1 00:00:04,440 --> 00:00:09,280 Speaker 1: Hello everybody, and welcome back to the Psychology of Your Twenties, 2 00:00:09,920 --> 00:00:12,280 Speaker 1: the podcast where we talk through some of the big 3 00:00:12,520 --> 00:00:16,880 Speaker 1: life changes and transitions of our twenties and what they 4 00:00:16,960 --> 00:00:26,520 Speaker 1: mean for our psychology. Hello everybody, Welcome back to the show. 5 00:00:26,640 --> 00:00:31,320 Speaker 1: Welcome back to the podcast. New listeners, old listeners, Wherever 6 00:00:31,360 --> 00:00:33,640 Speaker 1: you are in the world, it is so great to 7 00:00:33,680 --> 00:00:37,080 Speaker 1: have you here. Back for another episode as we break 8 00:00:37,120 --> 00:00:41,800 Speaker 1: down the psychology of our twenties. Today, we're talking about 9 00:00:41,800 --> 00:00:45,240 Speaker 1: something that we've actually never spoken about on the podcast before, 10 00:00:45,320 --> 00:00:49,839 Speaker 1: which is honestly shocking, because when it comes to our twenties, 11 00:00:49,880 --> 00:00:54,680 Speaker 1: one of the universal, relatable, joint experiences of people during 12 00:00:54,680 --> 00:00:58,720 Speaker 1: this decade is living with other people, is the share house, 13 00:00:58,800 --> 00:01:02,200 Speaker 1: communal living, flatting, whatever you want to call it, and 14 00:01:02,240 --> 00:01:07,000 Speaker 1: a lot about that experience is deeply psychological. How we 15 00:01:07,080 --> 00:01:11,080 Speaker 1: learn to live with others, how we communicate our relationships, 16 00:01:11,080 --> 00:01:15,000 Speaker 1: the conflict, the tension, the psychology is really everywhere in 17 00:01:15,040 --> 00:01:18,160 Speaker 1: that dynamic. I think our twenties are often that time 18 00:01:18,360 --> 00:01:21,480 Speaker 1: for many of us when we take the leap to 19 00:01:21,560 --> 00:01:25,440 Speaker 1: move out of our childhood home, our family home, and 20 00:01:25,480 --> 00:01:28,039 Speaker 1: really forge kind of our own independent lives. It's a 21 00:01:28,120 --> 00:01:31,319 Speaker 1: huge hallmark of this decade. I guess we just outgrow 22 00:01:31,520 --> 00:01:34,240 Speaker 1: the family environment. We don't feel like a child anymore. 23 00:01:34,280 --> 00:01:37,280 Speaker 1: We want our own space, and often the most kind 24 00:01:37,319 --> 00:01:41,679 Speaker 1: of economically viable option is to move in with a 25 00:01:41,720 --> 00:01:45,360 Speaker 1: group of other people our own age. I think not 26 00:01:45,400 --> 00:01:48,400 Speaker 1: only is that sometimes the only thing we can afford, 27 00:01:48,480 --> 00:01:51,240 Speaker 1: let's be real, but a lot of this is that 28 00:01:51,600 --> 00:01:53,840 Speaker 1: these are people that we share the same lifestyle with, 29 00:01:54,240 --> 00:01:56,440 Speaker 1: and it's kind of like a ride of passage, such 30 00:01:56,480 --> 00:02:00,000 Speaker 1: a valuable social experience to see how we live with others, 31 00:02:00,280 --> 00:02:04,480 Speaker 1: to maybe make lifelong friends, to build our own community 32 00:02:04,560 --> 00:02:08,880 Speaker 1: that is separate from the family unit. But it's also 33 00:02:09,440 --> 00:02:13,480 Speaker 1: not that straightforward. I've been living in sharehouses or dorms 34 00:02:13,520 --> 00:02:16,680 Speaker 1: with roommates since I was seventeen, so for the last 35 00:02:17,080 --> 00:02:20,880 Speaker 1: seven years that is way too long. And of course 36 00:02:20,919 --> 00:02:24,360 Speaker 1: I think, like anyone who has done their time, I 37 00:02:24,440 --> 00:02:28,480 Speaker 1: have some stories. We might romanticize this way of living 38 00:02:28,880 --> 00:02:31,640 Speaker 1: and the chaos and the group dinners and the movie nights, 39 00:02:31,680 --> 00:02:34,160 Speaker 1: whatever it may be, but the people we choose to 40 00:02:34,240 --> 00:02:38,320 Speaker 1: live with are sometimes the most important people in our lives, 41 00:02:38,840 --> 00:02:42,560 Speaker 1: and so it's kind of make or break, depending on 42 00:02:42,639 --> 00:02:46,800 Speaker 1: how well we actually get along. We are sharing a 43 00:02:46,840 --> 00:02:49,400 Speaker 1: home together, which, if you think about it, is like 44 00:02:49,480 --> 00:02:52,480 Speaker 1: the most sacred space that a human can have. It 45 00:02:52,600 --> 00:02:56,840 Speaker 1: is our place of comfort, of safety, of security. We 46 00:02:56,960 --> 00:02:59,839 Speaker 1: sleep under the same roof as these people. We see 47 00:02:59,840 --> 00:03:04,320 Speaker 1: the constantly and their choices impact our quality of life. 48 00:03:04,400 --> 00:03:07,000 Speaker 1: There was actually one piece of research published on this 49 00:03:07,080 --> 00:03:10,880 Speaker 1: in twenty sixteen, and it indicates that the people who 50 00:03:10,960 --> 00:03:15,560 Speaker 1: we live with impact everything from our eating habits, our 51 00:03:15,600 --> 00:03:20,480 Speaker 1: exercise habits, our sleeping habits in both a positive and 52 00:03:20,520 --> 00:03:25,480 Speaker 1: a negative direction, particularly through things like peer pressure or 53 00:03:25,520 --> 00:03:30,720 Speaker 1: observational learning and the adoption of communal values. And depending 54 00:03:30,800 --> 00:03:34,320 Speaker 1: on your experience, that can actually be really great. We 55 00:03:34,400 --> 00:03:38,400 Speaker 1: can become really thick and fast friends. For example, in Korea, 56 00:03:38,440 --> 00:03:42,080 Speaker 1: they surveyed nearly a thousand young single adults living in 57 00:03:42,120 --> 00:03:44,960 Speaker 1: share housing and they found that people who were living 58 00:03:45,040 --> 00:03:48,880 Speaker 1: with a roommate reported feeling less lonely and more socially supported. 59 00:03:48,960 --> 00:03:52,400 Speaker 1: So there are definitely a lot of benefits. But when 60 00:03:52,440 --> 00:03:57,880 Speaker 1: that turns sour, when we're met with conflict, different personalities, 61 00:03:57,920 --> 00:04:02,320 Speaker 1: different standards for cleanliness. Yes, when we move in with 62 00:04:02,480 --> 00:04:05,040 Speaker 1: friends and we begin to see a different side of 63 00:04:05,080 --> 00:04:07,480 Speaker 1: someone now that we share a bathroom or a kitchen 64 00:04:07,520 --> 00:04:11,200 Speaker 1: with them. That is when I think the sharehouse truly 65 00:04:11,280 --> 00:04:17,200 Speaker 1: becomes a real psychological peatrie. Dish conflict or tension in 66 00:04:17,279 --> 00:04:21,080 Speaker 1: a home has a massive effect on our mental well being, 67 00:04:21,520 --> 00:04:25,799 Speaker 1: and there have been so many studies, articles, research projects 68 00:04:25,839 --> 00:04:29,920 Speaker 1: on this, particularly amongst young adults, because if you think 69 00:04:29,960 --> 00:04:35,240 Speaker 1: about it, you're basically putting two, three, four, sometimes more 70 00:04:35,800 --> 00:04:40,279 Speaker 1: people together in a small environment, all of whom have 71 00:04:40,360 --> 00:04:45,120 Speaker 1: different backgrounds, expectations, lifestyles, and we're just kind of praying 72 00:04:45,120 --> 00:04:48,000 Speaker 1: that it works. And so a sharehouse is kind of 73 00:04:48,360 --> 00:04:52,440 Speaker 1: its own social experiment on how relationships are formed, how 74 00:04:52,440 --> 00:04:57,640 Speaker 1: we communicate, how we interact, how relationships break down, and 75 00:04:57,680 --> 00:05:00,440 Speaker 1: that is really what I want to explore today. We 76 00:05:00,480 --> 00:05:05,440 Speaker 1: are going to discuss what makes a good roommate, different 77 00:05:05,480 --> 00:05:09,000 Speaker 1: types of roommates, the four different types of roommates and 78 00:05:09,080 --> 00:05:12,560 Speaker 1: living styles, the dilemma of kind of moving in with friends, 79 00:05:12,600 --> 00:05:17,400 Speaker 1: and also what causes social harmony to break down when 80 00:05:17,440 --> 00:05:20,640 Speaker 1: you are in a sharehouse. I also want to talk 81 00:05:20,640 --> 00:05:25,239 Speaker 1: about what psychology has to say about creating a positive space, 82 00:05:25,839 --> 00:05:28,760 Speaker 1: being a good roommate, dealing with conflict in the home, 83 00:05:29,360 --> 00:05:33,840 Speaker 1: and also being able to recognize that moment when it 84 00:05:33,920 --> 00:05:36,120 Speaker 1: is time to move out, when it is time to 85 00:05:36,160 --> 00:05:39,040 Speaker 1: live alone. I think I'm getting to that point. Now. 86 00:05:39,160 --> 00:05:42,039 Speaker 1: I've done my time, I've done my hours, I've had 87 00:05:42,040 --> 00:05:45,200 Speaker 1: the sharehouse experience, and I really just want to come 88 00:05:45,200 --> 00:05:47,640 Speaker 1: home and not talk to anyone. At this point, I 89 00:05:47,720 --> 00:05:49,440 Speaker 1: kind of want to watch whatever I want to watch 90 00:05:49,440 --> 00:05:52,520 Speaker 1: on TV and not have to like time my showers 91 00:05:52,560 --> 00:05:55,720 Speaker 1: around other people. So I think I might only have 92 00:05:55,800 --> 00:05:57,680 Speaker 1: like a few more months to actually be able to 93 00:05:57,720 --> 00:06:02,080 Speaker 1: talk about this, probably from like a lived experience, and 94 00:06:02,120 --> 00:06:04,880 Speaker 1: that's what we're going to do today. So without further ado, 95 00:06:05,320 --> 00:06:08,080 Speaker 1: I think it's about time we break down all of 96 00:06:08,080 --> 00:06:13,000 Speaker 1: the psychology to do with communal living, share houses and roommates. 