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Speaker 1: He told me something, well, he said something on the

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Speaker 1: documentary and then we talked about it, but it has

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Speaker 1: stuck with me about the porn industry ever since he

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Speaker 1: said it. I cannot think about porn and not think

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Speaker 1: about what he said. What's tip? Everybody, Welcome to the podcast.

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Speaker 1: One of my favorite people in the whole planet is

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Speaker 1: on this episode helping me answer these questions. Bernie Calcote,

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Speaker 1: Thanks for having me back, man, Thanks for being back,

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Speaker 1: probably your hundredth.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, a lot of episodes and I've listened to the

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Speaker 2: last few with you by yourself, and even though you

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Speaker 2: didn't say it, I could tell.

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Speaker 3: In your voice you were like, I mean, it's Bernie,

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Speaker 3: Bernie back so here.

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Speaker 1: I am absolutely absolutely. What we do is we answer

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Speaker 1: your questions. We don't talk about us. We talk about

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Speaker 1: us before we start recording, which is what we've been doing,

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Speaker 1: you know, for the last hour or at least the

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Speaker 1: time you got here. But what we do on this

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Speaker 1: podcast as we record, as answer your questions. You email

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Speaker 1: podcast at grangersmith dot com and I've got a bunch

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Speaker 1: a bunch of questions. You want to jump into these,

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Speaker 1: Let's do it, man. Okay, this first one comes from

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Speaker 1: anonymous It says, Hey, Granger, I love your podcast and

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Speaker 1: continue to draw wisdom from it each and every time

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Speaker 1: I listen to it. I'm a senior in high school

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Speaker 1: and I've been fighting the following issues for the past

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Speaker 1: few years, and honestly, pornography has been something that has

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Speaker 1: continually eaten away at me and gotten to the point

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Speaker 1: where I find it even hard to find anything worth

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Speaker 1: of value in myself. When I get up in the morning,

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Speaker 1: it is relentless, like a wave that comes at me

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Speaker 1: and drives me down wherever I try to reach out

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Speaker 1: to God, and it makes me feel like I'm continually

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Speaker 1: in a cycle of failure. Because of this, I hate

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Speaker 1: myself as I have an addiction for it. I struggle

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Speaker 1: to see any aspect of what I do in life

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Speaker 1: as something to be proud of. And I've never been

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Speaker 1: able to stand out in academics, sports, or even had

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Speaker 1: a close friend throughout my life, and a similar part

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Speaker 1: of me hates my addiction. It hates myself even more

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Speaker 1: for my failures in these areas of life. I just

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Speaker 1: feel like I'm unnecessary in the life I live in.

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Speaker 1: I know that this is a sob story, and it

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Speaker 1: feels pathetic even writing it. But I've been so tired

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Speaker 1: out of my failures that if you can give me

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Speaker 1: any advice or tough love on how to rely on

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Speaker 1: my faith in Christ to combat these things, I would

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Speaker 1: greatly appreciate it. What a way to start off the episode.

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Speaker 3: Hum burns, Yeah, he asked for Granger's tough love. Who

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Speaker 3: He's opening a gate?

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Speaker 1: All right. The first thing I'm gonna do is I'm

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Speaker 1: gonna look up my boy Joshua. Here. I got it, Bernie,

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Speaker 1: I gotta tell you about this guy Joshua. So we

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Speaker 1: went to Tyler and Parker and Chris and I went

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Speaker 1: to this David Platt, you know David Platte. We went

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Speaker 1: to this radical retreat in Jackson, Wyoming. And it's basically

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Speaker 1: like Platt invited these these people in different spheres of

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Speaker 1: Christianity of influence to come together. And you know, David,

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Speaker 1: it's all about, you know, reaching the unreached people. And

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Speaker 1: so he brings people from all different walks of influence,

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Speaker 1: puts them together in a room. And then we just

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Speaker 1: had three days of just like telling each other, and

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Speaker 1: we would divide up into groups and tell each other.

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Speaker 1: You know how we have seen positive effects of our

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Speaker 1: form of evangelism and how we've been able to reach

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Speaker 1: different groups. And then we would listen to each other

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Speaker 1: and just kind of encourage and build on each other. Well,

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Speaker 1: one of these guys there, his name is Joshua Broom.

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Speaker 1: That is b R O O M E. And his

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Speaker 1: Instagram I'm looking at it right now is at I

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Speaker 1: am Joshua Broome And so I'll try to tell the

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Speaker 1: story the best I can. Get off the plane in

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Speaker 1: Jackson and there's this guy and we could all I

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Speaker 1: could tell that the people that were actually going to

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Speaker 1: this event, and he says, hey, man, I'm Joshua, and

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Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm Granger and you're going to the David

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Speaker 1: Platt Thay. Yeah. Cool where you're from? You know? He's like, well,

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Speaker 1: I currently live in Dallas. I'm from North Carolina. And

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Speaker 1: I was like, cool, man, what's your story? And he said, well,

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Speaker 1: I was in the porn industry for a long time

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Speaker 1: before I was saved and Jesus saved me as I

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Speaker 1: came out of it. And he's like, now I travel

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Speaker 1: around and I tell people the evils of the porn

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Speaker 1: industry and what it really is. The face of it,

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Speaker 1: and I tell him the Gospel and I was like, dude,

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Speaker 1: I think I saw a documentary about you. And he

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Speaker 1: was like, yeah, probably, I've told my story about and

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Speaker 1: I started thinking about it. I had a couple of

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Speaker 1: years before that. I was on a plane and going

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Speaker 1: to a random concert and I watched this random documentary

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Speaker 1: on YouTube about this guy who was a porn star

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Speaker 1: that came out of it, was saved radically and came

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Speaker 1: out of it. And here I am with him, and

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Speaker 1: I was like, dude, and you met your wife at

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Speaker 1: the gym in North Carolina and then you worked at

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Speaker 1: the like I knew his whole story, and ironically he

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Speaker 1: knew mine. It's so crazy that those kind of things happened.

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Speaker 1: But now this is the first porn question that we've

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Speaker 1: had a bunch of come to me on this podcast,

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Speaker 1: and this is the first time I've gotten one since

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Speaker 1: I've known Joshua. So first thing, Anonymous, I want you

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Speaker 1: to follow at I am Joshua Broom. This dude's story

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Speaker 1: is unbelievable how he got into it. He just wanted

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Speaker 1: to be an actor, moved to LA was eating lunch

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Speaker 1: one day and these really pretty girls came up and

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Speaker 1: were like, you're so handsome. Are you an actor or

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Speaker 1: are you a model? And he was like I'm trying

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Speaker 1: to be you know. He was pretty monest about it

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Speaker 1: and like, well, hey, here's a number here. This is

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Speaker 1: the director and he like does these short films and

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Speaker 1: it's a great way to get into the industry. And

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Speaker 1: sure enough it was like soft porn, and then that

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Speaker 1: he met some people through that that then that turned

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Speaker 1: into one more and it was always like, if I

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Speaker 1: do one more thing, then hopefully that'll just kick me

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Speaker 1: into what I really want to do and be an actor.

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Speaker 1: And it's just this deep dark hole he just fell

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Speaker 1: into and it got bad, really bad, and he was

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Speaker 1: making a lot of money and it was really bad.

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Speaker 1: He told me something, well, he said something on the

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Speaker 1: documentary and then we talked about it. But it has

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Speaker 1: stuck with me about the porn industry ever since he

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Speaker 1: said it. I cannot think about porn and not think

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Speaker 1: about what he said. It is this when you watch porn, Anonymous,

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Speaker 1: I'm talking to you now, When you watch porn, most

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Speaker 1: likely you're watching two dead people because they committed suicide.

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Speaker 1: It's like a ninety chance the girl is dead and

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Speaker 1: like a seventy percent chance the guy is dead. Wow,

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Speaker 1: you're watching two dead people having sex and they've already

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Speaker 1: killed themselves because of what you're watching. Wow, because of

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Speaker 1: the trap that they're in, the drugs, the numbing, just

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Speaker 1: to try to forget the intimacy is nothing. They hate

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Speaker 1: intimacy and it means absolutely nothing to them. It has

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Speaker 1: made them, it has dehumanized them crazy stuff. Yeah, followed

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Speaker 1: followed Joshua, and then I'm gonna shut up and let

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Speaker 1: Burns talk about this a little bit too.

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Speaker 3: Oh that's really good. Okay, this was anonymous no name.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, Okay, Well, first let me just say like I'm

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Speaker 2: a good buddy of Grangeer.

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Speaker 3: We've known each other a long time.

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Speaker 2: If you haven't listened to this podcast when I've been on, like,

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Speaker 2: I'm just a dude. I'm really here representing most of you, guys.

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Speaker 2: I'm an everyday dude, just like you.

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Speaker 3: Trying to.

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Speaker 2: Really wrestle with God through life and cling to his

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Speaker 2: word and understand my own faith claims and what that

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Speaker 2: means and how to live that out practically. And when

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Speaker 2: these questions come in, I just want to make sure

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Speaker 2: you understand, like.

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Speaker 1: I'm just a dude.

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Speaker 2: Okay, So these are my thoughts, my initial responses based

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Speaker 2: on my experience as of now. Like Granger said before,

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Speaker 2: I could listen back to this in five years and

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Speaker 2: be like a man, I would answer that this way now.

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Speaker 2: But in this moment, this is the thing that jumps

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Speaker 2: out to me, and man, unfortunately, porn is just one

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Speaker 2: of the things that I see that this happening in.

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Speaker 3: Or an effect of it.

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Speaker 2: And I've been studying Colossians three. I don't know if

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Speaker 2: we talked about this, but set your mind on things above,

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Speaker 2: not on the things of this earth. I've really been

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Speaker 2: thinking through a lot of passages that talk about the mind.

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Speaker 1: I don't think.

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Speaker 2: I think a lot of times we overspiritualize a lot

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Speaker 2: of things, and we don't really consider how many times

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Speaker 2: the Bible actually talks about our minds. And so then

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Speaker 2: I start to consider versus like that or a mind

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Speaker 2: set on the flesh is death, a mind set on

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Speaker 2: the spirit is peace and life. Guys, there is a

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Speaker 2: mind focus problem in our culture. We don't consider the

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Speaker 2: things that we consume the way that we can. I mean,

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Speaker 2: and honestly, like we're not set up to really put

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Speaker 2: facts to what we consume the way we do nutrition, like, oh,

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Speaker 2: we know it has that much sodium, it has that

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Speaker 2: much sugar. With the things that we're consuming, I think

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Speaker 2: we just have to consider, like how are those things

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Speaker 2: affecting us? How are we controlling our media intake, diet.

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Speaker 2: Like I really believe that if we stopped and thought

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Speaker 2: about that, there would be a moment of shock, like,

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Speaker 2: oh my gosh, now I know why there's these issues

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Speaker 2: with my husband.

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Speaker 1: I know why there's these.

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Speaker 2: Issues struggling with pornography and a lot of what that does.

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Speaker 2: If you think about a television, like setting the channel

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Speaker 2: to what you want to watch, A lot of you anonymous.

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Speaker 2: You may be like, what I want to watch is

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Speaker 2: God's word for my life. Yeah, but your remote is broken.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, you cannot change that channel.

