Speaker 1: He told me something, well, he said something on the
Speaker 1: documentary and then we talked about it, but it has
Speaker 1: stuck with me about the porn industry ever since he
Speaker 1: said it. I cannot think about porn and not think
Speaker 1: about what he said. What's tip? Everybody, Welcome to the podcast.
Speaker 1: One of my favorite people in the whole planet is
Speaker 1: on this episode helping me answer these questions. Bernie Calcote,
Speaker 1: Thanks for having me back, man, Thanks for being back,
Speaker 1: probably your hundredth.
Speaker 2: Yeah, a lot of episodes and I've listened to the
Speaker 2: last few with you by yourself, and even though you
Speaker 2: didn't say it, I could tell.
Speaker 3: In your voice you were like, I mean, it's Bernie,
Speaker 3: Bernie back so here.
Speaker 1: I am absolutely absolutely. What we do is we answer
Speaker 1: your questions. We don't talk about us. We talk about
Speaker 1: us before we start recording, which is what we've been doing,
Speaker 1: you know, for the last hour or at least the
Speaker 1: time you got here. But what we do on this
Speaker 1: podcast as we record, as answer your questions. You email
Speaker 1: podcast at grangersmith dot com and I've got a bunch
Speaker 1: a bunch of questions. You want to jump into these,
Speaker 1: Let's do it, man. Okay, this first one comes from
Speaker 1: anonymous It says, Hey, Granger, I love your podcast and
Speaker 1: continue to draw wisdom from it each and every time
Speaker 1: I listen to it. I'm a senior in high school
Speaker 1: and I've been fighting the following issues for the past
Speaker 1: few years, and honestly, pornography has been something that has
Speaker 1: continually eaten away at me and gotten to the point
Speaker 1: where I find it even hard to find anything worth
Speaker 1: of value in myself. When I get up in the morning,
Speaker 1: it is relentless, like a wave that comes at me
Speaker 1: and drives me down wherever I try to reach out
Speaker 1: to God, and it makes me feel like I'm continually
Speaker 1: in a cycle of failure. Because of this, I hate
Speaker 1: myself as I have an addiction for it. I struggle
Speaker 1: to see any aspect of what I do in life
Speaker 1: as something to be proud of. And I've never been
Speaker 1: able to stand out in academics, sports, or even had
Speaker 1: a close friend throughout my life, and a similar part
Speaker 1: of me hates my addiction. It hates myself even more
Speaker 1: for my failures in these areas of life. I just
Speaker 1: feel like I'm unnecessary in the life I live in.
Speaker 1: I know that this is a sob story, and it
Speaker 1: feels pathetic even writing it. But I've been so tired
Speaker 1: out of my failures that if you can give me
Speaker 1: any advice or tough love on how to rely on
Speaker 1: my faith in Christ to combat these things, I would
Speaker 1: greatly appreciate it. What a way to start off the episode.
Speaker 3: Hum burns, Yeah, he asked for Granger's tough love. Who
Speaker 3: He's opening a gate?
Speaker 1: All right. The first thing I'm gonna do is I'm
Speaker 1: gonna look up my boy Joshua. Here. I got it, Bernie,
Speaker 1: I gotta tell you about this guy Joshua. So we
Speaker 1: went to Tyler and Parker and Chris and I went
Speaker 1: to this David Platt, you know David Platte. We went
Speaker 1: to this radical retreat in Jackson, Wyoming. And it's basically
Speaker 1: like Platt invited these these people in different spheres of
Speaker 1: Christianity of influence to come together. And you know, David,
Speaker 1: it's all about, you know, reaching the unreached people. And
Speaker 1: so he brings people from all different walks of influence,
Speaker 1: puts them together in a room. And then we just
Speaker 1: had three days of just like telling each other, and
Speaker 1: we would divide up into groups and tell each other.
Speaker 1: You know how we have seen positive effects of our
Speaker 1: form of evangelism and how we've been able to reach
Speaker 1: different groups. And then we would listen to each other
Speaker 1: and just kind of encourage and build on each other. Well,
Speaker 1: one of these guys there, his name is Joshua Broom.
Speaker 1: That is b R O O M E. And his
Speaker 1: Instagram I'm looking at it right now is at I
Speaker 1: am Joshua Broome And so I'll try to tell the
Speaker 1: story the best I can. Get off the plane in
Speaker 1: Jackson and there's this guy and we could all I
Speaker 1: could tell that the people that were actually going to
Speaker 1: this event, and he says, hey, man, I'm Joshua, and
Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm Granger and you're going to the David
Speaker 1: Platt Thay. Yeah. Cool where you're from? You know? He's like, well,
Speaker 1: I currently live in Dallas. I'm from North Carolina. And
Speaker 1: I was like, cool, man, what's your story? And he said, well,
Speaker 1: I was in the porn industry for a long time
Speaker 1: before I was saved and Jesus saved me as I
Speaker 1: came out of it. And he's like, now I travel
Speaker 1: around and I tell people the evils of the porn
Speaker 1: industry and what it really is. The face of it,
Speaker 1: and I tell him the Gospel and I was like, dude,
Speaker 1: I think I saw a documentary about you. And he
Speaker 1: was like, yeah, probably, I've told my story about and
Speaker 1: I started thinking about it. I had a couple of
Speaker 1: years before that. I was on a plane and going
Speaker 1: to a random concert and I watched this random documentary
Speaker 1: on YouTube about this guy who was a porn star
Speaker 1: that came out of it, was saved radically and came
Speaker 1: out of it. And here I am with him, and
Speaker 1: I was like, dude, and you met your wife at
Speaker 1: the gym in North Carolina and then you worked at
Speaker 1: the like I knew his whole story, and ironically he
Speaker 1: knew mine. It's so crazy that those kind of things happened.
Speaker 1: But now this is the first porn question that we've
Speaker 1: had a bunch of come to me on this podcast,
Speaker 1: and this is the first time I've gotten one since
Speaker 1: I've known Joshua. So first thing, Anonymous, I want you
Speaker 1: to follow at I am Joshua Broom. This dude's story
Speaker 1: is unbelievable how he got into it. He just wanted
Speaker 1: to be an actor, moved to LA was eating lunch
Speaker 1: one day and these really pretty girls came up and
Speaker 1: were like, you're so handsome. Are you an actor or
Speaker 1: are you a model? And he was like I'm trying
Speaker 1: to be you know. He was pretty monest about it
Speaker 1: and like, well, hey, here's a number here. This is
Speaker 1: the director and he like does these short films and
Speaker 1: it's a great way to get into the industry. And
Speaker 1: sure enough it was like soft porn, and then that
Speaker 1: he met some people through that that then that turned
Speaker 1: into one more and it was always like, if I
Speaker 1: do one more thing, then hopefully that'll just kick me
Speaker 1: into what I really want to do and be an actor.
Speaker 1: And it's just this deep dark hole he just fell
Speaker 1: into and it got bad, really bad, and he was
Speaker 1: making a lot of money and it was really bad.
