Speaker 1: Hey guys, I'm Kaylie Shot and this is too much
Speaker 1: to say. Happy questions it out you all right, guys,
Speaker 1: we're back. Um, it is too much to say. Two
Speaker 1: point oh. I'm very excited about what's going to be
Speaker 1: happening on the podcast and just like new things that
Speaker 1: I have planned. Um, but one of the first new
Speaker 1: things I wanted to bring in was what I have
Speaker 1: too much to say about this week? Like every week,
Speaker 1: I feel like I have something that I'm obsessed with
Speaker 1: that I can't get over, And this week it is
Speaker 1: the album Holy Fuck by Demi Lovato. Um, I literally
Speaker 1: I can't get enough. I think it's such an incredible
Speaker 1: piece of work and um, yeah, the whole thing is amazing.
Speaker 1: Demi has been a huge inspiration of mine for my
Speaker 1: entire teen years and she's been through so much. Also
Speaker 1: side note, she recently went back to she slashed the
Speaker 1: A pronounced, so I'm going to be using both um interchangeably. Um.
Speaker 1: But she has been such a huge influence and I
Speaker 1: always loved that she was so rock driven and her
Speaker 1: music was like, I mean, it was like Disney, but
Speaker 1: it was also really really hardcore rock. And yeah, I mean,
Speaker 1: like you remember her old ones like every Time You
Speaker 1: Lie or Catch Me or my favorite was here We
Speaker 1: Go Again, Like I was obsessed with that song the
Speaker 1: summer before ninth grade. And yeah, but this album, holy fuck.
Speaker 1: It is very aptly titled UM but it is like
Speaker 1: rock rock. And I was listening to their interview with
Speaker 1: Zane Lowe on um Apple Radium and Demmy was talking
Speaker 1: about how like she's had the same like she had
Speaker 1: the same team for so long, and they really pushed
Speaker 1: her in this pop started direction. She was like, I
Speaker 1: was wearing, you know, bodysuits on stage singing pop songs.
Speaker 1: I didn't feel like myself. I wasn't enjoying the performances,
Speaker 1: and like with this album, I'm like so excited to
Speaker 1: play them and it was just very cool and you
Speaker 1: could see how excited she was. I already am getting
Speaker 1: tickets to Nashville and l A on the tour. UM.
Speaker 1: I think it's just going to be incredible. But there's
Speaker 1: The album starts off with a song called Freak by
Speaker 1: Young Blood and Demi wrote it like being inspired by
Speaker 1: coming out as non binary and having people on the
Speaker 1: internet be like you're fucking freak, and it's just such
Speaker 1: a beautiful album that talks a lot about their sexuality
Speaker 1: and experience in the music industry. But I'm going to
Speaker 1: say my favorite song on there has to be twenty nine. Um.
Speaker 1: It is a song about Demi, and um, they're supposed
Speaker 1: I mean, it's I'm not gonna say it because of
Speaker 1: defamation issues, but if you google it or look on Twitter,
Speaker 1: you'll see who the song's about. But it's about somebody
Speaker 1: that Demi dated when they were seventeen and the guy
Speaker 1: was twenty nine. And the lyrics are just so brutal.
Speaker 1: And if you've ever been a girl dating or a
Speaker 1: guy honestly or whatever dating somebody older than you it
Speaker 1: and it's like had an unhealthy power dynamic. This song
Speaker 1: encapsulates it so well. And Um, I have my song eighteen,
Speaker 1: which is on the Open Book Underbridge version, and it's
Speaker 1: one of my favorite songs I've ever written, and this
Speaker 1: kind of feels like similar to that, and so it
Speaker 1: touches a certain part of my heart. Um, that inspired
Speaker 1: me to write eighteen. But I'm going to read some
Speaker 1: of the lyrics from the chorus and then you guys
Speaker 1: are going to go listen to the album, right because
Speaker 1: I haven't shown up about UM Finally twenty nine funny,
Speaker 1: just like you were at the time. I thought it
Speaker 1: was a teenage dream, just to fantasy. But was it
Speaker 1: yours or was it mine? Seventy nine? Ah, it starts
Speaker 1: my feelings. It's so good though, it's so good. So anyways,
Speaker 1: I'm obsessed with the album and UM. I have always
Speaker 1: felt like I would die for dem Mo Boto, but
Speaker 1: the fangirl fangirl me doesn't doesn't go away. So that's
Speaker 1: what I have to just say about this week. Okay,
Speaker 1: So I've had a lot of time during the break
Speaker 1: that we took from the podcast to come up with
Speaker 1: ideas about what I want to talk about because sometimes
Speaker 1: it's like, you know, I'm sure you guys being listeners,
Speaker 1: you know, when there was more ever put into an
Speaker 1: episode than another, and I want to make sure that
Speaker 1: I'm doing that every week. So I was able to
Speaker 1: stockpile some ideas and like, you know, just things I
Speaker 1: wanted to cover because it's a lot of content. I mean,
Speaker 1: like I've been writing three to five songs a week
Speaker 1: and I'm doing a podcast that can be anywhere from
Speaker 1: thirty minutes to an hour, and also trying to come
Speaker 1: up with social content and have some visual things that
Speaker 1: like I'm working on for my for my next project
Speaker 1: and figuring out where I want to go with that.
