WEBVTT - Will I get canceled for saying this? 0:00:00.080 --> 0:00:03.560 The questions are going to get intense or hashtag topics 0:00:03.760 --> 0:00:06.280 if I'm brave enough. I still don't know if I'm 0:00:06.320 --> 0:00:18.400 brave enough to click on a couple of these topics. 0:00:19.440 --> 0:00:22.400 Welcome to the podcast, guys. One of my best buddies. 0:00:22.920 --> 0:00:26.200 One of my favorite guests is back. Your favorite guests too, 0:00:26.640 --> 0:00:30.560 Bernie Calcote, Welcome back to the podcast Glad to be back. 0:00:30.680 --> 0:00:35.000 This is episode one of three. On this podcast, we 0:00:35.120 --> 0:00:38.400 answer questions as if we're sitting around a campfire. You 0:00:38.440 --> 0:00:41.560 have a question, and then me and Bernie walk it through. 0:00:41.640 --> 0:00:44.000 We have no notes on this table, we don't have 0:00:44.080 --> 0:00:47.160 anything here to look at, and we're going to walk 0:00:47.200 --> 0:00:50.199 through it as if we're hearing it real time. I 0:00:50.240 --> 0:00:53.280 have read some of these questions. Burn I was going 0:00:53.360 --> 0:00:56.920 to tell you we've been talking for like thirty minutes 0:00:56.920 --> 0:01:00.360 about our own stuff, which is just what we do. 0:01:00.920 --> 0:01:03.320 But I was going to tell you if we hadn't 0:01:03.440 --> 0:01:05.479 done that, I was going to tell you that these 0:01:05.600 --> 0:01:09.360 questions today are pretty intense. It's gonna be a pretty 0:01:09.360 --> 0:01:12.560 intense episode. Awesome. And I was gonna I was going 0:01:12.640 --> 0:01:15.280 to break or rule and do something I've never done before. 0:01:15.680 --> 0:01:17.160 And I was going to show you some of these 0:01:17.200 --> 0:01:21.039 questions before we even started the podcast. Okay, but you 0:01:21.120 --> 0:01:23.960 didn't do I didn't do that. So we're sticking with 0:01:24.000 --> 0:01:32.280 the rule there is no preparation beforehand, so you're with 0:01:32.400 --> 0:01:35.520 that kind of introduction to you ready for this? Yeah, 0:01:35.600 --> 0:01:38.759 I mean I'm not ready, but you know, Okay, all right, 0:01:39.440 --> 0:01:41.280 let me let me dive in. Well, I think we're 0:01:41.280 --> 0:01:44.840 gonna hit some things that we we might we might 0:01:45.000 --> 0:01:47.360 go deeper on episode one of three than we typically do. 0:01:47.480 --> 0:01:49.480 So buckle up your seat belts if you're commuting to 0:01:49.520 --> 0:01:51.280 work right now, if you're over the road, truck or 0:01:51.320 --> 0:01:53.560 whatever you're doing. However, you listen to this podcast on 0:01:53.560 --> 0:01:57.800 the Monday morning. Thank you for that. There's no there's 0:01:57.840 --> 0:01:59.840 no total easy way into this, but I'm gonna start 0:01:59.840 --> 0:02:02.560 with me. Let me just say real quick for me, 0:02:02.600 --> 0:02:06.160 Angria is like, before we answer any of these questions, 0:02:06.320 --> 0:02:11.520 just know that we do it with the most humility possible. 0:02:13.200 --> 0:02:17.680 We understand that we are just two broken people trying 0:02:17.760 --> 0:02:21.480 to trying our best to abide in God's love and 0:02:21.600 --> 0:02:25.600 accept what we did not earn. And some of these 0:02:25.720 --> 0:02:32.560 views and these answers really represent our experience and our 0:02:32.720 --> 0:02:36.760 understanding of life and of God's word at this moment 0:02:36.800 --> 0:02:41.400 in time, because there has definitely been even recently where 0:02:41.400 --> 0:02:45.040 I have dug deeper into God's word and realized, Wow, 0:02:45.600 --> 0:02:47.680 I thought it meant this, and it means that, and 0:02:48.560 --> 0:02:51.560 that would some in some way change and answer that 0:02:51.600 --> 0:02:54.799 I may give to a podcast listener. So this, this 0:02:54.919 --> 0:03:01.160 is like this moment in time that this is kind 0:03:01.160 --> 0:03:03.880 of where we feel like God has brought us in 0:03:03.919 --> 0:03:07.520 what He's taught us through his word