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Speaker 1: Hi Catherine, Hi Chelsea, Happy birthday.

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Speaker 2: It's my birthday today. Even though this is airing on Thursday,

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Speaker 2: we're recording it on my fiftieth birthday. Everybody, I am

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Speaker 2: fifty years old. Five Oh baby.

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Speaker 1: You know it's a significant birthday, and hopefully this year

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Speaker 1: will be just as significant.

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Speaker 2: It's gonna be significant in more ways than one, hopefully

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Speaker 2: more good ways than bad ways.

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Speaker 1: Good. I mean, your book is out, You're going on

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Speaker 1: tour in Europe. You have like all these things when

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Speaker 1: you're just still doing your book tour.

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Speaker 2: My book is available, everybody. It is finally on the shelves.

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Speaker 2: So if you are listening to this podcast and you're

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Speaker 2: an avid listener, not only do I want you to

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Speaker 2: go and purchase my book, I want you to leave

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Speaker 2: a review on Amazon or Barnesandnoble dot com. Support the

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Speaker 2: book if you like it, If you love it, tag

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Speaker 2: me and tell me which part you love the most.

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Speaker 2: I'll retag you and repost you. But I want lots

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Speaker 2: of interactions. So please, all my podcast listeners, this is

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Speaker 2: our moment.

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Speaker 1: This is it. This is it. So where's your birthday

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Speaker 1: party in New York? Can you talk about where? When?

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Speaker 1: All the exciting things.

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Speaker 2: It's just we threw it together. It's tonight at Mulberry

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Speaker 2: or the Mulberry, I don't know, some little kind of

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Speaker 2: bar restaurant situation. And I'm going to the ninety second

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Speaker 2: street Wide to have a conversation with tanks about my book.

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Speaker 2: I've done fifty seven talk shows in twenty four hours

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Speaker 2: and fifty thousand podcasts, and definitely people know I have

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Speaker 2: a book out. There's no way around it.

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Speaker 1: Good good, I'm so glad. And people may notice that

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Speaker 1: you sound a little bit different right now, and that's

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Speaker 1: because you are literally in the glam chair getting ready

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Speaker 1: to go do both of those things.

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Speaker 2: Also, I want to remind people that my Owlsbrew is

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Speaker 2: on the shelves. Chelsea Handler's vodka Lemonade is available now

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Speaker 2: in store. So if you have a book club and

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Speaker 2: you guys want to drink while you're reading, which is

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Speaker 2: definitely what you should be doing, and not even if

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Speaker 2: you are reading the book, just if you want some nice,

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Speaker 2: smooth vodka lemonade mixes. We have Classic, we have Pink,

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Speaker 2: and we have Mint. And I'm so excited about this

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Speaker 2: collab with Owls Brew, So please show your support when

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Speaker 2: you can if you like beverages that are mixed, smooth

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Speaker 2: and non carbonated. We made them especially for well, for

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Speaker 2: me and for you and Chelsea.

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Speaker 1: We know you have good taste. So we're so excited

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Speaker 1: for our guests today too. It's Anthony Parovski, Oh my.

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Speaker 2: God, wonderful. Let's get the fucking party.

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Speaker 1: Started, and Anthony Perevski's new show, No Taste Like Home

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Speaker 1: is on Disney Plus and Nat Geo.

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Speaker 2: Okay, am I unmuted?

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Speaker 1: You are muted now, Chelsea.

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Speaker 2: I'm I'm muted.

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Speaker 3: Oh okay, now, hi nice.

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Speaker 2: I don't know, guys, I'm sorry. I really don't even

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Speaker 2: know how the fuck to use a computer. I mean,

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Speaker 2: it really does not matter how many times a week

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Speaker 2: I do this. I really still can't understand and what's

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Speaker 2: going on, nor do I have any interest in finding out.

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Speaker 1: Case in point.

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Speaker 3: So this is your first ever podcast episode, right, and

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Speaker 3: I'm honored to be your first.

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Speaker 2: Tax I mean you would you would think so?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, it's probably like I can barely send a fucking email.

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Speaker 2: So, but you're younger, You're a different generation.

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Speaker 3: I'm forty, I'm most spring Chicken.

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Speaker 2: That makes you what a millennial forty is that right.

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Speaker 2: Congratulations on your new show, by the way, that it's

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Speaker 2: so sweet, you know, I love that shit. I love

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Speaker 2: when you can go travel and have a really beautiful

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Speaker 2: situation and then also talk to people there about the

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Speaker 2: culture and like make that actually palatable. For people who

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Speaker 2: don't give a shit about other people's culture, it's a

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Speaker 2: way for them to no pun intended, swallow it now totally.

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Speaker 3: Well, I think it takes. My therapist always says she

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Speaker 3: can attribute ninety nine point nine percent of the world's

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Speaker 3: problems to a lack of embracing of diversity. And we're

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Speaker 3: afraid of what we don't understand, and that's how we

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Speaker 3: end up we I'm saying collectively, but them, that's how

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Speaker 3: like you end up judging people and stereotypes and all

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Speaker 3: that kind of stuff. And when you get to know

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Speaker 3: an individual and you get to know even just like

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Speaker 3: the history of addition, like what influenced it and all

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Speaker 3: that kind of stuff, it just makes it less scary

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Speaker 3: and sorry for the comparison, but like more palatable. You know.

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Speaker 2: Well, it's also like I was reading something or listening

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Speaker 2: to something who knows what I was doing, and they

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Speaker 2: were talking about the idea that the color of your skinner,

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Speaker 2: the way that you look makes you different, like that

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Speaker 2: whole somebody had to build that notion because it's so

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Speaker 2: fucking stupid. It's like imagining opening up a box of

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Speaker 2: crayons and having one color.

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Speaker 3: I just want to ask, it's the add kicking in.

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Speaker 3: I see beautiful like snow covered trees. Where are you?

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Speaker 2: I'm in Whistler, Canada.

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Speaker 3: Fuck yeah, I love it so much. I lived there

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Speaker 3: for four months.

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Speaker 2: You did why well?

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Speaker 3: In Vancouver and my sister was running a bunch of

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Speaker 3: stores called Aritzia.

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Speaker 2: Oh my god, yeah, they give me stuff all the time.

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Speaker 2: Last year they came I came in and they were like,

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Speaker 2: we want to give you free jackets. I was like,

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Speaker 2: that's amazing.

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Speaker 3: Go ahead, have a line called TNA that my sister called.

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Speaker 2: Tits and ass where's your accent? From?

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Speaker 3: My accent? I'm Canadian originally, I'm from Montreal. Our family's Polish.

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Speaker 3: You have Polish ancestry, do I? Apparently?

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Speaker 2: How do you know that?

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Speaker 3: When we were casting the really big web of like

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Speaker 3: dream people, I'm just gonna like throw it out there.

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Speaker 3: Me and my sister like, forty percent of our identity

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Speaker 3: is you like we find that were you, and You're

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Speaker 3: just so fucking funny. She's losing her shit. This is

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Speaker 3: the coolest thing I've ever done, in her eyes, more

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Speaker 3: than like all fucking seasons of Queer Eye. So she

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Speaker 3: was just really excited about this.

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Speaker 2: Ah, that's really cute. I love it.

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Speaker 3: We did initial research and just by googling, we found

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Speaker 3: out that you supposedly have some Polish heritage.

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Speaker 2: Well, I definitely have some Eastern European in there, so

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Speaker 2: I'm sure that at one point everything was Poland, wasn't it.

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Speaker 2: So I'm sure it was Poland. But I love that

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Speaker 2: I'm forty percent of your personality. That really makes me prideful.

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Speaker 2: I love that kind of stuff. So when you were

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Speaker 2: doing these, like whenever I have to travel for work,

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Speaker 2: I always find it it's such a great idea, and

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Speaker 2: then you do it and you're working instead of actually traveling,

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Speaker 2: and I would always be like, I have to come

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Speaker 2: back to this place when I'm not working, Like we

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Speaker 2: went to Saint Peter's or no, we went to Moscow,

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Speaker 2: and that's one place I actually don't have to go

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Speaker 2: back to. But when we were there, I was like,

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Speaker 2: it would be such a different experience if we weren't filming.

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Speaker 2: I mean, the point of going is to film, but

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Speaker 2: then you want like an extra two days to vacation.

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Speaker 3: I mean what I do is typically I try to

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Speaker 3: get somewhere at least a few days earlier. First of all,

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Speaker 3: jet lag, because it just wipes me off my ass,

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Speaker 3: and I have to like, what do you.

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Speaker 2: Take for jet lag? Do do you take new Vigil?

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Speaker 2: New Vigil's a good pill for jet lag if you

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Speaker 2: can get a prescription for it.

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Speaker 3: Oh, my dad's a physician, and so is my stepmom,

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Speaker 3: so I'll get it. I love the oh pharmaceuticals.

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Speaker 2: Oh yeah, it's like adderall but smooth, like it doesn't

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Speaker 2: make you jumpy, and it makes you like if you

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Speaker 2: have jet lag and you have to go somewhere, you

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Speaker 2: know that feeling is like almost it feels insurmountable.

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Speaker 3: Oh, I go cross side and then I try to

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Speaker 3: stay a few days afterwards. Just take it into like,

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Speaker 3: cause it's like, when the hell am I going to

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Speaker 3: end up in Borneo again? You know what I mean?

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Speaker 4: Right?

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Speaker 2: Probably next season. But I hear what you're saying, So

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Speaker 2: what's your situation? Are you gay? Straight, fluid? All of

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Speaker 2: the above, so.

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Speaker 3: I mean, my past few relationships have been with guys.

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Speaker 3: I'm still consider myself attracted to women. I've had a

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Speaker 3: lot of relationships with women, and I don't know. It's like,

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Speaker 3: if you had to put me in a box, I

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Speaker 3: think it would be lilid.

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Speaker 2: I guess fluid. I mean, who isn't really fluid when

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Speaker 2: you really think about it. I think everybody's a little

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Speaker 2: bit of something. You know, it's a spectrum, just like

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Speaker 2: everything else.

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Speaker 3: I mean, like, how could you know to Zoe Kravitz?

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Speaker 2: You know, right, of course? Of course, obviously there are

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Speaker 2: exceptions to every rule, even if there are no rules.

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Speaker 2: What's your family situation? Do you have a brother?

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Speaker 4: No?

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Speaker 3: So I wish in Actually, in elementary school, I used

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Speaker 3: to lie that my mom was pregnant and I was

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Speaker 3: going to have a brother, And they would come back

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Speaker 3: from parent teacher conference and be like, you need to

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Speaker 3: stop fucking telling everyone that I'm pregnant because it's super awkward.

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Speaker 3: Like I'm having it, I'm in a mauzzle.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I used to lie all the time at school.

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Speaker 3: I have two older sisters, raised in a very matriarchal household.

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Speaker 3: Parents are Polish. Everyone was born in Poland or my

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Speaker 3: father in Brussels because his family fled there after the war.

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Speaker 3: I was the first one born in Canada.

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Speaker 2: Oh okay, yeah. I lied to my teachers all the

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Speaker 2: time too, by the way, whatever, anytime there was an

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Speaker 2: opportunity for a lie, I would lie to them just

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Speaker 2: because I thought they were kind of insulting to my intelligence.

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Speaker 3: You know.

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Speaker 2: I'm like, they were going to tell me what to do,

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Speaker 2: like I just couldn't. I couldn't square.

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Speaker 3: It's like you get to know the real me.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, but also you get caught for it, and then

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Speaker 2: it's super embarrassing because they're like, you're not going to

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Speaker 2: be in the Private Benjamin movie. You're not Goldiehn's daughter,

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Speaker 2: You're actually psychopath. And you're like, oh, maybe I am

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Speaker 2: a little bit of a psychopath. I started watching the

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Speaker 2: Aquafina episode and I was seemed like she was going

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Speaker 2: to start crying, and I was like, oh, I would

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Speaker 2: love to see her that vulnerable.

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Speaker 1: Yes, she I feel like she mostly cries. Of the episode,

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Speaker 1: there's like more tears than not tears. Wow, yes, yes.

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Speaker 2: Wow, Well we haven't seen that side of Aquafina. That's

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Speaker 2: pretty cool.

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Speaker 3: That was by far the most emotional episode. I mean,

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Speaker 3: I like snot cried. There were it was embarrassing, but

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Speaker 3: there are a few scenes were like she had to actually

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Speaker 3: take care of me. So with Nora, she hadn't been

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Speaker 3: back to South Korea since her mother passed away when

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Speaker 3: she was four years old. My mother had this really

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Speaker 3: rare illness that she developed as a result of her pregnancy,

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Speaker 3: and they basically she had a few months left to live,

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Speaker 3: and she decided what western medicine, I'm going to lean

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Speaker 3: into Eastern practices and she lived until Nora was four.

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Speaker 3: And the dish that kind of like brought it all together.

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Speaker 3: We were sitting with this woman who had a PhD

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Speaker 3: in fermentation, who like supposedly according to herself, cured herself

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Speaker 3: with breast cancer using Eastern practices, was making this soup

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Speaker 3: with this broth and this rehydrated kelp and these pieces

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Speaker 3: of beef, and Nora smelled it as we were doing it,

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Speaker 3: and she got really emotional and started getting shaky, and

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Speaker 3: she was like, wait, I remember this scent from when

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Speaker 3: I was four years old. And then we learned that

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Speaker 3: this is something in mythology that Koreans used to look

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Speaker 3: at whales giving birth and they were depleted of eyes,

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Speaker 3: and they would eat calp to make themselves feel better

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Speaker 3: because food truly is medicine in their culture. Like themation

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Speaker 3: is we NESCo protected and so this won't Like for

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Speaker 3: Nora to have that realization that her mom not only

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Speaker 3: made a suit for herself but fed it to her

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Speaker 3: daughter as a way of trying to heal herself was

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Speaker 3: just one of them of most Wow, wild wild Wow,

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Speaker 3: that's really deep. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, watching someone like take a bite of something, she

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Speaker 1: takes one bite and like bursts into tears and is

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Speaker 1: just transported. That's the power of scentse that's the power

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Speaker 1: of food. And I think it's surprising because the show

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Speaker 1: is not people would expect like, oh, Antony's gonna go

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Speaker 1: do a cooking shows, and it's not strictly a cooking show.

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Speaker 1: It's a little bit who do you Think you are?

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Speaker 1: A little bit Anthony Bourday, like very beautifully produced, like

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Speaker 1: really rich storytelling, gorgeous vistas.

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Speaker 2: I went on, who do you think you are? Did

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Speaker 2: you ever do that? Antony?

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Speaker 3: No?

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Speaker 2: I did it. My director and I did not get

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Speaker 2: along either. He was really annoying.

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Speaker 3: It's just like you're sitting there at a tablet that

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Speaker 3: is a comp that we use when we were developing

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Speaker 3: the show, and it's fine. It's interesting to learn about

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Speaker 3: your family history and all these people that you don't

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Speaker 3: know about, but to actually have it be experiential and

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Speaker 3: go in and try that things within their environment and

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Speaker 3: understand what was going on. We meet the historians and

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Speaker 3: genealogists who are like way fucking smarter than I am,

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Speaker 3: who are able to provide context into like what was

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Speaker 3: going on culturally and politically at the time. And it's

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Speaker 3: like the most basic things, Like we were in Senegal

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Speaker 3: and we try this thing called dombey, which is like

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Speaker 3: a bagette with a bean stew in it, and you

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Speaker 3: learn that the importance of it is because you know,

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Speaker 3: French occupation for hundreds of the years they left. The

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Speaker 3: Senegalese were like, we're gonna take the baguett, We're gonna

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Speaker 3: fucking make it better, softer, sweeter, We're gonna put in

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Speaker 3: our own stew. And now it's basically become It's kind

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Speaker 3: of like when you're in La and you see like

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Speaker 3: burrito stands on every corner. It's like everyone enjoys it.

