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Speaker 1: Countdown with Keith Olderman is a production of I Heart Radio.

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Speaker 1: When the walking and the handshakes and the selfies are

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Speaker 1: over and President Biden reaches the rostrum in the House

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Speaker 1: Chamber tonight, after the cheering and applause has reached its crescendo,

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Speaker 1: but before it dies down fully, the President should reach

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Speaker 1: into his jacket pocket, pull out his aviator sunglasses, put

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Speaker 1: them on, then reach under the lectern and produced first

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Speaker 1: a large, tattered, devastated white balloon and drape it in

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Speaker 1: front of himself, and then reach under a second time

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Speaker 1: and pull out an L A U seven launcher for

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Speaker 1: an A I M nine X side winder missile, and

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Speaker 1: rest the thing on his shoulder and asked the astonished

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Speaker 1: representatives and say there's any other questions? Mother efforts, and

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Speaker 1: then he should smile, put the props back down, take

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Speaker 1: the glasses off, and say, Mr Speaker, Madam, Vice President,

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Speaker 1: and our first lady and second gentleman, members of Congress,

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Speaker 1: in the Cabinet, Justices of the Supreme Court, my fellow Americans,

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Speaker 1: the state of the Union is. I feel the need

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Speaker 1: the need for speed. Obviously he won't, but we need

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Speaker 1: to face something that Republicans identified thirty years ago or longer,

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Speaker 1: which we have refused to acknowledge. That goes to the

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Speaker 1: heart of what was probably your first reaction when I

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Speaker 1: gave voice just there to my little top gun state

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Speaker 1: of the sidewinder missile message fantasy, which odds are was

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Speaker 1: that would be great, only to be immediately followed by

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Speaker 1: a different voice in your head saying you can't do that.

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Speaker 1: We have to face the reality that this country is

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Speaker 1: full of morons. I don't know if they are ten percent,

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Speaker 1: and they're just allowed ten percent. I don't know if

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Speaker 1: they are. I don't know if they are, and there

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Speaker 1: are days I don't doubt this a bit, But however

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Speaker 1: many they are. They elected Trump and nearly did it

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Speaker 1: again and might try it once more. And bluntly, people

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Speaker 1: in America are stupid and is ludicrous as the idea

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Speaker 1: of Joe Biden showing up at the State of the

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Speaker 1: Union with a fake missile launcher and a fake Chinese

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Speaker 1: spy balloon is. How much more ludicrous is it? Then?

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Speaker 1: Was George W. Bush landing on the USS Abraham Lincoln

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Speaker 1: on May first, two thousand three, and getting out of

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Speaker 1: the jet and a flight suit complete with a helmet

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Speaker 1: and a high altitude oxygen mask, and then stepping out

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Speaker 1: of all that gear and giving his mission accomplished speech,

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Speaker 1: even though no mission had been accomplished and nothing close

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Speaker 1: to it would be for eighteen years. And it's illegal

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Speaker 1: to turn a U. S. Navy carrier into a political

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Speaker 1: prop And if anybody had been paying attention, all that

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Speaker 1: the flight imagery should have evoked was the day Bush

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Speaker 1: was suspended from flying with the Texas Air National Guard,

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Speaker 1: and whether or not he faked his service time, at

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Speaker 1: what in hell did he invade Iraq? Fourth the nine

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Speaker 1: eleven plotters had been shielded by Afghanistan, but it didn't

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Speaker 1: it got Bush reelected because the country is full of idiots.

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Speaker 1: Most of them are Republican idiots, but not all, and

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Speaker 1: the ones who are not idiots, or who at least

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Speaker 1: are not complete idiots, are still consumed by the proverbial

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Speaker 1: shiny objects. This is a nation of memes, and of

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Speaker 1: video games and of movies which are now adapted from

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Speaker 1: comic books. And when I was sitting there at the

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Speaker 1: MSNBC anchor desk on May first, two thousand three, asking

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Speaker 1: about the Air National Guard and exactly what mission has

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Speaker 1: supposedly been accomplished. My co anchor said, no, no, no, no,

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Speaker 1: no Bush one this day, look at the bulge in

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Speaker 1: his flight suit. My co anchor was Chris Matthews. Most

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Speaker 1: of the time he is an idiot too, but actually

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Speaker 1: that day he was not an idiot. He was channeling

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Speaker 1: the idiocy of tens of millions of our fellow citizens

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Speaker 1: who defy the odds each day and managed to get

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Speaker 1: to and from their office or the store or the

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Speaker 1: bar without killing themselves and everybody around them. And Matthews

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Speaker 1: was right. Nobody thought about the Texas Air National Guard.

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Speaker 1: They only saw George W. Bush mission accomplished in a

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Speaker 1: flight suit with a big bulge. It began long before then,

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Speaker 1: but from that day onwards, the Republicans have won virtually

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Speaker 1: every battle of imagery fought on our political hell escape.

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Speaker 1: What was Trump if not entirely imagery? The planes landing

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Speaker 1: at his rallies. That was Hitler's idea, literally Hitler's idea.

