Speaker 1: Caroline. She's a queen of talking. He was. She's on
Speaker 1: the actually got the scoop on side. No one can
Speaker 1: do with Caral, Caroline. No one can do with Caroline
Speaker 1: this time, Caroline. This interview is super exciting because I
Speaker 1: have one of the most inspired couples joining me today.
Speaker 1: This is Vanessa and Miles ad Cox. Both of them
Speaker 1: are incredible people in their own right, but together they
Speaker 1: make this insane power couple. They are so tuned into
Speaker 1: themselves and they've done so much work on themselves personally
Speaker 1: that they now together are so strong and it's so
Speaker 1: inspiring to hear their stories individually. Vanessa is an actress.
Speaker 1: She lived in l A. She comes from a big
Speaker 1: entertainment family. Miles grew I'm a pretty sure you grew
Speaker 1: up in National. I think he's a National native. But
Speaker 1: he threw a series of careers, found himself wanting so
Speaker 1: much more, and so he started this this on site clinic,
Speaker 1: and it's amazing. So many people have gone there just
Speaker 1: to work on themselves, get to the root of their
Speaker 1: real problems. That is what Vanessa and Miles are all about.
Speaker 1: They're about getting to the root of who they are.
Speaker 1: They're real problems, so then they can fix that and
Speaker 1: then go on to change the world with their beautiful
Speaker 1: whole self. Be prepared to be inspired. This is such
Speaker 1: a great interview. I cannot stress it enough. It is
Speaker 1: such a great interview, especially for couples. You need to
Speaker 1: hear what they have to say because they do not
Speaker 1: claim to be perfect. They just claimed to be getting
Speaker 1: in there and getting real and dealing with it in
Speaker 1: healthy ways. So get excited. Here's en S and Miles. Okay, hey, hey, hey,
Speaker 1: I'm here with the ad Coxes. Ad Coxes, you guys
Speaker 1: are probably one of the most um inspiring couples. I
Speaker 1: would have to say. You guys are both so incredible
Speaker 1: on your own right, but together you are this force,
Speaker 1: like this power for this force of nature. So I
Speaker 1: need to break down first off, who you guys are.
Speaker 1: This is Vanessa and this is Miles, and you guys
Speaker 1: are both influencers in your own right, but together y'all,
Speaker 1: like I said, our power couple. Miles, tell me a
Speaker 1: little bit about what you do, because you have an
Speaker 1: incredible organization that you've been doing for a long time
Speaker 1: with in the music industry. But also it's on Dr Phil.
Speaker 1: I was like checking out your own doctor Phil and
Speaker 1: all sorts of TV shows heal in the world. I
Speaker 1: don't know about that. We're doing the best we can.
Speaker 1: But yeah, we've got I've got a company called on Site,
Speaker 1: and we're an emotional wellness lifestyle brand and we deliver
Speaker 1: a lot of personal growth content. But we also offer
Speaker 1: a whole series of personal growth workshops, therapeutic workshops, and
Speaker 1: I've got a long term residential program too. But when
Speaker 1: I say a personal growth I know that's kind of lie.
Speaker 1: But it's it's pretty diverse and it's offering. It can
Speaker 1: be people stuck in struggling or people that just want
Speaker 1: to raise their EQ or just be emotionally in a
Speaker 1: better spot, or become a better parent, better friend, better leader,
Speaker 1: all that stuff. So how does one get into that business?
Speaker 1: Because I feel like I would be your great candidate.
Speaker 1: I have been. I need all the emotional workshops I
Speaker 1: could get. I've been till my head about thirty five.
Speaker 1: I was like, I lived in therapy basically, so I
Speaker 1: would be your perfect client. How does one start a
Speaker 1: business like that? Well, for me, I got into it
Speaker 1: through the lens of my own experience. Uh was in
Speaker 1: the wrong career had quite a bit of success in it.
Speaker 1: What was what career was it? I was in the
Speaker 1: sports industry, and so I was on the business side
Speaker 1: of sports media, selling media and broadcasting and all that,
Speaker 1: and it was it was fun and it was what
Speaker 1: I thought I was always supposed to do. But really
Speaker 1: I did it because it was the only imprint that
Speaker 1: I had. I grew up as a kind of a
Speaker 1: man's man in a small southern town and if you
Speaker 1: didn't hunt, fish and play sports and you weren't really
Speaker 1: a man. And so yeah, totally, that's the that's the
Speaker 1: norm for what a lot of minute. You did a
Speaker 1: post about that the other day when you said a
Speaker 1: man should be vulnerable. It was like a long post
Speaker 1: and I read the whole thing. I was like, what
Speaker 1: were you saying? And that basically, like a man should
Speaker 1: be able to be vulnerable, like to not have to
Speaker 1: be so strong. It was a good one. It was
Speaker 1: the one that you had a lot of guys reach
Speaker 1: out to that. That's nice that like a man would
Speaker 1: say that about being a man. Well, I've learned it
Speaker 1: the hard way because it's not necessarily that men should
Speaker 1: be vulnerable. It's just that vulnerability is part of the
Speaker 1: human condition and that men are not exempt from that.
