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Speaker 1: Hello, Yeah, yeah, who is this? Oh?

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Speaker 2: This is the Gecko guy.

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Speaker 1: Oh dude, what the fuck? No way, what's up?

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Speaker 2: What's up?

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Speaker 1: Man?

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Speaker 2: What's your name?

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Speaker 1: I go by cousin online.

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Speaker 2: Cousin cool. You go by cousin online. What do you

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Speaker 2: mean by that? You like wear online?

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Speaker 1: I have like a I have like a small Instagram

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Speaker 1: following like a I'm like, I'm a weird golf artist online,

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Speaker 1: but I don't like, uh, I don't like use or

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Speaker 1: like exploit my page for that. It's just that I've

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Speaker 1: never really felt like that my name fit me. So

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Speaker 1: I've always kind of like gone by a moniker of sort.

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Speaker 2: And so yeah, you've you have been that one sentence

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Speaker 2: given me so many questions to ask you, yeah, to

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Speaker 2: keep sure track of all of them. Well, like when

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Speaker 2: you say you don't want to exploit your page for that,

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Speaker 2: what do you mean?

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Speaker 1: I mean? Like it's unrelated, Like the text that I

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Speaker 1: sent you is like completely non related to like my

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Speaker 1: Instagram presence. Like how for being like as small as

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Speaker 1: it is, It's like it's probably like large to like

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Speaker 1: the average Instagram user, but like on the scale of

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Speaker 1: like how big Instagram pages can be, it's like tiny

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Speaker 1: you know, there are cats with like four million followers,

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Speaker 1: So it's not like a I try and keep like people,

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Speaker 1: you know how, I'm sure you've seen it. People will

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Speaker 1: you know, get to like that eight to ten k

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Speaker 1: thing on Instagram and then you can like smell the

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Speaker 1: merge coming, you know, for for me, like anything under

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Speaker 1: I don't know five hundred k. People don't know who

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Speaker 1: you are when you step outside of your house, you know,

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Speaker 1: like a very niche group might, but like when you're

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Speaker 1: at the store, people aren't recognizing you. You know, you're

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Speaker 1: just a regular person who happens to use Instagram professionally

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Speaker 1: or whatever.

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Speaker 2: Okay, what so you have a you do weird golf art?

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Speaker 2: What is that?

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Speaker 1: Yeah? I make divot tools, like for a living. I

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Speaker 1: was a machinist. I worked in the sewers for years,

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Speaker 1: machining pumps and turbines, and when COVID came around, I

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Speaker 1: got laid off. I've been a lifelong golfer, and it's

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Speaker 1: like a white Bit's like a like white people problems.

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Speaker 1: The tivot tools that are on the market, they don't

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Speaker 1: really work very well. They're kind of like antiquated technology,

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Speaker 1: and they just don't like repair the putting surface the

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Speaker 1: way that they should. And so I went home and

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Speaker 1: I made one, and then people started to like want

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Speaker 1: to buy them, and so that ramped up into like

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Speaker 1: basically a full fledged self sustaining business. Kind of randomly.

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Speaker 2: What is a divot tool?

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Speaker 1: It is so when you hit so like let's say

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Speaker 1: you're playing like a standard par four on a golf course,

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Speaker 1: you hit your t shot into the middle of the

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Speaker 1: fairway and then your approach shot onto the green, it

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Speaker 1: leaves a mark on the putting surface. And generally that

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Speaker 1: mark is directly in the way of you putting to

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Speaker 1: the cup. So you have to repair that ball mark.

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Speaker 1: And if you just try and put over it, if

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Speaker 1: your ball is going to bounce and do weird stuff,

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Speaker 1: it's also just proper etiquette to fix the ball mark.

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Speaker 1: H And so my givot tools fix those ballmarks. That's

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Speaker 1: like what they're engineered for. They're also fidget spinners so

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Speaker 1: that you can sit there and fuck with it while

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Speaker 1: you play.

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Speaker 2: Now you have my attention, cousin, Now you have my attention.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, they're they're a little spinners with what.

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Speaker 2: Year was it that the pidget spinner was was hip

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Speaker 2: and popular?

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Speaker 1: That's oh shit. I was like I would like a couple.

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Speaker 1: I was like a couple of years. This was like

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Speaker 1: a couple of years out of high school. So maybe

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Speaker 1: like twenty thirteen, twenty fourteen is like when I really

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Speaker 1: started to notice them like coming about.

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Speaker 2: And why did you choose? Well, okay, multiple questions. I'm

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Speaker 2: going back to the thing. I'm going back to the

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Speaker 2: thing you said initially that sparked all the questions. Okay,

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Speaker 2: you make weird golf art, you hate, you hate selling,

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Speaker 2: you hate the idea of selling T shirts. Yeah, and

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Speaker 2: then you like to go buy a moniker and you

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Speaker 2: you mentioned something about you like to go by a

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Speaker 2: moniker in multiple why do you like going by a moniker?

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Speaker 1: So I have a namesake, So like, my first name

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Speaker 1: is Chris, but I was named after my uncle Chris,

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Speaker 1: and he's like successful and you know, wealthy and well

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Speaker 1: spoken and just like has this Chris thing or he

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Speaker 1: has all the attributes of a Chris, and I just

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Speaker 1: have always felt like something different. I appreciate being named

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Speaker 1: after him. It's, you know, a huge compliment to share

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Speaker 1: a name with him, But I've just never really identified

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Speaker 1: with my name. I guess you don't feel like I

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Speaker 1: feel like names are weird in the first place, Like like,

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Speaker 1: you know, what sound do I make to get your attention?

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Speaker 1: You know? It's just like a it's just a strange

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Speaker 1: I mean, like if the world was different, we'd all

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Speaker 1: just be making like random gurgling noises to get each

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Speaker 1: other's attention.

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Speaker 2: I don't know, I get you, I get you. I

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Speaker 2: had a bit of a uh, I don't want to

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Speaker 2: say an ego. This is a whole I can talk

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Speaker 2: about this more on the podcast itself, but I'm trying.

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Speaker 2: I'm in the process of doing ketamine therapy treatments and

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Speaker 2: I did my first infusion yesterday and that was, uh.

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Speaker 2: I had I had this little moment where I did

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Speaker 2: kind of feel like, oh, what, Like I'm piloting the

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Speaker 2: who is Lyle? Like what is that? That's like a

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Speaker 2: weird thing? Like I'm and I'm like, oh, I'm just

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Speaker 2: like I'm I've just fucking just talked about this to

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Speaker 2: death on the podcast or whatever. But like I'm just

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Speaker 2: you know, I'm biological material that's gained sentience and like

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Speaker 2: I've got now I have this identity that's tied to

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Speaker 2: this name. You know, it's where I'm with you on

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Speaker 2: the name's thing. I think the names thing is is, uh,

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Speaker 2: it's a little weird. And also, you know, I'm also

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Speaker 2: I'm also a big I'm a name. I'm gonna go

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Speaker 2: ahead and coin the turn name Libertarian. You can go

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Speaker 2: ahead and call yourself whatever the fuck you want. What

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Speaker 2: cousin is fine, Like you know, like I don't know,

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Speaker 2: I can't. You should be able to name yourself whatever

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Speaker 2: you want. Like there's no name, there's no name to

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Speaker 2: me that you can start calling yourself. That's stupider than

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Speaker 2: any real name, right, Like if you walk around and

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Speaker 2: you're like if you walk around and you're like, hey,

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Speaker 2: I want everyone to start calling me sock, you know.

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Speaker 1: But you're you know, but like your real name is David,

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Speaker 1: but your.

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Speaker 2: It's like sock and David are equally stupid words. That

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Speaker 2: don't that equally mean? All meaning is subjective. I'm with

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Speaker 2: you on the names thing. I get you on that.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, So I've always had a non self appointed

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Speaker 1: moniker that people have just sort of like lashed onto

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Speaker 1: the cousin thing. The cousin thing particularly came about because

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Speaker 1: my business was originally building golf clubs, but I stopped

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Speaker 1: building golf clubs in pursuit of doing these tools full time,

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Speaker 1: and so people were confused because my original Instagram tag

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Speaker 1: was custom Clubs, but I no longer, you know, built

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Speaker 1: golf clubs. So I got tired of people like, hey,

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Speaker 1: you know, do you still build golf clubs? So I

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Speaker 1: decided to just rebrand as cousin and so. And the

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Speaker 1: reason for that was there was this longtime customer that

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Speaker 1: I had that said, hey, man, I don't know like why,

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Speaker 1: I've never met you in person, but you kind of

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Speaker 1: feel like everyone's cousin and so I just and so

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Speaker 1: I just took that and just implemented it and just

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Speaker 1: you know, put it there and then yeah, it just

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Speaker 1: it just stuck. So yeah, I've been cousin for years now, and.

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Speaker 2: So uh, okay, more questions, more questions for you. Okay,

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Speaker 2: so you didn't feel like a Chris. Do you feel

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Speaker 2: like a cousin?

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Speaker 1: I do? Yeah, Like, uh I noticed that. Like when

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Speaker 1: people say Chris sometimes I don't. I don't know if

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Speaker 1: I don't hear it or whatever, but I don't. I

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Speaker 1: don't like or like when my wife calls me Chris,

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Speaker 1: I'm like, whoa that's weird, you know, like I don't know,

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Speaker 1: there's just something, there's a weird detachment that I have

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Speaker 1: to my name, Like it could disappear tomorrow. Who we

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Speaker 1: could be, you know, thrown into like a weird post

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Speaker 1: apocalyptic thing where we all rename ourselves and I would

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Speaker 1: still be cousin over Chris.

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Speaker 2: So when your wife, does your wife call you like

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Speaker 2: to people in your real life, Like, do people in

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Speaker 2: your real life call you cousin?

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Speaker 1: No, like my I mean, yes, like my friends do,

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Speaker 1: but like my my wife babe or whatever. Both of

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Speaker 1: my parents call me Christopher, like in reference to me,

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Speaker 1: like like to my friend. Which is fine that they

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Speaker 1: named me, they can call me whatever. But yeah, like

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Speaker 1: most of my friends call me cousin or whatever. Most

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Speaker 1: of them don't call me Chris. And I mean this

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Speaker 1: goes back all the way to like elementary school. I

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Speaker 1: had my fifth grade teacher who named me Vans because

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Speaker 1: I always had like a different color pair of vans.

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Speaker 1: So and then into middle school, people called me fish

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Speaker 1: because of my last name. I don't know, I've never

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Speaker 1: really had like a never really had like a direct

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Speaker 1: attachment to my name, So being called a moniker it

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Speaker 1: just kind of seemed normal when it started to happen.

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Speaker 2: Fish is good. I like fish. Okay, when your when

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Speaker 2: your wife calls you Okay, so when your wife calls

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Speaker 2: you christ so like okay, when your wife calls you, babe, right,

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Speaker 2: like you feel you feel like all right? But how

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Speaker 2: do you do? You do you identify with anything? You

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Speaker 2: have to have some some attachment to some ego to

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Speaker 2: exist in the world, don't you.

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Speaker 1: I think I think I've done a pretty I used

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Speaker 1: to do a lot of psychedelics, So I think I

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Speaker 1: think I've had enough ego deaths to kind of zoom

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Speaker 1: out from that and realize like how unimportant everything is.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I well, I don't know. I'm I'm, I don't know.

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Speaker 2: Ego deaths are fine. I have a bit of I'm

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Speaker 2: still all of my opinions are works in progress. But

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Speaker 2: like I feel the best when I'm like very attached

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Speaker 2: to reality and like the like the ego death thing,

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Speaker 2: it's like it starts it gets me down this whole

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Speaker 2: thing of like, oh, nothing's important, and you know who

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Speaker 2: am I? And you know, like ego death tends to

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Speaker 2: lead me to like nihilistic places that actually I don't

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Speaker 2: think are helpful for my development personally, So it sounds

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Speaker 2: like for you, it sounds like for you, ego death

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Speaker 2: has been good for your development.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. I had a pretty unconventional childhood, and then I

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Speaker 1: was raised by women. My dad wasn't really around, and

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Speaker 1: the women that I was raised around were like super

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Speaker 1: like strong, domineering, for lack of a better term, kind

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Speaker 1: of ditchy, and so it was it was kind of

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Speaker 1: it was kind of good for me because then when

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Speaker 1: I got out into the world, I was like, man,

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Speaker 1: no one is just mean as my mom, like, this.

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Speaker 2: Is so the You're making it sound like your dad

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Speaker 2: just like dropped you off at a house of women,

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Speaker 2: like being like like kids, like being raised by wolves

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Speaker 2: in the forest or something like what.

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Speaker 1: My mom has nine siblings and six of them are women,

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Speaker 1: and they're all very close in proximity, a very small radius.

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Speaker 1: And my mom was in school a lot, because my

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Speaker 1: mom has like four college degrees, So my mom was

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Speaker 1: in school a lot and divorcing my dad and life

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Speaker 1: was weird, and so I spent most of my time

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Speaker 1: kind of bouncing around from most of my aunt's houses.

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Speaker 1: And they all have different, very educated perspectives, and so

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Speaker 1: It gave me this broad spectrum of like understanding without

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Speaker 1: you know, really judging, because I kind of made me

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Speaker 1: realize as I was older, I kind of realized, like

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Speaker 1: everyone has their fucking reasons for why they are the

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Speaker 1: way they are, and so I just kind of assume

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Speaker 1: that everyone's like a little bit weird as normal as

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Speaker 1: they may seem. Like everyone's got their weird hot takes,

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Speaker 1: and I just try to give people a little bit

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Speaker 1: of grace. So, but they're they're unique, you know, they're

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Speaker 1: they're my mom's sisters. They're all unique in their own way,

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Speaker 1: and having them gave me this weird spectrum of understanding.

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Speaker 2: How old were you when you're so your dad kind

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Speaker 2: of like your dad just kind of like left and

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Speaker 2: was he so your dad hasn't been like a part

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Speaker 2: of your life at all.

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Speaker 1: It probably would have been easier if he wasn't a

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Speaker 1: part of my life at all. Like during those years,

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Speaker 1: he was a really violent alcoholic and my mom was

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Speaker 1: kind of stuck between like do I keep him around

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Speaker 1: in the kid's life, you know, like in any facet

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Speaker 1: at all, or should I just you know, remove him.

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Speaker 1: And he didn't fight for custody or anything. Just when

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Speaker 1: my parents divorced, it was just pretty simple for him.

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Speaker 1: He has always been pretty self aware, and I think

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Speaker 1: he was aware enough to realize like that he was

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Speaker 1: not necessarily fit to be even you know, the smallest

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Speaker 1: percentage of custody parent, and so he had he had

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Speaker 1: like non court appointed visitation rights, like you know, he

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Speaker 1: could just come and visit like as he wanted to.