and through our experience, 0:03:08.160 --> 0:03:11.840 and so please we pray that you receive it with 0:03:12.200 --> 0:03:15.480 that same attitude. I think that was a really eloquent 0:03:15.520 --> 0:03:19.520 way of saying sometimes we're wrong. Yes, sometimes we're wrong, 0:03:20.880 --> 0:03:24.200 and it would never be our intention of what this 0:03:24.280 --> 0:03:29.440 podcast is answering your questions to a specific email, Grangersmith 0:03:29.520 --> 0:03:32.880 podcast at gmail dot com. If you have anything, email 0:03:32.919 --> 0:03:35.480 that podcast and I read through them. Now the intensity 0:03:35.480 --> 0:03:39.160 of your questions has raised over the last few years. 0:03:39.480 --> 0:03:41.880 It started out how do you play guitar? And I 0:03:41.880 --> 0:03:45.080 think it's really gotten to a point where people are 0:03:45.600 --> 0:03:49.480 we're seeing the broken state of the world right now, 0:03:49.520 --> 0:03:53.120 and people have people are dealing with some serious issues, 0:03:53.160 --> 0:03:56.720 they're struggling, and they're fine they're trying to find answers 0:03:56.720 --> 0:03:59.640 however they can, and and I feel the way of that. 0:03:59.680 --> 0:04:01.920 I feel the responsibility of that, although I know that 0:04:01.960 --> 0:04:05.200 I'm not the final answer. We're just burning and are 0:04:05.200 --> 0:04:08.840 going to walk through how how we would answer it 0:04:08.920 --> 0:04:10.840 or how we would deal with it if it was 0:04:10.880 --> 0:04:13.920 in our life. So I think Burne's saying the right 0:04:14.040 --> 0:04:16.560 He's saying all the right things that we're not. We're 0:04:16.560 --> 0:04:20.080 not always right, but we will we come with the 0:04:20.120 --> 0:04:23.160 most humble heart. The crazy thing about this is how 0:04:23.200 --> 0:04:25.480 this podcast has become one of the top podcasts and 0:04:25.600 --> 0:04:30.000 all of music genres. And it's just blow my mind 0:04:30.040 --> 0:04:32.760 that with the intensity of the questions that have come in, 0:04:33.200 --> 0:04:36.360 it has raised the popularity of this podcast. So I 0:04:36.400 --> 0:04:38.240 also feel the way of that, and I feel the 0:04:38.520 --> 0:04:41.720 way to the listeners and we love you guys seriously, Yeah, 0:04:41.839 --> 0:04:46.479 y'all are awesome. I mean, the the amount of engagement 0:04:46.520 --> 0:04:49.279 that they have and the amount of questions and like 0:04:49.360 --> 0:04:52.240 how specific they are, and the eagerness to listen, and 0:04:52.320 --> 0:04:55.200 the you know, the comments back of how much they 0:04:55.320 --> 0:04:57.840 enjoy it. You tell me the stories about at the 0:04:57.839 --> 0:05:02.840 meet and greets, how they reference the podcast asked that's awesome, man. 0:05:03.200 --> 0:05:05.159 Well let's start with this one. It says I would 0:05:05.200 --> 0:05:08.279 like to stay anonymous. That's how it starts. Well, one 0:05:08.360 --> 0:05:15.360 warning when you when you say this, they anonymous. We 0:05:15.440 --> 0:05:21.080 can't guarantee that Grandeur will not say your name. Just disclaimer. 0:05:21.160 --> 0:05:22.840 Just put that out there. I'm gonna work so hard 0:05:22.880 --> 0:05:26.279 on it has But it says, first of all, I 0:05:26.320 --> 0:05:29.479 love the podcast, keep doing great things. And then it 0:05:29.520 --> 0:05:33.559 says I'm in my second trimester of pregnancy. My sister 0:05:33.680 --> 0:05:36.159 and her husband have been trying to get pregnant for 0:05:36.240 --> 0:05:39.320 over a year now, and they've been very angry at 0:05:39.360 --> 0:05:41.760 me and my fiance ever since we told them the 0:05:41.760 --> 0:05:44.440 news that we were pregnant. I've tried to be sensitive 0:05:44.480 --> 0:05:48.599 and sympathetic about their infertility, and they've made it very 0:05:48.600 --> 0:05:51.279 clear that it was important to them that they had 0:05:51.320 --> 0:05:54.880 the first grand beary bey baby in the family parentheses, 0:05:54.880 --> 