Speaker 1: He told me something, well, he said something on the
Speaker 1: documentary and then we talked about it. But it has
Speaker 1: stuck with me about the porn industry ever since he
Speaker 1: said it. I cannot think about porn and not think
Speaker 1: about what he said. It is this when you watch porn, Anonymous,
Speaker 1: I'm talking to you now, When you watch porn, most
Speaker 1: likely you're watching two dead people because they committed suicide.
Speaker 1: It's like a ninety chance the girl is dead and
Speaker 1: like a seventy percent chance the guy is dead. Wow,
Speaker 1: you're watching two dead people having sex and they've already
Speaker 1: killed themselves because of what you're watching. Wow, because of
Speaker 1: the trap that they're in, the drugs, the numbing, just
Speaker 1: to try to forget the intimacy is nothing. They hate
Speaker 1: intimacy and it means absolutely nothing to them. It has
Speaker 1: made them, it has dehumanized them crazy stuff. Yeah, followed
Speaker 1: followed Joshua, and then I'm gonna shut up and let
Speaker 1: Burns talk about this a little bit too.
Speaker 3: Oh that's really good. Okay, this was anonymous no name.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Okay, Well, first let me just say like I'm
Speaker 2: a good buddy of Grangeer.
Speaker 3: We've known each other a long time.
Speaker 2: If you haven't listened to this podcast when I've been on, like,
Speaker 2: I'm just a dude. I'm really here representing most of you, guys.
Speaker 2: I'm an everyday dude, just like you.
Speaker 3: Trying to.
Speaker 2: Really wrestle with God through life and cling to his
Speaker 2: word and understand my own faith claims and what that
Speaker 2: means and how to live that out practically. And when
Speaker 2: these questions come in, I just want to make sure
Speaker 2: you understand, like.
Speaker 1: I'm just a dude.
Speaker 2: Okay, So these are my thoughts, my initial responses based
Speaker 2: on my experience as of now. Like Granger said before,
Speaker 2: I could listen back to this in five years and
Speaker 2: be like a man, I would answer that this way now.
Speaker 2: But in this moment, this is the thing that jumps
Speaker 2: out to me, and man, unfortunately, porn is just one
Speaker 2: of the things that I see that this happening in.
Speaker 3: Or an effect of it.
Speaker 2: And I've been studying Colossians three. I don't know if
Speaker 2: we talked about this, but set your mind on things above,
Speaker 2: not on the things of this earth. I've really been
Speaker 2: thinking through a lot of passages that talk about the mind.
Speaker 1: I don't think.
Speaker 2: I think a lot of times we overspiritualize a lot
Speaker 2: of things, and we don't really consider how many times
Speaker 2: the Bible actually talks about our minds. And so then
Speaker 2: I start to consider versus like that or a mind
Speaker 2: set on the flesh is death, a mind set on
Speaker 2: the spirit is peace and life. Guys, there is a
Speaker 2: mind focus problem in our culture. We don't consider the
Speaker 2: things that we consume the way that we can. I mean,
Speaker 2: and honestly, like we're not set up to really put
Speaker 2: facts to what we consume the way we do nutrition, like, oh,
Speaker 2: we know it has that much sodium, it has that
Speaker 2: much sugar. With the things that we're consuming, I think
Speaker 2: we just have to consider, like how are those things
Speaker 2: affecting us? How are we controlling our media intake, diet.
Speaker 2: Like I really believe that if we stopped and thought
Speaker 2: about that, there would be a moment of shock, like,
Speaker 2: oh my gosh, now I know why there's these issues
Speaker 2: with my husband.
Speaker 1: I know why there's these.
Speaker 2: Issues struggling with pornography and a lot of what that does.
Speaker 2: If you think about a television, like setting the channel
Speaker 2: to what you want to watch, A lot of you anonymous.
Speaker 2: You may be like, what I want to watch is
Speaker 2: God's word for my life. Yeah, but your remote is broken.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you cannot change that channel.
Speaker 2: And I think a lot of that has been habitual
Speaker 2: and a lot of it's cultural, and so I'm not
Speaker 2: exactly sure how Besides, like talking with someone like Joshua
Speaker 2: finding some professional help, because once you're into an addictive state,
Speaker 2: you really need some professional help and guidance to help
Speaker 2: you fix that remote so that when that thing flashes.
Speaker 2: And for this person, it may be pornography, it may
Speaker 2: be something else for you. It may be retail shopping,
Speaker 2: it may be alcohol, it may be something. But you
Speaker 2: need your remote to be sharp, so it switches back
Speaker 2: to the channel that you want to be on if
Speaker 2: it's not, if there's a glitch, or it just starts shuffling,
Speaker 2: because a lot of what we do is shuffle. I mean, guys,
Speaker 2: it just I feel like this is a real problem
Speaker 2: and this is just one of the outcomes that can
Speaker 2: come from it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, let me back up exactly what you said. With
Speaker 1: Philippians one nine, Paul's talking to his church and Philip High.
Speaker 1: He says, it is my prayer that your love may
Speaker 1: abound more and more with knowledge and all discernment, so
Speaker 1: that you may approve what is excellent, and so be
Speaker 1: pure and blameless for the day of Christ, filled with
Speaker 1: the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ to
Speaker 1: the glory and prayers of God. So what Bernie's saying
Speaker 1: is that your love is going to grow with knowledge,
Speaker 1: and I don't think I don't think we think about
Speaker 1: that that. Like Bernie said, how many times the Bible
Speaker 1: talks about knowledge and that our love grows, our love
Speaker 1: for God grows with our knowledge. Of him. How do
Speaker 1: you get knowledge of him? You stick your nose in
Speaker 1: the word. And Bernie said, habitual. It's like making a
Speaker 1: habit of saying, hey, I don't want to do it.
Speaker 1: The beginning of a habit usually accompanies I don't really
Speaker 1: want to and I'm too tired, or I don't understand it,
Speaker 1: or like if you're going to run, you don't just
Speaker 1: start and love running at the very beginning. It's you
Speaker 1: create a habit. We can go to Second Peter. Make
Speaker 1: every effort to supplement your faith and virtue with knowledge.
Speaker 1: He Second Peter is actually great because he continues that
Speaker 1: this idea his divine This is first, This is Second Peter. One. Three.
Speaker 1: His divine power has granted to us all things that
Speaker 1: pertain to life and godliness. How how Peter, through the
Speaker 1: knowledge of Him who called us to his own glory
Speaker 1: and excellence. We have to see this. We have to
Speaker 1: see that that here's another one. This is a one too.
Speaker 1: May grace and peace be multiplied to you in the
Speaker 1: knowledge of God. So we have to see that what
Speaker 1: we're watching, what we're consuming, what we're putting into our minds,
Speaker 1: uh is is making us who we are. So you
Speaker 1: may say I don't watch porn, but I watch HBO
Speaker 1: and occasionally there's nudity in it. So it's like softening
Speaker 1: you for that. It's like that, is that nudity okay?
