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Speaker 1: Cool Zone Media.

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Speaker 2: Hello, and welcome to Cool People Did Cool Stuff, your

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Speaker 2: weekly podcast where I'm really excited about. This week is

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Speaker 2: gonna be so interesting. I've wanted to research this person

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Speaker 2: for so long. I'm your host, Margaret Kiljoy. I think

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Speaker 2: my job is fine. I don't have any particular I

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Speaker 2: love my job. It's so good. Okay, And my guest

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Speaker 2: today is Molly Conger.

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Speaker 3: Hi, Hi, thanks for having me. I'm so excited to

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Speaker 3: hear about a cool guy.

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Speaker 2: I know, well it's not gonna be a guy. But Mollie,

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Speaker 2: as everyone knows, is just jealous because she doesn't have

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Speaker 2: her own Cool Zone Media show.

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Speaker 3: So jealous. Yeah, it's eating me up inside.

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Speaker 4: Oh wait, yeah, we gave you one of those, didn't

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Speaker 4: we What what?

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Speaker 2: Yeah? No way, I scripted this bit. It would have

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Speaker 2: come off more naturally if I had scripted it.

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Speaker 3: Wait, Mollie, are you our newest weekly show host. I'm

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Speaker 3: so excited for you guys to hear about kind of

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Speaker 3: the opposite of this show, I guess is weird guys

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Speaker 3: who did really bad stuff.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, Molly's show is called Weird Little Guys and it's

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Speaker 4: out now and it's a weekly show on your podcast.

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Speaker 4: Feeds all of them.

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Speaker 2: What day of the week is it?

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Speaker 3: Thir's six?

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Speaker 2: Cool. It's good because I listen to a lot of

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Speaker 2: podcasts because I walk my dog every day and I

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Speaker 2: do a lot of like physical stuff around the land

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Speaker 2: I live on, you know, And by the end of

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Speaker 2: the weekend, I'm usually out of cool soun media podcasts

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Speaker 2: and I'm forced to listen to lesser podcasts. Oh wow, and.

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Speaker 3: I have one more hour at the end of the week.

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Speaker 2: I know. It's a little treat just for me. So

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Speaker 2: today's Hero when I'm just gonna use Hero. I don't

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Speaker 2: like feminizing. Hero isn't a weird little guy, but is

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Speaker 2: a weird little girl slash woman, depending on where in

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Speaker 2: the story you come in. Because oh, I forgot the

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Speaker 2: rest of the credits. The other voice you've heard is Sophie.

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Speaker 2: I just got so excited abou who we're going to talk?

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Speaker 2: But Hi, Sophie, it's a good topic.

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Speaker 4: I'm very excited about this. Hi, Hi Magpie, Hi Mollie. Oh,

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Speaker 4: we're just hanging's got the girls together.

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Speaker 2: On the zoom on the zoom I know, and as

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Speaker 2: always our audio engineers, Rory. Everyone say hi to Rory.

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Speaker 1: Hi.

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Speaker 2: Rory Hi Ror Hi Rory. Our theme music was written

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Speaker 2: for us by Unwoman. This week, we are going to

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Speaker 2: go back further in time than we've ever gone back

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Speaker 2: in time besides the episode where we talked about how

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Speaker 2: humans tamed dogs.

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Speaker 3: That's yeah, well that rocks.

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Speaker 2: That was like thirty thousand years. But we're going back

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Speaker 2: to the fourteen hundreds. We're going to a country called France.

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Speaker 2: I've heard of this country.

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Speaker 3: Ooh.

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Speaker 2: We're going to talk about a soldier, a badass soldier

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Speaker 2: who winds up deservedly, it turns out, taking a lot

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Speaker 2: of credit for saving France from an English invasion. She

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Speaker 2: was driven by visions from God and then she was

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Speaker 2: burned at the stake.

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Speaker 3: Oh I know her.

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Speaker 2: I know she's the most famous female soldier in history.

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Speaker 3: Unless they did it more than once.

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Speaker 2: It's Joan of Arc.

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Speaker 3: Okay, yeah, no, we're good. Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Well, I was like, I don't think I said saint

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Speaker 2: part yet. I think and I've like looked this up

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Speaker 2: a couple times. It seems like it couldn't be true

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Speaker 2: because the Catholics like burning people, right, But I think

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Speaker 2: this is the only Catholic saint who was burned to

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Speaker 2: death by the Catholic Church, which is part of why

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Speaker 2: I took more than four hundred years, very close to

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Speaker 2: five hundred years for the Catholic Church to get around

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Speaker 2: to making her a saint.

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Speaker 3: They don't like to admit they made a mistake.

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Speaker 2: No, but you know, five hundred years later I could

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Speaker 2: see why maybe that wasn't the move. You know, Molly,

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Speaker 2: what have you heard about our girl?

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Speaker 3: Joan of arc Joan? Okay, A little bit of a

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Speaker 3: strange one. A little bit of a strange one. I mean,

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Speaker 3: I guess anybody getting visions from God is a little unusual. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: but yeah, good at battle? I mean, I guess it's

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Speaker 3: easy to be good at war if God is giving

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Speaker 3: you the cheat codes, right, Yes, and no.

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Speaker 2: We're gonna talk about which codes that God gave her

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Speaker 2: and didn't.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, but it didn't end so good for her, Although

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Speaker 3: I guess I don't know, if you're really getting visions

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Speaker 3: from God, martyrdom isn't a tragedy for you, right.

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Speaker 2: I know, although she's technically like even still now that

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Speaker 2: they've admitted all there, she's still not a martyr, right.

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Speaker 3: Oh, because she didn't die for her because she wasn't,

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Speaker 3: so I guess martyrdom is when you die persecuted for

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Speaker 3: your faith and they're not going to admit they were

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Speaker 3: doing the persecuting.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. Interesting, Although there's like other loopholes, like there's this

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Speaker 2: there's always a loose I can't remember his name, but

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Speaker 2: I really like him. There's this man saint from World

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Speaker 2: War Two who died in a concentration camp and he's

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Speaker 2: considered a martyr of charity. They created a whole new

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Speaker 2: category for him because being killed for being Charitis and

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Speaker 2: hating Nazis is like not technically being killed for being Catholic,

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Speaker 2: but it's like functionally being killed for being Catholic, because

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Speaker 2: if you're like actually good Catholic, you theoretically are willing

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Speaker 2: to die fighting at fighting Nazis and believing in charity.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, you were doing what Jesus wanted you to do.

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Speaker 3: Yeah yeah.

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Speaker 2: But now Joan of Arc didn't get martyrs. Everyone treats

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Speaker 2: her as a martyr.

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Speaker 4: Is she the patron Saint of France?

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Speaker 2: I believe so, And she's definitely the patron saint of

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Speaker 2: soldiers and the city of Orleon, But yeah, I think

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Speaker 2: she's patron Saint of France. I wasn't sure I was

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Speaker 2: gonna do a Joan of Arc episode. This has been

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Speaker 2: on my list, my big list of maybes forever, right,

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Speaker 2: because I didn't know that much about Joan of Arc

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Speaker 2: coming into it. I was like, Oh, lady soldier burned

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Speaker 2: at the stake had visions. That's kind of all I had.

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Speaker 2: And when I first would hear most of the modern retellings,

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Speaker 2: it's sort of just kind of like, oh, no, this

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Speaker 2: is girl and she was in the right place at

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Speaker 2: the right time or whatever, and it kind of strips

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Speaker 2: her agency away. And once you dig into the story,

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Speaker 2: she is a badass.

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Speaker 3: I guess you gotta be pretty tenacious to get up

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Speaker 3: in there and make people believe you.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, Like she went through the hell and back to

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Speaker 2: try and get people to believe her, And she's a

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Speaker 2: hard sell for me, right, because, like, the big thing

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Speaker 2: she did is that she's kind of the reason there's

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Speaker 2: a country called France.

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Speaker 3: Like not a point in her favor.

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Speaker 2: I know, I don't really give a shit about France

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Speaker 2: now it would have just been conquered by the English.

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Speaker 2: Do I even less give a shit about you? But

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Speaker 2: I don't care much about the nationalism of Western imperialist countries, right.

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Speaker 2: I also don't care about royal drama. I'm not a

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Speaker 2: big fan of monarchy. The fact that she put the

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Speaker 2: true Air on the throne doesn't do it for me.

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Speaker 2: But the questions of gender and power and magic that

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Speaker 2: she brings up are really interesting to me, and so

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Speaker 2: that was why I was going with at the beginning

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Speaker 2: of this. And then I would just like read about

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Speaker 2: like battle after battle. There's also just something where you're like, well,

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Speaker 2: you're such a fucking badass. It's cool anyway, you know.

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Speaker 2: A couple of years ago, I did an episode about

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Speaker 2: a rather common medieval divorce practice before divorce was legalized,

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Speaker 2: which was called poison your husband and now you're not

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Speaker 2: married anymore.

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Speaker 3: Oh, the classic divorce.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly the divorce that Christian nationalists are burreling themselves

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Speaker 2: right back towards by trying to get rid of divorce.

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Speaker 2: And the thing that I discovered while researching those episodes

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Speaker 2: that surprised me the most was that things that I

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Speaker 2: had sort of imagined were made up turned out to

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Speaker 2: be very real. About the Middle Ages, there was this

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Speaker 2: magical underground in medieval European cities that was made up

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Speaker 2: of like astrologers and alchemists who would set up shop

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Speaker 2: and sell everything from abortion to husband murder to fortune telling.

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Speaker 2: And you would have like Catholic priests who were selling

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Speaker 2: love potions on the side made from oil dripped over

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Speaker 2: the corpses of saints. And some of those same priests

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Speaker 2: were like doing black masses at night with women as altars.

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Speaker 2: But I don't think they were killing the women. And

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Speaker 2: just like weird sex stuff.

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Speaker 3: I mean, there's a reason so much which of this

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Speaker 3: medieval magic is sort of inverted Catholic, right, And it's

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Speaker 3: because it was Catholic priests doing it. They're the ones

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Speaker 3: who could read that.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, And like I think the line between medieval Catholicism

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Speaker 2: and like witchcrafton paganism is like a meaningless line. It

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Speaker 2: obviously is a strong political and legal framework built around it,

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Speaker 2: but like you're just describing the same shit and some

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Speaker 2: of the people are allowed to do it. And actually,

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Speaker 2: none of these priests are allowed to be doing these

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Speaker 2: black masses and stuff, right, They're not supposed to be

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Speaker 2: doing that. No, no, yeah, big, big big no no.

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Speaker 3: No.

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Speaker 2: A lot of I'm get in trouble for that one.

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Speaker 2: But poor middle class and aristocratic women alike would go

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Speaker 2: to these fortune tellers because women were a permanent underclass. Obviously,

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Speaker 2: rich women and the nobility and shit had far more power,

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Speaker 2: but they still, even to exert the power that they

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Speaker 2: should theoretically have, they relied on magic. And it's a

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Speaker 2: pattern that once I started noticing it, I see it

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Speaker 2: more and more. And so the story of Joan of

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Speaker 2: Arc isn't just the story of one woman whose visions

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Speaker 2: gave her access to military command. It's also the story

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Speaker 2: of a second woman, the King's mother in law, who

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Speaker 2: had to work behind the scenes to wield visions and

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Speaker 2: magic in order to get her cowardly son like King

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Speaker 2: charge person son in law.

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Speaker 3: Little boy boy King.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, to put his back into the fight. She had

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Speaker 2: to rely on magic to do it.

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Speaker 3: So she's Nancy Reagan and the astrologer.

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Speaker 5: Yes, I even vaguely get that one.

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Speaker 4: I love when Joan comes up without it making sense,

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Speaker 4: but it makes sense because Joni is everywhere.

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Speaker 3: Things don't change.

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Speaker 2: Oh, my god, is her name Joan? Her name is

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Speaker 2: Joan whoa And so so there's this, right, there's this

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Speaker 2: magical element. It also helps the story that Joan of

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Speaker 2: Arc was a total fucking badass would wade into battle

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Speaker 2: with lance and sword, taking arrows to the chest while

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Speaker 2: still fighting. I had like thought maybe like they like

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Speaker 2: brought her out as like a hey, look we have

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Speaker 2: a weird saint to be you know, we brought a mascot. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: I genuinely like early on, as I was doing this research,

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Speaker 2: I was like, oh, a mascot. That is like the

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Speaker 2: word that I was thinking of. No, not a mascot

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Speaker 2: unless the mascot was Also, I don't know the parts

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Speaker 2: of football full back, the quarterback, running quarter One.

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Speaker 3: Of us knows a football guy for.

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Speaker 4: Sure, running back.

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Speaker 2: I'm actually a little bit lying. I've ghost written two

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Speaker 2: romance novels about sports, and I had to like learn

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Speaker 2: so much about football and baseball in order to go

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Speaker 2: straight these fucking heterosexual romance novels. I know the average

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Speaker 2: height of an NFL player. It's five foot ten, shorter

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Speaker 2: than I expected.

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Speaker 3: Really, that is littler than I thought.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, the publisher made me change it. The publisher was like,

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Speaker 2: I want our character to be like an average NFL player,

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Speaker 2: And I was like, okay, And I looked it up

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Speaker 2: and it made him five foot ten. And the publisher

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Speaker 2: was like, no, we can't have a love interest just

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Speaker 2: less than six feet tall.

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Speaker 3: We're selling a fantasy here, Margaret. Yeah, that's so funny.

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Speaker 2: Anyway, Joan of Arc absolute badass, turned a like fucking

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Speaker 2: losing war around, drove out English invaders and forever changed

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Speaker 2: the course of history for better and worse. So Joan

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Speaker 2: of Arc, your sixteenth minute starts. Now that's my wow,

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Speaker 2: that's my sixteenth minute of fame.

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Speaker 3: Jokes.

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Speaker 4: It's very disorienting, thank you.

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Speaker 2: I mean, she really was the character of the day, absolutely,

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Speaker 2: and they got bored of her and tired of our

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Speaker 2: justice fucking fast.

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Speaker 3: God, things don't change. We've always been this way.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it's the same people, but at different times and

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Speaker 2: with more more visions. People were more open about the visions,

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Speaker 2: I would say.

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Speaker 3: And we didn't burn Bean down at the stake.

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Speaker 2: No, we didn't. Although there's still time. We're going to

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Speaker 2: start this story chronologically before we've to get to being

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Speaker 2: Dad and then burn him at the stake. We're going

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Speaker 2: to start it before Joan of Arc was born. We're

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Speaker 2: gonna start it with a woman who is incredibly powerful

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Speaker 2: in her time, but like many women, has been largely

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Speaker 2: ignored by history. Her name is Yolanda of Aragon. And

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Speaker 2: now I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, isn't Aragon

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Speaker 2: the rightful King of Gondor from Tolkien's Lord of the

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Speaker 2: Rings And the answer is close, that's Aragorn. Aragon is

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Speaker 2: a region in Spain. Probably more people knew it was

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Speaker 2: a region in Spain than thought of Aragorn, but I

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Speaker 2: don't know.

