1 00:00:00,200 --> 00:00:02,199 Speaker 1: Hey, this is Sam. This is a John your og 2 00:00:02,440 --> 00:00:04,920 Speaker 1: Okay Storytime podcast host, and we got some great stories 3 00:00:04,960 --> 00:00:06,920 Speaker 1: coming up. Before that, we have a quick two minute 4 00:00:06,920 --> 00:00:08,799 Speaker 1: break from the sponsors that keep the show a lot. 5 00:00:09,440 --> 00:00:12,840 Speaker 2: My fiance demands a fifty to fifty split, so I 6 00:00:12,960 --> 00:00:14,920 Speaker 2: told him to downgrade his lifestyle. 7 00:00:15,080 --> 00:00:16,560 Speaker 3: I told him, get oway, I'm going to cut you 8 00:00:16,560 --> 00:00:17,919 Speaker 3: in half with the sword. You want a fifty to 9 00:00:17,920 --> 00:00:18,880 Speaker 3: fifty split? Come on? 10 00:00:19,680 --> 00:00:21,800 Speaker 2: Am I the ale for telling my fiance that if 11 00:00:21,800 --> 00:00:23,840 Speaker 2: he expects me to contribute fifty to fifty, we have 12 00:00:23,880 --> 00:00:27,600 Speaker 2: to make some serious lifestyle changes. My twenty six female 13 00:00:27,840 --> 00:00:31,680 Speaker 2: by fiance twenty six mail sat me down yesterday and 14 00:00:31,720 --> 00:00:34,600 Speaker 2: gave me a long talk about how it feels like 15 00:00:34,720 --> 00:00:38,120 Speaker 2: I don't contribute a lot to the household, particularly in 16 00:00:38,159 --> 00:00:41,520 Speaker 2: the financial sense. I was a bit caught off guard 17 00:00:41,560 --> 00:00:43,880 Speaker 2: by this, but was willing to hear him out since 18 00:00:43,880 --> 00:00:46,839 Speaker 2: he wasn't wrong. By the way, this comes from throwaway 19 00:00:46,840 --> 00:00:48,960 Speaker 2: downsizing and if you want to spit your own stories, 20 00:00:48,960 --> 00:00:51,960 Speaker 2: go to the r slash Okay. Storytime subured it. So 21 00:00:53,320 --> 00:00:55,920 Speaker 2: he makes a lot more than I do, and we've 22 00:00:56,000 --> 00:00:59,760 Speaker 2: always split bills accordingly, which ends up being about eighty 23 00:00:59,760 --> 00:01:02,640 Speaker 2: percent sent him. I asked what he wanted me to 24 00:01:02,680 --> 00:01:05,800 Speaker 2: pay now, and he was adamant about it being fifty 25 00:01:05,840 --> 00:01:08,920 Speaker 2: to fifty. I asked if everything was okay with his 26 00:01:09,040 --> 00:01:11,840 Speaker 2: job or if he needed to take fewer hours. He 27 00:01:11,840 --> 00:01:15,160 Speaker 2: wouldn't answer me. I honestly wouldn't have gotten upset if 28 00:01:15,200 --> 00:01:17,840 Speaker 2: there seemed like an actual reason behind it, but he 29 00:01:17,959 --> 00:01:19,840 Speaker 2: just said he'd been thinking about it a lot, over 30 00:01:19,840 --> 00:01:22,880 Speaker 2: and over every time. I asked what brought him to 31 00:01:23,000 --> 00:01:27,000 Speaker 2: this conclusion, what was going on, and eventually he just said, 32 00:01:27,440 --> 00:01:29,760 Speaker 2: that's how it's going to be. Take it or leave it, 33 00:01:29,959 --> 00:01:33,520 Speaker 2: those exact words in response to literally everything I said, 34 00:01:34,080 --> 00:01:38,399 Speaker 2: full shut down, no explanations. I told him that was fine, 35 00:01:38,440 --> 00:01:41,240 Speaker 2: I'll take it, and then asked if he'd made a 36 00:01:41,360 --> 00:01:45,319 Speaker 2: Zilo account yet or expected me to. He looked confused 37 00:01:45,360 --> 00:01:48,320 Speaker 2: and asked why would we need a Zilo account. I 38 00:01:48,400 --> 00:01:51,200 Speaker 2: explained that there's no way I can afford half rent 39 00:01:51,280 --> 00:01:53,920 Speaker 2: on our current place, so we'll probably have to move 40 00:01:53,960 --> 00:01:58,120 Speaker 2: into a one bedroom apartment. He got mad and asked 41 00:01:58,240 --> 00:02:00,320 Speaker 2: why didn't have shavings. I told him that I do, 42 00:02:00,800 --> 00:02:03,120 Speaker 2: but I'm not paying rent out of my savings because 43 00:02:03,120 --> 00:02:05,360 Speaker 2: that's a terrible and unsustainable idea. 44 00:02:05,400 --> 00:02:07,520 Speaker 3: Yeah, he's like, yeah. 45 00:02:07,680 --> 00:02:09,880 Speaker 2: I also began to go over what our new food 46 00:02:09,919 --> 00:02:12,880 Speaker 2: budget would be, our new entertainment budget, and that we'd 47 00:02:12,880 --> 00:02:15,080 Speaker 2: probably have to sell the cars and get one less 48 00:02:15,080 --> 00:02:17,919 Speaker 2: expensive one because I can't afford half of the payments 49 00:02:17,919 --> 00:02:21,360 Speaker 2: on an Audi and a land Rover. Then I explained 50 00:02:21,400 --> 00:02:23,440 Speaker 2: that date nights would probably have to be reduced too, 51 00:02:23,639 --> 00:02:27,000 Speaker 2: and we could still do like Buffalo wild wings or something, 52 00:02:27,080 --> 00:02:30,240 Speaker 2: but I preferred Thursday nights because you get two orders 53 00:02:30,240 --> 00:02:34,160 Speaker 2: of boneless wings for one. Basically, if he wants me 54 00:02:34,280 --> 00:02:38,440 Speaker 2: to pay half, we're living with my means, not his anymore. 55 00:02:39,680 --> 00:02:42,280 Speaker 2: He kind of agreed to it, but since then he's 56 00:02:42,280 --> 00:02:45,760 Speaker 2: been incredibly angry. He's not saying or doing anything, but 57 00:02:45,840 --> 00:02:48,160 Speaker 2: it's like he's walking around the house in this cloud 58 00:02:48,240 --> 00:02:52,520 Speaker 2: of pissed off. I've sent him six Zillo listings, all 59 00:02:52,560 --> 00:02:56,720 Speaker 2: of which he called uninhabitable for various reasons, some of 60 00:02:56,760 --> 00:02:59,760 Speaker 2: which I think were valid, others I disagree with. He's 61 00:02:59,840 --> 00:03:02,760 Speaker 2: now saying that I'm being unfair and manipulative, and that 62 00:03:02,840 --> 00:03:05,000 Speaker 2: he tried to come to me with a serious concern 63 00:03:05,080 --> 00:03:08,400 Speaker 2: about a relationship, and I'm making it impossible for him 64 00:03:08,440 --> 00:03:11,760 Speaker 2: to talk to me and bulldozing over him. Am I 65 00:03:11,800 --> 00:03:16,640 Speaker 2: the a hole? Brother? You bulldoze relevant comments, not the 66 00:03:16,720 --> 00:03:19,640 Speaker 2: a hole at all, And you are making perfect sense 67 00:03:19,639 --> 00:03:21,920 Speaker 2: in my mind. If he wants fifty to fifty, he 68 00:03:21,960 --> 00:03:25,000 Speaker 2: needs to understand that your income is the limiting agent 69 00:03:25,200 --> 00:03:28,200 Speaker 2: in this reaction. It does sound like he has something 70 00:03:28,200 --> 00:03:30,440 Speaker 2: else going on, and I would mentally prepare for him 71 00:03:30,440 --> 00:03:31,440 Speaker 2: to call the wedding off. 72 00:03:32,160 --> 00:03:34,320 Speaker 3: I forgot they were getting married. Oh yeah, wait, that's 73 00:03:34,360 --> 00:03:35,200 Speaker 3: another layer. 74 00:03:35,280 --> 00:03:37,560 Speaker 2: I uh yeah. He's like, we're about to get hurried, 75 00:03:37,600 --> 00:03:39,400 Speaker 2: and you need to should be a thing that he knows. 76 00:03:39,440 --> 00:03:41,240 Speaker 4: He's like, I know you can't do this, so I'm 77 00:03:41,240 --> 00:03:42,520 Speaker 4: gonna say this needs to be done. 78 00:03:42,800 --> 00:03:44,880 Speaker 2: Oh Like he's trying to get out of it. Yeah. 79 00:03:44,920 --> 00:03:47,400 Speaker 4: It's like people will do that if they're like, I 80 00:03:47,440 --> 00:03:49,280 Speaker 4: can't be the one to end it, so it has 81 00:03:49,360 --> 00:03:50,760 Speaker 4: to be something outside of me. 82 00:03:51,000 --> 00:03:51,640 Speaker 3: Yeah, it does it. 83 00:03:52,160 --> 00:03:54,040 Speaker 2: This sounds like he is coming up with reasons to 84 00:03:54,120 --> 00:03:56,200 Speaker 2: get rid of you in his mind, but he does 85 00:03:56,280 --> 00:03:59,520 Speaker 2: not want to come off as the bad guy. Century 86 00:03:59,560 --> 00:04:02,640 Speaker 2: and olders making up jobs and numbers. You make one 87 00:04:02,680 --> 00:04:05,200 Speaker 2: to twenty k as an engineer. I make thirty k 88 00:04:05,400 --> 00:04:10,480 Speaker 2: in retail. I am fine living a life where we 89 00:04:10,600 --> 00:04:13,280 Speaker 2: spend the same amount, but I literally cannot keep up 90 00:04:13,640 --> 00:04:16,000 Speaker 2: because I'd have to pull tens of thousands of dollars 91 00:04:16,040 --> 00:04:18,719 Speaker 2: out of thin air. The only option to make this 92 00:04:18,800 --> 00:04:21,280 Speaker 2: work is if we live like we both make thirty K, 93 00:04:22,120 --> 00:04:24,359 Speaker 2: not the ale. The only options to give him what 94 00:04:24,440 --> 00:04:27,400 Speaker 2: he wanted was spend less or drain savings and enter 95 00:04:27,480 --> 00:04:32,120 Speaker 2: credit card debt and there is an update. But yeah, 96 00:04:32,680 --> 00:04:37,640 Speaker 2: he's expecting money that you don't have, so it's just impossible. 97 00:04:37,760 --> 00:04:40,920 Speaker 4: I would just ask him why he feels that it 98 00:04:41,000 --> 00:04:42,520 Speaker 4: has to be fifty to fifty. 99 00:04:42,640 --> 00:04:45,479 Speaker 2: Well, that's what she's asking. She's asking, is this anything changed? 100 00:04:45,760 --> 00:04:49,640 Speaker 2: Like what has changed here? What circumstances have changed? She 101 00:04:49,680 --> 00:04:52,120 Speaker 2: already got curious, and he was like, I don't know, 102 00:04:52,160 --> 00:04:53,080 Speaker 2: you just have to do it. 103 00:04:53,600 --> 00:04:55,640 Speaker 4: I don't know, just pull stuff out of your savings 104 00:04:56,320 --> 00:04:57,920 Speaker 4: or it's like, but like where is it coming from? 105 00:04:57,960 --> 00:04:58,840 Speaker 3: Like who told you this? 106 00:04:58,920 --> 00:05:01,240 Speaker 2: Like where did you find this? It's like, but there 107 00:05:01,240 --> 00:05:05,320 Speaker 2: is an update whenever. So last time I posted was Monday. 