my treatment. So they were they call it, you know,
Speaker 1: daddy's special medicine that I got that made me lose
Speaker 1: all my hair in turn a weird color. And then
Speaker 1: now it's life is a word for me, Like I
Speaker 1: have a few weird like lingering things, but nothing that's
Speaker 1: you know, like debilitating. Cool. There's good the they Basically
Speaker 1: I'm glad that they were the age that they were
Speaker 1: when this happened, because you know, luckily they were kind
Speaker 1: of uh my youngest was like eight months or six
Speaker 1: six months, and my oldest was like four and a half,
Speaker 1: so they were all kind of like a young enough
Speaker 1: age to where their brain that didn't really process any
Speaker 1: of this. They just you know, sawt Dad look a
Speaker 1: little different for a while. And I'm grateful for that
Speaker 1: because if they were like older, and kids are so
Speaker 1: caring and understanding and empathetic naturally, and so I'm glad
Speaker 1: that they didn't have to worry, you know, being older,
Speaker 1: I'm glad that they didn't really comprehend any of that.
Speaker 2: And hmm, how old is your oldest right now?
Speaker 1: Six six?
Speaker 2: Wow? Okay, I see you've been a dad for a
Speaker 2: nice little while.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah. She was born actually the day that the
Speaker 1: world shut down, March fourteenth.
Speaker 2: That's a crazy time to have a kid.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, Like they almost didn't let my mother in
Speaker 1: law in the room, that's time.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: It was literally the day that the world shut down
Speaker 1: for the pandemic.
Speaker 2: Crazy shit.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Actually, honestly, not a bad not a bad time to
Speaker 2: like be a baby. It's actually kind of a perfect
Speaker 2: time to be a bay because what are you gonna
Speaker 2: do with your What are you gonna do?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean like it was kind of ideal. And
Speaker 1: then I was laid off kind of questionably legally coming
Speaker 1: off of paternity leave. When I came back to UH
Speaker 1: to show up for work, I was in uniform, ready
Speaker 1: to go, and the owner of the company walked over
Speaker 1: to me with a stack of papers and an envelope
Speaker 1: and I knew what that meant, and I was like,
Speaker 1: this is pretty questionable, and he was like, well, I'm
Speaker 1: here to hand you a fat check so that you
Speaker 1: can find this and don't take me to court because
Speaker 1: I just can't afford to pay. The way that the
Speaker 1: when cities and counties just stopped contracting work basically like
Speaker 1: the day of the world shut down, So you know,
Speaker 1: he was looking at me as a you know, a
Speaker 1: seventy five thousand dollars expense that you know he can
Speaker 1: legally just pay ten grand not to show up tomorrow.
Speaker 1: That was, you know, basically like the agreement was, I'm
Speaker 1: going to give you it was like nine thousand something
Speaker 1: dollars for me to just not show up tomorrow, which
Speaker 1: you know, it's not like a hell of a lot
Speaker 1: of money, but you know, it wasn't money wasn't to
Speaker 1: concern My wife does well, so it was you know,
Speaker 1: more like a what do I do now with my time?
Speaker 1: And that's like where the business ideas kind of started
Speaker 1: to I've never been like a sit idle and do
Speaker 1: nothing kind of guy. I've always worked, So I had
Speaker 1: to figure out.
Speaker 2: Something what kind of.
Speaker 1: Oh yes, the divots, Yeah yeah, yeah, and I had
Speaker 1: I had multiple ideas too. I wasn't just going to
Speaker 1: do the golf thing. The golf thing I just kind
Speaker 1: of stumbled on too. Like most people's this is that
Speaker 1: you just kind of fall into it.
Speaker 2: By the way, just I'm not to take us back
Speaker 2: to the beginning of the podcast, but why are you so,
Speaker 2: what's why are you against T shirts? But your pro
Speaker 2: divots and i'm by the way, I'm by by the way,
Speaker 2: I'm i'm by I'm biased because if you go to
Speaker 2: therapy Gecko dot com you may or may not see that, uh.