Speaker 1: So it's like I do only have so much brain,
Speaker 1: So the time off was really great to have. Um
Speaker 1: But on this episode, I have been musing for ideas
Speaker 1: and I wanted to talk about the concept of being
Speaker 1: too much, and that feels very fitting because it's in
Speaker 1: the title and it's like too much to side two
Speaker 1: point oh first episode. But I feel like people get
Speaker 1: told this so much, and it always makes me really
Speaker 1: sad because like, I don't know, I don't know. It's
Speaker 1: like by people telling you that you're too much, it
Speaker 1: feels a lot like being told that you're not enough,
Speaker 1: and then it like makes you feel like you don't
Speaker 1: have any self awareness and that you're just like all
Speaker 1: over the place, and like really, it's just people saying
Speaker 1: they're intimidated by your personality, and usually it's confidence and like,
Speaker 1: obviously I've heard that so many times of my life.
Speaker 1: My best friend Candy has heard that the entirety of
Speaker 1: their lives, and I personally feel like I am attracted
Speaker 1: to people who have been told that because I like relate,
Speaker 1: and then I don't have to worry about making myself
Speaker 1: smaller around these people. Now, the worst kind of version
Speaker 1: is someone who's like, has a very large personality and
Speaker 1: also can't be around people with large personalities because it's like, Okay,
Speaker 1: well that's fucking dumb. But I love being around people
Speaker 1: who like collect friends who are quote unquote too much.
Speaker 1: And really it's like when you I mean, I think
Speaker 1: that some of it goes back to being neurodivergent, Like
Speaker 1: I have a d h D and a lot of
Speaker 1: my friends are um have that or are on the
Speaker 1: autism spectrum. And I've always connected with people very quickly
Speaker 1: who have like a little bit of a quirk or
Speaker 1: you know, are just an artist or just something that
Speaker 1: other people consider quote unquote weird, even though none of
Speaker 1: those things are weird. But I found, like, you know,
Speaker 1: I'm just really comfortable around people who just get to
Speaker 1: the fucking point, you know, Like it's the the tacit
Speaker 1: rules of social interactions where you're not supposed to do
Speaker 1: this and you're not supposed to do that, and none
Speaker 1: of it makes any sense to me. Honestly. The whole
Speaker 1: concept of white lies to protect social norms really stresses
Speaker 1: me out, Like I don't think I'm capable of it,
Speaker 1: and I try really hard, and I think that's why
Speaker 1: I like I've historically gotten along really well with autistic
Speaker 1: people because I'm not offended by bluntness, and I think
Speaker 1: that's a huge characteristic of being on the spectrum. And
Speaker 1: then like they're not offended by bluntness. It's just like
Speaker 1: I don't think I'm harsh. I think i'm efficient. I
Speaker 1: think I say exactly as on my mind, and it's
Speaker 1: not in a like, oh, here's my unsolicit opinion about
Speaker 1: your life way and your personal choices. It's like in
Speaker 1: a I'm not going to waste any words, because why
Speaker 1: would I waste our time like that my time, your time.