97 00:06:13,279 --> 00:06:23,440 Speaker 1: So let's get into it. The move to share housing 98 00:06:24,000 --> 00:06:27,960 Speaker 1: from the family home, whether you're living with complete strangers 99 00:06:28,040 --> 00:06:33,520 Speaker 1: or friends whoever, it's really exciting, Like we can't overstate 100 00:06:33,600 --> 00:06:37,480 Speaker 1: the anticipation and like fun of getting to buy your 101 00:06:37,520 --> 00:06:40,880 Speaker 1: own bowls and picking out your bed sheets and being 102 00:06:40,920 --> 00:06:44,400 Speaker 1: able to have a space that is your own and 103 00:06:44,440 --> 00:06:47,000 Speaker 1: separate from your parents and your siblings whoever else is 104 00:06:47,040 --> 00:06:50,560 Speaker 1: in your house. It honestly just feels like super adult. 105 00:06:50,839 --> 00:06:53,080 Speaker 1: It's like one of those experiences, I think we look 106 00:06:53,120 --> 00:06:55,360 Speaker 1: at and we're like, oh, yeah, this is the point 107 00:06:55,360 --> 00:06:58,719 Speaker 1: where I felt like I was actually mature enough to 108 00:06:58,760 --> 00:07:01,760 Speaker 1: call myself an adult human being. And then I think 109 00:07:01,760 --> 00:07:05,000 Speaker 1: the social element of it is also super appealing, especially 110 00:07:05,000 --> 00:07:08,080 Speaker 1: when you live with friends. It's like summer camp or 111 00:07:08,160 --> 00:07:11,200 Speaker 1: a sleepover every night of the week. And it's the 112 00:07:11,200 --> 00:07:13,520 Speaker 1: freedom that many of us, I think have been aspiring 113 00:07:13,560 --> 00:07:16,120 Speaker 1: towards since we were children. You know. It's kind of 114 00:07:16,160 --> 00:07:18,720 Speaker 1: similar to having your own money. You get a space 115 00:07:18,760 --> 00:07:21,440 Speaker 1: where you can live your life exactly how you would 116 00:07:21,520 --> 00:07:24,600 Speaker 1: like it. So I have this theory that the first 117 00:07:24,640 --> 00:07:28,080 Speaker 1: six months of communal living are like the honeymoon period. 118 00:07:28,640 --> 00:07:31,520 Speaker 1: It is the buzz of new things, of new relationships, 119 00:07:31,600 --> 00:07:34,440 Speaker 1: or at least a new dimension to a relationship if 120 00:07:34,440 --> 00:07:38,360 Speaker 1: you're living with friends and this really new environment. But 121 00:07:38,440 --> 00:07:41,240 Speaker 1: I think after that six months period is when the 122 00:07:41,280 --> 00:07:44,240 Speaker 1: reality of like constantly having to share your space with 123 00:07:44,320 --> 00:07:48,120 Speaker 1: someone who is not related to you sinks in. The 124 00:07:48,200 --> 00:07:51,360 Speaker 1: biggest thing we have to adapt to is different living styles, 125 00:07:51,400 --> 00:07:54,160 Speaker 1: because each of us has grown up in a certain 126 00:07:54,600 --> 00:07:59,800 Speaker 1: unique environment, expecting certain levels of cleanliness, different rules, times 127 00:07:59,800 --> 00:08:01,520 Speaker 1: that we want to rest, times that we want to 128 00:08:01,560 --> 00:08:06,880 Speaker 1: socialize people just to use their spaces differently. They treat 129 00:08:06,920 --> 00:08:10,640 Speaker 1: them differently based on the home environment of their childhood. 130 00:08:11,120 --> 00:08:13,520 Speaker 1: It's really interesting because there's been research on this and 131 00:08:13,560 --> 00:08:17,280 Speaker 1: it's shown that how your parents organized a home is 132 00:08:17,320 --> 00:08:19,520 Speaker 1: going to be one of the biggest determinants for how 133 00:08:19,600 --> 00:08:23,040 Speaker 1: you choose to treat your future living spaces. And it 134 00:08:23,080 --> 00:08:26,040 Speaker 1: is natural normal for those there to big kind of 135 00:08:26,040 --> 00:08:31,040 Speaker 1: differences across people. The biggest one for me is the 136 00:08:31,160 --> 00:08:34,800 Speaker 1: level of mess that we are willing to tolerate. I 137 00:08:35,000 --> 00:08:38,160 Speaker 1: have noticed this in my own sharehouses and with my roommates, 138 00:08:38,200 --> 00:08:43,079 Speaker 1: where there is a distinction between wanting things tidy and 139 00:08:43,160 --> 00:08:46,800 Speaker 1: wanting things clean. Some people just don't care if the 140 00:08:46,840 --> 00:08:49,319 Speaker 1: floors aren't vacuumed or the couches are a little bit dirty, 141 00:08:49,360 --> 00:08:52,080 Speaker 1: as long as there are like no personal items in 142 00:08:52,120 --> 00:08:56,280 Speaker 1: a communal space. But others are totally fine with like 143 00:08:56,400 --> 00:08:59,520 Speaker 1: a certain level of untidiness as long as the house 144 00:08:59,559 --> 00:09:02,920 Speaker 1: is sanate tized. And then there are the housemates, the 145 00:09:03,040 --> 00:09:06,800 Speaker 1: unique housemates who just don't care, who are happy to 146 00:09:06,840 --> 00:09:11,480 Speaker 1: live in absolute squalor. I often see this as a 147 00:09:11,520 --> 00:09:16,480 Speaker 1: reaction to three things. Firstly, for these individuals who really 148 00:09:16,480 --> 00:09:19,960 Speaker 1: don't care about mess or cleanliness. That was the standard 149 00:09:19,960 --> 00:09:23,920 Speaker 1: that their parents set, whereby they also didn't really care 150 00:09:24,000 --> 00:09:27,360 Speaker 1: about living amongst I'm not going to say filth, but 151 00:09:27,480 --> 00:09:31,480 Speaker 1: just like living amongst mess. Maybe it's because yeah, they 152 00:09:31,600 --> 00:09:34,719 Speaker 1: just really they were completely apathetic to it, or be 153 00:09:34,840 --> 00:09:37,280 Speaker 1: they were too busy to deal with it. And so 154 00:09:37,960 --> 00:09:41,880 Speaker 1: because that person has never known any differently, because they 155 00:09:41,880 --> 00:09:46,280 Speaker 1: have adjusted to this lifestyle, they bring that to the sharehouse, 156 00:09:46,360 --> 00:09:49,840 Speaker 1: they bring that to the environment. I had a roommate 157 00:09:49,920 --> 00:09:54,000 Speaker 1: once who was so revolting. He would use like all 158 00:09:54,040 --> 00:09:57,760 Speaker 1: of the glasses in our house for coffee and wine 159 00:09:57,840 --> 00:10:01,720 Speaker 1: and beer whatever, and then he would refuse to clean them, 160 00:10:01,800 --> 00:10:04,400 Speaker 1: and so we stopped cleaning them as well. We were like, 161 00:10:04,440 --> 00:10:07,960 Speaker 1: I don't want to be your servant anymore, almost in 162 00:10:08,040 --> 00:10:12,400 Speaker 1: like protest, until every kid, you not, every single glass 163 00:10:12,440 --> 00:10:15,679 Speaker 1: in our house had like a layer of mold at 164 00:10:15,679 --> 00:10:18,960 Speaker 1: the bottom. We couldn't even use them. Eventually, I actually 165 00:10:19,040 --> 00:10:21,360 Speaker 1: I took all of the glasses over to my friend's house. 