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Speaker 1: Fucking way lyle, there's no way. Hello, get out of here.

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Speaker 1: What's going on?

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Speaker 2: What's up?

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Speaker 1: Man?

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Speaker 2: What's your name?

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Speaker 3: Tony?

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Speaker 4: Be good? Brother?

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Speaker 3: Are we live all right?

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Speaker 2: Sure? Why not? Tony? Be good? What's going on? How

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Speaker 2: you doing?

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Speaker 1: Oh? Man?

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Speaker 3: Okay?

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Speaker 1: So I knew for sure I would get you as

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Speaker 1: soon as I texted that.

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Speaker 3: So all right.

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Speaker 1: So this happened a long time ago. So when I

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Speaker 1: was born, my dad was like supposed to be locked

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Speaker 1: up in prison, and he was. He was from Mexico.

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Speaker 1: He was in the US on a visa, right, and

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Speaker 1: he met my mom at like a little store in Seattle.

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Speaker 1: So I guess he used to run like cocaine up

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Speaker 1: from Mexico all the way, like on the West coast

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Speaker 1: up to Seattle. And the reason why my mom my

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Speaker 1: dad like intertwined is actually because my grandfather, my grandfather

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Speaker 1: owned two hundred and fifty acres up in Seattle. He homesteaded,

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Speaker 1: which after so long, I don't know if you know

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Speaker 1: about this, but like when your homestead the property becomes yours.

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Speaker 1: So he built like a little mobile home facility in

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Speaker 1: like the property, and so my dad ended up renting

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Speaker 1: two trailers, one to live in in one to like

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Speaker 1: keep all the drugs and cash and shit in. So,

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Speaker 1: so my mom met my dad because he used to

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Speaker 1: work like a cover job over in like a little

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Speaker 1: corner store down on the property somewhere. And when they

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Speaker 1: got together and stuff, my mom got pregnant with me.

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Speaker 1: So one day, I guess the FBI was like hot

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Speaker 1: on their trail because like my dad was part of

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Speaker 1: like the carteler whatnot. Uh, And they had two identical SUVs.

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Speaker 1: There was one black suv that my dad drove, and

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Speaker 1: there was another black suv like one of his friends drove,

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Speaker 1: and one had like a bunch of drugs in it

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Speaker 1: that they would drop off like during their trips or whatever,

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Speaker 1: and the other one my dad drove, and he had

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Speaker 1: like a little black book with all these names of

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Speaker 1: people and like the amounts they owed the cartel and shit.

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Speaker 1: So the FBI ended up pulling my dad over and

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Speaker 1: they fucking tuck him in for a conspiracy and shit

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Speaker 1: and locked him up in a minimum security prison out

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Speaker 1: in Seattle.

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Speaker 3: And you know this was God only know.

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Speaker 1: It was like thirty plus years ago, so they were

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Speaker 1: still like hellar racis and shit. So like my dad

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Speaker 1: thought he can fight the system and like get out,

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Speaker 1: but like it was so corrupt and shit, and they

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Speaker 1: definitely didn't want Mexicans and drugs in their community, so

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Speaker 1: they hew them. And like he was losing like the

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Speaker 1: battle on the trial and shit, so he called my

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Speaker 1: grandpa and they cooked up a little scheme since it

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Speaker 1: was a minimum security prison and shit. What they ended

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Speaker 1: up doing was because they didn't have any like guard

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Speaker 1: towers or they didn't have any like fences or anything

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Speaker 1: because they're in the middle of nowhere in Seattle. He

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Speaker 1: ended up escaping and my grandfather ended up picking them up,

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Speaker 1: you know, and my dad drove him or my grandfather

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Speaker 1: drove my dad up to where this stashpot was, and

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Speaker 1: I guess, uh, like my dad like dug up like

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Speaker 1: a hole for like all the money and shit that

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Speaker 1: he earned, and he was like, Yo, let's.

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Speaker 4: Go up there and dig that up.

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna get out of here, you know, because.

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Speaker 3: He escaped, and my grandfather ended up as soon as.

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Speaker 1: He fucking dug up all the money shot him with

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Speaker 1: the thought off shotgun, blew off his head, took the

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Speaker 1: money and fucking like buried him right there. And it

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Speaker 1: was crazy because my mom was like she had no

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Speaker 1: idea what was going on, but she had like this

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Speaker 1: really like pitted feeling in his stomach. Like it was

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Speaker 1: just heart wrenching for her. And she was like, oh

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Speaker 1: my god, he's dead. And the FBI like contented like

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Speaker 1: how did you know, like what happened? Were you're part

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Speaker 1: of it? She was like, no, I just had this

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Speaker 1: go to real feeling that something happened. And they located

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Speaker 1: his body exactly where he got shot and where the

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Speaker 1: money was and shit like that because my mom had

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Speaker 1: like some sixth sense of like that's where it was.

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Speaker 1: So it was pretty it was a pretty intense story.

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Speaker 2: Well I'm doing good, thanks for asking.

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Speaker 1: Oh shit, sorry, law I was. I was just trying

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Speaker 1: to get it because, like I was, I was actually

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Speaker 1: doing a lot, dude. Like my story it's because I

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Speaker 1: text you before, like I had a huge comeback story

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Speaker 1: and like so okay, okay, hold.

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Speaker 2: On, I'm gonna all right, hello, hold on, hold on, helo. Okay. So,

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Speaker 2: so okay, your grandfather killed your mom's dad.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I took him out, dude, like and then

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Speaker 1: that's how he was Actually that's how we actually started

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Speaker 1: paying for a lot of stuff and improving the property too,

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Speaker 1: and this is what happens, like so you know how

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Speaker 1: karma always come back to get you and shit. So

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Speaker 1: like yeah, so long long time ago, like when I

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Speaker 1: was uh, I was like maybe like eight or something

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Speaker 1: like that. Like I heard my family in the living

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Speaker 1: room talking. They thought I was afleet because I was

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Speaker 1: supposed to go to bed at like eight o'clock, right,

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Speaker 1: and my aunt was over and they were talking about

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Speaker 1: what happened to my dad. But my mom always told

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Speaker 1: me that my dad died in a hunting accident, like

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Speaker 1: someone thought he was a deer and shot him and shit.

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Speaker 3: So I was like, oh man, so my.

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Speaker 1: Whole life, I'm like, oh, my dad died because he's

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Speaker 1: you know, hunting and he got shot by accident. And

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Speaker 1: then like I heard my aunt Christy talking to my mom.

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Speaker 1: Her name is Kelly, and she was like, oh man,

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Speaker 1: did you ever tell him what happened to his dad?

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Speaker 1: She's like, no, I can't tell him that they'll fuck

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Speaker 1: him up. And like I heard him talking about like

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Speaker 1: the details of like what I just told you pretty much,

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Speaker 1: and I fucking flipped out. I ran into Livom was like,

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Speaker 1: what are you talking about? You told me, my dad

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Speaker 1: during died during an accident, Like what the hell is

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Speaker 1: going on? And like they confessed the whole story to

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Speaker 1: me and stuff like that. And I guess my grandfather

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Speaker 1: like wid heavy on his conscience, so over time he

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Speaker 1: ended up developing like a tumor in his brain and

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Speaker 1: ended up killing him and stuff. And he left the

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Speaker 1: property to my brother Justin, which is another crazy ass story, Lyle.

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Speaker 1: So after all those shit was so.

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Speaker 2: So, what's what's your comeback story? I want to know

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Speaker 2: where you factor into this. You sound like this is.

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Speaker 4: The origin dog Dog.

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Speaker 1: This is why I wanted you know, because I know

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Speaker 1: you have like our something podcast. Dude, I'm gonna go

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Speaker 1: fucking deep Lyle, like this shit goes all the way,

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Speaker 1: like this is a whole different subspecies of stories, dude,

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Speaker 1: Like I'm trying to make a bitch into a movie.

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Speaker 2: All right, man, why don't you tell me what your

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Speaker 2: comeback story is?

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Speaker 3: All right?

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Speaker 1: So what happens? You know, because my grandpa really fucked up,

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Speaker 1: like my mom and stuff like that. She ended up

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Speaker 1: because she tried. Her first child was my brother Justin.

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Speaker 1: He was born eighty eight, right, So my grandfather forced

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Speaker 1: took her first born from her like gun to the head,

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Speaker 1: like this is it, Like I'm I'm taking him. Either

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Speaker 1: you die right now and he's mine, or I just

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Speaker 1: take him and you fucking go away. So that's what happened.

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Speaker 1: And then my mom met some other dude named Mike

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Speaker 1: Italian lives in Indiana, and she got pregnant and had

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Speaker 1: a child with him. His name's Richie. He's sort of

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Speaker 1: like the black sheep of the family.

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Speaker 3: And then like.

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Speaker 1: Mike gained custody of Richie, and then I was the

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Speaker 1: third born, right And when my mom had me, after

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Speaker 1: all this shit happened, she fled to like Chicago, and

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Speaker 1: I'm sort of like in that area right now. And

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Speaker 1: my mom was like mentally messed up, so she fell

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Speaker 1: heavily into drugs and alcohol, and she ended up having

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Speaker 1: like a total of ten kids, you know. And yeah,

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Speaker 1: she like got with the plug because she was struggling

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Speaker 1: and stuff, like a single mom working three jobs. And

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Speaker 1: so what happened was a lot of my brothers and sisters,

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Speaker 1: you know, because she had like problems with drugs and alcohol,

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Speaker 1: ended up getting taken by the foster care system like

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Speaker 1: DCFS and all that. Like my stepdad that was a

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Speaker 1: cocaine dealer, Like he got really bad. One night he

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Speaker 1: was drinking, he like started choking me and shit, and

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Speaker 1: my brother ended up calling.

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Speaker 3: The cops and we got taken away. We got placed

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Speaker 3: into different homes and stuff like that.

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Speaker 1: So and in this time, like because the system, they

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Speaker 1: literally they take you and they put you on a list.

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Speaker 1: And my mom had like six kids at the time

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Speaker 1: because like her other kids were like taken away or

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Speaker 1: not born yet because she had kids later on after

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Speaker 1: we were all adopted too, and they put you on

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Speaker 1: a big list. And then when the DCFS social worker comes,

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Speaker 1: they try and keep the kids together, but what happens

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Speaker 1: most likely is the older kids get split up, going

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Speaker 1: in different homes, and like the babies are really sought

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Speaker 1: after because it's like a fresh kid that they can

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Speaker 1: like raise on their own. So like in the beginning,

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Speaker 1: like a couple like me, Eric Ardrew and kat all

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Speaker 1: were kept together. But like the new born Kasha, she

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Speaker 1: went with like a black family somewhere. And then after

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Speaker 1: a while, because we were really high energy kids ended

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Speaker 1: up getting split up and like we were really bad,

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Speaker 1: you know, all together because one we were ripped away

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Speaker 1: from our family and we didn't want to be with

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Speaker 1: anybody else. And then two we were all just our

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Speaker 1: own personalities. Like I was the oldest because Ritchie and

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Speaker 1: Eric were all taken away somewhere else. So we were

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Speaker 1: all really high energy. So what happened was, you know,

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Speaker 1: they put us into like almost like the projects where

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Speaker 1: there was a bunch of people. It was like bad neighborhoods.

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Speaker 1: We were like a bunch of black families and shit,

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Speaker 1: and they really just wanted us there for like the

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Speaker 1: eight hundred bucks of pop a kid.

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Speaker 4: They would get a month.

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Speaker 1: So like we wouldn't really eat, we wouldn't really eat

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Speaker 1: too much. We would get abused, like if we were

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Speaker 1: allowed in the mornings, we would get our ass whooped

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Speaker 1: and stuff like that. So I was getting really fat

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Speaker 1: up and like they had social workers come and talk

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Speaker 1: to us and stuff, make sure we're okay. But like

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Speaker 1: miss Harris, the lady that was watching like me, kat

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Speaker 1: r Drew and when Eric was there, she would hang

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Speaker 1: overhead like, hey, if you say anything you know bad

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Speaker 1: about me, and like what we do here, you know,

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna end up hurting.

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Speaker 3: Your brothers and sisters and stuff like that.

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Speaker 1: So like for a long time, I didn't say anything.

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Speaker 1: I just like played nice, was cordial, tell.

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Speaker 3: Them everything was cool.

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Speaker 1: But underline, like we were being starved, we were being beaten,

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Speaker 1: you know, abuse, mistreated and.

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Speaker 4: Shit like that. And we ended up.

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Speaker 1: Splitting up because I was getting really fed up with

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Speaker 1: what she was doing, you know, like hiding food from

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Speaker 1: us or like if I was hungry, she'd be like, Okay,

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Speaker 1: you can eat, but no one else is gonna eat.

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Speaker 1: You're just gonna eat in fun of everybody. So like

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Speaker 1: I was like at a breaking point when I was

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Speaker 1: a kid, So I was like, you know, I'm gonna

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Speaker 1: fucking tell on you and stuff like that. So then

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Speaker 1: she ended up making lies about me, saying like I

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Speaker 1: was actually abusing my brother, which so what happened was

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Speaker 1: I was circumcised as a baby and my brother lawren.

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Speaker 2: Okay, okay, all right, what's your name?

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Speaker 1: Man?

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Speaker 2: Johnny? Listen, Johnny be good. Okay, I know you came listen.

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Speaker 2: I know you came in here being like I'm gonna

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Speaker 2: take the whole power. Let's just have a conversation, my friends.

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Speaker 2: I don't think I can sit here while you talk

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Speaker 2: talk to me like this for an hour. I'm sorry, yeah, dude.

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Speaker 3: I told you.

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Speaker 1: We're all on fucking thirteen minutes right now, and it's

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Speaker 1: like a whole thing.

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Speaker 2: Okay, I but I don't like when I but don't

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Speaker 2: just we can have a conversation. Man, you don't have

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Speaker 2: to come in here being like this is going to

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Speaker 2: be a whole hour of stuff. You know, we could

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Speaker 2: just talk Okay, Yeah, no, that's cool.

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Speaker 1: I was just I thought you because typically when I'm

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Speaker 1: listening to it's just like someone's story you're going.

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Speaker 2: Through, sure for for sure. Well listen, man, how you

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Speaker 2: doing now? Like what do you? What are you up to?

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Speaker 1: Bro?