Speaker 1: You should buy. It's not that I'm it's it's not
Speaker 1: that I'm against T shirts. It's that it's just it's
Speaker 1: funny that like the self importance and like the main
Speaker 1: character syndrome or whatever really becomes prominent in people's personality
Speaker 1: when they hit you know, like the very small eight
Speaker 1: to ten k to like twelve k. You can like
Speaker 1: smell the merge coming. It's not like that you shouldn't
Speaker 1: sell T shirts or anything. If you make funny fucking
Speaker 1: T shirts or whatever, or like really cool graphic designs
Speaker 1: or whatever, you should sell them. It's just that I
Speaker 1: think it's funny that when you know, you hit that
Speaker 1: that very tiny mark on social media, to hit eight
Speaker 1: to ten k on social media, all you have to
Speaker 1: have is like one video that really pops off. It's
Speaker 1: really not that difficult to attain. What is difficult to
Speaker 1: attain is to keep it. You know, like you can
Speaker 1: have one video pop off and go insanely viral just
Speaker 1: by happenstance, But can you keep the following and you know,
Speaker 1: roll it into a business. That's That's like what I
Speaker 1: think is impressive for me. I had a bunch of
Speaker 1: videos go crazy viral of just me hitting golf balls
Speaker 1: at a night range so you could like see the
Speaker 1: ballflight of it. That was like in twenty twenty one,
Speaker 1: like when everyone was just glued to their phones. Instagram
Speaker 1: wasn't even like monetized yet. That's like how far back
Speaker 1: we're going. And so like those videos popped up and
Speaker 1: I was building clubs and my following grew, and like
Speaker 1: I had to learn how to be a professional social
Speaker 1: media user. And one of the best ways that I
Speaker 1: found to be a professional social media user is to
Speaker 1: stick to your original mission statement and not you know,
Speaker 1: fall into the influencer niche. I don't. I don't believe
Speaker 1: in that the influencer niche is retarded. There's no one
Speaker 1: should be like unless you have some kind of like
Speaker 1: insane information that you can be putting out there, you
Speaker 1: should just be a person who exists social media.
Speaker 2: What is an what is the influencer niche?
Speaker 1: Oh Man, Like you know, like when I don't know something,
Speaker 1: you know, something happens, right, and they think that they're
Speaker 1: you mean, no, I don't you mean.
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, yeah no, I I totally know what you
Speaker 2: mean about like, uh's feeling like your opinion on Well,
Speaker 2: that's why I try to I mean like, I mean,
Speaker 2: I guess I give my opinion on like like sort
Speaker 2: of ever evergreen life stuff. You know, but you don't
Speaker 2: want to be out there, Well, you don't want to
Speaker 2: be out there. You don't want to be out there,
Speaker 2: like giving your opinion on every single thing that happens
Speaker 2: in the universe because well for other reasons, it's like,
Speaker 2: well if you do it once, people expect you to
Speaker 2: do it every single time anything happens. And you know,
Speaker 2: you don't want to be a guy who has an opinion.
Speaker 2: You know what's funny, One of my strong opinions is
Speaker 2: that you don't have to have a strong opinion about
Speaker 2: everything due because like I don't know, because you don't
Speaker 2: want to be you don't want to be held liable
Speaker 2: for an opinion about every single fucking thing that happens.
Speaker 2: And also I get I feel wary about people, Like
Speaker 2: I feel wary when someone has an opinion about every
Speaker 2: single thing that happens all the time, you.
Speaker 1: Know, dude, and I'm so probably my strongest opinion is
Speaker 1: being unopinionated, Like if it doesn't affect you directly, I
Speaker 1: don't really feel like you should have like this insanely
Speaker 1: strong opinion of something, like just because it resonates with
Speaker 1: like the empathetic note inside you doesn't mean that you
Speaker 1: should go broadcasting how you feel about it if someone
Speaker 1: asks you, sure, but you know, like you don't have
Speaker 1: to post it on social media. You can just DM
Speaker 1: them back how you feel about it.
Speaker 2: Dude, I'm gonna, I'm gonna. I'm gonna go ahead and
Speaker 2: ask you to give me this. I mean, if you
Speaker 2: want to, you don't have to. But yeah, what's the
Speaker 2: what is the golf guy Instagram?
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, if people are interested or whatever, they can
Speaker 1: go check out.
Speaker 2: I'm interested. I'm people.
Speaker 1: It's at Club's Handmaids. The club is with a k
Speaker 1: and all.
Speaker 2: But the second you said it, I was like, he's
Speaker 2: going to tell me the club is with a k
Speaker 2: Okay club?
