1 00:00:00,080 --> 00:00:01,840 Speaker 1: Buggle up and hold on tight. We got it for 2 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:08,120 Speaker 1: you here. It is a strawberry letter. They're so stupid. 3 00:00:09,440 --> 00:00:13,600 Speaker 1: Subject don't hold my past against me. Dear Stephen Shirley, 4 00:00:13,680 --> 00:00:16,440 Speaker 1: I have a question and I need your advice. When 5 00:00:16,480 --> 00:00:19,159 Speaker 1: should I tell a new love interest that I have 6 00:00:19,280 --> 00:00:22,720 Speaker 1: been to prison. I am not the average parole though. 7 00:00:23,280 --> 00:00:26,480 Speaker 1: I am an older woman that served a lengthy prison 8 00:00:26,600 --> 00:00:30,639 Speaker 1: term as a first offender for transporting drugs. Since my 9 00:00:30,720 --> 00:00:34,320 Speaker 1: release from prison, I have earned a degree and I 10 00:00:34,320 --> 00:00:37,640 Speaker 1: have a great career for many years, I own a home, 11 00:00:37,720 --> 00:00:41,080 Speaker 1: and I'm an upstanding member of my community. No one 12 00:00:41,159 --> 00:00:44,080 Speaker 1: would ever believe that I have had a considerable amount 13 00:00:44,120 --> 00:00:47,320 Speaker 1: of my life controlled by the Department of Corrections. So 14 00:00:48,000 --> 00:00:51,960 Speaker 1: when is it appropriate to disclose this information to a man. 15 00:00:52,479 --> 00:00:54,600 Speaker 1: I don't want to share it up front because I 16 00:00:54,640 --> 00:00:57,760 Speaker 1: don't want to be judged unfairly. I also don't want 17 00:00:57,760 --> 00:01:00,120 Speaker 1: to wait too long because I don't want to not 18 00:01:00,320 --> 00:01:03,720 Speaker 1: the man and my last relationship. My man did not 19 00:01:03,880 --> 00:01:07,000 Speaker 1: hold it against me. We broke it off for other reasons. 20 00:01:07,440 --> 00:01:09,800 Speaker 1: Since him. I met a man and we were talking 21 00:01:09,840 --> 00:01:12,560 Speaker 1: about people being in prison, and he had he had 22 00:01:12,640 --> 00:01:16,080 Speaker 1: strong views against it. So I didn't pursue anything further 23 00:01:16,200 --> 00:01:19,600 Speaker 1: with him to avoid telling him about my past. I 24 00:01:19,680 --> 00:01:22,760 Speaker 1: want desperately to be in love, but I'm afraid to 25 00:01:22,840 --> 00:01:25,880 Speaker 1: be open and honest with guys I meet. It may 26 00:01:25,920 --> 00:01:28,720 Speaker 1: not be you know, it may not be that big 27 00:01:28,760 --> 00:01:31,400 Speaker 1: of a deal, and I'm worried for nothing. What are 28 00:01:31,440 --> 00:01:35,360 Speaker 1: your thoughts? Well, Um, I think the timing is everything, 29 00:01:35,440 --> 00:01:38,479 Speaker 1: and I think you should be honest with him. And 30 00:01:38,800 --> 00:01:41,600 Speaker 1: you're right, you shouldn't wait too long if he's a 31 00:01:41,640 --> 00:01:44,560 Speaker 1: new love interest. I'm assuming that you guys are dating 32 00:01:44,560 --> 00:01:47,440 Speaker 1: and going out to dinner and such things. So even 33 00:01:47,440 --> 00:01:49,120 Speaker 1: though it's hard for you to bring it up because 34 00:01:49,160 --> 00:01:50,920 Speaker 1: you don't want to be judged, you know you have 35 00:01:51,040 --> 00:01:53,760 Speaker 1: to bring it up. So one night at dinner as 36 00:01:53,760 --> 00:01:56,720 Speaker 1: early as possible, you know, if not the first date, 37 00:01:56,800 --> 00:01:59,040 Speaker 1: the second date, go ahead and tell him. You know, 38 00:01:59,160 --> 00:02:01,520 Speaker 1: people have to like you for who you are. You 39 00:02:01,520 --> 00:02:03,880 Speaker 1: You you did what you did, You paid your debt 40 00:02:03,880 --> 00:02:07,920 Speaker 1: to society. You spent many years in in prison. You said, 41 00:02:08,200 --> 00:02:11,520 Speaker 1: now that's over. You know, everyone gets a second chance. 