108 00:05:05,720 --> 00:05:08,279 Speaker 2: Monday as a whole was spent just sorting through what 109 00:05:08,320 --> 00:05:10,800 Speaker 2: I felt and what to do next. There was a 110 00:05:10,839 --> 00:05:14,520 Speaker 2: lot of silence and a lot of anger and a 111 00:05:14,560 --> 00:05:17,960 Speaker 2: lot of Reddit advice, some of which I found very insightful, 112 00:05:18,360 --> 00:05:21,520 Speaker 2: some of which was less so. Also, some people think 113 00:05:21,560 --> 00:05:23,919 Speaker 2: I made this up as part of a viral marketing 114 00:05:23,920 --> 00:05:28,400 Speaker 2: sponsorship between Buffalo Wild Wings, Audi and Zillow, which honestly 115 00:05:28,440 --> 00:05:31,160 Speaker 2: would solve the money problems if true, but alas. 116 00:05:31,600 --> 00:05:32,359 Speaker 5: Is not the case. 117 00:05:32,560 --> 00:05:36,200 Speaker 2: Dang it, bummer. On Tuesday, after I got home from work, 118 00:05:36,279 --> 00:05:38,120 Speaker 2: I sort of just walked up to him on the 119 00:05:38,160 --> 00:05:41,520 Speaker 2: elliptical and explained as calmly as I could that I 120 00:05:41,560 --> 00:05:44,839 Speaker 2: had questions and if he actually wanted to marry me, 121 00:05:44,960 --> 00:05:47,720 Speaker 2: he needed to be willing to answer them. I asked 122 00:05:47,800 --> 00:05:49,920 Speaker 2: if he thought I was gold digger, yes or no? 123 00:05:50,839 --> 00:05:54,560 Speaker 2: He said yes. Hmm. I told him that I wasn't 124 00:05:54,560 --> 00:05:56,320 Speaker 2: willing to be in a relationship where I have to 125 00:05:56,400 --> 00:06:00,640 Speaker 2: prove myself by sacrificing any sort of stability, and that 126 00:06:00,720 --> 00:06:03,400 Speaker 2: led to a bit of a screaming match and eventually 127 00:06:03,520 --> 00:06:08,640 Speaker 2: a confession. So it turns out we cannot afford anything 128 00:06:09,360 --> 00:06:10,400 Speaker 2: we have right now. 129 00:06:10,480 --> 00:06:14,760 Speaker 4: Wait a minute, what so he's living above his means? 130 00:06:14,839 --> 00:06:15,640 Speaker 2: That's what I was thinking. 131 00:06:15,839 --> 00:06:17,640 Speaker 3: He filled up his financial box. 132 00:06:17,920 --> 00:06:21,240 Speaker 2: Something happened. We are in serious credit card debt, the 133 00:06:21,279 --> 00:06:23,760 Speaker 2: cars are both on the verge of being repossessed, and 134 00:06:23,800 --> 00:06:25,040 Speaker 2: I did not know about any of this. 135 00:06:25,400 --> 00:06:27,440 Speaker 3: He blew out his financial box. 136 00:06:27,560 --> 00:06:32,440 Speaker 2: He's been cutting corners on actual necessities, including psychiatric medication, that, 137 00:06:32,520 --> 00:06:35,040 Speaker 2: in combination with some comments from his family, led him 138 00:06:35,080 --> 00:06:38,719 Speaker 2: to some pretty dark places. My fiance had a full 139 00:06:38,920 --> 00:06:41,719 Speaker 2: mental breakdown and apologized for calling me a gold digger, 140 00:06:41,760 --> 00:06:44,440 Speaker 2: which was nice to hear, but this whole thing had 141 00:06:44,480 --> 00:06:47,320 Speaker 2: me pretty shaken up. I went to stay with a 142 00:06:47,320 --> 00:06:49,920 Speaker 2: friend for a little bit. Yesterday, my fiance and I did, 143 00:06:49,960 --> 00:06:53,200 Speaker 2: in fact go out to b WW and get the 144 00:06:53,200 --> 00:06:57,200 Speaker 2: two for one boneless stop It. We talked a lot. 145 00:06:57,800 --> 00:07:00,440 Speaker 2: I'm still writing fiance for now and I hope he 146 00:07:00,480 --> 00:07:02,920 Speaker 2: can work through all of this. We talked about how 147 00:07:02,920 --> 00:07:05,400 Speaker 2: to sell the cars. We don't particularly have a choice 148 00:07:05,400 --> 00:07:08,400 Speaker 2: at this point about my income, his income, and the 149 00:07:08,440 --> 00:07:11,000 Speaker 2: sort of life we want to have. If we do 150 00:07:11,080 --> 00:07:13,920 Speaker 2: stay together, we'll be changing how we live a lot. 151 00:07:14,640 --> 00:07:16,760 Speaker 2: We need to get out of debt, We need to 152 00:07:16,760 --> 00:07:19,560 Speaker 2: get on our feet. I know some people are going 153 00:07:19,640 --> 00:07:22,280 Speaker 2: to say I'm being dumb for not immediately dropping all 154 00:07:22,320 --> 00:07:25,080 Speaker 2: contact and giving up in the relationship, but I can't 155 00:07:25,080 --> 00:07:27,400 Speaker 2: do that. I can't look at the guy I love 156 00:07:27,480 --> 00:07:29,400 Speaker 2: who went off his meds to try and make a 157 00:07:29,440 --> 00:07:32,240 Speaker 2: good life for me and think he's not worth sticking 158 00:07:32,240 --> 00:07:36,480 Speaker 2: around for at least to try. Don't get married yet, though, 159 00:07:37,680 --> 00:07:40,280 Speaker 2: don't get married when he lied to you about your 160 00:07:40,280 --> 00:07:42,320 Speaker 2: finances and got you guys into a bunch of debt. 161 00:07:43,160 --> 00:07:46,520 Speaker 2: Just wait a bit, yeah, wait a bit on that marriage? 162 00:07:46,080 --> 00:07:50,000 Speaker 2: Ye you know, doesn't hold off on that doesn't come 163 00:07:50,040 --> 00:07:54,560 Speaker 2: across as the most trustworthy enough. No, No, it's like 164 00:07:54,600 --> 00:07:56,440 Speaker 2: maybe you know you want to give him a second chance, 165 00:07:56,560 --> 00:07:59,800 Speaker 2: you care about how you love him, don't forget that 166 00:07:59,840 --> 00:08:02,120 Speaker 2: he did lie to you about the financial situation that 167 00:08:02,160 --> 00:08:02,520 Speaker 2: you're in. 168 00:08:03,080 --> 00:08:06,760 Speaker 4: And it's like again, why, Like where's it coming from? 169 00:08:06,800 --> 00:08:11,200 Speaker 4: Like who is who's telling him that he has that 170 00:08:11,280 --> 00:08:12,800 Speaker 4: this is the correct way to be. 171 00:08:13,480 --> 00:08:18,240 Speaker 2: Yeah, but there's more. I don't know what the future 172 00:08:18,280 --> 00:08:21,200 Speaker 2: looks like at all anymore. And the wedding is very 173 00:08:21,240 --> 00:08:24,680 Speaker 2: postponed at the moment. Good. Sorry this wasn't a more 174 00:08:24,720 --> 00:08:28,720 Speaker 2: fun update and relevant comments say watch your credit like 175 00:08:28,720 --> 00:08:34,080 Speaker 2: a hawk. Holmeslice Massive length, four hundred. While I understand 176 00:08:34,080 --> 00:08:35,680 Speaker 2: that you want to make it work, there are a 177 00:08:35,720 --> 00:08:39,280 Speaker 2: few things of note. It is absolutely critical to know 178 00:08:39,400 --> 00:08:42,920 Speaker 2: exactly how that debt got that deep. It's not at 179 00:08:42,960 --> 00:08:46,360 Speaker 2: all acceptable that he's been cutting corners on psychiatric medication. 180 00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:48,920 Speaker 2: He was going to point the finger at you being 181 00:08:48,960 --> 00:08:51,640 Speaker 2: in the wrong until you brought up leaving exactly. He 182 00:08:51,760 --> 00:08:53,400 Speaker 2: was literally blaming this on you. 183 00:08:54,200 --> 00:08:57,720 Speaker 3: To be clear, and he's like, She's like, ah, I 184 00:08:57,720 --> 00:08:59,400 Speaker 3: mean he was like, was my fault? 185 00:08:59,480 --> 00:09:03,320 Speaker 4: He is? He was, he was trying. He stopped taking 186 00:09:03,360 --> 00:09:05,120 Speaker 4: his meds for me. Isn't that romantic? 187 00:09:05,320 --> 00:09:10,000 Speaker 2: Like, no, no, it's not. His choices have left you 188 00:09:10,080 --> 00:09:12,200 Speaker 2: both in debt. How much of an effort is he 189 00:09:12,240 --> 00:09:15,120 Speaker 2: willing to make to help you both claw out? And 190 00:09:15,200 --> 00:09:17,040 Speaker 2: you really need to take a hard look at this 191 00:09:17,120 --> 00:09:21,000 Speaker 2: relationship how your future will look in it. And there 192 00:09:21,120 --> 00:09:21,880 Speaker 2: is an update. 193 00:09:22,120 --> 00:09:24,400 Speaker 4: Yeah, well, essentially he didn't put both of you in 194 00:09:24,440 --> 00:09:26,880 Speaker 4: debt because you're not on the house right because you're 195 00:09:26,880 --> 00:09:27,480 Speaker 4: not married. 196 00:09:27,720 --> 00:09:31,360 Speaker 2: No exactly, they're not married yet. But good. It seems like, oh, 197 00:09:31,440 --> 00:09:35,200 Speaker 2: he is taking this debt on. Don't don't do that. 198 00:09:35,440 --> 00:09:36,880 Speaker 2: It seems like oh, he's like, yeah, we have to 199 00:09:36,880 --> 00:09:39,240 Speaker 2: figure out how to get ourselves out of this debt. 200 00:09:39,679 --> 00:09:41,760 Speaker 2: Don't do this. It's not if you did not know 201 00:09:41,800 --> 00:09:44,800 Speaker 2: about the debt. It's not it's not your I mean, like, 202 00:09:44,840 --> 00:09:48,760 Speaker 2: I understand that you're in a partnership, but but like, no, 203 00:09:49,320 --> 00:09:51,280 Speaker 2: he's put himself into a. 204 00:09:51,200 --> 00:09:53,679 Speaker 3: Lot of He on a range Rover and an Audie 205 00:09:54,400 --> 00:09:57,120 Speaker 3: for himself. Gross. 206 00:09:57,400 --> 00:10:00,520 Speaker 4: Yeah, that's not it's not your debt. But only one 207 00:10:00,520 --> 00:10:03,199 Speaker 4: of those kinds of cars are worth having. I'll let 208 00:10:03,200 --> 00:10:05,280 Speaker 4: you decide which one is which. 209 00:10:05,720 --> 00:10:09,079 Speaker 2: But there is an update Good Things about my Fiance 210 00:10:10,040 --> 00:10:12,840 Speaker 2: author's note one day later. Op he made this very 211 00:10:12,880 --> 00:10:15,440 Speaker 2: weird post where she lists the things she likes about 212 00:10:15,440 --> 00:10:18,280 Speaker 2: her fiance. I think this was a response to everyone 213 00:10:18,400 --> 00:10:22,440 Speaker 2: telling her how awful her fiance is. And here's the list. 214 00:10:23,280 --> 00:10:27,560 Speaker 2: Pretty as f This is the most physically attractive man 215 00:10:27,600 --> 00:10:31,480 Speaker 2: I've ever met. Literal golden curls like a Da Vinci painting, 216 00:10:32,000 --> 00:10:34,800 Speaker 2: crystal blue eyes, just so pretty. It gives me butterflies 217 00:10:34,840 --> 00:10:35,600 Speaker 2: whenever he looks at me. 218 00:10:35,679 --> 00:10:39,360 Speaker 4: Sometimes that's funny, whenever he looks at me sometimes. 