166 00:10:21,760 --> 00:10:25,520 Speaker 1: I put them through their dishwasher, brought them home and 167 00:10:25,640 --> 00:10:27,960 Speaker 1: hid them from him, and I told my other roommates 168 00:10:28,000 --> 00:10:30,600 Speaker 1: like where they were, and for like weeks we would 169 00:10:30,640 --> 00:10:33,440 Speaker 1: have like a glass of water or whatever we would finish, 170 00:10:33,440 --> 00:10:35,320 Speaker 1: we would wash our glass and just like put it 171 00:10:35,360 --> 00:10:38,040 Speaker 1: back in its hiding place until he kind of had 172 00:10:38,080 --> 00:10:40,680 Speaker 1: to like come back to us with his tail between 173 00:10:40,720 --> 00:10:43,199 Speaker 1: his legs. There's just people like that who like do 174 00:10:43,320 --> 00:10:48,840 Speaker 1: not care about filth. The second reaction is whereby we 175 00:10:48,880 --> 00:10:52,040 Speaker 1: have these people who have grown up in a really 176 00:10:52,080 --> 00:10:55,640 Speaker 1: strict household where the level of cleanliness was like almost 177 00:10:55,640 --> 00:10:59,600 Speaker 1: hospital like, and they move out of home and experience 178 00:10:59,720 --> 00:11:04,120 Speaker 1: like a complete reversal in habits. They finally have like 179 00:11:04,160 --> 00:11:07,400 Speaker 1: the freedom to treat their space as they would like it, 180 00:11:07,480 --> 00:11:10,800 Speaker 1: and so they unconsciously counteract what was previously expected of 181 00:11:10,840 --> 00:11:17,160 Speaker 1: them by going in the complete entire opposite direction. It's 182 00:11:17,200 --> 00:11:22,840 Speaker 1: almost like a delayed childhood rebellion against the rules that 183 00:11:22,880 --> 00:11:26,199 Speaker 1: were upheld by their parents. And also there's the other 184 00:11:26,240 --> 00:11:29,800 Speaker 1: element of you know, no one's asking them to be 185 00:11:29,960 --> 00:11:33,000 Speaker 1: clean anymore, no one's asking them to keep their space tidy, 186 00:11:33,480 --> 00:11:36,640 Speaker 1: and so they no longer have the motivation to self 187 00:11:36,720 --> 00:11:41,000 Speaker 1: enforce those levels of cleanliness. It's really interesting because this 188 00:11:41,040 --> 00:11:44,040 Speaker 1: is actually a concept in psychology. It's known as the 189 00:11:44,040 --> 00:11:47,560 Speaker 1: rebellion of the over criticized child. But in these instances 190 00:11:47,600 --> 00:11:51,239 Speaker 1: often what we see as people who skip their childhood 191 00:11:51,360 --> 00:11:55,079 Speaker 1: and teenage rebellion stage because the family environment was so strict. 192 00:11:55,559 --> 00:11:58,200 Speaker 1: But then that emerges in adulthood when they start living 193 00:11:58,240 --> 00:12:02,600 Speaker 1: with others, almost as a of like emotional catharsis or 194 00:12:02,600 --> 00:12:06,400 Speaker 1: release from the pressure they experienced as a child. And finally, 195 00:12:07,000 --> 00:12:10,600 Speaker 1: there are situations in which one roommate has such a 196 00:12:10,720 --> 00:12:13,920 Speaker 1: high standard for cleanliness that they are just willing to 197 00:12:13,960 --> 00:12:16,040 Speaker 1: do all the work to keep their environment as they 198 00:12:16,040 --> 00:12:18,440 Speaker 1: would like it, and that results in what we would 199 00:12:18,480 --> 00:12:21,560 Speaker 1: call freeloading by the other members of the house. So 200 00:12:22,040 --> 00:12:26,120 Speaker 1: freeloading is actually an economics term whereby we see people 201 00:12:26,160 --> 00:12:32,040 Speaker 1: take advantage of other people's generosity or efforts. Sometimes unconsciously, 202 00:12:32,559 --> 00:12:34,720 Speaker 1: they've just come to expect this from the other person. 203 00:12:34,840 --> 00:12:38,080 Speaker 1: Sometimes they like engage in the delusion that oh, yeah, 204 00:12:38,080 --> 00:12:40,560 Speaker 1: my roommate cleans because it makes them happy, or they 205 00:12:40,559 --> 00:12:44,480 Speaker 1: don't even notice yet they still benefit from this person's 206 00:12:44,480 --> 00:12:48,559 Speaker 1: like additional labor in the house. I like to call 207 00:12:48,600 --> 00:12:52,000 Speaker 1: this type of roommate the Cinderella roommate. Obviously, in the 208 00:12:52,000 --> 00:12:56,080 Speaker 1: fairy tale Cinderella, Cinderella is the one who keeps everything clean. 209 00:12:56,080 --> 00:12:58,880 Speaker 1: In the background, she does all the washing, all the sweeping, 210 00:12:58,960 --> 00:13:04,120 Speaker 1: the dishes for her stefe sisters without any appreciation. I 211 00:13:04,160 --> 00:13:09,080 Speaker 1: would say that most houses have a Cinderella, and often 212 00:13:09,559 --> 00:13:13,800 Speaker 1: these people are also very deep people pleases, so they 213 00:13:13,840 --> 00:13:16,320 Speaker 1: won't say anything until it kind of like boils over 214 00:13:16,400 --> 00:13:20,680 Speaker 1: and explodes, or they just become so resigned to the 215 00:13:20,840 --> 00:13:24,840 Speaker 1: mess that they let everything get disgusting and then even 216 00:13:24,880 --> 00:13:28,920 Speaker 1: more frustrated when nobody does anything, whilst the other roommates 217 00:13:29,080 --> 00:13:31,680 Speaker 1: don't really like pick up on that, and they're just 218 00:13:31,760 --> 00:13:34,760 Speaker 1: waiting expecting this person to eventually get to a point 219 00:13:34,760 --> 00:13:38,200 Speaker 1: of like such deep frustration that they'll just go back 220 00:13:38,240 --> 00:13:42,240 Speaker 1: to cleaning everything all over again. It's super unfair. It 221 00:13:42,320 --> 00:13:44,560 Speaker 1: is super unfair, and I think the existence of a 222 00:13:44,600 --> 00:13:50,520 Speaker 1: Cinderella points to a very important psychological truth about sharehouses. 223 00:13:51,240 --> 00:13:54,480 Speaker 1: Each roommate is going to take on a certain social 224 00:13:54,640 --> 00:13:57,840 Speaker 1: role in the house, the same way that each of 225 00:13:57,920 --> 00:14:00,800 Speaker 1: us takes on a role in the family home, and 226 00:14:00,880 --> 00:14:05,120 Speaker 1: those roles sometimes are going to come into conflict. So 227 00:14:05,480 --> 00:14:07,920 Speaker 1: the best way to understand this, I think is through 228 00:14:07,960 --> 00:14:12,200 Speaker 1: this theory called the styles of life theory. This was 229 00:14:12,240 --> 00:14:16,880 Speaker 1: originally introduced by the psychiatrist Alfred Adler. You might know 230 00:14:17,000 --> 00:14:20,840 Speaker 1: him because he coined the term inferiority complex, but he 231 00:14:20,920 --> 00:14:23,640 Speaker 1: also came up with this theory that each of us 232 00:14:23,720 --> 00:14:29,240 Speaker 1: has a unique, unconscious and repetitive way of responding to 233 00:14:29,880 --> 00:14:37,560 Speaker 1: or avoiding the main tasks of life. That includes friendships, love, work, behavior, 234 00:14:37,720 --> 00:14:41,400 Speaker 1: or relationships in the home. Obviously, he wasn't applying this 235 00:14:41,480 --> 00:14:45,200 Speaker 1: theory to the relationship between roommates in the twenty first century, 236 00:14:45,520 --> 00:14:48,120 Speaker 1: but when we take his core ideas, they have a 237 00:14:48,120 --> 00:14:53,880 Speaker 1: lot of applicability. So there are four styles or roles 238 00:14:54,000 --> 00:14:57,840 Speaker 1: that we can take on in the share home. So 239 00:14:57,880 --> 00:15:01,000 Speaker 1: there's the ruling type. This per and is the leader. 240 00:15:01,080 --> 00:15:03,360 Speaker 1: They might take care of the bills. Maybe they were 241 00:15:03,400 --> 00:15:07,200 Speaker 1: like the og housemate or renter. They feel more of 242 00:15:07,240 --> 00:15:11,160 Speaker 1: a sense of like possessiveness or control over the home. 243 00:15:11,680 --> 00:15:15,640 Speaker 1: They are more liberal with using communal spaces, They host parties. 244 00:15:16,080 --> 00:15:18,760 Speaker 1: It kind of feels like it's their home. Then we 245 00:15:18,840 --> 00:15:23,600 Speaker 1: have the getting type, the ones who don't really do anything. 246 00:15:23,840 --> 00:15:27,160 Speaker 1: They take rather than give. They take advantage of the 247 00:15:27,200 --> 00:15:30,200 Speaker 1: other members in the house. We have the avoiding type, 248 00:15:30,600 --> 00:15:33,040 Speaker 1: the one who is kind of like never there, who 249 00:15:33,120 --> 00:15:37,480 Speaker 1: like very much, doesn't take part in share house activities, 250 00:15:37,920 --> 00:15:40,280 Speaker 1: kind of stays out of conflict, stays out of the way. 251 00:15:40,320 --> 00:15:42,800 Speaker 1: It's a bit of a ghost. And finally, we have 252 00:15:43,600 --> 00:15:47,480 Speaker 1: the socially useful type. This is very similar to the 253 00:15:47,520 --> 00:15:51,720 Speaker 1: Cinderella archetype. They kind of contribute more than all the others, 254 00:15:52,520 --> 00:15:55,080 Speaker 1: but they're also more likely to have like a social 255 00:15:55,160 --> 00:15:58,840 Speaker 1: interest in keeping the peace and they really like like 256 00:15:58,880 --> 00:16:03,480 Speaker 1: a certain level of social activity. Each of us in 257 00:16:03,680 --> 00:16:07,800 Speaker 1: a sharehouse takes on one of these roles. It's really 258 00:16:07,880 --> 00:16:10,360 Speaker 1: interesting because I know which one I am, and I'm 259 00:16:10,400 --> 00:16:13,160 Speaker 1: pretty sure I could easily assign every single roommate I've 260 00:16:13,240 --> 00:16:17,280 Speaker 1: ever had to one of these roles, like easily. And 261 00:16:17,320 --> 00:16:19,080 Speaker 1: you don't have to be a house of four, like 262 00:16:19,120 --> 00:16:21,560 Speaker 1: you can be a house of two or three, or 263 00:16:21,600 --> 00:16:24,640 Speaker 