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Speaker 1: That's how he mesmerized the idiots he knew lived in

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Speaker 1: his time in his country. The cheap, stupid looking snap

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Speaker 1: back baseball caps, and we see them and we say,

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Speaker 1: I would rather wear a plastic bag tied tightly over

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Speaker 1: my head, and we missed the point. Half the country

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Speaker 1: already owned stupid looking snapback baseball caps, and all Trump

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Speaker 1: did was brand them and unify those who were already

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Speaker 1: wearing them. And we recoil from these stunts because they

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Speaker 1: are not dignified and they are not honest, and those

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Speaker 1: who performed them are not served first at the cocktail

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Speaker 1: parties in Washington. And it is all somehow beneath us,

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Speaker 1: and we shake our heads, and still, in our quietest moments,

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Speaker 1: we believe we can win the hearts and minds of

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Speaker 1: America with logic and sincerity. Do you, And though with

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Speaker 1: each passing day there is less and less evidence that

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Speaker 1: there are enough minds left in America with which to

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Speaker 1: win anything, And still we tisk tisk, and we pooh pooh,

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Speaker 1: and we sighed profoundly at stunts and imagery and caps

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Speaker 1: and shirts and bumper stickers and props, at American flag

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Speaker 1: lapel pins. And yet tonight there will be congressmen in

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Speaker 1: the House Chamber booing with the audacity of dope a

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Speaker 1: president who handled this balloon nonsense perfectly. Even though these

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Speaker 1: congressmen have now moved on from American flag lapel pins

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Speaker 1: to actually wearing a K forty seven lapel pins. And

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Speaker 1: they have not as they should be gotten dragged out

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Speaker 1: of the House by their heels for mocking the victims

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Speaker 1: of every mass shooting in this country. And they will

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Speaker 1: not only get away with these lapel pins, some of

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Speaker 1: them will be re elected because of them, because the

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Speaker 1: Republicans and the fascists have tapped into and monopolized the

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Speaker 1: greatest unstated voting block in this country. They got the

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Speaker 1: balloon story entirely wrong. And yet here is Senator Marsha

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Speaker 1: Blackburn of Tennessee, who sounds and looks like she just

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Speaker 1: accidentally electrocuted herself with a faulty hair curling iron. Tweeting

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Speaker 1: Communist China tested Biden with their spy balloon, and he failed.

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Speaker 1: And here is Kevin McCarthy, who social media avatar does

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Speaker 1: not just capture his quintessential native stupidity, but makes him

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Speaker 1: look like he's just realized that that car out there

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Speaker 1: in the distance in the parking lot is on fire

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Speaker 1: and it is his car. Here is perhaps our dumbest

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Speaker 1: speaker of the House ever getting away with posting and

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Speaker 1: keeping posted first. Biden refused to defend our borders. Now

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Speaker 1: he won't defend our skies. And here is this reptile

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Speaker 1: on its back legs, Marjorie Taylor Green, who we must

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Speaker 1: congratulate because when she briefly presided over the House yesterday

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Speaker 1: and they handed her the gabble, she grabbed it by

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Speaker 1: the correct end. Here is this nitwit tweeting there's zero

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Speaker 1: Chinese spy balloons during President Trump's administration. China owns Biden,

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Speaker 1: and everyone knows why the Republicans are winning the visceral

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Speaker 1: battle over this balloon because they will not let any

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Speaker 1: facts get in their way, and they do not have

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Speaker 1: to worry about the Democrats even bothering to respond, and

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Speaker 1: they can count on the morons like Ryan Liza at

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Speaker 1: Politico writing China deflates Biden's State of the Union swagger,

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Speaker 1: and the morons like Doug Cameron at the Wall Street

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Speaker 1: Journal writing Chinese craft raises fears of a balloon gap.

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Speaker 1: There's no balloon gap. There is an imagery gap. There's

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Speaker 1: a visceral reaction gap. There's a never mind the truth,

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Speaker 1: the meme is much better gap. There is only an

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Speaker 1: effing the other party up gap. Do you think that

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Speaker 1: when I went on television and once a week called

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Speaker 1: for George Bush to resign the presidency, that I ever

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Speaker 1: thought for a moment that he was going to resign.

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Speaker 1: I never once said it just for effect. But I

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Speaker 1: also never once said it believing that it would ever happen.

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Speaker 1: I said it because it was true, and because my

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Speaker 1: low grade no training in politics political philosophy is borrowed

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Speaker 1: not from Tip O'Neill but from Muhammad Ali. Yes, you

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Speaker 1: might get in close enough to hit me and even

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Speaker 1: hurt me, but every time you do, I'm gonna make

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Speaker 1: sure you get hit as well. Gray's you or knock

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Speaker 1: you out, I'm gonna f you up. The fascists invade

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Speaker 1: Iraqs of their cronies can get all the planes blown up,

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Speaker 1: and we have to spend more taxpayer money to pay

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Speaker 1: them to build us new planes. Well, you may not

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Speaker 1: stop them, but as they do it, make sure you

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Speaker 1: f them up, make it personal, make it hurt hell.

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Speaker 1: We should have a secretary of fffing them up, Cabinet

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Speaker 1: meetings everybody here, Secretary of Defense here, State present, Agriculture, yo,

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Speaker 1: secretary of effing them up right here, Mr President, I'm

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Speaker 1: ready to ff ing f them up. Perhaps someday we

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Speaker 1: will cure stupidity in this country, but until that distant

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Speaker 1: and glorious future, we must court it, or at least

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Speaker 1: neutralize it, because it is growing so rapidly that this

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Speaker 1: actually happened yesterday, and I still don't believe it. This

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Speaker 1: actually happened yesterday. There is a phrase in American journalism.

