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Speaker 1: Hey, John, you're under arrest. Oh no, don't do it.

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Speaker 1: I'm an og Okay start time podcast host.

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Speaker 2: I don't care.

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Speaker 1: I'm making sure that you stay here for the next

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Speaker 1: two minutes. All right, I'll be detained for the two

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Speaker 1: more minutes before we get into this episode.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, we got some ads coming up.

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Speaker 4: Just stick around.

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Speaker 5: Stick around. My sister in law stole my written book

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Speaker 5: and made millions.

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Speaker 6: No, that should be your money.

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Speaker 5: I twenty four female right as a hobby, and I

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Speaker 5: like sharing my short stories with my small following. I

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Speaker 5: do want to publish one day, but I want to

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Speaker 5: make it perfect first, since it's not edited yet. The

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Speaker 5: unfinished book we're talking about came from an idea that

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Speaker 5: I started to build when I was in middle school.

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Speaker 5: I just finished it last year, but because of the VID,

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Speaker 5: I was forced to put that project aside to ensure

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Speaker 5: steady employment with my day job. By the way, this

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Speaker 5: comes from stolen ideas. If you want to submit your

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Speaker 5: own stories, go to the r slash Okay storytime subreddit.

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Speaker 5: I'm Carly, I'm Angie, and we're we're here to give

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Speaker 5: good advice goofully, but we don't have all the answers

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Speaker 5: we only know what we would do, so let us

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Speaker 5: know what you would do. In the comments and OPI says,

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Speaker 5: my brother and sister in law came to visit me

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Speaker 5: to introduce their baby daughter about six months ago. Sister

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Speaker 5: in law just thrust her baby into my arms, even

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Speaker 5: though I lack even the barest knowledge on how to

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Speaker 5: hold a baby. The baby was fussy and my brother

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Speaker 5: helped calm her down, while sister in law said she

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Speaker 5: wanted to use the bathroom to pump front airbag milk.

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Speaker 5: They left later, and I didn't think anything of it

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Speaker 5: until recently, when I was told sister in law had

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Speaker 5: published a book and it had been a while since

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Speaker 5: she published. Self publishing is not as time consuming as

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Speaker 5: traditional publishing. I don't doubt my sister in law's intelligence,

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Speaker 5: because she is a smart woman, but I've always heard

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Speaker 5: how she dislikes books because they're boring and drag on.

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Speaker 5: I wanted to show my support and bought a copy,

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Speaker 5: only to realize it's way too similar to mine. I

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Speaker 5: compared it to my copy of unpublished work. It's obvious

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Speaker 5: it's been edited and proofread for fluidity and clarity. I

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Speaker 5: was angry, and I admit I overreacted by confronting her

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Speaker 5: over the phone. She said my screaming was upsetting her

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Speaker 5: and hung up on me. It was a back and

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Speaker 5: forth battle with phone numbers to get the truth. By

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Speaker 5: this time my parents and her parents were involved. Then

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Speaker 5: the truth boiled over, probably from stress and being caught.

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Speaker 5: Since I do have my copy and to detailed notes

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Speaker 5: of my progress in world building and in depth characters

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Speaker 5: for a second book. She said that my brother and

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Speaker 5: her needed the money because they have a child and

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Speaker 5: being stuck in their house threatened their work. She said

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Speaker 5: she would give me seventy five percent of the Continuous

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Speaker 5: Royalty to settle it. I said no and told her

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Speaker 5: to give me the pseudonym she put the book under

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Speaker 5: and take the amount she paid for editing, proofreading and

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Speaker 5: the marketing ads. She said I was taking away her

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Speaker 5: daughter's college funds. She just lost her job and her

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Speaker 5: unemployment check hadn't come yet. My brother is the sole supporter.

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Speaker 5: I threatened to sue, and everyone is furious with me.

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Speaker 5: I believe I will proceed with the lawsuit. Sorry for

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Speaker 5: the grammar. I'm writing with anger. An unnecessary edit because

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Speaker 5: there are just too many ugly messages to those who

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Speaker 5: think this is fake because of incoherency, grammar, and structure.

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Speaker 5: It's why editors and proofreaders exist. They're hired to fix

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Speaker 5: the manuscript before publishing. I'm writing unproofread because I like

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Speaker 5: to write, but I'm not a professional writer. English is

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Speaker 5: my second language. To those who think it's impossible to

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Speaker 5: make a lot of profit from a one time self

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Speaker 5: published book with an unheard of author, sister in law

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Speaker 5: has a decent following. When her followers buy the book,

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Speaker 5: it climbs the Amazon rankings, which makes it more visible

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Speaker 5: to other buyers interested in the same genre. I came

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Speaker 5: You're not for legal advice at first because I was

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Speaker 5: struggling morally. I needed help not to have people attack

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Speaker 5: me in private messages and in the comments. To those

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Speaker 5: who only commented that this is fake or how I

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Speaker 5: can't be a writer who fails at basic writing skills.

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Speaker 5: If you do not have anything useful to say, please

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Speaker 5: kindly keep your relevancy to yourself and we have an edit.

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Speaker 6: Oh boy, oh boy.

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Speaker 5: Oh boy, oh boy.

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Speaker 6: I don't know. What do you think. Do you think suing

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Speaker 6: would be the right move?

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Speaker 5: I think, at least suing for the pseudonym the name

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Speaker 5: it's written under pseudonyms. Yeah, because that's that is your

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Speaker 5: story and stuff, And if you were planning a whole

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Speaker 5: second one, being able to publish it under the same

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Speaker 5: name is pretty important, right. Sister in law was and

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Speaker 5: still is a mommy blogger. She started a blog when

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Speaker 5: she found out about her pregnancy, so it became a

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Speaker 5: weekly double update journey that turned into a full on

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Speaker 5: mommy blog. Now she has a decent following and makes

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Speaker 5: money from ads, but I don't think it's a full

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Speaker 5: time worker salary. I gather from the books review on

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Speaker 5: social media platforms, not including sales data to avoid policy violation,

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Speaker 5: that her followers bought the book because they support sister

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Speaker 5: in law. I know it's bitter of me, but I

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Speaker 5: can't help feeling offended that I worked hard on it

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Speaker 5: only to have it brought out, not under the intention

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Speaker 5: of being interested. It's how the book climbed ranks. Her

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Speaker 5: followers bought it and brought them visibility. And we have

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Speaker 5: an update. We'll get into it.

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Speaker 6: Let's do it.

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Speaker 5: I've taken your suggestions and have one more talk with

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Speaker 5: sister in law without involving other family members. The deal

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Speaker 5: was the same as before, give me the name she

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Speaker 5: published under, take whatever money she used to publish and advertised.

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Speaker 5: She insisted that I take the seventy five percent royalty

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Speaker 5: because her followers are expecting a sequel from the book.

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Speaker 5: I told her that I will not allow her to

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Speaker 5: make a profit off my work, but I put so

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Speaker 5: much effort into this morning. About an hour ago, she

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Speaker 5: had told my parents and her parents about me not

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Speaker 5: compromising for the sake of her family and her daughter.

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Speaker 5: Now it's me that's the bad guy. My parents treat

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Speaker 5: sister in law like a daughter. So they told me

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Speaker 5: that either accept her offer or they essentially disown me.

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Speaker 5: What saying, families don't sue each other, and we're supposed

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Speaker 5: to support each other. Well, families also don't steal each

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Speaker 5: other's books.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, that you're not supporting me. That's like my career.

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Speaker 7: You have this whole like mommy blogger a thing, but

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Speaker 7: this is like I'm writing, this.

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Speaker 3: Is my thing.

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Speaker 5: I've been working on this forever. Yeah, I'm somewhat surprised

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Speaker 5: and somewhat not because I never grew up to be

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Speaker 5: someone there satisfied with, and sister in law has traits

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Speaker 5: that they dream of me having I feel like a

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Speaker 5: stranger in my own family.

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Speaker 6: Ough a final.

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Speaker 5: Update question mark, which we're like not even halfway, so

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Speaker 5: I think we're gonna I've thought it over and I'm

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Speaker 5: still thinking about it. I love my brother and my parents,

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Speaker 5: but they are not supportive of me. They don't care

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Speaker 5: about my feelings because I'm tearing this family apart. My

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Speaker 5: sister in law is still very much upset and angry

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Speaker 5: at me, but frankly, I've given her a fair compromise.

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Speaker 5: If my family and sister in law don't take my

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Speaker 5: feelings into consideration, then I will not either. I will

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Speaker 5: be taking time to myself and not speak to them

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Speaker 5: until they apologize. I'm going to gather all the text messages,

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Speaker 5: can't do anything about the phone calls, and I will

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Speaker 5: see if I can borrow some money from my friends

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Speaker 5: to get a lawyer. If not, then I'll think of something.

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Speaker 5: I'm going to sue her, not to get back at

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Speaker 5: my sister in law and family, but because it's my

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Speaker 5: property and for the disrespect she has shown. Thank you

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Speaker 5: all for your support. I never expected so many things

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Speaker 5: to change overnight, but it did. I'm angry, resentful, and bitter.

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Speaker 5: I don't think I can convince my parents and brother

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Speaker 5: that she isn't the wrong because she did it for

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Speaker 5: her daughter's future. I'll probably not have a niece anymore.

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Speaker 5: So maybe that's why I still have inklings of doubt.

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Speaker 5: Part of me wonders if intellectual property is worth losing

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Speaker 5: my family. Verdict not the a whole, thank god, right,

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Speaker 5: And we have some comments, but how you feel.

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Speaker 6: Yeah, I think that's yeah.

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Speaker 7: I mean, if they've never really supported you, they've always

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Speaker 7: kind of nitpicked something, yeah, then I think it's like, well, yeah,

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Speaker 7: like take this time to kind of stand by yourself,

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Speaker 7: stand by your career.

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Speaker 5: Right, she stole something for you from you, and they're

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Speaker 5: just like, yeah, she has a daughter, right, that's you.

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Speaker 2: I'm your daughter.

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Speaker 7: Yeah.

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Speaker 6: Literally you have.

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Speaker 5: One too, right, commenter one not the a hole. You

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Speaker 5: need a lawyer, whether you decide to sue or not.

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Speaker 5: Even if you decide to settle without suing, you need

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Speaker 5: a contract memorializing the agreement, and you need to file

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Speaker 5: for a federal copyright registration a SAP. If you don't

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Speaker 5: know how to find an attorney, call your local city

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Speaker 5: or state bar association and ask for a referral to

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Speaker 5: a copyright attorney. Commenter two also shout out commenter one,

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Speaker 5: great advice, Commenter two, not the ahole. It's your work

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Speaker 5: that she's claiming as hers. You have proof that it's

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Speaker 5: your work. If you didn't buy a copy and read it,

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Speaker 5: you'd never have known. Commenter three, you are so not

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Speaker 5: the a whole. Numerous people have either lost their job, companies,

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Speaker 5: or are facing economic turmoil. However, that is in no

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Speaker 5: way a reason as to why you should steal someone's

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Speaker 5: life's work. Girl, Buckle up, get your lawyer, because this

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Speaker 5: is your right. You are not responsible for their child

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Speaker 5: or her future. We have another update, as we knew

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Speaker 5: we would. Of course, of course, three weeks later. Yeah,

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Speaker 5: let's just go for it.

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Speaker 6: Let's do it.

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Speaker 5: After speaking with my pre law friend, I decided to

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Speaker 5: go the legal route. Reiterated my compromise with sister in

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Speaker 5: law and my brother, but he has fully taken her side.

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Speaker 5: My parents warned me that I'd be disowned and I'd

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Speaker 5: be gone to them if I'm willing to stoop so low.

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Speaker 5: I hired a lawyer and given all the details on

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Speaker 5: my side. My lawyer said she needs my unedited manuscript

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Speaker 5: for the book and my sister in law's published book,

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Speaker 5: along with the copy sister in law sent to have

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Speaker 5: it proofread and edited. Because the published book has different

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Speaker 5: parts changed, my lawyer would need the unedited version, which

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Speaker 5: sister in law should still have in the transaction she

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Speaker 5: did with her editor and proofreader. We took the risk

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Speaker 5: to ask sister in law for the unedited copy she

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Speaker 5: sent to her editor and proofreader, despite the chance of

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Speaker 5: having her fan I don't remember their names, I don't

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Speaker 5: have their contacts anymore. I don't want to, et cetera.

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Speaker 5: I told sister in law that we will go through

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Speaker 5: the root of having to use third party notorization to

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Speaker 5: ensure no foul play on either part. Have one an

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Speaker 5: individual look at my unedited man's uscript and the one

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Speaker 5: she sent to her hired editor and proofreader. Once I

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Speaker 5: told her that, she must have realized I was not bluffing.

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Speaker 5: Sister in law and my brother in law accepted the

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Speaker 5: compromise of I take the pseudonym the royalties with evidence

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Speaker 5: of sold copies. I stipulated that sister in law must

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Speaker 5: put a message out to her followers on her blog

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Speaker 5: that she stole from me, and not a single word

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Speaker 5: in the book is hers. I think the redditors for

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Speaker 5: suggesting that she is clearly pissed off and disgusted with

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Speaker 5: me for doing this to my own family. I threatened

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Speaker 5: her with further legal proceedings if she doesn't do it.

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Speaker 5: No lawsuit happened, but I'm glad I got a professional

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Speaker 5: option just in case. As words got back to my

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Speaker 5: parents of what I did and how dare I get

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Speaker 5: a lawyer to punish sister in law because her blog

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Speaker 5: followers will surely lose trust in her in future revenue.

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Speaker 5: I told them and my parents that if they have

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Speaker 5: anything to say, use my business email. I'm done with them.

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Speaker 5: They treated an outsider sister in law one month into

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Speaker 5: dating my brother better than they ever did to me.

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Speaker 5: I don't need that negativity dragging me down. I'm happier,

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Speaker 5: more free with my opinions, and I don't have to

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Speaker 5: feel the need to compete with everything sister in law

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Speaker 5: does just to get my parents to love me a

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Speaker 5: little more than a daughter in her name. I have

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Speaker 5: my friends. They've always been more of a family unit

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Speaker 5: than my biological ones. I knew I was going to

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Speaker 5: lose something coming out of this, but I didn't expect

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Speaker 5: I'd be okay with the disappointment and hurt. There's a

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Speaker 5: little bit left.

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Speaker 6: I think this is great, it's wonderful.

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Speaker 7: Yeah, because it's like, yes, this is your family, and

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Speaker 7: maybe you like even if you haven't had a good

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Speaker 7: relationship with them, maybe you want to you know, try

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Speaker 7: to salvage something there. But at the same time, it's

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Speaker 7: kind of like, well, well.

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Speaker 6: Girl, like this is literally my job.

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Speaker 7: You can steal all of this to all of your

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Speaker 7: followers that you're such an amazing thing. And then like,

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Speaker 7: it's when I want you to, like, I threatened legal

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Speaker 7: action if you don't, you know, give me what I want, right,

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Speaker 7: You're then to.

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Speaker 5: Be like you have to make the second one for

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Speaker 5: me too.

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Speaker 8: Yeah.

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Speaker 7: It's like no, no, no, no, no, no, that is so

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Speaker 7: not how it's gonna work.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, you kind of seventy five percent of your own work.

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Speaker 6: Yeah, why no, no, no, And yes, you need.

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Speaker 7: To tell your followers the truth and sorry, if they

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Speaker 7: lose trusting you, then then that's not my fault.

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Speaker 3: That was your doing. You lie.

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Speaker 5: Consequences exactly. We've got a little bit left, Thank you everyone,

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Speaker 5: And no, I will not be telling anyone what the

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Speaker 5: name of the book is because I only came here

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Speaker 5: to get a moral judgment and update everyone on what happened.

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Speaker 5: Please don't think I'm using this for clout. The book

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Speaker 5: will not be promoted on Reddit, not then, not now,

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Speaker 5: and not in the future either. You shouldn't put it there.

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Speaker 5: You would have got book sales.

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Speaker 6: Girl right.

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Speaker 5: Little update on the apology, it's not out, she said.