Speaker 1: Or is that porn Hub? Well, no, porn Hub's bad, Granger,
Speaker 1: but you know it's like boobs every one while it's
Speaker 1: not bad, right is it? You're softening yourself for that.
Speaker 1: So that's the knowledge behind what we're saying. And so
Speaker 1: I've given you so far. We've given you the habit
Speaker 1: and the knowledge, the idea behind it, the biblical backing
Speaker 1: behind it. And we've I've given you this guy Joshua
Speaker 1: Broom to follow maybe watch some videos. But now let's
Speaker 1: get practical. What can you do right now? And we've
Speaker 1: said this countless times on this podcast, but covenantiyes dot com.
Speaker 3: Yeah, Covenant Covenant Eyes.
Speaker 1: Covenant eyes dot com came from Chad Warren a long
Speaker 1: time ago. Yep, dude, that that's a practical way. Like, hey,
Speaker 1: you want to take this knowledge, you want to take
Speaker 1: that habit. We've talked about that channel, that remote that's
Speaker 1: broken that Bernie's talking about. I tell you right now
Speaker 1: how to put new batteries in that remote. You sign
Speaker 1: up at covenanties dot com. And what that does is
Speaker 1: it you you sign up all your you log in
Speaker 1: all your IP addresses, your phone, computer, iPad, whatever you got,
Speaker 1: whatever you're watching, and and you log in with like
Speaker 1: your mother in laws, I don't think, maybe your mother,
Speaker 1: your sister, some somebody that's a really big accountability in
Speaker 1: your life, and it shoots them a message. If you
Speaker 1: go to a porn site that's putting new batteries in
Speaker 1: that remote.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I dare you to do that. I dare you
Speaker 2: to put your mom as the contact. Yes, and see
Speaker 2: what happens.
Speaker 1: Uh.
Speaker 2: There's another couple of things that I'll say, and then
Speaker 2: we can move on. A book is called there's a
Speaker 2: book that I recommend called every Man's Battle. I don't
Speaker 2: know if you've read this, but it's really good. It
Speaker 2: has some practical you know, bouncing your eyes. There's some
Speaker 2: really practical things in that book that I would highly recommend.
Speaker 2: And the other thing, and Granger and I have talked
Speaker 2: about this, you know, for years and years and I'm
Speaker 2: not even sure if you still do it, but mental exercise,
Speaker 2: like some call meditation, there's a lot of different ways
Speaker 2: you can do this. But I deeply believe in this.
Speaker 2: I deeply believe that if you're training your mind to
Speaker 2: be able to focus on what you want to focus on,
Speaker 2: which for me, it's like spirit, I want to hear you,
Speaker 2: I want to walk in the spirit.
Speaker 3: I want to hear your word. I want it to be.
Speaker 1: What's on my mind.
Speaker 2: By practicing mental exercise when I'm aware, like very acutely aware,
Speaker 2: when I start to get distracted on something that's not
Speaker 2: and then I can gently come back so I don't
Speaker 2: get so far into the woods before I get to
Speaker 2: come back to where I need to be or where
Speaker 2: I want to be mentally. So find in some kind
Speaker 2: of mental exercise where you can like help that remote
Speaker 2: to switch back and switch back to where you want
Speaker 2: it to be. It doesn't happen overnight. It takes a
Speaker 2: long time to build that habit. But the other thing
Speaker 2: I would do is get off of social media.
Speaker 1: Period. That's good.
Speaker 3: I'll probably end every question like that. Get off of
Speaker 3: social media.
Speaker 2: Just give it a break for a while, guys, and
Speaker 2: let your mind just fast and recover from consuming so much,
Speaker 2: and just see what it does to your mind.
Speaker 1: So I alsome, I don't think I could end the
Speaker 1: question without saying one more thing, and that is this.
Speaker 1: That's addressing your idea that you feel like a failure,
Speaker 1: continuous cycle of failure. You're not good enough for God,
Speaker 1: you hate your addiction. You say all of those things
Speaker 1: would be I'd be remiss to not tell you that
Speaker 1: that is the gospel and that you're at a good
Speaker 1: heart position to receive the Gospel of grace. It's the
Speaker 1: people that go, actually, I'm a pretty good person. I'm
Speaker 1: pretty good. I actually love myself and I love that
Speaker 1: my habits are all good. Those people are much more
Speaker 1: difficult to reach with the gospel because the gospel says
Speaker 1: that no one is good. You're all good. You're in
Speaker 1: need of a savior. The parable of the tax collector
Speaker 1: in the Pharisees a good example of this. The Pharisees like,
Speaker 1: you know, thank God, I'm not like him. I tithe,
Speaker 1: I'm so righteous, I'm amazing, And the tax collectors in
Speaker 1: the over standing far away looking down beating his chest,
Speaker 1: saying have mercy on me, a sinner, and Jesus says
Speaker 1: that man was justified. Yeah, so your heart position is
Speaker 1: right and good to think you hate your addiction. Good good,
Speaker 1: You're in a right place. You hate your addiction is
Speaker 1: the right place to be. It's the people that say
Speaker 1: it's not that bad. Those are the people that are
Speaker 1: in trouble.
Speaker 3: Yeah, amen to that dude, Always in with great.
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Speaker 1: we have another anonymous It says, Hey, Granger, if I
Speaker 1: know the career I'm in is not right for me,
Speaker 1: how do I tell my family. I've already been to
Speaker 1: college and failed most of my classes, so they wouldn't
Speaker 1: be happy if I told him that this wasn't for me,
Speaker 1: and I don't have many hobbies or likes to really
Speaker 1: know what kind of career I want. That's the end
Speaker 1: of the email. Let me unpack that just for my
Speaker 1: own sake. Here, Okay, he says, how do I know
Speaker 1: if the career I'm in? So he's in a career
Speaker 1: and he feels like it's not right for him, or
Speaker 1: he's trying to discern if it's not right for him,
Speaker 1: how to tell his family. He's been to college and
Speaker 1: failed most of the classes, so they wouldn't be happy
Speaker 1: if I told him this wasn't for me. I don't
Speaker 1: really understand that. And then he says, and I don't
Speaker 1: have many hobbies or likes or really know what career
Speaker 1: I want. So there's some depth to this question that
Speaker 1: he's not saying here. There's more. This is more than
Speaker 1: you just don't like your job. You don't know what
Speaker 1: you want, even so far as to say that you
Speaker 1: don't even know if you like it or not the
Speaker 1: job you're in, and you failed college and your family's
Speaker 1: typically not happy with you. I'm gonna let you lead
Speaker 1: this one.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it feels like.
Speaker 2: It feels like maybe the reason that I hate to
Speaker 2: speculate because it's really tough for these questions, but that
Speaker 2: he thinks his family it would be hard to tell
Speaker 2: his family maybe because.
Speaker 3: He has this track record.
Speaker 2: Of like bouncing around, like he went to college, didn't
Speaker 2: do well, and then he did this, and he doesn't
Speaker 2: really isn't really drawn to anything, and so they're like, bro,
Speaker 2: just like you got a job, stay there, yeah yeah,
Speaker 2: and then he would have to go back and be.