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Speaker 1: But mostly that was just my mom like footing the

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Speaker 1: bill and like doing most of that work. And generally,

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Speaker 1: like when he was around, it was pretty weird and

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Speaker 1: like generally embarrassing if we were in public. There was

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Speaker 1: like a line that he had. It was like he

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Speaker 1: would drink up to a point and everything was kind

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Speaker 1: of fine, and then it was like a two beer

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Speaker 1: line and everything was just suddenly really downhill really quickly. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Just kind of like weird and white trashy during that

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Speaker 1: part of my childhood. And then now he's great, he's

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Speaker 1: been cleaned for like ten years.

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Speaker 2: Oh, but do you have a relationship with him now?

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Speaker 1: Yeah? Yeah, Yeah, it's kind of weird, Like to get

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Speaker 1: to know it's kind of weird, like to get to

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Speaker 1: know your dad like as an adult, you know, like

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Speaker 1: to you have to like figure out what your relationship

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Speaker 1: is like, are your friends? Is he still your dad?

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Speaker 1: Like what? Obviously biologically that doesn't change, but you know,

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Speaker 1: like do you you know, call him when you have,

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Speaker 1: you know, questions about life? Not not not not really,

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Speaker 1: it's more like a we're too alike for me not

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Speaker 1: to be friends with them. Other than the fact that

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Speaker 1: I just I don't drink, so I just stayed away

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Speaker 1: from him completely. I didn't understand alcohol. Uh, pretty much

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Speaker 1: like entirely. I just I knew that for me it

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Speaker 1: wouldn't be different, it would be the same thing. I

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Speaker 1: have a super addictive personality, and if something gives me

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Speaker 1: dopamine and serotonin, even in small doses, I pretty much

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Speaker 1: just stick to it.

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Speaker 2: Mm hmmm. So you were raised mostly by your mom's

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Speaker 2: like the six of her siblings that were around, and

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Speaker 2: they were all and they were all you remember had

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Speaker 2: nine siblings, all sisters.

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Speaker 1: I no, she had three brothers, okay, but.

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Speaker 2: But the brothers weren't as around as the sisters.

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Speaker 1: Uh. The brothers all have kids of their own. Oh,

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Speaker 1: ok six sisters do not, So all.

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Speaker 2: All six of them didn't have their own kids.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and you.

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Speaker 2: Were you were almost like the adopted child of all

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Speaker 2: six of the sisters. You got it interesting? And did

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Speaker 2: you did you kind of like so question like did

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Speaker 2: you kind of spend an equal amount of time with

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Speaker 2: all six of them? Like would you would you refer

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Speaker 2: to all six of them? You're not a titles guy,

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Speaker 2: but would you refer all six of them as like

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Speaker 2: your mom in a way?

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Speaker 1: So like in third person? Yeah, pretty much like, yes,

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Speaker 1: they all had their own little facet in my development.

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Speaker 1: They all had their own little percentage of it. Yeah,

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00:19:16,600 --> 00:19:20,240
Speaker 1: you know, like zoom out. Yes, definitely, they're all kind

303
00:19:20,280 --> 00:19:23,760
Speaker 1: of my mom in a weird way. But my mom

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Speaker 1: had one older sister that was her and her husband

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00:19:29,359 --> 00:19:32,680
Speaker 1: were they couldn't have to She had ovarian cancer young

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00:19:33,280 --> 00:19:38,160
Speaker 1: and had to have a full hysterectomy. And so when

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Speaker 1: I went home from the hospital, I actually didn't go

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Speaker 1: home with my mom. I went home with my aunt.

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Speaker 1: And so kind of like from birth, basically I've I've

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Speaker 1: had basically just two moms, just super weird and unconventional

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Speaker 1: and just not not a normal upbringing. But it's probably

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00:20:00,520 --> 00:20:03,000
Speaker 1: more common than I think if you're from like a

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Speaker 1: large family.

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Speaker 2: M hm, And are you still close with all of

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Speaker 2: your your aunts. Oh yeah, yeah, do you have a

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Speaker 2: relationship with your uncle's.

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00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:26,440
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean at family events. Yeah, my uncle Chris

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00:20:26,480 --> 00:20:32,800
Speaker 1: is probably the closest to me. My I have, I have,

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00:20:33,040 --> 00:20:39,160
Speaker 1: you know, to tow others, but they are they're both

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00:20:39,320 --> 00:20:41,280
Speaker 1: like they're in that part of their life where they're

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00:20:41,280 --> 00:20:46,560
Speaker 1: both retired and traveling and they're living life. My uncle

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00:20:46,640 --> 00:20:49,639
Speaker 1: Chris is still you know, young and working, and so

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Speaker 1: he's probably the closest to me.

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Speaker 2: A lot of Chris is running around.

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Speaker 1: It's just my just my uncle Chris and myself. Yeah,

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00:20:58,840 --> 00:21:01,720
Speaker 1: but yeah, that's I mean, I'm sure there's like millions

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00:21:01,720 --> 00:21:02,720
Speaker 1: of Christmas in the world.

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Speaker 2: Probably, I'm sure.

329
00:21:07,119 --> 00:21:11,600
Speaker 1: Whether it's christal Ball or Christopher or Christian or you know,

330
00:21:12,280 --> 00:21:15,919
Speaker 1: any of the other variations.

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Speaker 2: So let's see you. Uh, you're texted me something you said, Uh,

332
00:21:29,440 --> 00:21:31,399
Speaker 2: you know, actually I don't like I don't sometimes I

333
00:21:31,440 --> 00:21:33,159
Speaker 2: like reading the text. Sometimes I like, let's just do this.

334
00:21:33,240 --> 00:21:36,240
Speaker 2: What did you want to talk to me about today, Chris?

335
00:21:39,560 --> 00:21:42,720
Speaker 1: Well, I mean, like you can you can read like

336
00:21:42,760 --> 00:21:45,720
Speaker 1: the like the text that I sent. That's that's that's

337
00:21:45,720 --> 00:21:50,800
Speaker 1: perfectly okay. It's like I do think it'll help people

338
00:21:51,480 --> 00:21:57,080
Speaker 1: and there they're probably is there probably are people who

339
00:21:57,080 --> 00:22:00,840
Speaker 1: are going through that that are not that particular you

340
00:22:00,840 --> 00:22:03,880
Speaker 1: know form, but there are people who are probably going

341
00:22:03,880 --> 00:22:04,239
Speaker 1: through it.

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00:22:04,760 --> 00:22:06,960
Speaker 2: Well, I guess. I mean, like sometimes I don't if

343
00:22:07,200 --> 00:22:09,119
Speaker 2: sometimes when someone texts me like a whole pair, if

344
00:22:09,160 --> 00:22:11,159
Speaker 2: someone texts me like a short thing, I'll be I'll like,

345
00:22:11,200 --> 00:22:13,200
Speaker 2: I'll read the text. But if sometimes be a long thing,

346
00:22:13,200 --> 00:22:15,320
Speaker 2: I'm like, I'd just rather I would just rather ask

347
00:22:15,400 --> 00:22:17,320
Speaker 2: you what you want to talk about and you can,

348
00:22:17,480 --> 00:22:19,000
Speaker 2: you know, explain to your own words.

349
00:22:20,480 --> 00:22:31,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, hello, do we lose you? Yeah? No, I'm still here.

350
00:22:32,960 --> 00:22:33,720
Speaker 2: So what were you saying?

351
00:22:33,880 --> 00:22:37,359
Speaker 1: Sorry, I'm sorry. I'm telling my wife to skidaddle because

352
00:22:37,359 --> 00:22:41,239
Speaker 1: I want to be myself and talk without without her

353
00:22:41,359 --> 00:22:42,760
Speaker 1: judging me and like looking at me.

354
00:22:42,800 --> 00:22:45,359
Speaker 2: Funny, Oh she's in the room.

355
00:22:46,359 --> 00:22:55,200
Speaker 3: Yeah okay, yeah, So like, yeah, I had stage three

356
00:22:55,320 --> 00:22:59,480
Speaker 3: testicular cancer and I was diagnosed at thirty.

357
00:23:00,000 --> 00:23:03,639
Speaker 1: I was thirty one when I was diagnosed, and I

358
00:23:03,680 --> 00:23:08,479
Speaker 1: actually kind of figured I found out something was wrong

359
00:23:09,000 --> 00:23:12,120
Speaker 1: when I was playing golf. I stepped into a sprinkler

360
00:23:12,119 --> 00:23:16,000
Speaker 1: hole and my left nut like hit the inside of

361
00:23:16,000 --> 00:23:20,679
Speaker 1: my thigh. And you know how like sometimes if you

362
00:23:20,720 --> 00:23:24,080
Speaker 1: do something weird, like you know, you can like sit

363
00:23:24,160 --> 00:23:26,240
Speaker 1: on your ball funny or whatever, it's like, oh weird,

364
00:23:26,240 --> 00:23:31,960
Speaker 1: that's uncomfortable, but like, uh, this it just barely clapped

365
00:23:31,960 --> 00:23:34,119
Speaker 1: the inside of my left thigh and it was like

366
00:23:34,800 --> 00:23:41,520
Speaker 1: a weird like deep internal like stomach like gross feeling

367
00:23:41,720 --> 00:23:43,840
Speaker 1: like in my guts, Like it felt like I got

368
00:23:43,920 --> 00:23:46,760
Speaker 1: kicked really hard in the nuts like fifteen minutes ago,

369
00:23:47,200 --> 00:23:50,760
Speaker 1: and like I didn't know how to like describe that.

370
00:23:51,560 --> 00:23:57,520
Speaker 1: It was super like disgustingly dull, weird ache like deep

371
00:23:57,520 --> 00:24:01,960
Speaker 1: in my gut. And then I went home and I

372
00:24:02,000 --> 00:24:04,359
Speaker 1: tried to sleep that night, and I went from like

373
00:24:04,440 --> 00:24:07,600
Speaker 1: Florida couch to bed to Florida couch, and I like

374
00:24:07,720 --> 00:24:12,600
Speaker 1: nothing was comfortable. Everything was just weird. So my wife's

375
00:24:12,640 --> 00:24:15,879
Speaker 1: in medical, like she's really high up in her hospital,

376
00:24:16,320 --> 00:24:18,520
Speaker 1: and so she told me, like I need to go

377
00:24:18,600 --> 00:24:22,639
Speaker 1: to her works advanced urgent Care, and so I did,

378
00:24:22,960 --> 00:24:30,480
Speaker 1: and I was probably seen by like no less than

379
00:24:30,560 --> 00:24:35,920
Speaker 1: like thirty medical professionals and probably like yeah, it probably

380
00:24:35,960 --> 00:24:40,919
Speaker 1: like six hours probably of just being in like the

381
00:24:41,880 --> 00:24:46,560
Speaker 1: weird Like I had to go from like cat scan

382
00:24:46,760 --> 00:24:51,879
Speaker 1: to like MRI to like ultrasound to like physicians to

383
00:24:54,119 --> 00:24:59,840
Speaker 1: all these like different professionals that were there, and it

384
00:24:59,880 --> 00:25:03,800
Speaker 1: was just like they all have like this like this

385
00:25:03,960 --> 00:25:08,240
Speaker 1: really I don't know as like the really like unfortunate

386
00:25:08,280 --> 00:25:10,840
Speaker 1: look on their face, you know, and like I kind

387
00:25:10,840 --> 00:25:13,359
Speaker 1: of realized that it wasn't just going to be like

388
00:25:14,080 --> 00:25:19,280
Speaker 1: something simple. No one said anything because they can't. I

389
00:25:19,280 --> 00:25:23,040
Speaker 1: don't think they can say anything until they know like

390
00:25:23,200 --> 00:25:26,639
Speaker 1: for certain that like what they're saying is true. You know,

391
00:25:26,680 --> 00:25:28,679
Speaker 1: they can't tell someone that they have cancer if they

392
00:25:28,720 --> 00:25:32,280
Speaker 1: don't have cancer. So no one said anything. And then

393
00:25:34,640 --> 00:25:39,560
Speaker 1: the physician who examined me first like put that cat

394
00:25:39,640 --> 00:25:42,760
Speaker 1: scan thing like on the board and like showed me

395
00:25:42,880 --> 00:25:46,480
Speaker 1: all of like the nodes along my app like my

396
00:25:46,520 --> 00:25:50,000
Speaker 1: abdomen and my torso and in my lungs. Then you know,

397
00:25:50,080 --> 00:25:52,600
Speaker 1: I was like a Christmas tree like totally lit up

398
00:25:52,640 --> 00:25:55,760
Speaker 1: with cancer. And I up until that point I felt

399
00:25:55,800 --> 00:26:00,840
Speaker 1: pretty normal, Like I really didn't looking back thirst subtle things,

400
00:26:01,280 --> 00:26:04,639
Speaker 1: but like pretty much all of the symptoms that I

401
00:26:04,680 --> 00:26:09,320
Speaker 1: had you would chalk up to being something else, like

402
00:26:09,480 --> 00:26:14,439
Speaker 1: night sweats, like rapid weight loss, but like I was

403
00:26:14,440 --> 00:26:20,120
Speaker 1: on testosterone and like dieting really well, so didn't really

404
00:26:20,119 --> 00:26:22,520
Speaker 1: think that much about it, and the night sweats. I

405
00:26:22,640 --> 00:26:26,240
Speaker 1: kind of just attributed that to like your metabolism working

406
00:26:26,280 --> 00:26:31,760
Speaker 1: overdrive from being on testosterone and you know, like working

407
00:26:31,800 --> 00:26:35,520
Speaker 1: out and eating well. I pretty much all of the

408
00:26:35,520 --> 00:26:41,920
Speaker 1: things that I experienced in terms of like being symptomatic

409
00:26:42,560 --> 00:26:49,920
Speaker 1: were easily overlooked, like you wouldn't have thought twice about them. Yeah,

410
00:26:49,960 --> 00:26:51,840
Speaker 1: And then they he put that piece of paper up

411
00:26:51,840 --> 00:26:53,679
Speaker 1: on the board and told me that I had stage

412
00:26:53,720 --> 00:27:01,359
Speaker 1: three testicular cancer and that basically I was going to

413
00:27:01,440 --> 00:27:05,199
Speaker 1: have to do it's like targeted chemo therapy treatment and

414
00:27:06,040 --> 00:27:08,720
Speaker 1: have my left not removed, which was fine, Like I

415
00:27:08,760 --> 00:27:12,240
Speaker 1: already had kids, so and apparently that doesn't actually like

416
00:27:12,359 --> 00:27:15,400
Speaker 1: affect you being able to have kids losing your left nut.

417
00:27:15,480 --> 00:27:18,359
Speaker 2: I guess, yeah, I was gonna have I was gonna

418
00:27:18,400 --> 00:27:20,600
Speaker 2: can you can you still come?

