Speaker 1: Personally with.
Speaker 2: Ygan Fuelsman. I know some of you may be bummed
Speaker 2: that the Boyfriend Birthday series is over, and I'm not
Speaker 2: saying the Boyfriend won't be back another time or two,
Speaker 2: but we got to get back to some regularly scheduled programming.
Speaker 2: The series kind of came out of nowhere. I wasn't
Speaker 2: exactly sure how I was going to place these, but
Speaker 2: it ended up being so perfect. So for this episode
Speaker 2: and for next, I have two groups of sisters. One
Speaker 2: group of sisters created an app that's changing the way
Speaker 2: people date, especially in the chronic illness and disability community,
Speaker 2: and the other group of sisters is changing the world
Speaker 2: with human trafficking survivors and helping them get back on
Speaker 2: their feet. So both of these two sets of sisters
Speaker 2: have done incredible things. This week, you're gonna hear from
Speaker 2: Jacqueline and Alexa Child. They founded the app Datability, and
Speaker 2: it's something that I think everybody can get on board with,
Speaker 2: not even if you're in the dating space anymore, but
Speaker 2: maybe you know somebody who is. I think this app
Speaker 2: will be a great foundation for a whole lot of people. So,
Speaker 2: without further ado, let's get into this interview. Sisters, Jacqueline
Speaker 2: and Alexa Child are joining me this week, and I'm
Speaker 2: really excited because they've created something so awesome. So first
Speaker 2: of all, Jacqueline Alexa, thank you guys for joining me.
Speaker 1: Thank you so much for having us. You're really excited.
Speaker 2: I can't wait to hear this whole story. So you
Speaker 2: guys created an app called Datability, and I don't even
Speaker 2: want to say anything without you guys just sharing your
Speaker 2: story and this app and what it is. So let's
Speaker 2: start there. Tell everyone how this even got created. Who
Speaker 2: you guys are, all that good stuff.
Speaker 3: So Datability is the only dating app for disabled and
Speaker 3: chronically ill people, And it came about because of my
Speaker 3: personal experiences dating as a disabled woman. And so I
Speaker 3: became disabled due to chronic illnesses when I was fourteen,
Speaker 3: and once I entered adulthood and started using the dating apps,
Speaker 3: I found that dating with a disability is really hard
Speaker 3: and intimidating and negative, just overall toxic. And I couldn't
Speaker 3: believe that there wasn't a place to meet people like me,
Speaker 3: Like the only places that felt like you could meet
Speaker 3: other chronically ill or disabled people was like support groups
Speaker 3: or like clinical settings, and that just wasn't my vibe,
Speaker 3: and so we really wanted to create a place where
Speaker 3: people could meet others and connect and just really make
Speaker 3: dating an equitable experience for our community.
Speaker 2: Wow yeah, and talk about something that's going from your
Speaker 2: own personal experience and then trying to create a better
Speaker 2: situation not just for you but for others. So you
Speaker 2: have this experience, what was that like for you when
Speaker 2: you were dating and you were going out and you
Speaker 2: did have a disabilit What was that experience like for you?
Speaker 1: It was it was.
Speaker 3: Tricky because I have invisible disabilities. I mean I appear
Speaker 3: totally non disabled on the outside. If I'm fully clothed
Speaker 3: and just walking down the street, someone would never know
Speaker 3: I was disabled. So I had sort of the blessing
Speaker 3: and the curse where I could hide it. But then
Speaker 3: what does that mean for when it is time to disclose?
Speaker 3: And how would I do that? How much would I tell?
Speaker 3: And so sometimes I would just really like nonchalantly mention it,
Speaker 3: and it almost always backfired and the person would end
Speaker 3: up rejecting me. Sometimes I would be totally honest and
Speaker 3: really tell them I have undergone over forty surgeries and
Speaker 3: this is my reality, and that would also result in rejection.
Speaker 3: And you know, there were I did start dating one
Speaker 3: guy and he seemed to be pretty accepting, and then
Speaker 3: when he told his a mom that I was disabled,
Speaker 3: she was not accepting and she convinced him to break
Speaker 3: up with me and end it because she said she
Speaker 3: didn't want her son to have to live a miserable
Speaker 3: life dating someone with medical conditions.
Speaker 2: And I imagine the turmoil that you went through emotionally
Speaker 2: because of that.
Speaker 1: Just you have been the one who's had this lived experience.
Speaker 2: You're the person who's been in the entire situation the
Speaker 2: whole time. You know what it entails, and you know
Speaker 2: you didn't need people to tell you, but I can
Speaker 2: imagine that that emotional toll that that took on you,
Speaker 2: that every time you had to keep your living.
Speaker 3: It was also hard, absolutely and it really affected my
Speaker 3: self esteem.
Speaker 1: I it just became this like shell of a person.
Speaker 3: I didn't want to be curious or explore my surroundings.
Speaker 3: I was like, I like people put me in the
Speaker 3: box of being a disabled person and that's where I'm
Speaker 3: going to stay, and.
Speaker 1: That's really like all I should be known for.
Speaker 3: And it was really hard, and it took a couple
Speaker 3: of years years, and it actually really kind of took
Speaker 3: the pandemic to get me out out of that rut
Speaker 3: and just sort of explore and be be more curious
Speaker 3: about what life looks like living with a disability.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Absolutely. Now, Alexa, where do you come into the picture
Speaker 2: into this. From what I've read, you do not have
Speaker 2: a disability. But what's your role in all of this?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I do not.