Speaker 1: Like a yeah. So it makes sense.
Speaker 2: I've known these people. I feel like I've been one
Speaker 2: of these people. I was just never I guess maybe
Speaker 2: I just never had the pressure of like, you got
Speaker 2: to have a career right now.
Speaker 3: So I and I also don't know how old he is.
Speaker 2: Okay, if he's totally forty five, it's different than my guess.
Speaker 2: He's probably early twenties. She's early twenties. I mean, can
Speaker 2: we guess that? And yep, okay, I'd.
Speaker 1: Say twenty five. You know college, been there, done that,
Speaker 1: failed at twenty four five.
Speaker 3: Okay, so you have a job now.
Speaker 2: This is gonna be my practical advice knowing the very
Speaker 2: few amount of details that I.
Speaker 3: Know about your email.
Speaker 2: There's a book called So Good They Can't Ignore You
Speaker 2: by cal Newport, and it talks about the craftsman mindset
Speaker 2: versus the passion mindset.
Speaker 3: Okay, passion mindset.
Speaker 2: Is I love yoga and I'm gonna quit my job
Speaker 2: start a yoga studio. And I haven't done any research
Speaker 2: on like, how many other people like yoga in my area,
Speaker 2: what other yoga studios there are, how to run a business,
Speaker 2: any of that. But I love it, so I'm just
Speaker 2: gonna go for it, and then I fail flat on
Speaker 2: my face instead of Hey, this is what God's put
Speaker 2: in front of me to steward. I don't know if
Speaker 2: I have a lot of love for it, but like
Speaker 2: a craftsman, I'm gonna make the most of the opportunity
Speaker 2: and I'm gonna start learning this, and then i musa
Speaker 2: start learning my boss's job, and I'm going to learn
Speaker 2: everything there is to know about this, and I'm gonna
Speaker 2: do it better than everybody around me because I believe
Speaker 2: that that is going to open other opportunities. And all
Speaker 2: of a sudden, when I've done this for ten years
Speaker 2: and people ask questions, I have something to offer. I
Speaker 2: have knowledge and experience that I can say, oh, actually,
Speaker 2: those ball bearings, they don't. You can't do it like
Speaker 2: that because of this, And I have that experience because
Speaker 2: nobody wanted to deal with these ball Bearings, but I
Speaker 2: was like, this is what's in front of me, So
Speaker 2: I'm going to be really I'm gonna be the best
Speaker 2: in the world at ball bearings. And then all of
Speaker 2: a sudden you have some other opportunities that come and
Speaker 2: there is this fulfillment that.
Speaker 3: Starts to happen. You do start to love it.
Speaker 2: I can tell you, like I did not love building
Speaker 2: when I started. There was days I just did not
Speaker 2: want to do it.
Speaker 1: But I stuck with it.
Speaker 2: I got really good at it, and I had some
Speaker 2: mentors around me saying, hey, be better than everybody else
Speaker 2: at your job and start doing the job that you
Speaker 2: want to do.
Speaker 3: Just little things like that, just to start building.
Speaker 1: So I hope that that I.
Speaker 2: Hope that that's some helpful advice. Yeah, don't again get
Speaker 2: off social media. You're probably looking at too much social
Speaker 2: media and you're seeing things like, oh, that job would
Speaker 2: be awesome, and you're not content.
Speaker 3: It's stealing your joy in the moment. So I'll end
Speaker 3: again with.
Speaker 1: I'm going to challenge you to end every question with that,
Speaker 1: don't get off social media. And that's good, Okay, challenge
Speaker 1: you every single one of this whole EPISODEA like Burne said,
Speaker 1: I don't know much about your story, but on top
Speaker 1: of what he said, I want to challenge you to
Speaker 1: finish something. M that's good. I don't think. I don't
Speaker 1: think you're a finisher. And that's not an identity, that's
Speaker 1: a habit you've created for yourself. You have put yourself
Speaker 1: in a habit of when I don't like something, I
Speaker 1: just disengage or I quit, or I fail it, or
Speaker 1: I back off. And that's why now you're afraid to
Speaker 1: tell your family that you, yet again have failed to
Speaker 1: finish something. And I think if your family, which families
Speaker 1: are typically they they are upset because they love you.
Speaker 1: They want they genuinely want what's best for you, and
Speaker 1: I think if you would ask them, I think they
Speaker 1: just want you to finish something. I think if you're
Speaker 1: working at McDonald's, I think if you just said, hey,
Speaker 1: i'm gonna commit myself to five years of flipping burgers,
Speaker 1: I don't think that would be disappointed. If you said
Speaker 1: I'm going to do it, and i'm gonna I'm gonna
Speaker 1: do it well, and i'm gonna do it for five
Speaker 1: years and you finish the race, I think that'd be
Speaker 1: something to say for it. So that's my challenge to you.
Speaker 1: Anonymous is not even necessarily this career. You've already you've
Speaker 1: probably you already made your boss mad, and you've pretty
Speaker 1: you've probably already created an environment with the other employees
Speaker 1: like this guy didn't want to be here, So you
Speaker 1: might have to already leave this. But the next thing
Speaker 1: you get into, I'm challenging you to finish. Finish something,
Speaker 1: set a goal, and finish regardless of how you feel,
Speaker 1: regardless of how you get bored, regardless of like everything
Speaker 1: Bernie said, you're not, regardless of the passion you're having
Speaker 1: for it. Just finish it. Because you're a man. I
Speaker 1: think you might be a girl, but I got a
Speaker 1: feeling this is a boy talking. So finish, bro finish yep.
Speaker 1: Next question comes from Elizabeth. Hey gr Ander, my name
Speaker 1: is Elizabeth. I'm seventeen, and by the way, I'm just
Speaker 1: thankful we don't have an anonymous person to speak to here, Elizabeth,
Speaker 1: she says, I'm seventeen from a small town in southeast Iowa,
Speaker 1: and I love your podcast. I've been I have a
Speaker 1: question about dating. I've known this guy for a little
Speaker 1: over a year now and we go to the same church.
Speaker 1: We go to youth group together, and we're both strong Christians.
Speaker 1: We have confessed our feelings toward each other over the
Speaker 1: last couple of months. We want to start dating, but
Speaker 1: can't because of rules my parents and he doesn't have
Speaker 1: his license yet. Rules from my parents and he doesn't
Speaker 1: have his license yet and won't until next July. We
Speaker 1: hang out at a youth group every week and sit
Speaker 1: together for church. We text every day and have a
Speaker 1: really good and deep relationship with each other. We want
Speaker 1: to hang out more often, but we could rarely find
Speaker 1: the time and places to do it. We want to
Speaker 1: grow our relationship so that when we date, we can
Speaker 1: be ready for it. I also want to make sure
Speaker 1: that we keep God at the center of our relationship.
Speaker 1: Any thoughts or advice on this topic would be greatly appreciated.
Speaker 1: All right, thank you. Elizabeth seventeen from Iowa. What's about
Speaker 1: this messages You already are dating? Yeah, Like you're just
Speaker 1: it's a title thing you're having a problem with in
Speaker 1: the label.