42 00:02:11,560 --> 00:02:13,920 Speaker 1: I think you deserve a second chance, and you've proved 43 00:02:14,160 --> 00:02:17,000 Speaker 1: that with your second chance, you've become a better person. 44 00:02:17,040 --> 00:02:20,120 Speaker 1: You say you're an upstanding member uh in your community, 45 00:02:20,200 --> 00:02:22,280 Speaker 1: you own your own home, you've you've had a great 46 00:02:22,280 --> 00:02:25,280 Speaker 1: career for many years. You have a degree. So I 47 00:02:25,280 --> 00:02:28,600 Speaker 1: mean you're you're clearly a changed person. So if the 48 00:02:28,680 --> 00:02:33,520 Speaker 1: person who you're with uh liked you, and uh you 49 00:02:33,560 --> 00:02:36,400 Speaker 1: know if you once you tell them excuse me, they 50 00:02:36,440 --> 00:02:38,480 Speaker 1: like you for who you are, They're not gonna hold 51 00:02:38,520 --> 00:02:40,400 Speaker 1: that against you. I mean, there have been many people 52 00:02:40,440 --> 00:02:43,360 Speaker 1: out there that have done time and have gone gone 53 00:02:43,360 --> 00:02:45,760 Speaker 1: on to do upstanding things, and I think you're one 54 00:02:45,800 --> 00:02:48,200 Speaker 1: of those. So, UM, tell him, tell him as soon 55 00:02:48,240 --> 00:02:51,040 Speaker 1: as possible. First, just if not the first date, definitely 56 00:02:51,120 --> 00:02:56,720 Speaker 1: the second date. Steve, First of all, congratulations, Yeah, on 57 00:02:56,880 --> 00:03:00,079 Speaker 1: picking yourself up and turning yourself around. Shall I I 58 00:03:00,200 --> 00:03:04,440 Speaker 1: say yourself? Let me say praise to God for picking 59 00:03:04,480 --> 00:03:07,280 Speaker 1: you up and turning you around. That God is in 60 00:03:07,280 --> 00:03:11,000 Speaker 1: the forgiving business. God is in the delivery business. God 61 00:03:11,120 --> 00:03:13,760 Speaker 1: is in the dust you off business. God is in 62 00:03:13,800 --> 00:03:17,240 Speaker 1: to make your dream come true business. You are a 63 00:03:17,240 --> 00:03:20,480 Speaker 1: result of that, the fact that you're an older woman 64 00:03:20,480 --> 00:03:23,200 Speaker 1: and you sir lengthy prison term as a first defender 65 00:03:23,240 --> 00:03:28,280 Speaker 1: for transporting drugs. You've earned a degree, you have had 66 00:03:28,320 --> 00:03:31,400 Speaker 1: a great career for many years. You own a home, 67 00:03:32,320 --> 00:03:37,120 Speaker 1: and I am outstanding, upstanding member of your community. No 68 00:03:37,160 --> 00:03:39,320 Speaker 1: one would ever believe you did a considerable out of 69 00:03:39,400 --> 00:03:43,000 Speaker 1: time control by the Department of Corrections. So when is 70 00:03:43,040 --> 00:03:47,040 Speaker 1: it appropriate to disclose this information to a man? I 71 00:03:47,160 --> 00:03:51,960 Speaker 1: don't want to share it upfront, and you shouldn't. This 72 00:03:52,160 --> 00:03:55,440 Speaker 1: is nothing you need to share upfront. It ain't really 73 00:03:55,520 --> 00:04:00,720 Speaker 1: ain't nobody's business yet