Speaker 1: It is club what? Yeah? Club clubs so k l
Speaker 1: U b s, handmaids.
Speaker 2: Clubs and Maids cousin clubs. Cousin Wait, cousin clubs is
Speaker 2: pretty sweet. That's getting to follow Yeah, that's you. I know.
Speaker 2: It's I feel weird every time I like talk to
Speaker 2: somebody on the phone. I feel weird when I go
Speaker 2: to their Instagram and I can like see to face
Speaker 2: the name, it feels, oh, there you are. Even when
Speaker 2: I go on tour, I I feel like.
Speaker 1: It's weird to like meet people that like you do
Speaker 1: on the phone. I'm sure that's dude, it's weird to
Speaker 1: me too. It's it's weird to me too, because like
Speaker 1: the only places that I'm ever recognized or known is
Speaker 1: when I'm at a golf course and people will come
Speaker 1: up to me and they're like, hey, man, like I
Speaker 1: know you're not that kind of guy, but like are
Speaker 1: you cousin clubs? And I'm like yeah, They're like that's
Speaker 1: so crazy, bro, Like I've been following you since since
Speaker 1: like twenty twenty, and I'm like, man, that's fucking wacky,
Speaker 1: Like why do you follow me? That's so weird. But yeah,
Speaker 1: that's awesome. That's that's my moniker. That's how I'm known.
Speaker 1: And it, like I said, dude, all of this was
Speaker 1: like totally happenstance. So if people are out there and
Speaker 1: you're wondering what the fuck to do with your life,
Speaker 1: just keep trying different shit, Like, just keep keep trying,
Speaker 1: keep thinking, and eventually some if you stick to your
Speaker 1: mission statement and you remain yourself and you put yourself
Speaker 1: out there, you'll definitely encounter some people that aren't fond
Speaker 1: of you. And that's fine. Like, you don't have to
Speaker 1: be friends with everyone. If you're for everyone, you're for
Speaker 1: no one. But there is going to be like a
Speaker 1: niche group of people that are into your shit if
Speaker 1: you if you put out good stuff, there will be
Speaker 1: people who will buy it. Totally.
Speaker 2: You know, it's fine. I met I did a show
Speaker 2: in Portland, uh last week, and I fucking I met
Speaker 2: uh the train I don't know if you listen to
Speaker 2: the podcast, but I met the train hopper.
Speaker 1: Oh I do. Guy. Oh that's so d that's so cool, dude.
Speaker 2: Well it was fine. He was uh, he was great.
Speaker 2: He came on stage and like you know, gave us
Speaker 2: an update on everything.
Speaker 1: It was.
Speaker 2: It was really cool, but it felt weird to meet
Speaker 2: him because like I don't know, like I like I
Speaker 2: imagine because like he had so much depth to his story.
Speaker 2: I imagined him as like a sixty seven year old,
Speaker 2: like grizzled dude, but he's like he was my age,
Speaker 2: was like a young guy.
Speaker 1: And I knew that it was just like a regular
Speaker 1: probably you know.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, well it's well if I knew he was
Speaker 2: like my age, but like just because of like the
Speaker 2: way the stories he telled. Yeah, yes, I imagined him
Speaker 2: as like, yeah, oh the guy, but that was cool too,
Speaker 2: is Yeah, There's been a lot of stuff like that,
Speaker 2: of like meeting callers in personal Okay, I'm looking at
Speaker 2: your Yeah, go ahead, go ahead.
Speaker 1: Do you identify with the age that you're chronologically presented with?
Speaker 2: Do identify with the age? It depends on the day.
Speaker 2: Sometimes I feel young, sometimes I feel fucking old. I
Speaker 2: mean I kind of speed ran. I speed ran a
Speaker 2: lot of life except for I feel like I speed
Speaker 2: around a lot of But I also like started much
Speaker 2: younger than I think most people like. I started making
Speaker 2: stuff on the internet when I was like freaking fifth
Speaker 2: grade or something like that. The part of my life,
Speaker 2: I I feel like I'm but I'm also but I'm
Speaker 2: also like, you know, I'm single, and I you know,
Speaker 2: I eat M and M's for dinner sometimes, so I
Speaker 2: feel I feel sometimes I feel like I act like
Speaker 2: I'm sixteen and I'm twenty eight, and then other times
Speaker 2: I feel physically like I'm like fifty seven or whatever.