0:05:57.279 which I don't understand why it's so important. Each grand 0:05:57.320 --> 0:05:59.240 baby will be loved just as much as the first, 0:06:00.200 --> 0:06:03.920 and that's why they are so upset. They've also said 0:06:03.920 --> 0:06:06.120 some pretty nasty things about me and my fiance and 0:06:06.160 --> 0:06:08.440 have made it clear that they will not support us. 0:06:09.080 --> 0:06:11.760 I've been nothing but kind and apologetic to them, and 0:06:11.800 --> 0:06:14.640 I find their words hurtful. How do I go about 0:06:14.680 --> 0:06:18.000 saving this relationship with my sister while being sensitive about 0:06:18.000 --> 0:06:21.240 their infertility? Or do I push their toxic behavior away 0:06:21.600 --> 0:06:24.240 and do its best for my baby and my fiance. 0:06:25.240 --> 0:06:30.080 I told my twin sister, who was married, that had 0:06:30.120 --> 0:06:32.240 they been the first ones to get pregnant first, they 0:06:32.279 --> 0:06:34.479 wouldn't be as angry because they didn't have a baby 0:06:34.520 --> 0:06:37.440 outside of marriage. Like me, I feel that the problem 0:06:37.520 --> 0:06:40.960 isn't that my fiance and I got pregnant outside of marriage, 0:06:40.960 --> 0:06:43.880 but something deeper that they won't say. Sorry for the 0:06:43.920 --> 0:06:49.120 long email, Thanks for in advance. I don't have a 0:06:49.160 --> 0:06:52.520 reference to where they were they where Anonymous lives. But 0:06:52.880 --> 0:06:56.320 we have a twin sister married, trying to get pregnant, 0:06:56.360 --> 0:07:01.920 struggling with infertility, and then the other twin is now pregnant. 0:07:02.920 --> 0:07:04.680 Where do we go with the spurns? Where do we 0:07:04.720 --> 0:07:09.920 start with this? Anonymous here does she have a specific 0:07:10.000 --> 0:07:14.960 question that you could read again? That question is twofold. 0:07:16.040 --> 0:07:18.280 How do I go about saving this relationship with my 0:07:18.360 --> 0:07:22.120 sister while being sensitive about their infertility? Or do I 0:07:22.200 --> 0:07:25.280 push their toxic behavior away and do its best for 0:07:25.400 --> 0:07:31.240 my baby and my fiance. M hm, Anonymous, This one 0:07:31.320 --> 0:07:34.480 hits pretty close to home, Grangeuron, I just spent about 0:07:34.520 --> 0:07:41.600 an hour talking about something very similar. Yeah, when do 0:07:41.720 --> 0:07:50.960 you when do you continue to expose yourself to potential 0:07:52.120 --> 0:07:57.280 you know, manipulation or toxic relationship? When do you know, 0:07:58.000 --> 0:08:00.760 preserve and when do you sacker vice for the sake 0:08:00.800 --> 0:08:05.000 of reconciliation. It's a great question. Yeah, infertility is is 0:08:05.080 --> 0:08:09.080 no joke, and it it hurts, It hurts, It hurts families. 0:08:10.400 --> 0:08:15.720 There is a there's a certain level when infertility, whether 0:08:15.720 --> 0:08:18.160 they admit it or not, makes the woman feel lesser 0:08:18.240 --> 0:08:22.040 of a woman. There is a there is a innate 0:08:22.120 --> 0:08:27.360 desire and a woman to to to pro create and 0:08:27.400 --> 0:08:31.040 to be useful her make her body useful in the 0:08:31.080 --> 0:08:34.800 in the way that it's it's created to be used. 0:08:35.440 --> 0:08:38.960 And when it doesn't work that way, then that I 0:08:38.960 --> 0:08:42.240 think they feel, Like I said, whether they admitted or not, 0:08:42.280 --> 0:08:45.560 there is a there's an idea that that an evil 0:08:45.600 --> 0:08:47.920 idea that creeps into their head that they are lesser 0:08:48.280 --> 0:08:51.959 of a woman. I first want to say, Anonymous, I 0:08:52.280 --> 0:08:54.920 do Burnie and I both agree that it's very, very 0:08:54.920 --> 0:08:59.040 important that you do get married that that. I don't 0:08:59.040 --> 0:09:01.240 think that's the issue with this question. I don't think 0:09:01.280 --> 0:09:04.160 that's the issue with your twin sister. I think you 0:09:04.160 --> 0:09:06.240 would know that. I think that would be very clear. 