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Speaker 5: She it needs more time to prepare her emotional state

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Speaker 5: and she's overworked with their child. But she'll let me

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Speaker 5: know when I can have an apology. Some relevant comments

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Speaker 5: commenter one. Wow, they really cared more about her future

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Speaker 5: than the fact that she was a liar and a thief,

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Speaker 5: screw all of them. Did she make the blog post,

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Speaker 5: Opie says not yet. She has a week to make

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Speaker 5: it in case she wants to use a pr team

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Speaker 5: to lessen the damage of her name. Opie clarifies the

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Speaker 5: timeline of her brother and sister in law's relationship. Sorry

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Speaker 5: for the confusion, my mind is running on fumes. When

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Speaker 5: my brother introduced sister in law to my parents after

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Speaker 5: one month of dating, she was only his girlfriend at

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Speaker 5: the time. My parents were, I guess, elated to have

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Speaker 5: her over more after they asked her what she did

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Speaker 5: for a living. Sister in law and my brother broke

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Speaker 5: off their engagement twice for personal reasons and wrong timing,

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Speaker 5: so I wasn't sure how to describe their love timeline

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Speaker 5: in a non confusing manner. Whoa commenter two, I'm glad

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Speaker 5: it worked out instead for you never understood the you

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Speaker 5: don't do that to family people in these situations. It's

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Speaker 5: okay for a family to steal or do something horrible

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Speaker 5: to you, but if you retaliate in a logical and

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Speaker 5: legal manner, suddenly it's family you need to forgive and forget.

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Speaker 5: I'm glad you cut them out. Let's see how much

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Speaker 5: they care about family when she starts stealing from them, or,

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Speaker 5: better yet, when they have to sacrifice for her because family,

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Speaker 5: Opie responds to them, sister in law could do no wrong.

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Speaker 5: I think to them, me being their daughter has more

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Speaker 5: flexible room to offend than losing sister in law. She's

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Speaker 5: my parents' gem and they can flaunt to the other relatives.

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Speaker 5: It's a weird mindset. My brother is their pride, so

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Speaker 5: technically sister in law is also an adjacent pride of theirs.

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Speaker 5: OPI on receiving profits from the book. I received the

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Speaker 5: name the book is published under, and every penny of

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Speaker 5: the books sold on from the moment the password is

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Speaker 5: in my hands, tax information changed and linking bank account changed.

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Speaker 5: It's how sister in law had set up her receiving

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Speaker 5: payment method OPR on the profits from the previous sales.

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Speaker 5: Will sister in law get anything, Opie says, I'll receive

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Speaker 5: that too. I'm taking every cent from the moment the

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Speaker 5: book went live. When I have full control of the

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Speaker 5: book and pseudonyms, she doesn't get a dime. Previous revenues

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Speaker 5: will be given to me. Commentary three says, can you

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Speaker 5: just can you define huge profit in a rough dollar amount? Respectfully?

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Speaker 5: Very few self published books have made a huge profit,

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Speaker 5: Opie says, I have looked at the sales report when

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Speaker 5: it first went live. Her pretty decent sized followers brought

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Speaker 5: nearly seven K on the first day.

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Speaker 6: Wow.

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Speaker 5: The immediate sales made the book climb in rank, and

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Speaker 5: that meant more visibility. The book is no longer available

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Speaker 5: for purchase the moment I unpublished it, op on. If

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Speaker 5: she decides to re edit and publish the book, the

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00:16:53,280 --> 00:16:55,960
Speaker 5: book is tainted. In my mind, it's hard to look

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Speaker 5: at it without thinking of sister in law, and it

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00:16:58,760 --> 00:17:01,880
Speaker 5: probably will never be as satisfying when it's re edited

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Speaker 5: and published. No, the end of that story. That's so

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Speaker 5: I hope that in a couple of years you can

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Speaker 5: get past that and release.

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Speaker 7: It right like act as if it's like your child

336
00:17:14,800 --> 00:17:17,680
Speaker 7: that was like kidnapped and you've gotten it back. It's

337
00:17:17,720 --> 00:17:20,800
Speaker 7: like you know, yes, it was a terrible situation that

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00:17:20,800 --> 00:17:24,960
Speaker 7: that happened, but you know now you can protect your

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Speaker 7: story again and have control over it.

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Speaker 6: Hopefully you could come around to it.

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Speaker 5: And that's the end of this story. We're going to

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Speaker 5: go to the next one.

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Speaker 3: My mother in law made my pregnancy all about her.

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Speaker 6: I'm sick of it.

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Speaker 5: She's not the one having the baby.

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Speaker 7: In February, my husband twenty two and I twenty one,

347
00:17:42,880 --> 00:17:46,199
Speaker 7: welcomed our first child, a baby girl. For context, we

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Speaker 7: lived with my in laws for a bit during my

349
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Speaker 7: pregnancy to save money, but the entire time my husband.

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Speaker 6: Was redoing our place.

351
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Speaker 7: My mother in law lost her parents within the past

352
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Speaker 7: three to four years, so I held my tongue and

353
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Speaker 7: tried to give her the benefit of the doubt regarding

354
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Speaker 7: her constant overbearing behavior and boundary stomping. She has three sons,

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Speaker 7: all kind of enmeshed and not the best relationship with

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Speaker 7: my father in law.

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Speaker 6: By the way, this.

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Speaker 3: Comes from curly headed folk.

359
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Speaker 7: And if you want to submit your own stories, go

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Speaker 7: to the hour slash Okay, storytime separated it and I'm Angie,

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00:18:16,040 --> 00:18:19,040
Speaker 7: I'm Carly, and we're here to give good advice. Goefully,

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Speaker 7: but we don't have all the answers. We're just gonna

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Speaker 7: guess what we would do in the situation.

364
00:18:22,400 --> 00:18:23,880
Speaker 6: But let us know what you would do in the comments.

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Speaker 7: So Opie says, while I was pregnant, she was overbearing

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Speaker 7: and constantly made everything about her experience.

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Speaker 3: She literally made me feel like an incubator at times.

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Speaker 6: Yeah, when I was.

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Speaker 7: About thirty four thirty five weeks, everything became too much

370
00:18:38,119 --> 00:18:41,520
Speaker 7: due to her behavior and other circumstances, so I moved

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Speaker 7: back in with my family for the remainder of my pregnancy.

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Speaker 6: To protect my mental health.

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Speaker 7: We reached out to everyone beforehand and after to let

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Speaker 7: them know that, per doctor's orders, we weren't doing visitations

375
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Speaker 7: while I healed and for the baby's immunity to build.

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Speaker 7: Six to eight weeks, my husband talked to her about it,

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Speaker 7: and I also told her that I didn't want her

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Speaker 7: at the birth center since I only wanted my husband there.

379
00:19:05,200 --> 00:19:07,840
Speaker 7: I am now two months postpartum, and while she hasn't

380
00:19:07,840 --> 00:19:12,200
Speaker 7: come over unannounced, she's been warned. She has thrown multiple

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00:19:12,240 --> 00:19:16,720
Speaker 7: tantrums and caused incredible drama during this period. I also

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00:19:16,760 --> 00:19:18,960
Speaker 7: want to add that she has still not checked in

383
00:19:19,040 --> 00:19:22,280
Speaker 7: on me even once. This post will be about some

384
00:19:22,440 --> 00:19:25,040
Speaker 7: of the things that occurred during the pregnancy, and then

385
00:19:25,200 --> 00:19:28,520
Speaker 7: the next will be about what's going on now. Thankfully,

386
00:19:28,720 --> 00:19:32,080
Speaker 7: my marriage isn't suffering. It's honestly made us stronger rather

387
00:19:32,119 --> 00:19:35,159
Speaker 7: than pulling us apart. Regardless of how he feels about it.

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00:19:35,160 --> 00:19:38,880
Speaker 7: My husband still has a shiny spine and protects our

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00:19:38,920 --> 00:19:42,520
Speaker 7: immediate family and peace. I don't think he fully understands

390
00:19:42,560 --> 00:19:44,600
Speaker 7: why I don't want to be around her, though he

391
00:19:44,640 --> 00:19:48,600
Speaker 7: supports me and never forces me to. It got so

392
00:19:48,720 --> 00:19:51,879
Speaker 7: bad that I was gaslighting myself, asking if I was

393
00:19:51,960 --> 00:19:55,080
Speaker 7: crazy or overreacting, and looking things up to make sure

394
00:19:55,119 --> 00:19:58,879
Speaker 7: my feelings were valid. That's how I found this lovely subreddit.

395
00:19:59,080 --> 00:20:02,679
Speaker 7: She built herself nursery against my husband's advice, complete with

396
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Speaker 7: a crib car seat and stroller. It was fully decorated

397
00:20:06,680 --> 00:20:10,120
Speaker 7: and furnished, and she was being obnoxious about it. This

398
00:20:10,280 --> 00:20:13,040
Speaker 7: happened during my last trimester, the stage I was supposed

399
00:20:13,080 --> 00:20:16,160
Speaker 7: to be nesting, while my husband was still redoing our place.

400
00:20:16,480 --> 00:20:18,600
Speaker 6: I nested by organizing everything we had.

401
00:20:18,960 --> 00:20:22,080
Speaker 7: We were saving up and were low on play funds,

402
00:20:22,320 --> 00:20:24,480
Speaker 7: so I hadn't even had a chance to put.

403
00:20:24,359 --> 00:20:26,000
Speaker 6: Together my baby's actual nursery.

404
00:20:26,080 --> 00:20:28,760
Speaker 7: Yet his mom knew we had always planned on moving

405
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Speaker 7: out because we won privacy as a family.

406
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Speaker 6: And a married couple.

407
00:20:32,880 --> 00:20:35,480
Speaker 7: When she bought the crib, my husband advised her not

408
00:20:35,560 --> 00:20:38,520
Speaker 7: to and told her she might want to adjust her expectations.

409
00:20:38,920 --> 00:20:41,880
Speaker 7: She threw a tantrum and said it was because her

410
00:20:41,920 --> 00:20:45,720
Speaker 7: parents were no longer earthside, claiming she was just helping

411
00:20:45,960 --> 00:20:48,760
Speaker 7: and that our niece could use it too. Then she

412
00:20:48,880 --> 00:20:53,719
Speaker 7: bought even more things, more baby gear, high chair, clothes, everything,

413
00:20:54,119 --> 00:20:56,520
Speaker 7: and bragged to me about all the items she was

414
00:20:56,640 --> 00:20:59,359
Speaker 7: ordering for her baby room.

415
00:21:00,280 --> 00:21:04,320
Speaker 6: Oh but hey, not your baby girl.

416
00:21:04,840 --> 00:21:07,399
Speaker 7: She showed me how the crib worked, call it my

417
00:21:07,880 --> 00:21:11,560
Speaker 7: called it my daughter's bed, called it the nursery, or

418
00:21:11,680 --> 00:21:15,760
Speaker 7: called the nursery my daughter's room, and even brought people

419
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Speaker 7: over to see it.

420
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Speaker 6: She went full on nesting mode.

421
00:21:20,520 --> 00:21:25,240
Speaker 7: She even touched my stomach without asking, which I absolutely hate,

422
00:21:25,400 --> 00:21:28,240
Speaker 7: especially when pregnant. When I told my husband I could

423
00:21:28,240 --> 00:21:31,720
Speaker 7: feel the baby, she said it was because she could

424
00:21:31,840 --> 00:21:35,920
Speaker 7: sense that her bed was here, even though our real

425
00:21:36,000 --> 00:21:39,159
Speaker 7: crib was already assembled in our space. She put the

426
00:21:39,240 --> 00:21:41,720
Speaker 7: room together right next to her bedroom, not in the

427
00:21:41,760 --> 00:21:44,399
Speaker 7: separated part where we stayed, and tried to convince me

428
00:21:44,480 --> 00:21:46,680
Speaker 7: to stay longer as I got closer to giving birth,

429
00:21:47,000 --> 00:21:50,880
Speaker 7: even though she knew our plans. Conveniently, she never did

430
00:21:50,920 --> 00:21:53,800
Speaker 7: this in front of her son. As I continued to

431
00:21:53,840 --> 00:21:57,240
Speaker 7: turn her down, she started ignoring me more and more,

432
00:21:57,840 --> 00:22:01,440
Speaker 7: and apparently she asked my husband why we didn't talk much.

433
00:22:02,200 --> 00:22:05,280
Speaker 7: That's when I realized just how big her expectations were

434
00:22:05,359 --> 00:22:08,199
Speaker 7: when it came to my baby. She started discarding me

435
00:22:08,359 --> 00:22:11,840
Speaker 7: once she realized her access to my child wouldn't be unlimited.

436
00:22:12,280 --> 00:22:14,760
Speaker 7: She acted like I was her favorite daughter in law

437
00:22:14,800 --> 00:22:17,520
Speaker 7: and that she wanted to be best friends until she

438
00:22:17,600 --> 00:22:20,760
Speaker 7: realized the truth. Then she just stopped talking to me.

439
00:22:21,200 --> 00:22:23,720
Speaker 7: She even gave me the silent treatment multiple times during

440
00:22:23,800 --> 00:22:28,120
Speaker 7: my pregnancy, ignored me mid conversation, or went on her phone. Instead,

441
00:22:28,640 --> 00:22:31,400
Speaker 7: she would look at me, not respond, and then pretend

442
00:22:31,480 --> 00:22:34,959
Speaker 7: that I wasn't there. She ignored me in person, too,

443
00:22:35,119 --> 00:22:38,960
Speaker 7: not even offering a glance or smile. Around eight months pregnant,

444
00:22:39,000 --> 00:22:43,080
Speaker 7: she was in full blown silent treatment mode. She excessively

445
00:22:43,080 --> 00:22:45,840
Speaker 7: shopped for baby clothes but withheld many of them. She

446
00:22:45,880 --> 00:22:48,240
Speaker 7: even had me pick out items from websites and only

447
00:22:48,280 --> 00:22:50,320
Speaker 7: gave me some of them. I had to ask for

448
00:22:50,359 --> 00:22:53,439
Speaker 7: the rest while doing baby laundry, and she acted like

449
00:22:53,520 --> 00:22:56,399
Speaker 7: she didn't know where they were. My husband asked for

450
00:22:56,440 --> 00:22:58,720
Speaker 7: them and still didn't get all of them, even though

451
00:22:58,840 --> 00:23:02,200
Speaker 7: I knew exactly what I was missing because I had

452
00:23:02,240 --> 00:23:05,879
Speaker 7: taken inventory. There was also a friend of hers selling

453
00:23:05,920 --> 00:23:08,359
Speaker 7: a few trash bags of baby clothes for one hundred dollars,

454
00:23:08,359 --> 00:23:10,520
Speaker 7: and she asked if I wanted them. I said yes

455
00:23:10,640 --> 00:23:13,320
Speaker 7: and appreciated it, thinking it was a gift. When she

456
00:23:13,400 --> 00:23:15,280
Speaker 7: got home, she asked if I wanted to go through them,

457
00:23:15,280 --> 00:23:17,240
Speaker 7: and I said yes, but then I was tired and

458
00:23:17,240 --> 00:23:19,679
Speaker 7: would do it later. She sat on the ground and

459
00:23:19,760 --> 00:23:23,120
Speaker 7: started sorting everything by herself, even though I.

460
00:23:23,160 --> 00:23:24,040
Speaker 6: Told her not to.

461
00:23:24,680 --> 00:23:28,199
Speaker 7: A few days later, I sorted everything myself. When I

462
00:23:28,240 --> 00:23:30,840
Speaker 7: moved out Shortly after, I took all the clothes to

463
00:23:30,880 --> 00:23:34,120
Speaker 7: my parents' house to wash them. After that, she gave

464
00:23:34,160 --> 00:23:37,480
Speaker 7: me the silent treatment again. According to my husband, she

465
00:23:37,600 --> 00:23:40,240
Speaker 7: was mad and throwing a tantrum because she didn't realize

466
00:23:40,280 --> 00:23:43,880
Speaker 7: we'd be taking space for that long six to eight

467
00:23:43,920 --> 00:23:48,480
Speaker 7: weeks and thought that we would be sharing clothes. That's

468
00:23:48,600 --> 00:23:53,160
Speaker 7: when I realized it wasn't innocent. She expected unlimited access

469
00:23:53,240 --> 00:23:57,000
Speaker 7: and overnights with my newborn. Why else would she need

470
00:23:57,000 --> 00:24:01,199
Speaker 7: clothes for a newborn, and weren't they gift? Was she

471
00:24:01,280 --> 00:24:04,600
Speaker 7: realized our boundaries were firm, she started dressing my niece

472
00:24:04,640 --> 00:24:07,560
Speaker 7: in those clothes. She even had me pick out toys

473
00:24:07,600 --> 00:24:10,199
Speaker 7: and then kept them for her house. She wanted to

474
00:24:10,240 --> 00:24:13,760
Speaker 7: know my personal health information, demanded to see ultrasounds and

475
00:24:13,840 --> 00:24:17,080
Speaker 7: one of details about every appointment, But when she was

476
00:24:17,080 --> 00:24:19,639
Speaker 7: giving me the silent treatment, she wouldn't ask me anything,

477
00:24:19,920 --> 00:24:24,320
Speaker 7: only my husband, always referring to my daughter as her baby.