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Speaker 2: And I think a lot of that has been habitual

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Speaker 2: and a lot of it's cultural, and so I'm not

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Speaker 2: exactly sure how Besides, like talking with someone like Joshua

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Speaker 2: finding some professional help, because once you're into an addictive state,

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Speaker 2: you really need some professional help and guidance to help

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Speaker 2: you fix that remote so that when that thing flashes.

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Speaker 2: And for this person, it may be pornography, it may

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Speaker 2: be something else for you. It may be retail shopping,

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Speaker 2: it may be alcohol, it may be something. But you

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Speaker 2: need your remote to be sharp, so it switches back

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Speaker 2: to the channel that you want to be on if

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Speaker 2: it's not, if there's a glitch, or it just starts shuffling,

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Speaker 2: because a lot of what we do is shuffle. I mean, guys,

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Speaker 2: it just I feel like this is a real problem

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Speaker 2: and this is just one of the outcomes that can

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Speaker 2: come from it.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, let me back up exactly what you said. With

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Speaker 1: Philippians one nine, Paul's talking to his church and Philip High.

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Speaker 1: He says, it is my prayer that your love may

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Speaker 1: abound more and more with knowledge and all discernment, so

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Speaker 1: that you may approve what is excellent, and so be

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Speaker 1: pure and blameless for the day of Christ, filled with

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Speaker 1: the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ to

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Speaker 1: the glory and prayers of God. So what Bernie's saying

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Speaker 1: is that your love is going to grow with knowledge,

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Speaker 1: and I don't think I don't think we think about

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Speaker 1: that that. Like Bernie said, how many times the Bible

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Speaker 1: talks about knowledge and that our love grows, our love

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Speaker 1: for God grows with our knowledge. Of him. How do

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Speaker 1: you get knowledge of him? You stick your nose in

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Speaker 1: the word. And Bernie said, habitual. It's like making a

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Speaker 1: habit of saying, hey, I don't want to do it.

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Speaker 1: The beginning of a habit usually accompanies I don't really

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Speaker 1: want to and I'm too tired, or I don't understand it,

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Speaker 1: or like if you're going to run, you don't just

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Speaker 1: start and love running at the very beginning. It's you

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Speaker 1: create a habit. We can go to Second Peter. Make

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Speaker 1: every effort to supplement your faith and virtue with knowledge.

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Speaker 1: He Second Peter is actually great because he continues that

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Speaker 1: this idea his divine This is first, This is Second Peter. One. Three.

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Speaker 1: His divine power has granted to us all things that

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Speaker 1: pertain to life and godliness. How how Peter, through the

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Speaker 1: knowledge of Him who called us to his own glory

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Speaker 1: and excellence. We have to see this. We have to

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Speaker 1: see that that here's another one. This is a one too.

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Speaker 1: May grace and peace be multiplied to you in the

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Speaker 1: knowledge of God. So we have to see that what

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Speaker 1: we're watching, what we're consuming, what we're putting into our minds,

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Speaker 1: uh is is making us who we are. So you

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Speaker 1: may say I don't watch porn, but I watch HBO

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Speaker 1: and occasionally there's nudity in it. So it's like softening

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Speaker 1: you for that. It's like that, is that nudity okay?

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Speaker 1: Or is that porn Hub? Well, no, porn Hub's bad, Granger,

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Speaker 1: but you know it's like boobs every one while it's

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Speaker 1: not bad, right is it? You're softening yourself for that.

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Speaker 1: So that's the knowledge behind what we're saying. And so

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Speaker 1: I've given you so far. We've given you the habit

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Speaker 1: and the knowledge, the idea behind it, the biblical backing

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Speaker 1: behind it. And we've I've given you this guy Joshua

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Speaker 1: Broom to follow maybe watch some videos. But now let's

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Speaker 1: get practical. What can you do right now? And we've

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Speaker 1: said this countless times on this podcast, but covenantiyes dot com.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, Covenant Covenant Eyes.

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Speaker 1: Covenant eyes dot com came from Chad Warren a long

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Speaker 1: time ago. Yep, dude, that that's a practical way. Like, hey,

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Speaker 1: you want to take this knowledge, you want to take

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Speaker 1: that habit. We've talked about that channel, that remote that's

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Speaker 1: broken that Bernie's talking about. I tell you right now

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Speaker 1: how to put new batteries in that remote. You sign

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Speaker 1: up at covenanties dot com. And what that does is

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Speaker 1: it you you sign up all your you log in

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Speaker 1: all your IP addresses, your phone, computer, iPad, whatever you got,

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Speaker 1: whatever you're watching, and and you log in with like

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Speaker 1: your mother in laws, I don't think, maybe your mother,

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Speaker 1: your sister, some somebody that's a really big accountability in

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Speaker 1: your life, and it shoots them a message. If you

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Speaker 1: go to a porn site that's putting new batteries in

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Speaker 1: that remote.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I dare you to do that. I dare you

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Speaker 2: to put your mom as the contact. Yes, and see

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Speaker 2: what happens.

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Speaker 1: Uh.

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Speaker 2: There's another couple of things that I'll say, and then

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Speaker 2: we can move on. A book is called there's a

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Speaker 2: book that I recommend called every Man's Battle. I don't

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Speaker 2: know if you've read this, but it's really good. It

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Speaker 2: has some practical you know, bouncing your eyes. There's some

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Speaker 2: really practical things in that book that I would highly recommend.

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Speaker 2: And the other thing, and Granger and I have talked

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Speaker 2: about this, you know, for years and years and I'm

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Speaker 2: not even sure if you still do it, but mental exercise,

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Speaker 2: like some call meditation, there's a lot of different ways

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Speaker 2: you can do this. But I deeply believe in this.

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Speaker 2: I deeply believe that if you're training your mind to

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Speaker 2: be able to focus on what you want to focus on,

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Speaker 2: which for me, it's like spirit, I want to hear you,

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Speaker 2: I want to walk in the spirit.

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Speaker 3: I want to hear your word. I want it to be.

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Speaker 1: What's on my mind.

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Speaker 2: By practicing mental exercise when I'm aware, like very acutely aware,

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Speaker 2: when I start to get distracted on something that's not

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Speaker 2: and then I can gently come back so I don't

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Speaker 2: get so far into the woods before I get to

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Speaker 2: come back to where I need to be or where

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Speaker 2: I want to be mentally. So find in some kind

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Speaker 2: of mental exercise where you can like help that remote

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Speaker 2: to switch back and switch back to where you want

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Speaker 2: it to be. It doesn't happen overnight. It takes a

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Speaker 2: long time to build that habit. But the other thing

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Speaker 2: I would do is get off of social media.

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Speaker 1: Period. That's good.

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Speaker 3: I'll probably end every question like that. Get off of

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Speaker 3: social media.

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Speaker 2: Just give it a break for a while, guys, and

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Speaker 2: let your mind just fast and recover from consuming so much,

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Speaker 2: and just see what it does to your mind.

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Speaker 1: So I alsome, I don't think I could end the

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Speaker 1: question without saying one more thing, and that is this.

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Speaker 1: That's addressing your idea that you feel like a failure,

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Speaker 1: continuous cycle of failure. You're not good enough for God,

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Speaker 1: you hate your addiction. You say all of those things

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Speaker 1: would be I'd be remiss to not tell you that

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Speaker 1: that is the gospel and that you're at a good

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Speaker 1: heart position to receive the Gospel of grace. It's the

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Speaker 1: people that go, actually, I'm a pretty good person. I'm

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Speaker 1: pretty good. I actually love myself and I love that

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Speaker 1: my habits are all good. Those people are much more

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Speaker 1: difficult to reach with the gospel because the gospel says

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Speaker 1: that no one is good. You're all good. You're in

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Speaker 1: need of a savior. The parable of the tax collector

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Speaker 1: in the Pharisees a good example of this. The Pharisees like,

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Speaker 1: you know, thank God, I'm not like him. I tithe,

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Speaker 1: I'm so righteous, I'm amazing, And the tax collectors in

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Speaker 1: the over standing far away looking down beating his chest,

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Speaker 1: saying have mercy on me, a sinner, and Jesus says

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Speaker 1: that man was justified. Yeah, so your heart position is

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Speaker 1: right and good to think you hate your addiction. Good good,

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Speaker 1: You're in a right place. You hate your addiction is

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Speaker 1: the right place to be. It's the people that say

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Speaker 1: it's not that bad. Those are the people that are

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Speaker 1: in trouble.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, amen to that dude, Always in with great.

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Speaker 1: I like that podcast has brought to you all today

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Speaker 1: words to properly capture your feelings. You know what I'm

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00:21:45,880 --> 00:21:48,320
Speaker 1: be sure to share your song with me. Next question,

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Speaker 1: we have another anonymous It says, Hey, Granger, if I

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Speaker 1: know the career I'm in is not right for me,

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Speaker 1: how do I tell my family. I've already been to

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Speaker 1: college and failed most of my classes, so they wouldn't

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Speaker 1: be happy if I told him that this wasn't for me,

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00:22:05,520 --> 00:22:09,000
Speaker 1: and I don't have many hobbies or likes to really

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Speaker 1: know what kind of career I want. That's the end

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Speaker 1: of the email. Let me unpack that just for my

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00:22:16,560 --> 00:22:20,359
Speaker 1: own sake. Here, Okay, he says, how do I know

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Speaker 1: if the career I'm in? So he's in a career

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00:22:23,160 --> 00:22:26,000
Speaker 1: and he feels like it's not right for him, or

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Speaker 1: he's trying to discern if it's not right for him,

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00:22:28,160 --> 00:22:32,040
Speaker 1: how to tell his family. He's been to college and

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Speaker 1: failed most of the classes, so they wouldn't be happy

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Speaker 1: if I told him this wasn't for me. I don't

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00:22:38,280 --> 00:22:41,280
Speaker 1: really understand that. And then he says, and I don't

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Speaker 1: have many hobbies or likes or really know what career

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Speaker 1: I want. So there's some depth to this question that

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00:22:48,040 --> 00:22:51,399
Speaker 1: he's not saying here. There's more. This is more than

401
00:22:51,440 --> 00:22:54,560
Speaker 1: you just don't like your job. You don't know what

402
00:22:54,640 --> 00:22:59,080
Speaker 1: you want, even so far as to say that you

403
00:22:59,080 --> 00:23:00,600
Speaker 1: don't even know if you like it or not the

404
00:23:00,680 --> 00:23:04,720
Speaker 1: job you're in, and you failed college and your family's

405
00:23:04,800 --> 00:23:07,720
Speaker 1: typically not happy with you. I'm gonna let you lead

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00:23:07,720 --> 00:23:08,080
Speaker 1: this one.

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00:23:08,160 --> 00:23:10,080
Speaker 3: Yeah, it feels like.

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00:23:15,480 --> 00:23:18,560
Speaker 2: It feels like maybe the reason that I hate to

409
00:23:18,600 --> 00:23:21,720
Speaker 2: speculate because it's really tough for these questions, but that

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00:23:21,920 --> 00:23:24,760
Speaker 2: he thinks his family it would be hard to tell

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Speaker 2: his family maybe because.

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Speaker 3: He has this track record.