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Speaker 4: Bro?

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Speaker 1: That's the comeback story. Like my life is a pinnacle

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Speaker 1: of just happiness and like love light and I don't know,

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Speaker 1: I'm the best I could ever be. Like I never

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Speaker 1: thought I would be here. My life is incredible and

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Speaker 1: I just wanted to share it and just let the

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Speaker 1: people know that. Listen to you no matter where you are.

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Speaker 1: I mean, within like seven years, your whole life can change.

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Speaker 1: As long as you can manage it.

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Speaker 2: Then that's good.

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Speaker 4: Man.

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Speaker 2: So tell me about your life right now, like what's

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Speaker 2: going on?

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Speaker 4: Okay?

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Speaker 1: So, got a great job, been there thirteen years one

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Speaker 1: biological sun then and then two stuff children, Nicole Bryan.

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Speaker 4: They're they're older.

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Speaker 1: I got a wife, Rosie. We have half acre and

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Speaker 1: a really nice suburb. I'm literally developing on the property

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Speaker 1: right now. Just got back from vacation, you know, on

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Speaker 1: a pontoon boat, fishing camp, lamping. Really uh yeah, dude,

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Speaker 1: Like my wife is like absolutely what I never thought

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Speaker 1: it could be. And it's great to talk about you.

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Speaker 4: What's going on with you?

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Speaker 2: Lew How did you meet your wife?

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Speaker 3: Through my job? Throughout work?

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Speaker 2: And you what do you tell me again what you

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Speaker 2: do for work?

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Speaker 1: I'm a sales at buds for one of the companies

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Speaker 1: in the fortune five hundred, so like pretty solid.

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Speaker 2: You're a salesman.

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Speaker 1: I'm a sales rep there.

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Speaker 2: Okay, cool man. And how's your kid right now?

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Speaker 1: He's with his aunt and uncle and his cousins in

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Speaker 1: like Lake Shelbyville, So he's chopping it up right now.

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Speaker 1: He's still camping. I came back after a week and

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Speaker 1: I left him out there for a week because he

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Speaker 1: was having so much fun.

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Speaker 2: And so you met your wife. She was a coworker.

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Speaker 2: She was someone you were selling to.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, nah, she was a coworker because like in

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Speaker 1: my life, I had like really bad relationships and stuff,

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Speaker 1: and I was just really looking for like a real woman.

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Speaker 1: And as soon as I seen her, I was like, oh, yeah,

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Speaker 1: she's not from this country. She's for sure, she's for share.

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Speaker 1: A real woman knows how to chop things up, right,

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Speaker 1: So she like cooks for me, you know, cleans you know,

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Speaker 1: she just does all the things that you know, I

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Speaker 1: think a woman that I'm interested in should do. Like

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Speaker 1: she's I'm the man of the family.

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Speaker 3: And she's the woman.

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Speaker 2: All right, Okay, all right.

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Speaker 1: Man, I'm just saying, dude, because.

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Speaker 2: Where's your wife from?

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Speaker 3: Belivia? Dude, Belivia?

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Speaker 2: Okay, you've been taken advantage of before.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, like just doing everything and not really getting anything back.

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Speaker 1: And just you know what I mean, Like we really

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Speaker 1: do like we try and do like half and half

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Speaker 1: and everything.

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Speaker 3: So like it's either one.

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Speaker 2: She and she had kids before previous okay, and how's

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Speaker 2: your relationship with those kids, dude?

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Speaker 1: Okay, so just beautiful. Her daughter is amazing, intelligent, smart, beautiful.

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Speaker 1: We have a great relationship. She has a boyfriend and stuff,

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Speaker 1: and I accepted him into the family because like my

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Speaker 1: my wife and I we have an age gap, so

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Speaker 1: like it's it's free now. It's like they're already grown

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Speaker 1: and ship and her son just graduated.

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Speaker 2: So what's your your It sounds like your wife is older?

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Speaker 3: Oh yeah, yeah, my wife? How older?

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Speaker 2: How old is shit? And how old are you?

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Speaker 4: Dude?

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Speaker 1: We got like a thirty year age gap.

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Speaker 2: Brother, you have a thirty year age gap?

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Speaker 4: How old? How old?

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Speaker 2: Hold on? How old are you?

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Speaker 3: I'm thirty two.

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Speaker 2: Do you want you have a sixty two year old wife?

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Speaker 3: Well, she was born like seventy two, so I don't know.

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Speaker 4: I don't.

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Speaker 1: I don't really, I don't ask questions if that's when

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Speaker 1: she was born.

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Speaker 2: Okay, man, all right, man cool. I'm happy for you. You

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Speaker 2: sound like you have a nice life, dude.

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Speaker 3: I do.

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Speaker 1: And that's what I was trying to say.

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Speaker 2: Do you keep in contact with any of your siblings

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Speaker 2: from the ten of you guys that got all so a.

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Speaker 1: Lot of them because you know they had fucked up.

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Speaker 1: I'm bringing like people raised in the city, like you know,

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Speaker 1: I know, you know about mentalities like you either get

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Speaker 1: tough or you fucking pretty much.

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Speaker 3: Like get killed out there.

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Speaker 1: So a lot of them kept the really tough gangster

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Speaker 1: added tod in and out of prison and stuff like that,

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Speaker 1: and some of them grew out of it, but most

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Speaker 1: of them are just trapped in that mindset. So I

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00:18:09,320 --> 00:18:11,960
Speaker 1: don't know some of my siblings because they were taken

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Speaker 1: so early and they just have their own lives and

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Speaker 1: I just never, you know, got in touch with them.

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Speaker 1: But other ones I have, like my sister, since she

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Speaker 1: had a kid, she woke up and started taking care

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Speaker 1: of her life and stuff. My brother Eric, he's eleven.

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Speaker 3: Months younger than me.

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Speaker 1: Were like Irish twins. I was supporting him for a

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Speaker 1: lot of his life, but he started going off the

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Speaker 1: rails and stuff. So I'm distancing. I'm learning to like,

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Speaker 1: you know, set boundaries and stuff, so I'm keeping I'm

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Speaker 1: still keep in touch with them, but I don't really

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Speaker 1: fuck with them like I used to. And yeah, that's

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00:18:50,280 --> 00:18:52,840
Speaker 1: that's pretty much how it is. Like my oldest brother

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Speaker 1: one that was taken, and this is this is what

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Speaker 1: I wanted to come full circle about. Like he is

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Speaker 1: he read out to me, and I guess like he

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00:19:02,359 --> 00:19:03,959
Speaker 1: was in and out of prison too, but then when

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00:19:04,000 --> 00:19:06,800
Speaker 1: he came out, one of his close friends like was

365
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Speaker 1: keeping tabs on the property and like paying taxes and shit.

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Speaker 1: So we still have all that property out in Seattle,

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00:19:13,400 --> 00:19:15,960
Speaker 1: and now what we're gonna do, Like we've been taxing

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00:19:16,040 --> 00:19:18,639
Speaker 1: back and forth. He found an investor that wants to

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00:19:18,640 --> 00:19:21,840
Speaker 1: develop and put like model homes on there. He's been

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00:19:22,000 --> 00:19:26,960
Speaker 1: sending videos and pictures. They're actually excavating, improving, like putting

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Speaker 1: model homes out there. So it might come full circle

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00:19:30,200 --> 00:19:33,400
Speaker 1: and this might come to fruition to where we actually,

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Speaker 1: you know, make a little resort out there. I already

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Speaker 1: sent him schematics of like this big timber ridge house

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Speaker 1: that I wanted to build, you know, for me and him,

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Speaker 1: like individually, like two houses. I was like, man, if

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00:19:46,760 --> 00:19:49,040
Speaker 1: you can build this, I'll fucking buy and we can

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00:19:49,119 --> 00:19:51,800
Speaker 1: live on lan too, and then just manage the property.

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Speaker 1: So that would be something we can do like in

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Speaker 1: our older years and shit. So so yeah, man, it

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00:19:57,840 --> 00:20:01,199
Speaker 1: looks like it came from something terrifying. Is something that

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Speaker 1: can be beautiful.

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Speaker 2: Cool. So you have a good relationship at least you

384
00:20:05,119 --> 00:20:06,600
Speaker 2: have a good relationship with at least one of them.

385
00:20:08,480 --> 00:20:13,640
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, Well I keep a positive outlook in good

386
00:20:14,080 --> 00:20:16,480
Speaker 1: good faith with all of them because you know, we're

387
00:20:16,560 --> 00:20:19,400
Speaker 1: family and stuff like that. But I've learned to let

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Speaker 1: go and stop lecturing them and what they should do

389
00:20:22,160 --> 00:20:25,560
Speaker 1: with their lives. I'm just accepting them, and then if

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Speaker 1: they want to be a part of my life, they'll

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00:20:26,960 --> 00:20:29,400
Speaker 1: reach out to me instead of like me playing daddy

392
00:20:29,440 --> 00:20:33,320
Speaker 1: for everybody and just going out and the over extending

393
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Speaker 1: myself because that's usually what I do my whole life,

394
00:20:36,119 --> 00:20:39,040
Speaker 1: because I've never really had anything but the little family

395
00:20:39,080 --> 00:20:43,119
Speaker 1: I had left, so I always just did everything and

396
00:20:43,200 --> 00:20:44,440
Speaker 1: anything for all of them.

397
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Speaker 3: But now I'm realizing.

398
00:20:45,960 --> 00:20:49,400
Speaker 1: That's it's probably crippling them in a way so they

399
00:20:49,400 --> 00:20:52,119
Speaker 1: can lean so heavily on me. So now I'm like

400
00:20:52,840 --> 00:20:56,360
Speaker 1: actually setting boundaries and just keeping to myself and if

401
00:20:56,400 --> 00:21:00,439
Speaker 1: they need me for something really important, I'll be there,

402
00:21:00,480 --> 00:21:02,560
Speaker 1: but if not, I want to kind of let them

403
00:21:02,800 --> 00:21:05,879
Speaker 1: live their lives and figure things out for themselves.

404
00:21:05,880 --> 00:21:08,680
Speaker 2: Cool man, So you got you got your own thing

405
00:21:08,800 --> 00:21:11,280
Speaker 2: going on. Now, you've got your own.

406
00:21:11,000 --> 00:21:13,159
Speaker 3: Family, dude, I got it.

407
00:21:13,400 --> 00:21:15,919
Speaker 2: That empire you got, you got an empire, you got

408
00:21:15,960 --> 00:21:17,439
Speaker 2: a resort that you're making.

409
00:21:18,000 --> 00:21:22,600
Speaker 1: Yes, And this is what I was talking about, like

410
00:21:22,800 --> 00:21:26,439
Speaker 1: manifesting one day while I was barely unhappy, you know,

411
00:21:26,960 --> 00:21:29,880
Speaker 1: And this was just before the pandemic. I was addicted

412
00:21:29,920 --> 00:21:33,480
Speaker 1: to social media. You know, I pretty much watch it

413
00:21:33,560 --> 00:21:36,080
Speaker 1: until I fell asleep at night. And then like I've

414
00:21:36,080 --> 00:21:38,359
Speaker 1: seen a documentary that came out and set out like

415
00:21:38,440 --> 00:21:42,720
Speaker 1: it was messing people up, like internally, mentally and stuff

416
00:21:42,760 --> 00:21:45,280
Speaker 1: like that. So I cut myself off of social media.

417
00:21:45,880 --> 00:21:49,199
Speaker 1: This is about seven years ago. I didn't really have

418
00:21:49,320 --> 00:21:51,639
Speaker 1: much family. I was like, you know, I wanted to

419
00:21:51,680 --> 00:21:55,240
Speaker 1: build an actual family. And what I did I manifested.

420
00:21:55,320 --> 00:21:57,719
Speaker 1: I was like, at night, I like turned off my phone,

421
00:21:58,040 --> 00:22:01,040
Speaker 1: I you know, deleted all my soul. Like the only

422
00:22:01,080 --> 00:22:04,399
Speaker 1: thing that I used was like YouTube shorts after that,

423
00:22:04,600 --> 00:22:06,840
Speaker 1: or like when I seen your videos, I would watch that.

424
00:22:07,920 --> 00:22:11,720
Speaker 1: But I decided to put all that away, focused on myself.

425
00:22:11,400 --> 00:22:14,000
Speaker 3: Get what I really wanted. So I got a.

426
00:22:13,960 --> 00:22:16,680
Speaker 1: Wife, she had some other kids. I had a kid.

427
00:22:16,800 --> 00:22:17,560
Speaker 1: We got together.

428
00:22:20,080 --> 00:22:23,359
Speaker 2: Do you do your current wife? Is this so you

429
00:22:23,359 --> 00:22:25,960
Speaker 2: have one biological son? Is this with your current Yeah?

430
00:22:26,560 --> 00:22:30,360
Speaker 1: No, it was from a previous relationship. I think that one.

431
00:22:31,000 --> 00:22:34,679
Speaker 1: So it was so we were high school sweethearts, and

432
00:22:35,160 --> 00:22:38,919
Speaker 1: you know, I was working a couple of years, like

433
00:22:38,960 --> 00:22:42,760
Speaker 1: by twenty and then she got pregnant, but we weren't

434
00:22:42,840 --> 00:22:47,240
Speaker 1: really in like good standings at that time. You know,

435
00:22:48,280 --> 00:22:51,359
Speaker 1: I believe she was like sleeping around on me and

436
00:22:51,400 --> 00:22:55,720
Speaker 1: stuff like that. And then it turns out, because you know,

437
00:22:55,720 --> 00:22:57,600
Speaker 1: I was just starting out, I didn't really have much.

438
00:22:58,160 --> 00:23:01,520
Speaker 1: She found another dude that was like driving semis making

439
00:23:01,560 --> 00:23:05,520
Speaker 1: pretty good money, and she started seeing him and he

440
00:23:05,680 --> 00:23:09,000
Speaker 1: promised her like a house and stuff like that. So

441
00:23:09,280 --> 00:23:10,840
Speaker 1: it was kind of touching up because I wasn't even

442
00:23:10,880 --> 00:23:12,920
Speaker 1: sure if he was mine until he did the DNA

443
00:23:13,040 --> 00:23:15,880
Speaker 1: test when Ben came out, and then when I figured

444
00:23:15,960 --> 00:23:19,000
Speaker 1: he was mine, you know, like I went in, you know,

445
00:23:19,680 --> 00:23:23,199
Speaker 1: did all the fove holy things, and then she was like, well,

446
00:23:23,320 --> 00:23:26,679
Speaker 1: you know, I'm seeing someone else, and uh, you know,

447
00:23:27,280 --> 00:23:30,000
Speaker 1: I'm gonna move to Indiana. And I was really upset

448
00:23:30,160 --> 00:23:33,440
Speaker 1: because I didn't want her taking my son out there.