478
00:24:24,920 --> 00:24:27,359
Speaker 7: When she did ask how I was doing, it was

479
00:24:27,440 --> 00:24:30,800
Speaker 7: only to ask about the baby. Never, and she made

480
00:24:30,840 --> 00:24:33,320
Speaker 7: sure to do it in front of my husband, never

481
00:24:33,480 --> 00:24:36,560
Speaker 7: when we were alone. After she went silent over the

482
00:24:36,600 --> 00:24:39,800
Speaker 7: clothing situation and I moved out there was complete radio

483
00:24:39,840 --> 00:24:41,920
Speaker 7: silence until a few days before my due date.

484
00:24:42,400 --> 00:24:44,720
Speaker 3: Then she pretended to make nice just to get.

485
00:24:44,600 --> 00:24:47,360
Speaker 6: Updates, but she didn't get them.

486
00:24:47,640 --> 00:24:50,000
Speaker 7: She later admitted that she didn't reach out because she

487
00:24:50,320 --> 00:24:53,919
Speaker 7: was over because she was upset about her boundaries. My

488
00:24:54,040 --> 00:24:56,280
Speaker 7: husband didn't even tell her I had given birth until

489
00:24:56,320 --> 00:24:59,399
Speaker 7: after we were home and had slept. She constantly said

490
00:24:59,480 --> 00:25:03,000
Speaker 7: my baby or our baby, even at the worst times.

491
00:25:03,280 --> 00:25:05,679
Speaker 7: One time, I was almost thrown up from heartburn and

492
00:25:05,720 --> 00:25:08,280
Speaker 7: she said, our baby is gonna have a lot of hair.

493
00:25:08,600 --> 00:25:10,440
Speaker 7: When I moved back in with my parents during the

494
00:25:10,520 --> 00:25:13,560
Speaker 7: last month of pregnancy, she never reached out. I was

495
00:25:13,600 --> 00:25:15,639
Speaker 7: constantly on the phone with my husband and she would

496
00:25:15,640 --> 00:25:20,359
Speaker 7: hear me but ignore me completely. Only once did she say, hey, Opie,

497
00:25:20,359 --> 00:25:24,360
Speaker 7: how's our baby. My husband immediately said, hmmm, I wouldn't

498
00:25:24,400 --> 00:25:27,919
Speaker 7: say it's our baby. Go husband, go husband, and she

499
00:25:28,080 --> 00:25:30,040
Speaker 7: threw a tantrum. Okay, well, I'm glad that we have

500
00:25:30,119 --> 00:25:32,800
Speaker 7: confirmation that the husband is here and doing things. Thank God,

501
00:25:32,880 --> 00:25:35,840
Speaker 7: Thank goodness. Father in law got upset with him for

502
00:25:36,000 --> 00:25:38,800
Speaker 7: hurting her feelings, but I was so proud of him

503
00:25:38,800 --> 00:25:41,960
Speaker 7: that day. And to top it all off, she wore

504
00:25:42,040 --> 00:25:45,560
Speaker 7: white to our wedding light of course, of.

505
00:25:45,520 --> 00:25:48,159
Speaker 3: Course it's always that, our wedding.

506
00:25:48,280 --> 00:25:51,119
Speaker 7: Always it's always these mother in laws wearing white to

507
00:25:51,160 --> 00:25:52,720
Speaker 7: the wedding and talking.

508
00:25:52,440 --> 00:25:54,320
Speaker 6: About our baby, her baby.

509
00:25:54,359 --> 00:25:56,720
Speaker 5: What is that it was her wedding too.

510
00:25:57,000 --> 00:26:00,000
Speaker 7: Is this some sort of like generational thing I don't understand?

511
00:26:00,000 --> 00:26:02,760
Speaker 7: And why so many mother laws in these stories do

512
00:26:03,119 --> 00:26:04,160
Speaker 7: these exact things?

513
00:26:04,160 --> 00:26:05,439
Speaker 4: I don't like?

514
00:26:05,520 --> 00:26:06,120
Speaker 6: What is it?

515
00:26:06,720 --> 00:26:09,840
Speaker 7: We had an intimate garden ceremony since we wanted to

516
00:26:09,880 --> 00:26:12,879
Speaker 7: save for a reception and honeymoon our baby could be

517
00:26:12,920 --> 00:26:13,440
Speaker 7: a part.

518
00:26:13,280 --> 00:26:15,439
Speaker 6: Of still white.

519
00:26:16,160 --> 00:26:20,159
Speaker 7: Thankfully, her sweater ended up matching my dress and she

520
00:26:20,320 --> 00:26:22,520
Speaker 7: had to wear my off white one instead.

521
00:26:23,160 --> 00:26:24,439
Speaker 6: And we do have an update.

522
00:26:24,520 --> 00:26:27,800
Speaker 3: So that was all the stuff that was complaints.

523
00:26:27,800 --> 00:26:31,639
Speaker 7: And now this is like the to this day problem, okay,

524
00:26:32,400 --> 00:26:36,960
Speaker 7: the modern problem. But what are your thoughts?

525
00:26:37,000 --> 00:26:41,680
Speaker 5: And I mean a plus husband for doing the bare

526
00:26:41,720 --> 00:26:47,440
Speaker 5: minimum of telling his mom off right, that's crazy. I

527
00:26:47,480 --> 00:26:51,040
Speaker 5: hope that she holds up to your boundaries, no matter

528
00:26:51,080 --> 00:26:54,320
Speaker 5: how mad she is about them, totally, and that father

529
00:26:54,400 --> 00:26:56,719
Speaker 5: in law comes around and is like, okay, cool it

530
00:26:56,760 --> 00:26:57,320
Speaker 5: a little.

531
00:26:57,119 --> 00:26:58,960
Speaker 6: Bit, like we can calm down.

532
00:26:59,119 --> 00:27:02,919
Speaker 7: Yeah, yeah, I hope so, but we do have an

533
00:27:03,040 --> 00:27:06,359
Speaker 7: update she's been silenced since the birth of our daughter,

534
00:27:06,480 --> 00:27:09,480
Speaker 7: but now started causing more drama. There have been a

535
00:27:09,520 --> 00:27:12,840
Speaker 7: few tantrums over these two months, some behind closed doors

536
00:27:12,880 --> 00:27:16,800
Speaker 7: with just her husband and sometimes my and sometimes my husband.

537
00:27:17,240 --> 00:27:20,359
Speaker 7: Some were over my boundary of six to eight weeks

538
00:27:20,359 --> 00:27:23,480
Speaker 7: for no visitation. She came over for a visit and

539
00:27:23,520 --> 00:27:26,720
Speaker 7: started up the my baby thing again while holding little one.

540
00:27:27,240 --> 00:27:31,320
Speaker 7: My dear husband said, not your baby, our baby. She

541
00:27:31,520 --> 00:27:34,480
Speaker 7: told him it's her baby too, and that she wasn't

542
00:27:34,480 --> 00:27:37,440
Speaker 7: going to stop calling her that. My husband said, she's

543
00:27:37,600 --> 00:27:41,960
Speaker 7: my baby and op's baby. She ignored him, kissed the

544
00:27:42,000 --> 00:27:44,639
Speaker 7: little one and said, isn't that right.

545
00:27:44,560 --> 00:27:45,119
Speaker 6: My baby?

546
00:27:45,440 --> 00:27:47,840
Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, oh my god.

547
00:27:47,920 --> 00:27:48,040
Speaker 1: No.

548
00:27:49,480 --> 00:27:52,960
Speaker 7: My husband firmly said stop calling her that she's not

549
00:27:53,119 --> 00:27:56,480
Speaker 7: your baby. Mother in law got mad, said I was

550
00:27:56,600 --> 00:27:59,840
Speaker 7: turning her son against her, handed him the little one

551
00:28:00,080 --> 00:28:03,399
Speaker 7: and left the room. She then sent him a long

552
00:28:03,520 --> 00:28:07,520
Speaker 7: text saying he was being mean to her. My father

553
00:28:07,520 --> 00:28:10,480
Speaker 7: in law came in and said, you're hurting your mother's feelings.

554
00:28:10,680 --> 00:28:13,600
Speaker 7: You need to apologize. My husband just got up and

555
00:28:13,720 --> 00:28:16,760
Speaker 7: left and we went home. Recently, my brother in law

556
00:28:16,800 --> 00:28:19,240
Speaker 7: and his wife had their baby. Since then, mother in

557
00:28:19,320 --> 00:28:23,240
Speaker 7: law suddenly changed how she's acting around us. She's being

558
00:28:23,400 --> 00:28:25,800
Speaker 7: sweet and nice and all of a sudden wants to

559
00:28:25,960 --> 00:28:30,080
Speaker 7: arrange more family gatherings. She posted on Facebook a comment

560
00:28:30,240 --> 00:28:33,800
Speaker 7: a cousin of theirs maid on her granddaughter's picture that says,

561
00:28:34,560 --> 00:28:37,360
Speaker 7: you do bust your butt because that's what a good

562
00:28:37,440 --> 00:28:40,160
Speaker 7: mama does. But she is also smart enough to use

563
00:28:40,200 --> 00:28:42,680
Speaker 7: the help that she knows that she is blessed with

564
00:28:43,120 --> 00:28:46,360
Speaker 7: We are all here for you for anything, loved you

565
00:28:46,400 --> 00:28:50,000
Speaker 7: more than you know, and super proud of you. Mother

566
00:28:50,040 --> 00:28:52,680
Speaker 7: in law didn't like this cousin until she started having

567
00:28:52,720 --> 00:28:56,960
Speaker 7: regular unlimited access to her baby. I regularly comment on

568
00:28:57,000 --> 00:28:59,520
Speaker 7: her posts and sort of in support of this cousin.

569
00:29:00,160 --> 00:29:01,960
Speaker 6: It seemed pointed.

570
00:29:01,600 --> 00:29:03,400
Speaker 7: And was put in a place that I was sure

571
00:29:03,400 --> 00:29:06,240
Speaker 7: to see it, even though I have unfollowed her. Mother

572
00:29:06,280 --> 00:29:08,760
Speaker 7: in law has also been coming up with more and

573
00:29:08,840 --> 00:29:12,120
Speaker 7: more reasons to get together, even though we just saw them.

574
00:29:12,160 --> 00:29:14,920
Speaker 7: On Friday, she tries to arrange something for Wednesday night,

575
00:29:15,400 --> 00:29:18,960
Speaker 7: us all going to a loud hour round trip Hibachi

576
00:29:19,000 --> 00:29:23,120
Speaker 7: restaurant for her sister in law's birthday. She texts asking

577
00:29:23,160 --> 00:29:25,680
Speaker 7: in the group chat with everyone on her side, and

578
00:29:26,240 --> 00:29:29,520
Speaker 7: in the chat with just husband and me. He texts

579
00:29:29,640 --> 00:29:32,200
Speaker 7: just her and says we can't make it, but thanks

580
00:29:32,200 --> 00:29:35,000
Speaker 7: for the invite, and leaves it at that. She also

581
00:29:35,040 --> 00:29:38,040
Speaker 7: sends a screenshot of niece's first birthday party, information that

582
00:29:38,080 --> 00:29:40,800
Speaker 7: she has been buying a ton of stuff for and says,

583
00:29:40,880 --> 00:29:44,719
Speaker 7: don't forget it's this Sunday. I already responded going to

584
00:29:44,720 --> 00:29:47,240
Speaker 7: the Facebook event that the cousin sent me. The brother

585
00:29:47,280 --> 00:29:49,720
Speaker 7: in law and dear husband see her every day as

586
00:29:49,760 --> 00:29:52,640
Speaker 7: they all work together. We're not even really going, just

587
00:29:52,720 --> 00:29:55,360
Speaker 7: dropping off a gift and then doing something for ourselves.

588
00:29:55,520 --> 00:29:58,640
Speaker 7: There are tons of older, small town people invited that

589
00:29:58,720 --> 00:30:01,640
Speaker 7: neither of us know. She has talked poorly about us

590
00:30:01,680 --> 00:30:04,440
Speaker 7: to all these people for the past two entire months.

591
00:30:05,040 --> 00:30:07,560
Speaker 7: Little one is not even three months yet, has only

592
00:30:07,600 --> 00:30:11,040
Speaker 7: gotten literally one round of shots, and we're expected to

593
00:30:11,040 --> 00:30:14,680
Speaker 7: go to a large gathering. Husband and cousin aren't even close,

594
00:30:14,840 --> 00:30:17,880
Speaker 7: and we're not close with them either. I just can't

595
00:30:17,920 --> 00:30:20,240
Speaker 7: help but feel like she's trying to place some weird

596
00:30:20,320 --> 00:30:22,920
Speaker 7: claim on our free time, especially with the way she's

597
00:30:22,960 --> 00:30:26,560
Speaker 7: been using the group chat. Also, Mother's Day is coming up,

598
00:30:26,600 --> 00:30:29,120
Speaker 7: and while she doesn't know husband planned a trip, she

599
00:30:29,320 --> 00:30:32,640
Speaker 7: may still try and pull something early. She hasn't tried

600
00:30:32,680 --> 00:30:35,440
Speaker 7: to claim the holiday yet, but I'm so sure that

601
00:30:35,560 --> 00:30:37,640
Speaker 7: I bet on it. With my sister in law, we're

602
00:30:37,680 --> 00:30:41,760
Speaker 7: definitely expecting something. Husband booked a vacation to a mystery

603
00:30:41,800 --> 00:30:44,960
Speaker 7: location for the weekend. We're planning on turning our phones

604
00:30:44,960 --> 00:30:48,280
Speaker 7: off for the entire weekend, hanging out with just nuclear family,

605
00:30:48,640 --> 00:30:52,280
Speaker 7: and spending some time with nature. I don't want her

606
00:30:52,400 --> 00:30:55,600
Speaker 7: drama anywhere near my weekend. She's not my mother and

607
00:30:55,640 --> 00:30:57,920
Speaker 7: she's certainly not a good mother in law, so she

608
00:30:57,920 --> 00:31:00,360
Speaker 7: doesn't need something from me on that day, especially my

609
00:31:00,400 --> 00:31:03,160
Speaker 7: first one. They didn't do anything for her last year,

610
00:31:03,160 --> 00:31:05,960
Speaker 7: and she's had twenty eight or twenty nine. This day

611
00:31:06,040 --> 00:31:09,600
Speaker 7: I genuinely feel should be for me. My husband can

612
00:31:09,680 --> 00:31:13,120
Speaker 7: visit over there reasonably and on an info diet, but

613
00:31:13,400 --> 00:31:16,160
Speaker 7: very low contact for me and little ones. Sounds better

614
00:31:16,280 --> 00:31:19,640
Speaker 7: each day with how she's behaved, I'm fully okay with

615
00:31:19,760 --> 00:31:22,200
Speaker 7: only seeing them like three or more times for the

616
00:31:22,200 --> 00:31:24,000
Speaker 7: rest of the year. Will be out of town for

617
00:31:24,040 --> 00:31:27,160
Speaker 7: Father's Day and for the beginning of July for my birthday.

618
00:31:27,360 --> 00:31:30,959
Speaker 7: Her birthday is a few days before Grandparents' Day in September.

619
00:31:31,280 --> 00:31:35,800
Speaker 7: Two birds one brief visit. October is my literal favorite

620
00:31:35,840 --> 00:31:38,640
Speaker 7: time of the year, so obviously we're doing something adorable

621
00:31:38,760 --> 00:31:40,720
Speaker 7: for Halloween and lots of foll activities.

622
00:31:40,960 --> 00:31:41,680
Speaker 5: Yeah.

623
00:31:41,720 --> 00:31:45,360
Speaker 6: Absolutely, definitely not budging on that.

624
00:31:46,080 --> 00:31:50,680
Speaker 7: My parents do a Gratitude Day in November and the

625
00:31:50,760 --> 00:31:54,440
Speaker 7: in laws don't do Thanksgiving, so a visit around Christmas,

626
00:31:54,480 --> 00:31:56,640
Speaker 7: but not on the day because husband and I have

627
00:31:56,800 --> 00:32:00,360
Speaker 7: always said the holiday is ours. Yeah, but there is

628
00:32:00,400 --> 00:32:02,760
Speaker 7: a little bit more to the story. But what do

629
00:32:02,800 --> 00:32:04,440
Speaker 7: we think about all this so far?