Speaker 3: I don't have a disability or chronic illness. But I'm
Speaker 3: Jacqueline's older sister. I'm older by four years in twelve days,
Speaker 3: and so I'm very protective and always have been. And
Speaker 3: I think that that protectiveness, you know, increased when she
Speaker 3: got sick and had I saw her going through struggles
Speaker 3: that I had never witnessed before, you know, with friends
Speaker 3: or other family members. We've lived together. When after she
Speaker 3: graduated college, she moved in with me in Denver, and
Speaker 3: that's when she started dating and getting told these things
Speaker 3: and going through these experiences, and they were completely opposite
Speaker 3: from my dating experiences.
Speaker 1: Dating does stuck across the board and it's hard.
Speaker 3: But I never had to worry about the things that
Speaker 3: she was worrying about, you know, whether I'd be discriminated
Speaker 3: against because of a diagnosis, or if I would even
Speaker 3: make it to the first date based on talking to
Speaker 3: me on the apps. And so it really it was
Speaker 3: sad to watch her go through this and to change
Speaker 3: and to you know, feel less than and then to
Speaker 3: see her date guys who liked her that were so
Speaker 3: out of her.
Speaker 1: She was way out of their league.
Speaker 3: They were out of ear league too, but they did
Speaker 3: not deserve her at all, not worthy.
Speaker 1: It bugged me.
Speaker 3: And then the pandemic hit and I ended up losing
Speaker 3: my job due to COVID related budget cuts, and Jacqueline
Speaker 3: was getting a feeding tube, and it made me panic
Speaker 3: a little bit about what her social life and especially
Speaker 3: dating would look like after that. And that's when I said, like,
Speaker 3: let's make this space that you've been looking for ourselves.
Speaker 1: No one else is going to do it, clearly, and
Speaker 1: so let's just do it.
Speaker 3: I'm a lawyer, so I maybe we can either create
Speaker 3: or solve problems, and I'm the ladder and most of
Speaker 3: the time, and so we that's what we did, and
Speaker 3: we planned it when she was in the hospital recovering
Speaker 3: our feeding too surgery.
Speaker 2: Wow, okay, so you are in the hospital, you just
Speaker 2: had your feeding tube surgery. You're thinking about, okay, what
Speaker 2: this lifestyle change is doing. But also at the same time,
Speaker 2: you guys were like, how do we create an app
Speaker 2: to help other people?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean that's pretty much it.
Speaker 3: We googled how to create I literally googled how do
Speaker 3: you build an app? Because I'm technologically challenged less so
Speaker 3: now but never I mean none of us have a
Speaker 3: technical background, so that was out of our wheelhouse.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it was a really.
Speaker 3: Good distraction for recovery, and it gave me something to
Speaker 3: look forward to.
Speaker 1: It gave me this sense of purpose. And you know, we.
Speaker 3: We really didn't know what we were getting into, but
Speaker 3: that was the start. That's the best low expectations. You know,
Speaker 3: you set the bar low, you're most likely going to
Speaker 3: be pleasantly surprised or at least you won't be disappointed.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and that's where we you know, that's where we
Speaker 1: found ourselves. This has taking off way more than we expected.
Speaker 2: So then were you the first user on the app?
Speaker 3: Also, it's really funny technically, yes, but it's throughout all
Speaker 3: of this I've learned that, you know, like creating a
Speaker 3: business is very time consuming and it doesn't leave that
Speaker 3: much time for dating, and so I haven't been able
Speaker 3: to use it as much as I wanted. But it
Speaker 3: does feel different like dating because now I'm single by
Speaker 3: choice and I'm dating on my terms.
Speaker 1: And before, like Alexa said, like I would, I would
Speaker 1: date anyone who wanted to date me.
Speaker 3: My standards were very low, and now I feel like
Speaker 3: I can be picky and that's really important to me.
Speaker 3: And it's important for the community to have standards and
Speaker 3: to really just realize that they deserve the love that
Speaker 3: everyone else is looking.
Speaker 2: For too well, and across the board in dating in general,
Speaker 2: it's easy for us to be convinced that our standards
Speaker 2: need to be lowered due to the environment that's out
Speaker 2: there and what we see on social media. People are like,
Speaker 2: lower your standards, you have too high of expectations, or well,
Speaker 2: that's normal. I remember when I was sitting in my
Speaker 2: therapist's office one time, and I had been cheated on
Speaker 2: and pretty much every relationship I was in. I was like, so,
Speaker 2: what I'm feeling is that I'm just gonna have to
Speaker 2: be cheated on, right, Like, that's I just have to
Speaker 2: accept that as part of my life. And she kept
Speaker 2: repeating to me no, but that was my mentality, right.
Speaker 2: And I think it's really sad in general in the
Speaker 2: dating space that we've created this environment where you should
Speaker 2: expect to have lower standards and it's okay to have
Speaker 2: lower standards when the reality is exactly what you're saying,
Speaker 2: Jacqueline is, especially with someone who's dealing with a disability
Speaker 2: or a chronic illness, that the exception is what we
Speaker 2: should strive for, not the latter.
Speaker 3: Yeah, And people would always tell me like it would
Speaker 3: take someone really special to like to date me. Basically
Speaker 3: that was like very weird thing to wrap my head around.
Speaker 3: I was like, I, I guess shouldn't take anyone like
Speaker 3: that really special to date me. But I also get
Speaker 3: it because like it, we are weeding out people who
Speaker 3: will discriminate against you. But I mean, everyone deserves someone
Speaker 3: really special.
Speaker 1: Think that.
Speaker 3: I mean, seeing all my friends get married, like some people,
Speaker 3: they settle and it's really sad to see. And I
Speaker 3: decided that, like, I am not going to settle for
Speaker 3: anything that I deem less than. I mean, aside, I'm
Speaker 3: thirty five, and so most of my friends are married
Speaker 3: or getting married or in long term partnerships, and there's
Speaker 3: this societal pressure for me to settle down. And I'm
Speaker 3: single and you know, working multiple jobs, and I just
Speaker 3: don't really have an interest right now. And I know
Speaker 3: that person will be very special when they come along,
Speaker 3: because it'll finally be like good enough for me and
Speaker 3: like it'll fall right into place and it won't be hard.