219 00:10:39,720 --> 00:10:45,400 Speaker 6: Number two, best I've ever bad, very good at just 220 00:10:45,480 --> 00:10:48,840 Speaker 6: about anything, actually likes going down on me makes me 221 00:10:48,920 --> 00:10:51,960 Speaker 6: see stars. I've never been in a relationship that I 222 00:10:52,000 --> 00:10:55,440 Speaker 6: was spicy, related and satisfying as this one, And there's 223 00:10:55,559 --> 00:10:59,400 Speaker 6: no way I'm going back it up to this. Number three, 224 00:11:00,240 --> 00:11:02,400 Speaker 6: His advice is very sexy. 225 00:11:02,440 --> 00:11:09,520 Speaker 7: He's hot, especially when he speaks Russiano. He also speaks French, Spanish, 226 00:11:09,960 --> 00:11:13,600 Speaker 7: and apparently Latin. I have a fact checked that one, 227 00:11:14,520 --> 00:11:19,439 Speaker 7: but Russian is my favorite. Number four, God of asectomy, 228 00:11:19,520 --> 00:11:22,360 Speaker 7: so I could go off birth control. He was the 229 00:11:22,360 --> 00:11:24,680 Speaker 7: one to suggest it because he saw much I hated 230 00:11:24,720 --> 00:11:26,920 Speaker 7: those stupid bills, and he was willing to get an 231 00:11:26,960 --> 00:11:32,319 Speaker 7: actual surgery for me. Number five, I don't know, fall 232 00:11:32,320 --> 00:11:36,680 Speaker 7: of little surprises and adventures, just like the massive amount 233 00:11:36,760 --> 00:11:37,160 Speaker 7: of debt. 234 00:11:37,200 --> 00:11:42,319 Speaker 4: Word, what an adventure that's gonna be, What an adventure 235 00:11:42,360 --> 00:11:42,760 Speaker 4: it'll be? 236 00:11:43,760 --> 00:11:46,200 Speaker 2: Clearing my credit Score's such a funny post. 237 00:11:46,240 --> 00:11:50,040 Speaker 5: It's such a list, is so dense. I also don't 238 00:11:50,559 --> 00:11:56,920 Speaker 5: like believe it. Yeah, I'm just hot. He's super like. 239 00:11:56,960 --> 00:11:59,439 Speaker 2: No babe told him that toma good and bad. 240 00:11:59,559 --> 00:12:02,960 Speaker 4: Please. Yeah, I think I'm just putting you in treats me, 241 00:12:03,280 --> 00:12:06,040 Speaker 4: lied about the very nature of our existence and then 242 00:12:06,080 --> 00:12:07,359 Speaker 4: made it my fault. 243 00:12:07,840 --> 00:12:11,240 Speaker 2: He's always doing things like getting me wildflowers, making my 244 00:12:11,400 --> 00:12:14,560 Speaker 2: favorite breakfast before I wake up, or even planning little 245 00:12:14,600 --> 00:12:17,160 Speaker 2: day adventures for us to go on together. Life is 246 00:12:17,280 --> 00:12:21,520 Speaker 2: never mundane when you're in massive amounts of crippling debt. Sorry, 247 00:12:21,520 --> 00:12:23,840 Speaker 2: that's some one. It says life is never mundane because 248 00:12:23,840 --> 00:12:29,280 Speaker 2: he's always making it special. Actually does housework. What does 249 00:12:29,320 --> 00:12:31,840 Speaker 2: not need to be asked to do housework? He actually 250 00:12:31,880 --> 00:12:34,120 Speaker 2: does more of the cleaning than I do, and I 251 00:12:34,200 --> 00:12:36,800 Speaker 2: cook most of the meals because he thinks that sweeping 252 00:12:36,880 --> 00:12:39,840 Speaker 2: a mop and floors is meditative. I don't know how 253 00:12:39,880 --> 00:12:41,400 Speaker 2: I got this lucky. 254 00:12:41,120 --> 00:12:46,559 Speaker 7: On this one plays guitar really really well. 255 00:12:46,720 --> 00:12:50,720 Speaker 2: He knows co called Wonderwall. 256 00:12:50,280 --> 00:12:50,559 Speaker 4: You know. 257 00:12:52,240 --> 00:12:56,160 Speaker 2: The Earth Wind and fire. Yeah, he plays this song 258 00:12:56,320 --> 00:12:59,240 Speaker 2: Firefly here. 259 00:13:01,120 --> 00:13:05,120 Speaker 4: Can physically pick me up woo wow and carry me around? 260 00:13:05,280 --> 00:13:09,120 Speaker 2: What does this often? I am not a small woman, 261 00:13:09,200 --> 00:13:12,600 Speaker 2: to be clear. This is legitimately oppressive and makes me 262 00:13:12,679 --> 00:13:18,480 Speaker 2: feel so nice. Wait, he's literate, reads, he reads. I 263 00:13:18,480 --> 00:13:21,240 Speaker 2: could actually talk about books with him. You have no 264 00:13:21,320 --> 00:13:23,880 Speaker 2: idea how rare this is, especially to find a guy 265 00:13:23,880 --> 00:13:27,040 Speaker 2: will read anything. I say, Oh, I liked this. You 266 00:13:27,080 --> 00:13:29,719 Speaker 2: do not comprehend the feeling of mentioning off handily that 267 00:13:29,760 --> 00:13:31,960 Speaker 2: you're reading midnight Sun and having him come to you 268 00:13:32,000 --> 00:13:34,960 Speaker 2: the next day after spending all night reading so that 269 00:13:35,000 --> 00:13:37,160 Speaker 2: you could talk about it together until you live it. 270 00:13:38,240 --> 00:13:41,360 Speaker 3: Okay, that's actually pretty thoughtful, but he's lied. 271 00:13:41,400 --> 00:13:44,080 Speaker 4: He lied, so this is all stuff that was probably 272 00:13:44,160 --> 00:13:47,280 Speaker 4: happening before he got into debt. 273 00:13:47,120 --> 00:13:48,960 Speaker 3: And lied to you about it and made it your fault. 274 00:13:49,120 --> 00:13:51,760 Speaker 2: Has shown me that there is actual romance in life, 275 00:13:51,760 --> 00:13:54,280 Speaker 2: and that I deserve more than a flat, boring relationship 276 00:13:54,320 --> 00:13:57,280 Speaker 2: devoid of zero moments or dancing in the rain or music. 277 00:13:57,800 --> 00:14:00,800 Speaker 2: He brought real passion and fun and a liveness into 278 00:14:00,840 --> 00:14:03,040 Speaker 2: my life, and in a world where that's treated as 279 00:14:03,080 --> 00:14:06,080 Speaker 2: an unrealistic fantasy for most women, you show me that 280 00:14:06,160 --> 00:14:09,320 Speaker 2: I deserve something unrealistic relevant comments. He may be the 281 00:14:09,320 --> 00:14:11,720 Speaker 2: first man to give you romance, passion, and fun, but 282 00:14:11,760 --> 00:14:14,719 Speaker 2: he's not the only one who can. These things are 283 00:14:14,760 --> 00:14:17,880 Speaker 2: great right now, but long term stability depends on much 284 00:14:17,920 --> 00:14:22,320 Speaker 2: more important factors. Financial problems are a leading cause of 285 00:14:22,400 --> 00:14:25,560 Speaker 2: divorce because once the fun stage is over, you're simply 286 00:14:25,600 --> 00:14:29,160 Speaker 2: faced with the crushing reality if you do stay with him, 287 00:14:29,200 --> 00:14:33,040 Speaker 2: Despite all advice, please keep an eye on your bank accounts, 288 00:14:33,080 --> 00:14:36,560 Speaker 2: credit score, and him in general. Don't marry him until 289 00:14:36,800 --> 00:14:40,800 Speaker 2: slash unless something changes in a major way, because if 290 00:14:40,800 --> 00:14:45,360 Speaker 2: you take on his debts, you'll be stuck. Alti Boris says, 291 00:14:45,400 --> 00:14:48,280 Speaker 2: it's a little concerning that your top three are physical 292 00:14:48,320 --> 00:14:52,960 Speaker 2: attributes plus number eight and not personality traits. Looks fade, 293 00:14:53,000 --> 00:14:56,800 Speaker 2: people get injured, they age and physically change. If the 294 00:14:56,840 --> 00:14:59,360 Speaker 2: biggest things you like about him are how he looks, 295 00:14:59,720 --> 00:15:01,800 Speaker 2: how he does in bed, and that he can pick 296 00:15:01,840 --> 00:15:06,200 Speaker 2: you up, you're not setting yourself up for success. One 297 00:15:06,240 --> 00:15:09,400 Speaker 2: car accident, one work injury. Heck, even just five or 298 00:15:09,400 --> 00:15:12,200 Speaker 2: ten years and half your list could be out. I'm 299 00:15:12,240 --> 00:15:14,840 Speaker 2: also really curious about the vasectomy thing. You said he 300 00:15:14,880 --> 00:15:16,680 Speaker 2: did it for you, but are you sure he didn't 301 00:15:16,720 --> 00:15:18,320 Speaker 2: do it for him so he wouldn't end up with 302 00:15:18,360 --> 00:15:20,640 Speaker 2: a baby on the side. All of the men I 303 00:15:20,720 --> 00:15:23,200 Speaker 2: know who have had visectomies had them after they were 304 00:15:23,200 --> 00:15:27,400 Speaker 2: married and and had at least one child. I don't know. 305 00:15:27,520 --> 00:15:31,320 Speaker 2: This just rings alarm bells for me. And there is 306 00:15:31,360 --> 00:15:36,440 Speaker 2: a third update two years later. Well we're about to 307 00:15:36,480 --> 00:15:40,600 Speaker 2: find out if this guy can still pick up Opie. 308 00:15:41,360 --> 00:15:47,280 Speaker 4: I I just oh, I just wonder so many things. 309 00:15:47,920 --> 00:15:51,080 Speaker 3: Oh boy, I wonder what happens, Oh boy, o. 310 00:15:51,160 --> 00:15:55,200 Speaker 4: Boy, oh boy, Oh, I wonder if this is going 311 00:15:55,280 --> 00:15:57,920 Speaker 4: to start as a show. I found out about what 312 00:15:58,000 --> 00:16:00,360 Speaker 4: his life is like since we never got married, or 313 00:16:00,400 --> 00:16:03,160 Speaker 4: if it's going to start as so, I'm just now 314 00:16:03,320 --> 00:16:05,920 Speaker 4: starting to dig myself out of the crippling pit of 315 00:16:05,960 --> 00:16:07,560 Speaker 4: debt that I jumped into. 316 00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:10,440 Speaker 3: Real why as me it's the former I'm trying to 317 00:16:10,440 --> 00:16:11,560 Speaker 3: think of like a very. 318 00:16:12,360 --> 00:16:16,080 Speaker 4: He uh uh, oh no, he's hot. 319 00:16:16,840 --> 00:16:19,480 Speaker 2: No, Well, there we go. There's a third up date. 320 00:16:20,400 --> 00:16:23,560 Speaker 2: We are out of debt and still together. I guess. 321 00:16:23,640 --> 00:16:24,680 Speaker 3: Oh god, it. 322 00:16:24,600 --> 00:16:27,200 Speaker 2: Feels so so good to say that and have it 323 00:16:27,240 --> 00:16:31,240 Speaker 2: be true. But as of three days ago, Wow, everything 324 00:16:31,320 --> 00:16:34,440 Speaker 2: is finally paid off and we made our way back 325 00:16:34,480 --> 00:16:39,520 Speaker 2: onto solid ground. I just want to again state he 326 00:16:39,560 --> 00:16:44,480 Speaker 2: put them into two years worth of debt. 327 00:16:45,560 --> 00:16:49,760 Speaker 3: Find you, find you a op because they are loyal. 