1: five or six, because some people can take on the 264 00:16:24,720 --> 00:16:28,880 Speaker 1: same role, but also there can be people who only 265 00:16:28,920 --> 00:16:31,040 Speaker 1: take on one role and there is one left out. 266 00:16:31,520 --> 00:16:33,600 Speaker 1: So I think that this theory is one of the 267 00:16:33,640 --> 00:16:37,800 Speaker 1: best psychological explanations for why we have different sharehouse or 268 00:16:37,880 --> 00:16:43,640 Speaker 1: roommate like personalities and archetypes. Beyond these kinds of prototypes, 269 00:16:44,400 --> 00:16:46,760 Speaker 1: I've already mentioned it, but we have the kind of 270 00:16:47,360 --> 00:16:51,560 Speaker 1: added nuance of personality. Each of us is going to 271 00:16:51,600 --> 00:16:54,640 Speaker 1: come to the table not just with a different background 272 00:16:54,720 --> 00:16:57,480 Speaker 1: and a different set of standards, but a different set 273 00:16:57,520 --> 00:17:02,680 Speaker 1: of attributes and personality traits which kind of influence how 274 00:17:02,760 --> 00:17:05,800 Speaker 1: easy it really is the people to get along with you. 275 00:17:06,760 --> 00:17:09,040 Speaker 1: I often think about this according to the Big five 276 00:17:09,119 --> 00:17:15,399 Speaker 1: personality traits in psychology, So these are openness, conscientiousness, extraversion, agreeableness, 277 00:17:15,400 --> 00:17:19,840 Speaker 1: and neuroticism. Out of those five kind of big five 278 00:17:19,880 --> 00:17:24,639 Speaker 1: personality traits, each of us sits somewhere along the spectrum 279 00:17:24,680 --> 00:17:27,080 Speaker 1: of each of them. And if you've ever done the 280 00:17:27,119 --> 00:17:30,280 Speaker 1: Maya Briggs personality test, you can kind of based on 281 00:17:30,359 --> 00:17:34,600 Speaker 1: this combination determine what kind of person you are and 282 00:17:34,640 --> 00:17:36,320 Speaker 1: also what kind of person you're going to be in 283 00:17:36,359 --> 00:17:40,600 Speaker 1: a communal environment, Like maybe you are the entertainer or 284 00:17:40,800 --> 00:17:43,920 Speaker 1: the executive, or the mediator, the debate and the commander. 285 00:17:44,520 --> 00:17:47,240 Speaker 1: I don't know which one you are, but that individual 286 00:17:47,280 --> 00:17:52,840 Speaker 1: personality profile is going to contribute to the dynamic Personally, 287 00:17:53,000 --> 00:17:55,600 Speaker 1: I believe that the best combination for a roommate is 288 00:17:55,800 --> 00:18:01,320 Speaker 1: someone who is conscientious, honest, open to experience, agreeable, and 289 00:18:01,480 --> 00:18:06,159 Speaker 1: hopefully low on euroticism, which means that they are emotionally 290 00:18:06,200 --> 00:18:09,840 Speaker 1: stable and they deal with stress well. And one of 291 00:18:09,880 --> 00:18:15,919 Speaker 1: the worst combinations is someone who we would call high conflict. 292 00:18:16,720 --> 00:18:18,320 Speaker 1: I think we all have an idea of what a 293 00:18:18,400 --> 00:18:21,440 Speaker 1: high conflict individual looks like. We've probably all met one. 294 00:18:21,920 --> 00:18:25,840 Speaker 1: This is someone who loves drama and they have this 295 00:18:25,960 --> 00:18:30,840 Speaker 1: pattern of increasing tension, increasing like the melo drama of 296 00:18:30,880 --> 00:18:35,560 Speaker 1: an environment, rather than reducing it or resolving it. This 297 00:18:35,680 --> 00:18:40,240 Speaker 1: pattern usually happens over and over again in many different 298 00:18:40,280 --> 00:18:44,920 Speaker 1: situations with many different people. They blame others, they don't 299 00:18:44,920 --> 00:18:49,040 Speaker 1: care about boundaries, they never feel like they've done anything wrong. 300 00:18:49,640 --> 00:18:55,400 Speaker 1: They are extreme, and they always prefer to prioritize themselves 301 00:18:55,920 --> 00:19:00,520 Speaker 1: over like the collective well being and comfort of the home. 302 00:19:01,440 --> 00:19:04,760 Speaker 1: For example, I had a roommate like this who would 303 00:19:04,760 --> 00:19:08,679 Speaker 1: throw parties all the time, and I honestly got to 304 00:19:08,720 --> 00:19:11,959 Speaker 1: the point where I think he just enjoyed us getting 305 00:19:12,080 --> 00:19:15,679 Speaker 1: angry at him, like he liked being the villain in 306 00:19:15,720 --> 00:19:22,120 Speaker 1: the house. For some weird neurological psychological reason, I think 307 00:19:22,160 --> 00:19:25,640 Speaker 1: some people are just more conflict prone compared to others. 308 00:19:25,760 --> 00:19:29,240 Speaker 1: Those of us who are conflict averse running away from 309 00:19:29,720 --> 00:19:35,240 Speaker 1: disagreements or frustration, but Honestly, either end of that spectrum 310 00:19:35,760 --> 00:19:39,840 Speaker 1: is equally harmful. When we're talking about living in a 311 00:19:39,880 --> 00:19:43,840 Speaker 1: shared home. Obviously it's extremely difficult to live with someone 312 00:19:43,880 --> 00:19:46,719 Speaker 1: who has no respect for other people and is always 313 00:19:46,720 --> 00:19:49,480 Speaker 1: wanting to argue. But then we also have that roommate 314 00:19:49,520 --> 00:19:53,359 Speaker 1: who is mad about something, is annoyed at doing all 315 00:19:53,359 --> 00:19:56,600 Speaker 1: the cleaning or people not paying bills on time, and 316 00:19:56,640 --> 00:19:59,600 Speaker 1: they say nothing about it. They keep it to themselves, 317 00:20:00,200 --> 00:20:03,320 Speaker 1: but it shows up in other ways, like they stonewall 318 00:20:03,359 --> 00:20:06,560 Speaker 1: you or they ic you out. I think it's hard 319 00:20:06,600 --> 00:20:09,480 Speaker 1: because the people we live with don't have the same 320 00:20:09,560 --> 00:20:13,960 Speaker 1: conflict style as us. But also sometimes when you know, 321 00:20:14,000 --> 00:20:15,560 Speaker 1: we don't have the same comfort as we would with 322 00:20:15,600 --> 00:20:20,520 Speaker 1: a family member, so we feel really awkward bringing things up. 323 00:20:21,560 --> 00:20:23,960 Speaker 1: You know, perhaps if it's a stranger and you just 324 00:20:23,960 --> 00:20:26,360 Speaker 1: feel like it would be really inappropriate to have those 325 00:20:26,440 --> 00:20:31,119 Speaker 1: kinds of conversations. Or even worse is when they are 326 00:20:31,160 --> 00:20:35,280 Speaker 1: a friend and we worry that a small disagreement to 327 00:20:35,400 --> 00:20:39,800 Speaker 1: do with like house upkeep or lifestyles or whatever is 328 00:20:39,840 --> 00:20:43,920 Speaker 1: going to impact our relationship as friends beyond our relationship 329 00:20:44,080 --> 00:20:49,359 Speaker 1: as roommates. This brings me to I think one of 330 00:20:49,359 --> 00:20:55,720 Speaker 1: my biggest points moving in with friends this is such 331 00:20:55,720 --> 00:20:57,600 Speaker 1: a big risk. Let me just tell you that now. 332 00:20:58,280 --> 00:21:00,440 Speaker 1: I also think that it is a mistake that I've 333 00:21:00,480 --> 00:21:02,560 Speaker 1: made in the past. But I've also had really great 334 00:21:02,600 --> 00:21:06,879 Speaker 1: success stories. I lived with two of my closest friends 335 00:21:06,920 --> 00:21:10,040 Speaker 1: for almost two years. We never had a single problem 336 00:21:10,119 --> 00:21:15,160 Speaker 1: because our lifestyles, our expectations for each other, our communication styles, 337 00:21:15,560 --> 00:21:19,520 Speaker 1: they all lined up. But I think sometimes we want 338 00:21:19,560 --> 00:21:22,840 Speaker 1: to live with friends more than strangers because of that familiarity. Right, 339 00:21:22,880 --> 00:21:26,199 Speaker 1: it feels like less of a risk because we already 340 00:21:26,240 --> 00:21:28,399 Speaker 1: know that you know, we at least like this person. 