1 00:00:03,840 --> 00:00:07,040 Speaker 1: Sports teaches two things that we as a society don't 2 00:00:07,080 --> 00:00:09,320 Speaker 1: do a great job of teaching kids anymore. One of 3 00:00:09,360 --> 00:00:11,000 Speaker 1: them is you got to work if it's time and 4 00:00:11,119 --> 00:00:15,280 Speaker 1: out success and that failure is not fatal. As a parent, 5 00:00:15,400 --> 00:00:18,280 Speaker 1: if you question the coach, your kids will question the coach. 6 00:00:18,960 --> 00:00:22,000 Speaker 1: This is the Reformed Sports Project, a podcast about restoring 7 00:00:22,000 --> 00:00:25,200 Speaker 1: healthy balance and perspective in all areas of sports through 8 00:00:25,320 --> 00:00:29,120 Speaker 1: education and advocacy. Hi, this is Nick Bonicourt with the 9 00:00:29,160 --> 00:00:32,080 Speaker 1: Reformed Sports Project podcast. Today, I'm joined by the head 10 00:00:32,120 --> 00:00:35,920 Speaker 1: women's basketball coach at Women College Michelle for Ends. Her 11 00:00:35,960 --> 00:00:39,640 Speaker 1: program is qualified for the Northwest Conference postseason tournament each 12 00:00:39,640 --> 00:00:41,600 Speaker 1: of the past nine seasons and for the n c 13 00:00:41,800 --> 00:00:44,880 Speaker 1: A Tournament four of the past seven seasons. Coach Friends 14 00:00:44,880 --> 00:00:47,040 Speaker 1: and I talk about D one or bust, the fare 15 00:00:47,120 --> 00:00:49,159 Speaker 1: of your kid missing out, and what she looks for 16 00:00:49,360 --> 00:00:53,680 Speaker 1: during recruiting. Man freaking fired up. I have another phenomenal guest. 17 00:00:53,880 --> 00:00:56,400 Speaker 1: Were cut from the same cloth. I always say this 18 00:00:56,480 --> 00:00:59,400 Speaker 1: when I have a fellow D three athlete or coach 19 00:00:59,480 --> 00:01:02,400 Speaker 1: on man and I'm I love it feel that bond. 20 00:01:02,640 --> 00:01:06,520 Speaker 1: The head women's basketball coach at Women College Michelle f 21 00:01:06,520 --> 00:01:08,920 Speaker 1: Friends Coach Thank you so much for hopping up pump 22 00:01:09,000 --> 00:01:11,760 Speaker 1: to have you. Thanks for having me, Nick, this is 23 00:01:11,800 --> 00:01:14,000 Speaker 1: this is an thank you. You say it's an honor. 24 00:01:14,040 --> 00:01:15,920 Speaker 1: I appreci I feel like I'm the one who's I 25 00:01:16,080 --> 00:01:18,360 Speaker 1: was honored. I love it. I love talking to people 26 00:01:18,360 --> 00:01:20,920 Speaker 1: who who get it. You know, you're a parent as well. 27 00:01:21,000 --> 00:01:22,720 Speaker 1: You've been in the game for a long time and coach, 28 00:01:22,760 --> 00:01:24,840 Speaker 1: and I think you said, you know, thirty plus years. 29 00:01:25,040 --> 00:01:27,040 Speaker 1: Where I'd love to start with your coaches, you know, 30 00:01:27,040 --> 00:01:28,600 Speaker 1: I want to get into your history as a as 31 00:01:28,600 --> 00:01:31,319 Speaker 1: a sports parent, and your experience as an athlete and coach. 32 00:01:31,480 --> 00:01:33,760 Speaker 1: But where I'd really love to start as this whole 33 00:01:33,959 --> 00:01:36,479 Speaker 1: d one or bust thing. And you're coaching at one 34 00:01:36,520 --> 00:01:39,200 Speaker 1: of the premier women's basketball programs in the country. I 35 00:01:39,200 --> 00:01:41,000 Speaker 1: believe you guys, for the last several years have been 36 00:01:41,080 --> 00:01:42,720 Speaker 1: ranked in the top ten. I believe this year. I 37 00:01:42,720 --> 00:01:44,480 Speaker 1: don't know where I've been looked in the latest polls, 38 00:01:44,480 --> 00:01:47,039 Speaker 1: but I think you're top five. But people have a 39 00:01:47,120 --> 00:01:50,440 Speaker 1: misconception coach that you know, I've heard people actually say 40 00:01:50,480 --> 00:01:52,840 Speaker 1: like Division three and this pisses me off. Part of 41 00:01:52,840 --> 00:01:55,040 Speaker 1: my language, but it pisses me off. People will compare 42 00:01:55,120 --> 00:01:58,720 Speaker 1: in Division three sports to like intramural sports. And I'm like, dude, 43 00:01:58,760 --> 00:02:00,680 Speaker 1: I played with guys who went to the big leagues 44 00:02:00,720 --> 00:02:03,400 Speaker 1: from Division three. So can you talk about the Division 45 00:02:03,400 --> 00:02:06,160 Speaker 1: three experience that d won or bus mentality, because clearly 46 00:02:06,200 --> 00:02:08,240 Speaker 1: you're not there for just having a good time. You're 47 00:02:08,240 --> 00:02:09,959 Speaker 1: there to teach and learn, but you're also there to 48 00:02:10,000 --> 00:02:13,320 Speaker 1: win and compete. Yeah, I know, I'm I'm you know, 49 00:02:13,360 --> 00:02:15,920 Speaker 1: I played junior college and I played Division two and 50 00:02:16,000 --> 00:02:18,400 Speaker 1: I landed at the Division three level, you know, kind 51 00:02:18,440 --> 00:02:20,840 Speaker 1: of after coaching high school for ten or eleven years. 52 00:02:20,880 --> 00:02:23,040 Speaker 1: And to be honest, it was my husband who had 53 00:02:23,080 --> 00:02:26,360 Speaker 1: been an assistant coach at Swaphomore back East and he 54 00:02:26,680 --> 00:02:29,280 Speaker 1: played D two and played he played professionally overseas and 55 00:02:29,280 --> 00:02:31,120 Speaker 1: he had been an assistant Swathmore. Some of the women 56 00:02:31,240 --> 00:02:33,200 Speaker 1: job opened up. He said, oh, apply for that, and 57 00:02:33,240 --> 00:02:35,880 Speaker 1: I'll be honest, I got it because they were horrible. 58 00:02:36,000 --> 00:02:38,360 Speaker 1: I mean, they hired a high school coach to take 59 00:02:38,400 --> 00:02:42,040 Speaker 1: over college program because they they had been beaten by 60 00:02:42,080 --> 00:02:44,440 Speaker 1: seventy and eighty points a year before, so they basically 61 00:02:44,600 --> 00:02:48,040 Speaker 1: needed somebody, a warm body, and so it was a challenge. 62 00:02:48,320 --> 00:02:50,799 Speaker 1: But the thing I fell in love with was the kids, 63 00:02:50,880 --> 00:02:54,000 Speaker 1: the players that I've gotten to coaching recruit because Division 64 00:02:54,040 --> 00:02:58,359 Speaker 1: three is I think it's the purest level of athletics 65 00:02:58,360 --> 00:03:01,639 Speaker 1: out there are our players because they love the sport. 66 00:03:01,800 --> 00:03:04,040 Speaker 1: They are dedicated. These are kids that are turning down 67 00:03:04,480 --> 00:03:06,560 Speaker 1: my I've had kids, probably half my roster right now 68 00:03:06,639 --> 00:03:09,680 Speaker 1: is turned down scholarships because they want the experience of 69 00:03:09,840 --> 00:03:14,559 Speaker 1: being challenged academically and athletically. They want that whole experience. 