328 00:16:50,440 --> 00:16:52,560 Speaker 2: Almost two years ago I made a post here about 329 00:16:52,600 --> 00:16:55,760 Speaker 2: my twenty eight female fiance twenty eight male wanting to 330 00:16:55,760 --> 00:16:58,600 Speaker 2: split things fifty to fifty and my offer of compromising 331 00:16:58,640 --> 00:17:01,880 Speaker 2: on lifestyle changes. As it turned out, he was off 332 00:17:01,920 --> 00:17:04,160 Speaker 2: his meds and had managed to get himself into some 333 00:17:04,280 --> 00:17:08,679 Speaker 2: serious debt a little under one hundred k, trying to 334 00:17:08,720 --> 00:17:10,720 Speaker 2: provide a life that we could not afford on a 335 00:17:10,720 --> 00:17:14,320 Speaker 2: combined one fifty five k a year. Things were rough. 336 00:17:14,600 --> 00:17:18,200 Speaker 2: I almost left him a few times, but we have finally, finally, 337 00:17:18,240 --> 00:17:21,280 Speaker 2: finally made it through to the other sides. I handle 338 00:17:21,320 --> 00:17:24,600 Speaker 2: the finances. And also, this is a lesson for everyone 339 00:17:24,680 --> 00:17:28,240 Speaker 2: listening to the story. Even if you are not contributing 340 00:17:28,280 --> 00:17:31,640 Speaker 2: the same amount as your partner, be an active participant 341 00:17:32,440 --> 00:17:35,399 Speaker 2: in the finances. That doesn't mean necessarily paying for all 342 00:17:35,440 --> 00:17:37,560 Speaker 2: of them, but it does mean taking a look at them, 343 00:17:38,040 --> 00:17:40,280 Speaker 2: seeing what's going on in your life. What are we 344 00:17:40,359 --> 00:17:44,080 Speaker 2: paying for if we're living together, where is all this 345 00:17:44,160 --> 00:17:44,919 Speaker 2: money going to? 346 00:17:45,119 --> 00:17:47,159 Speaker 3: And she's saying we, but it was he. 347 00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:49,240 Speaker 2: It was he. It was a he moment. 348 00:17:49,359 --> 00:17:53,000 Speaker 4: They were not married, they were not conjoined with their finances. 349 00:17:53,000 --> 00:17:56,080 Speaker 2: This is a he dug hit this hole. I handle 350 00:17:56,119 --> 00:17:58,840 Speaker 2: the finances, one hundred percent of the finances. I give 351 00:17:58,920 --> 00:18:02,159 Speaker 2: him a budget for buying coffee. It wasn't fun, but 352 00:18:02,320 --> 00:18:04,680 Speaker 2: in exchange, she started doing more of the housework, so 353 00:18:04,760 --> 00:18:07,520 Speaker 2: it even though we moved from our over the top 354 00:18:07,520 --> 00:18:11,280 Speaker 2: apartment into a shared living situation, which while not ideal, 355 00:18:11,600 --> 00:18:14,360 Speaker 2: was leagues better than my initial plan of getting a trailer. 356 00:18:14,680 --> 00:18:17,520 Speaker 2: We have roommates, but they're on another flour so it's 357 00:18:17,560 --> 00:18:20,120 Speaker 2: not too bad, and we have our own bathroom, which 358 00:18:20,160 --> 00:18:23,679 Speaker 2: was my only real stipulation. We've lived like we're a 359 00:18:23,800 --> 00:18:27,240 Speaker 2: seventy k a year couple doing actual fifty to fifty finances, 360 00:18:27,760 --> 00:18:30,600 Speaker 2: and every extra penny he's made has gone directly to 361 00:18:30,680 --> 00:18:34,840 Speaker 2: paying off the debt, which at least that's the kind 362 00:18:34,840 --> 00:18:37,760 Speaker 2: of shakedown of it all, like he his money is 363 00:18:37,800 --> 00:18:41,160 Speaker 2: paying for this, not hers, because yeah, none of your 364 00:18:41,200 --> 00:18:43,119 Speaker 2: money should be going to pay off his debt. No, 365 00:18:43,840 --> 00:18:46,760 Speaker 2: we sold the cars obviously, traded them in for a 366 00:18:46,880 --> 00:18:50,040 Speaker 2: nice used Ford Maverick and a Vespa That helped a lot. 367 00:18:50,400 --> 00:18:52,840 Speaker 2: There have been no more lavish vacations or over the 368 00:18:52,880 --> 00:18:56,600 Speaker 2: top restaurants with five hundred dollars price tags. It was 369 00:18:56,720 --> 00:18:59,040 Speaker 2: rough for my fiance at first. He's always been very 370 00:18:59,080 --> 00:19:01,760 Speaker 2: much a rich boy, and I think losing that as 371 00:19:01,800 --> 00:19:05,080 Speaker 2: an identity was difficult for him. That being said, he's 372 00:19:05,119 --> 00:19:08,680 Speaker 2: gotten so creative lately. It's been amazing to see he'll 373 00:19:08,680 --> 00:19:10,520 Speaker 2: make me things if he can't buy me things, and 374 00:19:10,560 --> 00:19:13,280 Speaker 2: we've started cooking together instead of having me do almost 375 00:19:13,320 --> 00:19:15,840 Speaker 2: all of it. Our room is covered in the things 376 00:19:15,840 --> 00:19:18,560 Speaker 2: he's made for me, and it's really lovely. That's nice. 377 00:19:18,800 --> 00:19:21,960 Speaker 2: That is good, by the way, You know what else 378 00:19:22,080 --> 00:19:26,240 Speaker 2: is nice listening to full episodes of stories just like this. 379 00:19:26,600 --> 00:19:30,040 Speaker 2: It's going to Spotify, Apple Podcasts or iHeartRadio and search 380 00:19:30,080 --> 00:19:32,040 Speaker 2: a Pocus story TIMEO. 381 00:19:33,119 --> 00:19:33,600 Speaker 4: Do it. 382 00:19:34,320 --> 00:19:37,680 Speaker 2: But there's a little bit left to the story. Any 383 00:19:37,720 --> 00:19:38,439 Speaker 2: final thoughts. 384 00:19:38,760 --> 00:19:41,800 Speaker 4: This is a good example of like, you know, when 385 00:19:41,840 --> 00:19:44,840 Speaker 4: we read stories on the internet, we'll gain. 386 00:19:44,720 --> 00:19:45,240 Speaker 2: The whole picture. 387 00:19:45,680 --> 00:19:49,919 Speaker 4: Yeah, and on its surface, like all this is like 388 00:19:50,000 --> 00:19:53,719 Speaker 4: an incredibly huge red flag, but it's like the nature 389 00:19:53,840 --> 00:20:01,800 Speaker 4: of you know, the committed relationship some people are willing 390 00:20:01,880 --> 00:20:05,760 Speaker 4: to kind of you're always gonna have to through more things. 391 00:20:06,040 --> 00:20:09,480 Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, people's bar tolerance bars are different and 392 00:20:09,520 --> 00:20:11,760 Speaker 2: just a matter of what the problem's going to be exactly, 393 00:20:11,800 --> 00:20:13,800 Speaker 2: and if you're willing to put in the work to 394 00:20:13,920 --> 00:20:15,080 Speaker 2: deal with it, and she was. 395 00:20:15,440 --> 00:20:18,879 Speaker 4: I think if there was not an unmedicated factor in 396 00:20:18,960 --> 00:20:23,600 Speaker 4: this story, it'd be different. I would be way less Yeah, yeah, 397 00:20:23,640 --> 00:20:26,960 Speaker 4: I'd be way less soft on that. But it's like 398 00:20:27,400 --> 00:20:30,919 Speaker 4: there's a lot that goes into relationships other than like 399 00:20:30,960 --> 00:20:33,639 Speaker 4: the negative thing that we read about in one story. 400 00:20:34,040 --> 00:20:36,359 Speaker 2: Yeah, and she's really good. She really hammered that home. 401 00:20:37,000 --> 00:20:40,520 Speaker 4: She was willing to work through it, and I'm sure 402 00:20:40,560 --> 00:20:42,479 Speaker 4: if it had gotten you know worse. 403 00:20:43,160 --> 00:20:45,240 Speaker 3: Probably I would have left. Yeah, but it seems like 404 00:20:45,320 --> 00:20:45,800 Speaker 3: it got better. 405 00:20:46,000 --> 00:20:48,960 Speaker 2: They got better. Things can get better. But there's a 406 00:20:49,000 --> 00:20:52,119 Speaker 2: little bit left. We're still in love, we're still going strong, 407 00:20:52,240 --> 00:20:57,320 Speaker 2: and we can finally, finally start actually planning our wedding again. 408 00:20:57,440 --> 00:20:59,560 Speaker 2: I think it is very smart that you held off 409 00:20:59,560 --> 00:21:03,720 Speaker 2: on that until now. We're gonna get our own place first, 410 00:21:03,760 --> 00:21:05,639 Speaker 2: but the wedding is next on the list after that. 411 00:21:06,040 --> 00:21:08,040 Speaker 2: I'm so glad that we stuck with this, and being 412 00:21:08,080 --> 00:21:10,480 Speaker 2: on the other side is the greatest feeling in the world. 413 00:21:11,040 --> 00:21:13,280 Speaker 2: Thank you to everyone who offered advice. I don't know 414 00:21:13,320 --> 00:21:15,199 Speaker 2: how things would have ended up if I had not 415 00:21:15,280 --> 00:21:19,080 Speaker 2: the courage of my convictions. And I'm genuinely grateful to 416 00:21:19,119 --> 00:21:21,800 Speaker 2: those who directed me to Dave Ramsey and Caleb Hammer. 417 00:21:22,200 --> 00:21:25,360 Speaker 2: Y'all are awesome, Blue being twenty two. Hold on here, 418 00:21:25,440 --> 00:21:28,240 Speaker 2: let me get this straight. So you communicated about all 419 00:21:28,240 --> 00:21:31,520 Speaker 2: that hard stuff, right, and communicated some more, and then 420 00:21:31,560 --> 00:21:33,879 Speaker 2: you made a plan and made long term sacrifices to 421 00:21:33,880 --> 00:21:36,479 Speaker 2: a nac said plan, and then you can continue to 422 00:21:36,480 --> 00:21:38,280 Speaker 2: communicate and did all the hard work over a couple 423 00:21:38,320 --> 00:21:42,920 Speaker 2: of years to meet your goals. Hard work what I'm confused. 424 00:21:43,200 --> 00:21:46,359 Speaker 2: Is this even read it? Ps? Kudos to you and 425 00:21:46,359 --> 00:21:49,840 Speaker 2: your partner. I'm impressed, and Opie says, we did, as 426 00:21:49,880 --> 00:21:52,280 Speaker 2: a matter of fact, do all of the above. It 427 00:21:52,359 --> 00:21:54,480 Speaker 2: wasn't easy, but it was worth it in the end. 428 00:21:55,040 --> 00:21:57,680 Speaker 2: Polly the Pony says, this is so great to hear. 429 00:21:57,840 --> 00:22:01,399 Speaker 2: Congratulations on your hard work. Uh, you should be proud 430 00:22:01,400 --> 00:22:03,800 Speaker 2: of yourself, and there must be real love between you 431 00:22:03,960 --> 00:22:07,000 Speaker 2: if you worked through it together. I'm so happy for you. 432 00:22:08,000 --> 00:22:11,240 Speaker 2: Opie says, there's a lot of love here. He's my person, 433 00:22:11,280 --> 00:22:13,840 Speaker 2: you know. I genuinely feel like the luckiest girl in 434 00:22:13,880 --> 00:22:15,879 Speaker 2: the world when I'm around him, and God knows he 435 00:22:15,920 --> 00:22:18,680 Speaker 2: loves me to the moon and back. Just following six 436 00:22:18,720 --> 00:22:21,520 Speaker 2: four six five says this is a massive green flag 437 00:22:21,600 --> 00:22:25,119 Speaker 2: on how you all worked through this. Just validation that 438 00:22:25,160 --> 00:22:27,480 Speaker 2: you all can make it through a marriage long term. 439 00:22:27,600 --> 00:22:30,280 Speaker 2: A lot of people can't. You'll go through other trials 440 00:22:30,280 --> 00:22:32,400 Speaker 2: like this in your marriage and you both handled it 441 00:22:32,480 --> 00:22:35,680 Speaker 2: so well. Congrats to the future wedding, and Opie says, 442 00:22:35,760 --> 00:22:38,639 Speaker 2: thank you. It was not the easiest thing in the world, 443 00:22:38,680 --> 00:22:41,399 Speaker 2: but hey, nothing worth doing is gott to be easy 444 00:22:41,440 --> 00:22:45,880 Speaker 2: all the time, right, Sure? That is pretty secret. 