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Speaker 3: And this is something that is lily with history and

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Speaker 3: has all of these clues as to like what was

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Speaker 3: going on at the time. It's just fascinating.

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Speaker 2: That is fascinating. It's so cool. Yeah, it's so cool

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Speaker 2: to be passionate about it. It's also it is very

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Speaker 2: Anthony Bourdain.

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Speaker 1: We need that.

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Speaker 2: Are you hoping to fill his shoes? I mean, obviously

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Speaker 2: you don't want to fill his shoes, but you do

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Speaker 2: want to fill his shoes.

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Speaker 3: I mean, look, I like I read his books, so

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Speaker 3: I was obsessed with him growing up. I certainly don't

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Speaker 3: want to be derivative. It is something that comes to mind.

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Speaker 3: I think where he really excelled was using food as

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Speaker 3: that vehicle to tell those personal stories for people to

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Speaker 3: understand what was going on in the Middle East and

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Speaker 3: all these other places in the world where it was like,

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Speaker 3: it's about the food, but it's not really about the food.

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Speaker 3: It's everything that's kind of tied around it. And I

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Speaker 3: think what we learn from him is that he just

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Speaker 3: went personal and he got to know, like, you got

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Speaker 3: to tell these like human stories.

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Speaker 2: You know, what is your least favorite food that you've

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Speaker 2: experienced so far? You have to be honest.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, in Borneo, it didn't make it to the final cut.

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Speaker 3: But I tried Durian. Are you familiar? No?

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Speaker 1: Thinky fruit?

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Speaker 3: Right, smells like like a rotting chicken carcats like old

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Speaker 3: fruit situation. But one of our camera ops described it

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Speaker 3: as an overly ripe camembert with really sharp garlic. It's

298
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Speaker 3: intense and funky all put almost anything in my mouth.

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Speaker 3: It's one of those things that, like I tried it,

300
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Speaker 3: I don't need to go back there again. It was

301
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Speaker 3: a lot of funk.

302
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Speaker 2: What is going on in Borneo exactly?

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Speaker 3: So with that was the Henry Golding episode. And his

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Speaker 3: mother is his father's British ex military His mother is

305
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Speaker 3: Ebon traditional, like an indigenous tribe in Sarrowwalk, and they

306
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Speaker 3: lived in these longhouses where like forty to sixty families

307
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Speaker 3: have their own living quarters and then the other half

308
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Speaker 3: of the long house. It's literally a longhouse in the

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Speaker 3: middle of the jungle. And it's these communal spaces where

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Speaker 3: they like teach each other to like cut bamboo and

311
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Speaker 3: put the rice in and put it on the fire

312
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Speaker 3: so that it becomes really nice and sticky. And it's

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Speaker 3: just with Henry, it was tricky because he knew so

314
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Speaker 3: much about his family history but we actually uncovered that

315
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Speaker 3: he had literal headhunters in his family line, and he

316
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Speaker 3: had multiples of them, and he had like a witch

317
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Speaker 3: and just kind of like learning about the spiritual practice

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Speaker 3: and like the spiritual significance of headhunting when they would

319
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Speaker 3: literally bring back these to their tribe. He remembered when

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Speaker 3: he was a kid.

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Speaker 2: He I was like, I was like, what kind of

322
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Speaker 2: head hunter are we talking for a job?

323
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Speaker 3: Not the one I'm.

324
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Speaker 2: Thinking, Not the one I'm thinking of.

325
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Speaker 3: RCT, not our agents. But he remembers being a kid

326
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Speaker 3: and he was like, I actually remember seeing like human

327
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Speaker 3: skulls on like shelves. So to kind of like learn

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Speaker 3: the context of the whole thing is just I mean,

329
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Speaker 3: it's a whole other world. I tried things like torch ginger.

330
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Speaker 3: I tried eight wild ferns, which were freaking delicious, and

331
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Speaker 3: wild egg plant, and it's like everything that they have there.

332
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Speaker 3: It was like such a balance of I've never felt

333
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Speaker 3: like I was more out in the wild, like in

334
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Speaker 3: the literal middle of nowhere in nature and just away

335
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Speaker 3: from civilization, but at the same time this very human

336
00:14:42,160 --> 00:14:45,560
Speaker 3: thing of like the sense of community. I've never experienced

337
00:14:45,600 --> 00:14:48,360
Speaker 3: it more strongly than I did being with those people

338
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Speaker 3: for a week.

339
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Speaker 2: Wow, that's so cool.

340
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Speaker 3: I felt like Indiana Jones, All.

341
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Speaker 2: Right, let's not get carried away. Did you bring a

342
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Speaker 2: lover with you or were you on your own with

343
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Speaker 2: your crew? Like did you bring up plus one?

344
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Speaker 3: I was on on my own with the crew.

345
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Speaker 2: Yeah, it's nice to do that on your own, especially

346
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Speaker 2: with a crew, because it's like camp.

347
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Speaker 3: It's a small crew, like Queer Eye, where like worship

348
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Speaker 3: a ton of people and we're in the US where

349
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Speaker 3: you have trailers and everything there. You don't have any

350
00:15:12,880 --> 00:15:15,120
Speaker 3: of that. When you're in northern Italy with Justin Thurreaux

351
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Speaker 3: or in Borneo. It's like you're waiting, like you're waiting

352
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Speaker 3: in a car.

353
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Speaker 2: So you don't have a significant other in your dating

354
00:15:22,200 --> 00:15:24,320
Speaker 2: life right now, or you just kind of dating single,

355
00:15:24,840 --> 00:15:26,440
Speaker 2: single and mingle.

356
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Speaker 3: By the point where I feel like, whenever I have

357
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Speaker 3: something big or that i'm really excited about professionally, the

358
00:15:31,600 --> 00:15:33,640
Speaker 3: way that it works out, I always happen to be single.

359
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Speaker 2: I'm so with you on that.

360
00:15:35,560 --> 00:15:37,880
Speaker 3: So with you, I get too. Yeah, because I thought

361
00:15:37,920 --> 00:15:41,040
Speaker 3: the love relationships, I love the melding and getting to

362
00:15:41,080 --> 00:15:43,440
Speaker 3: know each other's families and like and.

363
00:15:43,360 --> 00:15:46,520
Speaker 2: Then breaking up. Yeah, in that order, Like it's okay

364
00:15:46,520 --> 00:15:48,280
Speaker 2: to break up, but that's not a bad thing. That

365
00:15:48,360 --> 00:15:50,320
Speaker 2: means it's time to move on to something else, Like

366
00:15:50,560 --> 00:15:53,880
Speaker 2: we need to start celebrating divorces and breakups. Who cares.

367
00:15:53,920 --> 00:15:55,760
Speaker 2: It's great, it's a new beginning.

368
00:15:56,160 --> 00:15:57,920
Speaker 3: The lessons you know what to take on to the

369
00:15:57,960 --> 00:15:58,680
Speaker 3: next one you have.

370
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Speaker 2: Hopefully you learn the lesson. Some people are really really

371
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Speaker 2: remedial and you need to learn the lesson multiple times.

372
00:16:04,600 --> 00:16:08,200
Speaker 2: But some people really learn lessons and then that's really nice.

373
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Speaker 2: And then you have a celebration, Like every relationship is

374
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Speaker 2: a celebration. You got to know yourself a little bit better.

375
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Speaker 3: Yeah, and it's a cycle too, like I'm closer with

376
00:16:14,920 --> 00:16:16,640
Speaker 3: my friends when I'm not in a relationship, I get

377
00:16:16,640 --> 00:16:19,560
Speaker 3: to spend more time with my family. It's you know,

378
00:16:20,360 --> 00:16:20,760
Speaker 3: have you.

379
00:16:20,680 --> 00:16:21,600
Speaker 2: Had your heart broken?

380
00:16:22,520 --> 00:16:22,840
Speaker 3: Yes?

381
00:16:23,360 --> 00:16:23,840
Speaker 2: What was that?

382
00:16:24,000 --> 00:16:24,080
Speaker 5: Like?

383
00:16:24,760 --> 00:16:27,800
Speaker 3: It was devastating, It was really hard. It was I

384
00:16:27,840 --> 00:16:29,720
Speaker 3: don't know, Sorry, I didn't expect that, but it was.

385
00:16:30,160 --> 00:16:32,840
Speaker 3: It kind of having your heart broken or having my

386
00:16:32,960 --> 00:16:36,160
Speaker 3: heart broken just put into play and had me questions

387
00:16:36,160 --> 00:16:38,400
Speaker 3: sort of like do I need to change as a

388
00:16:38,440 --> 00:16:41,440
Speaker 3: person in some ways? And then in other ways it

389
00:16:41,480 --> 00:16:44,080
Speaker 3: was like, oh no, like I really fucking did my best,

390
00:16:44,280 --> 00:16:47,280
Speaker 3: wasn't perfect, made some mistakes, but like I really fucking

391
00:16:47,320 --> 00:16:49,080
Speaker 3: showed up. I put in the work, I gave it

392
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Speaker 3: all I could. I don't have any regrets. And then

393
00:16:51,640 --> 00:16:53,840
Speaker 3: sometimes I question myself and I'm like, is there anything

394
00:16:53,840 --> 00:16:55,800
Speaker 3: that I need to change? Am I to this or

395
00:16:55,840 --> 00:16:58,720
Speaker 3: to that? And but I'm like obsessed with therapy. I've

396
00:16:58,760 --> 00:17:00,880
Speaker 3: been going on and off since I was seventeen, and

397
00:17:00,920 --> 00:17:04,080
Speaker 3: for me, it's like I love self improvement, and then

398
00:17:04,119 --> 00:17:06,680
Speaker 3: it just kind of brings up that whole notion of

399
00:17:07,320 --> 00:17:09,119
Speaker 3: do I want to change and do I want to evolve?

400
00:17:09,160 --> 00:17:11,400
Speaker 3: But I'm also forty and I'm kind of like I'm

401
00:17:11,400 --> 00:17:13,520
Speaker 3: half baked at this point. I'm like parts of me

402
00:17:13,640 --> 00:17:15,320
Speaker 3: are the way that they are, and I should just

403
00:17:15,359 --> 00:17:18,080
Speaker 3: accept myself for who I am, as opposed to striving

404
00:17:18,119 --> 00:17:20,400
Speaker 3: to change all the time. So I'm in constant I'm

405
00:17:20,400 --> 00:17:24,119
Speaker 3: always in conflict with myself over like change, growth, evolve, adapt,

406
00:17:24,200 --> 00:17:26,560
Speaker 3: be better, listen to fucking mel Robbins. And then the

407
00:17:26,600 --> 00:17:30,320
Speaker 3: other side of like no, like just be happy with

408
00:17:30,359 --> 00:17:33,000
Speaker 3: who I am and content and like they should fucking

409
00:17:33,040 --> 00:17:34,040
Speaker 3: figure it out. You know.

410
00:17:34,720 --> 00:17:37,320
Speaker 2: Yeah, and evolved doesn't mean change, Like you don't have

411
00:17:37,400 --> 00:17:39,680
Speaker 2: to change, You just get better at being who you are.

412
00:17:40,160 --> 00:17:44,159
Speaker 2: So whatever qualities you have, good or bad, should always stay.

413
00:17:44,720 --> 00:17:46,639
Speaker 2: You should just be able to you know when to

414
00:17:46,720 --> 00:17:49,520
Speaker 2: control them, and then they become even more enhanced. The

415
00:17:49,560 --> 00:17:53,120
Speaker 2: more evolved you become, everything just gets better. So there's yeah,

416
00:17:53,119 --> 00:17:56,000
Speaker 2: you should have no apologies about your personality. That just

417
00:17:56,080 --> 00:17:58,520
Speaker 2: keeps improving and improving as long as you're willing to

418
00:17:58,560 --> 00:18:01,000
Speaker 2: take a look at yourself and admit when you're wrong,

419
00:18:01,040 --> 00:18:03,080
Speaker 2: which is so hard for so many people to do.

420
00:18:03,280 --> 00:18:05,440
Speaker 2: Like people don't and they don't know how to change.

421
00:18:05,480 --> 00:18:08,400
Speaker 2: It's like change is so fucking easy. I haven't had

422
00:18:08,400 --> 00:18:11,800
Speaker 2: a drink for fucking four weeks because of this shoulder

423
00:18:11,840 --> 00:18:15,800
Speaker 2: situation I'm in, and like, finally I'm understanding the benefits

424
00:18:15,800 --> 00:18:17,960
Speaker 2: of not drinking, Like I went to two things without

425
00:18:18,000 --> 00:18:20,760
Speaker 2: drinking and I had a great time. And I'm like, oh,

426
00:18:21,280 --> 00:18:23,560
Speaker 2: I see the other side. This is like God's way

427
00:18:23,600 --> 00:18:25,439
Speaker 2: of getting me to just be sober. I'm like, no

428
00:18:25,440 --> 00:18:27,800
Speaker 2: matter what, though, I will never give up on alcohol,

429
00:18:28,080 --> 00:18:31,439
Speaker 2: like you will not ever get me to quit drinking,

430
00:18:32,000 --> 00:18:34,600
Speaker 2: so I might become like less of a drinker, but

431
00:18:34,640 --> 00:18:36,639
Speaker 2: I will not ever give up on alcohol. We've had

432
00:18:36,680 --> 00:18:40,400
Speaker 2: a good thing going for many, many years, forty years. Anyway,

433
00:18:40,480 --> 00:18:42,520
Speaker 2: I digress, as I always do.

434
00:18:43,800 --> 00:18:45,360
Speaker 3: We're in the same boat.

435
00:18:45,320 --> 00:18:47,960
Speaker 2: We're vibing, right, so it's okay. But anyway, we're going

436
00:18:48,040 --> 00:18:49,880
Speaker 2: to get to the show. Now. You know what goes

437
00:18:49,920 --> 00:18:52,359
Speaker 2: on here right Like, we're going to give advice to people,

438
00:18:52,600 --> 00:18:54,639
Speaker 2: and they're gonna call in and they're gonna want to

439
00:18:54,760 --> 00:18:59,320
Speaker 2: They're gonna want your full attention, so you better get

440
00:18:59,320 --> 00:19:02,000
Speaker 2: ready for it. Catherine, tell us what's happening.

441
00:19:02,119 --> 00:19:04,760
Speaker 1: Oh, we have some great questions for you, Anthony. But

442
00:19:04,840 --> 00:19:07,480
Speaker 1: we'll take a quick break and we'll come right back.

443
00:19:11,840 --> 00:19:14,480
Speaker 2: And we're back with Anthony Perovsky.