70 00:03:14,919 --> 00:03:18,120 Speaker 1: And um, it doesn't mean they're less passionate about their sport. 71 00:03:18,160 --> 00:03:20,640 Speaker 1: In some respects, They're more passionate because they do it 72 00:03:20,639 --> 00:03:22,760 Speaker 1: because they love it. It's not being paid, it's not 73 00:03:22,800 --> 00:03:25,040 Speaker 1: a chore, it's never a job. It's a joy to 74 00:03:25,080 --> 00:03:28,000 Speaker 1: coach them. I don't know how to say it, you know. Um, 75 00:03:28,080 --> 00:03:30,280 Speaker 1: So the D one or bust thing is just so 76 00:03:30,880 --> 00:03:34,360 Speaker 1: I find it very defeating. Basketball is like the most 77 00:03:34,400 --> 00:03:37,320 Speaker 1: popular girls sport, you know, I think volleyball, basketball have 78 00:03:37,440 --> 00:03:40,320 Speaker 1: the most participants at the high school level, and so 79 00:03:40,520 --> 00:03:43,080 Speaker 1: few of them are going to get scholarships. And you know, 80 00:03:43,120 --> 00:03:44,760 Speaker 1: but you've got to go where you wanted and where 81 00:03:44,760 --> 00:03:47,760 Speaker 1: you value, where you appreciated, and you can go to 82 00:03:47,760 --> 00:03:49,880 Speaker 1: a D one walk on. I we recruit kids all 83 00:03:49,920 --> 00:03:51,240 Speaker 1: the time saying I think I'm gonna walk out of 84 00:03:51,240 --> 00:03:53,119 Speaker 1: a D one. I'm like, okay, but you're gonna come 85 00:03:53,160 --> 00:03:55,280 Speaker 1: here and we're gonna invest in you. We're going to 86 00:03:55,400 --> 00:03:57,480 Speaker 1: develop you as a person and as a player. We're 87 00:03:57,480 --> 00:04:00,280 Speaker 1: gonna support you, we're going to develop relationships with you, 88 00:04:00,320 --> 00:04:02,520 Speaker 1: we're gonna make you. And the end product is where 89 00:04:02,600 --> 00:04:04,680 Speaker 1: you know, is we're going to support that next step 90 00:04:04,680 --> 00:04:07,440 Speaker 1: for you, be a grad, school, be at work, whatever. 91 00:04:07,680 --> 00:04:10,240 Speaker 1: And that's really what it's about is college should be 92 00:04:10,280 --> 00:04:13,280 Speaker 1: that step to developing. It's like your first chance to 93 00:04:13,360 --> 00:04:15,760 Speaker 1: really become who you want to be. You get to 94 00:04:15,800 --> 00:04:18,000 Speaker 1: decide who you are, you get to develop, you get 95 00:04:18,040 --> 00:04:21,240 Speaker 1: to make some really adult life choices and define who 96 00:04:21,320 --> 00:04:23,840 Speaker 1: you are. And you know, I think Division three gives 97 00:04:23,960 --> 00:04:27,520 Speaker 1: student athletes a chance to really explore. It gives them 98 00:04:27,520 --> 00:04:29,960 Speaker 1: a chance to I mean, I need Division three coaches 99 00:04:29,960 --> 00:04:32,080 Speaker 1: are invested in the person on on a level that 100 00:04:32,160 --> 00:04:34,119 Speaker 1: sometimes D one are. I mean there's just a different 101 00:04:34,160 --> 00:04:36,360 Speaker 1: dynamic there. And I pay kids. I my own twins, 102 00:04:36,360 --> 00:04:38,720 Speaker 1: who one played junior college and and it probably could 103 00:04:38,760 --> 00:04:39,840 Speaker 1: have played DE three and then when they have the 104 00:04:39,880 --> 00:04:41,880 Speaker 1: Division one experience and for both of them. You know 105 00:04:41,920 --> 00:04:43,920 Speaker 1: the choices where you know, where are you gonna be valued, 106 00:04:43,920 --> 00:04:46,479 Speaker 1: where you're gonna be invested, you know what's really honestly, 107 00:04:46,760 --> 00:04:49,520 Speaker 1: where you're gonna have a great experience. And I and 108 00:04:49,560 --> 00:04:51,919 Speaker 1: I think sometimes that d want or bust mentality is 109 00:04:51,960 --> 00:04:54,559 Speaker 1: just wow, it's defeating because that's not what it's all about. 110 00:04:54,800 --> 00:04:57,080 Speaker 1: Maybe a scholarship should not be the end game. You 111 00:04:57,080 --> 00:04:59,039 Speaker 1: should play sports because you love it. And I think 112 00:04:59,080 --> 00:05:04,240 Speaker 1: sometimes that dan one inbust mentality never allows kids to 113 00:05:04,279 --> 00:05:06,280 Speaker 1: decide do I love the game? What do I love? 114 00:05:06,400 --> 00:05:08,720 Speaker 1: What's my why? Why do I play? Do I love 115 00:05:08,720 --> 00:05:10,760 Speaker 1: being part of a team. Do I love the work? 116 00:05:11,360 --> 00:05:13,080 Speaker 1: You know? Do I love going to the gym every 117 00:05:13,160 --> 00:05:15,840 Speaker 1: day and and having a goal and challenging myself? Is 118 00:05:15,880 --> 00:05:18,120 Speaker 1: it the competing? What what is it you love about 119 00:05:18,120 --> 00:05:20,400 Speaker 1: being an athlete? And sometimes it just gets blurred in 120 00:05:20,480 --> 00:05:23,800 Speaker 1: that whole message. And and that's that's unfortunate because there's 121 00:05:23,800 --> 00:05:26,440 Speaker 1: so many I think kids would walk away from they 122 00:05:26,480 --> 00:05:28,400 Speaker 1: decided not to play, who really love the sport? And 123 00:05:28,440 --> 00:05:29,960 Speaker 1: then they come background and said, I wish I would 124 00:05:29,960 --> 00:05:31,440 Speaker 1: have gone to play. Do you know, um, I don't 125 00:05:31,440 --> 00:05:33,000 Speaker 1: have a couple of my own households. That's not a 126 00:05:33,040 --> 00:05:34,800 Speaker 1: couple of my own kids. They probably would have continue 127 00:05:34,839 --> 00:05:37,240 Speaker 1: their athletic career because you know, it's such a fleeting 128 00:05:37,240 --> 00:05:40,920 Speaker 1: opportunity and so many positives. So I'm listening to you, 129 00:05:40,920 --> 00:05:42,840 Speaker 1: and I'm thinking as a parent of myself and someone 130 00:05:42,839 --> 00:05:45,400 Speaker 1: who coaches in youth athletics, and people like to point 131 00:05:45,400 --> 00:05:47,840 Speaker 1: the finger and say kids nowadays aren't as tough for 132 00:05:48,000 --> 00:05:50,719 Speaker 1: kids are soft there. I think we're the ones raising them. 133 00:05:50,800 --> 00:05:53,720 Speaker 1: You know, my generation, your generation, our generation of the 134 00:05:53,760 --> 00:05:57,800 Speaker 1: ones who built this youth sports billion dollar industry that 135 00:05:57,839 --> 00:06:00,440 Speaker 1: didn't exist when I was growing up. So it's you know, 136 00:06:00,640 --> 00:06:05,000 Speaker 1: and at the forefront of it, I believe, is selling 137 00:06:05,440 --> 00:06:09,880 Speaker 1: parents or selling the dream of the athletic scholarship, selling it. Hey, 138 00:06:09,960 --> 00:06:12,679 Speaker 1: you're so good, your kids a phenom, right, we gotta 139 00:06:12,720 --> 00:06:15,480 Speaker 1: oh my god, I haven't seen this talent since