now surely gives good advice. I 74 00:04:00,840 --> 00:04:03,800 Speaker 1: happened to disagree with sharing this with a man on 75 00:04:03,840 --> 00:04:06,520 Speaker 1: the first and second date. First and second date don't 76 00:04:06,520 --> 00:04:12,280 Speaker 1: mean nothing. I think you reveal this information to a 77 00:04:12,400 --> 00:04:18,240 Speaker 1: man once you all are about to be intimate. Then 78 00:04:18,279 --> 00:04:21,400 Speaker 1: the relationship going somewhere. Y'all just talking and dating what 79 00:04:21,440 --> 00:04:25,400 Speaker 1: it is now? If you feel like it's about to 80 00:04:25,440 --> 00:04:29,880 Speaker 1: get intimate, then you need to reveal this information. And 81 00:04:30,000 --> 00:04:33,360 Speaker 1: I'll tell you why. Because a man is now more 82 00:04:33,520 --> 00:04:39,320 Speaker 1: vested in you. He's developed feelings for you without, as 83 00:04:39,320 --> 00:04:42,280 Speaker 1: you say, being judgmental. Because remember the one guy she 84 00:04:42,360 --> 00:04:45,920 Speaker 1: was liking and she tried to share it up from 85 00:04:45,960 --> 00:04:50,040 Speaker 1: you know, uh, he set up and had really strong 86 00:04:50,120 --> 00:04:52,400 Speaker 1: feelings about people that have been to prison. Where his 87 00:04:52,560 --> 00:04:56,279 Speaker 1: ass come from? He's out, you know what I mean. 88 00:04:56,520 --> 00:05:00,280 Speaker 1: So that has happened to her so rightfully. So she's 89 00:05:00,360 --> 00:05:04,680 Speaker 1: concerned about running off a good man too early. So 90 00:05:04,800 --> 00:05:08,320 Speaker 1: first and second date is out of the question. I disagree. 91 00:05:08,400 --> 00:05:12,160 Speaker 1: I think it's something you keep. Let a person get 92 00:05:12,200 --> 00:05:14,960 Speaker 1: to know you, get to understand how you are and 93 00:05:15,080 --> 00:05:18,880 Speaker 1: feel you without having that information to taint who you 94 00:05:18,960 --> 00:05:22,080 Speaker 1: really are, because it can happen, cause people are human beings. 95 00:05:23,279 --> 00:05:26,400 Speaker 1: I got to nobody judge everybody should faith take your 96 00:05:26,400 --> 00:05:29,120 Speaker 1: faith value for what you are. That ain't how people operate. 97 00:05:29,880 --> 00:05:33,880 Speaker 1: Let's not be naive so simple. You wait until you're 98 00:05:33,880 --> 00:05:39,880 Speaker 1: about to become intimate, and then you dropping on it. Period. 99 00:05:41,200 --> 00:05:45,040 Speaker 1: Now if anybody don't like that information, I'm sorry, too bad, 100 00:05:46,120 --> 00:05:50,880 Speaker 1: But that's when I would do it now, any question, Shirley, 101 00:05:51,040 --> 00:05:54,479 Speaker 1: I've been to the pin. You say that right now 102 00:05:54,480 --> 00:05:56,560 Speaker 1: when you when it's about to become into it now, 103 00:05:56,600 --> 00:05:59,120 Speaker 1: I don't have any questions. We we do disagree, I 104 00:05:59,160 --> 00:06:03,600 Speaker 1: guess you all now. I guess we do disagree on that. 105 00:06:03,680 --> 00:06:05,960 Speaker 1: I think you should the earlier, the better you know, 106 00:06:06,000 --> 00:06:09,080 Speaker 1: and give the person, the other person the option of 107 00:06:09,520 --> 00:06:12,040 Speaker 1: whether they want to continue the relationship. People do have 108 00:06:12,120 --> 00:06:15,920 Speaker 1: strong opinions about you know, people who have been to prison. 