444
00:19:14,640 --> 00:19:17,159
Speaker 1: Yes, I have a husband who is a lover of

445
00:19:17,200 --> 00:19:19,879
Speaker 1: Queer Eye, and I was like watching some of the

446
00:19:20,000 --> 00:19:22,600
Speaker 1: episodes of your new show on my computer, just like

447
00:19:22,680 --> 00:19:24,560
Speaker 1: in the same room as him, and he goes, is

448
00:19:24,600 --> 00:19:28,119
Speaker 1: that Anthony? So he recognized your voice?

449
00:19:28,200 --> 00:19:29,000
Speaker 2: I was like, it is.

450
00:19:29,119 --> 00:19:32,040
Speaker 3: Actually, did you ask him whose favorite member of the

451
00:19:32,040 --> 00:19:32,719
Speaker 3: Fab five is?

452
00:19:33,160 --> 00:19:33,480
Speaker 1: Of course?

453
00:19:33,520 --> 00:19:38,320
Speaker 2: And he said, Anthony, You're my favorite so far. But

454
00:19:38,359 --> 00:19:39,600
Speaker 2: I don't know, and I don't know if I know

455
00:19:39,680 --> 00:19:40,479
Speaker 2: every single one of them.

456
00:19:40,480 --> 00:19:42,960
Speaker 1: Well, we had Bobby Burke on the show. We had

457
00:19:42,960 --> 00:19:45,960
Speaker 1: Bobby Burke and Caramo. Haven't had Ja Vienne.

458
00:19:46,400 --> 00:19:48,520
Speaker 2: And then there's the Salt Pepper.

459
00:19:48,600 --> 00:19:52,080
Speaker 1: We haven't had Tan. Yeah right, Tan and our new

460
00:19:52,119 --> 00:19:53,480
Speaker 1: friend dere Maya.

461
00:19:53,960 --> 00:19:56,239
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, perfect, I'm going to take a break then

462
00:19:56,240 --> 00:19:56,920
Speaker 2: I'll be right back.

463
00:19:57,520 --> 00:19:59,600
Speaker 3: Ah she's in a Whistler I'm so jealous.

464
00:20:00,080 --> 00:20:01,640
Speaker 1: Yeah, so what were you doing living in Whistler.

465
00:20:02,119 --> 00:20:04,120
Speaker 3: Well, not whistle I was in Vancouver, but we would

466
00:20:04,160 --> 00:20:06,080
Speaker 3: go on weekends with my sister.

467
00:20:06,240 --> 00:20:07,120
Speaker 1: Are you a ski bum?

468
00:20:07,720 --> 00:20:09,840
Speaker 3: I am? I am skiing since I was like four

469
00:20:09,920 --> 00:20:10,360
Speaker 3: years old.

470
00:20:10,800 --> 00:20:13,520
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, Well Canadian that makes sense, I guess.

471
00:20:13,720 --> 00:20:15,280
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, it's kind of mandatory.

472
00:20:15,800 --> 00:20:18,679
Speaker 1: Yeah, I am not a ski bum, but I'm a

473
00:20:18,720 --> 00:20:21,560
Speaker 1: ski lodge bum. Like I like to be in the

474
00:20:21,640 --> 00:20:24,640
Speaker 1: lodge with a cup of coco and a book under

475
00:20:24,640 --> 00:20:26,000
Speaker 1: a cozy plank, like that's what I want.

476
00:20:26,119 --> 00:20:28,600
Speaker 3: Yes, and maybe a poutine. I know that's really Canadian

477
00:20:28,600 --> 00:20:30,080
Speaker 3: of me to say, but like, come on.

478
00:20:30,560 --> 00:20:33,280
Speaker 1: Well, see I grew up in Chicago and had a

479
00:20:33,320 --> 00:20:36,440
Speaker 1: lot of Michigan or friends, and they claim that poutine

480
00:20:36,440 --> 00:20:38,320
Speaker 1: is from Michigan, which we all know that that is

481
00:20:38,600 --> 00:20:41,399
Speaker 1: a reach, but they do love their poin.

482
00:20:41,720 --> 00:20:44,120
Speaker 3: Let us let us have Canada. I like Trump's trying

483
00:20:44,160 --> 00:20:45,639
Speaker 3: to fucking make it part of the U. I like,

484
00:20:45,720 --> 00:20:47,520
Speaker 3: just let us have our own thing, you know, leave

485
00:20:47,600 --> 00:20:49,639
Speaker 3: us alone. Poutine is Canadian.

486
00:20:50,440 --> 00:20:52,600
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm with you on that, Okay, Kenn.

487
00:20:52,640 --> 00:20:55,560
Speaker 3: Don't make it a thing. It's literally our entire national identity.

488
00:20:55,600 --> 00:20:57,800
Speaker 3: It's fucking fries and gravy and cheese cards.

489
00:20:57,920 --> 00:21:01,320
Speaker 2: Yes, cheese cards pretty disgusting.

490
00:21:01,480 --> 00:21:02,119
Speaker 3: When they're mouthy.

491
00:21:02,160 --> 00:21:04,920
Speaker 2: They're pretty good, they're so oh of course they're good,

492
00:21:05,000 --> 00:21:08,440
Speaker 2: but they're disgusting good that that's disgusting, Like I'd rather

493
00:21:08,520 --> 00:21:09,080
Speaker 2: eat like.

494
00:21:09,320 --> 00:21:12,000
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's like good. It's like proper trash.

495
00:21:11,640 --> 00:21:14,960
Speaker 2: Yes, proper trash, but I'd rather there's other proper trash.

496
00:21:15,040 --> 00:21:18,600
Speaker 2: I prefer over that. Like what I'm trying to think,

497
00:21:18,720 --> 00:21:20,280
Speaker 2: but like it's got to be traut.

498
00:21:20,400 --> 00:21:23,040
Speaker 3: You love a McDonald what's like your fuck it thing?

499
00:21:23,880 --> 00:21:26,520
Speaker 2: Like a pig and a blanket. I fucking love that.

500
00:21:26,640 --> 00:21:31,280
Speaker 3: Polo bar pigs and blankets, perfect ratio of crust and.

501
00:21:31,200 --> 00:21:34,320
Speaker 2: The crustbae like that leaf what is it called that

502
00:21:34,760 --> 00:21:39,359
Speaker 2: filo dough? Yeah? I love it when it's just fucking

503
00:21:39,520 --> 00:21:43,600
Speaker 2: thin and flaky, and it's a burnt it kind of chrispy.

504
00:21:43,119 --> 00:21:46,400
Speaker 3: Greeny honey mustard, just to dip into it with that sharpness.

505
00:21:46,520 --> 00:21:50,240
Speaker 2: Yeah, I like yellow mustard. I like yellow jew jew mustard.

506
00:21:51,800 --> 00:21:54,120
Speaker 1: Excellent. Well, we'll get to colors now, so.

507
00:21:54,880 --> 00:21:57,480
Speaker 2: Let's do it. I can't wait. I can't wait to

508
00:21:57,480 --> 00:21:58,879
Speaker 2: see Anthony giving advice.

509
00:21:59,040 --> 00:22:02,080
Speaker 3: Oh god, how literally my least favorite thing to do.

510
00:22:02,160 --> 00:22:05,280
Speaker 3: I hate unsolicited advice, but this is solicited, so it's fine.

511
00:22:05,760 --> 00:22:12,160
Speaker 1: Exactly, exactly. Well. Our first question comes from Priscilla. Dear Chelsea,

512
00:22:12,520 --> 00:22:15,679
Speaker 1: I am in a pickless pickle. I've been with my

513
00:22:15,760 --> 00:22:18,920
Speaker 1: husband for almost ten years now. He's six years older

514
00:22:18,960 --> 00:22:21,439
Speaker 1: than me. I'm thirty three and he's thirty nine, and

515
00:22:21,480 --> 00:22:23,479
Speaker 1: we grew up together. I've had a crush on him

516
00:22:23,520 --> 00:22:25,680
Speaker 1: since I was a kid and still do. He's my

517
00:22:25,760 --> 00:22:27,840
Speaker 1: best friend and I'm certain he feels the same way.

518
00:22:28,520 --> 00:22:30,720
Speaker 1: One problem is that I've learned over the years we're

519
00:22:30,760 --> 00:22:34,679
Speaker 1: not sexually compatible. At the beginning, it was fireworks incredible,

520
00:22:34,720 --> 00:22:37,440
Speaker 1: but then quickly fizzled out due to quote unquote stress.

521
00:22:38,080 --> 00:22:41,120
Speaker 1: I'm always the one initiating telling him what to do

522
00:22:41,280 --> 00:22:43,880
Speaker 1: not do, and if I'm honest, the sex lasts less

523
00:22:43,880 --> 00:22:47,280
Speaker 1: than five minutes, and I'm rarely satisfied. It's a miracle.

524
00:22:47,280 --> 00:22:50,280
Speaker 1: We got pregnant twice, both times on the very first try.

525
00:22:51,000 --> 00:22:52,800
Speaker 1: He's the sole provider for the family and has a

526
00:22:52,880 --> 00:22:55,879
Speaker 1: very stressful job. He's a general contractor and is always

527
00:22:55,920 --> 00:22:59,120
Speaker 1: extremely busy with work. He gets calls about flooding basements,

528
00:22:59,200 --> 00:23:02,600
Speaker 1: money issues, gree trades, etc. At all hours of the day.

529
00:23:03,200 --> 00:23:06,040
Speaker 1: This plus some financial issues all way heavily on his shoulders.

530
00:23:06,280 --> 00:23:08,640
Speaker 1: I have a part time job, but it hardly covers groceries,

531
00:23:08,640 --> 00:23:10,960
Speaker 1: and soon I'll be busy with a new baby. I

532
00:23:10,960 --> 00:23:13,840
Speaker 1: feel like I can't help carry the burden. He can't

533
00:23:13,840 --> 00:23:15,680
Speaker 1: turn off his brain from all the stress and get

534
00:23:15,680 --> 00:23:17,879
Speaker 1: in the mood unless he's drunk, which is a major

535
00:23:17,920 --> 00:23:21,200
Speaker 1: turn off and again leaves me unsatisfied. Over the years,

536
00:23:21,240 --> 00:23:23,480
Speaker 1: It's become as soon as I get this job done,

537
00:23:23,520 --> 00:23:26,200
Speaker 1: I'll be less stressed, as soon as as soon as

538
00:23:26,560 --> 00:23:28,960
Speaker 1: I've come to realize he's maybe just not as sexually

539
00:23:29,080 --> 00:23:31,399
Speaker 1: charged as I am. For a while, I thought it

540
00:23:31,440 --> 00:23:34,200
Speaker 1: was me am I not sexy enough. But we've talked

541
00:23:34,200 --> 00:23:36,880
Speaker 1: about it and it's not that I can say for certain.

542
00:23:36,960 --> 00:23:39,800
Speaker 1: He's not gay. I've seen his Internet search history. I

543
00:23:39,800 --> 00:23:41,760
Speaker 1: can say for certain he's not getting it elsewhere. He's

544
00:23:41,760 --> 00:23:44,720
Speaker 1: too busy. I feel cheated. I've been told my whole

545
00:23:44,760 --> 00:23:47,560
Speaker 1: life that all men want or think about is sex.

546
00:23:48,200 --> 00:23:49,840
Speaker 1: I don't know any female that has been in this

547
00:23:49,880 --> 00:23:52,680
Speaker 1: position before. We've been to a sex therapist and had

548
00:23:52,680 --> 00:23:54,760
Speaker 1: to stop due to lack of money and time. He

549
00:23:54,920 --> 00:23:58,400
Speaker 1: was open to it, but good therapy is expensive. Divorce

550
00:23:58,440 --> 00:24:00,440
Speaker 1: does not feel like an option, and I don't feel

551
00:24:00,440 --> 00:24:03,080
Speaker 1: like an open marriage is either. Because of our small community,

552
00:24:03,880 --> 00:24:06,119
Speaker 1: I have no answers, My friends have no answers, and

553
00:24:06,160 --> 00:24:08,600
Speaker 1: he has no answers, which leaves me in a Piccolis

554
00:24:08,680 --> 00:24:12,000
Speaker 1: Pickle help, Priscilla, Anthony, what are you thinking?

555
00:24:12,040 --> 00:24:14,560
Speaker 3: Okay? Off the top of my head. Near the beginning,

556
00:24:14,600 --> 00:24:16,520
Speaker 3: I felt like she was making a lot of excuses

557
00:24:16,520 --> 00:24:19,680
Speaker 3: for him, which kind of like bothered me a little bit.

558
00:24:19,760 --> 00:24:22,480
Speaker 3: I also felt there's something about it that just kind

559
00:24:22,480 --> 00:24:25,200
Speaker 3: of made me sad, Like she just feel like I

560
00:24:25,240 --> 00:24:28,159
Speaker 3: feel like she's like in a really helpless She's just

561
00:24:28,200 --> 00:24:30,280
Speaker 3: like out of options and the options that I was

562
00:24:30,320 --> 00:24:33,480
Speaker 3: trying to think of of, like talk to a sex therapist,

563
00:24:33,520 --> 00:24:35,760
Speaker 3: talk to a therapist, in general check in with like

564
00:24:35,800 --> 00:24:38,119
Speaker 3: do you guys have different libidos? Are you not compatible

565
00:24:38,160 --> 00:24:41,520
Speaker 3: on that front? To like even opening up the marriage

566
00:24:41,520 --> 00:24:43,920
Speaker 3: in some way. All of that was kind of cabashed

567
00:24:43,960 --> 00:24:46,640
Speaker 3: in the explanation, So I think it's like, like, dude,

568
00:24:46,640 --> 00:24:48,520
Speaker 3: you need to like go revisit some of that stuff

569
00:24:48,520 --> 00:24:50,040
Speaker 3: because I really don't know you want to be with

570
00:24:50,119 --> 00:24:52,600
Speaker 3: the person, but it's like I don't know because I'm

571
00:24:52,600 --> 00:24:54,440
Speaker 3: torn because it's like, at the same time, like I

572
00:24:54,800 --> 00:24:57,240
Speaker 3: feel like I have a pretty high libido and physical

573
00:24:57,320 --> 00:25:00,840
Speaker 3: and sexual intimacy are incredibly important to me. Yeah. Yeah,

574
00:25:00,840 --> 00:25:03,280
Speaker 3: But I also know people out there who've had really

575
00:25:03,359 --> 00:25:06,840
Speaker 3: long relationships where there is a disconnect and they love

576
00:25:06,880 --> 00:25:09,680
Speaker 3: each other unconditionally, they respect each other, they're each other

577
00:25:09,760 --> 00:25:12,960
Speaker 3: is like biggest fucking cheerleaders, but they don't necessarily have that.

578
00:25:13,080 --> 00:25:14,760
Speaker 3: So it's like, again, it goes back to what I

579
00:25:14,760 --> 00:25:17,119
Speaker 3: was saying earlier about like accepting things the way they

580
00:25:17,160 --> 00:25:18,959
Speaker 3: are and then being like, no, I need change. I'm

581
00:25:19,000 --> 00:25:20,120
Speaker 3: a little torn, Chelsea.

582
00:25:20,880 --> 00:25:22,520
Speaker 2: I mean I feel the same way. It's kind of

583
00:25:22,520 --> 00:25:26,040
Speaker 2: hard to say because it obviously matters to her because

584
00:25:26,040 --> 00:25:29,399
Speaker 2: she's talking about open marriage and whatever. If sex is

585
00:25:29,400 --> 00:25:31,879
Speaker 2: that important to you, which to most of us it is.