you know, 140 00:06:15,800 --> 00:06:18,599 Speaker 1: Albert Einstein, whatever it is like your kids the next 141 00:06:18,680 --> 00:06:21,240 Speaker 1: this and then, oh my god, we gotta harness this 142 00:06:21,440 --> 00:06:24,880 Speaker 1: talent by going year round and specializing and hey, it's 143 00:06:24,880 --> 00:06:27,000 Speaker 1: only gonna be X amount of dollars, but we can't 144 00:06:27,080 --> 00:06:29,680 Speaker 1: let them fall behind. So this pressure is created and 145 00:06:29,720 --> 00:06:31,120 Speaker 1: the parents here and they go, oh my god, my 146 00:06:31,200 --> 00:06:33,400 Speaker 1: kids special and then oh my god, my kid's gonna 147 00:06:33,400 --> 00:06:35,839 Speaker 1: miss out, not gonna keep up. That's such an easy 148 00:06:35,880 --> 00:06:38,240 Speaker 1: way to get a parent to take all of their 149 00:06:38,240 --> 00:06:39,960 Speaker 1: money and put it. And I'm not saying that's a 150 00:06:39,960 --> 00:06:41,440 Speaker 1: bad thing. I'm not saying it's a good thing. What 151 00:06:41,480 --> 00:06:43,720 Speaker 1: I'm saying is it's a thing that's real, and I 152 00:06:43,720 --> 00:06:46,919 Speaker 1: think it causes everything, the specialization piece, the fair of 153 00:06:47,000 --> 00:06:49,520 Speaker 1: missing out from your experience as a sports parent, What 154 00:06:49,640 --> 00:06:51,839 Speaker 1: did you feel any of that? How did you kind 155 00:06:51,839 --> 00:06:55,440 Speaker 1: of manage that that whole area. Well, you know, mysband, 156 00:06:55,440 --> 00:06:58,520 Speaker 1: I am both coaches. My husband coaches high school boys 157 00:06:58,600 --> 00:07:00,880 Speaker 1: and then my daughter's a little bit in today. You 158 00:07:01,040 --> 00:07:04,640 Speaker 1: But our perspective as parents was we wanted our kids 159 00:07:04,680 --> 00:07:06,800 Speaker 1: to play sports, and we wanted to play a lot 160 00:07:06,839 --> 00:07:11,080 Speaker 1: of sports. And so we were not gifted musically. Um 161 00:07:11,200 --> 00:07:14,600 Speaker 1: we're you know, we're not we're we're not artistic people. Um. 162 00:07:14,800 --> 00:07:17,000 Speaker 1: So you know, we we wanted our kids to learn 163 00:07:17,960 --> 00:07:20,280 Speaker 1: learn how to be athletes in some respect and be 164 00:07:20,360 --> 00:07:22,920 Speaker 1: parts of teams. And so my son played soccer, he 165 00:07:23,000 --> 00:07:25,320 Speaker 1: played baseball, he played basketball, play football. You know, you 166 00:07:25,360 --> 00:07:27,360 Speaker 1: played three or four sports growing up and then kind 167 00:07:27,360 --> 00:07:29,680 Speaker 1: of just played basketball, football, But we never asked them 168 00:07:29,680 --> 00:07:32,320 Speaker 1: to specialize. Our own children, and even my daughter who 169 00:07:32,440 --> 00:07:35,160 Speaker 1: ended up playing at US the Big Sky all time, 170 00:07:35,240 --> 00:07:37,480 Speaker 1: leaving score. I mean, she loves to game basketball, but 171 00:07:37,640 --> 00:07:40,720 Speaker 1: she throughout high school she played soccer. She loved soccer, 172 00:07:41,080 --> 00:07:44,040 Speaker 1: and I as a parent, never asked her not to 173 00:07:44,040 --> 00:07:46,520 Speaker 1: play soccer. You know, Um, it was part of who 174 00:07:46,560 --> 00:07:48,160 Speaker 1: she was. And the other daughter played a lot of 175 00:07:48,160 --> 00:07:51,200 Speaker 1: softball and volleyball. I mean, we never asked them to specialize. 176 00:07:51,480 --> 00:07:53,200 Speaker 1: You know what we did ask of them. And as 177 00:07:53,280 --> 00:07:55,480 Speaker 1: a parent perspective, as Monday, back to that level what 178 00:07:55,520 --> 00:07:58,400 Speaker 1: you're talking about, where the money starts to become part 179 00:07:58,440 --> 00:08:00,960 Speaker 1: of it, where you know, the club coaches come calling 180 00:08:01,040 --> 00:08:05,000 Speaker 1: or the trainers come calling. As a specialization. Um, our 181 00:08:05,120 --> 00:08:07,760 Speaker 1: our thing was okay, as parents, we will I mean 182 00:08:07,760 --> 00:08:09,720 Speaker 1: we understood that. We understood. You know, I go a 183 00:08:09,760 --> 00:08:12,680 Speaker 1: recruit club tournaments. I understand the club circuit. Um. You know, 184 00:08:12,760 --> 00:08:15,760 Speaker 1: I get it. But we always asked our kids, our 185 00:08:15,880 --> 00:08:18,400 Speaker 1: our own children, that Okay, if we're gonna pay for this, 186 00:08:18,680 --> 00:08:21,320 Speaker 1: here's the agreement. This is what you're gonna do on 187 00:08:21,360 --> 00:08:23,600 Speaker 1: your own. You're gonna go to the gym, and they 188 00:08:23,640 --> 00:08:25,680 Speaker 1: had no excuses because we had gym keith to two 189 00:08:25,720 --> 00:08:28,840 Speaker 1: different facilities, you know, so we put down okay, we'll 190 00:08:28,880 --> 00:08:31,520 Speaker 1: pay if you're willing to put in the time outside, 191 00:08:31,520 --> 00:08:33,240 Speaker 1: because I think that's something that's been lost. And when 192 00:08:33,240 --> 00:08:34,880 Speaker 1: you talk about what we did, you know, and I 193 00:08:35,040 --> 00:08:37,400 Speaker 1: and I'm older than you, so I can't remember further 194 00:08:37,480 --> 00:08:40,480 Speaker 1: back that without especially being a female. I mean, I 195 00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:42,360 Speaker 1: grew up in the seventies and the eighties and there 196 00:08:42,520 --> 00:08:44,880 Speaker 1: weren't club teams there. I didn't get on a club 197 00:08:44,920 --> 00:08:47,120 Speaker 1: team as a basketball player until I was going into 198 00:08:47,160 --> 00:08:49,440 Speaker 1: my senior year in high school and played the Auth circuit. 