Speaker 1: I respect both and just trying to like make my
Speaker 1: language more flowery to deliver something that someone might perceive
Speaker 1: its harsh. It's really exhausting, it's really hard, and I
Speaker 1: just don't The thing is, I just don't know what
Speaker 1: I'm doing it, and so like just coming in hot
Speaker 1: with some real old fashioned black and white communication. People
Speaker 1: think that's too much, but really I'm like, well, what
Speaker 1: I think is too much is beating around the goddamn
Speaker 1: bush for three hours and like making me listen to
Speaker 1: a bunch of stuff that's irrelevant to what you're trying
Speaker 1: to say. And also when people say something but they
Speaker 1: want you to immediately know that they meant something different,
Speaker 1: what the heck is that? What is that? It's like, well,
Speaker 1: you should have known that I meant this. It's like, no,
Speaker 1: I should have No. I don't think that it has
Speaker 1: ever crime to take something that somebody says at face value.
Speaker 1: It is your responsibility to communicate your needs and your
Speaker 1: feelings that if you can't say them out loud, then
Speaker 1: there's probably something wrong with your needs and your feelings. Girls,
Speaker 1: he wouldn't feel so weird about it, right. Obviously that's
Speaker 1: not a universal statement, but I do feel like it
Speaker 1: applies very frequently. And yeah, so I've I've always been
Speaker 1: told that I'm too much. Because of that, I've as
Speaker 1: much as I've had friends that I feel like I
Speaker 1: can be comfortable doing that around. I've also had friends
Speaker 1: in my past who were constantly, like just threatened by
Speaker 1: my very existence, and that's not a healthy friendship to have.
Speaker 1: For self explanatory reasons. Um, but when we come back,
Speaker 1: I'm going to talk about one of the saddest times,
Speaker 1: I had a friend telling me that I was too much,
Speaker 1: and yeah, I agree with that. Okay, we are back
Speaker 1: on too much to say and talking about being too much,
Speaker 1: overwhelming people with your individuality, with your confidence in their intensity.
Speaker 1: And I had a friend and I used to attract
Speaker 1: these people a lot um and I would just find
Speaker 1: like they were constantly trying to make me less and
Speaker 1: I would try to like compete with me in social situations.
Speaker 1: And I didn't really see it as that until I
Speaker 1: got older and until I went to therapy, And honestly,
Speaker 1: I feel like my romantic relationships have been, you know, difficult,
Speaker 1: but nothing is nothing can hurt me quite like a friend,
Speaker 1: because you don't assume you're going to break up, you
Speaker 1: don't like question it, you don't wonder if they're going
Speaker 1: to break up with you. You're just like, okay, cool
Speaker 1: for best friends forever. It's a lot easier to say
Speaker 1: that than it is to say, like, I'm gonna date
Speaker 1: you forever. But like, I've met people and been friends
Speaker 1: with them and immediately been like best friends forever, and
Speaker 1: you would not do that in a relationship like Candy
Speaker 1: and I became friends because Candy literally just walked up
Speaker 1: to me and was like after we played songs E
Speaker 1: for dants together and was like, hey, like do you
Speaker 1: want me friends? And I was like yeah, for sure,
Speaker 1: and then like here we and I think that's beautiful.
Speaker 1: But my more complex really friendships have really like left
Speaker 1: me feeling so insecure and so down on myself. And
Speaker 1: that's what I've had to spend a lot of therapy
Speaker 1: dealing with was my family and my friendships versus ex boyfriends,
Speaker 1: because that feels easy for me to understand. It's like, Okay,
Speaker 1: we don't you didn't like me anyone, that's where we
Speaker 1: broke up. Or you are insecure and needed to end
Speaker 1: the relationship but couldn't do it without cheating on me,
Speaker 1: and you have to do that in order to get out. Okay, fine,
Speaker 1: easy to understand. Not cool, but easy to understand. So
Speaker 1: with this one friend, um, it would be little things. Um.
Speaker 1: We worked together a lot and I I loved working
Speaker 1: with them, and I still get kind of sad thinking
Speaker 1: about it because I missed that creativity I got to have.
Speaker 1: And there's a Dolly Parton song It's like you can't
Speaker 1: make old friends and that's so true. You can't. You can't.
Speaker 1: And so that was hard, like losing the friendship just
Speaker 1: because I wanted an old friend as I was going
Speaker 1: through these like really rough things that inspired up in book.