449
00:23:33,720 --> 00:23:37,240
Speaker 2: Did she just like does your son still see her?

450
00:23:37,359 --> 00:23:39,000
Speaker 2: Or did she just like kind of ditch him?

451
00:23:39,920 --> 00:23:41,119
Speaker 3: Oh no, no no.

452
00:23:42,040 --> 00:23:44,879
Speaker 1: So, while like I told you, my family was in

453
00:23:44,920 --> 00:23:47,199
Speaker 1: and out of you know, foster hums and stuff like that,

454
00:23:47,240 --> 00:23:49,600
Speaker 1: and I didn't want that happening because it was going

455
00:23:49,680 --> 00:23:51,800
Speaker 1: to get ugly and already seen that, so I was like,

456
00:23:51,840 --> 00:23:53,960
Speaker 1: you know what I talked to her. I was like,

457
00:23:54,040 --> 00:23:55,600
Speaker 1: if you think it's going to be a better future

458
00:23:55,680 --> 00:23:59,160
Speaker 1: for you and him, Okay, fine, you know, I'll sit here.

459
00:24:00,520 --> 00:24:03,600
Speaker 1: I'll pay what I can for Benjamin. So he ended

460
00:24:03,680 --> 00:24:06,760
Speaker 1: up going to Indiana with his mom. You know, I

461
00:24:06,840 --> 00:24:11,000
Speaker 1: get him for all the breaks summer, winter, spring, fall,

462
00:24:12,119 --> 00:24:14,679
Speaker 1: any vacation time ahead because I worked for a good company,

463
00:24:14,680 --> 00:24:18,879
Speaker 1: I get time off payton and stuff. So she moved

464
00:24:18,920 --> 00:24:22,480
Speaker 1: out there with him, had a couple more kids, and

465
00:24:22,600 --> 00:24:25,119
Speaker 1: ben mainly stayed out there, but he would see me

466
00:24:25,160 --> 00:24:28,000
Speaker 1: for vacation. So I was like the fun time, you know.

467
00:24:28,359 --> 00:24:30,600
Speaker 1: So we had really good bonding and stuff like that,

468
00:24:32,640 --> 00:24:35,440
Speaker 1: because I knew if I was like, hey, if you leave,

469
00:24:35,640 --> 00:24:37,920
Speaker 1: I'll have you arrest in all this stuff, like we

470
00:24:37,960 --> 00:24:39,760
Speaker 1: would getting in the courts and it would just be

471
00:24:39,800 --> 00:24:43,000
Speaker 1: bad on him, bad for me. Like we really came

472
00:24:43,040 --> 00:24:46,520
Speaker 1: together just for the kids and stuff like that because

473
00:24:46,760 --> 00:24:49,560
Speaker 1: what I've been through and what I know how ugly

474
00:24:49,560 --> 00:24:51,359
Speaker 1: it kids and how bad it is for the kids.

475
00:24:51,400 --> 00:24:54,119
Speaker 1: We just decided to, you know, grow up and do

476
00:24:54,200 --> 00:24:57,600
Speaker 1: what's best for them. So that's what I did. I

477
00:24:57,680 --> 00:25:00,240
Speaker 1: kind of just bit the bullet, you know, Paige, I'll

478
00:25:00,280 --> 00:25:03,000
Speaker 1: support seeing him when I could, and we have a

479
00:25:03,080 --> 00:25:06,920
Speaker 1: really good relationship. I've done everything, Like when he was younger,

480
00:25:07,520 --> 00:25:10,880
Speaker 1: took him the Disney World, you know, when we have vacations,

481
00:25:10,960 --> 00:25:14,760
Speaker 1: we travel the world together. You know, he's in basketball.

482
00:25:14,840 --> 00:25:17,720
Speaker 1: He's even got a girlfriend, his first girlfriend.

483
00:25:17,760 --> 00:25:23,679
Speaker 2: So how do crazy?

484
00:25:24,880 --> 00:25:27,959
Speaker 1: Yeah, he's so big and beautiful too, like my parents were.

485
00:25:28,000 --> 00:25:29,960
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, I don't have kids. He's protecting

486
00:25:30,040 --> 00:25:33,640
Speaker 1: all this shit. I'm like, yo, not now, obviously he's eleven,

487
00:25:33,760 --> 00:25:36,200
Speaker 1: but like in the future, give me as many grandkids

488
00:25:36,240 --> 00:25:39,040
Speaker 1: as you can. Just drop them off. Like, I'll fucking

489
00:25:39,080 --> 00:25:39,840
Speaker 1: take care of him.

490
00:25:39,880 --> 00:25:41,120
Speaker 4: You do what you gotta do.

491
00:25:42,040 --> 00:25:44,160
Speaker 1: Like we got to pass on these Jean Dude, he's

492
00:25:44,280 --> 00:25:47,439
Speaker 1: he's got the tan skin, the nice beautiful blue eyes,

493
00:25:47,600 --> 00:25:52,040
Speaker 1: he's got Sandy bond hair. He's tall, he's gonna be muscular.

494
00:25:52,359 --> 00:25:54,479
Speaker 1: You know, he's doing sports and stuff. So I'm like,

495
00:25:54,680 --> 00:25:57,840
Speaker 1: just you know, I want to have those things because

496
00:25:58,040 --> 00:26:01,560
Speaker 1: I have a family that never really explore too much

497
00:26:01,600 --> 00:26:05,639
Speaker 1: because you know, they're restricted either financially or fertility issues

498
00:26:05,680 --> 00:26:08,440
Speaker 1: stuff like that. I just really want to bring more

499
00:26:08,520 --> 00:26:11,840
Speaker 1: life into this world and show show people that it's

500
00:26:11,880 --> 00:26:14,320
Speaker 1: okay no matter where you are, you can still have

501
00:26:14,400 --> 00:26:16,359
Speaker 1: a beautiful life and do things you want to do.

502
00:26:16,800 --> 00:26:20,800
Speaker 1: I feel like everyone's so trapped in this you know, yeah,

503
00:26:20,960 --> 00:26:23,400
Speaker 1: in this bubble, and they feel like they can't get

504
00:26:23,440 --> 00:26:25,600
Speaker 1: out of it because of so many walls that they

505
00:26:25,640 --> 00:26:26,800
Speaker 1: put up around themselves.

506
00:26:28,520 --> 00:26:32,720
Speaker 2: Tony be good. Well, thanks thanks for sharing your story

507
00:26:32,760 --> 00:26:37,119
Speaker 2: with us. Man oh Man, dude, this was nice.

508
00:26:37,320 --> 00:26:40,920
Speaker 1: This was interesting about a half hour, and there was

509
00:26:41,000 --> 00:26:42,560
Speaker 1: just so much more I want to talk about. Like

510
00:26:42,560 --> 00:26:45,080
Speaker 1: you caught me off guard, bro, I was like, let

511
00:26:45,080 --> 00:26:47,680
Speaker 1: me send this text, like I'm sure this motherfucker will

512
00:26:47,680 --> 00:26:50,480
Speaker 1: contact me today, and I just put it out there

513
00:26:50,520 --> 00:26:55,200
Speaker 1: and you did. While you're so unexpected, man, but I

514
00:26:55,240 --> 00:26:57,840
Speaker 1: appreciate you. It's like I'm talking to a celebrity.

515
00:27:00,400 --> 00:27:03,679
Speaker 2: Really, you're a nice You're you're a nice man, dude.

516
00:27:03,920 --> 00:27:06,240
Speaker 2: I feel like I'm talking honestly. You know What's funny

517
00:27:06,320 --> 00:27:09,120
Speaker 2: is I kind of do mean this. I like anytime

518
00:27:09,119 --> 00:27:12,320
Speaker 2: I'm talking to like someone who has had like a

519
00:27:12,400 --> 00:27:14,679
Speaker 2: crazy life for like you know, especially like if they

520
00:27:14,720 --> 00:27:16,800
Speaker 2: have kids and stuff, I'm like, dude, i feel like

521
00:27:16,840 --> 00:27:18,320
Speaker 2: I'm talking to a celebrity. I feel like I'm talking

522
00:27:18,400 --> 00:27:21,440
Speaker 2: like a real guy. I mean, my life has been

523
00:27:22,280 --> 00:27:23,760
Speaker 2: My life has been what it's been. But like you know,

524
00:27:23,800 --> 00:27:26,320
Speaker 2: you're a real guy. You have responsibilities, you're doing all

525
00:27:26,320 --> 00:27:29,240
Speaker 2: these things. So you know, I'm proud of you, Tony.

526
00:27:30,840 --> 00:27:32,800
Speaker 2: I appreciate you, Sharon. I'm glad that your life turned

527
00:27:32,840 --> 00:27:36,400
Speaker 2: out well, you know.

528
00:27:36,960 --> 00:27:42,200
Speaker 1: And every everyone's life. Yeah, I'm happy, and I'm happy

529
00:27:42,240 --> 00:27:46,240
Speaker 1: that you're happy. Law You're a real person man, And no,

530
00:27:46,600 --> 00:27:48,959
Speaker 1: you did it. And that's the thing, you pull the trigger.

531
00:27:49,040 --> 00:27:51,240
Speaker 1: That's the only time people's life is going to change

532
00:27:51,240 --> 00:27:53,800
Speaker 1: when they do something. And you were sitting around saying,

533
00:27:53,880 --> 00:27:55,920
Speaker 1: fuck it, let me just do this and see what happens.

534
00:27:56,359 --> 00:27:59,040
Speaker 1: You threw the cast out there from the fishing pole

535
00:27:59,080 --> 00:28:02,639
Speaker 1: and you reeled in some real people, man. And you

536
00:28:02,760 --> 00:28:05,080
Speaker 1: help people too, you know, because people want to say

537
00:28:05,080 --> 00:28:06,719
Speaker 1: what they have to say, but sometimes they don't have

538
00:28:06,760 --> 00:28:07,560
Speaker 1: a place to go to.

539
00:28:07,880 --> 00:28:08,560
Speaker 4: And I feel like.

540
00:28:08,520 --> 00:28:10,320
Speaker 1: You're in the safe space for a lot of people.

541
00:28:10,960 --> 00:28:13,760
Speaker 2: Thanks. Man, Is there anything else do you want to

542
00:28:13,800 --> 00:28:15,880
Speaker 2: say to the folks before we get out of here?

543
00:28:17,760 --> 00:28:20,879
Speaker 1: Yeah, just cast your fishing pole as far as you

544
00:28:20,960 --> 00:28:23,880
Speaker 1: can out in the middle of lake and if something bites, great,

545
00:28:23,960 --> 00:28:26,720
Speaker 1: If not, at least you casted it, You're fine.

546
00:28:26,880 --> 00:28:29,679
Speaker 2: You're gonna be Okay, Hey, GEK, bless you, Tony. Keep

547
00:28:29,720 --> 00:28:31,240
Speaker 2: living the good life.

548
00:28:31,440 --> 00:28:32,119
Speaker 1: Grek, bless you.

549
00:28:33,240 --> 00:28:33,440
Speaker 4: Man.

550
00:28:35,000 --> 00:28:38,560
Speaker 2: That was Tony. Tony a nice sky, good good boy,

551
00:28:39,280 --> 00:28:42,880
Speaker 2: good soul. I liked.

552
00:28:42,960 --> 00:28:43,440
Speaker 1: I like that.

553
00:28:43,560 --> 00:28:46,160
Speaker 2: I like I always uh on this podcast. I like

554
00:28:46,200 --> 00:28:50,120
Speaker 2: a story of life turning around. I like a story

555
00:28:50,120 --> 00:28:52,360
Speaker 2: of life turning around. We've talked about it on here before.

556
00:28:52,400 --> 00:28:55,960
Speaker 2: I mean, so much of life is kind of, yeah,

557
00:28:56,000 --> 00:29:00,480
Speaker 2: predicated on like how where you came from, you know,

558
00:29:00,680 --> 00:29:05,200
Speaker 2: and where you came from ken doom. A lot of people.

559
00:29:05,200 --> 00:29:10,240
Speaker 2: It certainly makes uh, life uphill battle for a lot

560
00:29:10,240 --> 00:29:12,840
Speaker 2: of people. But you know, some people, they just they're

561
00:29:12,840 --> 00:29:18,120
Speaker 2: able to figure out how to be happy and live

562
00:29:18,160 --> 00:29:22,280
Speaker 2: their lives despite whatever their past was. And I always

563
00:29:22,280 --> 00:29:26,000
Speaker 2: have a lot of respect uh when someone can do that.

564
00:29:26,240 --> 00:29:32,000
Speaker 2: So shout out to Tony. Tony be good, be good,

565
00:29:32,120 --> 00:29:32,840
Speaker 2: Tony be good.

566
00:29:34,200 --> 00:29:34,520
Speaker 1: Hello.

567
00:29:34,880 --> 00:29:36,120
Speaker 3: Hello, this is there speaking.

568
00:29:37,120 --> 00:29:39,120
Speaker 2: Hey, this is the Gecko guy.

569
00:29:39,400 --> 00:29:40,720
Speaker 1: No way, this is Lyle.

570
00:29:41,280 --> 00:29:43,040
Speaker 2: Yeah, what's up? Man? Do you still do you have time?

571
00:29:43,080 --> 00:29:43,760
Speaker 2: Do you still want to talk?

572
00:29:43,880 --> 00:29:44,000
Speaker 4: Oh?

573
00:29:45,160 --> 00:29:46,040
Speaker 3: Wait? Hold on?

574
00:29:46,480 --> 00:29:48,640
Speaker 1: Whoa yeah, yeah yeah.

575
00:29:48,560 --> 00:29:53,400
Speaker 4: Hoorry give me give me one second my phone. Okay, Hey,

576
00:29:54,080 --> 00:29:54,880
Speaker 4: good to meet you.