Speaker 3: But I think that there is this societal pressure for
Speaker 3: women even now, even in twenty twenty five, to get married,
Speaker 3: and then if you're still single, there's something like inherently
Speaker 3: wrong with you, and that's not true.
Speaker 1: So I could relate to that, but at the same
Speaker 1: time being like, no.
Speaker 3: Stop dating these duds, and you need to date somebody
Speaker 3: in your league who is worthy of you, who is special,
Speaker 3: but not special because like you're so difficult to deal with.
Speaker 3: They're just special because they're good enough for you, exactly,
Speaker 3: and you do deserve that.
Speaker 2: And anybody who's dealing with someone like they're they're perfect
Speaker 2: match is out there. And to convince these this especially
Speaker 2: this group of people, that they aren't and that you
Speaker 2: should settle is mind boggling to me. I will never
Speaker 2: understand that. I think everyone is deserving of love, and
Speaker 2: a special love at that. So I love that you
Speaker 2: guys have created this space. Now what makes the space
Speaker 2: on datability? Like, is there certain qualifications? There is there
Speaker 2: questions that ask what makes it different from a bumble
Speaker 2: or a hinge? What are the differences in those apps?
Speaker 3: We had that question when we first started building, right,
Speaker 3: like do we limited to just disabled and chronically old people?
Speaker 3: And then if so, how do we verify that? That's
Speaker 3: one taking a really personal information health data and from
Speaker 3: like a legal perspective.
Speaker 1: That made me nervous.
Speaker 3: And then also I think that there's so much gray
Speaker 3: area and disability and chronic illness that you know, there's
Speaker 3: some people who are like, I don't know, you know,
Speaker 3: if I'm considered disabled, can I join? So we just
Speaker 3: allow everyone to and whether they're disabled or not, you know,
Speaker 3: do a minor vetting process of every user to make
Speaker 3: sure that they're not predatory or they're not scammers, and
Speaker 3: everyone is who they say they are. The non disabled
Speaker 3: users we have are about seven to ten percent of
Speaker 3: our user base, and their allies people with siblings who
Speaker 3: are disabled, or their work you know, they work with
Speaker 3: the disabled community. But yeah, I mean, I think it's
Speaker 3: we really we started that question, like that's the first
Speaker 3: question we answered. We just wanted it to be open
Speaker 3: to everyone. The other apps can be so toxic and superficial.
Speaker 3: So if you're not feeling the other apps, you can
Speaker 3: join Datability And.
Speaker 1: That's exactly what we wanted.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and we wanted to solve that problem that I
Speaker 3: had with disclosure and how to tell and when to
Speaker 3: tell someone about your chronic illnesses. And so obviously, like
Speaker 3: if someone is joining Datability, they expect that our community
Speaker 3: is going to have or be accepting of disability. But
Speaker 3: we wanted to make it so that our users can
Speaker 3: present their chronic illness or disability in a really natural
Speaker 3: and neutral way. And so we created the Datability Deep
Speaker 3: section and it's just like a vague list that the
Speaker 3: people can add to their profile, like their political affiliation
Speaker 3: or their education level. And we want it to be
Speaker 3: just a part of who you are and not necessarily
Speaker 3: like a medical chart, but just yeah, just an extension.
Speaker 1: Of who you are and what your life looks like.
Speaker 2: Yeah, So like when I used tolect, I have a
Speaker 2: dog and also I'm a female. This is what I'm
Speaker 2: looking for. I also have this chronic illness. So it's
Speaker 2: like a statement rather than I feel like I have
Speaker 2: to disclose this information.
Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 3: People have really said that that it's like takes all
Speaker 3: of anxiety out of disclosing because it's just there and
Speaker 3: you can put it on your profile and sort of
Speaker 3: forget about it, and you know if more details come
Speaker 3: up down the road when you're match. When you match
Speaker 3: with someone, you can disclose more, but it's just like
Speaker 3: out there and.
Speaker 1: You know that it's up to the other users.
Speaker 2: I love that so much, And that's so cool to
Speaker 2: know that there's an app out there in general too,
Speaker 2: because the apps can be very difficult in dating. I've
Speaker 2: seen very many stages of it all and I've been
Speaker 2: on pretty much every app that existed before I got
Speaker 2: into my relationship, and it's cool to know that there's
Speaker 2: more of a i would say, empathetic app in a
Speaker 2: way that you're just it's more sensitive, more understanding, more
Speaker 2: open minded, and it's cool to know that that exists.
Speaker 2: And I think that's a space that a lot of
Speaker 2: people outside of even the disability chronic illness community will
Speaker 2: love to know about, because it is dating's hard, and
Speaker 2: when you have at least a multitude of options, at
Speaker 2: least you can try different things, and maybe you're looking
Speaker 2: for the wrong type of people on one app, and
Speaker 2: maybe with datability you can find a different type of
Speaker 2: people exactly.