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Speaker 1: It has spread to politics, to government, to the military.

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Speaker 1: I heard it first at CNN in two or nine

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Speaker 1: eighty three. When you want to present the timeline of

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Speaker 1: something anything, usually in a newspaper story or a television report,

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Speaker 1: you do what is called a tick talk t I

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Speaker 1: c K t O c k, as in the sound

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Speaker 1: that'll watch or clock makes tick talk, tick talk a

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Speaker 1: timeline at ten am, this happened, at one pm. That

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Speaker 1: happened at four pm, This other thing happened. This is

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Speaker 1: what the Press Secretary Jean Pierre said yesterday at the

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Speaker 1: White House. I knew there was a TikTok that went

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Speaker 1: out to all of you from the National Security Council

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Speaker 1: that was pretty detailed on how everything kind of broke

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Speaker 1: down for the past week. TikTok t I c K

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Speaker 1: t O c K For what I can tell from

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Speaker 1: all the now deleted tweets. The first idiots who produced

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Speaker 1: pseudo news content for other idiots who screwed this up

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Speaker 1: was The Daily Caller quoting the Press Secretary as saying

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Speaker 1: that the National Security Council had posted a TikTok t

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Speaker 1: i k t ok a video on a Chinese driven

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Speaker 1: social media site, you know, for kids. Next it was

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Speaker 1: Fox News. Their tweet by their reporter read, Jean Pierre

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Speaker 1: just told the press there was a TikTok t i

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Speaker 1: k t okay that went out to all of you

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Speaker 1: from the National Security Council. That's right, folks. They take

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Speaker 1: security so seriously. They're using TikTok to tell us exclamation

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Speaker 1: point unquote. The idiot who wrote that has worked for

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Speaker 1: Fox News Channel on the air, where they used the

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Speaker 1: journalistic shorthand TikTok t i c k t O c

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Speaker 1: k worked there, and they hired him away from the

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Speaker 1: Wall Street Journal, where they also used the journalistic shorthand

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Speaker 1: TikTok and where he had worked since nive And his

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Speaker 1: name is David David A. S m A and David Asman.

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Speaker 1: We are surrounded by idiots. It is no use assuming

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Speaker 1: they will go away. It is even less used to

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Speaker 1: pretend that it is beneath us to manipulate them, maybe

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Speaker 1: even pender to them, and most importantly, to try to

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Speaker 1: get their votes from them. These are the stakes Biden

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Speaker 1: manages to extract Chinese intelligence tradecraft from that balloon and

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Speaker 1: block its transmissions back to China and learn enough to

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Speaker 1: confirm that other balloons were here three times without Trump

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Speaker 1: ever noticing, and then shoot it down over water where

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Speaker 1: it couldn't kill Americans or destroy property. And Jim Jordan's

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Speaker 1: has the audacity to tweet inflation illegal Immigration spy balloon

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Speaker 1: on the House Judiciary geop account inflation illegal immigration spy balloon.

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Speaker 1: If the President does not want to put on the

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Speaker 1: shades and drape the destroyed balloon and rest the sidewinder

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Speaker 1: missile launcher on his shoulder during the State of the Union,

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Speaker 1: the least he should do is read that tweet and say,

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Speaker 1: inflation it's down, illegal immigration it's down, and the spy balloon,

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Speaker 1: You're goddamned right, it's effing down, Thank you, Nancy Faust

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Speaker 1: still ahead of federal judge notices. Something the rest of

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Speaker 1: us did not notice about the scrowtus repeal of Rovi Wade.

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Speaker 1: It only applied to what rights are or are not

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Speaker 1: in the amendment, not say amendment surprise. Who's the leading

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Speaker 1: thief of other people's jokes on Twitter? Elon Musk, who's

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Speaker 1: the leading amplifier of pro Russia disc info on Twitter?

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Speaker 1: Uh huh? Whereas persons ahead and Flacco, the missing Central

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Speaker 1: Park Eagle owl had at last word moved back to

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Speaker 1: literally the sidewalk right outside his zwo like a regretful

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Speaker 1: husband back from a bender. I'll watch twenty three continues.

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Speaker 1: That's next. This is countdown. You know, this is countdown

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Speaker 1: with you know Keith Alberman. Postscripts to the news, some headlines,

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Speaker 1: some updates, some snarks, some predictions. State line right here

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Speaker 1: this podcast. A correction from before the break. Fascist congressmen

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Speaker 1: are not wearing a K forty seven lapel pins. They're

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Speaker 1: wearing a R fifteen lapel pins. What the hell do

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Speaker 1: I care? I noticed one of them is wearing the

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Speaker 1: lapel pin with the barrel of the gun pointed up

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Speaker 1: towards his chin. I noticed that Tate Line, Washington hearing

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Speaker 1: a criminal case involving anti abortion activists who blocked a

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Speaker 1: clinic Federal Judge Colleen calar Catelli is asking that the

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Speaker 1: prosecution and the defense address something she just noticed that

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Speaker 1: maybe nobody else has. When it overturned Roe v. Wade

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Speaker 1: last year, the Court was specific in its reasoning. It

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Speaker 1: looked at the Fourteenth Amendment and only the fourteenth Amendment

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Speaker 1: and found it contained no right to abortion. What asks