Speaker 2: Also because I think if I were like like like,
Speaker 2: I think, if I can get to like mid thirties
Speaker 2: and have like a wife and a kid or or
Speaker 2: something like that, I'll feel That's when I feel like
Speaker 2: I'll feel like I'm the right age. But now I
Speaker 2: feel like I like it. Really, I either feel like
Speaker 2: I'm sixteen or like seventy four.
Speaker 1: Do you feel like you're ready for a wife and kids?
Speaker 3: Not?
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think I'm right. I think I'm ready for
Speaker 2: like a wife, but I don't think i'm ready for kids. Yeah,
Speaker 2: I'm ready for like a wife, then a dog. A
Speaker 2: wife and a dog would be great.
Speaker 1: You're never really prepared. It's it's funny how normal and
Speaker 1: like natural. It actually kind of feels. I if you
Speaker 1: told me ten years ago that I'd have a wife
Speaker 1: and three kids, I would have laughed and said, like, nah,
Speaker 1: there's no way, man. Like, I don't care what kind
Speaker 1: of crystal ball you have, you need to take that
Speaker 1: thing back, and it's funny when when that kid, when
Speaker 1: that gray weird intercover baby is slapped on your life's
Speaker 1: chef and it starts screaming, it's so weird, how small
Speaker 1: and insignificant. Everything else kind of feels yeah, And I
Speaker 1: don't mean, I don't mean to you know, like pander
Speaker 1: to like the people who have baby fever or whatever.
Speaker 1: Like none of my none of this was like baby
Speaker 1: fever driven. It was just that I realized, like, oh,
Speaker 1: you know, fuck, I'm actually pretty good at this, Like
Speaker 1: I'm actually good at raising kids, and no one's like
Speaker 1: great at it, you know, like you become great at it,
Speaker 1: but no one just starts being good at it. Like
Speaker 1: anything else. It takes like time and patience and understanding.
Speaker 1: But like that happens after like your second kid, because
Speaker 1: you after your second kids, you realize like your kids
Speaker 1: are only little for like four years, and it's really
Speaker 1: not that much time. It doesn't go by that quickly,
Speaker 1: like in my opinion, because I've been like the caregiver
Speaker 1: parent and you know, working at night running a business,
Speaker 1: so I've been like the caregiver parent who's been here
Speaker 1: for it. I think if you work a nine to
Speaker 1: five and you're gone a lot. I think it would
Speaker 1: feel like pretty short and like like it's gone by
Speaker 1: and it just a snap of the fingers. But me
Speaker 1: being here every single day doing dad stuff has definitely
Speaker 1: made me feel like I've gotten to experience the full
Speaker 1: amount of like kid like the growing thing. It's made
Speaker 1: me feel like I'm there for it.
Speaker 2: You know what. Okay, here's what this came up for
Speaker 2: me while I was on the road this past week
Speaker 2: is here's something scares me about fatherhood. I was on
Speaker 2: the road last week and I sat next to, uh,
Speaker 2: this kid. He was like, I'm hard at judging ages.
Speaker 2: I want to say he was like eight. I want
Speaker 2: to say he was eight, and he was He's to
Speaker 2: my left, and he had a lot of energy. He
Speaker 2: was like he like he was like he like tried
Speaker 2: to talk to me a little bit, and he like,
Speaker 2: uh uh, I put my tray table up and I
Speaker 2: didn't have I didn't put the little tab you know,
Speaker 2: the tab you put on the trade table to stop
Speaker 2: it from going down. Yeah, he like he like did
Speaker 2: it for me, you know, and like he was like, oh,
Speaker 2: you forgot this, And then like I pulled out my
Speaker 2: Nintendo and he was like, oh, what nintended do? And
Speaker 2: he like, uh, he had he was playing like a
Speaker 2: Grand Theft Auto or some Grand Theft Auto clone on
Speaker 2: his like iPod touch or whatever. And then he and
Speaker 2: he was like talking to his dad and he was
Speaker 2: like he's he had a lot of energy. And I
Speaker 2: was like, oh, this is like a this is like
Speaker 2: a lot of shit. And I was like, oh, this
Speaker 2: is like a And I'm I'm a tourist of this kid,
Speaker 2: which sounds weird, but whatever, I'm a tourist of this kid.