577
00:29:55,320 --> 00:29:57,600
Speaker 2: Good to meet you too. Man, yeah, you know, it's funny.

578
00:29:57,600 --> 00:30:00,640
Speaker 2: I used to Okay, it's funny to hear your reaction

579
00:30:00,720 --> 00:30:04,400
Speaker 2: because I used to like live stream on Twitch, so

580
00:30:05,720 --> 00:30:09,120
Speaker 2: people would like call me. But now I like, sorry,

581
00:30:09,120 --> 00:30:10,400
Speaker 2: I'm just gonna talk for like a second.

582
00:30:10,640 --> 00:30:13,200
Speaker 4: I yeah, yeah, I'm listening. I'm listening.

583
00:30:13,280 --> 00:30:16,040
Speaker 2: I just do this thing where like, uh, I mean,

584
00:30:16,280 --> 00:30:18,320
Speaker 2: I don't really stream a lot anymore, just because I

585
00:30:18,640 --> 00:30:22,440
Speaker 2: prefer to just take him offline. But like, uh yeah,

586
00:30:22,480 --> 00:30:25,520
Speaker 2: sometimes I'll post on Instagram the phone number and people

587
00:30:25,560 --> 00:30:27,040
Speaker 2: will call me. But then other times I'm like, I

588
00:30:27,040 --> 00:30:29,440
Speaker 2: don't want to bother everyone on Instagram, so I'll just

589
00:30:29,960 --> 00:30:32,120
Speaker 2: I'll just like go through my I'll just go through

590
00:30:32,120 --> 00:30:35,240
Speaker 2: my text and I'll be like, hey, this guy sent

591
00:30:35,320 --> 00:30:40,600
Speaker 2: me a text three days ago at you know, nine pm.

592
00:30:40,720 --> 00:30:44,440
Speaker 2: Let me randomly call him at three. Let me randomly

593
00:30:44,480 --> 00:30:47,560
Speaker 2: call him three days later at a random time and

594
00:30:47,600 --> 00:30:49,720
Speaker 2: see if he picks up. And that's why I do

595
00:30:49,800 --> 00:30:53,760
Speaker 2: the podcast sometimes.

596
00:30:54,840 --> 00:30:58,479
Speaker 4: Honestly, I've been listening to you since COVID. I used

597
00:30:58,520 --> 00:31:00,760
Speaker 4: to live in Japan for a little bit basketball, but

598
00:31:00,880 --> 00:31:03,240
Speaker 4: I would listen to you as my source of English

599
00:31:03,240 --> 00:31:08,400
Speaker 4: over there. Yeah, man, really really cool show, dude, awesome.

600
00:31:08,440 --> 00:31:08,600
Speaker 1: Wall.

601
00:31:08,680 --> 00:31:10,600
Speaker 2: I mean, I know I talk a lot about Japan

602
00:31:10,840 --> 00:31:13,240
Speaker 2: on this show because I also fucking lived there for

603
00:31:13,240 --> 00:31:15,800
Speaker 2: a little bit. But what were you doing playing basketball

604
00:31:15,840 --> 00:31:16,320
Speaker 2: over there?

605
00:31:17,960 --> 00:31:22,640
Speaker 4: Well, I'm half Japanese. Cool, Hi, My dad played basketball

606
00:31:22,640 --> 00:31:26,480
Speaker 4: over there for like ten fifteen years, and I graduated

607
00:31:27,280 --> 00:31:29,720
Speaker 4: from college over here. I actually used to do this

608
00:31:29,800 --> 00:31:32,160
Speaker 4: sport called the hammer throw, which is like this super

609
00:31:32,240 --> 00:31:36,480
Speaker 4: niche thing. But then I had, let's just say, like,

610
00:31:36,520 --> 00:31:38,920
Speaker 4: I had a relationship blow up on me in college

611
00:31:38,960 --> 00:31:43,200
Speaker 4: and I was playing basketball against Division I guys, and

612
00:31:43,240 --> 00:31:44,680
Speaker 4: I was like, oh, hey, I can kind of do this.

613
00:31:45,080 --> 00:31:48,000
Speaker 4: Maybe I should try and go play professionally overseas because

614
00:31:48,280 --> 00:31:51,200
Speaker 4: I got my dad's connect and I have the athleticism

615
00:31:51,280 --> 00:31:54,920
Speaker 4: or whatever, and I have citizenship too, So that's pretty cool.

616
00:31:54,960 --> 00:31:57,480
Speaker 4: I mean it was. I just got I retired about

617
00:31:57,480 --> 00:32:00,440
Speaker 4: four years ago, but I was over there, lived incite

618
00:32:00,440 --> 00:32:03,520
Speaker 4: them on then uta up North on the second year.

619
00:32:04,080 --> 00:32:04,400
Speaker 3: Yeah, it was.

620
00:32:04,480 --> 00:32:05,600
Speaker 4: It was a really cool experience.

621
00:32:06,080 --> 00:32:09,000
Speaker 2: Cool. Well, so what are you doing now? You the

622
00:32:09,040 --> 00:32:11,240
Speaker 2: way you picked up the phone, it sounded like this

623
00:32:11,280 --> 00:32:12,719
Speaker 2: is your business phone.

624
00:32:14,040 --> 00:32:17,720
Speaker 4: Oh no, dude, I was honestly, I was listening to

625
00:32:17,760 --> 00:32:21,720
Speaker 4: Matt and Chains Secret podcast, and then I was on

626
00:32:22,320 --> 00:32:24,200
Speaker 4: I just got some tacos on my lunch break, and

627
00:32:24,240 --> 00:32:27,840
Speaker 4: then I do tech sales, right, I'm a tech sales manager,

628
00:32:27,880 --> 00:32:31,120
Speaker 4: and then like looking into getting into finance eventually. But

629
00:32:31,600 --> 00:32:34,920
Speaker 4: you know, it works, just work, and I need money,

630
00:32:34,960 --> 00:32:36,400
Speaker 4: so that's pretty much what I do it for.

631
00:32:36,960 --> 00:32:40,880
Speaker 2: I assume that tech sales makes more money than playing

632
00:32:40,920 --> 00:32:42,080
Speaker 2: basketball in Japan.

633
00:32:44,280 --> 00:32:46,640
Speaker 4: Yeah, when you're when you're four years in Yeah, it

634
00:32:46,680 --> 00:32:49,280
Speaker 4: definitely makes a lot more money. When I was in Japan,

635
00:32:49,400 --> 00:32:51,800
Speaker 4: I was like my first year, I was literally living

636
00:32:51,840 --> 00:32:55,040
Speaker 4: in the shoe box, like a half of a studio apartment.

637
00:32:55,080 --> 00:32:57,480
Speaker 4: But you know, I was happy for really happy about it.

638
00:32:58,000 --> 00:33:00,760
Speaker 2: Yeah, how come you didn't stay? How come you move

639
00:33:00,800 --> 00:33:02,200
Speaker 2: back to the States. Was it like you because you

640
00:33:02,240 --> 00:33:03,120
Speaker 2: can make more money here?

641
00:33:04,960 --> 00:33:07,720
Speaker 4: It was more so Like so, I've always been moving

642
00:33:07,720 --> 00:33:09,360
Speaker 4: around my whole life. I mean kind of like a

643
00:33:09,400 --> 00:33:11,800
Speaker 4: military kid, but not as anarly like I do have

644
00:33:11,960 --> 00:33:16,080
Speaker 4: the school year over here and then move over like

645
00:33:16,120 --> 00:33:18,680
Speaker 4: in the middle of the school year, I'd leave and

646
00:33:18,720 --> 00:33:21,280
Speaker 4: then I'd come back and it'd start like a whole

647
00:33:21,280 --> 00:33:24,000
Speaker 4: bunch of different random places. So never really have had

648
00:33:24,040 --> 00:33:27,200
Speaker 4: like a sense of foundation or home anywhere. I mean,

649
00:33:27,240 --> 00:33:29,160
Speaker 4: I grew up in the same house, but like I

650
00:33:29,200 --> 00:33:31,840
Speaker 4: was always coming and going, and that kind of sense

651
00:33:31,880 --> 00:33:34,840
Speaker 4: of lacking stability was catching up to me, and I thought, well,

652
00:33:34,840 --> 00:33:37,160
Speaker 4: how long till I Don't get me wrong, I love Japan,

653
00:33:37,480 --> 00:33:39,440
Speaker 4: but I had some like stuff with my family I

654
00:33:39,440 --> 00:33:42,120
Speaker 4: wanted to figure out and moving forward. That was just

655
00:33:42,200 --> 00:33:45,800
Speaker 4: kind of like a just the wild child who was

656
00:33:46,000 --> 00:33:48,240
Speaker 4: sent over there, and I just wanted to kind of

657
00:33:48,280 --> 00:33:51,520
Speaker 4: figure out how long till I How long till I

658
00:33:51,600 --> 00:33:53,920
Speaker 4: live in Japan and I'm visiting the United States and

659
00:33:54,280 --> 00:33:57,640
Speaker 4: everybody's a year older and done more stuff and I'm

660
00:33:57,680 --> 00:34:00,560
Speaker 4: more out of the loop until Yeah, how long until

661
00:34:00,560 --> 00:34:02,960
Speaker 4: I'm living in Japan and visiting the US instead of

662
00:34:02,960 --> 00:34:07,800
Speaker 4: the other way around? And fell I also started talking

663
00:34:07,800 --> 00:34:10,680
Speaker 4: to my wife, who I met at a coffee shop

664
00:34:10,719 --> 00:34:13,000
Speaker 4: way back when we were working together and I was

665
00:34:13,080 --> 00:34:16,520
Speaker 4: dating somebody else at the time, and we were cordial

666
00:34:16,560 --> 00:34:19,319
Speaker 4: and friendly then and then she DMed me I went

667
00:34:19,360 --> 00:34:24,000
Speaker 4: over June twenty twenty, so right before I know, I

668
00:34:24,000 --> 00:34:28,520
Speaker 4: think it was May, and then she reached out to

669
00:34:28,520 --> 00:34:30,759
Speaker 4: me in August asking if she wanted to get a

670
00:34:30,800 --> 00:34:33,440
Speaker 4: drink on Instagram, and like, well, I can't really do

671
00:34:33,520 --> 00:34:37,279
Speaker 4: that unless you want to fly over here. But yeah,

672
00:34:37,320 --> 00:34:39,920
Speaker 4: we talked for ten months as my other source of English.

673
00:34:40,000 --> 00:34:46,160
Speaker 4: I came back, we started dating, and eventually I just thought, well,

674
00:34:46,200 --> 00:34:47,960
Speaker 4: this is a person that I this is my sense

675
00:34:48,000 --> 00:34:49,440
Speaker 4: of home that I want to start to build a

676
00:34:49,480 --> 00:34:52,160
Speaker 4: life with. And I came back and now we're married

677
00:34:52,280 --> 00:34:56,839
Speaker 4: four years later. So got married last September eighth last.

678
00:34:56,840 --> 00:34:59,480
Speaker 2: So you guys were kind of like just chit chatting

679
00:34:59,520 --> 00:35:00,960
Speaker 2: for ten months, that's while you were in Japan.

680
00:35:02,480 --> 00:35:05,440
Speaker 4: Twenty Yeah, we did a few years of let me

681
00:35:05,480 --> 00:35:07,160
Speaker 4: know if I'm walking down and up and down the streets,

682
00:35:07,160 --> 00:35:11,200
Speaker 4: but let me know if I'm getting really windy. But yeah,

683
00:35:11,320 --> 00:35:14,279
Speaker 4: I was, dude, this is really cool. I'm talking to

684
00:35:14,320 --> 00:35:16,200
Speaker 4: you like this is nothing, but this is really cool.

685
00:35:18,280 --> 00:35:20,719
Speaker 4: This is really cool. And I said the story a

686
00:35:20,760 --> 00:35:22,279
Speaker 4: lot of times, never said it to the get go,

687
00:35:22,360 --> 00:35:26,799
Speaker 4: I've called I called the way back when. But anyways, yeah,

688
00:35:26,840 --> 00:35:28,560
Speaker 4: it was it was twenty months. I did ten months.

689
00:35:28,560 --> 00:35:31,440
Speaker 4: I came back for like six weeks, we played house

690
00:35:31,480 --> 00:35:33,680
Speaker 4: and I asked her to be my girlfriend, and then

691
00:35:33,719 --> 00:35:37,640
Speaker 4: we uh did another ten months of just every single

692
00:35:37,719 --> 00:35:40,239
Speaker 4: day facetiming in the morning, and I mean, you know

693
00:35:40,280 --> 00:35:45,080
Speaker 4: about the time difference, like thirteen hours. So yeah, so yeah,

694
00:35:45,280 --> 00:35:48,239
Speaker 4: morning for me, night for her, and vice versa. But yeah,

695
00:35:48,320 --> 00:35:50,239
Speaker 4: it was the first relationship that I ever really got

696
00:35:50,239 --> 00:35:52,399
Speaker 4: to know somebody, because most of the other ones were

697
00:35:52,440 --> 00:35:55,719
Speaker 4: just kind of proximity and well, hey, I guess we're

698
00:35:55,760 --> 00:35:56,799
Speaker 4: dating kind of thing, you know.

699
00:35:57,400 --> 00:36:00,959
Speaker 2: Mut that's interesting.

700
00:36:00,680 --> 00:36:01,920
Speaker 4: Technically for me at least.

701
00:36:02,360 --> 00:36:06,120
Speaker 2: So okay, so the way what you just said is interesting,

702
00:36:06,160 --> 00:36:07,879
Speaker 2: You're like, this is the first relationship where I really

703
00:36:07,880 --> 00:36:11,120
Speaker 2: got to know somebody kind of intentionally, is what you mean?

704
00:36:11,200 --> 00:36:15,239
Speaker 2: Versus like we are like neighbors, let's fall in love.

705
00:36:16,680 --> 00:36:18,960
Speaker 4: Exactly, We're on the same track team, we're on the

706
00:36:19,000 --> 00:36:23,480
Speaker 4: same class. Yeah we're yeah, exactly, we're neighbors and in

707
00:36:23,719 --> 00:36:27,080
Speaker 4: proximity rather than like, I'm actually I established a friend.