199 00:08:49,720 --> 00:08:52,560 Speaker 1: I had go fine places to play. I did so 200 00:08:52,640 --> 00:08:55,000 Speaker 1: much on my own or with my coach. You know, 201 00:08:55,160 --> 00:08:57,360 Speaker 1: we just played open gym. We play, went to the 202 00:08:57,400 --> 00:08:59,679 Speaker 1: gym and we shot. And I remember go now the 203 00:08:59,720 --> 00:09:02,520 Speaker 1: Rex Center and playing with the guys because you know, 204 00:09:02,640 --> 00:09:05,240 Speaker 1: I mean, you just sought out opportunities. But I developed 205 00:09:05,320 --> 00:09:08,160 Speaker 1: personally a love for the sport. And nobody told me 206 00:09:08,200 --> 00:09:10,200 Speaker 1: I had to go train or I had to travel, 207 00:09:10,240 --> 00:09:11,920 Speaker 1: and there was no money involved. My mom. My mom 208 00:09:11,960 --> 00:09:14,080 Speaker 1: didn't have to pay mince. She paid for some basketball camps, 209 00:09:14,120 --> 00:09:16,360 Speaker 1: but she didn't pay for trips to Atlanta, and you know, 210 00:09:16,640 --> 00:09:19,120 Speaker 1: Virginia and one of my daughters traveled all over the 211 00:09:19,200 --> 00:09:21,480 Speaker 1: nation with the top club team and she loved it. 212 00:09:21,640 --> 00:09:23,920 Speaker 1: But the agreement was with our own kids is we're 213 00:09:23,920 --> 00:09:25,679 Speaker 1: gonna put the work in and the work ethic is, 214 00:09:25,720 --> 00:09:28,840 Speaker 1: I think is something that's missing sometimes. You know, sports 215 00:09:28,880 --> 00:09:32,080 Speaker 1: teaches two things that we as a society don't do 216 00:09:32,120 --> 00:09:34,480 Speaker 1: a great job of teaching kids anymore. One of them 217 00:09:34,559 --> 00:09:36,240 Speaker 1: is you got to work and puts time into have 218 00:09:36,320 --> 00:09:39,920 Speaker 1: the success, and that failure is not fatal. You are 219 00:09:39,920 --> 00:09:42,720 Speaker 1: going to fall flat on your face and you're gonna lose, 220 00:09:42,880 --> 00:09:45,600 Speaker 1: and you're gonna get up the next day, or you're 221 00:09:45,600 --> 00:09:47,920 Speaker 1: you're gonna you're gonna reset and you gonna learn from it. 222 00:09:47,960 --> 00:09:50,559 Speaker 1: And I think that's the thing that sports can really teach. 223 00:09:50,600 --> 00:09:52,640 Speaker 1: And so I wanted my kids to have all this. 224 00:09:52,840 --> 00:09:55,160 Speaker 1: I wanted them to have the ups and the downs, 225 00:09:55,200 --> 00:09:57,920 Speaker 1: but I also wanted them to have the work ethic. 226 00:09:58,200 --> 00:09:59,960 Speaker 1: You put the time in. If you want to be good, 227 00:10:00,040 --> 00:10:02,319 Speaker 1: this something you put the time in. Grades were also 228 00:10:02,720 --> 00:10:05,000 Speaker 1: very important, so you know, when grade started to slip, 229 00:10:05,160 --> 00:10:06,720 Speaker 1: and you know, and for the most part of kids 230 00:10:06,720 --> 00:10:08,800 Speaker 1: were great students. But if they started to slip a 231 00:10:08,840 --> 00:10:12,040 Speaker 1: few homework assignments were missing, then it was like, okay, right, 232 00:10:12,480 --> 00:10:13,800 Speaker 1: you know we need to talk. If you want to 233 00:10:13,840 --> 00:10:15,719 Speaker 1: go to this AU tournament, then you better get that 234 00:10:15,760 --> 00:10:18,600 Speaker 1: book reported or something, you know, and that dynamic. And 235 00:10:18,640 --> 00:10:21,760 Speaker 1: I think that's the thing that sports should be for 236 00:10:21,800 --> 00:10:25,800 Speaker 1: all kids is those opportunities to we just don't. I mean, 237 00:10:25,800 --> 00:10:28,240 Speaker 1: I guess some kids that even at Whitman that are 238 00:10:28,440 --> 00:10:33,200 Speaker 1: they just failure is so scuhurt for them because they 239 00:10:33,280 --> 00:10:35,360 Speaker 1: don't they didn't do a lot of it. They were 240 00:10:35,400 --> 00:10:38,400 Speaker 1: so kind of protected and Coddlen told how wonderful they are, 241 00:10:38,520 --> 00:10:40,559 Speaker 1: and they are wonderful. But you're gonna be okay, we're 242 00:10:40,559 --> 00:10:42,520 Speaker 1: gonna lose the game, and we're gonna be okay, we're 243 00:10:42,520 --> 00:10:44,320 Speaker 1: gonna get better from it. We're gonna learn from it. 244 00:10:44,400 --> 00:10:47,640 Speaker 1: And and what a powerful experience. And the last thing 245 00:10:47,679 --> 00:10:50,079 Speaker 1: I think with high school college is time management. I mean, 246 00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:54,120 Speaker 1: student athletes to be good, especially you know Whitmen, we 247 00:10:54,120 --> 00:10:57,960 Speaker 1: were at high academic school. Our kids are amazing time managers. Well, 248 00:10:58,000 --> 00:10:59,719 Speaker 1: I mean that's the kind of people that you want 249 00:10:59,760 --> 00:11:01,320 Speaker 1: with that of your resume. I was a student athlete 250 00:11:01,360 --> 00:11:03,760 Speaker 1: Whitman College, because where was your reading? That's gonna go Okay. 251 00:11:04,000 --> 00:11:06,120 Speaker 1: This person knows how to use their time. They know 252 00:11:06,160 --> 00:11:08,160 Speaker 1: how they have to get stuff done. And I know 253 00:11:08,160 --> 00:11:10,000 Speaker 1: you had a divisional experience, but I mean, I think 254 00:11:10,080 --> 00:11:13,640 Speaker 1: any student athletes, you know that, especially at the lower levels, 255 00:11:13,679 --> 00:11:16,880 Speaker 1: they they're working hard to create time to be excellent 256 00:11:16,960 --> 00:11:19,320 Speaker 1: their sports. They're they're not being coddled in any way, 257 00:11:19,559 --> 00:11:22,520 Speaker 1: and finding those are really valuable lessons and I think 258 00:11:22,559 --> 00:11:25,880 Speaker 1: the sports really provides those. And boy, I just what 259 00:11:25,960 --> 00:11:28,120 Speaker 1: worries me is, you know, is is just when the 260 00:11:28,160 --> 00:11:31,760 Speaker 1: specialization kicks in. I think sometimes especially on the female side, 261 00:11:31,800 --> 00:11:33,520 Speaker 1: the kids start looking around and going, I'll never be 262 00:11:33,559 --> 00:11:36,680 Speaker 1: that good and they start to quit. And that's that's 263 00:11:36,720 --> 00:11:39,040 Speaker 1: what concerns me. Or we have a trainer says don't 264 00:11:39,040 --> 00:11:41,520 Speaker 1: play for your high school team, you know, that's the 265 00:11:41,559 --> 00:11:44,560 Speaker 1: stuff that disturbs me. I just think the more opportunities 266 00:11:44,600 --> 00:11:46,920 Speaker 1: you have because your high school team isn't good and 267 00:11:46,920 --> 00:11:48,520 Speaker 1: you don't want to lose, I mean that's those are 268 00:11:48,520 --> 00:11:50,720 Speaker 1: the wrong messages and those are the things that disturbed 269 00:11:50,760 --> 00:11:52,520 Speaker 1: me more than anything. And and to be honest, I 270 00:11:52,679 --> 00:11:55,840 Speaker 1: try away from those kids because it's Division three is 271 00:11:55,840 --> 00:11:58,120 Speaker 1: a struggle if you're not passionate about what you do. 272 00:11:58,360 --> 00:12:00,160 Speaker 1: I mean, I think you understand that. I mean, you 273 00:12:00,240 --> 00:12:03,120 Speaker 1: have to love the sport and love the experience because 274 00:12:03,480 --> 00:12:06,000 Speaker 1: the pross not cutting you a break. They're gonna you know, 275 00:12:06,040 --> 00:12:09,000 Speaker 1: they're just not. They have absolutely no breaks to student athletes. 