586
00:25:31,960 --> 00:25:34,080
Speaker 2: I'm one of those people that I want sex. I'm

587
00:25:34,080 --> 00:25:36,280
Speaker 2: not just like looking for somebody to hang out with.

588
00:25:36,760 --> 00:25:38,680
Speaker 2: If I had to choose hanging out or sex, I

589
00:25:38,680 --> 00:25:43,040
Speaker 2: would choose sex. So I think that it depends how

590
00:25:43,080 --> 00:25:45,480
Speaker 2: important is to you if it is a deal breaker.

591
00:25:45,720 --> 00:25:49,400
Speaker 2: I mean, if he can't perform sexually, like if whatever

592
00:25:49,440 --> 00:25:52,040
Speaker 2: his issues are, it's usually has nothing to do with

593
00:25:52,080 --> 00:25:54,240
Speaker 2: a woman. So I'm glad that you already figured that out.

594
00:25:54,400 --> 00:25:55,960
Speaker 1: It's not because you're not sexy enough.

595
00:25:56,200 --> 00:25:59,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, well, she already expressed that in the letter, said

596
00:25:59,040 --> 00:26:01,399
Speaker 2: that she knows it's not her. It's something to do

597
00:26:01,480 --> 00:26:03,560
Speaker 2: with him and that's his issue. Like are you willing

598
00:26:03,560 --> 00:26:05,800
Speaker 2: to put up with that because you love him? Like

599
00:26:06,000 --> 00:26:09,600
Speaker 2: I would say, life's too short, Like you could put

600
00:26:09,680 --> 00:26:11,120
Speaker 2: up with it for a while. I mean, it's great

601
00:26:11,160 --> 00:26:12,800
Speaker 2: that he was open to go when he's sex therapist,

602
00:26:12,880 --> 00:26:15,600
Speaker 2: but to what avail, Like, so you're not fixing the problem,

603
00:26:15,960 --> 00:26:18,720
Speaker 2: and it seems like a pretty important problem to be fixing.

604
00:26:19,359 --> 00:26:21,880
Speaker 2: So I just think that, like, you know, you've got

605
00:26:21,880 --> 00:26:25,520
Speaker 2: to either go the extra distance and really exhaust all

606
00:26:25,720 --> 00:26:31,480
Speaker 2: possibilities of finding out what the possible solutions are and

607
00:26:31,520 --> 00:26:33,760
Speaker 2: finding one that works for you. And if you don't,

608
00:26:34,320 --> 00:26:36,000
Speaker 2: then what's your game plan on? Like are you going

609
00:26:36,040 --> 00:26:38,439
Speaker 2: to hang out with him and be okay with that

610
00:26:39,200 --> 00:26:42,119
Speaker 2: in some sort of like sexless relationship for the rest

611
00:26:42,160 --> 00:26:42,560
Speaker 2: of your life.

612
00:26:42,600 --> 00:26:44,960
Speaker 1: See, I feel like there is room for a third

613
00:26:45,000 --> 00:26:46,959
Speaker 1: option here because a third person.

614
00:26:47,080 --> 00:26:49,119
Speaker 2: There's definitely room for a third person to come in

615
00:26:49,160 --> 00:26:50,400
Speaker 2: and fuck the shit out of our.

616
00:26:50,600 --> 00:26:53,600
Speaker 1: There definitely is. But when we think about sex as

617
00:26:53,640 --> 00:26:56,320
Speaker 1: far as like this couple goes, we're thinking usually about

618
00:26:56,359 --> 00:26:59,399
Speaker 1: like she is thinking about penetrative sex. It lasts five minutes,

619
00:26:59,440 --> 00:27:02,639
Speaker 1: she's not saying satisfied. And part of sex is like

620
00:27:02,680 --> 00:27:06,000
Speaker 1: having the intimacy, having that closeness with someone. So maybe

621
00:27:06,000 --> 00:27:07,920
Speaker 1: you can talk to him about like, Hey, I really

622
00:27:07,960 --> 00:27:11,000
Speaker 1: want to like improve our intimacy, improve our closeness, and

623
00:27:11,080 --> 00:27:14,119
Speaker 1: like let's take some time to not even think about

624
00:27:14,160 --> 00:27:16,480
Speaker 1: like the penetrative part of sex, because if he's not

625
00:27:16,560 --> 00:27:18,320
Speaker 1: up for it, he's not up for it. But like,

626
00:27:18,720 --> 00:27:21,560
Speaker 1: can he spend some time pleasuring you? Can you guys

627
00:27:21,600 --> 00:27:23,840
Speaker 1: play with some toys like so weird?

628
00:27:24,000 --> 00:27:26,240
Speaker 2: It's so weird. Oh, by the way, Oh, I wanted

629
00:27:26,240 --> 00:27:28,119
Speaker 2: to say one more thing too. Sorry, I know I'm

630
00:27:28,160 --> 00:27:30,280
Speaker 2: being so interrupted today, but I'm just in that kind

631
00:27:30,280 --> 00:27:32,560
Speaker 2: of mood. The other thing is a lot of women.

632
00:27:32,840 --> 00:27:34,960
Speaker 2: You said none of your friends experienced this. I do

633
00:27:35,080 --> 00:27:38,160
Speaker 2: know many women who have experienced their partners not being

634
00:27:38,440 --> 00:27:40,359
Speaker 2: up for the amount of sex that they are. Yes,

635
00:27:40,600 --> 00:27:42,240
Speaker 2: So I just wanted to throw that out there before

636
00:27:42,280 --> 00:27:42,920
Speaker 2: I agree.

637
00:27:43,000 --> 00:27:44,800
Speaker 3: That's like a really that's a really common thing.

638
00:27:44,920 --> 00:27:47,240
Speaker 2: That's also a gay thing too, isn't it Like a

639
00:27:47,240 --> 00:27:50,040
Speaker 2: lot of gay guys not a lot. I actually only

640
00:27:50,080 --> 00:27:53,159
Speaker 2: know one gay guy who won't, who doesn't penetrate, Like,

641
00:27:53,200 --> 00:27:55,240
Speaker 2: he doesn't penetrate, he doesn't want to be penetrated.

642
00:27:55,320 --> 00:27:58,680
Speaker 3: You only get name from that. What, Yeah, what it's called.

643
00:27:58,800 --> 00:27:59,680
Speaker 3: It's called sighting.

644
00:28:00,400 --> 00:28:00,920
Speaker 1: Sighting.

645
00:28:02,080 --> 00:28:04,560
Speaker 3: Yeah, they like give each other like blowjobs, but they don't.

646
00:28:04,560 --> 00:28:05,960
Speaker 3: There's no like penetrative sex.

647
00:28:06,280 --> 00:28:08,600
Speaker 2: When my friend told me about this, I thought, that's

648
00:28:08,680 --> 00:28:12,080
Speaker 2: he feels such shame for the act of penetration. He

649
00:28:12,160 --> 00:28:14,960
Speaker 2: feels shame at doing that. That's why he can't.

650
00:28:15,040 --> 00:28:16,760
Speaker 3: I mean, that's the whole thing. Yeah.

651
00:28:16,640 --> 00:28:19,040
Speaker 1: I recently stumbled across a follow from We had this

652
00:28:19,119 --> 00:28:21,639
Speaker 1: caller Marco like a long time ago, who was in

653
00:28:21,640 --> 00:28:23,879
Speaker 1: the same situation. He's like, I'm gay, but like I

654
00:28:24,000 --> 00:28:27,240
Speaker 1: do not I'm not interested in anal. And he followed

655
00:28:27,280 --> 00:28:30,680
Speaker 1: up actually recently and said that he, well, no, he's

656
00:28:30,840 --> 00:28:33,080
Speaker 1: still not into anal, but he's like, I've discovered that

657
00:28:33,160 --> 00:28:35,160
Speaker 1: I love having my ass eat now and eating out

658
00:28:35,160 --> 00:28:38,560
Speaker 1: of Elsa's asses. So I'm like, this is for him, that's.

659
00:28:38,920 --> 00:28:42,080
Speaker 2: What a huge discovery. What if he had gone through

660
00:28:42,120 --> 00:28:44,200
Speaker 2: how much how much more life could he have gone

661
00:28:44,200 --> 00:28:45,440
Speaker 2: through without figuring that out?

662
00:28:45,680 --> 00:28:49,640
Speaker 1: Thank goodness for the show. Just save lives, Saved lives.

663
00:28:49,800 --> 00:28:52,000
Speaker 2: That's It's something people always go, what's the best piece

664
00:28:52,040 --> 00:28:54,400
Speaker 2: of advice you've ever given to start eating more ass?

665
00:28:54,960 --> 00:28:57,000
Speaker 2: That's my advice. I'm gonna write that down.

666
00:28:57,120 --> 00:28:58,000
Speaker 3: That's the tattoo.

667
00:28:58,360 --> 00:29:01,600
Speaker 2: Mm hmm, yeah, for sure, my ass is my tattoo.

668
00:29:01,680 --> 00:29:03,240
Speaker 2: And then I'm gonna put it on a different part

669
00:29:03,240 --> 00:29:05,320
Speaker 2: of my body. So people are doubly confused.

670
00:29:05,760 --> 00:29:08,080
Speaker 1: So it's a wrap up for Priscilla. I think there's

671
00:29:08,120 --> 00:29:10,920
Speaker 1: some intentionality that you guys can like take some time

672
00:29:11,000 --> 00:29:13,920
Speaker 1: if he's not into like performing quote unquote because he's

673
00:29:13,920 --> 00:29:16,720
Speaker 1: too stressed, try some other stuff and like hin hint,

674
00:29:16,800 --> 00:29:19,080
Speaker 1: he might get in the mood. But like it's really

675
00:29:19,080 --> 00:29:22,040
Speaker 1: also like about you and your pleasure. It doesn't necessarily

676
00:29:22,040 --> 00:29:24,320
Speaker 1: have to like have anything to do with him getting off.

677
00:29:24,320 --> 00:29:28,280
Speaker 2: Right, Try harder to make the situation, try to find

678
00:29:28,280 --> 00:29:30,680
Speaker 2: a solution, and if you can't find the solution, and

679
00:29:30,720 --> 00:29:32,600
Speaker 2: then you know that you've done everything you can to

680
00:29:32,680 --> 00:29:34,880
Speaker 2: try to figure out the problem, and then move on.

681
00:29:35,080 --> 00:29:37,200
Speaker 3: Look, I know I'm like a mega optimist, but like,

682
00:29:37,400 --> 00:29:40,160
Speaker 3: clearly she fucking loves this guy. The fact that she

683
00:29:40,240 --> 00:29:42,200
Speaker 3: reached out to you, they've been together for ten years,

684
00:29:42,280 --> 00:29:44,520
Speaker 3: their kids, they are like so many added layers there.

685
00:29:45,080 --> 00:29:48,120
Speaker 3: I'm a fighter in relationships. I would go back the

686
00:29:48,160 --> 00:29:50,800
Speaker 3: stuff that you revisited that you heard that you think.

687
00:29:50,840 --> 00:29:52,800
Speaker 2: You're not that much of a fighter. You're single.

688
00:29:53,560 --> 00:29:55,920
Speaker 3: That's not nice, Chelsea.

689
00:29:55,760 --> 00:29:59,280
Speaker 2: It's not That's not I'm saying you're not that much

690
00:29:59,360 --> 00:30:01,440
Speaker 2: of a fighter. Come on, if you were willing to

691
00:30:01,440 --> 00:30:02,840
Speaker 2: fight for anything. I'm not being mean.

692
00:30:03,000 --> 00:30:06,480
Speaker 3: I thought I'm partially messing with you. I one thing

693
00:30:06,520 --> 00:30:09,960
Speaker 3: about me. I fucking fight for relationships as much as

694
00:30:10,000 --> 00:30:13,680
Speaker 3: I can till the very end, whether it's therapy, whatever

695
00:30:13,720 --> 00:30:16,440
Speaker 3: it is. I'm just saying, sometimes things happen that are

696
00:30:16,480 --> 00:30:18,400
Speaker 3: just like outside of your control and you just have

697
00:30:18,440 --> 00:30:20,160
Speaker 3: to deal with it and pick yourself up.

698
00:30:20,240 --> 00:30:22,600
Speaker 2: I think I was thinking of fighting, like I'll do

699
00:30:22,720 --> 00:30:24,640
Speaker 2: anything to do what it takes to like be in

700
00:30:24,680 --> 00:30:27,360
Speaker 2: the relationship. I was interpreting it a different.

701
00:30:27,120 --> 00:30:29,960
Speaker 3: I am that person. I'm a fucking romantics through and

702
00:30:29,960 --> 00:30:33,400
Speaker 3: through hard on my sleep, I'm like, I'm such a lover.

703
00:30:33,520 --> 00:30:36,280
Speaker 3: Falling in love is like, what is it that?

704
00:30:36,320 --> 00:30:39,400
Speaker 2: But yeah, but falling in love that's the best part.

705
00:30:39,560 --> 00:30:42,560
Speaker 2: That's the best part. No one will dispute that. Everyone

706
00:30:42,600 --> 00:30:45,440
Speaker 2: knows those that's the best phase of life. Being in

707
00:30:45,680 --> 00:30:48,400
Speaker 2: this phase that this caller's in is not the.

708
00:30:48,440 --> 00:30:50,240
Speaker 3: You fight for it and you go back and stuff

709
00:30:50,280 --> 00:30:53,040
Speaker 3: that she may have addressed earlier conversations that they had.

710
00:30:53,280 --> 00:30:55,440
Speaker 3: You know what, maybe they need to be revisited. Maybe

711
00:30:55,440 --> 00:30:57,600
Speaker 3: you need to get esther. Perell has that card game

712
00:30:57,600 --> 00:31:00,560
Speaker 3: where you ask each other intimate questions. Is it like

713
00:31:00,920 --> 00:31:04,720
Speaker 3: wearing like some crazy fucking outfit or like the crab

714
00:31:04,800 --> 00:31:06,880
Speaker 3: walking naked towards him when he enters the room and

715
00:31:06,920 --> 00:31:09,520
Speaker 3: going full sexual or building the intimacy with like some

716
00:31:09,600 --> 00:31:12,040
Speaker 3: kind of romance and getting to know each other intimately, Like.

717
00:31:12,200 --> 00:31:15,240
Speaker 2: Maybe they should use the intimacy coordinator from it ends

718
00:31:15,240 --> 00:31:21,080
Speaker 2: with us. What about that woman that they should use her? Yeah,

719
00:31:21,320 --> 00:31:24,880
Speaker 2: that worked out great, or like I don't.

720
00:31:24,720 --> 00:31:26,840
Speaker 3: Know, go to a rave together or something, you know

721
00:31:26,880 --> 00:31:27,240
Speaker 3: what I mean.

722
00:31:27,280 --> 00:31:29,360
Speaker 2: Like, they definitely have to change up to done. Something

723
00:31:29,400 --> 00:31:31,680
Speaker 2: has to shift. If you want people to change, you

724
00:31:31,720 --> 00:31:34,640
Speaker 2: have to change period. But like so get the ball

725
00:31:34,720 --> 00:31:38,960
Speaker 2: rolling in some direction and be tireless about it, like

726
00:31:39,280 --> 00:31:41,400
Speaker 2: exhaust all the possibilities, period.

