Speaker 1: You're listening to Comedy Central.
Speaker 2: Wow, Hey, everybody, welcome to hold up. It's a big
Speaker 2: show about not a lot. I'm gonna do one of
Speaker 2: these every episode. I'm just gonna find a way to
Speaker 2: describe it in another way. I'm your your co host, host,
Speaker 2: co host whenever there's two. It does also make it
Speaker 2: a bit of a weird thing.
Speaker 1: Whenever you do the drops, you always say that you're
Speaker 1: the host.
Speaker 2: So yeah, yeah, but then that's just because you're not there.
Speaker 1: Wow.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but i'm your host Josh Johnson joined by my
Speaker 2: co host.
Speaker 1: Wow. The downgrade.
Speaker 2: It's like a pilot co pilot situation, right like, because
Speaker 2: there's some days that you're gonna be piloting. Okay, there's
Speaker 2: gonna be days where you care very much about something
Speaker 2: that I'm just opposed, but I don't care as much.
Speaker 2: That's a pilot day for you.
Speaker 1: Okay, Okay, okay, I hear you, I hear you.
Speaker 2: What's your name? Tell the people I am going.
Speaker 1: To say Sloan could have been Lazaria Sloan. But there
Speaker 1: was a very brave woman who did my birth certificate
Speaker 1: who really just had to put a foot down. I'll
Speaker 1: tell you that story. Later. But yeah, I'm dual, say Sloan,
Speaker 1: I'm here. I woke up and it is what it is. Baby.
Speaker 2: Uh.
Speaker 1: You know, the Lord blessed us to see another day,
Speaker 1: to talk about the nonsense that we talk about on
Speaker 1: this here podcast.
Speaker 2: So we're here. We're here on this audio format today
Speaker 2: not to talk about anything big going on the world.
Speaker 2: We're not talking about climate change, We're not talking about
Speaker 2: anything serious. We are diametrically opposed. We are butting heads.
Speaker 2: We can't seem to agree on windows seat versus as'le see.
Speaker 1: Because you don't want to live right.
Speaker 2: I don't want to live right. You're out here living
Speaker 2: in chaos. Okay, So tell the people what side you're on.
Speaker 1: I am team window seat, Joshua, where do you land
Speaker 1: on this?
Speaker 2: I'm team I'll see, because we can at least both
Speaker 2: agree that no one in our Christian circle would want
Speaker 2: the middle seat. That that is a life listen. That
Speaker 2: is that if you love the middle seat, I'll go
Speaker 2: ahead and say it. I don't care who it offends.
Speaker 2: I think you're living foul.
Speaker 1: You're living very foul. Also, I could say it's been
Speaker 1: a good minute since I've been in a situation on
Speaker 1: a plane where there even was a middle seat.
Speaker 2: Wow. Wow, Wow, Wow, that's that. That's one of those
Speaker 2: things that look that's a blessing, look at Jesus. But
Speaker 2: I would not tell everybody that all the time. You
Speaker 2: know there's haters out here.
Speaker 1: You know that you can't let everyone know how the
Speaker 1: Lord blesses you. What I can tell you. What I
Speaker 1: can't tell you is that first class seats are more
Speaker 1: affordable in certain situations than you think they would be.
Speaker 1: But like sometimes like I've gotten like, yo, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: say you, how Lord bless me? One time I got
Speaker 1: a lay down seat. I'm talking about flat right.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Jet Blue Delta, Delta Okay, New York, Okay to
Speaker 2: San Francisco.
Speaker 1: Our round trip six hundred and fifty eight dollars. Wow.
Speaker 1: I don't know how, I don't know who, I don't
Speaker 1: know what glitch happened on Delta on that good morning.
Speaker 1: But I needed that seat because I got very sick.
Speaker 1: It's like twenty nineteen. Remember I got so sick. I
Speaker 1: lost twenty pounds in a month, like well like actually
Speaker 1: in a week, and I was just sick all month.
Speaker 1: And we came back to working at the leaving man,
Speaker 1: I was so sick. The man next to me put
Speaker 1: the blanket on me, like tuck me in. Then when
Speaker 1: we landed, they didn't make me put my seat up.
Speaker 1: They just let me land flat. And I promise you.
Speaker 1: I looked at the mirror one day and I was like,
Speaker 1: wait a minute, let me just see how much y'all wait,
Speaker 1: And in like seven or ten days, I lost twenty pounds.
Speaker 1: And I called my homegirl and told her after I
Speaker 1: started to feeling better, and she was like, bitch, come
Speaker 1: cough in my mouth, what are you talking about? Twenty
Speaker 1: pounds of ten days. She's like, listen, I had a dude,
Speaker 1: tell me lose a weight, he said, either by sickness
Speaker 1: or by fitness. But we gonna get this way out.
Speaker 2: Look, I'll tell you right now, right that thing of
Speaker 2: not even being in the world of middle seeds, ye
Speaker 2: is wild.
Speaker 1: Have you ever been on the Jet Blue flight Mint.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna tell you what I'm with. First class is
Speaker 1: very affordable Jet Blue Mint. They don't have it all
Speaker 1: the time, they don't do it on every flight, they
Speaker 1: don't do it on every flighty route. Yeah, but bro
Speaker 1: good food. Good food. Also Delta the disrespect. Delta does
Speaker 1: not offer a lay down seat from New York to
Speaker 1: San Diego, just not at all.
Speaker 2: Delta is okay. So sometimes I'm in Atlanta and sometimes
Speaker 2: I get to that airport, I'm like, y'all really must
Speaker 2: be feeling yourselves because the fact that you close.
Speaker 3: So do you have clear?