Speaker 2: And this kid, like you know, from my taurist perspective,
Speaker 2: I'm like, oh, this is like a fun funny kid,
Speaker 2: you know, like he he bumped his head on the
Speaker 2: his tray table, like he banged his head really fucking hard.
Speaker 2: And he turns to his dad and he's like, Dad,
Speaker 2: I didn't take any damage.
Speaker 1: Which that was funny.
Speaker 2: And he's like this is a funny kid. But I
Speaker 2: look at his dad. His dad looks really tired, and
Speaker 2: I and I and I was like, this kid is
Speaker 2: eight and and I had this thought and I was like, oh,
Speaker 2: this is the thing that scares the most about adulthood,
Speaker 2: not but about parenthood is I'm like, oh, being with
Speaker 2: raising this kid feels like it's gotta be relentless. That's
Speaker 2: the word. That's what freaks me out, the relentlessness because like, dude,
Speaker 2: like I like, I tried to record this podcast two
Speaker 2: nights ago and I just was so tired. I wasn't
Speaker 2: feeling it so and I just turned. I turned, And
Speaker 2: I do like with my work, right like, my work
Speaker 2: is the main responsibility that I have, right like like
Speaker 2: or like I'll be able, I'll be doing one of
Speaker 2: my shows or whatever, and like, you know, but like
Speaker 2: sometimes like if if work gets to be too much,
Speaker 2: I'll just shut the laptop off and be like, Okay,
Speaker 2: I'll quit today and I'll try again tomorrow when I
Speaker 2: feel better. And they usually works, and I, you know,
Speaker 2: I quit today, I don't dip into reserves. I try again.
Speaker 2: And that's like that's kind of the approach I've had
Speaker 2: with my work. It's like when things get too much,
Speaker 2: I just I'm like, I'm like, I'm okay to quit
Speaker 2: for the day and turn it off and try again tomorrow.
Speaker 2: But I was like, oh, fuck kid when this but
Speaker 2: there's not with kids, it's like, no, you have to
Speaker 2: dip into your reserves and you have to you know.
Speaker 2: I mean, work is a different thing because I'm because
Speaker 2: it's a thing where it's like, well, there's no point
Speaker 2: in working when I'm feeling shitty because I'm going to
Speaker 2: produce bad work. It's better to just quit. But with
Speaker 2: a kid, it's like you got it. Just it's relentless,
Speaker 2: and that's what scares me. It's just again the relentlessness.
Speaker 1: I think. I think you're like most people who are
Speaker 1: like in a position in their lives pretty much like
Speaker 1: in at at that at our age for the most part,
Speaker 1: because like there are people that are, you know, thirty
Speaker 1: three my age that don't have kids yet, that are
Speaker 1: you know, kind of up to that point in our
Speaker 1: life like where they're like, man, I'm not ready to
Speaker 1: have kids or whatever. I don't really think anyone ever
Speaker 1: quite is like you're not. It's one of those things.
Speaker 1: It's like the first time you go skydiving, Like you're
Speaker 1: not ready to go skydiving, but you know, you just
Speaker 1: pull the cord and parishue comes out and then you
Speaker 1: float down to the ground. You know, it's just kind
Speaker 1: of something that you just step into and it just
Speaker 1: it works. You if you are willing to put yourself,
Speaker 1: you know, second for a little while in your life,
Speaker 1: until the kids are self deficient and they can, you know,
Speaker 1: go downstairs and you get their own fucking juice box.
Speaker 1: You know. It's it's pretty, it's it's not easy, but
Speaker 1: it is. I developed an aptitude for it pretty quickly,
Speaker 1: and I didn't think that I would. So, you know,
Speaker 1: I don't think that I'm different. I think that's pretty
Speaker 1: standard across the board. Like you, you're not. You're never
Speaker 1: really sure. You don't know what you know until you know. So,
Speaker 1: you know, I wouldn't think too hard about that. If
Speaker 1: you can, you know, operate on a couple of hours
Speaker 1: sleep for four months when the kid's born, you'll be
Speaker 1: all right.
Speaker 2: Yeah, how long have you been with your your How
Speaker 2: long have you been with your wife?
