1 00:00:04,400 --> 00:00:09,240 Speaker 1: Hello everybody, and welcome back to the Psychology of Your Twenties, 2 00:00:09,880 --> 00:00:12,240 Speaker 1: the podcast where we talk through some of the big 3 00:00:12,480 --> 00:00:16,840 Speaker 1: life changes and transitions of our twenties and what they 4 00:00:16,920 --> 00:00:22,240 Speaker 1: mean for our psychology. 5 00:00:23,000 --> 00:00:26,799 Speaker 2: Hello everybody, welcome back to the show. Welcome back to 6 00:00:26,840 --> 00:00:30,560 Speaker 2: the podcast, and new listeners, old listeners, wherever you are 7 00:00:30,560 --> 00:00:32,600 Speaker 2: in the world, it is so great to have you here. 8 00:00:33,040 --> 00:00:35,960 Speaker 2: Back for another episode as we, of course break down 9 00:00:35,960 --> 00:00:39,720 Speaker 2: the psychology of our twenties. Today, we are going to 10 00:00:39,800 --> 00:00:43,800 Speaker 2: talk about a relationship that is honestly like no other. 11 00:00:44,720 --> 00:00:47,919 Speaker 2: It is unrivaled. It is a special kind of special 12 00:00:48,280 --> 00:00:51,320 Speaker 2: and that is the one that we have with our pets, 13 00:00:51,880 --> 00:00:55,040 Speaker 2: especially but not just, but especially in our twenties when 14 00:00:55,600 --> 00:00:59,680 Speaker 2: they could honestly be a lifeline. You know, I've always 15 00:01:00,280 --> 00:01:02,960 Speaker 2: loved animals. I've had such a soft spot for them. 16 00:01:03,000 --> 00:01:05,760 Speaker 2: I'm an animal goal. I had pets growing up. I 17 00:01:05,760 --> 00:01:09,000 Speaker 2: had an obese white rabbit for a long time. My 18 00:01:09,120 --> 00:01:14,120 Speaker 2: childhood dog, yo Yo, is somehow still alive at sixteen 19 00:01:14,160 --> 00:01:17,360 Speaker 2: years old, God bless. I've always pet sit It. I've 20 00:01:17,360 --> 00:01:20,080 Speaker 2: always been around animals, But earlier this year, as some 21 00:01:20,160 --> 00:01:23,800 Speaker 2: of you may know, I adopted my dog Talu and 22 00:01:23,880 --> 00:01:26,800 Speaker 2: it feels like a whole new side of life has 23 00:01:26,840 --> 00:01:29,360 Speaker 2: opened up for me. And it is really what made 24 00:01:29,360 --> 00:01:33,119 Speaker 2: me want to do this episode today. It's gonna sound wild. 25 00:01:33,720 --> 00:01:36,880 Speaker 2: I truly did not realize how much I could love 26 00:01:37,200 --> 00:01:41,360 Speaker 2: another living creature. I did not realize how much they 27 00:01:41,400 --> 00:01:45,480 Speaker 2: could change how I saw the world. Like the way 28 00:01:45,520 --> 00:01:49,760 Speaker 2: I talk about her, I honestly sometimes feel like people 29 00:01:49,760 --> 00:01:52,200 Speaker 2: think I have joined a new religion. It is genuinely 30 00:01:52,280 --> 00:01:55,880 Speaker 2: like an unparalleled joy to walk through the door every 31 00:01:55,920 --> 00:01:58,279 Speaker 2: day and like she is there and she is happy 32 00:01:58,280 --> 00:02:01,120 Speaker 2: to see me the same way it is, I'm sure 33 00:02:01,120 --> 00:02:02,880 Speaker 2: a joy for people that come home and their cat 34 00:02:03,000 --> 00:02:06,600 Speaker 2: is their or their lizard or their bird. For so 35 00:02:06,720 --> 00:02:09,880 Speaker 2: many of us, a pet is it's more than an animal, 36 00:02:10,200 --> 00:02:11,959 Speaker 2: And that's something you don't think you've understand till you 37 00:02:12,000 --> 00:02:14,440 Speaker 2: have one of your own. They are a family member, 38 00:02:14,480 --> 00:02:16,440 Speaker 2: They are a best friend. They can pull us out 39 00:02:16,440 --> 00:02:19,919 Speaker 2: of really hard times. They are a constant And I 40 00:02:20,000 --> 00:02:22,480 Speaker 2: know I could not imagine my life without her. But 41 00:02:22,760 --> 00:02:25,120 Speaker 2: after I got Tarloo, I really started to wonder, like, 42 00:02:25,400 --> 00:02:27,799 Speaker 2: why are they as special as they are? Like how 43 00:02:27,840 --> 00:02:31,440 Speaker 2: come I didn't feel this before? What makes her presence 44 00:02:31,440 --> 00:02:34,360 Speaker 2: make me feel so much joy. Why is this bond 45 00:02:34,520 --> 00:02:39,400 Speaker 2: so incredibly psychologically transformative? Basically, what is this human connection 46 00:02:39,919 --> 00:02:43,480 Speaker 2: and animal connection we have with these creatures that just 47 00:02:43,560 --> 00:02:46,320 Speaker 2: kind of live in our house. Well, today we're going 48 00:02:46,400 --> 00:02:50,440 Speaker 2: to get into that exact science, the science behind this 49 00:02:50,600 --> 00:02:54,440 Speaker 2: unique bond, from the hormones to the neurotransmitters in our brain, 50 00:02:54,880 --> 00:02:58,360 Speaker 2: to the psychological needs they fulfill, to how they change 51 00:02:58,440 --> 00:03:02,040 Speaker 2: our lives and our brain chemistry. We're also going to 52 00:03:02,040 --> 00:03:05,800 Speaker 2: touch on, in my opinion, one of the most painful 53 00:03:06,240 --> 00:03:09,880 Speaker 2: and often misunderstood parts of pet ownership, which is the 54 00:03:09,919 --> 00:03:12,360 Speaker 2: grief of losing them, something that I don't really see 55 00:03:12,480 --> 00:03:14,320 Speaker 2: a lot of people talk about. We're going to talk 56 00:03:14,320 --> 00:03:19,280 Speaker 2: about disentranchised grief and how losing your childhood pet in 57 00:03:19,320 --> 00:03:23,280 Speaker 2: your twenties can create a bit of an existential crisis 58 00:03:23,560 --> 00:03:27,080 Speaker 2: and can be so uniquely heartbreaking. I want to apologize 59 00:03:27,080 --> 00:03:29,799 Speaker 2: in advance. I'm gonna be talking about my own dog 60 00:03:29,880 --> 00:03:32,840 Speaker 2: so much throughout this episode because she is one of 61 00:03:32,880 --> 00:03:36,400 Speaker 2: the loves of my life. So again, I am sorry, 62 00:03:36,720 --> 00:03:38,680 Speaker 2: but I'm also not really to be honest, she is 63 00:03:38,720 --> 00:03:41,800 Speaker 2: the best. Hopefully you can join me in my excitement 64 00:03:42,200 --> 00:03:45,400 Speaker 2: drop your pet's name down below, especially if it has 65 00:03:45,440 --> 00:03:48,200 Speaker 2: like a human name, I want to know it. I'm 66 00:03:48,240 --> 00:03:50,440 Speaker 2: really excited to further explore this with you guys. So 67 00:03:50,520 --> 00:03:59,440 Speaker 2: without further ado, let's get into how pets change our lives. 68 00:04:00,960 --> 00:04:02,560 Speaker 2: I told you guys there was gonna be a lot 69 00:04:02,600 --> 00:04:06,000 Speaker 2: of Tarlou content. I want to tell you the story 70 00:04:06,040 --> 00:04:10,000 Speaker 2: about how I got her, not because anyone asked, but 71 00:04:10,040 --> 00:04:12,040 Speaker 2: because I just want to talk about her, and I 72 00:04:12,080 --> 00:04:14,680 Speaker 2: feel like it's a nice introduction to how I have 73 00:04:14,760 --> 00:04:18,360 Speaker 2: seen a pet change my life in the last year, 74 00:04:18,800 --> 00:04:21,920 Speaker 2: so not even the last year, in the last six months. 75 00:04:22,360 --> 00:04:25,440 Speaker 2: So this is the story of how I got my 76 00:04:25,440 --> 00:04:29,760 Speaker 2: my love, my dog, my Talu. So I made an 77 00:04:29,760 --> 00:04:33,479 Speaker 2: episode almost a year ago now, which is wild about 78 00:04:33,520 --> 00:04:37,520 Speaker 2: a really hard mental health time I had when I 79 00:04:37,560 --> 00:04:40,440 Speaker 2: basically just had like I had a mental breakdown. I 80 00:04:40,440 --> 00:04:44,320 Speaker 2: had a huge crisis, and at the time, I was 81 00:04:44,360 --> 00:04:46,800 Speaker 2: like in this really low point and I was like, 82 00:04:46,800 --> 00:04:49,760 Speaker 2: I should really get a dog, Like I need something 83 00:04:49,760 --> 00:04:50,960 Speaker 2: that's going to pull me out of this. 84 00:04:51,279 --> 00:04:51,880 Speaker 1: I need. 85 00:04:52,400 --> 00:04:54,760 Speaker 2: I need, like this is the only thing I can imagine. 86 00:04:54,800 --> 00:04:57,839 Speaker 2: Like it's gonna sound really hard, but really wanting to 87 00:04:57,839 --> 00:05:00,080 Speaker 2: be here for like I should get a pet. I 88 00:05:00,120 --> 00:05:02,000 Speaker 2: think they'll do will do a lot for me and 89 00:05:02,240 --> 00:05:04,240 Speaker 2: really help me and like allow me to feel like 90 00:05:04,240 --> 00:05:07,200 Speaker 2: there's meaning in the world again. So I'd kind of 91 00:05:07,200 --> 00:05:09,360 Speaker 2: been arming and ring about it for a while before 92 00:05:09,400 --> 00:05:12,240 Speaker 2: this moment, and I went to the RSPCA, went to 93 00:05:12,279 --> 00:05:14,760 Speaker 2: the shelter, and I met a couple dogs, one dog 94 00:05:14,839 --> 00:05:18,080 Speaker 2: who I really really liked, called Wolfe. So if you 95 00:05:18,160 --> 00:05:21,920 Speaker 2: adopted a black German Shepherd from RSPCA last year whose 96 00:05:21,960 --> 00:05:24,520 Speaker 2: name was Wolfe, hit me up. I hope she's doing well. 97 00:05:25,520 --> 00:05:27,000 Speaker 2: And I kind of like fell in love with that dog. 98 00:05:27,040 --> 00:05:29,200 Speaker 2: And I was like, you know what, this is not 99 00:05:29,240 --> 00:05:32,120 Speaker 2: the right time. I'm a bit too young, I had 100 00:05:32,160 --> 00:05:35,920 Speaker 2: a lot of travel coming up, I was living in 101 00:05:35,960 --> 00:05:38,440 Speaker 2: like a house that was not appropriate for a dog, 102 00:05:38,480 --> 00:05:40,839 Speaker 2: and I was like, this is kind of selfish. I'm 103 00:05:40,880 --> 00:05:44,120 Speaker 2: just gonna wait and see how I feel in six 104 00:05:44,160 --> 00:05:48,560 Speaker 2: months and we'll reassess. Six month mark came around and 105 00:05:48,600 --> 00:05:51,400 Speaker 2: I was like, you know what, I'm still feeling this. 106 00:05:51,560 --> 00:05:53,240 Speaker 2: I feel like I'm more prepared. I'm in a more 107 00:05:53,640 --> 00:05:57,240 Speaker 2: stable place to perhaps have a pet, but I'm gonna 108 00:05:57,279 --> 00:06:00,320 Speaker 2: foster first, Like I'm gonna foster an animal, I'm gonna 109 00:06:00,320 --> 00:06:03,360 Speaker 2: foster a couple of dogs and just see, just give 110 00:06:03,400 --> 00:06:05,360 Speaker 2: them like the chance to have a break from the shelter, 111 00:06:05,600 --> 00:06:09,680 Speaker 2: hopefully get them adopted. Hopefully, like use my platform so 112 00:06:09,720 --> 00:06:12,280 Speaker 2: that other people can find their like fairy soul mate. 113 00:06:13,160 --> 00:06:16,480 Speaker 2: And one of the dogs we fostered was Tarlu. Now, 114 00:06:16,520 --> 00:06:20,200 Speaker 2: Tylu has a really sad backstory. She was in the 115 00:06:20,279 --> 00:06:24,719 Speaker 2: pound for over a year because and she was not 116 00:06:24,800 --> 00:06:28,239 Speaker 2: allowed to leave the pound. She is like the most 117 00:06:28,279 --> 00:06:31,279 Speaker 2: perfect dog. She is like a forty kilo what's that like, 118 00:06:31,320 --> 00:06:35,560 Speaker 2: eighty pound math? No, she's like forty kilos. I'm sorry. 