Speaker 1: But the friend was gone. And I think it was
Speaker 1: a slow burn leading up to that point, but I
Speaker 1: didn't necessarily see it because I just was taking things
Speaker 1: at face value. But there was so much to see
Speaker 1: between the lines. And there was a time that this
Speaker 1: friend and I, um we had. I was releasing a
Speaker 1: song that I wrote with them, and they were releasing
Speaker 1: a song around the same time, and they knew that
Speaker 1: our song we wrote together was coming out, and I
Speaker 1: was like, I would be so excited, Like I just
Speaker 1: think that would be awesome. I don't know, I don't know.
Speaker 1: I was like really pumped to have written the song
Speaker 1: with my friend and how it coming out, and we
Speaker 1: both knew we were have them coming up like the
Speaker 1: same month. I was trying to figure out my release
Speaker 1: date and I had to move it because I got
Speaker 1: a really big radio premiere that I had to take
Speaker 1: them up on and that was the only day they
Speaker 1: could do it. And you don't get to be like, oh,
Speaker 1: never mind, sorry, huge radio conglomerate, Um, we have to
Speaker 1: pick a different day because my friend has a song
Speaker 1: coming out that day, And trutually, I didn't even think
Speaker 1: about it because I was like, oh my god, that's
Speaker 1: gonna be so cool, like they have their single coming
Speaker 1: out and a song they wrote with me coming out
Speaker 1: on the same day, Like how freaking fun. Right, Well,
Speaker 1: they did not feel the same way, and I kind
Speaker 1: of had a pit in my stomach feeling like it
Speaker 1: was going to be contentious when I told them, But
Speaker 1: I was like, I mean, I knew it shouldn't be,
Speaker 1: but I did also know that I was like kind
Speaker 1: of a little bit afraid of this friend and walked
Speaker 1: on eggshells around them because there were so like many
Speaker 1: tacent rules to like dodge and all of that. And
Speaker 1: I remember telling them like, hey, by the way, like
Speaker 1: we had to change the release date because we got
Speaker 1: this huge premiere, like is not so exciting it's our song,
Speaker 1: like it's going to be on the radio. And they
Speaker 1: didn't talk to me for a week and made it
Speaker 1: very clear the reason why they didn't talk to me
Speaker 1: for a week, and it was because like they're like, well,
Speaker 1: I just feel like you're you're stealing my spotlight and
Speaker 1: you're taking my day away from me, and like I
Speaker 1: really wanted that day to be about me and my song,
Speaker 1: and I was like, well, it's about you and both
Speaker 1: your songs, like you know, and I don't think it
Speaker 1: impedes on anything, Like, if anything, I thought it would
Speaker 1: be really cute. We can have like a little party
Speaker 1: together and be like happy release day. But this friend
Speaker 1: was always really threatened by um other other girls in
Speaker 1: the music industry. I think I think that's been a
Speaker 1: recurring problem for them. And yeah, it was just a
Speaker 1: huge bomber and it totally like took the fun out
Speaker 1: of the release for me because I was so sad
Speaker 1: that I was making my friend like hurting my friend's
Speaker 1: feelings and like I wasn't able to like fully be
Speaker 1: present for the release. And they got over it, or
Speaker 1: maybe didn't, but they made it seem like they got
Speaker 1: over it. And then there was a time that I
Speaker 1: was making my opera debut and we were um I
Speaker 1: was playing a song that we wrote together, which I
Speaker 1: was so excited and I've gotten to be at the
Speaker 1: opery when Mickey Guyton sang a song that we wrote
Speaker 1: together and it was like the cool thing ever, Like
Speaker 1: I love when my songs have lives through other people,
Speaker 1: and it was so special and like I just was
Speaker 1: like there to see Mickey doer thing. But when I
Speaker 1: made my opera debut, you only get like a certain
Speaker 1: amount of tickets, like I think you get like ten
Speaker 1: discounted tickets and ten people backstage, which sounds like a lot,
Speaker 1: but it stacks up really quickly because I had my
Speaker 1: two musicians, so that's two people who played with me,
Speaker 1: and then I had, um, you know, my manager, my videographer,
Speaker 1: my other manager, my publicist, his assistant, my agent, I
Speaker 1: think my other agent came, and my publisher. So that's
Speaker 1: ten people already. And I think they even bent the
Speaker 1: roles and let's have some extra people. But my friends
Speaker 1: had to be in the audience, and like it wasn't
