WEBVTT - Can A 25 Year Age Gap Work… Even If It Didn’t The First Time Around? 0:00:01.920 --> 0:00:04.640 Hey there, folks. It is Thursday, September fourth, and we 0:00:04.800 --> 0:00:08.639 have to admit we were a little surprised and taken 0:00:08.680 --> 0:00:13.680 aback by a lot of reader's reaction to our ask 0:00:13.960 --> 0:00:18.240 Amy and TJ Yahoo advice column for this week and 0:00:18.280 --> 0:00:21.320 welcome to this ask Amy and TJ audition of our 0:00:21.360 --> 0:00:24.320 Amy and TJ podcast and robes. This had to do, 0:00:24.400 --> 0:00:26.240 at least the person that wrote in, had to do 0:00:26.320 --> 0:00:30.920 with age gaps in relationships. Who knew that this was 0:00:31.000 --> 0:00:32.600 something that really struck. 0:00:32.360 --> 0:00:34.280 A nerve with the right because people seem to have 0:00:34.400 --> 0:00:37.600 very strong opinions, and oftentimes I was under the impression 0:00:37.640 --> 0:00:39.720 and maybe this is just a sampling with people who 0:00:39.720 --> 0:00:43.080 wrote in, but most people tend to be skeptical of 0:00:43.400 --> 0:00:47.880 a major age gap because they're concerned about just all 0:00:47.920 --> 0:00:51.280 the obvious things that would Relationships are hard enough, putting 0:00:51.360 --> 0:00:54.840 a huge age gap between two folks makes it even harder. 0:00:54.880 --> 0:00:57.240 So I would have thought that most people would be 0:00:57.360 --> 0:01:01.840 discouraging this young woman, Cassie, from trying to start again 0:01:02.240 --> 0:01:04.319 with a man who's twenty five years for senior. But 0:01:04.520 --> 0:01:09.119 I actually read a lot of very different comments than 0:01:09.160 --> 0:01:10.440 I was expecting, you know. 0:01:10.360 --> 0:01:12.880 And a lot of when you talk about age gaps. 0:01:12.959 --> 0:01:15.920 Age gaps, you called it experience gaps or. 0:01:16.000 --> 0:01:18.080 Yes, right, I think it's I think that's a good 0:01:18.120 --> 0:01:19.880 way to put it, because people are young at hard 0:01:19.920 --> 0:01:23.480 and old souls and you can find a lot of commonalities, 0:01:23.480 --> 0:01:25.880 but a lot of the issues arise when you have 0:01:25.920 --> 0:01:29.240 an experience gap, and there can be a power gap. 0:01:29.360 --> 0:01:32.640 Then that ensues in her dynamic, We're going to read 0:01:32.640 --> 0:01:36.640 the full question at least from our reader, but I 0:01:36.680 --> 0:01:40.040 think most of the concern often times comes when the 0:01:40.200 --> 0:01:43.680 gap has to do with someone who was not just younger, 0:01:44.080 --> 0:01:48.200 but eighteen nineteen twenty dating somebody who was fifty sixty seven. 0:01:48.360 --> 0:01:50.360 You look at that experience gap. I think if you 0:01:50.400 --> 0:01:53.120 talk about it adults who are I don't know, a 0:01:53.160 --> 0:01:55.320 thirty year old and a fifty year old or a 0:01:55.360 --> 0:01:57.920 sixty five year old, that it feels like two adults 0:01:57.960 --> 0:01:58.919 still making a decision. 0:01:59.000 --> 0:02:02.680 Once you've had a experiences enough that you can go 0:02:02.800 --> 0:02:06.360 into a relationship with that wisdom. I think that's a 0:02:06.400 --> 0:02:10.440 completely different conversation. And this is interesting the reader who 0:02:10.480 --> 0:02:14.080 wrote in Cassie she did have the experience when she 0:02:14.200 --> 0:02:17.200 was young, a freshman in college, and then after that 0:02:17.680 --> 0:02:20.880 attempt at a relationship with a major age gap ended, 0:02:20.960 --> 0:02:24.840 she's now considering restarting it thirteen years later. So now 0:02:24.880 --> 0:02:28.040 she is almost forty, and so now she is a 0:02:28.080 --> 0:02:31.400 bona fide grown up, and so it is different, and 0:02:31.480 --> 0:02:33.079 so should we just go ahead and