Speaker 3: And you know, right now, obviously we're a smaller community
Speaker 3: that compared to the other apps, and will always technically
Speaker 3: be a smaller community, even though one in four people
Speaker 3: have some sort of disability in the United States and
Speaker 3: it's the world's largest minority, like it will be, it's
Speaker 3: still a minority, right. But I think from my experiences
Speaker 3: on like the Hinges and the Bumbles, when I would
Speaker 3: log on, there were so many options and I'm not
Speaker 3: really like a grass is Greener type of person, and
Speaker 3: but I know people are, and so I know that,
Speaker 3: like you know, makes the apps toxic and difficult to navigate,
Speaker 3: But it still seems so daunting and overwhelming, Like it
Speaker 3: just felt like I was there were just so many options,
Speaker 3: like too many ice cream flavors. Yeah, yeah, I compare
Speaker 3: it like walking into a forever twenty one. That's exactly
Speaker 3: what I was gonna say, Like it's overwhelming, like you
Speaker 3: could look, you could go around the most of it's cheap.
Speaker 1: I know exactly that there's too much. Yeah, I agree,
Speaker 1: it is like that, like walking through like.
Speaker 3: I don't know, goodwill stresses me out for the same
Speaker 3: reasons because it's like there's just too many things, and
Speaker 3: I think that making you know, I look at my
Speaker 3: parents and my grandparents and the way they met and
Speaker 3: they married for decades and our parents are still married.
Speaker 3: A smaller community was how people met back in the
Speaker 3: day before the internet, and so we're trying to recreate
Speaker 3: that but make it accessible by you know, providing this app.
Speaker 1: Isn't that so funny when we look at that.
Speaker 2: I mean, obviously apps in general didn't exist, and a
Speaker 2: lot more people met in person, But isn't it wild
Speaker 2: to think about that back in the day?
Speaker 1: Oh no, I'm so like that person.
Speaker 2: But back in the day, people were meeting just by
Speaker 2: way of knowing somebody and they got connected in a
Speaker 2: certain way. And now we have this existence where we're like, dang,
Speaker 2: we have to keep creating apps because nobody wants to
Speaker 2: talk to each other.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: I mean I think about like, our grandparents met at
Speaker 3: a dance, and if they weren't and not like a
Speaker 3: school dance, Yeah, they were in their early twenties. Yeah,
Speaker 3: like whatever the dances they had in the fifties and
Speaker 3: and like if they hadn't been at that place, like
Speaker 3: they would have never met, they would have never cross
Speaker 3: paths again, and it is that's just so wild. And yeah, now,
Speaker 3: like I mean, I'm terrified of speaking to people, like
Speaker 3: going up to people and just who I don't know
Speaker 3: and strangers and that's just how it all used to be.
Speaker 3: And I wish I could be a little more confident
Speaker 3: in that and meet people online or offline. But mine
Speaker 3: is accessible and it's convenient and I can do it
Speaker 3: for my pajamas on my couch.
Speaker 2: Well, and that's what I was gonna ask too, because
Speaker 2: I'm you know, it's hard in general for people to
Speaker 2: want to talk in person. Irl is like this you
Speaker 2: know fantasy we think that we'll talk and connect with people,
Speaker 2: and it's just really difficult, especially today for some reasons.
Speaker 2: But is there an added layer of that for you
Speaker 2: with having the disability where you just start even a
Speaker 2: little bit more shy and don't want to put yourself
Speaker 2: in those positions as much.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think it comes down to like both from
Speaker 3: like a physical standpoint, like if I am in a
Speaker 3: flare and I'm really tired and I'm you know, my
Speaker 3: body is really hurting and I'm at home like that
Speaker 3: obviously still gives me the opportunity to connect with people,
Speaker 3: and that's something I'm really grateful for and definitely like
Speaker 3: when I go out, like yeah, I mean, having a
Speaker 3: disability can really affect your confidence and your body image
Speaker 3: and just like your self esteem. And so it does
Speaker 3: put that added pressure on to to try to meet someone,
Speaker 3: and it's and it's just like having to waiting for
Speaker 3: the other shoot a drop sort of is like when
Speaker 3: you're when you meet someone.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it feels a little bit better when it's just
Speaker 2: all out there and you don't have to quite as
Speaker 2: have that conversation.
Speaker 1: Definitely.
Speaker 3: Yeah, maybe one day we'll walk around with like hologram
Speaker 3: dating profiles like on our chest.
Speaker 1: They won't have ability. Yeah.
Speaker 3: I mean I always say, like I really would like
Speaker 3: to order my partner on Amazon, and I guess a
Speaker 3: dating app is the closest thing that forget.
Speaker 2: It very much? Is It's that joke that you often
Speaker 2: see in comment sections where somebody's like, did you order
Speaker 2: that off Amazon? Where do I find one?
Speaker 1: Yes? Very much?
Speaker 2: So. Now Alexa, for you, I'm so curious this side
Speaker 2: of it where you did have the mama bear instinct
Speaker 2: where you were protective over her and you were wanting
Speaker 2: to make things better for her and didn't know how
Speaker 2: this is a new avenue for you guys to do that.
Speaker 1: But what is that like.
Speaker 2: Supporting someone going through that? Because I know there's a
Speaker 2: lot of people out there who are also in your
Speaker 2: shoes and trying to support, whether it's a loved one
Speaker 2: a friend. However, maybe you have some insight to share
Speaker 2: that's from that perspective that people might want to hear
Speaker 2: or need to hear.
Speaker 3: Definitely, and I you know, I will say Jacqueline didn't
Speaker 3: become disabled until she was fourteen, and so growing up,
Speaker 3: it wasn't like there's this thing called the glass child
Speaker 3: syndrum and it's the child that's not disabled often gets ignored.
Speaker 1: And there were phases, you know, in life like that.
Speaker 3: But I was an adult and I was in college
Speaker 3: and I flew the coop and went across the country
Speaker 3: for school, and so it.
Speaker 1: Didn't really it definitely changed.