Speaker 1: But culturally, we've men have this perception that we're supposed
Speaker 1: to be hard and have this exterior and that vulnerability
Speaker 1: is weakness, and it's absolutely backwards and and wrong. So
Speaker 1: it took a lot of emotional pain. And you said
Speaker 1: you spent a lot of time in therapy atitu that's
Speaker 1: what we're all healthy. Yeah, yeah, I was so healthy. Honestly,
Speaker 1: I'll speak to that, I think therapally and I know
Speaker 1: we're joking, but I think it is completely misbranded. I
Speaker 1: think it's set up in a way that this is
Speaker 1: where you go when you're broken, and it's actually it's
Speaker 1: not what's wrong with you that you would try to
Speaker 1: rewrite your narrative and become a better version of yourself.
Speaker 1: It's always right with you. And I think the world
Speaker 1: starting to wake up to that. But I think everybody
Speaker 1: needs a good dose of it. Back to what you said,
Speaker 1: there wasn't a lot of artistic influence or music programs,
Speaker 1: and I didn't even know that that kind of soft
Speaker 1: side of me could exist and uh or creative side,
Speaker 1: i should say, and I didn't discover it until well
Speaker 1: into my twenties and when I realized that I had
Speaker 1: a bit of an identity crisis because I was on
Speaker 1: this one track, but I had interest in others and
Speaker 1: just didn't allow myself permission to be who I truly was,
Speaker 1: which led to depression, anxiety, and some of the stuff
Speaker 1: that followed. I was just disconnected from from my body.
Speaker 1: So that landed me into some painful experiences, but it
Speaker 1: also gave me a lights coming on opportunity. So I
Speaker 1: kind of the right people came around me at the
Speaker 1: right time, and I just fell in love with the
Speaker 1: change process and I knew I was going to do
Speaker 1: it for a living us right away. And I didn't
Speaker 1: know how, but I thought, I've got to kind of
Speaker 1: find a way to be a part of people's change processes. Yeah, Pattridge,
Speaker 1: So then how did you decided to start a clinic?
Speaker 1: And tell me what on site even is. So we've
Speaker 1: got about a seventy five acre retreat center west of Nashville.
Speaker 1: Seventy five acre. We've got a seventy bed retreat center
Speaker 1: on about two acres western Nashville. It's it's beautiful. You've
Speaker 1: got to come out and see yourself. I want to
Speaker 1: do the whole session with my husband. I feel like
Speaker 1: we're in a great place. I love my husband so much.
Speaker 1: Vanessa and I were talking like we talked about we'll
Speaker 1: get down into the nitty gritty, but to have tools
Speaker 1: therapy is what helped us move forward in our marriage
Speaker 1: in such a positive way because we've identified tools to
Speaker 1: communicate with each other and that you don't have to
Speaker 1: like freak out and like lose your mind. You can Okay,
Speaker 1: So this is triggering this because of this, So I
Speaker 1: would love to do that. Yeah, yeah, I would love
Speaker 1: to have you. I think you would love it. But
Speaker 1: it Uh. I worked in the crisis space for a while,
Speaker 1: so when I got first got into it, I got
Speaker 1: trained and certified and doing interventions, which is what got
Speaker 1: me into the entertainment community. Not everywhere there's quite a
Speaker 1: bit of it. There is, probably, and I was in Nashville.
Speaker 1: There wasn't a lot of intermigenus to Nashville, so I
Speaker 1: would get the calls when some one was struggling with
Speaker 1: addiction or the just the wheels were falling off with this,
Speaker 1: and I liked it. There were parts of it I
Speaker 1: was good at. In parts of it, I just it
Speaker 1: wasn't for me, and I learned that after doing it
Speaker 1: for a little while. But I knew I wanted to
Speaker 1: be in the space. And then I went to work
Speaker 1: in kind of the treatment space, and I worked treatment
Speaker 1: meaning residential long term care, and that was almost It
Speaker 1: was amazing, and I so honor a lot of my
Speaker 1: colleagues and friends that still have programs and do those,
Speaker 1: but it felt limiting to who would have access to it.