0:09:06.400 --> 0:09:09.760 She would say you should be married. So, although I 0:09:09.760 --> 0:09:12.560 don't think that's part of your problem, on the outside 0:09:12.559 --> 0:09:15.000 of your question, I do think it's very important that 0:09:15.080 --> 0:09:18.319 you hustle this marriage along, that you don't did the wedding, 0:09:18.559 --> 0:09:20.560 and that you don't sit on this engagement for a 0:09:20.600 --> 0:09:26.080 long time and make some big, extravagant, expensive many multiple 0:09:26.160 --> 0:09:28.439 guests make a big deal out of it. I think 0:09:28.480 --> 0:09:31.280 that will also hurt the relationship with their sister. But 0:09:31.440 --> 0:09:35.320 for many other reasons, I think you rush this process along. 0:09:35.880 --> 0:09:39.040 I personally believe, and I've said it before on here, 0:09:39.160 --> 0:09:43.040 that I think in this culture we kind of idolize 0:09:43.200 --> 0:09:47.160 the wedding ceremony more than it should be, when what 0:09:47.320 --> 0:09:50.280 it represents is far greater than how you present it 0:09:50.440 --> 0:09:53.240 in one day, and the dress and the flowers and 0:09:53.280 --> 0:09:55.720 the band and the guests and the food and the 0:09:55.880 --> 0:09:59.400 venue and the preacher and everything. We just kind of 0:09:59.440 --> 0:10:03.320 idolize that, and I think it has become blown way 0:10:03.360 --> 0:10:06.720 out of proportion. I think it's important. It's important to 0:10:06.760 --> 0:10:12.840 celebrate that. Yeah, it's important. But the wedding day industry 0:10:14.000 --> 0:10:19.280 blowing up the way that it has versus the statistics 0:10:19.400 --> 0:10:24.360 of divorce and marriage is kind of not in line 0:10:24.360 --> 0:10:25.840 with where it needs to be. Like we need to 0:10:25.840 --> 0:10:28.199 focus on like our marriages and not just the wedding. 0:10:28.200 --> 0:10:30.400 I think that's what you're getting at. Yeah, absolutely, so 0:10:30.480 --> 0:10:35.240 I would lean in hard to your fiance and wrap 0:10:35.280 --> 0:10:38.120 this up pretty quick. Go to the justice of the peace, 0:10:38.160 --> 0:10:41.640 get your license, have a small if it's if it's 0:10:41.679 --> 0:10:44.640 about if you're prolonging because of a venue that's booked 0:10:44.800 --> 0:10:48.800 till October of twenty twenty three or whatever, just make 0:10:48.880 --> 0:10:53.240 that a fun reception, plan a big tenure anniversary party, 0:10:53.800 --> 0:10:55.960 and put a lot of eggs in that basket. But 0:10:56.040 --> 0:10:59.840 don't prolong this. I would say, get this done pretty quick. 0:11:01.000 --> 0:11:03.160 But I don't think that's the underlying issue of why 0:11:03.240 --> 0:11:05.640 her sister's matt. I think this is an infertility thing. 0:11:07.920 --> 0:11:11.640 So I think anonymous, I think you lean into your 0:11:11.679 --> 0:11:18.280 sister with nothing but grace and humbleness and kindness, which 0:11:18.480 --> 0:11:22.840 you say that you're doing. I would say, lean harder, 0:11:23.720 --> 0:11:29.960 lean into that harder, now I'm listening to your answer 0:11:30.080 --> 0:11:33.160 because like I'm processing it and something that's happened in 0:11:33.200 --> 0:11:36.640 my own life, Like, how do we so I'm with you, anonymous, 0:11:36.640 --> 0:11:38.560 how do we lean in harder? What does that look like? 0:11:40.600 --> 0:11:44.559 I mean, maybe it means meeting her where she is 0:11:44.720 --> 0:11:52.560 and truly trying to empathize and show her that your 0:11:52.600 --> 0:11:56.640 heart is broken with her broken heart if she really 0:11:56.720 --> 0:12:00.280 is broken with this inability to have a baby, and 0:12:00.320 --> 0:12:03.560 like she's struggling with this, like going to her and 0:12:03.600 --> 0:12:06.360 be like cis like I am just devastated with you, 0:12:06.600 --> 0:12:09.640 Like I really I hate that this is how this 0:12:09.760 --> 0:12:12.640 is going. I do wish it was different. I wish 0:12:13.120 --> 0:12:15.280 it could be like this and talk