Speaker 1: Of course I have clear if you're a person who
Speaker 1: travels like but I mean comics who travel a lot
Speaker 1: who don't have clear a PreCheck, and I'm like, you
Speaker 1: don't have eighty dollars.
Speaker 2: Also, this is my thing about pre Check. This is
Speaker 2: my thing about like that stuff is wild. This is proof.
Speaker 2: This is like, you know, American American flaws at their finest,
Speaker 2: because everything that we do around pre check is proof
Speaker 2: we really don't need to be doing this stuff at all,
Speaker 2: because you mean that for an extra eighty dollars, I
Speaker 2: couldn't possibly be a terrorist on.
Speaker 1: A driver's license.
Speaker 2: Uh huh.
Speaker 1: They take all of your fingerprints.
Speaker 4: M hm.
Speaker 1: When I went to my pre check interview, they took
Speaker 1: all my fingerprints and it asked me like a few questions.
Speaker 1: I was in the car longer than they interviewed me.
Speaker 2: I will tell you right now that when they did all.
Speaker 2: I don't care if you're clear pre check anything. When
Speaker 2: they take all your fingerprints, when they do all this
Speaker 2: background check whatever, that doesn't mean I'm not gonna be crazy,
Speaker 2: like that's puny crazy.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: That's my thing with this whole thing where I'm like,
Speaker 2: you did all this background stuff. Yeah, that just means
Speaker 2: a person hasn't done anything yet.
Speaker 1: But also when you look at this is the thing.
Speaker 1: I think they probably look into certain people more than
Speaker 1: they look at the other people. I come walking in
Speaker 1: to get my pre checked.
Speaker 2: They're like, yeah, she.
Speaker 1: Ain't gonna do nothing. I'm not gonna they know, like
Speaker 1: win in a history of life, have you seen any
Speaker 1: black woman do any fucking thing. When I walked in,
Speaker 1: they were like, bro, just just take her. I was
Speaker 1: I was literally like I was done. I just would
Speaker 1: That's it.
Speaker 2: I mean, I've only seen black women blow shit up
Speaker 2: as a manner of speech. Yes, it's always in theory.
Speaker 1: Right, it's always like I'm hurting everybody's I'm gonna light
Speaker 1: this bitch up, as in I'm taking I'm thinking shots
Speaker 1: at everybody in the room verbally m hm. But it's
Speaker 1: like we're not doing terrorism.
Speaker 2: The the just just so that we, at any point
Speaker 2: in the podcast actually cover the topic I want to hear.
Speaker 2: I want to hear your thoughts and feelings on the
Speaker 2: window seat and why you think it's superior.
Speaker 1: Okay, I will start with this because I know this
Speaker 1: is going to be your point, right, So I'm gonna
Speaker 1: give you this.
Speaker 2: Oh okay, wow before you even say I already know
Speaker 2: your point. Okay, go ahead, go ahead, I know.
Speaker 1: You're going to say now, the only cause you know,
Speaker 1: usually I start with it's kind of like, give me
Speaker 1: the bad news first. The only hiccup to a window seat, yeah,
Speaker 1: is that you have to ask an adult to let
Speaker 1: you peek. Yeah, that is, but I can't tell you.
Speaker 1: There are a few airlines mm hmm. First of all,
Speaker 1: if you're on Alaska Airlines flight and you were sitting
Speaker 1: in that very first row, yeah, there's enough seat. There's
Speaker 1: enough space for you to get around the other person.
Speaker 1: If you are on Hawaiian air the way they're laid
Speaker 1: down seats are set up is there is more of
Speaker 1: an adequate space to get up and go to the
Speaker 1: restroom without even waking the other person up or making
Speaker 1: them even have to sit up delta. On the other
Speaker 1: hand puts you in fucking like isolation tube cubbies. So
Speaker 1: that's why if you ever I was asking you if
Speaker 1: you've ever been on those mint flights, the one where
Speaker 1: you're in the where.
Speaker 2: It's just you and the road just you fire.
Speaker 1: Yes, there's that, and I think Delta might do it
Speaker 1: because you know there of some flights there's like first
Speaker 1: class and then there's business class. M h if usually
Speaker 1: it's for a job because I'm not paying that much
Speaker 1: money to be in the skoy Like, I have my limits.
Speaker 1: I have my limits, and sometimes you're just like how
Speaker 1: many fouts bitch like this? Sometimes it's just too much money, right, Yeah,
Speaker 1: but that's the only downfall of a window seat where
Speaker 1: you have to be like you either have to coordinate
Speaker 1: it or like you either have to ask the other person.
Speaker 1: Because that's why I got to a point where I
Speaker 1: would just fucking hibernate. I get on the plane, I
Speaker 1: eat my food, and I am donezo and so I
Speaker 1: don't have to pee until I get off the plane.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: It's only recently where I'm been like, you know what,
Speaker 1: maybe I should pee because because I say something just
Speaker 1: being about a plane, I'm just like I'm gonna find
Speaker 1: I'm out, I'm donezo, I'm fucking hibernating. It's yeah, because
Speaker 1: I don't want to wake up the other person. Also,
Speaker 1: if you were the asshole that gets upset when the
Speaker 1: person in the window seats ask you fuck you, you
Speaker 1: cannot be upset when the person in the window seat
Speaker 1: is like, hey, I need to go to the bathroom
Speaker 1: because I had a guy go or you're getting up.
Speaker 1: I was like, bro oh, I know the wildest thing
Speaker 1: that ever happened. I was on a plane. I'm in
Speaker 1: the window seat. There is this man in the middle
Speaker 1: who is translucent right what. He's very old white man.