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Speaker 3: I mean maybe more people generally, but in terms of

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Speaker 3: listeners of this show, hard to say.

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Speaker 2: Fair enough no that listeners of the show would know

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Speaker 2: that Ara Gorn as an r well too are whatever. Anyway,

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Speaker 2: Aragon was not a region in Spain. The funny thing

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Speaker 2: that's like when you talk about the fourteen hundreds and

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Speaker 2: you're like, oh, Spain, Italy, France, Like, we only talk

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Speaker 2: about those countries because those are the ones that are

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Speaker 2: still around. Aragon was not in Spain. Aragon was his

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Speaker 2: own world spanning empire that stretched across like by being

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Speaker 2: Queen of Aragon, Yolanda of Aragon was also the Queen

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Speaker 2: of Sicily, which in this case meant the entire southern

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Speaker 2: half of Italy, which is not a concept. People aren't

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Speaker 2: Italian at this point right, and ostensibly of Jerusalem. In

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Speaker 2: case you need any more reminders that the royalty of

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Speaker 2: medieval Europe was transnational as fuck, and modern conceptions of

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Speaker 2: nation don't really map easily onto the past, and that

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Speaker 2: rich people are fucking weird. Because she lives in France, well,

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Speaker 2: by the end of the story, she lives in France.

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Speaker 2: She's one of the most gifted statesmen the world has

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Speaker 2: ever produced, near as I can tell. She is a

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Speaker 2: master of diplomacy in military matters, despite her self never

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Speaker 2: holding power. She's not a queen regnant, right, She's a

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Speaker 2: married to a guy. She was born in Barcelona on

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Speaker 2: August eleventh, thirteen eighty one. Her father was the heir

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Speaker 2: to Aragon. Her grandfather was the military guy who'd done

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Speaker 2: all that conquering under the name of Aragon. Her mother

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Speaker 2: was a friend woman, And to make this story really

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Speaker 2: fun and confusing, her name was also Yolanda, spelled the

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Speaker 2: same Yolanda of Aragon. The daughter was her parents only

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Speaker 2: surviving child out of eight. Oh that's rough, yeah, like

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Speaker 2: nobility won't save you from dysentery.

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Speaker 3: That's a twelve percent batting average.

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Speaker 2: That's not good, no, no, And it's funny because like

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Speaker 2: usually I do stories, in like the eighteenth nineteenth century,

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Speaker 2: and so everyone dies with tuberculosis. A lot of people

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Speaker 2: are gonna die of dysentery today.

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Speaker 3: That's a rough way to go, you know, especially because

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Speaker 3: they hadn't invented toilets.

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Speaker 2: I'm just gonna shit myself to death quietly, and then

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Speaker 2: Shakespeare write a play about me.

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Speaker 3: I don't think it was quiet.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, that's true. When her father won which is actually

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Speaker 2: spelled Joan the same as but it's anyway, when one

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Speaker 2: became the king of Aragon, he wanted the play I

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Speaker 2: used to become the cultural center of Europe, specifically the

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Speaker 2: center of the art of the troubadour no One at

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Speaker 2: the time as and I love this the gay science,

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Speaker 2: like fuck a king, but instead of tourneys with joustin knights,

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Speaker 2: he put on poetry competitions for the same like high

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Speaker 2: stakes and rewards like priceless jewels and shit.

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Speaker 3: What a nerd.

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Speaker 2: I know, I kind of like him, and he also

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Speaker 2: like just sucks and everything, and like the women in

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Speaker 2: his life take care of everything, but not just like

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Speaker 2: take care of him, but like run the kingdom.

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Speaker 3: And shit like that, right, because he's busy with his

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Speaker 3: poetry contests.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and being like not particularly good at battle and stuff.

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Speaker 2: You know, to be fair, I'm certain he's better at

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Speaker 2: battle than I am.

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Speaker 3: Well, I don't know.

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Speaker 2: I mean if we get to use okay anyway, So

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Speaker 2: Yolanda grew up obsessed with books in literature and kept

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Speaker 2: a massive library because she's also a nerd, and she

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Speaker 2: had a lot of theological tomes, which was honestly the

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Speaker 2: medieval equivalent of philosophy. And she saw the world as

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Speaker 2: a magical place full of signs, and she interwove parable

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Speaker 2: in fiction with real life, like, for example, like one

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Speaker 2: time she's out hunting, right, because actually it turns out

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Speaker 2: women hunted too. Sorry. Victorian ideas of everything we think

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Speaker 2: we know about the Middle Ages is because of the

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Speaker 2: fucking Victorians. They like came up with like renfars and

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Speaker 2: like imagined a weird Victorian world of like they like

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Speaker 2: reversed all of their annoying social norms back on like

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Speaker 2: the fourteen hundreds, Which is not to say the fourteen

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Speaker 2: hundreds were like good or a like nice time to

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Speaker 2: be alive or a woman, but it's not what the

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Speaker 2: Victorian's claim, and so it's not like what we usually

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Speaker 2: presume anyway.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, the fanfit was not correct.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly. She's out there hunting because she can, because

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Speaker 2: she likes hunting and wants to kill things and eat them.

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Speaker 2: But the dogs scare a rabbit out of a bush,

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Speaker 2: and the rabbit jumps up in her lap, and I think, like,

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Speaker 2: while she's on a horse, which is pretty impressive, rabbit

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Speaker 2: that's a jump. Yeah, And so she calls off the

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Speaker 2: dogs and she's like, I have a cute rabbit. This

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Speaker 2: is as cool. And they go and look in the

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Speaker 2: bush that the rabbit came out of, and they all

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Speaker 2: find a stone, and on the stone there appears to

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Speaker 2: be a marking. I assume it's just like wet in

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Speaker 2: a certain pattern, you know, like kind of like a

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Speaker 2: Jesus on the toast kind of thing, you know. And

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Speaker 2: they find a marking that looks so much like Mother

355
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Speaker 2: Mary holding baby Jesus, just as she was holding the rabbit.

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Speaker 2: So they built a shrine on the site.

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Speaker 3: Fair enough.

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Speaker 2: One story in particular was important to her, and it

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Speaker 2: was this sort of politicizing of an old fairy tale

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Speaker 2: called the Tale of the Melosine, which is about a

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Speaker 2: half fairy woman who was sent by God and I

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Speaker 2: thought about making this a four parter and now subjecting

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Speaker 2: you to that entire story, but then I didn't. There's

364
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Speaker 2: like a half snake lady and if you look at

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Speaker 2: her while she's changing, she'll leave you. And it's actually

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Speaker 2: very common thing. There's like a Russian folk tale that

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Speaker 2: I read recently and has the same Anyway, this part

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Speaker 2: is important to understand that she's into all this stuff

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Speaker 2: because later she's going to make use of signs and

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Speaker 2: portents for political and military conflict and succeed at it.

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Speaker 2: But there's no reason to doubt that even as I

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Speaker 2: think she's making up like prophecies and then attributing them

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Speaker 2: to someone else, she's still not necessarily doing it cynically,

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Speaker 2: Like I think she believes the stuff that she's talking about.

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Speaker 2: And that part is just interesting to me because a

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Speaker 2: lot of I think we're all bad at looking at

377
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Speaker 2: the Middle Ages of anywhere in the world because we

378
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Speaker 2: keep trying to look at it. It's like, yes, we're

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Speaker 2: all the same people back then, but we lived in

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Speaker 2: like a different sense of reality.

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Speaker 3: You know, magic was more real.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, people being like oh yeah, that rock

383
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Speaker 2: totally yep, And that's a good place for a shrine,

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Speaker 2: and then if the shne works out, then you're like, hell, yeah,

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Speaker 2: you know, we don't have any weird poor tents that

386
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Speaker 2: came and change the way that we think. Instead, we

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Speaker 2: have ads.

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Speaker 3: I mean people still make pilgrimages to a lot of

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Speaker 3: those shrines. I mean they're still there. There's still very

390
00:19:11,320 --> 00:19:12,560
Speaker 3: best in people's lives.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I would totally go to them. But we do

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Speaker 2: have ads.

393
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Speaker 3: Oh we're going to an ad. That's what's happening now.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, no, we're going to ads now. Yeah, ed,

395
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Speaker 5: we're back. And if you believe in gambling, like those

396
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Speaker 5: ads might have told you.

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Speaker 3: Wow, gamblers love signs too. Gamblers are always looking for

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Speaker 3: a sign.

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Speaker 1: I know.

400
00:19:40,920 --> 00:19:43,919
Speaker 2: And it's like understandable. I'm not trying to shit on

401
00:19:43,960 --> 00:19:48,520
Speaker 2: people who make either of these types of decisions. But yeah,

402
00:19:48,560 --> 00:19:52,359
Speaker 2: so her mom, Queen Yolande, not to be confused with

403
00:19:53,320 --> 00:19:59,159
Speaker 2: our secondary main character, Queen Ulande Land. Yeah, yeah, Yolanda junior.

404
00:19:59,200 --> 00:19:59,560
Speaker 3: I like that.

405
00:20:00,400 --> 00:20:03,400
Speaker 2: Yolanda senior did more work of ruling than her husband did,

406
00:20:03,760 --> 00:20:06,840
Speaker 2: who is probably epileptic and was much more concerned with

407
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Speaker 2: poetry than administration. So young Yolande Yulandi Junior learned early

408
00:20:12,520 --> 00:20:15,399
Speaker 2: on how women can rule from behind the throne. And

409
00:20:15,440 --> 00:20:17,000
Speaker 2: now we won't mention her mom again. So if I

410
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Speaker 2: say Yulande, I only mean Junior.

411
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Speaker 3: Turned into a Disney movie real quick. No Mom, the

412
00:20:26,200 --> 00:20:29,560
Speaker 3: mom is gone gone. Yeah, sorry mom, never to be

413
00:20:29,680 --> 00:20:30,439
Speaker 3: mentioned again.

414
00:20:30,960 --> 00:20:35,800
Speaker 2: Yeah, not definitely, not around. Oh god, So young Yolande

415
00:20:36,000 --> 00:20:38,719
Speaker 2: existed politically pretty much as just get married off. So

416
00:20:38,760 --> 00:20:41,439
Speaker 2: she was married off when she was like six. She

417
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Speaker 2: wasn't married when she was six. When she was like six,

418
00:20:43,640 --> 00:20:46,280
Speaker 2: she was betrothed to the ten year old king of Sicily,

419
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Speaker 2: who was French. Because national borders have always been about

420
00:20:49,800 --> 00:20:51,680
Speaker 2: controlling the movement of poor people and not rich people.

421
00:20:52,760 --> 00:20:55,640
Speaker 2: They get married once they're both adults. There's so much

422
00:20:55,680 --> 00:20:57,320
Speaker 2: back and forth here that I'm not going to subject

423
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Speaker 2: you to. One of my least favorite things is the

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00:20:59,200 --> 00:21:01,480
Speaker 2: doings of nobility by adults.

425
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Speaker 3: You mean like twelve.

426
00:21:03,000 --> 00:21:05,400
Speaker 2: No, actually she's nineteen, so he's like twenty four. She's

427
00:21:05,440 --> 00:21:09,280
Speaker 2: a fucking old maid. She's Yolande's senior by that time.

428
00:21:09,760 --> 00:21:10,280
Speaker 4: Wow.

429
00:21:10,760 --> 00:21:13,600
Speaker 2: Not. Actually she doesn't have kids. She's gonna end up

430
00:21:13,600 --> 00:21:17,400
Speaker 2: with kids anyway. By all accounts. She actually starts off Okay,

431
00:21:17,440 --> 00:21:18,760
Speaker 2: I said I wasn't gonna do it, back and forth.

432
00:21:18,840 --> 00:21:20,679
Speaker 2: She actually starts off being like, fuck this guy, I'm

433
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Speaker 2: not gonna marry him, and I'm gonna like exert some autonomy,

434
00:21:24,480 --> 00:21:26,159
Speaker 2: and that was kind of I think, just testing to

435
00:21:26,160 --> 00:21:29,560
Speaker 2: prove that she could. But in the end she loves

436
00:21:29,640 --> 00:21:32,480
Speaker 2: him and they are a love match for each other,

437
00:21:33,000 --> 00:21:35,520
Speaker 2: or they at least like each other a lot, and

438
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Speaker 2: she's now one of the richest motherfuckers in Europe. She

439
00:21:38,760 --> 00:21:41,680
Speaker 2: heads off to like whichever of her like million castles

440
00:21:41,720 --> 00:21:43,760
Speaker 2: she feels like hanging out at at a given time,

441
00:21:43,840 --> 00:21:47,080
Speaker 2: mostly in central France, because the king of Sicily doesn't

442
00:21:47,080 --> 00:21:51,840
Speaker 2: actually control Sicily because of the weird shit. Her fashion

443
00:21:52,000 --> 00:21:56,199
Speaker 2: is so decadent that priests give sermons complaining about earthly

444
00:21:56,320 --> 00:22:01,560
Speaker 2: vanity everywhere that she goes, and the husband is always

445
00:22:01,600 --> 00:22:04,960
Speaker 2: away trying to retake his kingdom, and so she's ruling

446
00:22:05,040 --> 00:22:09,399
Speaker 2: a decent chunk of France in his absence. Now I

447
00:22:09,440 --> 00:22:11,520
Speaker 2: run into even more of a problem. I love the

448
00:22:11,520 --> 00:22:16,040
Speaker 2: Middle Ages, helmets, swords, armor, weird theology, fairy tales, dresses,

449
00:22:16,119 --> 00:22:20,639
Speaker 2: peasant uprisings. Don't love dysentery, but it's interesting. But I

450
00:22:20,680 --> 00:22:23,920
Speaker 2: fucking hate nobility. I hate them politically. I also hate

451
00:22:23,920 --> 00:22:25,680
Speaker 2: them as a history writer. I don't give a shit

452
00:22:25,760 --> 00:22:27,240
Speaker 2: about so and so married so and so, and then

453
00:22:27,240 --> 00:22:29,159
Speaker 2: I had a third distant claim on the kingdom or whatever.

454
00:22:30,400 --> 00:22:32,680
Speaker 2: But we're gonna have to do some of it in

455
00:22:32,760 --> 00:22:35,639
Speaker 2: order to understand Jon of Arc and it kind of

456
00:22:35,680 --> 00:22:37,720
Speaker 2: works out because there's a guy called the Mad King.

457
00:22:39,920 --> 00:22:41,800
Speaker 2: So this gets Game of Thrones. Y.

458
00:22:41,880 --> 00:22:43,600
Speaker 3: Yeah, I was gonna say Game of Thrones.

