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Speaker 1: Peaks of the planet charlamagine the God here and as

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Speaker 1: we come close to closing out this year, I just

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Speaker 1: want to say thank you for tuning it into the

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Speaker 1: Black Effect podcast network. There have been so many great

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Speaker 1: moments over the past year. Take a listen to some

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Speaker 1: of those captivating moments in this special best of episode.

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Speaker 2: Hey, Jess, I need some on relationship advice, as in,

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Speaker 2: how do you get rid of someone who just won't

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Speaker 2: let relationship go. I'm completely over the father of my children.

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Speaker 2: We've been together almost ten years and I was completely

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Speaker 2: in love with that man and thought he was my

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Speaker 2: best friend and somate. It must have been the sex

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Speaker 2: because I was completely digmatized. He played me damn near

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Speaker 2: the entire relationship, but I didn't find out until two

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Speaker 2: years ago, and it's.

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Speaker 3: Been a complete mess.

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Speaker 2: I suspected him cheating and things fell off, but I

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Speaker 2: never had proof or he made it seem like I

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Speaker 2: was crazy. Two years ago, I was eight months pregnant

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Speaker 2: and engaged at him. I picked up his pants and

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Speaker 2: his phone fell out his pocket unlocked. It's like God

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Speaker 2: was basically telling me to see the truth. What was

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Speaker 2: in the phone way more than I ever expected and

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Speaker 2: he was complete slut, even fucking around with women I

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Speaker 2: knew and saying them money as gifts while not helping

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Speaker 2: with the household. To make it worse, he messed with

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Speaker 2: women at the apartment complex we've lived at, even our

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Speaker 2: most recent place.

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Speaker 3: I'm so over his lives and bullshit.

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Speaker 2: Last year, I was ready to get my own place,

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Speaker 2: but he guilt tripped me and said it was best

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Speaker 2: for the kids to stay together another year. Well, this

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Speaker 2: year has been hell. He's so tossic and it still

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Speaker 2: has drama with females coming to my door. Tells me

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Speaker 2: I'm making things up. I can't deal with this. So

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Speaker 2: recently I got my own place without him knowing. The

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Speaker 2: lease is almost up, and I'm doing everything in my

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Speaker 2: power to jump start this man into finding a place

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Speaker 2: to live or even rehome him to another bitch for

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Speaker 2: all I care, But he refuses to accept it and

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Speaker 2: still makes it seem like we are going to be together.

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Speaker 2: His family refuses to help and even encourages him to

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Speaker 2: stay with me. I don't even know what to do

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Speaker 2: to get rid of this man because he literally needs

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Speaker 2: me for everything housing and transportation. Yes, he works, but

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Speaker 2: rarely helps with household bills. I don't want the father

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Speaker 2: of my kids on the street, and he still needs

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Speaker 2: to watch the kids while I work, but I also

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Speaker 2: don't want him laid up in my new apartment. Think

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Speaker 2: he could say there, we don't have family that can

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Speaker 2: help with the kids, so it's just us taking care

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Speaker 2: of them. So we're basically stuck with each other. Any

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Speaker 2: advision be homing my baby daddy? And so don't fill

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Speaker 2: in the blinks. They are not having sex at all,

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Speaker 2: and there's no chance of ever getting back together.

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Speaker 4: Just big with everything, y'all. Listen, I have but everything

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Speaker 4: before I jump into our story. I got everything bagel

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Speaker 4: for the first time, so it's gonna have my breath

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Speaker 4: like real oniony but the cream cheese and it's tosted

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Speaker 4: to with extra butter. Baby, thank you, That's all I

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Speaker 4: gotta say.

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Speaker 3: Now.

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Speaker 4: I do not like calling my beautiful black woman clowns,

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Speaker 4: but baby, i'd be lying if I say you as

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Speaker 4: in lying, you are a clown. And sometimes we have

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Speaker 4: to tell each other this so we can pick ourselves up.

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Speaker 4: And that'slves off and try again. Why are you worried

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Speaker 4: about a man who don't give a damn about your

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Speaker 4: feelings at the end of the day being put out

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Speaker 4: on a damn street.

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Speaker 3: Oh, because he the father of my children.

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Speaker 4: He didn't give a fuck that she was the mother

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Speaker 4: of his kids when he was cheating on your ass

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Speaker 4: for the past ten years. What you just found out

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Speaker 4: about two years ago, all because his phone was slipped

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Speaker 4: out the pocket and you.

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Speaker 3: Washing his clothes. What I believe.

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Speaker 4: If he ain't putting his hands on you, if he

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Speaker 4: ain't got no gun to your head, if he is

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Speaker 4: not holding your children hostage, if he ain't doing none

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Speaker 4: of this, car, you can leave his ass.