Speaker 3: They're wanting to like, you know, build a relationship for
Speaker 3: the future.
Speaker 2: It's like you're doing that in probably the most healthy
Speaker 2: way right now that you can.
Speaker 3: Yeah, Like good boundaries.
Speaker 2: Yeah, still have communications, still have contact.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you're very much dating, but you're you seem to
Speaker 1: be afraid of that label, most likely because your parents
Speaker 1: have created a rule.
Speaker 2: Maybe Elizabeth is thinking when she's defining dating, it is
Speaker 2: the two of them going by themselves somewhere sure so
Speaker 2: in that they're not like going on dates alone.
Speaker 1: Which I agree with. I agree with two reasons. She
Speaker 1: gives one rules from her parents and number two, he
Speaker 1: doesn't have his license yet and he won't until next July. Hey, Elizabeth,
Speaker 1: this is one of these times, and it's hard. I
Speaker 1: was once seventeen, and I don't know about you, but
Speaker 1: I remember seventeen very well. I remember middle school and
Speaker 1: high school very well, as far as looking back and
Speaker 1: remembering how I thought about certain things in life. And
Speaker 1: it's hard to hear what I'm about to tell you.
Speaker 1: But this is a season of waiting and patience, and
Speaker 1: waiting is one of the hardest things to learn as
Speaker 1: a teenager. But it's also some of the most fruit
Speaker 1: you'll get out of your life is from the seasons
Speaker 1: of waiting. It's difficult to learn it, it's frustrating, it
Speaker 1: feels like two steps back, but you will grow and
Speaker 1: learn and mature in so many ways in a season
Speaker 1: of going. I know what I want and I know
Speaker 1: where I am, and I'm gonna wait to get what
Speaker 1: I want where I am now. I wish I could
Speaker 1: have taken that advice at seventeen, because I struggled with that.
Speaker 1: We all did. But I think that's what I'm telling you.
Speaker 2: What do you think, Burns, Yeah, I think that's right on.
Speaker 2: I think eventually you will thank your parents.
Speaker 1: Wow.
Speaker 2: Like what they're doing is extremely loving for you. They
Speaker 2: want the best for you. They want to protect you
Speaker 2: and help you kind of grow in a slow way.
Speaker 2: Like Gin you're saying, waiting and just trusting your parents.
Speaker 2: I think everything you're doing like, don't get too far ahead.
Speaker 2: You're on a longer journey than you think. Right now,
Speaker 2: you're probably just like, well, we got to get here.
Speaker 2: It's like, well, you're actually on pace.
Speaker 3: I mean, and who are we right?
Speaker 1: This is just our opinion.
Speaker 3: It feels like knowing what we know that you're on.
Speaker 2: Pace and you're gonna get there because the end goal,
Speaker 2: right is to finish. It's not to just sprint to
Speaker 2: the first aid station.
Speaker 3: And then you know burn out. No, you want to
Speaker 3: like keep the right pace all the way through.
Speaker 2: So yeah, I think this is right on, and it
Speaker 2: sounds like you guys are surrounded by a community that is,
Speaker 2: you know, supporting of you. The last thing that I'll say,
Speaker 2: just because Granger told me, is your seventeen year old girl,
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, and so you need to get off of
Speaker 2: social media.
Speaker 3: It's probably going to distract.
Speaker 2: You from your relationship with God, from being involved in
Speaker 2: your church, and from this relationship with his dude. So
Speaker 2: just go go ahead, and if you don't believe me,
Speaker 2: just look up. Some of the research has come out
Speaker 2: lately on like teenage girls and the effects of social media.
Speaker 3: Guys, all of this stuff is about to come out.
Speaker 2: These social media companies are getting very fearful of like
Speaker 2: all the data and research.
Speaker 3: Like it is impacting you.
Speaker 2: So just you know, there is amazing things right in
Speaker 2: front of you in real living color.
Speaker 3: Just be present for those love it.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna say one more thing, Elizabeth, I think you
Speaker 1: might need to hear this. If it comes easy, it
Speaker 1: usually won't last. And if it's going to last, it
Speaker 1: usually doesn't come easy.
Speaker 2: You put that in a song I did. That's how
Speaker 2: you know It's true. It's in a Granger Smith song.
Speaker 2: Podcast is also brought to y'all by Cameo. You know,
Speaker 2: with the holiday season coming up, and you often have
Speaker 2: people in your life that seem to have everything, or
Speaker 2: at least they don't need anything, and you're like, well,
Speaker 2: what I get them for Christmas?
Speaker 1: Well? Do they listen to this podcast? Are they a
Speaker 1: fan of me and my music or maybe the Smiths,
Speaker 1: or maybe after Midnight Radio or anything else that I do?
Speaker 1: Are they a fan of Earl Dubbles Junior? Well, you
Speaker 1: can go to cameo dot com slash Granger Smith and
Speaker 1: get a personalized video from me. Super easy. I make
Speaker 1: the video on my phone. It goes right to you.
Speaker 1: You can get it done in just a few days,
Speaker 1: I mean, or maybe even the same day. It just
Speaker 1: depends on what I'm doing that day. But I'll get
Speaker 1: that request on my phone. It says, hey, Granger, can
Speaker 1: you say Merry Christmas to my husband Mike. He's a
Speaker 1: big fan. He likes e Old Dibbles Junior. Make sure
Speaker 1: you tell him a ee. He's gonna be with his
Speaker 1: buddies right now. He's a firefighter. Whatever you might tell me.
Speaker 1: I take that message and then I create a personalized
Speaker 1: video for Mike. It goes to your phone and then
Speaker 1: on Christmas morning, you go, hey, Mike, I got your
Speaker 1: Christmas present. Here it is and it's it's just a
Speaker 1: super easy way. And I think I'm a little biased,
Speaker 1: but I think it's a really neat way to give
Speaker 1: a unique gift. Again, go to cameo dot com slash
Speaker 1: Granger Smith. That's c am eo dot com slash Granger Smith.
Speaker 1: Or you could download the cameo app on your phone
Speaker 1: and search for me Granger Smith.
Speaker 2: I started drinking coffee again. I mean and still drink
Speaker 2: a decaf, but start drinking coffee again.
Speaker 3: So I got a little pep in my step.
Speaker 1: Hold up on the record on the podcast? What what?
Speaker 1: What was the thought behind that?
Speaker 3: Getting back on it?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 3: I was just like, what are you doing?
Speaker 1: Man?
Speaker 3: Like coffee's good. So I was drinking green.
Speaker 2: Tea in the morning, so I was like yeah, And
Speaker 2: so I did it for a while before that, I
Speaker 2: was just drinking decaf coffee and so it was like, well,
Speaker 2: what's the difference, you know?
Speaker 1: But no, I'm dude, I'm so happy. I felt on
Speaker 1: it a little less guilty in my life now because
Speaker 1: I always looked at you. And then John Marlin, he's
Speaker 1: another guy that's like, yeah, I knocked caffeine out of
Speaker 1: my life, and I'm.