341 00:21:28,960 --> 00:21:33,159 Speaker 1: But there's also an equal risk that moving in together 342 00:21:33,400 --> 00:21:36,160 Speaker 1: is going to cost you the relationship because it will 343 00:21:36,240 --> 00:21:40,879 Speaker 1: change the dynamic, either by increasing like the intensity of 344 00:21:40,920 --> 00:21:47,119 Speaker 1: your closeness, sometimes causing codependency, or making it such that 345 00:21:47,240 --> 00:21:50,960 Speaker 1: small conflicts in the home begin to affect your bigger 346 00:21:51,000 --> 00:21:55,440 Speaker 1: relationship as friends. Living together in a shared environment that 347 00:21:55,480 --> 00:22:00,600 Speaker 1: you have mutual responsibility towards changes the dynamic. When the 348 00:22:00,840 --> 00:22:04,159 Speaker 1: quarters are that close, there is more room for tension, 349 00:22:04,280 --> 00:22:08,119 Speaker 1: like just a small spark of anger or frustration if 350 00:22:08,160 --> 00:22:12,000 Speaker 1: it's not taken care of, is gonna spiral. And I 351 00:22:12,040 --> 00:22:14,280 Speaker 1: have friends who I understand I just couldn't live with 352 00:22:14,400 --> 00:22:17,119 Speaker 1: It doesn't mean that I don't love them, It's just 353 00:22:17,200 --> 00:22:21,359 Speaker 1: that we acknowledge that our living styles, how much downtime 354 00:22:21,440 --> 00:22:27,400 Speaker 1: we need, our levels of cleanliness, they're different, and putting 355 00:22:27,480 --> 00:22:31,320 Speaker 1: our relationship in like the absolute pressure cooker that is 356 00:22:31,359 --> 00:22:36,280 Speaker 1: living together would be I think, disastrous and destructive. Some 357 00:22:36,359 --> 00:22:39,400 Speaker 1: of us obviously don't realize that until it's way too late, 358 00:22:39,880 --> 00:22:43,800 Speaker 1: and that's what leads to conflict. Conflict in a sharehouse 359 00:22:44,119 --> 00:22:47,119 Speaker 1: is inevitable the same way that it's inevitable in a 360 00:22:47,160 --> 00:22:51,000 Speaker 1: workplace or a family home in a romantic relationship. But 361 00:22:51,119 --> 00:22:54,560 Speaker 1: I think the biggest sources in this specific situation are 362 00:22:55,280 --> 00:22:59,520 Speaker 1: obviously mess roommates who are disrespectful as well when we 363 00:22:59,560 --> 00:23:02,960 Speaker 1: speak to them about mess, people not really doing their part, 364 00:23:03,280 --> 00:23:07,800 Speaker 1: borrowing things without asking first, people not paying their bills 365 00:23:07,800 --> 00:23:11,600 Speaker 1: on time or not paying a fair share for commonly 366 00:23:12,520 --> 00:23:17,359 Speaker 1: used items, people who are really noisy, and then people 367 00:23:17,400 --> 00:23:22,919 Speaker 1: who are really really controlling of the environment. Once again, 368 00:23:23,600 --> 00:23:27,879 Speaker 1: a lot of this comes down to not just personality differences, 369 00:23:27,920 --> 00:23:31,359 Speaker 1: of course, but differences in how we were raised. And 370 00:23:31,440 --> 00:23:34,879 Speaker 1: when that bubbles up, it becomes really unpleasant and it 371 00:23:34,880 --> 00:23:37,800 Speaker 1: can actually have really serious consequences for our mental health. 372 00:23:38,480 --> 00:23:41,600 Speaker 1: There have been countless studies on this because we understand 373 00:23:41,640 --> 00:23:46,200 Speaker 1: that there is an important relationship between our living environment 374 00:23:46,720 --> 00:23:49,879 Speaker 1: and our mental state or our emotional wellbeing. Like it 375 00:23:49,960 --> 00:23:52,840 Speaker 1: is our place of rest, it's our home. It's where 376 00:23:52,840 --> 00:23:56,760 Speaker 1: we should feel most calm and safe. But when that 377 00:23:56,960 --> 00:24:01,080 Speaker 1: environment is disturbed or not to our life liking, we 378 00:24:01,119 --> 00:24:04,840 Speaker 1: see massive consequences. People who are fighting with their roommates 379 00:24:05,040 --> 00:24:07,800 Speaker 1: no longer feel the sense of security that they need 380 00:24:07,840 --> 00:24:10,479 Speaker 1: from their home environment. We don't feel like we are 381 00:24:10,520 --> 00:24:13,760 Speaker 1: allowed to relax or be ourselves in the home. And 382 00:24:13,840 --> 00:24:16,760 Speaker 1: if we can't do those things in our house, where 383 00:24:16,760 --> 00:24:18,919 Speaker 1: are we going to do that? We never have like 384 00:24:19,000 --> 00:24:21,760 Speaker 1: a time or a place to turn off, to switch off. 385 00:24:22,400 --> 00:24:25,280 Speaker 1: The worst case of this is when it's not just 386 00:24:25,320 --> 00:24:27,960 Speaker 1: that it gets to the point of like full on blowouts, 387 00:24:28,359 --> 00:24:30,240 Speaker 1: but when it gets to the point where people are 388 00:24:30,280 --> 00:24:35,400 Speaker 1: completely avoiding each other in common spaces. It's like they're 389 00:24:35,400 --> 00:24:38,840 Speaker 1: playing like an unspoken game of hide and seek with 390 00:24:38,880 --> 00:24:41,479 Speaker 1: each other. It feels like you're a stranger in your 391 00:24:41,520 --> 00:24:45,240 Speaker 1: own home. You're constantly locked in your room, your anxiety 392 00:24:45,280 --> 00:24:49,240 Speaker 1: is spiked, you feel hypervigilant, or stressed whenever you perceive 393 00:24:49,320 --> 00:24:51,560 Speaker 1: that there is like a threat in the environment, right, 394 00:24:51,680 --> 00:24:55,080 Speaker 1: like you're cooking dinner and then like suddenly this person 395 00:24:55,119 --> 00:24:57,480 Speaker 1: walks in and you don't say anything to each other, 396 00:24:57,560 --> 00:25:01,639 Speaker 1: and it's awkward and it's painful. Another story for you 397 00:25:01,680 --> 00:25:04,280 Speaker 1: guys once again about Dirty Dishes man, because he is 398 00:25:04,320 --> 00:25:08,560 Speaker 1: obviously infamous when it comes to my sharehouse experiences. But 399 00:25:08,600 --> 00:25:12,560 Speaker 1: by the end of like living together, we would go 400 00:25:13,680 --> 00:25:17,760 Speaker 1: entire weeks without speaking a word to the other person. 401 00:25:18,440 --> 00:25:21,280 Speaker 1: And at that point, we lived in a three bedroom 402 00:25:21,320 --> 00:25:24,320 Speaker 1: house with five people in it, and it was during COVID, 403 00:25:24,400 --> 00:25:27,600 Speaker 1: so it wasn't like we didn't see each other. But 404 00:25:27,840 --> 00:25:30,000 Speaker 1: it got to the point where he had just overstepped 405 00:25:30,560 --> 00:25:34,040 Speaker 1: so many boundaries, He had caused so much pain and 406 00:25:34,119 --> 00:25:36,840 Speaker 1: obviously didn't respect the other people living in the house 407 00:25:36,920 --> 00:25:39,600 Speaker 1: that there was no point trying to repair what was 408 00:25:39,600 --> 00:25:42,840 Speaker 1: broken or even be civil about it. And in those situations, 409 00:25:42,880 --> 00:25:45,880 Speaker 1: you kind of have three options, right either you move out, 410 00:25:46,840 --> 00:25:50,399 Speaker 1: they move out, or you swallow your pride and you 411 00:25:50,440 --> 00:25:53,919 Speaker 1: get to the bottom of it. The last option is 412 00:25:54,080 --> 00:25:58,720 Speaker 1: obviously the hardest, because sometimes it feels like, once again, 413 00:25:59,400 --> 00:26:01,840 Speaker 1: we have to be the bigger person, and we're sick 414 00:26:01,880 --> 00:26:04,399 Speaker 1: of doing that. We don't want to be the peacemaker 415 00:26:04,400 --> 00:26:08,879 Speaker 1: all the time or carry the mental load, so we 416 00:26:09,160 --> 00:26:12,880 Speaker 1: just become resigned to how things are, and that's when 417 00:26:12,920 --> 00:26:16,320 Speaker 1: the house starts to crumble because there is no longer 418 00:26:16,359 --> 00:26:20,600 Speaker 1: that not just positive, but transparent communication. And I think 419 00:26:20,600 --> 00:26:22,520 Speaker 1: if you don't set that up at the beginning, if 420 00:26:22,560 --> 00:26:25,440 Speaker 1: you don't build that routine of talking about your problems, 421 00:26:25,760 --> 00:26:29,040 Speaker 1: if you don't set those ground rules, when the time 422 00:26:29,119 --> 00:26:35,040 Speaker 1: does come that frustration, tension, conflict does emerge, you're kind 423 00:26:35,040 --> 00:26:37,879 Speaker 1: of going into it with no rule book or really 424 00:26:37,920 --> 00:26:42,320 Speaker 1: no understanding of the other person's expectations or perspective. So 425 00:26:42,400 --> 00:26:45,159 Speaker 1: what I really want to discuss next is how we 426 00:26:45,200 --> 00:26:48,119 Speaker 1: can actually make it so we never get to that point, 427 00:26:48,560 --> 00:26:51,760 Speaker 1: How we can have a positive share house experience, the 428 00:26:51,880 --> 00:26:55,879 Speaker 1: dreams share house experience, all of that and more after 429 00:26:55,920 --> 00:27:05,199 Speaker 1: this shortbreak. So let's talk about what it means to 430 00:27:05,200 --> 00:27:08,240 Speaker 1: be a good roommate and the ways we can hopefully 431 00:27:08,280 --> 00:27:10,960 Speaker 1: avoid that kind of all too common experience of the 432 00:27:11,000 --> 00:27:16,280 Speaker 1: sharehouse going up in flames, like not literal flames, emotional flames. 