about it and 0:12:16.240 --> 0:12:19.960 you know, maybe talk to her about like, you know, 0:12:20.160 --> 0:12:23.320 if there's anything else going on that is keeping her 0:12:23.440 --> 0:12:31.880 from accepting what reality is. Yeah, I think that that 0:12:31.960 --> 0:12:36.400 can be sometimes very destructive in every kind of relationship, 0:12:36.400 --> 0:12:38.480 whether it's your marriage, with your kids, with your friends, 0:12:38.640 --> 0:12:45.400 is when we are unable to control something and then 0:12:45.480 --> 0:12:49.480 we respond in a way that is not accepting of 0:12:50.480 --> 0:12:54.360 the reality that God has put in front of us. 0:12:55.800 --> 0:12:58.800 I'm kind of thinking now that maybe I misinterpreted one 0:12:58.840 --> 0:13:01.880 part of this, she said in this last paragraph, they 0:13:01.920 --> 0:13:04.360 also told my twin sister, who is married, that they 0:13:05.240 --> 0:13:07.120 should have been the ones to get pregnant. So so 0:13:07.200 --> 0:13:10.240 that's not the twin. So there's it's another sister. It's 0:13:10.280 --> 0:13:12.880 another sister. And then you have the older sister. Maybe 0:13:12.880 --> 0:13:15.439 that's probably the older sister, which is the hierarchy of 0:13:15.480 --> 0:13:17.720 they should have had the baby first. Okay, okay, that 0:13:17.760 --> 0:13:21.720 makes sense. I'm pulling this together. You could use your 0:13:21.760 --> 0:13:25.320 twin sister as an asset to this problem. I think 0:13:25.360 --> 0:13:30.360 this this might be a three sister conversation. And and 0:13:31.720 --> 0:13:33.720 I think the one the one thing you don't do 0:13:33.840 --> 0:13:36.360 is push her away. That was your one of your questions. 0:13:36.440 --> 0:13:39.960 Do I push push their toxic behavior away? You could, 0:13:40.080 --> 0:13:41.959 you could push their toxic behavior away, but you don't 0:13:42.000 --> 0:13:47.040 push her away because she's your sister. And I just 0:13:47.080 --> 0:13:50.240 think you just overwhelm her with grace and you take 0:13:50.280 --> 0:13:52.520 the hit, you take the blows. Yeah. I feel like 0:13:52.520 --> 0:13:54.840 you said this on the last podcast with Parker or 0:13:54.880 --> 0:13:58.960 maybe the one before where everything that you all this 0:13:59.080 --> 0:14:02.240 toxic behavior or whatever she's saying to you, if you 0:14:02.440 --> 0:14:06.080 just come back to her immediately with humility, No, I 0:14:06.160 --> 0:14:11.920 know You're absolutely right. It's like she can't keep going like, yes, 0:14:12.040 --> 0:14:15.119 that's where that you know, like approaching it with humility 0:14:15.800 --> 0:14:18.439 even though anonymous. We know that's not an easy thing 0:14:18.640 --> 0:14:21.160 to do. It's not gonna be easy for her to do. 0:14:21.360 --> 0:14:24.040 And maybe just like take like you're saying, just take 0:14:24.040 --> 0:14:30.840 the blow and like and also understanding that this is family, 0:14:31.520 --> 0:14:36.760 this is a sister, this is a lifetime and maybe 0:14:36.760 --> 0:14:40.360 this is something that's going to take four or five years. 0:14:40.520 --> 0:14:43.120 Are you Are you willing to kind of like take 0:14:43.160 --> 0:14:47.400 the small little steps, hey, you know, in the next month, 0:14:47.840 --> 0:14:50.680 I hope to just like have coffee with her and 0:14:51.880 --> 0:14:54.760 listen and ask some questions and then maybe by the 0:14:54.840 --> 0:14:57.120 end of the year we can get to the point 0:14:57.120 --> 0:15:02.280 where it's not the main focus. And yeah, totally. I 0:15:02.320 --> 0:15:04.880 think the last thing I might say here is that 0:15:04.960 --> 0:15:09.800 I probably wouldn't glorify this baby to your sister very often. 0:15:10.160 --> 0:15:13.240 Like I wouldn't be texting her pictures of the sonogram 0:15:13.560 --> 0:15:17.640 and saying, you know, third, try master, here we come. 0:15:17.880 --> 0:15:21.680 You know, so excited about October fifth, you know, or whatever. 