708
00:36:27,120 --> 00:36:28,920
Speaker 4: I mean, it sounds kind of corny to say, but

709
00:36:28,960 --> 00:36:33,080
Speaker 4: I like I here as a friend. She's my best friend.

710
00:36:33,400 --> 00:36:36,680
Speaker 4: And it's extremely corny to saying it out loud.

711
00:36:36,680 --> 00:36:39,960
Speaker 2: But no, it's beautiful. It's beautiful. It's nice.

712
00:36:40,840 --> 00:36:44,759
Speaker 4: Yeah, and uh, you know, I've got an interesting relationship

713
00:36:44,800 --> 00:36:48,719
Speaker 4: with my with my pops. Uh, and my mom was

714
00:36:49,520 --> 00:36:51,680
Speaker 4: she's an angel, and I can't say anything bad about

715
00:36:51,760 --> 00:36:55,960
Speaker 4: I don't have anything bad to say about her. But yeah, man,

716
00:36:56,200 --> 00:36:57,680
Speaker 4: it's just kind of ten months of getting to know

717
00:36:57,719 --> 00:36:59,799
Speaker 4: somebody twenty months to getting to know somebody. Then I

718
00:36:59,840 --> 00:37:02,560
Speaker 4: was like, all right, man, let's make this with I

719
00:37:02,600 --> 00:37:05,040
Speaker 4: want to see you. I want to see you, and

720
00:37:05,480 --> 00:37:07,239
Speaker 4: my body was starting to kind of break down. I

721
00:37:07,280 --> 00:37:10,920
Speaker 4: had a dramatic leg injury when I was seventeen, broke

722
00:37:10,960 --> 00:37:14,040
Speaker 4: my tibia in like four places and a bunch of

723
00:37:14,040 --> 00:37:15,680
Speaker 4: metal and all that stuff, So that was kind of

724
00:37:15,719 --> 00:37:18,440
Speaker 4: starting to catch up to me. Ju's a yoga instructor,

725
00:37:18,520 --> 00:37:21,040
Speaker 4: so I was like, well, this is perfect. I been

726
00:37:21,080 --> 00:37:23,560
Speaker 4: able to like do this thing that I've been putting

727
00:37:23,560 --> 00:37:27,440
Speaker 4: off forever and take care of my body, and it's

728
00:37:27,480 --> 00:37:29,560
Speaker 4: really helped. It's been really grounding. Don't get me wrong,

729
00:37:29,600 --> 00:37:33,160
Speaker 4: There's plenty of stuff to stress about and be anxious

730
00:37:33,200 --> 00:37:36,200
Speaker 4: about now, but feel a lot more grounded.

731
00:37:38,160 --> 00:37:38,880
Speaker 2: It's how old are you?

732
00:37:40,760 --> 00:37:42,040
Speaker 4: Thirty? I just turned thirty?

733
00:37:42,560 --> 00:37:43,919
Speaker 2: Happy birthday? How's it feel?

734
00:37:44,760 --> 00:37:49,879
Speaker 4: Hey? Honestly, everyone says thirty is like this big thing,

735
00:37:50,080 --> 00:37:51,640
Speaker 4: but I didn't really notice it.

736
00:37:53,080 --> 00:37:55,840
Speaker 3: I guess as.

737
00:37:55,360 --> 00:37:58,759
Speaker 4: I let me think about that answer, A question for

738
00:37:58,920 --> 00:38:05,200
Speaker 4: me is starting to change. I have acid reflux, which

739
00:38:05,239 --> 00:38:09,239
Speaker 4: I did not expect. My back hurts pretty consistently, and

740
00:38:09,280 --> 00:38:14,440
Speaker 4: I got a stretch. There's kind of a ticking timer.

741
00:38:14,520 --> 00:38:18,719
Speaker 4: And I don't know if you feel this, but the

742
00:38:19,000 --> 00:38:21,440
Speaker 4: whole kids thing of I want to have a kid

743
00:38:21,480 --> 00:38:24,239
Speaker 4: and on to the next stage and move into the

744
00:38:24,239 --> 00:38:26,960
Speaker 4: next thing, I felt really rushed as I was engaged.

745
00:38:27,000 --> 00:38:28,439
Speaker 4: We were engaged for about a year and a half,

746
00:38:28,440 --> 00:38:32,200
Speaker 4: and I think that fiance engagement period is really important

747
00:38:32,239 --> 00:38:35,160
Speaker 4: for guys, specifically for me as a guy specifically to

748
00:38:35,280 --> 00:38:39,600
Speaker 4: kind of like realize what I'm stepping into. Proposal is great.

749
00:38:39,400 --> 00:38:44,520
Speaker 4: But I didn't really traditionally have any like my parents

750
00:38:44,560 --> 00:38:50,040
Speaker 4: eloped and I never my first wedding was when I

751
00:38:50,080 --> 00:38:52,200
Speaker 4: was like twenty six that I had ever even attended,

752
00:38:52,280 --> 00:38:54,400
Speaker 4: So I never really had any of that tradition. Not

753
00:38:54,520 --> 00:38:57,200
Speaker 4: very religious at all either. I mean believe in God

754
00:38:57,280 --> 00:39:00,440
Speaker 4: and the universe and whatever you want to call it,

755
00:39:00,520 --> 00:39:04,200
Speaker 4: thanks to Eckhart, but I don't really have any sort

756
00:39:04,200 --> 00:39:06,640
Speaker 4: of like grounding in that. So it was kind of

757
00:39:07,760 --> 00:39:10,880
Speaker 4: it was kind of a I felt like, Oh, I

758
00:39:10,920 --> 00:39:13,000
Speaker 4: need to hurry up and get enough money to have

759
00:39:13,000 --> 00:39:16,720
Speaker 4: a kid. When I wasn't even ready to be a husband.

760
00:39:16,800 --> 00:39:18,279
Speaker 4: Yet you know, they took me a year and a

761
00:39:18,320 --> 00:39:20,440
Speaker 4: half to be like, oh, well, this is what it

762
00:39:20,520 --> 00:39:25,000
Speaker 4: means to be fully in union with somebody moving forward.

763
00:39:25,040 --> 00:39:28,160
Speaker 2: You know, what kind of realizations did you have at

764
00:39:28,160 --> 00:39:28,640
Speaker 2: that time?

765
00:39:30,400 --> 00:39:34,279
Speaker 4: Uh, that's a good question. Well, that's really good question.

766
00:39:38,640 --> 00:39:40,440
Speaker 4: That a lot of the problems that I thought I

767
00:39:40,480 --> 00:39:44,040
Speaker 4: was feeling within myself were just projections. It was just

768
00:39:44,120 --> 00:39:47,680
Speaker 4: kind of a projection of or a lot of the

769
00:39:47,719 --> 00:39:50,200
Speaker 4: things that I was saying wrong in the universe for

770
00:39:50,360 --> 00:39:53,120
Speaker 4: just projections of myself that I was putting out there.

771
00:39:54,960 --> 00:39:58,160
Speaker 4: A big one, A big one was a I'm a

772
00:39:58,160 --> 00:40:00,880
Speaker 4: pretty good talker. I can yap your ear off. I

773
00:40:00,880 --> 00:40:05,040
Speaker 4: got that from my pops and my mom. But I'm

774
00:40:05,040 --> 00:40:07,799
Speaker 4: not a very I was not a very I had.

775
00:40:07,840 --> 00:40:13,719
Speaker 4: I hadn't had much practice listening. And you're a very

776
00:40:13,719 --> 00:40:18,279
Speaker 4: good listener. And it's and my wife is also a

777
00:40:18,320 --> 00:40:20,840
Speaker 4: very good with listener. Her name's Olivia. She's the ship Olivia.

778
00:40:22,040 --> 00:40:28,000
Speaker 4: Love you very much, Olivia. But she is essentially I learned.

779
00:40:28,040 --> 00:40:31,799
Speaker 4: I learned a lot through her. Listening was a big thing.

780
00:40:34,360 --> 00:40:37,200
Speaker 4: Unconditionally doing something for somebody I had. I had a

781
00:40:37,239 --> 00:40:40,399
Speaker 4: little bit of a savior's complex thing growing up of Oh,

782
00:40:40,520 --> 00:40:42,680
Speaker 4: I want to save I want to take this broken

783
00:40:42,719 --> 00:40:45,360
Speaker 4: bird and fix it and watch its why. Yeah, But

784
00:40:46,120 --> 00:40:48,600
Speaker 4: and I was kind of like that with my relationships,

785
00:40:49,000 --> 00:40:53,800
Speaker 4: and those never really end up well because it's just

786
00:40:53,840 --> 00:40:56,879
Speaker 4: you're going into the relationship trying to fix somebody rather

787
00:40:56,960 --> 00:40:59,920
Speaker 4: than see them for who they are and love them

788
00:40:59,920 --> 00:41:02,640
Speaker 4: and live with them. But I've been it's taken some

789
00:41:02,719 --> 00:41:06,239
Speaker 4: time to figure out, but it's been really it's been

790
00:41:06,280 --> 00:41:07,919
Speaker 4: cool to grow. I don't even know if I really

791
00:41:07,920 --> 00:41:09,800
Speaker 4: answered your question. Kind of got a little bit of

792
00:41:09,840 --> 00:41:14,960
Speaker 4: add but that was a couple of them listening better

793
00:41:15,719 --> 00:41:21,920
Speaker 4: understanding that it's not all about me. I was alone

794
00:41:21,960 --> 00:41:23,839
Speaker 4: in a lot of the world and going and doing

795
00:41:23,840 --> 00:41:26,520
Speaker 4: all these other things, but it doesn't always have to

796
00:41:26,520 --> 00:41:29,680
Speaker 4: be about me. And I mean, we've had some incidents

797
00:41:29,680 --> 00:41:32,120
Speaker 4: like financial stuff just popping up here and there, and

798
00:41:32,520 --> 00:41:35,560
Speaker 4: you know, you freak out and you stress and you're like, oh, money, money, money,

799
00:41:35,840 --> 00:41:38,920
Speaker 4: But it tends to work itself out as long as

800
00:41:38,920 --> 00:41:41,040
Speaker 4: you just kind of keep moving forward and so you

801
00:41:41,080 --> 00:41:44,719
Speaker 4: can really do so.

802
00:41:46,120 --> 00:41:50,520
Speaker 2: Okay, it's kind of funny because you texted me like

803
00:41:50,600 --> 00:41:53,000
Speaker 2: three days ago, and now I'm calling you randomly. And

804
00:41:53,040 --> 00:41:55,120
Speaker 2: then now I'll bring up something that you texted me

805
00:41:55,320 --> 00:41:56,360
Speaker 2: three years ago.

806
00:41:56,440 --> 00:41:58,640
Speaker 3: Yeah, oh wit wholla?

807
00:41:59,080 --> 00:42:01,880
Speaker 2: Really wait yeah yeah, okay, I have a text message

808
00:42:02,000 --> 00:42:11,439
Speaker 2: from you from October of twenty twenty three. Okay, it says, well,

809
00:42:11,480 --> 00:42:13,080
Speaker 2: it says, it says a few things, but you wanted

810
00:42:13,120 --> 00:42:15,120
Speaker 2: it said you wanted to talk about getting over the

811
00:42:15,280 --> 00:42:16,680
Speaker 2: clutches of porn.

812
00:42:18,200 --> 00:42:21,759
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, the horny Devil, the horny devil, the Devil's real.

813
00:42:22,160 --> 00:42:24,320
Speaker 2: Tell me about the tell me about the horny devil.

814
00:42:25,160 --> 00:42:28,359
Speaker 4: The horny devil. Man, I think that might have been

815
00:42:29,320 --> 00:42:31,520
Speaker 4: your U. My wife and I went to go see

816
00:42:31,560 --> 00:42:34,640
Speaker 4: you down in San Diego. Oh cool, and I think

817
00:42:34,680 --> 00:42:36,879
Speaker 4: that was your show down there? Wait?

818
00:42:37,080 --> 00:42:41,719
Speaker 2: Was this out there? But oh wait it was was this? No? No, no,

819
00:42:41,719 --> 00:42:46,000
Speaker 2: I haven't that was no. I don't think that was

820
00:42:46,040 --> 00:42:47,719
Speaker 2: it from But did you go to see me in

821
00:42:47,760 --> 00:42:49,520
Speaker 2: San Diego this year or a few years ago?

822
00:42:50,719 --> 00:42:51,680
Speaker 4: A few years ago?

823
00:42:52,040 --> 00:42:53,279
Speaker 2: Okay, maybe that was that?

824
00:42:54,120 --> 00:42:56,920
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, it was your buddy had showed up to

825
00:42:57,560 --> 00:42:58,040
Speaker 4: the show.

826
00:42:58,360 --> 00:43:03,799
Speaker 2: Yeah I remember, buddy, You're like yeah, yeah, yeah yeah.

827
00:43:03,960 --> 00:43:05,600
Speaker 4: But yeah we had to feel out so I couldn't

828
00:43:05,600 --> 00:43:10,000
Speaker 4: say what's up afterwards. But yeah, it was the whiny

829
00:43:10,040 --> 00:43:14,200
Speaker 4: devil man. I'm actually on my like a current round

830
00:43:14,239 --> 00:43:17,799
Speaker 4: of trying to get through it. I think the you know,

831
00:43:18,239 --> 00:43:22,520
Speaker 4: with with VISs my main two things. I think I

832
00:43:22,560 --> 00:43:24,239
Speaker 4: text you a few days about when to talk about

833
00:43:24,239 --> 00:43:28,480
Speaker 4: diabetes too. But I'm a type of diabetic who it's

834
00:43:28,520 --> 00:43:32,600
Speaker 4: like sugar and and definitely torn have been like an

835
00:43:32,640 --> 00:43:36,080
Speaker 4: issue for me growing up. I never really realized it

836
00:43:36,120 --> 00:43:37,880
Speaker 4: was a problem until you're in a relationship with a

837
00:43:37,920 --> 00:43:42,279
Speaker 4: woman and she's like, it doesn't really seem kind of

838
00:43:42,280 --> 00:43:45,280
Speaker 4: affecting our relationship, and I'm sitting there like, no, everybody

839
00:43:45,320 --> 00:43:48,200
Speaker 4: does it, It's normal. It's just kind of like what

840
00:43:48,360 --> 00:43:50,879
Speaker 4: it is sort of thing, and you know, the idea

841
00:43:50,920 --> 00:43:54,440
Speaker 4: of just closing your eyes and doing it is it

842
00:43:54,480 --> 00:44:01,439
Speaker 4: feels barbaric almost at times. But it's been a real

843
00:44:01,560 --> 00:44:05,880
Speaker 4: back and forth. Currently I'm like, I think I'm twenty

844
00:44:06,120 --> 00:44:09,719
Speaker 4: two days off born and I'm feeling pretty good about it.