727
00:31:42,440 --> 00:31:44,400
Speaker 1: And if all else fails, just get like a really

728
00:31:44,400 --> 00:31:47,040
Speaker 1: good vibrator and like leave him out of it. End

729
00:31:47,040 --> 00:31:47,440
Speaker 1: of list.

730
00:31:47,600 --> 00:31:48,960
Speaker 2: Yeah that's quick, that's great.

731
00:31:49,040 --> 00:31:53,760
Speaker 1: Yeah. So our next email comes from Laura. She is

732
00:31:53,840 --> 00:31:57,040
Speaker 1: calling in s would be chatting with her. Laura says,

733
00:31:57,120 --> 00:32:00,600
Speaker 1: Dear Chelsea, I have a sticky situation with I knewish

734
00:32:00,600 --> 00:32:02,800
Speaker 1: boyfriend and I'm hoping to get your perspective on it.

735
00:32:03,280 --> 00:32:05,160
Speaker 1: My boyfriend lives with a girl who he has been

736
00:32:05,200 --> 00:32:07,520
Speaker 1: friends with for a few years and they've slept together

737
00:32:07,600 --> 00:32:10,400
Speaker 1: twice in the past. They're in the same friend group,

738
00:32:10,440 --> 00:32:12,560
Speaker 1: and he claims it happened when they were both drunk

739
00:32:12,600 --> 00:32:15,280
Speaker 1: and lonely. To be fair, we were friends at the time.

740
00:32:15,400 --> 00:32:17,720
Speaker 1: We met at work and were friends first before dating,

741
00:32:17,960 --> 00:32:19,640
Speaker 1: and he told me what was going on and I

742
00:32:19,680 --> 00:32:21,640
Speaker 1: was dating other people at the time. He told me

743
00:32:21,680 --> 00:32:24,440
Speaker 1: he's been into me since we first met and patiently

744
00:32:24,480 --> 00:32:26,440
Speaker 1: waited for me to break up with my then boyfriend.

745
00:32:27,080 --> 00:32:29,440
Speaker 1: It really hurts me and makes me sad picturing her

746
00:32:29,440 --> 00:32:31,720
Speaker 1: with him, even though it was before I was in

747
00:32:31,760 --> 00:32:34,800
Speaker 1: the picture and he's been upfront about the information. I

748
00:32:34,840 --> 00:32:36,840
Speaker 1: hate how much this weighs on me, and I always

749
00:32:36,880 --> 00:32:38,840
Speaker 1: feel sad knowing he's at home with her when we're

750
00:32:38,840 --> 00:32:41,440
Speaker 1: not spending the night together. I hate that I'm jealous

751
00:32:41,480 --> 00:32:44,080
Speaker 1: and losing my zen when I'm ordinarily a confident person.

752
00:32:44,760 --> 00:32:48,360
Speaker 1: I'm mad at him for inflicting the situation on our relationship. Yesterday,

753
00:32:48,440 --> 00:32:50,240
Speaker 1: he had the audacity to ask me if I wanted

754
00:32:50,240 --> 00:32:52,040
Speaker 1: to go out dancing this weekend with her and some

755
00:32:52,080 --> 00:32:55,200
Speaker 1: of her friends. I said, absolutely not. Why would I

756
00:32:55,240 --> 00:32:56,920
Speaker 1: want to go out dancing and drinking with some girl

757
00:32:57,000 --> 00:32:59,360
Speaker 1: you fucked? Before I flipped it back on him, would

758
00:32:59,400 --> 00:33:00,760
Speaker 1: you want to go dance and sing with me and

759
00:33:00,800 --> 00:33:02,600
Speaker 1: some guy I used to fuck? He didn't have a

760
00:33:02,600 --> 00:33:05,560
Speaker 1: good answer to that. For context, I'm twenty seven and

761
00:33:05,600 --> 00:33:08,080
Speaker 1: he's thirty two. He should know better at his grown

762
00:33:08,120 --> 00:33:10,880
Speaker 1: age of thirty two. I feel like he downplayed their

763
00:33:10,880 --> 00:33:13,360
Speaker 1: friendship to try and appease me. This makes me question

764
00:33:13,400 --> 00:33:15,440
Speaker 1: if I can trust him. Any advice you have on

765
00:33:15,520 --> 00:33:18,560
Speaker 1: boundaries and how to get my piece back are greatly appreciated.

766
00:33:18,760 --> 00:33:20,400
Speaker 1: Laura Hell, Laura O.

767
00:33:21,440 --> 00:33:23,720
Speaker 2: Hi, thanks for calling in. This is our special guest,

768
00:33:23,800 --> 00:33:25,160
Speaker 2: Anthony Barovsky.

769
00:33:25,240 --> 00:33:28,200
Speaker 1: Yes, I'm starstruck. I love queer eye. That's awesome.

770
00:33:29,360 --> 00:33:31,400
Speaker 3: Nice to meet too. Wait, how long have you been together?

771
00:33:32,080 --> 00:33:35,720
Speaker 5: So we've been dating since November last year, So what

772
00:33:35,880 --> 00:33:36,200
Speaker 5: is up?

773
00:33:36,760 --> 00:33:37,560
Speaker 1: It's like four months?

774
00:33:37,720 --> 00:33:38,440
Speaker 3: Four months?

775
00:33:38,960 --> 00:33:44,000
Speaker 4: Yeah, this is new, it is Yeah, Well that's easy.

776
00:33:44,080 --> 00:33:45,600
Speaker 2: That makes things a little bit easier.

777
00:33:46,120 --> 00:33:46,320
Speaker 3: You know.

778
00:33:46,480 --> 00:33:48,520
Speaker 2: I don't think anyone should be judged on having an

779
00:33:48,520 --> 00:33:52,160
Speaker 2: ex like a past or anything. But you're in a

780
00:33:52,240 --> 00:33:55,400
Speaker 2: perfect spot. I think to kind of like conduct yourself

781
00:33:55,440 --> 00:33:57,720
Speaker 2: in a really cool way. You can go to him,

782
00:33:57,840 --> 00:34:00,280
Speaker 2: be really honest about your feelings. It does and have

783
00:34:00,320 --> 00:34:03,240
Speaker 2: to be an argument or disputatious in any way and

784
00:34:03,240 --> 00:34:06,160
Speaker 2: be like, hey, you know you told me about this.

785
00:34:06,360 --> 00:34:09,719
Speaker 2: You know your roommate, he lives with her, right, Yeah,

786
00:34:10,200 --> 00:34:12,000
Speaker 2: you told me about your roommate. You told me you

787
00:34:12,000 --> 00:34:14,360
Speaker 2: had sex with her a couple of times. It's kind

788
00:34:14,480 --> 00:34:17,160
Speaker 2: of bothering me. I mean, I don't want to be

789
00:34:17,400 --> 00:34:19,520
Speaker 2: crazy and tew you like to move out or anything,

790
00:34:19,560 --> 00:34:21,399
Speaker 2: But then you asked me to go dancing with her.

791
00:34:21,719 --> 00:34:23,920
Speaker 2: That kind of gave me the ick. You're kind of

792
00:34:23,960 --> 00:34:26,399
Speaker 2: giving me signals that there might be something more here

793
00:34:26,560 --> 00:34:29,040
Speaker 2: and that I don't know if we continue to date,

794
00:34:29,080 --> 00:34:30,439
Speaker 2: am I going to have to deal with this woman

795
00:34:30,480 --> 00:34:32,760
Speaker 2: in the background. Like, I think this is a perfect

796
00:34:32,800 --> 00:34:36,320
Speaker 2: opportunity to have really one of those honest, upfront conversations

797
00:34:36,560 --> 00:34:40,560
Speaker 2: before your head over heels. Marrying this guy or deeply

798
00:34:40,640 --> 00:34:42,880
Speaker 2: madly in love. Four months is still new enough to

799
00:34:42,880 --> 00:34:46,120
Speaker 2: get over quickly, and I think he'll show his true colors,

800
00:34:46,160 --> 00:34:48,880
Speaker 2: Like you don't want to go dancing with some roommate

801
00:34:48,920 --> 00:34:51,759
Speaker 2: that he's fucked that he's still living with. That's not

802
00:34:51,840 --> 00:34:55,080
Speaker 2: an ideal situation for someone. So if someone if he

803
00:34:55,239 --> 00:34:57,200
Speaker 2: really cares about you, have you guys exchanged?

804
00:34:57,239 --> 00:35:00,960
Speaker 4: I love us yet, Yeah, we're pretty in love and Chelsea,

805
00:35:01,000 --> 00:35:03,720
Speaker 4: we kind of have had that conversation already.

806
00:35:04,560 --> 00:35:08,080
Speaker 2: And oh sorry, I'm just fucking railing off. Yeah no,

807
00:35:08,320 --> 00:35:10,560
Speaker 2: I Anthony, why don't you tell me to shut the fuck.

808
00:35:11,000 --> 00:35:12,359
Speaker 3: I'm not telling you to shut up.

809
00:35:12,719 --> 00:35:15,880
Speaker 2: A sorry sorry, sorry, Laura, go on.

810
00:35:16,040 --> 00:35:19,480
Speaker 4: Yeah, So after this little like disagreement, we had that conversation.

811
00:35:19,600 --> 00:35:21,160
Speaker 4: I was like, this is really hard for me, Like

812
00:35:21,920 --> 00:35:24,080
Speaker 4: I don't like who it's making me, Like I really

813
00:35:24,080 --> 00:35:25,799
Speaker 4: want to be chilled, Like I have a past two

814
00:35:25,800 --> 00:35:28,399
Speaker 4: where I respect that I do, but this is so

815
00:35:28,560 --> 00:35:30,719
Speaker 4: hard to deal with. So I was like, we need

816
00:35:30,719 --> 00:35:32,720
Speaker 4: to set some boundaries or something so I feel better.

817
00:35:32,880 --> 00:35:35,520
Speaker 4: And like what we came up with is he can't

818
00:35:35,520 --> 00:35:39,040
Speaker 4: hang out with her one on one, which he lives

819
00:35:39,080 --> 00:35:41,000
Speaker 4: with her, Like he's hanging out with her when they're

820
00:35:41,040 --> 00:35:42,799
Speaker 4: at home, Like I don't expect him to just start

821
00:35:42,800 --> 00:35:45,960
Speaker 4: being rude to her, And well, I mean I actually

822
00:35:46,000 --> 00:35:47,640
Speaker 4: would like that, but I'm not gonna ask that.

823
00:35:48,640 --> 00:35:51,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, it starts coming home and he's a total fucking asshole.

824
00:35:51,040 --> 00:35:52,080
Speaker 2: That's fine, Yeah, and.

825
00:35:52,040 --> 00:35:53,440
Speaker 4: He's allowed to hang out with her in groups, but

826
00:35:53,520 --> 00:35:56,160
Speaker 4: like I want to know about it, and that's kind

827
00:35:56,160 --> 00:35:58,480
Speaker 4: of where we're at. But I'm still just like struggling

828
00:35:58,520 --> 00:36:01,160
Speaker 4: with it at night when we're not together, and I know,

829
00:36:01,840 --> 00:36:02,919
Speaker 4: like I'm losing my chill.

830
00:36:02,960 --> 00:36:03,719
Speaker 1: I'm I hate it.

831
00:36:03,920 --> 00:36:06,440
Speaker 2: I hear you, I hear you. Was he sympathetic to

832
00:36:06,480 --> 00:36:08,480
Speaker 2: the idea of you being upset.

833
00:36:08,239 --> 00:36:11,919
Speaker 4: With yes, and he's like looking to buy. So that's

834
00:36:11,920 --> 00:36:13,680
Speaker 4: why he likes living with her because it's a month

835
00:36:13,719 --> 00:36:16,880
Speaker 4: to monthly so we can move out really easily when

836
00:36:16,920 --> 00:36:18,480
Speaker 4: he does find the place he wants to buy, and

837
00:36:18,520 --> 00:36:20,760
Speaker 4: he's like actively working on it for sure.

838
00:36:20,960 --> 00:36:22,400
Speaker 1: Okay, so that's nice.

839
00:36:22,880 --> 00:36:25,560
Speaker 2: Okay, that's good. Okay, these are all good things. I

840
00:36:25,600 --> 00:36:28,000
Speaker 2: as Okay, this is going to be my advice. I

841
00:36:28,040 --> 00:36:30,279
Speaker 2: think this is perfect time for you to put your

842
00:36:30,280 --> 00:36:32,800
Speaker 2: foot down and go. You know what, I've been thinking

843
00:36:32,840 --> 00:36:35,319
Speaker 2: about this a lot lately, and I don't think I'm

844
00:36:35,360 --> 00:36:38,040
Speaker 2: going to be comfortable until you've moved out of that apartment.

845
00:36:38,440 --> 00:36:41,319
Speaker 2: Now that I have serious feelings about you, I don't

846
00:36:41,320 --> 00:36:43,040
Speaker 2: want to cut you off, like I want us to

847
00:36:43,080 --> 00:36:45,680
Speaker 2: continue talking, but like I really need to know that

848
00:36:45,800 --> 00:36:48,560
Speaker 2: you're going to move out and not just giving me

849
00:36:48,640 --> 00:36:51,560
Speaker 2: lip service, because it's starting to fuck with me a

850
00:36:51,560 --> 00:36:54,239
Speaker 2: little bit. And I'm looking at our relationship as like

851
00:36:54,280 --> 00:36:57,320
Speaker 2: a possible fun future, like we're going to be together

852
00:36:57,400 --> 00:37:00,319
Speaker 2: for some time, and I don't want to have this

853
00:37:00,520 --> 00:37:01,160
Speaker 2: be part of it.

854
00:37:01,520 --> 00:37:03,880
Speaker 3: I like that there's kind of like a compliment sandwich

855
00:37:03,960 --> 00:37:06,880
Speaker 3: going on here where it's sort of like, Hey, I

856
00:37:06,920 --> 00:37:10,280
Speaker 3: fucking love you. I think that there's potential here that said,

857
00:37:10,360 --> 00:37:14,000
Speaker 3: like there's a massive roadblock. I'm really struggling and I

858
00:37:14,080 --> 00:37:16,520
Speaker 3: need your help everything that I'm kind of gathering from you.

859
00:37:16,560 --> 00:37:18,840
Speaker 3: And what Catherine kind of mentioned about like the backstory

860
00:37:18,880 --> 00:37:21,440
Speaker 3: of it all is that you've been very communicative of it.

861
00:37:21,800 --> 00:37:24,600
Speaker 3: And one thing that I've learned in relationships and through

862
00:37:24,640 --> 00:37:27,560
Speaker 3: therapy is that sometimes I think that they're like I

863
00:37:27,600 --> 00:37:30,000
Speaker 3: get obsessed with the idea of resolution, that there has

864
00:37:30,080 --> 00:37:32,240
Speaker 3: to be like this tangible thing that kind of happens,

865
00:37:32,360 --> 00:37:34,440
Speaker 3: and I know that it's not perfect, and I recognize

866
00:37:34,480 --> 00:37:36,680
Speaker 3: that it's like painful, and you're like in a lot

867
00:37:36,719 --> 00:37:38,960
Speaker 3: of like, odjit up you just termed that my therapist

868
00:37:38,960 --> 00:37:41,919
Speaker 3: Carol taught me. I love it. The fact that you're

869
00:37:42,200 --> 00:37:45,160
Speaker 3: you're able to have like that, that those open lines

870
00:37:45,200 --> 00:37:49,560
Speaker 3: of communication, even just addressing it without giving an ultimatum

871
00:37:49,640 --> 00:37:51,799
Speaker 3: or backing him into a corner or whatever it is,

872
00:37:52,360 --> 00:37:53,960
Speaker 3: makes it a safe space for him to be able

873
00:37:54,000 --> 00:37:56,520
Speaker 3: to have a conversation, to take in what your feelings

874
00:37:56,560 --> 00:37:59,120
Speaker 3: and like the stuff that you're dealing with and vice versa.