433 00:27:16,960 --> 00:27:19,720 Speaker 1: We want to be on speaking terms with the people 434 00:27:19,760 --> 00:27:22,639 Speaker 1: who live in our home. We want to avoid the 435 00:27:22,720 --> 00:27:25,479 Speaker 1: silent treatment or breaking the lease or a million other 436 00:27:25,560 --> 00:27:29,080 Speaker 1: lesson ideal ways that this can end. So the first 437 00:27:29,080 --> 00:27:31,600 Speaker 1: step really begins before you even sign the lease, right, Like, 438 00:27:31,680 --> 00:27:36,480 Speaker 1: the biggest error people make is not actually asserting their 439 00:27:36,520 --> 00:27:41,320 Speaker 1: standards beforehand, their standards for cleanliness for a long time, 440 00:27:41,600 --> 00:27:45,080 Speaker 1: for noise, for bills, for splitting expenses, for even minor 441 00:27:45,119 --> 00:27:47,120 Speaker 1: things like when are you going to turn the air 442 00:27:47,160 --> 00:27:50,399 Speaker 1: con on during the year or the heating. Every point 443 00:27:50,480 --> 00:27:54,680 Speaker 1: of ambiguity is a potential point of conflict. My dad 444 00:27:54,720 --> 00:27:57,320 Speaker 1: actually gave me this incredible tip when I first moved 445 00:27:57,320 --> 00:28:00,359 Speaker 1: into a sharehouse. He told me that we need to 446 00:28:00,359 --> 00:28:03,840 Speaker 1: sit down, all of us write out our house rules, 447 00:28:04,240 --> 00:28:06,920 Speaker 1: and everyone had to agree. Everyone had to sign off 448 00:28:06,920 --> 00:28:09,000 Speaker 1: on the rules, and then they went on the fridge 449 00:28:09,000 --> 00:28:12,560 Speaker 1: and they were basically never discussed again unless someone quote 450 00:28:12,640 --> 00:28:15,480 Speaker 1: unquote broke the rules. Then it was never a discussion 451 00:28:15,560 --> 00:28:18,280 Speaker 1: of like, oh I didn't know, oh I was confused. 452 00:28:18,960 --> 00:28:21,679 Speaker 1: They had agreed to the rules, they'd broken them consciously, 453 00:28:22,119 --> 00:28:27,479 Speaker 1: they'd broken the roommate contract, and obviously it was then 454 00:28:27,560 --> 00:28:29,680 Speaker 1: up to them to apologize and make up for it. 455 00:28:30,760 --> 00:28:35,480 Speaker 1: There Although sometimes some people who believe that rules are 456 00:28:35,920 --> 00:28:39,080 Speaker 1: made to be broken. I think in those instances when 457 00:28:39,120 --> 00:28:41,479 Speaker 1: you have a roommate like that, instead of just like 458 00:28:41,560 --> 00:28:45,200 Speaker 1: pushing again and again and reminding them again and again 459 00:28:45,240 --> 00:28:48,480 Speaker 1: and just becoming exhausted when they don't listen, the trick 460 00:28:48,600 --> 00:28:52,440 Speaker 1: is to find out what this person actually cares about, 461 00:28:52,720 --> 00:28:55,840 Speaker 1: what causes them to act in a certain way. There 462 00:28:55,920 --> 00:28:57,800 Speaker 1: is something that matters to them, and if you can 463 00:28:57,840 --> 00:29:01,080 Speaker 1: link the behavior that you need from them with what 464 00:29:01,160 --> 00:29:03,960 Speaker 1: matters to them, then you have a chance to actually 465 00:29:03,960 --> 00:29:06,920 Speaker 1: make something happen. For example, if they are someone who 466 00:29:06,960 --> 00:29:10,640 Speaker 1: really likes or needs the approval of others, make it 467 00:29:10,720 --> 00:29:12,920 Speaker 1: known that when they keep things tidy, it makes you 468 00:29:12,960 --> 00:29:15,800 Speaker 1: really happy and appreciative. Maybe it's that they have a 469 00:29:15,800 --> 00:29:19,600 Speaker 1: real sense of duty or fairness, really reinforce them, like 470 00:29:19,960 --> 00:29:24,000 Speaker 1: the duty of being a good roommate. Maybe it's guilt, whatever, 471 00:29:24,160 --> 00:29:29,160 Speaker 1: Find what motivates them and leverage that. But as this therapist, 472 00:29:29,240 --> 00:29:32,560 Speaker 1: doctor Fitzpatrick said in her incredible article about this, I'll 473 00:29:32,600 --> 00:29:35,560 Speaker 1: link it below, sometimes there are people who just like 474 00:29:35,600 --> 00:29:38,080 Speaker 1: are not really caught up in the rules of engagement here. 475 00:29:38,720 --> 00:29:42,240 Speaker 1: They kind of need to be gently reminded that to 476 00:29:42,280 --> 00:29:45,800 Speaker 1: be human is to sometimes have to be cooperative and 477 00:29:45,840 --> 00:29:48,920 Speaker 1: to compromise. We often really like to believe in the 478 00:29:48,920 --> 00:29:53,720 Speaker 1: goodness of others, but sometimes it just encounter people who 479 00:29:53,720 --> 00:29:57,280 Speaker 1: have a different agenda. When we're talking about that level 480 00:29:57,320 --> 00:30:01,760 Speaker 1: of inconsideration, often what's behind and that is some sort 481 00:30:01,760 --> 00:30:06,200 Speaker 1: of resentment, her anger. It could just be pure laziness 482 00:30:06,320 --> 00:30:09,680 Speaker 1: because they've been babied all of their life, and what 483 00:30:09,720 --> 00:30:12,960 Speaker 1: you need to do as a house is kind of unfortunately. 484 00:30:13,000 --> 00:30:15,040 Speaker 1: I know it sounds unfair, but you're the one who 485 00:30:15,120 --> 00:30:18,400 Speaker 1: now has to help them realize that this is where 486 00:30:18,400 --> 00:30:20,800 Speaker 1: it stops. I think it's very rare that you end 487 00:30:20,880 --> 00:30:23,400 Speaker 1: up living with like a total psychopath. I don't know. 488 00:30:23,480 --> 00:30:26,640 Speaker 1: Maybe you have a story for me and that has 489 00:30:26,640 --> 00:30:31,080 Speaker 1: been your experience, But the majority of people still respond 490 00:30:31,400 --> 00:30:34,280 Speaker 1: to human emotion. So if you tell them how their 491 00:30:34,280 --> 00:30:38,240 Speaker 1: actions have impacted you, how they've left you feeling disrespected, 492 00:30:38,280 --> 00:30:41,239 Speaker 1: if they've left you feeling upset, most people don't want 493 00:30:41,280 --> 00:30:43,520 Speaker 1: to be that person. They don't want to be the 494 00:30:43,520 --> 00:30:46,120 Speaker 1: household villain. That is the wake up call that they 495 00:30:46,200 --> 00:30:50,280 Speaker 1: need honesty and vulnerability. And I know it's really hard 496 00:30:50,320 --> 00:30:52,160 Speaker 1: to put yourself in a position where you have to 497 00:30:52,200 --> 00:30:54,880 Speaker 1: be vulnerable with someone, especially if you don't know them, 498 00:30:55,200 --> 00:30:57,680 Speaker 1: especially if it's a little bit awkward. But I think 499 00:30:57,760 --> 00:31:00,840 Speaker 1: vulnerability always has a lot of rewards that come with it, 500 00:31:01,640 --> 00:31:03,720 Speaker 1: and you know what, you might not feel like best 501 00:31:03,760 --> 00:31:07,080 Speaker 1: friends now, but keeping open those kind of lines of 502 00:31:07,080 --> 00:31:11,480 Speaker 1: communication when you're living under the same roof is really essential. 503 00:31:12,320 --> 00:31:14,840 Speaker 1: If you are the one, though, who is the source 504 00:31:14,880 --> 00:31:18,040 Speaker 1: of frustration. You have been told that you are not 505 00:31:18,720 --> 00:31:22,480 Speaker 1: pulling your fair share, you're not contributing, you're not keeping 506 00:31:22,520 --> 00:31:28,560 Speaker 1: things clean. Remember this is not them expressing unconditional anger 507 00:31:28,600 --> 00:31:31,479 Speaker 1: at you. They are speaking to you about this in 508 00:31:31,640 --> 00:31:34,880 Speaker 1: order to give you an opportunity to improve and adjust. 509 00:31:35,440 --> 00:31:38,080 Speaker 1: The worst thing we can do is interpret boundary setting 510 00:31:38,160 --> 00:31:42,960 Speaker 1: and like basic respectful discussion as an insult or a takedown, 511 00:31:43,160 --> 00:31:47,200 Speaker 1: as as criticism and allow ourselves to react from a 512 00:31:47,240 --> 00:31:50,880 Speaker 1: place of defensiveness. That is when we, I think, see 513 00:31:50,920 --> 00:31:56,880 Speaker 1: irrepairable conflict. When we feel threatened or confronted, often our 514 00:31:56,920 --> 00:32:01,560 Speaker 1: first primal instinct is to defend ourselves at all costs 515 00:32:01,560 --> 00:32:06,200 Speaker 1: by minimizing the other person's feelings, feeling like they are unjustified, 516 00:32:06,360 --> 00:32:10,320 Speaker 1: or really digging our heels in. It's very primitive and 517 00:32:10,640 --> 00:32:13,600 Speaker 1: psychologists often point to the role of our self esteem 518 00:32:13,640 --> 00:32:16,560 Speaker 1: in those moments where we don't want to feel like 519 00:32:16,600 --> 00:32:20,240 Speaker 1: we're a bad person, so to regulate that cognitive dissonance, 520 00:32:20,560 --> 00:32:24,520 Speaker 1: we put the problem back on someone else. That instinct 521 00:32:25,000 --> 00:32:28,080 Speaker 1: is not helping you. In fact, I would argue that 522 00:32:28,120 --> 00:32:35,440 Speaker 1: it's highly counterproductive in this situation. Instead, accept accountability in 523 00:32:35,480 --> 00:32:38,240 Speaker 1: those moments. Make a plan to be better, Make a 524 00:32:38,280 --> 00:32:41,960 