119 00:06:35,600 --> 00:06:37,719 Speaker 2: If you're in America, you gotta do the conversion. I'm sorry. 120 00:06:39,400 --> 00:06:41,880 Speaker 2: She's a huge dog. She's like this big black and 121 00:06:41,880 --> 00:06:44,839 Speaker 2: white dog. No idea what breed she is. But she 122 00:06:44,960 --> 00:06:49,440 Speaker 2: is like the most mild mannered, gentle dog ever. I 123 00:06:49,839 --> 00:06:53,080 Speaker 2: don't even think I've heard her bark maybe once. She 124 00:06:53,120 --> 00:06:56,320 Speaker 2: doesn't bark, she doesn't jump, She's fully trained. But she 125 00:06:56,520 --> 00:07:01,720 Speaker 2: wasn't available for adoption because basically her previous owners had 126 00:07:01,720 --> 00:07:05,160 Speaker 2: abused her and she had been removed from their care, 127 00:07:05,839 --> 00:07:11,200 Speaker 2: and they had then sued the RSPCA or made an 128 00:07:11,200 --> 00:07:15,120 Speaker 2: attempt to get her back until a judge had dismissed 129 00:07:15,160 --> 00:07:18,480 Speaker 2: their case, like had dismissed their right to her. And 130 00:07:19,240 --> 00:07:21,679 Speaker 2: this poor puppy, like she's missing a bunch of her teeth. 131 00:07:21,920 --> 00:07:24,040 Speaker 2: Someone has obviously kicked her at some point. She has 132 00:07:24,040 --> 00:07:26,920 Speaker 2: a massive burn on her nose. We first got her, 133 00:07:27,120 --> 00:07:30,560 Speaker 2: and I remember being in the car and turning to 134 00:07:30,560 --> 00:07:33,520 Speaker 2: Tom my boyfriend, and being like, oh, I really think 135 00:07:33,560 --> 00:07:35,840 Speaker 2: we've made a mistake, as in, like, we're not giving 136 00:07:35,920 --> 00:07:39,040 Speaker 2: this dog back. But I said Tim, I was very clear. 137 00:07:39,080 --> 00:07:40,600 Speaker 2: I was like, we are not making a decision for 138 00:07:40,640 --> 00:07:43,520 Speaker 2: three months. If someone comes along and adopts her in 139 00:07:43,560 --> 00:07:47,240 Speaker 2: this three month period, that's their dog. She's so wonderful, 140 00:07:47,320 --> 00:07:50,280 Speaker 2: she's so amazing, but they that's their dog. And a 141 00:07:50,280 --> 00:07:52,560 Speaker 2: couple of people were interested, but they would see how 142 00:07:52,600 --> 00:07:55,640 Speaker 2: big she was, they would make assumptions about her character. 143 00:07:56,280 --> 00:08:00,000 Speaker 2: They wanted a puppy, they wanted whatever, and they would like, 144 00:08:00,080 --> 00:08:02,680 Speaker 2: would never follow through. And so the three month mark 145 00:08:02,720 --> 00:08:05,040 Speaker 2: came around. Literally, the three month mark was the same 146 00:08:05,080 --> 00:08:07,200 Speaker 2: day that my book came out. And I don't know 147 00:08:07,200 --> 00:08:09,679 Speaker 2: if you guys know this, but my book came out 148 00:08:09,720 --> 00:08:14,000 Speaker 2: and I moved house within twenty four hours, and we 149 00:08:14,080 --> 00:08:16,640 Speaker 2: adopted Tylie on the same day because the three month 150 00:08:16,680 --> 00:08:20,360 Speaker 2: mark came around and I was like, this is my dog, Like, 151 00:08:20,400 --> 00:08:23,840 Speaker 2: this is my dog, and she is literally everything to me. 152 00:08:24,120 --> 00:08:26,760 Speaker 2: I spend almost twenty four hours a day with her. 153 00:08:26,920 --> 00:08:29,320 Speaker 2: I don't leave her for more than three hours a day. 154 00:08:30,400 --> 00:08:34,199 Speaker 2: She does sleep in my bed. Some people are discussed 155 00:08:34,200 --> 00:08:36,240 Speaker 2: it by this, but I just feel like she had 156 00:08:36,360 --> 00:08:40,080 Speaker 2: such a tough life, Like I don't know her whole story, 157 00:08:40,120 --> 00:08:41,800 Speaker 2: but I know it was pretty terrible. And then she 158 00:08:41,840 --> 00:08:44,000 Speaker 2: had to be in the shelter for a year. She 159 00:08:44,000 --> 00:08:46,600 Speaker 2: had such a tough life. She's gonna get whatever she wants. 160 00:08:46,880 --> 00:08:51,199 Speaker 2: And now she's got like duel income, no kids, Like 161 00:08:51,280 --> 00:08:56,080 Speaker 2: that's me and Tom's situation. She gets whatever toy she wants. Yeah, 162 00:08:56,120 --> 00:08:59,920 Speaker 2: we have dog gelato in our freezer. We don't have 163 00:09:00,200 --> 00:09:02,559 Speaker 2: ice cream for ourselves. We have dog ice cream. She 164 00:09:03,480 --> 00:09:07,160 Speaker 2: has outfits. You know, her dogbed is actually two dogbeds 165 00:09:07,200 --> 00:09:09,760 Speaker 2: on top of each other, like Princess and the Pea style. 166 00:09:10,880 --> 00:09:13,400 Speaker 2: And this is really what brings me to this point. 167 00:09:14,280 --> 00:09:18,520 Speaker 2: I've obviously changed her life, she has changed mine more so, 168 00:09:18,880 --> 00:09:20,800 Speaker 2: what is it about having a pet that is so 169 00:09:21,120 --> 00:09:26,240 Speaker 2: completely transformative for so many of us? Well, it turns 170 00:09:26,240 --> 00:09:29,679 Speaker 2: out it is not a singular thing. It is actually 171 00:09:30,000 --> 00:09:33,960 Speaker 2: a whole cocktail of different things of psychological and physical 172 00:09:34,040 --> 00:09:38,720 Speaker 2: benefits that come together to really improve our well being 173 00:09:39,160 --> 00:09:43,120 Speaker 2: and improve our development as humans. At the moment, loneliness 174 00:09:43,240 --> 00:09:47,280 Speaker 2: is literally described as an epidemic, and social networks can 175 00:09:47,280 --> 00:09:50,240 Speaker 2: feel fleeting, friendships can feel kind of surface level. We 176 00:09:50,280 --> 00:09:57,040 Speaker 2: don't have as many opportunities to interact. Pets circumvent that. 177 00:09:57,120 --> 00:10:01,440 Speaker 2: They provide a deep, constant connection that in times like 178 00:10:01,480 --> 00:10:05,840 Speaker 2: these we kind of can't always find anywhere else. They're 179 00:10:05,880 --> 00:10:08,600 Speaker 2: not gonna go cold on you. They are not gonna 180 00:10:08,600 --> 00:10:10,800 Speaker 2: ignore your texts because they don't have phones. 181 00:10:10,920 --> 00:10:11,360 Speaker 1: Duh. 182 00:10:11,400 --> 00:10:14,680 Speaker 2: Like they simply show up and they love you for 183 00:10:14,800 --> 00:10:19,480 Speaker 2: like exactly who you are that day. Studies consistently show 184 00:10:19,640 --> 00:10:23,440 Speaker 2: that interacting with a pet, interacting with an animal in general, 185 00:10:23,880 --> 00:10:27,360 Speaker 2: can reduce feelings of loneliness and increased feelings of social 186 00:10:27,360 --> 00:10:31,920 Speaker 2: connection those are fundamental to our mental health. In fact, 187 00:10:32,480 --> 00:10:35,000 Speaker 2: interacting with an animal is actually one of the most 188 00:10:35,040 --> 00:10:39,480 Speaker 2: surefire ways of immediately having a positive emotion spike, of 189 00:10:39,520 --> 00:10:43,640 Speaker 2: immediately feeling feeling an improvement in your mood, you know, 190 00:10:43,679 --> 00:10:46,400 Speaker 2: in a world that is kind of unpredictable. A pet 191 00:10:46,480 --> 00:10:49,760 Speaker 2: is this like anchor. This can provide us with like 192 00:10:49,800 --> 00:10:55,400 Speaker 2: basically a psychological safety net. You might think, Okay, even 193 00:10:55,440 --> 00:10:58,679 Speaker 2: if my life is really stressful right now, even if 194 00:10:58,679 --> 00:11:01,119 Speaker 2: there are people I can't trust, even if I feel disconnected, 195 00:11:02,040 --> 00:11:06,320 Speaker 2: I always have this relationship. I have this source of 196 00:11:06,360 --> 00:11:10,880 Speaker 2: comfort waiting for me at home, and sometimes that is 197 00:11:11,200 --> 00:11:15,640 Speaker 2: the only reassurance that you need. Pets also give us 198 00:11:15,679 --> 00:11:18,800 Speaker 2: this really clear sense of responsibility and routine, which is 199 00:11:18,840 --> 00:11:21,960 Speaker 2: incredibly grounding when we kind of feel like life is 200 00:11:22,480 --> 00:11:25,640 Speaker 2: sometimes losing a bit of its meaning or structure. For 201 00:11:25,760 --> 00:11:28,360 Speaker 2: many many people, you know, a pet is the reason 202 00:11:28,360 --> 00:11:30,160 Speaker 2: they get up in the morning. It is one of 203 00:11:30,160 --> 00:11:33,160 Speaker 2: the only reasons