845
00:44:09,760 --> 00:44:12,480
Speaker 4: But I've really had to try and figure out where

846
00:44:12,520 --> 00:44:16,360
Speaker 4: all that like energy where you it's got to go somewhere.

847
00:44:16,960 --> 00:44:20,000
Speaker 4: And the most success I've the most, I mean, I've

848
00:44:20,000 --> 00:44:21,560
Speaker 4: done a whole I've done a whole bunch. I went

849
00:44:21,600 --> 00:44:24,960
Speaker 4: to SLAA and went to meetings and talked to a

850
00:44:24,960 --> 00:44:30,759
Speaker 4: bunch of people. And my dad's an alcoholic or recovery alcoholics.

851
00:44:30,840 --> 00:44:33,279
Speaker 4: I think a lot of that blood somewhat runs through me,

852
00:44:33,440 --> 00:44:37,440
Speaker 4: or habits or whatever you want to call it. Doesn't

853
00:44:37,840 --> 00:44:40,520
Speaker 4: doesn't necessarily make me the person, doesn't make me him

854
00:44:40,600 --> 00:44:43,200
Speaker 4: and him me or anything like that. But it's good

855
00:44:43,239 --> 00:44:47,680
Speaker 4: to just kind of understand who you are. And I

856
00:44:47,680 --> 00:44:50,800
Speaker 4: think the most success I've had is just cutting accessibility.

857
00:44:52,080 --> 00:44:56,360
Speaker 4: And I've gotten uh some accountability apps, so like records

858
00:44:56,400 --> 00:44:59,479
Speaker 4: my phone and then my laptop and the first time

859
00:45:00,040 --> 00:45:02,560
Speaker 4: a couple of months ago. I mean, it's it's been

860
00:45:02,600 --> 00:45:05,960
Speaker 4: a battle back and forth. I'm actually curious with your

861
00:45:06,120 --> 00:45:11,520
Speaker 4: experiences with I mean, feel free to like not answer anything,

862
00:45:11,560 --> 00:45:14,200
Speaker 4: but I'm curious to see with your with your advices

863
00:45:14,200 --> 00:45:19,399
Speaker 4: and stuff about how you having It's it's different every day,

864
00:45:19,440 --> 00:45:22,440
Speaker 4: but yeah, I'm curious about how you go about your

865
00:45:22,480 --> 00:45:25,560
Speaker 4: life with those sort of things, especially with how online

866
00:45:25,600 --> 00:45:27,400
Speaker 4: you are all the time you know or have to

867
00:45:27,400 --> 00:45:28,160
Speaker 4: be for your job.

868
00:45:28,640 --> 00:45:31,359
Speaker 2: I promise I'm not I promise I'm going to answer

869
00:45:31,400 --> 00:45:33,640
Speaker 2: this question, not deflecting from this question, but I have

870
00:45:33,680 --> 00:45:36,560
Speaker 2: to ask you what you have an app that records

871
00:45:36,560 --> 00:45:39,239
Speaker 2: your computer or what's what's the deal with that?

872
00:45:39,840 --> 00:45:43,600
Speaker 4: Yeah? Yeah, yeah, so it's an app called ever Accountable.

873
00:45:43,680 --> 00:45:45,760
Speaker 4: Like my whole thing is like I can white knuckle

874
00:45:45,800 --> 00:45:49,040
Speaker 4: it like you hit a rock bottom, like it was

875
00:45:49,440 --> 00:45:54,920
Speaker 4: not great low like situations where and candidly, like I

876
00:45:54,960 --> 00:45:57,520
Speaker 4: can be pretty open about it because hey, you're a

877
00:45:57,560 --> 00:46:01,000
Speaker 4: get go but there's a situations where like there were

878
00:46:01,040 --> 00:46:06,040
Speaker 4: screenshots of videos that I mean, first off, tuck Apple

879
00:46:06,120 --> 00:46:10,200
Speaker 4: for the the screenshot where you can like press down

880
00:46:10,239 --> 00:46:14,200
Speaker 4: on your where you can lock your screen and the

881
00:46:14,239 --> 00:46:17,000
Speaker 4: screen lock screen button and the volume down button. Now

882
00:46:17,040 --> 00:46:22,200
Speaker 4: screenshot that's definitely got in trouble quite a bit. And

883
00:46:22,520 --> 00:46:25,400
Speaker 4: my dumb ass doesn't go through and delete anything. And

884
00:46:25,600 --> 00:46:28,240
Speaker 4: this is actually really really one of the rock bottoms.

885
00:46:28,239 --> 00:46:32,720
Speaker 4: But we went to go ring shopping and my wife

886
00:46:32,760 --> 00:46:35,120
Speaker 4: was looking through our phone, my phone to try and

887
00:46:35,200 --> 00:46:37,759
Speaker 4: find like a picture of a ring that she wanted

888
00:46:37,800 --> 00:46:41,120
Speaker 4: to do. She literally scrolls over to a screenshot of

889
00:46:41,120 --> 00:46:43,719
Speaker 4: of porn and I'm like, Wow, this is fucked up.

890
00:46:43,760 --> 00:46:46,040
Speaker 4: This is really fucked up. And I found myself in

891
00:46:46,080 --> 00:46:49,000
Speaker 4: a situation where I just couldn't even I didn't realize

892
00:46:49,600 --> 00:46:53,040
Speaker 4: that I couldn't stop. It was just it wasn't a

893
00:46:53,080 --> 00:46:56,279
Speaker 4: willpower thing. It's like, all right, one day off, four

894
00:46:56,360 --> 00:46:58,919
Speaker 4: days on, and then I'm congratulating myself on the one

895
00:46:58,960 --> 00:47:00,839
Speaker 4: and just getting more and more scared about the fact

896
00:47:00,840 --> 00:47:05,680
Speaker 4: that I can't get off. Yeah, I've noticed that. My

897
00:47:05,760 --> 00:47:09,000
Speaker 4: main thing is that it's just it's a it's habitual,

898
00:47:09,320 --> 00:47:11,400
Speaker 4: Like I have a really good relationship with my wife.

899
00:47:11,920 --> 00:47:15,520
Speaker 4: I I I'm getting my feet on the ground in

900
00:47:15,560 --> 00:47:19,440
Speaker 4: a different career and moving towards U something that I

901
00:47:19,440 --> 00:47:23,000
Speaker 4: hope has more foundation and footing career wise, and everything

902
00:47:23,000 --> 00:47:28,799
Speaker 4: else is good. It's just a habit. And yeah, it's

903
00:47:28,800 --> 00:47:31,320
Speaker 4: called ever accountable. It records your phone and then essentially

904
00:47:31,360 --> 00:47:35,600
Speaker 4: your accountability partner will get notifications and it's kind of

905
00:47:35,640 --> 00:47:42,719
Speaker 4: like it'll shut you out of Instagram or whatever if uh,

906
00:47:42,760 --> 00:47:44,960
Speaker 4: what is it like sexual content shows up, even if

907
00:47:45,000 --> 00:47:47,480
Speaker 4: it's like, yeah, a chick surfing or something like that,

908
00:47:47,600 --> 00:47:48,840
Speaker 4: it's just like you out.

909
00:47:49,080 --> 00:47:51,520
Speaker 2: I mean, that's the that's one of the crazy like

910
00:47:51,800 --> 00:47:54,560
Speaker 2: h so, you know, I of course also have my own,

911
00:47:55,000 --> 00:47:57,520
Speaker 2: you know, experience with the horning Devil. That's the that's

912
00:47:57,520 --> 00:48:02,160
Speaker 2: what's so crazy about fucking install and like the algorithms

913
00:48:02,160 --> 00:48:06,400
Speaker 2: and stuff is that they they have like found that

914
00:48:06,480 --> 00:48:09,120
Speaker 2: it's really weird. They have found this way to like

915
00:48:09,719 --> 00:48:15,359
Speaker 2: show you, like exactly what you want to see, even

916
00:48:15,360 --> 00:48:18,200
Speaker 2: though you don't want to see it. And it like yeah,

917
00:48:18,600 --> 00:48:20,680
Speaker 2: like even like you you you never you don't have

918
00:48:20,719 --> 00:48:22,680
Speaker 2: to like go out of your way to search for anything.

919
00:48:22,880 --> 00:48:24,239
Speaker 2: You don't have to go out of your way to

920
00:48:24,360 --> 00:48:27,680
Speaker 2: like but like it just shows you this ship and

921
00:48:27,719 --> 00:48:31,319
Speaker 2: it's crazy and your whole algorithm gets fucking filled with

922
00:48:31,360 --> 00:48:35,279
Speaker 2: it and it's like, yeah, it's crazy. And it's also

923
00:48:35,320 --> 00:48:36,759
Speaker 2: like yeah, I mean if you do social media as

924
00:48:36,760 --> 00:48:38,319
Speaker 2: a job or like you know, just we all live

925
00:48:38,440 --> 00:48:41,719
Speaker 2: our lives kind of online and so like you know,

926
00:48:41,760 --> 00:48:45,600
Speaker 2: you could be like like the the amount of clicks

927
00:48:46,040 --> 00:48:50,080
Speaker 2: between like you know, talking to a friend and like

928
00:48:50,360 --> 00:48:53,320
Speaker 2: you know, seeing a bunch of sexual stuff is like nothing.

929
00:48:53,360 --> 00:48:59,320
Speaker 2: It's like so habitual. My thumb is like fucking uh

930
00:48:58,800 --> 00:49:02,000
Speaker 2: uh taught to scroll. And it's also new. I mean,

931
00:49:02,040 --> 00:49:04,680
Speaker 2: it's crazy and as far as like my I mean,

932
00:49:04,680 --> 00:49:07,120
Speaker 2: as far as my experience with it, it's, uh, you

933
00:49:07,160 --> 00:49:09,640
Speaker 2: sound like you're doing way better than me. I'll tell you.

934
00:49:09,760 --> 00:49:14,080
Speaker 2: I'll tell you that that's what i'll tell you, but

935
00:49:14,200 --> 00:49:17,160
Speaker 2: I think I think the answer. I think ultimately the

936
00:49:17,200 --> 00:49:20,160
Speaker 2: answer is, like I'll say that, I think the answer

937
00:49:20,239 --> 00:49:25,120
Speaker 2: is that you have to have something that you are

938
00:49:27,440 --> 00:49:31,360
Speaker 2: so engrossed with that you don't even have time. Like

939
00:49:31,440 --> 00:49:34,880
Speaker 2: I remember, like, you know, like when I'm like like

940
00:49:34,880 --> 00:49:36,880
Speaker 2: when I'm on the road, like filming, like when I

941
00:49:36,880 --> 00:49:40,880
Speaker 2: went to a fucking Iraq right and I was like

942
00:49:41,000 --> 00:49:45,080
Speaker 2: making this documentary and I'm filming this stuff, It's like, oh,

943
00:49:45,080 --> 00:49:46,920
Speaker 2: I don't even have time to like jack off, you know,

944
00:49:47,000 --> 00:49:49,200
Speaker 2: like I'm im and then I might be think about

945
00:49:49,200 --> 00:49:53,279
Speaker 2: I'm so engrossed and like what I'm actually doing, you know,

946
00:49:53,560 --> 00:49:55,800
Speaker 2: like and that I think that's really the only answer.

947
00:49:55,880 --> 00:49:58,720
Speaker 2: I think, really the only answer is to like find

948
00:49:59,560 --> 00:50:03,880
Speaker 2: something outside of your vices, whether that's like uh, you know,

949
00:50:04,040 --> 00:50:08,080
Speaker 2: a relationship, a community, uh fucking whatever, that is like

950
00:50:10,880 --> 00:50:17,560
Speaker 2: so encompassing that it's like more stimulating than your vices.

951
00:50:17,640 --> 00:50:21,480
Speaker 2: And even that's hard because like you know, it's it's hard, man,

952
00:50:21,480 --> 00:50:24,520
Speaker 2: because like life can't. I'm a guy who like you know,

953
00:50:25,400 --> 00:50:27,560
Speaker 2: I and this is probably it's like an ADHD thing

954
00:50:27,600 --> 00:50:28,960
Speaker 2: where like I just feel like I need to be

955
00:50:29,000 --> 00:50:32,400
Speaker 2: stimulated all the fucking time. Like I'm always like like

956
00:50:32,440 --> 00:50:33,879
Speaker 2: it just in any way. I'm not even talking about

957
00:50:33,880 --> 00:50:36,160
Speaker 2: like sexually, just like in any and you know obviously

958
00:50:36,160 --> 00:50:39,680
Speaker 2: it bleeds into sexually, but it's like I'm just like

959
00:50:39,760 --> 00:50:44,719
Speaker 2: fucking fit, Like I'll take a a cup and I'll

960
00:50:44,760 --> 00:50:48,320
Speaker 2: just like destroy the paper cup while I'm talking to someone,

961
00:50:48,480 --> 00:50:50,400
Speaker 2: or like a or like a bottle of water, Like

962
00:50:50,400 --> 00:50:54,760
Speaker 2: I'm just fidgety and crazy and anxious. Dude, it's dude. Also,

963
00:50:55,320 --> 00:51:00,960
Speaker 2: it's all anxiety. It's fucking all fucking any anxiety, dude.

964
00:51:01,200 --> 00:51:05,919
Speaker 2: The scrolling corn fucking food, That's what it's like. It's

965
00:51:05,920 --> 00:51:09,160
Speaker 2: not even that you want it, it's just fucking anxiety.