Speaker 1: I don't know if he got any work done or whatever,
Speaker 1: but he looked like a fucking like one of those
Speaker 1: fish that live in the parts of the ocean where
Speaker 1: like there's no light. So he had this crazy like
Speaker 1: clear you can see like all the veins in his face.
Speaker 1: It was nuts. And then he had like this two
Speaker 1: pay that looked like it was just like kind of melted.
Speaker 1: And then there was this person that he was with,
Speaker 1: this other guy that was with him. I don't know
Speaker 1: if he was his whoever friend or whatever chaperone handler.
Speaker 1: I don't know. And so he's sitting in the row
Speaker 1: in front of us in the window. So I'm at
Speaker 1: the window, see through white man in the middle, Asian
Speaker 1: guy on the end, right, Okay. So we're sitting there
Speaker 1: and he's just like doing too much right okay. He's
Speaker 1: he keeps hopping up to start talking to the person
Speaker 1: his friend in the row in front of us. Okay,
Speaker 1: and he's like bumping in us as he's doing it.
Speaker 1: I'm like okay. And then they come by and give
Speaker 1: you like the little snack box or whatever. And then
Speaker 1: when he's done with his food, he puts his trash
Speaker 1: on and the Asian dude's tray, so he's like, I'm done,
Speaker 1: and then he just moves his stuff and me and
Speaker 1: Asian dude look at each other like, yo, what the fuck?
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 1: So I had the window open to take off. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and then when we're getting ready to land, I left
Speaker 1: the window closed and he went to reach across me.
Speaker 1: He's like, can you open the window? I was like no,
Speaker 1: and then he went to reach across me and I
Speaker 1: was like, do you better not reach across me to
Speaker 1: open this window? And he's like I want to see that.
Speaker 1: I said, then you should have gotten a window seat.
Speaker 1: You won't be watching it today. He went to reach
Speaker 1: across me. I went, sir, he was read ridiculous. Also,
Speaker 1: I've never seen this on the second time my life
Speaker 1: Arsino two paid where the hair looked melted. It was
Speaker 1: like part two part hair plugs. There was a lot
Speaker 1: going on.
Speaker 2: With this man. And so this person was a middle
Speaker 2: seat right.
Speaker 1: Yes, acting fucking wild.
Speaker 2: So I felt like, yeah, we've already established that the
Speaker 2: middle seat comes with a different energy.
Speaker 3: Why he knew.
Speaker 1: But also it's like your friend was in the window,
Speaker 1: your friend in twitch seats with you, You knew that you
Speaker 1: were acting wild. So like, that's the other thing about
Speaker 1: being in the window. If you're in a window seat
Speaker 1: on a three row and a three seater row mm hmm,
Speaker 1: you have to acknowledge you might not asking two people
Speaker 1: to get up to PE. That's hard. So the secret
Speaker 1: is you wait till the person in the middle gets
Speaker 1: up to P or the person on the aisle gets
Speaker 1: up to pcause that's what I do when I'm on
Speaker 1: plans now, it's when the person on the aisle gets
Speaker 1: up to P, then I'm like, okay, I'll get up there.
Speaker 1: Because I'm not interrupting you because you got up.
Speaker 2: I get you. So this this is my thing. When
Speaker 2: when I choose an aisle seat, I'm thinking ahead. I'm planning,
Speaker 2: all right, I'm putting. I'm putting something together. I'm planning
Speaker 2: the entire experience because yeah, I'm gonna have to get
Speaker 2: up sometimes when people need to peek. I understand that.
Speaker 2: But also I got first access to the snacks.
Speaker 3: I got first access to the.
Speaker 2: Safety lie of y'all, window seats are dead if things
Speaker 2: go awry on this flight.
Speaker 1: But you have but you have first access. I hear you.
Speaker 1: But I've sat and out that cart running into me
Speaker 1: over and over. It is that cart bumping into me. People,
Speaker 1: But I don't like people bumping into me. It is
Speaker 1: the bane of my existence. Like people bumping into me.
Speaker 1: When you are in the aisle seat, there's a lot
Speaker 1: of people in your personal space. Okay, someone's reaching over
Speaker 1: you to give one or two other people's necks, one
Speaker 1: or two other people a tray of food when they're
Speaker 1: asking somebody what they want to drink. Now they're leaning
Speaker 1: over you, right, oh, talk to one or two other people.
Speaker 1: You and the flight attendant might as well be making
Speaker 1: out for the amount of times this person is about
Speaker 1: to be in your personal space in a tube in
Speaker 1: the fucking sky. It's too much. That's why I don't
Speaker 1: do ile sea, because it's an invasion of my personal
Speaker 1: space on a regular basis. Somebody going to the back,
Speaker 1: like the number of times I've been good in sleep,
Speaker 1: and somebody has just bumped the number I've bumped into.
Speaker 1: Plenty of people in an aisle, see just coming back
Speaker 1: and forth from their arm is on the arm rest right,
Speaker 1: you are trying to avoid one arm. Boom, you hit
Speaker 1: another arm. It's like a fucking it's I'm pinballing my
Speaker 1: hips down the fucking aisle. And if your arm is
Speaker 1: out or your legs too far out, it's like you're
Speaker 1: getting touched.
Speaker 2: Let's go over a couple of etiquette things, just in general,
Speaker 2: so we can make sure we're on the same page
Speaker 2: as we decide if window or aisle is better. Okay, okay,
Speaker 2: Now when you and this is a different time in
Speaker 2: your life, I understand, but I'm asking you to go there. Yes,
Speaker 2: when you in the past had to be in the
Speaker 2: middle seat, Oh, it.