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Speaker 2: Of like bouncing around, like he went to college, didn't

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00:23:32,760 --> 00:23:34,480
Speaker 2: do well, and then he did this, and he doesn't

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00:23:34,480 --> 00:23:37,960
Speaker 2: really isn't really drawn to anything, and so they're like, bro,

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00:23:38,240 --> 00:23:40,640
Speaker 2: just like you got a job, stay there, yeah yeah,

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00:23:40,680 --> 00:23:41,880
Speaker 2: and then he would have to go back and be.

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00:23:41,880 --> 00:23:44,800
Speaker 1: Like a yeah. So it makes sense.

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00:23:44,920 --> 00:23:49,679
Speaker 2: I've known these people. I feel like I've been one

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00:23:49,720 --> 00:23:56,840
Speaker 2: of these people. I was just never I guess maybe

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00:23:56,880 --> 00:23:59,640
Speaker 2: I just never had the pressure of like, you got

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Speaker 2: to have a career right now.

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00:24:03,119 --> 00:24:05,239
Speaker 3: So I and I also don't know how old he is.

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Speaker 2: Okay, if he's totally forty five, it's different than my guess.

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00:24:09,359 --> 00:24:13,840
Speaker 2: He's probably early twenties. She's early twenties. I mean, can

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Speaker 2: we guess that? And yep, okay, I'd.

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Speaker 1: Say twenty five. You know college, been there, done that,

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Speaker 1: failed at twenty four five.

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Speaker 3: Okay, so you have a job now.

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Speaker 2: This is gonna be my practical advice knowing the very

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00:24:27,680 --> 00:24:29,240
Speaker 2: few amount of details that I.

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Speaker 3: Know about your email.

433
00:24:31,520 --> 00:24:33,720
Speaker 2: There's a book called So Good They Can't Ignore You

434
00:24:33,760 --> 00:24:36,680
Speaker 2: by cal Newport, and it talks about the craftsman mindset

435
00:24:36,800 --> 00:24:38,200
Speaker 2: versus the passion mindset.

436
00:24:38,240 --> 00:24:39,800
Speaker 3: Okay, passion mindset.

437
00:24:39,440 --> 00:24:43,000
Speaker 2: Is I love yoga and I'm gonna quit my job

438
00:24:43,119 --> 00:24:46,080
Speaker 2: start a yoga studio. And I haven't done any research

439
00:24:46,200 --> 00:24:48,400
Speaker 2: on like, how many other people like yoga in my area,

440
00:24:48,440 --> 00:24:50,680
Speaker 2: what other yoga studios there are, how to run a business,

441
00:24:50,760 --> 00:24:52,320
Speaker 2: any of that. But I love it, so I'm just

442
00:24:52,400 --> 00:24:54,560
Speaker 2: gonna go for it, and then I fail flat on

443
00:24:54,600 --> 00:24:58,240
Speaker 2: my face instead of Hey, this is what God's put

444
00:24:58,280 --> 00:25:01,120
Speaker 2: in front of me to steward. I don't know if

445
00:25:01,119 --> 00:25:03,399
Speaker 2: I have a lot of love for it, but like

446
00:25:03,440 --> 00:25:07,400
Speaker 2: a craftsman, I'm gonna make the most of the opportunity

447
00:25:07,440 --> 00:25:10,560
Speaker 2: and I'm gonna start learning this, and then i musa

448
00:25:10,560 --> 00:25:13,240
Speaker 2: start learning my boss's job, and I'm going to learn

449
00:25:13,320 --> 00:25:15,800
Speaker 2: everything there is to know about this, and I'm gonna

450
00:25:15,840 --> 00:25:19,440
Speaker 2: do it better than everybody around me because I believe

451
00:25:19,920 --> 00:25:22,639
Speaker 2: that that is going to open other opportunities. And all

452
00:25:22,680 --> 00:25:24,560
Speaker 2: of a sudden, when I've done this for ten years

453
00:25:25,320 --> 00:25:28,959
Speaker 2: and people ask questions, I have something to offer. I

454
00:25:29,000 --> 00:25:32,520
Speaker 2: have knowledge and experience that I can say, oh, actually,

455
00:25:32,840 --> 00:25:35,399
Speaker 2: those ball bearings, they don't. You can't do it like

456
00:25:35,440 --> 00:25:37,560
Speaker 2: that because of this, And I have that experience because

457
00:25:37,560 --> 00:25:40,119
Speaker 2: nobody wanted to deal with these ball Bearings, but I

458
00:25:40,240 --> 00:25:42,119
Speaker 2: was like, this is what's in front of me, So

459
00:25:42,119 --> 00:25:43,520
Speaker 2: I'm going to be really I'm gonna be the best

460
00:25:43,520 --> 00:25:46,440
Speaker 2: in the world at ball bearings. And then all of

461
00:25:46,480 --> 00:25:49,240
Speaker 2: a sudden you have some other opportunities that come and

462
00:25:49,320 --> 00:25:51,520
Speaker 2: there is this fulfillment that.

463
00:25:51,520 --> 00:25:53,520
Speaker 3: Starts to happen. You do start to love it.

464
00:25:53,600 --> 00:25:56,439
Speaker 2: I can tell you, like I did not love building

465
00:25:56,480 --> 00:25:58,720
Speaker 2: when I started. There was days I just did not

466
00:25:58,760 --> 00:25:59,320
Speaker 2: want to do it.

467
00:25:59,359 --> 00:26:00,400
Speaker 1: But I stuck with it.

468
00:26:01,119 --> 00:26:03,800
Speaker 2: I got really good at it, and I had some

469
00:26:03,840 --> 00:26:08,040
Speaker 2: mentors around me saying, hey, be better than everybody else

470
00:26:08,119 --> 00:26:10,240
Speaker 2: at your job and start doing the job that you

471
00:26:10,280 --> 00:26:10,719
Speaker 2: want to do.

472
00:26:10,880 --> 00:26:13,040
Speaker 3: Just little things like that, just to start building.

473
00:26:13,080 --> 00:26:15,120
Speaker 1: So I hope that that I.

474
00:26:15,080 --> 00:26:20,320
Speaker 2: Hope that that's some helpful advice. Yeah, don't again get

475
00:26:20,359 --> 00:26:22,800
Speaker 2: off social media. You're probably looking at too much social

476
00:26:22,880 --> 00:26:25,240
Speaker 2: media and you're seeing things like, oh, that job would

477
00:26:25,280 --> 00:26:27,040
Speaker 2: be awesome, and you're not content.

478
00:26:27,119 --> 00:26:29,919
Speaker 3: It's stealing your joy in the moment. So I'll end

479
00:26:29,960 --> 00:26:30,520
Speaker 3: again with.

480
00:26:31,200 --> 00:26:34,200
Speaker 1: I'm going to challenge you to end every question with that,

481
00:26:34,920 --> 00:26:38,040
Speaker 1: don't get off social media. And that's good, Okay, challenge

482
00:26:38,080 --> 00:26:43,200
Speaker 1: you every single one of this whole EPISODEA like Burne said,

483
00:26:43,480 --> 00:26:46,720
Speaker 1: I don't know much about your story, but on top

484
00:26:46,800 --> 00:26:50,439
Speaker 1: of what he said, I want to challenge you to

485
00:26:50,560 --> 00:26:54,320
Speaker 1: finish something. M that's good. I don't think. I don't

486
00:26:54,359 --> 00:26:58,880
Speaker 1: think you're a finisher. And that's not an identity, that's

487
00:26:58,880 --> 00:27:03,760
Speaker 1: a habit you've created for yourself. You have put yourself

488
00:27:03,800 --> 00:27:06,520
Speaker 1: in a habit of when I don't like something, I

489
00:27:06,680 --> 00:27:10,560
Speaker 1: just disengage or I quit, or I fail it, or

490
00:27:10,600 --> 00:27:13,520
Speaker 1: I back off. And that's why now you're afraid to

491
00:27:13,520 --> 00:27:17,080
Speaker 1: tell your family that you, yet again have failed to

492
00:27:17,119 --> 00:27:21,800
Speaker 1: finish something. And I think if your family, which families

493
00:27:22,160 --> 00:27:25,280
Speaker 1: are typically they they are upset because they love you.

494
00:27:25,320 --> 00:27:28,480
Speaker 1: They want they genuinely want what's best for you, and

495
00:27:28,560 --> 00:27:30,880
Speaker 1: I think if you would ask them, I think they

496
00:27:30,920 --> 00:27:33,720
Speaker 1: just want you to finish something. I think if you're

497
00:27:33,760 --> 00:27:36,879
Speaker 1: working at McDonald's, I think if you just said, hey,

498
00:27:36,880 --> 00:27:39,920
Speaker 1: i'm gonna commit myself to five years of flipping burgers,

499
00:27:40,920 --> 00:27:42,880
Speaker 1: I don't think that would be disappointed. If you said

500
00:27:42,960 --> 00:27:44,520
Speaker 1: I'm going to do it, and i'm gonna I'm gonna

501
00:27:44,520 --> 00:27:46,800
Speaker 1: do it well, and i'm gonna do it for five

502
00:27:46,880 --> 00:27:50,480
Speaker 1: years and you finish the race, I think that'd be

503
00:27:50,480 --> 00:27:53,080
Speaker 1: something to say for it. So that's my challenge to you.

504
00:27:53,200 --> 00:27:59,640
Speaker 1: Anonymous is not even necessarily this career. You've already you've

505
00:27:59,640 --> 00:28:01,879
Speaker 1: probably you already made your boss mad, and you've pretty

506
00:28:02,000 --> 00:28:05,360
Speaker 1: you've probably already created an environment with the other employees

507
00:28:05,480 --> 00:28:07,639
Speaker 1: like this guy didn't want to be here, So you

508
00:28:07,760 --> 00:28:10,199
Speaker 1: might have to already leave this. But the next thing

509
00:28:10,240 --> 00:28:14,840
Speaker 1: you get into, I'm challenging you to finish. Finish something,

510
00:28:14,880 --> 00:28:18,200
Speaker 1: set a goal, and finish regardless of how you feel,

511
00:28:18,880 --> 00:28:22,119
Speaker 1: regardless of how you get bored, regardless of like everything

512
00:28:22,160 --> 00:28:26,280
Speaker 1: Bernie said, you're not, regardless of the passion you're having

513
00:28:26,359 --> 00:28:30,280
Speaker 1: for it. Just finish it. Because you're a man. I

514
00:28:30,320 --> 00:28:34,760
Speaker 1: think you might be a girl, but I got a

515
00:28:34,800 --> 00:28:38,960
Speaker 1: feeling this is a boy talking. So finish, bro finish yep.

516
00:28:40,400 --> 00:28:44,320
Speaker 1: Next question comes from Elizabeth. Hey gr Ander, my name

517
00:28:44,360 --> 00:28:47,120
Speaker 1: is Elizabeth. I'm seventeen, and by the way, I'm just

518
00:28:47,160 --> 00:28:51,160
Speaker 1: thankful we don't have an anonymous person to speak to here, Elizabeth,

519
00:28:51,560 --> 00:28:54,920
Speaker 1: she says, I'm seventeen from a small town in southeast Iowa,

520
00:28:55,440 --> 00:28:57,680
Speaker 1: and I love your podcast. I've been I have a

521
00:28:57,760 --> 00:29:01,280
Speaker 1: question about dating. I've known this guy for a little

522
00:29:01,280 --> 00:29:03,200
Speaker 1: over a year now and we go to the same church.