419
00:27:21,640 --> 00:27:23,000
Speaker 1: Oh yeah yeah yeah.

420
00:27:23,480 --> 00:27:26,960
Speaker 2: Like just as much like is it's not like I mean,

421
00:27:27,000 --> 00:27:29,399
Speaker 2: what was a full load is like now half a load?

422
00:27:29,480 --> 00:27:31,199
Speaker 2: Is it still a full load?

423
00:27:31,920 --> 00:27:34,720
Speaker 1: I call it like a symbol. I don't see like

424
00:27:34,720 --> 00:27:37,560
Speaker 1: a unit of measurement. Yeah, I'd like if I was

425
00:27:37,600 --> 00:27:39,399
Speaker 1: going to compare it to like a metric, you know,

426
00:27:39,560 --> 00:27:43,040
Speaker 1: like I used to be. Yeah, it's definitely like less

427
00:27:43,040 --> 00:27:46,040
Speaker 1: than it was, for sure. But I'm also like I'm

428
00:27:46,040 --> 00:27:48,199
Speaker 1: also not you know, spry Chicken anymore. I'm in my

429
00:27:48,240 --> 00:27:52,439
Speaker 1: thirties now, so I don't exactly like know what's like

430
00:27:52,560 --> 00:27:55,560
Speaker 1: to be ex Like, I don't know how much you're

431
00:27:55,600 --> 00:27:56,400
Speaker 1: supposed to come.

432
00:27:58,600 --> 00:28:00,480
Speaker 2: I don't. I feel like thirties it's a bit too

433
00:28:00,520 --> 00:28:03,320
Speaker 2: young to call yourself like done coming.

434
00:28:04,640 --> 00:28:06,560
Speaker 1: No no, no, no, no, I'm still coming. It's just like

435
00:28:06,600 --> 00:28:10,679
Speaker 1: I don't know like what the like if there's a

436
00:28:10,760 --> 00:28:14,200
Speaker 1: general amount, like what's the metric we should be comparing

437
00:28:14,200 --> 00:28:16,960
Speaker 1: it to, because like none of us come side by side, right,

438
00:28:17,000 --> 00:28:19,440
Speaker 1: so like you know, you don't like you're not like

439
00:28:19,480 --> 00:28:21,680
Speaker 1: look at each other's stomachs after you're done, like, hey,

440
00:28:21,720 --> 00:28:23,520
Speaker 1: like how much would you blow? It's like more than me?

441
00:28:23,560 --> 00:28:24,160
Speaker 1: That's right?

442
00:28:24,480 --> 00:28:26,840
Speaker 2: Well now, but I guess I guess I'm I mean, like,

443
00:28:27,160 --> 00:28:30,199
Speaker 2: do you but you know how much you came before

444
00:28:30,280 --> 00:28:31,760
Speaker 2: you when you had both nuts?

445
00:28:32,000 --> 00:28:35,960
Speaker 1: Right? Yeah? Yeah, I mean it's really not that different.

446
00:28:36,200 --> 00:28:40,160
Speaker 1: I mean I would say, like maybe the one thing

447
00:28:40,200 --> 00:28:43,040
Speaker 1: that is different is probably like the pressure behind it.

448
00:28:43,760 --> 00:28:46,520
Speaker 1: There's not as much like there's not as much like

449
00:28:47,560 --> 00:28:48,600
Speaker 1: behind it, which.

450
00:28:48,440 --> 00:28:51,200
Speaker 2: Is it's more of a dribble than a than a

451
00:28:51,320 --> 00:28:52,040
Speaker 2: than a sprit.

452
00:28:52,240 --> 00:28:55,960
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, it's like it's not there's like there's less

453
00:28:56,000 --> 00:28:58,520
Speaker 1: like lift off. I guess you know, it's not like

454
00:28:58,640 --> 00:29:01,960
Speaker 1: a you gotta like aim at somewhere you can. You know,

455
00:29:02,000 --> 00:29:05,160
Speaker 1: it's there's less clean up. There's that.

456
00:29:07,160 --> 00:29:10,000
Speaker 2: So, uh, okay, you said a bunch of things in

457
00:29:10,040 --> 00:29:13,320
Speaker 2: your text. So let's see. You said, well, I want

458
00:29:13,360 --> 00:29:16,160
Speaker 2: to talk you. You're a father of three children. I'd

459
00:29:16,160 --> 00:29:19,920
Speaker 2: like to talk about that. But you said, uh, I'm

460
00:29:19,960 --> 00:29:23,120
Speaker 2: dealing with weird survivorship issues.

461
00:29:23,760 --> 00:29:26,760
Speaker 1: What is that? Man, there's some there's some weird like

462
00:29:27,160 --> 00:29:34,040
Speaker 1: well people, uh, especially obviously only men get testicular cancer.

463
00:29:34,040 --> 00:29:38,200
Speaker 1: But testicular cancer is a young men's cancer, Like you

464
00:29:38,240 --> 00:29:42,360
Speaker 1: really don't get testicular cancer passed like your mid thirties.

465
00:29:42,520 --> 00:29:45,000
Speaker 1: You just it's a very low percentage of men that

466
00:29:45,120 --> 00:29:48,400
Speaker 1: do get it in past their like their mid thirties,

467
00:29:50,320 --> 00:29:54,360
Speaker 1: and so it's a young men's cancer. The most prominent

468
00:29:54,400 --> 00:29:58,320
Speaker 1: ages are between like sixteen and like twenty seven. That's

469
00:29:58,400 --> 00:30:03,360
Speaker 1: like the range nor and it's kind of unknown like

470
00:30:03,440 --> 00:30:06,320
Speaker 1: what causes testicular cancer. There's kind of a divide in

471
00:30:06,320 --> 00:30:11,040
Speaker 1: the medical community between like the plastics in the water,

472
00:30:11,640 --> 00:30:16,200
Speaker 1: like the PFA's or whatever they call them, and genetics,

473
00:30:16,240 --> 00:30:23,760
Speaker 1: like just genetics. So for me, like, not a lot

474
00:30:23,800 --> 00:30:28,880
Speaker 1: of men do as well as I did through chemotherapy,

475
00:30:29,520 --> 00:30:32,160
Speaker 1: and it beat the shit out of me. And I'm

476
00:30:32,320 --> 00:30:39,360
Speaker 1: a pretty large, resilient male. But people who are smaller

477
00:30:39,800 --> 00:30:42,680
Speaker 1: tend not to fare as well through chemo therapy because

478
00:30:42,680 --> 00:30:45,840
Speaker 1: they don't have a lot of the body mass to

479
00:30:46,040 --> 00:30:48,640
Speaker 1: devote to it in the first place. And then they

480
00:30:48,680 --> 00:30:50,920
Speaker 1: beat the living shit out of you with targeted chemo

481
00:30:51,080 --> 00:30:56,920
Speaker 1: therapy to cure through testicular cancer. That's the difference between

482
00:30:57,000 --> 00:31:01,560
Speaker 1: like having like a like for women who have like

483
00:31:01,600 --> 00:31:05,800
Speaker 1: a like breast cancer, a non curable one, right, they

484
00:31:05,880 --> 00:31:10,280
Speaker 1: mostly just like treat it and give you like a

485
00:31:10,400 --> 00:31:13,360
Speaker 1: miigatory regimen for the rest of your life where you

486
00:31:13,400 --> 00:31:15,680
Speaker 1: go in and get a shot once a month or whatever,

487
00:31:16,160 --> 00:31:21,200
Speaker 1: and that's like your chemotherapy. But for something like testicular

488
00:31:21,280 --> 00:31:24,720
Speaker 1: cancer that they have a chance of curing, they're going

489
00:31:24,800 --> 00:31:28,400
Speaker 1: to fuck you up to get you, you know, cured.

490
00:31:30,280 --> 00:31:34,880
Speaker 1: Obviously they're not doing it on purpose, but they can't

491
00:31:35,080 --> 00:31:39,240
Speaker 1: target cancer that's already all the ways spread through your body.

492
00:31:40,000 --> 00:31:42,600
Speaker 1: So They pretty much just have to beat the living

493
00:31:42,640 --> 00:31:46,959
Speaker 1: shit out of you and kill all of yourselves and

494
00:31:47,640 --> 00:31:50,960
Speaker 1: bring your ancs, which is like your immunity. They have

495
00:31:51,040 --> 00:31:55,440
Speaker 1: to bring your ANCS down so low that no cancer

496
00:31:55,480 --> 00:31:59,959
Speaker 1: cells can survive period. So I was severely like neutrals.

497
00:32:01,480 --> 00:32:04,520
Speaker 1: I couldn't go anywhere, talk to anyone, do anything. And

498
00:32:04,560 --> 00:32:09,200
Speaker 1: my chemo regimen was hell I had to do. My

499
00:32:09,360 --> 00:32:15,680
Speaker 1: rounds were uh, three weeks of five day chemo therapy

500
00:32:15,720 --> 00:32:18,400
Speaker 1: that was like six to seven hours a day. It

501
00:32:18,480 --> 00:32:22,600
Speaker 1: was basically like a full time job for four months,

502
00:32:23,920 --> 00:32:28,320
Speaker 1: and I sat in this stupid chemo chair drawing on

503
00:32:28,400 --> 00:32:31,120
Speaker 1: my pattern shit for like like three and a half months.

504
00:32:31,160 --> 00:32:36,280
Speaker 1: Basically I couldn't open my mouth very wide because I

505
00:32:36,320 --> 00:32:41,920
Speaker 1: had some weird dental implications from it. I couldn't really eat.

506
00:32:41,920 --> 00:32:45,000
Speaker 1: I lived on like a liquid diet of like bone

507
00:32:45,040 --> 00:32:48,920
Speaker 1: broth and like those chocolate breakfast shakes. Those things are

508
00:32:48,960 --> 00:32:53,880
Speaker 1: fucking disgusting now. I can't even look at those things. Yeah,

509
00:32:53,880 --> 00:32:56,760
Speaker 1: it was weird. Man, And the survivorship, it's just like

510
00:32:56,800 --> 00:33:00,200
Speaker 1: a like a guilt kind of thing. But you know,

511
00:33:00,240 --> 00:33:02,040
Speaker 1: you didn't really do anything to earn the guilt other

512
00:33:02,120 --> 00:33:04,560
Speaker 1: than you're not dead and other people are.

513
00:33:07,000 --> 00:33:10,960
Speaker 2: So it's a so so it's just a thing of

514
00:33:11,080 --> 00:33:14,520
Speaker 2: like I'm there's to think of like your you feel

515
00:33:14,640 --> 00:33:18,800
Speaker 2: guilty that you didn't that you feel guilty that you survived,

516
00:33:19,000 --> 00:33:21,840
Speaker 2: and like you're thinking about all the other people that didn't.

517
00:33:23,240 --> 00:33:27,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, I made the mistake of Uh, I had to

518
00:33:27,240 --> 00:33:30,240
Speaker 1: like leave all the Facebook groups because you don't like

519
00:33:30,320 --> 00:33:34,360
Speaker 1: the weird like support Facebook groups because you don't. No

520
00:33:34,360 --> 00:33:39,360
Speaker 1: one no one posts there that just like is normal

521
00:33:39,400 --> 00:33:40,480
Speaker 1: and gets through the treatment.

522
00:33:40,840 --> 00:33:44,280
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, no one, no one posts the who's doing well? Yeah.

523
00:33:44,440 --> 00:33:46,960
Speaker 1: No, It's always just like the worst of the worst, like, yeah,

524
00:33:47,040 --> 00:33:49,640
Speaker 1: my husband passed away yesterday, my brother died this morning.

525
00:33:49,800 --> 00:33:52,640
Speaker 1: Like it's it's always just like the worst of the worst,

526
00:33:52,640 --> 00:33:56,000
Speaker 1: and there's just you know, ages of that of just

527
00:33:56,080 --> 00:33:58,640
Speaker 1: dudes that just didn't make it through their treatment. And

528
00:33:58,680 --> 00:34:00,640
Speaker 1: it's not the cancer that kills you, it's the treatment

529
00:34:00,680 --> 00:34:04,960
Speaker 1: that kills you. So it's like, I mean there are

530
00:34:05,080 --> 00:34:08,360
Speaker 1: instances where like it gets to the brain before like

531
00:34:08,400 --> 00:34:10,840
Speaker 1: you catch it, but there's if it gets to the brain,

532
00:34:11,040 --> 00:34:14,200
Speaker 1: you ignored like a lot of shit leading up to that,

533
00:34:16,040 --> 00:34:21,360
Speaker 1: Like you ignored most of like your health, So leading.

534
00:34:21,280 --> 00:34:24,080
Speaker 2: Up Okay, so so let me stop you for a second,

535
00:34:24,160 --> 00:34:26,359
Speaker 2: because you you kicked your wife out of You kicked

536
00:34:26,360 --> 00:34:28,560
Speaker 2: your wife out of the room, Okay, multiple things. Yeah,

537
00:34:28,600 --> 00:34:30,040
Speaker 2: you kicked your wife out of the room because you

538
00:34:30,040 --> 00:34:31,719
Speaker 2: didn't want her to judge you. And then you also

539
00:34:31,840 --> 00:34:34,520
Speaker 2: said there's no one I can talk to about it.

540
00:34:34,560 --> 00:34:37,480
Speaker 2: That isn't close to the situation. So what Here's what

541
00:34:37,480 --> 00:34:42,720
Speaker 2: I'm curious about from all this is that you seem

542
00:34:42,880 --> 00:34:47,080
Speaker 2: to feel like, what do you what is the thing

543
00:34:47,160 --> 00:34:49,879
Speaker 2: that you kicked your wife out about or that you

544
00:34:49,960 --> 00:34:51,200
Speaker 2: feel like you have no one to talk to you

545
00:34:51,200 --> 00:34:54,279
Speaker 2: about that you're like ashamed of? Is it you're you're

546
00:34:54,320 --> 00:34:57,839
Speaker 2: like ashamed to feel a survivorship thing? Like, what is

547
00:34:57,880 --> 00:34:59,759
Speaker 2: it that you're feeling ashamed of?

548
00:35:00,840 --> 00:35:03,560
Speaker 1: Now? My wife is just really medically educated. She is

549
00:35:03,600 --> 00:35:08,759
Speaker 1: a master's in like nursing science, and she's a nurse practitioner,

550
00:35:08,880 --> 00:35:14,640
Speaker 1: and she's super like medically educated, and she was really

551
00:35:14,800 --> 00:35:18,960
Speaker 1: protective over me through all through all of that, and yeah,

552
00:35:18,960 --> 00:35:21,160
Speaker 1: thank god, you know, thank thank God for her through that,

553
00:35:21,239 --> 00:35:23,920
Speaker 1: because I, for one, I probably wouldn't have gone to

554
00:35:23,960 --> 00:35:26,600
Speaker 1: the hospital as quickly as I did. I probably would

555
00:35:26,640 --> 00:35:29,040
Speaker 1: have done like the stereotypical man thing and just like

556
00:35:29,520 --> 00:35:34,560
Speaker 1: I was an inside pain, it's fine now, and like

557
00:35:34,600 --> 00:35:38,600
Speaker 1: without her that I definitely wouldn't have fared as well.