read the question 0:02:33.120 --> 0:02:36.440 to refresh? If you all didn't remember, you didn't get 0:02:36.440 --> 0:02:38.639 a chance to read the column. Here is what Cassie 0:02:38.680 --> 0:02:40.800 wrote to us Amy and TJ. When I was a 0:02:40.800 --> 0:02:42.680 freshman in college, I fell in love with a man 0:02:42.720 --> 0:02:46.120 twenty five years older than me. The connection was unshakable, 0:02:46.520 --> 0:02:49.079 but I was young and he was newly divorced, co 0:02:49.200 --> 0:02:52.800 parenting eight kids. It didn't work. I love that she 0:02:52.800 --> 0:02:54.720 didn't need to make an explanation as to why it 0:02:54.720 --> 0:02:58.320 didn't work. It's been thirteen years. I'm about to turn forty, 0:02:58.400 --> 0:03:01.120 and he stepped back into my life. I think we've 0:03:01.160 --> 0:03:03.160 both grown a lot and might be ready for a 0:03:03.280 --> 0:03:06.880 real relationship. He worries that my parents and friends won't approve, 0:03:06.919 --> 0:03:09.600 but I don't want to crowdsource my relationship. If we 0:03:09.680 --> 0:03:12.880 try again, will it be the same old story or 0:03:12.919 --> 0:03:14.600 could it be for real this time? 0:03:14.800 --> 0:03:17.960 Cassie, Yeah, it could be for real. I think we 0:03:18.080 --> 0:03:21.600 ultimately gave essentially warnings right heads up about this, it's 0:03:21.680 --> 0:03:24.440 up about that. The concern was that she was so young, 0:03:24.520 --> 0:03:26.720 and what did they have in common at that time? 0:03:26.800 --> 0:03:30.040 And yes, things are different now, but it was essentially 0:03:30.360 --> 0:03:33.880 a go for it with caution, Yes, with an open 0:03:34.000 --> 0:03:35.960 mind to what your challenges are going to be. But 0:03:36.080 --> 0:03:37.920 we're grown folks. Life is too short. 0:03:38.160 --> 0:03:39.800 Yeah, at this point, I feel like she doesn't have 0:03:39.880 --> 0:03:41.880 a lot to lose, in the sense that she's had 0:03:41.880 --> 0:03:45.080 the experiences on her own, doing her own thing, and 0:03:45.080 --> 0:03:47.720 now she's come back and maybe perhaps that connection a 0:03:47.760 --> 0:03:51.360 lot of connections, It might be real, but it might 0:03:51.400 --> 0:03:53.400 not be the right time, and so maybe it is now. 0:03:53.440 --> 0:03:55.640 And I just felt like it couldn't hurt to try. 0:03:55.920 --> 0:03:59.680 And you again, if anybody's been listening to these, you know, 0:03:59.760 --> 0:04:02.160 that is the one that usually goes through all of 0:04:02.200 --> 0:04:04.160 the reader comments and the theme the first thing I 0:04:04.200 --> 0:04:06.280 always ask you, did you get more men than women 0:04:07.240 --> 0:04:07.560 this time? 0:04:07.640 --> 0:04:10.680 I definitely, you know what, I actually put a nice 0:04:11.720 --> 0:04:13.920 mix of men and women, But still I saw a 0:04:13.960 --> 0:04:16.080 lot of men. I actually some of them were so 0:04:16.360 --> 0:04:21.000 similar about age gaps, all kind of saying the same thing, 0:04:22.279 --> 0:04:24.680 expressing the same experiences that I actually kind of had 0:04:24.680 --> 0:04:27.880 to just pick among the many men who all said 0:04:27.920 --> 0:04:28.800 and felt the same thing. 0:04:29.000 --> 0:04:32.680 Can I ask, then, did you notice any theme that women, 0:04:33.640 --> 0:04:39.480 I guess were less enthusiastic about age gap relationships and 0:04:39.520 --> 0:04:41.279 about this question or was it still split? 