0:15:23.080 --> 0:15:25.680 You might lay off that kind of stuff. You might 0:15:25.960 --> 0:15:29.000 might just downplay this a little bit more. Maybe maybe 0:15:29.040 --> 0:15:32.040 you're on Instagram posting tons of pictures of the new 0:15:32.400 --> 0:15:34.920 nursery that you just made and the new crib you 0:15:34.960 --> 0:15:37.440 just bought, and maybe maybe for your sister's sake, you 0:15:37.440 --> 0:15:39.680 pumped the brakes on that a little bit out of 0:15:39.720 --> 0:15:43.080 respect for her pain. This baby is going to be 0:15:43.320 --> 0:15:46.960 a huge blessing to you, and you're you're very very 0:15:47.120 --> 0:15:49.840 very soon to be husband. We hope this is going 0:15:49.880 --> 0:15:51.440 to be a huge blessing. And so that you don't 0:15:51.440 --> 0:15:56.680 need to glorified anymore externally to convince anyone else of that. No, 0:15:57.080 --> 0:16:01.000 I completely agree. You also do have to understand that 0:16:01.040 --> 0:16:05.920 you cannot change anyone's heart. So all you can do, 0:16:06.000 --> 0:16:08.280 all you can control is the way that you respond. 0:16:09.400 --> 0:16:12.000 You can control the amount of grace and patience and 0:16:12.080 --> 0:16:15.520 humility that you come with. If your sister is still 0:16:15.600 --> 0:16:18.080 harboring and it may not be against you, it may 0:16:18.120 --> 0:16:20.840 have nothing to do with you, it may just be 0:16:21.200 --> 0:16:27.320 probably a lot of jealousy, a lot of insecurity, and 0:16:27.360 --> 0:16:31.280 so just continue to you know that, that would just 0:16:31.320 --> 0:16:34.080 be My advice is like, continue to pursue with humility, 0:16:34.680 --> 0:16:37.160 and when you're not with her, just continue to intercede 0:16:37.200 --> 0:16:41.160 and pray for her. Heart, that God would restore what's 0:16:41.200 --> 0:16:44.560 broken and what she feels like is lost and missing, 0:16:45.200 --> 0:16:50.160 that God would be what fills that, and then hopefully 0:16:50.200 --> 0:16:56.160 that relationship can start to kind of bond again around that. Yeah, 0:16:56.240 --> 0:16:58.000 I think this is going to get the situation is 0:16:58.000 --> 0:17:00.520 going to get worse before it gets better. Prepared for that, 0:17:00.920 --> 0:17:03.000 you're only in the second trimester. I will also say 0:17:03.040 --> 0:17:07.239 that one year of infertility is not that long in 0:17:07.320 --> 0:17:11.840 terms of people dealing with infertility, right, Yeah, thank you 0:17:11.880 --> 0:17:14.840 so much for this email, and we wish the best 0:17:14.840 --> 0:17:16.679 for you. Yeah, keep us posted too. I'd love for 0:17:16.680 --> 0:17:18.840 you to email back in because a lot of times 0:17:18.840 --> 0:17:24.120 we hear these questions and we give advice and kind 0:17:24.119 --> 0:17:25.919 of send you off and hope for the best. But 0:17:25.960 --> 0:17:30.200 we really do would love to hear like how things 0:17:30.240 --> 0:17:33.920 progress and what we could learn maybe from you know, 0:17:33.960 --> 0:17:35.800 like if we gave terrible advice. It's like, hey, y'all 0:17:35.800 --> 0:17:39.680 should never tell anybody that. Absolutely, it'd be great. Next question, 0:17:39.800 --> 0:17:41.960 says Granger. First, let me say thank you for your 0:17:42.000 --> 0:17:45.120 music and yegee Nation, and thank you for allowing God 0:17:45.160 --> 0:17:47.280 to work in your life. It's inspiring and helps me 0:17:47.359 --> 0:17:49.480 each day to be a better husband and a man, 0:17:50.200 --> 0:17:53.199 Thank you, buddy. Recently, my wife and I started the 0:17:53.240 --> 0:17:56.199 process to adopt a nineteen year old young man. We 0:17:56.240 --> 0:17:59.280 have known him for years and when we worked at 0:17:59.320 --> 0:18:03.480 the children's home as his house parents, we stayed in 0:18:03.520 --> 0:18:06.600 touch with him and he has had a very special 0:18:06.640 --> 0:18:10.320 place in our hearts. But he's always lacked that sense 0:18:10.320 --> 0:18:13.719 of family. His dad isn't