523
00:29:03,280 --> 00:29:06,640
Speaker 1: We go to youth group together, and we're both strong Christians.

524
00:29:07,040 --> 00:29:10,320
Speaker 1: We have confessed our feelings toward each other over the

525
00:29:10,400 --> 00:29:14,400
Speaker 1: last couple of months. We want to start dating, but

526
00:29:14,680 --> 00:29:19,960
Speaker 1: can't because of rules my parents and he doesn't have

527
00:29:20,040 --> 00:29:22,600
Speaker 1: his license yet. Rules from my parents and he doesn't

528
00:29:22,640 --> 00:29:27,040
Speaker 1: have his license yet and won't until next July. We

529
00:29:27,280 --> 00:29:29,720
Speaker 1: hang out at a youth group every week and sit

530
00:29:29,760 --> 00:29:33,120
Speaker 1: together for church. We text every day and have a

531
00:29:33,280 --> 00:29:35,920
Speaker 1: really good and deep relationship with each other. We want

532
00:29:35,960 --> 00:29:38,640
Speaker 1: to hang out more often, but we could rarely find

533
00:29:38,680 --> 00:29:40,240
Speaker 1: the time and places to do it. We want to

534
00:29:40,280 --> 00:29:43,600
Speaker 1: grow our relationship so that when we date, we can

535
00:29:43,640 --> 00:29:46,920
Speaker 1: be ready for it. I also want to make sure

536
00:29:46,960 --> 00:29:48,960
Speaker 1: that we keep God at the center of our relationship.

537
00:29:49,000 --> 00:29:51,760
Speaker 1: Any thoughts or advice on this topic would be greatly appreciated.

538
00:29:52,560 --> 00:30:00,480
Speaker 1: All right, thank you. Elizabeth seventeen from Iowa. What's about

539
00:30:00,480 --> 00:30:04,920
Speaker 1: this messages You already are dating? Yeah, Like you're just

540
00:30:05,040 --> 00:30:07,400
Speaker 1: it's a title thing you're having a problem with in

541
00:30:07,440 --> 00:30:07,880
Speaker 1: the label.

542
00:30:07,960 --> 00:30:11,040
Speaker 3: They're wanting to like, you know, build a relationship for

543
00:30:11,160 --> 00:30:11,760
Speaker 3: the future.

544
00:30:11,920 --> 00:30:14,680
Speaker 2: It's like you're doing that in probably the most healthy

545
00:30:14,720 --> 00:30:15,800
Speaker 2: way right now that you can.

546
00:30:16,000 --> 00:30:18,320
Speaker 3: Yeah, Like good boundaries.

547
00:30:18,600 --> 00:30:22,040
Speaker 2: Yeah, still have communications, still have contact.

548
00:30:22,280 --> 00:30:25,680
Speaker 1: Yeah, you're very much dating, but you're you seem to

549
00:30:25,680 --> 00:30:30,640
Speaker 1: be afraid of that label, most likely because your parents

550
00:30:30,720 --> 00:30:31,840
Speaker 1: have created a rule.

551
00:30:32,480 --> 00:30:37,280
Speaker 2: Maybe Elizabeth is thinking when she's defining dating, it is

552
00:30:37,800 --> 00:30:42,840
Speaker 2: the two of them going by themselves somewhere sure so

553
00:30:42,960 --> 00:30:47,600
Speaker 2: in that they're not like going on dates alone.

554
00:30:48,200 --> 00:30:51,760
Speaker 1: Which I agree with. I agree with two reasons. She

555
00:30:51,840 --> 00:30:56,000
Speaker 1: gives one rules from her parents and number two, he

556
00:30:56,000 --> 00:31:03,040
Speaker 1: doesn't have his license yet and he won't until next July. Hey, Elizabeth,

557
00:31:03,240 --> 00:31:06,440
Speaker 1: this is one of these times, and it's hard. I

558
00:31:06,520 --> 00:31:11,120
Speaker 1: was once seventeen, and I don't know about you, but

559
00:31:11,160 --> 00:31:16,440
Speaker 1: I remember seventeen very well. I remember middle school and

560
00:31:16,520 --> 00:31:20,680
Speaker 1: high school very well, as far as looking back and

561
00:31:20,760 --> 00:31:23,920
Speaker 1: remembering how I thought about certain things in life. And

562
00:31:23,960 --> 00:31:26,560
Speaker 1: it's hard to hear what I'm about to tell you.

563
00:31:26,960 --> 00:31:35,719
Speaker 1: But this is a season of waiting and patience, and

564
00:31:35,760 --> 00:31:38,200
Speaker 1: waiting is one of the hardest things to learn as

565
00:31:38,200 --> 00:31:42,000
Speaker 1: a teenager. But it's also some of the most fruit

566
00:31:42,040 --> 00:31:44,520
Speaker 1: you'll get out of your life is from the seasons

567
00:31:44,520 --> 00:31:49,840
Speaker 1: of waiting. It's difficult to learn it, it's frustrating, it

568
00:31:49,840 --> 00:31:54,320
Speaker 1: feels like two steps back, but you will grow and

569
00:31:54,440 --> 00:31:59,280
Speaker 1: learn and mature in so many ways in a season

570
00:31:59,360 --> 00:32:02,240
Speaker 1: of going. I know what I want and I know

571
00:32:02,240 --> 00:32:05,160
Speaker 1: where I am, and I'm gonna wait to get what

572
00:32:05,240 --> 00:32:11,080
Speaker 1: I want where I am now. I wish I could

573
00:32:11,200 --> 00:32:13,800
Speaker 1: have taken that advice at seventeen, because I struggled with that.

574
00:32:13,920 --> 00:32:16,320
Speaker 1: We all did. But I think that's what I'm telling you.

575
00:32:16,400 --> 00:32:19,160
Speaker 2: What do you think, Burns, Yeah, I think that's right on.

576
00:32:20,080 --> 00:32:23,880
Speaker 2: I think eventually you will thank your parents.

577
00:32:24,440 --> 00:32:24,680
Speaker 1: Wow.

578
00:32:24,880 --> 00:32:29,160
Speaker 2: Like what they're doing is extremely loving for you. They

579
00:32:29,200 --> 00:32:32,440
Speaker 2: want the best for you. They want to protect you

580
00:32:32,880 --> 00:32:35,120
Speaker 2: and help you kind of grow in a slow way.

581
00:32:35,240 --> 00:32:38,960
Speaker 2: Like Gin you're saying, waiting and just trusting your parents.

582
00:32:40,160 --> 00:32:45,000
Speaker 2: I think everything you're doing like, don't get too far ahead.

583
00:32:46,240 --> 00:32:50,280
Speaker 2: You're on a longer journey than you think. Right now,

584
00:32:50,480 --> 00:32:52,320
Speaker 2: you're probably just like, well, we got to get here.

585
00:32:52,360 --> 00:32:54,800
Speaker 2: It's like, well, you're actually on pace.

586
00:32:55,240 --> 00:32:56,960
Speaker 3: I mean, and who are we right?

587
00:32:57,440 --> 00:32:58,480
Speaker 1: This is just our opinion.

588
00:32:58,880 --> 00:33:02,080
Speaker 3: It feels like knowing what we know that you're on.

589
00:33:02,040 --> 00:33:05,280
Speaker 2: Pace and you're gonna get there because the end goal,

590
00:33:05,840 --> 00:33:10,760
Speaker 2: right is to finish. It's not to just sprint to

591
00:33:10,800 --> 00:33:12,080
Speaker 2: the first aid station.

592
00:33:12,480 --> 00:33:15,080
Speaker 3: And then you know burn out. No, you want to

593
00:33:15,160 --> 00:33:17,680
Speaker 3: like keep the right pace all the way through.

594
00:33:20,200 --> 00:33:22,719
Speaker 2: So yeah, I think this is right on, and it

595
00:33:22,720 --> 00:33:25,239
Speaker 2: sounds like you guys are surrounded by a community that is,

596
00:33:25,960 --> 00:33:29,880
Speaker 2: you know, supporting of you. The last thing that I'll say,

597
00:33:30,040 --> 00:33:33,800
Speaker 2: just because Granger told me, is your seventeen year old girl,

598
00:33:35,000 --> 00:33:37,480
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, and so you need to get off of

599
00:33:37,560 --> 00:33:38,240
Speaker 2: social media.

600
00:33:38,960 --> 00:33:40,960
Speaker 3: It's probably going to distract.

601
00:33:40,600 --> 00:33:42,920
Speaker 2: You from your relationship with God, from being involved in

602
00:33:42,920 --> 00:33:45,920
Speaker 2: your church, and from this relationship with his dude. So

603
00:33:47,520 --> 00:33:49,479
Speaker 2: just go go ahead, and if you don't believe me,

604
00:33:49,680 --> 00:33:51,400
Speaker 2: just look up. Some of the research has come out

605
00:33:51,440 --> 00:33:54,440
Speaker 2: lately on like teenage girls and the effects of social media.

606
00:33:54,600 --> 00:33:56,600
Speaker 3: Guys, all of this stuff is about to come out.

607
00:33:56,640 --> 00:34:00,600
Speaker 2: These social media companies are getting very fearful of like

608
00:34:00,680 --> 00:34:02,640
Speaker 2: all the data and research.

609
00:34:02,280 --> 00:34:03,320
Speaker 3: Like it is impacting you.

610
00:34:03,400 --> 00:34:06,680
Speaker 2: So just you know, there is amazing things right in

611
00:34:06,680 --> 00:34:08,400
Speaker 2: front of you in real living color.

612
00:34:08,800 --> 00:34:10,319
Speaker 3: Just be present for those love it.

613
00:34:11,640 --> 00:34:13,320
Speaker 1: I'm gonna say one more thing, Elizabeth, I think you

614
00:34:13,400 --> 00:34:17,319
Speaker 1: might need to hear this. If it comes easy, it

615
00:34:17,400 --> 00:34:20,680
Speaker 1: usually won't last. And if it's going to last, it

616
00:34:20,800 --> 00:34:22,160
Speaker 1: usually doesn't come easy.

617
00:34:22,320 --> 00:34:26,880
Speaker 2: You put that in a song I did. That's how

618
00:34:26,920 --> 00:34:29,160
Speaker 2: you know It's true. It's in a Granger Smith song.

619
00:34:29,320 --> 00:34:32,000
Speaker 2: Podcast is also brought to y'all by Cameo. You know,

620
00:34:32,120 --> 00:34:35,200
Speaker 2: with the holiday season coming up, and you often have

621
00:34:35,360 --> 00:34:38,160
Speaker 2: people in your life that seem to have everything, or

622
00:34:38,320 --> 00:34:41,239
Speaker 2: at least they don't need anything, and you're like, well,

623
00:34:41,239 --> 00:34:42,560
Speaker 2: what I get them for Christmas?

624
00:34:43,040 --> 00:34:45,200
Speaker 1: Well? Do they listen to this podcast? Are they a

625
00:34:45,239 --> 00:34:47,600
Speaker 1: fan of me and my music or maybe the Smiths,

626
00:34:47,719 --> 00:34:51,279
Speaker 1: or maybe after Midnight Radio or anything else that I do?