0:04:41.440 --> 0:04:41.880 I think it. 0:04:42.040 --> 0:04:45.479 I think a lot of most people were for the 0:04:45.520 --> 0:04:47.839 age gap. Yeah, I mean that was really that really 0:04:47.839 --> 0:04:50.279 took me back. So I'll all jump in with and 0:04:50.480 --> 0:04:52.960 some of these folks, I don't know if they're men 0:04:53.000 --> 0:04:55.680 or women. Sneed Maker is one of them. I don't know, 0:04:56.040 --> 0:04:58.599 but this is what sneed Maker said, and this was. 0:04:58.600 --> 0:04:59.960 One of the skeptical reas. 0:05:00.960 --> 0:05:03.680 If you have to seek advice, then that is a 0:05:03.720 --> 0:05:04.479 red flag for me. 0:05:04.839 --> 0:05:05.799 What is the concern? 0:05:06.279 --> 0:05:09.000 If they are both comfortable with the age difference, both 0:05:09.120 --> 0:05:12.000 understand and accept their roles, and see the same future 0:05:12.000 --> 0:05:13.839 for themselves, why question it? 0:05:14.560 --> 0:05:16.440 Okay, I can understand two degree, but I think it's 0:05:16.440 --> 0:05:19.479 healthy to question any relationship if be the same age. 0:05:19.920 --> 0:05:21.719 It doesn't matter where you are. Of course, you should 0:05:21.880 --> 0:05:25.719 have a little level of skepticism and always seek counsel 0:05:25.760 --> 0:05:29.039 from people you trust. Maybe you don't write into Yahoo 0:05:29.120 --> 0:05:32.080 dot com, But I think it's always good to seek 0:05:32.120 --> 0:05:32.720 some counsel. 0:05:32.920 --> 0:05:36.560 I don't know anyone who, regardless of age difference, who 0:05:36.720 --> 0:05:41.640 isn't or who is completely sure, is completely comfortable and 0:05:41.720 --> 0:05:45.040 how they feel and how they view their relationship. Most 0:05:45.040 --> 0:05:48.440 people want to ask whether it's a therapist, your mom, 0:05:48.520 --> 0:05:53.159 your best friend, your sister. Isn't that what we go 0:05:53.200 --> 0:05:56.640 in because love can be blind sometimes, and sometimes people 0:05:56.680 --> 0:05:59.080 who love us can see things more objectively, or people 0:05:59.080 --> 0:06:01.360 who actually I don't even know us can see things 0:06:01.400 --> 0:06:03.720 more objectively because you're not looking at things through emotion. 0:06:04.000 --> 0:06:07.680 You're actually looking at facts versus feelings. And I do 0:06:07.720 --> 0:06:11.279 think that it's I think it's I applaud Cassie and 0:06:11.320 --> 0:06:13.920 other people who are willing to be vulnerable and say, 0:06:13.920 --> 0:06:17.080 what do you think. I think that's healthy. But sneaed 0:06:17.120 --> 0:06:20.599 Meeker thinks it's a red flag all right. Jane Jane 0:06:20.600 --> 0:06:23.719 writes in and says this, I'm assuming children are not 0:06:23.839 --> 0:06:27.279 in the picture for you. You would have stepchildren and grandchildren, 0:06:27.360 --> 0:06:29.839 so that might work. If you still have lots of 0:06:29.880 --> 0:06:32.040 things in common, then I say go for it. You 0:06:32.120 --> 0:06:34.400 might have to end up taking care of him health 0:06:34.440 --> 0:06:36.960 wise sooner than you had hoped for, but that can 0:06:37.040 --> 0:06:38.720 happen in any relationship. 0:06:39.080 --> 0:06:40.800 I thought that was such a good point. 0:06:41.040 --> 0:06:43.800 That was very practical, to look at what you're like. 0:06:43.880 --> 0:06:45.640 It had none to do with love and feeling. This 0:06:45.680 --> 0:06:48.320 is practical. This is what your challenges. These are what 0:06:48.320 --> 0:06:50.320 it's going to be, and you have to consider that. 0:06:50.520 --> 0:06:52.240 And she didn't mention. I think about a forty year 0:06:52.240 --> 0:06:54.280 old woman. Maybe she never wanted to have kids, maybe 0:06:54.279 --> 0:06:56.320 she does have kids. Who knows. 0:06:56.560 --> 0:06:58.320 I feel like she would have mentioned that because that 0:06:58.320 --> 0:06:59.880 would have been a complicating factor. 0:07:00.000 --> 0:07:00.640 It's a issue. 