445 00:22:46,280 --> 00:22:46,480 Speaker 5: Yeah. 446 00:22:46,520 --> 00:22:48,919 Speaker 2: I mean props to you guys. You communicated and you 447 00:22:48,960 --> 00:22:51,960 Speaker 2: worked through it. But that's the end of that story. 448 00:22:52,119 --> 00:22:55,720 Speaker 2: Mm hmmm, So we're going to get into the next one. 449 00:22:56,040 --> 00:23:00,960 Speaker 2: My boyfriend finally found a new roommate, but she's attracted. No, 450 00:23:01,680 --> 00:23:03,280 Speaker 2: we shi hods, your. 451 00:23:03,119 --> 00:23:03,960 Speaker 3: Boyfriend's too hot. 452 00:23:04,400 --> 00:23:05,280 Speaker 2: Uh bummer. 453 00:23:05,520 --> 00:23:08,480 Speaker 4: My boyfriend currently has a roommate from Heck that was 454 00:23:08,560 --> 00:23:11,600 Speaker 4: fired due to his heavy drinking three months ago. He 455 00:23:11,640 --> 00:23:14,320 Speaker 4: never got on unemployment and has not paid his half 456 00:23:14,320 --> 00:23:16,720 Speaker 4: of the rent for three months. My boyfriend needs a 457 00:23:16,720 --> 00:23:20,199 Speaker 4: replacement roommate asap because he can't afford to pay the 458 00:23:20,240 --> 00:23:23,120 Speaker 4: full price of rent on his own any longer. By 459 00:23:23,119 --> 00:23:25,480 Speaker 4: the way, this comes from a user throwaway, and if 460 00:23:25,520 --> 00:23:27,199 Speaker 4: you want to submit your own stories, go to the 461 00:23:27,280 --> 00:23:31,159 Speaker 4: r slash okay storytime stobreddit. So he asked me to 462 00:23:31,200 --> 00:23:33,199 Speaker 4: move in with him several times, but that is not 463 00:23:33,240 --> 00:23:35,360 Speaker 4: an option for me right now, and I don't make 464 00:23:35,440 --> 00:23:38,880 Speaker 4: nearly enough to cover half of the rent anyway. All 465 00:23:38,880 --> 00:23:42,160 Speaker 4: this aside, he began looking for a replacement roommate online 466 00:23:42,240 --> 00:23:44,359 Speaker 4: last week and also put the word out to his 467 00:23:44,400 --> 00:23:47,840 Speaker 4: coworkers Earlier this week. He told me that one of 468 00:23:47,880 --> 00:23:51,240 Speaker 4: his coworkers current roommates is looking for a new place 469 00:23:51,240 --> 00:23:54,199 Speaker 4: to stay and is very interested in rooming with him. 470 00:23:54,480 --> 00:23:57,400 Speaker 4: It's a woman his age that works at a company 471 00:23:57,480 --> 00:24:00,600 Speaker 4: on the same tech campus as him. I was very 472 00:24:00,680 --> 00:24:03,240 Speaker 4: relieved that he found a potential roommate so fast, and 473 00:24:03,320 --> 00:24:06,760 Speaker 4: happy that it was someone presumably trustworthy and probably much 474 00:24:06,840 --> 00:24:10,679 Speaker 4: cleaner than his current roommate. However, over the past few days, 475 00:24:10,720 --> 00:24:14,560 Speaker 4: my instincts have been feeling like something is slightly off. 476 00:24:15,880 --> 00:24:21,960 Speaker 2: My instincts, I my roommate senses are tingling. My senses 477 00:24:22,040 --> 00:24:22,720 Speaker 2: are sensing. 478 00:24:23,920 --> 00:24:26,320 Speaker 4: My boyfriend tends to do this thing where when an 479 00:24:26,359 --> 00:24:29,160 Speaker 4: attractive woman that he's around a lot, like for work 480 00:24:29,240 --> 00:24:32,240 Speaker 4: or the gym, et cetera, seems to be interested in him, 481 00:24:32,440 --> 00:24:35,200 Speaker 4: he won't tell me about it, but will act weird 482 00:24:35,280 --> 00:24:38,960 Speaker 4: about her, and he'll start telling me about how he 483 00:24:39,040 --> 00:24:41,639 Speaker 4: talks about me all the times you were and showed 484 00:24:41,640 --> 00:24:44,400 Speaker 4: her photos of me and brags about me to her. 485 00:24:45,119 --> 00:24:47,679 Speaker 4: I'd rather he just be normal and mature about it. 486 00:24:48,080 --> 00:24:50,080 Speaker 4: I can always tell when he finds a woman attractive 487 00:24:50,119 --> 00:24:52,840 Speaker 4: and she likes him too, because he starts doing this. 488 00:24:53,119 --> 00:24:55,639 Speaker 2: He's like, anyways, yeah, look at my girlfriend. The cup 489 00:24:55,680 --> 00:24:56,040 Speaker 2: pre shoes. 490 00:24:56,040 --> 00:24:56,320 Speaker 4: Look at it. 491 00:24:56,320 --> 00:24:57,639 Speaker 2: Look at this picture my girlfriend, and look at this 492 00:24:57,640 --> 00:24:58,639 Speaker 2: picture my girlfriend. I love her. 493 00:24:58,680 --> 00:25:00,840 Speaker 4: I love her, right, this is my girlfriend. And he's like, 494 00:25:01,880 --> 00:25:03,639 Speaker 4: this is just his warm up. He's doing this in 495 00:25:03,680 --> 00:25:04,680 Speaker 4: the mirror to himself. 496 00:25:04,720 --> 00:25:06,360 Speaker 2: Okay, this is I'm gonna tell her about. I'm gonna 497 00:25:06,359 --> 00:25:12,399 Speaker 2: tell her that they will have to stop flirting with this. Yes, yes, yes, yes. 498 00:25:12,680 --> 00:25:14,120 Speaker 3: And then it's like he walks up to the girl 499 00:25:14,119 --> 00:25:15,560 Speaker 3: and he's like, I love you. 500 00:25:16,320 --> 00:25:18,200 Speaker 2: No, I did the wrong order. 501 00:25:18,240 --> 00:25:20,320 Speaker 4: I love her her the one on the phone. It's 502 00:25:20,359 --> 00:25:26,000 Speaker 4: accidentally a picture of her. No. Anyway, he started doing 503 00:25:26,000 --> 00:25:29,840 Speaker 4: that thing about this potential roommate almost immediately. He was 504 00:25:29,880 --> 00:25:33,120 Speaker 4: supposed to meet with her today after work to discuss 505 00:25:33,160 --> 00:25:36,840 Speaker 4: the potential rooming situation, and this morning, without even asking me, 506 00:25:37,000 --> 00:25:40,000 Speaker 4: first asked her if he could bring me to meet 507 00:25:40,080 --> 00:25:42,600 Speaker 4: with her. She said it may be uncomfortable for her 508 00:25:42,640 --> 00:25:45,000 Speaker 4: to meet me so soon, but she was willing. When 509 00:25:45,000 --> 00:25:47,320 Speaker 4: he asked me if I would be willing, I asked 510 00:25:47,359 --> 00:25:49,560 Speaker 4: him why I would need to go, and he said, 511 00:25:49,800 --> 00:25:52,480 Speaker 4: I just want to show you off winky face, which 512 00:25:52,520 --> 00:25:54,760 Speaker 4: again is the sign of what I've talked about above. 513 00:25:55,080 --> 00:25:58,040 Speaker 4: I was already busy anyway, so I didn't go. After 514 00:25:58,080 --> 00:26:01,440 Speaker 4: they met, I spoke on the phone, and he did 515 00:26:01,480 --> 00:26:04,040 Speaker 4: the thing that he does, telling me about how he 516 00:26:04,119 --> 00:26:07,240 Speaker 4: showed her pictures of me from my Instagram and talked 517 00:26:07,240 --> 00:26:10,840 Speaker 4: about me a lot, blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. 518 00:26:10,880 --> 00:26:13,480 Speaker 4: So I asked him why he keeps doing that, Why 519 00:26:13,480 --> 00:26:15,840 Speaker 4: does he feel the need to do this. He dodged 520 00:26:15,920 --> 00:26:17,879 Speaker 4: the question at first, but I wouldn't let it go, 521 00:26:18,280 --> 00:26:20,639 Speaker 4: so he finally admitted the actual story of how she 522 00:26:20,720 --> 00:26:23,840 Speaker 4: found out about the rooming opportunity. His coworker showed a 523 00:26:23,920 --> 00:26:26,800 Speaker 4: photo of him on Facebook to the girl. She thought 524 00:26:26,840 --> 00:26:29,919 Speaker 4: my boyfriend was attractive and asked if he was looking 525 00:26:29,920 --> 00:26:30,680 Speaker 4: for a roommate. 526 00:26:31,480 --> 00:26:33,600 Speaker 2: She's like, that guy's hot. Is he looking for a roommate? 527 00:26:33,760 --> 00:26:36,480 Speaker 2: And he wasn't, like that's weird. Yeah. If he knew 528 00:26:36,520 --> 00:26:37,960 Speaker 2: that the whole time and he was like, yeah, she 529 00:26:38,000 --> 00:26:38,359 Speaker 2: could be my. 530 00:26:38,440 --> 00:26:41,240 Speaker 3: Roommate, I'd be like, that's that's so cringey. 531 00:26:41,560 --> 00:26:43,600 Speaker 2: Yeah, very weird. Hmmm. 532 00:26:43,800 --> 00:26:47,679 Speaker 4: Oh uh, oh, he's cute. Is he looking for a roommate? 533 00:26:47,720 --> 00:26:49,600 Speaker 4: I'm trying to speed run mistakes. 534 00:26:49,880 --> 00:26:50,520 Speaker 2: Yeah. 535 00:26:50,600 --> 00:26:52,880 Speaker 3: She had just broken up with her own boyfriend recently. 536 00:26:53,320 --> 00:26:56,359 Speaker 4: Oh, I got upset with my boyfriend for not telling 537 00:26:56,400 --> 00:26:58,600 Speaker 4: me this right off the bat. I keep asking him 538 00:26:58,600 --> 00:27:00,639 Speaker 4: how he would feel if the rolls were river, and 539 00:27:00,720 --> 00:27:02,960 Speaker 4: he just keeps saying he doesn't know and tries to 540 00:27:03,000 --> 00:27:05,840 Speaker 4: avoid talking about it anymore. I looked her up on 541 00:27:05,880 --> 00:27:08,800 Speaker 4: Instagram and she has the same overall look as me too, 542 00:27:09,040 --> 00:27:11,439 Speaker 4: but there's no age gap between them, and he feels 543 00:27:11,480 --> 00:27:15,240 Speaker 4: ashamed about our age gap sometimes, which he even apparently 544 00:27:15,280 --> 00:27:17,879 Speaker 4: told her when they met and talked. I know that 545 00:27:17,920 --> 00:27:20,439 Speaker 4: them becoming roommates doesn't even mean anything would happen. And 546 00:27:20,480 --> 00:27:22,720 Speaker 4: if he cheats on me, that's his choice and there's 547 00:27:22,720 --> 00:27:24,560 Speaker 4: nothing I can do about it except walk away in 548 00:27:24,600 --> 00:27:25,000 Speaker 4: that event. 