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Speaker 3: Let him be on the fucking streets now. Listen.

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Speaker 4: What he may do is go be with somebody else

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Speaker 4: for the convenience of it. Because he seems to like

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Speaker 4: being taken care of. And his family raised them wrong.

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Speaker 4: Don't give a fuck with nobody say they raise them wrong,

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Speaker 4: because they're still encouraging his cheating ass to be with you.

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Speaker 4: That's because you're taking care of him. You're not responsible

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Speaker 4: for your children's father. You're responsible for the children, just

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Speaker 4: like he is. Leave his ass some about Oh, and

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Speaker 4: don't there's no feeling the blanks. We're not sleeping together,

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Speaker 4: We're not what happens when you want to date the

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Speaker 4: fuck because I know he's still dating, he just probably

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Speaker 4: ain't bringing the bitches around you. And also, if you're

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Speaker 4: able to take care of him, then you should be

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Speaker 4: able to take care of getting a babysit up for

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Speaker 4: your kids.

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Speaker 3: Why you gotta do anything? I don't care. I do

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Speaker 3: not care.

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Speaker 4: I see mom's do it all the time without their families,

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Speaker 4: without friend groups, without support groups, all that. Like we

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Speaker 4: do it women, We do it all. No discredit to men,

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Speaker 4: because every man out there and not like that. And

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Speaker 4: we have a lot of heartworking dads. But women, come on, now,

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Speaker 4: we do this shit. You feel sorry for him yourself?

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Speaker 4: A soft spot for him? That's crazy. He didn't have

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Speaker 4: not one fucking soft spot for you. You can't seem

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Speaker 4: to shake them. You can't, girl, like I said, unless

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Speaker 4: he beating your ass up and down the house, or

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Speaker 4: like I said, holding you hostage, gun to your head,

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Speaker 4: all that. You can walk the fuck out of his

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Speaker 4: life period. Get a restraining order. Oh, but then he

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Speaker 4: can't see the kids. See what I'm unning about that?

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Speaker 4: When he was with Denise, Vanessa and Rudy and Clara,

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Speaker 4: he wasn't thinking about none of that, girl, No, I think.

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Speaker 3: You have lost your everlast of mind.

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Speaker 4: And I'm sorry for all my aggression, but sweetie, you

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Speaker 4: can do better. And sometimes a lot of us women

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Speaker 4: need to be told that by other women who are

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Speaker 4: completely unbiased. Like I'm not your friend, I don't know you,

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Speaker 4: never saw you a day in my life, you know

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Speaker 4: what I'm saying, So I don't know you. This is

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Speaker 4: just like anonymous. You know, I'm hearing a story and

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Speaker 4: I'm telling another woman what she could do, what she

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Speaker 4: should do.

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Speaker 3: You know what I'm saying. You still love him? I

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Speaker 3: know you do. You know I'm not saying that you

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Speaker 3: are attracted to him or you don't.

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Speaker 4: You know what I'm saying, because all right, taking account

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Speaker 4: me and my son's father, we are way past intimacy.

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Speaker 4: We're not, you know, attracted to each other anymore. I

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Speaker 4: haven't dated Rome since before our baby turned one year old.

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Speaker 4: Like that's just how that is, you know. And I

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Speaker 4: often say that we're like brother and sister. So I

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Speaker 4: would give Rome the shirt off my back, yes I will,

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Speaker 4: but I would not give him a place to stay

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Speaker 4: in my house because I am in a relationship.

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Speaker 3: I'm moving forward. That's just that's a no.

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Speaker 4: No.

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Speaker 3: There are still boundaries. That's why I'm telling you this.

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Speaker 4: There are still boundaries that has to be set and

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Speaker 4: have to be put between you and your baby daddy.

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Speaker 4: What's wrong with him getting a fucking job if he

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Speaker 4: ain't got no record with even niggas with records, fuck

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Speaker 4: a record. Even men with records are able to get jobs.

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Speaker 4: He got to start from somewhere. You cannot carry him

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Speaker 4: as one of your kids. That's just not what it is.

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Speaker 4: That's not what it's supposed to be.

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Speaker 2: Hey, Jess, I can't believe I'm even saying this, but

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Speaker 2: I'm very much attracted to my sister in law.

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Speaker 3: Wait a mint, and what the hell is going on? Oh?

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Speaker 4: I can't even believe I'm saying this. I can't believe

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Speaker 4: you feel that way with that fire All right, go ahead.