Speaker 1: Wasn't often because the thing is middle seat. Middle seats
Speaker 1: only happen if you don't plan ahead.
Speaker 2: I know, I know I was asking you to go
Speaker 2: to that place. I'm not saying you're gonna go back.
Speaker 2: I feel like as soon as I brought it up,
Speaker 2: you were like, don't put that evil off me.
Speaker 1: Don't you put that on me?
Speaker 2: Rick and Bobbie, and so all I'm saying is, do
Speaker 2: you subscribe whether you're in the window or aisle, that
Speaker 2: the arm rest goes to the middle seat.
Speaker 1: I think the arm rest goes to the middle seat
Speaker 1: because the aisle has an arm rest, the window has
Speaker 1: the whole side of the plane.
Speaker 2: They have the Majesty of Flighty, the.
Speaker 1: Majesty flights, They've got a window to look out of.
Speaker 1: You see what I'm saying. So I think the arm
Speaker 1: rests should go to the middle seat. I have been
Speaker 1: in the elbow competition with someone when I was in
Speaker 1: a middle seat, and I thought very disrespectful. I also
Speaker 1: have been on planes where because you know, when you
Speaker 1: start doing colleges, the planes get stall smaller, like like
Speaker 1: Russian stacking dolls. So I've been on a plane. I
Speaker 1: can I can tell you I was on a plane
Speaker 1: one time and there was this very like just muscular man,
Speaker 1: this this huge man. He sat down after I sat down,
Speaker 1: and I just spent the whole flight just behind his shoulder,
Speaker 1: like that's where I want to just this is where
Speaker 1: I live. Now. Me and this man go together because
Speaker 1: there was nowhere, there was nowhere. We're a couple. For
Speaker 1: the next two hours, me and this man go together.
Speaker 1: And he would ask me, and I was very much
Speaker 1: like the you. I was like, no, I'm good, I'm okay.
Speaker 1: They're like kids, you can't do anything. But when it
Speaker 1: came to that arm rest, when it came to that
Speaker 1: arm us, I let Homeboy have it. And I let
Speaker 1: Homeboy have it because I had his whole fucking shoulder.
Speaker 1: That's why I let him have it. If you are
Speaker 1: just out here, just your body, just on people, Yeah,
Speaker 1: we go together like truly until this plan lands. I
Speaker 1: am your wife.
Speaker 2: You didn't you didn't say it this way what? But
Speaker 2: I can tell that this man was good looking because
Speaker 2: just the way that because you were like, no, anytime
Speaker 2: anytime you get that quiet, I know, I know you're
Speaker 2: like feeling something.
Speaker 1: No. No, it's it's like no, no, no.
Speaker 2: My fin you know, it's like quiet and a little
Speaker 2: bit of shake to it too.
Speaker 1: No, I got sucking Jane fucking Catherine hepburn but no,
Speaker 1: but I I've been on flights where I also this
Speaker 1: man got so mad at me. I was the window. See,
Speaker 1: he was in the aisle. This is I was. I
Speaker 1: was on the United flight and I was just like, oh,
Speaker 1: the middle class is dying because first class was full.
Speaker 1: So there was three sections on this plane, right, it
Speaker 1: was first class, I guess, there was a middle business
Speaker 1: class area and then there was economy. Right, first class
Speaker 1: fucking jam packed. Economy full of shit. There were forty
Speaker 1: seats yeah, in the middle that had five six people
Speaker 1: in them, And I was like, what the fuck is
Speaker 1: happening on this plane? They couldn't push any of them
Speaker 1: people from economy up here because when you look back
Speaker 1: at economy, I swear there were sirens. It was a
Speaker 1: fucking greyhound bus back there. Somebody had a bird like
Speaker 1: it was fucking a while back there, and there was curtains,
Speaker 1: and I was like, I've never seen a curtain on
Speaker 1: this part. But this man sits down next to me.
Speaker 1: He you didn't have a little brother, so you don't
Speaker 1: know what the little brother felt like. You know how
Speaker 1: teenage boys smell where it's just that like funk. You
Speaker 1: were teenage boys, you probably don't sme there's a slight funk.
Speaker 1: There's a very specific funk to a teenage boy. Okay
Speaker 1: that unless you had like a brother, you don't know
Speaker 1: what it is. And a forty year old man sat
Speaker 1: next to me, smelling like a thirteen year old boy
Speaker 1: who just got at a pe class and he was
Speaker 1: doing Mind you, the plane had not left anywhere. Also,
Speaker 1: he came and sat down next to me, which I
Speaker 1: get it, because there was a whole section fucking it.
Speaker 1: You don't know where these people are, right, We're in
Speaker 1: the beginning of the boarding groups. You don't know these
Speaker 1: people don't fill up the plane. He sits down immediately,
Speaker 1: man spreads arms out, so now we're going for the
Speaker 1: fucking jockey. And because he's got the fun, he had
Speaker 1: the fuck completely fucking obnoxious right bumping in, knocking my
Speaker 1: arm off the armress. I was like, oh, this is
Speaker 1: what we're doing, bitch, let me explain something to you.
Speaker 1: I started doing the exact same thing. I'm spreading my
Speaker 1: arms out, getting my chest wide so I have titties.
Speaker 1: I need space, right, getting my chest wide I'm man spreading,
Speaker 1: pushing his arm off the arm rest. Bitch, you want
Speaker 1: to go, let's go right, the plane has not taken
Speaker 1: off yet. Yeah, he goes and complains to the flight attendant.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: And then she looked at me and then looked at him,
Speaker 1: and I just saw her go get another seat, just
Speaker 1: sit somewhere else. Yeah, and then afterwards she was like,
Speaker 1: what the hell. I was like, I don't know, I did.