they may leave their house during the day. 204 00:11:33,640 --> 00:11:36,560 Speaker 2: It is the reason they stick to a schedule. When 205 00:11:36,559 --> 00:11:39,720 Speaker 2: you get a pet, like, they are completely reliant on you. 206 00:11:39,760 --> 00:11:42,120 Speaker 2: I know that's super obvious to say, but they are 207 00:11:42,200 --> 00:11:45,280 Speaker 2: super reliant on you. If it's a dog, like, you've 208 00:11:45,280 --> 00:11:47,280 Speaker 2: got to feed them, you've got to give them water, 209 00:11:47,400 --> 00:11:49,120 Speaker 2: you've got to walk them, you've got to brush them, 210 00:11:49,120 --> 00:11:50,959 Speaker 2: you've got to play with them. You've got to give 211 00:11:50,960 --> 00:11:54,520 Speaker 2: them mental stimulation, you've got to give them medication. Same 212 00:11:54,600 --> 00:11:57,160 Speaker 2: with a guinea pig, same with a bird, a rabbit, 213 00:11:57,600 --> 00:12:00,240 Speaker 2: a lizard. I've never had a reptile. I don't don't 214 00:12:00,240 --> 00:12:03,880 Speaker 2: really know, but I'm sure it's very, very similar. Whether 215 00:12:03,920 --> 00:12:06,600 Speaker 2: they have a good day or a bad day, whether 216 00:12:06,640 --> 00:12:10,000 Speaker 2: they survive or thrive, whether they are happy, whether they 217 00:12:10,000 --> 00:12:14,120 Speaker 2: are literally alive, all comes down to you. And that 218 00:12:14,520 --> 00:12:19,679 Speaker 2: absolutely is a big and scary thought. But it also 219 00:12:19,760 --> 00:12:23,680 Speaker 2: provides this feeling of structure and reliance that has actually 220 00:12:23,679 --> 00:12:27,199 Speaker 2: been shown to combat symptoms of depression and anxiety. One 221 00:12:27,240 --> 00:12:31,480 Speaker 2: study from twenty eighteen found that this is particularly powerful 222 00:12:31,559 --> 00:12:35,200 Speaker 2: for people really suffering with their mental health because there's 223 00:12:35,200 --> 00:12:39,439 Speaker 2: something about another living creature needing you that is sometimes 224 00:12:39,640 --> 00:12:44,440 Speaker 2: able to overcome the barriers that prevent us from taking 225 00:12:44,480 --> 00:12:48,160 Speaker 2: care of ourselves. People can be homeless, they can have 226 00:12:48,280 --> 00:12:53,080 Speaker 2: extreme psychosis, and still their pets are well taken care of. 227 00:12:53,600 --> 00:12:58,559 Speaker 2: Their pets are loved, trained, and fed. This psychological benefit 228 00:12:59,160 --> 00:13:01,760 Speaker 2: is tied to a except we talk about a lot 229 00:13:01,800 --> 00:13:05,360 Speaker 2: on the podcast self efficacy. Caring for a pet just 230 00:13:05,400 --> 00:13:10,400 Speaker 2: provides a very clear, tangible opportunity for individuals to feel 231 00:13:10,440 --> 00:13:13,480 Speaker 2: competent and to feel effective in their daily lives. The 232 00:13:13,520 --> 00:13:17,199 Speaker 2: successful fulfillment of a pet's needs reinforces your belief in 233 00:13:17,240 --> 00:13:20,160 Speaker 2: your own capabilities, which can be like a super powerful 234 00:13:20,160 --> 00:13:23,440 Speaker 2: antidote when you're feeling helpless or feeling like you know, 235 00:13:23,480 --> 00:13:26,640 Speaker 2: I can't do anything, no one needs me. And in 236 00:13:26,679 --> 00:13:32,520 Speaker 2: return for this reliance on us, pets give us this 237 00:13:32,679 --> 00:13:36,560 Speaker 2: unconditional love that we talked about. They literally do not 238 00:13:36,760 --> 00:13:41,480 Speaker 2: care who you are, what you have done, how bad 239 00:13:41,520 --> 00:13:45,920 Speaker 2: your day was. They continue to love you. And this 240 00:13:46,080 --> 00:13:49,920 Speaker 2: level of adoration and love that's pretty much unheard of 241 00:13:50,080 --> 00:13:53,840 Speaker 2: in any other kind of relationship, maybe like your family, 242 00:13:54,640 --> 00:13:59,320 Speaker 2: but not always like no matter how you're feeling, it 243 00:13:59,400 --> 00:14:05,120 Speaker 2: is this pure form of acceptance. Pets, particularly dogs, I think, 244 00:14:06,040 --> 00:14:09,360 Speaker 2: also serve as really powerful catalysts. Like we already talked 245 00:14:09,360 --> 00:14:12,920 Speaker 2: about loneliness, but it's not just that their presence makes 246 00:14:12,960 --> 00:14:16,200 Speaker 2: you feel less lonely. It's that they also are kind 247 00:14:16,200 --> 00:14:21,360 Speaker 2: of an inn to a social life beyond just them 248 00:14:21,680 --> 00:14:24,760 Speaker 2: of other dog owners, you know, bringing a dog to 249 00:14:24,800 --> 00:14:27,640 Speaker 2: the park or on a walk, the amount of people 250 00:14:27,640 --> 00:14:31,600 Speaker 2: that you talk to. It creates such amazing avenues for 251 00:14:31,640 --> 00:14:34,720 Speaker 2: social connection. The amount of intention you get when you're 252 00:14:34,720 --> 00:14:37,040 Speaker 2: out doing life with your fairy little companion, in the 253 00:14:37,040 --> 00:14:41,360 Speaker 2: wild is crazy. Like any time I take Tylie anywhere, 254 00:14:41,640 --> 00:14:45,280 Speaker 2: I am guaranteed to talk to at least five people. 255 00:14:45,880 --> 00:14:48,680 Speaker 2: I Also, I have literal dog park friends. Now I 256 00:14:48,720 --> 00:14:51,760 Speaker 2: have drinks with them at the park on Thursdays. We 257 00:14:51,800 --> 00:14:54,080 Speaker 2: all bring our little cans of beer and our little 258 00:14:54,080 --> 00:14:57,160 Speaker 2: cans of wine. And when we run out of things 259 00:14:57,160 --> 00:15:00,360 Speaker 2: to talk about, guess what, You just talk about your dog? 260 00:15:00,880 --> 00:15:02,720 Speaker 2: You just start watching what they're doing. You don't even 261 00:15:02,760 --> 00:15:07,280 Speaker 2: have to say anything. It basically provides a prepackaged, low 262 00:15:07,360 --> 00:15:11,400 Speaker 2: effort route into conversations with people. Those are the social 263 00:15:11,400 --> 00:15:14,520 Speaker 2: and mental health benefits. The physical benefits of this companionship 264 00:15:14,520 --> 00:15:17,840 Speaker 2: are also pretty obvious. You know, I've talked about dogs 265 00:15:17,880 --> 00:15:21,120 Speaker 2: a lot. They are the most common owned animal and 266 00:15:21,240 --> 00:15:25,640 Speaker 2: fairly sure domesticated owned animal. But dog owners actually tend 267 00:15:25,640 --> 00:15:28,000 Speaker 2: to be more physically active. They tend to have a 268 00:15:28,040 --> 00:15:33,920 Speaker 2: higher step count, and that also contributes to better emotional wellbeing. 269 00:15:33,960 --> 00:15:37,840 Speaker 2: The combination of movement and social interaction and purpose driven 270 00:15:37,880 --> 00:15:40,200 Speaker 2: movement as well, like I'm doing something for someone else 271 00:15:40,280 --> 00:15:43,520 Speaker 2: for something else makes them feel better in their daily lives. 272 00:15:44,400 --> 00:15:49,760 Speaker 2: Let's also talk about why this pet human bond is really, 273 00:15:49,800 --> 00:15:52,880 Speaker 2: really unique and not something that like we can just 274 00:15:53,680 --> 00:15:55,960 Speaker 2: dismiss as like, oh, it's just because they rely on you. 275 00:15:56,040 --> 00:15:59,760 Speaker 2: It's so much more in some ways, you know, it's 276 00:15:59,840 --> 00:16:03,440 Speaker 2: kind kind of similar to the relationships you would have 277 00:16:03,440 --> 00:16:05,080 Speaker 2: of a family member. I'm going to go as far 278 00:16:05,080 --> 00:16:08,040 Speaker 2: as to say that, but I think the key difference 279 00:16:08,320 --> 00:16:12,239 Speaker 2: is the fact that there is an absence of complex communication, 280 00:16:13,280 --> 00:16:17,000 Speaker 2: and there is an absence of just complexity in general 281 00:16:17,560 --> 00:16:20,760 Speaker 2: that can sometimes make other kinds of social connections feel 282 00:16:20,800 --> 00:16:24,920 Speaker 2: really burdensome. To really understand this, we kind of have 283 00:16:25,000 --> 00:16:28,240 Speaker 2: to rewind a little bit. Our relationship with animals was 284 00:16:28,280 --> 00:16:31,320 Speaker 2: not always this warm and fuzzy. For thousands of years, 285 00:16:31,480 --> 00:16:35,040 Speaker 2: it was all about work. The whole human animal bond 286 00:16:35,160 --> 00:16:39,440 Speaker 2: basically started as like a mutually beneficial business partnership over 287 00:16:39,520 --> 00:16:42,160 Speaker 2: twenty thousand years ago. Maybe I think it's between fifteen 288 00:16:42,200 --> 00:16:43,760 Speaker 2: and twenty thousand years ago. We're trying to find a 289 00:16:43,760 --> 00:16:47,600 Speaker 2: pinpoint if we look at how our relationship with dogs 290 00:16:47,960 --> 00:16:51,920 Speaker 2: has come about. For example, the ancestors of our modern dogs, 291 00:16:52,280 --> 00:16:57,840 Speaker 2: ancient wolves, probably started hanging out near campsites or small 292 00:16:58,040 --> 00:17:02,440 Speaker 2: communities to snag lefto food. Now, the ones who weren't 293 00:17:02,480 --> 00:17:07,000 Speaker 2: completely terrified of us. They had a serious advantage because 294 00:17:07,080 --> 00:17:10,679 Speaker 2: guess what, they could get closer, they could integrate easier, 295 00:17:10,880 --> 00:17:14,000 Speaker 2: they could become a favorite and in return for getting, 296 00:17:14,040 --> 00:17:15,920 Speaker 2: you know, little bites of food that we didn't want, 297 00:17:16,800 --> 00:17:20,280 Speaker 2: these dogs became a built and alarm system against predlars, 298 00:17:20,400 --> 00:17:24,639 Speaker 2: against other tribes. It was a trade over thousands of 299 00:17:24,720 --> 00:17:28,640 Speaker 2: years through a process of both natural and artificial selection. 