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Speaker 1: Judge Collar Coateelly about the thirte Amendment. The thirteenth Amendment

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Speaker 1: bands involuntary servitude. Could involuntary servitude include bearing a child

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Speaker 1: against your will, as in the case of rape, or

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Speaker 1: even any other kind of pregnancy that the woman does

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Speaker 1: not want to continue. Who knows. Maybe by the time

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Speaker 1: there is a Supreme Court hearing about maybe some of

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Speaker 1: these current justices will be in jail for lying to

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Speaker 1: the Senate or for insurrection dateline Salem, Massachusetts related topic

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Speaker 1: public service and trolling. At the same time, the Satanic

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Speaker 1: Temple says it will open a reproductive health clinic in

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Speaker 1: New Mexico, offering abortion pills and health screening. Since calling

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Speaker 1: it the Satanic Temple Clinic would not be scary enough,

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Speaker 1: they say they are naming the facility the Samuel Alito's

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Speaker 1: Mom's Satanic abortion clinic and Dateline New York. Flacco, the

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Speaker 1: twelve year old legal owl to escape from the Central

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Speaker 1: Park Zoo last Thursday when somebody cut the fencing around

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Speaker 1: his habitat, has changed trees again, as you know. First

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Speaker 1: Flacco went to the nearest city bank, then off to

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Speaker 1: a tree across the street from me, then to a

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Speaker 1: different tree a little west of there. Yesterday Flacco turned

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Speaker 1: up in a tree directly on the other side of

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Speaker 1: the southwest border of the Central Park Zoo. He was

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Speaker 1: seen flying around at one point swooping down to the

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Speaker 1: ground right next to the zoo wall. It is clear

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Speaker 1: what is happening here. Like so many of us in

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Speaker 1: this neighborhood and throughout Manhattan and throughout New York City,

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Speaker 1: Flacco went looking for a better place to live, but

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Speaker 1: he got a good look at what was available, and

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Speaker 1: now he's trying to renew his current lease. Out of

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Speaker 1: the daily roundup of the misgrants, morons and Donning Krueger

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Speaker 1: effect specimens who constitute today's worst for sins in the world,

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Speaker 1: Lebronze Elon Musk super genius, Well, he's been a busy

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Speaker 1: little beaver. Forbes has done a story on how Musk

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Speaker 1: has stolen at least eighteen jokes tweeted at him by

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Speaker 1: his own followers, four of them last Saturday alone. Not retweets,

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Speaker 1: not retweets with comments, just cut and pasting other people's work.

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Speaker 1: The story of his life really. Ellen also continues to

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Speaker 1: prove he has no idea, makes no effort or both

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Speaker 1: to separate news from fake news. A pro Kremlin propaganda

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Speaker 1: account tweeted directly at him and quoted a newspaper in Turkey.

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Speaker 1: There is no link, and as it turns out, there's

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Speaker 1: also no such newspaper. This fake newspaper supposedly claimed two

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Speaker 1: thirty four U S and British trainers have been killed

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Speaker 1: in Ukraine, along with two thousand, four eight NATO troops.

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Speaker 1: It is utter fiction, completely made up. So naturally, Musk

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Speaker 1: responded with his usual pith and insight quote, A tragic

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Speaker 1: loss of life could have been worse. The account then

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Speaker 1: asked him to mediate to settle the war. He did

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Speaker 1: not reply, but of course Musk has previously suggested that

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Speaker 1: the way to settle it is to just give into putin.

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Speaker 1: Far more seriously, the New York Times is reporting that

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Speaker 1: Musk's big brag that there was too much child born

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Speaker 1: on Twitter, like there should be any, and he would

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Speaker 1: immediately eliminate it has totally failed. There seems to be

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Speaker 1: more than ever Quoting the Times over views of a

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Speaker 1: video showing a boy being sexually assaulted, a recommendation engine

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Speaker 1: suggesting that a user followed content related to exploited children unquote,

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Speaker 1: and of course virtually the entirety of Twitter support and

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Speaker 1: the Abuse Reporting Division. Musk fired all of them our

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Speaker 1: runners up, news Max. As we continue to hear the

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Speaker 1: fascist Karen ing over its removal from direct tv, we

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Speaker 1: now have confirmation that this was a business dispute that

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Speaker 1: the Republicans. See my opening commentary today that the Republicans

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Speaker 1: are exploiting to score points with the vast eighteen to

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Speaker 1: stupid voting demographic. Direct TV has finally gotten on the

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Speaker 1: stick and issued a press release about this quote. Our

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Speaker 1: differences with newsmax are economic, not political or ideological. News

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Speaker 1: Max made unreasonable demands that would force Direct TV customers

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Speaker 1: to fund the networks shift from a free nationwide streaming

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Speaker 1: service to one that will require a pay TV subscription.

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Speaker 1: Since we would not agree to newsmax Is demand to

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Speaker 1: pay them tens of millions of dollars and licensing fees.