Speaker 1: It was the wildest thing to me. I've had dudes
Speaker 1: in middle seats go to man spread, but he's there's
Speaker 1: me on one side and then another man on the
Speaker 1: other side. So now they're just trying to man spread
Speaker 1: on the right. I'm like, you can't just man spread
Speaker 1: on the right. That's not how this works. You spread
Speaker 1: and you spreading. Now, so you go to spread, I'm
Speaker 1: spreading that like we all bitch for creepy cheese out here.
Speaker 1: Everybody getting spread peanut butter at but fucking country crop.
Speaker 1: I don't care. Everybody gets bread. Right, So there's that thing.
Speaker 1: You're in the middle seat. Keep your fucking We're giving
Speaker 1: you the armrests, but act right. Also, we're already this
Speaker 1: is already the least amount of space that a human
Speaker 1: being can be in. They have calculated it. Okay, they've
Speaker 1: made sure. What's the most reasonable amount of space to
Speaker 1: put a human being in and then not start a
Speaker 1: fucking riot?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Yeah, because yeah, exactly exactly, what's the smallest amount of
Speaker 2: space we can put these people in before they kill
Speaker 2: each other. I guess my thing is, I've been in
Speaker 2: the middle seat before, and this is.
Speaker 4: Actually, wow, how dare you?
Speaker 1: But you have though?
Speaker 3: How in the absolute.
Speaker 2: Of daredevil this do you?
Speaker 1: How very dare you? Is that what you're trying to say?
Speaker 1: How very dare you?
Speaker 2: I already asked if the way I asked, and don't
Speaker 2: even re ask me what I was asking you. I'm say, yeah,
Speaker 2: I have had a middle seaf lifestyle before, okay, and
Speaker 2: I do this thing. I actually think it's courteous. I
Speaker 2: don't know if people like it or not. I only
Speaker 2: had it go awry maybe twice. I'm a pretty nimble dude,
Speaker 2: and sometimes the person in the aisle seat is pretty little, right,
Speaker 2: So rather than wake them up, sometimes I'll just stand
Speaker 2: up in my seat, I'll put a foot on my
Speaker 2: seat and I'll step over them. I'll just like step right,
Speaker 2: I don't even wake them up. I just step over
Speaker 2: them into the aisle and I go about my way,
Speaker 2: use the bathroom, come back, step over them again, and
Speaker 2: then sit down, and they don't even wake up.
Speaker 1: So you either put your ass or your crotch in
Speaker 1: a person's verse.
Speaker 2: They've only woken up twice now, both times when the
Speaker 2: person was waking.
Speaker 1: Up on your crunch in their face.
Speaker 2: And they they they did have quite a reaction.
Speaker 3: But as soon, wait a.
Speaker 1: Minute, you let me tell all these wild ass stories,
Speaker 1: and you did not tell me that you were a
Speaker 1: sneak putting your man parts and people faces, and you
Speaker 1: were making people wake up from dreamland while they're thirty
Speaker 1: five thousand feet in the fucking sky to your whole
Speaker 1: the lass in their whole face, and the American face.
Speaker 2: I'm saying, Wow, it's gone well enough times that to me,
Speaker 2: to wake them up felt ruder than just stepping over.
Speaker 1: You thought it was ruder to wake them up than
Speaker 1: to put your ass in somebody's face.
Speaker 2: You don't know how hard it is for some people
Speaker 2: to fall asleep. I don't know these people, but what.
Speaker 1: If the person in front of them, if the seat
Speaker 1: is reclined, You've already got a seat. Also, can we
Speaker 1: say that, I don't think every seat reclines the same,
Speaker 1: because some playing where you were crying and it's just
Speaker 1: too just a slight two inches, And in other seats
Speaker 1: where I'm just like, I can see this man's forehead.
Speaker 2: Yeah he's too far back. Some reclined so much that
Speaker 2: you know they're broken.
Speaker 1: Yes, right, Well, I'm just like when I got to
Speaker 1: recline and the person behind me got like when you
Speaker 1: see that domino effect sleeps reclining, because it's like you
Speaker 1: didn't recline because you wanted to. It was just like ugh,
Speaker 1: and then it's uh and it's h forty times fifty
Speaker 1: times behind you. I'm with you.
Speaker 2: I'm just saying I've done that because in my mind
Speaker 2: it was it was easier for me. I didn't mind
Speaker 2: the step over.
Speaker 1: Eisier for you. Not you weren't thinking about the trauma.
Speaker 3: No, no, no, I was. Because here's the thing.
Speaker 2: I have friends and I have family who do not
Speaker 2: sleep while on planes. So when someone falls asleep on
Speaker 2: a plane, I don't take it lightly. I don't just
Speaker 2: assume they could fall right back to sleep, but they
Speaker 2: also have to stay awake. They have to stay awake
Speaker 2: until I get back or else I'm just waking. One time,
Speaker 2: my kid, this is wild. I can't believe this. This
Speaker 2: person was clearly living a very fast lifestyle. Because I
Speaker 2: was in the middle seat, they were in the aisle.
Speaker 2: I had to wake them up to get them up
Speaker 2: to get out, and then when I came back, I
Speaker 2: was I only went to pee. When I came back,
Speaker 2: they were sleeping harder than they were before this time.
Speaker 2: Their mouth was open everything. Oh yeah, and I had
Speaker 2: to get them up again. I was like, let me
Speaker 2: just if I had just stepped over this person, they
Speaker 2: clearly wouldn't have caught it because it took a couple
Speaker 2: of shakes to wake him up again.