300 00:17:29,359 --> 00:17:34,919 Speaker 2: Dogs were then bred for specific behavioral traits like vigilance, 301 00:17:35,200 --> 00:17:38,679 Speaker 2: like tameness, and then later for things like hunting, hrting 302 00:17:39,240 --> 00:17:43,520 Speaker 2: and guarding and also just like being really cute. It 303 00:17:43,560 --> 00:17:46,160 Speaker 2: was only much more recently in the last few centuries 304 00:17:46,200 --> 00:17:49,479 Speaker 2: that you know their role did actually shift from working 305 00:17:49,520 --> 00:17:55,120 Speaker 2: animal to cherished family member, although there is evidence of 306 00:17:55,160 --> 00:17:58,239 Speaker 2: like really deep emotional bonds all the way back like 307 00:17:58,320 --> 00:18:01,879 Speaker 2: twelve thousand years. Actually found this article from I think 308 00:18:01,920 --> 00:18:05,200 Speaker 2: it was the smith Sonian from a group of archaeologists 309 00:18:05,200 --> 00:18:09,879 Speaker 2: who found evidence of ancient people likely caring for a 310 00:18:09,960 --> 00:18:13,680 Speaker 2: sick and domesticated puppy for weeks on end before it died. 311 00:18:14,600 --> 00:18:17,639 Speaker 2: After it died, the dog was then buried with the 312 00:18:17,680 --> 00:18:20,399 Speaker 2: remains of another dog and an adult man and woman, 313 00:18:21,160 --> 00:18:24,360 Speaker 2: making it not only the oldest burial of a domesticated 314 00:18:24,359 --> 00:18:27,320 Speaker 2: dog on record, but also the oldest known grave to 315 00:18:27,359 --> 00:18:31,560 Speaker 2: contain both dogs and people. So when you look at 316 00:18:31,560 --> 00:18:36,280 Speaker 2: a dog's deep loyalty today, you are seeing an echo 317 00:18:36,480 --> 00:18:41,520 Speaker 2: of thousands and thousands of years of a working partnership 318 00:18:41,640 --> 00:18:46,240 Speaker 2: that is now transformed into just pure love. Cats they 319 00:18:46,240 --> 00:18:49,920 Speaker 2: have a different origin story. They were originally solitary hunters, 320 00:18:50,480 --> 00:18:55,240 Speaker 2: but they also totally figured out that our new farms 321 00:18:55,760 --> 00:18:58,840 Speaker 2: were packed with rodents, so they just started showing up 322 00:18:58,920 --> 00:19:01,840 Speaker 2: where we kept our grain, where we kept our harvest. 323 00:19:02,440 --> 00:19:05,400 Speaker 2: They were great for natural pest control, and we basically 324 00:19:05,440 --> 00:19:08,760 Speaker 2: just let them do their thing. Like dogs, the cats 325 00:19:08,760 --> 00:19:11,879 Speaker 2: that were more docile and tolerant of people were more successful. 326 00:19:12,280 --> 00:19:16,680 Speaker 2: But unlike dogs cats domestication process it was less of 327 00:19:16,880 --> 00:19:20,760 Speaker 2: like an artificial selection process and more of a natural 328 00:19:20,800 --> 00:19:26,800 Speaker 2: adaptation to like the humans that they were coexisting with. Basically, 329 00:19:26,800 --> 00:19:30,000 Speaker 2: cats have domesticated themselves, which I don't think is surprising 330 00:19:30,040 --> 00:19:34,560 Speaker 2: at all considering their independent nature. But basically, you know, 331 00:19:34,880 --> 00:19:38,720 Speaker 2: we've gone from you work for me to you're nice 332 00:19:38,760 --> 00:19:41,840 Speaker 2: to have around, to your family like I'm gonna buy 333 00:19:41,880 --> 00:19:44,439 Speaker 2: you clothes, I'm gonna buy you nicer food than I 334 00:19:44,480 --> 00:19:46,520 Speaker 2: do than I eat, I'm gonna let you sleep in 335 00:19:46,560 --> 00:19:51,119 Speaker 2: my bed. Like literally, when we first brought Tarloo home, 336 00:19:51,680 --> 00:19:55,199 Speaker 2: she wouldn't eat normal dog food because I think she 337 00:19:55,320 --> 00:19:58,560 Speaker 2: was just stressed and overwhelmed new environment. And so my 338 00:19:58,640 --> 00:20:03,159 Speaker 2: boyfriend Tom one day, he brought home organic chicken mints. Meanwhile, 339 00:20:03,400 --> 00:20:06,800 Speaker 2: we had generic chicken mints in the fridge for us 340 00:20:06,840 --> 00:20:11,560 Speaker 2: to eat. But Talou she got the fifteen dollar chicken mints. 341 00:20:11,640 --> 00:20:15,600 Speaker 2: She got the princess treatment. Honestly, sidebar. If you want 342 00:20:15,640 --> 00:20:18,639 Speaker 2: confirmation you're dating the right person, or your partner is 343 00:20:18,680 --> 00:20:20,000 Speaker 2: going to be a good parent, if you want to 344 00:20:20,000 --> 00:20:22,760 Speaker 2: be a parent, just see how well they treat your 345 00:20:22,760 --> 00:20:25,399 Speaker 2: pets like It is such a great litmus test. Like 346 00:20:25,880 --> 00:20:28,399 Speaker 2: Tom is obsessed with her, and it has made me 347 00:20:28,480 --> 00:20:33,879 Speaker 2: love him so much more. This profound sense of companionship. 348 00:20:34,320 --> 00:20:36,800 Speaker 2: It's also no accident. It's also no accident that Tom 349 00:20:36,840 --> 00:20:39,280 Speaker 2: fell in love with Tarlou. It is very easy to 350 00:20:39,400 --> 00:20:43,960 Speaker 2: link our relationship to our pets with the release of oxytocin. 351 00:20:44,359 --> 00:20:49,320 Speaker 2: Oxytocin known as the love hormone, known as the cuttle chemical. Obviously, yeah, 352 00:20:49,359 --> 00:20:51,679 Speaker 2: they're fluffy and they give us love and they cuddle 353 00:20:51,760 --> 00:20:55,760 Speaker 2: us but research from twenty fifteen even shows that when 354 00:20:55,840 --> 00:20:59,600 Speaker 2: dogs and their owners gaze into each other's eyes, both 355 00:21:00,000 --> 00:21:04,000 Speaker 2: opience a surge in oxytocin similar to that between humans 356 00:21:04,040 --> 00:21:07,359 Speaker 2: and infants. Everyone always says like, Oh, my dog is 357 00:21:07,400 --> 00:21:11,879 Speaker 2: like my baby, literal evidence of that this biochemical reinforcement. 358 00:21:11,920 --> 00:21:15,119 Speaker 2: It creates a feedback loop of attachment and bonding. It 359 00:21:15,200 --> 00:21:18,560 Speaker 2: solidifies the very unique nature of the relationship. And there's 360 00:21:18,640 --> 00:21:22,800 Speaker 2: a truly fascinating detail of this that perfectly illustrates our 361 00:21:23,040 --> 00:21:27,360 Speaker 2: kind of coevolution. Did you know puppy dog eyes are 362 00:21:27,440 --> 00:21:31,080 Speaker 2: actually not a natural wolf trait. Research from a twenty 363 00:21:31,160 --> 00:21:34,360 Speaker 2: nineteen study published in the Proceedings of the National Academy 364 00:21:34,400 --> 00:21:38,320 Speaker 2: of Sciences found that domestic dogs have a small muscle 365 00:21:38,400 --> 00:21:41,439 Speaker 2: in their eyes that wolves they don't even have, and 366 00:21:41,480 --> 00:21:45,000 Speaker 2: they have never had. This muscle allows dogs to basically 367 00:21:45,480 --> 00:21:49,160 Speaker 2: raise their inner eyebrow, creating the classic like puppy dog eyes. 368 00:21:49,960 --> 00:21:53,200 Speaker 2: So this movement, it actually makes their eyes look bigger, 369 00:21:53,240 --> 00:21:56,080 Speaker 2: It makes them look more infant like, which in turn 370 00:21:56,600 --> 00:22:00,520 Speaker 2: triggers a nurturing and caregiving response. In humans, they literally 371 00:22:00,600 --> 00:22:03,879 Speaker 2: have taught themselves how to look like a baby. This 372 00:22:04,000 --> 00:22:08,119 Speaker 2: study suggests as well, that the dogs who had the 373 00:22:08,200 --> 00:22:12,119 Speaker 2: more expressive eyebrows had a selective advantage because they looked cuter, 374 00:22:12,640 --> 00:22:15,000 Speaker 2: so they were more likely to be cared for, fed, 375 00:22:15,240 --> 00:22:19,040 Speaker 2: adopted by humans, and they passed that trade on. This 376 00:22:19,119 --> 00:22:23,120 Speaker 2: has actually been referred to as not survival of the fittest, 377 00:22:23,400 --> 00:22:26,600 Speaker 2: survival of the cutest, and it is a powerful example 378 00:22:26,920 --> 00:22:31,640 Speaker 2: of how dogs facial anatomy has been shaped by literally 379 00:22:31,960 --> 00:22:34,919 Speaker 2: evolving to tug on our heart strings. Pets also this 380 00:22:34,960 --> 00:22:37,199 Speaker 2: is another little known fact. They offer a form of 381 00:22:37,280 --> 00:22:41,080 Speaker 2: coregulation for our nervous systems, similar to the kind of 382 00:22:41,119 --> 00:22:45,280 Speaker 2: coregulation we sometimes find with other humans. When we pet 383 00:22:45,320 --> 00:22:48,439 Speaker 2: an animal, our heart rate actually slows down, our stress 384 00:22:48,520 --> 00:22:53,600 Speaker 2: response reduces, cortisol levels reduced, decrease, sorry, and we enter 385 00:22:53,680 --> 00:22:58,080 Speaker 2: a calmer, more regulated state. A study on an animal 386 00:22:58,240 --> 00:23:02,960 Speaker 2: visitation program amongst university students found that the simple act 387 00:23:03,040 --> 00:23:07,560 Speaker 2: of petting a dog around exam time reduced quarters or 388 00:23:07,680 --> 00:23:12,440 Speaker 2: levels and greatly increased feelings of support and pets it's 389 00:23:12,480 --> 00:23:15,679 Speaker 2: not just a passive thing, like, they don't just passively 390 00:23:15,720 --> 00:23:19,240 Speaker 2: make you calm, they also mirror our emotional states. This 391 00:23:19,359 --> 00:23:21,959 Speaker 2: was something I was so surprised to find out, but 392 00:23:22,000 --> 00:23:23,919 Speaker 2: also not like I've kind of seen this happen with 393 00:23:23,960 --> 00:23:26,359 Speaker 2: me and my dog. You know, when you've had like 394 00:23:26,359 --> 00:23:28,400 Speaker 2: a really bad day at work and then your dog 395 00:23:28,600 --> 00:23:31,560 Speaker 2: like just lies by your side for a cuddle, like 396 00:23:31,600 --> 00:23:34,920 Speaker 2: they just know that you need it. Research those that 397 00:23:35,040 --> 00:23:39,160 Speaker 2: dogs are actually masters at reading our emotional cues. They 398 00:23:39,160 --> 00:23:44,480 Speaker 2: combine information from our body language, vocal tones, facial expression, 399 00:23:44,880 --> 00:23:48,399 Speaker 2: even our scent to understand how we're feeling. There was 400 00:23:48,440 --> 00:23:51,119 Speaker 2: a recent study done in twenty twenty four that found 401 00:23:51,119 --> 00:23:55,080 Speaker 2: that dogs can detect subtle changes in our breath and 402 00:23:55,119 --> 00:23:59,240 Speaker 2: our sweat that indicate stress with over ninety percent accuracy. 