0:07:00.720 --> 0:07:03.200 Yeah, by the mere fact that she chose not to 0:07:03.440 --> 0:07:06.000 even acknowledge it or talk about it, it seems like that 0:07:06.040 --> 0:07:08.080 isn't a sticking point. I question that as well when 0:07:08.080 --> 0:07:11.040 we were reading through it. But he does have eight 0:07:11.160 --> 0:07:14.520 children with another woman, so there will still be lots 0:07:14.560 --> 0:07:17.240 of family. Hopefully he's got a good relationship with them, 0:07:17.240 --> 0:07:19.720 and hopefully they can come around to her. She didn't 0:07:19.760 --> 0:07:23.040 really explain if that was an issue at the time. 0:07:23.440 --> 0:07:25.040 Seems like it might have been the fact that she 0:07:25.160 --> 0:07:27.600 put it in there initially that he was co parenting 0:07:27.600 --> 0:07:30.080 eight children after being recently divorced. So they're all grown 0:07:30.160 --> 0:07:32.720 now and potentially around the same age as her, So 0:07:33.200 --> 0:07:36.640 you know, it's one of those things where that could 0:07:36.720 --> 0:07:38.760 still be a big, full. 0:07:38.560 --> 0:07:39.240 Beautiful family. 0:07:39.320 --> 0:07:41.800 You don't have to give birth to children to enjoy 0:07:41.840 --> 0:07:44.920 them and experience them and have them be a big 0:07:44.920 --> 0:07:45.680 part of your life. 0:07:45.960 --> 0:07:47.160 So I thought that was really good. 0:07:47.200 --> 0:07:50.200 And the thing about taking care of someone, Yeah, someone 0:07:50.240 --> 0:07:52.640 can get in an accident, someone can get sick, someone 0:07:52.640 --> 0:07:53.239 can get cancer. 0:07:53.280 --> 0:07:56.280 You never know. And that's love is not about that. 0:07:56.640 --> 0:07:59.240 It's about knowing when you go into it that it's 0:07:59.240 --> 0:08:01.080 about taking care of another regardless. 0:08:01.120 --> 0:08:03.160 And she knows she's going to have to look sixty. 0:08:03.480 --> 0:08:04.920 He's sixty five now, it would be. 0:08:04.840 --> 0:08:06.760 Somewhere around there. Yeah, that would make sense. 0:08:06.880 --> 0:08:10.000 I mean a forty year old woman forty five, fifty 0:08:10.160 --> 0:08:12.160 fifty plus. I mean, you keep going. And they were 0:08:12.320 --> 0:08:15.200 very active fault. When you think about a guy in 0:08:15.200 --> 0:08:17.200 the next ten years, he's going to be seventy five 0:08:17.360 --> 0:08:21.360 or eighty. Fine, you can be, but generally speaking, they're 0:08:21.400 --> 0:08:22.559 not as acting. 0:08:22.640 --> 0:08:25.240 No, And someone actually several people wrote in and was 0:08:25.280 --> 0:08:26.440 actually doing the numbers game. 0:08:26.640 --> 0:08:27.600 So just think about it. 0:08:27.600 --> 0:08:29.600 When you're fifty, he's going to be seventy five. How's 0:08:29.640 --> 0:08:31.200 that going to feel? It might feel fine when you're 0:08:31.200 --> 0:08:33.760 forty and he's sixty five. What about when you were 0:08:33.760 --> 0:08:35.880 sixty and he's eighty five. How's that going to feel? 0:08:35.960 --> 0:08:38.160 Just they were just suggesting she really think about it. 0:08:38.200 --> 0:08:41.280 I'm sure she has, but to really actually put those 0:08:41.360 --> 0:08:43.360 numbers in front of you and say, am I okay 0:08:43.360 --> 0:08:43.679 with this? 0:08:43.720 --> 0:08:45.920 And it might not matter to her anyway, But why 0:08:45.960 --> 0:08:48.520 should that factor in? If you feel the way you feel, 0:08:48.559 --> 0:08:50.920 that's exactly supposed to be. Oh, something's going to happen 0:08:50.920 --> 0:08:53.440 down the road. We hear, we're now and I don't know. 0:08:53.800 --> 0:08:56.640 The more I we've talked about this, I'm leaning more 0:08:56.679 --> 0:08:59.400 into that area of go for it. My only hesitation 0:08:59.720 --> 0:09:06.520 was as a parent, thinking about my daughter at eighteen 0:09:07.240 --> 0:09:10.720 dating somebody that was forty three. Yeah, at the time, 0:09:11.080 --> 0:09:13.520 I would never get over that with this guy. 