Speaker 3: Like, y, yeah, no, big dude, Like come on, bro.
Speaker 1: That I mean, I love and I don't do much.
Speaker 1: I'm actually having coffee with your brother tomorrow nice at
Speaker 1: four pm. That's like as late as I'll go, and
Speaker 1: I definitely will have a cup of coffee. But I
Speaker 1: do my cup of coffee in the morn warning and
Speaker 1: I love it. I love that time of day.
Speaker 2: Yeah, try to do it for try to go without
Speaker 2: it for a month, and then that first cup you
Speaker 2: have after.
Speaker 3: That, Oh dude is so good.
Speaker 2: It's just like so that's that's That wasn't the reason
Speaker 2: I did it.
Speaker 1: I just I made the switch in the.
Speaker 3: Fall, like August.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I was like, I'm going to go to tea.
Speaker 3: And then it was almost like, dude, what point are
Speaker 3: you trying to prove?
Speaker 1: What are you? What are you doing? So did you
Speaker 1: notice anything different physically mentally?
Speaker 2: Yeah, not mentally as sharp, not as much energy. Obviously
Speaker 2: you take caffeine and tea has like some caffeine, but
Speaker 2: it's sure very low. But I don't know, man, I
Speaker 2: think maybe a lot of it's just like psychosomatic.
Speaker 1: Sure, what about below the head, like anything in your body?
Speaker 1: Do you notice anything besides energy level, like hunger? Did
Speaker 1: it suppress hunger or were you more.
Speaker 3: Hungry whenever drinking tea only?
Speaker 1: Yeah? Yeah, when you cut out coffee, no, not really great?
Speaker 1: Welcome back. Yeah, yeah, So that's why I was just
Speaker 1: doing anything.
Speaker 3: And I wondered, like, do you have to do this
Speaker 3: for years?
Speaker 1: Because people are like green tea is so good for
Speaker 1: you and coffee.
Speaker 2: Is bad, and and so I was like, you live
Speaker 2: in South Austin things like that.
Speaker 1: I don't say things like that up here.
Speaker 3: Give him a coffee a beer.
Speaker 1: Now.
Speaker 2: Yeah, maybe you had to do it for like a
Speaker 2: lot longer to like get those effects.
Speaker 3: But I gave it two months.
Speaker 1: Man, great, they hate No you remember that book. We're
Speaker 1: way off record here, but you're in the book. It
Speaker 1: all starts with food. Oh yeah, yeah, Well it's a
Speaker 1: heart wing that that would that book says I think
Speaker 1: it's the whole thirty die. Yeah. That says that it
Speaker 1: takes thirty days to cycle something in or out of
Speaker 1: your system. So two months is plenty of time for
Speaker 1: you to know.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but I wonder if the benefits are are longer,
Speaker 2: you know.
Speaker 3: But dude, I don't think there is.
Speaker 1: I don't know.
Speaker 2: Great, maybe somebody can comment and say, like, here's the
Speaker 2: link to how green Tea made me live till I
Speaker 2: was one hundred.
Speaker 1: But I don't know.
Speaker 3: I like I like drinking coffee in the morning.
Speaker 1: So yeah, and we should just say, as we're talking,
Speaker 1: if people, if anyone's listening, going, how is that not
Speaker 1: an addiction? We'll say, yes, it definitely could be. I
Speaker 1: have one cup a day, Yeah I have.
Speaker 2: You know, I have a small cup in the morning,
Speaker 2: and you could probably stop a few.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I could absolutely hit one cup. Now if I
Speaker 1: was like some people that just literally drink coffee all day,
Speaker 1: they have to. They can't function, they can't get out
Speaker 1: of bed without it, they can't think without it, then
Speaker 1: you go, okay, now we got to back this up
Speaker 1: a little bit. You know, we're we've got an addiction.
Speaker 1: So yeah, I get it, I get it. It is
Speaker 1: a drug if anyone's thinking that. But but I think
Speaker 1: handled in a controlled manner, one cup a day or whatever,
Speaker 1: it's another big deal. Yep. Okay, first question here, not
Speaker 1: the first but first question since Bernie. Now I've been
Speaker 1: yapping from Isaiah, not the book, but the person says, Hey, Granger,
Speaker 1: how would you recommend getting over the mindset of always
Speaker 1: trying to prove yourself to those around you? I feel
Speaker 1: like I'm always trying to be pushing my absolute best
Speaker 1: and don't allow myself to rest. I grew up in
Speaker 1: a household that always shut me down and told me
Speaker 1: I wasn't enough. Okay, how would you recommend getting over
Speaker 1: the mindset of always trying to prove yourself to those okay,
Speaker 1: and then feeling like you're pushing to be your absolute
Speaker 1: best and not allowing yourself to rest. It's like the
Speaker 1: opposite of the earlier email we had of the guy that, yeah,
Speaker 1: seemed to be able to not finish anything. Yeah. So
Speaker 1: it's interesting because we kind of related to the other guy,
Speaker 1: and I think we could probably relate to this guy
Speaker 1: as well at different times, different phases of our life.
Speaker 1: First of all, I want to say to this that's
Speaker 1: a that's a good that's a good motivator behind you.
Speaker 1: It's good to have that in your engine. It's easier,
Speaker 1: I think in my opinion. It's easier to suppress this
Speaker 1: guy than it is to motivate the other guy. It's
Speaker 1: easier to say, hey, you need to allow yourself to rest.
Speaker 1: You're going, you're going hard, your engine is running hot.
Speaker 1: I understand that you're you love go, go go and
Speaker 1: being your absolute best, but you need to back off
Speaker 1: and rest. It's easier to say that than it is
Speaker 1: to go, dude, you got to get off the couch
Speaker 1: and do something. You're you're failing at everything. You got
Speaker 1: to do something. It's harder to get that guy to
Speaker 1: move than it is to get this guy to slow
Speaker 1: to rest. So what do you say to this guy?
Speaker 2: I got a couple thoughts, and then I'll let you
Speaker 2: respond as well, because there's it sounds like there's two
Speaker 2: separate things.
Speaker 1: Here, right.
Speaker 2: There's he's working really hard and needs to rest, but
Speaker 2: there's also this thing that kind of sounds.
Speaker 3: Like identity and like, yeah, like.
Speaker 2: I'm trying to work more prove myself to other other
Speaker 2: people around me. And so I think to answer the
Speaker 2: our thoughts on the last part of that first, I
Speaker 2: just agree with what Granger said. I'm reading a book
Speaker 2: right now called The Body Keeps The score. I don't
Speaker 2: know if you've heard of this, but it's kind of
Speaker 2: about like the trauma that we can different people will
Speaker 2: experience in their lives.
Speaker 1: And he.