459
00:22:44,119 --> 00:22:49,199
Speaker 2: Honestly, both Tolkien and Martin, I think took a lot

460
00:22:49,320 --> 00:22:52,800
Speaker 2: from the One hundred Year War, which is what all

461
00:22:52,840 --> 00:22:55,639
Speaker 2: of this is going to take place during. One thing

462
00:22:55,720 --> 00:22:57,680
Speaker 2: you have to know is that there's this guy named

463
00:22:57,720 --> 00:23:00,320
Speaker 2: King Charles the sixth. He is the King of As

464
00:23:00,359 --> 00:23:05,119
Speaker 2: with that nice classic French name Charles, and he's not

465
00:23:05,200 --> 00:23:07,520
Speaker 2: living in the same reality as everyone else, which is

466
00:23:07,520 --> 00:23:11,720
Speaker 2: saying something like he he's the mad King. He's he

467
00:23:11,760 --> 00:23:15,320
Speaker 2: would almost certainly by modern sense, be schizophrenic.

468
00:23:15,520 --> 00:23:18,040
Speaker 3: Right, Is he the one that had the horrible shaped head?

469
00:23:19,160 --> 00:23:21,520
Speaker 3: One of the Charles has had a very bad shaped head.

470
00:23:21,560 --> 00:23:23,520
Speaker 2: Oh, I don't know. They all have big noses, is

471
00:23:23,560 --> 00:23:25,720
Speaker 2: the only thing that I know about how they look.

472
00:23:26,240 --> 00:23:30,000
Speaker 2: Both him and his son are like notable for their noses.

473
00:23:30,520 --> 00:23:33,280
Speaker 3: And it's like if your official portrait as the king,

474
00:23:33,640 --> 00:23:35,840
Speaker 3: you look kind of messed up. You know, that boy

475
00:23:35,880 --> 00:23:38,000
Speaker 3: looked terrible, you know, look awful.

476
00:23:38,280 --> 00:23:42,240
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's true. One time he went into a psychotic

477
00:23:42,280 --> 00:23:45,240
Speaker 2: state and killed five of his own men while they

478
00:23:45,280 --> 00:23:48,080
Speaker 2: were I think out hunting. He just like, ah, like

479
00:23:48,160 --> 00:23:50,080
Speaker 2: sorted killing guys, you know, And then they had to

480
00:23:50,119 --> 00:23:54,680
Speaker 2: like restrain him, and he would spend his time wandering

481
00:23:54,720 --> 00:23:57,000
Speaker 2: around saying he wasn't king, and his name was George,

482
00:23:57,160 --> 00:23:58,960
Speaker 2: and he was made of glass and if anyone touched

483
00:23:59,000 --> 00:23:59,960
Speaker 2: him he'd shatter.

484
00:24:00,160 --> 00:24:01,760
Speaker 3: Right, he hit the glass delusion.

485
00:24:02,160 --> 00:24:07,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, old glass man, incredible and like, you know what, overall,

486
00:24:08,760 --> 00:24:12,080
Speaker 2: thinking you're not king probably better than thinking you're king.

487
00:24:12,720 --> 00:24:18,000
Speaker 2: One of the better delusions. Yeah, he was fairly beloved.

488
00:24:18,359 --> 00:24:20,560
Speaker 2: He didn't get the nickname the mad until later when

489
00:24:20,600 --> 00:24:22,080
Speaker 2: they were talking, like after he was dead.

490
00:24:22,680 --> 00:24:24,520
Speaker 3: So I guess he only accidentally killed a bunch of

491
00:24:24,560 --> 00:24:26,760
Speaker 3: guys just the once. If people actually liked him.

492
00:24:27,880 --> 00:24:32,240
Speaker 2: Everyone who wasn't Jewish, Okay, it took me a while

493
00:24:32,240 --> 00:24:34,080
Speaker 2: because everyone was like, oh everyone who was belove blah

494
00:24:34,080 --> 00:24:35,720
Speaker 2: blah blah. And then when I was like following like

495
00:24:35,800 --> 00:24:37,879
Speaker 2: the eighth rabbit hole, down the eighth rabbit hole. And

496
00:24:37,920 --> 00:24:41,560
Speaker 2: I think I was even like how antisemitic were these motherfuckers?

497
00:24:41,800 --> 00:24:43,919
Speaker 2: I can't remember exactly, but I was like I went looking.

498
00:24:44,880 --> 00:24:46,320
Speaker 2: He kicked all the Jews out of France.

499
00:24:47,280 --> 00:24:48,040
Speaker 3: Not great.

500
00:24:48,720 --> 00:24:50,800
Speaker 2: This is like one of like three times that's happened.

501
00:24:51,720 --> 00:24:54,200
Speaker 2: So he sucks. But I bet he didn't do it

502
00:24:54,240 --> 00:24:55,399
Speaker 2: while he thought he was George.

503
00:24:56,280 --> 00:24:57,240
Speaker 3: George wouldn't have done that.

504
00:24:57,760 --> 00:24:59,719
Speaker 2: I know. George is just a nice man made out

505
00:24:59,720 --> 00:25:03,760
Speaker 2: of clafe us. His wife is a beau from the

506
00:25:03,800 --> 00:25:07,719
Speaker 2: backwater of Bavaria, was an essence the queen regnant like

507
00:25:08,400 --> 00:25:11,560
Speaker 2: it was like her and the king's uncles like fighting

508
00:25:11,600 --> 00:25:15,359
Speaker 2: it out for power while King Charles was busy locked

509
00:25:15,440 --> 00:25:21,600
Speaker 2: up raving and they start arguing. Soon enough they're arguing

510
00:25:21,640 --> 00:25:25,200
Speaker 2: with like spears and shit, which is to say, there's

511
00:25:25,240 --> 00:25:29,720
Speaker 2: a civil war. France was already in a war, one

512
00:25:29,800 --> 00:25:33,080
Speaker 2: hundred year war, which they call that instead of the

513
00:25:33,200 --> 00:25:36,400
Speaker 2: less catchy one hundred and sixteen year, four month, three

514
00:25:36,440 --> 00:25:37,480
Speaker 2: week and four day war.

515
00:25:38,600 --> 00:25:40,440
Speaker 3: Well, they're not counting the breaks they took.

516
00:25:42,440 --> 00:25:44,520
Speaker 2: They did dig a lot of breaks, which makes sense

517
00:25:44,560 --> 00:25:46,879
Speaker 2: because it's really hard to fight a war for one

518
00:25:46,920 --> 00:25:48,520
Speaker 2: hundred and sixteen years straight.

519
00:25:48,720 --> 00:25:50,919
Speaker 3: And you have to walk to war back then, so

520
00:25:51,000 --> 00:25:52,000
Speaker 3: it just took longer.

521
00:25:52,080 --> 00:25:54,679
Speaker 2: Oh my god, you really did. Like some people got horses,

522
00:25:54,720 --> 00:25:56,280
Speaker 2: but they had to go at walking pace.

523
00:25:56,560 --> 00:25:59,200
Speaker 3: Because most people were just walking there. I think about

524
00:25:59,200 --> 00:26:01,200
Speaker 3: them all the time we're watching Game of Thrones. It's

525
00:26:01,200 --> 00:26:03,760
Speaker 3: like like the battle maybe lasts days and days and

526
00:26:03,760 --> 00:26:06,520
Speaker 3: it's horrible and everyone has festering wounds. But like you

527
00:26:06,800 --> 00:26:08,520
Speaker 3: walked there for like six weeks.

528
00:26:08,840 --> 00:26:12,879
Speaker 2: Yeah, just robbing everyone as you go and being like,

529
00:26:13,520 --> 00:26:16,560
Speaker 2: don't worry. The state is what protects you from banditry.

530
00:26:16,680 --> 00:26:18,840
Speaker 2: Now give me all of your food and I'm going

531
00:26:18,880 --> 00:26:19,920
Speaker 2: to kill you, not.

532
00:26:20,119 --> 00:26:23,480
Speaker 3: Or just and sand Yeah, we at least you won't

533
00:26:23,520 --> 00:26:23,920
Speaker 3: need the food.

534
00:26:23,920 --> 00:26:27,199
Speaker 2: Then that's true. It's a good point, you know, saving

535
00:26:27,240 --> 00:26:30,520
Speaker 2: the country side. They're traveling around, saving the countryside from starving,

536
00:26:30,800 --> 00:26:34,000
Speaker 2: is what they're doing. So now France has a civil

537
00:26:34,040 --> 00:26:36,520
Speaker 2: war on top of a hundred year war. And this

538
00:26:36,680 --> 00:26:40,720
Speaker 2: is the annoying name of the Armagnac Burgundian Civil War,

539
00:26:41,119 --> 00:26:43,639
Speaker 2: which is only annoying to me because I don't like

540
00:26:43,920 --> 00:26:46,240
Speaker 2: pronouncing French names too many syllables.

541
00:26:46,640 --> 00:26:49,480
Speaker 3: Is Armagnac, the name of that like fake liquor that

542
00:26:49,520 --> 00:26:51,480
Speaker 3: one of the guys on the Sopranos got tricked into

543
00:26:51,520 --> 00:26:55,280
Speaker 3: investing in. Probably what am I thinking.

544
00:26:55,040 --> 00:26:57,720
Speaker 2: Of the way I remembered how to pronounce this word

545
00:26:57,800 --> 00:27:01,520
Speaker 2: is that it kind of ends in cognac or rhymes

546
00:27:01,560 --> 00:27:06,199
Speaker 2: with whatever. The House of Orleans are the Armagnacs, and

547
00:27:06,240 --> 00:27:09,320
Speaker 2: the House of Burgundy are the Burgundians. It was a

548
00:27:09,359 --> 00:27:12,600
Speaker 2: war between two of the king's other brothers, but it

549
00:27:12,680 --> 00:27:16,119
Speaker 2: was also about political and economic systems and shit. The

550
00:27:16,240 --> 00:27:20,680
Speaker 2: Armagnacs were pro French culturally, and they were like, yay,

551
00:27:20,800 --> 00:27:25,440
Speaker 2: we like God, agriculture and feudalism, the.

552
00:27:25,400 --> 00:27:27,359
Speaker 3: Three pillars of society.

553
00:27:27,560 --> 00:27:31,439
Speaker 2: But the Burgundians were pro English or English culture, and

554
00:27:31,480 --> 00:27:34,919
Speaker 2: we're like, we like pastoralism and sheep and artisans and

555
00:27:35,000 --> 00:27:39,240
Speaker 2: middle classes and cities. And it's interesting because like those

556
00:27:39,320 --> 00:27:41,119
Speaker 2: don't have to line up, you know how like modern

557
00:27:41,119 --> 00:27:43,239
Speaker 2: politics is like sometimes you'll meet people who have just

558
00:27:43,240 --> 00:27:47,159
Speaker 2: like grab bag politics, you know, like modern tankies right

559
00:27:47,240 --> 00:27:50,800
Speaker 2: where they're like, oh, we like fucking this dictator and

560
00:27:50,840 --> 00:27:54,520
Speaker 2: hate this other dictator, and we like support both Russia

561
00:27:54,560 --> 00:27:57,600
Speaker 2: and Palestine. You know, it's like random ass fucking politics.

562
00:27:57,680 --> 00:28:00,480
Speaker 3: The average American has completely incoherent politics.

563
00:28:01,200 --> 00:28:03,240
Speaker 2: That's how I feel about this too, right, because like,

564
00:28:03,280 --> 00:28:06,640
Speaker 2: pastoralism and sheep are not how you build a strong city.

565
00:28:06,680 --> 00:28:10,439
Speaker 2: Like agriculture, the sheep can't even live in the city. No,

566
00:28:11,000 --> 00:28:16,040
Speaker 2: agriculture is how you build big cities. But whatever. The

567
00:28:16,080 --> 00:28:18,920
Speaker 2: Burgundians are usually painted as the villain in this story,

568
00:28:19,520 --> 00:28:22,600
Speaker 2: and they definitely started this war by having the Duke

569
00:28:22,640 --> 00:28:25,840
Speaker 2: of Orleans assassinated in the streets, and then their like

570
00:28:25,880 --> 00:28:29,600
Speaker 2: defense about like did you kill that man, was yes,

571
00:28:30,240 --> 00:28:33,199
Speaker 2: we killed him. He was a tyrant at least an

572
00:28:33,200 --> 00:28:39,000
Speaker 2: honest yeah, fair enough. The Burgundians are not necessarily any better.

573
00:28:39,280 --> 00:28:41,840
Speaker 2: They had like a populist vibe to them, but as

574
00:28:41,880 --> 00:28:44,520
Speaker 2: we're all learning right now, that does not mean actual

575
00:28:44,560 --> 00:28:48,120
Speaker 2: class loyalty to the working class. They have like a

576
00:28:48,200 --> 00:28:50,560
Speaker 2: kind of like a fuck the nobles thing, but they

577
00:28:50,600 --> 00:28:53,160
Speaker 2: themselves are all nobility too, And.

578
00:28:53,120 --> 00:28:55,000
Speaker 3: It's not like they're trying to abolish the monarchy.

579
00:28:55,360 --> 00:28:59,360
Speaker 2: No, they want a different, different ruler of it. And and

580
00:28:58,880 --> 00:29:00,680
Speaker 2: they I mean, you know, on some level they're like, well,

581
00:29:00,680 --> 00:29:02,680
Speaker 2: we want Burgundy to be a separate thing from France,

582
00:29:02,760 --> 00:29:06,280
Speaker 2: And soon enough they're siding with the British, and no

583
00:29:06,320 --> 00:29:08,479
Speaker 2: one likes people who side with a foreign invasion, and

584
00:29:08,520 --> 00:29:11,920
Speaker 2: they like totally do anti populas shit too. I spent

585
00:29:12,000 --> 00:29:14,040
Speaker 2: a long time trying to be like, wait a second,

586
00:29:14,080 --> 00:29:16,160
Speaker 2: or the Burgundians the good guys here, And the answer

587
00:29:16,240 --> 00:29:18,040
Speaker 2: is no, there's no good.

588
00:29:17,840 --> 00:29:21,440
Speaker 3: Guys, no good guys trying to become king.

589
00:29:21,800 --> 00:29:28,200
Speaker 2: No, just really doesn't happen. Sorry, Aragorn, you're a fantasy character.

590
00:29:30,040 --> 00:29:33,239
Speaker 2: So Yolanda, the lady whose story we're gonna follow through

591
00:29:33,280 --> 00:29:35,959
Speaker 2: all this, Her and her husband are on the Armagnac side,

592
00:29:36,280 --> 00:29:38,760
Speaker 2: and their daughter Marie is going to marry the dolphin,

593
00:29:39,200 --> 00:29:43,160
Speaker 2: Daulphin Dolphin. I'm gonna call them the dolphin because dolphin. Yeah,

594
00:29:43,200 --> 00:29:46,120
Speaker 2: it's the fancy French word for crown prince. And if

595
00:29:46,120 --> 00:29:48,280
Speaker 2: it sounds like dolphin to you one, it's because I

596
00:29:48,360 --> 00:29:51,280
Speaker 2: just called it dolphin because I'm bad at pronouncing French dauphin.