Speaker 1: Uh? Kind of funnily enough, we actually found out that
Speaker 1: we were having a child like two months into knowing
Speaker 1: each other. Really yeah, but it just kind of it
Speaker 1: just worked like we our personalities were super compatible, and
Speaker 1: we just like three months into knowing each other, we
Speaker 1: were I had moved out of the house that I
Speaker 1: was living in and moved with her and went through
Speaker 1: the whole pregnancy, then together, and then when the kid
Speaker 1: was born, some my job thing happened, and a lot
Speaker 1: of life has happened between us meeting and dating for
Speaker 1: a very short amount of time to figuring out that
Speaker 1: we were having a kid, and everything just kind of
Speaker 1: felt really like normal and natural and really compatible. And
Speaker 1: we're i would say, like healthily codependent on each other.
Speaker 1: We don't, you know, need to be around each other
Speaker 1: all the time, but we kind of want to be
Speaker 1: around each other. Being being the father of her kids
Speaker 1: has been like really bonding for me. I can't really
Speaker 1: like imagine my life without her. She's, you know, pretty much,
Speaker 1: she's really really intelligent and really driven in her career,
Speaker 1: and she's she's a lot of things that I'm not,
Speaker 1: and I'm most of the things that she's not. And
Speaker 1: so we've balanced each other out really well. So I
Speaker 1: would say in total, like so almost seven years now,
Speaker 1: we've been together. Seven years with a six year old.
Speaker 1: You can do that math. Cousin, Yeah, yeah, yeah, man.
Speaker 2: Cousin, cousin, cousin, cousin. I'm glad you called. I really
Speaker 2: enjoyed talking to you, talking to Please go, please follow
Speaker 2: Club's Handmaids with a k that so that we can
Speaker 2: so that we can force cousin into having no choice
Speaker 2: but to start selling T shirts, because once you get
Speaker 2: to a certain level of followers, it's like, you know,
Speaker 2: he has no te you know, he's got three kids
Speaker 2: to put through college. We need this guy to start
Speaker 2: telling some T shirts.
Speaker 1: The tools do it, man. The tools. The tools are
Speaker 1: my main source of income. They're they're they're pretty make them.
Speaker 2: Or buy his way his Power Built Golf. Is that
Speaker 2: your company?
Speaker 1: No, it's the company that I'm affiliated with there, I'm
Speaker 1: the It's just I'm called like a staff member. Like
Speaker 1: basically I h I do like development testing, uh, product
Speaker 1: advisement or advising. I don't know.
Speaker 2: So if we want to buy, if we want to buy,
Speaker 2: But if we want to buy, do divots from you?
Speaker 1: Is that d D? Yeah? Yeah you d M me.
Speaker 1: I I don't have a website. I've completely like rejected
Speaker 1: the idea of having a website. It's funny it's people
Speaker 1: say that, like you have to have a website. You don't.
Speaker 1: You can You can li really sell and make a
Speaker 1: living by talking to people. Because everyone that owns one
Speaker 1: of my tools, they've had to come and talk to me.
Speaker 2: It's like our boy, our boy. Uh fuck. His name
Speaker 2: was also Chris, this guy who lived on a Native
Speaker 2: American reservation. I forget his Instagram, but and I forget
Speaker 2: if anything. I don't know if anything ever kind of
Speaker 2: I don't know what the follow up is with that guy,
Speaker 2: but he like we plugged his Instagram and I was like,
Speaker 2: because he sells he like lives on a farm and
Speaker 2: like sells seeds and stuff. And we plugged his Instagram
Speaker 2: and I was like, do you have a website you
Speaker 2: sell these seeds on? He was like, nah, man, just
Speaker 2: DM me and we'll fucking figure it out. I'm like,
Speaker 2: that's that's pretty cool.
Speaker 1: It's so cool, dude, like to And also it makes
Speaker 1: I'm not really like a like an extrovert kind of person.
Speaker 1: I don't like go out of my way to talk
Speaker 1: to people. And it's really cool that having this Instagram
Speaker 1: thing has made me talk to people, and it's forced
Speaker 1: me to be more understanding and like to work with
Speaker 1: people and understand that not everyone you know operates the
Speaker 1: same way like I'm just because I've sold, you know,
Speaker 1: thousands of tools over the years, it's still their first
Speaker 1: time buying one, so I can't treat it as if
Speaker 1: they know everything already. Their brand new to this. I'm
Speaker 1: a seasoned vet in this, but they're brand new to it.