630
00:32:04,920 --> 00:32:08,000
Speaker 5: I feel like they all have I mean, besides mother

631
00:32:08,000 --> 00:32:10,960
Speaker 5: in law, like OPI and husband have a very good

632
00:32:11,000 --> 00:32:13,440
Speaker 5: plan set of like making sure they still get their

633
00:32:13,440 --> 00:32:18,040
Speaker 5: own time and like celebrating in ways that are good

634
00:32:18,080 --> 00:32:21,680
Speaker 5: for them and still including ope family. Yeah, so I

635
00:32:21,680 --> 00:32:23,320
Speaker 5: think they've they've figured out what they.

636
00:32:23,240 --> 00:32:23,760
Speaker 6: Need to do.

637
00:32:24,080 --> 00:32:24,480
Speaker 3: Yeah.

638
00:32:24,600 --> 00:32:28,680
Speaker 7: I think I ask all that you really can do, honestly,

639
00:32:29,360 --> 00:32:30,440
Speaker 7: So good job with guys.

640
00:32:30,600 --> 00:32:32,840
Speaker 6: Nice, But there's a little bit more to the story.

641
00:32:33,200 --> 00:32:36,120
Speaker 7: I literally feel like preemptively making an event calendar for

642
00:32:36,160 --> 00:32:38,480
Speaker 7: the rest of the year so she really can't try

643
00:32:38,520 --> 00:32:41,520
Speaker 7: to kilt my husband. I don't feel any obligation to

644
00:32:41,520 --> 00:32:44,160
Speaker 7: spend a special day with someone who doesn't even see

645
00:32:44,200 --> 00:32:46,920
Speaker 7: me as a member of her family. But my family,

646
00:32:47,760 --> 00:32:50,640
Speaker 7: we are obviously going to be prioritizing doing things as

647
00:32:50,640 --> 00:32:54,120
Speaker 7: a unit, and these are our first ones together. Any advice,

648
00:32:54,280 --> 00:32:57,320
Speaker 7: am I overreacting? There really hasn't been any change in

649
00:32:57,360 --> 00:33:00,720
Speaker 7: her passive aggressive behavior, and she's only been flipping out

650
00:33:00,720 --> 00:33:03,000
Speaker 7: because she thinks that we're all about to hang out

651
00:33:03,040 --> 00:33:05,680
Speaker 7: on Sunday. I'm sure there will be some sort of

652
00:33:05,720 --> 00:33:08,920
Speaker 7: blow up after the birthday party. I feel dropping the

653
00:33:09,000 --> 00:33:11,600
Speaker 7: rope is the best thing to do. I really hope

654
00:33:11,600 --> 00:33:14,520
Speaker 7: I'm not being unreasonable, but at this point, she's shown

655
00:33:14,560 --> 00:33:17,280
Speaker 7: who she is and I'm not interested in trying to

656
00:33:17,400 --> 00:33:17,880
Speaker 7: change that.

657
00:33:18,000 --> 00:33:19,680
Speaker 6: And that is the end of that story.

658
00:33:20,040 --> 00:33:22,920
Speaker 5: Yeah, I think lower no contact is the way to

659
00:33:22,960 --> 00:33:24,040
Speaker 5: go until she can.

660
00:33:24,040 --> 00:33:27,479
Speaker 6: Figure this out, right, because you can't change that.

661
00:33:28,040 --> 00:33:31,600
Speaker 7: Yeah, she's she's just always gonna act that way and

662
00:33:31,680 --> 00:33:35,440
Speaker 7: you can only like, yeah, you can only control your

663
00:33:35,600 --> 00:33:39,800
Speaker 7: amount of contact with her, so exactly. Yep, But good job.

664
00:33:39,840 --> 00:33:42,760
Speaker 7: I think you guys are handling it well overall. Good

665
00:33:42,880 --> 00:33:45,600
Speaker 7: luck to all of you and your new baby.

666
00:33:46,600 --> 00:33:48,640
Speaker 3: And that's the end of this story. We're going on

667
00:33:48,720 --> 00:33:49,360
Speaker 3: to the next one.

668
00:33:50,320 --> 00:33:52,080
Speaker 4: Hey, it's Sam. We're gonna get back to these stories.

669
00:33:52,080 --> 00:33:54,440
Speaker 4: But here's three minutes of bads for more sponsors.

670
00:33:54,760 --> 00:33:57,960
Speaker 2: My European family trusted me until I fell in love

671
00:33:58,040 --> 00:33:58,800
Speaker 2: with an American.

672
00:33:59,000 --> 00:34:00,640
Speaker 8: How could you fall in with America?

673
00:34:01,240 --> 00:34:04,240
Speaker 2: I am a twenty seven female from a European country

674
00:34:04,280 --> 00:34:08,080
Speaker 2: where family is everything. It's the norm, not the exception,

675
00:34:08,239 --> 00:34:11,680
Speaker 2: that people live with their parents until late twenties, if

676
00:34:11,719 --> 00:34:15,319
Speaker 2: not even until thirty, and we are close knit. I

677
00:34:15,400 --> 00:34:17,120
Speaker 2: still live with them, by the way, this comes from

678
00:34:17,120 --> 00:34:19,280
Speaker 2: distrust x And if you want to submit your own stories,

679
00:34:19,320 --> 00:34:21,200
Speaker 2: go to the r slash Okay storytime severed it.

680
00:34:21,320 --> 00:34:24,600
Speaker 8: I'm Sophia, I'm Riley in Riley's room.

681
00:34:24,560 --> 00:34:27,120
Speaker 2: In Riley's room, and we're here to give good advice.

682
00:34:27,160 --> 00:34:30,080
Speaker 2: Goofully in Riley's room. But we don't have all the answers.

683
00:34:30,120 --> 00:34:31,799
Speaker 2: We only know what we'd do, So let us know

684
00:34:31,800 --> 00:34:34,439
Speaker 2: what you would do in the comments, and op says

685
00:34:35,160 --> 00:34:38,000
Speaker 2: I grew up in a fantastic family with two supportive,

686
00:34:38,160 --> 00:34:41,600
Speaker 2: wonderful parents who have always been there for me emotionally

687
00:34:41,719 --> 00:34:44,960
Speaker 2: and practically. I have no complaints and I couldn't have

688
00:34:45,080 --> 00:34:49,120
Speaker 2: asked for better. We are very close. We respect each

689
00:34:49,160 --> 00:34:52,400
Speaker 2: other's space and time, and we travel together without any issues.

690
00:34:52,840 --> 00:34:55,640
Speaker 2: Up until now, I always thought there was trust and

691
00:34:55,800 --> 00:34:59,520
Speaker 2: mutual respect. The issue arose when I met and started

692
00:34:59,560 --> 00:35:02,400
Speaker 2: dating my current partner. For context, we have been together

693
00:35:02,480 --> 00:35:05,479
Speaker 2: for over a year now, doing long distance but meeting

694
00:35:05,600 --> 00:35:08,240
Speaker 2: up multiple times and spending two to three weeks together

695
00:35:08,320 --> 00:35:11,520
Speaker 2: each time. He is from the US. I have had

696
00:35:11,640 --> 00:35:15,239
Speaker 2: other relationships before, even long term ones. However, this is

697
00:35:15,280 --> 00:35:18,160
Speaker 2: the first time that it's been this serious in terms

698
00:35:18,160 --> 00:35:21,120
Speaker 2: of emotional investment. I feel like I met someone really

699
00:35:21,160 --> 00:35:24,560
Speaker 2: truly special, who, like my parents, wants to see me

700
00:35:24,640 --> 00:35:27,920
Speaker 2: blossom and supports me fully. I've dealt with issues of

701
00:35:28,000 --> 00:35:32,920
Speaker 2: jealousy and even competitiveness from other partners, especially since career wise,

702
00:35:33,000 --> 00:35:34,920
Speaker 2: one could say I am ahead of the norm and

703
00:35:35,040 --> 00:35:35,960
Speaker 2: rather successful.

704
00:35:36,160 --> 00:35:39,560
Speaker 8: Ooh, she got that chicken money, get that chicken money.

705
00:35:39,600 --> 00:35:42,640
Speaker 8: Everybody else is thinking about chicken houses, but I got.

706
00:35:42,560 --> 00:35:43,520
Speaker 6: Him on bottom.

707
00:35:43,960 --> 00:35:46,279
Speaker 2: The biggest issue so far between us has been the

708
00:35:46,320 --> 00:35:50,080
Speaker 2: struggle with the distance. We had to alternate a few plans,

709
00:35:50,080 --> 00:35:51,960
Speaker 2: but we had agreed from the start that we could

710
00:35:52,000 --> 00:35:55,080
Speaker 2: only do distance for a certain period of time, and

711
00:35:55,120 --> 00:35:57,480
Speaker 2: if we couldn't find a realistic way to close it,

712
00:35:57,600 --> 00:36:00,480
Speaker 2: then we would have to break up. Yeah, I mean,

713
00:36:00,560 --> 00:36:01,560
Speaker 2: I think that's reasonable.

714
00:36:02,000 --> 00:36:03,920
Speaker 4: Yeah, I think it's I think you.

715
00:36:04,000 --> 00:36:06,720
Speaker 2: Need to have a game plan for when long distance

716
00:36:06,840 --> 00:36:10,160
Speaker 2: is going to end. Otherwise it's like, is this is

717
00:36:10,160 --> 00:36:12,800
Speaker 2: going to work out in the long term. After months

718
00:36:12,800 --> 00:36:15,280
Speaker 2: of a lot of stress regarding that, we have finally

719
00:36:15,320 --> 00:36:17,600
Speaker 2: managed to find a path that will allow him to

720
00:36:17,640 --> 00:36:20,319
Speaker 2: move to my country as well as keep his job,

721
00:36:20,640 --> 00:36:23,480
Speaker 2: a scenario which works out great. I have said from

722
00:36:23,520 --> 00:36:26,920
Speaker 2: the very beginning that I wasn't considering moving abroad due

723
00:36:26,960 --> 00:36:28,920
Speaker 2: to the fact I want to be close to my parents.

724
00:36:29,480 --> 00:36:33,359
Speaker 2: My partner understands, and he has agreed. I've also told him,

725
00:36:33,400 --> 00:36:35,480
Speaker 2: and he has understood that I don't plan to move

726
00:36:35,520 --> 00:36:38,600
Speaker 2: in the future either, So both parties are in agreement

727
00:36:38,640 --> 00:36:40,560
Speaker 2: with the fact that if we were to stay together,

728
00:36:40,719 --> 00:36:44,200
Speaker 2: we would build a life here. Initially, my parents, especially

729
00:36:44,239 --> 00:36:47,200
Speaker 2: my mother, was supportive. She could see that this was

730
00:36:47,239 --> 00:36:48,919
Speaker 2: a good man who was treating me well.

731
00:36:49,120 --> 00:36:50,040
Speaker 8: Okay, okay.

732
00:36:50,880 --> 00:36:53,600
Speaker 2: I think the problem arose when she realized how invested

733
00:36:53,640 --> 00:36:56,960
Speaker 2: I was and how seriously I was taking this particular relationship.

734
00:36:57,120 --> 00:37:02,440
Speaker 2: Then the panic started. He began to fight constantly in

735
00:37:02,560 --> 00:37:07,160
Speaker 2: ways we'd never argued before, day after day, making up

736
00:37:07,320 --> 00:37:11,640
Speaker 2: then rinse and repeat. This continued until his visit to

737
00:37:11,680 --> 00:37:15,279
Speaker 2: my country. When he came to visit my country, I

738
00:37:15,320 --> 00:37:17,480
Speaker 2: introduced him to them, We went out to dinner, and

739
00:37:17,520 --> 00:37:19,879
Speaker 2: then we stayed together at my family home and spent

740
00:37:19,920 --> 00:37:21,759
Speaker 2: most of the next day there too. Well, you would

741
00:37:21,760 --> 00:37:25,279
Speaker 2: think this would make everything better. They're about to meet

742
00:37:25,360 --> 00:37:27,520
Speaker 2: him now, they don't just have to be like, oh,

743
00:37:27,560 --> 00:37:34,080
Speaker 2: I shun American. It was very awkward since my partner

744
00:37:34,120 --> 00:37:37,120
Speaker 2: doesn't speak my native language, my father speaks good but

745
00:37:37,200 --> 00:37:40,160
Speaker 2: not fluent English, and my mother doesn't speak it at all.

746
00:37:40,440 --> 00:37:42,479
Speaker 2: But the worst thing was the fact that my mother

747
00:37:42,520 --> 00:37:45,440
Speaker 2: and I were still in a minefield, even though I

748
00:37:45,480 --> 00:37:48,480
Speaker 2: had thought we had reached an agreement when we met up.

749
00:37:48,560 --> 00:37:52,920
Speaker 2: The atmosphere was very tense during dinner. My partner then

750
00:37:53,000 --> 00:37:54,839
Speaker 2: made a faux pas when he opened the car door

751
00:37:54,880 --> 00:37:57,080
Speaker 2: for me but not for my mother, who was right

752
00:37:57,160 --> 00:38:00,279
Speaker 2: next to me. That same night, my mother and I

753
00:38:00,440 --> 00:38:04,160
Speaker 2: continued fighting. My partner apologized to her and she had

754
00:38:04,200 --> 00:38:07,200
Speaker 2: me translate and they seemed to have a heartfelt discussion,

755
00:38:07,200 --> 00:38:09,960
Speaker 2: which was very touching for my partner, who teared up

756
00:38:10,000 --> 00:38:12,839
Speaker 2: because he felt like we had reached a breakthrough. I

757
00:38:12,960 --> 00:38:15,799
Speaker 2: kept arguing with her. However, for the rest of his visit,

758
00:38:16,320 --> 00:38:20,400
Speaker 2: and for a long time after, again the same pattern

759
00:38:20,440 --> 00:38:23,759
Speaker 2: of ugly fight thinking, we resolve some things and then

760
00:38:23,880 --> 00:38:27,560
Speaker 2: rinse and repeat. Eventually, though I thought it got better,

761
00:38:28,120 --> 00:38:30,600
Speaker 2: there was still the odd argument or conversation about this,

762
00:38:31,120 --> 00:38:34,239
Speaker 2: but never to that extent again. In fact, I could

763
00:38:34,320 --> 00:38:37,440
Speaker 2: understand a lot of the concerns regarding my partner. He

764
00:38:37,640 --> 00:38:40,000
Speaker 2: is foreign, and that might mean he won't be able

765
00:38:40,040 --> 00:38:44,240
Speaker 2: to understand or accept or even be integrated into our culture.

766
00:38:44,920 --> 00:38:48,080
Speaker 2: That might cause a strain in our family dynamic and closeness.