597
00:29:51,680 --> 00:29:54,800
Speaker 2: The defont is. It's not a coincidence. Did you know this?

598
00:29:54,840 --> 00:29:56,240
Speaker 2: Have you heard of this? The default thing?

599
00:29:56,800 --> 00:29:59,400
Speaker 3: Wait? So it's etymologically related to dolphins.

600
00:30:00,000 --> 00:30:04,000
Speaker 2: What us the word for dolphin? Because some guy with

601
00:30:04,080 --> 00:30:06,920
Speaker 2: a dolphin on his coat of arms a long ass

602
00:30:06,960 --> 00:30:09,720
Speaker 2: time before had made a deal with a French king

603
00:30:09,880 --> 00:30:13,080
Speaker 2: in exchange for having the word for crown prince become dolphin.

604
00:30:13,320 --> 00:30:17,360
Speaker 3: Oh so the arrangement was explicitly about the word. Yeah,

605
00:30:17,400 --> 00:30:19,840
Speaker 3: that's a man with vision. That's a man with vision.

606
00:30:20,320 --> 00:30:23,440
Speaker 3: I know he like sold either his title or his manner.

607
00:30:23,480 --> 00:30:24,800
Speaker 3: I had a hard time figuring it out because I

608
00:30:24,800 --> 00:30:27,040
Speaker 3: didn't want to get too lost in the sidetrack, you know.

609
00:30:27,720 --> 00:30:31,200
Speaker 3: And in exchange for hundreds of years, the royal heir

610
00:30:31,400 --> 00:30:37,400
Speaker 3: was named the Dolphin, okay, which is like respect Middle

611
00:30:37,400 --> 00:30:38,760
Speaker 3: Ages for being fucking weird.

612
00:30:39,120 --> 00:30:39,320
Speaker 1: You know.

613
00:30:39,880 --> 00:30:42,280
Speaker 3: He's not asking for jewels or lands. He's like, no,

614
00:30:42,480 --> 00:30:44,240
Speaker 3: I want everyone to have to say this dumb thing

615
00:30:44,360 --> 00:30:45,320
Speaker 3: that makes them think of me.

616
00:30:45,840 --> 00:30:46,040
Speaker 1: Yeah.

617
00:30:46,080 --> 00:30:48,040
Speaker 2: I think he got paid too, but like he like,

618
00:30:48,160 --> 00:30:50,600
Speaker 2: I think he was like giving up titles in land

619
00:30:50,680 --> 00:30:53,520
Speaker 2: or something. I think he kind of like got eminent domained,

620
00:30:54,000 --> 00:30:58,160
Speaker 2: you know. But someone listening knows this really well, and

621
00:30:58,200 --> 00:31:03,320
Speaker 2: I'm not it. I'm not that person. So Marie marries Charles,

622
00:31:03,360 --> 00:31:07,280
Speaker 2: the sixth third son, Charles, who is not actually the

623
00:31:07,320 --> 00:31:11,520
Speaker 2: Dolphin yet. I'm just gonna say dolphin. But don't worry,

624
00:31:12,040 --> 00:31:13,760
Speaker 2: a lot of people are going to die in France

625
00:31:13,960 --> 00:31:17,840
Speaker 2: especially nobles, and so he'll get a chance, much like

626
00:31:17,880 --> 00:31:20,000
Speaker 2: he has a chance to take advantage of these sweet,

627
00:31:20,080 --> 00:31:22,720
Speaker 2: sweet deals if they buy a time machine and go

628
00:31:22,840 --> 00:31:26,040
Speaker 2: back in time and advertise to the dufall.

629
00:31:26,600 --> 00:31:29,000
Speaker 3: Alrightp Charles, you would have loved chumba casino?

630
00:31:29,720 --> 00:31:31,120
Speaker 2: Absolutely, who doesn't?

631
00:31:39,000 --> 00:31:39,840
Speaker 3: And we're back.

632
00:31:41,440 --> 00:31:43,480
Speaker 2: All right, you've got a hundred year war and you've

633
00:31:43,480 --> 00:31:48,600
Speaker 2: got a civil war. Why not have an invasion by

634
00:31:48,640 --> 00:31:49,680
Speaker 2: a Shakespeare character.

635
00:31:50,440 --> 00:31:52,280
Speaker 3: I mean, you're already doing two wars. I think rule

636
00:31:52,320 --> 00:31:54,160
Speaker 3: of threes makes it funnier to have a third one.

637
00:31:54,600 --> 00:31:57,200
Speaker 2: Yeah, And to be fair, this is more back. It's

638
00:31:57,200 --> 00:31:59,240
Speaker 2: almost like the restarting the hundred years War is like

639
00:31:59,280 --> 00:32:02,240
Speaker 2: kind of on a break, you know. And then Henry

640
00:32:02,240 --> 00:32:04,400
Speaker 2: the Fifth is like, and this is smart of Henry

641
00:32:04,400 --> 00:32:07,280
Speaker 2: the Fifth. He's like, oh, they're in a civil war, Well,

642
00:32:07,320 --> 00:32:09,120
Speaker 2: that seems like a really good time to go fuck

643
00:32:09,160 --> 00:32:13,480
Speaker 2: them all up. And I've played enough risk. I know

644
00:32:13,520 --> 00:32:14,960
Speaker 2: that this is true.

645
00:32:15,080 --> 00:32:17,080
Speaker 3: I mean, maybe he was just trying to help them

646
00:32:17,200 --> 00:32:19,880
Speaker 3: resolve their differences by realizing that they had a common enemy.

647
00:32:20,240 --> 00:32:23,240
Speaker 2: That's true. That's true. If if he was in charge,

648
00:32:23,320 --> 00:32:25,280
Speaker 2: no one would be fighting with each other. That is

649
00:32:25,320 --> 00:32:28,080
Speaker 2: like the way that people defend the idea of the

650
00:32:28,120 --> 00:32:32,280
Speaker 2: modern state. They're like, well, you know, one guy's in charge,

651
00:32:32,280 --> 00:32:36,040
Speaker 2: so now we have peace. So he invades, and both

652
00:32:36,080 --> 00:32:39,320
Speaker 2: sides immediately are like, who can suck up to him

653
00:32:39,360 --> 00:32:42,480
Speaker 2: the fastest and most effectively and get the English on

654
00:32:42,520 --> 00:32:45,120
Speaker 2: their side. So once again there's no good guys in

655
00:32:45,160 --> 00:32:49,000
Speaker 2: this story. Both sides offer him royal marriages and shit,

656
00:32:49,760 --> 00:32:51,840
Speaker 2: and he doesn't take either because he looks at this

657
00:32:51,880 --> 00:32:53,840
Speaker 2: as a clear sign of weakness and is like, oh,

658
00:32:53,840 --> 00:32:55,800
Speaker 2: I could fucking take you both. You're both fucking just

659
00:32:56,120 --> 00:32:57,720
Speaker 2: rolling over before I even get there.

660
00:32:58,360 --> 00:32:59,960
Speaker 3: Of all you have is daughters, Like.

661
00:33:00,160 --> 00:33:04,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, fortunately a daughter of a non normal daughter of

662
00:33:04,000 --> 00:33:07,560
Speaker 2: France is going to kick his fucking ass. In August

663
00:33:07,600 --> 00:33:10,520
Speaker 2: fourteen fifteen, he and twelve thousand of his closest friends

664
00:33:10,640 --> 00:33:14,200
Speaker 2: land in France. They take the city of Harflee, which

665
00:33:14,480 --> 00:33:16,240
Speaker 2: you know, about half the things I looked up how

666
00:33:16,240 --> 00:33:20,720
Speaker 2: to pronounce, and then sometimes I forgot so Harflee and

667
00:33:20,760 --> 00:33:23,840
Speaker 2: he takes the city at great cost, dysentery fucks them

668
00:33:23,880 --> 00:33:27,840
Speaker 2: up worse than the enemy, and then you got one

669
00:33:27,880 --> 00:33:31,200
Speaker 2: of the most fun battles in all medieval history. Have

670
00:33:31,240 --> 00:33:33,640
Speaker 2: you ever heard of the Great historic Battle of Agincore.

671
00:33:36,280 --> 00:33:39,320
Speaker 3: My high school history teacher says that I should say, yes.

672
00:33:39,440 --> 00:33:41,240
Speaker 2: Okay, great, then you already know it, so we'll just

673
00:33:41,240 --> 00:33:41,920
Speaker 2: skip over it.

674
00:33:42,160 --> 00:33:44,520
Speaker 3: No no, no, no for the listener, for the listener.

675
00:33:44,680 --> 00:33:48,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, totally totally. I actually I knew about

676
00:33:48,680 --> 00:33:50,720
Speaker 2: this battle, but I wouldn't have remembered his name. Like

677
00:33:50,840 --> 00:33:53,080
Speaker 2: names come in and out of my head within like

678
00:33:53,160 --> 00:33:55,400
Speaker 2: next week, I won't remember the name of this battle.

679
00:33:56,680 --> 00:34:01,160
Speaker 2: This is a slaughter. Henry the Fifth has nine hundred

680
00:34:01,240 --> 00:34:05,959
Speaker 2: knights and five thousand long bowmen, and the French didn't

681
00:34:06,000 --> 00:34:10,239
Speaker 2: really fuck around with longbows. It's like an English cultural thing, right,

682
00:34:10,440 --> 00:34:12,920
Speaker 2: the French are hunting with crossbows.

683
00:34:12,640 --> 00:34:15,000
Speaker 3: When this was kind of the time period where they're

684
00:34:15,000 --> 00:34:17,799
Speaker 3: still sort of working out which one is better, right,

685
00:34:17,840 --> 00:34:19,720
Speaker 3: Like these are sort of newer technologies.

686
00:34:20,440 --> 00:34:23,480
Speaker 2: Yeah, and then, like my understanding, like the English longbow

687
00:34:23,680 --> 00:34:26,879
Speaker 2: is like a fucking thing. It is like you are

688
00:34:27,000 --> 00:34:30,440
Speaker 2: training your whole life to have the arms and chests

689
00:34:30,440 --> 00:34:32,960
Speaker 2: and shoulders to pull this thing back. It is an

690
00:34:33,000 --> 00:34:37,040
Speaker 2: incredibly powerful weapon that is incredibly specialized, and you need

691
00:34:37,120 --> 00:34:39,160
Speaker 2: like a culture built around it in order to make

692
00:34:39,280 --> 00:34:42,120
Speaker 2: use of it in battle. At least according to the

693
00:34:42,160 --> 00:34:45,040
Speaker 2: far too many hours of YouTube I've watched put on

694
00:34:45,160 --> 00:34:49,160
Speaker 2: by probably terrible people. I have seen so many videos

695
00:34:49,160 --> 00:34:52,560
Speaker 2: of can the English longbow penetrate a French breastplate?

696
00:34:53,760 --> 00:34:55,880
Speaker 3: Well, at least we have the answers to these questions.

697
00:34:56,200 --> 00:34:59,120
Speaker 2: We don't. This is the best part. It's because whoever

698
00:34:59,200 --> 00:35:01,799
Speaker 2: makes these videos is either siding with the longbow or

699
00:35:01,840 --> 00:35:04,160
Speaker 2: the armor, and you can tell ahead of time. It's

700
00:35:04,200 --> 00:35:04,840
Speaker 2: so annoying.

701
00:35:05,000 --> 00:35:06,280
Speaker 3: We need a double blind study.

702
00:35:06,920 --> 00:35:11,880
Speaker 2: I know, I know, but we certainly know what wins

703
00:35:12,239 --> 00:35:16,360
Speaker 2: five thousand longbowmen versus like kind of the entire French nobility.

704
00:35:17,360 --> 00:35:19,680
Speaker 2: The French did not fuck around with longbows. They hunted

705
00:35:19,719 --> 00:35:21,839
Speaker 2: a crossbows. They had the numbers. They had at least

706
00:35:21,920 --> 00:35:25,319
Speaker 2: fourteen thousand, easily twenty five thousand people coming up on

707
00:35:25,920 --> 00:35:31,240
Speaker 2: like six thousand, right, six to ten thousand French soldiers died,

708
00:35:32,280 --> 00:35:37,200
Speaker 2: most of them knights aka the nobility. It's possible way

709
00:35:37,200 --> 00:35:39,160
Speaker 2: more than that number of French people died because they

710
00:35:39,200 --> 00:35:41,600
Speaker 2: literally didn't count the non noble dead.

711
00:35:42,719 --> 00:35:44,239
Speaker 3: I mean, at that point, how do you count any

712
00:35:44,280 --> 00:35:45,920
Speaker 3: of them? Like, how are you cleaning this up?

713
00:35:47,080 --> 00:35:50,440
Speaker 2: I mean, these are the most in charge people in

714
00:35:50,480 --> 00:35:52,879
Speaker 2: the country. So like they're the only people that there's

715
00:35:52,880 --> 00:35:57,080
Speaker 2: like records about right now. They're all gone. The English

716
00:35:57,280 --> 00:36:00,439
Speaker 2: lost one hundred and twelve people, six hundred total people

717
00:36:00,440 --> 00:36:03,480
Speaker 2: if you include like man at arms and you know,

718
00:36:03,840 --> 00:36:07,640
Speaker 2: trash like that. And it's because the English just stood

719
00:36:07,680 --> 00:36:10,760
Speaker 2: there and shot arrows at nights stuck in a field

720
00:36:10,760 --> 00:36:12,000
Speaker 2: of mud.

721
00:36:12,440 --> 00:36:14,880
Speaker 3: That's rough. I mean, I guess if you have the

722
00:36:14,960 --> 00:36:18,560
Speaker 3: longer range, if you're you know, ranged weaponry against ranged weaponry,

723
00:36:19,000 --> 00:36:19,920
Speaker 3: and yours go further.

724
00:36:20,360 --> 00:36:24,280
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's ranged weaponry versus knights on horseback.

725
00:36:25,320 --> 00:36:25,480
Speaker 1: Yeah.

726
00:36:25,520 --> 00:36:26,400
Speaker 3: They didn't have a chance.

727
00:36:27,400 --> 00:36:31,960
Speaker 2: No, they absolutely did not. And I wish it was

728
00:36:32,000 --> 00:36:34,640
Speaker 2: this easy to wipe out. If all the billionaires and

729
00:36:34,640 --> 00:36:38,279
Speaker 2: sons of billionaires formed an elite squad of soldiers, I

730
00:36:38,320 --> 00:36:41,759
Speaker 2: wouldn't be sad, That's all I'm gonna say, especially if

731
00:36:41,800 --> 00:36:44,640
Speaker 2: I get longbows and they only get swords. I don't know.