558
00:35:39,360 --> 00:35:42,080
Speaker 1: And having her there to like go over like my

559
00:35:42,160 --> 00:35:45,960
Speaker 1: blood work every time it came out. I just have

560
00:35:46,080 --> 00:35:48,920
Speaker 1: a high school education in like ten years of machining,

561
00:35:49,280 --> 00:35:53,000
Speaker 1: I'm just articulate. I don't know anything about biology.

562
00:35:53,040 --> 00:35:54,799
Speaker 2: But but I want to bring I want to bring

563
00:35:54,800 --> 00:35:56,840
Speaker 2: it back to this question that I have. I was like,

564
00:35:56,880 --> 00:35:58,680
Speaker 2: what is it? What is it you're ashamed of that

565
00:35:58,760 --> 00:35:59,359
Speaker 2: you don't want?

566
00:35:59,480 --> 00:36:03,160
Speaker 1: It's not like its not really like it's it's when

567
00:36:03,239 --> 00:36:07,800
Speaker 1: people are so close to like the cancer, it brings

568
00:36:07,880 --> 00:36:11,800
Speaker 1: them back to it and like they they get emotional

569
00:36:11,840 --> 00:36:14,799
Speaker 1: about it, and then you kind of end up like

570
00:36:15,040 --> 00:36:17,240
Speaker 1: counseling them through your cancer.

571
00:36:17,480 --> 00:36:20,279
Speaker 2: Yeah that is actually something I've heard. Yeah, yeah, it's

572
00:36:20,280 --> 00:36:22,759
Speaker 2: like you kind of like, yeah, that makes sense.

573
00:36:23,560 --> 00:36:26,400
Speaker 1: You kind of like end up being like the martyr

574
00:36:26,440 --> 00:36:29,520
Speaker 1: for their feelings about your cancer that you had to

575
00:36:29,560 --> 00:36:30,040
Speaker 1: deal with.

576
00:36:30,440 --> 00:36:32,640
Speaker 2: So let's go back to the guilts for a second.

577
00:36:32,800 --> 00:36:40,480
Speaker 2: Was what so why I So I get logically the

578
00:36:40,520 --> 00:36:43,799
Speaker 2: guilt of like, oh why did I, like I got

579
00:36:43,840 --> 00:36:46,399
Speaker 2: to survive all the people in this Facebook group died

580
00:36:46,520 --> 00:36:52,200
Speaker 2: like why me kind of thing? And uh, you're a

581
00:36:52,239 --> 00:36:54,480
Speaker 2: guy from what I understand about you that is pretty

582
00:36:54,520 --> 00:36:59,520
Speaker 2: unattached to his ego. But I'm gonna run something by

583
00:36:59,600 --> 00:37:02,759
Speaker 2: you that I've been thinking about. I thought about it

584
00:37:02,800 --> 00:37:06,040
Speaker 2: a lot yesterday, but thinking about this a lot, and

585
00:37:06,200 --> 00:37:07,800
Speaker 2: I feel like we've talked about this on the podcast

586
00:37:07,840 --> 00:37:10,440
Speaker 2: a little bit. Is this thing of like you know,

587
00:37:13,120 --> 00:37:14,359
Speaker 2: oh yeah, I was thinking about this a little bit

588
00:37:14,360 --> 00:37:17,120
Speaker 2: and like my fucking kind of meane therapy bullshit is

589
00:37:17,160 --> 00:37:20,320
Speaker 2: like you know, listen your I know that you do.

590
00:37:20,480 --> 00:37:23,520
Speaker 2: I know that you don't identify with your name Chris,

591
00:37:23,560 --> 00:37:26,600
Speaker 2: but whatever you are, and we'll put a name to

592
00:37:26,640 --> 00:37:28,560
Speaker 2: it because that's why we have names, so we can

593
00:37:28,600 --> 00:37:32,760
Speaker 2: identify shit. So like Chris cousin, we'll call you cousin, cousin,

594
00:37:32,920 --> 00:37:37,720
Speaker 2: your your like this. This is my argument to the

595
00:37:37,760 --> 00:37:45,560
Speaker 2: guilt thing is like your biological material that has evolved

596
00:37:45,600 --> 00:37:49,839
Speaker 2: to gain sentience of itself, and you don't know why

597
00:37:50,040 --> 00:37:55,120
Speaker 2: you were your you have there's the like we kind

598
00:37:55,120 --> 00:37:57,600
Speaker 2: of know how we got to be people, but we don't.

599
00:37:57,600 --> 00:38:00,440
Speaker 2: I don't. The question that I have is like, oh,

600
00:38:00,520 --> 00:38:02,960
Speaker 2: why why is my consciousness of my body or whatever.

601
00:38:03,040 --> 00:38:05,879
Speaker 2: But like we don't know why. We can't really explain why.

602
00:38:06,000 --> 00:38:12,719
Speaker 2: Like you're the conscious captain of like this ship, but

603
00:38:12,800 --> 00:38:16,120
Speaker 2: I do I do believe that, like you, Chris, as

604
00:38:16,160 --> 00:38:19,400
Speaker 2: the conscious captain of your ship, it is your like

605
00:38:19,800 --> 00:38:23,160
Speaker 2: duty in some way, shape or form as the captain

606
00:38:24,160 --> 00:38:29,319
Speaker 2: of your conscious ship to like protect yourself. And like

607
00:38:29,360 --> 00:38:34,360
Speaker 2: you're like it's like your instinctual biological duty to survive.

608
00:38:35,600 --> 00:38:39,800
Speaker 2: And you're like instinctual biological duty to protect the people

609
00:38:39,840 --> 00:38:41,960
Speaker 2: in the things that are close to you. So like

610
00:38:42,760 --> 00:38:48,959
Speaker 2: that's your kind of like divine duty as as the guy,

611
00:38:49,480 --> 00:38:54,920
Speaker 2: as the spiritual whatever the fuck consciousness tasked with being

612
00:38:55,120 --> 00:38:59,680
Speaker 2: cousin you know. So by nature of that the perform

613
00:38:59,760 --> 00:39:02,359
Speaker 2: that's really it's like kind of what you're tasked with

614
00:39:02,480 --> 00:39:05,960
Speaker 2: is this guard in the ship, kind of this idea

615
00:39:06,000 --> 00:39:08,680
Speaker 2: that you you take you kind of treat yourself like

616
00:39:08,719 --> 00:39:11,520
Speaker 2: someone you're like tasks being taken care of. And so

617
00:39:11,640 --> 00:39:15,319
Speaker 2: by that logic, you know you're doing your job is

618
00:39:15,440 --> 00:39:21,719
Speaker 2: of which is to survive, you know. So so I

619
00:39:21,719 --> 00:39:24,320
Speaker 2: don't think you should feel don't think should feel guilty

620
00:39:24,320 --> 00:39:25,279
Speaker 2: about doing that job.

621
00:39:27,040 --> 00:39:30,040
Speaker 1: It's it's it's not it's funny, Like I think the

622
00:39:30,120 --> 00:39:32,600
Speaker 1: closest feeling that I can relate it to is guilt,

623
00:39:33,120 --> 00:39:37,000
Speaker 1: but it's more like a like ah, I would say,

624
00:39:37,040 --> 00:39:40,760
Speaker 1: it's yeah, it's more like a like a that's fucking weird,

625
00:39:40,920 --> 00:39:41,319
Speaker 1: you know, like.

626
00:39:41,280 --> 00:39:44,920
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, and that sounds that doesn't sound like guilt,

627
00:39:44,960 --> 00:39:46,040
Speaker 2: that sounds like a how why?

628
00:39:46,200 --> 00:39:50,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, Like you have you have fucking questions man like

629
00:39:50,920 --> 00:39:53,880
Speaker 1: and I I know you kind of struggle with like

630
00:39:53,920 --> 00:39:56,960
Speaker 1: the premise of God and like me too, and there

631
00:39:57,040 --> 00:40:01,560
Speaker 1: was just some weird like divine ain't intervention type ship

632
00:40:01,640 --> 00:40:05,640
Speaker 1: that went on through this whole experience for me. And

633
00:40:05,680 --> 00:40:10,280
Speaker 1: it's like I'm really struggling to ignore like the feeling

634
00:40:10,320 --> 00:40:14,880
Speaker 1: of a higher power. And I've done a pretty good

635
00:40:15,000 --> 00:40:19,480
Speaker 1: job of ignoring a higher power do most of my life?

636
00:40:19,760 --> 00:40:23,080
Speaker 2: Well, okay, multiple things to this is yeah, what do

637
00:40:23,080 --> 00:40:25,120
Speaker 2: you what do you mean by ignoring a higher Like

638
00:40:25,160 --> 00:40:26,680
Speaker 2: what are you trying to ignore?

639
00:40:28,040 --> 00:40:31,600
Speaker 1: Well, it's not that I'm not anymore, but I think

640
00:40:32,280 --> 00:40:35,239
Speaker 1: I went to Catholic school for years and that kind of,

641
00:40:35,640 --> 00:40:40,759
Speaker 1: you know, shunned the whole religious aspect out of me.

642
00:40:40,880 --> 00:40:47,160
Speaker 1: I just didn't just didn't get it. And then going

643
00:40:48,080 --> 00:40:50,400
Speaker 1: after I left in a Catholic school and went to

644
00:40:50,400 --> 00:40:53,480
Speaker 1: public school. It was kind of just like not there anymore,

645
00:40:53,560 --> 00:40:55,640
Speaker 1: just to foo gazy, just something that was part of

646
00:40:55,680 --> 00:40:59,000
Speaker 1: my life. And now it's not like I quit smoking

647
00:40:59,080 --> 00:41:01,359
Speaker 1: or something, you know, it was just something I did

648
00:41:01,400 --> 00:41:08,040
Speaker 1: every day and now I don't. And then throughout this

649
00:41:10,440 --> 00:41:16,400
Speaker 1: cancer treatment thing, there was a lot of really interesting

650
00:41:16,560 --> 00:41:20,359
Speaker 1: like the timeline kind of things that just are unusual

651
00:41:20,400 --> 00:41:25,120
Speaker 1: phenomena that just shouldn't have occurred, but did, like the

652
00:41:25,120 --> 00:41:27,920
Speaker 1: the rate that I So when I walked into that

653
00:41:28,080 --> 00:41:33,080
Speaker 1: urgent care on a Friday evening, I left the next

654
00:41:33,160 --> 00:41:38,680
Speaker 1: day Saturday, less than twenty hours from being diagnosed to

655
00:41:38,719 --> 00:41:43,480
Speaker 1: having my left testicle removed, which is unheard of. Most

656
00:41:43,680 --> 00:41:50,280
Speaker 1: people who are diagnosed they wait, you know, like weeks

657
00:41:50,280 --> 00:41:55,640
Speaker 1: to months for their surgery. But the my surgical oncologist

658
00:41:56,200 --> 00:41:59,319
Speaker 1: just happened to be on call that evening and he

659
00:41:59,400 --> 00:42:02,840
Speaker 1: decided to fore go sleep and just come to my

660
00:42:02,920 --> 00:42:07,359
Speaker 1: operation at six in the morning. He just decided, this

661
00:42:07,680 --> 00:42:10,360
Speaker 1: just came across my phone. I'm not gonna let this

662
00:42:10,400 --> 00:42:13,799
Speaker 1: guy die, and just came and did it immediately, like

663
00:42:13,800 --> 00:42:18,959
Speaker 1: snap of the fingers. There was just some really other,

664
00:42:19,760 --> 00:42:25,839
Speaker 1: some other really interesting timeline things that like made me

665
00:42:25,880 --> 00:42:30,400
Speaker 1: feel like there is something higher that I should probably

666
00:42:30,480 --> 00:42:35,680
Speaker 1: like look into. I don't. I don't know about like

667
00:42:35,760 --> 00:42:39,600
Speaker 1: the conventional religion thing, but sure, but well like the.

668
00:42:41,560 --> 00:42:43,520
Speaker 2: Uh well, I you know, I mean I when I

669
00:42:43,520 --> 00:42:45,239
Speaker 2: think of like a higher power, I never, I never.

670
00:42:45,280 --> 00:42:47,239
Speaker 2: I don't think about like any sort of like interpretation

671
00:42:47,320 --> 00:42:49,960
Speaker 2: of like God. I just think about like I mean,

672
00:42:49,960 --> 00:42:51,759
Speaker 2: I got my My idea of a higher power is

673
00:42:51,840 --> 00:42:55,799
Speaker 2: very like logical in the sense of like anything you know,

674
00:42:55,880 --> 00:42:57,640
Speaker 2: the I mean, there's the idea of like there's what

675
00:42:57,680 --> 00:42:59,920
Speaker 2: you can control and then what you can't.

676
00:43:00,120 --> 00:43:01,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, and.

677
00:43:01,400 --> 00:43:07,240
Speaker 2: And everything outside of your control is like a higher

678
00:43:07,280 --> 00:43:10,839
Speaker 2: power than you. You know, I mean like if you're

679
00:43:11,040 --> 00:43:16,080
Speaker 2: fucking like if my friend decides to, like, uh, go

680
00:43:16,120 --> 00:43:19,120
Speaker 2: out and get ice cream, you know, whatever he whatever

681
00:43:19,160 --> 00:43:22,480
Speaker 2: ice cream flavor he fucking chooses to get. I mean,

682
00:43:22,480 --> 00:43:25,040
Speaker 2: that's a higher power than me, you know what I mean,

683
00:43:25,080 --> 00:43:28,160
Speaker 2: Like everything, everything is a fucking higher Like everything outside

684
00:43:28,200 --> 00:43:29,600
Speaker 2: of your control is just like what I look at

685
00:43:29,640 --> 00:43:31,120
Speaker 2: as a higher power. And I and then you know,

686
00:43:31,200 --> 00:43:35,239
Speaker 2: and I so like so so the question, so the

687
00:43:35,320 --> 00:43:39,719
Speaker 2: higher the higher power of like you survived in a

688
00:43:39,800 --> 00:43:46,400
Speaker 2: situation where other people didn't. Is like a sort of

689
00:43:46,440 --> 00:43:48,319
Speaker 2: a thing that at least if like, if I'm in

690
00:43:48,320 --> 00:43:50,719
Speaker 2: your situation, that's like a thing I fucking just surrender to,

691
00:43:50,880 --> 00:43:55,000
Speaker 2: Like I don't know why, uh something happens, and so

692
00:43:55,080 --> 00:43:59,080
Speaker 2: why something doesn't happen. That's like a you know, that's

693
00:43:59,160 --> 00:44:01,000
Speaker 2: higher power. I don't know if I equate that to

694
00:44:01,200 --> 00:44:03,319
Speaker 2: like a lot of people take that and they roll

695
00:44:03,400 --> 00:44:09,560
Speaker 2: it into like there's a god or a fucking you know,

696
00:44:09,920 --> 00:44:13,680
Speaker 2: horse watching over me or I'm yeah and an omnip

697
00:44:13,920 --> 00:44:15,640
Speaker 2: thing and like that's I mean, if that's what you

698
00:44:15,640 --> 00:44:18,640
Speaker 2: want to get into, that's great. But to me, I'm

699
00:44:18,680 --> 00:44:22,040
Speaker 2: just like, I'm going to try to focus on, you know,

700
00:44:22,280 --> 00:44:25,200
Speaker 2: what the hell is in my control, which actually which

701
00:44:25,239 --> 00:44:28,839
Speaker 2: to me for for you, that brings me to how

702
00:44:28,880 --> 00:44:30,759
Speaker 2: are your kids doing? I want to know about the

703
00:44:31,200 --> 00:44:34,319
Speaker 2: about the family. You got a whole ass family, dude.