875
00:37:59,560 --> 00:38:01,719
Speaker 3: But I feel like, yeah, presenting it as sort of

876
00:38:02,239 --> 00:38:03,920
Speaker 3: starting with like the good and then going to like,

877
00:38:03,920 --> 00:38:05,600
Speaker 3: I'm really struggling with this and like I could use

878
00:38:05,600 --> 00:38:07,799
Speaker 3: your health not telling him specifically like get your ass

879
00:38:07,840 --> 00:38:10,320
Speaker 3: out of the house or kick her out, or imposing

880
00:38:10,360 --> 00:38:12,640
Speaker 3: like some kind of like severe like restrictions or like

881
00:38:12,840 --> 00:38:14,840
Speaker 3: or hard rules that are just gonna be hard to

882
00:38:14,880 --> 00:38:17,040
Speaker 3: abide by. It does that make sense? Yeah?

883
00:38:17,200 --> 00:38:17,680
Speaker 2: It does.

884
00:38:18,239 --> 00:38:20,279
Speaker 4: I have been very focused on like trying to resolve this,

885
00:38:20,800 --> 00:38:24,040
Speaker 4: and yeah, there's no resolution untilling moves out, so it's hard.

886
00:38:24,600 --> 00:38:27,000
Speaker 1: We added a little context on you and I chatted earlier.

887
00:38:27,080 --> 00:38:29,440
Speaker 1: Tell us the timeline. So this was like a while

888
00:38:29,480 --> 00:38:30,640
Speaker 1: ago that they slept together.

889
00:38:30,840 --> 00:38:31,080
Speaker 2: Right.

890
00:38:31,200 --> 00:38:33,720
Speaker 4: Oh, when we had our fight, he was like getting

891
00:38:33,719 --> 00:38:35,759
Speaker 4: confused about the dates. I can be pretty intense, and

892
00:38:35,760 --> 00:38:38,319
Speaker 4: I think he got a little like flustered, like I

893
00:38:38,480 --> 00:38:40,600
Speaker 4: was questioning him a little too hard. So here's the

894
00:38:40,640 --> 00:38:44,960
Speaker 4: real timeline. We started dating last November. He moved in

895
00:38:45,000 --> 00:38:48,200
Speaker 4: with her last August, and they slept together last September.

896
00:38:48,280 --> 00:38:51,960
Speaker 1: So I'm like, that's fresh. Okay, so like two months

897
00:38:51,960 --> 00:38:53,400
Speaker 1: before you guys got together.

898
00:38:53,360 --> 00:38:55,239
Speaker 2: Did he how did he reveal this to you?

899
00:38:55,320 --> 00:38:59,120
Speaker 4: So I was friends with him because we're coworkers before

900
00:38:59,480 --> 00:39:01,760
Speaker 4: and he told me about it, just kind of casually

901
00:39:01,800 --> 00:39:04,480
Speaker 4: because we were becoming good friends. He was like, yeah,

902
00:39:04,640 --> 00:39:06,400
Speaker 4: I slept with my roommate. What do you think about that?

903
00:39:06,440 --> 00:39:08,080
Speaker 4: And I was like, that's a bit messy, but okay,

904
00:39:08,920 --> 00:39:11,520
Speaker 4: So I always knew that when I started developing feelings

905
00:39:11,520 --> 00:39:11,879
Speaker 4: for him.

906
00:39:12,640 --> 00:39:15,359
Speaker 1: Tellsey, I'm actually kind of surprised about your advice here.

907
00:39:15,880 --> 00:39:18,439
Speaker 1: What I don't know. I just I thought that your

908
00:39:18,800 --> 00:39:22,560
Speaker 1: advice would be more along the lines of, like, that's okay,

909
00:39:22,840 --> 00:39:26,480
Speaker 1: he's moving out putting Laura at Eddie's, and I'm yeah,

910
00:39:26,520 --> 00:39:27,880
Speaker 1: I just think that's very interesting.

911
00:39:28,480 --> 00:39:28,680
Speaker 3: Oh.

912
00:39:28,840 --> 00:39:31,960
Speaker 2: I love surprising. I love when you make joys in

913
00:39:32,000 --> 00:39:35,400
Speaker 2: life at joys in life. But like, yeah, yeah, I

914
00:39:35,800 --> 00:39:38,239
Speaker 2: I yeah, I don't know. I think there's something like

915
00:39:38,280 --> 00:39:40,959
Speaker 2: it's just an interesting start to a relationship, so you'd

916
00:39:41,000 --> 00:39:41,960
Speaker 2: want to pay attention to it.

917
00:39:42,040 --> 00:39:43,320
Speaker 1: And you're corrected as messy.

918
00:39:43,760 --> 00:39:46,359
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, And it doesn't have to be messy, or

919
00:39:46,360 --> 00:39:48,000
Speaker 2: you could be clean about it, you know what I mean.

920
00:39:48,080 --> 00:39:49,920
Speaker 2: That's what I'm saying, Like you say this and you

921
00:39:50,000 --> 00:39:52,200
Speaker 2: kind of you're not breaking up with him, You're just

922
00:39:52,280 --> 00:39:55,440
Speaker 2: kind of saying like, I'm not cool. These are my standards.

923
00:39:56,160 --> 00:39:59,120
Speaker 2: They have to be met. So if you really care,

924
00:39:59,320 --> 00:40:00,359
Speaker 2: go fucking me them.

925
00:40:00,520 --> 00:40:02,879
Speaker 1: Yeah, would you like participate in like a cooling off

926
00:40:02,920 --> 00:40:04,799
Speaker 1: period while he's looking for a house.

927
00:40:06,040 --> 00:40:08,680
Speaker 2: He's going to want that. Yeah, Like if he's looking

928
00:40:08,680 --> 00:40:11,080
Speaker 2: for a house actively, he's going to want to be like, okayah,

929
00:40:11,160 --> 00:40:12,680
Speaker 2: you know, come with me, look at the house. Da

930
00:40:12,760 --> 00:40:15,200
Speaker 2: da da da. And then then I would be like, Okay,

931
00:40:15,239 --> 00:40:18,239
Speaker 2: you know it's clearly happening, but not until like he's

932
00:40:18,400 --> 00:40:21,480
Speaker 2: actually taking active steps that you've seen in some of

933
00:40:21,520 --> 00:40:23,680
Speaker 2: the houses, and he's doing anything he can to make

934
00:40:23,680 --> 00:40:24,600
Speaker 2: sure that you feel.

935
00:40:24,360 --> 00:40:26,359
Speaker 3: Safe and Laura, I feel like you'll know if he's

936
00:40:26,400 --> 00:40:28,279
Speaker 3: doing those like he's gonna be He's going to want

937
00:40:28,280 --> 00:40:29,520
Speaker 3: to tell you like, oh yeah, Like I had an

938
00:40:29,560 --> 00:40:31,719
Speaker 3: appointment at a place like this place is interesting and

939
00:40:31,719 --> 00:40:33,200
Speaker 3: I didn't like it because it didn't have X, Y

940
00:40:33,239 --> 00:40:34,520
Speaker 3: and Z, But you know what I mean, Like, I

941
00:40:34,520 --> 00:40:36,040
Speaker 3: feel like he's going to include you in the narrative

942
00:40:36,040 --> 00:40:37,960
Speaker 3: because it seems like you guys communicate pretty well.

943
00:40:38,560 --> 00:40:40,560
Speaker 4: Yeah, and I like last weekend we looked at a

944
00:40:40,600 --> 00:40:43,720
Speaker 4: house together, Like we communicate great, Like I love everything

945
00:40:43,760 --> 00:40:45,839
Speaker 4: about him except for this for.

946
00:40:45,840 --> 00:40:48,880
Speaker 1: Those nights that you are apart and like he is

947
00:40:49,000 --> 00:40:51,600
Speaker 1: with you know, quote unquote with her at their apartment.

948
00:40:51,960 --> 00:40:55,319
Speaker 1: I'd say, like, remember that he's into you. Harness your

949
00:40:55,320 --> 00:40:58,360
Speaker 1: inner zen, and like remember that, like you're the person

950
00:40:58,360 --> 00:41:00,400
Speaker 1: that he cares about. He stops sleeping with her before

951
00:41:00,400 --> 00:41:02,840
Speaker 1: you guys started hooking up or getting together, before you

952
00:41:02,840 --> 00:41:05,200
Speaker 1: guys got together, and like you're the one he's into,

953
00:41:05,360 --> 00:41:07,520
Speaker 1: and like, rest easy in that, I think.

954
00:41:07,920 --> 00:41:10,359
Speaker 2: But also play the role that you just said you

955
00:41:10,520 --> 00:41:13,520
Speaker 2: have played in your life, which is you're not like that. Like,

956
00:41:13,560 --> 00:41:16,160
Speaker 2: so remind yourself of the queen that you are in

957
00:41:16,200 --> 00:41:19,320
Speaker 2: the moments that you don't feel like it. Remember, yeah,

958
00:41:19,440 --> 00:41:22,480
Speaker 2: I am, I am that way. This is a circumstantial.

959
00:41:22,880 --> 00:41:24,840
Speaker 2: This is making me feel this way. These are not

960
00:41:24,960 --> 00:41:26,560
Speaker 2: logical thoughts period.

961
00:41:27,680 --> 00:41:30,279
Speaker 1: Yeah, and like there will be a new season very

962
00:41:30,320 --> 00:41:32,440
Speaker 1: soon when he's got his own place, right.

963
00:41:32,320 --> 00:41:33,240
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, totally.

964
00:41:33,320 --> 00:41:37,120
Speaker 1: Yeah, Well matter then? Yeah, all right, Laura bust of

965
00:41:37,239 --> 00:41:38,440
Speaker 1: luck and keep us posted.

966
00:41:38,520 --> 00:41:41,480
Speaker 4: Okay, Okay, thank you everyone, It's so nice to meet you.

967
00:41:41,600 --> 00:41:42,160
Speaker 3: Nice to meet you.

968
00:41:42,360 --> 00:41:46,839
Speaker 2: Okay, awesome, Bye. That was my favorite kind of call. Yeah, ever,

969
00:41:47,040 --> 00:41:50,279
Speaker 2: I know, I love that kind of personal into like

970
00:41:50,360 --> 00:41:55,920
Speaker 2: interpersonal relationships, boundaries. I'm down with all of it.

971
00:41:56,040 --> 00:41:58,239
Speaker 3: There's so much to unpack with it, though, I feel

972
00:41:58,239 --> 00:41:59,799
Speaker 3: like I'm going to be thinking about it hours from

973
00:41:59,800 --> 00:42:01,279
Speaker 3: now being like, oh shit, I should have said that,

974
00:42:01,280 --> 00:42:01,839
Speaker 3: you know what I mean.

975
00:42:02,360 --> 00:42:05,040
Speaker 1: I also think age, in my opinion, has something to

976
00:42:05,080 --> 00:42:07,600
Speaker 1: do with it, because she's like twenty seven. I feel like,

977
00:42:07,760 --> 00:42:12,000
Speaker 1: when you're twenty seven, like your person's exes feel so

978
00:42:12,320 --> 00:42:14,880
Speaker 1: huge and they loom so large, and to have them

979
00:42:14,920 --> 00:42:18,400
Speaker 1: in the second bedroom it's like terrifying. But if she

980
00:42:18,440 --> 00:42:20,520
Speaker 1: was ten years older, I'd be like, Okay, this isn't great.

981
00:42:20,520 --> 00:42:23,399
Speaker 1: But like, you know, we're moving forward in.

982
00:42:23,360 --> 00:42:25,239
Speaker 3: Twenty seven year old seems so much more involved than

983
00:42:25,239 --> 00:42:27,439
Speaker 3: they did when I was twenty seven. Or maybe I'm

984
00:42:27,440 --> 00:42:29,319
Speaker 3: just internalizing because I was a mess.

985
00:42:30,400 --> 00:42:32,000
Speaker 1: Should we take a quick break and then come back

986
00:42:32,000 --> 00:42:32,399
Speaker 1: for our list?

987
00:42:32,400 --> 00:42:33,840
Speaker 2: Go, let's take a break and we'll come back and

988
00:42:33,880 --> 00:42:35,440
Speaker 2: do our last west. Okay, So we're gonna take a

989
00:42:35,480 --> 00:42:43,600
Speaker 2: break with Anthony Barofsky and then we're coming back. Okay,

990
00:42:43,640 --> 00:42:46,000
Speaker 2: and we're back with Antony Barovski.

991
00:42:45,680 --> 00:42:47,040
Speaker 1: Us P Bbaraski?

992
00:42:47,800 --> 00:42:52,239
Speaker 2: Right, Parovsky? Am I saying Barovsky close? What did I say?

993
00:42:52,320 --> 00:42:53,319
Speaker 3: It's one letter? Oh?

994
00:42:53,400 --> 00:42:56,360
Speaker 2: Parowski? Sorry, I've been saying, b it's a p.

995
00:42:57,880 --> 00:43:01,640
Speaker 1: Well, Hannah says, dear Chelsea, I need advice from someone

996
00:43:01,680 --> 00:43:03,799
Speaker 1: wiser than me. The past year and a half has

997
00:43:03,800 --> 00:43:06,560
Speaker 1: been filled with change and heartbreak, leaving me feeling lonely

998
00:43:06,600 --> 00:43:09,759
Speaker 1: and lost. Growing up, I never had close friends. I

999
00:43:09,800 --> 00:43:12,200
Speaker 1: floated from group to group, but never felt truly like

1000
00:43:12,239 --> 00:43:15,840
Speaker 1: I belonged. As a shy, introverted person, this wasn't surprising.

1001
00:43:16,520 --> 00:43:19,240
Speaker 1: After college, I moved to Utah to be a ski bum,

1002
00:43:19,239 --> 00:43:21,520
Speaker 1: and for the first time, I found like minded people

1003
00:43:22,000 --> 00:43:24,200
Speaker 1: I belonged. I came out of my shell, built a

1004
00:43:24,280 --> 00:43:27,279
Speaker 1: social life, and formed friendships where I felt supported. I

1005
00:43:27,320 --> 00:43:31,239
Speaker 1: had community. Over time, we all grew up to some degree.