403 00:24:00,119 --> 00:24:02,160 Speaker 2: Dog can literally smell when you're having a bad day, 404 00:24:03,040 --> 00:24:05,879 Speaker 2: and this kind of creates the basis for the emotional 405 00:24:05,920 --> 00:24:09,440 Speaker 2: mirroring or the like the emotional contagion that we're talking about, 406 00:24:09,480 --> 00:24:12,520 Speaker 2: where they catch our feelings and they reflect them back 407 00:24:13,160 --> 00:24:15,600 Speaker 2: now on a good day, this creates a really reciprocal 408 00:24:15,600 --> 00:24:18,520 Speaker 2: loop of positive energy, like I'm happy, You're happy, I'm happy, 409 00:24:18,520 --> 00:24:21,400 Speaker 2: You're happy, just gets better and better. But that can 410 00:24:21,720 --> 00:24:24,280 Speaker 2: just as easily reflect our stress, or our anxiety or 411 00:24:24,280 --> 00:24:29,040 Speaker 2: our sadness. Twenty nineteen study published in the journal Nature 412 00:24:29,119 --> 00:24:32,800 Speaker 2: found that dog's long term stress levels often sync up 413 00:24:32,800 --> 00:24:36,119 Speaker 2: with their owners, showing that our emotional state has a 414 00:24:36,240 --> 00:24:39,679 Speaker 2: very real impact on our own pets cauters or levels 415 00:24:39,680 --> 00:24:43,239 Speaker 2: and their own I guess mental well being. But this 416 00:24:43,400 --> 00:24:46,760 Speaker 2: unique reciprocal regulation where they calm us and our calm 417 00:24:46,800 --> 00:24:50,280 Speaker 2: presence in return calms them. It is what creates this 418 00:24:50,359 --> 00:24:54,840 Speaker 2: symbiotic bond that is truly unlike any other. The therapeutic 419 00:24:54,920 --> 00:24:59,240 Speaker 2: power of this connection, like it's so significant. It is 420 00:24:59,280 --> 00:25:03,200 Speaker 2: a core comp ponent of animal based therapy, where animals 421 00:25:03,200 --> 00:25:07,160 Speaker 2: are used to help people with their anxiety, with their PTSD, 422 00:25:07,359 --> 00:25:12,280 Speaker 2: with other mental health challenges with an astounding success rate. 423 00:25:12,800 --> 00:25:17,800 Speaker 2: Research also shows that therapy dogs can reduce anxiety and 424 00:25:18,320 --> 00:25:22,800 Speaker 2: stress greatly in educational and medical settings, to help children 425 00:25:22,920 --> 00:25:26,320 Speaker 2: undergo procedures, help them get vaccines, all these other things. 426 00:25:27,080 --> 00:25:30,720 Speaker 2: Not just dogs. The same goes with horses. If you 427 00:25:30,840 --> 00:25:36,000 Speaker 2: have the time look into the relationship between horses and 428 00:25:36,080 --> 00:25:39,639 Speaker 2: individuals with autism, it will blow your mind. Like, we 429 00:25:39,680 --> 00:25:41,800 Speaker 2: don't have the time to get into it. But when 430 00:25:41,800 --> 00:25:44,400 Speaker 2: I was researching this episode, I went into a complete 431 00:25:44,880 --> 00:25:49,800 Speaker 2: rabbit hole. It it is like honestly beautiful. There was 432 00:25:49,880 --> 00:25:52,520 Speaker 2: like one video, one story that made me cry. So 433 00:25:52,920 --> 00:25:55,040 Speaker 2: that's what you're in for, and I just think it 434 00:25:55,080 --> 00:25:59,240 Speaker 2: shows like this relationship is literally healing people. It's not 435 00:25:59,320 --> 00:26:03,280 Speaker 2: just companion. So we're going to take a short break here, 436 00:26:03,560 --> 00:26:07,000 Speaker 2: but when we return, we are going to talk about 437 00:26:07,160 --> 00:26:10,399 Speaker 2: some of the sadder parts about owning a pet and 438 00:26:10,440 --> 00:26:14,120 Speaker 2: talk about the heartbreaking reality of losing your childhood pet, 439 00:26:14,440 --> 00:26:18,200 Speaker 2: losing a pet in general, losing your companion and your 440 00:26:18,200 --> 00:26:20,960 Speaker 2: best friend, and how that elicits a pain that a 441 00:26:20,960 --> 00:26:23,359 Speaker 2: lot of people don't understand but which is very very real. 442 00:26:23,640 --> 00:26:26,000 Speaker 2: So stick with us. We'll be right back after this 443 00:26:26,119 --> 00:26:35,160 Speaker 2: short break. Given the in depth bond of this relationship 444 00:26:35,160 --> 00:26:38,119 Speaker 2: that we have with our pets, one of the most 445 00:26:38,280 --> 00:26:44,639 Speaker 2: agonizing experiences can be when we lose them, and it 446 00:26:44,840 --> 00:26:51,359 Speaker 2: actually elicits something that psychologists call disenfranchised grief. The term 447 00:26:51,720 --> 00:26:56,240 Speaker 2: disenfranchised grief it was coined by doctor Kenneth Docker to 448 00:26:56,359 --> 00:27:00,000 Speaker 2: describe a kind of pain that isn't necessarily socially sanctioned. 449 00:27:00,720 --> 00:27:04,959 Speaker 2: It isn't necessarily openly acknowledged or publicly supported, but it 450 00:27:05,040 --> 00:27:07,679 Speaker 2: is very much real. It is a kind of grief 451 00:27:07,720 --> 00:27:10,800 Speaker 2: that society tells us like we don't have the right 452 00:27:10,880 --> 00:27:14,359 Speaker 2: to feel, so we're kind of forced to mourn, mourn 453 00:27:14,400 --> 00:27:20,120 Speaker 2: in silence. You might hear distant friends or colleagues say 454 00:27:20,160 --> 00:27:23,159 Speaker 2: things like it was just a bird, it was just 455 00:27:23,200 --> 00:27:26,440 Speaker 2: a rabbit, or you know, just get another cap, get 456 00:27:26,440 --> 00:27:31,399 Speaker 2: another dog. This dismissive language, I think it's well intentioned. 457 00:27:31,960 --> 00:27:35,760 Speaker 2: It completely invalidates the intense pain of this loss. You 458 00:27:35,880 --> 00:27:38,160 Speaker 2: wouldn't say that about the loss of the family member, 459 00:27:38,760 --> 00:27:41,399 Speaker 2: but all of a sudden, it seems okay to be 460 00:27:42,640 --> 00:27:46,000 Speaker 2: quite insensitive because it's just a pet. They're lower on 461 00:27:46,119 --> 00:27:50,040 Speaker 2: our humanity ladder. It forces us into a painful internal 462 00:27:50,040 --> 00:27:54,840 Speaker 2: conflict where our intense feelings of sadness, you know, kind 463 00:27:54,880 --> 00:27:58,879 Speaker 2: of clash with the social narrative that says our grief 464 00:27:58,920 --> 00:28:02,600 Speaker 2: is disproportionate or even foolish. And this can make us 465 00:28:02,640 --> 00:28:07,200 Speaker 2: feel like if we were to openly grieve and be sad, 466 00:28:07,720 --> 00:28:10,440 Speaker 2: we would be shamed, we would be cringed at, we 467 00:28:10,480 --> 00:28:13,119 Speaker 2: would be treated differently. You know. I have been in 468 00:28:13,160 --> 00:28:15,880 Speaker 2: workplaces where someone has had time off for losing their 469 00:28:15,880 --> 00:28:19,399 Speaker 2: dog of sixteen years, and coworkers have literally rolled their 470 00:28:19,440 --> 00:28:21,720 Speaker 2: eyes or made comments about it as though it is 471 00:28:21,760 --> 00:28:26,360 Speaker 2: not significant. And I've genuinely never understood that because as 472 00:28:26,359 --> 00:28:29,719 Speaker 2: a family, like my family always had pets. We had rabbits, 473 00:28:29,720 --> 00:28:31,920 Speaker 2: we had guinea pigs, we had chickens, we had dogs. 474 00:28:31,960 --> 00:28:34,600 Speaker 2: So the thought of not having them, the thought of 475 00:28:34,760 --> 00:28:38,920 Speaker 2: losing my beloved animal, the thought of losing Taluo, like 476 00:28:39,400 --> 00:28:41,840 Speaker 2: you guys, wouldn't be hearing from me, the podcast would 477 00:28:41,840 --> 00:28:45,360 Speaker 2: be on a hiatus. Research on pet loss reveals that 478 00:28:45,480 --> 00:28:49,520 Speaker 2: the intensity of the grief it can be comparable to 479 00:28:49,560 --> 00:28:51,800 Speaker 2: the loss of a human family member. That is not 480 00:28:51,920 --> 00:28:55,920 Speaker 2: ridiculous to say. Twenty seventeen study found that pet owners 481 00:28:56,240 --> 00:29:00,560 Speaker 2: can experience a grieving process when it comes to that pet, 482 00:29:00,960 --> 00:29:05,360 Speaker 2: with many of the same stages and symptoms as mourning 483 00:29:05,400 --> 00:29:10,400 Speaker 2: a human, including depression, including anxiety, including a profound loss 484 00:29:10,400 --> 00:29:13,360 Speaker 2: of identity. I'm aware that I'm probably focusing more on 485 00:29:13,400 --> 00:29:16,360 Speaker 2: dogs than this episode because that is my main experience, 486 00:29:16,400 --> 00:29:18,880 Speaker 2: but this could literally apply to any animal that you 487 00:29:18,920 --> 00:29:23,000 Speaker 2: have as a pet. My cousin, she is, Oh my god, 488 00:29:23,000 --> 00:29:25,360 Speaker 2: I always forget what she is. Not a marine, a 489 00:29:25,360 --> 00:29:29,680 Speaker 2: wildlife biologist. She's a wild life biologist, coolest person out there, 490 00:29:30,200 --> 00:29:33,120 Speaker 2: and she has every single animal