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Speaker 1: Direct TV was no longer permitted by Newsmax to air

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Speaker 1: its content. Direct TV is disappointed by newsmax position. We

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Speaker 1: prefer Newsmax had ever left and remained interested in bringing

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Speaker 1: news Max back under the right financial terms. The Daily

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Speaker 1: Beast is reporting that that tens of millions of dollars

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Speaker 1: figure is actually thirteen million per year, that news Max

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Speaker 1: wanted on a multi year arrangement for that crap. But

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Speaker 1: our winner, I guess this would be Chris Licht and

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Speaker 1: John Malone of CNN and Bill Maher of CNN. That's right,

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Speaker 1: my old friend, you now wear it. The aforementioned Daily

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Speaker 1: Beasts Julia Davis, who monitors Russia, is increasingly hysterical war

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Speaker 1: hyping machine on TV in that country, reports that one

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Speaker 1: of its hosts, Vladimir Solovyov, has a new plan. He

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Speaker 1: wants to a put the German Chancellor old Aff Schultz

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Speaker 1: on trial in Nuremberg, which, as you can guess here,

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Speaker 1: would presumably require that first Russia would beat Germany in

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Speaker 1: a you know, war, and be Mr Solovyov wants to

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Speaker 1: quote by CNN, well, why would the Russian fascists want

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Speaker 1: to buy CNN when the American fascist already owns CNN.

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Speaker 1: I mean to be fair, you could get it cheap

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Speaker 1: right now. The ratings are in the debut of Bill

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Speaker 1: Maher's segment last Friday night. At that hour drew seventy

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Speaker 1: six thousand viewers for CNN eight nine thousand viewers under

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Speaker 1: the age of fifty five. Those were the lowest ratings

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Speaker 1: for any hour in cable news on Friday night. John Malone, Bill,

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Speaker 1: I swear I was on CNN that night. I swear

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Speaker 1: I know nobody watched it, but I know I was

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Speaker 1: on mar and Chris. Did I ever mentioned that When

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Speaker 1: we worked together at MSNBC, Alderman thought I ate paced

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Speaker 1: licked two days worst persons in the still ahead on Countdown.

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Speaker 1: I still remember the exact amount four and forty two

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Speaker 1: dollars minus the five I had to keep to tip

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Speaker 1: the driver later that night. You will not believe what

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Speaker 1: I had to use their mating fo dollars to do.

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Speaker 1: You will believe that I never got the money back

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Speaker 1: things I promised not to tell. Next first, in each

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Speaker 1: indition of Countdown, we feature dog in need you can help.

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Speaker 1: Every dog has its day in Philadelphia Animal Control is

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Speaker 1: still marveling that Pandora was still alive. She was starving

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Speaker 1: to death on the proverbial streets of Philadelphia, and she

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Speaker 1: was anemic. There were bone fragments in her stomach, black stool,

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Speaker 1: and days after Outcast Rescue got hold of her, she's

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Speaker 1: already up on her feet, with her eyes shining again

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Speaker 1: and her striking black and white coat beginning to not

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Speaker 1: show quite so much ribs and bone. She has a

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Speaker 1: long way to go, but if you can donate, it

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Speaker 1: looks like she will get there. You can find Pandora

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Speaker 1: on Cuddly or on my Twitter feed, and your retweets

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Speaker 1: will also help her. I thank you, and Pandora, thank you.

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Speaker 1: And thus to the number one story on the countdown

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Speaker 1: in my favorite topic, Me and I guess. I was

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Speaker 1: reminded of this because I mentioned Chris Matthews earlier, ah

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Speaker 1: the geniuses of MSNBC. So I looked up the details

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Speaker 1: of this, and it looks like this is the anniversary.

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Speaker 1: It's somewhere around here at the beginning of February from

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Speaker 1: two thousand and eight. Late in November two thousand seven,

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Speaker 1: after several months of pressuring my MSNBC bosses to hire

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Speaker 1: Rachel Maddow to try out as My guest host, with

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Speaker 1: a goal of then showcasing her and spinning her off

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Speaker 1: into her own show. The vice president in charge of

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Speaker 1: the network, Phil Griffin, agreed to give Maddow a deal

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Speaker 1: for forty or fifty grand as an MSNBC contributor. It

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Speaker 1: would do nothing more than lock her in place so

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Speaker 1: that CNN would not steal her from us. I mean,

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Speaker 1: I knew that that conversation and that concession still would

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Speaker 1: not get her her own show. But what I did

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Speaker 1: not know was the concession I was told about the

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Speaker 1: contributors contract. It was a lie. And by January two

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Speaker 1: thousand and eight, as the Clinton Obama primary race turned

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Speaker 1: into a tongue war, we were imposing upon Rachel Meadow

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Speaker 1: to join the desk each Tuesday for Primary Night. She

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Speaker 1: was not anchoring, She's not even the lead analyst, and

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Speaker 1: my uncontrollable fire hose co host Matthews was consistently pretending

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Speaker 1: that she did not actually exist. But she existed. She

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Speaker 1: was there, and I quizzed her about every topic every

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Speaker 1: chance I got. Soon I began to include her appearances

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Speaker 1: in the pre recorded open that I would write two

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Speaker 1: minutes of hyperbole that was really designed merely to give

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Speaker 1: everybody enough time to get my fat ass into the

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Speaker 1: anchor chair and everybody else's mis on with Tim Russer

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Speaker 1: in the NBC, knew was Washington Bureau, David Gregory at

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Speaker 1: Clinton Headquarters, Howard Feynman and Eugene Robinson in New York,

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Speaker 1: Chuck Todd at the Exit Pole desk, Tom broke off

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Speaker 1: the Perspective desk, MC Escher at the lack of Perspective Desk.