627
00:34:51,360 --> 00:34:54,279
Speaker 1: Are they a fan of Earl Dubbles Junior? Well, you

628
00:34:54,280 --> 00:34:57,640
Speaker 1: can go to cameo dot com slash Granger Smith and

629
00:34:57,719 --> 00:35:01,480
Speaker 1: get a personalized video from me. Super easy. I make

630
00:35:01,520 --> 00:35:04,080
Speaker 1: the video on my phone. It goes right to you.

631
00:35:04,080 --> 00:35:06,120
Speaker 1: You can get it done in just a few days,

632
00:35:06,239 --> 00:35:07,960
Speaker 1: I mean, or maybe even the same day. It just

633
00:35:08,000 --> 00:35:10,520
Speaker 1: depends on what I'm doing that day. But I'll get

634
00:35:10,520 --> 00:35:12,920
Speaker 1: that request on my phone. It says, hey, Granger, can

635
00:35:12,960 --> 00:35:16,920
Speaker 1: you say Merry Christmas to my husband Mike. He's a

636
00:35:16,920 --> 00:35:18,920
Speaker 1: big fan. He likes e Old Dibbles Junior. Make sure

637
00:35:18,960 --> 00:35:21,080
Speaker 1: you tell him a ee. He's gonna be with his

638
00:35:21,160 --> 00:35:24,360
Speaker 1: buddies right now. He's a firefighter. Whatever you might tell me.

639
00:35:24,800 --> 00:35:27,440
Speaker 1: I take that message and then I create a personalized

640
00:35:27,560 --> 00:35:30,560
Speaker 1: video for Mike. It goes to your phone and then

641
00:35:30,600 --> 00:35:32,799
Speaker 1: on Christmas morning, you go, hey, Mike, I got your

642
00:35:32,840 --> 00:35:36,160
Speaker 1: Christmas present. Here it is and it's it's just a

643
00:35:36,239 --> 00:35:38,600
Speaker 1: super easy way. And I think I'm a little biased,

644
00:35:38,640 --> 00:35:41,680
Speaker 1: but I think it's a really neat way to give

645
00:35:41,719 --> 00:35:45,000
Speaker 1: a unique gift. Again, go to cameo dot com slash

646
00:35:45,000 --> 00:35:49,000
Speaker 1: Granger Smith. That's c am eo dot com slash Granger Smith.

647
00:35:49,120 --> 00:35:51,920
Speaker 1: Or you could download the cameo app on your phone

648
00:35:52,239 --> 00:35:53,880
Speaker 1: and search for me Granger Smith.

649
00:35:54,000 --> 00:35:56,040
Speaker 2: I started drinking coffee again. I mean and still drink

650
00:35:56,080 --> 00:35:58,000
Speaker 2: a decaf, but start drinking coffee again.

651
00:35:58,080 --> 00:35:59,959
Speaker 3: So I got a little pep in my step.

652
00:36:00,239 --> 00:36:06,280
Speaker 1: Hold up on the record on the podcast? What what?

653
00:36:06,280 --> 00:36:07,400
Speaker 1: What was the thought behind that?

654
00:36:08,520 --> 00:36:09,359
Speaker 3: Getting back on it?

655
00:36:09,520 --> 00:36:11,200
Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't know.

656
00:36:11,920 --> 00:36:13,000
Speaker 3: I was just like, what are you doing?

657
00:36:13,040 --> 00:36:13,239
Speaker 1: Man?

658
00:36:13,520 --> 00:36:16,880
Speaker 3: Like coffee's good. So I was drinking green.

659
00:36:16,680 --> 00:36:19,640
Speaker 2: Tea in the morning, so I was like yeah, And

660
00:36:19,680 --> 00:36:22,359
Speaker 2: so I did it for a while before that, I

661
00:36:22,440 --> 00:36:25,600
Speaker 2: was just drinking decaf coffee and so it was like, well,

662
00:36:25,600 --> 00:36:26,640
Speaker 2: what's the difference, you know?

663
00:36:29,000 --> 00:36:32,920
Speaker 1: But no, I'm dude, I'm so happy. I felt on

664
00:36:33,000 --> 00:36:35,280
Speaker 1: it a little less guilty in my life now because

665
00:36:35,880 --> 00:36:37,880
Speaker 1: I always looked at you. And then John Marlin, he's

666
00:36:37,920 --> 00:36:41,400
Speaker 1: another guy that's like, yeah, I knocked caffeine out of

667
00:36:41,440 --> 00:36:42,440
Speaker 1: my life, and I'm.

668
00:36:42,239 --> 00:36:45,920
Speaker 3: Like, y, yeah, no, big dude, Like come on, bro.

669
00:36:45,920 --> 00:36:49,879
Speaker 1: That I mean, I love and I don't do much.

670
00:36:50,600 --> 00:36:53,480
Speaker 1: I'm actually having coffee with your brother tomorrow nice at

671
00:36:53,520 --> 00:36:56,799
Speaker 1: four pm. That's like as late as I'll go, and

672
00:36:56,880 --> 00:36:58,719
Speaker 1: I definitely will have a cup of coffee. But I

673
00:36:58,800 --> 00:37:00,799
Speaker 1: do my cup of coffee in the morn warning and

674
00:37:00,880 --> 00:37:03,319
Speaker 1: I love it. I love that time of day.

675
00:37:03,719 --> 00:37:06,959
Speaker 2: Yeah, try to do it for try to go without

676
00:37:07,000 --> 00:37:09,359
Speaker 2: it for a month, and then that first cup you

677
00:37:09,400 --> 00:37:10,319
Speaker 2: have after.

678
00:37:10,040 --> 00:37:12,520
Speaker 3: That, Oh dude is so good.

679
00:37:12,680 --> 00:37:15,800
Speaker 2: It's just like so that's that's That wasn't the reason

680
00:37:15,840 --> 00:37:16,279
Speaker 2: I did it.

681
00:37:17,000 --> 00:37:19,399
Speaker 1: I just I made the switch in the.

682
00:37:19,360 --> 00:37:20,200
Speaker 3: Fall, like August.

683
00:37:20,320 --> 00:37:22,799
Speaker 1: Yeah, I was like, I'm going to go to tea.

684
00:37:23,040 --> 00:37:25,480
Speaker 3: And then it was almost like, dude, what point are

685
00:37:25,480 --> 00:37:26,080
Speaker 3: you trying to prove?

686
00:37:26,120 --> 00:37:27,840
Speaker 1: What are you? What are you doing? So did you

687
00:37:27,920 --> 00:37:31,760
Speaker 1: notice anything different physically mentally?

688
00:37:32,960 --> 00:37:36,120
Speaker 2: Yeah, not mentally as sharp, not as much energy. Obviously

689
00:37:36,200 --> 00:37:39,480
Speaker 2: you take caffeine and tea has like some caffeine, but

690
00:37:39,480 --> 00:37:44,200
Speaker 2: it's sure very low. But I don't know, man, I

691
00:37:44,239 --> 00:37:47,160
Speaker 2: think maybe a lot of it's just like psychosomatic.

692
00:37:48,000 --> 00:37:51,200
Speaker 1: Sure, what about below the head, like anything in your body?

693
00:37:51,840 --> 00:37:56,839
Speaker 1: Do you notice anything besides energy level, like hunger? Did

694
00:37:56,840 --> 00:37:59,120
Speaker 1: it suppress hunger or were you more.

695
00:37:59,040 --> 00:38:01,120
Speaker 3: Hungry whenever drinking tea only?

696
00:38:01,320 --> 00:38:07,520
Speaker 1: Yeah? Yeah, when you cut out coffee, no, not really great?

697
00:38:07,680 --> 00:38:10,400
Speaker 1: Welcome back. Yeah, yeah, So that's why I was just

698
00:38:10,520 --> 00:38:11,080
Speaker 1: doing anything.

699
00:38:11,520 --> 00:38:13,560
Speaker 3: And I wondered, like, do you have to do this

700
00:38:13,600 --> 00:38:14,520
Speaker 3: for years?

701
00:38:14,920 --> 00:38:17,480
Speaker 1: Because people are like green tea is so good for

702
00:38:17,520 --> 00:38:19,120
Speaker 1: you and coffee.

703
00:38:18,760 --> 00:38:21,000
Speaker 2: Is bad, and and so I was like, you live

704
00:38:21,040 --> 00:38:22,799
Speaker 2: in South Austin things like that.

705
00:38:23,080 --> 00:38:24,600
Speaker 1: I don't say things like that up here.

706
00:38:28,600 --> 00:38:31,360
Speaker 3: Give him a coffee a beer.

707
00:38:32,520 --> 00:38:32,680
Speaker 1: Now.

708
00:38:33,440 --> 00:38:34,920
Speaker 2: Yeah, maybe you had to do it for like a

709
00:38:34,920 --> 00:38:36,800
Speaker 2: lot longer to like get those effects.

710
00:38:37,480 --> 00:38:39,720
Speaker 3: But I gave it two months.

711
00:38:39,719 --> 00:38:43,319
Speaker 1: Man, great, they hate No you remember that book. We're

712
00:38:43,360 --> 00:38:45,920
Speaker 1: way off record here, but you're in the book. It

713
00:38:45,960 --> 00:38:48,799
Speaker 1: all starts with food. Oh yeah, yeah, Well it's a

714
00:38:48,800 --> 00:38:52,279
Speaker 1: heart wing that that would that book says I think

715
00:38:52,280 --> 00:38:54,759
Speaker 1: it's the whole thirty die. Yeah. That says that it

716
00:38:54,800 --> 00:38:57,840
Speaker 1: takes thirty days to cycle something in or out of

717
00:38:57,880 --> 00:39:01,160
Speaker 1: your system. So two months is plenty of time for

718
00:39:01,200 --> 00:39:01,640
Speaker 1: you to know.

719
00:39:01,960 --> 00:39:07,799
Speaker 2: Yeah, but I wonder if the benefits are are longer,

720
00:39:08,360 --> 00:39:08,600
Speaker 2: you know.

721
00:39:09,400 --> 00:39:10,799
Speaker 3: But dude, I don't think there is.

722
00:39:10,880 --> 00:39:11,279
Speaker 1: I don't know.

723
00:39:11,400 --> 00:39:13,880
Speaker 2: Great, maybe somebody can comment and say, like, here's the

724
00:39:14,719 --> 00:39:17,560
Speaker 2: link to how green Tea made me live till I

725
00:39:17,600 --> 00:39:18,200
Speaker 2: was one hundred.

726
00:39:18,239 --> 00:39:19,160
Speaker 1: But I don't know.

727
00:39:19,640 --> 00:39:21,640
Speaker 3: I like I like drinking coffee in the morning.

728
00:39:21,680 --> 00:39:24,320
Speaker 1: So yeah, and we should just say, as we're talking,

729
00:39:24,920 --> 00:39:27,239
Speaker 1: if people, if anyone's listening, going, how is that not

730
00:39:27,320 --> 00:39:32,680
Speaker 1: an addiction? We'll say, yes, it definitely could be. I

731
00:39:32,719 --> 00:39:34,640
Speaker 1: have one cup a day, Yeah I have.

732
00:39:35,280 --> 00:39:36,840
Speaker 2: You know, I have a small cup in the morning,

733
00:39:36,920 --> 00:39:39,440
Speaker 2: and you could probably stop a few.