276 00:12:09,040 --> 00:12:10,640 Speaker 1: I don't know how your school was, but women, we 277 00:12:10,640 --> 00:12:14,880 Speaker 1: get no breaks. It's hard, and um, you know, so 278 00:12:15,000 --> 00:12:17,160 Speaker 1: we get cod women. They got to get things done. 279 00:12:17,400 --> 00:12:19,680 Speaker 1: When we come back. Michelle and I discussed how to 280 00:12:19,720 --> 00:12:31,000 Speaker 1: teach the circumstances rather than control and manipulate them. Where 281 00:12:31,000 --> 00:12:33,280 Speaker 1: we left off coach friends and I were about to 282 00:12:33,320 --> 00:12:36,040 Speaker 1: dive into how to release the opportunity to your child 283 00:12:39,320 --> 00:12:41,199 Speaker 1: As a parent. It's hard, man, it's hard. It's hard 284 00:12:41,200 --> 00:12:43,960 Speaker 1: to watch your kids struggle. It's not comfortable. But you know, 285 00:12:44,120 --> 00:12:46,400 Speaker 1: I'm listening to it and I'm thinking, you know, my 286 00:12:46,400 --> 00:12:49,320 Speaker 1: own experience as an athlete, I had coaches that were 287 00:12:49,480 --> 00:12:52,360 Speaker 1: I had coaches that were phenomenal, coaches who demanded a lot. 288 00:12:52,400 --> 00:12:54,000 Speaker 1: And then I had coaches who I don't think we're 289 00:12:54,040 --> 00:12:57,640 Speaker 1: particularly good, um in hindsight, you know, but you know, 290 00:12:57,679 --> 00:13:00,240 Speaker 1: looking back, I learned a lot from that experience as well, 291 00:13:00,280 --> 00:13:02,960 Speaker 1: and I've kind of tried to take that same perspective 292 00:13:03,080 --> 00:13:06,200 Speaker 1: to my kids. Right. I think it's so important unless, 293 00:13:06,280 --> 00:13:10,680 Speaker 1: of course, a circumstance is dangerous to our kids, right, Like, 294 00:13:10,920 --> 00:13:13,800 Speaker 1: you know, assuming that that's not the case. You know, 295 00:13:13,920 --> 00:13:17,040 Speaker 1: and your kid has a coach that maybe you don't 296 00:13:17,080 --> 00:13:19,120 Speaker 1: think is the best with x's and knows, or isn't 297 00:13:19,160 --> 00:13:21,560 Speaker 1: a great leader or isn't it great. I think one 298 00:13:21,600 --> 00:13:24,760 Speaker 1: of the biggest cancers that's out there in use sports 299 00:13:24,760 --> 00:13:28,000 Speaker 1: today is undermining the coach that your kids playing for. 300 00:13:28,200 --> 00:13:29,600 Speaker 1: And I think a lot of it. You talk about 301 00:13:29,600 --> 00:13:32,680 Speaker 1: the coddling, you talk about something like playing time or whatever, 302 00:13:32,760 --> 00:13:34,560 Speaker 1: or my kids, I don't on the fail, so I'm 303 00:13:34,559 --> 00:13:36,800 Speaker 1: gonna bleme you're only not playing because of this? Well, 304 00:13:36,800 --> 00:13:39,160 Speaker 1: how about telling your kids, like, Hey, your coach thinks 305 00:13:39,160 --> 00:13:41,280 Speaker 1: you belong here. Why not teach to that. Why not 306 00:13:41,320 --> 00:13:43,240 Speaker 1: go to your kids? Hey, you know, why not look 307 00:13:43,280 --> 00:13:45,240 Speaker 1: at it as an adult and say, hey, you know, 308 00:13:45,360 --> 00:13:48,240 Speaker 1: I may know that this coach maybe a little inexperience, 309 00:13:48,280 --> 00:13:50,880 Speaker 1: but I'm gonna help my child to understand how to 310 00:13:50,960 --> 00:13:52,760 Speaker 1: work through that and find a way to get better. 311 00:13:52,760 --> 00:13:54,640 Speaker 1: I'm gonna let them learn on their own. There's so 312 00:13:54,679 --> 00:13:56,960 Speaker 1: many ways I think that we as parents can teach 313 00:13:57,160 --> 00:14:00,559 Speaker 1: two circumstances rather than try to control them, in manipulate 314 00:14:00,600 --> 00:14:02,480 Speaker 1: them and always give the kid art. Listen, I think 315 00:14:02,520 --> 00:14:04,480 Speaker 1: I'm doing my kid at disservice if I'm always giving 316 00:14:04,520 --> 00:14:06,920 Speaker 1: them the benefit of the doubt, like accountability. It's huge 317 00:14:07,040 --> 00:14:09,400 Speaker 1: and you're I think you're talking about that. But it's 318 00:14:09,400 --> 00:14:11,560 Speaker 1: a fine line, right, It's tough to do. How do 319 00:14:11,600 --> 00:14:14,679 Speaker 1: we as parents kind of empower or let our kids 320 00:14:14,679 --> 00:14:17,880 Speaker 1: be released. Tim Corbyn had baseball coach of Ventnorbould like 321 00:14:17,880 --> 00:14:19,160 Speaker 1: to quote him a lot. He said to me in 322 00:14:19,160 --> 00:14:22,080 Speaker 1: our interview, released the opportunity to your child. I think 323 00:14:22,120 --> 00:14:23,520 Speaker 1: that's great. How do we do that? How do we 324 00:14:23,600 --> 00:14:26,000 Speaker 1: release the whole experience to our children? You know, I 325 00:14:26,000 --> 00:14:28,160 Speaker 1: think at a college level of their adults, and so 326 00:14:28,560 --> 00:14:30,600 Speaker 1: I kind of cut the parents out of it. But 327 00:14:30,720 --> 00:14:32,360 Speaker 1: I think, you know, I was a high school coach 328 00:14:32,360 --> 00:14:34,960 Speaker 1: for a long time and I've coached us, I've worked 329 00:14:35,000 --> 00:14:37,360 Speaker 1: camps um you know, and then coached my own daughters, 330 00:14:37,480 --> 00:14:39,200 Speaker 1: my husband and I both and my son, you know, 331 00:14:39,240 --> 00:14:41,960 Speaker 1: help with their youth programs. And I completely agree. And 332 00:14:42,000 --> 00:14:44,800 Speaker 1: one of the things we have to understand as parents 333 00:14:45,080 --> 00:14:47,720 Speaker 1: is we have to sit back and understand and this 334 00:14:47,800 --> 00:14:49,720 Speaker 1: was a little this is tough. I mean, the kid's 335 00:14:49,760 --> 00:14:51,320 Speaker 1: gonna come home and they're going to be upset or 336 00:14:51,360 --> 00:14:54,680 Speaker 1: they're going to be frustrated, and to listen and to 337 00:14:55,360 --> 00:14:58,400 Speaker 1: then you know, let's invent, let's get the emotion up. 338 00:14:58,440 --> 00:15:01,080 Speaker 1: But then realize that probably believe the next day they 339 00:15:01,200 --> 00:15:03,640 Speaker 1: probably forgotten about it. Do they moved on? You know? 340 00:15:03,680 --> 00:15:05,320 Speaker 1: I mean, I mean, they really have, And I agree 341 00:15:05,360 --> 00:15:07,320 Speaker 1: if it's not a dangerous situation. I mean, I mean, 342 00:15:07,360 --> 00:15:09,920 Speaker 1: I'm a college coach. My husband coach college here. We've 343 00:15:09,960 --> 00:15:13,520 Speaker 1: coached to combine fifty some years together, sixty some years together. 