704
00:44:34,520 --> 00:44:37,200
Speaker 1: Yeah, they're they're great, man. I mean I have a two,

705
00:44:37,360 --> 00:44:41,960
Speaker 1: a four, and a six year old, and throughout my

706
00:44:42,080 --> 00:44:47,359
Speaker 1: treatment they had to go and stay with my mom

707
00:44:47,760 --> 00:44:51,120
Speaker 1: for the three months. Because kids just they'll ship in

708
00:44:51,160 --> 00:44:54,680
Speaker 1: your fucking eye and they'll you know, sneeze directly in

709
00:44:54,760 --> 00:44:58,040
Speaker 1: your food and then you know, I would have died,

710
00:44:58,680 --> 00:45:01,680
Speaker 1: so they had to go and stay with my mom

711
00:45:01,800 --> 00:45:06,400
Speaker 1: during my treatment. So they were they call it, you know,

712
00:45:06,600 --> 00:45:09,239
Speaker 1: daddy's special medicine that I got that made me lose

713
00:45:09,320 --> 00:45:13,360
Speaker 1: all my hair in turn a weird color. And then

714
00:45:14,560 --> 00:45:16,960
Speaker 1: now it's life is a word for me, Like I

715
00:45:17,040 --> 00:45:23,400
Speaker 1: have a few weird like lingering things, but nothing that's

716
00:45:23,960 --> 00:45:31,800
Speaker 1: you know, like debilitating. Cool. There's good the they Basically

717
00:45:32,400 --> 00:45:34,759
Speaker 1: I'm glad that they were the age that they were

718
00:45:34,960 --> 00:45:37,839
Speaker 1: when this happened, because you know, luckily they were kind

719
00:45:37,840 --> 00:45:43,520
Speaker 1: of uh my youngest was like eight months or six

720
00:45:43,840 --> 00:45:47,960
Speaker 1: six months, and my oldest was like four and a half,

721
00:45:48,440 --> 00:45:52,600
Speaker 1: so they were all kind of like a young enough

722
00:45:52,640 --> 00:45:55,839
Speaker 1: age to where their brain that didn't really process any

723
00:45:55,880 --> 00:45:58,440
Speaker 1: of this. They just you know, sawt Dad look a

724
00:45:58,440 --> 00:46:04,480
Speaker 1: little different for a while. And I'm grateful for that

725
00:46:04,719 --> 00:46:08,680
Speaker 1: because if they were like older, and kids are so

726
00:46:09,239 --> 00:46:15,120
Speaker 1: caring and understanding and empathetic naturally, and so I'm glad

727
00:46:15,160 --> 00:46:18,600
Speaker 1: that they didn't have to worry, you know, being older,

728
00:46:18,840 --> 00:46:21,000
Speaker 1: I'm glad that they didn't really comprehend any of that.

729
00:46:24,680 --> 00:46:31,959
Speaker 2: And hmm, how old is your oldest right now?

730
00:46:32,680 --> 00:46:34,200
Speaker 1: Six six?

731
00:46:34,360 --> 00:46:35,840
Speaker 2: Wow? Okay, I see you've been a dad for a

732
00:46:35,920 --> 00:46:36,800
Speaker 2: nice little while.

733
00:46:37,920 --> 00:46:41,120
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah. She was born actually the day that the

734
00:46:41,160 --> 00:46:44,120
Speaker 1: world shut down, March fourteenth.

735
00:46:47,360 --> 00:46:50,160
Speaker 2: That's a crazy time to have a kid.

736
00:46:50,320 --> 00:46:54,120
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, Like they almost didn't let my mother in

737
00:46:54,239 --> 00:46:57,439
Speaker 1: law in the room, that's time.

738
00:46:58,040 --> 00:46:58,320
Speaker 2: Yeah.

739
00:46:58,360 --> 00:47:00,600
Speaker 1: It was literally the day that the world shut down

740
00:47:00,600 --> 00:47:01,400
Speaker 1: for the pandemic.

741
00:47:03,239 --> 00:47:04,080
Speaker 2: Crazy shit.

742
00:47:05,239 --> 00:47:05,479
Speaker 1: Yeah.

743
00:47:05,520 --> 00:47:08,120
Speaker 2: Actually, honestly, not a bad not a bad time to

744
00:47:08,239 --> 00:47:11,640
Speaker 2: like be a baby. It's actually kind of a perfect

745
00:47:11,640 --> 00:47:12,919
Speaker 2: time to be a bay because what are you gonna

746
00:47:12,960 --> 00:47:14,120
Speaker 2: do with your What are you gonna do?

747
00:47:15,200 --> 00:47:18,360
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean like it was kind of ideal. And

748
00:47:18,400 --> 00:47:24,680
Speaker 1: then I was laid off kind of questionably legally coming

749
00:47:24,719 --> 00:47:30,840
Speaker 1: off of paternity leave. When I came back to UH

750
00:47:30,960 --> 00:47:32,759
Speaker 1: to show up for work, I was in uniform, ready

751
00:47:32,800 --> 00:47:35,960
Speaker 1: to go, and the owner of the company walked over

752
00:47:36,000 --> 00:47:39,040
Speaker 1: to me with a stack of papers and an envelope

753
00:47:39,320 --> 00:47:42,520
Speaker 1: and I knew what that meant, and I was like,

754
00:47:43,120 --> 00:47:46,640
Speaker 1: this is pretty questionable, and he was like, well, I'm

755
00:47:46,680 --> 00:47:48,480
Speaker 1: here to hand you a fat check so that you

756
00:47:48,520 --> 00:47:50,439
Speaker 1: can find this and don't take me to court because

757
00:47:50,480 --> 00:47:53,239
Speaker 1: I just can't afford to pay. The way that the

758
00:47:53,400 --> 00:47:57,200
Speaker 1: when cities and counties just stopped contracting work basically like

759
00:47:57,280 --> 00:47:59,799
Speaker 1: the day of the world shut down, So you know,

760
00:47:59,800 --> 00:48:02,480
Speaker 1: he was looking at me as a you know, a

761
00:48:02,520 --> 00:48:06,120
Speaker 1: seventy five thousand dollars expense that you know he can

762
00:48:06,200 --> 00:48:08,960
Speaker 1: legally just pay ten grand not to show up tomorrow.

763
00:48:09,760 --> 00:48:12,759
Speaker 1: That was, you know, basically like the agreement was, I'm

764
00:48:12,760 --> 00:48:15,120
Speaker 1: going to give you it was like nine thousand something

765
00:48:15,160 --> 00:48:19,640
Speaker 1: dollars for me to just not show up tomorrow, which

766
00:48:20,560 --> 00:48:22,560
Speaker 1: you know, it's not like a hell of a lot

767
00:48:22,560 --> 00:48:27,279
Speaker 1: of money, but you know, it wasn't money wasn't to

768
00:48:27,280 --> 00:48:30,560
Speaker 1: concern My wife does well, so it was you know,

769
00:48:30,640 --> 00:48:33,959
Speaker 1: more like a what do I do now with my time?

770
00:48:34,840 --> 00:48:38,800
Speaker 1: And that's like where the business ideas kind of started

771
00:48:38,840 --> 00:48:42,239
Speaker 1: to I've never been like a sit idle and do

772
00:48:42,360 --> 00:48:45,279
Speaker 1: nothing kind of guy. I've always worked, So I had

773
00:48:45,320 --> 00:48:46,000
Speaker 1: to figure out.

774
00:48:45,880 --> 00:48:47,480
Speaker 2: Something what kind of.

775
00:48:49,000 --> 00:48:53,359
Speaker 1: Oh yes, the divots, Yeah yeah, yeah, and I had

776
00:48:53,400 --> 00:48:56,000
Speaker 1: I had multiple ideas too. I wasn't just going to

777
00:48:56,080 --> 00:48:57,520
Speaker 1: do the golf thing. The golf thing I just kind

778
00:48:57,520 --> 00:49:00,480
Speaker 1: of stumbled on too. Like most people's this is that

779
00:49:00,520 --> 00:49:01,759
Speaker 1: you just kind of fall into it.

780
00:49:02,560 --> 00:49:04,239
Speaker 2: By the way, just I'm not to take us back

781
00:49:04,280 --> 00:49:07,359
Speaker 2: to the beginning of the podcast, but why are you so,

782
00:49:07,440 --> 00:49:10,120
Speaker 2: what's why are you against T shirts? But your pro

783
00:49:10,239 --> 00:49:13,920
Speaker 2: divots and i'm by the way, I'm by by the way,

784
00:49:13,960 --> 00:49:17,120
Speaker 2: I'm i'm by I'm biased because if you go to

785
00:49:17,200 --> 00:49:20,600
Speaker 2: therapy Gecko dot com you may or may not see that, uh.

786
00:49:20,719 --> 00:49:24,719
Speaker 1: You should buy. It's not that I'm it's it's not

787
00:49:24,760 --> 00:49:27,680
Speaker 1: that I'm against T shirts. It's that it's just it's

788
00:49:27,719 --> 00:49:32,759
Speaker 1: funny that like the self importance and like the main

789
00:49:32,840 --> 00:49:37,919
Speaker 1: character syndrome or whatever really becomes prominent in people's personality

790
00:49:38,200 --> 00:49:42,000
Speaker 1: when they hit you know, like the very small eight

791
00:49:42,040 --> 00:49:44,920
Speaker 1: to ten k to like twelve k. You can like

792
00:49:45,000 --> 00:49:48,360
Speaker 1: smell the merge coming. It's not like that you shouldn't

793
00:49:48,360 --> 00:49:50,800
Speaker 1: sell T shirts or anything. If you make funny fucking

794
00:49:50,800 --> 00:49:54,400
Speaker 1: T shirts or whatever, or like really cool graphic designs

795
00:49:54,520 --> 00:49:57,239
Speaker 1: or whatever, you should sell them. It's just that I

796
00:49:57,320 --> 00:50:00,840
Speaker 1: think it's funny that when you know, you hit that

797
00:50:00,880 --> 00:50:07,319
Speaker 1: that very tiny mark on social media, to hit eight

798
00:50:07,320 --> 00:50:09,640
Speaker 1: to ten k on social media, all you have to

799
00:50:09,680 --> 00:50:14,080
Speaker 1: have is like one video that really pops off. It's

800
00:50:14,120 --> 00:50:18,000
Speaker 1: really not that difficult to attain. What is difficult to

801
00:50:18,080 --> 00:50:20,920
Speaker 1: attain is to keep it. You know, like you can

802
00:50:20,960 --> 00:50:24,400
Speaker 1: have one video pop off and go insanely viral just

803
00:50:24,400 --> 00:50:29,960
Speaker 1: by happenstance, But can you keep the following and you know,

804
00:50:30,600 --> 00:50:35,680
Speaker 1: roll it into a business. That's That's like what I

805
00:50:35,680 --> 00:50:38,040
Speaker 1: think is impressive for me. I had a bunch of

806
00:50:38,120 --> 00:50:41,200
Speaker 1: videos go crazy viral of just me hitting golf balls

807
00:50:41,200 --> 00:50:43,480
Speaker 1: at a night range so you could like see the

808
00:50:43,520 --> 00:50:47,439
Speaker 1: ballflight of it. That was like in twenty twenty one,

809
00:50:47,719 --> 00:50:51,680
Speaker 1: like when everyone was just glued to their phones. Instagram

810
00:50:51,760 --> 00:50:54,600
Speaker 1: wasn't even like monetized yet. That's like how far back

811
00:50:54,640 --> 00:51:00,880
Speaker 1: we're going. And so like those videos popped up and

812
00:51:01,960 --> 00:51:07,680
Speaker 1: I was building clubs and my following grew, and like

813
00:51:07,719 --> 00:51:12,440
Speaker 1: I had to learn how to be a professional social

814
00:51:12,480 --> 00:51:15,239
Speaker 1: media user. And one of the best ways that I

815
00:51:15,360 --> 00:51:19,520
Speaker 1: found to be a professional social media user is to

816
00:51:19,600 --> 00:51:23,759
Speaker 1: stick to your original mission statement and not you know,

817
00:51:23,920 --> 00:51:27,720
Speaker 1: fall into the influencer niche. I don't. I don't believe

818
00:51:27,719 --> 00:51:31,279
Speaker 1: in that the influencer niche is retarded. There's no one

819
00:51:31,320 --> 00:51:35,200
Speaker 1: should be like unless you have some kind of like

820
00:51:36,160 --> 00:51:40,319
Speaker 1: insane information that you can be putting out there, you

821
00:51:40,360 --> 00:51:44,040
Speaker 1: should just be a person who exists social media.

822
00:51:44,480 --> 00:51:46,760
Speaker 2: What is an what is the influencer niche?

823
00:51:47,840 --> 00:51:52,200
Speaker 1: Oh Man, Like you know, like when I don't know something,

824
00:51:52,400 --> 00:51:59,000
Speaker 1: you know, something happens, right, and they think that they're

825
00:52:00,120 --> 00:52:01,799
Speaker 1: you mean, no, I don't you mean.