734
00:39:39,760 --> 00:39:42,279
Speaker 1: Yeah, I could absolutely hit one cup. Now if I

735
00:39:42,320 --> 00:39:45,200
Speaker 1: was like some people that just literally drink coffee all day,

736
00:39:45,280 --> 00:39:47,239
Speaker 1: they have to. They can't function, they can't get out

737
00:39:47,280 --> 00:39:49,719
Speaker 1: of bed without it, they can't think without it, then

738
00:39:49,760 --> 00:39:52,400
Speaker 1: you go, okay, now we got to back this up

739
00:39:52,440 --> 00:39:54,880
Speaker 1: a little bit. You know, we're we've got an addiction.

740
00:39:54,960 --> 00:39:56,880
Speaker 1: So yeah, I get it, I get it. It is

741
00:39:56,880 --> 00:40:00,600
Speaker 1: a drug if anyone's thinking that. But but I think

742
00:40:01,800 --> 00:40:05,840
Speaker 1: handled in a controlled manner, one cup a day or whatever,

743
00:40:05,920 --> 00:40:11,040
Speaker 1: it's another big deal. Yep. Okay, first question here, not

744
00:40:11,120 --> 00:40:13,480
Speaker 1: the first but first question since Bernie. Now I've been

745
00:40:13,560 --> 00:40:19,680
Speaker 1: yapping from Isaiah, not the book, but the person says, Hey, Granger,

746
00:40:20,840 --> 00:40:23,200
Speaker 1: how would you recommend getting over the mindset of always

747
00:40:23,200 --> 00:40:26,040
Speaker 1: trying to prove yourself to those around you? I feel

748
00:40:26,040 --> 00:40:30,400
Speaker 1: like I'm always trying to be pushing my absolute best

749
00:40:30,840 --> 00:40:33,000
Speaker 1: and don't allow myself to rest. I grew up in

750
00:40:33,040 --> 00:40:35,880
Speaker 1: a household that always shut me down and told me

751
00:40:36,000 --> 00:40:41,719
Speaker 1: I wasn't enough. Okay, how would you recommend getting over

752
00:40:41,760 --> 00:40:44,280
Speaker 1: the mindset of always trying to prove yourself to those okay,

753
00:40:45,320 --> 00:40:48,880
Speaker 1: and then feeling like you're pushing to be your absolute

754
00:40:48,960 --> 00:40:53,160
Speaker 1: best and not allowing yourself to rest. It's like the

755
00:40:53,160 --> 00:40:56,919
Speaker 1: opposite of the earlier email we had of the guy that, yeah,

756
00:40:57,040 --> 00:41:00,960
Speaker 1: seemed to be able to not finish anything. Yeah. So

757
00:41:01,160 --> 00:41:05,680
Speaker 1: it's interesting because we kind of related to the other guy,

758
00:41:06,320 --> 00:41:07,960
Speaker 1: and I think we could probably relate to this guy

759
00:41:08,000 --> 00:41:11,279
Speaker 1: as well at different times, different phases of our life.

760
00:41:14,320 --> 00:41:18,160
Speaker 1: First of all, I want to say to this that's

761
00:41:18,160 --> 00:41:23,080
Speaker 1: a that's a good that's a good motivator behind you.

762
00:41:24,160 --> 00:41:29,239
Speaker 1: It's good to have that in your engine. It's easier,

763
00:41:29,640 --> 00:41:32,680
Speaker 1: I think in my opinion. It's easier to suppress this

764
00:41:32,760 --> 00:41:37,359
Speaker 1: guy than it is to motivate the other guy. It's

765
00:41:37,360 --> 00:41:41,280
Speaker 1: easier to say, hey, you need to allow yourself to rest.

766
00:41:41,840 --> 00:41:46,160
Speaker 1: You're going, you're going hard, your engine is running hot.

767
00:41:47,320 --> 00:41:50,520
Speaker 1: I understand that you're you love go, go go and

768
00:41:50,560 --> 00:41:52,439
Speaker 1: being your absolute best, but you need to back off

769
00:41:52,440 --> 00:41:54,920
Speaker 1: and rest. It's easier to say that than it is

770
00:41:54,960 --> 00:41:56,560
Speaker 1: to go, dude, you got to get off the couch

771
00:41:56,600 --> 00:42:00,759
Speaker 1: and do something. You're you're failing at everything. You got

772
00:42:00,760 --> 00:42:03,400
Speaker 1: to do something. It's harder to get that guy to

773
00:42:03,480 --> 00:42:06,360
Speaker 1: move than it is to get this guy to slow

774
00:42:06,480 --> 00:42:08,759
Speaker 1: to rest. So what do you say to this guy?

775
00:42:10,320 --> 00:42:13,319
Speaker 2: I got a couple thoughts, and then I'll let you

776
00:42:13,360 --> 00:42:19,000
Speaker 2: respond as well, because there's it sounds like there's two

777
00:42:19,000 --> 00:42:20,719
Speaker 2: separate things.

778
00:42:20,360 --> 00:42:21,040
Speaker 1: Here, right.

779
00:42:21,160 --> 00:42:24,680
Speaker 2: There's he's working really hard and needs to rest, but

780
00:42:24,719 --> 00:42:28,279
Speaker 2: there's also this thing that kind of sounds.

781
00:42:27,960 --> 00:42:31,920
Speaker 3: Like identity and like, yeah, like.

782
00:42:31,880 --> 00:42:36,879
Speaker 2: I'm trying to work more prove myself to other other

783
00:42:36,920 --> 00:42:41,520
Speaker 2: people around me. And so I think to answer the

784
00:42:42,239 --> 00:42:44,840
Speaker 2: our thoughts on the last part of that first, I

785
00:42:45,200 --> 00:42:48,319
Speaker 2: just agree with what Granger said. I'm reading a book

786
00:42:48,400 --> 00:42:50,799
Speaker 2: right now called The Body Keeps The score. I don't

787
00:42:50,840 --> 00:42:52,440
Speaker 2: know if you've heard of this, but it's kind of

788
00:42:52,440 --> 00:42:56,520
Speaker 2: about like the trauma that we can different people will

789
00:42:56,600 --> 00:42:57,880
Speaker 2: experience in their lives.

790
00:42:57,920 --> 00:42:58,640
Speaker 1: And he.

791
00:43:00,120 --> 00:43:05,640
Speaker 2: Talks through PTSD UH with and he studied and did

792
00:43:05,680 --> 00:43:09,960
Speaker 2: therapy with a lot of post war you know, military

793
00:43:10,200 --> 00:43:12,880
Speaker 2: and I'm not all the way through it, so I

794
00:43:12,880 --> 00:43:14,920
Speaker 2: can't speak to the whole thing, but one of the

795
00:43:14,920 --> 00:43:20,040
Speaker 2: things that he talks about is how they actually some

796
00:43:20,080 --> 00:43:25,799
Speaker 2: people will start to feel more comfort in those high

797
00:43:25,800 --> 00:43:30,480
Speaker 2: stress situations because that's where they were used to kind

798
00:43:30,480 --> 00:43:35,520
Speaker 2: of like being, so to actually rest it feels uncomfortable,

799
00:43:35,960 --> 00:43:37,920
Speaker 2: and so they're like, no, I gotta I gotta get

800
00:43:37,960 --> 00:43:40,160
Speaker 2: back to that, because that is like comfort.

801
00:43:41,160 --> 00:43:42,400
Speaker 3: I say that only.

802
00:43:42,200 --> 00:43:43,400
Speaker 1: To your point.

803
00:43:43,560 --> 00:43:48,000
Speaker 2: If you're if you're used to running and sprinting all

804
00:43:48,080 --> 00:43:51,279
Speaker 2: the time, it's going to feel really uncomfortable. And man,

805
00:43:51,360 --> 00:43:53,759
Speaker 2: I relate to you on this. Sometimes it can be

806
00:43:53,840 --> 00:43:59,719
Speaker 2: really hard for me to rest. I think that's probably

807
00:43:59,840 --> 00:44:03,399
Speaker 2: like a uh something you need to talk with somebody

808
00:44:03,440 --> 00:44:05,799
Speaker 2: about accountability of like hey, man, let's just go out

809
00:44:05,840 --> 00:44:08,239
Speaker 2: to the lake and fish and then you have some

810
00:44:08,280 --> 00:44:10,479
Speaker 2: accountability to like I'm not gonna work, I'm not gonna

811
00:44:10,640 --> 00:44:13,480
Speaker 2: just gonna go rest, but it's probably gonna feel a

812
00:44:13,480 --> 00:44:18,040
Speaker 2: little bit uncomfortable to work that, you know. In the

813
00:44:18,120 --> 00:44:23,120
Speaker 2: other thing is addressing the first part. I think that

814
00:44:23,160 --> 00:44:26,640
Speaker 2: there's a question of like identity maybe wrapped up in

815
00:44:26,680 --> 00:44:30,080
Speaker 2: this so again, and I know we were joking earlier,

816
00:44:30,120 --> 00:44:33,239
Speaker 2: but get off of social media. If you're if you're

817
00:44:33,280 --> 00:44:36,080
Speaker 2: constantly seeing what other people are doing, you're not going.

818
00:44:36,040 --> 00:44:38,439
Speaker 3: To be pleased with what's in front of you. It's

819
00:44:38,440 --> 00:44:39,160
Speaker 3: a thief of.

820
00:44:39,239 --> 00:44:44,600
Speaker 2: Joy and comparison is going to just like make you unhappy.

821
00:44:45,760 --> 00:44:47,319
Speaker 3: But the other thought is.

822
00:44:49,360 --> 00:44:53,080
Speaker 2: That idea of you know, always trying to please his

823
00:44:53,280 --> 00:44:56,120
Speaker 2: parents or his family, is that we said something like that.

824
00:44:56,440 --> 00:44:58,640
Speaker 1: Yeah, my households always try to shut me down and

825
00:44:58,640 --> 00:44:59,680
Speaker 1: tell me I wasn't enough.

826
00:45:00,880 --> 00:45:04,400
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, so he's he's actually trying to overcome.

827
00:45:05,560 --> 00:45:05,600
Speaker 3: That.

828
00:45:05,800 --> 00:45:08,680
Speaker 1: Did Davids thing? David Goggin's dad always told him he

829
00:45:08,719 --> 00:45:09,279
Speaker 1: wasn't enough.

830
00:45:09,560 --> 00:45:17,400
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I think that's probably something you're just gonna

831
00:45:17,400 --> 00:45:19,880
Speaker 2: have to wrestle with. I can tell you some things

832
00:45:19,920 --> 00:45:25,920
Speaker 2: that I believe, but really you have to find and

833
00:45:26,040 --> 00:45:30,640
Speaker 2: claim your identity. And if that is in the approval

834
00:45:30,680 --> 00:45:35,359
Speaker 2: of your parents, it sounds like you're never gonna get

835
00:45:35,360 --> 00:45:36,880
Speaker 2: it because all they do is shut you down and

836
00:45:36,880 --> 00:45:40,040
Speaker 2: make you feel bad. You can easily go out and

837
00:45:40,080 --> 00:45:42,799
Speaker 2: try to find it what you didn't get from your

838
00:45:42,800 --> 00:45:47,080
Speaker 2: parents and other people. But it sounds like you you

839
00:45:47,160 --> 00:45:50,120
Speaker 2: have some like some work to do from maybe some

840
00:45:50,239 --> 00:45:54,280
Speaker 2: trauma that they, I don't want to say they inflicted

841
00:45:54,280 --> 00:45:58,560
Speaker 2: on you, but that you experienced, and then find in

842
00:45:59,480 --> 00:46:02,160
Speaker 2: finding your identity and then grabbing a hold of that

843
00:46:05,080 --> 00:46:08,759
Speaker 2: and letting that, you know, kind of define you, not

844
00:46:09,120 --> 00:46:12,120
Speaker 2: what your parents did or didn't say totally.