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Speaker 2: Me and my fiance have been together for almost sixty

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Speaker 2: years now. I'm thirty years old, in my fiance is

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Speaker 2: thirty one. Don't get me wrong. I love my girl

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Speaker 2: and I want to be with her. I don't know

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Speaker 2: where these feelings for my sister in law came from,

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Speaker 2: but here we are. This certain law has always been

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Speaker 2: around and me and her are real close because we

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Speaker 2: bonded over smoking. Even showed her how to roll her

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Speaker 2: first blunt. She ended up moving to Virginia last year

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Speaker 2: because her husband is in the military and got stationed

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Speaker 2: out there. She came back here to Arizona after being

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Speaker 2: going for about seven months. She started for like two months,

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Speaker 2: and I didn't even I didn't get the feelings until

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Speaker 2: like two days before she was about to leave. I

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Speaker 2: always thought she looked good, but never looked at her

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Speaker 2: in the way I do now. We have been texting

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Speaker 2: every day since she has left and went back to Virginia.

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Speaker 2: Nothing crazy, just TikTok videos and talk about random shit.

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Speaker 2: I would never tell her how I feel because I

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Speaker 2: don't want her sister my fiance to find out and

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Speaker 2: wanted want to mess up our close relationship either.

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Speaker 4: Well, if you got damn wife listened to ca't Fley

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Speaker 4: reckless baby, you'll be divorced by them all.

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Speaker 3: Wait.

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Speaker 2: I don't know what to do. You ever, just think

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Speaker 2: sometimes you ended up with the wrong sister.

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Speaker 3: Oh god, Oh my god.

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Speaker 2: The sister in law is ambitious, sexy, and a hustler.

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Speaker 2: My fiance, on the other hand, isn't too ambitious. I

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Speaker 2: think that's the reason I'm so attracted to my sister

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Speaker 2: in waw help me out, give me some advice on

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Speaker 2: what I should do here?

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Speaker 3: Oh my god, what is the matter with you?

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Speaker 4: You already married to the system, be married yet you're

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Speaker 4: not married yet?

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Speaker 3: Talking about no they ain't married yet? Girl would still hope?

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Speaker 4: Oh gosh, Okay, Now I'm not even gonna lie negger

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Speaker 4: like I've never been in this situation, but not the same.

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Speaker 3: Not not mess with the wrong brother, no, but the friend.

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Speaker 4: Like you know how you be like, damn, I gonna

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Speaker 4: mess with the wrong friend because you jumping out. They

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Speaker 4: are early in shaite. You see this nigga drive like

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Speaker 4: you cute, He got his head on straight. And then

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Speaker 4: you see another nigga got his head on a little straight.

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Speaker 4: You be like this onn boy, Damn, I made a choice.

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Speaker 4: She was quick, all right. So I've been in that

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Speaker 4: situation before, however I did not act on it.

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Speaker 3: But this is even worse because these are siblings. Bookie,

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Speaker 3: the fuck? What the fuck is wrong with you?

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Speaker 4: Your fiance is going to be mighty pissed with you.

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Speaker 3: Now.

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Speaker 4: You said you didn't want to sell the sister. How

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Speaker 4: you feel do you think the sister feels the same

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Speaker 4: about you. That's something that you didn't let me know.

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Speaker 4: And then I'm bonding over smoking baby, I even sort

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Speaker 4: of how to roll her first blunt.

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Speaker 3: What the hell is yo? That is crazy? That is

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Speaker 3: so crazy to me.

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Speaker 4: It's a little childish, you know, y'all bonding over being

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Speaker 4: high and shit, that's crazy. But you said there are

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Speaker 4: certain things that you do like about her, her ambition

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Speaker 4: and so on and so forth. Are you insinuating that

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Speaker 4: your fiance does not have ambition, she does not have

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Speaker 4: like goals and you know, potential success? Is that what

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Speaker 4: she lacks? Because I'm trying to figure out how you

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Speaker 4: are more into her sister? And then you said at

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Speaker 4: first you wasn't you know, did the we do all

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Speaker 4: that like make you attract this her two days before

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Speaker 4: she left? And then honestly, I don't think it's just

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Speaker 4: innocent tiktoks and random shit that y'all was speaking about.

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Speaker 4: If you feel this strongly about her, and if you're

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Speaker 4: writing me about her, it has to what you think, Taylor,

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Speaker 4: I feel like it's it's definitely more.

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Speaker 3: Don't get to Hay, just answer, and that's it.

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Speaker 2: I think this sister likes him too, because why are

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Speaker 2: you talking to my fiancees like y'all too close to talking?

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Speaker 3: Yeah? Yeah, do you believe they don't they did anything.

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Speaker 3: I don't know.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I wouldn't just jump ahead and say like, yeah,

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Speaker 4: they've had sex, but I do believe that they've probably

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Speaker 4: had conversations about it lightly or they have mentioned, oh,

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Speaker 4: if I could be with you, this will happen if

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Speaker 4: you weren't dating my sister, or I wish things were

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Speaker 4: different those type of situations, as innocent as they could

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Speaker 4: probably get it without crossing that line of physical intimacy

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Speaker 4: or whatever.