826
00:52:02,680 --> 00:52:05,600
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, yeah no, I I totally know what you

827
00:52:05,640 --> 00:52:12,359
Speaker 2: mean about like, uh's feeling like your opinion on Well,

828
00:52:12,480 --> 00:52:14,400
Speaker 2: that's why I try to I mean like, I mean,

829
00:52:14,440 --> 00:52:18,319
Speaker 2: I guess I give my opinion on like like sort

830
00:52:18,320 --> 00:52:23,439
Speaker 2: of ever evergreen life stuff. You know, but you don't

831
00:52:23,440 --> 00:52:25,800
Speaker 2: want to be out there, Well, you don't want to

832
00:52:25,840 --> 00:52:27,520
Speaker 2: be out there. You don't want to be out there,

833
00:52:27,800 --> 00:52:31,560
Speaker 2: like giving your opinion on every single thing that happens

834
00:52:31,560 --> 00:52:34,319
Speaker 2: in the universe because well for other reasons, it's like,

835
00:52:34,320 --> 00:52:37,719
Speaker 2: well if you do it once, people expect you to

836
00:52:37,760 --> 00:52:41,719
Speaker 2: do it every single time anything happens. And you know,

837
00:52:41,920 --> 00:52:43,960
Speaker 2: you don't want to be a guy who has an opinion.

838
00:52:44,200 --> 00:52:47,440
Speaker 2: You know what's funny, One of my strong opinions is

839
00:52:47,480 --> 00:52:51,640
Speaker 2: that you don't have to have a strong opinion about

840
00:52:51,719 --> 00:52:55,120
Speaker 2: everything due because like I don't know, because you don't

841
00:52:55,120 --> 00:52:58,480
Speaker 2: want to be you don't want to be held liable

842
00:52:58,560 --> 00:53:01,760
Speaker 2: for an opinion about every single fucking thing that happens.

843
00:53:01,920 --> 00:53:04,560
Speaker 2: And also I get I feel wary about people, Like

844
00:53:04,680 --> 00:53:10,640
Speaker 2: I feel wary when someone has an opinion about every

845
00:53:10,840 --> 00:53:15,160
Speaker 2: single thing that happens all the time, you.

846
00:53:15,120 --> 00:53:20,440
Speaker 1: Know, dude, and I'm so probably my strongest opinion is

847
00:53:20,480 --> 00:53:27,319
Speaker 1: being unopinionated, Like if it doesn't affect you directly, I

848
00:53:27,400 --> 00:53:32,320
Speaker 1: don't really feel like you should have like this insanely

849
00:53:32,520 --> 00:53:36,680
Speaker 1: strong opinion of something, like just because it resonates with

850
00:53:36,760 --> 00:53:40,000
Speaker 1: like the empathetic note inside you doesn't mean that you

851
00:53:40,040 --> 00:53:43,360
Speaker 1: should go broadcasting how you feel about it if someone

852
00:53:43,440 --> 00:53:46,000
Speaker 1: asks you, sure, but you know, like you don't have

853
00:53:46,000 --> 00:53:48,080
Speaker 1: to post it on social media. You can just DM

854
00:53:48,120 --> 00:53:49,560
Speaker 1: them back how you feel about it.

855
00:53:55,200 --> 00:53:58,600
Speaker 2: Dude, I'm gonna, I'm gonna. I'm gonna go ahead and

856
00:53:58,640 --> 00:54:00,759
Speaker 2: ask you to give me this. I mean, if you

857
00:54:00,800 --> 00:54:04,239
Speaker 2: want to, you don't have to. But yeah, what's the

858
00:54:07,200 --> 00:54:13,319
Speaker 2: what is the golf guy Instagram?

859
00:54:13,719 --> 00:54:18,400
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, if people are interested or whatever, they can

860
00:54:18,440 --> 00:54:18,960
Speaker 1: go check out.

861
00:54:19,120 --> 00:54:20,280
Speaker 2: I'm interested. I'm people.

862
00:54:21,400 --> 00:54:25,279
Speaker 1: It's at Club's Handmaids. The club is with a k

863
00:54:25,719 --> 00:54:26,239
Speaker 1: and all.

864
00:54:26,960 --> 00:54:28,440
Speaker 2: But the second you said it, I was like, he's

865
00:54:28,440 --> 00:54:29,600
Speaker 2: going to tell me the club is with a k

866
00:54:29,760 --> 00:54:30,440
Speaker 2: Okay club?

867
00:54:30,800 --> 00:54:35,560
Speaker 1: It is club what? Yeah? Club clubs so k l

868
00:54:35,800 --> 00:54:38,280
Speaker 1: U b s, handmaids.

869
00:54:37,800 --> 00:54:40,800
Speaker 2: Clubs and Maids cousin clubs. Cousin Wait, cousin clubs is

870
00:54:40,800 --> 00:54:45,560
Speaker 2: pretty sweet. That's getting to follow Yeah, that's you. I know.

871
00:54:45,600 --> 00:54:48,000
Speaker 2: It's I feel weird every time I like talk to

872
00:54:48,040 --> 00:54:49,759
Speaker 2: somebody on the phone. I feel weird when I go

873
00:54:49,840 --> 00:54:54,319
Speaker 2: to their Instagram and I can like see to face

874
00:54:54,400 --> 00:54:58,560
Speaker 2: the name, it feels, oh, there you are. Even when

875
00:54:58,560 --> 00:55:01,680
Speaker 2: I go on tour, I I feel like.

876
00:55:01,560 --> 00:55:04,040
Speaker 1: It's weird to like meet people that like you do

877
00:55:04,160 --> 00:55:07,319
Speaker 1: on the phone. I'm sure that's dude, it's weird to

878
00:55:07,360 --> 00:55:11,160
Speaker 1: me too. It's it's weird to me too, because like

879
00:55:11,239 --> 00:55:14,680
Speaker 1: the only places that I'm ever recognized or known is

880
00:55:14,719 --> 00:55:19,279
Speaker 1: when I'm at a golf course and people will come

881
00:55:19,320 --> 00:55:20,520
Speaker 1: up to me and they're like, hey, man, like I

882
00:55:20,560 --> 00:55:23,040
Speaker 1: know you're not that kind of guy, but like are

883
00:55:23,080 --> 00:55:26,080
Speaker 1: you cousin clubs? And I'm like yeah, They're like that's

884
00:55:26,120 --> 00:55:29,520
Speaker 1: so crazy, bro, Like I've been following you since since

885
00:55:29,560 --> 00:55:32,760
Speaker 1: like twenty twenty, and I'm like, man, that's fucking wacky,

886
00:55:33,000 --> 00:55:37,480
Speaker 1: Like why do you follow me? That's so weird. But yeah,

887
00:55:37,600 --> 00:55:40,560
Speaker 1: that's awesome. That's that's my moniker. That's how I'm known.

888
00:55:41,800 --> 00:55:43,920
Speaker 1: And it, like I said, dude, all of this was

889
00:55:44,000 --> 00:55:47,480
Speaker 1: like totally happenstance. So if people are out there and

890
00:55:47,520 --> 00:55:49,600
Speaker 1: you're wondering what the fuck to do with your life,

891
00:55:50,000 --> 00:55:53,560
Speaker 1: just keep trying different shit, Like, just keep keep trying,

892
00:55:53,680 --> 00:55:58,120
Speaker 1: keep thinking, and eventually some if you stick to your

893
00:55:58,440 --> 00:56:01,840
Speaker 1: mission statement and you remain yourself and you put yourself

894
00:56:01,840 --> 00:56:06,000
Speaker 1: out there, you'll definitely encounter some people that aren't fond

895
00:56:06,000 --> 00:56:07,920
Speaker 1: of you. And that's fine. Like, you don't have to

896
00:56:07,920 --> 00:56:10,440
Speaker 1: be friends with everyone. If you're for everyone, you're for

897
00:56:10,520 --> 00:56:12,840
Speaker 1: no one. But there is going to be like a

898
00:56:13,880 --> 00:56:15,799
Speaker 1: niche group of people that are into your shit if

899
00:56:15,840 --> 00:56:18,600
Speaker 1: you if you put out good stuff, there will be

900
00:56:18,640 --> 00:56:20,520
Speaker 1: people who will buy it. Totally.

901
00:56:21,160 --> 00:56:23,680
Speaker 2: You know, it's fine. I met I did a show

902
00:56:23,719 --> 00:56:27,000
Speaker 2: in Portland, uh last week, and I fucking I met

903
00:56:27,239 --> 00:56:29,440
Speaker 2: uh the train I don't know if you listen to

904
00:56:29,480 --> 00:56:32,120
Speaker 2: the podcast, but I met the train hopper.

905
00:56:32,239 --> 00:56:36,799
Speaker 1: Oh I do. Guy. Oh that's so d that's so cool, dude.

906
00:56:36,800 --> 00:56:38,600
Speaker 2: Well it was fine. He was uh, he was great.

907
00:56:38,600 --> 00:56:40,480
Speaker 2: He came on stage and like you know, gave us

908
00:56:40,480 --> 00:56:41,400
Speaker 2: an update on everything.

909
00:56:41,440 --> 00:56:41,640
Speaker 1: It was.

910
00:56:41,719 --> 00:56:45,479
Speaker 2: It was really cool, but it felt weird to meet

911
00:56:45,560 --> 00:56:49,600
Speaker 2: him because like I don't know, like I like I

912
00:56:49,600 --> 00:56:53,640
Speaker 2: imagine because like he had so much depth to his story.

913
00:56:53,680 --> 00:56:56,360
Speaker 2: I imagined him as like a sixty seven year old,

914
00:56:57,120 --> 00:56:59,440
Speaker 2: like grizzled dude, but he's like he was my age,

915
00:56:59,560 --> 00:57:00,640
Speaker 2: was like a young guy.

916
00:57:01,440 --> 00:57:03,160
Speaker 1: And I knew that it was just like a regular

917
00:57:03,960 --> 00:57:04,799
Speaker 1: probably you know.

918
00:57:05,080 --> 00:57:07,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, well it's well if I knew he was

919
00:57:07,080 --> 00:57:10,239
Speaker 2: like my age, but like just because of like the

920
00:57:10,560 --> 00:57:13,359
Speaker 2: way the stories he telled. Yeah, yes, I imagined him

921
00:57:13,400 --> 00:57:15,879
Speaker 2: as like, yeah, oh the guy, but that was cool too,

922
00:57:16,040 --> 00:57:19,120
Speaker 2: is Yeah, There's been a lot of stuff like that,

923
00:57:19,160 --> 00:57:21,640
Speaker 2: of like meeting callers in personal Okay, I'm looking at

924
00:57:21,640 --> 00:57:23,840
Speaker 2: your Yeah, go ahead, go ahead.

925
00:57:24,880 --> 00:57:28,360
Speaker 1: Do you identify with the age that you're chronologically presented with?

926
00:57:29,480 --> 00:57:31,680
Speaker 2: Do identify with the age? It depends on the day.

927
00:57:31,800 --> 00:57:34,160
Speaker 2: Sometimes I feel young, sometimes I feel fucking old. I

928
00:57:34,160 --> 00:57:37,200
Speaker 2: mean I kind of speed ran. I speed ran a

929
00:57:37,200 --> 00:57:42,600
Speaker 2: lot of life except for I feel like I speed

930
00:57:42,640 --> 00:57:46,240
Speaker 2: around a lot of But I also like started much

931
00:57:46,400 --> 00:57:51,440
Speaker 2: younger than I think most people like. I started making

932
00:57:51,680 --> 00:57:57,080
Speaker 2: stuff on the internet when I was like freaking fifth

933
00:57:57,440 --> 00:57:59,800
Speaker 2: grade or something like that. The part of my life,

934
00:57:59,840 --> 00:58:05,200
Speaker 2: I I feel like I'm but I'm also but I'm

935
00:58:05,240 --> 00:58:07,959
Speaker 2: also like, you know, I'm single, and I you know,

936
00:58:08,840 --> 00:58:12,520
Speaker 2: I eat M and M's for dinner sometimes, so I

937
00:58:12,560 --> 00:58:15,800
Speaker 2: feel I feel sometimes I feel like I act like

938
00:58:15,880 --> 00:58:18,600
Speaker 2: I'm sixteen and I'm twenty eight, and then other times

939
00:58:18,640 --> 00:58:22,120
Speaker 2: I feel physically like I'm like fifty seven or whatever.

940
00:58:22,200 --> 00:58:25,080
Speaker 2: Also because I think if I were like like like,

941
00:58:25,200 --> 00:58:29,440
Speaker 2: I think, if I can get to like mid thirties

942
00:58:30,320 --> 00:58:34,200
Speaker 2: and have like a wife and a kid or or

943
00:58:34,200 --> 00:58:36,040
Speaker 2: something like that, I'll feel That's when I feel like

944
00:58:36,080 --> 00:58:39,160
Speaker 2: I'll feel like I'm the right age. But now I

945
00:58:39,160 --> 00:58:42,200
Speaker 2: feel like I like it. Really, I either feel like

946
00:58:42,240 --> 00:58:44,720
Speaker 2: I'm sixteen or like seventy four.

947
00:58:46,040 --> 00:58:51,520
Speaker 1: Do you feel like you're ready for a wife and kids?

948
00:58:52,240 --> 00:58:52,320
Speaker 3: Not?

949
00:58:54,080 --> 00:58:56,280
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think I'm right. I think I'm ready for

950
00:58:56,600 --> 00:58:59,080
Speaker 2: like a wife, but I don't think i'm ready for kids. Yeah,

951
00:58:59,080 --> 00:59:00,840
Speaker 2: I'm ready for like a wife, then a dog. A

952
00:59:00,840 --> 00:59:02,040
Speaker 2: wife and a dog would be great.

953
00:59:03,000 --> 00:59:08,840
Speaker 1: You're never really prepared. It's it's funny how normal and

954
00:59:08,920 --> 00:59:13,840
Speaker 1: like natural. It actually kind of feels. I if you

955
00:59:14,000 --> 00:59:18,080
Speaker 1: told me ten years ago that I'd have a wife

956
00:59:18,400 --> 00:59:22,320
Speaker 1: and three kids, I would have laughed and said, like, nah,

957
00:59:22,320 --> 00:59:24,600
Speaker 1: there's no way, man. Like, I don't care what kind

958
00:59:24,600 --> 00:59:26,120
Speaker 1: of crystal ball you have, you need to take that

959
00:59:26,160 --> 00:59:32,360
Speaker 1: thing back, and it's funny when when that kid, when

960
00:59:32,360 --> 00:59:35,920
Speaker 1: that gray weird intercover baby is slapped on your life's

961
00:59:36,000 --> 00:59:40,200
Speaker 1: chef and it starts screaming, it's so weird, how small

962
00:59:40,240 --> 00:59:43,640
Speaker 1: and insignificant. Everything else kind of feels yeah, And I

963
00:59:43,680 --> 00:59:47,320
Speaker 1: don't mean, I don't mean to you know, like pander

964
00:59:47,520 --> 00:59:50,240
Speaker 1: to like the people who have baby fever or whatever.