549 00:27:25,320 --> 00:27:27,199 Speaker 1: Hey, it's Sam' your og host here. We're gonna get 550 00:27:27,200 --> 00:27:28,880 Speaker 1: back to the stories, but here's three minutes of fads 551 00:27:28,920 --> 00:27:29,840 Speaker 1: from our sponsors. 552 00:27:30,080 --> 00:27:34,359 Speaker 4: I'm not gonna lie. I'm breaking up with this guy immediately. Yeah, 553 00:27:34,600 --> 00:27:36,879 Speaker 4: as soon as I find out. Oh, so you knew 554 00:27:36,920 --> 00:27:40,120 Speaker 4: that this girl you're gonna move in with is attracted 555 00:27:40,160 --> 00:27:43,520 Speaker 4: to immediately on from the jump from the jump he 556 00:27:43,640 --> 00:27:44,879 Speaker 4: wanted to jump you. 557 00:27:45,720 --> 00:27:47,960 Speaker 3: Yeah, and you just were not gonna tell me about it. 558 00:27:48,000 --> 00:27:50,080 Speaker 4: Instead, you were gonna be like, I'll just like brag 559 00:27:50,119 --> 00:27:52,000 Speaker 4: about my girlfriend until she backs off. 560 00:27:53,400 --> 00:27:57,560 Speaker 2: That's goodbye. I'm undone, You've lost me. You're dumb. 561 00:27:58,040 --> 00:28:01,480 Speaker 4: I hope you learn a lesson from the mistake you've made. 562 00:28:02,240 --> 00:28:04,879 Speaker 4: I know he really needs a roommate asap, and I 563 00:28:04,960 --> 00:28:08,000 Speaker 4: don't want to allow my own stupid insecurities to prevent 564 00:28:08,080 --> 00:28:11,560 Speaker 4: him from solving his serious financial crisis. I'm trying not 565 00:28:11,600 --> 00:28:13,480 Speaker 4: to be stupid and immature, but I'm not even sure 566 00:28:13,480 --> 00:28:16,200 Speaker 4: if my feelings are valid or what I should do. Girl, 567 00:28:16,240 --> 00:28:18,320 Speaker 4: he lied to you about a girl who wants to 568 00:28:18,359 --> 00:28:21,719 Speaker 4: sleep with him living in the same place as him. 569 00:28:22,000 --> 00:28:24,200 Speaker 2: Is she living there? Just to verify for my sake, 570 00:28:24,400 --> 00:28:25,520 Speaker 2: is she living there right now? 571 00:28:25,600 --> 00:28:29,200 Speaker 4: No, because I don't think Shanks enough money to live 572 00:28:29,240 --> 00:28:30,320 Speaker 4: in a place he would want to live. 573 00:28:30,359 --> 00:28:32,600 Speaker 2: Or somebout you. But it's still like they were trying 574 00:28:32,640 --> 00:28:34,040 Speaker 2: to make this happen, right. 575 00:28:34,240 --> 00:28:35,920 Speaker 3: Well, it's yeah. It was more like. 576 00:28:39,200 --> 00:28:41,520 Speaker 4: I think it was like discussed, like, oh, could it 577 00:28:41,560 --> 00:28:43,720 Speaker 4: work for us to live together? It's like no, yeah, 578 00:28:44,240 --> 00:28:45,840 Speaker 4: And then it was like, well she you know. 579 00:28:46,720 --> 00:28:48,880 Speaker 2: I just think that like if there are people that 580 00:28:48,920 --> 00:28:52,680 Speaker 2: you know, like you or whatever, just like tell your 581 00:28:52,680 --> 00:28:54,800 Speaker 2: partner be like, yeah, I found out this person, Like, 582 00:28:54,920 --> 00:28:56,640 Speaker 2: isn't that crazy? And also it could be kind of fun. 583 00:28:56,720 --> 00:28:59,080 Speaker 2: He'd be like it freaking like me, dude? 584 00:28:59,280 --> 00:29:02,000 Speaker 3: Yeah? And then so I definitely can't move in with 585 00:29:02,040 --> 00:29:02,560 Speaker 3: that person. 586 00:29:02,960 --> 00:29:04,080 Speaker 2: Can't freaking move in? 587 00:29:04,520 --> 00:29:07,280 Speaker 4: Should I tell him I don't want him to have 588 00:29:07,360 --> 00:29:09,680 Speaker 4: her move in and to keep looking for another roommate? 589 00:29:09,880 --> 00:29:11,800 Speaker 2: Yes? Should I leave it be? 590 00:29:12,360 --> 00:29:16,520 Speaker 4: No, the least would end in March anyway, but there's 591 00:29:16,560 --> 00:29:18,680 Speaker 4: always the off chance that they would choose to continue 592 00:29:18,720 --> 00:29:19,360 Speaker 4: rooming after that. 593 00:29:19,800 --> 00:29:20,280 Speaker 2: I don't know. 594 00:29:20,800 --> 00:29:24,160 Speaker 4: I would really appreciate some advice from clearer hopefully wiser heads. 595 00:29:24,400 --> 00:29:26,640 Speaker 3: And there are comments, but before we get into them, Sofia, 596 00:29:26,800 --> 00:29:28,440 Speaker 3: like we need I. 597 00:29:28,360 --> 00:29:30,760 Speaker 2: Think all the things that was said, ma'am. I mean, 598 00:29:30,840 --> 00:29:35,200 Speaker 2: like he lied to you, He didn't tell you, like 599 00:29:35,240 --> 00:29:37,840 Speaker 2: he knew about this from the get go, knew that 600 00:29:37,840 --> 00:29:41,440 Speaker 2: that was she was like a potential candidate for the 601 00:29:41,520 --> 00:29:46,120 Speaker 2: roommate situation, even though she specifically said that the only 602 00:29:46,120 --> 00:29:47,760 Speaker 2: reason that she wanted to move in is because she 603 00:29:47,840 --> 00:29:50,920 Speaker 2: was a trunk, right, that is, that's not good. 604 00:29:51,040 --> 00:29:54,320 Speaker 3: The fact that he knew that from lied about it. 605 00:29:54,680 --> 00:29:56,320 Speaker 4: And then when you say so if I did the 606 00:29:56,360 --> 00:29:59,040 Speaker 4: same thing with a guy who wanted to sleep with me, 607 00:29:59,800 --> 00:30:02,240 Speaker 4: and now I made in my roommate without telling you 608 00:30:02,400 --> 00:30:03,320 Speaker 4: that that was the case. 609 00:30:03,720 --> 00:30:07,200 Speaker 3: How would you feel about that? He goes comments, So 610 00:30:07,840 --> 00:30:08,280 Speaker 3: when your. 611 00:30:08,160 --> 00:30:10,320 Speaker 4: Boyfriend knows or thinks a woman is interested in him, 612 00:30:10,360 --> 00:30:12,160 Speaker 4: he goes out of his way to make sure she 613 00:30:12,360 --> 00:30:14,160 Speaker 4: knows you're in the picture, and he's very. 614 00:30:13,960 --> 00:30:16,520 Speaker 3: Happy with you. Girl, that's a green flag. 615 00:30:17,200 --> 00:30:19,640 Speaker 2: If that would be a green flag if it were 616 00:30:19,680 --> 00:30:23,360 Speaker 2: also accompanied by him telling ope about the things that 617 00:30:23,400 --> 00:30:24,120 Speaker 2: are happening. 618 00:30:23,880 --> 00:30:27,080 Speaker 4: Right, But it really it feels like it's like a 619 00:30:27,440 --> 00:30:32,960 Speaker 4: we'll see sea babe, sea babe, Look, I'm see you 620 00:30:33,000 --> 00:30:35,920 Speaker 4: don't have to feel threatened. And it's only girls that, 621 00:30:36,040 --> 00:30:38,600 Speaker 4: by the way, he's attracted to as well. If she 622 00:30:38,720 --> 00:30:43,160 Speaker 4: made that clarification, if he's not into the girl, he 623 00:30:43,240 --> 00:30:44,320 Speaker 4: doesn't do this. 624 00:30:44,240 --> 00:30:46,520 Speaker 2: Huge clarification that is a huge. 625 00:30:46,840 --> 00:30:50,080 Speaker 4: She always knows when he's into some other girl because 626 00:30:50,200 --> 00:30:51,600 Speaker 4: he only ever does this. 627 00:30:51,880 --> 00:30:55,880 Speaker 2: It feels like when like trying to stifle In older 628 00:30:56,000 --> 00:31:00,479 Speaker 2: like shows, you'd have male leads or something or what 629 00:31:00,560 --> 00:31:03,280 Speaker 2: or just like male characters who are in relationship and 630 00:31:03,320 --> 00:31:06,920 Speaker 2: they're like, I can't flirt with all the hot ladies. 631 00:31:07,080 --> 00:31:09,520 Speaker 2: I'm off the market. I can't flirt with all the 632 00:31:09,640 --> 00:31:15,840 Speaker 2: hot ladies. And it's like, whoa, why do you want to? Like, 633 00:31:15,840 --> 00:31:18,240 Speaker 2: why are you really emphasizing that You're like, oh man, 634 00:31:18,320 --> 00:31:22,240 Speaker 2: my life is so much worse now than shake down. 635 00:31:22,440 --> 00:31:27,360 Speaker 2: It's like, no, I don't know. I'm just like when 636 00:31:27,440 --> 00:31:31,120 Speaker 2: I like, I think there is a certain level of 637 00:31:31,400 --> 00:31:33,160 Speaker 2: you know, you notice hot people in your life when 638 00:31:33,160 --> 00:31:35,800 Speaker 2: you're in a relationship. But also I feel like, at 639 00:31:35,840 --> 00:31:37,520 Speaker 2: least for me, when I was in relationship, it was 640 00:31:37,520 --> 00:31:40,840 Speaker 2: like I didn't really think about anyone. I wasn't interested 641 00:31:40,880 --> 00:31:44,920 Speaker 2: in anyone else, you know, And I have I have 642 00:31:45,560 --> 00:31:48,080 Speaker 2: proof of that because there was a person who I 643 00:31:48,120 --> 00:31:53,480 Speaker 2: thought was incredibly attractive before the relationship. During the relationship, 644 00:31:53,480 --> 00:31:54,920 Speaker 2: I was like I don't even care about that person, 645 00:31:55,120 --> 00:31:57,160 Speaker 2: And after this show, I was like, oh they're hot again, 646 00:31:57,560 --> 00:31:59,920 Speaker 2: so scientific evidence. 647 00:32:00,360 --> 00:32:03,320 Speaker 3: Wow, and you know exactly who I'm talking about. Wow. 648 00:32:03,920 --> 00:32:04,360 Speaker 2: Wow. 649 00:32:04,560 --> 00:32:07,920 Speaker 4: Yeah feels crazy being on the inside track for that. Yeah, 650 00:32:07,920 --> 00:32:10,480 Speaker 4: he's not going to want to address the situation head 651 00:32:10,520 --> 00:32:12,920 Speaker 4: on because that would be weird, So he's letting her 652 00:32:12,920 --> 00:32:14,600 Speaker 4: know it's not going to happen in a way that's 653 00:32:14,640 --> 00:32:18,400 Speaker 4: more subtle, but also impossible to misunderstand. As for this situation, 654 00:32:18,440 --> 00:32:21,520 Speaker 4: it honestly sucks. I'm not seeing any good options here 655 00:32:21,560 --> 00:32:23,840 Speaker 4: for your boyfriend. He can move in with this girl, 656 00:32:23,840 --> 00:32:25,800 Speaker 4: in which case he's going to be self conscious and 657 00:32:25,840 --> 00:32:28,320 Speaker 4: paranoid in his home, not to mention what it's going 658 00:32:28,360 --> 00:32:31,080 Speaker 4: to do to your insecurities as well, or he passes 659 00:32:31,120 --> 00:32:32,960 Speaker 4: on this girl and hopes to find someone better in 660 00:32:32,960 --> 00:32:34,840 Speaker 4: the short amount of time he has. It's not a 661 00:32:34,880 --> 00:32:38,360 Speaker 4: great set of options. You could find another roommate. 