Speaker 3: I think the way I view Jacqueline's disability and are
Speaker 3: my relationship with her communicating is you know, I don't
Speaker 3: know what Jacquelin's feeling all the time, even though I
Speaker 3: spend every day with her, we live together. But if
Speaker 3: we're on a walk with our dog, I will tell
Speaker 3: her listen, you tell me when you want to turn back.
Speaker 1: Because I'm not.
Speaker 3: Disabled, I can off for miles. But you know, as
Speaker 3: I let her, you know, I don't want her to
Speaker 3: feel uncomfortable. And I don't think you ever feel uncomfortable
Speaker 3: telling me okay, it's time now, or making sure that
Speaker 3: she knows she's up for it. If you're not up
Speaker 3: for it, like I can, you know, take another friend.
Speaker 3: It's totally fine. And I think that that's really important
Speaker 3: is asking questions. I think nowadays people are afraid to
Speaker 3: ask questions because they're afraid of offending somebody. I think
Speaker 3: things are really touchy, things are really tense, and I
Speaker 3: get it because you know, I don't ever want to
Speaker 3: offend anybody. But you're never going to know if you
Speaker 3: don't ask the question, and you're assuming is like the worst.
Speaker 1: Thing you can do.
Speaker 3: And so there's a way to ask politely, and if
Speaker 3: the person gets offended, you can explain that you didn't
Speaker 3: mean it like that, that you you know, you just
Speaker 3: want to know and understand. And so communication whether it's
Speaker 3: your friend or your sibling. Is I think definitely the
Speaker 3: best and the key part to you know, a relationship
Speaker 3: that's healthy and it's fun, and then remembering that people
Speaker 3: can have fun.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 3: I think that we're in Colorado, so people want to
Speaker 3: ski all the time, right, and so they don't like
Speaker 3: Jacqueline because she can't ski every weekend. But I'm not disabled.
Speaker 3: Then I love skiing, but I don't ski every weekend.
Speaker 3: And like, also, why do we have to do all
Speaker 3: the same things all the time?
Speaker 1: Right? You know?
Speaker 3: Maybe I love to hike, Jacqueline can't hike, so I hike.
Speaker 1: That's when I see my friends, when I go and
Speaker 1: get some alone time.
Speaker 3: And so, you know, I think that there's other ways,
Speaker 3: and there's other ways we do have fun, and I
Speaker 3: think people forget that. And so just realize that you
Speaker 3: can work around people's limitations, and communication helps.
Speaker 1: Finding that work around.
Speaker 3: And I think that you brought up a really good
Speaker 3: point is that like chronically ill people have a lot
Speaker 3: of fun, and there is that paradox of like, well,
Speaker 3: if you're so sick, and you shouldn't be doing that
Speaker 3: and you should be at home all the time, and
Speaker 3: there's a lot of judgment around that, and especially if
Speaker 3: you post it on social media, it's like, how can
Speaker 3: you possibly be disabled and like have a smile on
Speaker 3: your face at the same time. That's what people hear
Speaker 3: all the time, and it's it couldn't be further from
Speaker 3: the truth. Disabled people are really adaptive. We are really
Speaker 3: just flexible in and find things that work for us
Speaker 3: so that our lives are still fulfilling.
Speaker 2: I love that, and I love that you mentioned that,
Speaker 2: because it is we like to put people in boxes.
Speaker 1: We hear somebody.
Speaker 2: Has a disability or chronic illness and we're like, well,
Speaker 2: you're over here. I can't let you be over here.
Speaker 2: And that's just not how anything works. You know, you
Speaker 2: wouldn't want to be put in a box. It's like, oh,
Speaker 2: you're blonde, Well you're going to be put in this box. Cool,
Speaker 2: thanks for that. I'm I'm fine. I can do things
Speaker 2: brunettes like to do.
Speaker 1: What do you mean?
Speaker 2: So it's an interesting dynamic that people do want to
Speaker 2: put you in a box and you're not supposed to
Speaker 2: be or just as dynamic as anybody else. It just
Speaker 2: looks a little bit different. And understanding that those differences
Speaker 2: are actually really cool.
Speaker 3: We have hosted bar crawls in Denver and a lot
Speaker 3: of the people who showed up we're wheelchair users, and
Speaker 3: like watching other people's faces at the bar, look at
Speaker 3: you know, this group of like twenty wheelchair users, or
Speaker 3: like we're crossing downtown Denver and there's like twenty wheelchair
Speaker 3: users crossing the street. It is like pretty incredible hilarious too.
Speaker 3: And we've had people ask like what is this. Yeah,
Speaker 3: they're like, gosh, what is going on? And we're like so,
Speaker 3: we're just like it's just a gathering. And like seeing
Speaker 3: that disabled people party can make people uncomfortable and I'm like,
Speaker 3: I truly do not understand that if someone uses a
Speaker 3: wheelchair that like takes all of their desires away and
Speaker 3: it's just so so shortsighted.
Speaker 1: But it is really cool to.
Speaker 3: See like the communities come out and just really trying
Speaker 3: to like bridge the gap between the non disabled community
Speaker 3: and the disabled community.
Speaker 2: Because it should be as one.
Speaker 1: That's the whole point.
Speaker 2: And that's what you guys, as sisters are really beyond
Speaker 2: the app That's what you're also trying to do is say, hey,
Speaker 2: we can coexist.
Speaker 1: We should be able to co exist.
Speaker 2: Why aren't we And it's bridging that gap that's kind
Speaker 2: of been missing, so beyond the app, I think that's incredible. Jacqueline,
Speaker 2: on the flip side of what I asked Alexa and
Speaker 2: how she supports you, how do you feel the most supported.
Speaker 2: Maybe it's from your sister, but also just in general,
Speaker 2: maybe it's from strangers or life or social media. It
Speaker 2: kind of can be all over the board, But I'm
Speaker 2: curious for you what that support looks like to you
Speaker 2: and what really impacts the most for you.