767
00:38:48,400 --> 00:38:51,920
Speaker 2: Because they cannot communicate directly my partner would learn my language,

768
00:38:52,080 --> 00:38:54,399
Speaker 2: they cannot get to know him and form a full

769
00:38:54,480 --> 00:38:57,719
Speaker 2: opinion of him for themselves. They won't likely be able

770
00:38:57,760 --> 00:38:59,680
Speaker 2: to meet his family, but even if they did, the

771
00:38:59,719 --> 00:39:02,840
Speaker 2: lank which barrier would apply. There is a lot of

772
00:39:02,880 --> 00:39:05,200
Speaker 2: anxiety and concern as to what might happen if we

773
00:39:05,239 --> 00:39:08,080
Speaker 2: do close the distance now, but in the future he

774
00:39:08,160 --> 00:39:11,000
Speaker 2: decides he cannot stand my country and wants to leave,

775
00:39:11,920 --> 00:39:16,719
Speaker 2: especially if we have children down the line. Since he

776
00:39:16,760 --> 00:39:18,719
Speaker 2: doesn't have anyone else here. They are worried he will

777
00:39:18,760 --> 00:39:20,319
Speaker 2: latch onto me and I will not be able to

778
00:39:20,320 --> 00:39:22,960
Speaker 2: have much of a life outside of him. Nichole says,

779
00:39:23,000 --> 00:39:24,880
Speaker 2: sounds like you had a mom family issue, not a

780
00:39:24,880 --> 00:39:29,400
Speaker 2: boyfriend issue. I agree now these concerns are also shared

781
00:39:29,440 --> 00:39:31,759
Speaker 2: by me. I have tried to iron them out with

782
00:39:31,800 --> 00:39:34,160
Speaker 2: my partner as well to the best degree of certainty,

783
00:39:34,400 --> 00:39:37,440
Speaker 2: and he has addressed them well. But there are others

784
00:39:37,480 --> 00:39:40,440
Speaker 2: that have arisen from my mother. Oh not now that

785
00:39:40,520 --> 00:39:42,760
Speaker 2: if I get serious with this man, we are moving

786
00:39:42,800 --> 00:39:45,880
Speaker 2: on to the next chapter of adulthood, which will essentially

787
00:39:45,920 --> 00:39:48,840
Speaker 2: mean a lot of distance from my family. How I

788
00:39:48,880 --> 00:39:51,040
Speaker 2: will not be as close to them anymore. How I

789
00:39:51,040 --> 00:39:53,080
Speaker 2: won't be able to go on trips with them anymore

790
00:39:53,480 --> 00:39:56,200
Speaker 2: and leave them behind because he won't accept it without

791
00:39:56,239 --> 00:40:01,600
Speaker 2: causing arguments in our relationship. The arguments flared up again before, during,

792
00:40:01,719 --> 00:40:05,040
Speaker 2: and after his recent visit to my country. Again, my

793
00:40:05,120 --> 00:40:07,360
Speaker 2: partner came here with the sole priority to make this

794
00:40:08,080 --> 00:40:10,640
Speaker 2: proved to his work, that he can work from here

795
00:40:10,680 --> 00:40:13,120
Speaker 2: and that he can win over my parents. There's a

796
00:40:13,120 --> 00:40:15,279
Speaker 2: lot of detail I won't go into here so that

797
00:40:15,320 --> 00:40:18,400
Speaker 2: I don't make this post even longer. But the second

798
00:40:18,400 --> 00:40:22,160
Speaker 2: time around again of them meeting was a disaster, more

799
00:40:22,280 --> 00:40:25,839
Speaker 2: awkwardness more fighting with my mother, who couldn't keep up appearances,

800
00:40:25,880 --> 00:40:29,040
Speaker 2: at least in his presence. She regretted the behavior during

801
00:40:29,080 --> 00:40:31,080
Speaker 2: that dinner again and tried to make up for it

802
00:40:31,120 --> 00:40:33,480
Speaker 2: by gestures of gifts and cooking for us when we

803
00:40:33,520 --> 00:40:36,120
Speaker 2: went away for a trip, like making his favorite food.

804
00:40:36,600 --> 00:40:39,120
Speaker 2: At some point, this dress took a toll on my partner,

805
00:40:39,239 --> 00:40:42,440
Speaker 2: who then started seeing their generosity as a lie and

806
00:40:42,520 --> 00:40:45,839
Speaker 2: believing they have a problem with him. Specifically, we were

807
00:40:45,880 --> 00:40:49,520
Speaker 2: staying at a different flat my family owns, and two

808
00:40:49,600 --> 00:40:52,440
Speaker 2: days before he was due to leave, he grabbed his

809
00:40:52,560 --> 00:40:55,200
Speaker 2: suitcase and wanted to leave the place and go rent

810
00:40:55,200 --> 00:40:58,239
Speaker 2: a hotel room elsewhere. This put a strain on me

811
00:40:58,320 --> 00:41:01,680
Speaker 2: personally between me and him, as well as appearances too,

812
00:41:01,840 --> 00:41:04,160
Speaker 2: and for my parents because it was in the morning

813
00:41:04,280 --> 00:41:08,000
Speaker 2: and the security camera alarm system notified my father's phone

814
00:41:08,040 --> 00:41:11,360
Speaker 2: of suspicious movement, so when he checked to see what happened,

815
00:41:11,400 --> 00:41:13,680
Speaker 2: he saw him packed up and leaving from the entrance

816
00:41:13,760 --> 00:41:16,239
Speaker 2: of the building. He didn't end up going, but the

817
00:41:16,280 --> 00:41:18,200
Speaker 2: strain and distance was bigger than ever.

818
00:41:18,400 --> 00:41:19,040
Speaker 4: Ooh.

819
00:41:19,400 --> 00:41:21,719
Speaker 2: My partner insists that he loves me and that this

820
00:41:21,800 --> 00:41:23,759
Speaker 2: changes nothing about how he wants to be with me

821
00:41:24,200 --> 00:41:26,960
Speaker 2: and in fact spend his life with me. But right

822
00:41:27,000 --> 00:41:29,840
Speaker 2: now I continue to be in constant arguments with my

823
00:41:29,920 --> 00:41:31,920
Speaker 2: mother my father less so but I know that he

824
00:41:31,960 --> 00:41:35,200
Speaker 2: agrees with her on most points. It's daily and it's

825
00:41:35,239 --> 00:41:38,840
Speaker 2: taking a huge toll on our relationship. Meanwhile, I can't

826
00:41:38,840 --> 00:41:42,200
Speaker 2: in good conscience let my partner move here and uproot

827
00:41:42,239 --> 00:41:46,720
Speaker 2: his life if he is to step into a minefield. Ouch,

828
00:41:46,800 --> 00:41:50,200
Speaker 2: it scratched myself. Any final thoughts.

829
00:41:50,680 --> 00:41:54,440
Speaker 8: The only way that this could actually work out, Opie,

830
00:41:55,160 --> 00:41:57,919
Speaker 8: is if you wanted it to and you stopped letting

831
00:41:57,920 --> 00:42:00,560
Speaker 8: your parents control the narrative here, because it's sounds like

832
00:42:01,160 --> 00:42:03,480
Speaker 8: sounds like she's.

833
00:42:02,760 --> 00:42:04,040
Speaker 2: She's just listening to her parents.

834
00:42:04,239 --> 00:42:08,080
Speaker 8: Listening to her parents is in this relationship. Stop make

835
00:42:08,120 --> 00:42:11,040
Speaker 8: a decision. Either stop stringing them along.

836
00:42:11,120 --> 00:42:14,439
Speaker 2: Or stop letting your parents get involved in your relationship.

837
00:42:13,960 --> 00:42:16,360
Speaker 8: Exactly exactly, pick one and.

838
00:42:16,640 --> 00:42:17,359
Speaker 4: Stick with it.

839
00:42:17,520 --> 00:42:20,520
Speaker 8: Yeah, because if I figure, if I predict this right,

840
00:42:21,200 --> 00:42:23,160
Speaker 8: your next boyfriend that you're gonna meet is gonna be

841
00:42:23,320 --> 00:42:25,399
Speaker 8: the person you marry because your parents will like them

842
00:42:25,440 --> 00:42:29,319
Speaker 8: and they also do whatever your ex did, and they're

843
00:42:29,360 --> 00:42:30,359
Speaker 8: a videographer as well.

844
00:42:30,480 --> 00:42:34,040
Speaker 2: So ohp, he continues, I'm trying to resolve this, but

845
00:42:34,120 --> 00:42:38,239
Speaker 2: it just feels like descending into repetitive, worsening circles. This

846
00:42:38,440 --> 00:42:41,600
Speaker 2: is especially her full because I genuinely adore my parents

847
00:42:41,640 --> 00:42:45,000
Speaker 2: more than anything, and I always envisioned a future where

848
00:42:45,000 --> 00:42:48,080
Speaker 2: my parents and my partner would also have a good relationship.

849
00:42:48,680 --> 00:42:51,799
Speaker 2: I'm considering therapy to try and understand HOWT analysts, but

850
00:42:51,840 --> 00:42:53,879
Speaker 2: I feel like I am at the end of my rope. Here.

851
00:42:54,280 --> 00:42:56,880
Speaker 2: Has anyone else dealt with something similar and if so,

852
00:42:57,080 --> 00:43:00,400
Speaker 2: how was it resolved? Comment? You have to decide if

853
00:43:00,400 --> 00:43:03,600
Speaker 2: you are ready to be an adult making adult decisions

854
00:43:03,719 --> 00:43:07,520
Speaker 2: and be in an adult relationship. Yeah, for real, your

855
00:43:07,560 --> 00:43:10,160
Speaker 2: parents want you to stay as their child and are

856
00:43:10,200 --> 00:43:12,360
Speaker 2: not open to allowing you to make your own choices

857
00:43:12,360 --> 00:43:15,080
Speaker 2: and decisions and live your own life. If you aren't

858
00:43:15,080 --> 00:43:18,480
Speaker 2: ready to become self sufficient yet and or do not

859
00:43:18,800 --> 00:43:21,239
Speaker 2: love them enough to stand up to your parents. If

860
00:43:21,280 --> 00:43:23,560
Speaker 2: they love you, they will try to respect your relationship,

861
00:43:23,840 --> 00:43:27,440
Speaker 2: then this isn't the right time and or person for you. Agreed.

862
00:43:27,760 --> 00:43:30,279
Speaker 2: I agree with that comment, but that's the end of

863
00:43:30,320 --> 00:43:30,840
Speaker 2: that story.

864
00:43:31,080 --> 00:43:34,640
Speaker 8: Yeah, and how do we know what their age was? Again?

865
00:43:35,080 --> 00:43:39,880
Speaker 8: Ut a moment, so they are ooh twenty seven thirty

866
00:43:40,200 --> 00:43:41,000
Speaker 8: thirty three mil.

867
00:43:41,760 --> 00:43:43,719
Speaker 2: Honestly, that's a little too old for you to let

868
00:43:43,800 --> 00:43:46,840
Speaker 2: your parents be this involved in your relationship. I understand

869
00:43:46,880 --> 00:43:50,799
Speaker 2: that you have like family cultural things here, but she

870
00:43:50,920 --> 00:43:53,799
Speaker 2: needs to be independent. But we don't know about that.

871
00:43:53,840 --> 00:43:54,520
Speaker 8: But we don't know.

872
00:43:54,680 --> 00:43:57,879
Speaker 2: I think she just needs to learn independence regardless of like, yeah,

873
00:43:58,320 --> 00:43:59,960
Speaker 2: I at you're arguing with your mom all the time.

874
00:44:00,160 --> 00:44:03,040
Speaker 2: It's not gonna like your relationship will only improve when

875
00:44:03,080 --> 00:44:05,840
Speaker 2: you start being independent and just being like I actually,

876
00:44:06,040 --> 00:44:08,440
Speaker 2: you know, I'm making my own decisions and this is

877
00:44:08,480 --> 00:44:10,560
Speaker 2: my relationship, and you can think whatever you want, and

878
00:44:10,600 --> 00:44:12,759
Speaker 2: we're not gonna have a discussion about it exactly.

879
00:44:13,040 --> 00:44:14,839
Speaker 8: And that's the end of the story. We're gonna read

880
00:44:14,880 --> 00:44:16,200
Speaker 8: the next one.

881
00:44:16,520 --> 00:44:19,440
Speaker 2: I confronted my parents about their will, and their reason

882
00:44:19,560 --> 00:44:20,680
Speaker 2: broke my heart.

883
00:44:20,960 --> 00:44:22,600
Speaker 8: They gave it all the dogs.

884
00:44:22,600 --> 00:44:25,800
Speaker 2: The plot of Aristocrats put with the dog. This past weekend,

885
00:44:25,880 --> 00:44:28,319
Speaker 2: I was house sitting for my parents, sixty eight male

886
00:44:28,400 --> 00:44:31,400
Speaker 2: and sixty eight female. I keep my hunting rifle in

887
00:44:31,440 --> 00:44:33,759
Speaker 2: their safe. Since I live in the city, I haven't

888
00:44:33,840 --> 00:44:36,759
Speaker 2: used it in a while, so I decided to zero it.

889
00:44:37,160 --> 00:44:39,400
Speaker 2: While getting it out, I did some treasure hunting in

890
00:44:39,440 --> 00:44:41,440
Speaker 2: the safe at the time. I really didn't think I

891
00:44:41,520 --> 00:44:44,520
Speaker 2: was snooping. By the way, this comes from Throwaway five

892
00:44:44,600 --> 00:44:47,080
Speaker 2: GG two S and if you want to sumit your

893
00:44:47,080 --> 00:44:49,080
Speaker 2: own stories, go to the r slash Okay story time

894
00:44:49,120 --> 00:44:52,239
Speaker 2: severed it. I'm Sophia, I'm Riley, and we're here to

895
00:44:52,239 --> 00:44:55,320
Speaker 2: give good advice goofy from the comfort of Riley's bedroom.

896
00:44:55,560 --> 00:44:57,319
Speaker 2: But we don't have all the answers. We only know

897
00:44:57,320 --> 00:44:59,040
Speaker 2: what we'd do, So let us know what you would

898
00:44:59,040 --> 00:45:02,440
Speaker 2: do in the comments, and Op says the whole family

899
00:45:02,480 --> 00:45:05,040
Speaker 2: has the combination to it. I just never looked before.

900
00:45:05,400 --> 00:45:08,759
Speaker 2: It was mostly boring stuff like passports and jewelry. But

901
00:45:08,880 --> 00:45:10,919
Speaker 2: there was an envelope with the logo of a law

902
00:45:10,960 --> 00:45:15,720
Speaker 2: firm and in it their will. As you might have guessed,

903
00:45:15,920 --> 00:45:19,279
Speaker 2: I was to receive less than my siblings. I have

904
00:45:19,320 --> 00:45:22,479
Speaker 2: an older sister thirty eight and an older brother thirty six.

905
00:45:22,960 --> 00:45:26,720
Speaker 2: They were getting forty percent each while I got twenty percent.

906
00:45:27,239 --> 00:45:30,000
Speaker 8: And wow, Op is thirty one mel.

907
00:45:30,840 --> 00:45:32,960
Speaker 2: I read through the whole thing thinking I was to

908
00:45:32,960 --> 00:45:35,880
Speaker 2: get some other asset or something, but no, it was

909
00:45:35,920 --> 00:45:38,919
Speaker 2: after everything was liquidated. I don't know why they would

910
00:45:38,960 --> 00:45:40,920
Speaker 2: do this. The only thing I can think of is

911
00:45:40,920 --> 00:45:43,839
Speaker 2: that my siblings are both married with children and I'm

912
00:45:43,880 --> 00:45:47,040
Speaker 2: single and child free. But that just feels stupid. They

913
00:45:47,080 --> 00:45:49,200
Speaker 2: don't know that I'm child free by choice, and what

914
00:45:49,280 --> 00:45:52,200
Speaker 2: if I have kids after they passed away. I doubt

915
00:45:52,200 --> 00:45:55,279
Speaker 2: my siblings would give me that money retroactively. It makes

916
00:45:55,320 --> 00:45:57,840
Speaker 2: even less sense since my brother has three kids and

917
00:45:57,920 --> 00:46:00,560
Speaker 2: my sister only one, yet they get the same amount.

918
00:46:01,040 --> 00:46:02,640
Speaker 2: It's not like it's going to a trust for the

919
00:46:02,680 --> 00:46:06,400
Speaker 2: grand kids either. It goes directly to us as lump sums.

920
00:46:07,000 --> 00:46:10,600
Speaker 2: We have talked openly about inheritance before, like in family meetings,

921
00:46:10,960 --> 00:46:13,400
Speaker 2: but no one ever said that some would get more

922
00:46:13,480 --> 00:46:15,960
Speaker 2: or less, just things like if someone was interested in

923
00:46:15,960 --> 00:46:17,880
Speaker 2: the house or farm, or if they should sell it.

924
00:46:18,360 --> 00:46:20,319
Speaker 2: They have also been open with how much they have.

925
00:46:20,719 --> 00:46:23,000
Speaker 2: They are both retired now but have worked full time

926
00:46:23,120 --> 00:46:26,080
Speaker 2: jobs and have been running a farm their entire lives.

927
00:46:27,120 --> 00:46:29,560
Speaker 2: It's been a few years since I saw the numbers myself,

928
00:46:29,600 --> 00:46:32,120
Speaker 2: but last time they told us it was two point

929
00:46:32,440 --> 00:46:36,600
Speaker 2: one million dollars. Don't live in the States, just seem

930
00:46:36,640 --> 00:46:40,319
Speaker 2: easiest to convert to Wow, I'm well aware of the

931
00:46:40,360 --> 00:46:43,000
Speaker 2: twenty percent of that is a life changing amount, so

932
00:46:43,040 --> 00:46:45,799
Speaker 2: a small part of me feels greedy, but the rest

933
00:46:45,800 --> 00:46:49,080
Speaker 2: of me just feels sad and angry. I haven't been

934
00:46:49,120 --> 00:46:51,440
Speaker 2: able to get it out of my head. We never fight,

935
00:46:51,760 --> 00:46:54,439
Speaker 2: we all meet on holidays, et cetera. I just can't

936
00:46:54,440 --> 00:46:57,480
Speaker 2: think of anything. And no, I'm not an a fair child.