really in his life, and 0:18:13.840 --> 0:18:16.960 neither is his mom. But in a recent phone call, 0:18:17.080 --> 0:18:19.679 I had a conversation with him that started and we 0:18:19.720 --> 0:18:22.440 started talking about family, and by the time it was over, 0:18:22.800 --> 0:18:24.760 we invited him to be a part of our family, 0:18:24.800 --> 0:18:26.919 and then he revealed to us in tears, that that 0:18:27.160 --> 0:18:30.760 is what he has always wanted. It's we have an 0:18:30.800 --> 0:18:33.080 amazing lawyer who has helped us and that's been such 0:18:33.119 --> 0:18:36.399 a blessing, and we could be that family that he 0:18:36.440 --> 0:18:40.640 has never had. We said that we're the only one. 0:18:40.800 --> 0:18:42.400 He said that we're the only ones that love him, 0:18:42.560 --> 0:18:45.359 care about him, or even call him. And this morning 0:18:45.400 --> 0:18:47.719 he texted me to say, hi, dad, how are you. 0:18:48.040 --> 0:18:50.800 My heart melted and yes, I've always loved him like 0:18:50.840 --> 0:18:52.760 a son. We have no other kids of our own, 0:18:53.440 --> 0:18:55.879 and because my wife has struggled with infertility and the 0:18:55.960 --> 0:18:59.160 chances of pregnancy is low, so this is different for us, 0:18:59.240 --> 0:19:02.760 even as former parents foster parents. He has a good 0:19:02.760 --> 0:19:05.760 heart and just a good old country boy, but he 0:19:05.800 --> 0:19:08.639 does need a good to get his ged or diploma, 0:19:09.280 --> 0:19:12.040 and he is in a relationship with a girl who 0:19:12.119 --> 0:19:14.080 is not good for him. I need advice on how 0:19:14.119 --> 0:19:16.080 to encourage this young man to do the right thing. 0:19:16.480 --> 0:19:19.760 I want to be the best man he can, not 0:19:19.800 --> 0:19:22.760 only for himself, but for the Lord as well. We 0:19:22.840 --> 0:19:26.280 look forward to sharing life with this young man. The 0:19:26.359 --> 0:19:31.480 lights just flickered for some reason. Why I was reading this. 0:19:31.480 --> 0:19:35.760 This comes from Brian. I'm not sure where Brian's from. 0:19:35.840 --> 0:19:38.560 Thank you for the email, and thank you for your 0:19:40.240 --> 0:19:43.520 heavy heart, you and your wife. And this is a 0:19:43.560 --> 0:19:47.200 great follow up to the infertility question, you know, following 0:19:47.240 --> 0:19:51.400 it up with an adoption, a really really unique adoption 0:19:51.480 --> 0:19:56.320 situation of a nineteen year old. But go ahead, Burns. Yeah, 0:19:56.359 --> 0:19:58.080 I was just gonna say it sounds like the question 0:19:58.280 --> 0:20:02.680 is not should we move forward with adopting him, or 0:20:02.720 --> 0:20:05.360 should we move forward with or or how do we 0:20:05.400 --> 0:20:07.080 make him a part of our family? It sounds like 0:20:07.119 --> 0:20:11.440 they've had that conviction, They've moved forward with it. Everybody's 0:20:11.480 --> 0:20:15.000 in agreeance. It's more like, how do we transition to 0:20:16.240 --> 0:20:22.040 being parent leader figures for him? And now as we're 0:20:22.040 --> 0:20:26.359 taking on a new role in this in this boy's life. Yeah, 0:20:26.400 --> 0:20:29.679 this young man's life at nineteen. That is tough. That 0:20:29.800 --> 0:20:32.840 is tough. I personally have never come across this kind 0:20:32.880 --> 0:20:36.080 of situation. I know that you have an adopted child, 0:20:36.119 --> 0:20:38.480 but you adopted her as a baby, as an infant, right, 0:20:38.960 --> 0:20:42.480 she was foster care for the first year of her life. Okay, yeah, 0:20:42.560 --> 0:20:45.080 so she came at seven weeks to us, but okay, 0:20:45.520 --> 0:20:49.080 a little different than nineteen for sure. My first thought 0:20:50.040 --> 0:20:55.000 is is WHOA. I don't think I would immediately start 0:20:55.000 --> 0:21:00.440 implementing a father figure in his relationship with a girl 0:21:01.040 --> 0:21:04.560 and getting his g and ged or diploma. Did you 0:21:04.600 --> 0:21:08.440 think that? It's like we