965
00:59:50,400 --> 00:59:56,040
Speaker 1: Like none of my none of this was like baby

966
00:59:56,080 --> 00:59:59,240
Speaker 1: fever driven. It was just that I realized, like, oh,

967
00:59:59,280 --> 01:00:01,280
Speaker 1: you know, fuck, I'm actually pretty good at this, Like

968
01:00:01,320 --> 01:00:04,640
Speaker 1: I'm actually good at raising kids, and no one's like

969
01:00:04,880 --> 01:00:08,800
Speaker 1: great at it, you know, like you become great at it,

970
01:00:08,800 --> 01:00:10,600
Speaker 1: but no one just starts being good at it. Like

971
01:00:10,640 --> 01:00:16,640
Speaker 1: anything else. It takes like time and patience and understanding.

972
01:00:16,880 --> 01:00:20,600
Speaker 1: But like that happens after like your second kid, because

973
01:00:20,640 --> 01:00:24,080
Speaker 1: you after your second kids, you realize like your kids

974
01:00:24,120 --> 01:00:30,160
Speaker 1: are only little for like four years, and it's really

975
01:00:30,200 --> 01:00:34,000
Speaker 1: not that much time. It doesn't go by that quickly,

976
01:00:34,560 --> 01:00:38,800
Speaker 1: like in my opinion, because I've been like the caregiver

977
01:00:39,320 --> 01:00:42,920
Speaker 1: parent and you know, working at night running a business,

978
01:00:43,040 --> 01:00:46,000
Speaker 1: so I've been like the caregiver parent who's been here

979
01:00:46,040 --> 01:00:47,840
Speaker 1: for it. I think if you work a nine to

980
01:00:47,920 --> 01:00:51,160
Speaker 1: five and you're gone a lot. I think it would

981
01:00:51,160 --> 01:00:54,600
Speaker 1: feel like pretty short and like like it's gone by

982
01:00:54,640 --> 01:00:57,480
Speaker 1: and it just a snap of the fingers. But me

983
01:00:57,720 --> 01:01:03,040
Speaker 1: being here every single day doing dad stuff has definitely

984
01:01:03,080 --> 01:01:07,120
Speaker 1: made me feel like I've gotten to experience the full

985
01:01:07,920 --> 01:01:13,440
Speaker 1: amount of like kid like the growing thing. It's made

986
01:01:13,520 --> 01:01:16,040
Speaker 1: me feel like I'm there for it.

987
01:01:16,560 --> 01:01:19,760
Speaker 2: You know what. Okay, here's what this came up for

988
01:01:19,920 --> 01:01:23,200
Speaker 2: me while I was on the road this past week

989
01:01:23,440 --> 01:01:27,040
Speaker 2: is here's something scares me about fatherhood. I was on

990
01:01:27,080 --> 01:01:29,160
Speaker 2: the road last week and I sat next to, uh,

991
01:01:29,880 --> 01:01:34,320
Speaker 2: this kid. He was like, I'm hard at judging ages.

992
01:01:34,320 --> 01:01:37,720
Speaker 2: I want to say he was like eight. I want

993
01:01:37,720 --> 01:01:40,840
Speaker 2: to say he was eight, and he was He's to

994
01:01:40,920 --> 01:01:44,920
Speaker 2: my left, and he had a lot of energy. He

995
01:01:45,080 --> 01:01:46,680
Speaker 2: was like he like he was like he like tried

996
01:01:46,720 --> 01:01:48,440
Speaker 2: to talk to me a little bit, and he like,

997
01:01:48,640 --> 01:01:52,960
Speaker 2: uh uh, I put my tray table up and I

998
01:01:53,000 --> 01:01:56,080
Speaker 2: didn't have I didn't put the little tab you know,

999
01:01:56,120 --> 01:01:58,040
Speaker 2: the tab you put on the trade table to stop

1000
01:01:58,080 --> 01:02:02,040
Speaker 2: it from going down. Yeah, he like he like did

1001
01:02:02,080 --> 01:02:05,880
Speaker 2: it for me, you know, and like he was like, oh,

1002
01:02:05,880 --> 01:02:08,040
Speaker 2: you forgot this, And then like I pulled out my

1003
01:02:08,120 --> 01:02:10,080
Speaker 2: Nintendo and he was like, oh, what nintended do? And

1004
01:02:10,080 --> 01:02:15,480
Speaker 2: he like, uh, he had he was playing like a

1005
01:02:15,520 --> 01:02:18,240
Speaker 2: Grand Theft Auto or some Grand Theft Auto clone on

1006
01:02:18,280 --> 01:02:23,120
Speaker 2: his like iPod touch or whatever. And then he and

1007
01:02:23,160 --> 01:02:24,640
Speaker 2: he was like talking to his dad and he was

1008
01:02:24,680 --> 01:02:27,200
Speaker 2: like he's he had a lot of energy. And I

1009
01:02:27,280 --> 01:02:28,960
Speaker 2: was like, oh, this is like a this is like

1010
01:02:29,000 --> 01:02:31,040
Speaker 2: a lot of shit. And I was like, oh, this

1011
01:02:31,160 --> 01:02:34,160
Speaker 2: is like a And I'm I'm a tourist of this kid,

1012
01:02:34,600 --> 01:02:37,760
Speaker 2: which sounds weird, but whatever, I'm a tourist of this kid.

1013
01:02:38,680 --> 01:02:42,760
Speaker 2: And this kid, like you know, from my taurist perspective,

1014
01:02:43,040 --> 01:02:45,960
Speaker 2: I'm like, oh, this is like a fun funny kid,

1015
01:02:46,160 --> 01:02:50,840
Speaker 2: you know, like he he bumped his head on the

1016
01:02:50,960 --> 01:02:53,800
Speaker 2: his tray table, like he banged his head really fucking hard.

1017
01:02:53,880 --> 01:02:55,680
Speaker 2: And he turns to his dad and he's like, Dad,

1018
01:02:55,720 --> 01:02:57,680
Speaker 2: I didn't take any damage.

1019
01:02:57,920 --> 01:02:59,280
Speaker 1: Which that was funny.

1020
01:02:59,560 --> 01:03:01,600
Speaker 2: And he's like this is a funny kid. But I

1021
01:03:01,640 --> 01:03:05,360
Speaker 2: look at his dad. His dad looks really tired, and

1022
01:03:05,440 --> 01:03:06,840
Speaker 2: I and I and I was like, this kid is

1023
01:03:06,880 --> 01:03:09,840
Speaker 2: eight and and I had this thought and I was like, oh,

1024
01:03:09,840 --> 01:03:11,920
Speaker 2: this is the thing that scares the most about adulthood,

1025
01:03:12,120 --> 01:03:15,280
Speaker 2: not but about parenthood is I'm like, oh, being with

1026
01:03:15,680 --> 01:03:22,520
Speaker 2: raising this kid feels like it's gotta be relentless. That's

1027
01:03:22,560 --> 01:03:26,920
Speaker 2: the word. That's what freaks me out, the relentlessness because like, dude,

1028
01:03:26,920 --> 01:03:31,040
Speaker 2: like I like, I tried to record this podcast two

1029
01:03:31,160 --> 01:03:34,320
Speaker 2: nights ago and I just was so tired. I wasn't

1030
01:03:34,320 --> 01:03:36,200
Speaker 2: feeling it so and I just turned. I turned, And

1031
01:03:36,320 --> 01:03:38,880
Speaker 2: I do like with my work, right like, my work

1032
01:03:38,960 --> 01:03:45,400
Speaker 2: is the main responsibility that I have, right like like

1033
01:03:45,680 --> 01:03:47,080
Speaker 2: or like I'll be able, I'll be doing one of

1034
01:03:47,080 --> 01:03:49,400
Speaker 2: my shows or whatever, and like, you know, but like

1035
01:03:49,400 --> 01:03:52,200
Speaker 2: sometimes like if if work gets to be too much,

1036
01:03:53,000 --> 01:03:55,320
Speaker 2: I'll just shut the laptop off and be like, Okay,

1037
01:03:55,360 --> 01:03:59,120
Speaker 2: I'll quit today and I'll try again tomorrow when I

1038
01:03:59,160 --> 01:04:01,640
Speaker 2: feel better. And they usually works, and I, you know,

1039
01:04:01,720 --> 01:04:04,240
Speaker 2: I quit today, I don't dip into reserves. I try again.

1040
01:04:04,400 --> 01:04:05,960
Speaker 2: And that's like that's kind of the approach I've had

1041
01:04:05,960 --> 01:04:08,320
Speaker 2: with my work. It's like when things get too much,

1042
01:04:08,440 --> 01:04:10,680
Speaker 2: I just I'm like, I'm like, I'm okay to quit

1043
01:04:10,720 --> 01:04:13,800
Speaker 2: for the day and turn it off and try again tomorrow.

1044
01:04:14,040 --> 01:04:16,840
Speaker 2: But I was like, oh, fuck kid when this but

1045
01:04:16,920 --> 01:04:19,400
Speaker 2: there's not with kids, it's like, no, you have to

1046
01:04:19,560 --> 01:04:24,360
Speaker 2: dip into your reserves and you have to you know.

1047
01:04:25,120 --> 01:04:27,200
Speaker 2: I mean, work is a different thing because I'm because

1048
01:04:27,840 --> 01:04:29,680
Speaker 2: it's a thing where it's like, well, there's no point

1049
01:04:29,800 --> 01:04:32,760
Speaker 2: in working when I'm feeling shitty because I'm going to

1050
01:04:32,800 --> 01:04:35,240
Speaker 2: produce bad work. It's better to just quit. But with

1051
01:04:35,280 --> 01:04:38,080
Speaker 2: a kid, it's like you got it. Just it's relentless,

1052
01:04:38,120 --> 01:04:41,040
Speaker 2: and that's what scares me. It's just again the relentlessness.

1053
01:04:42,280 --> 01:04:46,480
Speaker 1: I think. I think you're like most people who are

1054
01:04:47,080 --> 01:04:49,520
Speaker 1: like in a position in their lives pretty much like

1055
01:04:49,960 --> 01:04:53,200
Speaker 1: in at at that at our age for the most part,

1056
01:04:53,240 --> 01:04:55,320
Speaker 1: because like there are people that are, you know, thirty

1057
01:04:55,320 --> 01:04:57,520
Speaker 1: three my age that don't have kids yet, that are

1058
01:04:58,040 --> 01:05:02,240
Speaker 1: you know, kind of up to that point in our

1059
01:05:02,280 --> 01:05:04,520
Speaker 1: life like where they're like, man, I'm not ready to

1060
01:05:04,520 --> 01:05:07,920
Speaker 1: have kids or whatever. I don't really think anyone ever

1061
01:05:08,200 --> 01:05:11,439
Speaker 1: quite is like you're not. It's one of those things.

1062
01:05:11,440 --> 01:05:14,160
Speaker 1: It's like the first time you go skydiving, Like you're

1063
01:05:14,160 --> 01:05:16,440
Speaker 1: not ready to go skydiving, but you know, you just

1064
01:05:16,520 --> 01:05:18,560
Speaker 1: pull the cord and parishue comes out and then you

1065
01:05:18,560 --> 01:05:22,320
Speaker 1: float down to the ground. You know, it's just kind

1066
01:05:22,320 --> 01:05:25,520
Speaker 1: of something that you just step into and it just

1067
01:05:26,320 --> 01:05:30,960
Speaker 1: it works. You if you are willing to put yourself,

1068
01:05:31,280 --> 01:05:34,320
Speaker 1: you know, second for a little while in your life,

1069
01:05:34,400 --> 01:05:37,360
Speaker 1: until the kids are self deficient and they can, you know,

1070
01:05:37,440 --> 01:05:39,640
Speaker 1: go downstairs and you get their own fucking juice box.

1071
01:05:40,000 --> 01:05:43,800
Speaker 1: You know. It's it's pretty, it's it's not easy, but

1072
01:05:45,000 --> 01:05:48,640
Speaker 1: it is. I developed an aptitude for it pretty quickly,

1073
01:05:48,640 --> 01:05:51,160
Speaker 1: and I didn't think that I would. So, you know,

1074
01:05:51,400 --> 01:05:53,760
Speaker 1: I don't think that I'm different. I think that's pretty

1075
01:05:53,920 --> 01:05:56,720
Speaker 1: standard across the board. Like you, you're not. You're never

1076
01:05:56,800 --> 01:06:00,640
Speaker 1: really sure. You don't know what you know until you know. So,

1077
01:06:01,400 --> 01:06:03,880
Speaker 1: you know, I wouldn't think too hard about that. If

1078
01:06:03,920 --> 01:06:06,160
Speaker 1: you can, you know, operate on a couple of hours

1079
01:06:06,200 --> 01:06:08,560
Speaker 1: sleep for four months when the kid's born, you'll be

1080
01:06:08,560 --> 01:06:08,919
Speaker 1: all right.

1081
01:06:13,520 --> 01:06:17,840
Speaker 2: Yeah, how long have you been with your your How

1082
01:06:17,880 --> 01:06:19,080
Speaker 2: long have you been with your wife?

1083
01:06:21,400 --> 01:06:25,520
Speaker 1: Uh? Kind of funnily enough, we actually found out that

1084
01:06:25,560 --> 01:06:29,360
Speaker 1: we were having a child like two months into knowing

1085
01:06:29,400 --> 01:06:34,320
Speaker 1: each other. Really yeah, but it just kind of it

1086
01:06:34,440 --> 01:06:40,800
Speaker 1: just worked like we our personalities were super compatible, and

1087
01:06:42,520 --> 01:06:46,840
Speaker 1: we just like three months into knowing each other, we

1088
01:06:46,880 --> 01:06:49,920
Speaker 1: were I had moved out of the house that I

1089
01:06:49,960 --> 01:06:55,520
Speaker 1: was living in and moved with her and went through

1090
01:06:55,520 --> 01:06:58,840
Speaker 1: the whole pregnancy, then together, and then when the kid

1091
01:06:58,920 --> 01:07:03,640
Speaker 1: was born, some my job thing happened, and a lot

1092
01:07:03,640 --> 01:07:08,560
Speaker 1: of life has happened between us meeting and dating for

1093
01:07:08,600 --> 01:07:10,840
Speaker 1: a very short amount of time to figuring out that

1094
01:07:10,880 --> 01:07:14,160
Speaker 1: we were having a kid, and everything just kind of

1095
01:07:14,160 --> 01:07:22,280
Speaker 1: felt really like normal and natural and really compatible. And

1096
01:07:23,520 --> 01:07:27,640
Speaker 1: we're i would say, like healthily codependent on each other.