732
00:36:44,840 --> 00:36:47,239
Speaker 2: This is the like, don't fuck with longbow's battle. This

733
00:36:47,400 --> 00:36:50,520
Speaker 2: is like what's a nor okay, so like a webu

734
00:36:50,640 --> 00:36:54,360
Speaker 2: is Japan and norwbu's Norway. What's the like generic Western

735
00:36:54,400 --> 00:36:59,600
Speaker 2: Europe Middle Ages boo ingle boo. Well, I don't like

736
00:36:59,640 --> 00:37:02,200
Speaker 2: the sound of that, no one should.

737
00:37:02,640 --> 00:37:05,040
Speaker 3: Are there people who are sort of just that have

738
00:37:05,120 --> 00:37:09,720
Speaker 3: that sort of waboo fascination with Anglo Saxons.

739
00:37:10,280 --> 00:37:13,279
Speaker 2: Yeah, I've seen a lot of their videos and it's

740
00:37:13,320 --> 00:37:20,520
Speaker 2: a terrible shame because I really like medieval weapons. But anyway,

741
00:37:21,600 --> 00:37:23,920
Speaker 2: this battle, it just fucks everything up.

742
00:37:24,239 --> 00:37:26,040
Speaker 3: We just don't send our rich boys to war like

743
00:37:26,040 --> 00:37:27,600
Speaker 3: we used to, I know.

744
00:37:27,640 --> 00:37:29,600
Speaker 2: And it's actually just like the one defense you can

745
00:37:29,640 --> 00:37:32,719
Speaker 2: make of feudalism is it was like the peasantry isn't

746
00:37:32,719 --> 00:37:35,120
Speaker 2: going to war at this point, like by and large,

747
00:37:35,120 --> 00:37:37,000
Speaker 2: I mean, they're getting murdered in the war by both

748
00:37:37,040 --> 00:37:39,000
Speaker 2: sides who are just bandits arning around killing them and

749
00:37:39,000 --> 00:37:39,920
Speaker 2: taking all their stuff.

750
00:37:40,040 --> 00:37:41,560
Speaker 3: But they didn't have to walk there.

751
00:37:41,800 --> 00:37:44,239
Speaker 2: I know, they could just stay and die at home.

752
00:37:45,880 --> 00:37:48,399
Speaker 3: Our lords used to actually get out there and try it.

753
00:37:48,760 --> 00:37:53,400
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, totally. Meanwhile, the heir to the throne of

754
00:37:53,440 --> 00:37:57,520
Speaker 2: France dies of dysentery, the next heir dies of an

755
00:37:57,520 --> 00:38:01,759
Speaker 2: ear infection, and so young Charles, he's like fourteen years old,

756
00:38:02,040 --> 00:38:03,040
Speaker 2: is suddenly the daufont.

757
00:38:03,719 --> 00:38:07,600
Speaker 3: So he was third, he was third, and now he's first. Yep.

758
00:38:08,800 --> 00:38:11,120
Speaker 2: And he does not live with his parents. He lives

759
00:38:11,120 --> 00:38:14,360
Speaker 2: with his bride to be's family, because he's a total

760
00:38:14,400 --> 00:38:16,960
Speaker 2: mama's boy, but not to his mom, but to Yolande,

761
00:38:17,320 --> 00:38:21,080
Speaker 2: who actually pays attention to him his mom by all accounts,

762
00:38:21,080 --> 00:38:22,800
Speaker 2: although she's like the villain and the story, so everyone

763
00:38:22,800 --> 00:38:25,319
Speaker 2: says she sucks, but it sounds like she sucks, right.

764
00:38:25,920 --> 00:38:29,439
Speaker 2: Where's Yolanda who's actually paid attention to him and been

765
00:38:29,520 --> 00:38:32,120
Speaker 2: nice and has been raising him ever since he was

766
00:38:32,120 --> 00:38:35,840
Speaker 2: betrothed to her daughter Marie, So he's living over with

767
00:38:36,520 --> 00:38:40,200
Speaker 2: mom in law. Charles the Seventh's actual mom at this

768
00:38:40,280 --> 00:38:44,000
Speaker 2: point is a boom has gone traitor. Henry the fifth

769
00:38:44,040 --> 00:38:46,920
Speaker 2: is back, and the Burgundian faction has switched sides to

770
00:38:46,960 --> 00:38:51,000
Speaker 2: supporting the English invasion, and the Queen non regnant has

771
00:38:51,040 --> 00:38:54,120
Speaker 2: switched sides to supporting the Burgundians, so she's now supporting

772
00:38:54,160 --> 00:38:59,000
Speaker 2: the English invasion. And since her husband is usually locked

773
00:38:59,080 --> 00:39:02,640
Speaker 2: up somewhere believing he was the king, the Defont is

774
00:39:02,680 --> 00:39:05,360
Speaker 2: now kind of the ruler of France, but so is

775
00:39:05,440 --> 00:39:08,319
Speaker 2: the wife, and so are all these other factions, and like,

776
00:39:08,360 --> 00:39:10,080
Speaker 2: no one really knows who's in charge.

777
00:39:10,200 --> 00:39:11,920
Speaker 3: They didn't have a twenty fifth Amendment, they didn't have

778
00:39:11,960 --> 00:39:12,840
Speaker 3: a plan for this.

779
00:39:13,480 --> 00:39:15,640
Speaker 2: No no. They were like, hey, step down, and he

780
00:39:15,680 --> 00:39:17,480
Speaker 2: was like, I can totally do it. Let me just

781
00:39:17,560 --> 00:39:21,680
Speaker 2: debate the Henry the fifth. It's gonna be totally fine.

782
00:39:21,719 --> 00:39:24,439
Speaker 2: And then he was like, I'm made of glass, give

783
00:39:24,440 --> 00:39:29,560
Speaker 2: me some ice cream. But since Dad was still technically king,

784
00:39:29,920 --> 00:39:32,680
Speaker 2: whenever he like wasn't locked up, he would do things

785
00:39:32,760 --> 00:39:35,200
Speaker 2: be like aha, I'm not crazy, Let's go off and

786
00:39:35,320 --> 00:39:38,400
Speaker 2: do this incredibly bad idea military excursion that has no

787
00:39:38,440 --> 00:39:42,080
Speaker 2: strategic value and get everyone killed. So it like wasn't

788
00:39:42,120 --> 00:39:46,000
Speaker 2: good for France. Henry the fifth has reinvaded and just

789
00:39:46,080 --> 00:39:49,080
Speaker 2: fucking things up, just wrecking the place. Yolanda is trying

790
00:39:49,120 --> 00:39:52,440
Speaker 2: desperately to end the civil war, like is just trying

791
00:39:52,480 --> 00:39:55,279
Speaker 2: to get Hey, aren't we all not English? Can we

792
00:39:55,360 --> 00:39:57,880
Speaker 2: just fucking get along please and kick out the English?

793
00:39:58,200 --> 00:40:01,880
Speaker 2: But neither side will agree on terms. When the Burgundians

794
00:40:01,920 --> 00:40:05,120
Speaker 2: finally take Paris, the people of Paris are overjoyed and

795
00:40:05,200 --> 00:40:08,840
Speaker 2: riotous and do a lot of wealth redistribution. They're chanting

796
00:40:08,880 --> 00:40:12,200
Speaker 2: things like death, death, the town is ours, kill them all,

797
00:40:12,360 --> 00:40:12,960
Speaker 2: kill them all.

798
00:40:13,640 --> 00:40:15,280
Speaker 3: Maybe it sounds fancier in French.

799
00:40:16,239 --> 00:40:19,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, sounds great. I don't know, I mean terrible. It

800
00:40:19,160 --> 00:40:21,040
Speaker 2: is terrible. We should redistribute the wealth.

801
00:40:21,040 --> 00:40:21,880
Speaker 3: I mean, it doesn't rhyme.

802
00:40:22,520 --> 00:40:26,279
Speaker 2: That's true, that's true. I like this chante because it

803
00:40:26,280 --> 00:40:29,200
Speaker 2: brings to mind one of my old favorite sayings. Every

804
00:40:29,200 --> 00:40:30,759
Speaker 2: now and then, the poor supposed to rise up and

805
00:40:30,800 --> 00:40:32,319
Speaker 2: kill all the rich people. It's the only good part

806
00:40:32,360 --> 00:40:33,080
Speaker 2: about being poor.

807
00:40:33,719 --> 00:40:36,000
Speaker 3: I mean, it's like how forest fires are necessary for

808
00:40:36,040 --> 00:40:36,879
Speaker 3: certain seeds to.

809
00:40:36,840 --> 00:40:41,280
Speaker 2: Germinate, right exactly, the tree of liberty, et cetera.

810
00:40:45,080 --> 00:40:47,480
Speaker 3: I hate to derailize as we're getting to the sacking

811
00:40:47,480 --> 00:40:50,400
Speaker 3: of Paris, but every time this quote comes up, I

812
00:40:50,440 --> 00:40:52,400
Speaker 3: have to say, the only time I've ever heard someone

813
00:40:52,440 --> 00:40:55,359
Speaker 3: say that, like in real life, in person, with sincerity,

814
00:40:55,360 --> 00:40:57,799
Speaker 3: about the tree of liberty, water with the blood of tyrants, this, that,

815
00:40:57,840 --> 00:41:02,279
Speaker 3: and the other. During the insurrection, there were no porter potties,

816
00:41:02,480 --> 00:41:05,719
Speaker 3: uh January sixth right that there was no opportunity to

817
00:41:05,800 --> 00:41:08,640
Speaker 3: use the restroom in a safe and clean way. But

818
00:41:08,680 --> 00:41:11,640
Speaker 3: there is a large bush on the Capitol lawn that

819
00:41:11,880 --> 00:41:14,360
Speaker 3: the bush, I think, hides like an electrical box, like

820
00:41:14,400 --> 00:41:16,440
Speaker 3: a big box where the electricity lives, you know, And

821
00:41:16,440 --> 00:41:18,840
Speaker 3: so the bush hides that. So that looks very fancy.

822
00:41:19,200 --> 00:41:23,560
Speaker 3: But on January sixth, it was a bathroom, and I

823
00:41:23,600 --> 00:41:27,239
Speaker 3: saw a man pissing in this bush. He was so

824
00:41:27,239 --> 00:41:28,520
Speaker 3: big that you could get inside of it. He's in

825
00:41:28,520 --> 00:41:31,239
Speaker 3: the bush and he's pissing, and he is getting a

826
00:41:31,239 --> 00:41:33,960
Speaker 3: little bit of pea on his shoes as he looks

827
00:41:33,960 --> 00:41:36,200
Speaker 3: around to make sure everyone hears him say this as

828
00:41:36,200 --> 00:41:38,920
Speaker 3: he's pissing, and he's saying, you know, the tree of

829
00:41:38,920 --> 00:41:41,160
Speaker 3: liberty is water with the blood of tyrants, like as

830
00:41:41,200 --> 00:41:42,920
Speaker 3: he's pissing on his own shoes.

831
00:41:43,520 --> 00:41:46,400
Speaker 2: Hell. Yeah, Also it means his urine is the blood

832
00:41:46,400 --> 00:41:47,680
Speaker 2: of tyrants. Yeah.

833
00:41:47,719 --> 00:41:49,000
Speaker 3: I don't think he quite got it.

834
00:41:49,600 --> 00:41:52,800
Speaker 2: Yeah, I loved because as soon as that insurrection happened,

835
00:41:53,080 --> 00:41:55,080
Speaker 2: and you know, right away the right wing was like

836
00:41:55,160 --> 00:41:58,279
Speaker 2: it was Antifa and like immediately or like no, there

837
00:41:58,280 --> 00:42:01,919
Speaker 2: would have been medics, there would have been like press contacts,

838
00:42:02,000 --> 00:42:04,759
Speaker 2: there would have been fucking poor to potties. We know

839
00:42:04,880 --> 00:42:07,240
Speaker 2: how to throw a riot, Like.

840
00:42:07,320 --> 00:42:09,640
Speaker 3: There would not have been middle aged people rubbing raw

841
00:42:09,680 --> 00:42:10,760
Speaker 3: onions on their eyes.

842
00:42:13,040 --> 00:42:14,600
Speaker 2: That's true.

843
00:42:15,239 --> 00:42:17,320
Speaker 3: There's a homeopathic remedy for to your guests.

844
00:42:17,760 --> 00:42:18,320
Speaker 2: Yeah.

845
00:42:18,960 --> 00:42:21,920
Speaker 3: Anyway, so we're sacking Paris, we're sacking parents.

846
00:42:22,080 --> 00:42:26,160
Speaker 2: So they're sacking Paris and the Burgundians are no better.

847
00:42:26,440 --> 00:42:28,320
Speaker 2: It's out with the old boss, in with the new boss,

848
00:42:28,800 --> 00:42:31,440
Speaker 2: and the defam is whisked away from mob violence in

849
00:42:31,480 --> 00:42:34,480
Speaker 2: the middle of the night, and Paris has fallen. Sixteen

850
00:42:34,560 --> 00:42:38,200
Speaker 2: hundred Armagnacs are killed by the Burgundians in Paris during

851
00:42:38,239 --> 00:42:41,200
Speaker 2: the cleansing of Paris, which is a sketchy word for

852
00:42:41,239 --> 00:42:45,600
Speaker 2: a bad thing. The mad King he's still in Paris

853
00:42:45,680 --> 00:42:48,680
Speaker 2: because none of this affects him. He's like, oh, welcome back,

854
00:42:48,719 --> 00:42:51,279
Speaker 2: honey to his wife. Who comes, you know? Or he's

855
00:42:51,320 --> 00:42:53,040
Speaker 2: maybe like, I don't know. My name is George. Who

856
00:42:53,080 --> 00:42:54,440
Speaker 2: are you? What's going on? Right?

857
00:42:54,480 --> 00:42:56,720
Speaker 3: Like George is not in danger here, He's just George.

858
00:42:57,000 --> 00:42:59,400
Speaker 2: Yeah, why would anyone mess with George? Old George? What

859
00:42:59,480 --> 00:43:03,200
Speaker 2: a nice guy? What's you're Jewish? Which case he hates you?

860
00:43:03,200 --> 00:43:06,880
Speaker 2: You have to get out of the country. And after

861
00:43:06,920 --> 00:43:09,320
Speaker 2: the cleansing of Paris and Paris has fallen to the

862
00:43:09,360 --> 00:43:13,560
Speaker 2: English and the Burgundians, Yolando of Aragon is functionally in

863
00:43:13,640 --> 00:43:16,279
Speaker 2: charge of the Armagnac side of the war and of

864
00:43:16,320 --> 00:43:20,640
Speaker 2: protecting the Dufont. The Burgundians, including the Dufont's actual mom.