came right out of adoption 0:21:08.760 --> 0:21:11.600 and tears and melted hearts and we're right into, hey, 0:21:11.600 --> 0:21:14.960 we need them to break up with his girlfriend. Yeah, 0:21:15.040 --> 0:21:17.399 there's there's a few things that jumped out that I 0:21:17.440 --> 0:21:20.680 feel like both sides maybe jumping the gun a little bit, 0:21:21.160 --> 0:21:24.679 and and I could be wrong here, we're hearing this 0:21:24.800 --> 0:21:27.000 first time and you're not, you know, around the campfire, 0:21:27.040 --> 0:21:29.240 So I can't ask you a bunch of questions. But 0:21:30.240 --> 0:21:33.479 for the boy, and I don't know how long they 0:21:33.480 --> 0:21:36.399 said that they were in, you know, some kind of 0:21:36.400 --> 0:21:39.800 foster care situation maybe with him before, but for him 0:21:39.840 --> 0:21:44.440 to like start texting this guy good morning, dad and 0:21:44.520 --> 0:21:47.399 calling him dad, like I don't know how soon it is, 0:21:47.440 --> 0:21:50.159 but it feels like this they had this conversation and 0:21:50.200 --> 0:21:52.440 then it was like, I'm gonna just start doing this. 0:21:55.560 --> 0:21:58.399 I feel like there may be some kind of like 0:22:01.920 --> 0:22:09.119 longing for that in the boy that I would I 0:22:09.160 --> 0:22:11.359 don't know if I would necessarily tell him not to 0:22:11.560 --> 0:22:19.040 do that, but that this is the same people that 0:22:19.240 --> 0:22:23.520 he's known for a long time, and I feel like 0:22:23.600 --> 0:22:26.280 there should just be like a natural progression of like 0:22:27.040 --> 0:22:30.680 as it was, we're just continuing to go deeper together. 0:22:31.560 --> 0:22:34.720 And then the same thing with the parents, Like it's 0:22:34.840 --> 0:22:37.680 it feels like they're both they were kind of at 0:22:37.720 --> 0:22:42.960 a certain level together of relationship and care for each other, 0:22:44.000 --> 0:22:45.960 and then they just kind of had this conversation. It 0:22:46.040 --> 0:22:48.480 was like, well, let's just go jump into the deep 0:22:48.560 --> 0:22:51.840 end now instead of like, well, no, just keep waiting 0:22:51.880 --> 0:22:56.800 out into the water together. Yeah, yeah, don't just like, 0:22:57.600 --> 0:23:00.240 take the list, just one step at a time. Just 0:23:00.320 --> 0:23:02.960 keep waiting out in the water. Okay, okay. So here's 0:23:03.000 --> 0:23:05.320 what I hear. What I hear you saying wading out 0:23:05.320 --> 0:23:08.040 into the water. I think this is what this might mean. 0:23:08.280 --> 0:23:10.240 You say, he's a good country boy. I think that 0:23:10.359 --> 0:23:13.919 means you say, hey, he doesn't have to say have 0:23:13.920 --> 0:23:18.720 his name here, but hey, son, I booked us a 0:23:18.760 --> 0:23:23.440 trip in October to Montana, and we're going to go out, 0:23:23.560 --> 0:23:26.720 me and you. We're gonna go trout fishing in this lake. 0:23:27.000 --> 0:23:30.560 We're gonna spend seven days, me and you, and we're 0:23:30.560 --> 0:23:32.760 gonna go out. We're gonna camp, We're gonna fish, we're 0:23:32.760 --> 0:23:35.560 gonna hike, we're gonna take in this incredible the incredible 0:23:35.600 --> 0:23:41.400 mountains of Montana or wherever. And during that trip, you 0:23:41.480 --> 0:23:46.520 start instilling. First of all, you're there for him forever. 0:23:46.640 --> 0:23:51.720 Now you will start encouraging. You said, how do I 0:23:51.720 --> 0:23:53.560 need to encourage him? How to do the right thing? 0:23:54.480 --> 0:23:58.240 You show him? And and in this camping trip, when 0:23:58.240 --> 0:24:00.199 you're out there in the mountains and you hear this 0:24:00.320 --> 0:24:06.000 beautiful stream rolling by, and you say, tell me about 0:24:06.040 --> 0:24:11.119 your girlfriend, what's she like? Like, I said, how do 0:24:11.200 --> 0:24:14.040 you feel about her, and how does she make you 0:24:14.080 --> 0:24:17.199 feel good about yourself? And just walk through it. And 0:24:17.240 --> 0:24:19.720