1006
00:43:31,400 --> 00:43:33,680
Speaker 1: I became a lawyer, bought a house here, and found

1007
00:43:33,680 --> 00:43:36,319
Speaker 1: ways to keep skiing into girls in my life. My

1008
00:43:36,360 --> 00:43:39,279
Speaker 1: friends evolved too, and through the changes I believed we'd

1009
00:43:39,280 --> 00:43:43,360
Speaker 1: remain close forever. But life had other plans. Friends got married,

1010
00:43:43,440 --> 00:43:47,000
Speaker 1: moved away, had children, or found new priorities. The tight

1011
00:43:47,040 --> 00:43:50,160
Speaker 1: knit group I cherished slowly dissolved, and I find myself

1012
00:43:50,200 --> 00:43:53,319
Speaker 1: floating again. The most recent gut punch came from a

1013
00:43:53,360 --> 00:43:56,800
Speaker 1: friend I've always considered family. She's planning a small bachelotte

1014
00:43:56,840 --> 00:44:00,640
Speaker 1: party for her close friends, and I'm not invited. She said,

1015
00:44:00,640 --> 00:44:03,160
Speaker 1: We're at different life stages. She and her fiance spend

1016
00:44:03,160 --> 00:44:06,240
Speaker 1: time with other couples while I'm single. That's stung deeply.

1017
00:44:07,080 --> 00:44:09,600
Speaker 1: Early this year, another friend ended our relationship with a

1018
00:44:09,640 --> 00:44:11,960
Speaker 1: hurtful tirade. She said she didn't see a place for

1019
00:44:12,040 --> 00:44:14,680
Speaker 1: me in her life because I don't want kids. It's

1020
00:44:14,680 --> 00:44:16,040
Speaker 1: not that I haven't made new friends.

1021
00:44:16,160 --> 00:44:16,440
Speaker 3: I have.

1022
00:44:16,719 --> 00:44:18,879
Speaker 1: I've connected with an amazing group of women who share

1023
00:44:18,920 --> 00:44:21,520
Speaker 1: my love for skiing and ice climbing. Yet I still

1024
00:44:21,600 --> 00:44:24,080
Speaker 1: grieve the friendships I thought would last a lifetime, the

1025
00:44:24,080 --> 00:44:26,520
Speaker 1: ones that felt like family. I feel like I've been

1026
00:44:26,520 --> 00:44:29,480
Speaker 1: in a painful, unrelenting cycle of relationship loss since my

1027
00:44:29,520 --> 00:44:31,320
Speaker 1: ex and I broke up in the spring of twenty

1028
00:44:31,360 --> 00:44:33,799
Speaker 1: twenty three. So how do you mourn the pain of

1029
00:44:33,840 --> 00:44:36,600
Speaker 1: losing friendships and how do you build meaningful friendships as

1030
00:44:36,640 --> 00:44:42,120
Speaker 1: an adult, especially in the second half of your thirties. Hannah, Hi, Hi.

1031
00:44:42,040 --> 00:44:46,359
Speaker 2: Hi, This is Anthony Parowski with a piece.

1032
00:44:46,440 --> 00:44:46,560
Speaker 4: Hi.

1033
00:44:46,680 --> 00:44:47,239
Speaker 5: Nice to meet you.

1034
00:44:47,800 --> 00:44:49,960
Speaker 3: Nice to meet you. Wait, Can I ask how long

1035
00:44:49,960 --> 00:44:51,680
Speaker 3: were you and your ex together when you broke up

1036
00:44:51,719 --> 00:44:53,160
Speaker 3: in twenty twenty three?

1037
00:44:53,920 --> 00:44:54,440
Speaker 5: Three years.

1038
00:44:54,800 --> 00:44:57,960
Speaker 3: Three years, Okay. My therapist says it can take like

1039
00:44:58,200 --> 00:45:01,680
Speaker 3: half the amount of time of the relationship to get

1040
00:45:01,680 --> 00:45:03,279
Speaker 3: to a place where you kind of like feel like

1041
00:45:03,280 --> 00:45:06,000
Speaker 3: you're a normal ish human being again. So I don't

1042
00:45:06,040 --> 00:45:07,520
Speaker 3: know if like you're dealing with that or if that's

1043
00:45:07,520 --> 00:45:10,960
Speaker 3: something that's helpful to be gentle with yourself with healing,

1044
00:45:10,960 --> 00:45:14,719
Speaker 3: because it's not linear. It's super freaking messy, and you

1045
00:45:14,760 --> 00:45:16,680
Speaker 3: can be feeling amazing one day and then kind of

1046
00:45:16,680 --> 00:45:17,400
Speaker 3: go down the next.

1047
00:45:17,480 --> 00:45:21,080
Speaker 2: But Elsie thoughts, well, I was going to say, I

1048
00:45:21,080 --> 00:45:23,000
Speaker 2: write about this in my new book, I'll Have What

1049
00:45:23,040 --> 00:45:25,160
Speaker 2: She's Having, which just came out. I write about this

1050
00:45:25,440 --> 00:45:28,200
Speaker 2: very thing about losing friendships that we've had for a

1051
00:45:28,239 --> 00:45:32,920
Speaker 2: really long time, and the understanding that comes from a

1052
00:45:32,920 --> 00:45:35,640
Speaker 2: lot of inner work and a lot of therapy that

1053
00:45:36,040 --> 00:45:39,239
Speaker 2: not everybody is your friend forever, and some people are

1054
00:45:39,280 --> 00:45:43,200
Speaker 2: supporting characters in your story, and sometimes we're a supporting

1055
00:45:43,280 --> 00:45:47,600
Speaker 2: character in another story. The endings of friendships, while painful

1056
00:45:47,680 --> 00:45:50,759
Speaker 2: and hurtful, are not meant for your grief. They're meant

1057
00:45:50,800 --> 00:45:54,160
Speaker 2: to understand that that door has closed and now there's

1058
00:45:54,160 --> 00:45:57,480
Speaker 2: an opening for a deeper, more profound friendship than the

1059
00:45:57,480 --> 00:46:00,840
Speaker 2: ones you had before. My circle of friends now that

1060
00:46:00,920 --> 00:46:04,239
Speaker 2: I'm about to be well, I'm fifty. When this comes out,

1061
00:46:04,280 --> 00:46:07,440
Speaker 2: I'll have turned fifty. My circle of friends and the

1062
00:46:07,480 --> 00:46:12,280
Speaker 2: support group I have now is more loyal, loving, supportive

1063
00:46:12,320 --> 00:46:15,360
Speaker 2: than anything. It makes me understand that I'm a good person.

1064
00:46:15,600 --> 00:46:17,840
Speaker 2: The people I have around me now makes me believe

1065
00:46:18,160 --> 00:46:20,799
Speaker 2: I deserved this and I earned this. Whereas when I

1066
00:46:20,840 --> 00:46:23,880
Speaker 2: was younger, in my forties or in my thirties, I

1067
00:46:23,920 --> 00:46:25,400
Speaker 2: had a lot of people around me who did not

1068
00:46:25,440 --> 00:46:27,560
Speaker 2: have my best interests, who did not have my support.

1069
00:46:27,800 --> 00:46:32,439
Speaker 2: While I treasured our friendships with tho these people, they

1070
00:46:32,440 --> 00:46:36,279
Speaker 2: were not good for me, and they outlasted their expiration

1071
00:46:36,440 --> 00:46:39,960
Speaker 2: date the same way many relationships can. So our job

1072
00:46:40,000 --> 00:46:42,319
Speaker 2: isn't too more and the loss of friendships. It's to

1073
00:46:42,440 --> 00:46:44,759
Speaker 2: understand that that part of our life is gone and

1074
00:46:44,800 --> 00:46:48,239
Speaker 2: to welcome the new. And there will be new friendships,

1075
00:46:48,680 --> 00:46:52,319
Speaker 2: and you know now how meaningful friendships can be. So

1076
00:46:52,360 --> 00:46:55,080
Speaker 2: you're going to be already operating in a different way

1077
00:46:55,320 --> 00:46:56,320
Speaker 2: within a new friendship.

1078
00:46:56,800 --> 00:46:59,160
Speaker 5: So do you feel like the friendships that you've made

1079
00:46:59,680 --> 00:47:01,760
Speaker 5: like that are in your close circle of friends?

1080
00:47:01,800 --> 00:47:01,960
Speaker 2: Now?

1081
00:47:02,160 --> 00:47:04,960
Speaker 5: Are they people you've met in the last like ten years.

1082
00:47:05,000 --> 00:47:06,120
Speaker 5: Are there any people who.

1083
00:47:06,600 --> 00:47:08,840
Speaker 2: Yeah, tons, tons of them I've just met in the

1084
00:47:08,880 --> 00:47:12,880
Speaker 2: last ten years. I have maybe three four, well, probably

1085
00:47:12,920 --> 00:47:15,200
Speaker 2: more people that have been in my life for ten

1086
00:47:15,200 --> 00:47:18,640
Speaker 2: plus years that are not family, you know, people that

1087
00:47:18,719 --> 00:47:22,360
Speaker 2: I've known. I mean it's longer than that. The older

1088
00:47:22,360 --> 00:47:24,440
Speaker 2: I get, the longer that list is. But you know,

1089
00:47:25,160 --> 00:47:28,240
Speaker 2: plenty of them are new people. Like I'm always making

1090
00:47:28,280 --> 00:47:30,760
Speaker 2: new friends, I'm always meeting new people, and I'm always

1091
00:47:30,800 --> 00:47:36,000
Speaker 2: learning things and understanding like, oh, friendships can be even

1092
00:47:36,120 --> 00:47:38,120
Speaker 2: richer than I had thought when I was younger.

1093
00:47:38,719 --> 00:47:42,440
Speaker 3: I one hundred percent agree with that. I think sort

1094
00:47:42,440 --> 00:47:45,520
Speaker 3: of like leaning into the impermanents of things, whether it's

1095
00:47:45,560 --> 00:47:49,359
Speaker 3: like a relationship or friendships. It doesn't make sense at

1096
00:47:49,360 --> 00:47:51,399
Speaker 3: the time, but I feel like when I look back

1097
00:47:51,440 --> 00:47:53,919
Speaker 3: at really close friends that I've lost that I thought

1098
00:47:53,920 --> 00:47:56,319
Speaker 3: were going to be in my life forever, I'm sort

1099
00:47:56,320 --> 00:47:59,080
Speaker 3: of like whether there was resentment, or I did the

1100
00:47:59,120 --> 00:48:01,279
Speaker 3: cutoff or they did, or we just organically kind of

1101
00:48:01,320 --> 00:48:03,279
Speaker 3: like grew apart a lot of them. Also, I can

1102
00:48:03,320 --> 00:48:06,440
Speaker 3: definitely relate to, like the habit in kids part. It

1103
00:48:06,560 --> 00:48:08,640
Speaker 3: all kind of like makes sense when you look back,

1104
00:48:08,680 --> 00:48:10,200
Speaker 3: which is kind of like the weird thing and the

1105
00:48:10,239 --> 00:48:13,279
Speaker 3: annoying thing about life is that like, once enough time

1106
00:48:13,320 --> 00:48:15,319
Speaker 3: has passed and you've been able to like process the

1107
00:48:15,360 --> 00:48:19,160
Speaker 3: feelings and deal with all of the different stages of brief,

1108
00:48:19,360 --> 00:48:22,520
Speaker 3: the denial, anger, brief and depression, acceptance, like all of

1109
00:48:22,560 --> 00:48:25,200
Speaker 3: that messy stuff, you look back and you're sort of like, oh,

1110
00:48:25,280 --> 00:48:27,720
Speaker 3: like that kind of made sense. And I will point

1111
00:48:27,960 --> 00:48:29,840
Speaker 3: to I had this argument with a friend about she

1112
00:48:29,920 --> 00:48:31,640
Speaker 3: was saying, how like, oh, it's so much harder to

1113
00:48:31,680 --> 00:48:33,759
Speaker 3: make friends when you're like in your thirties and your

1114
00:48:33,760 --> 00:48:37,000
Speaker 3: forties than when you're younger. It's not that it's harder.

1115
00:48:37,080 --> 00:48:40,040
Speaker 3: I think that it can become more challenging if you're

1116
00:48:40,080 --> 00:48:42,680
Speaker 3: working on yourself, because your antennas are up for what

1117
00:48:42,719 --> 00:48:45,080
Speaker 3: you're going to tolerate and what you're not going to tolerate.

1118
00:48:45,480 --> 00:48:47,799
Speaker 3: But some of my most close I refer to it

1119
00:48:47,800 --> 00:48:50,279
Speaker 3: as my board of directors. It's like the people that

1120
00:48:50,360 --> 00:48:52,160
Speaker 3: I go to when I really need advice, where I

1121
00:48:52,200 --> 00:48:53,839
Speaker 3: need to be like right size, who I like really

1122
00:48:53,880 --> 00:48:56,240
Speaker 3: trust they're going to tell me the truth. I wouldn't

1123
00:48:56,280 --> 00:48:58,439
Speaker 3: be scared of like not meeting those people at where

1124
00:48:58,440 --> 00:49:01,279
Speaker 3: you're at in life. Right now because like my one

1125
00:49:01,320 --> 00:49:04,640
Speaker 3: of my closest friends, Leah, we were like actual acquaintances

1126
00:49:04,640 --> 00:49:06,799
Speaker 3: and in the past year and a half we have

1127
00:49:06,880 --> 00:49:10,600
Speaker 3: become inseparable. Part of it was trauma bonding, but like

1128
00:49:10,640 --> 00:49:12,400
Speaker 3: we've gotten really close. So I think just like be

1129
00:49:12,480 --> 00:49:15,160
Speaker 3: open to the possibility of like that. It's never it's

1130
00:49:15,200 --> 00:49:17,960
Speaker 3: just dynamic and there's impermanence and things end and it's

1131
00:49:18,040 --> 00:49:21,520
Speaker 3: like there's it's way, it's that whole like that dumb

1132
00:49:21,600 --> 00:49:23,120
Speaker 3: line about well, it's not that dumb, because I think

1133
00:49:23,120 --> 00:49:24,719
Speaker 3: it makes sense. It's like people are in your life

1134
00:49:24,719 --> 00:49:26,719
Speaker 3: for like a reason, a season or a lifetime or

1135
00:49:26,719 --> 00:49:29,200
Speaker 3: whatever it is. I do really believe.

1136
00:49:28,960 --> 00:49:31,440
Speaker 2: That does any of this help you?

1137
00:49:31,640 --> 00:49:33,959
Speaker 5: Yeah, and all of this is helpful. Hearing it back

1138
00:49:34,040 --> 00:49:34,560
Speaker 5: is helpful.

1139
00:49:35,120 --> 00:49:38,520
Speaker 2: Yeah. Don't spend time thinking about the past and relationships

1140
00:49:38,520 --> 00:49:41,560
Speaker 2: that are not no longer there. There's no there's it's

1141
00:49:41,640 --> 00:49:45,120
Speaker 2: just kind of a wasted regret and it's an old habit.

1142
00:49:45,400 --> 00:49:48,440
Speaker 2: Just focus on the now and the possibilities of the

1143
00:49:48,480 --> 00:49:51,640
Speaker 2: future and being grateful for everyone in your life that

1144
00:49:51,680 --> 00:49:54,279
Speaker 2: you do like and all the new people. Just show

1145
00:49:54,320 --> 00:49:56,560
Speaker 2: a lot of gratitude and it'll keep showing up for you.

1146
00:49:56,920 --> 00:49:59,520
Speaker 5: The newer friends that made are great and it's been

1147
00:49:59,560 --> 00:50:01,359
Speaker 5: really fun to have them. So I felt a little

1148
00:50:01,400 --> 00:50:05,279
Speaker 5: awkward being upset about this, but it's like a big

1149
00:50:05,400 --> 00:50:06,759
Speaker 5: change for me to go through.