865
00:43:20,960 --> 00:43:24,759
Speaker 2: They're like, hey, give us our kid, the Dufont.

866
00:43:25,200 --> 00:43:27,279
Speaker 3: Oh, now you want your third son back now that

867
00:43:27,320 --> 00:43:28,440
Speaker 3: you realize he's valuable.

868
00:43:29,320 --> 00:43:32,640
Speaker 2: Basically, that's what Yolanda writes back, basically says no, and

869
00:43:32,680 --> 00:43:34,200
Speaker 2: we have the letter right because one of the cool

870
00:43:34,200 --> 00:43:36,239
Speaker 2: things is that, like a lot of times when I

871
00:43:36,239 --> 00:43:38,120
Speaker 2: talk about shit from like even one hundred years ago,

872
00:43:38,160 --> 00:43:40,160
Speaker 2: it's like, I don't know, this is what we think happened.

873
00:43:40,960 --> 00:43:42,840
Speaker 2: There's a lot of records of a lot of this

874
00:43:43,400 --> 00:43:47,400
Speaker 2: because they were writing a lot of this down. Yolanda

875
00:43:47,480 --> 00:43:49,719
Speaker 2: writes back and is like, no, you'll drive him mad

876
00:43:49,800 --> 00:43:52,319
Speaker 2: like his father or turn him English like you. So

877
00:43:52,520 --> 00:43:56,120
Speaker 2: if you want him, come and get him. Sick burn Yolanda,

878
00:43:56,600 --> 00:43:58,640
Speaker 2: I know. And it's funny because she's very like, come

879
00:43:58,640 --> 00:44:01,399
Speaker 2: and get him. But she is overall a peacemaker. She's

880
00:44:01,440 --> 00:44:03,440
Speaker 2: like pretty quickly follows us up with like you want

881
00:44:03,440 --> 00:44:05,120
Speaker 2: to talk terms, like what's going on? You know, like

882
00:44:05,160 --> 00:44:08,600
Speaker 2: how can we end this war? She's like genuinely a

883
00:44:08,640 --> 00:44:10,719
Speaker 2: really good statesman, Like she's good at this.

884
00:44:11,360 --> 00:44:13,040
Speaker 3: But I think, like mom to mom, she was like

885
00:44:13,120 --> 00:44:14,279
Speaker 3: you didn't want this boy?

886
00:44:15,000 --> 00:44:19,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, totally. The Burgundians cemented their alliance with England by

887
00:44:19,640 --> 00:44:22,440
Speaker 2: marrying someone to Henry the Fifth, declaring Henry the fifth,

888
00:44:22,480 --> 00:44:24,640
Speaker 2: the true heir of the mad king, which actually just

889
00:44:24,760 --> 00:44:26,520
Speaker 2: continues to prove that they don't give a shit about

890
00:44:26,719 --> 00:44:30,040
Speaker 2: young Charles the defont right. They're like, fine, you're out.

891
00:44:30,280 --> 00:44:32,160
Speaker 2: We have a new heir, Henry the Fifth is now

892
00:44:32,160 --> 00:44:32,520
Speaker 2: the heir.

893
00:44:33,640 --> 00:44:35,600
Speaker 3: That's not how that works.

894
00:44:35,600 --> 00:44:40,320
Speaker 2: Not according to the hours I've spent playing Crusader Kings two,

895
00:44:40,440 --> 00:44:43,480
Speaker 2: the most annoying strategy game in the world, because you

896
00:44:43,520 --> 00:44:46,240
Speaker 2: can't send armies unless you marry your daughter off to someone.

897
00:44:46,280 --> 00:44:49,160
Speaker 3: First, wait, whose daughter did they send him?

898
00:44:50,080 --> 00:44:51,800
Speaker 2: Oh god, I had it written in the script and

899
00:44:51,840 --> 00:44:56,680
Speaker 2: them was like, I don't care someone's he marries someone.

900
00:44:56,880 --> 00:45:01,480
Speaker 2: And England and Burgundy now control the northern half of France,

901
00:45:01,560 --> 00:45:04,160
Speaker 2: and the Default controls the southern half, which is the

902
00:45:04,200 --> 00:45:07,520
Speaker 2: poorer half and not the capital I think, aka, not

903
00:45:07,560 --> 00:45:10,400
Speaker 2: the half you want to control of France. So the

904
00:45:10,440 --> 00:45:12,600
Speaker 2: Default he's like young, but he's like an adult now

905
00:45:12,680 --> 00:45:15,399
Speaker 2: and he's mad, so he tricks and kills the Duke

906
00:45:15,440 --> 00:45:17,680
Speaker 2: of Burgundy. He's like, hey, let's meet on a bridge

907
00:45:17,719 --> 00:45:19,640
Speaker 2: where no one can ambush each other and just talk

908
00:45:19,719 --> 00:45:22,879
Speaker 2: it out. Okay, we'll figure it out. Because the Duke

909
00:45:22,960 --> 00:45:24,600
Speaker 2: is like his uncle or some shit or a cousin

910
00:45:24,719 --> 00:45:25,680
Speaker 2: or whatever the fuck you.

911
00:45:25,600 --> 00:45:27,160
Speaker 3: Know, they're all cousins for sure.

912
00:45:27,560 --> 00:45:30,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, and so he's like, ah, don't worry, no one

913
00:45:30,960 --> 00:45:32,880
Speaker 2: can ambu and then ambushes him and then kills the

914
00:45:32,960 --> 00:45:36,840
Speaker 2: Duke of Burgundy. And this does not make anything better.

915
00:45:36,840 --> 00:45:40,160
Speaker 2: So now both dukes of the original leaders of both

916
00:45:40,160 --> 00:45:41,879
Speaker 2: sides of the Civil War are dead, and it does

917
00:45:41,920 --> 00:45:48,400
Speaker 2: not end the war. However, this assassination means that what's

918
00:45:48,440 --> 00:45:53,440
Speaker 2: happening in real life matches the plot of that fairy

919
00:45:53,480 --> 00:45:56,200
Speaker 2: tale about the half snake lady I was telling you

920
00:45:56,280 --> 00:46:01,160
Speaker 2: about forty minutes ago. Okay, the fairy tale that Yolanda

921
00:46:01,280 --> 00:46:05,400
Speaker 2: liked had a displaced air who killed his own cousin

922
00:46:05,760 --> 00:46:08,520
Speaker 2: and then was wandering the forests of southern France.

923
00:46:09,120 --> 00:46:11,319
Speaker 3: So now she thinks a prophecy is coming.

924
00:46:11,880 --> 00:46:15,600
Speaker 2: If only a magical woman with visions from God would

925
00:46:15,600 --> 00:46:19,000
Speaker 2: come and rescue the Deafont, just like in the story.

926
00:46:19,800 --> 00:46:21,480
Speaker 3: Oh so she's primed and ready.

927
00:46:22,400 --> 00:46:26,279
Speaker 2: Yes, Also she believes this as far as I can tell,

928
00:46:26,320 --> 00:46:28,760
Speaker 2: there's no reason to believe she doesn't. But she's also

929
00:46:29,239 --> 00:46:30,280
Speaker 2: making it happen.

930
00:46:31,400 --> 00:46:34,240
Speaker 3: But that's how magic works, right.

931
00:46:35,040 --> 00:46:38,880
Speaker 2: I genuinely believe, So yes, yeah, so if only he

932
00:46:38,960 --> 00:46:42,840
Speaker 2: were to meet Joan of Arc to tie up some

933
00:46:42,880 --> 00:46:46,040
Speaker 2: political loose ends before we introduce our actual hero. Henry

934
00:46:46,080 --> 00:46:48,520
Speaker 2: the Fifth shits himself to death with dysentery in fourteen

935
00:46:48,560 --> 00:46:52,239
Speaker 2: twenty two. Rip Yeah, And a few months later, Mad

936
00:46:52,360 --> 00:46:54,960
Speaker 2: Charles the sixth dies after getting a cold while he's

937
00:46:54,960 --> 00:46:58,440
Speaker 2: out hunting. Or maybe he ate poisonous mushrooms. By mistake,

938
00:46:58,840 --> 00:47:01,400
Speaker 2: if you read like most things, I wasn't gonna go

939
00:47:01,400 --> 00:47:03,280
Speaker 2: read a book about the guy because he's not the

940
00:47:03,320 --> 00:47:05,719
Speaker 2: main character or the secondary character of the story, right,

941
00:47:05,920 --> 00:47:07,480
Speaker 2: But I read a lot about him anyway. I read

942
00:47:07,520 --> 00:47:09,600
Speaker 2: a lot of articles and shit, and most of the

943
00:47:09,680 --> 00:47:11,719
Speaker 2: articles are like and then he died, And I'm like,

944
00:47:11,760 --> 00:47:15,320
Speaker 2: when a king dies, you fucking say how. It's because

945
00:47:15,360 --> 00:47:16,200
Speaker 2: we don't know.

946
00:47:17,000 --> 00:47:19,120
Speaker 3: I was like, even if they said how, it's like

947
00:47:19,360 --> 00:47:21,920
Speaker 3: they were just guessing, Like was it like Zachary Tyler.

948
00:47:21,960 --> 00:47:24,080
Speaker 3: They're like, oh, he died from eating a bowlful of cherries,

949
00:47:24,120 --> 00:47:25,719
Speaker 3: and it's like, no, he probably for sure did not.

950
00:47:26,200 --> 00:47:29,719
Speaker 3: That's probably not what happened. Wait, who's that one of

951
00:47:29,760 --> 00:47:30,560
Speaker 3: the presidents?

952
00:47:30,840 --> 00:47:31,040
Speaker 2: Oh?

953
00:47:31,080 --> 00:47:34,040
Speaker 3: Okay, Like he was having too many cherries and cold

954
00:47:34,080 --> 00:47:37,040
Speaker 3: milk and it gave him a bad tumming and he died,

955
00:47:37,239 --> 00:47:40,160
Speaker 3: was it? Tyler? But it's like that's probably not why.

956
00:47:40,200 --> 00:47:43,200
Speaker 3: I don't think that's a way that people died. Yeah,

957
00:47:43,719 --> 00:47:45,760
Speaker 3: so yeah, I mean they can say he died from whatever,

958
00:47:45,800 --> 00:47:47,080
Speaker 3: but they don't know. They're making that up.

959
00:47:47,200 --> 00:47:49,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, maybe he was made out of glass and someone

960
00:47:49,719 --> 00:47:50,120
Speaker 2: touched him.

961
00:47:50,160 --> 00:47:51,400
Speaker 3: I don't know, he shattered.

962
00:47:51,719 --> 00:47:54,280
Speaker 2: Yeah, one chat and one shattered.

963
00:47:54,480 --> 00:48:00,520
Speaker 4: Zachary Taylor. Zachary Taylor, the twelfth president. Yeah, okay, cherries

964
00:48:00,600 --> 00:48:02,280
Speaker 4: himself through cherries.

965
00:48:02,480 --> 00:48:04,240
Speaker 3: Yeah. I mean if I thought I was made of glass,

966
00:48:04,239 --> 00:48:06,439
Speaker 3: I would not get on a horse. No, you're kidding.

967
00:48:06,440 --> 00:48:08,879
Speaker 2: Meat. Well, maybe he turned to glass. Maybe he wasn't

968
00:48:08,880 --> 00:48:11,200
Speaker 2: in glass mode and then he like turned into glass mode.

969
00:48:11,520 --> 00:48:11,880
Speaker 3: Okay.

970
00:48:12,160 --> 00:48:15,560
Speaker 4: It says he died five days after eating cherries and

971
00:48:15,680 --> 00:48:20,160
Speaker 4: milk of like cholera and gi issues. I'm gonna say

972
00:48:20,160 --> 00:48:21,680
Speaker 4: it wasn't the cherries.

973
00:48:21,719 --> 00:48:23,040
Speaker 2: Just super lactose intolerant.

974
00:48:23,400 --> 00:48:25,600
Speaker 3: It was probably the fact that he just lived on

975
00:48:25,640 --> 00:48:28,359
Speaker 3: a swamp and they didn't have like sewage.

976
00:48:28,880 --> 00:48:31,480
Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm gonna say because he was the twelfth president

977
00:48:31,520 --> 00:48:34,200
Speaker 4: of the United States and men just used to die.

978
00:48:34,840 --> 00:48:36,919
Speaker 2: I mean, there's this whole thing that's fatal called being

979
00:48:37,000 --> 00:48:38,400
Speaker 2: born before antibiotics.

980
00:48:38,480 --> 00:48:43,320
Speaker 3: You know, that's what I'm saying. People just used to die. Yeah,

981
00:48:43,640 --> 00:48:45,560
Speaker 3: people used to just have a lot of diarrhea.

982
00:48:46,200 --> 00:48:48,759
Speaker 2: Yeah. I can't wait. I mean, I'll be dead, but

983
00:48:48,800 --> 00:48:50,440
Speaker 2: I can't wait till a couple hundred years from now.

984
00:48:50,440 --> 00:48:52,719
Speaker 2: People say the same thing about like, oh man, the

985
00:48:52,719 --> 00:48:55,000
Speaker 2: twenty first century, I remember when people just die of cancer,

986
00:48:55,440 --> 00:48:57,680
Speaker 2: just like, yeah, some of their cells would do something

987
00:48:57,760 --> 00:49:00,440
Speaker 2: weird and then they'd all die. Like Jesus Christ, how

988
00:49:00,440 --> 00:49:03,760
Speaker 2: did anything get done? Well, that's one of my only

989
00:49:03,880 --> 00:49:08,360
Speaker 2: like hope for the future things, because I because whatever. Anyway,

990
00:49:09,719 --> 00:49:13,960
Speaker 2: So the throne of France goes to the infant Henry

991
00:49:14,000 --> 00:49:17,200
Speaker 2: the sixth, at least the like Paris side of it, right,

992
00:49:17,920 --> 00:49:22,360
Speaker 2: and the Daupont is now ostensibly the king of France,

993
00:49:22,680 --> 00:49:25,120
Speaker 2: but he has no power, he has no crown, and

994
00:49:25,160 --> 00:49:27,680
Speaker 2: he becomes Charles the seventh. And I'm gonna keep calling

995
00:49:27,680 --> 00:49:30,160
Speaker 2: them deaufall mostly in the script, I think, because this fun,

996
00:49:30,600 --> 00:49:33,399
Speaker 2: I know. And besides, like numbers are all the same

997
00:49:33,440 --> 00:49:36,240
Speaker 2: thing to me, Like six and seven are the same number.

998
00:49:36,440 --> 00:49:38,759
Speaker 2: So Charles the sixth and Charles the seventh are the

999
00:49:38,760 --> 00:49:42,239
Speaker 2: same person until you name them like the Glass King

1000
00:49:42,320 --> 00:49:44,400
Speaker 2: and the child Dolphin. Now I'm like, oh, I know

1001
00:49:44,400 --> 00:49:45,160
Speaker 2: who I'm talking about.