937
00:46:58,000 --> 00:47:01,560
Speaker 2: My mom's hobby is genealogy, and we all have profiles

938
00:47:01,560 --> 00:47:04,800
Speaker 2: on ancestry, and I look just like my paternal grandfather.

939
00:47:05,120 --> 00:47:09,239
Speaker 8: Wonder why your mom is an expert or hobbyist in

940
00:47:09,280 --> 00:47:09,840
Speaker 8: this field?

941
00:47:10,480 --> 00:47:11,800
Speaker 4: Seems like what is she hiding?

942
00:47:12,200 --> 00:47:15,680
Speaker 8: Yeah, it seems like she's very knowledgeable about certain things.

943
00:47:16,320 --> 00:47:18,800
Speaker 2: None of us siblings are rich. If I had to guess,

944
00:47:18,880 --> 00:47:20,960
Speaker 2: my sister and her husband are probably in the best

945
00:47:20,960 --> 00:47:24,919
Speaker 2: state financially, having good jobs and only one child. I'm

946
00:47:24,920 --> 00:47:27,359
Speaker 2: probably the worst off right now, since I just bought

947
00:47:27,400 --> 00:47:29,920
Speaker 2: a house on a single income. Do I tell them

948
00:47:29,920 --> 00:47:32,520
Speaker 2: what I saw? Do I just forget it and secretly

949
00:47:32,560 --> 00:47:34,960
Speaker 2: hope that they change it back before they pass away.

950
00:47:35,719 --> 00:47:36,480
Speaker 4: My head is like.

951
00:47:36,480 --> 00:47:37,400
Speaker 2: A brick right now.

952
00:47:37,600 --> 00:47:38,399
Speaker 3: I hate this.

953
00:47:38,760 --> 00:47:41,680
Speaker 2: It's like I will lose whatever I do. What would

954
00:47:41,719 --> 00:47:44,400
Speaker 2: you do? Any parents with adult kids out there that

955
00:47:44,480 --> 00:47:47,640
Speaker 2: can see their side and justify it? I feel betrayed.

956
00:47:47,840 --> 00:47:51,279
Speaker 2: How do I go about this? And there is there

957
00:47:51,320 --> 00:47:52,720
Speaker 2: are some comments and an update.

958
00:47:53,239 --> 00:47:56,600
Speaker 8: Got two routes here. What one you know, you can

959
00:47:56,640 --> 00:48:01,000
Speaker 8: confront them asking what's up with it? Emotions out there?

960
00:48:01,760 --> 00:48:05,800
Speaker 8: Or two you scan all those documents, you then proceed

961
00:48:06,160 --> 00:48:11,279
Speaker 8: to make new documents with an equal split. Therefore they're

962
00:48:11,280 --> 00:48:14,480
Speaker 8: gonna be they won't know they're gonna be passed away. Okay,

963
00:48:14,480 --> 00:48:16,520
Speaker 8: they won't know that the equal split happened.

964
00:48:16,560 --> 00:48:20,320
Speaker 2: So the second option is crime. Third option, no, don't

965
00:48:20,360 --> 00:48:23,880
Speaker 2: tell them and you just start behaving like so good,

966
00:48:24,360 --> 00:48:26,600
Speaker 2: like you're like you're doing everything for them, but they

967
00:48:26,680 --> 00:48:30,160
Speaker 2: don't and they're like, why, oh really hope he really

968
00:48:30,239 --> 00:48:32,840
Speaker 2: like stepped up his game, and they're like, we should

969
00:48:32,840 --> 00:48:36,000
Speaker 2: give all of the money TOPI, or you just communicate

970
00:48:36,040 --> 00:48:40,600
Speaker 2: I don't know. Comment comment one. Here's another possibility. If

971
00:48:40,600 --> 00:48:43,400
Speaker 2: the parents truly feel that their children's spouses are like

972
00:48:43,440 --> 00:48:46,840
Speaker 2: their own children, each adult would equally receive twenty percent.

973
00:48:47,480 --> 00:48:50,080
Speaker 2: Comment two, I volunteer to mar opie and we'll split

974
00:48:50,120 --> 00:48:53,200
Speaker 2: the extra inerran in seventy thirty in their favor. Comment

975
00:48:53,239 --> 00:48:55,600
Speaker 2: three says, you make an assumption throughout your post that

976
00:48:55,640 --> 00:48:58,480
Speaker 2: the decision to not split the estates evenly was based

977
00:48:58,480 --> 00:49:01,360
Speaker 2: on children. If that makes you feel better than fine,

978
00:49:01,800 --> 00:49:04,440
Speaker 2: maybe it's true, but why just assume that it's their

979
00:49:04,480 --> 00:49:06,160
Speaker 2: money and they can set it on fire if they

980
00:49:06,160 --> 00:49:08,680
Speaker 2: want to. What I want to know is why you're

981
00:49:08,719 --> 00:49:12,440
Speaker 2: being treated differently? If I were you, here's what I do.

982
00:49:13,040 --> 00:49:15,600
Speaker 2: Tell them you snooped and you saw the will. Tell

983
00:49:15,640 --> 00:49:17,879
Speaker 2: them you're more than grateful, as that's a life changing

984
00:49:17,920 --> 00:49:20,040
Speaker 2: amount of money for you. I don't want you to

985
00:49:20,120 --> 00:49:22,439
Speaker 2: change anything, because I accept that is what you want

986
00:49:22,480 --> 00:49:25,520
Speaker 2: in terms of distribution. What I do want is an

987
00:49:25,560 --> 00:49:28,279
Speaker 2: explanation as to why two siblings are being treated one

988
00:49:28,320 --> 00:49:31,480
Speaker 2: way and I'm being treated differently. You see, if you

989
00:49:31,520 --> 00:49:33,719
Speaker 2: both passed and I found out at they're reading the will,

990
00:49:33,760 --> 00:49:36,200
Speaker 2: I would never know. Why did I do something to

991
00:49:36,200 --> 00:49:38,920
Speaker 2: which you're both still holding a grudge. Is there some

992
00:49:39,080 --> 00:49:42,200
Speaker 2: problem that we can resolve before you pass? Keep the

993
00:49:42,239 --> 00:49:44,359
Speaker 2: will the way it is. I'm not asking for more,

994
00:49:44,440 --> 00:49:46,520
Speaker 2: but I'd like to know why, and if there is

995
00:49:46,560 --> 00:49:49,320
Speaker 2: a problem, I'd like a chance to resolve it, or

996
00:49:49,360 --> 00:49:52,000
Speaker 2: at the very least not to wonder what I did.

997
00:49:52,120 --> 00:49:53,399
Speaker 8: Too many emotions in that one.

998
00:49:53,480 --> 00:49:54,480
Speaker 2: Just I think that was good.

999
00:49:54,840 --> 00:50:01,439
Speaker 8: Just just rewrite the document. I could send a YouTube video. No, oh,

1000
00:50:01,440 --> 00:50:04,120
Speaker 8: pretty easy response, It will take you an afternoon.

1001
00:50:04,480 --> 00:50:06,439
Speaker 2: You're right about what I want to know is why

1002
00:50:06,480 --> 00:50:09,160
Speaker 2: the difference is there at all? Me being single and

1003
00:50:09,280 --> 00:50:11,560
Speaker 2: child freeze the only thing I can think of. I

1004
00:50:11,600 --> 00:50:14,279
Speaker 2: don't know if that's the case. Common force is so.

1005
00:50:14,360 --> 00:50:16,480
Speaker 2: On the one hand, the comments you're getting about not

1006
00:50:16,760 --> 00:50:20,959
Speaker 2: being entitled to anything are one hundred percent true. Inheritance

1007
00:50:21,040 --> 00:50:24,480
Speaker 2: isn't to write automatically bestowed. But on the other hand,

1008
00:50:24,520 --> 00:50:26,360
Speaker 2: I think it's crappy for parents to do this to

1009
00:50:26,480 --> 00:50:30,439
Speaker 2: their kids, giving unequally between them without sitting everyone down

1010
00:50:30,480 --> 00:50:33,440
Speaker 2: and telling them about it long before anyone has passed away.

1011
00:50:33,960 --> 00:50:36,400
Speaker 2: Stuff like this is a way of breeding real resentment

1012
00:50:36,480 --> 00:50:39,760
Speaker 2: among the siblings, and there's no way to reconcile it since,

1013
00:50:39,800 --> 00:50:42,440
Speaker 2: of course the people who caused it are now passed away.

1014
00:50:43,280 --> 00:50:45,359
Speaker 2: As for what to do here, I talk to your

1015
00:50:45,400 --> 00:50:49,680
Speaker 2: parents privately. Just explain to them how you came across

1016
00:50:49,719 --> 00:50:52,040
Speaker 2: the will and that you understand you're not entitled to

1017
00:50:52,080 --> 00:50:55,839
Speaker 2: an equal share or anything at all. But it did

1018
00:50:55,920 --> 00:50:58,520
Speaker 2: take you by surprise to see the difference between what

1019
00:50:58,600 --> 00:51:01,439
Speaker 2: you're getting versus your siblings, and see what they say,

1020
00:51:02,080 --> 00:51:04,479
Speaker 2: do be prepared to be hurt by their answer, though

1021
00:51:04,680 --> 00:51:07,719
Speaker 2: there's no real, non hurtful explanation for singling out one

1022
00:51:07,800 --> 00:51:10,359
Speaker 2: child to get so much less than the other two.

1023
00:51:10,920 --> 00:51:17,360
Speaker 2: Common five says, my grandparents and are millionnaires. Maybe had millions. Yeah, yeah,

1024
00:51:17,520 --> 00:51:21,919
Speaker 2: my grandfather passed away and grandmother rewrote the will oo

1025
00:51:21,960 --> 00:51:24,320
Speaker 2: that it was my mom and her sister. The sister

1026
00:51:24,360 --> 00:51:26,400
Speaker 2: and my uncle and cousins got about eighty percent of

1027
00:51:26,440 --> 00:51:29,040
Speaker 2: the money and things. The other ten percent went to

1028
00:51:29,680 --> 00:51:33,400
Speaker 2: other people, leaving my family of five with ten percent.

1029
00:51:34,239 --> 00:51:37,640
Speaker 2: My one cousin got eighty thousand dollars each. I got

1030
00:51:37,680 --> 00:51:38,720
Speaker 2: two thousand dollars.

1031
00:51:39,000 --> 00:51:39,600
Speaker 6: What the if?

1032
00:51:40,040 --> 00:51:42,759
Speaker 2: I was the youngest? What brudge did she have against me?

1033
00:51:44,160 --> 00:51:46,040
Speaker 2: I wish I had the chance to ask her why

1034
00:51:46,120 --> 00:51:48,680
Speaker 2: I was such a disappointment to her. I never knew

1035
00:51:48,719 --> 00:51:51,120
Speaker 2: such a thing until she was gone. It is not

1036
00:51:51,280 --> 00:51:54,440
Speaker 2: the money, it's the not knowing. I do know that

1037
00:51:54,480 --> 00:51:57,239
Speaker 2: my grandfather told us that each grandchild would get the

1038
00:51:57,280 --> 00:51:59,080
Speaker 2: same amount when I was around fourteen.

1039
00:51:59,600 --> 00:52:02,040
Speaker 8: He promised that and he kept that promise.

1040
00:52:02,719 --> 00:52:07,120
Speaker 2: Yeah she changed it? So what changed? And that is

1041
00:52:07,120 --> 00:52:10,480
Speaker 2: why I would ask them directly with just you and

1042
00:52:10,520 --> 00:52:13,120
Speaker 2: them in the room. I would start with, if I

1043
00:52:13,160 --> 00:52:15,920
Speaker 2: had something to piss you guys off, I have information

1044
00:52:16,000 --> 00:52:17,920
Speaker 2: that you're not happy with me. I want to know

1045
00:52:17,960 --> 00:52:20,400
Speaker 2: what I did. I wish I could have that conversation

1046
00:52:20,440 --> 00:52:24,560
Speaker 2: with my grandmother and there is an update. But any

1047
00:52:24,680 --> 00:52:28,160
Speaker 2: thoughts besides telling them to commit a crime? I think,

1048
00:52:28,239 --> 00:52:30,480
Speaker 2: I think I agree with the comments. I think talking

1049
00:52:30,520 --> 00:52:34,880
Speaker 2: to your parents immediately, as my cat says, because otherwise

1050
00:52:34,880 --> 00:52:37,000
Speaker 2: you're just gonna be wondering about it and it's gonna

1051
00:52:37,000 --> 00:52:37,880
Speaker 2: be bothering you forever.

1052
00:52:37,920 --> 00:52:44,720
Speaker 8: Anyway, when does an inheritance happen when they die? Really whenever?

1053
00:52:44,760 --> 00:52:47,319
Speaker 8: My great grandpa didn't. What does it even look like?

1054
00:52:47,719 --> 00:52:48,160
Speaker 6: What do you mean?

1055
00:52:48,920 --> 00:52:49,640
Speaker 2: Do you have a will?

1056
00:52:49,920 --> 00:52:54,279
Speaker 8: I know, but that's happened recently, and like, I'm not

1057
00:52:54,280 --> 00:52:56,640
Speaker 8: gonna be like, yo, where's my inheritance at?

1058
00:52:56,920 --> 00:53:01,359
Speaker 2: WHOA? Usually people at like the will and then it's

1059
00:53:01,400 --> 00:53:04,120
Speaker 2: distributed out. You would have gotten information if you had

1060
00:53:04,360 --> 00:53:08,360
Speaker 2: money updates. I have a lot to think about, but

1061
00:53:08,440 --> 00:53:10,120
Speaker 2: at the end of the day, I just have to

1062
00:53:10,160 --> 00:53:13,600
Speaker 2: talk to them, no getting around it. Someone pointed out

1063
00:53:13,600 --> 00:53:15,520
Speaker 2: that there is no such thing as one will for

1064
00:53:15,600 --> 00:53:19,000
Speaker 2: two people. This is not their individual wills. I don't

1065
00:53:19,000 --> 00:53:21,560
Speaker 2: think they have those. They will inherit each other when

1066
00:53:21,600 --> 00:53:24,920
Speaker 2: the other passes away, as per default as a married couple.

1067
00:53:25,520 --> 00:53:27,520
Speaker 2: This is more of what it will happen to their

1068
00:53:27,560 --> 00:53:30,239
Speaker 2: resources once they both were gone. Sorry, I don't know

1069
00:53:30,280 --> 00:53:32,319
Speaker 2: how to describe it. We have a word for it,

1070
00:53:32,360 --> 00:53:35,640
Speaker 2: and Google wants to translate it to will update two.

1071
00:53:36,120 --> 00:53:39,000
Speaker 2: I called them yesterday and explained everything I saw.

1072
00:53:39,200 --> 00:53:40,440
Speaker 4: Oh, some of.

1073
00:53:40,400 --> 00:53:42,839
Speaker 2: You guessed it. It was the adults they had based upon,

1074
00:53:43,160 --> 00:53:46,920
Speaker 2: not the kids. My siblings' spouses are great people and

1075
00:53:47,000 --> 00:53:50,239
Speaker 2: my parents love them as their own, so sure I

1076
00:53:50,280 --> 00:53:54,000
Speaker 2: can buy that. The kids were also a factor. Oh

1077
00:53:54,040 --> 00:53:56,000
Speaker 2: so it was the fact that they were like, yeah,

1078
00:53:56,000 --> 00:53:59,800
Speaker 2: we just wanted to give each parent like child's partners.

1079
00:54:00,160 --> 00:54:03,080
Speaker 8: So in that scenario, everyone got twenty percent.

1080
00:54:03,680 --> 00:54:05,800
Speaker 2: I feel like I wouldn't give everyone twenty percent. I

1081
00:54:05,840 --> 00:54:07,960
Speaker 2: would give like the not kids ten.

1082
00:54:08,640 --> 00:54:08,839
Speaker 7: Yeah.

1083
00:54:09,080 --> 00:54:11,000
Speaker 2: I see, We're like, you could still give them stuff.

1084
00:54:11,000 --> 00:54:12,200
Speaker 2: But I guess a fair desion.

1085
00:54:12,320 --> 00:54:14,759
Speaker 8: So looking at it from that perspective, that's fair because

1086
00:54:14,760 --> 00:54:16,560
Speaker 8: it's their money. They can think what they want to

1087
00:54:16,560 --> 00:54:18,319
Speaker 8: do with it. It's a little more fair.