662 00:32:38,240 --> 00:32:40,360 Speaker 2: Yeah, it is. Do you know how many room people 663 00:32:40,440 --> 00:32:44,680 Speaker 2: are at the roommates? Yeah, Like, so many people need 664 00:32:44,720 --> 00:32:49,240 Speaker 2: a place to live. So many people Facebook marketplace thought, 665 00:32:49,280 --> 00:32:52,920 Speaker 2: I mean not marketplace, but Facebook, Facebook whatever it's called. 666 00:32:53,400 --> 00:32:57,360 Speaker 4: Buy your roommate on Facebook Marketplace buy roommate. 667 00:32:57,680 --> 00:32:59,680 Speaker 2: No, but like that's where, you know, whenever we needed 668 00:32:59,680 --> 00:33:02,200 Speaker 2: a sell letter or something and all, like my old apartment, 669 00:33:02,320 --> 00:33:05,240 Speaker 2: that's where we went go to Facebook. You find it 670 00:33:05,480 --> 00:33:06,920 Speaker 2: like you put out a thing and say, hey, looking 671 00:33:06,960 --> 00:33:09,440 Speaker 2: for a roommate. So many people are like, oh my god, 672 00:33:09,480 --> 00:33:12,760 Speaker 2: I won't even a roommate. Yeah. Providing the place to 673 00:33:12,800 --> 00:33:17,280 Speaker 2: live is really just the is the high ground I'm 674 00:33:17,280 --> 00:33:17,840 Speaker 2: thinking this. 675 00:33:18,000 --> 00:33:19,920 Speaker 3: I literally lived I lived in a place. 676 00:33:20,440 --> 00:33:23,320 Speaker 4: I lived in a situation where like, two of my 677 00:33:23,440 --> 00:33:25,840 Speaker 4: roommates huh. 678 00:33:25,360 --> 00:33:27,080 Speaker 2: My name's a coat on. I lived in a place 679 00:33:27,560 --> 00:33:29,160 Speaker 2: I lived. 680 00:33:28,960 --> 00:33:30,400 Speaker 3: In a situation that was just like. 681 00:33:32,080 --> 00:33:34,040 Speaker 4: Two of my roommates, one of them was taken and 682 00:33:34,080 --> 00:33:35,640 Speaker 4: one of them was single, and the single one had 683 00:33:35,640 --> 00:33:37,560 Speaker 4: a crush on the taken one, and it was just 684 00:33:37,640 --> 00:33:40,760 Speaker 4: like constantly a mess. Yeah, because the single one's constantly 685 00:33:40,760 --> 00:33:43,280 Speaker 4: trying to steal the taken one, and we're all living 686 00:33:43,280 --> 00:33:46,720 Speaker 4: together and it's just like horrifically uncomfortable. 687 00:33:47,360 --> 00:33:49,480 Speaker 2: Yeah, you just never want to do that. Don't do it. 688 00:33:49,600 --> 00:33:50,160 Speaker 2: Don't do it. 689 00:33:51,480 --> 00:33:55,120 Speaker 4: So, uh, second comment here, I don't think you should 690 00:33:55,120 --> 00:33:57,880 Speaker 4: look at it as saying no based on your insecurities. 691 00:33:58,680 --> 00:34:00,560 Speaker 4: I think saying no to her base on what it 692 00:34:00,560 --> 00:34:03,200 Speaker 4: would do to your relationship is fine. If she's attracted 693 00:34:03,240 --> 00:34:05,120 Speaker 4: to him and they live together. He wouldn't be able 694 00:34:05,120 --> 00:34:07,240 Speaker 4: to let his guard down in his own home. That 695 00:34:07,360 --> 00:34:10,479 Speaker 4: sounds miserable. He should be able to take his shirt 696 00:34:10,520 --> 00:34:12,080 Speaker 4: off and not worry about it, or chat with her 697 00:34:12,120 --> 00:34:14,279 Speaker 4: about their days without worrying she's going to make a move. 698 00:34:14,640 --> 00:34:14,960 Speaker 2: Reply. 699 00:34:15,239 --> 00:34:16,960 Speaker 4: It's hard to think about things like this in the 700 00:34:16,960 --> 00:34:19,880 Speaker 4: moment when you're in a financial situation like OPI's boyfriend. 701 00:34:20,360 --> 00:34:22,640 Speaker 4: I know I've made a hasty job and roommate decisions 702 00:34:22,640 --> 00:34:25,080 Speaker 4: because I felt that I didn't have time and didn't 703 00:34:25,080 --> 00:34:28,040 Speaker 4: want to risk losing my only chance quote unquote. But 704 00:34:28,120 --> 00:34:31,600 Speaker 4: from my experience, it's so worth it to wait. So 705 00:34:31,960 --> 00:34:35,200 Speaker 4: many people need roommates these days, and I'm sure it 706 00:34:35,239 --> 00:34:38,279 Speaker 4: wouldn't be hard to find one. Yeah, Op, maybe try 707 00:34:38,320 --> 00:34:41,399 Speaker 4: and bring up your veto with this point. It's also 708 00:34:41,440 --> 00:34:44,359 Speaker 4: totally okay to be feeling insecure, really secure people are 709 00:34:44,400 --> 00:34:47,759 Speaker 4: not delusional. People are not always easy to read, and 710 00:34:47,760 --> 00:34:50,240 Speaker 4: it's hard to trust their word, whether you're worried about 711 00:34:50,239 --> 00:34:52,399 Speaker 4: her making a move or your boyfriend saying yes, it's 712 00:34:52,440 --> 00:34:53,759 Speaker 4: normal to feel weird about it. 713 00:34:54,000 --> 00:34:54,960 Speaker 2: And there is an update. 714 00:34:55,840 --> 00:34:57,960 Speaker 4: How did no one bring up the fact that he 715 00:34:58,160 --> 00:34:59,680 Speaker 4: lied to her about it? 716 00:35:00,160 --> 00:35:02,799 Speaker 2: It's like everyone glossed over that you did not tell her. 717 00:35:03,080 --> 00:35:06,360 Speaker 4: If if one of my roommates was like, Hey, I 718 00:35:06,440 --> 00:35:09,759 Speaker 4: want to bang this dude I'm moving in with and 719 00:35:09,840 --> 00:35:12,560 Speaker 4: I had a partner, I would have to immediately go, hey, 720 00:35:12,600 --> 00:35:14,600 Speaker 4: so you know my roommate situation, right. 721 00:35:15,080 --> 00:35:15,880 Speaker 2: I found someone? 722 00:35:16,400 --> 00:35:19,440 Speaker 3: Huge problem though, Yeah, huge problem? 723 00:35:19,480 --> 00:35:21,800 Speaker 2: You don't have to move in with the first person 724 00:35:21,840 --> 00:35:24,359 Speaker 2: that says, hey, you want to, like, can I move in? 725 00:35:24,880 --> 00:35:26,600 Speaker 2: You could say, oh, we're not a vibe of fit. 726 00:35:26,760 --> 00:35:28,520 Speaker 3: Yeah, hey, cutie want a roommate? 727 00:35:29,520 --> 00:35:31,200 Speaker 2: No? 728 00:35:30,600 --> 00:35:34,920 Speaker 4: And then he said no, no because I have a girlfriend. Actually, yeah, 729 00:35:34,960 --> 00:35:37,560 Speaker 4: and that's weird. Yeah with this is weird. 730 00:35:38,560 --> 00:35:38,840 Speaker 2: Yeah. 731 00:35:39,200 --> 00:35:43,400 Speaker 4: Update, here we go, folks. Thank you so much for 732 00:35:43,640 --> 00:35:46,760 Speaker 4: all of your advice and feedback. It helped me feel 733 00:35:46,760 --> 00:35:49,680 Speaker 4: more justified in my feelings. But also I see now 734 00:35:49,719 --> 00:35:51,600 Speaker 4: that he's trying to do the best that he can 735 00:35:51,680 --> 00:35:54,919 Speaker 4: in an all around crappy situation. I ended up having 736 00:35:54,960 --> 00:35:56,799 Speaker 4: several talks with him over the past few days, with 737 00:35:56,840 --> 00:36:00,680 Speaker 4: the first one going extremely disastrously do largely to both 738 00:36:00,719 --> 00:36:03,600 Speaker 4: of us being extremely stressed out, sleep deprived, and not 739 00:36:03,640 --> 00:36:07,000 Speaker 4: having eaten food all day, but the last one resolved 740 00:36:07,000 --> 00:36:10,000 Speaker 4: things as well as it could have and strengthened our relationship. 741 00:36:10,840 --> 00:36:13,000 Speaker 4: I think one of the two big underlying issues in 742 00:36:13,040 --> 00:36:17,120 Speaker 4: this situation was my own insecurities stemming from low self esteem, 743 00:36:17,200 --> 00:36:19,680 Speaker 4: which has been worsening over the past several months due 744 00:36:19,680 --> 00:36:23,200 Speaker 4: to mounting stress in my life from unrelated events. I 745 00:36:23,239 --> 00:36:25,200 Speaker 4: decided on my own that I need to start seeing 746 00:36:25,200 --> 00:36:28,120 Speaker 4: a therapist again to address this. However, the other aspect 747 00:36:28,160 --> 00:36:30,080 Speaker 4: I took issue with the most was his lack of 748 00:36:30,120 --> 00:36:34,160 Speaker 4: proper communication and lack of understanding for my emotions. When 749 00:36:34,239 --> 00:36:36,480 Speaker 4: you say lack of proper communication, do you mean lying 750 00:36:36,520 --> 00:36:40,080 Speaker 4: to you about a woman who wanted to sleep with him? 751 00:36:40,200 --> 00:36:42,719 Speaker 2: Of any communication? Really, but think about it. 752 00:36:42,880 --> 00:36:48,120 Speaker 4: Yeah, just outright lie, Just no communication at all. When 753 00:36:48,160 --> 00:36:50,480 Speaker 4: I first followed the advice of many commenters here and 754 00:36:50,520 --> 00:36:52,840 Speaker 4: told him I wasn't comfortable with her moving in because 755 00:36:52,880 --> 00:36:56,760 Speaker 4: I was insecure, he reacted with no empathy and treated 756 00:36:56,760 --> 00:36:59,960 Speaker 4: my insecurities as a roadblock to him resolving his finance 757 00:37:00,000 --> 00:37:03,640 Speaker 4: angel situation, which I do understand why he felt like that. 758 00:37:03,960 --> 00:37:05,759 Speaker 4: He's under a lot of stress and had to take 759 00:37:05,760 --> 00:37:08,440 Speaker 4: out a loan to cover his ex roommate's rent for 760 00:37:08,520 --> 00:37:11,120 Speaker 4: this month, as it is so for those asking if 761 00:37:11,120 --> 00:37:15,640 Speaker 4: the situation is truly desperate, it is. He kept insisting 762 00:37:16,280 --> 00:37:19,200 Speaker 4: that if the roles were reversed, he wouldn't feel insecure, 763 00:37:19,280 --> 00:37:22,360 Speaker 4: even though I know he definitely would. I think this 764 00:37:22,520 --> 00:37:25,640 Speaker 4: was just the desperation talking. However, the next time we talked, 765 00:37:25,640 --> 00:37:28,640 Speaker 4: he apologized for not showing me appropriate empathy and not 766 00:37:28,680 --> 00:37:31,640 Speaker 4: treating my concerns as valid, and I apologized for letting 767 00:37:31,640 --> 00:37:34,600 Speaker 4: my insecurities get the better of me. We decided that 768 00:37:34,640 --> 00:37:36,919 Speaker 4: he will still consider her as an option, but since 769 00:37:37,040 --> 00:37:39,879 Speaker 4: she hasn't even signed anything yet binding her to moving in, 770 00:37:40,280 --> 00:37:42,600 Speaker 4: he would continue looking for other people and said he 771 00:37:42,640 --> 00:37:44,200 Speaker 4: will ideally pick someone. 