that you can possibly imagine, Like, 491 00:29:33,160 --> 00:29:35,960 Speaker 2: anytime I go to her house I like. Obviously I 492 00:29:36,000 --> 00:29:37,560 Speaker 2: love to talk to her, but I mainly just want 493 00:29:37,560 --> 00:29:40,720 Speaker 2: to feed every single well taken care of pet that 494 00:29:40,800 --> 00:29:43,320 Speaker 2: she owns. And at the start of the year she 495 00:29:43,480 --> 00:29:47,720 Speaker 2: lost her bird, pipsqueak. Let me tell you, it may 496 00:29:47,760 --> 00:29:50,720 Speaker 2: be just a bird to someone who doesn't understand that relationship, 497 00:29:50,720 --> 00:29:54,520 Speaker 2: but like she brought this bird back from the dead, 498 00:29:54,800 --> 00:29:59,760 Speaker 2: and she hand raised this bird. She like this animal 499 00:29:59,760 --> 00:30:03,520 Speaker 2: meant something to her. It doesn't matter what the species is. 500 00:30:04,080 --> 00:30:07,520 Speaker 2: It's the depth of the attachment that determines the intensity 501 00:30:07,560 --> 00:30:10,800 Speaker 2: of the grief. When that attachment is severed by death 502 00:30:10,840 --> 00:30:13,560 Speaker 2: and by loss, the pain is real and it should 503 00:30:13,560 --> 00:30:18,680 Speaker 2: not be minimized. But for many, you know, this experience 504 00:30:18,760 --> 00:30:21,240 Speaker 2: is complicated by a very unique and heavy burden. We 505 00:30:21,280 --> 00:30:24,080 Speaker 2: are often in the position where we might have to 506 00:30:24,120 --> 00:30:27,040 Speaker 2: make the call of when it's time to let them go. 507 00:30:27,800 --> 00:30:31,040 Speaker 2: We have to decide when it's the right time for 508 00:30:31,120 --> 00:30:33,640 Speaker 2: our pet to pass on. You know, it's an act 509 00:30:33,720 --> 00:30:37,600 Speaker 2: of mercy, but it can be agonizing. This decision is 510 00:30:37,640 --> 00:30:39,760 Speaker 2: always going to be one of the most compassionate ones 511 00:30:39,800 --> 00:30:41,320 Speaker 2: you can make. It doesn't mean it's not going to 512 00:30:41,360 --> 00:30:44,400 Speaker 2: be hard, and it can lead to such immense guilt 513 00:30:44,440 --> 00:30:47,440 Speaker 2: and a sense of helplessness because this thing is completely 514 00:30:47,520 --> 00:30:50,480 Speaker 2: reliant on us, and yet we are doing the unthinkable. 515 00:30:52,360 --> 00:30:56,000 Speaker 2: I know it is not an easy choice, and for 516 00:30:56,000 --> 00:30:57,840 Speaker 2: those of you who have had to do it, I 517 00:30:58,320 --> 00:31:02,479 Speaker 2: commend you. I can't imagine something so heavy. Sometimes I 518 00:31:02,640 --> 00:31:05,560 Speaker 2: think about Tyler dying and I just, I honestly don't 519 00:31:05,600 --> 00:31:09,040 Speaker 2: think I will be able to bear it, because it 520 00:31:09,080 --> 00:31:11,480 Speaker 2: is just it's hard. This is a weird tangent, but 521 00:31:12,400 --> 00:31:14,520 Speaker 2: super weird. It will make sense, I promise. But my 522 00:31:14,680 --> 00:31:17,880 Speaker 2: childhood dog, like I said, is super old, like he 523 00:31:17,920 --> 00:31:22,080 Speaker 2: doesn't have much longer and we've had him like from 524 00:31:22,080 --> 00:31:25,360 Speaker 2: my sister's eighteen and we got this dog when she 525 00:31:25,480 --> 00:31:28,480 Speaker 2: was two, Like she doesn't have memories without this dog. 526 00:31:28,600 --> 00:31:31,720 Speaker 2: And I was so worried, like how my sister's gonna 527 00:31:31,720 --> 00:31:34,640 Speaker 2: deal with this? Also my dad, like my dad and 528 00:31:34,640 --> 00:31:36,520 Speaker 2: my dog are best friends. And me and my mum 529 00:31:36,560 --> 00:31:38,160 Speaker 2: were talking about it and we were like, do we 530 00:31:38,200 --> 00:31:41,240 Speaker 2: get a rescue dog whilst Yoyo was still alive to 531 00:31:41,280 --> 00:31:44,400 Speaker 2: make the grief sting less or is that unfair for 532 00:31:44,480 --> 00:31:48,200 Speaker 2: his like final years to be overshadowed. And then just 533 00:31:48,240 --> 00:31:52,520 Speaker 2: a few months ago, this tiny kitten showed up so small, 534 00:31:52,600 --> 00:31:58,120 Speaker 2: so underweight, like so tiny, and I feel like I 535 00:31:58,200 --> 00:32:00,600 Speaker 2: know my dog's time is coming. But this is like 536 00:32:00,680 --> 00:32:04,040 Speaker 2: a little small thing, a gift from the universe. That's 537 00:32:04,080 --> 00:32:07,800 Speaker 2: like preparing my family and like showing that, you know, 538 00:32:08,520 --> 00:32:10,080 Speaker 2: I think that animal is meant to be in their 539 00:32:10,120 --> 00:32:13,000 Speaker 2: life for this next chapter. I still don't think I'll 540 00:32:13,040 --> 00:32:15,719 Speaker 2: be prepared for it, though. I feel like when he passes, 541 00:32:15,760 --> 00:32:18,800 Speaker 2: when he crosses the rainbow bridge, like that's when I 542 00:32:18,840 --> 00:32:21,440 Speaker 2: feel like I'm truly going to be an adult. A 543 00:32:21,520 --> 00:32:24,160 Speaker 2: lot of people have told me that the grief of 544 00:32:24,200 --> 00:32:26,920 Speaker 2: losing a childhood pet is actually like one of the 545 00:32:26,920 --> 00:32:31,200 Speaker 2: most disorientating things ever because it just brings about such 546 00:32:31,240 --> 00:32:37,440 Speaker 2: complex and weird emotion, waves of nostalgia, waves of mourning 547 00:32:37,800 --> 00:32:43,400 Speaker 2: for your childhood, Like your pets are like these silent 548 00:32:43,440 --> 00:32:48,479 Speaker 2: witnesses to all these milestones, to you graduating, to your 549 00:32:48,480 --> 00:32:52,760 Speaker 2: first job, to your first heartbreak, to your personal growth, 550 00:32:52,840 --> 00:32:55,640 Speaker 2: and so losing a childhood pet, you're not just losing 551 00:32:55,720 --> 00:32:58,720 Speaker 2: a loved one, You're also losing a tangible link to 552 00:32:58,760 --> 00:33:02,160 Speaker 2: an important part of your It can feel like the 553 00:33:02,200 --> 00:33:04,960 Speaker 2: definitive end of an error, the end of a specific 554 00:33:05,080 --> 00:33:08,840 Speaker 2: version of our innocence, of our childhood, of our family unit. 555 00:33:09,760 --> 00:33:11,920 Speaker 2: The sadness we feel is not just for the pet. 556 00:33:12,000 --> 00:33:14,920 Speaker 2: It's for so much more, and I think that deserves 557 00:33:15,000 --> 00:33:19,880 Speaker 2: a very compassionate space to be mourned. With all that 558 00:33:19,920 --> 00:33:23,320 Speaker 2: in mind, let's talk about something more positive. Let's talk 559 00:33:23,360 --> 00:33:26,840 Speaker 2: about the decision to bring a new pet into your life, 560 00:33:27,000 --> 00:33:31,880 Speaker 2: especially during your twenties, a time of so much personal change. 561 00:33:32,720 --> 00:33:35,200 Speaker 2: This is a decision that you have to think about 562 00:33:36,240 --> 00:33:37,840 Speaker 2: like You've got to think about it. You've got to 563 00:33:37,880 --> 00:33:41,440 Speaker 2: be super sure. So we're going to turn our attention 564 00:33:41,600 --> 00:33:44,640 Speaker 2: to the future here. What does a commitment to an 565 00:33:44,640 --> 00:33:49,240 Speaker 2: animal truly entail? How do you know when you are ready? Now, 566 00:33:49,760 --> 00:33:51,640 Speaker 2: none of this is going to be about me trying 567 00:33:51,680 --> 00:33:55,160 Speaker 2: to discourage you from doing what's best for you, But 568 00:33:55,240 --> 00:33:57,479 Speaker 2: I do want to really encourage you to just make 569 00:33:57,520 --> 00:34:00,480 Speaker 2: a conscious choice. There's going to be compassion to both 570 00:34:00,520 --> 00:34:05,800 Speaker 2: yourself and the animal. I also do know that dog 571 00:34:05,880 --> 00:34:09,799 Speaker 2: shelters and rescue centers, for example, are completely overflowing. So 572 00:34:10,920 --> 00:34:13,359 Speaker 2: it's important that this is a thought out decision. If 573 00:34:13,400 --> 00:34:15,440 Speaker 2: you get a pet and you decide you don't want it, 574 00:34:15,880 --> 00:34:18,759 Speaker 2: that's still your pet. I truly believe that is your 575 00:34:18,800 --> 00:34:22,480 Speaker 2: pet until the day it dies, and so you are 576 00:34:22,520 --> 00:34:25,840 Speaker 2: responsible for finding it a new home, making sure it 577 00:34:25,920 --> 00:34:30,239 Speaker 2: is taken care of, making sure that it has the 578 00:34:30,320 --> 00:34:34,080 Speaker 2: life that it deserves. That is the worst case scenario, 579 00:34:34,680 --> 00:34:36,920 Speaker 2: you having to give your pet up. It's not a 580 00:34:37,000 --> 00:34:41,400 Speaker 2: light decision. So before you make the decision to get them, 581 00:34:41,719 --> 00:34:44,040 Speaker 2: we want to minimize that as much as possible. I 582 00:34:44,080 --> 00:34:48,400 Speaker 2: want you to ask yourself four important questions. Number One, 583 00:34:48,840 --> 00:34:53,000 Speaker 2: depending on the life expectancy of your chosen pet, do 584 00:34:53,040 --> 00:34:56,880 Speaker 2: you have the financial stability for upwards of a decade 585 00:34:56,920 --> 00:35:02,799 Speaker 2: long commitment. Listen, my dog costs one hundred dollars, Like 586 00:35:03,560 --> 00:35:05,720 Speaker 2: in the grand scheme of things, that's not that much money. 587 00:35:06,080 --> 00:35:10,319 Speaker 2: She lost a hundred bucks. That compared to how much 588 00:35:10,360 --> 00:35:13,280 Speaker 2: I pay for her per month is nothing. Her worming 589 00:35:13,320 --> 00:35:16,680 Speaker 2: medication alone is one hundred dollars a month. Then it's 590 00:35:16,719 --> 00:35:18,960 Speaker 2: another one hundred dollars for her dog food, probably more, 591 00:35:19,000 --> 00:35:21,560 Speaker 2: to be honest, she's a big dog. It's probably a 592 00:35:21,560 --> 00:35:25,439 Speaker 2: lot more. Plus the toys because she choose through them all. 593 00:35:25,480 --> 00:35:28,720 Speaker 2: Plus three days a week she goes to doggy playgroup. 