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Speaker 3: But I but what was the question again? How do

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Speaker 3: I go about it? Or what the hell? Because what

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Speaker 3: do you do? Well?

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Speaker 4: The whole family knows you, so say if you do

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Speaker 4: act like you in the movie, because they do the

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Speaker 4: shit in the movies, they'll leave what they wit and

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Speaker 4: go with who that heart lies with the family gonna

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Speaker 4: hate your ass, favel because if this is your fiance

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Speaker 4: the sister, you've met her family already, and they'll hate

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Speaker 4: the sister and they'll hate you. They're gonna be looking

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Speaker 4: at you off and the rest of you all lives

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Speaker 4: like these clown ways holes. You know what I'm saying,

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Speaker 4: They're gonna look at y'all real crazy. And then think

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Speaker 4: about the heartbreak that the sister would feel, that your

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Speaker 4: future wife would feel and you tal much y'all wanted

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Speaker 4: to find out. This is a big secret that you

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Speaker 4: would be keeping from her. I have no idea how

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Speaker 4: this will play out for you, but I do think

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Speaker 4: both of your asses need to be put on blast.

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Speaker 4: And I'm sorry you are very wrong, and you should

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Speaker 4: go about it by first sitting down with your fiance,

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Speaker 4: telling your fiance how you feel. I know he probably

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Speaker 4: listening to this shit like bitch, I would never go

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Speaker 4: sit down with my but I think you should because

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Speaker 4: this feeling is not gonna go away. And then you

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Speaker 4: let her sister and then you talk to the sister like, well,

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Speaker 4: I told her so where sol? And for some reason,

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Speaker 4: I don't know if the sister will be with him though.

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Speaker 3: I just think it's or the.

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Speaker 2: Sister could be trapping the fiance like see, I told

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Speaker 2: you he need shit, nigga.

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Speaker 4: M If they play a little games like that and

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Speaker 4: my baby drop, I'm hungry, I'm pregnant the baby.

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Speaker 3: If they playing little games like that, bitch.

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Speaker 4: I ain't gonna lie. I would do that, sho, I

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Speaker 4: ain't gonna lie. Uh my sister, I would cry lad

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Speaker 4: on thinking everything. They'll be like, I got you. But

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Speaker 4: that's why you not if they really doing that's all petty.

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Speaker 4: That shit that I did in my early twenties, late teen,

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Speaker 4: It's like, no, we're not doing that just is somebody's life.

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Speaker 4: Y'all planning on walking down the aisle, be real with

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Speaker 4: your wife. Sarpy can get you do any and everything.

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Speaker 4: Tom he was all wounds. I don't know about this one,

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Speaker 4: but buddy, you gotta be honest with the one that

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Speaker 4: you're walking down the aisle with because when y'all exchange

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Speaker 4: those vows, y'all are best friends. You're making a commitment,

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Speaker 4: like you gotta be honest, and sometimes honesty definitely pierces,

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Speaker 4: like it hurts. But Tom hells all wounds, and I

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Speaker 4: think that she would respect your honesty. She probably want

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Speaker 4: to beat the hell out of her sister and push

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Speaker 4: back the wedding, if not break up with your ass.

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Speaker 4: But at least you got your truth out because if

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Speaker 4: you don't tell her, i'mna tell him.

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Speaker 3: So we got we got his name. His name is Jeremy.

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Speaker 4: Jeremy Jeremy Taylor Jeremy. Like I said, I will find

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Speaker 4: your wife, your fiance and tell her. If you don't

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Speaker 4: tell them, giving you two weeks, get back with me,

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Speaker 4: update me.

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Speaker 3: Love you.

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Speaker 4: I am a seventeen year old woman who lives in Nigeria.

300
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Speaker 4: I was born in the US, but I am from

301
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Speaker 4: Congo and have spent most of my life living in Africa.

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Speaker 4: I'm in the serious need of your help. Oh wait

303
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Speaker 4: a minute, is this about some money, because I don't.

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Speaker 4: Oh well, okay, girl, Well you start off like that

305
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Speaker 4: and be like I'm in serious need of your help.

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Speaker 3: It's like, oh no, no, no, no, okay, Okay.

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Speaker 4: My dad is cheating on my mom, who is currently

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Speaker 4: in North America trying to find a job so we

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Speaker 4: can finance me going to university. Okay, this is not

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Speaker 4: the first time my father has been unfaithful. Once my

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00:14:41,520 --> 00:14:44,640
Speaker 4: mom packed her bags and threatened to leave, he begged

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Speaker 4: her on his dusty as.