Speaker 3: I think it's having people not necessarily believe me, but
Speaker 3: have confidence that I know what's best for myself, and
Speaker 3: that is something that a lot of people deal with
Speaker 3: disability or not. But making sure that people understand like
Speaker 3: I have autonomy, I can make my own choices. I
Speaker 3: have chronic illnesses, and I might not always make the
Speaker 3: choices that are healthiest for my chronic illness. But there's
Speaker 3: like pros and cons to everything, and if I might
Speaker 3: want to do something that's really good for my mental
Speaker 3: health but it's terrible for my disability, and just yeah,
Speaker 3: having that having people trust me that I know what
Speaker 3: I'm doing and I can take care of myself the best.
Speaker 2: Have there been moments because I have sisters as well,
Speaker 2: and I know our spats are so much fun, especially
Speaker 2: when they're over, But I'm curious, between you two, have
Speaker 2: there been moments where there's just you have these spats
Speaker 2: because you have to, because it's understanding somebody a little
Speaker 2: bit differently. So what does that look like in a
Speaker 2: relational standpoint too, because I think that's also very encouraging
Speaker 2: to people to hear that maybe they're not alone and
Speaker 2: having those intense moments where it's like you're not hearing
Speaker 2: me and you're not seeing me or understanding this.
Speaker 3: Yes, we have had lots of moments like that, not
Speaker 3: necessarily like related to business, but personal.
Speaker 1: I mean growing up, we were at each other's throats
Speaker 1: all the time.
Speaker 3: She's four years older, so that makes me the annoying
Speaker 3: little sister, And like when she was sixteen, I was
Speaker 3: twelve and all I wanted to do was be with Alexa,
Speaker 3: and she couldn't get farther away from me, and so
Speaker 3: I would tattle on her and get her grounded so
Speaker 3: she would be for staying out with me. But we
Speaker 3: definitely still have our moments and they are very tense
Speaker 3: where Alex is like a professional fighter and she's just
Speaker 3: great at it and I am not. And I love
Speaker 3: to give the silent treatment and that is like Alex's.
Speaker 1: Biggest pet fee.
Speaker 3: But it's like those things like just have to happen,
Speaker 3: like if you spend enough time with someone, that's gonna happen.
Speaker 3: And we we always get through it pretty quickly, A
Speaker 3: simple sorry, fix this thing. Yeah, it's less and less
Speaker 3: is the go on. Now you'd bicker more like an
Speaker 3: old married couple. Well, were just home last week when
Speaker 3: we heard our parents bickering, and like the next day
Speaker 3: we started pickering about something with the app and I
Speaker 3: felt like.
Speaker 1: She wasn't hearing me.
Speaker 3: And then I was like, oh my god, we becaund
Speaker 3: just like mom and dad insane And we're FaceTime moving
Speaker 3: with our grandma yesterday and I think, not bickering, but
Speaker 3: like move or like don't touch me, like get out
Speaker 3: of the way, and she's like, oh my god, you
Speaker 3: guys are just like you were when you were little.
Speaker 1: Nothing. So we definitely do bicker like that.
Speaker 3: The first year that we lived together, we definitely had
Speaker 3: bigger fights that were bigger, But I think the ones
Speaker 3: the pan the pandemic that broke people up or brought
Speaker 3: them together, and for us, that brought us closer together.
Speaker 3: We were literally stuck with each other all the time,
Speaker 3: and so we had to figure out how to coexist.
Speaker 3: And so now we fight a lot less, but we
Speaker 3: have had our moments for sure.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, well, and that that's all so normal. I
Speaker 2: trust me again, as having three older sisters, I know
Speaker 2: exactly that dynamic, but even more so that you guys
Speaker 2: are business partners and you lived together and then there
Speaker 2: was like you just had so many dynamics.
Speaker 1: So there's so much realness to that. So thanks for sharing.
Speaker 1: I know that's probably an odd question. You're like, Oh.
Speaker 3: There's like it sort of feels good because there's no
Speaker 3: one else I would be like we would be able
Speaker 3: to speak to someone else like that, and so we
Speaker 3: can be so open and honest with each other and
Speaker 3: we know we'll make up and that's it's great for
Speaker 3: the business, it's great for our relationship, our friendship, and
Speaker 3: it just start fresh every time and it's it's totally normal. Yeah,
Speaker 3: I've never told a coworker that they're really annoying and
Speaker 3: it's and it's over.
Speaker 1: I love that.
Speaker 2: What have you guys learned maybe it's about yourselves or
Speaker 2: maybe it's about each other in starting this business, as
Speaker 2: you know, and it can be completely unrelated to business,
Speaker 2: or it can be about business. But there's kind of
Speaker 2: different factors here. So you guys can take that route whichever.
Speaker 1: I'll let you go first. Okay.
Speaker 3: I think that I would say that we've learned that
Speaker 3: like executing and doing, like just going for it and
Speaker 3: winging it is so invaluable.
Speaker 1: And that.
Speaker 3: If you have an idea, you should just go for it.
Speaker 3: And that's something it's really it's really scary, and it's intimidating,
Speaker 3: and we just you just have to do it and
Speaker 3: see and try and see what happens. Yeah, I'm trying
Speaker 3: to still think about what I've learned because it's been
Speaker 3: there's been so much and I never thought that datability
Speaker 3: would take off the way it did.
Speaker 1: I always hoped, but I never thought that it actually would.
Speaker 3: And so that, you know, that's something that I learned
Speaker 3: that together we can make a great team. We I
Speaker 3: realize that we are different in a lot of ways
Speaker 3: too that I didn't realize, and that we compliment.