344 00:15:13,520 --> 00:15:15,800 Speaker 1: But we still have parents who you know, talk to 345 00:15:15,880 --> 00:15:19,080 Speaker 1: us about youth stuff and it is deflating. But I 346 00:15:19,120 --> 00:15:20,760 Speaker 1: mean we've been around long enough that we be trying 347 00:15:20,760 --> 00:15:23,840 Speaker 1: to put a perspective. Um. But anyway, so you know, 348 00:15:23,920 --> 00:15:26,800 Speaker 1: I think one thing that um, I think as a parent, 349 00:15:26,880 --> 00:15:28,680 Speaker 1: you have to understand that this is part of the 350 00:15:28,720 --> 00:15:31,480 Speaker 1: process and then ask, you know, ask your son, you 351 00:15:31,600 --> 00:15:33,280 Speaker 1: ask your daughter, Well what can you do to make 352 00:15:33,280 --> 00:15:35,920 Speaker 1: it better? You know, because like our kids were always 353 00:15:36,080 --> 00:15:39,320 Speaker 1: pretty skilled and pretty good athletes. I mean, they're my husband, 354 00:15:39,320 --> 00:15:41,640 Speaker 1: I both the college athletes for coaches, I mean, so 355 00:15:41,680 --> 00:15:43,440 Speaker 1: what are you gonna to make it better? Can you help? 356 00:15:43,640 --> 00:15:46,360 Speaker 1: You know? And then too, are you being enthusiastic? You know, well, 357 00:15:46,360 --> 00:15:47,640 Speaker 1: what are you doing to make things better? You are 358 00:15:47,680 --> 00:15:49,880 Speaker 1: you pumping your teammates up? What positives did you give? 359 00:15:50,240 --> 00:15:53,160 Speaker 1: And we praise them for those things and to try 360 00:15:53,160 --> 00:15:55,480 Speaker 1: to because jealousy is a big part of it sometimes too, 361 00:15:55,600 --> 00:15:57,880 Speaker 1: they you know, I mean there's a jealousy of the kids. 362 00:15:58,040 --> 00:16:00,480 Speaker 1: You know, youth athletics are so funny because you get 363 00:16:00,480 --> 00:16:02,960 Speaker 1: the kids that are just naturally they they grow early. 364 00:16:03,280 --> 00:16:05,480 Speaker 1: And that was me. I was the early mature. You know. 365 00:16:05,560 --> 00:16:08,480 Speaker 1: I was five eleven when I was twelve years old, 366 00:16:08,520 --> 00:16:10,840 Speaker 1: and I was funny and I could move, you know, 367 00:16:10,920 --> 00:16:13,480 Speaker 1: I was very I was the That's why I say 368 00:16:13,560 --> 00:16:16,040 Speaker 1: I was kind of saved me because otherwise I was 369 00:16:16,240 --> 00:16:18,680 Speaker 1: an anomaly. I was I stood out. You know. I 370 00:16:18,760 --> 00:16:21,440 Speaker 1: was taller than every person I ever encountered. It was 371 00:16:21,480 --> 00:16:23,720 Speaker 1: in my eight groups. So I grew early. But I 372 00:16:23,760 --> 00:16:27,640 Speaker 1: was also very graceful. I was athletic, and so sports 373 00:16:27,640 --> 00:16:30,600 Speaker 1: gave me an opportunity to feel good about myself. And 374 00:16:30,760 --> 00:16:33,080 Speaker 1: you know, otherwise I wouldn't have had that, And I 375 00:16:33,120 --> 00:16:35,120 Speaker 1: was also very competitive. He gave me an outlet for that, 376 00:16:35,160 --> 00:16:37,120 Speaker 1: and I think we have to recognize his parents that 377 00:16:37,280 --> 00:16:39,280 Speaker 1: why why do our kids play sports? Are they doing 378 00:16:39,280 --> 00:16:41,640 Speaker 1: it because they're athletic, are they driven? Or are they 379 00:16:41,680 --> 00:16:44,520 Speaker 1: just really loving The social aspect of it is that, 380 00:16:44,640 --> 00:16:47,040 Speaker 1: you know, and what are you doing to really encourage that, 381 00:16:47,080 --> 00:16:49,640 Speaker 1: because I mean, where do you want your kids to be? 382 00:16:49,720 --> 00:16:51,720 Speaker 1: Do you wanted to be hanging out on the soccer 383 00:16:51,800 --> 00:16:54,120 Speaker 1: field when they're twelve and thirteen years old having a 384 00:16:54,120 --> 00:16:57,040 Speaker 1: good time with with other kids who are good students 385 00:16:57,040 --> 00:16:59,560 Speaker 1: and good citizens, or do you want them to be 386 00:17:00,000 --> 00:17:01,640 Speaker 1: so discouraged that they shut down and they said at 387 00:17:01,640 --> 00:17:04,000 Speaker 1: home and play video games. I mean, that was the choice. 388 00:17:04,040 --> 00:17:06,040 Speaker 1: I wanted my kids to be busy. I wanted them 389 00:17:06,080 --> 00:17:08,080 Speaker 1: to be busy, and I was willing as a parent 390 00:17:08,160 --> 00:17:10,840 Speaker 1: to support that. And it wasn't always because they were 391 00:17:10,840 --> 00:17:14,240 Speaker 1: at the star. I just I wanted them in those environments. 392 00:17:14,280 --> 00:17:16,320 Speaker 1: I guess, I just and I think that's the thing 393 00:17:16,359 --> 00:17:18,720 Speaker 1: we lose track of. I think, you know the kids 394 00:17:18,760 --> 00:17:20,200 Speaker 1: that I get, I mean, for the most part, the 395 00:17:20,280 --> 00:17:24,240 Speaker 1: parents have they support the child, you know, through their 396 00:17:24,280 --> 00:17:26,439 Speaker 1: their sports, and some of them, I mean all of 397 00:17:26,440 --> 00:17:29,560 Speaker 1: our kids and women are all conference kids. I mean 398 00:17:29,560 --> 00:17:32,359 Speaker 1: there are some thousand point scorers in all state and whatever. 399 00:17:32,440 --> 00:17:35,760 Speaker 1: They were good players, but um, they're they're not Division 400 00:17:35,760 --> 00:17:38,000 Speaker 1: one kids. You know, they're not spolarship kids for the 401 00:17:38,040 --> 00:17:41,720 Speaker 1: most part. But the parents support the positive experience and 402 00:17:41,760 --> 00:17:44,399 Speaker 1: the commitment that that child was. You know that our daughters, 403 00:17:44,480 --> 00:17:46,879 Speaker 1: their daughters made and that they know what a big 404 00:17:46,920 --> 00:17:50,240 Speaker 1: part of their identity being an athlete is, and and 405 00:17:50,280 --> 00:17:52,320 Speaker 1: I just think there's so many positives at it. Wow. 406 00:17:52,359 --> 00:17:55,919 Speaker 1: As a parent, I mean, I really tried, and it 407 00:17:56,040 --> 00:17:59,399 Speaker 1: was hard time. I really tried. Um, I really tried 408 00:17:59,440 --> 00:18:01,679 Speaker 1: to make sure that you know, if my kids came 409 00:18:01,720 --> 00:18:04,159 Speaker 1: home or complaining about something, I listened. But then it 410 00:18:04,240 --> 00:18:06,320 Speaker 1: was kind of like, um, we had to rule in 411 00:18:06,320 --> 00:18:08,760 Speaker 1: our house that they were going to complain about a 412 00:18:08,840 --> 00:18:11,240 Speaker 1: situation I can play about a game or performance or 413 00:18:11,280 --> 00:18:14,080 Speaker 1: a teammate that for whatever, five minutes they got to 414 00:18:14,119 --> 00:18:17,080 Speaker 1: the play and I got five minutes to respot. Otherwise 415 00:18:17,280 --> 00:18:19,520 Speaker 1: I didn't want to hear it. That was that was 416 00:18:19,600 --> 00:18:21,840 Speaker 1: kind of the rule, because I said, you know, I 417 00:18:21,880 --> 00:18:24,159 Speaker 1: don't know, I can't help them with a lot of 418 00:18:24,160 --> 00:18:25,800 Speaker 1: things in life, but I do know coach and I 419 00:18:25,840 --> 00:18:28,600 Speaker 1: do know athletics, so I felt like I needed to 420 00:18:28,640 --> 00:18:30,440 Speaker 1: say on the insight. And sometimes it was like, oh Mom, 421 00:18:30,440 --> 00:18:31,959 Speaker 1: I don't want to hear it. And I was like, okay, 422 00:18:32,080 --> 00:18:34,240 Speaker 1: that's fine, that's fair. But you know, I listened to you, 423 00:18:34,320 --> 00:18:36,520 Speaker 1: so now you're gonna listen to me. And and so 424 00:18:36,600 --> 00:18:37,760 Speaker 1: that was kind of how we did in my and 425 00:18:37,880 --> 00:18:40,239 Speaker 1: my husband. My husband's the same way. But I mean, 426 00:18:40,280 --> 00:18:42,080 Speaker 1: for the most part, I mean we were really lucky. 