1097
01:07:29,120 --> 01:07:31,880
Speaker 1: We don't, you know, need to be around each other

1098
01:07:31,920 --> 01:07:33,560
Speaker 1: all the time, but we kind of want to be

1099
01:07:33,600 --> 01:07:41,280
Speaker 1: around each other. Being being the father of her kids

1100
01:07:41,320 --> 01:07:50,160
Speaker 1: has been like really bonding for me. I can't really

1101
01:07:50,200 --> 01:07:56,919
Speaker 1: like imagine my life without her. She's, you know, pretty much,

1102
01:07:57,600 --> 01:08:04,360
Speaker 1: she's really really intelligent and really driven in her career,

1103
01:08:04,560 --> 01:08:08,640
Speaker 1: and she's she's a lot of things that I'm not,

1104
01:08:09,440 --> 01:08:12,480
Speaker 1: and I'm most of the things that she's not. And

1105
01:08:12,520 --> 01:08:15,320
Speaker 1: so we've balanced each other out really well. So I

1106
01:08:15,560 --> 01:08:20,519
Speaker 1: would say in total, like so almost seven years now,

1107
01:08:20,680 --> 01:08:23,599
Speaker 1: we've been together. Seven years with a six year old.

1108
01:08:23,880 --> 01:08:31,240
Speaker 1: You can do that math. Cousin, Yeah, yeah, yeah, man.

1109
01:08:32,200 --> 01:08:35,280
Speaker 2: Cousin, cousin, cousin, cousin. I'm glad you called. I really

1110
01:08:35,360 --> 01:08:40,360
Speaker 2: enjoyed talking to you, talking to Please go, please follow

1111
01:08:41,000 --> 01:08:45,519
Speaker 2: Club's Handmaids with a k that so that we can

1112
01:08:46,040 --> 01:08:50,320
Speaker 2: so that we can force cousin into having no choice

1113
01:08:50,360 --> 01:08:53,160
Speaker 2: but to start selling T shirts, because once you get

1114
01:08:53,479 --> 01:08:55,680
Speaker 2: to a certain level of followers, it's like, you know,

1115
01:08:56,320 --> 01:08:58,040
Speaker 2: he has no te you know, he's got three kids

1116
01:08:58,040 --> 01:08:59,720
Speaker 2: to put through college. We need this guy to start

1117
01:08:59,720 --> 01:09:01,200
Speaker 2: telling some T shirts.

1118
01:09:01,520 --> 01:09:04,320
Speaker 1: The tools do it, man. The tools. The tools are

1119
01:09:04,360 --> 01:09:09,920
Speaker 1: my main source of income. They're they're they're pretty make them.

1120
01:09:10,040 --> 01:09:12,639
Speaker 2: Or buy his way his Power Built Golf. Is that

1121
01:09:12,760 --> 01:09:14,879
Speaker 2: your company?

1122
01:09:15,960 --> 01:09:20,519
Speaker 1: No, it's the company that I'm affiliated with there, I'm

1123
01:09:20,680 --> 01:09:26,120
Speaker 1: the It's just I'm called like a staff member. Like

1124
01:09:26,200 --> 01:09:32,839
Speaker 1: basically I h I do like development testing, uh, product

1125
01:09:32,840 --> 01:09:35,040
Speaker 1: advisement or advising. I don't know.

1126
01:09:35,439 --> 01:09:37,479
Speaker 2: So if we want to buy, if we want to buy,

1127
01:09:37,520 --> 01:09:41,720
Speaker 2: But if we want to buy, do divots from you?

1128
01:09:41,840 --> 01:09:45,720
Speaker 1: Is that d D? Yeah? Yeah you d M me.

1129
01:09:45,800 --> 01:09:48,800
Speaker 1: I I don't have a website. I've completely like rejected

1130
01:09:48,800 --> 01:09:54,320
Speaker 1: the idea of having a website. It's funny it's people

1131
01:09:54,400 --> 01:09:56,719
Speaker 1: say that, like you have to have a website. You don't.

1132
01:09:58,360 --> 01:10:02,120
Speaker 1: You can You can li really sell and make a

1133
01:10:02,160 --> 01:10:05,559
Speaker 1: living by talking to people. Because everyone that owns one

1134
01:10:05,560 --> 01:10:07,639
Speaker 1: of my tools, they've had to come and talk to me.

1135
01:10:08,080 --> 01:10:13,679
Speaker 2: It's like our boy, our boy. Uh fuck. His name

1136
01:10:13,720 --> 01:10:17,559
Speaker 2: was also Chris, this guy who lived on a Native

1137
01:10:17,600 --> 01:10:21,599
Speaker 2: American reservation. I forget his Instagram, but and I forget

1138
01:10:21,640 --> 01:10:24,320
Speaker 2: if anything. I don't know if anything ever kind of

1139
01:10:25,439 --> 01:10:27,240
Speaker 2: I don't know what the follow up is with that guy,

1140
01:10:27,320 --> 01:10:31,040
Speaker 2: but he like we plugged his Instagram and I was like,

1141
01:10:31,160 --> 01:10:32,960
Speaker 2: because he sells he like lives on a farm and

1142
01:10:33,000 --> 01:10:36,120
Speaker 2: like sells seeds and stuff. And we plugged his Instagram

1143
01:10:36,160 --> 01:10:37,360
Speaker 2: and I was like, do you have a website you

1144
01:10:37,400 --> 01:10:39,320
Speaker 2: sell these seeds on? He was like, nah, man, just

1145
01:10:39,400 --> 01:10:41,960
Speaker 2: DM me and we'll fucking figure it out. I'm like,

1146
01:10:42,000 --> 01:10:43,000
Speaker 2: that's that's pretty cool.

1147
01:10:43,840 --> 01:10:46,679
Speaker 1: It's so cool, dude, like to And also it makes

1148
01:10:47,120 --> 01:10:50,000
Speaker 1: I'm not really like a like an extrovert kind of person.

1149
01:10:50,160 --> 01:10:51,920
Speaker 1: I don't like go out of my way to talk

1150
01:10:51,960 --> 01:10:57,400
Speaker 1: to people. And it's really cool that having this Instagram

1151
01:10:57,439 --> 01:11:02,799
Speaker 1: thing has made me talk to people, and it's forced

1152
01:11:02,840 --> 01:11:06,519
Speaker 1: me to be more understanding and like to work with

1153
01:11:06,560 --> 01:11:10,600
Speaker 1: people and understand that not everyone you know operates the

1154
01:11:10,640 --> 01:11:15,400
Speaker 1: same way like I'm just because I've sold, you know,

1155
01:11:15,600 --> 01:11:18,880
Speaker 1: thousands of tools over the years, it's still their first

1156
01:11:18,880 --> 01:11:22,040
Speaker 1: time buying one, so I can't treat it as if

1157
01:11:22,080 --> 01:11:26,000
Speaker 1: they know everything already. Their brand new to this. I'm

1158
01:11:26,000 --> 01:11:29,160
Speaker 1: a seasoned vet in this, but they're brand new to it.

1159
01:11:29,160 --> 01:11:31,760
Speaker 1: It could be their first. So it could be their first,

1160
01:11:32,160 --> 01:11:35,360
Speaker 1: you know, like social media purchase as a whole, and

1161
01:11:35,400 --> 01:11:37,920
Speaker 1: so you know, you have to make sure that like

1162
01:11:38,040 --> 01:11:42,200
Speaker 1: you're being a good garner of basically a virtual brick

1163
01:11:42,240 --> 01:11:44,920
Speaker 1: and mortar establishment. That's what I am. A virtual brick

1164
01:11:44,960 --> 01:11:47,719
Speaker 1: and mortar where you have to come in and physically

1165
01:11:47,760 --> 01:11:48,120
Speaker 1: talk to.

1166
01:11:48,080 --> 01:11:53,839
Speaker 2: Me, virtual brick and mortar. That's a very Yeah, cousin,

1167
01:11:54,200 --> 01:11:57,080
Speaker 2: is there anything else you want to say to the

1168
01:11:57,120 --> 01:11:58,760
Speaker 2: people of the computer before we go?

1169
01:12:01,080 --> 01:12:04,920
Speaker 1: Get your nuts checked and make sure you get a

1170
01:12:05,000 --> 01:12:09,680
Speaker 1: yearly physical. And also when people tell you that you

1171
01:12:09,720 --> 01:12:14,519
Speaker 1: can't try some other shit, because chances are you probably can.

1172
01:12:14,600 --> 01:12:15,960
Speaker 1: It's just not the way that you think you can.

1173
01:12:17,360 --> 01:12:20,519
Speaker 2: Beautiful, Thank you, cousin. This is a great conversation.

1174
01:12:20,600 --> 01:12:20,680
Speaker 1: Man.

1175
01:12:20,720 --> 01:12:21,719
Speaker 2: I appreciate your ten.

1176
01:12:22,760 --> 01:12:29,240
Speaker 1: Well, you're alleged appreciate you, bud. Take care man, you too, buddy.

1177
01:12:29,479 --> 01:12:32,680
Speaker 2: That was cousin. Yeah, go to fucking I'm on the

1178
01:12:32,720 --> 01:12:36,120
Speaker 2: website right now. What is it I just missed? Oh yeah,

1179
01:12:36,160 --> 01:12:42,920
Speaker 2: clubs handmaids with a K, send them a DM. Go

1180
01:12:43,000 --> 01:12:46,000
Speaker 2: to therapy gecko dot com to get a T shirt

1181
01:12:46,000 --> 01:12:49,600
Speaker 2: with my face on it. I tried to make that

1182
01:12:49,680 --> 01:12:53,360
Speaker 2: joke earlier when he was like, people they get too

1183
01:12:53,400 --> 01:12:55,559
Speaker 2: full of themselves. They start telling selling T shirts with

1184
01:12:55,600 --> 01:12:58,680
Speaker 2: their faces on it. I think because I feel better

1185
01:12:58,720 --> 01:13:01,559
Speaker 2: about selling merch because I'm like, because like the Gecko,

1186
01:13:01,680 --> 01:13:04,800
Speaker 2: it's like a character thing, so like it looks kind

1187
01:13:04,840 --> 01:13:06,760
Speaker 2: of funny and cool and weird, where it's like if

1188
01:13:06,760 --> 01:13:09,320
Speaker 2: I was just like guy selling T shirts with my

1189
01:13:09,320 --> 01:13:14,960
Speaker 2: face on it feel a little bit more weird. Whatever. Anyway,

1190
01:13:16,080 --> 01:13:18,920
Speaker 2: that was fun. That was fun. Thank you again, cousin

1191
01:13:19,800 --> 01:13:25,920
Speaker 2: for your time. That was the That was the podcast, folks.

1192
01:13:25,960 --> 01:13:28,720
Speaker 2: That was it. I like, I like doing a one

1193
01:13:28,800 --> 01:13:32,760
Speaker 2: call podcast now and then sometimes sometimes like I'm like

1194
01:13:33,160 --> 01:13:36,599
Speaker 2: five minutes into talking to someone and I'm like we're

1195
01:13:36,600 --> 01:13:38,840
Speaker 2: gonna I feel I just have a feeling. I'm like,

1196
01:13:38,840 --> 01:13:42,160
Speaker 2: this one's gonna be the whole thing, you know. He

1197
01:13:42,200 --> 01:13:43,920
Speaker 2: started talking about his childhood, and shit, I was like,

1198
01:13:43,960 --> 01:13:45,280
Speaker 2: we got a lots to talk about. We got all

1199
01:13:45,280 --> 01:13:51,880
Speaker 2: like ground tocover. So that was cousin. Uh, anyway, I'm

1200
01:13:51,920 --> 01:13:54,559
Speaker 2: on the road, I'm doing shows that we were just

1201
01:13:54,640 --> 01:13:56,639
Speaker 2: I just did the Pacific Northwest. Thank you to everyone

1202
01:13:56,680 --> 01:13:59,240
Speaker 2: who was at those shows. Those shows were really fun.

1203
01:14:00,520 --> 01:14:06,000
Speaker 2: The shows in Seattle, Portland, Vancouver, SF, and Minneapolis, those

1204
01:14:06,000 --> 01:14:09,200
Speaker 2: are really great. Uh. Next week or this week, I

1205
01:14:09,240 --> 01:14:13,680
Speaker 2: think I'll be Yeah, this week, I'll be in Cleveland, Pittsburgh,

1206
01:14:13,720 --> 01:14:17,760
Speaker 2: and Charlotte. Uh. Tickets to those shows are available at

1207
01:14:17,840 --> 01:14:23,719
Speaker 2: therapy geckotour dot com. I'm excited about those shows. Uh,

1208
01:14:24,200 --> 01:14:27,439
Speaker 2: Patreon dot com, slash lyle forever. If you want to

1209
01:14:27,640 --> 01:14:31,680
Speaker 2: see bonus episodes or whatever, who gives a fuck? Who cares?

1210
01:14:34,800 --> 01:14:39,000
Speaker 2: That was a nice episode. That was good. Uh. Also,

1211
01:14:39,040 --> 01:14:41,479
Speaker 2: if you want to call I, I realized that I

1212
01:14:41,600 --> 01:14:44,520
Speaker 2: just I had a little problem with like the about

1213
01:14:44,560 --> 01:14:47,240
Speaker 2: section of the podcast where it was telling people still

1214
01:14:47,360 --> 01:14:52,000
Speaker 2: just to go on twitch. To call in, you can

1215
01:14:52,040 --> 01:14:54,599
Speaker 2: text the phone number four oh one four seven two

1216
01:14:54,640 --> 01:15:00,280
Speaker 2: four three two five, and occasionally occasionally I'll ran only

1217
01:15:00,680 --> 01:15:04,400
Speaker 2: call back people who text the phone number on like

1218
01:15:04,439 --> 01:15:09,479
Speaker 2: a random like randomly five days in the middle of

1219
01:15:09,520 --> 01:15:12,920
Speaker 2: the afternoon after they sent the text. Sometimes I do that.

1220
01:15:13,760 --> 01:15:16,599
Speaker 2: The more official way of doing it is, UH, if

1221
01:15:16,640 --> 01:15:20,759
Speaker 2: you go to my Instagram Instagram dot com, slash lyle

1222
01:15:21,360 --> 01:15:25,120
Speaker 2: the number four. Ever, I'll post the phone number on

1223
01:15:25,200 --> 01:15:28,600
Speaker 2: there and people call or text at the time that

1224
01:15:28,640 --> 01:15:29,920
Speaker 2: I put the story up.

1225
01:15:30,800 --> 01:15:31,080
Speaker 1: Uh.

1226
01:15:31,120 --> 01:15:34,439
Speaker 2: But whatever, whatever, If it's destined that we talk, then

1227
01:15:34,920 --> 01:15:40,320
Speaker 2: then we talk. All right, that's it. Deck bless Thank

1228
01:15:40,360 --> 01:15:41,599
Speaker 2: you guys, see you next time.

1229
01:15:42,200 --> 01:15:47,120
Speaker 1: Again goes on the line, taking your phone calls every nine.

1230
01:15:47,560 --> 01:15:50,800
Speaker 2: Goes to just teaching you aloud in the line.

1231
01:15:52,840 --> 01:15:53,320
Speaker 1: Expert