594 00:35:28,719 --> 00:35:30,759 Speaker 2: Because I wanted to have friends, and I wanted to 595 00:35:30,760 --> 00:35:32,880 Speaker 2: have as much fun as possible in her short life. 596 00:35:33,000 --> 00:35:37,680 Speaker 2: Obviously that's optional, but pets are expensive. Ask yourself if 597 00:35:37,719 --> 00:35:40,640 Speaker 2: you can afford not just the upfront cost, not just 598 00:35:40,680 --> 00:35:43,920 Speaker 2: the food and the toys, but the unexpected vet bills, 599 00:35:44,239 --> 00:35:48,520 Speaker 2: the annual checkups, pet insurance, any medications you might need 600 00:35:48,680 --> 00:35:51,560 Speaker 2: over a period of ten to fifteen years, doggy daycare. 601 00:35:51,640 --> 00:35:53,839 Speaker 2: Is there someone who's gonna look after the dog if 602 00:35:53,840 --> 00:35:57,000 Speaker 2: you can't. A sudden two thousand dollars emergency vet bill 603 00:35:57,120 --> 00:36:00,120 Speaker 2: because they found some chocolate on the floor can with 604 00:36:00,280 --> 00:36:03,319 Speaker 2: some serious stress on your life and an inability to 605 00:36:03,440 --> 00:36:06,920 Speaker 2: pay for that even more so, there's gonna be significant 606 00:36:06,960 --> 00:36:10,520 Speaker 2: guilt and heartbreak there. Pets will unconditionally love you, but 607 00:36:10,560 --> 00:36:13,880 Speaker 2: they also deserve to be in a stable and financially 608 00:36:13,960 --> 00:36:17,000 Speaker 2: secure environment. If we're choosing to take care of them, 609 00:36:17,040 --> 00:36:19,400 Speaker 2: like they don't get a choice. They don't get a 610 00:36:19,480 --> 00:36:22,719 Speaker 2: choice who chooses them. So if you're going to choose them, 611 00:36:23,160 --> 00:36:25,960 Speaker 2: make sure you're thinking about them as well. And obviously 612 00:36:26,000 --> 00:36:29,440 Speaker 2: things may change, But just with what you know now 613 00:36:29,520 --> 00:36:34,400 Speaker 2: about your circumstances, are you making the right decision? Second question, 614 00:36:34,800 --> 00:36:39,960 Speaker 2: does your lifestyle have a consistent routine? Pets, especially pets 615 00:36:40,000 --> 00:36:42,960 Speaker 2: that need regular feeding. Again, I have no idea what 616 00:36:43,200 --> 00:36:45,799 Speaker 2: lizards or snakes or stuff like that, or even birds need. 617 00:36:45,840 --> 00:36:48,680 Speaker 2: I'm so sorry, but I'm thinking like the cat, dog, rabbit, 618 00:36:48,719 --> 00:36:54,279 Speaker 2: guinea pig, hamster, fluffy vibe, pets thrive on regular routine. 619 00:36:54,440 --> 00:36:59,319 Speaker 2: They need regular walks, feeding times, attention training. If you're 620 00:36:59,360 --> 00:37:03,640 Speaker 2: someone who is constantly working late, traveling on a whim, 621 00:37:04,080 --> 00:37:07,600 Speaker 2: has a very unpredictable schedule, you need to be honest 622 00:37:07,640 --> 00:37:10,520 Speaker 2: about whether you can truly provide a stable, consistent environment 623 00:37:10,560 --> 00:37:14,799 Speaker 2: for this living creature. Something that made me so mad 624 00:37:14,840 --> 00:37:18,360 Speaker 2: the other day was this guy on Instagram in a 625 00:37:18,400 --> 00:37:22,759 Speaker 2: comment section asking for advice about his border collie. He 626 00:37:22,800 --> 00:37:25,520 Speaker 2: has a border collie, a one year old Border Collie 627 00:37:25,560 --> 00:37:29,480 Speaker 2: in an apartment. He lives by himself. He takes the 628 00:37:29,480 --> 00:37:31,800 Speaker 2: dog out to go to the bathroom in the morning, 629 00:37:32,200 --> 00:37:36,760 Speaker 2: then he goes to work from eight am to six pm, 630 00:37:37,000 --> 00:37:39,359 Speaker 2: goes to the gym, is not back until eight pm, 631 00:37:39,400 --> 00:37:41,600 Speaker 2: and then takes it for a walk. And he was like, 632 00:37:41,600 --> 00:37:45,040 Speaker 2: why is my dog tearing up my furniture? I would 633 00:37:45,040 --> 00:37:47,000 Speaker 2: be tearing up your furniture if you left me alone 634 00:37:47,680 --> 00:37:51,759 Speaker 2: in a house by myself for twelve hours at a 635 00:37:51,760 --> 00:37:56,200 Speaker 2: time and only took me outside what twice a day, 636 00:37:56,440 --> 00:37:59,759 Speaker 2: maybe not even that, like as an animal who's meant 637 00:37:59,800 --> 00:38:02,319 Speaker 2: to be outside? And he was like, what do I do? 638 00:38:03,360 --> 00:38:07,280 Speaker 2: Like that's it's too late to ask that question, obviously, 639 00:38:07,320 --> 00:38:09,560 Speaker 2: Like people gave him actual advice. But this is one 640 00:38:09,560 --> 00:38:11,759 Speaker 2: thing I have to say I don't have. I don't 641 00:38:11,760 --> 00:38:14,799 Speaker 2: really like to give people unsolicited advice. This is the 642 00:38:14,800 --> 00:38:17,560 Speaker 2: one thing that like really peeves me off. Don't get 643 00:38:17,560 --> 00:38:20,239 Speaker 2: a working breed, a young working breed if you live 644 00:38:20,280 --> 00:38:24,000 Speaker 2: in an apartment. Don't get a husky if you live 645 00:38:24,040 --> 00:38:26,799 Speaker 2: somewhere that's hot twelve months of the year. Don't get 646 00:38:26,800 --> 00:38:29,440 Speaker 2: a rabbit if you only have space for a tiny cage. 647 00:38:30,000 --> 00:38:33,919 Speaker 2: Don't get a pen because of esthetics when you can't 648 00:38:33,960 --> 00:38:37,400 Speaker 2: meet their needs. You know, I don't get really upset 649 00:38:37,400 --> 00:38:40,560 Speaker 2: about much, but that really annoys me when I see 650 00:38:40,600 --> 00:38:43,399 Speaker 2: people with an animal that is so clearly the wrong 651 00:38:43,480 --> 00:38:47,759 Speaker 2: choice for their lifestyle. Like I live in Sydney. Why 652 00:38:47,800 --> 00:38:51,879 Speaker 2: do you have a kelpie? If you like work twelve 653 00:38:51,920 --> 00:38:56,920 Speaker 2: hours a day and you don't exercise them. I literally 654 00:38:56,920 --> 00:38:58,680 Speaker 2: I can't. I don't understand. I'm like, why do you 655 00:38:58,719 --> 00:39:01,799 Speaker 2: have a kelpie? Isn't that annoying? Like that dog would 656 00:39:01,800 --> 00:39:05,920 Speaker 2: be going nuts? And I don't like to say I 657 00:39:05,920 --> 00:39:09,080 Speaker 2: don't understand everyone's circumstances. Obviously, and maybe I'm making like 658 00:39:10,040 --> 00:39:12,720 Speaker 2: maybe I'm having preconceived judgments, But like for the amount 659 00:39:12,760 --> 00:39:16,040 Speaker 2: of frickin' kelpies I see in my neighborhood where there 660 00:39:16,120 --> 00:39:19,640 Speaker 2: is like like, I don't understand it. I just don't 661 00:39:19,640 --> 00:39:23,000 Speaker 2: get it, Like it's a living creature. If you have 662 00:39:23,040 --> 00:39:25,799 Speaker 2: a specific breed or kind of pet you want, you 663 00:39:25,840 --> 00:39:28,440 Speaker 2: can always wait, you know, it's just maybe not the 664 00:39:28,520 --> 00:39:31,000 Speaker 2: right time to commit. Wait till you maybe get a property, 665 00:39:31,640 --> 00:39:33,960 Speaker 2: Wait till you have more money, Wait till you can, 666 00:39:34,360 --> 00:39:36,359 Speaker 2: you know, pay for someone to maybe take them out 667 00:39:36,400 --> 00:39:38,960 Speaker 2: when you can't. It will be more fun for you 668 00:39:39,080 --> 00:39:41,680 Speaker 2: as well and obviously for them when you can give 669 00:39:41,680 --> 00:39:44,080 Speaker 2: them what they need and it's not a constant stress 670 00:39:44,120 --> 00:39:48,400 Speaker 2: of am I doing enough? Third, I think this is 671 00:39:48,400 --> 00:39:51,439 Speaker 2: a huge one. Are you emotionally ready to put something 672 00:39:51,520 --> 00:39:55,120 Speaker 2: else first? This is a massive question. Our twenties are 673 00:39:55,120 --> 00:39:57,200 Speaker 2: a time for a lot of personal growth, and there's 674 00:39:57,200 --> 00:39:58,520 Speaker 2: a lot of things you might want to do that 675 00:39:58,560 --> 00:40:00,839 Speaker 2: you should be entitled to do. You should be able 676 00:40:00,920 --> 00:40:02,680 Speaker 2: to travel. You should be able to have fun, You 677 00:40:02,680 --> 00:40:05,480 Speaker 2: should be able to stay out all night. A pet, though, 678 00:40:05,600 --> 00:40:08,560 Speaker 2: requires you to put their needs first always. It means 679 00:40:08,880 --> 00:40:13,279 Speaker 2: sometimes sacrificing a spontaneous weekend away or a late night 680 00:40:13,320 --> 00:40:16,600 Speaker 2: out or travel to ensure they are cared for. It 681 00:40:16,719 --> 00:40:18,959 Speaker 2: means being there for them and getting out of bed 682 00:40:19,040 --> 00:40:21,319 Speaker 2: on your bad days even if you don't feel like it. 683 00:40:21,719 --> 00:40:24,239 Speaker 2: This is a beautiful and selfless commitment, but it is 684 00:40:24,320 --> 00:40:27,239 Speaker 2: vital to assess if you're truly ready and able to 685 00:40:27,239 --> 00:40:30,880 Speaker 2: put another being's needs before your own for a prolonged period, 686 00:40:31,800 --> 00:40:34,920 Speaker 2: especially like a puppy or a kitten. You could not 687 00:40:35,040 --> 00:40:38,760 Speaker 2: pay me to get a puppy that it's like a child. 