0:09:13.800 --> 0:09:16.560 Well, especially if the guy would be your age like 0:09:16.640 --> 0:09:19.240 that would be alarming and disturbing. But we have friends 0:09:19.240 --> 0:09:21.480 who were in that situation and it turned out okay. 0:09:21.520 --> 0:09:23.920 And you know how I think about Kathy Lee Gifford 0:09:23.920 --> 0:09:26.800 and Frank Gifford. I actually got to see a little 0:09:26.800 --> 0:09:28.720 bit of their relationship up close, and she talked a 0:09:28.720 --> 0:09:30.319 lot about it. We would all be in the makeup 0:09:30.400 --> 0:09:32.440 room at the Today Show, and she met him when 0:09:32.480 --> 0:09:34.520 she was I think in her twenties and he was 0:09:34.640 --> 0:09:39.360 in his fifties or forties, forties, fifties, and they had 0:09:39.440 --> 0:09:41.800 a beautiful love story. From everything I could hear from 0:09:41.800 --> 0:09:44.120 her and everything I saw with my own two eyes, 0:09:44.480 --> 0:09:48.920 it was beautiful until the very end, and she was justugh. 0:09:49.080 --> 0:09:51.679 I mean when she lost him, she was devastated. So 0:09:52.000 --> 0:09:54.080 that was a real love story from my vantage point. 0:09:54.160 --> 0:09:58.400 I think from the did we or do we? If 0:09:58.440 --> 0:10:00.920 you take out the college part of story, does it 0:10:01.040 --> 0:10:03.839 change how you view it? Yes, it does for me too. 0:10:03.960 --> 0:10:04.160 Yeah. 0:10:04.200 --> 0:10:06.199 She just said, I'm forty and thinking about dating a 0:10:06.240 --> 0:10:09.040 sixty three, sixty five year old guy. Okay, yeah, I 0:10:09.080 --> 0:10:11.280 think something about the dynamic early on I was trying 0:10:11.280 --> 0:10:14.040 to understand and it maybe it doesn't matter, but I 0:10:14.040 --> 0:10:15.520 I just think about an eighteen year old girl. 0:10:15.640 --> 0:10:18.080 Yeah, no, that's and that is a big difference. So 0:10:18.360 --> 0:10:21.079 here are now a few of the reader's comments who 0:10:21.800 --> 0:10:24.280 shared their own experiences, which I think is really cool. 0:10:24.679 --> 0:10:27.440 I think that makes it feel even more. 0:10:27.320 --> 0:10:29.520 Personal, just the fact that other people are in her 0:10:29.559 --> 0:10:31.800 boat or have been in her boat and are giving advice. 0:10:31.840 --> 0:10:35.200 So Todd wrote in and said, I'm thirty five and 0:10:35.320 --> 0:10:38.600 my girlfriend just turned fifty one. All three of her 0:10:38.679 --> 0:10:42.160 kids just graduated college. We started seeing each other in 0:10:42.160 --> 0:10:44.640 November of last year, and I can't tell you just 0:10:44.760 --> 0:10:47.480 how happy we both are together. Neither of us come 0:10:47.480 --> 0:10:50.800 from wealth. We both have our differences, including our politics. 0:10:51.200 --> 0:10:53.360 It took some time for us to adjust, but it 0:10:53.440 --> 0:10:55.760 is worth it in my eyes. We are both we 0:10:55.880 --> 0:10:58.320 both are honest with each other, and we look forward 0:10:58.320 --> 0:11:00.600 to seeing what the future holds. I make her happy 0:11:00.679 --> 0:11:02.040 and she makes me happy. 0:11:02.320 --> 0:11:05.320 Sounds like an adult. Thank you, Todd. Yes, that's what 0:11:05.360 --> 0:11:09.040 it's all about. It almost sounds like their situation. It's 0:11:09.080 --> 0:11:10.880 he didn't even have to mention his aide. What difference 0:11:10.880 --> 0:11:13.280 does it make because take out what he said there. 0:11:13.320 --> 0:11:15.680 Everything else is kids out of college, you see each other. 0:11:16.760 --> 0:11:17.880 It's just a relationship. 0:11:17.960 --> 0:11:20.640 Yeah, and even with political differences. We've had readers write 0:11:20.640 --> 0:11:22.920 in about that and how that's tearing their relationship apart. 