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Speaker 3: Knees not to go. I know it's right.

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Speaker 4: I had to carry her thirty pounds suitcases up the

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Speaker 4: stairs when she decided to stay, and I was only twelve. Okay,

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Speaker 4: the same thing happened about two years later, but this

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Speaker 4: time she went back to Cameroon, threatened to divorce him,

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Speaker 4: but was magically cooking his favorite meal in the kitchen

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Speaker 4: two months later.

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Speaker 3: Oh, I see what are we going? Okay?

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Speaker 4: My dad's infidelity has been a consistent issue in their marriage,

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Speaker 4: and I know my mom will not leave him. He's

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Speaker 4: a good father most of the time, and I could

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Speaker 4: care less if they are together or not, because I

325
00:15:19,880 --> 00:15:23,920
Speaker 4: honestly think they're better parents when they are apart. About

326
00:15:23,960 --> 00:15:26,240
Speaker 4: two years ago, when we were moving to a new

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Speaker 4: city in Nigeria, we lived alone with my dad. I

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Speaker 4: had to do all the motherly duties which I am

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Speaker 4: used to modern slavery type things. Girl, okay, okay, baby.

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Speaker 3: He was cheating then too.

331
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Speaker 4: I found condoms in the trash can and he was

332
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Speaker 4: coming late every night. I decided to mind my own

333
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Speaker 4: business as I had my own shit to deal with,

334
00:15:50,520 --> 00:15:52,960
Speaker 4: and honestly, I was hoping my mother was doing her

335
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Speaker 4: thing as well. This time is different, as I am

336
00:15:56,400 --> 00:15:58,560
Speaker 4: too soon to leave the house and I can't have

337
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Speaker 4: my brother having to pick.

338
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Speaker 3: Up after my sloppy, horny father. I'm sorry, I do

339
00:16:08,040 --> 00:16:08,640
Speaker 3: not mean to laugh.

340
00:16:08,720 --> 00:16:10,960
Speaker 4: I'm just trying to figure out what is the problem,

341
00:16:11,080 --> 00:16:13,680
Speaker 4: like you know what I'm saying, Like, okay, because it

342
00:16:13,720 --> 00:16:16,040
Speaker 4: seems like more of a venting session. But I got you, baby.

343
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Speaker 4: I'm gonna keep on because it's about four more progress,

344
00:16:19,080 --> 00:16:21,920
Speaker 4: all right. He is so disrespectful and does not even

345
00:16:21,960 --> 00:16:24,640
Speaker 4: have the decency to cover his tracks. He bought cheap

346
00:16:24,680 --> 00:16:27,640
Speaker 4: ass condoms when we went grocery shopping and thought he

347
00:16:27,760 --> 00:16:30,560
Speaker 4: was slick, making me go get salad while he quickly

348
00:16:30,600 --> 00:16:36,920
Speaker 4: paid for it. We are a carnivorous family. Yeah, okay, girl,

349
00:16:37,320 --> 00:16:39,480
Speaker 4: so do everybody else. I don't have to You don't

350
00:16:39,520 --> 00:16:43,200
Speaker 4: have to say we are a carnivorous family. Oh, let

351
00:16:43,240 --> 00:16:48,000
Speaker 4: me finish. Nobody in this bitch eats salads. Oh a girl.

352
00:16:48,040 --> 00:16:49,840
Speaker 4: I'm like, all right, but you did, and I have

353
00:16:49,880 --> 00:16:54,240
Speaker 4: to say we're not. We are a carnivorous family. Like girl, okay,

354
00:16:54,640 --> 00:16:59,440
Speaker 4: so technical, I know she going to college. Okay, nobody

355
00:16:59,440 --> 00:17:02,680
Speaker 4: in this bitch salas. Later that night, he gave me

356
00:17:02,720 --> 00:17:05,960
Speaker 4: the receipts to throw away and I saw condoms written

357
00:17:06,000 --> 00:17:08,840
Speaker 4: at the top of the receipt. His first chaps were

358
00:17:08,840 --> 00:17:13,160
Speaker 4: his priority before our school snacks. He has come home

359
00:17:13,240 --> 00:17:18,000
Speaker 4: twice with dirty cheats that have wet spots on them.

360
00:17:18,240 --> 00:17:21,560
Speaker 4: Dirty draws, you mean that have wet spots on them,

361
00:17:22,200 --> 00:17:24,080
Speaker 4: and he asked me to put them in the washing

362
00:17:24,119 --> 00:17:26,480
Speaker 4: machine so it can be ready for the next bitch.

363
00:17:27,359 --> 00:17:31,840
Speaker 4: STDs still exist, They certainly did. I am not an idiot.