845
00:46:12,160 --> 00:46:15,719
Speaker 1: The question Really, it's funny because it's divided with spaces

846
00:46:15,880 --> 00:46:19,439
Speaker 1: in three sections. Number one, how would you recommend getting

847
00:46:19,440 --> 00:46:21,680
Speaker 1: over the mindset of trying to prove yourself to those

848
00:46:21,719 --> 00:46:25,880
Speaker 1: around you? Get off social media? That's literally my answer

849
00:46:25,880 --> 00:46:30,360
Speaker 1: to that. Number two. I feel like I'm always having

850
00:46:30,400 --> 00:46:33,240
Speaker 1: to push myself to the absolute best and not allowing

851
00:46:33,280 --> 00:46:38,080
Speaker 1: myself to rest. Be careful with self help industry. This

852
00:46:38,160 --> 00:46:42,600
Speaker 1: is the personality that falls deep into self help and

853
00:46:43,200 --> 00:46:45,800
Speaker 1: there comes a time This is a different topic for

854
00:46:45,840 --> 00:46:48,320
Speaker 1: a different day, but there comes a time, I promise

855
00:46:48,400 --> 00:46:52,440
Speaker 1: you I could attest when self help stops helping, So

856
00:46:52,520 --> 00:46:56,600
Speaker 1: be careful with that. Also balancing that with knowing that

857
00:46:56,600 --> 00:46:59,520
Speaker 1: there's nothing wrong with wanting to be your best. There's

858
00:46:59,520 --> 00:47:02,160
Speaker 1: nothing wrong. That's the part I like of this question

859
00:47:02,280 --> 00:47:05,840
Speaker 1: is I'm always pushing myself to be my absolute best.

860
00:47:06,640 --> 00:47:10,080
Speaker 1: Granger helped me. I'm like, no, that's awesome. I'm so

861
00:47:10,239 --> 00:47:13,240
Speaker 1: glad that that's you and you don't allow yourself to rest.

862
00:47:13,560 --> 00:47:17,360
Speaker 1: I get it. I feel that Bernie feels that. I

863
00:47:17,400 --> 00:47:20,160
Speaker 1: hang around other people that feel that same way. You're

864
00:47:20,160 --> 00:47:24,120
Speaker 1: not alone and you need to This is what I

865
00:47:24,320 --> 00:47:26,960
Speaker 1: this is I'll tell you what I do. And this

866
00:47:27,040 --> 00:47:29,400
Speaker 1: is kind of new is I have a shared calendar

867
00:47:29,480 --> 00:47:32,359
Speaker 1: with like Chris and Paul's on it, Tyler's on it,

868
00:47:33,400 --> 00:47:37,920
Speaker 1: Amber's on it, and people can book me for things

869
00:47:38,120 --> 00:47:41,120
Speaker 1: like a phone call or an interview or something, or

870
00:47:41,320 --> 00:47:44,759
Speaker 1: maybe even a speaking event. But I've started putting on

871
00:47:44,840 --> 00:47:48,520
Speaker 1: those hold for rest hold for rest, like the twenty

872
00:47:48,600 --> 00:47:51,360
Speaker 1: ninth hold for rest, the fifteenth hold for Rest. So

873
00:47:51,400 --> 00:47:53,680
Speaker 1: I'll start going through my calendar and I'll look at

874
00:47:53,719 --> 00:47:56,640
Speaker 1: I'll just look at days and go that this is

875
00:47:56,920 --> 00:47:59,839
Speaker 1: like a heavy week, so that next week I'm gonna

876
00:47:59,840 --> 00:48:03,120
Speaker 1: go on Tuesday, hold for rest. That doesn't mean I'm

877
00:48:03,160 --> 00:48:05,160
Speaker 1: just sitting on the couch. It just means I'm not

878
00:48:05,200 --> 00:48:08,279
Speaker 1: taking anything from the outside on those days and I

879
00:48:08,360 --> 00:48:10,719
Speaker 1: stick to it. So for you, I don't know how

880
00:48:10,760 --> 00:48:13,760
Speaker 1: that applies to your life, but maybe using your phone

881
00:48:14,080 --> 00:48:17,560
Speaker 1: you go, I'm seeing that this is a busy season

882
00:48:17,600 --> 00:48:20,440
Speaker 1: at work or whatever I'm doing, and so I'm gonna say,

883
00:48:20,600 --> 00:48:25,080
Speaker 1: for these four days, i'm gonna go five pm. I'm

884
00:48:25,120 --> 00:48:28,040
Speaker 1: not thinking about work. I'm shutting it off. I'm gonna

885
00:48:28,080 --> 00:48:31,399
Speaker 1: go five pm to nine pm. There is no work,

886
00:48:31,400 --> 00:48:34,319
Speaker 1: and I'm going to bed and stick to it. And

887
00:48:34,360 --> 00:48:37,200
Speaker 1: if you find that you're not finishing by five pm,

888
00:48:37,239 --> 00:48:39,160
Speaker 1: get up a little bit earlier. But that's gonna help

889
00:48:39,440 --> 00:48:42,759
Speaker 1: clear out your day, because for me, the backside of

890
00:48:42,800 --> 00:48:44,880
Speaker 1: my day is a trash it's trash time for me.

891
00:48:45,040 --> 00:48:48,800
Speaker 1: My mind starts getting worthless about five pm. I can't

892
00:48:48,840 --> 00:48:52,680
Speaker 1: really help anybody. I'm not myself. I'm better off just

893
00:48:52,760 --> 00:48:56,560
Speaker 1: playing with the kids, throwing the football with Lincoln, and

894
00:48:56,680 --> 00:48:58,799
Speaker 1: eating dinner with everybody. I'm way better if I just

895
00:48:58,920 --> 00:49:01,600
Speaker 1: do that, and then front load my day with things

896
00:49:01,640 --> 00:49:04,239
Speaker 1: that I actually need to think about and plan. And

897
00:49:04,280 --> 00:49:05,960
Speaker 1: then the last thing, the number three. I grew up

898
00:49:05,960 --> 00:49:08,080
Speaker 1: in a household that always told me, what enough? I

899
00:49:08,080 --> 00:49:10,560
Speaker 1: think Bernie had some great stuff. Are you going to

900
00:49:10,600 --> 00:49:12,839
Speaker 1: claim that is your identity? Are they going to tell

901
00:49:12,880 --> 00:49:15,680
Speaker 1: you that you're enough or not? I believe you know

902
00:49:15,719 --> 00:49:18,319
Speaker 1: the answer, But that's going to take some wrestling. It's

903
00:49:18,320 --> 00:49:20,759
Speaker 1: going to take some talking through that. It's going to

904
00:49:20,800 --> 00:49:23,120
Speaker 1: take some forgiveness of them, of your family, like, hey,

905
00:49:23,160 --> 00:49:26,240
Speaker 1: I just want to I know that you have wanted

906
00:49:26,239 --> 00:49:29,480
Speaker 1: the best for me, but it has come across as

907
00:49:29,600 --> 00:49:34,400
Speaker 1: hurtful for me. But also I forgive you of that.

908
00:49:34,400 --> 00:49:36,200
Speaker 1: That might be a conversation you have with mom or

909
00:49:36,280 --> 00:49:38,920
Speaker 1: dad or whoever's doing this, and there might be healing

910
00:49:39,200 --> 00:49:44,879
Speaker 1: to be found in that itself. And another one. Yeah,

911
00:49:44,960 --> 00:49:49,520
Speaker 1: let's do it, Garrett says, Hey, Grangeer, I'm twenty one

912
00:49:49,560 --> 00:49:51,399
Speaker 1: years old in my fiance and I are getting married

913
00:49:51,440 --> 00:49:54,759
Speaker 1: in February, and we've been together for five years. I

914
00:49:54,840 --> 00:49:57,960
Speaker 1: love her and the family. But as our days get closer,

915
00:50:01,080 --> 00:50:04,479
Speaker 1: but as our day gets closer, some things have came

916
00:50:04,520 --> 00:50:09,640
Speaker 1: on me. We both recently left our grandfather's church where

917
00:50:09,640 --> 00:50:13,400
Speaker 1: he preaches, and this is very hard for her. I

918
00:50:13,520 --> 00:50:15,359
Speaker 1: try to be there for her, but sometimes I feel

919
00:50:15,400 --> 00:50:17,960
Speaker 1: like I'm not marrying my fiance I'm marrying her whole

920
00:50:17,960 --> 00:50:21,239
Speaker 1: family because of some of the stuff that happens and

921
00:50:22,040 --> 00:50:25,840
Speaker 1: how much time she makes for her family and not mine. Again,

922
00:50:26,040 --> 00:50:27,839
Speaker 1: I love her family, but I want to start our

923
00:50:27,880 --> 00:50:30,440
Speaker 1: family and not join a family. This has caused us

924
00:50:30,480 --> 00:50:34,440
Speaker 1: to disagree on how we see our future together and

925
00:50:34,480 --> 00:50:36,840
Speaker 1: where we want to live and how we want our

926
00:50:36,920 --> 00:50:39,279
Speaker 1: kids to be raised. She's moved around a lot growing up,

927
00:50:39,440 --> 00:50:41,840
Speaker 1: and I've stayed at the same farm my whole life.

928
00:50:42,400 --> 00:50:45,200
Speaker 1: I have prayed a lot over this over these past

929
00:50:45,239 --> 00:50:48,600
Speaker 1: few months, and I feel like he has not led

930
00:50:48,640 --> 00:50:51,640
Speaker 1: me down a path on this subject, and I feel

931
00:50:51,680 --> 00:50:54,560
Speaker 1: alone every time I try to talk about it with someone.

932
00:50:54,560 --> 00:50:57,000
Speaker 1: I don't understand why all this has changed in the

933
00:50:57,040 --> 00:50:59,719
Speaker 1: last few months, and why after five years I felt

934
00:50:59,719 --> 00:51:02,800
Speaker 1: like her family is trying to get into our life

935
00:51:03,320 --> 00:51:10,759
Speaker 1: way more. Thank you, all right, Garrett. We don't know

936
00:51:10,840 --> 00:51:13,480
Speaker 1: a lot about this besides what you said, and so

937
00:51:14,280 --> 00:51:16,120
Speaker 1: there's no reason for Bernie and I just like pick

938
00:51:16,200 --> 00:51:20,000
Speaker 1: this this email a part. But but just to say

939
00:51:20,000 --> 00:51:24,839
Speaker 1: that this sounds this sounds normal. You've been dating. Now,

940
00:51:24,840 --> 00:51:28,799
Speaker 1: you set a date, it's February, and you're nervous about it.