Speaker 1: You know, I was on a plane before and the
Speaker 1: pilot comes on and goes. Also, I love the pilot.
Speaker 1: I love I love a good pilot voice.
Speaker 2: Yeah, there's there's some great pilot voices out there that
Speaker 2: put you at ease. There are something that put you
Speaker 2: on edge, right, Yeah, anytime you hear like I'll tell
Speaker 2: you right now, if I hear a pilot voice that
Speaker 2: sound too familiar to me, I'm already nervous.
Speaker 1: What do you mean too familiar?
Speaker 2: Like if the pilot sounds too late back it does,
Speaker 2: it just doesn't seem professional to me. I had a
Speaker 2: pilot on a flight one time get ready to get
Speaker 2: on the on the mic, so he had an announcement
Speaker 2: to make, but he clicked it on too early and
Speaker 2: we all heard him burp. And that doesn't sound like
Speaker 2: somebody who can fly.
Speaker 1: Because the man burned, Josh.
Speaker 3: Because tell me, okay, so I understand.
Speaker 2: That you live a different life where you're brave and
Speaker 2: you and you enjoy things, and so I'm just saying.
Speaker 1: I'm still black.
Speaker 2: I'm saying I want to flight, and I hear the
Speaker 2: pilot get off, so we're going to be flying today
Speaker 2: over it? Like no, no.
Speaker 1: It just makes me feel like that the cockpit is sticky.
Speaker 2: No no, no, this makes me have no confidence.
Speaker 1: If you burn before you start talking and like it's
Speaker 1: supposed to be a professional, it just makes me I'm
Speaker 1: not saying that I'm brave. I'm just like there's just
Speaker 1: certain things I can't be afraid off, right, because it's
Speaker 1: like there's a lot of things that you know, black
Speaker 1: people don't do. That's why we have a whole piece
Speaker 1: on the show called uh we don't do that because
Speaker 1: we don't do a lot of shit. But if I
Speaker 1: hear him burp when he comes on, first of all,
Speaker 1: just makes me think he's a disgusting human being.
Speaker 2: Because I'm talking about hard burp too. We're not talking
Speaker 2: about a little gulp. We're talking about like.
Speaker 1: Beer like Homer Simpson, like man burp.
Speaker 2: Like maybe he just finished lunch.
Speaker 1: Oh, I've never I don't even sir, you knew it
Speaker 1: was coming. You've never been tricked by a like people
Speaker 1: are like like I've had Like you've never been tricked
Speaker 1: by a burp. But it's like it's it just makes
Speaker 1: me feel like the cockpit is sticky. I don't know how.
Speaker 1: It doesn't say anything about his ability to land this plane.
Speaker 1: It just makes me feel like the cockpit is sticky.
Speaker 1: The altimeter might be you know, it might have like food,
Speaker 1: like a food. It makes you feel like there's food rappers.
Speaker 1: It gives me car energy, That's what it is. It's
Speaker 1: like that makes me feel like I'm open, like there's
Speaker 1: some cans on the floor right because it's like I'll
Speaker 1: have stuff in my car like every many people's cars
Speaker 1: are just like completely filtering, and I'm like just move
Speaker 1: that stuff. And I'm like, you shouldn't even ask me
Speaker 1: to get in here. My shoes are gonna get dirty
Speaker 1: getting in this car. And I don't respect this at all,
Speaker 1: Like it's ridiculous. I have a standals on my feet, sticky,
Speaker 1: how dare you, sir? I do love the hey, everybody,
Speaker 1: this is a this is your pie? Like that voice.
Speaker 1: I love that. It always puts you in the mind
Speaker 1: of like your uh, like the newscaster voice, Hi, this
Speaker 1: is like that one, or like the disc jockey voice,
Speaker 1: like they're very specific like record. But I did have
Speaker 1: a pilot say that, like he called the plane like
Speaker 1: the Starshik Enterprise, which made some people groan, but I
Speaker 1: thought it was so adorable. And then he was talking
Speaker 1: about how we uh, we were gonna be flying at
Speaker 1: like seventy percent in the speed of sound, and I
Speaker 1: just went I didn't fucking need that.
Speaker 2: Did you know you're going fat at all? Yeah, you're
Speaker 2: going very fast. I mean I had a pilot what
Speaker 2: type that was hitting us with too many ums? And
Speaker 2: I was like, do you are you sure? You acting
Speaker 2: like you're not sure, You're not sure where we're going,
Speaker 2: You're not sure how high we're getting that man was
Speaker 2: hitting us with multiple arms in every sentence.
Speaker 1: So we're welcome to the.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it sounded like it sounded like he wasn't supposed
Speaker 2: to be. I understand that that's a nervous take that
Speaker 2: people have, but you have to understand what you're when
Speaker 2: you're on a plane, and this is the boss of
Speaker 2: the plane. So if you're nervous, we're nervous, okay, Like
Speaker 2: if you get if you get on the bike and
Speaker 2: your plane and you're like, welcome to Delta. It's like,
Speaker 2: that doesn't even sound like you supposed to be flying today.
Speaker 1: I hear you. I think what's even more upsetting is
Speaker 1: what they make the announcement. You can't understand what they're
Speaker 1: saying at all.
Speaker 2: Yeah, because that means that if it's an emergency as well,
Speaker 2: just sit here. Yeah, this is chill.
Speaker 1: See here, it's you hear ladies and gentlemen, right hmm,
Speaker 1: it's welcome ladies and gentleman's. And I say that eighty
Speaker 1: three degrees thirty five, and I'm like, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: I have to hear what he's saying.