109 00:06:16,200 --> 00:06:19,640 Speaker 1: So I just say the earlier, the better timing is everything, 110 00:06:19,680 --> 00:06:21,880 Speaker 1: of course, and you know, give them the option of 111 00:06:21,880 --> 00:06:24,119 Speaker 1: whether they want to hang in there or get out. 112 00:06:24,440 --> 00:06:31,839 Speaker 1: That's my opinion. Hanging there for what? Ye gotten a degree? 113 00:06:32,440 --> 00:06:35,120 Speaker 1: Got it? We'll finish this one. Come on, let's go 114 00:06:35,200 --> 00:06:38,400 Speaker 1: with part two of your response to today's Strawberry letter 115 00:06:38,520 --> 00:06:42,080 Speaker 1: subject don't hold my past against me? See and the 116 00:06:42,120 --> 00:06:49,400 Speaker 1: reason I think that, well, this woman is questioning she 117 00:06:49,440 --> 00:06:53,200 Speaker 1: needs some advice because she's been to prison before for 118 00:06:53,240 --> 00:06:56,720 Speaker 1: a large part of her life, and she's wondering when 119 00:06:56,839 --> 00:06:59,320 Speaker 1: is the right time to inform a man that she 120 00:06:59,400 --> 00:07:04,120 Speaker 1: has been prison because she's not the average parole lead, 121 00:07:04,360 --> 00:07:07,719 Speaker 1: she says. She's an older woman, sir, the lengthy prison 122 00:07:07,760 --> 00:07:11,040 Speaker 1: time as a first defended for transporting drugs. But since 123 00:07:11,040 --> 00:07:14,960 Speaker 1: her release from prison, she's earned a degree, she has 124 00:07:15,000 --> 00:07:18,520 Speaker 1: a great career for many years, she's a homeowner and 125 00:07:18,560 --> 00:07:21,560 Speaker 1: an upstanding member of her community. No one would ever 126 00:07:21,600 --> 00:07:24,080 Speaker 1: believe that I've had a considerable amount of my life 127 00:07:24,240 --> 00:07:26,800 Speaker 1: controlled by the Department of Correction. I think you have 128 00:07:26,840 --> 00:07:30,520 Speaker 1: a fabulous story to tell. I think that you are 129 00:07:30,560 --> 00:07:36,560 Speaker 1: a story of redemption, overcoming, forgiveness, and God's grace. I 130 00:07:36,600 --> 00:07:39,280 Speaker 1: think you have an incredible story to tell. I think 131 00:07:39,280 --> 00:07:42,360 Speaker 1: if you told that story, if you peel back and 132 00:07:42,480 --> 00:07:46,880 Speaker 1: remove the layer of secrecy as the story, this is 133 00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:51,040 Speaker 1: my story, this is what I'm from, and this is 134 00:07:51,080 --> 00:07:54,400 Speaker 1: what I've become, more people would resonate with you. I 135 00:07:54,440 --> 00:07:57,480 Speaker 1: really feel that way. Now, as far as dating a man, 136 00:07:57,560 --> 00:08:01,360 Speaker 1: if you don't want to take that route, then I 137 00:08:01,360 --> 00:08:02,960 Speaker 1: don't think you should tell him on the first or 138 00:08:03,040 --> 00:08:05,720 Speaker 1: second date. I think you should wait until you're about 139 00:08:05,760 --> 00:08:10,040 Speaker 1: to become intimate, because you all know. Okay, when I 140 00:08:10,040 --> 00:08:12,040 Speaker 1: get what, I see his ass next time, I bet 141 00:08:12,040 --> 00:08:15,960 Speaker 1: it go down. Women know that what I'm what if 142 00:08:15,960 --> 00:08:19,240 Speaker 1: they're gonna have sex on the first day? You know 143 00:08:19,280 --> 00:08:21,720 Speaker 1: how we get to see what? What? Why are we 144 00:08:21,840 --> 00:08:24,960 Speaker 1: talking about? I