966
00:51:09,239 --> 00:51:13,279
Speaker 2: It's like and I'm not like, dude, I'm really like

967
00:51:13,320 --> 00:51:17,640
Speaker 2: I'm no expert in any of this shit, but I'm

968
00:51:17,760 --> 00:51:19,640
Speaker 2: just and like I tell myself that, like I was,

969
00:51:19,719 --> 00:51:21,719
Speaker 2: like I've had so many times like with my vices,

970
00:51:21,719 --> 00:51:24,040
Speaker 2: where I'm like I'm like standing around I'm like I

971
00:51:24,080 --> 00:51:26,200
Speaker 2: need to like I'm just I'm like with a friend,

972
00:51:27,120 --> 00:51:28,880
Speaker 2: my friend tells me that I do this sometimes, Like

973
00:51:28,920 --> 00:51:30,879
Speaker 2: he's like, my friend's like sometimes you will be hanging

974
00:51:30,920 --> 00:51:33,320
Speaker 2: out and you'll randomly just be like I need to

975
00:51:33,360 --> 00:51:36,920
Speaker 2: eat five slices of pizza right now. And it's not

976
00:51:36,960 --> 00:51:39,640
Speaker 2: that I'm and dude, it's not that I'm hungry, it's

977
00:51:39,719 --> 00:51:42,560
Speaker 2: I'm just like fucking anxious. I don't even know why.

978
00:51:42,760 --> 00:51:44,520
Speaker 2: And also like, dude, like like when I'm working on

979
00:51:44,520 --> 00:51:47,359
Speaker 2: a when I'm working on a project, like the all

980
00:51:47,440 --> 00:51:52,879
Speaker 2: of my vices get increased significantly when I'm stressed, when

981
00:51:52,880 --> 00:51:54,480
Speaker 2: I have like a project that I'm working on, when

982
00:51:54,480 --> 00:51:56,320
Speaker 2: I have something I need to edit that I don't

983
00:51:59,040 --> 00:52:03,520
Speaker 2: fucking uh want to do, or like a deadline like

984
00:52:03,320 --> 00:52:06,040
Speaker 2: it like it's just because it's just anxiety. And then

985
00:52:06,200 --> 00:52:13,880
Speaker 2: I think anxiety in my in my experience, anxiety tends

986
00:52:13,920 --> 00:52:21,960
Speaker 2: to lower when it's interrogated. That's what I try to do.

987
00:52:22,160 --> 00:52:23,880
Speaker 2: I really don't want to speak as if I'm like

988
00:52:24,080 --> 00:52:25,640
Speaker 2: good at any of this stuff, because I'm really not.

989
00:52:25,719 --> 00:52:28,960
Speaker 2: I'm trying to get better. But when I when I

990
00:52:29,000 --> 00:52:33,120
Speaker 2: like interrogate my anxiety and I'm just like, okay, for

991
00:52:33,440 --> 00:52:36,520
Speaker 2: one second, just like take out your phone like on

992
00:52:36,560 --> 00:52:38,680
Speaker 2: the notes app, and I'm just like, what am I

993
00:52:38,719 --> 00:52:43,040
Speaker 2: anxious about? Because because because when because when when it's

994
00:52:43,400 --> 00:52:45,560
Speaker 2: because when it's like when the anxiety is like a

995
00:52:45,680 --> 00:52:55,120
Speaker 2: morphous and undefined. It will drive you insane. But but

996
00:52:55,160 --> 00:52:56,200
Speaker 2: it's the kind of thing. But like you know when

997
00:52:56,200 --> 00:52:57,919
Speaker 2: you're anxious about something and you start talking to someone

998
00:52:57,960 --> 00:53:00,120
Speaker 2: about it and you're like, oh, I sound ridiculous that

999
00:53:00,160 --> 00:53:03,080
Speaker 2: I'm like anxious about this. You, it's the same. It's

1000
00:53:03,120 --> 00:53:04,640
Speaker 2: really a similar thing. Like you go on your phone.

1001
00:53:04,680 --> 00:53:08,120
Speaker 2: You I literally will write a list of like what

1002
00:53:08,239 --> 00:53:10,880
Speaker 2: is everything I'm anxious about? And I write it down

1003
00:53:10,960 --> 00:53:12,399
Speaker 2: and then all of a sudden, I'm like, oh, here

1004
00:53:12,440 --> 00:53:15,200
Speaker 2: it all is in front of me, and I empty

1005
00:53:15,280 --> 00:53:18,319
Speaker 2: myself out until I have nothing left to pour. And

1006
00:53:18,360 --> 00:53:20,400
Speaker 2: once I see it all in front of me, I'm like, Okay,

1007
00:53:20,440 --> 00:53:24,120
Speaker 2: this is manageable. And it's like here it is. It's

1008
00:53:24,160 --> 00:53:27,560
Speaker 2: not like floating around amorphously, and like you just you

1009
00:53:27,640 --> 00:53:30,200
Speaker 2: just want the anxious feeling to like go away. That's

1010
00:53:30,239 --> 00:53:32,239
Speaker 2: really what it is. So you need to spend money

1011
00:53:33,000 --> 00:53:33,719
Speaker 2: do it?

1012
00:53:34,000 --> 00:53:34,160
Speaker 1: Yeah?

1013
00:53:34,320 --> 00:53:38,800
Speaker 2: You know it's yeah, you just want the anxious feeling

1014
00:53:38,800 --> 00:53:39,240
Speaker 2: to go away.

1015
00:53:40,920 --> 00:53:42,879
Speaker 4: And what is it? I mean, I guess you say,

1016
00:53:43,000 --> 00:53:44,520
Speaker 4: what are some of like if you had to put

1017
00:53:44,520 --> 00:53:48,600
Speaker 4: a top three like gold, silver, bronze, and some of

1018
00:53:48,640 --> 00:53:50,839
Speaker 4: the things that might make you anxious, like what are

1019
00:53:50,840 --> 00:53:52,440
Speaker 4: some of the things that peak.

1020
00:53:52,239 --> 00:53:54,040
Speaker 2: You, Oh, that make me anxious?

1021
00:53:55,280 --> 00:53:58,080
Speaker 4: Yeah, that like may have tried, that may trigger like

1022
00:53:58,280 --> 00:54:01,320
Speaker 4: uh when I call it, I don't know full panic attack.

1023
00:54:01,440 --> 00:54:04,200
Speaker 4: But in terms of like, oh well now now I'm

1024
00:54:04,280 --> 00:54:07,560
Speaker 4: ruminating on this. For me, I mean I'd like to

1025
00:54:07,600 --> 00:54:08,960
Speaker 4: hear yours first.

1026
00:54:09,160 --> 00:54:15,040
Speaker 2: Well it well, I mean from well, from an there's

1027
00:54:15,160 --> 00:54:22,279
Speaker 2: kind of well, okay, from an anxiety point, I mean,

1028
00:54:22,400 --> 00:54:25,120
Speaker 2: work makes me really anxious, like a lot of like

1029
00:54:25,200 --> 00:54:27,799
Speaker 2: am I doing the things that I need to be

1030
00:54:27,920 --> 00:54:32,680
Speaker 2: doing for you know, me to be able to get

1031
00:54:32,680 --> 00:54:36,400
Speaker 2: the work done that I want to do? That's one. Yeah,

1032
00:54:38,080 --> 00:54:40,040
Speaker 2: you know, I have a lot of anxiety about like uh,

1033
00:54:40,560 --> 00:54:43,879
Speaker 2: death and like the vastness of the world. But that

1034
00:54:43,880 --> 00:54:46,399
Speaker 2: that that stuff kind of that well, that's stuff kind

1035
00:54:46,400 --> 00:54:50,279
Speaker 2: of is more in like depression territory. But also like

1036
00:54:50,880 --> 00:54:52,880
Speaker 2: also you know, but it's the same, it's it's all

1037
00:54:52,920 --> 00:54:54,560
Speaker 2: the same ship like it all just goes away when

1038
00:54:54,600 --> 00:54:56,920
Speaker 2: you like actually live your life.

1039
00:54:58,920 --> 00:54:59,240
Speaker 4: Something.

1040
00:54:59,640 --> 00:55:02,360
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, truly, I hear you.

1041
00:55:02,600 --> 00:55:04,719
Speaker 4: I hear you, and it's it's about to get caught

1042
00:55:04,800 --> 00:55:07,040
Speaker 4: up in that scariness. Oh sorry, what about me?

1043
00:55:07,400 --> 00:55:08,120
Speaker 2: Yeah, what about you?

1044
00:55:09,800 --> 00:55:13,080
Speaker 4: I mean, more recently, it's I mean, I've been faced

1045
00:55:13,080 --> 00:55:15,360
Speaker 4: with death my whole life since i was twelve of

1046
00:55:15,440 --> 00:55:21,799
Speaker 4: that type one diabetes, and I've had like, actually had

1047
00:55:21,800 --> 00:55:25,040
Speaker 4: a near death experience. I've had like a one that

1048
00:55:25,120 --> 00:55:28,400
Speaker 4: I remember at least, I wait death experience in Japan.

1049
00:55:28,560 --> 00:55:30,319
Speaker 2: But yeah, you texted me saying, I want to talk

1050
00:55:30,320 --> 00:55:33,000
Speaker 2: about how I almost died alone in Japan.

1051
00:55:34,400 --> 00:55:39,799
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, yeah, so I was. Uh, it was my

1052
00:55:39,920 --> 00:55:43,160
Speaker 4: first year in Japan in twenty twenty, twenty twenty one.

1053
00:55:43,200 --> 00:55:46,760
Speaker 4: I was in that little box apartment. I was playing

1054
00:55:47,600 --> 00:55:50,839
Speaker 4: I'm playing Apex with some of my buddies overseas, just

1055
00:55:50,880 --> 00:55:55,000
Speaker 4: like sitting there gaming, and had shot a certain amount

1056
00:55:55,040 --> 00:55:59,480
Speaker 4: of insulin to counteract the little pizza I was gonna eat.

1057
00:55:59,680 --> 00:56:01,680
Speaker 4: I did know that the pizza had been made with

1058
00:56:01,760 --> 00:56:06,359
Speaker 4: gluten free dough, so that damn near has or makes

1059
00:56:06,400 --> 00:56:10,640
Speaker 4: it essentially where I shot double the amount of insulin,

1060
00:56:10,840 --> 00:56:14,120
Speaker 4: damn near triple. Then I was supposed to, Oh, your

1061
00:56:14,120 --> 00:56:17,399
Speaker 4: blood sugar drops yea, and in order for your blood

1062
00:56:17,440 --> 00:56:19,600
Speaker 4: sugar to come back up, you need some sort of sugar,

1063
00:56:19,760 --> 00:56:22,760
Speaker 4: Like your brain only needs sugar. I think it's blood

1064
00:56:22,800 --> 00:56:27,600
Speaker 4: sugar and air to survive, maybe water, but essentially my

1065
00:56:27,800 --> 00:56:30,840
Speaker 4: body I was, And back to your point on stimulus,

1066
00:56:30,920 --> 00:56:33,439
Speaker 4: I'm I've been a gamer kid since I was a kid,

1067
00:56:33,480 --> 00:56:36,719
Speaker 4: you know, like eleven hour flight to Japan, I'm beating Pokemon,

1068
00:56:37,280 --> 00:56:40,960
Speaker 4: I'm beating Emerald, or like I'm beating Ruby in that flight.

1069
00:56:41,600 --> 00:56:45,280
Speaker 4: And essentially I was just sitting there. I shot the insulin,

1070
00:56:45,640 --> 00:56:47,840
Speaker 4: sitting down playing games, and I start to notice my

1071
00:56:47,880 --> 00:56:50,960
Speaker 4: motor functions kind of started to turn off. And I

1072
00:56:51,000 --> 00:56:52,479
Speaker 4: was having drinks, so I thought it was just because

1073
00:56:52,520 --> 00:56:56,200
Speaker 4: I drank too much, but it wasn't enough. And by

1074
00:56:56,239 --> 00:56:59,359
Speaker 4: the time when your blood sugar dropped, and I don't

1075
00:56:59,360 --> 00:57:01,480
Speaker 4: know if you've had this, but you get like real

1076
00:57:01,560 --> 00:57:04,759
Speaker 4: brain fog and you can't really think, you can't think

1077
00:57:04,800 --> 00:57:06,960
Speaker 4: about the next decision that you have to make. So

1078
00:57:07,000 --> 00:57:10,680
Speaker 4: I was sitting there, and this is over the course

1079
00:57:10,680 --> 00:57:13,480
Speaker 4: of about five minutes. I sitting there, in my arms

1080
00:57:13,520 --> 00:57:16,280
Speaker 4: and legs, my forearms and my calves start to cramp,

1081
00:57:16,600 --> 00:57:18,680
Speaker 4: my hands start to squeeze together. And these are pretty

1082
00:57:18,680 --> 00:57:21,480
Speaker 4: standard low blood sugar stuff. Your body's trying to find

1083
00:57:21,600 --> 00:57:25,040
Speaker 4: places of sugar to pull from to keep you from dying.

1084
00:57:25,640 --> 00:57:29,600
Speaker 4: And essentially, like slowly, my senses were starting to get removed.

1085
00:57:29,640 --> 00:57:31,640
Speaker 4: Over the course of what felt really long, but it

1086
00:57:31,680 --> 00:57:33,600
Speaker 4: was over. It's about a minute min and a half

1087
00:57:33,600 --> 00:57:38,080
Speaker 4: maybe two, I start to kind of like shake, and

1088
00:57:39,160 --> 00:57:40,920
Speaker 4: have you drank to the point where you've gotten the

1089
00:57:40,960 --> 00:57:41,680
Speaker 4: spins before?

1090
00:57:42,880 --> 00:57:44,120
Speaker 2: No, I'm not much a drinker.

1091
00:57:45,480 --> 00:57:48,880
Speaker 4: Okay, Well, if you drink after a certain threshold, when

1092
00:57:48,920 --> 00:57:51,480
Speaker 4: you close your eyes and lay down, it just feels

1093
00:57:51,480 --> 00:57:54,240
Speaker 4: like somebody is taking your head and putting both hands

1094
00:57:54,280 --> 00:57:57,000
Speaker 4: over your ears and shaking your head. Not good, not

1095
00:57:57,040 --> 00:58:00,600
Speaker 4: a really good time at all. And that's essentially what

1096
00:58:00,680 --> 00:58:04,880
Speaker 4: it felt like. I I and I'm not much of

1097
00:58:04,920 --> 00:58:10,560
Speaker 4: a drinker anymore either, but it felt like somebody had

1098
00:58:10,640 --> 00:58:14,040
Speaker 4: taken their hands over my ears, taking away my sense

1099
00:58:14,040 --> 00:58:17,160
Speaker 4: of hearing. My vision was starting to go, and it

1100
00:58:17,280 --> 00:58:19,760
Speaker 4: just felt like my head was spinning in circles over

1101
00:58:19,800 --> 00:58:27,160
Speaker 4: and over and over. And I stood up very very weakly.