Speaker 2: I know this has nothing to do with the seats,
Speaker 2: but I hate when they tell me the temperature is
Speaker 2: gonna be because I already packed. Like, I like this, Sonny,
Speaker 2: There's nothing I can do now. So when you're like,
Speaker 2: you're like, we're gonna be flying into San Francisco, it's
Speaker 2: actually gonna be a chili sixty five today, I'm like,
Speaker 2: all right, well then I've already made a mistake.
Speaker 1: But also, you should check the weather before you pack.
Speaker 1: If you didn't check the weather before you pack.
Speaker 2: It sure, sure, I'm not blaming him. I'm just saying
Speaker 2: I hate when it happens because there's nothing I can
Speaker 2: do about it.
Speaker 1: You know, I don't think I knew how judgmental you were, Joshua.
Speaker 2: I over very specific things when it comes to pilots. Yeah,
Speaker 2: when I'm on a plant because I don't have a
Speaker 2: fear of flying, but I could grow one. I could
Speaker 2: grow one real easy. And someone gets on the mic
Speaker 2: and they're just over here ming and on. It sounds
Speaker 2: like they're stealing this play, is what it sounds like.
Speaker 2: I understand the place and the beauty of a window seat.
Speaker 2: I'm not going to completely undercut your point. I'm just
Speaker 2: saying it depends on when you're flying. If the window
Speaker 2: seats even useful because if you're flying in a red eye,
Speaker 2: if you're flying where you're going somewhere where it's gonna
Speaker 2: be night very soon, that window seat is about to
Speaker 2: be neel and void. It's just gonna be dark. You're
Speaker 2: just gonna be dark.
Speaker 1: No, if you're flying over land, okay, the window seat
Speaker 1: is not useless because you're going to see cities a
Speaker 1: light a lit up at night. Okay. The very interesting
Speaker 1: like flying into a city at night. It's like, especially
Speaker 1: if you're flying like into La at night, it's like
Speaker 1: desert desert desert, Like it's weird.
Speaker 2: You see the line, yeah, of like desert desert traffic.
Speaker 1: City, right, and so it's so funny because like you
Speaker 1: see the line where they're like we just went the
Speaker 1: lights are gonna stop here here, the lights are gonna right,
Speaker 1: We're not putting no more. No, if you don't live
Speaker 1: right here, you get no stores. Right, So you can
Speaker 1: see a lot now if you're like, I've flown to Melbourne.
Speaker 1: So I did a fourteen hour flight when I went
Speaker 1: to the Melbourne Melbourne.
Speaker 2: Uh, what was it Melbourne?
Speaker 1: I want to say Frank lub comed Festival. It was.
Speaker 1: I went from New York to LA which was five hours,
Speaker 1: and then LA to Melbourne, which was fourteen hours. Yeah,
Speaker 1: in a window seat, Okay, but to your point, it
Speaker 1: was over water. The flight was at nine pm. I
Speaker 1: landed at five am, completely lost Saturday, left on a Friday,
Speaker 1: landed on a Sunday. Gone, but when I came back
Speaker 1: it was Tuesday. For thirty six hours. But anyway, plane
Speaker 1: takes off, the entertainment on the plane is not working,
Speaker 1: the Wi Fi is not working, the TV is not working.
Speaker 1: And then then to make matters worse, the overhead light
Speaker 1: was connected to the entertainment, so you couldn't just reach
Speaker 1: up and turn the light on. So even if you
Speaker 1: brought a fucking book, when they were rebooting and rebooting
Speaker 1: and rebooting, you couldn't turn the overhead light on. Then,
Speaker 1: even if you had something you could watch on an
Speaker 1: iPad or a tablet or something, because they kept rebooting
Speaker 1: it the power was surging, so you couldn't even charge
Speaker 1: your fucking phone. Fourteen hours that night, no TV, no WiFi,
Speaker 1: no over They fed us and cut all the fucking
Speaker 1: lights off. They're like, go to bed.
Speaker 3: Good as I'll tell you. I'll tell you right now,
Speaker 3: I'll tell you right now.
Speaker 2: Then that thing what you described is a caveat where Yes,
Speaker 2: if you're in the window seat at night and you're
Speaker 2: passing over land, great good on you. You see some
Speaker 2: dots on the ground, you see some dots in the sky,
Speaker 2: But if you were going over water, you might as
Speaker 2: well be staring at an iPhone that is off.
Speaker 1: But the good part for me is that the moon
Speaker 1: was on my side of the plane. So I was
Speaker 1: watching the world's first movie, which was The Moon on Water.
Speaker 1: Was what all I had to watch until my battery
Speaker 1: on my phone got low and I had to wait
Speaker 1: until I was able to fucking charge it eventually. But
Speaker 1: the people sitting on the other side of the plane
Speaker 1: with no moon, darkness darkness, had nothing, And eventually they
Speaker 1: end up giving people like two hundred and fifty dollars vouchers.
Speaker 1: This is a stack of them, like fucking test papers,
Speaker 1: like a teacher with test papers. And we're just like here, here, here,
Speaker 1: don't fuck, we don't want to hear it here here, here.
Speaker 1: I think what has happened here is that we have
Speaker 1: not determined which one is good or bad.
Speaker 2: No, we really have it at all. So we're just
Speaker 2: gonna have to throw this one to you, the listener.
Speaker 2: This is probably the most off topic, round about episode
Speaker 2: that we've had. We talked about planes the entire time.
Speaker 2: We definitely talked about airports and planes.