1088
00:54:18,920 --> 00:54:20,799
Speaker 2: I told them I found it a weird way to

1089
00:54:20,840 --> 00:54:23,240
Speaker 2: split it and asked what would happen if I got married.

1090
00:54:23,480 --> 00:54:25,840
Speaker 2: They told me that they will rewrite the will. But

1091
00:54:25,960 --> 00:54:27,759
Speaker 2: if I marry a person they don't like as much,

1092
00:54:28,200 --> 00:54:31,600
Speaker 2: no answer. What if I marry or have kids after

1093
00:54:31,640 --> 00:54:32,360
Speaker 2: they pass away?

1094
00:54:33,000 --> 00:54:33,520
Speaker 6: No answer.

1095
00:54:34,040 --> 00:54:37,680
Speaker 2: I still don't think that's quite fair. Okay, yeah, Like again,

1096
00:54:37,719 --> 00:54:39,239
Speaker 2: they can do whatever they want, but I think I

1097
00:54:39,239 --> 00:54:41,279
Speaker 2: would feel a little bit slighted if I were a.

1098
00:54:41,200 --> 00:54:44,399
Speaker 8: Pee gotcham two point one mill.

1099
00:54:45,160 --> 00:54:48,960
Speaker 2: Like imagine if your parents were spitting up the will

1100
00:54:49,239 --> 00:54:53,600
Speaker 2: and they gave Tate Moore because he was getting married

1101
00:54:53,640 --> 00:54:55,560
Speaker 2: like he. Let's say this is like in a couple of.

1102
00:54:55,600 --> 00:54:58,200
Speaker 8: Years ago, he's getting married and married and you weren't married.

1103
00:54:58,640 --> 00:55:01,200
Speaker 2: I could see the yeah, like I feel like, and

1104
00:55:01,239 --> 00:55:04,239
Speaker 2: you'd be like, well, wait, I'm you know, I'm fine

1105
00:55:04,280 --> 00:55:04,920
Speaker 2: to get married too.

1106
00:55:05,719 --> 00:55:09,800
Speaker 8: Yeah. I see their perspective on it. If whatever people

1107
00:55:09,800 --> 00:55:12,680
Speaker 8: do get married, they become one. So a thirty three

1108
00:55:12,719 --> 00:55:15,919
Speaker 8: percent split between all three could work.

1109
00:55:15,960 --> 00:55:18,279
Speaker 2: But I think if they could give them some But

1110
00:55:18,280 --> 00:55:20,239
Speaker 2: I don't think they should give them equal shares as.

1111
00:55:20,200 --> 00:55:21,800
Speaker 8: The kids I with behive. I don't like it, but

1112
00:55:21,800 --> 00:55:24,960
Speaker 8: as one hundred percent their money there years, Yeah, I agree,

1113
00:55:25,160 --> 00:55:27,560
Speaker 8: I think it's nice they think of the partners as children. Yeah,

1114
00:55:27,600 --> 00:55:30,240
Speaker 8: antal bum cover, says.

1115
00:55:29,600 --> 00:55:33,000
Speaker 2: An album cover. Ope, he continues. I asked if they

1116
00:55:33,040 --> 00:55:36,560
Speaker 2: had considered that my siblings spouses would presumably inherit their

1117
00:55:36,600 --> 00:55:37,640
Speaker 2: own parents one day.

1118
00:55:38,000 --> 00:55:38,520
Speaker 6: No answer.

1119
00:55:39,080 --> 00:55:41,600
Speaker 2: Probably the most awkward conversation I've ever had with them.

1120
00:55:42,080 --> 00:55:43,880
Speaker 2: They asked me if I wanted them to rewrite the

1121
00:55:43,920 --> 00:55:47,120
Speaker 2: will to do a thirty three split instead. This question

1122
00:55:47,239 --> 00:55:49,799
Speaker 2: actually put me off, so in line what many have

1123
00:55:49,880 --> 00:55:52,080
Speaker 2: told me, I said no, and that they're free to

1124
00:55:52,120 --> 00:55:54,200
Speaker 2: do whatever they wanted with their money. But I also

1125
00:55:54,200 --> 00:55:56,680
Speaker 2: said I feel disappointed, and what I really want is

1126
00:55:56,719 --> 00:55:59,520
Speaker 2: for them to want to change it. They texted today

1127
00:55:59,520 --> 00:56:02,360
Speaker 2: with an app and that they will go over their options.

1128
00:56:02,680 --> 00:56:05,480
Speaker 2: I haven't had the energy to apply it. That's it,

1129
00:56:06,080 --> 00:56:09,960
Speaker 2: h I think the most fair thing would be to

1130
00:56:09,960 --> 00:56:11,680
Speaker 2: do the thirty three percent, but.

1131
00:56:11,880 --> 00:56:16,000
Speaker 8: Dum dum got split it amongst everybody. And that's the

1132
00:56:16,080 --> 00:56:18,120
Speaker 8: end of the story. We're gonna read the next one.

1133
00:56:18,920 --> 00:56:20,920
Speaker 1: Hey, John og host here, We're gonna get back to

1134
00:56:20,920 --> 00:56:23,160
Speaker 1: this episode, but a quick three minute break of ads

1135
00:56:23,160 --> 00:56:24,680
Speaker 1: from a sponsor's keeping the show alive.

1136
00:56:25,440 --> 00:56:29,759
Speaker 4: My family's furious over my inheritance because they want a

1137
00:56:29,800 --> 00:56:30,319
Speaker 4: piece of.

1138
00:56:30,280 --> 00:56:32,440
Speaker 8: It too bad, so sad.

1139
00:56:33,239 --> 00:56:36,959
Speaker 4: I am twenty six female. My mom passed away last

1140
00:56:36,960 --> 00:56:39,919
Speaker 4: October and I received a few hundred thousand dollars in

1141
00:56:39,920 --> 00:56:44,640
Speaker 4: inheritance money. For more background info, my dad passed away

1142
00:56:44,680 --> 00:56:47,680
Speaker 4: when I was fifteen years old due to substance problem

1143
00:56:47,920 --> 00:56:50,799
Speaker 4: and I don't have any siblings. By the way, this

1144
00:56:50,840 --> 00:56:53,080
Speaker 4: comes from a deleted user, but if you want to

1145
00:56:53,080 --> 00:56:55,080
Speaker 4: submit your own stories, go to the r slash Okay

1146
00:56:55,120 --> 00:56:58,600
Speaker 4: storytime subret it. I'm Dakota, I'm Riley, and we're here

1147
00:56:58,640 --> 00:57:00,960
Speaker 4: to give you good advice bothfully, but we don't have

1148
00:57:01,000 --> 00:57:02,680
Speaker 4: all the answers. We only know what we would do,

1149
00:57:02,719 --> 00:57:04,160
Speaker 4: so if you would do something different, let us know

1150
00:57:04,600 --> 00:57:06,760
Speaker 4: in the comments. As op says.

1151
00:57:06,920 --> 00:57:09,400
Speaker 8: And we're in my room by the way, if you're confused.

1152
00:57:09,200 --> 00:57:14,080
Speaker 4: Boom boom, boom boom, we're inside Riley's room. My partner,

1153
00:57:14,440 --> 00:57:17,080
Speaker 4: twenty seven Mail, and I have been living with his

1154
00:57:17,200 --> 00:57:20,520
Speaker 4: parents since my mom passed away because right beforehand a

1155
00:57:20,640 --> 00:57:24,400
Speaker 4: natural disaster made our condo unavailable, so we've been living

1156
00:57:24,400 --> 00:57:28,000
Speaker 4: with them for about last six months. As a result,

1157
00:57:28,040 --> 00:57:30,240
Speaker 4: we haven't had any rent payments to make and my

1158
00:57:30,280 --> 00:57:33,120
Speaker 4: bills are pretty minimal. My partner makes good money through

1159
00:57:33,160 --> 00:57:36,720
Speaker 4: a collectibles business that he conducts at home slash owns,

1160
00:57:37,440 --> 00:57:40,280
Speaker 4: so he has a lot of flexibility. I've been feeling

1161
00:57:40,680 --> 00:57:44,200
Speaker 4: very lost in life after losing my mom and being parentless,

1162
00:57:44,520 --> 00:57:46,960
Speaker 4: so my partner and I thought this period of time

1163
00:57:47,080 --> 00:57:50,240
Speaker 4: might be a good opportunity for us to explore and

1164
00:57:50,320 --> 00:57:53,520
Speaker 4: travel a bit, which his parents fully support and are

1165
00:57:53,560 --> 00:57:54,040
Speaker 4: okay with.

1166
00:57:54,320 --> 00:57:54,640
Speaker 8: Okay.

1167
00:57:55,360 --> 00:57:58,120
Speaker 4: We traveled to Mexico twice in the past couple months.

1168
00:57:58,480 --> 00:58:01,040
Speaker 4: It's only a few hours flight from us and is cheap,

1169
00:58:01,600 --> 00:58:05,120
Speaker 4: once by Carnival cruise and the other time we flew directly.

1170
00:58:05,800 --> 00:58:09,960
Speaker 4: My immediate family is composed of my grandmother, my mom's mom,

1171
00:58:10,360 --> 00:58:13,040
Speaker 4: and my mom's partner, who is like a stepdad to me,

1172
00:58:13,160 --> 00:58:16,600
Speaker 4: but they weren't married. Both of them have serious issues

1173
00:58:16,600 --> 00:58:19,200
Speaker 4: with us doing any traveling at all because they think

1174
00:58:19,200 --> 00:58:21,800
Speaker 4: I'm just blowing through my inheritance or that it makes

1175
00:58:21,840 --> 00:58:28,280
Speaker 4: me unstable. It's unstable too. I don't know travel that's unstable.

1176
00:58:28,920 --> 00:58:31,080
Speaker 4: It is. It depends where are you going. Are you

1177
00:58:31,160 --> 00:58:35,080
Speaker 4: staying in like a palace? Are you spending fifteen thousand

1178
00:58:35,120 --> 00:58:38,200
Speaker 4: dollars a night? That would be maybe a little reckless.

1179
00:58:38,360 --> 00:58:40,120
Speaker 8: No, I think it's because it's out of the norm

1180
00:58:40,200 --> 00:58:44,440
Speaker 8: for them, and anything out of the norm it's unstable.

1181
00:58:45,080 --> 00:58:47,640
Speaker 4: I think it's more like I wouldn't spend that money

1182
00:58:47,640 --> 00:58:50,600
Speaker 4: that way. Ah, if it was my money, I wouldn't

1183
00:58:50,640 --> 00:58:55,320
Speaker 4: spend it that way. Love those My grandma has been

1184
00:58:55,440 --> 00:58:57,680
Speaker 4: very controlling and has been trying to direct me to

1185
00:58:57,720 --> 00:59:01,600
Speaker 4: return to and finish school immediately, something I don't feel

1186
00:59:01,640 --> 00:59:04,080
Speaker 4: i'm ready for right now. She doesn't ask me what

1187
00:59:04,120 --> 00:59:05,600
Speaker 4: I want to do with my life or how I

1188
00:59:05,640 --> 00:59:08,280
Speaker 4: want to do things. She just gives me orders like

1189
00:59:08,360 --> 00:59:11,000
Speaker 4: I'm a child. Both of them want me to buy

1190
00:59:11,040 --> 00:59:13,480
Speaker 4: a house, which I plan on doing, but I want

1191
00:59:13,480 --> 00:59:15,840
Speaker 4: to wait because the economy is not great right now,

1192
00:59:15,920 --> 00:59:18,040
Speaker 4: and I also don't know where I want to live.

1193
00:59:18,400 --> 00:59:20,840
Speaker 4: I really want to live outside my hometown where I've

1194
00:59:20,880 --> 00:59:23,760
Speaker 4: been residing, and I feel like my career should be

1195
00:59:23,800 --> 00:59:26,520
Speaker 4: in a better position or more stable, because I'll likely

1196
00:59:26,560 --> 00:59:28,439
Speaker 4: need to pay for repairs if I buy a cheap

1197
00:59:28,480 --> 00:59:31,520
Speaker 4: house with cash, and I can't currently get a mortgage

1198
00:59:31,640 --> 00:59:35,480
Speaker 4: until I have more stable income now. My partner and

1199
00:59:35,520 --> 00:59:37,760
Speaker 4: I we've been together for seven years, by the way,

1200
00:59:38,080 --> 00:59:40,760
Speaker 4: have been planning a trip to Europe with the intention

1201
00:59:40,960 --> 00:59:44,280
Speaker 4: of getting engaged. We've been talking about getting engaged for

1202
00:59:44,320 --> 00:59:46,760
Speaker 4: the past year or two, but put it off because

1203
00:59:46,760 --> 00:59:49,080
Speaker 4: my mom had been extremely ill for the past few

1204
00:59:49,160 --> 00:59:52,120
Speaker 4: years and it just wasn't the right time. He even

1205
00:59:52,200 --> 00:59:55,760
Speaker 4: already bought a ring last year. We also decided that

1206
00:59:55,800 --> 00:59:58,080
Speaker 4: if we get engaged, it would be a several year

1207
00:59:58,160 --> 01:00:01,920
Speaker 4: engagement until our lives are more stable. I revealed the

1208
01:00:01,960 --> 01:00:05,400
Speaker 4: plans to my mom's partner and he was immediately cold

1209
01:00:05,480 --> 01:00:09,560
Speaker 4: towards me and irritated, acting like I'm making an extremely

1210
01:00:09,600 --> 01:00:13,080
Speaker 4: irresponsible decision. My partner talked to him over the phone

1211
01:00:13,400 --> 01:00:15,840
Speaker 4: and they got into an argument, and my mom's partner

1212
01:00:15,840 --> 01:00:18,520
Speaker 4: suggested that the inheritance should have been split amongst my

1213
01:00:18,760 --> 01:00:23,680
Speaker 4: entire family, including him, grandma, uncle, and two cousins, and

1214
01:00:23,720 --> 01:00:25,400
Speaker 4: that it would be a better way to spend it

1215
01:00:25,480 --> 01:00:27,720
Speaker 4: than using some of it on a trip to Europe

1216
01:00:28,080 --> 01:00:31,040
Speaker 4: that my partner is paying for more to begin with,

1217
01:00:31,440 --> 01:00:34,200
Speaker 4: like seventy thirty. This just all goes down to I

1218
01:00:34,240 --> 01:00:37,160
Speaker 4: want that money. Oh, absolutely, I should have had been

1219
01:00:37,200 --> 01:00:38,400
Speaker 4: having that money. That's my money.

1220
01:00:38,760 --> 01:00:41,480
Speaker 8: People get weird when it comes around the money.

1221
01:00:42,000 --> 01:00:45,400
Speaker 4: Yeah. He also talked to my grandmother, who thinks that

1222
01:00:45,480 --> 01:00:48,120
Speaker 4: us going on several trips or vacations within six months

1223
01:00:48,120 --> 01:00:52,200
Speaker 4: of my mom passing is weird and irresponsible. My partner

1224
01:00:52,240 --> 01:00:53,800
Speaker 4: is now telling them that he will pay for the

1225
01:00:53,840 --> 01:00:57,200
Speaker 4: whole trip he's able to do so financially, and now

1226
01:00:57,240 --> 01:00:59,760
Speaker 4: my grandma wants to see his bank statements or proof

1227
01:00:59,800 --> 01:01:03,880
Speaker 4: of it. Come after he offered, dude, what nothing? Nothing's

1228
01:01:03,920 --> 01:01:08,840
Speaker 4: ever good enough? Huh. I understand their concerns, but also

1229
01:01:08,920 --> 01:01:12,080
Speaker 4: feel like they're trying to control me and my inheritance,

1230
01:01:12,520 --> 01:01:15,440
Speaker 4: and feel like it's sort of crossing a boundary. Not

1231
01:01:15,520 --> 01:01:17,840
Speaker 4: that I'm planning on it, but if I choose to

1232
01:01:17,920 --> 01:01:20,240
Speaker 4: blow all of the money or spend it in ways

1233
01:01:20,280 --> 01:01:23,280
Speaker 4: they don't approve on, I feel like that is totally

1234
01:01:23,320 --> 01:01:25,880
Speaker 4: my choice and my consequences to face.

1235
01:01:26,040 --> 01:01:26,439
Speaker 1: Mm hmm.