772 00:37:43,920 --> 00:37:47,720 Speaker 3: Else if he can. So, did he just immediately stop 773 00:37:47,800 --> 00:37:48,640 Speaker 3: looking at all? 774 00:37:49,000 --> 00:37:52,160 Speaker 2: That's the thing? Like he found this out months ago? 775 00:37:52,680 --> 00:37:53,160 Speaker 4: Was that? Right? 776 00:37:53,200 --> 00:37:53,920 Speaker 2: Am I right about this? 777 00:37:54,080 --> 00:37:54,200 Speaker 4: This? 778 00:37:54,400 --> 00:37:57,520 Speaker 2: He found that output of time since he found it out? 779 00:37:57,560 --> 00:37:59,879 Speaker 2: I don't think so. You don't think it's. 780 00:37:59,760 --> 00:38:03,399 Speaker 4: About ago since he found this central roommate. He since 781 00:38:03,400 --> 00:38:08,000 Speaker 4: he knew it was falling through. No, since since her, 782 00:38:08,239 --> 00:38:10,800 Speaker 4: I don't think so. I thought, well, it's. 783 00:38:10,680 --> 00:38:12,920 Speaker 2: Been sometimes since he found out, because he lied about it, 784 00:38:12,920 --> 00:38:14,520 Speaker 2: so it's been at least time since. 785 00:38:14,600 --> 00:38:16,719 Speaker 4: I think it was more that he knew from the 786 00:38:16,840 --> 00:38:19,480 Speaker 4: very beginning that she was into it, that it was yeah, 787 00:38:19,520 --> 00:38:21,680 Speaker 4: that that was a part of it, and that he 788 00:38:21,760 --> 00:38:22,800 Speaker 4: never made that clear. 789 00:38:23,080 --> 00:38:25,520 Speaker 3: I don't think it's been that long. Okay, Well, because 790 00:38:25,560 --> 00:38:26,800 Speaker 3: it's like because they've talked. 791 00:38:26,640 --> 00:38:28,520 Speaker 4: About how it's like a tight timeline, and it's like, 792 00:38:28,560 --> 00:38:30,480 Speaker 4: that's why you're so stressed out, and that's why he's like, 793 00:38:30,719 --> 00:38:32,399 Speaker 4: so maybe it's I would know. I would probably say, 794 00:38:32,440 --> 00:38:38,080 Speaker 4: like maybe like a week at most, Yeah, which again 795 00:38:38,320 --> 00:38:40,840 Speaker 4: you can find. There are more roommates yeah, that don't 796 00:38:40,880 --> 00:38:41,880 Speaker 4: want to sleep with you. 797 00:38:42,880 --> 00:38:44,120 Speaker 3: Yeah, that you can find. 798 00:38:44,239 --> 00:38:45,120 Speaker 2: Yeah. 799 00:38:45,160 --> 00:38:48,640 Speaker 4: And by the way, you can find full episodes with 800 00:38:48,719 --> 00:38:51,080 Speaker 4: stories just like this that you can listen to if 801 00:38:51,080 --> 00:38:53,840 Speaker 4: you go to Spotify or Apple podcasts or iet radio 802 00:38:54,360 --> 00:38:57,960 Speaker 4: and you search Okay story time and uh now we've 803 00:38:57,960 --> 00:38:59,960 Speaker 4: got basically sixty days, we got two months? 804 00:39:00,080 --> 00:39:00,839 Speaker 3: Were the stories for you. 805 00:39:00,800 --> 00:39:03,520 Speaker 2: To listen to? Folks? Whole lot of stores, a whole lot. 806 00:39:04,160 --> 00:39:09,960 Speaker 4: M boy, what's just say? Let's finish the story otherwise. 807 00:39:10,520 --> 00:39:14,600 Speaker 4: We also followed his sister in law's advice and discussed 808 00:39:14,640 --> 00:39:17,560 Speaker 4: all potential scenarios in the event that she does end 809 00:39:17,640 --> 00:39:20,040 Speaker 4: up being the new roommate. What we will do if 810 00:39:20,040 --> 00:39:21,640 Speaker 4: she makes a move on you? What we would do 811 00:39:21,680 --> 00:39:25,200 Speaker 4: if she starts walking around without clothing? Will you be 812 00:39:25,239 --> 00:39:26,760 Speaker 4: friends with her or keep your distance? 813 00:39:27,840 --> 00:39:28,960 Speaker 2: You should? 814 00:39:29,040 --> 00:39:29,839 Speaker 3: You are keeping your distance? 815 00:39:29,880 --> 00:39:31,319 Speaker 2: What are you talking about? Yeah? 816 00:39:31,360 --> 00:39:33,200 Speaker 4: Will you hang out or drink with her late at 817 00:39:33,280 --> 00:39:36,239 Speaker 4: night like you used to with your old roommate. He 818 00:39:36,280 --> 00:39:38,520 Speaker 4: also wants me to meet her before it goes any further. 819 00:39:38,840 --> 00:39:40,799 Speaker 4: We haven't set a meeting up yet, but we'll see 820 00:39:40,840 --> 00:39:44,160 Speaker 4: what happens. I hate feeling like a controlling partner, and 821 00:39:44,200 --> 00:39:47,200 Speaker 4: I felt so weird discussing all of those scenarios. But 822 00:39:47,280 --> 00:39:49,760 Speaker 4: I think it's good to pinpoint exactly what I'm afraid 823 00:39:49,760 --> 00:39:52,040 Speaker 4: of and then talk about it because it helps. 824 00:39:52,200 --> 00:39:53,440 Speaker 2: HET's johny og host here. 825 00:39:53,440 --> 00:39:54,800 Speaker 4: We're gonna get back to the stories, but here's a 826 00:39:54,840 --> 00:39:56,680 Speaker 4: quick three minute break of ass from our sponsors. 827 00:39:57,120 --> 00:40:00,720 Speaker 2: Slowly, you communicated the things you're not being in control partner. 828 00:40:01,080 --> 00:40:06,120 Speaker 2: You are communicating your insecurities and your frustrations, and you're, 829 00:40:06,520 --> 00:40:08,719 Speaker 2: you know, all the things that you're worried about with 830 00:40:08,880 --> 00:40:14,319 Speaker 2: your partner. And a good partner doesn't necessarily have to 831 00:40:14,440 --> 00:40:18,799 Speaker 2: agree or acquiesce to any of those things, but does 832 00:40:19,000 --> 00:40:22,680 Speaker 2: listen to them and does taken them into consideration and say, hey, 833 00:40:22,719 --> 00:40:26,920 Speaker 2: I hear you. This is the situation I'm in. I 834 00:40:27,000 --> 00:40:31,400 Speaker 2: will try and you know, find something that works for 835 00:40:31,600 --> 00:40:34,680 Speaker 2: both of us. But right now, like she's my only 836 00:40:34,760 --> 00:40:37,200 Speaker 2: app Yeah, that would be the conversation. 837 00:40:37,040 --> 00:40:41,040 Speaker 4: Correct, do Mundo, And I'm really also not liking his 838 00:40:41,239 --> 00:40:46,400 Speaker 4: whole tactic here of it's like, oh, a girl likes me. Well, 839 00:40:46,480 --> 00:40:49,279 Speaker 4: instead of having it come from me and being like hey, 840 00:40:49,520 --> 00:40:52,399 Speaker 4: just being aw I'm actually in a relationship and I'm 841 00:40:52,440 --> 00:40:55,399 Speaker 4: not interested in you. It's more like, hey, check out 842 00:40:55,400 --> 00:40:59,000 Speaker 4: this road block I have standing in between me and you. 843 00:40:59,120 --> 00:41:01,760 Speaker 4: I have a girlfriend and if she wasn't here, maybe 844 00:41:01,800 --> 00:41:03,960 Speaker 4: we could date, but we can't because I have a girlfriend. 845 00:41:04,239 --> 00:41:08,319 Speaker 4: Tell tell them yourself from your chest nicely, don't want 846 00:41:08,360 --> 00:41:08,839 Speaker 4: to date them. 847 00:41:08,960 --> 00:41:11,399 Speaker 2: Nicest I've ever been rejected. I asked this guy out 848 00:41:11,560 --> 00:41:15,120 Speaker 2: in an Abercrombie in Germany when I was traveling, very 849 00:41:15,120 --> 00:41:18,200 Speaker 2: hot man and uh, and he was like because he 850 00:41:18,200 --> 00:41:19,600 Speaker 2: was thought we were we had been talking before. It 851 00:41:19,680 --> 00:41:22,319 Speaker 2: wasn't just like hey I saw yeah, yeah, we had 852 00:41:22,480 --> 00:41:25,200 Speaker 2: been chatting. And he was like, I'm so sorry I 853 00:41:25,239 --> 00:41:28,680 Speaker 2: have a girlfriend. But it was very brave of you. 854 00:41:30,239 --> 00:41:33,960 Speaker 2: I was like, okay, so I just want like, really 855 00:41:34,000 --> 00:41:36,560 Speaker 2: cool of you. You're very brave. I was like, okay, 856 00:41:37,000 --> 00:41:42,799 Speaker 2: move on your part, Okay, thanks. Yeah. So I don't know, 857 00:41:43,480 --> 00:41:44,960 Speaker 2: just be honest, be honest. 858 00:41:45,040 --> 00:41:48,399 Speaker 4: It really just comes down to she's about all this stuff, man, 859 00:41:49,160 --> 00:41:55,000 Speaker 4: don't deceive, don't be because of course, and it's like, oh, 860 00:41:55,040 --> 00:41:57,279 Speaker 4: I'm sorry, my insecurities got the better of me. It's like, dude, 861 00:41:57,280 --> 00:42:02,040 Speaker 4: he's turbo charging your insecurities. He's doing by behaving in 862 00:42:02,080 --> 00:42:04,320 Speaker 4: ways that make it feel like, hey, are you sneaking 863 00:42:04,320 --> 00:42:10,760 Speaker 4: around on me? Like yeah, it's like it's like someone again, 864 00:42:10,920 --> 00:42:13,400 Speaker 4: like someone in a in a cat burglar outfit, like 865 00:42:13,440 --> 00:42:16,239 Speaker 4: sneaking into your house and you're being like, hey, are 866 00:42:16,280 --> 00:42:17,720 Speaker 4: you gonna steal all my stuff? 867 00:42:17,760 --> 00:42:20,160 Speaker 3: And they're like, dude, you're so what are you over? 868 00:42:20,200 --> 00:42:23,880 Speaker 2: You're being insecure about? Yeah, what you think? Oh, come on, 869 00:42:25,000 --> 00:42:25,799 Speaker 2: you know better than that. 870 00:42:26,239 --> 00:42:29,240 Speaker 4: Yeah, it's just based on what I'm seeing, I'm thinking 871 00:42:29,320 --> 00:42:31,360 Speaker 4: maybe I should being. 872 00:42:30,920 --> 00:42:34,160 Speaker 2: A little nervous. But that's the end of that story 873 00:42:34,200 --> 00:42:37,000 Speaker 2: and the end of this episode. So if you love us, 874 00:42:37,040 --> 00:42:39,920 Speaker 2: make sure to subscribe. We love You and seeing it 875 00:42:39,960 --> 00:42:40,479 Speaker 2: in the marrow