Speaker 1: We talked about everything that encompasses being on a plane,
Speaker 1: all the whole plane experience, right, Yeah, because going through
Speaker 1: the non because think about it, it's hectic getting to
Speaker 1: the airport, then it's hectic getting through the airport. Then
Speaker 1: it's hectic getting on the fucking plane, and then I'm
Speaker 1: gonna spend the whole flight getting bumped into fuck that
Speaker 1: I pick a window seat because I've already been through
Speaker 1: the fucking gauntlet of nonsense that is being in an airport.
Speaker 2: M hm.
Speaker 1: But what you have to have your You ever looked
Speaker 1: at the website seat guru dot com. No, okay, My
Speaker 1: the bane of my existence is getting to the window seat.
Speaker 1: And you end up where the seam is right, so
Speaker 1: you don't have the window. You're in that part in
Speaker 1: between the windows. And one time it kept happening to
Speaker 1: me to the point that the last time it happened
Speaker 1: to me, I was just in tears. I was so
Speaker 1: mad because you can't there's one there's no window. Two,
Speaker 1: you can't lean over good, You're just stuck. I was
Speaker 1: so angry, I was crying. I was stressed the fuck out.
Speaker 1: I'd been on a million fucking flights. I just wanted
Speaker 1: to go to sleep right, And I'm just saying, cause
Speaker 1: you just get this slight lean and then it's just
Speaker 1: the fucking seam of this plane. And sometimes the way
Speaker 1: they set up first class seats, like I've been on
Speaker 1: planes where like every seat you're not really at. The
Speaker 1: window is in front of you, yeah, but at your head,
Speaker 1: it's the fucking seam. So I don't know if they
Speaker 1: do that so other people can look out the window
Speaker 1: that I paid for, but back either side these pets
Speaker 1: forward or back these windows up, because I've paid for
Speaker 1: a fucking window seat. I need to be able to
Speaker 1: look out this damn window and don't give me the scene.
Speaker 1: So there's a website seatguru dot com, and that's where
Speaker 1: I go. Where I'm I literally, if I'm looking at
Speaker 1: a flight, I'll go, okay, where is because sometimes you
Speaker 1: just pick a fucking seat. You don't know there's a
Speaker 1: bulkhead here, there's a scene of a plane here. Some
Speaker 1: of them I've had it where like they're like, oh,
Speaker 1: this seat didn't work, or this is an exit row,
Speaker 1: the seats don't recline, or you're close to the bathroom
Speaker 1: here or something. It's like sometimes you're just like, I
Speaker 1: just pick a seat. You don't know all of the
Speaker 1: stands and down to the seat in the window versus aisle.
Speaker 1: There's no wrong answer, because guess what, you're on a plane, baby,
Speaker 1: You go places, you're doing stuff. You're getting out the house,
Speaker 1: you're getting out your neighborhood, you're getting out of your state.
Speaker 1: Probably if you're on a plane, you're probably living your states.
Speaker 1: Yopunok's like a San Francisco, Los Ange less you live
Speaker 1: in a big ass state, right, Ain't nobody flying nowhere?
Speaker 1: You don't live in Georgia. Apply to another place in Georgia.
Speaker 1: You just drive, could be in an asshole. Get up.
Speaker 1: But you're on a plane. Hey, you're living, You're doing
Speaker 1: all right. You're on a plane. There are people like
Speaker 1: there are people who have never been on an airplane.
Speaker 3: No, I understand, I understand.
Speaker 2: I'll say here is probably the best place that we
Speaker 2: can kick it off to you, the listener, How do
Speaker 2: you feel? Who is right you know is it our
Speaker 2: seat or is it window seat?
Speaker 1: It's not about being right, it's about being blessed. Josh,
Speaker 1: you on the plane, baby, The question is the question
Speaker 1: is as much as it's about window at aisle, it's
Speaker 1: do you buy your snacks before? Or are you trying
Speaker 1: to fuck with the snacks that they got on the plane?
Speaker 2: Never the snacks on the plane I always get before.
Speaker 2: Thank you so much for listening. If you're looking to
Speaker 2: catch up with us on any of the socials, you
Speaker 2: can find me at Josh Johnson Comedy on Instagram, at
Speaker 2: Josh Johnson on Twitter, Josh j Comedy on Facebook if
Speaker 2: you still use it, and Josh Johnson Comedy on TikTok
Speaker 2: and YouTube. And if you're looking for dul Say do,
Speaker 2: I'll say.
Speaker 1: It's at dul Say Sloan on the Instagram's uh, it's
Speaker 1: duelsays loan and everything, but it's d u l ce
Speaker 1: s l o a ed. There is no o in
Speaker 1: my first name, and there's no e in my last name.
Speaker 1: My family. My name is only ten letters long, and
Speaker 1: it is spelled so many ways. It is pronounced so
Speaker 1: many ways, and all the socials Dull says loan I'm
Speaker 1: on a TikTok. I'm out here. If you're still on Snapchat,
Speaker 1: please tell me how Tumblr. I didn't know they were
Speaker 1: still open.
Speaker 2: We appreciate you, and we appreciate listening, and you know,
Speaker 2: always hit us up, let us know if there's anything
Speaker 2: you want to hear us talk about. Any was it?
Speaker 2: What's the best word for it? Any Like two subjects
Speaker 2: that clash that maybe people even know should clash, you know.
Speaker 1: Yeah, like apples and oranges. I mean, why are we
Speaker 1: comparing those for so long?
Speaker 2: I'm gonna go, but I'll have a great day and
Speaker 2: a great weekend. We'll talk to you in a little bit.
Speaker 1: Be blessed Mothers Jesus.
Speaker 2: Listen to hold Up on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,
Speaker 2: or wherever you get your podcasts. Explore more shows from
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Speaker 2: nights at eleven ten Central on Comedy Central and stream
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Speaker 1: This has been a Comedy Central podcast