1236
01:01:26,960 --> 01:01:29,360
Speaker 4: I also don't think it's that crazy to want to

1237
01:01:29,520 --> 01:01:33,520
Speaker 4: travel after losing someone's you love. I've seen it in

1238
01:01:33,600 --> 01:01:36,640
Speaker 4: depictions in movies and books, and even my uncle suggested

1239
01:01:36,960 --> 01:01:38,720
Speaker 4: that maybe I would want to get a camper and

1240
01:01:38,760 --> 01:01:42,200
Speaker 4: travel around America for a bit to get my bearings. Plus,

1241
01:01:42,240 --> 01:01:45,960
Speaker 4: we aren't planning on like backpacking in Europe for several months.

1242
01:01:46,240 --> 01:01:48,360
Speaker 4: It would be a two week trip that we do

1243
01:01:48,440 --> 01:01:51,720
Speaker 4: fairly cheaply. We're not going to be blowing ten thousand

1244
01:01:51,800 --> 01:01:54,920
Speaker 4: dollars on one trip. I've lost both of my parents

1245
01:01:54,960 --> 01:01:57,560
Speaker 4: at a pretty young age and don't have much close family,

1246
01:01:57,920 --> 01:02:01,360
Speaker 4: which leaves one incredibly frazzle, old, wounded, and in need

1247
01:02:01,440 --> 01:02:05,439
Speaker 4: of some soul searching. I amo, I don't know what

1248
01:02:05,520 --> 01:02:08,200
Speaker 4: do you all think? Is my family being controlling? Am

1249
01:02:08,200 --> 01:02:09,920
Speaker 4: I missing something? Or am I the one and the

1250
01:02:09,960 --> 01:02:14,080
Speaker 4: wrong advice or suggestions? My family's being controlling about how

1251
01:02:14,080 --> 01:02:16,520
Speaker 4: I spend my inheritance. I want to spend a small

1252
01:02:16,600 --> 01:02:18,760
Speaker 4: portion of the money traveling, but they don't approve, and

1253
01:02:18,800 --> 01:02:21,160
Speaker 4: it's causing tention to my relationship with them. Should I

1254
01:02:21,200 --> 01:02:23,880
Speaker 4: refrain from traveling to appease them? Or are they crossing

1255
01:02:23,920 --> 01:02:27,480
Speaker 4: boundaries by trying to control how I spend it? Like

1256
01:02:27,560 --> 01:02:30,760
Speaker 4: in their dream scenario, it's like, you go, you know what,

1257
01:02:30,840 --> 01:02:33,360
Speaker 4: You're right, I don't know how to handle this money.

1258
01:02:33,440 --> 01:02:35,640
Speaker 4: I should put it in a trust with your names

1259
01:02:35,680 --> 01:02:37,680
Speaker 4: on it, so you can handle the money for me

1260
01:02:37,760 --> 01:02:39,760
Speaker 4: and spend it however you deem necessary.

1261
01:02:40,000 --> 01:02:41,400
Speaker 8: Oh, don't do that.

1262
01:02:41,400 --> 01:02:43,680
Speaker 4: That's what they want. That is what they want, that's

1263
01:02:43,720 --> 01:02:47,560
Speaker 4: what they're hoping for. But they literally can't do anything

1264
01:02:47,720 --> 01:02:51,160
Speaker 4: about it is your money. Now, do I think that

1265
01:02:51,240 --> 01:02:53,600
Speaker 4: you should be like mean or cruel to them? I

1266
01:02:53,600 --> 01:02:57,120
Speaker 4: don't know. It's people always get weird about money. You know,

1267
01:02:57,280 --> 01:02:58,960
Speaker 4: don't go out of your way to buy them a

1268
01:02:59,000 --> 01:03:03,600
Speaker 4: twenty thousand dollars war because clearly that would be you know, irresponsible.

1269
01:03:03,000 --> 01:03:04,200
Speaker 8: But still want more.

1270
01:03:05,040 --> 01:03:07,480
Speaker 4: Be a little thoughtful, get them something they need, you know,

1271
01:03:07,680 --> 01:03:10,040
Speaker 4: I mean, I get it that like it wasn't given

1272
01:03:10,040 --> 01:03:12,360
Speaker 4: to you, but like it's a lot of money, and uh,

1273
01:03:12,480 --> 01:03:14,240
Speaker 4: you know, it makes sense that they're looking at it

1274
01:03:14,280 --> 01:03:17,080
Speaker 4: and being like, man, I didn't get anything, not that

1275
01:03:17,160 --> 01:03:19,439
Speaker 4: you know, like oh man, five K would really helped

1276
01:03:19,720 --> 01:03:22,000
Speaker 4: about this or that or you know what, what have you.

1277
01:03:22,400 --> 01:03:24,840
Speaker 4: I'm sure they also would be you know, taking a

1278
01:03:24,880 --> 01:03:29,400
Speaker 4: trip with this money. It's crazy, but.

1279
01:03:27,920 --> 01:03:29,200
Speaker 8: But they can. You you can't.

1280
01:03:29,200 --> 01:03:31,800
Speaker 4: You're too young, right, you don't know how to do it, right, say,

1281
01:03:31,880 --> 01:03:33,760
Speaker 4: I've got my plans for this money, but why don't

1282
01:03:33,760 --> 01:03:35,400
Speaker 4: you guys just send me a plan? What should I

1283
01:03:35,440 --> 01:03:37,080
Speaker 4: do with it? Why don't you tell me exactly what

1284
01:03:37,120 --> 01:03:38,680
Speaker 4: I should be doing with it? They're saying, like buy

1285
01:03:38,680 --> 01:03:41,880
Speaker 4: a house. She's like, I want to, but not while

1286
01:03:41,880 --> 01:03:45,560
Speaker 4: the markets like this. I think low key buying a

1287
01:03:45,560 --> 01:03:47,800
Speaker 4: house is not a bad idea, but you don't know

1288
01:03:47,840 --> 01:03:49,800
Speaker 4: where you want to buy the house yet. So no,

1289
01:03:50,000 --> 01:03:53,840
Speaker 4: that makes sense. You're not being the a hole. And no,

1290
01:03:54,040 --> 01:03:55,440
Speaker 4: it does feel like they want to control where that

1291
01:03:55,480 --> 01:03:58,440
Speaker 4: money goes. Let's let's finish this story. Uh, there's an edit.

1292
01:03:58,560 --> 01:04:01,320
Speaker 4: I also forgot to add this. There's a smaller amount

1293
01:04:01,360 --> 01:04:04,240
Speaker 4: of the money, like thirty thousand that's being held up

1294
01:04:04,280 --> 01:04:06,800
Speaker 4: in probate court. I have an attorney for it, but

1295
01:04:06,840 --> 01:04:09,520
Speaker 4: she's been taking an incredibly long time and I'm considering

1296
01:04:09,560 --> 01:04:12,919
Speaker 4: getting a different attorney. However, in the meantime, I'm worried

1297
01:04:12,920 --> 01:04:16,040
Speaker 4: about my stepdad or grandma going after the money against me.

1298
01:04:16,800 --> 01:04:19,280
Speaker 4: Is this something they could do. I'm wondering if I

1299
01:04:19,280 --> 01:04:22,120
Speaker 4: should cancel the trip, which was planned one week from now,

1300
01:04:22,640 --> 01:04:25,200
Speaker 4: and we have some comments, Oh go on the trip, dude, Yeah,

1301
01:04:25,360 --> 01:04:28,120
Speaker 4: I'd say go on the trip. Come at When quoting

1302
01:04:28,160 --> 01:04:32,240
Speaker 4: back the uh, my mom's partner suggested that the inheritance

1303
01:04:32,240 --> 01:04:35,200
Speaker 4: should have been split, and there it is. I was

1304
01:04:35,240 --> 01:04:38,120
Speaker 4: waiting for it. Op, they want your money. Oh yeah,

1305
01:04:38,200 --> 01:04:41,360
Speaker 4: stop telling them anything. Stop talking to them. They don't

1306
01:04:41,360 --> 01:04:43,760
Speaker 4: have your best interests in mind they are prioritizing their

1307
01:04:43,800 --> 01:04:47,080
Speaker 4: own interests. Lastly, find a financial planner and use some

1308
01:04:47,120 --> 01:04:50,280
Speaker 4: of the money to invest. Establish a fund and IRA

1309
01:04:50,800 --> 01:04:54,040
Speaker 4: and make sound investment choices to secure your future. This

1310
01:04:54,080 --> 01:04:56,480
Speaker 4: is solid advice. The planner can help you make a

1311
01:04:56,520 --> 01:04:59,800
Speaker 4: plan for different financial goals like house down payments, retirement

1312
01:05:00,040 --> 01:05:02,520
Speaker 4: urgency funds, and also plan for some liquid savings for

1313
01:05:02,560 --> 01:05:06,600
Speaker 4: fun money. Chop around and find someone good. Also, you'll

1314
01:05:06,640 --> 01:05:10,080
Speaker 4: want these accounts to be in your name only, not

1315
01:05:10,280 --> 01:05:14,560
Speaker 4: your partner. Inheritance money is separate property unless you commingle it.

1316
01:05:15,000 --> 01:05:17,400
Speaker 4: If you mix funds in a joint account, get married,

1317
01:05:17,440 --> 01:05:20,040
Speaker 4: and then a year later he divorces you, he gets half.

1318
01:05:20,640 --> 01:05:23,640
Speaker 4: Protect yourself, even if you love this man and intend

1319
01:05:23,680 --> 01:05:27,439
Speaker 4: to marry. Another comment says next some people are quite

1320
01:05:27,520 --> 01:05:30,240
Speaker 4: proud of having never even left the town they are

1321
01:05:30,320 --> 01:05:33,760
Speaker 4: raised it. Travel for those types is frivolous and silly.

1322
01:05:33,960 --> 01:05:36,720
Speaker 4: They just don't get it and they never will. Your

1323
01:05:36,800 --> 01:05:40,320
Speaker 4: lovely family aren't that concerned about you. They're mad they

1324
01:05:40,360 --> 01:05:42,400
Speaker 4: didn't get money, so they don't want to see you

1325
01:05:42,560 --> 01:05:42,960
Speaker 4: using it.

1326
01:05:43,120 --> 01:05:43,360
Speaker 5: Yeh.

1327
01:05:43,840 --> 01:05:46,680
Speaker 4: I would just gray rock these folks and shut down

1328
01:05:46,720 --> 01:05:49,240
Speaker 4: the convo if they bring it up and if you

1329
01:05:49,280 --> 01:05:52,600
Speaker 4: do meet with a CFP, you can let them know

1330
01:05:52,800 --> 01:05:55,920
Speaker 4: that you're being advised by a professional so their input

1331
01:05:55,960 --> 01:05:59,640
Speaker 4: is not needed. And OP replies to this, thank you,

1332
01:06:00,200 --> 01:06:03,520
Speaker 4: I really appreciate your comment. I agree. My stepdad is

1333
01:06:03,560 --> 01:06:05,560
Speaker 4: definitely one of those who has never left the town

1334
01:06:05,640 --> 01:06:08,960
Speaker 4: he was raised in and think that any travel is unnecessary.

1335
01:06:09,600 --> 01:06:12,560
Speaker 4: That's also what I've been worried about before my stepdad

1336
01:06:12,640 --> 01:06:14,920
Speaker 4: recently mentioned that the inheritance should have been split. I

1337
01:06:14,920 --> 01:06:17,400
Speaker 4: had a gut feeling that they secretly felt that way

1338
01:06:17,800 --> 01:06:21,040
Speaker 4: but weren't telling me. I'll definitely look into getting a

1339
01:06:21,040 --> 01:06:24,960
Speaker 4: financial planner. Thank you. A third comment says, my primary

1340
01:06:25,000 --> 01:06:28,640
Speaker 4: advice is to tell nobody about what you are doing.

1341
01:06:29,000 --> 01:06:32,560
Speaker 4: Go low contact and tell absolutely no one, This includes

1342
01:06:32,600 --> 01:06:36,000
Speaker 4: your partner. Also, comment for says, ensure that your financial

1343
01:06:36,000 --> 01:06:40,280
Speaker 4: consultant is a fiduciary, just flat out ask the perspective

1344
01:06:40,480 --> 01:06:44,720
Speaker 4: financial consultant. A fiduciary is legally bound to put their clients'

1345
01:06:44,760 --> 01:06:48,280
Speaker 4: best interests ahead of their own. Fifth comment, it sounds

1346
01:06:48,320 --> 01:06:50,760
Speaker 4: like you might have some bitter relatives that they don't

1347
01:06:50,760 --> 01:06:55,000
Speaker 4: benefit they from the inheritance. Your stepdad played his hand

1348
01:06:55,000 --> 01:06:58,240
Speaker 4: too early in their manipulation. Believe what they are doing.

1349
01:06:58,760 --> 01:07:01,560
Speaker 4: They are showing their true colors, trying to browbeat you

1350
01:07:01,600 --> 01:07:04,680
Speaker 4: into something for themselves. Did your mother get it from

1351
01:07:04,720 --> 01:07:06,800
Speaker 4: her side of the family or was it from her

1352
01:07:06,840 --> 01:07:10,200
Speaker 4: own efforts? I ask, because if it came from, for example,

1353
01:07:10,240 --> 01:07:13,440
Speaker 4: your mother's dad, wouldn't they have gotten inheritance too. At

1354
01:07:13,440 --> 01:07:15,840
Speaker 4: the same time, don't let them get in your head.

1355
01:07:16,160 --> 01:07:18,720
Speaker 4: This is about you and what your mom wanted for

1356
01:07:18,800 --> 01:07:22,080
Speaker 4: you. You lost your mom and need healing. While they are

1357
01:07:22,120 --> 01:07:28,120
Speaker 4: preoccupied with the material aspect, OPI replied, they definitely seem bitter,

1358
01:07:28,520 --> 01:07:30,720
Speaker 4: and I've had a gut feeling that they've been bitter

1359
01:07:30,800 --> 01:07:33,560
Speaker 4: this whole time in secret, but it's just now starting

1360
01:07:33,600 --> 01:07:36,560
Speaker 4: to really come out. The inheritance comes from my mother's

1361
01:07:36,720 --> 01:07:42,200
Speaker 4: own efforts, not from any previous inheritances. And that is

1362
01:07:42,240 --> 01:07:44,800
Speaker 4: the end of that story. And yeah, that is your money,

1363
01:07:45,040 --> 01:07:47,360
Speaker 4: it is you know, if it's this didn't come from

1364
01:07:47,360 --> 01:07:50,320
Speaker 4: the family, This came from her. She earned that money

1365
01:07:50,320 --> 01:07:53,440
Speaker 4: and has you money now. And yeah, go lo contact

1366
01:07:53,440 --> 01:07:57,400
Speaker 4: with your family members that want to leach from you.

1367
01:07:58,000 --> 01:08:00,000
Speaker 8: It's gonna be tough. This will probably be the hardest

1368
01:08:00,160 --> 01:08:02,520
Speaker 8: thing to go through for a while that's what you

1369
01:08:02,560 --> 01:08:02,960
Speaker 8: gotta do.

1370
01:08:03,760 --> 01:08:08,439
Speaker 4: Yeah, maybe Grandma, you know, I don't know, Graham. Graham

1371
01:08:08,520 --> 01:08:10,920
Speaker 4: might be able to work her way back in. I

1372
01:08:10,960 --> 01:08:14,520
Speaker 4: think it just matters with like it was. To be clear,

1373
01:08:14,560 --> 01:08:18,519
Speaker 4: it was the stepdad who was the one who was

1374
01:08:18,560 --> 01:08:21,599
Speaker 4: like it should have been split. That doesn't necessarily mean

1375
01:08:21,720 --> 01:08:24,200
Speaker 4: that grandma feels, you know, the same way that he

1376
01:08:24,280 --> 01:08:27,439
Speaker 4: does about wanting to take your money. But she she

1377
01:08:27,560 --> 01:08:30,599
Speaker 4: also might, you know, not agree with how you spend it.

1378
01:08:30,720 --> 01:08:33,560
Speaker 4: But that's you know, her thing. Anyway you do, you

1379
01:08:34,320 --> 01:08:36,400
Speaker 4: feel better, just lost your mom.

1380
01:08:36,720 --> 01:08:40,280
Speaker 8: Get that RV. Check out all the you know food

1381
01:08:40,320 --> 01:08:40,960
Speaker 8: chain restaurants.

1382
01:08:40,960 --> 01:08:43,600
Speaker 4: You want National parks and chain restaurants. It's all you

1383
01:08:43,680 --> 01:08:46,080
Speaker 4: men in the RV. That's the best way to spend

1384
01:08:46,960 --> 01:08:47,880
Speaker 4: your grieving time.