1002
00:49:45,280 --> 00:49:46,600
Speaker 3: Now I get it. Now I'm with you.

1003
00:49:47,120 --> 00:49:50,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, this is part why I sucked at history in

1004
00:49:50,080 --> 00:49:50,600
Speaker 2: high school.

1005
00:49:51,320 --> 00:49:53,440
Speaker 3: I mean, it's not our fault. They kept naming the

1006
00:49:53,440 --> 00:49:54,600
Speaker 3: guys the same stuff.

1007
00:49:55,000 --> 00:49:57,680
Speaker 2: I know. I know, at least this time they actually

1008
00:49:57,719 --> 00:50:01,000
Speaker 2: were like, he was born Charles, Charles the seventh was

1009
00:50:01,040 --> 00:50:03,120
Speaker 2: born Charles, you know right.

1010
00:50:03,160 --> 00:50:05,799
Speaker 3: It wasn't like a regnal name, because like, it's hard

1011
00:50:05,880 --> 00:50:07,520
Speaker 3: enough that I got to learn one name for a guy.

1012
00:50:07,560 --> 00:50:09,400
Speaker 3: Now he's got three. I don't think so.

1013
00:50:09,960 --> 00:50:10,160
Speaker 1: I know.

1014
00:50:10,280 --> 00:50:12,719
Speaker 2: It's like when your friends are like, hey, message me

1015
00:50:12,760 --> 00:50:14,839
Speaker 2: on Instagram and I'm like, I can't remember you change

1016
00:50:14,840 --> 00:50:18,040
Speaker 2: your Instagram handle once a week or your signal handle,

1017
00:50:18,160 --> 00:50:21,600
Speaker 2: like it's an emoji. I'm not remembering emoji instead of

1018
00:50:21,680 --> 00:50:22,960
Speaker 2: your name. That's not happening.

1019
00:50:23,200 --> 00:50:25,879
Speaker 3: No, I'm having whole conversations with people that I'm too

1020
00:50:25,920 --> 00:50:28,399
Speaker 3: afraid to admit I don't know who you are.

1021
00:50:28,960 --> 00:50:31,640
Speaker 2: I know, or like you see your old friends and

1022
00:50:31,640 --> 00:50:35,520
Speaker 2: then you're like hello their Instagram handle and they're like,

1023
00:50:35,560 --> 00:50:37,120
Speaker 2: do you know my actual name? And I'm like I

1024
00:50:37,200 --> 00:50:39,000
Speaker 2: used to, but there's only a room in my head

1025
00:50:39,040 --> 00:50:40,000
Speaker 2: for one name for you.

1026
00:50:40,440 --> 00:50:44,000
Speaker 3: That's oupsec Margaret. If the police ask you, you can't

1027
00:50:44,000 --> 00:50:46,040
Speaker 3: even tell them. I know, I know.

1028
00:50:46,320 --> 00:50:48,440
Speaker 2: I'm just laying the groundwork now for the fact that

1029
00:50:48,440 --> 00:50:51,240
Speaker 2: I have a terrible memory. I'm gonna be like interviewed

1030
00:50:51,239 --> 00:50:53,120
Speaker 2: by that and I'll be like, you want to hear

1031
00:50:53,160 --> 00:50:55,319
Speaker 2: about something from the fourteenth century, And they'll be like, no,

1032
00:50:55,520 --> 00:50:57,960
Speaker 2: where were you three weeks ago? And I'm like, I

1033
00:50:58,040 --> 00:50:59,880
Speaker 2: want to hear about something from the nineteenth century.

1034
00:51:00,040 --> 00:51:03,320
Speaker 3: I got a story for you about a dolphin king anyway,

1035
00:51:04,040 --> 00:51:07,920
Speaker 3: Joan of Arc. Yeah, so we've got our baby dolphin king. Yeah,

1036
00:51:07,960 --> 00:51:10,120
Speaker 3: and we're waiting for the prophecy to come to pass.

1037
00:51:10,360 --> 00:51:13,279
Speaker 2: Yep, We're waiting for the maid. Joan of Arc was

1038
00:51:13,320 --> 00:51:15,839
Speaker 2: born in fourteen twelve, which means that she was three

1039
00:51:15,920 --> 00:51:18,319
Speaker 2: years old when half of France's nobilities got stuck full

1040
00:51:18,360 --> 00:51:21,600
Speaker 2: of arrows in the mud. She was a commoner. There's

1041
00:51:21,600 --> 00:51:24,480
Speaker 2: no record of her birth. She was called Jeannette, she

1042
00:51:24,600 --> 00:51:27,920
Speaker 2: told inquisitors later about her name. In my town they

1043
00:51:27,920 --> 00:51:29,880
Speaker 2: called me Jeanette, and since I came to France, I

1044
00:51:29,880 --> 00:51:33,040
Speaker 2: have been called Joan. As for my surname I know

1045
00:51:33,160 --> 00:51:33,600
Speaker 2: of none.

1046
00:51:34,560 --> 00:51:35,520
Speaker 3: She's not from France.

1047
00:51:36,760 --> 00:51:39,560
Speaker 2: So this is the interesting thing, Right, I got really

1048
00:51:39,560 --> 00:51:42,360
Speaker 2: annoyed because all of her quotes are constantly like and

1049
00:51:42,360 --> 00:51:45,920
Speaker 2: then I went to France from where So she was

1050
00:51:45,960 --> 00:51:49,200
Speaker 2: born in this town called dom Remi, which is on

1051
00:51:49,239 --> 00:51:52,520
Speaker 2: the border between France, or rather English controlled France, like

1052
00:51:52,600 --> 00:51:55,680
Speaker 2: Burgundy kind of, and then the Holy Roman Empire, which

1053
00:51:55,680 --> 00:51:57,640
Speaker 2: is like also kind of doing a Burgundy thing. Right,

1054
00:51:57,680 --> 00:52:00,000
Speaker 2: all of the control is really up in the air.

1055
00:52:00,239 --> 00:52:01,759
Speaker 3: So is this just more indicative of the fact that

1056
00:52:01,800 --> 00:52:04,680
Speaker 3: like people didn't have that sort of national identity, like

1057
00:52:04,719 --> 00:52:07,719
Speaker 3: they didn't really think of themselves as the people of France.

1058
00:52:08,719 --> 00:52:13,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, even though her town kind of did. But I

1059
00:52:13,120 --> 00:52:15,920
Speaker 2: get the impression they saw themselves as like outliers. Like

1060
00:52:15,960 --> 00:52:18,840
Speaker 2: it's like, I don't know, being on an island and

1061
00:52:18,840 --> 00:52:22,799
Speaker 2: then going to the mainland kind of thing. Like dom

1062
00:52:22,840 --> 00:52:26,440
Speaker 2: Remi was French but across the river sometimes considered it

1063
00:52:26,480 --> 00:52:29,880
Speaker 2: the same town, but not is Burgundian. And at this

1064
00:52:29,960 --> 00:52:32,279
Speaker 2: point in the Civil War, one half of the town

1065
00:52:32,320 --> 00:52:34,759
Speaker 2: that she's from fucking hates the other half, or the

1066
00:52:34,800 --> 00:52:37,600
Speaker 2: town across the river or whatever, and they're like they're

1067
00:52:37,600 --> 00:52:40,160
Speaker 2: not armies but they're like leading raids back and forth

1068
00:52:40,200 --> 00:52:41,080
Speaker 2: across the.

1069
00:52:41,239 --> 00:52:42,960
Speaker 3: It's a Springfield Shelbyville situation.

1070
00:52:43,680 --> 00:52:47,480
Speaker 2: Yes, exactly. I do get that reference because I was

1071
00:52:47,520 --> 00:52:49,520
Speaker 2: born and I was gonna say born in the nineties,

1072
00:52:49,560 --> 00:52:51,520
Speaker 2: but that's not true at all. But I grew up

1073
00:52:51,560 --> 00:52:57,360
Speaker 2: in the nineties and her region, I believe, was entirely

1074
00:52:57,480 --> 00:53:00,680
Speaker 2: encircled by Burgundians. And so this is why I think

1075
00:53:00,719 --> 00:53:02,640
Speaker 2: Joan referred to its going to France, is that they're

1076
00:53:02,640 --> 00:53:06,080
Speaker 2: an island of France away from France kind of, but

1077
00:53:06,160 --> 00:53:07,200
Speaker 2: it's definitely in France.

1078
00:53:07,560 --> 00:53:09,120
Speaker 3: Now.

1079
00:53:09,520 --> 00:53:12,520
Speaker 2: Jeannette was one of five kids. She had no formal education.

1080
00:53:12,719 --> 00:53:14,960
Speaker 2: She never learned to read or write. She was smart

1081
00:53:14,960 --> 00:53:17,480
Speaker 2: as fuck, she was charismatic as fuck, and she had

1082
00:53:17,520 --> 00:53:19,520
Speaker 2: away with words, and she would not like me cussing

1083
00:53:19,560 --> 00:53:25,400
Speaker 2: about her. And she was obnoxiously pious. Instead of plowing

1084
00:53:25,440 --> 00:53:27,439
Speaker 2: the fields, she would head over the next town over

1085
00:53:27,520 --> 00:53:29,040
Speaker 2: to go to the bigger church because they had a

1086
00:53:29,120 --> 00:53:32,680
Speaker 2: nicer cathedral. Boys in the village regularly made fun of

1087
00:53:32,719 --> 00:53:39,040
Speaker 2: her for her piety. Rude. I know. Meanwhile, the war

1088
00:53:39,160 --> 00:53:41,800
Speaker 2: is going really really badly for the Daufall.

1089
00:53:42,360 --> 00:53:43,759
Speaker 3: Oh right, they're still doing the war.

1090
00:53:44,520 --> 00:53:47,759
Speaker 2: They are still doing the war. That's like, yeah, one

1091
00:53:47,760 --> 00:53:50,799
Speaker 2: of his major allies has now swapped sides and he

1092
00:53:50,880 --> 00:53:53,520
Speaker 2: lost fifteen thousand soldiers in one battle.

1093
00:53:54,200 --> 00:53:56,719
Speaker 3: You can't really do that very many times.

1094
00:53:57,080 --> 00:54:00,399
Speaker 2: No, he thinks he's done at that point. A run

1095
00:54:00,400 --> 00:54:03,640
Speaker 2: out of guys, Yeah, he kind of does run out

1096
00:54:03,640 --> 00:54:06,880
Speaker 2: of guys at that point. He's like a shell of

1097
00:54:06,920 --> 00:54:08,880
Speaker 2: a you know, he's a young king, right, and the

1098
00:54:08,920 --> 00:54:11,520
Speaker 2: first thing he does is get his entire army wiped

1099
00:54:11,560 --> 00:54:13,120
Speaker 2: the fuck out in one go.

1100
00:54:13,440 --> 00:54:15,160
Speaker 3: That's so hard to replace. That's like a lot of

1101
00:54:15,200 --> 00:54:17,320
Speaker 3: horses and nice outfits and stuff.

1102
00:54:17,680 --> 00:54:21,640
Speaker 2: I know, I know, right, And actually when basically most

1103
00:54:21,680 --> 00:54:23,720
Speaker 2: of the replenishing of the armies that's going to happen

1104
00:54:23,760 --> 00:54:25,960
Speaker 2: mostly has to do with people. Then, like swapping sides

1105
00:54:25,960 --> 00:54:27,680
Speaker 2: back to his side. That's going to happen every now

1106
00:54:27,719 --> 00:54:31,200
Speaker 2: and then, mostly because of Yolanda. So, Yolanda had been

1107
00:54:31,239 --> 00:54:34,680
Speaker 2: away doing political shit that I whatever, and then she

1108
00:54:34,760 --> 00:54:37,279
Speaker 2: came back and she started turning things not around, but

1109
00:54:37,360 --> 00:54:41,400
Speaker 2: like stemming the tide, ending the string of failures. She

1110
00:54:41,600 --> 00:54:44,839
Speaker 2: raised an army to defend her own castle and did

1111
00:54:44,880 --> 00:54:47,440
Speaker 2: so defended her castle that they were trying to claim.

1112
00:54:47,800 --> 00:54:50,440
Speaker 2: And then she did diplomacy to bring important people back

1113
00:54:50,480 --> 00:54:53,680
Speaker 2: to the side of France, but still not looking good.

1114
00:54:54,480 --> 00:54:58,359
Speaker 2: The Deaufant is doubting his own cause maybe God isn't

1115
00:54:58,400 --> 00:55:02,920
Speaker 2: on his side after all. He's losing badly and quickly.

1116
00:55:03,960 --> 00:55:06,400
Speaker 2: Even when he gather up a bunch of troops, he

1117
00:55:06,440 --> 00:55:08,920
Speaker 2: wouldn't go on the offensive with them because he's like,

1118
00:55:09,000 --> 00:55:11,239
Speaker 2: I don't know, I should stay where it's safe. I

1119
00:55:11,280 --> 00:55:12,080
Speaker 2: give up kind of.

1120
00:55:12,200 --> 00:55:15,120
Speaker 3: He's got the yips, the what the yips?

1121
00:55:15,760 --> 00:55:16,440
Speaker 2: What's the yips?

1122
00:55:16,800 --> 00:55:18,880
Speaker 3: It's like a sports psychology term, right where you get

1123
00:55:18,880 --> 00:55:20,799
Speaker 3: so in your own head that you can't do the

1124
00:55:20,800 --> 00:55:23,239
Speaker 3: thing that you're good at. Yes, he doesn't want to

1125
00:55:23,280 --> 00:55:26,319
Speaker 3: take a risk. He's good at nothing, but yes, well yeah,

1126
00:55:26,719 --> 00:55:30,399
Speaker 3: you know, yeah, he's going to be named Dolphin, which

1127
00:55:30,400 --> 00:55:34,400
Speaker 3: is also a very sports kind of thing to be. So,

1128
00:55:34,480 --> 00:55:38,840
Speaker 3: Yolanda of Aragorn, of Aragon, that's the second time.

1129
00:55:39,800 --> 00:55:44,040
Speaker 2: Oh there's gonna be more, I'm sure, Yolanda of Gondor, Yeah, totally.

1130
00:55:45,520 --> 00:55:47,160
Speaker 2: She's like, how the fuck am I going to save

1131
00:55:47,160 --> 00:55:49,480
Speaker 2: the free people of Middle Earth from the forces of Mortar. No,

1132
00:55:49,560 --> 00:55:52,760
Speaker 2: they're all it's it's a horizontal battle that's entirely lateral.

1133
00:55:52,800 --> 00:55:55,239
Speaker 2: Both sides are shitty or whatever, but we're you know,

1134
00:55:55,400 --> 00:55:57,680
Speaker 2: you pick a side and then this story is shown whatever.