688 00:40:39,440 --> 00:40:42,080 Speaker 2: It is literally like it's you've got a you couldn't 689 00:40:42,120 --> 00:40:46,320 Speaker 2: pay me, It's a lot. Are you ready for that? Lastly, 690 00:40:46,640 --> 00:40:48,680 Speaker 2: are you getting a pet for the right reasons? And 691 00:40:48,719 --> 00:40:51,000 Speaker 2: this is something that I had to ask myself as well. 692 00:40:51,719 --> 00:40:54,879 Speaker 2: Are you getting a pet to cure your loneliness? Are 693 00:40:54,920 --> 00:40:57,040 Speaker 2: you getting a pet because it's like an esthetic thing? 694 00:40:57,680 --> 00:40:59,520 Speaker 2: Are you getting a pet because you can imagine the 695 00:40:59,560 --> 00:41:01,160 Speaker 2: next year and how much fun it's going to be. 696 00:41:01,200 --> 00:41:05,000 Speaker 2: But nothing beyond that. Pet's a great help with loneliness. 697 00:41:05,520 --> 00:41:09,120 Speaker 2: Trust me, I work from home. I was so lonely 698 00:41:09,160 --> 00:41:12,839 Speaker 2: before I got Tarloo. Has she cured it for me? No, 699 00:41:14,080 --> 00:41:17,680 Speaker 2: and relying on her, relying on them for your own happiness. 700 00:41:18,320 --> 00:41:21,359 Speaker 2: Like we said, there's an emotional relationship. They feel that 701 00:41:21,440 --> 00:41:24,120 Speaker 2: and it puts an unfair burden on them. But also 702 00:41:24,760 --> 00:41:26,720 Speaker 2: you know you'll likely get them and be like, WHOA, 703 00:41:26,960 --> 00:41:28,640 Speaker 2: this isn't as amazing as I thought it was going 704 00:41:28,719 --> 00:41:31,440 Speaker 2: to be. And that's a hard position to be in. 705 00:41:32,560 --> 00:41:35,200 Speaker 2: The best reason to get a pet is a genuine 706 00:41:35,239 --> 00:41:38,160 Speaker 2: desire to care for and build a life with another being, 707 00:41:38,400 --> 00:41:41,960 Speaker 2: not as a quick fix for your emotional needs. There's 708 00:41:42,000 --> 00:41:45,520 Speaker 2: also like other options if you realize pet ownership isn't 709 00:41:45,520 --> 00:41:48,879 Speaker 2: for you. For example, family or friends have a pet, 710 00:41:48,960 --> 00:41:50,960 Speaker 2: you could offer a pet sit for them for a while. 711 00:41:51,520 --> 00:41:55,560 Speaker 2: Not only will they likely be very grateful, it means 712 00:41:55,560 --> 00:41:57,319 Speaker 2: you can actually get used to like what this is 713 00:41:57,320 --> 00:42:00,440 Speaker 2: going to require. It also means you can hand them 714 00:42:00,480 --> 00:42:03,200 Speaker 2: back and you don't have to like you don't have 715 00:42:03,200 --> 00:42:05,440 Speaker 2: the guilt of making a long term commitment. It's like 716 00:42:05,480 --> 00:42:08,480 Speaker 2: when people want me to hang out with their babies, 717 00:42:08,800 --> 00:42:11,799 Speaker 2: I'm like, absolutely, I will do that because I don't 718 00:42:11,800 --> 00:42:14,120 Speaker 2: have to take this baby home, like same thing with 719 00:42:14,160 --> 00:42:18,319 Speaker 2: a pet. I also had a friend who literally did 720 00:42:18,360 --> 00:42:21,319 Speaker 2: not pay rent for a full year because she did 721 00:42:21,320 --> 00:42:24,160 Speaker 2: pet sitting gigs. That's another option. There are so many 722 00:42:24,160 --> 00:42:26,400 Speaker 2: sites where people will be like, you can live in 723 00:42:26,440 --> 00:42:29,200 Speaker 2: my house for free if you look after my animal. 724 00:42:30,080 --> 00:42:34,320 Speaker 2: Many local shelters also really need volunteers, and they literally 725 00:42:34,400 --> 00:42:38,240 Speaker 2: need volunteers to play with the animals or to simply 726 00:42:38,280 --> 00:42:40,640 Speaker 2: just like sit with them in their cages. This is 727 00:42:40,680 --> 00:42:42,960 Speaker 2: like a really nice way to give back and to 728 00:42:43,080 --> 00:42:47,279 Speaker 2: receive that like animal led joy. Also something I highly 729 00:42:47,320 --> 00:42:51,400 Speaker 2: highly recommend is fostering. Obviously didn't work out for me 730 00:42:51,480 --> 00:42:53,239 Speaker 2: the way I wanted to. I ended up getting a dog, 731 00:42:53,280 --> 00:42:55,719 Speaker 2: but if you met her you would understand why, like 732 00:42:55,800 --> 00:42:58,520 Speaker 2: she's a once in a lifetime. But dog shelters are 733 00:42:58,600 --> 00:43:02,799 Speaker 2: quite literally overflowing. They always need support and a lot 734 00:43:02,800 --> 00:43:04,840 Speaker 2: of dogs aren't going to do well in a shelter, 735 00:43:04,960 --> 00:43:09,520 Speaker 2: same with cats. Getting them out of that environment is 736 00:43:09,560 --> 00:43:11,000 Speaker 2: just going to do wonders for them and it's going 737 00:43:11,040 --> 00:43:14,319 Speaker 2: to increase their chances of being adopted as well. It's 738 00:43:14,360 --> 00:43:17,520 Speaker 2: a defined period of care. Also, normally all the shelters 739 00:43:17,520 --> 00:43:20,680 Speaker 2: like the rescues will pay for the food bills, the 740 00:43:20,760 --> 00:43:25,279 Speaker 2: vet bills, they'll give you toys. It's like amazing, It's 741 00:43:25,280 --> 00:43:29,080 Speaker 2: like the best of both worlds. And finally, because I'm 742 00:43:29,200 --> 00:43:33,520 Speaker 2: not done with giving unsolicited advice about pet ownership, if 743 00:43:33,520 --> 00:43:37,120 Speaker 2: you're thinking about getting a dog or a cat, or 744 00:43:37,200 --> 00:43:39,320 Speaker 2: even like a rabbit or a guinea pig or a 745 00:43:39,400 --> 00:43:42,960 Speaker 2: chicken like whatever, please consider going to the shelter first, 746 00:43:43,719 --> 00:43:47,840 Speaker 2: and please read up on responsible breeding. There are so 747 00:43:47,920 --> 00:43:51,560 Speaker 2: many misconceptions about rescue animals out there. You have no 748 00:43:51,680 --> 00:43:55,080 Speaker 2: idea the work that these places put into these dogs 749 00:43:55,160 --> 00:43:57,200 Speaker 2: and these animals to make sure that they go to 750 00:43:57,239 --> 00:43:59,839 Speaker 2: loving homes. I would say ninety five percent of the time, 751 00:44:00,280 --> 00:44:04,000 Speaker 2: like they're absolutely perfect. And if you want a specific breed, 752 00:44:04,000 --> 00:44:06,600 Speaker 2: which I totally get, I can guarantee you there is 753 00:44:06,640 --> 00:44:10,600 Speaker 2: a rescue organization that specializes in that breed and takes 754 00:44:10,640 --> 00:44:13,120 Speaker 2: on people's pets of that breed that they don't want 755 00:44:13,160 --> 00:44:16,200 Speaker 2: anymore to rehome them. And it's not gonna cost you 756 00:44:16,239 --> 00:44:18,000 Speaker 2: like four and a half thousand dollars that you're gonna 757 00:44:18,000 --> 00:44:20,600 Speaker 2: pay to someone who you have no idea what their 758 00:44:20,960 --> 00:44:26,960 Speaker 2: intentions are. I just think secondhand secondhand dog, secondhand cat, 759 00:44:27,280 --> 00:44:31,640 Speaker 2: third hand dog, third hand cat, like it's I think 760 00:44:31,680 --> 00:44:34,000 Speaker 2: it's fun. I really think that they end up being 761 00:44:34,040 --> 00:44:38,160 Speaker 2: amazing animals. So I think that's all that we have 762 00:44:38,200 --> 00:44:40,879 Speaker 2: time for today, and I hope that you have learned 763 00:44:40,920 --> 00:44:43,640 Speaker 2: something about this deep connection we have with the furry 764 00:44:43,719 --> 00:44:45,759 Speaker 2: critters in our lives, whether you have one or not, 765 00:44:45,840 --> 00:44:48,840 Speaker 2: whether you want one or not. I hope that checklist 766 00:44:48,880 --> 00:44:52,239 Speaker 2: of questions may be either confirmed something for you or 767 00:44:52,320 --> 00:44:54,719 Speaker 2: made you realize that you know that's something for you 768 00:44:54,760 --> 00:44:58,560 Speaker 2: to look forward to. I loved making this episode. I'm 769 00:44:58,600 --> 00:45:01,000 Speaker 2: just gonna like dedicate this to Time. I love her 770 00:45:01,040 --> 00:45:03,880 Speaker 2: so much. Is that a surprise? Probably not, but I 771 00:45:03,920 --> 00:45:06,360 Speaker 2: had such a joy recording this, So thank you for listening. 772 00:45:06,640 --> 00:45:08,879 Speaker 2: Leave your pet's name down below as well, like I said, 773 00:45:08,960 --> 00:45:10,960 Speaker 2: especially if they had a human name. I just want 774 00:45:11,000 --> 00:45:14,360 Speaker 2: to thank our researcher Libby Colbert for her contributions to 775 00:45:14,400 --> 00:45:18,560 Speaker 2: this episode and for her amazing work. As always, if 776 00:45:18,600 --> 00:45:20,720 Speaker 2: you want to learn more, if you want some behind 777 00:45:20,760 --> 00:45:23,520 Speaker 2: the scenes content, if you want summaries of episodes, you 778 00:45:23,520 --> 00:45:27,960 Speaker 2: can follow us at that Psychology podcast on Instagram. Make 779 00:45:27,960 --> 00:45:31,400 Speaker 2: sure that you are following us here, on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, 780 00:45:31,680 --> 00:45:34,359 Speaker 2: the iHeartRadio app, wherever you are listening, and give us 781 00:45:34,360 --> 00:45:36,799 Speaker 2: a five star review if you feel called to do so. 782 00:45:36,920 --> 00:45:40,880 Speaker 2: It really helps the show reach new people. It's an 783 00:45:40,920 --> 00:45:43,480 Speaker 2: amazing freeway to say you appreciate us as well. If 784 00:45:43,520 --> 00:45:45,560 Speaker 2: you do. I don't know if you do, but if 785 00:45:45,600 --> 00:45:49,080 Speaker 2: you do, thank you. Until next time, stay safe, be kind, 786 00:45:49,160 --> 00:45:52,319 Speaker 2: be gentle with yourself. Love, Go and put some love 787 00:45:52,320 --> 00:45:54,319 Speaker 2: and on a cute little puppy out there. Go and 788 00:45:54,400 --> 00:45:56,759 Speaker 2: go to the dog park this afternoon. We will talk 789 00:45:56,880 --> 00:45:57,439 Speaker 2: very very soon.