427 00:18:42,119 --> 00:18:44,959 Speaker 1: We always our kids played for good coaches, good people, 428 00:18:45,200 --> 00:18:48,399 Speaker 1: not you know, not not the most knowledgeable coaches all 429 00:18:48,440 --> 00:18:50,280 Speaker 1: the time, but that's just such. I mean, there was 430 00:18:50,320 --> 00:18:52,760 Speaker 1: just so much positive and we just built on the positive. 431 00:18:52,800 --> 00:18:54,840 Speaker 1: But I think a parent has to sometimes step back 432 00:18:54,880 --> 00:18:57,040 Speaker 1: and realize that if you don't want your kid to quit, 433 00:18:57,200 --> 00:18:58,960 Speaker 1: if you want your kids to stay involved, if you 434 00:18:59,000 --> 00:19:01,520 Speaker 1: wanted to be in these positive situations, these girls situations 435 00:19:01,520 --> 00:19:04,560 Speaker 1: that sports can provide, you need to be the adult 436 00:19:04,800 --> 00:19:07,240 Speaker 1: and you need to step back and you need to 437 00:19:07,280 --> 00:19:09,240 Speaker 1: figure out, you know, look at your kid with a 438 00:19:09,240 --> 00:19:11,280 Speaker 1: little bit of an objective I and like, okay, you 439 00:19:11,320 --> 00:19:14,440 Speaker 1: know what my kid is, he's competitive or she's competitive, 440 00:19:14,480 --> 00:19:16,720 Speaker 1: but you know she's not the most talented kid or 441 00:19:16,760 --> 00:19:20,000 Speaker 1: she's she also really likes soccer. Get get a perspective 442 00:19:20,040 --> 00:19:23,960 Speaker 1: and the supports the positive. We need more people, good people. 443 00:19:24,560 --> 00:19:26,960 Speaker 1: I just had a coaching classes semester and I had 444 00:19:26,960 --> 00:19:29,920 Speaker 1: like twelve student athletes in it, and I was just like, 445 00:19:30,080 --> 00:19:31,840 Speaker 1: I wanted to give them tools that they could go 446 00:19:31,920 --> 00:19:35,640 Speaker 1: do you guys should volunteer, get involved, you know, and 447 00:19:35,680 --> 00:19:37,240 Speaker 1: give them the tools so they could go out and 448 00:19:37,240 --> 00:19:39,399 Speaker 1: feel confident that they could go coach on fifth grade 449 00:19:39,400 --> 00:19:42,320 Speaker 1: a to you team or volunteer and help because kids 450 00:19:42,359 --> 00:19:44,680 Speaker 1: need to see that they need to have that energy. 451 00:19:44,760 --> 00:19:48,119 Speaker 1: But yeah, it's it's really changed. Um. And the idea 452 00:19:48,200 --> 00:19:50,919 Speaker 1: too is like as a parent, if you question the coach, 453 00:19:51,200 --> 00:19:53,879 Speaker 1: your kid will question the coach. You have to set 454 00:19:53,880 --> 00:19:56,399 Speaker 1: the example. You have to and like you said, if 455 00:19:56,400 --> 00:19:59,160 Speaker 1: it's if it's if the coaches doing their best, then 456 00:19:59,280 --> 00:20:02,240 Speaker 1: as a parent, you you need to step back and 457 00:20:02,320 --> 00:20:05,520 Speaker 1: not steel the fire. I guess is my my term 458 00:20:05,560 --> 00:20:08,280 Speaker 1: because you know, I had more parents come up to 459 00:20:08,400 --> 00:20:11,560 Speaker 1: me after the fact after years of you know, helping 460 00:20:11,560 --> 00:20:13,240 Speaker 1: with youth teams that our kids are involved in, and 461 00:20:13,359 --> 00:20:16,200 Speaker 1: thank us who at the time thought we were idiots. 462 00:20:16,480 --> 00:20:18,720 Speaker 1: You know, thank you. I'm so sorry you interfered. I 463 00:20:18,720 --> 00:20:21,120 Speaker 1: know how lucky we were to that you did all 464 00:20:21,160 --> 00:20:23,000 Speaker 1: that you did, and you know you have a six skin. 465 00:20:23,080 --> 00:20:25,200 Speaker 1: But the other thing is, you know, you're if you're 466 00:20:25,200 --> 00:20:27,879 Speaker 1: gonna complain about a coach, then your kids are gonna 467 00:20:28,240 --> 00:20:30,720 Speaker 1: join right into that as become an excuse, so you 468 00:20:30,760 --> 00:20:33,360 Speaker 1: can't go there as a parent coach. I love this. 469 00:20:33,960 --> 00:20:37,480 Speaker 1: Your passion is infectious. It's evident you got the mike. 470 00:20:37,560 --> 00:20:39,000 Speaker 1: You know. I love to know, you know, as a 471 00:20:39,040 --> 00:20:42,800 Speaker 1: perennial powerhouse at the Division three level women's basketball. You know, 472 00:20:42,840 --> 00:20:45,280 Speaker 1: what are you looking for? Girls? You know, kids, parents, 473 00:20:45,280 --> 00:20:46,920 Speaker 1: they want to know how they can get to women. 474 00:20:47,000 --> 00:20:49,320 Speaker 1: But what are you really looking for? Like when you're recruiting, 475 00:20:49,400 --> 00:20:50,920 Speaker 1: you know, what are you looking for from a skill 476 00:20:50,960 --> 00:20:54,440 Speaker 1: set standpoint? Uh, you know, from a character standpoint academic? 477 00:20:54,560 --> 00:20:56,399 Speaker 1: What are these kids gotta do to get on your radar? 478 00:20:56,720 --> 00:20:59,680 Speaker 1: You know? Obviously athleticism is one of the first things. 