1135
00:55:57,960 --> 00:55:59,839
Speaker 3: Well, only one side is ordained by God.

1136
00:56:00,080 --> 00:56:03,840
Speaker 2: I heard, Oh that's true. Yeah, whichever side kills the

1137
00:56:03,840 --> 00:56:07,120
Speaker 2: other one the most effectively. That's what Jesus always talked about,

1138
00:56:07,400 --> 00:56:10,480
Speaker 2: Kill thy enemy. So Yolanda Aragorn is like, how the

1139
00:56:10,480 --> 00:56:13,200
Speaker 2: fuck do I say, France? I want to turn shit around.

1140
00:56:13,719 --> 00:56:18,480
Speaker 2: I need to give people, especially the Daufont hope. And

1141
00:56:18,520 --> 00:56:23,759
Speaker 2: there was this famous woman seer, Marie of Avignon, who

1142
00:56:23,840 --> 00:56:25,960
Speaker 2: was said to be able to predict the future. She

1143
00:56:26,000 --> 00:56:28,560
Speaker 2: had written this book of predictions and people trusted her.

1144
00:56:29,760 --> 00:56:32,120
Speaker 2: So a rumor started up that there was a new

1145
00:56:32,200 --> 00:56:36,600
Speaker 2: prophecy from Marie, and this started spreading. This rumor coincidentally

1146
00:56:36,880 --> 00:56:40,520
Speaker 2: started spreading from the areas where Yolanda was countess.

1147
00:56:41,640 --> 00:56:42,640
Speaker 3: Is it a coincidence?

1148
00:56:43,800 --> 00:56:46,880
Speaker 2: Like, we genuinely don't know if Yolanda spread this prophecy.

1149
00:56:46,960 --> 00:56:49,319
Speaker 2: But I read this really amazing book called The Maid

1150
00:56:49,400 --> 00:56:53,600
Speaker 2: and the Queen by Nancy Gladstone. It presents this kind

1151
00:56:53,600 --> 00:56:56,279
Speaker 2: of hypothesis that I find very convincing that sort of

1152
00:56:56,280 --> 00:56:58,400
Speaker 2: fits a lot of the holes in the Joan of

1153
00:56:58,520 --> 00:57:02,799
Speaker 2: Arc story by Yolanda in it. You know, Nancy has

1154
00:57:02,840 --> 00:57:04,839
Speaker 2: this great quote historians, this great quote, but like, why

1155
00:57:04,840 --> 00:57:07,279
Speaker 2: didn't anyone notice that Yolanda was doing it? Because she

1156
00:57:07,360 --> 00:57:10,600
Speaker 2: is a woman. The best camouflage in history is to

1157
00:57:10,680 --> 00:57:12,399
Speaker 2: not have a dick, like, you.

1158
00:57:12,280 --> 00:57:14,920
Speaker 3: Know, nobody's looking for you, to be crafty.

1159
00:57:15,320 --> 00:57:18,480
Speaker 2: Yeah, or like even connecting the dots, you know, you're

1160
00:57:18,480 --> 00:57:20,560
Speaker 2: like even because people know that Yolanda was like a

1161
00:57:20,560 --> 00:57:24,040
Speaker 2: powerful woman and stuff, right, but she was kind of

1162
00:57:24,040 --> 00:57:26,600
Speaker 2: lost to history because she wasn't you have to be

1163
00:57:26,640 --> 00:57:28,360
Speaker 2: like Joan of Arc level to be remembered as a

1164
00:57:28,360 --> 00:57:29,720
Speaker 2: woman at this time, you know.

1165
00:57:30,400 --> 00:57:32,160
Speaker 3: I mean, I guess she's the only one we remember.

1166
00:57:32,760 --> 00:57:39,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, And so this prophecy spreads, and probably Yolanda started

1167
00:57:39,640 --> 00:57:42,960
Speaker 2: this prophecy, but we don't know about a virgin woman

1168
00:57:43,000 --> 00:57:45,680
Speaker 2: who would come from the borderlands to pick up arms

1169
00:57:45,720 --> 00:57:49,360
Speaker 2: and free France from its enemies. And to quote this

1170
00:57:49,520 --> 00:57:54,480
Speaker 2: historian Nancy Goldstone, in nearly every hamlet, town or village

1171
00:57:54,480 --> 00:57:57,680
Speaker 2: in fifteenth century France there lived someone who claimed to

1172
00:57:57,720 --> 00:58:00,920
Speaker 2: have visions, or who could interpret dream or who was

1173
00:58:00,960 --> 00:58:04,680
Speaker 2: otherwise believed to have been somehow touched by God. These

1174
00:58:04,680 --> 00:58:07,520
Speaker 2: were the likely targets of the prophecy, and it acted

1175
00:58:07,600 --> 00:58:11,400
Speaker 2: upon them like a recruitment slogan, so that.

1176
00:58:11,520 --> 00:58:13,840
Speaker 3: They've just got like seers showing up being like, oh,

1177
00:58:14,080 --> 00:58:16,080
Speaker 3: I heard about your I heard about your prophecy. I'm

1178
00:58:16,120 --> 00:58:17,600
Speaker 3: here because it's it's me.

1179
00:58:18,880 --> 00:58:20,760
Speaker 2: And one of the things that's never in any of

1180
00:58:20,760 --> 00:58:23,120
Speaker 2: the stories I've read about Joan of Arc except that

1181
00:58:23,160 --> 00:58:25,120
Speaker 2: one book, and even then it was like only a sentence.

1182
00:58:26,320 --> 00:58:27,919
Speaker 2: Twenty people showed up.

1183
00:58:29,080 --> 00:58:31,600
Speaker 3: I would like to know their stories, I know.

1184
00:58:33,320 --> 00:58:36,959
Speaker 2: And Jeannette without surname known to us now as Joan

1185
00:58:37,000 --> 00:58:41,080
Speaker 2: of Arc, she had been having visions and we'll talk

1186
00:58:41,080 --> 00:58:43,280
Speaker 2: about those visions and how she became a badass night

1187
00:58:43,320 --> 00:58:46,160
Speaker 2: and killed a whole bunch of motherfuckers on Wednesday.

1188
00:58:46,960 --> 00:58:48,760
Speaker 3: Oh my god, you're gonna make people wait two days

1189
00:58:48,760 --> 00:58:49,360
Speaker 3: to find out.

1190
00:58:49,840 --> 00:58:51,720
Speaker 2: I know, even you, well now you have to wait

1191
00:58:51,720 --> 00:58:54,920
Speaker 2: about five minutes. But yep, everyone's got to wait.

1192
00:58:55,400 --> 00:58:56,600
Speaker 4: God, ask for a spoiler.

1193
00:58:57,440 --> 00:59:00,960
Speaker 2: Okay, what spoiler you want? Was she like I am

1194
00:59:01,200 --> 00:59:08,240
Speaker 2: no man, no, no, but like she has more of

1195
00:59:08,280 --> 00:59:13,560
Speaker 2: that energy than yeah, like I really people would really

1196
00:59:13,640 --> 00:59:15,160
Speaker 2: kind of sold me on the like she was a

1197
00:59:15,200 --> 00:59:20,840
Speaker 2: mascot thing, yeah, you know, or like sort of inconsequential

1198
00:59:21,400 --> 00:59:27,800
Speaker 2: or got lucky once. She's fucking badass, and like France

1199
00:59:27,840 --> 00:59:30,600
Speaker 2: exists because of this lady. I mean, you know, maybe

1200
00:59:30,600 --> 00:59:34,480
Speaker 2: there'd be the world map would look different, not necessarily better,

1201
00:59:34,600 --> 00:59:37,600
Speaker 2: not necessarily worse. Whatever. France is another fucking colonial power.

1202
00:59:37,640 --> 00:59:42,640
Speaker 2: But who fucking knows the visions themselves? You can know

1203
00:59:43,400 --> 00:59:47,000
Speaker 2: by waiting till Wednesday. But first people can hear about

1204
00:59:47,560 --> 00:59:48,840
Speaker 2: Weird Little Guys.

1205
00:59:49,160 --> 00:59:52,520
Speaker 3: Yes, I am a podcaster now, much like Joan of

1206
00:59:52,640 --> 00:59:55,960
Speaker 3: arc I have fulfilled the prophecy so true, so true.

1207
00:59:56,600 --> 00:59:57,000
Speaker 2: Gross.

1208
00:59:57,000 --> 01:00:00,760
Speaker 3: Sorry, God, God's gonna smite me. He's gonna get me. No,

1209
01:00:00,880 --> 01:00:02,800
Speaker 3: I have a new show on Cool Zoe Media. It's

1210
01:00:02,800 --> 01:00:06,439
Speaker 3: called Weird Little Guys, and it's it's about guys who

1211
01:00:06,480 --> 01:00:08,720
Speaker 3: did not do cool stuff at all, guys who did

1212
01:00:08,760 --> 01:00:11,120
Speaker 3: stuff that sucked. It's a show about.

1213
01:00:10,840 --> 01:00:13,040
Speaker 2: Monsters, fucking Burgundians.

1214
01:00:14,360 --> 01:00:15,880
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm not going that far in the past.

1215
01:00:16,480 --> 01:00:19,080
Speaker 2: It's okay because although.

1216
01:00:18,840 --> 01:00:20,880
Speaker 3: I don't know, maybe by the thirty orth or fortieth episode,

1217
01:00:20,880 --> 01:00:24,320
Speaker 3: we'll be talking about fourteenth century fascists. Hell yeah, they

1218
01:00:24,320 --> 01:00:26,360
Speaker 3: hadn't invented it yet, but we'll find one.

1219
01:00:26,920 --> 01:00:29,160
Speaker 2: I mean, that's how I like half my show is like,

1220
01:00:29,520 --> 01:00:31,520
Speaker 2: especially in the near future, will be like, look, anarchism

1221
01:00:31,560 --> 01:00:33,240
Speaker 2: didn't exist yet, but let me tell you about some

1222
01:00:33,320 --> 01:00:35,919
Speaker 2: fourteenth century heretics were based Joan of arc.

1223
01:00:35,880 --> 01:00:38,680
Speaker 3: Isn't but like, but they have the vibe. They had

1224
01:00:38,760 --> 01:00:39,360
Speaker 3: the vibe.

1225
01:00:39,880 --> 01:00:42,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, we'll be talking about some people with some

1226
01:00:42,120 --> 01:00:44,800
Speaker 2: good vibes. Yeah. I suspect that you will reach the

1227
01:00:44,840 --> 01:00:49,680
Speaker 2: point where you go past your original expectations of scope.

1228
01:00:50,080 --> 01:00:53,840
Speaker 3: Yeah, the scope creeps, I suppose, right, But for now, Yes,

1229
01:00:53,840 --> 01:00:55,920
Speaker 3: you should go and subscribe to Weird Little Guys on

1230
01:00:55,960 --> 01:00:58,240
Speaker 3: whatever podcast app makes you feel good.

1231
01:00:59,320 --> 01:01:03,240
Speaker 2: Hell yeah, I'm really excited about it, like genuinely. Also,

1232
01:01:03,280 --> 01:01:04,960
Speaker 2: if people want to hear they're like, I don't know,

1233
01:01:05,400 --> 01:01:07,280
Speaker 2: I have to make sure to hear Molly on other

1234
01:01:07,600 --> 01:01:11,200
Speaker 2: shows first. Then there's an awful lot of it could

1235
01:01:11,200 --> 01:01:13,480
Speaker 2: happen here that you can listen to with Molly on it.

1236
01:01:13,640 --> 01:01:16,280
Speaker 3: Yeah, I still host on it can happen here occasionally,

1237
01:01:17,040 --> 01:01:20,960
Speaker 3: So yeah, you can acclimate yourself to my mallifluous voice.

1238
01:01:21,440 --> 01:01:24,360
Speaker 2: Yeah, just a word, I totally know. Why do I

1239
01:01:24,400 --> 01:01:26,040
Speaker 2: not know that word? You think that this is the

1240
01:01:26,080 --> 01:01:27,760
Speaker 2: kind of thing I would know I know about? Like

1241
01:01:27,800 --> 01:01:28,760
Speaker 2: these and thousand. Shit.

1242
01:01:29,360 --> 01:01:31,280
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's like, oh, I don't know, I could. I

1243
01:01:31,280 --> 01:01:34,480
Speaker 3: couldn't actually give you the actual word. Yeah no, but

1244
01:01:34,480 --> 01:01:37,040
Speaker 3: it's like, you know, it's just sort of melodic and soothing.

1245
01:01:37,520 --> 01:01:41,000
Speaker 2: Okay, okay, yeah, So if you got anything you want

1246
01:01:41,040 --> 01:01:45,520
Speaker 2: to plug, no, we did it that well. I want

1247
01:01:45,560 --> 01:01:49,080
Speaker 2: to say, if you like women with swords and spears,

1248
01:01:49,720 --> 01:01:52,400
Speaker 2: I have a book coming out hell yeah, by a

1249
01:01:52,400 --> 01:01:55,520
Speaker 2: woman with more axes and spears. She's kind of into

1250
01:01:55,560 --> 01:01:58,920
Speaker 2: spears specifically, and it's called The Sapling Cage and it

1251
01:01:59,040 --> 01:02:02,320
Speaker 2: is a fantasy book about a transwitch who fights with

1252
01:02:02,360 --> 01:02:05,480
Speaker 2: a spear sometimes. And you can pre order it now

1253
01:02:05,800 --> 01:02:08,360
Speaker 2: and get it in September. And if you preorder it

1254
01:02:08,360 --> 01:02:11,240
Speaker 2: now from Firestorm co Op, which is a queer owned

1255
01:02:11,240 --> 01:02:13,920
Speaker 2: bookstore in Nashville, North Carolina, but they sell it online,

1256
01:02:14,320 --> 01:02:16,600
Speaker 2: you will get a signed copy because last week I

1257
01:02:16,720 --> 01:02:21,800
Speaker 2: signed thousands of stickers book plates. Fancy order for stickers,

1258
01:02:22,000 --> 01:02:24,920
Speaker 2: and you could have one of them yourself, and we'll

1259
01:02:24,920 --> 01:02:28,760
Speaker 2: see you on Wednesday.

1260
01:02:31,200 --> 01:02:33,720
Speaker 1: Cool People Who Did Cool Stuff is a production of

1261
01:02:33,760 --> 01:02:36,880
Speaker 1: cool Zone Media. For more podcasts on cool Zone Media,

1262
01:02:37,000 --> 01:02:40,280
Speaker 1: visit our website Foolzonemedia dot com, or check us out

1263
01:02:40,360 --> 01:02:43,280
Speaker 1: on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever

1264
01:02:43,400 --> 01:02:44,880
Speaker 3: You get your podcasts.