0:11:22.920 --> 0:11:26.160 He's like, look, it's we had to adjust, but we're 0:11:26.160 --> 0:11:29.360 honest with each other and we are focused on making 0:11:29.360 --> 0:11:29.959 each other happy. 0:11:30.000 --> 0:11:31.240 Isn't that what it's all about? 0:11:32.880 --> 0:11:35.520 Well, Todd, thank you for that. But man Todd ain't 0:11:35.559 --> 0:11:38.960 got nothing on Anita and Pete. Yeah, Jay, who also 0:11:39.080 --> 0:11:44.040 wrote in one of them, took very very serious, heated 0:11:44.559 --> 0:11:49.160 and even offensive issue with the advice that Robot and 0:11:49.200 --> 0:11:53.600 I gave Cassie. You'll see which one. 0:12:01.000 --> 0:12:01.680 Welcome aback. 0:12:02.520 --> 0:12:05.880 I can't get that out of my brain. I think 0:12:05.920 --> 0:12:07.920 it's going to happen at least once a week, but 0:12:08.120 --> 0:12:08.600 maybe more. 0:12:08.720 --> 0:12:11.680 I hope more, because. 0:12:10.840 --> 0:12:11.640 I'm taken aback. 0:12:12.000 --> 0:12:12.800 You're taking it back? 0:12:13.160 --> 0:12:14.280 Why do I do that? 0:12:14.520 --> 0:12:17.000 It's funny how your brain gets into patterns and then 0:12:17.360 --> 0:12:18.839 I can't break out of it. Now I'm going to 0:12:18.880 --> 0:12:21.040 start stressing about it. So welcome back. 0:12:21.160 --> 0:12:26.640 Welcome back. Used to have an issue with backlash and 0:12:26.679 --> 0:12:29.520 always came out as blacklash. That used to be funny too. 0:12:29.720 --> 0:12:30.880 I hope we can bring that one back. 0:12:30.920 --> 0:12:33.160 I hope that one never comes out of my mouth again. 0:12:33.600 --> 0:12:36.240 Oh my goodness. All right, welcome back to this edition 0:12:36.440 --> 0:12:38.839 of Amy and TJ. This is our ask Amy and 0:12:38.920 --> 0:12:41.800 TJ edition, but it's our favorite version of it because 0:12:41.840 --> 0:12:43.440 we're talking about what you. 0:12:43.880 --> 0:12:45.520 The reader wrote in. 0:12:45.800 --> 0:12:48.840 Under the comment section to our reader who asked us 0:12:48.840 --> 0:12:51.600 a question about what she should do, and so this 0:12:51.679 --> 0:12:53.680 of course was Cassie asking if she should give it 0:12:53.720 --> 0:12:56.000 a try. There's a twenty five year age gap, and 0:12:56.040 --> 0:12:59.480 this is round two. She's now nearly forty. Should she 0:12:59.520 --> 0:13:02.400 make it worse? Could it actually work? That's kind of 0:13:02.400 --> 0:13:03.840 one of the bigger questions she's asking. 0:13:03.920 --> 0:13:05.280 No, I have a quote. Do you have an indication 0:13:05.320 --> 0:13:06.880 of how long they dated the first time? 0:13:06.960 --> 0:13:08.560 Well, it must have been for a while, because some 0:13:08.679 --> 0:13:11.760 readers actually put in this so it's funny. Everyone notices 0:13:12.120 --> 0:13:14.760 she said she was a freshman in college when they met. Okay, 0:13:14.800 --> 0:13:19.560 so that means say that means she's nineteen. Then she 0:13:19.720 --> 0:13:23.959 says thirteen years later, she's almost forty. Yep, so they 0:13:24.040 --> 0:13:27.440 must have been seeing each other for several several years. 0:13:27.520 --> 0:13:29.360 It just didn't work. But it must have gone on 0:13:29.440 --> 0:13:31.480 for quite some time. If you do the math, she 0:13:31.559 --> 0:13:35.720 had to have been seeing him for at least seven 0:13:35.840 --> 0:13:36.640 years or so. 0:13:36.840 --> 0:13:39.760 I have to say I did not initially factor that 0:13:39.920 --> 0:13:42.960 in because all I'm thinking when she said it when 0:13:43.000 --> 0:13:45.600 I was a freshman, I fell in love and that 0:13:45.800 --> 0:13:48.000 was it the connection. But it didn't work. She didn't 0:13:48.000 --> 0:13:50.079 say how long it went. Right Now, when you think 0:13:50.080 --> 0:13:51.960 about it that way, this wasn't just an eighteen year 0:13:51.960 --> 0:13:54.480 old girl. She might have been into her twenties. I 0:13:54.520 --> 0:13:55.439 mean she had to have been. 0:13:55.880 --> 0:13:59.439 Oh if she's now almost forty and they were apart, 0:13:59.600 --> 0:14:02.080 they were broken up so to speak, for thirteen years, 0:14:02.720 --> 0:14:05.640 that tells you up until twenty seven, even me, Yeah, 0:14:05.800 --> 0:14:07.120 she was with this guy. 0:14:07.200 --> 0:14:09.560 So to a lot of the argument being made and 0:14:09.640 --> 0:14:14.280 the concern I certainly had, she did kind of go 0:14:14.360 --> 0:14:18.000 through and have an adult relationship with him, not just 0:14:18.040 --> 0:14:18.880 a kid in college. 0:14:19.000 --> 0:14:21.920 Yeah, but she's also had thirteen years on her own 0:14:22.040 --> 0:14:24.080 to see what else is out there, what she wants, 0:14:24.120 --> 0:14:27.040 who she is, and where she wants to be. So 0:14:27.200 --> 0:14:31.680 Anita writes in my late husband was fifteen years older 0:14:31.720 --> 0:14:35.160 than me and a very different generation. We met late 0:14:35.200 --> 0:14:38.480 in life too. We had twenty eight years total together 0:14:38.800 --> 0:14:41.320 when we married, and I retired within a few months. 0:14:41.600 --> 0:14:44.920 I knew I had only an unknown period of time. 0:14:45.200 --> 0:14:49.280 We had eleven years married. We really enjoyed those retirement 0:14:49.360 --> 0:14:53.360 married years evermore, I was very, very lucky to have him. 0:14:53.360 --> 0:14:55.000 That makes me like, actually get emotional. 0:14:55.080 --> 0:15:01.880 It's beautiful, you know we're hearing. Wow, isn't this something 0:15:02.880 --> 0:15:05.880 I'm trying to want to single out a couple? But 0:15:05.920 --> 0:15:10.480 maybe I will coach Belichick. I have no idea what's 0:15:10.480 --> 0:15:13.760 going on in that relationship. But when something like that 0:15:13.800 --> 0:15:16.080 comes out, what are people The first thing, the first 0:15:16.200 --> 0:15:19.720 voices you hear are the loudest ones making fun and 0:15:19.800 --> 0:15:23.040 making comments on Twitter, trying to get followers and doing 0:15:23.280 --> 0:15:26.320 all this stuff, trying to just attack, attack, attack, when 0:15:26.360 --> 0:15:28.760 we have to realize there are so many other people 0:15:28.840 --> 0:15:33.960 out there who have had wonderful experiences that don't look traditional. 0:15:34.560 --> 0:15:37.520 What is love supposed to look like. It's supposed to 0:15:37.560 --> 0:15:39.720 look like two people who fell in love in college 0:15:39.800 --> 0:15:41.960 or right outside of college, that got married at a 0:15:42.000 --> 0:15:44.920 beautiful ceremony, They had two kids, and they stayed together 0:15:45.120 --> 0:15:50.400 and died in their late eighties surrounded by family. If 0:15:50.400 --> 0:15:56.239 it doesn't look like that, you're a bad person. Nobody's 0:15:56.240 --> 0:15:57.920 shit looks like that, does it. 0:15:57.920 --> 0:15:59.320 It's extremely rare. 0:15:59.160 --> 0:16:01.000 But we hope while we hold on to that. So 0:16:01.120 --> 0:16:03.080 to your point of what this woman is saying, the 0:16:03.240 --> 0:16:06.240 number of people who would have attacked Belichick, but there's 0:16:06.280 --> 0:16:09.160 a conversation about Belichick that another group of people are 0:16:09.200 --> 0:16:12.600 having who can relate to You're living, who are living 0:16:12.880 --> 0:16:16.880 and not condemning because they live something that can look different. 0:16:17.040 --> 0:16:17.680 It's okay. 0:16:17.800 --> 0:16:21.000 Yeah, I know it's still taboo, right, age guys, absolutely. 