Speaker 1: It could be their first. So it could be their first,
Speaker 1: you know, like social media purchase as a whole, and
Speaker 1: so you know, you have to make sure that like
Speaker 1: you're being a good garner of basically a virtual brick
Speaker 1: and mortar establishment. That's what I am. A virtual brick
Speaker 1: and mortar where you have to come in and physically
Speaker 1: talk to.
Speaker 2: Me, virtual brick and mortar. That's a very Yeah, cousin,
Speaker 2: is there anything else you want to say to the
Speaker 2: people of the computer before we go?
Speaker 1: Get your nuts checked and make sure you get a
Speaker 1: yearly physical. And also when people tell you that you
Speaker 1: can't try some other shit, because chances are you probably can.
Speaker 1: It's just not the way that you think you can.
Speaker 2: Beautiful, Thank you, cousin. This is a great conversation.
Speaker 1: Man.
Speaker 2: I appreciate your ten.
Speaker 1: Well, you're alleged appreciate you, bud. Take care man, you too, buddy.
Speaker 2: That was cousin. Yeah, go to fucking I'm on the
Speaker 2: website right now. What is it I just missed? Oh yeah,
Speaker 2: clubs handmaids with a K, send them a DM. Go
Speaker 2: to therapy gecko dot com to get a T shirt
Speaker 2: with my face on it. I tried to make that
Speaker 2: joke earlier when he was like, people they get too
Speaker 2: full of themselves. They start telling selling T shirts with
Speaker 2: their faces on it. I think because I feel better
Speaker 2: about selling merch because I'm like, because like the Gecko,
Speaker 2: it's like a character thing, so like it looks kind
Speaker 2: of funny and cool and weird, where it's like if
Speaker 2: I was just like guy selling T shirts with my
Speaker 2: face on it feel a little bit more weird. Whatever. Anyway,
Speaker 2: that was fun. That was fun. Thank you again, cousin
Speaker 2: for your time. That was the That was the podcast, folks.
Speaker 2: That was it. I like, I like doing a one
Speaker 2: call podcast now and then sometimes sometimes like I'm like
Speaker 2: five minutes into talking to someone and I'm like we're
Speaker 2: gonna I feel I just have a feeling. I'm like,
Speaker 2: this one's gonna be the whole thing, you know. He
Speaker 2: started talking about his childhood, and shit, I was like,
Speaker 2: we got a lots to talk about. We got all
Speaker 2: like ground tocover. So that was cousin. Uh, anyway, I'm
Speaker 2: on the road, I'm doing shows that we were just
Speaker 2: I just did the Pacific Northwest. Thank you to everyone
Speaker 2: who was at those shows. Those shows were really fun.
Speaker 2: The shows in Seattle, Portland, Vancouver, SF, and Minneapolis, those
Speaker 2: are really great. Uh. Next week or this week, I
Speaker 2: think I'll be Yeah, this week, I'll be in Cleveland, Pittsburgh,
Speaker 2: and Charlotte. Uh. Tickets to those shows are available at
Speaker 2: therapy geckotour dot com. I'm excited about those shows. Uh,
Speaker 2: Patreon dot com, slash lyle forever. If you want to
Speaker 2: see bonus episodes or whatever, who gives a fuck? Who cares?
Speaker 2: That was a nice episode. That was good. Uh. Also,
Speaker 2: if you want to call I, I realized that I
Speaker 2: just I had a little problem with like the about
Speaker 2: section of the podcast where it was telling people still
Speaker 2: just to go on twitch. To call in, you can
Speaker 2: text the phone number four oh one four seven two
Speaker 2: four three two five, and occasionally occasionally I'll ran only
Speaker 2: call back people who text the phone number on like
Speaker 2: a random like randomly five days in the middle of
Speaker 2: the afternoon after they sent the text. Sometimes I do that.
Speaker 2: The more official way of doing it is, UH, if
Speaker 2: you go to my Instagram Instagram dot com, slash lyle
Speaker 2: the number four. Ever, I'll post the phone number on
Speaker 2: there and people call or text at the time that
Speaker 2: I put the story up.
Speaker 1: Uh.
Speaker 2: But whatever, whatever, If it's destined that we talk, then
Speaker 2: then we talk. All right, that's it. Deck bless Thank
Speaker 2: you guys, see you next time.
Speaker 1: Again goes on the line, taking your phone calls every nine.
Speaker 2: Goes to just teaching you aloud in the line.
Speaker 1: Expert