364
00:17:31,920 --> 00:17:33,400
Speaker 4: I am not one of the boys, so I don't

365
00:17:33,400 --> 00:17:36,080
Speaker 4: know why he thinks it's okay to be so oblivious

366
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Speaker 4: with his adultery. I don't want to tell my mom,

367
00:17:38,920 --> 00:17:41,400
Speaker 4: as she won't leave him, and she is just going

368
00:17:41,480 --> 00:17:43,919
Speaker 4: to be stressed out on the other side of the world,

369
00:17:44,080 --> 00:17:46,359
Speaker 4: all right, because your mom is in North America and

370
00:17:46,400 --> 00:17:49,199
Speaker 4: your dad is somewhere else. Okay, this is none of

371
00:17:49,240 --> 00:17:51,600
Speaker 4: my business, so so what the fuck is you telling

372
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Speaker 4: me for?

373
00:17:54,160 --> 00:17:54,600
Speaker 3: But I am.

374
00:17:54,560 --> 00:17:58,400
Speaker 4: Already stressed out with school and teenager shit, so him

375
00:17:58,440 --> 00:18:01,520
Speaker 4: adding this to my plate is rev I already think

376
00:18:01,560 --> 00:18:04,200
Speaker 4: men are trash, and he is just reinforcing that narrative

377
00:18:04,200 --> 00:18:06,359
Speaker 4: for me. If I don't sell my mom, I also

378
00:18:06,520 --> 00:18:09,560
Speaker 4: fear bad karma might come to me. But I also

379
00:18:09,680 --> 00:18:12,560
Speaker 4: feel as though telling her selfish of me, as it

380
00:18:12,600 --> 00:18:14,679
Speaker 4: would just relieve my guilt.

381
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Speaker 3: Hmm. I need help.

382
00:18:17,359 --> 00:18:21,520
Speaker 4: My friends ain't shit, respectfully, damn and I go to

383
00:18:21,560 --> 00:18:27,120
Speaker 4: a predominantly white school, so I could barely afford my scholarship.

384
00:18:27,920 --> 00:18:31,520
Speaker 3: The counselors and teachers there are no use. Girl.

385
00:18:31,960 --> 00:18:34,240
Speaker 4: You did a good job of making your life sound

386
00:18:34,320 --> 00:18:37,639
Speaker 4: like the most shittiest of all shit lives in the world.

387
00:18:37,680 --> 00:18:39,800
Speaker 3: Honey, Like, let me tell you something.

388
00:18:40,160 --> 00:18:42,240
Speaker 4: I'm not gonna say we all have a cheating father,

389
00:18:42,480 --> 00:18:46,200
Speaker 4: because you know, I don't know about everybody, but yes,

390
00:18:46,359 --> 00:18:50,520
Speaker 4: I had a cheating father. And the reason why I say, hey,

391
00:18:50,520 --> 00:18:52,200
Speaker 4: it is because he's not a cheater anymore. My mom

392
00:18:52,320 --> 00:18:56,320
Speaker 4: end up getting the strength to leave after just you know,

393
00:18:56,359 --> 00:18:59,320
Speaker 4: after many, many, many affairs or whatever. But like your

394
00:18:59,320 --> 00:19:01,320
Speaker 4: mom will get the strength to leave. I do understand.

395
00:19:01,359 --> 00:19:03,280
Speaker 4: I thought the same thing about my mom at first.

396
00:19:03,680 --> 00:19:05,440
Speaker 4: You know, my mother gonna listen to this, like bitch.

397
00:19:05,480 --> 00:19:10,080
Speaker 4: First of all, don't try, you know, But yeah, I

398
00:19:10,119 --> 00:19:13,040
Speaker 4: think that, you know, every woman has a breaking point.

399
00:19:13,119 --> 00:19:15,520
Speaker 4: And who's to say that your mom is not doing her,

400
00:19:15,680 --> 00:19:17,439
Speaker 4: you know, but still in love with your father, you

401
00:19:17,440 --> 00:19:19,240
Speaker 4: know what I'm saying. Who's to say that your dad

402
00:19:19,280 --> 00:19:21,760
Speaker 4: is not in love with his wife but he's still

403
00:19:21,800 --> 00:19:23,800
Speaker 4: doing him, you know what I'm saying. And who's to

404
00:19:23,840 --> 00:19:27,560
Speaker 4: say that This is not this comes from. This is

405
00:19:27,600 --> 00:19:29,679
Speaker 4: deeply rooted. You get what I'm saying, Like this is

406
00:19:29,760 --> 00:19:33,560
Speaker 4: like generational although men at a certain age, man you

407
00:19:33,600 --> 00:19:36,240
Speaker 4: should know right for wrong. You got a woman that's

408
00:19:36,280 --> 00:19:38,480
Speaker 4: down for you. You got a wife. You cannot cheat

409
00:19:38,480 --> 00:19:40,760
Speaker 4: on her. That's just how some men are wired. You

410
00:19:40,760 --> 00:19:45,040
Speaker 4: get what I'm saying. As far as you complaining about

411
00:19:45,040 --> 00:19:46,600
Speaker 4: all the things you had to do for your mom,

412
00:19:46,800 --> 00:19:47,360
Speaker 4: I get it.