Speaker 1: Each other really well.
Speaker 3: I dream big and I've got a lot of ideas,
Speaker 3: but executing them is always not always my thing, you know.
Speaker 1: But Jacqueline's really good at that.
Speaker 3: She's the person that when we move, she wants to
Speaker 3: unpack all the boxes, like the day we move. And
Speaker 3: so if I tell her, like I have this idea,
Speaker 3: like how do we go about this, she can get
Speaker 3: it done.
Speaker 1: I think. You know, watching Jacqueline.
Speaker 3: Who before this has never had a real job before,
Speaker 3: you know, really come into her own. That's been awesome
Speaker 3: to see and watch her develop. You know, for the
Speaker 3: first two and a half years of abilities existence, she
Speaker 3: did all of our pr you know, we traveled a
Speaker 3: ton together. Yes, I've never traveled like that, just you
Speaker 3: and me. We have a nice little routine now. Soever
Speaker 3: we go with our parents anywhere, they like cause chaos
Speaker 3: because we have our routine down. But yeah, I've wonned
Speaker 3: a lot about our relationship, all good things.
Speaker 2: You just mentioned something that I guess I didn't realize. So, Jacqueline,
Speaker 2: this is your first time working, Yeah, okay, tell me
Speaker 2: a little bit more about that.
Speaker 1: I graduated college in twenty sixteen.
Speaker 3: And then I got my master's online and I had
Speaker 3: this whole plan of working in a children's hospital and
Speaker 3: being a childlife specialist, and.
Speaker 1: I was on my way to doing that, and then.
Speaker 3: My health took an even more downward tumble and it
Speaker 3: put all of my plans on what I thought was a.
Speaker 1: Pause, but it really just came to an end.
Speaker 3: I mean, I spent four years just really being a
Speaker 3: professional patient. I was at the doctor's almost every day,
Speaker 3: recovering from surgery after surgery, get doing procedures, and there
Speaker 3: was just no way that anyone would even ever hire
Speaker 3: me because I was to most people, I looked unreliable,
Speaker 3: and so I was just really trying to get my
Speaker 3: health in a more stable place. And so this has
Speaker 3: really let me feel like I'm a contributing member of society,
Speaker 3: which is something I struggled with, and it's something that
Speaker 3: I know a lot of disabled people.
Speaker 1: Who aren't working struggle with.
Speaker 3: And it sucks because it's all just like part of
Speaker 3: the capitalistic mindset that you have to work to be
Speaker 3: contributing to society. And I wish I could change that
Speaker 3: that that's like a whole systemic belief, but it's but
Speaker 3: this has really just gave me that purpose and it
Speaker 3: feels really good to be my own boss and to
Speaker 3: make my own schedule and to know my own limits
Speaker 3: and boundaries. And you're very dependable, I hope, but you
Speaker 3: realize that you know that she is. She follows through
Speaker 3: with everything. I'm not her keeper but at all. And
Speaker 3: you know, I think that's a misconception, is that I
Speaker 3: take care of Jacqueline.
Speaker 1: We take care of each other. We're sisters, we're family.
Speaker 1: But you know, you are dependable, and so any employer
Speaker 1: would be lucky to have you. But datability is the luckiest.
Speaker 2: Oh wow, that's so cool. And I'm just really glad
Speaker 2: that it all came together how it was supposed to,
Speaker 2: for this job and for the app and everything for you.
Speaker 2: I know, probably in those moments, it didn't feel like
Speaker 2: that would ever happen, and to be here now, you're
Speaker 2: probably sitting looking back at the entire course of how
Speaker 2: things worked out, and you're like, wow, I wish I
Speaker 2: just would have known, you know, so I could have
Speaker 2: not had to go through all of that.
Speaker 3: Absolutely, I mean I just the stuff I wish I
Speaker 3: could have could tell my younger self and just like
Speaker 3: it's okay, you'll you'll get there. Everyone has their own timeline,
Speaker 3: and you know, you you gained some pretty important perspectives
Speaker 3: early on in life and it all let.
Speaker 1: Me hear, Yeah, I love that.
Speaker 2: Now is their potential plans, say, datability keeps blowing up,
Speaker 2: which that's the whole point. Are you guys hoping to
Speaker 2: also hire in that same realm of disability chronic illness
Speaker 2: and just hopefully employ more people.
Speaker 3: Absolutely, And we really want to contribute to the disabled workforce.
Speaker 3: And we know that people with disabilities are less likely
Speaker 3: to be hired, and there are still some really nasty
Speaker 3: policies out there that allow disabled people to earn less
Speaker 3: than minimum wage, and we just want to change that
Speaker 3: and really contribute to the quality of life and well
Speaker 3: being of the disability community as a whole.
Speaker 1: Yeah, the thought of hiring people like freaks me out. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but not there.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I have to be a boss of someone. But
Speaker 3: and I'm always bad cop jack one makes me always
Speaker 3: be bad cops. So if we have to fire somebody,
Speaker 3: I know it's going to be me who's going to
Speaker 3: do the firing. But yeah, that's our plan. I mean,
Speaker 3: we want datability to become a household name, you know,
Speaker 3: like tinder Bumble. We want it to be referenced in
Speaker 3: TV shows and in movies and just help people know
Speaker 3: what it is and really destigmatized disability and intimacy and
Speaker 3: desigmatize like the misconception that disabled people aren't contributing members
Speaker 3: of society. And I think hiring them, you know, whoever's qualified,
Speaker 3: is a great way to do so.
Speaker 1: That makes me so happy.