1102
00:58:27,560 --> 00:58:29,440
Speaker 4: I tried to get to my refrigerator, where I knew

1103
00:58:29,480 --> 00:58:32,360
Speaker 4: where my EpiPen was, and I opened up my fridge

1104
00:58:32,840 --> 00:58:35,280
Speaker 4: and the spinning just keeps getting faster and faster and

1105
00:58:35,440 --> 00:58:38,120
Speaker 4: gets more and more silent, like I can't hear anything

1106
00:58:38,760 --> 00:58:40,880
Speaker 4: or even feel my arms or anything. And then I'm

1107
00:58:40,920 --> 00:58:44,240
Speaker 4: looking into this fridge and it goes blank, like everything,

1108
00:58:44,320 --> 00:58:48,720
Speaker 4: everything goes blank. The shaking stops. I stopped thinking, and

1109
00:58:49,160 --> 00:58:52,240
Speaker 4: I'm just kind of sitting there almost very very very present,

1110
00:58:52,440 --> 00:58:55,600
Speaker 4: strangely or not now that I think about it. And

1111
00:58:55,680 --> 00:58:58,120
Speaker 4: I couldn't find my EpiPen. I thought that it was

1112
00:58:58,600 --> 00:59:01,440
Speaker 4: in my backpack or something. It was in the bottom

1113
00:59:01,480 --> 00:59:03,800
Speaker 4: drawer the whole time, and I just couldn't think all

1114
00:59:03,840 --> 00:59:07,960
Speaker 4: the way through to that point. And in the back

1115
00:59:08,000 --> 00:59:11,800
Speaker 4: of my head is about ten seconds of just stillness.

1116
00:59:12,000 --> 00:59:13,680
Speaker 4: In the back of my head, there was a voice.

1117
00:59:13,920 --> 00:59:18,120
Speaker 4: It was in my own voice, but it wasn't mine,

1118
00:59:18,120 --> 00:59:20,960
Speaker 4: because I knew I couldn't think, and it had told

1119
00:59:20,960 --> 00:59:26,280
Speaker 4: me that you can't die here alone in this room.

1120
00:59:26,640 --> 00:59:30,520
Speaker 4: Your mom can't get a text saying that her son

1121
00:59:30,640 --> 00:59:33,280
Speaker 4: died alone in his room. And you can't have your

1122
00:59:33,280 --> 00:59:36,120
Speaker 4: buddy Morgan show up here knocking on the door to

1123
00:59:36,160 --> 00:59:38,520
Speaker 4: find your body in here. That just can't happen. I

1124
00:59:38,560 --> 00:59:40,680
Speaker 4: can't see what your life is going to be. The

1125
00:59:40,720 --> 00:59:44,280
Speaker 4: accumulation of it. I felt like a felt like a push,

1126
00:59:44,880 --> 00:59:49,640
Speaker 4: and I mean that I heard those words. I found

1127
00:59:49,720 --> 00:59:52,560
Speaker 4: the epipenn in the bottom drawer, and then I took

1128
00:59:52,600 --> 00:59:54,520
Speaker 4: it and I shot it into my leg. I mean

1129
00:59:54,760 --> 00:59:57,160
Speaker 4: saying is pulp fiction, but in your leg. And then

1130
00:59:57,240 --> 01:00:00,200
Speaker 4: instantly it felt like throughout the whole process of felt

1131
01:00:00,240 --> 01:00:02,240
Speaker 4: like as my body was getting lighter, I felt like

1132
01:00:02,240 --> 01:00:05,320
Speaker 4: that my spirit was leaving from the back of my

1133
01:00:05,480 --> 01:00:08,040
Speaker 4: chest out for like where your heart is. Felt like

1134
01:00:08,080 --> 01:00:10,440
Speaker 4: my body was getting lighter, and I could only equate

1135
01:00:10,480 --> 01:00:14,240
Speaker 4: it to your spirit leaving kind of kind of like shrooms,

1136
01:00:14,560 --> 01:00:16,400
Speaker 4: kind of like shrooms when you get kind of weird

1137
01:00:16,400 --> 01:00:20,520
Speaker 4: in your body. But CenTra. The minute I hit that EpiPen,

1138
01:00:21,320 --> 01:00:24,520
Speaker 4: I just like took a breath and all my weight

1139
01:00:24,880 --> 01:00:28,800
Speaker 4: and senses came back into my body instantly, and I

1140
01:00:28,880 --> 01:00:31,200
Speaker 4: just kind of like sat there, my pants are on

1141
01:00:31,320 --> 01:00:34,600
Speaker 4: my ankles, looking down like, oh shit, dude, Like I

1142
01:00:34,640 --> 01:00:38,200
Speaker 4: really almost died, Like this was that was like seconds

1143
01:00:39,480 --> 01:00:41,440
Speaker 4: that that was seconds from death kind of thing. And

1144
01:00:41,440 --> 01:00:44,160
Speaker 4: I've had situations where I went to bed and woke

1145
01:00:44,280 --> 01:00:47,040
Speaker 4: up with firefighters on top of me and stuff trying

1146
01:00:47,120 --> 01:00:50,600
Speaker 4: to get me IVS, but that was because you know,

1147
01:00:52,280 --> 01:00:55,240
Speaker 4: mismanagement of diabetes and being diagnosed early and not really

1148
01:00:55,320 --> 01:00:59,800
Speaker 4: knowing how to do it. But that one felt really,

1149
01:01:00,400 --> 01:01:02,440
Speaker 4: we'll say, because I was alone I think the biggest

1150
01:01:02,440 --> 01:01:05,360
Speaker 4: difference was that I was alone in this situation. Mm hmmm,

1151
01:01:06,600 --> 01:01:07,680
Speaker 4: a little bit all over the place.

1152
01:01:07,800 --> 01:01:09,440
Speaker 2: No, no, no, no. I was gonna say, I was

1153
01:01:09,480 --> 01:01:11,320
Speaker 2: gonna say, well, look at you. Now you didn't die,

1154
01:01:11,840 --> 01:01:15,800
Speaker 2: and now you have a wife and a job, and

1155
01:01:15,840 --> 01:01:17,400
Speaker 2: it sounds like your life is going pretty good. So

1156
01:01:17,400 --> 01:01:20,120
Speaker 2: I'm glad that you didn't die.

1157
01:01:20,840 --> 01:01:24,800
Speaker 4: Not right, I mean, yeah I didn't either.

1158
01:01:26,080 --> 01:01:26,640
Speaker 2: What's your name.

1159
01:01:29,080 --> 01:01:32,439
Speaker 4: My name is Eric, Eric, Eric.

1160
01:01:32,520 --> 01:01:36,479
Speaker 2: Thanks for thanks for picking up my random phone call

1161
01:01:36,640 --> 01:01:39,200
Speaker 2: and telling me, uh, give me a little peek into

1162
01:01:39,200 --> 01:01:40,560
Speaker 2: your life. This was nice.

1163
01:01:41,840 --> 01:01:44,400
Speaker 4: Yeah, I did the man low. Honestly, I did a

1164
01:01:44,400 --> 01:01:46,240
Speaker 4: lot of talking. I wish I could have talked to

1165
01:01:46,240 --> 01:01:48,200
Speaker 4: you a little bit more, but I'm pretty sure that's

1166
01:01:48,240 --> 01:01:50,280
Speaker 4: not the point of the show. I think you really

1167
01:01:50,360 --> 01:01:51,880
Speaker 4: like I think what you do is really cool.

1168
01:01:52,160 --> 01:01:52,440
Speaker 3: Thanks.

1169
01:01:53,320 --> 01:01:54,960
Speaker 4: I know, like you said, you have a lot of

1170
01:01:54,960 --> 01:01:57,400
Speaker 4: anxieties and things that keep you up at night, but

1171
01:01:57,960 --> 01:02:00,280
Speaker 4: you know that just the way that you are and

1172
01:02:00,320 --> 01:02:02,160
Speaker 4: the person that you are helps a lot of people

1173
01:02:02,560 --> 01:02:05,920
Speaker 4: open up and be honest and and vulnerable. So that's

1174
01:02:05,920 --> 01:02:08,280
Speaker 4: pretty cool. You're doing a really cool thing, and I'm

1175
01:02:08,280 --> 01:02:09,720
Speaker 4: sure there's a lot of people that are proud of you,

1176
01:02:09,800 --> 01:02:11,280
Speaker 4: and you should be proud of yourself.

1177
01:02:11,600 --> 01:02:16,320
Speaker 2: You're a kind man, Eric, You're a kind man. Mazeletove

1178
01:02:16,520 --> 01:02:22,800
Speaker 2: mozletove on the good life and thanks for thanks for

1179
01:02:22,840 --> 01:02:24,440
Speaker 2: your time today. Man, I appreciate you.

1180
01:02:24,680 --> 01:02:27,160
Speaker 4: Yeah, I'll see in the future, man, you see, You'll

1181
01:02:27,160 --> 01:02:28,440
Speaker 4: see you this show or something. Thank you.

1182
01:02:29,240 --> 01:02:36,080
Speaker 2: Thanks Eric, all right, see you laugh. That was Eric,

1183
01:02:37,440 --> 01:02:45,560
Speaker 2: good guy, the horny devil, crazy crazy person, the horny devil.

1184
01:02:47,320 --> 01:02:51,480
Speaker 2: Hm hmm, well, folks, I think I think that was

1185
01:02:51,520 --> 01:02:56,800
Speaker 2: the Therapy Eical podcast we learned about. That was an

1186
01:02:56,840 --> 01:03:00,760
Speaker 2: inspired I think that was an inspiring episode of the

1187
01:03:00,760 --> 01:03:06,640
Speaker 2: Therapy Gecko podcast. Two guys who were able to claw

1188
01:03:06,760 --> 01:03:13,280
Speaker 2: themselves out from the perils of their own existences and

1189
01:03:13,920 --> 01:03:18,680
Speaker 2: make something of their lives. Big respect to Tony and Eric.

1190
01:03:19,840 --> 01:03:23,560
Speaker 2: Also two great names for callers of this podcast, Tony

1191
01:03:23,600 --> 01:03:28,920
Speaker 2: and Eric. I'm feeling inspired. I'm leaving this feeling inspired.

1192
01:03:28,960 --> 01:03:33,520
Speaker 2: I'm gonna try to Sorry my voice and my voice

1193
01:03:33,560 --> 01:03:38,760
Speaker 2: is gone, but I'm gonna try to be less insane

1194
01:03:39,160 --> 01:03:42,640
Speaker 2: because Tony and Eric did it, And Folks, if Tony

1195
01:03:42,640 --> 01:03:44,200
Speaker 2: and Eric did it, I can do it. And if

1196
01:03:44,240 --> 01:03:46,360
Speaker 2: Tony and Eric and me can do it. You can

1197
01:03:46,400 --> 01:03:52,600
Speaker 2: do it too. That's what we're coming away with. Thank

1198
01:03:52,600 --> 01:03:57,080
Speaker 2: you guys for listening to the podcast. Please come see

1199
01:03:57,080 --> 01:03:59,040
Speaker 2: the live show. I'm going on tour. I'm going to

1200
01:03:59,040 --> 01:04:03,840
Speaker 2: a billion different cities. I'm recording a special, a one

1201
01:04:03,920 --> 01:04:10,040
Speaker 2: Lizard show. I've got two shows at the Bellhouse in Brooklyn,

1202
01:04:10,120 --> 01:04:13,200
Speaker 2: New York, on August twenty ninth. I would love to

1203
01:04:13,240 --> 01:04:17,400
Speaker 2: sell those out and get good footage for the special

1204
01:04:17,400 --> 01:04:19,480
Speaker 2: that I'm gonna release for you guys. I'm excited about that,

1205
01:04:20,880 --> 01:04:26,120
Speaker 2: and I'm also going to many other cities around the country.

1206
01:04:27,360 --> 01:04:31,560
Speaker 2: I'm going to Canada. We finally have tickets out for Canada.

1207
01:04:31,880 --> 01:04:34,680
Speaker 2: I'm going to like twenty cities. So go to therapy

1208
01:04:34,760 --> 01:04:40,760
Speaker 2: geckotour dot com. Don't google therapy Gecko Tour because then

1209
01:04:40,800 --> 01:04:43,520
Speaker 2: you'll end up buying like seventy dollars tickets from some

1210
01:04:43,720 --> 01:04:47,000
Speaker 2: like random bullshit scalper person. But if you go to

1211
01:04:47,200 --> 01:04:54,600
Speaker 2: therapy geckotour dot com, it'll it'll like you type therapy

1212
01:04:54,640 --> 01:05:00,280
Speaker 2: Gecko Tour dot com into the URL thing or check

1213
01:05:00,280 --> 01:05:03,800
Speaker 2: the link in the episode description. You can get yourself

1214
01:05:04,520 --> 01:05:08,440
Speaker 2: some tickets and the shows will be fun. I'm excited

1215
01:05:08,480 --> 01:05:10,400
Speaker 2: for them, and then when I'm done with that, I'll

1216
01:05:10,440 --> 01:05:14,320
Speaker 2: go make more documentaries and I'll live my life and

1217
01:05:14,720 --> 01:05:20,640
Speaker 2: we will all traverse time and space together and have

1218
01:05:20,720 --> 01:05:25,840
Speaker 2: a good time. All right, that's it for me. Gak

1219
01:05:25,880 --> 01:05:30,920
Speaker 2: bless have a good one. Goes on the line, taking

1220
01:05:30,920 --> 01:05:34,960
Speaker 2: your phone calls every night. Deacon goes to and I'm

1221
01:05:35,000 --> 01:05:37,000
Speaker 2: just teaching you a loud in the of your life.

1222
01:05:37,360 --> 01:05:39,560
Speaker 2: But he's not really an expert.