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Speaker 1: Then came Super Tuesday, February five, two thousand eight. I

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Speaker 1: was writing this orgasmic dribble, as I always did on Tuesday,

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Speaker 1: crossing the names of who was where off the list

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Speaker 1: as I went, the list handed to me by the

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Speaker 1: executive producer, Izzy Povich. When I noticed the list did

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Speaker 1: not include either Rachel or the Rachel Desk, I knocked

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Speaker 1: on the wall that separated our little offices at thirty Rock,

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Speaker 1: and she shuffled in complete with a sincere smile friendship,

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Speaker 1: but always also with what seemed to be a little

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Speaker 1: space kept in reserve where she could wonder if I

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Speaker 1: was mad enough to try to take somebody hostage. Yes,

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Speaker 1: my third child, Where's Rachel tonight, I asked, as I

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Speaker 1: waived the paper at her, assuming oversight, but leaving my

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Speaker 1: own little space in reserve where my earlier nightmare had

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Speaker 1: come true, not on paper. Please to put name Rachel

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Speaker 1: on paper? Is Povich said it, matter of factly. Oh, yeah,

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Speaker 1: well I was in trouble. That elongated concident always meant trouble.

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Speaker 1: She's on Larry King tonight. Momentarily, I went, very stupid, Well,

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Speaker 1: how in the hell does that work when she has

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Speaker 1: a contract with us. I'll tell you, but you have

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Speaker 1: to promise not to hate me. The Isipovich fake cringe

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Speaker 1: and crouch ensued. Phil made me promise not to tell you.

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Speaker 1: Rachel doesn't have a contract with us. He told me

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Speaker 1: he told you we'd get her one. Then his boss

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00:28:48,875 --> 00:28:51,195
Speaker 1: refused to give him the money. I'm sorry, you promised

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Speaker 1: not to hate me. Momentarily, I was calm momentarily, but

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00:28:58,235 --> 00:29:01,355
Speaker 1: why why didn't you tell me that before? Approximately? Oh

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Speaker 1: right now, why didn't you tell me this before? Or

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Speaker 1: she agreed to go on Larry King's show? Well, she

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Speaker 1: only decided this morning. Apparently she really needs the cash.

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00:29:11,835 --> 00:29:14,635
Speaker 1: I told Phil, and he said, those are the brakes buddy.

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Speaker 1: The last thing I actually remember doing, the last part

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00:29:18,875 --> 00:29:21,115
Speaker 1: that I did not need to recreate from the memories

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00:29:21,155 --> 00:29:25,195
Speaker 1: of others and an occasional flashback in therapy, was asking

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00:29:25,675 --> 00:29:28,155
Speaker 1: how much my old friend Larry King was going to

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00:29:28,275 --> 00:29:33,515
Speaker 1: give Rachel is he pursed her lips two fifty dollars.

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00:29:35,795 --> 00:29:39,155
Speaker 1: I remember screaming that figure several times, along with all

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00:29:39,235 --> 00:29:42,915
Speaker 1: the swear words I knew. I remember vocalizing, we are

434
00:29:43,035 --> 00:29:46,315
Speaker 1: going to lose Rachel Meadow, the next great talent of

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00:29:46,435 --> 00:29:51,355
Speaker 1: cable news, to fing CNN, for two hundred and fifty

436
00:29:51,475 --> 00:29:57,395
Speaker 1: fing dollars. Everything else after that statement is darkness. I

437
00:29:57,555 --> 00:30:02,395
Speaker 1: know I phoned Phil Griffin and threatened him. Is He

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00:30:02,595 --> 00:30:05,155
Speaker 1: recently confirmed for me that I asked her to leave

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00:30:05,355 --> 00:30:07,915
Speaker 1: before I called him and threatened him. I believe I

440
00:30:07,995 --> 00:30:09,795
Speaker 1: warned him that if he did not sign her to

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00:30:09,915 --> 00:30:12,995
Speaker 1: a contributor's contract within twenty four hours, I would walk

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00:30:13,155 --> 00:30:16,595
Speaker 1: off the set during that night's primary coverage, or maybe

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00:30:16,635 --> 00:30:19,915
Speaker 1: the next week's, or maybe during countdown tomorrow night. It

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00:30:19,955 --> 00:30:23,195
Speaker 1: would be a surprise. I'm also confident that I warned

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00:30:23,275 --> 00:30:26,515
Speaker 1: him that of all of a talent on television, Larry

446
00:30:26,635 --> 00:30:29,755
Speaker 1: King had the best knowledge of what and who else

447
00:30:30,475 --> 00:30:34,475
Speaker 1: would succeed more than the rest of us combined. He

448
00:30:34,835 --> 00:30:38,875
Speaker 1: was a savant, and when he saw her in real

449
00:30:38,995 --> 00:30:43,155
Speaker 1: time on his primary night panel, we would never see

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00:30:43,235 --> 00:30:47,435
Speaker 1: her again, and she would have a CNN contract before midnight.