hate him because she already if you 145 00:08:25,040 --> 00:08:27,200 Speaker 1: listen to the letter, it's not a woman like that. 146 00:08:27,680 --> 00:08:34,839 Speaker 1: Should she wait till they're both undressed? That's my do 147 00:08:36,600 --> 00:08:42,160 Speaker 1: team Jay all day long? Don't you answer this? Ice 148 00:08:43,880 --> 00:08:50,680 Speaker 1: makes sense though? One more time, Jake, because I don't 149 00:08:50,720 --> 00:08:53,080 Speaker 1: believe what you just said. I don't believe you said 150 00:08:53,120 --> 00:08:55,880 Speaker 1: what you just said. She should she wait till they're 151 00:08:55,880 --> 00:09:03,280 Speaker 1: both undressed. I know you like what you see hard, 152 00:09:04,400 --> 00:09:12,119 Speaker 1: you know that man. So anyway, right, you hired him 153 00:09:12,280 --> 00:09:16,080 Speaker 1: your story as a story of redemption and overcoming, to 154 00:09:16,160 --> 00:09:19,920 Speaker 1: write a book about it, to mentor young girls to 155 00:09:20,040 --> 00:09:23,440 Speaker 1: go into prisons and tell your story. I think your 156 00:09:23,480 --> 00:09:26,520 Speaker 1: life has great value to I think your story, your past, 157 00:09:27,240 --> 00:09:30,920 Speaker 1: is your story. But you can stand up and make 158 00:09:30,960 --> 00:09:33,440 Speaker 1: the announcement. I've held this from you off for so 159 00:09:33,480 --> 00:09:36,480 Speaker 1: many years because I was a shame. But I'm no 160 00:09:36,520 --> 00:09:41,160 Speaker 1: longer ashamed. I'm actually proud. I'm actually filled with God's 161 00:09:41,240 --> 00:09:43,280 Speaker 1: grace now, and I want to share a story with you. 162 00:09:44,160 --> 00:09:50,600 Speaker 1: In nineteen I was convicted for drug trafficking. I got 163 00:09:50,600 --> 00:09:54,200 Speaker 1: caught up in a situation I was young. Boom. I've 164 00:09:54,200 --> 00:09:57,640 Speaker 1: been to jail for twenty years. I got out in 165 00:09:57,720 --> 00:10:01,800 Speaker 1: two thousand five. Now a lot of people gonna start clearing, 166 00:10:03,640 --> 00:10:10,240 Speaker 1: come on hard, some people there we go, so we 167 00:10:10,679 --> 00:10:13,240 Speaker 1: killing us. Okay, So the ones that are left right, 168 00:10:13,400 --> 00:10:18,320 Speaker 1: so you're gonna see some walk out. But the people 169 00:10:19,400 --> 00:10:21,400 Speaker 1: those are the ones that are really with you them? Okay, 170 00:10:21,400 --> 00:10:25,040 Speaker 1: dog Christians anyway, but dog, couldn't we tell them like 171 00:10:25,160 --> 00:10:27,360 Speaker 1: right after we do it? Can we tell me then 172 00:10:28,280 --> 00:10:32,360 Speaker 1: let's get through it. All that ain't on my mind. 173 00:10:32,360 --> 00:10:34,440 Speaker 1: I don't want jail on my mind. Why we do? 174 00:10:34,720 --> 00:10:36,400 Speaker 1: I know you enjoyed it, but I have something to 175 00:10:36,520 --> 00:10:41,760 Speaker 1: tell you. That's how it's gonna go. Jack, it's going down. 176 00:10:43,200 --> 00:10:50,960 Speaker 1: Guess who you've been and now it's coming up. Taking 177 00:10:50,960 --> 00:10:55,920 Speaker 1: the moment you got caught up, Junior, I got one more, 178 00:10:57,040 --> 00:11:03,240 Speaker 1: Just one more? You yell out like sound I'm sorry 179 00:11:05,600 --> 00:11:08,920 Speaker 1: sign or something like could you roll over and get 180 00:11:09,000 --> 00:11:14,440 Speaker 1: my pants from under the bad you laying on my pain? 181 00:11:15,320 --> 00:11:18,040 Speaker 1: I agree that she has a great, great, great story. 