Speaker 1: plan to hold yourself accountable. That doesn't disturb the peace 525 00:32:42,040 --> 00:32:44,880 Speaker 1: any further because we all have a shared goal here, right, 526 00:32:45,120 --> 00:32:47,840 Speaker 1: We have a shared goal of peace and harmony. And 527 00:32:47,880 --> 00:32:51,040 Speaker 1: I know that sounds cheesy, but honestly, that is what 528 00:32:51,080 --> 00:32:52,480 Speaker 1: we all want at the end of the day, to 529 00:32:52,480 --> 00:32:55,320 Speaker 1: be able to come home to our home and feel 530 00:32:55,360 --> 00:32:57,720 Speaker 1: like it's fun and feel like it's that we're meant 531 00:32:57,760 --> 00:33:01,200 Speaker 1: to be there, and feel safe. That brings me to 532 00:33:01,760 --> 00:33:05,240 Speaker 1: my next tip. Although you don't have to be best 533 00:33:05,240 --> 00:33:08,200 Speaker 1: friends with someone just because you live in the same home, 534 00:33:08,920 --> 00:33:11,600 Speaker 1: it doesn't hurt by any means to have like some 535 00:33:11,760 --> 00:33:18,000 Speaker 1: kind of social contact. Familiarity is such amazing bonding emotion 536 00:33:18,240 --> 00:33:22,240 Speaker 1: and experience. You don't want to be like the avoiding type. 537 00:33:22,240 --> 00:33:23,840 Speaker 1: You don't want to live in a house of like 538 00:33:24,400 --> 00:33:27,120 Speaker 1: of ghosts, where the silence is like super deafening and 539 00:33:27,160 --> 00:33:30,680 Speaker 1: it's really really lonely. So I think frequent casual contact 540 00:33:30,800 --> 00:33:33,800 Speaker 1: social contact is a really nice way to just bond 541 00:33:33,960 --> 00:33:36,880 Speaker 1: and stay friendly with each other. We used to do 542 00:33:37,440 --> 00:33:40,800 Speaker 1: Sunday dinners each week and everyone was responsible for like 543 00:33:41,320 --> 00:33:43,600 Speaker 1: some part of the meal, and then we would play 544 00:33:43,600 --> 00:33:46,080 Speaker 1: board games and have a whine and just chat or 545 00:33:46,120 --> 00:33:49,520 Speaker 1: go to trivia and bingo host parties together, and then 546 00:33:49,560 --> 00:33:51,400 Speaker 1: it didn't feel like we were just all these strangers 547 00:33:51,440 --> 00:33:54,000 Speaker 1: who had suddenly been placed in like a house together, 548 00:33:54,560 --> 00:33:57,120 Speaker 1: and how to just like find a way to get along, 549 00:33:57,200 --> 00:34:00,800 Speaker 1: like we could actually be friends, we could actually turn 550 00:34:00,880 --> 00:34:04,080 Speaker 1: to one another. So I'm not going to talk about 551 00:34:04,120 --> 00:34:08,399 Speaker 1: cleaning rosters or anything to do with bills or splitting things, 552 00:34:08,440 --> 00:34:10,239 Speaker 1: because I think we know the drill right, Like I 553 00:34:10,280 --> 00:34:12,480 Speaker 1: feel like that is something we will have a pretty 554 00:34:12,520 --> 00:34:16,720 Speaker 1: good understanding of. But I do have two final tips. Firstly, 555 00:34:17,200 --> 00:34:21,200 Speaker 1: don't form groups within the house. Don't gossip about one 556 00:34:21,280 --> 00:34:26,080 Speaker 1: house member solely with another member of the house. Bring 557 00:34:26,160 --> 00:34:28,520 Speaker 1: up your grievances in person, because you don't want to 558 00:34:28,520 --> 00:34:31,520 Speaker 1: create a collective enemy here. It's shit for everybody. You 559 00:34:31,520 --> 00:34:34,480 Speaker 1: don't want to exclude someone like I've had share houses 560 00:34:34,560 --> 00:34:37,560 Speaker 1: or friends in share houses where there's been like three 561 00:34:37,560 --> 00:34:39,840 Speaker 1: members of the house and two of them have become 562 00:34:39,880 --> 00:34:43,279 Speaker 1: super close and just excluded the third person. Don't be 563 00:34:43,400 --> 00:34:46,640 Speaker 1: that person. It's giving high school bully. It keeps people 564 00:34:46,680 --> 00:34:51,880 Speaker 1: isolated and it builds resentment. And secondly, don't and I 565 00:34:51,960 --> 00:34:57,040 Speaker 1: mean do not sleep with your roommates. We have all 566 00:34:57,080 --> 00:34:59,640 Speaker 1: heard the horror stories here. The second you cross that 567 00:34:59,640 --> 00:35:03,960 Speaker 1: Plato line, all rules disappear, all boundaries are gone. It's 568 00:35:04,000 --> 00:35:06,480 Speaker 1: like you've basically moved in together after your first date. 569 00:35:07,000 --> 00:35:09,239 Speaker 1: Not a great start for a healthy relationship if that's 570 00:35:09,239 --> 00:35:10,960 Speaker 1: what you want, and if it's not what you want, 571 00:35:11,040 --> 00:35:13,640 Speaker 1: then it's just really awkward because then suddenly your other 572 00:35:13,719 --> 00:35:16,520 Speaker 1: roommates feel like they're living with this couple that has 573 00:35:16,600 --> 00:35:19,520 Speaker 1: this weird like past, or not quite a couple at all. 574 00:35:20,160 --> 00:35:23,440 Speaker 1: There's so much that can go wrong, there's other people involved. 575 00:35:23,480 --> 00:35:25,520 Speaker 1: You never get the space you need when you've just 576 00:35:25,560 --> 00:35:30,239 Speaker 1: started out like bad idea. Please trust me on this. 577 00:35:30,960 --> 00:35:34,239 Speaker 1: So our final discussion point for the day is when 578 00:35:34,239 --> 00:35:36,160 Speaker 1: do you know it's time to leave the share house 579 00:35:36,239 --> 00:35:41,560 Speaker 1: life behind and live alone? I really believe that everyone 580 00:35:41,560 --> 00:35:45,120 Speaker 1: should live alone at least once, And I know it's 581 00:35:45,160 --> 00:35:47,960 Speaker 1: such a privilege to say that, but if it is 582 00:35:48,000 --> 00:35:51,719 Speaker 1: within your means, the benefits are really endless. You learn 583 00:35:51,840 --> 00:35:54,840 Speaker 1: to value your own company, you get it to you 584 00:35:54,880 --> 00:35:57,440 Speaker 1: decide like exactly how you want to live. You have 585 00:35:57,480 --> 00:36:02,480 Speaker 1: that independence and autonomy of your space. I think although 586 00:36:02,520 --> 00:36:05,560 Speaker 1: the solitude can sometimes be really scary, and that's a 587 00:36:05,600 --> 00:36:08,240 Speaker 1: reason why a lot of us don't do it, it's also 588 00:36:08,280 --> 00:36:10,920 Speaker 1: really important to do scary things every now and again 589 00:36:11,520 --> 00:36:15,040 Speaker 1: and to prove to yourself that you're capable of loving 590 00:36:15,080 --> 00:36:18,320 Speaker 1: your own life, loving your own company, loving your own space. 591 00:36:18,960 --> 00:36:22,200 Speaker 1: When you live alone, you have that time to really 592 00:36:22,960 --> 00:36:25,200 Speaker 1: focus on who you are. I think it leads to 593 00:36:25,239 --> 00:36:27,520 Speaker 1: a lot of increased self awareness because you're not just 594 00:36:27,560 --> 00:36:31,759 Speaker 1: able to distract yourself with very convenient like social interaction. 595 00:36:32,520 --> 00:36:36,439 Speaker 1: It also comes down to what you're willing to kind 596 00:36:36,480 --> 00:36:42,440 Speaker 1: of compromise. Every decision or change like this inevitably comes 597 00:36:42,440 --> 00:36:45,719 Speaker 1: with sacrifice. But do you know, but it's about really 598 00:36:45,760 --> 00:36:48,520 Speaker 1: what you value. It's about what you're willing to give 599 00:36:48,600 --> 00:36:51,760 Speaker 1: up for the benefits, Like do you value your alone 600 00:36:51,840 --> 00:36:56,120 Speaker 1: time more or the convenience of company. Would giving up 601 00:36:56,680 --> 00:37:00,560 Speaker 1: that built in social interaction be harder for you than 602 00:37:00,600 --> 00:37:04,839 Speaker 1: having to give up a certain level of privacy and autonomy. 603 00:37:05,000 --> 00:37:07,160 Speaker 1: That's really an equation that only you can do, a 604 00:37:07,239 --> 00:37:09,640 Speaker 1: decision only you can make. But I do think there 605 00:37:09,640 --> 00:37:12,319 Speaker 1: are some pretty big signs that you are you're ready 606 00:37:12,360 --> 00:37:15,960 Speaker 1: to take that leap. Firstly, a you have the financial 607 00:37:16,040 --> 00:37:18,879 Speaker 1: means to do it. That's just like a number one 608 00:37:19,640 --> 00:37:23,520 Speaker 1: point here. You have to do like a big financial overhaul. 