941
00:51:28,800 --> 00:51:31,359
Speaker 1: It's coming up. You know it's getting real. It's getting real,

942
00:51:31,680 --> 00:51:33,759
Speaker 1: and so then you start thinking about it's getting real.

943
00:51:33,960 --> 00:51:36,440
Speaker 1: Oh man, am I really going to deal with her dad? Like?

944
00:51:36,480 --> 00:51:38,000
Speaker 1: I love her dad? But is he going to be

945
00:51:38,040 --> 00:51:40,320
Speaker 1: over her all the time? And her mom? Like I

946
00:51:40,400 --> 00:51:42,880
Speaker 1: never really thought about her, you know, at once she

947
00:51:43,000 --> 00:51:45,319
Speaker 1: was my girlfriend's mom, but now she's going to be

948
00:51:45,400 --> 00:51:47,879
Speaker 1: my mother in law. And then this whole like church

949
00:51:47,920 --> 00:51:50,040
Speaker 1: thing has got me crazy. And then are we going

950
00:51:50,120 --> 00:51:52,400
Speaker 1: to be moving around like she She seems comfortable with

951
00:51:52,440 --> 00:51:55,439
Speaker 1: moving around and I'm from the same farm and where

952
00:51:55,440 --> 00:51:57,920
Speaker 1: all kids? I mean, how will we even rate? I

953
00:51:57,920 --> 00:52:01,080
Speaker 1: think this is your mind's just racing because you're the

954
00:52:01,080 --> 00:52:04,680
Speaker 1: impending date is coming, and so just forget all of it.

955
00:52:04,920 --> 00:52:06,759
Speaker 1: We can just make this simple. Forget all of it.

956
00:52:07,600 --> 00:52:11,360
Speaker 1: And will you love her? Will you commit your life

957
00:52:11,440 --> 00:52:15,760
Speaker 1: to her through thick and thin, through sickness and health,

958
00:52:16,600 --> 00:52:20,080
Speaker 1: better or worse, rich or poor? Will you make a

959
00:52:20,160 --> 00:52:23,239
Speaker 1: decision to stand next to her, to stand by her

960
00:52:23,920 --> 00:52:27,120
Speaker 1: even when it stops helping you, when it stops benefiting you,

961
00:52:27,160 --> 00:52:29,799
Speaker 1: Will you still be there for her? And will she

962
00:52:29,880 --> 00:52:32,120
Speaker 1: say the same for you. If the answer is yes,

963
00:52:32,560 --> 00:52:36,080
Speaker 1: then go for it and it'll these things will just

964
00:52:36,120 --> 00:52:39,920
Speaker 1: work themselves out. You're looking into this crystal ball, into

965
00:52:39,960 --> 00:52:44,240
Speaker 1: this future. And now since it's getting real, like Bernie said,

966
00:52:44,880 --> 00:52:48,120
Speaker 1: you're getting cold feet a little bit. And I let's say,

967
00:52:48,160 --> 00:52:50,520
Speaker 1: continue on the path. Do you love her? Will you

968
00:52:50,560 --> 00:52:53,080
Speaker 1: commit yourself to her? Will you make a covenant with her?

969
00:52:53,480 --> 00:52:56,799
Speaker 1: Not some infatuation, but will you stand by her? And

970
00:52:56,880 --> 00:52:59,759
Speaker 1: then you can start thinking about the alternatives. There's a

971
00:52:59,760 --> 00:53:02,560
Speaker 1: lot of families out there that are horrible, and this

972
00:53:02,600 --> 00:53:04,280
Speaker 1: one doesn't sound bad, right.

973
00:53:05,960 --> 00:53:09,120
Speaker 2: I think what you're going through is something to push

974
00:53:09,160 --> 00:53:13,400
Speaker 2: into because these same things, whether it's not going to

975
00:53:13,440 --> 00:53:16,840
Speaker 2: be the exact specific things like your grandfather's church or

976
00:53:16,840 --> 00:53:20,200
Speaker 2: at this, but there's going to be things in your marriage.

977
00:53:20,440 --> 00:53:23,520
Speaker 2: There's things in my marriage with my wife that we

978
00:53:23,640 --> 00:53:29,080
Speaker 2: still have to learn, how to communicate, how to compromise,

979
00:53:29,239 --> 00:53:32,719
Speaker 2: how to be humble. So this is good practice that

980
00:53:32,800 --> 00:53:37,920
Speaker 2: this happened. It's really normal, and hopefully you see it

981
00:53:37,960 --> 00:53:41,200
Speaker 2: as that, and it's not like a red flag of

982
00:53:41,239 --> 00:53:43,200
Speaker 2: like I got to get out of here. It's like, now, bro,

983
00:53:43,360 --> 00:53:45,520
Speaker 2: you're going to run into this like for the rest

984
00:53:45,520 --> 00:53:48,960
Speaker 2: of your life. You can either do that with this

985
00:53:49,000 --> 00:53:52,960
Speaker 2: person that you love and grow in intimacy and grow

986
00:53:53,160 --> 00:53:55,360
Speaker 2: your family, or you can do it by yourself, but

987
00:53:55,400 --> 00:53:57,920
Speaker 2: you're still going to run into it. This is like

988
00:53:58,320 --> 00:54:03,480
Speaker 2: human condition of we have to live together here, we

989
00:54:03,600 --> 00:54:08,120
Speaker 2: have to learn how to communicate and work through emotions

990
00:54:08,160 --> 00:54:10,440
Speaker 2: and feelings and experience.

991
00:54:10,480 --> 00:54:11,200
Speaker 1: And what happened.

992
00:54:11,360 --> 00:54:14,279
Speaker 2: The other thing that I'll tell you or just recommend,

993
00:54:14,760 --> 00:54:15,520
Speaker 2: very practical.

994
00:54:16,000 --> 00:54:19,320
Speaker 3: There's a book called The Most Important.

995
00:54:18,960 --> 00:54:22,319
Speaker 2: Year of a Man's Life, and then on the backside,

996
00:54:22,719 --> 00:54:25,319
Speaker 2: or the upside down back, it's the most Important Year

997
00:54:25,360 --> 00:54:28,520
Speaker 2: of a woman's life. And so you're reading the book together.

998
00:54:28,800 --> 00:54:32,000
Speaker 2: You're reading the man's, she's reading the woman's. And it

999
00:54:32,040 --> 00:54:34,239
Speaker 2: was written, I believed, by husband and wife, and then

1000
00:54:34,320 --> 00:54:40,080
Speaker 2: they and so they would talk about the topics that

1001
00:54:40,200 --> 00:54:44,160
Speaker 2: really the most important year of this marriage being the

1002
00:54:44,200 --> 00:54:46,440
Speaker 2: first year, and so it kind of would give you

1003
00:54:46,480 --> 00:54:48,960
Speaker 2: a glimpse into here's some of the things that we're

1004
00:54:49,000 --> 00:54:51,680
Speaker 2: going to really start to come into the first year.

1005
00:54:52,280 --> 00:54:55,640
Speaker 2: One of those that I remember with Leslie and I

1006
00:54:55,920 --> 00:55:02,400
Speaker 2: was these I guess you could call it your normals

1007
00:55:02,520 --> 00:55:04,160
Speaker 2: is what they I guess that's what they call it.

1008
00:55:05,280 --> 00:55:07,960
Speaker 2: What she thought was normal was moving around a lot.

1009
00:55:08,120 --> 00:55:10,520
Speaker 2: What you thought was normal was being on a farm.

1010
00:55:11,280 --> 00:55:13,760
Speaker 2: But what you guys have the opportunity to have is

1011
00:55:13,840 --> 00:55:18,239
Speaker 2: y'all's new normal. You get to decide that, and you

1012
00:55:18,280 --> 00:55:20,719
Speaker 2: don't decide that by her saying this is what we're

1013
00:55:20,719 --> 00:55:23,359
Speaker 2: doing or you saying this is what we're doing. In

1014
00:55:23,400 --> 00:55:26,120
Speaker 2: a loving relationship, it's like, hey, let's have this conversation.

1015
00:55:26,200 --> 00:55:30,480
Speaker 2: I want to genuinely hear what your heart is and

1016
00:55:30,560 --> 00:55:32,840
Speaker 2: why this is important to you, and I want to

1017
00:55:32,880 --> 00:55:35,040
Speaker 2: try to serve you in that way the best possible.

1018
00:55:36,239 --> 00:55:38,319
Speaker 2: And then she would do the same thing, and then

1019
00:55:38,360 --> 00:55:42,080
Speaker 2: together you guys would create a new normal. Maybe you

1020
00:55:42,120 --> 00:55:44,480
Speaker 2: can start some of those things in conversation now that

1021
00:55:44,560 --> 00:55:46,879
Speaker 2: will kind of just ease some of the pressure maybe

1022
00:55:46,880 --> 00:55:50,120
Speaker 2: that you're feeling as it's getting closer. Your family doesn't

1023
00:55:50,120 --> 00:55:52,680
Speaker 2: get to dictate this. Her family doesn't get to dictate this.

1024
00:55:52,880 --> 00:55:56,280
Speaker 2: It's up to the two of you to communicate, to

1025
00:55:56,320 --> 00:56:00,280
Speaker 2: be joined together and say this is our marriage together.

1026
00:56:00,640 --> 00:56:02,000
Speaker 3: Let's let's do this.

1027
00:56:02,440 --> 00:56:06,080
Speaker 1: That's really good man, Garrett. We wish you the best

1028
00:56:06,400 --> 00:56:09,239
Speaker 1: and we just want to tell you I think overall

1029
00:56:09,920 --> 00:56:13,520
Speaker 1: what you're feeling is normal. Yeah, and thanks for emailing buddy,

1030
00:56:13,760 --> 00:56:15,760
Speaker 1: all of you, all of you guys, Thanks for Oh, Bernie,

1031
00:56:15,800 --> 00:56:17,520
Speaker 1: you forgot You forgot to tell him something next.

1032
00:56:18,280 --> 00:56:21,440
Speaker 2: Okay, so he's I mean, I don't know how I

1033
00:56:21,440 --> 00:56:26,040
Speaker 2: forgot this. Get off of social media.

1034
00:56:25,320 --> 00:56:27,359
Speaker 1: And preparing for the wedding. You're gonna look, you're gonna

1035
00:56:27,360 --> 00:56:30,719
Speaker 1: see other people and they're perfect little lives that they

1036
00:56:30,760 --> 00:56:33,200
Speaker 1: have that you think they have, and they don't get

1037
00:56:33,239 --> 00:56:36,719
Speaker 1: off social media. Yeah. Yeah, we love you guys. We'll

1038
00:56:36,719 --> 00:56:39,560
Speaker 1: see you next episode. See thanks for joining me on

1039
00:56:39,560 --> 00:56:42,760
Speaker 1: the Granger Smith Podcast. I appreciate all of you guys.

1040
00:56:42,760 --> 00:56:45,719
Speaker 1: You could help me out by rating this podcast on iTunes.

1041
00:56:46,000 --> 00:56:49,040
Speaker 1: If you're on YouTube, subscribe to this channel, hit that

1042
00:56:49,120 --> 00:56:52,520
Speaker 1: little like button and notification spell so that you never

1043
00:56:52,640 --> 00:56:56,040
Speaker 1: miss anytime I upload a video. Yii