Speaker 2: Talks through PTSD UH with and he studied and did
Speaker 2: therapy with a lot of post war you know, military
Speaker 2: and I'm not all the way through it, so I
Speaker 2: can't speak to the whole thing, but one of the
Speaker 2: things that he talks about is how they actually some
Speaker 2: people will start to feel more comfort in those high
Speaker 2: stress situations because that's where they were used to kind
Speaker 2: of like being, so to actually rest it feels uncomfortable,
Speaker 2: and so they're like, no, I gotta I gotta get
Speaker 2: back to that, because that is like comfort.
Speaker 3: I say that only.
Speaker 1: To your point.
Speaker 2: If you're if you're used to running and sprinting all
Speaker 2: the time, it's going to feel really uncomfortable. And man,
Speaker 2: I relate to you on this. Sometimes it can be
Speaker 2: really hard for me to rest. I think that's probably
Speaker 2: like a uh something you need to talk with somebody
Speaker 2: about accountability of like hey, man, let's just go out
Speaker 2: to the lake and fish and then you have some
Speaker 2: accountability to like I'm not gonna work, I'm not gonna
Speaker 2: just gonna go rest, but it's probably gonna feel a
Speaker 2: little bit uncomfortable to work that, you know. In the
Speaker 2: other thing is addressing the first part. I think that
Speaker 2: there's a question of like identity maybe wrapped up in
Speaker 2: this so again, and I know we were joking earlier,
Speaker 2: but get off of social media. If you're if you're
Speaker 2: constantly seeing what other people are doing, you're not going.
Speaker 3: To be pleased with what's in front of you. It's
Speaker 3: a thief of.
Speaker 2: Joy and comparison is going to just like make you unhappy.
Speaker 3: But the other thought is.
Speaker 2: That idea of you know, always trying to please his
Speaker 2: parents or his family, is that we said something like that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, my households always try to shut me down and
Speaker 1: tell me I wasn't enough.
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, so he's he's actually trying to overcome.
Speaker 3: That.
Speaker 1: Did Davids thing? David Goggin's dad always told him he
Speaker 1: wasn't enough.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I think that's probably something you're just gonna
Speaker 2: have to wrestle with. I can tell you some things
Speaker 2: that I believe, but really you have to find and
Speaker 2: claim your identity. And if that is in the approval
Speaker 2: of your parents, it sounds like you're never gonna get
Speaker 2: it because all they do is shut you down and
Speaker 2: make you feel bad. You can easily go out and
Speaker 2: try to find it what you didn't get from your
Speaker 2: parents and other people. But it sounds like you you
Speaker 2: have some like some work to do from maybe some
Speaker 2: trauma that they, I don't want to say they inflicted
Speaker 2: on you, but that you experienced, and then find in
Speaker 2: finding your identity and then grabbing a hold of that
Speaker 2: and letting that, you know, kind of define you, not
Speaker 2: what your parents did or didn't say totally.
Speaker 1: The question Really, it's funny because it's divided with spaces
Speaker 1: in three sections. Number one, how would you recommend getting
Speaker 1: over the mindset of trying to prove yourself to those
Speaker 1: around you? Get off social media? That's literally my answer
Speaker 1: to that. Number two. I feel like I'm always having
Speaker 1: to push myself to the absolute best and not allowing
Speaker 1: myself to rest. Be careful with self help industry. This
Speaker 1: is the personality that falls deep into self help and
Speaker 1: there comes a time This is a different topic for
Speaker 1: a different day, but there comes a time, I promise
Speaker 1: you I could attest when self help stops helping, So
Speaker 1: be careful with that. Also balancing that with knowing that
Speaker 1: there's nothing wrong with wanting to be your best. There's
Speaker 1: nothing wrong. That's the part I like of this question
Speaker 1: is I'm always pushing myself to be my absolute best.
Speaker 1: Granger helped me. I'm like, no, that's awesome. I'm so
Speaker 1: glad that that's you and you don't allow yourself to rest.
Speaker 1: I get it. I feel that Bernie feels that. I
Speaker 1: hang around other people that feel that same way. You're
Speaker 1: not alone and you need to This is what I
Speaker 1: this is I'll tell you what I do. And this
Speaker 1: is kind of new is I have a shared calendar
Speaker 1: with like Chris and Paul's on it, Tyler's on it,
Speaker 1: Amber's on it, and people can book me for things
Speaker 1: like a phone call or an interview or something, or
Speaker 1: maybe even a speaking event. But I've started putting on
Speaker 1: those hold for rest hold for rest, like the twenty
Speaker 1: ninth hold for rest, the fifteenth hold for Rest. So
Speaker 1: I'll start going through my calendar and I'll look at
Speaker 1: I'll just look at days and go that this is
Speaker 1: like a heavy week, so that next week I'm gonna
Speaker 1: go on Tuesday, hold for rest. That doesn't mean I'm
Speaker 1: just sitting on the couch. It just means I'm not
Speaker 1: taking anything from the outside on those days and I
Speaker 1: stick to it. So for you, I don't know how
Speaker 1: that applies to your life, but maybe using your phone
Speaker 1: you go, I'm seeing that this is a busy season
Speaker 1: at work or whatever I'm doing, and so I'm gonna say,
Speaker 1: for these four days, i'm gonna go five pm. I'm
Speaker 1: not thinking about work. I'm shutting it off. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: go five pm to nine pm. There is no work,
Speaker 1: and I'm going to bed and stick to it. And
Speaker 1: if you find that you're not finishing by five pm,
Speaker 1: get up a little bit earlier. But that's gonna help
Speaker 1: clear out your day, because for me, the backside of
Speaker 1: my day is a trash it's trash time for me.
Speaker 1: My mind starts getting worthless about five pm. I can't
Speaker 1: really help anybody. I'm not myself. I'm better off just
Speaker 1: playing with the kids, throwing the football with Lincoln, and
Speaker 1: eating dinner with everybody. I'm way better if I just
Speaker 1: do that, and then front load my day with things
Speaker 1: that I actually need to think about and plan. And
Speaker 1: then the last thing, the number three. I grew up
Speaker 1: in a household that always told me, what enough? I
Speaker 1: think Bernie had some great stuff. Are you going to
Speaker 1: claim that is your identity? Are they going to tell
Speaker 1: you that you're enough or not? I believe you know
Speaker 1: the answer, But that's going to take some wrestling. It's
Speaker 1: going to take some talking through that. It's going to
Speaker 1: take some forgiveness of them, of your family, like, hey,
Speaker 1: I just want to I know that you have wanted
Speaker 1: the best for me, but it has come across as
Speaker 1: hurtful for me. But also I forgive you of that.
Speaker 1: That might be a conversation you have with mom or
Speaker 1: dad or whoever's doing this, and there might be healing
Speaker 1: to be found in that itself. And another one. Yeah,
Speaker 1: let's do it, Garrett says, Hey, Grangeer, I'm twenty one
Speaker 1: years old in my fiance and I are getting married
Speaker 1: in February, and we've been together for five years. I
Speaker 1: love her and the family. But as our days get closer,
Speaker 1: but as our day gets closer, some things have came
Speaker 1: on me. We both recently left our grandfather's church where
Speaker 1: he preaches, and this is very hard for her. I
Speaker 1: try to be there for her, but sometimes I feel
Speaker 1: like I'm not marrying my fiance I'm marrying her whole
Speaker 1: family because of some of the stuff that happens and
Speaker 1: how much time she makes for her family and not mine. Again,
Speaker 1: I love her family, but I want to start our
Speaker 1: family and not join a family. This has caused us
Speaker 1: to disagree on how we see our future together and
Speaker 1: where we want to live and how we want our
Speaker 1: kids to be raised. She's moved around a lot growing up,
Speaker 1: and I've stayed at the same farm my whole life.