413
00:19:47,480 --> 00:19:49,359
Speaker 3: I get it. But you are a child just like

414
00:19:49,400 --> 00:19:50,800
Speaker 3: she a mother. You get what I'm saying.

415
00:19:51,080 --> 00:19:54,160
Speaker 4: You're talking about carrying thirty pounds bags up to the Listen.

416
00:19:54,240 --> 00:19:55,919
Speaker 4: Let me tell you something right now, my son is

417
00:19:55,960 --> 00:19:59,959
Speaker 4: twelve years old. I ain't lifting shit around that little bit.

418
00:20:00,160 --> 00:20:03,919
Speaker 4: You understand. Yeah, so we gonna carry thirty forty fifty

419
00:20:04,160 --> 00:20:07,439
Speaker 4: pound bags for me too. I get it, I understand.

420
00:20:08,400 --> 00:20:10,040
Speaker 4: But I'm gonna let you know. You do sound like

421
00:20:10,080 --> 00:20:11,480
Speaker 4: a bread a little bit, you know what I mean.

422
00:20:11,520 --> 00:20:13,199
Speaker 4: Because they still trying to figure out how they can

423
00:20:13,240 --> 00:20:15,840
Speaker 4: pay for you to get to school, to get through school.

424
00:20:15,960 --> 00:20:16,520
Speaker 3: I get it.

425
00:20:16,640 --> 00:20:18,960
Speaker 4: Your friends ain't shit. Get rid of them, make some

426
00:20:19,040 --> 00:20:21,480
Speaker 4: new ones. You understand what I'm saying. Everything you told

427
00:20:21,480 --> 00:20:25,320
Speaker 4: me is solvable. Everything you sold me is solvable. It

428
00:20:25,440 --> 00:20:29,000
Speaker 4: just seems like the only real, real, real issue. And

429
00:20:29,040 --> 00:20:31,600
Speaker 4: I'm not discrediting you for anything that you're going through,

430
00:20:32,040 --> 00:20:34,760
Speaker 4: but the real issue is that you really really have

431
00:20:35,480 --> 00:20:38,800
Speaker 4: a herding bone from your dad, like and I think

432
00:20:38,880 --> 00:20:42,959
Speaker 4: that that should result to therapy whenever you're ready. I

433
00:20:43,000 --> 00:20:45,320
Speaker 4: know you probably like, hell no, because you fed up

434
00:20:45,359 --> 00:20:47,439
Speaker 4: with him. You only got one mom. He cheating on

435
00:20:47,560 --> 00:20:50,000
Speaker 4: her bench, cheating on her. She ain't strong enough to leave,

436
00:20:50,400 --> 00:20:51,000
Speaker 4: what have you?

437
00:20:51,040 --> 00:20:51,359
Speaker 3: Whatever?

438
00:20:51,359 --> 00:20:54,680
Speaker 4: You know what I'm saying, I understand, But you can

439
00:20:54,760 --> 00:20:59,000
Speaker 4: clearly learn not to be that woman from your mom.

440
00:20:59,200 --> 00:21:01,320
Speaker 4: But we don't know what all she dealing with either.

441
00:21:01,359 --> 00:21:03,080
Speaker 4: Do you talk to your mom? Do you see what

442
00:21:03,119 --> 00:21:05,840
Speaker 4: else she going through? All this moving back and forth

443
00:21:05,880 --> 00:21:08,960
Speaker 4: and shit, trying to be a mom, trying to provide,

444
00:21:09,080 --> 00:21:10,480
Speaker 4: still trying to be a wife. At the end of

445
00:21:10,520 --> 00:21:12,920
Speaker 4: the day, you said she was cooking his favorite meal

446
00:21:13,000 --> 00:21:16,320
Speaker 4: two months after catching them cheating. Trusting me, I get

447
00:21:16,359 --> 00:21:19,639
Speaker 4: all of that shit. I've seen it myself, so I

448
00:21:19,680 --> 00:21:20,040
Speaker 4: get it.

449
00:21:20,320 --> 00:21:20,800
Speaker 3: I get it.