451
00:30:48,435 --> 00:30:50,995
Speaker 1: I told Phil that when that happened, I would then

452
00:30:51,115 --> 00:30:54,995
Speaker 1: kill him with my bare hands, or Jeff Zucker would

453
00:30:55,035 --> 00:30:57,035
Speaker 1: kill him when she wound up beating the hell out

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00:30:57,075 --> 00:31:01,395
Speaker 1: of us in the ratings. This statement all took longer

455
00:31:01,515 --> 00:31:04,035
Speaker 1: than this paragraph would imply, because I know without fear

456
00:31:04,035 --> 00:31:06,995
Speaker 1: of contradiction, and every other word out of my mouth

457
00:31:07,155 --> 00:31:09,715
Speaker 1: was either what we used to call an oath or

458
00:31:09,835 --> 00:31:16,195
Speaker 1: the phrase Jesus H car Rist. Mind you, these people

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00:31:16,355 --> 00:31:19,235
Speaker 1: the president of NBC, Jeff Zucker, and it's a year

460
00:31:19,275 --> 00:31:21,995
Speaker 1: since they got rid of him at CNN, the president

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00:31:22,035 --> 00:31:25,355
Speaker 1: of NBC News Steve Cappus, and the soon to be

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00:31:25,435 --> 00:31:28,635
Speaker 1: president of MSNBC, Phil Griffin. These had been the same

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00:31:28,715 --> 00:31:31,675
Speaker 1: people who, about a year earlier, had decided that their

464
00:31:31,755 --> 00:31:36,635
Speaker 1: ten PM host, Tucker Carlson Yep, Tucker Carlson was on

465
00:31:36,795 --> 00:31:41,035
Speaker 1: MSNBC that Tucker Carlson did not need two people to

466
00:31:41,155 --> 00:31:44,275
Speaker 1: play the role of liberal foil on his show At

467
00:31:44,355 --> 00:31:47,955
Speaker 1: like fifty grand a year. So they kept one of them,

468
00:31:48,555 --> 00:31:51,715
Speaker 1: his name was Max Kellerman, and they fired the other one.

469
00:31:51,995 --> 00:31:56,795
Speaker 1: Her name was Rachel Maddow. They fired Rachel Meadow at

470
00:31:56,915 --> 00:32:04,635
Speaker 1: MSNBC to save dollars. She was back now at msn

471
00:32:04,715 --> 00:32:07,955
Speaker 1: BC only because my producer is He had suggested making

472
00:32:07,995 --> 00:32:10,075
Speaker 1: her a regular guest, and within a couple of months

473
00:32:10,115 --> 00:32:12,395
Speaker 1: I realized she would be the next great host in

474
00:32:12,475 --> 00:32:16,035
Speaker 1: cable news. And after months of pleading, including pleading with

475
00:32:16,075 --> 00:32:18,115
Speaker 1: her because she didn't want to do it, I had

476
00:32:18,195 --> 00:32:20,915
Speaker 1: just convinced them to put her back under contract. Except

477
00:32:21,035 --> 00:32:22,555
Speaker 1: they had lied to me, and they had not put

478
00:32:22,635 --> 00:32:26,915
Speaker 1: her back under contract. I may have mentioned this to

479
00:32:27,075 --> 00:32:30,475
Speaker 1: Phil Griffin during our phone call a hundred and eleven

480
00:32:30,555 --> 00:32:33,835
Speaker 1: different times. I may have mentioned it to him. I

481
00:32:33,995 --> 00:32:38,915
Speaker 1: also telephoned Rachel. I did not swear at her. Here.

482
00:32:39,195 --> 00:32:41,755
Speaker 1: Every other word out of my mouth was not an

483
00:32:41,795 --> 00:32:45,155
Speaker 1: oath but an apology. I said. I had genuinely believed

484
00:32:45,195 --> 00:32:47,155
Speaker 1: she was already being paid, and I was not only

485
00:32:47,435 --> 00:32:50,195
Speaker 1: humiliated on behalf of my network, but that I was

486
00:32:50,315 --> 00:32:52,755
Speaker 1: far more humiliated that I had not double checked with

487
00:32:52,835 --> 00:32:54,915
Speaker 1: her that they had actually given her the contract. They

488
00:32:54,995 --> 00:32:58,595
Speaker 1: told me they had given her. I begged her to please, please, please,

489
00:32:58,635 --> 00:33:01,835
Speaker 1: don't go and see an end tonight. I did not

490
00:33:02,035 --> 00:33:04,195
Speaker 1: ask her to skip out on them and return to

491
00:33:04,395 --> 00:33:07,155
Speaker 1: us unless she thought she could pull that off gracefully

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00:33:07,195 --> 00:33:10,155
Speaker 1: and with a clean conscience, but just not to go

493
00:33:10,315 --> 00:33:14,115
Speaker 1: on with Larry. And that's where I added the little

494
00:33:14,195 --> 00:33:17,755
Speaker 1: four hundred and thirty seven dollars stunt. I'm sorry about

495
00:33:17,795 --> 00:33:20,755
Speaker 1: the money situation, I said. I didn't know. Now I

496
00:33:20,835 --> 00:33:23,875
Speaker 1: know I can only do this. I think they will

497
00:33:23,915 --> 00:33:27,355
Speaker 1: give you forty or fifty thousand for a contributors deal

498
00:33:27,475 --> 00:33:29,915
Speaker 1: just to start. But what I will do is, and

499
00:33:29,955 --> 00:33:32,555
Speaker 1: while making as many sound effects of exertion as I

500
00:33:32,595 --> 00:33:35,355
Speaker 1: could dream up, I stretched around it, pulled my wallet

501
00:33:35,395 --> 00:33:37,355
Speaker 1: out of my back pocket, and I emptied it onto