0:16:20.760 --> 0:16:22.040 But I thought it was really cool. 0:16:22.160 --> 0:16:24.360 I was surprised at how many people came out, told 0:16:24.400 --> 0:16:27.240 their stories and were in full support of her going 0:16:27.280 --> 0:16:31.920 for it for those reasons from actually lived experiences, all right, 0:16:31.960 --> 0:16:37.000 So Pete, Pete came out swinging. When he started out 0:16:37.040 --> 0:16:40.360 with a little attack on TJ and me, he said, 0:16:40.720 --> 0:16:43.760 these two don't know what they are talking about, and 0:16:43.800 --> 0:16:46.200 the majority of the comments are lost in the weeds. 0:16:46.680 --> 0:16:49.440 I married my wife when I was twenty going on 0:16:49.480 --> 0:16:53.000 twenty one and she was thirty eight. We had a 0:16:53.200 --> 0:16:57.480 wonderful forty one years, four months and four days together 0:16:57.760 --> 0:17:01.120 until I lost her in February of twenty fifth. Haven't 0:17:01.160 --> 0:17:04.199 even thought about having a date since that time. So 0:17:04.440 --> 0:17:07.120 don't tell me about an age difference being a problem 0:17:07.160 --> 0:17:07.920 in a marriage. 0:17:08.840 --> 0:17:11.560 That's his experience, and an emotional one. 0:17:11.560 --> 0:17:13.800 It sounds like he's still grieving an emotional one. 0:17:13.800 --> 0:17:16.480 And that's okay. And so when I you know, I'm 0:17:16.480 --> 0:17:20.120 always about words and how we write. It's not usually 0:17:20.160 --> 0:17:22.639 what we say is how we say it. Yeah, and okay, 0:17:22.640 --> 0:17:25.040 he starts out, and it set me off right immediately 0:17:25.080 --> 0:17:27.120 just say what we don't know what they're talking about, 0:17:27.480 --> 0:17:29.160 and that's his opinion. Who knows, he's kind of tongue 0:17:29.160 --> 0:17:31.280 in cheek and saying it. But every he's even making 0:17:31.320 --> 0:17:35.480 the point that I was previously making his experience. Even 0:17:35.520 --> 0:17:38.040 though he was taking issue with us, he had a 0:17:38.040 --> 0:17:41.960 different experience that was positive. That doesn't mean that there 0:17:42.000 --> 0:17:45.359 aren't warning signs or words of caution for people who 0:17:45.480 --> 0:17:48.840 do find themselves in relationships with age gaps. 0:17:48.920 --> 0:17:49.800 Yes, age gaps. 0:17:49.800 --> 0:17:52.600 And look, you could look at our relationship and say 0:17:53.040 --> 0:17:55.840 an interracial relationship. So the argument people make is an 0:17:55.880 --> 0:17:59.399 experience gap, but it's also making relationships which were already 0:17:59.400 --> 0:18:03.320 hard hard when you have things not in common like that. 0:18:03.800 --> 0:18:05.560 So the same thing could be said about you and 0:18:05.640 --> 0:18:09.200 me that we have such different experiences, different cultural experiences, 0:18:09.240 --> 0:18:11.040 different reactions to things based. 0:18:10.800 --> 0:18:13.000 On how we look and how we were. 0:18:12.960 --> 0:18:16.240 Raised, And so why would you choose to be with 0:18:16.280 --> 0:18:19.760 someone when you already have extra problems that you wouldn't 0:18:19.800 --> 0:18:21.600 have if you just married someone who was your age, 0:18:21.640 --> 0:18:23.919 who looked like you, who came from your same religious background, 0:18:23.960 --> 0:18:27.040 who voted for the same president. And I get that, 0:18:27.320 --> 0:18:33.320 but sometimes those differences are what make the relationship better 0:18:34.000 --> 0:18:37.360 and sweeter and more interesting, and you learn more and 0:18:37.680 --> 0:18:39.879 maybe you even like I don't want to compare, but 0:18:40.840 --> 0:18:44.720 the point being, sometimes those differences can actually create a 0:18:44.720 --> 0:18:47.159 spark that continues until the very end. 0:18:47.240 --> 0:18:49.840 And you know, a lot of people again not making 0:18:49.840 --> 0:18:53.959 a direct comparison, we're not saying that, but people walking 0:18:54.000 --> 0:18:58.960