450
00:21:21,200 --> 00:21:24,480
Speaker 4: Figure out how to get a job as well. Like

451
00:21:24,560 --> 00:21:27,280
Speaker 4: you know what I'm saying, You got teenage shit going on,

452
00:21:27,560 --> 00:21:30,159
Speaker 4: Go get yourself a job. You know what I mean,

453
00:21:30,160 --> 00:21:32,960
Speaker 4: because at some point, if we see we can't rely

454
00:21:33,119 --> 00:21:35,679
Speaker 4: on our parents, we got to make it happen for ourselves.

455
00:21:35,840 --> 00:21:38,000
Speaker 4: We can't sit in sulk in misery. You understand what

456
00:21:38,040 --> 00:21:42,119
Speaker 4: I'm saying, So fuck all that teenage shit. I understand,

457
00:21:42,280 --> 00:21:44,640
Speaker 4: I understand. But if you got people that ain't shit,

458
00:21:45,400 --> 00:21:47,320
Speaker 4: drop them. You're still young. You got a lot of

459
00:21:47,359 --> 00:21:49,920
Speaker 4: life to live. Go get you a job, help your

460
00:21:49,960 --> 00:21:52,119
Speaker 4: parents put you through school, Help your mother put you

461
00:21:52,160 --> 00:21:54,439
Speaker 4: through school. I guarantee you won't regret it, because this

462
00:21:54,560 --> 00:21:56,920
Speaker 4: is your future. It ain't theirs, it's yours.

463
00:21:57,200 --> 00:21:57,399
Speaker 2: You know.

464
00:21:57,520 --> 00:22:00,960
Speaker 4: Sometimes as kids, we feel very entitled, you know, and

465
00:22:01,359 --> 00:22:05,080
Speaker 4: we always say things, you know, we always feel that

466
00:22:05,119 --> 00:22:07,800
Speaker 4: our parents should be doing this or should be doing that,

467
00:22:07,880 --> 00:22:10,560
Speaker 4: And no, it's my parents' job, all right. If they

468
00:22:10,600 --> 00:22:12,439
Speaker 4: ain't doing it, who's gonna do it? You?

469
00:22:13,240 --> 00:22:15,600
Speaker 3: So get yourself together. You understand what I'm saying.

470
00:22:15,720 --> 00:22:17,439
Speaker 4: Figure out exactly what you need to do to man

471
00:22:17,480 --> 00:22:19,400
Speaker 4: that relationship with your father, you know what I mean.

472
00:22:20,800 --> 00:22:23,119
Speaker 4: And it has to be a two player game. It

473
00:22:23,160 --> 00:22:25,400
Speaker 4: can't be just you. It don't even seem like it's

474
00:22:25,440 --> 00:22:27,919
Speaker 4: gonna be just you. You know what I'm saying. Now, I

475
00:22:27,920 --> 00:22:32,480
Speaker 4: will say him putting you through shit, like giving you

476
00:22:32,520 --> 00:22:35,239
Speaker 4: a receipt where you did see that condoms were on there,

477
00:22:35,320 --> 00:22:37,920
Speaker 4: or him making you go buy salad even though y'all

478
00:22:37,960 --> 00:22:40,040
Speaker 4: be eating meat and shit, you know what I mean,

479
00:22:40,200 --> 00:22:43,320
Speaker 4: just so you wouldn't see him by the condoms and shit,

480
00:22:43,680 --> 00:22:46,960
Speaker 4: or him making you wash his dirty drawers and shit

481
00:22:47,080 --> 00:22:48,879
Speaker 4: and all of that type of shit. These are the

482
00:22:48,880 --> 00:22:51,360
Speaker 4: things that you can bring up to him. You get

483
00:22:51,400 --> 00:22:53,000
Speaker 4: what I'm saying. You got to bring this type of

484
00:22:53,040 --> 00:22:55,359
Speaker 4: shit up, whether you do it in a therapy session,

485
00:22:55,560 --> 00:22:57,639
Speaker 4: whether you do it in a conversation with just you

486
00:22:57,680 --> 00:23:00,920
Speaker 4: and your dad, or whatever. You know, But I just want,

487
00:23:01,160 --> 00:23:02,960
Speaker 4: I want, I need y'all to get past that hump

488
00:23:03,760 --> 00:23:06,280
Speaker 4: one day in your life, because just like you get

489
00:23:06,280 --> 00:23:07,440
Speaker 4: one mom, you got one Dad.

490
00:23:09,080 --> 00:23:11,000
Speaker 1: Once again, thank you for tuning into the Black Effect

491
00:23:11,000 --> 00:23:13,280
Speaker 1: Podcast Network. See you in twenty twenty five for more

492
00:23:13,320 --> 00:23:14,840
Speaker 1: great moments from your favorite podcast