Speaker 1: I have prayed a lot over this over these past
Speaker 1: few months, and I feel like he has not led
Speaker 1: me down a path on this subject, and I feel
Speaker 1: alone every time I try to talk about it with someone.
Speaker 1: I don't understand why all this has changed in the
Speaker 1: last few months, and why after five years I felt
Speaker 1: like her family is trying to get into our life
Speaker 1: way more. Thank you, all right, Garrett. We don't know
Speaker 1: a lot about this besides what you said, and so
Speaker 1: there's no reason for Bernie and I just like pick
Speaker 1: this this email a part. But but just to say
Speaker 1: that this sounds this sounds normal. You've been dating. Now,
Speaker 1: you set a date, it's February, and you're nervous about it.
Speaker 1: It's coming up. You know it's getting real. It's getting real,
Speaker 1: and so then you start thinking about it's getting real.
Speaker 1: Oh man, am I really going to deal with her dad? Like?
Speaker 1: I love her dad? But is he going to be
Speaker 1: over her all the time? And her mom? Like I
Speaker 1: never really thought about her, you know, at once she
Speaker 1: was my girlfriend's mom, but now she's going to be
Speaker 1: my mother in law. And then this whole like church
Speaker 1: thing has got me crazy. And then are we going
Speaker 1: to be moving around like she She seems comfortable with
Speaker 1: moving around and I'm from the same farm and where
Speaker 1: all kids? I mean, how will we even rate? I
Speaker 1: think this is your mind's just racing because you're the
Speaker 1: impending date is coming, and so just forget all of it.
Speaker 1: We can just make this simple. Forget all of it.
Speaker 1: And will you love her? Will you commit your life
Speaker 1: to her through thick and thin, through sickness and health,
Speaker 1: better or worse, rich or poor? Will you make a
Speaker 1: decision to stand next to her, to stand by her
Speaker 1: even when it stops helping you, when it stops benefiting you,
Speaker 1: Will you still be there for her? And will she
Speaker 1: say the same for you. If the answer is yes,
Speaker 1: then go for it and it'll these things will just
Speaker 1: work themselves out. You're looking into this crystal ball, into
Speaker 1: this future. And now since it's getting real, like Bernie said,
Speaker 1: you're getting cold feet a little bit. And I let's say,
Speaker 1: continue on the path. Do you love her? Will you
Speaker 1: commit yourself to her? Will you make a covenant with her?
Speaker 1: Not some infatuation, but will you stand by her? And
Speaker 1: then you can start thinking about the alternatives. There's a
Speaker 1: lot of families out there that are horrible, and this
Speaker 1: one doesn't sound bad, right.
Speaker 2: I think what you're going through is something to push
Speaker 2: into because these same things, whether it's not going to
Speaker 2: be the exact specific things like your grandfather's church or
Speaker 2: at this, but there's going to be things in your marriage.
Speaker 2: There's things in my marriage with my wife that we
Speaker 2: still have to learn, how to communicate, how to compromise,
Speaker 2: how to be humble. So this is good practice that
Speaker 2: this happened. It's really normal, and hopefully you see it
Speaker 2: as that, and it's not like a red flag of
Speaker 2: like I got to get out of here. It's like, now, bro,
Speaker 2: you're going to run into this like for the rest
Speaker 2: of your life. You can either do that with this
Speaker 2: person that you love and grow in intimacy and grow
Speaker 2: your family, or you can do it by yourself, but
Speaker 2: you're still going to run into it. This is like
Speaker 2: human condition of we have to live together here, we
Speaker 2: have to learn how to communicate and work through emotions
Speaker 2: and feelings and experience.
Speaker 1: And what happened.
Speaker 2: The other thing that I'll tell you or just recommend,
Speaker 2: very practical.
Speaker 3: There's a book called The Most Important.
Speaker 2: Year of a Man's Life, and then on the backside,
Speaker 2: or the upside down back, it's the most Important Year
Speaker 2: of a woman's life. And so you're reading the book together.
Speaker 2: You're reading the man's, she's reading the woman's. And it
Speaker 2: was written, I believed, by husband and wife, and then
Speaker 2: they and so they would talk about the topics that
Speaker 2: really the most important year of this marriage being the
Speaker 2: first year, and so it kind of would give you
Speaker 2: a glimpse into here's some of the things that we're
Speaker 2: going to really start to come into the first year.
Speaker 2: One of those that I remember with Leslie and I
Speaker 2: was these I guess you could call it your normals
Speaker 2: is what they I guess that's what they call it.
Speaker 2: What she thought was normal was moving around a lot.
Speaker 2: What you thought was normal was being on a farm.
Speaker 2: But what you guys have the opportunity to have is
Speaker 2: y'all's new normal. You get to decide that, and you
Speaker 2: don't decide that by her saying this is what we're
Speaker 2: doing or you saying this is what we're doing. In
Speaker 2: a loving relationship, it's like, hey, let's have this conversation.
Speaker 2: I want to genuinely hear what your heart is and
Speaker 2: why this is important to you, and I want to
Speaker 2: try to serve you in that way the best possible.
Speaker 2: And then she would do the same thing, and then
Speaker 2: together you guys would create a new normal. Maybe you
Speaker 2: can start some of those things in conversation now that
Speaker 2: will kind of just ease some of the pressure maybe
Speaker 2: that you're feeling as it's getting closer. Your family doesn't
Speaker 2: get to dictate this. Her family doesn't get to dictate this.
Speaker 2: It's up to the two of you to communicate, to
Speaker 2: be joined together and say this is our marriage together.
Speaker 3: Let's let's do this.
Speaker 1: That's really good man, Garrett. We wish you the best
Speaker 1: and we just want to tell you I think overall
Speaker 1: what you're feeling is normal. Yeah, and thanks for emailing buddy,
Speaker 1: all of you, all of you guys, Thanks for Oh, Bernie,
Speaker 1: you forgot You forgot to tell him something next.
Speaker 2: Okay, so he's I mean, I don't know how I
Speaker 2: forgot this. Get off of social media.
Speaker 1: And preparing for the wedding. You're gonna look, you're gonna
Speaker 1: see other people and they're perfect little lives that they
Speaker 1: have that you think they have, and they don't get
Speaker 1: off social media. Yeah. Yeah, we love you guys. We'll
Speaker 1: see you next episode. See thanks for joining me on
Speaker 1: the Granger Smith Podcast. I appreciate all of you guys.
Speaker 1: You could help me out by rating this podcast on iTunes.
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