609 00:37:23,560 --> 00:37:26,319 Speaker 1: I think bit of an audit, a bit of an investigation, 610 00:37:26,840 --> 00:37:29,040 Speaker 1: and just make sure you actually have enough leeway to 611 00:37:29,080 --> 00:37:32,280 Speaker 1: be able to afford a solo lifestyle because it naturally 612 00:37:32,320 --> 00:37:36,560 Speaker 1: will be more expensive. You don't want to live by 613 00:37:36,560 --> 00:37:38,959 Speaker 1: yourself for like seven months, realize you can no longer 614 00:37:39,000 --> 00:37:41,560 Speaker 1: afford it and have to go back. But you've already 615 00:37:41,719 --> 00:37:45,640 Speaker 1: gotten the taste of a sweeter fruit. You've already begun 616 00:37:45,719 --> 00:37:48,000 Speaker 1: to adapt to this kind of way of living, and 617 00:37:48,120 --> 00:37:51,200 Speaker 1: suddenly you're back in like the sharehouse with like four 618 00:37:51,239 --> 00:37:54,760 Speaker 1: people who don't know how to wash their dishes. Secondly, 619 00:37:54,880 --> 00:37:57,319 Speaker 1: another reason is if you are increasingly irritated by the 620 00:37:57,360 --> 00:38:02,160 Speaker 1: presence of others, you find yourself hermiting, avoiding your roommates. Thirdly, 621 00:38:02,200 --> 00:38:04,800 Speaker 1: if you have the social supports and like the social 622 00:38:04,840 --> 00:38:08,280 Speaker 1: circle to enable you to spend more time just alone 623 00:38:08,320 --> 00:38:12,239 Speaker 1: in your home without feeling disconnected. Do you need more 624 00:38:12,239 --> 00:38:16,440 Speaker 1: space for yourself, like just literal physical space, like storage space, 625 00:38:16,560 --> 00:38:21,960 Speaker 1: not emotional space. E If your relationship is getting serious 626 00:38:22,160 --> 00:38:25,000 Speaker 1: and you know that the next step may be to 627 00:38:25,040 --> 00:38:27,760 Speaker 1: live together, but you want to have that solo living 628 00:38:27,800 --> 00:38:32,200 Speaker 1: experience before then. And finally, if you're just ready for 629 00:38:32,280 --> 00:38:35,120 Speaker 1: the freedom. That's huge to me at the moment as 630 00:38:35,160 --> 00:38:37,840 Speaker 1: loong with that the reason I gave before, like my 631 00:38:37,920 --> 00:38:41,200 Speaker 1: relationship is getting serious, I'm kind of like, oh, like 632 00:38:41,280 --> 00:38:43,200 Speaker 1: we are going to end up living together. Before we 633 00:38:43,280 --> 00:38:45,719 Speaker 1: do that, I want to live alone. I think living 634 00:38:45,760 --> 00:38:47,759 Speaker 1: alone has always been a really huge goal for me 635 00:38:47,880 --> 00:38:50,920 Speaker 1: because I have a really deep fear of being alone, 636 00:38:51,360 --> 00:38:53,279 Speaker 1: and I want to challenge that at least once in 637 00:38:53,320 --> 00:38:56,800 Speaker 1: my life and stop letting that fear kind of control 638 00:38:56,880 --> 00:38:59,480 Speaker 1: me and keep me in a place of depending on 639 00:38:59,560 --> 00:39:03,040 Speaker 1: other people for company and comfort, even when actually what 640 00:39:03,080 --> 00:39:05,480 Speaker 1: I would rather do is just be by myself. But 641 00:39:05,560 --> 00:39:10,080 Speaker 1: I'm so like almost addicted to that validation of having 642 00:39:10,080 --> 00:39:12,839 Speaker 1: other people around me. That has just gone way too 643 00:39:12,880 --> 00:39:15,319 Speaker 1: deep there, very vulnerable, But honestly, I feel like I'm 644 00:39:15,320 --> 00:39:19,920 Speaker 1: not the only one who has that experience. Sharehouses as 645 00:39:19,960 --> 00:39:24,000 Speaker 1: a conclusion can be great, but they're also just inherently 646 00:39:24,000 --> 00:39:26,520 Speaker 1: a bit of like a mental labyrinth and a bit 647 00:39:26,520 --> 00:39:30,680 Speaker 1: of a hassle at times. It is like so strangely 648 00:39:30,840 --> 00:39:34,640 Speaker 1: intimate when you think about it, Like the home is 649 00:39:34,719 --> 00:39:38,000 Speaker 1: normally something reserved for like a family or people who 650 00:39:38,040 --> 00:39:40,799 Speaker 1: are like in love, and now it's reserved for like 651 00:39:41,000 --> 00:39:44,160 Speaker 1: people who like sometimes don't even know each other, and 652 00:39:44,200 --> 00:39:46,680 Speaker 1: suddenly you're like asleep in the next room, you know. 653 00:39:46,800 --> 00:39:48,640 Speaker 1: Like I said at the beginning, putting a bunch of 654 00:39:48,680 --> 00:39:50,919 Speaker 1: people in a house and expecting it to just work 655 00:39:51,080 --> 00:39:55,000 Speaker 1: is like so implausible. They literally have TV shows about 656 00:39:55,040 --> 00:39:57,320 Speaker 1: that very premise, Like that is what Big Brother is 657 00:39:57,360 --> 00:40:00,399 Speaker 1: about that. That's like how fascinating it is. That's how 658 00:40:00,440 --> 00:40:03,680 Speaker 1: interesting the dynamics get. So if you're living with roommates 659 00:40:03,680 --> 00:40:05,480 Speaker 1: now and they're just kind of getting on your nerves, 660 00:40:05,800 --> 00:40:08,520 Speaker 1: you're in the midst of some like weird tension. I 661 00:40:08,560 --> 00:40:11,480 Speaker 1: feel you we've all been there. Sometimes it is a 662 00:40:11,560 --> 00:40:14,200 Speaker 1: dream and it's super fun. Other times it's just frustrating. 663 00:40:14,520 --> 00:40:16,759 Speaker 1: But I also think It is an important experience of 664 00:40:16,760 --> 00:40:19,720 Speaker 1: our twenties to at least like have those moments, because 665 00:40:19,760 --> 00:40:22,840 Speaker 1: then you'll never take your alone time for granted. Ever again, 666 00:40:23,440 --> 00:40:26,160 Speaker 1: one of my friends said to me, like I she 667 00:40:26,320 --> 00:40:28,279 Speaker 1: was likeing to me, what did she say? She's like, 668 00:40:28,280 --> 00:40:29,839 Speaker 1: I want to push myself to the point of like 669 00:40:29,880 --> 00:40:33,279 Speaker 1: absolutely hating my share like sharehousing, so that I never 670 00:40:33,320 --> 00:40:35,480 Speaker 1: want to go back, and so that I'm never like 671 00:40:35,800 --> 00:40:37,840 Speaker 1: in my thirties or forties being like, oh, I shouldn't 672 00:40:37,840 --> 00:40:40,000 Speaker 1: have spent more time in my share house. Like I 673 00:40:40,000 --> 00:40:42,280 Speaker 1: think we've all been there. We've all been at that point. 674 00:40:42,400 --> 00:40:47,000 Speaker 1: So I really hope that you enjoyed this episode. Remember 675 00:40:47,120 --> 00:40:50,080 Speaker 1: if you're having a shit time right now, everything is temporary, 676 00:40:50,600 --> 00:40:54,239 Speaker 1: and I hope you just like learned something about how 677 00:40:54,320 --> 00:40:58,879 Speaker 1: roommates and sharehouses and communal spaces operate. It is so psychological. 678 00:40:59,360 --> 00:41:02,600 Speaker 1: It comes down to like so many strange theories about 679 00:41:02,760 --> 00:41:06,640 Speaker 1: people's personalities and ways of life and how they were raised. 680 00:41:06,840 --> 00:41:10,040 Speaker 1: So it's no wonder that I think so much drama 681 00:41:10,080 --> 00:41:13,200 Speaker 1: and tension, but also so many good times come from 682 00:41:13,200 --> 00:41:16,000 Speaker 1: the Shiit House. So thank you so much for listening. 683 00:41:16,280 --> 00:41:17,879 Speaker 1: I think I've already said this but I do really 684 00:41:17,920 --> 00:41:21,400 Speaker 1: hope that you've enjoyed this episode. If you have like 685 00:41:21,440 --> 00:41:24,440 Speaker 1: a roommate horror story, send it my way. Maybe we'll 686 00:41:24,480 --> 00:41:27,560 Speaker 1: do like a follow up episode just talking about roommate 687 00:41:27,600 --> 00:41:30,160 Speaker 1: horror stories. I feel like I'm also just nosy and 688 00:41:30,200 --> 00:41:32,680 Speaker 1: I want to I want to know what you guys 689 00:41:32,760 --> 00:41:35,920 Speaker 1: have been through. So if you enjoyed this episode and 690 00:41:35,920 --> 00:41:38,200 Speaker 1: you feel like there is someone else who might benefit 691 00:41:38,239 --> 00:41:41,239 Speaker 1: from it, please feel free to share a link with 692 00:41:41,320 --> 00:41:44,600 Speaker 1: them or leave a five star review wherever you're listening. 693 00:41:44,680 --> 00:41:47,640 Speaker 1: Right now, I read every single review that is left 694 00:41:47,640 --> 00:41:51,440 Speaker 1: for me, and they're really amazing. It's such a beautiful 695 00:41:51,440 --> 00:41:54,759 Speaker 1: point of encouragement, a beautiful part of my week to 696 00:41:55,440 --> 00:41:58,200 Speaker 1: have a little read. And yeah, it's just super lovely 697 00:41:58,239 --> 00:41:59,719 Speaker 1: that there are so many of you out there who 698 00:41:59,800 --> 00:42:02,480 Speaker 1: love this show. So thank you for supporting me so 699 00:42:02,600 --> 00:42:06,040 Speaker 1: much recently. Make sure you're following so that when we 700 00:42:06,200 --> 00:42:10,000 Speaker 1: release new episodes they are delivered right to your feed. 701 00:42:10,600 --> 00:42:13,799 Speaker 1: And as always, we will be back next week with 702 00:42:14,040 --> 00:42:16,719 Speaker 1: another episode.