479 00:20:59,680 --> 00:21:01,920 Speaker 1: It's been some pretty easy and its three you take. Um, 480 00:21:01,960 --> 00:21:04,359 Speaker 1: we're gonna get those kids that they consider twitters. They 481 00:21:04,440 --> 00:21:06,399 Speaker 1: might not be the tallest post player, they might not 482 00:21:06,440 --> 00:21:08,680 Speaker 1: be the quickest car. But we look for the athleticism 483 00:21:08,760 --> 00:21:11,639 Speaker 1: of the skill obviously first, but there's just something about 484 00:21:11,640 --> 00:21:15,399 Speaker 1: a demeanor. The kid who is hustling every loose ball, 485 00:21:15,480 --> 00:21:19,240 Speaker 1: getting a rebound, getting back, talking to their teammates. Um. And. 486 00:21:19,560 --> 00:21:21,600 Speaker 1: You know, one of the things I always look for 487 00:21:22,080 --> 00:21:24,960 Speaker 1: is their bench demeanor when they're staying on the bench, 488 00:21:25,040 --> 00:21:26,800 Speaker 1: or they have cheering for the teammates. You know, when 489 00:21:26,800 --> 00:21:28,800 Speaker 1: their coaches talking to him. You know, what's what's the 490 00:21:28,800 --> 00:21:31,800 Speaker 1: body language like? Um? Because I I coached at a 491 00:21:31,920 --> 00:21:33,879 Speaker 1: level where I don't know how to say this, but 492 00:21:34,119 --> 00:21:36,239 Speaker 1: I'm a tough coach and I always I always tell 493 00:21:36,280 --> 00:21:38,560 Speaker 1: my players, you know, I'm not the easiest person to 494 00:21:38,600 --> 00:21:41,399 Speaker 1: play for because I'm pretty demanding. I I expect a 495 00:21:41,480 --> 00:21:44,880 Speaker 1: high level of execution. And that's you know why we're good, 496 00:21:44,920 --> 00:21:46,840 Speaker 1: I think is we have pretty high standards for what 497 00:21:46,880 --> 00:21:50,280 Speaker 1: we do. But you know, UM, there's kids that just 498 00:21:50,560 --> 00:21:52,720 Speaker 1: resonate when we watch them on the floor. You can 499 00:21:52,760 --> 00:21:56,919 Speaker 1: just see it. Um And. And we watch top club teams, 500 00:21:56,960 --> 00:21:59,640 Speaker 1: we go and watch the second or third division. Um. 501 00:22:00,000 --> 00:22:02,240 Speaker 1: There's no real target for us. We try to canvass 502 00:22:02,280 --> 00:22:05,160 Speaker 1: a lot and it's just something about how they conduct 503 00:22:05,200 --> 00:22:07,960 Speaker 1: themselves on the court. It's the effort, the energy and 504 00:22:08,160 --> 00:22:10,359 Speaker 1: the positivity. You know, if that goes with with the 505 00:22:10,440 --> 00:22:13,280 Speaker 1: skill levels of athleticism, then you know, we're we're on 506 00:22:13,400 --> 00:22:15,160 Speaker 1: the phone or we're send him a note. We're trying 507 00:22:15,160 --> 00:22:16,560 Speaker 1: to figure out okay. And then the next part is 508 00:22:16,560 --> 00:22:18,639 Speaker 1: are you academic? You know, how are you a student? 509 00:22:18,680 --> 00:22:20,480 Speaker 1: Because us for the school, but we do a lot 510 00:22:20,520 --> 00:22:23,399 Speaker 1: of screening and then yeah, and then we fitted together 511 00:22:23,440 --> 00:22:25,800 Speaker 1: and every year is a little different, you know, um 512 00:22:25,840 --> 00:22:28,960 Speaker 1: in terms of what we bring. But yeah, I mean, 513 00:22:29,000 --> 00:22:31,520 Speaker 1: that's just gotta love the game. That's the other thing too, 514 00:22:31,560 --> 00:22:34,000 Speaker 1: you can tell too is just really having fun. I 515 00:22:34,000 --> 00:22:36,160 Speaker 1: don't know, how's the same. You just tell them they're 516 00:22:36,160 --> 00:22:39,040 Speaker 1: passionate about the game and how they're having fun and um, 517 00:22:39,080 --> 00:22:41,640 Speaker 1: you know, and that's I always think. We we give 518 00:22:41,640 --> 00:22:44,960 Speaker 1: our kids this article every year, and it's something about 519 00:22:45,080 --> 00:22:46,440 Speaker 1: the game, knows. I don't know if you've seen. The 520 00:22:46,480 --> 00:22:48,399 Speaker 1: article is written by a former player from the University 521 00:22:48,400 --> 00:22:51,159 Speaker 1: of Alabama, and she just talks about how, you know, 522 00:22:51,160 --> 00:22:53,199 Speaker 1: her experienced the University of Alabamas a catcher and how 523 00:22:53,240 --> 00:22:55,520 Speaker 1: they brought a transferring and she just always wondered, I 524 00:22:55,600 --> 00:22:57,600 Speaker 1: just put all this time and all this working and 525 00:22:57,600 --> 00:22:59,640 Speaker 1: I know I'm playing for a top program. Is stay 526 00:22:59,680 --> 00:23:01,479 Speaker 1: caused a dote up and in the end, you know, 527 00:23:01,720 --> 00:23:04,240 Speaker 1: her involved my viewers of el Man students off. The 528 00:23:04,320 --> 00:23:08,240 Speaker 1: experience got her the dream job. It got her interview 529 00:23:08,240 --> 00:23:10,639 Speaker 1: with the top law firm that she wanted to ship 530 00:23:10,720 --> 00:23:12,960 Speaker 1: with all on and she says, you know, all those 531 00:23:12,960 --> 00:23:15,399 Speaker 1: times I wondered, if all my effort, all my energy, 532 00:23:15,520 --> 00:23:18,199 Speaker 1: all these things I was giving to the game, to 533 00:23:18,359 --> 00:23:20,480 Speaker 1: the sport, we're ever going to return it to me. 534 00:23:20,520 --> 00:23:22,520 Speaker 1: And it didn't return it to me necessarily in terms 535 00:23:22,520 --> 00:23:25,080 Speaker 1: of playing time, but it got me my dream job. 536 00:23:25,280 --> 00:23:28,800 Speaker 1: They recognize that being a student athlete is special at 537 00:23:28,800 --> 00:23:31,120 Speaker 1: whatever level, and they wanted that. And I think that's 538 00:23:31,119 --> 00:23:33,000 Speaker 1: what a lot of my players get is a I 539 00:23:33,560 --> 00:23:36,160 Speaker 1: get a lot of request for letters, recommendations and phone 540 00:23:36,160 --> 00:23:38,080 Speaker 1: calls and they want to know about them as a 541 00:23:38,119 --> 00:23:42,440 Speaker 1: student athlete because they value that experience. And so, um, 542 00:23:42,480 --> 00:23:44,359 Speaker 1: you know, we've we've had some phistical play. We have 543 00:23:44,480 --> 00:23:47,080 Speaker 1: one plane right now professionally in England. You know, we've 544 00:23:47,119 --> 00:23:51,080 Speaker 1: got some really high level players, but they're all also 545 00:23:51,200 --> 00:23:53,680 Speaker 1: great students and great people. So I think that's the 546 00:23:53,720 --> 00:23:55,479 Speaker 1: best thing my Division three. So in the end, it's 547 00:23:55,520 --> 00:23:57,520 Speaker 1: all about what you do as a team, and that's 548 00:23:57,560 --> 00:23:59,680 Speaker 1: that's the fun part for me. So yeah, so thanks 549 00:23:59,680 --> 00:24:03,119 Speaker 1: for skiing. Do that's a good question. I love it. 550 00:24:03,200 --> 00:24:06,080 Speaker 1: I love it. Michelle Franz, thank you so much. This 551 00:24:06,160 --> 00:24:10,200 Speaker 1: is freaking awesome. That's Michelle Ferendz, head women's basketball coach 552 00:24:10,280 --> 00:24:13,200 Speaker 1: at Women College. Thanks for listening to the Reform Sports 553 00:24:13,240 --> 00:24:15,960 Speaker 1: Project podcast. I'm Nick Bonacourt and our goal is to 554 00:24:16,000 --> 00:24:19,040 Speaker 1: restore a healthy balance and perspective in all areas of 555 00:24:19,080 --> 00:24:22,639 Speaker 1: sports through education and advocacy. For updates, please follow us 556 00:24:22,640 --> 00:24:25,920 Speaker 1: on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram, or check out our website 557 00:24:25,920 --> 00:24:27,960 Speaker 1: by searching for the Reform Sports Project.