Speaker 1: always going to be like that, Like I was going
Speaker 1: to play the opery. I mean I played at like
Speaker 1: twenty five times at this point, so there were many
Speaker 1: other times that I could bring people with me, but
Speaker 1: the first time like had to be it was it
Speaker 1: was very work related. It was fun, but it was
Speaker 1: like a celebration for me and my team. It was
Speaker 1: necessarily a party with my friends backstage, um, and they
Speaker 1: were like really really upset that they weren't backstage, and
Speaker 1: they were really upset that, like they weren't close to
Speaker 1: the stage, and I felt like I wasn't giving them
Speaker 1: enough attention that night, and I had a party afterwards
Speaker 1: because there's a David Busters across the street from the opery,
Speaker 1: so it was like really special and oh and my
Speaker 1: mom was there, like my family came in and like
Speaker 1: that never happens for me, so that was like a
Speaker 1: really big deal. And they just felt like I'd been
Speaker 1: like blowing them off, and I was like, well, I mean,
Speaker 1: I just I'm not I just you're my You're my
Speaker 1: best friend. You know I love you. You You know that
Speaker 1: this is cool, but there's so many people to balance,
Speaker 1: and they just felt like I was being like sucking
Speaker 1: the air out of the room and needing to be
Speaker 1: a diva and not being able to acknowledge them, which
Speaker 1: is like so incorrect, and it just made me feel
Speaker 1: so bad, and like at the time, I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: my on, I'm a horrible friend. Like I wasn't like, oh,
Speaker 1: you're asking unrealistic things for me, and actually it feels
Speaker 1: like you're trying to suck the air out of the room.
Speaker 1: I was just like, wow, I'm a horrible friend. This sucks.
Speaker 1: And as time has gone on, I've been like able
Speaker 1: to and I still work on it because I've had
Speaker 1: a lot of times, especially in the past year and
Speaker 1: a half, like, as I've gone through some really hard
Speaker 1: friendship losses, I've been so insecure and questioned myself in
Speaker 1: social settings and felt like I don't know what I'm doing,
Speaker 1: and then I'm just like flailing about and everyone can
Speaker 1: tell how awkward I am accept me and that I
Speaker 1: have no self awareness, which is like my deepest fear,
Speaker 1: because there's nothing worse than being a completely different human
Speaker 1: than you think you are. Like that stresses me out
Speaker 1: so much, and so I actually think I have pretty
Speaker 1: good self awareness. But even as I'm saying these things
Speaker 1: and I kind of know them, I'm still doubting myself.
Speaker 1: I'm like, no, you don't, and it's just been a
Speaker 1: difficult process to be fully my elf. But I'm also like, Okay,
Speaker 1: I don't work in a cubicle and I don't have
Speaker 1: a boss who needs me to dress the same as
Speaker 1: everybody else. And I've had those jobs and all that
Speaker 1: like I'm like, I'm an artist, and I, to some
Speaker 1: extent get to do whatever the funk I want in
Speaker 1: certain areas of my life, and so why would I
Speaker 1: conform to somebody else's expectation to me when I have
Speaker 1: the freedom in the way that my life is set
Speaker 1: up and the way my life functions to be completely
Speaker 1: myself and I am no longer going to entertain thoughts
Speaker 1: about being too intense or being too loud, or talking
Speaker 1: too much, or you know, just acting like myself. And
Speaker 1: my friends know those traits about me, and clearly it
Speaker 1: doesn't bother them because they're still around. The ones who
Speaker 1: couldn't handle it are gone. Um, And I care so
Speaker 1: deeply about people, and I really love being around them
Speaker 1: and I love getting to know them. And I don't
Speaker 1: like how I feel when I'm socially anxious, Like I
Speaker 1: really hate it because it doesn't feel like me and
Speaker 1: it doesn't feel like the core of who I am.
Speaker 1: So I'm working on that, and may we all feel
Speaker 1: more comfortable taking up space in the world and being
Speaker 1: our fullest selves, but also you know, knowing when to
Speaker 1: tone it down and like let things be about other people.
Speaker 1: I think there's also a balance there. But thank you
Speaker 1: so much for listening. This is too much to say.
Speaker 1: Two point oh thank you guys for sticking around during
Speaker 1: the Minnisota era. But we were back and I will
Speaker 1: see you next week. On too much to say, I'm
Speaker 1: Kaylie Shure You'll have a good one. Don't go asking questions.
Speaker 1: U turn it out. You