502
00:33:37,395 --> 00:33:40,035
Speaker 1: my desk. I need to keep five bucks to tip

503
00:33:40,155 --> 00:33:43,475
Speaker 1: my driver tonight. You can have the rest of whatever

504
00:33:43,595 --> 00:33:49,115
Speaker 1: cash I have on me. I'm counting it now. There's

505
00:33:49,155 --> 00:33:55,395
Speaker 1: a hundred twenty my play by place skipped, no bills,

506
00:33:55,875 --> 00:34:01,075
Speaker 1: four d two bucks American five for the driver, the

507
00:34:01,195 --> 00:34:07,315
Speaker 1: rest for you four dollars. Rachel deal, she laughed. I'll

508
00:34:07,315 --> 00:34:08,995
Speaker 1: see you tonight. I'll just tell Larry. I couldn't be

509
00:34:09,035 --> 00:34:11,675
Speaker 1: disloyaled to oh, and I will take the money, and

510
00:34:11,835 --> 00:34:15,475
Speaker 1: she took the money. In point of fact, when I

511
00:34:15,635 --> 00:34:18,195
Speaker 1: like to say anything that Rachel Meadow did with her

512
00:34:18,275 --> 00:34:20,955
Speaker 1: career after we got her show on the air in

513
00:34:21,155 --> 00:34:23,875
Speaker 1: August of two eight, that's all her doing. I have

514
00:34:24,035 --> 00:34:26,315
Speaker 1: nothing to do with that except being the lead in

515
00:34:26,435 --> 00:34:30,155
Speaker 1: for the first two years. That's true. But I also

516
00:34:30,235 --> 00:34:32,155
Speaker 1: like to say that I got that show on the air.

517
00:34:32,635 --> 00:34:35,115
Speaker 1: And I also like to say I hired Rachel Meadow

518
00:34:35,115 --> 00:34:39,155
Speaker 1: at MSNBC. And this is my point. It was not figuratively,

519
00:34:39,315 --> 00:34:42,395
Speaker 1: it was not metaphorically. I hired her out of my

520
00:34:42,555 --> 00:34:47,795
Speaker 1: own pocket. I literally hired Meadow at MSNBC for four

521
00:34:47,955 --> 00:34:52,395
Speaker 1: hundred and thirty seven dollars. And I will point this

522
00:34:52,515 --> 00:34:57,755
Speaker 1: out again, I never even got the four hundred and

523
00:34:57,875 --> 00:35:15,035
Speaker 1: thirty seven dollars back. Cowntown has come to from the

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00:35:15,075 --> 00:35:18,835
Speaker 1: studios of Alderman Broadcasting, Empire World Headquarters and the Sports

525
00:35:18,915 --> 00:35:22,995
Speaker 1: Capsule Believing in New York. Thank you for listening. Here

526
00:35:22,995 --> 00:35:25,355
Speaker 1: are the credits. Most of the music, including our theme

527
00:35:25,395 --> 00:35:28,835
Speaker 1: from Beethoven's Ninth, was arranged, produced, and performed by Brian

528
00:35:28,955 --> 00:35:31,195
Speaker 1: Ray and John Philip Chanelle, who are the Countdown musical

529
00:35:31,235 --> 00:35:35,515
Speaker 1: directors Guitars, bass and drums by Brian ray All, orchestration

530
00:35:35,595 --> 00:35:38,995
Speaker 1: and keyboards by John Philip. Channel produced by t k

531
00:35:39,155 --> 00:35:43,115
Speaker 1: O Brothers, Our Beethobin selections. Other ones have been arranged

532
00:35:43,155 --> 00:35:46,115
Speaker 1: and performed by the group No Horns Allowed. The sports

533
00:35:46,235 --> 00:35:48,955
Speaker 1: music When We Have Sports is the Alderman theme from

534
00:35:49,155 --> 00:35:52,035
Speaker 1: ESPN two. It was written by Mitch Warren Davis courtesy

535
00:35:52,075 --> 00:35:55,675
Speaker 1: of ESPN, Inc. Musical comments throughout by Nancy Fausts. The

536
00:35:55,715 --> 00:35:58,835
Speaker 1: best baseball stadium organist ever our announced you today was

537
00:35:59,875 --> 00:36:03,395
Speaker 1: Richard Lewis, my friend of thirty years. Everything else is

538
00:36:03,435 --> 00:36:06,035
Speaker 1: pretty much my fault. So that's countdown for this, the

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00:36:06,075 --> 00:36:09,555
Speaker 1: seven dead and sixty three day since Donald Trump's first

540
00:36:09,555 --> 00:36:12,835
Speaker 1: attempted coup against the democratically elected government of the United States.

541
00:36:13,315 --> 00:36:17,435
Speaker 1: Arrest him now while we still can. The next scheduled

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00:36:17,475 --> 00:36:19,995
Speaker 1: countdown is tomorrow. Until then, I'm Keith Olverman. Good morning,

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00:36:20,035 --> 00:36:36,675
Speaker 1: good afternoon, good night, and good luck. Countdown with Keith

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00:36:36,715 --> 00:36:39,955
Speaker 1: Olverman is a production of I heart Radio. For more

545
00:36:40,075 --> 00:36:43,435
Speaker 1: podcasts from i heart Radio, visit the i heart Radio app,

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00:36:43,515 --> 00:36:46,875
Speaker 1: Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.