1150
00:50:07,600 --> 00:50:09,560
Speaker 3: And I think that's a bit You seem like a vulnerable,

1151
00:50:09,880 --> 00:50:12,479
Speaker 3: sensitive human being, which are really beautiful things, and maybe

1152
00:50:12,480 --> 00:50:14,279
Speaker 3: the way you're feeling that way is because you care,

1153
00:50:14,320 --> 00:50:16,560
Speaker 3: because you give a shit about them, and like, yeah,

1154
00:50:16,560 --> 00:50:18,520
Speaker 3: it sucks when people leave our lives and it's like

1155
00:50:18,520 --> 00:50:22,160
Speaker 3: they were there for a really important, important chapter and

1156
00:50:22,160 --> 00:50:24,319
Speaker 3: we learn so much of them. But I think being

1157
00:50:24,719 --> 00:50:27,520
Speaker 3: like knowing the difference between what I can change in

1158
00:50:27,560 --> 00:50:29,239
Speaker 3: my life and I'm not good at this, so I

1159
00:50:29,239 --> 00:50:31,440
Speaker 3: have to remind myself all the time the things that

1160
00:50:31,480 --> 00:50:34,239
Speaker 3: I can't control versus the things that I can. I

1161
00:50:34,320 --> 00:50:37,600
Speaker 3: constantly have to be checking myself and being like, why

1162
00:50:37,600 --> 00:50:39,560
Speaker 3: am I focusing all my energy on this thing that

1163
00:50:39,600 --> 00:50:41,800
Speaker 3: I have no control over? That's like in the past,

1164
00:50:42,719 --> 00:50:44,920
Speaker 3: as opposed to like I can focus to Chelsea's point

1165
00:50:44,960 --> 00:50:47,560
Speaker 3: about gratitude or or like spend time on the wonderful

1166
00:50:47,560 --> 00:50:49,439
Speaker 3: people who are in your life, you know what I mean.

1167
00:50:49,560 --> 00:50:52,640
Speaker 3: Like I've had that situation with family cutoffs where people

1168
00:50:52,680 --> 00:50:55,960
Speaker 3: completely cut each other off. We've been each other our

1169
00:50:56,120 --> 00:50:58,279
Speaker 3: entire lives because we just don't know how to talk

1170
00:50:58,320 --> 00:50:59,960
Speaker 3: to each other. And at one point it's sort of like,

1171
00:51:00,000 --> 00:51:01,160
Speaker 3: you're not going to give me the fucking time of

1172
00:51:01,160 --> 00:51:03,360
Speaker 3: to day. I'm sorry, I'm going to focus on someone

1173
00:51:03,360 --> 00:51:05,239
Speaker 3: who is I can put my all, my attention to

1174
00:51:05,280 --> 00:51:07,279
Speaker 3: my love towards them, because you clearly have so much

1175
00:51:07,320 --> 00:51:09,680
Speaker 3: to give. All right, I know that sounded really queer,

1176
00:51:09,719 --> 00:51:11,080
Speaker 3: I but I mean that. I don't know. You just

1177
00:51:11,080 --> 00:51:12,239
Speaker 3: seem like a really sweet girl.

1178
00:51:13,640 --> 00:51:16,640
Speaker 5: The friend who didn't invite me to the bachelorette party,

1179
00:51:16,680 --> 00:51:18,879
Speaker 5: she texted me last week and asked if I would

1180
00:51:18,920 --> 00:51:20,560
Speaker 5: still do the flowers for her wedding.

1181
00:51:21,680 --> 00:51:24,319
Speaker 3: So do I do it?

1182
00:51:26,360 --> 00:51:27,800
Speaker 2: I'll apply that part again.

1183
00:51:28,520 --> 00:51:30,799
Speaker 5: Friend who told me I'm not a close friend and

1184
00:51:30,800 --> 00:51:33,759
Speaker 5: not invited to her bachelorette texted me to ask if

1185
00:51:33,760 --> 00:51:35,800
Speaker 5: I would still do the flowers for her wedding.

1186
00:51:36,400 --> 00:51:39,520
Speaker 3: And they're like a beautiful venus fly trap, Like, as.

1187
00:51:39,440 --> 00:51:42,080
Speaker 1: You're going to hire you to do her flowers because

1188
00:51:42,120 --> 00:51:43,640
Speaker 1: that's a very expensive proposition.

1189
00:51:44,040 --> 00:51:47,360
Speaker 5: No, it was something I had offered to do way back.

1190
00:51:48,560 --> 00:51:51,640
Speaker 2: Just say, when I got disinvited from you know whatever

1191
00:51:51,680 --> 00:51:54,160
Speaker 2: the bachelorette weekend. I just assumed that you didn't want

1192
00:51:54,160 --> 00:51:56,880
Speaker 2: me to make the flowers, so I haven't planned on

1193
00:51:56,960 --> 00:51:59,839
Speaker 2: doing that, right, Why would you do that for her?

1194
00:52:00,080 --> 00:52:01,440
Speaker 1: Are you going to the wedding as well?

1195
00:52:01,960 --> 00:52:02,680
Speaker 5: I'm invited?

1196
00:52:03,560 --> 00:52:05,600
Speaker 2: Yeah? Are you? Do you want to go?

1197
00:52:06,520 --> 00:52:09,040
Speaker 5: I feel like it might be more awkward if I don't.

1198
00:52:09,800 --> 00:52:10,239
Speaker 5: I don't know.

1199
00:52:11,160 --> 00:52:14,040
Speaker 3: Trust your gut though, Sit in senative for a moment, like,

1200
00:52:14,120 --> 00:52:17,279
Speaker 3: wait until the RSVP is due, and like think about it,

1201
00:52:17,320 --> 00:52:20,279
Speaker 3: cause it's like you've got to take care of yourself too,

1202
00:52:20,280 --> 00:52:22,120
Speaker 3: and if, like, if she made you feel that way,

1203
00:52:22,280 --> 00:52:22,960
Speaker 3: I don't like that.

1204
00:52:23,719 --> 00:52:24,960
Speaker 2: No, that's nasty.

1205
00:52:25,120 --> 00:52:27,719
Speaker 3: It sounds like the friendship is on her terms. I

1206
00:52:27,719 --> 00:52:29,319
Speaker 3: don't want you in this, but like I want you

1207
00:52:29,360 --> 00:52:30,799
Speaker 3: to do that, Like I don't like that. I don't

1208
00:52:30,840 --> 00:52:32,160
Speaker 3: like to exist in space like that.

1209
00:52:32,440 --> 00:52:35,120
Speaker 2: Yeah, And I don't like that you being taken advantage

1210
00:52:35,120 --> 00:52:37,160
Speaker 2: of in that way, Like, say you were to show

1211
00:52:37,200 --> 00:52:39,239
Speaker 2: up with those flowers. What does that say about you

1212
00:52:39,360 --> 00:52:41,880
Speaker 2: that you don't someone who's close any dignity.

1213
00:52:41,960 --> 00:52:44,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, someone who's close enough to do flowers for your

1214
00:52:44,200 --> 00:52:46,720
Speaker 1: wedding at no cost is someone who should be invited

1215
00:52:46,719 --> 00:52:48,920
Speaker 1: to be close friends quote unquote bachelorette party.

1216
00:52:49,200 --> 00:52:52,200
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, maybe write that and just say so, I

1217
00:52:52,200 --> 00:52:55,360
Speaker 2: am assuming you don't expect that since I'm not invited

1218
00:52:55,360 --> 00:52:57,080
Speaker 2: to the thing, I'm assuming you don't want me to.

1219
00:52:57,440 --> 00:52:59,960
Speaker 1: Right what you said before about like so I wasn't

1220
00:53:00,080 --> 00:53:02,840
Speaker 1: planning on I love that language. I think that's great language.

1221
00:53:03,000 --> 00:53:05,319
Speaker 3: Also, playing the tape forward, I can imagine you would

1222
00:53:05,360 --> 00:53:07,520
Speaker 3: enjoy the process with all of the weight around this

1223
00:53:07,640 --> 00:53:09,960
Speaker 3: of planning flowers for her. That feels like a personal

1224
00:53:09,960 --> 00:53:10,640
Speaker 3: intimate thing.

1225
00:53:11,120 --> 00:53:13,040
Speaker 2: It's almost like you have no backbone if you do that.

1226
00:53:13,160 --> 00:53:15,399
Speaker 2: And it's not about ego. It's just about like you're

1227
00:53:15,440 --> 00:53:19,239
Speaker 2: treating me like shit and I'm taking it like in

1228
00:53:19,320 --> 00:53:24,400
Speaker 2: the mouth. No, thank you. And also that's like, please

1229
00:53:24,680 --> 00:53:26,840
Speaker 2: have some sort of positive affirmation that you do in

1230
00:53:26,840 --> 00:53:29,520
Speaker 2: the morning, like reminding yourself that you're a powerful woman

1231
00:53:30,200 --> 00:53:31,920
Speaker 2: and you don't have and you have the ability to

1232
00:53:31,960 --> 00:53:34,680
Speaker 2: not allow people to push you around, and that you're

1233
00:53:34,840 --> 00:53:38,920
Speaker 2: valuable and your friendship is valuable. Keep saying that to yourself.

1234
00:53:39,640 --> 00:53:42,920
Speaker 5: Thank you, I appreciate it, Thanks Hannah, thank you.

1235
00:53:43,000 --> 00:53:45,440
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, and start believing it too, please, thank you.

1236
00:53:46,080 --> 00:53:50,760
Speaker 2: Class is dismissed. Thank you guys. First of all, Anthony,

1237
00:53:50,800 --> 00:53:53,120
Speaker 2: what a fun fun You're my favorite queer eye so

1238
00:53:53,160 --> 00:53:57,880
Speaker 2: far out of the two far definitely better. Yeah, you're definitely.

1239
00:53:57,920 --> 00:53:59,719
Speaker 2: I'm your my favorite over Bobby Burke. And I'll tell

1240
00:53:59,719 --> 00:54:02,719
Speaker 2: them too his face when I see him. Are you

1241
00:54:02,760 --> 00:54:03,279
Speaker 2: in New York?

1242
00:54:04,120 --> 00:54:06,640
Speaker 3: New York is home, but I'm currently in LA this week?

1243
00:54:07,040 --> 00:54:10,680
Speaker 1: Oh okay, and Anthony, where can people find no taste

1244
00:54:10,760 --> 00:54:11,160
Speaker 1: like home?

1245
00:54:12,080 --> 00:54:15,040
Speaker 3: So glad you asked. It's gonna be unlinear on Natio

1246
00:54:15,239 --> 00:54:18,360
Speaker 3: on February twenty third, and then Disney Plus and Hulu

1247
00:54:18,440 --> 00:54:22,200
Speaker 3: on the twenty four. Oh Disney please, Daddy, Daddy Disney.

1248
00:54:22,680 --> 00:54:28,160
Speaker 1: Daddy Disney owns everything. Now, all right, thank you so much, Anthony.

1249
00:54:28,080 --> 00:54:32,919
Speaker 3: Chelsea enjoy all the skiing and fucking hot coco and

1250
00:54:33,000 --> 00:54:35,960
Speaker 3: the powder. I was just an Aspen for Gay Ski Week,

1251
00:54:35,960 --> 00:54:37,840
Speaker 3: which is so unlike me. But I'm like trying to

1252
00:54:37,840 --> 00:54:39,719
Speaker 3: make more game friends. Yeah, since I was four years old.

1253
00:54:39,960 --> 00:54:44,879
Speaker 3: Oh fun, I'm sick for it. It's there's nothing, there's

1254
00:54:44,920 --> 00:54:46,320
Speaker 3: nothing more freeing than skiing.

1255
00:54:46,480 --> 00:54:48,800
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, I love skiing.

1256
00:54:49,120 --> 00:54:49,960
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's amazing.

1257
00:54:50,120 --> 00:54:56,239
Speaker 2: You appreciate that. Do do do do do do drum roll, Catherine,

1258
00:54:56,280 --> 00:55:01,640
Speaker 2: please Chelsea. Handler Abroad. Abroad is my European tour, which

1259
00:55:01,680 --> 00:55:06,040
Speaker 2: I just announced. Tickets go on sale tomorrow or today

1260
00:55:06,360 --> 00:55:10,080
Speaker 2: or there's a pre sale code Chelsea. So I'm coming

1261
00:55:10,080 --> 00:55:14,560
Speaker 2: to obviously find a husband abroad. I need to get

1262
00:55:14,600 --> 00:55:17,719
Speaker 2: the health out of this fucking country and it's not

1263
00:55:17,840 --> 00:55:20,920
Speaker 2: as easy as you think. So I'm coming to Rekuvik.

1264
00:55:21,000 --> 00:55:24,920
Speaker 2: I'm coming to Dublin. I'm coming to the UK. I'm

1265
00:55:24,920 --> 00:55:29,399
Speaker 2: coming to Brussels, Paris, Belfast in May and June. I'm

1266
00:55:29,400 --> 00:55:36,920
Speaker 2: coming to Oslo, Stockholm, to Copenhagen, Manchester, London, Glasgow, New Zurich, Vienna.

1267
00:55:37,120 --> 00:55:41,480
Speaker 2: I've never ever been to Vienna, Berlin, Barcelona and Lisbon.

1268
00:55:42,400 --> 00:55:45,520
Speaker 2: I'm coming abroad is abroad.

1269
00:55:45,360 --> 00:55:47,240
Speaker 1: That sounds like fun. I'm going to go see you abroad.

1270
00:55:47,600 --> 00:55:48,120
Speaker 4: I r O.

1271
00:55:48,320 --> 00:55:50,680
Speaker 2: I want to go see me abroad and there all

1272
00:55:50,719 --> 00:55:55,839
Speaker 2: be there, All be okay. All Upcoming Vegas dates March

1273
00:55:55,880 --> 00:55:59,880
Speaker 2: twenty first, April eighteenth, July fifth, August thirtieth, November one

1274
00:56:00,280 --> 00:56:04,120
Speaker 2: and twenty nine at the Cosmopolitan of Las Vegas. My

1275
00:56:04,160 --> 00:56:06,680
Speaker 2: book tour. I'll have what she's having means I am

1276
00:56:06,760 --> 00:56:13,080
Speaker 2: doing book events. February twenty sixth Brookline Booksmith February twenty seven, Cincinnati, Ohio,

1277
00:56:13,360 --> 00:56:16,879
Speaker 2: February twenty eighth at the h Foundation in Chicago, and

1278
00:56:17,200 --> 00:56:19,879
Speaker 2: Barnes and Noble at The Grove in Los Angeles on

1279
00:56:20,040 --> 00:56:24,120
Speaker 2: March first, and then Seattle, Washington on March third, Elliott

1280
00:56:24,160 --> 00:56:26,040
Speaker 2: Bay and I'll see you guys all there.

1281
00:56:26,760 --> 00:56:29,160
Speaker 1: If you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email

1282
00:56:29,200 --> 00:56:32,040
Speaker 1: at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com and be

1283
00:56:32,040 --> 00:56:35,120
Speaker 1: sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited

1284
00:56:35,120 --> 00:56:38,759
Speaker 1: and engineered by Brad Dickert executive producer Catherine Law and

1285
00:56:38,840 --> 00:56:41,200
Speaker 1: be sure to check out our March at Chelseahandler dot

1286
00:56:41,280 --> 00:56:44,960
Speaker 1: com