Speaker 2: I assumed, and I know that that's future plans and
Speaker 2: all the things, but it's cool that you guys also
Speaker 2: have a vision for moving forward because I have no
Speaker 2: doubt the app is going to keep moving forward and
Speaker 2: it's going to be awesome, So it's cool that you
Speaker 2: guys are already planning for that. I do love to
Speaker 2: end the podcast on whether it's a quote, a piece
Speaker 2: of advice, motivation, or maybe something we just didn't get
Speaker 2: to that's really heavy on your heart. It's kind of
Speaker 2: how I always end these, and I want you both
Speaker 2: to share one so or if there's one together that
Speaker 2: you're like, we both feel this way, we will both
Speaker 2: want to talk about this.
Speaker 3: Okay, Well, I've been listening to the Neary Taylor Swift
Speaker 3: album Naturally like all of us, and she keeps talking
Speaker 3: about the song Opalite and choosing your own joy, and
Speaker 3: I think that that is a really important message for people.
Speaker 3: And that's something that I've always lived by is just
Speaker 3: finding the happiness and the joy and the humor in everything.
Speaker 3: I look for something to be happy about every day,
Speaker 3: even like passing a cute dog. I'm like that that
Speaker 3: dog is really cute and that made me smile and
Speaker 3: I'm grateful for that. And it's like not in a
Speaker 3: toxic positivity way, but more of like this is like
Speaker 3: life is hard and life is tough, and so if
Speaker 3: there's a little crack in there that you can fill
Speaker 3: with joy, I'll do it.
Speaker 1: And so yeah, I say, like, choose your own joy.
Speaker 3: There is joy in everything, and there it's out there. Yeah,
Speaker 3: I think perspective is everything. But for me, I'm going
Speaker 3: to talk more about the app actually that you know,
Speaker 3: for listeners, we've got tens of thousands of users, several
Speaker 3: success stories. Our first Datability wedding is in February twenty
Speaker 3: twenty six.
Speaker 1: WHOA, this is exciting. Hold on, that's exciting.
Speaker 2: I want you to keep going.
Speaker 1: But that's so exciting.
Speaker 3: Yeah, And so that's what I want people to know,
Speaker 3: because doc I agree on the choosing the happiness and
Speaker 3: the importance of perspective. But I want to let everyone
Speaker 3: know that, you know, we created datability and it's working
Speaker 3: and it is you know, it is successful. We our
Speaker 3: first success story dates back to the month we launched.
Speaker 3: We probably had the one thousand people in the app.
Speaker 3: Then now we're close to fifty thousand. And yeah, that
Speaker 3: a different couple is getting married in February not our
Speaker 3: first success story. And every time, you know, we do
Speaker 3: some kind of outreach or press, we get more and
Speaker 3: more stories about, you know, people finding relationships and they
Speaker 3: don't always work out. Breakups, you know, happen, that's normal,
Speaker 3: and they usually break up for a really really common reasoning,
Speaker 3: Oh I wasn't over my ex. It has nothing to
Speaker 3: do with the disability or chronic illness that somebody has.
Speaker 3: But yeah, it is working and yeah, first did Ability
Speaker 3: wedding February twenty twenty six, and.
Speaker 2: Shout out to the wedding. First of all, incredible, that's
Speaker 2: exciting and a huge milestone. But more than that, the relationships,
Speaker 2: even if they don't work out, that you guys are
Speaker 2: creating an environment for people to have safe and welcoming relationships,
Speaker 2: and that itself is what you guys were trying to accomplish,
Speaker 2: and it seems like you're doing just that, so that's
Speaker 2: also something to celebrate and really awesome.
Speaker 1: Nice. Yeah, we're excited.
Speaker 3: We want you know, even if you don't meet your
Speaker 3: person on datability, if Datability is at stepping stone, you know,
Speaker 3: get your feet wet and go on some dates and
Speaker 3: figure out what you want and you know who you are.
Speaker 1: I think that's perfectly fine. That's exactly what we're here for.
Speaker 2: I love that so much, and I'm just really appreciative
Speaker 2: that you guys took some time and we're sharing your
Speaker 2: whole story today. So thank you guys for being here.
Speaker 2: We will make sure make sure you guys go download.
Speaker 2: I'm assuming it's on Android, Apple, all the things datability
Speaker 2: is the app yep. All right, we'll go check it
Speaker 2: out and hopefully you guys have some wild success stories
Speaker 2: that they can keep sharing moving forward in another Datability wedding,
Speaker 2: also in twenty twenty six, because you know, twenty five
Speaker 2: five we're a little bit towards the end.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's time. That is also a bad year. Let's
Speaker 1: just wrap up. Why have I be done with it?
Speaker 2: Right?
Speaker 1: Deal? Twenty twenty six, we're gonna have one every month.
Speaker 1: That's the goal one.
Speaker 2: It's always fun for me as an interviewer to hear
Speaker 2: stories like Jacqueline and Alexa's where they just changed their
Speaker 2: entire lives because they saw a need and they went
Speaker 2: after it. That's so awesome to me, and I'm honored
Speaker 2: that they came on to talk all about that and
Speaker 2: share their story. Next week, the Ring True Sisters joined me.
Speaker 2: They're a company I've been working with for a while
Speaker 2: because I love what they're doing and it's so so cool.
Speaker 2: They're also going to make a great Christmas gift, so
Speaker 2: get ready for that one. But more than anything, I'm
Speaker 2: so happy that you're here. So make sure you subscribe
Speaker 2: to the podcast if you haven't already.
Speaker 1: Give it a rating.
Speaker 2: Five stars would be awesome, because you know, people always
Speaker 2: have mean opinions, but we're trying to keep a space
Speaker 2: of positivity over here on the podcast, and you can
Speaker 2: go follow the podcast Instagram at take this personally, but
Speaker 2: for now, we'll yap with you guys next week.