182 00:11:18,240 --> 00:11:20,760 Speaker 1: We just we disagree and when she should tell him. 183 00:11:21,679 --> 00:11:25,120 Speaker 1: But I think I think story and just take the 184 00:11:25,600 --> 00:11:27,920 Speaker 1: take the whole veil of secrecy off of it, man, 185 00:11:28,360 --> 00:11:31,240 Speaker 1: and tell your story. See if you tell your story, 186 00:11:31,240 --> 00:11:34,520 Speaker 1: that keep people from telling it? Yeah, you tell your 187 00:11:34,559 --> 00:11:38,720 Speaker 1: own truth. You reveal it what they're gonna say exactly. 188 00:11:39,240 --> 00:11:44,319 Speaker 1: She used to sell trucks, Well yeah I did. Yeah, 189 00:11:44,720 --> 00:11:46,760 Speaker 1: but he saved me. God gott to save you from something. 190 00:11:46,760 --> 00:11:48,600 Speaker 1: I think you have a great story of redemption. I say, 191 00:11:48,600 --> 00:11:51,679 Speaker 1: pulled back the curtain yourself and walk out on that. 192 00:11:51,840 --> 00:11:53,560 Speaker 1: And who's gonna be what you're gonna be what. You'll 193 00:11:53,600 --> 00:11:56,680 Speaker 1: find out who you cool people is right away. That's 194 00:11:56,679 --> 00:11:59,040 Speaker 1: all you gotta do is it's pull the curtain back 195 00:11:59,080 --> 00:12:02,240 Speaker 1: on that play and let him sit there and watch 196 00:12:02,400 --> 00:12:05,640 Speaker 1: that for a minute. You'll find out who with all right. 197 00:12:05,679 --> 00:12:08,400 Speaker 1: At the sex, you could sing, Oh, don't you know 198 00:12:08,880 --> 00:12:16,599 Speaker 1: that's the sound working on the chain? Dang? You know 199 00:12:17,720 --> 00:12:20,959 Speaker 1: really most people in her life they already know it though, 200 00:12:21,000 --> 00:12:23,240 Speaker 1: because she has to. I mean, you know, they gotta 201 00:12:23,280 --> 00:12:26,559 Speaker 1: do background checks. So she's a yeah, she has a 202 00:12:26,600 --> 00:12:40,920 Speaker 1: great career for the over here. Well you ain't so fast, baby, 203 00:12:42,120 --> 00:12:45,440 Speaker 1: Your head all the way in your boat the restaurant 204 00:12:45,480 --> 00:12:48,920 Speaker 1: and get up against the wall. Yeah, and walk along 205 00:12:48,960 --> 00:12:52,599 Speaker 1: the wall until you get by the kitchen. Go And 206 00:12:54,320 --> 00:12:56,560 Speaker 1: why did you put that in your pocket? What is 207 00:12:56,559 --> 00:13:01,319 Speaker 1: that about? Why are your soap it's skinny? Why is 208 00:13:01,360 --> 00:13:09,240 Speaker 1: your favorite movie? You want to watch? Nothing? Hey? Why 209 00:13:09,360 --> 00:13:14,679 Speaker 1: is you fouling your button? Night? What is your putting 210 00:13:14,720 --> 00:13:19,960 Speaker 1: tape on this button? Night? Guys? It wouldn't take him long. 211 00:13:21,360 --> 00:13:24,760 Speaker 1: You do it all right? Listen, we gotta get out 212 00:13:24,760 --> 00:13:27,040 Speaker 1: of here. Email us or Instagram. That's your thoughts on 213 00:13:27,080 --> 00:13:30,199 Speaker 1: today's Strawberry letter at my Girl Shirley Please join me 214 00:13:30,520 --> 00:13:35,560 Speaker 1: this Thursday for The Strawberry Letter. The Strawberry Letter Live 215 00:13:35,679 --> 00:13:43,280 Speaker 1: after show on Facebook. Okay, you're listening to the Steve 216 00:13:43,400 --> 00:13:44,400 Speaker 1: Harvey Morning Show.