Speaker 1: And in other words, it's pretty predictable. You know, somebody
Speaker 1: crashes out with addiction or mental health, they come into
Speaker 1: an impatient setting, You do the best you can with
Speaker 1: them in thirty days and try to send them back
Speaker 1: out in the world. And I thought, that's great for
Speaker 1: that population, what about the rest of us? And so
Speaker 1: I long dreamed of a place that had a bigger
Speaker 1: mission and a wider door for all of us to
Speaker 1: be able to walk through whether we think we're stuck,
Speaker 1: struggling or not, so we can kind of came up
Speaker 1: with the workshop or seminar model, which I would I
Speaker 1: didn't ponteer it. I actually bought a company that was
Speaker 1: pre existing and doing some of it, and then since
Speaker 1: then we've innovated and helped recreate a lot of content
Speaker 1: and now that's on site today. Okay, so how does
Speaker 1: this make for marriage? Because you guys, first off, tell
Speaker 1: me your story vs. I was telling me a little
Speaker 1: bit about y'alls love story, which is, can you give
Speaker 1: us a little brief summary of how you met? Because
Speaker 1: it was almost kind of love at first sight for
Speaker 1: you guys, and you weren't intentionally trying to go to
Speaker 1: date fall in love. So I want to know how
Speaker 1: you guys meant and then how you guys, with this
Speaker 1: healthy framework that y'all have in place, how do you
Speaker 1: apply it to marriage. It's so funny because, like I
Speaker 1: was telling you, the when you're when you're when you
Speaker 1: do something like that for a living, it's not like
Speaker 1: you have all the tools. I mean you have them,
Speaker 1: but it's hard to in the middle of something. Um.
Speaker 1: But he's been really helpful with helping me with some
Speaker 1: of my stuff Toobviously, I've got a therapy before, and
Speaker 1: I've done the program on an on site. It's phenomenal. Um.
Speaker 1: But No, to answer your question, we met, I was visiting.
Speaker 1: I'm from Los Angeles originally an actress. An actress, been
Speaker 1: acting since most twelve you know, I was really into it.
Speaker 1: I was on a soap opera back in the day,
Speaker 1: which one I was on, The Young and the Restless. Heck, yeah,
Speaker 1: that's like the soap opera of Also, if you want
Speaker 1: to one, if you want to be on one, that
Speaker 1: might be the one you might want to be honest,
Speaker 1: And you are in movies Shark tell the Shark movie.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, that's where I got you too. Yes, I've done.
Speaker 1: I've done about your movies, but mostly like Christmas movies, Hallmark,
Speaker 1: you kind of not all great fun movies. But then
Speaker 1: I did do a movie called sand Sharks with a friend,
Speaker 1: a girl who became a friend of mine, and she
Speaker 1: decided to move out to Nashville to do music. And
Speaker 1: this is Brookean, Yeah, the whole daughter. But she's in
Speaker 1: her own right. Yeah, she's wonderful, she's awesome. I thank
Speaker 1: her for the reason. I mean, I wouldn't probably have
Speaker 1: met Miles. Well I might have met him a different way.
Speaker 1: But she asked me to come out here to visit
Speaker 1: her for her birthday when she had just moved here,
Speaker 1: and I was kind of on the fence about it,
Speaker 1: and I finally she actually bought me my plane ticket
Speaker 1: because I wasn't coming. I'm like, I'm not going to Nashville.
Speaker 1: I have no desire to go to Nashville. Yeah no,
Speaker 1: And this is before Nashville had any good restaurants. So
Speaker 1: I thought, you know, I'm not I'm not going to
Speaker 1: come out there. But she ended up by me ticket.
Speaker 1: I came out and we were at a We were
Speaker 1: at a restaurant. Unless our parents are asking, it was,
Speaker 1: it's actually really a bar restaurant. Yeah, we were at
Speaker 1: the bar. But most love stories started at the bar. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean the best one best just relationships at the bar.
Speaker 1: She'd be best bar relationship. So yeah, so we Uh,
Speaker 1: I was at the We were at the tavern in Nashville,
Speaker 1: and I was sitting at the bar with her with Brooke,
Speaker 1: and we had seen Miles when we walked in. Were
Speaker 1: you like, oh that I want to I want to
Speaker 1: get to know that guy. I really wasn't. I don't
Speaker 1: know why I think. I mean, I saw him. I
Speaker 1: thought he was so cute. I was like, oh, ye
Speaker 1: had a flannel on and it was weird, and ianals
Speaker 1: are so cute. They're now from l But now I
Speaker 1: love flannels. I can't buy I can't buy him enough flannels. Now. Yeah,
Speaker 1: he's trying to move away now from the flannels, and
Speaker 1: I'm like, here's another flannel. But so so I did
Speaker 1: see him and then he I would let him take
Speaker 1: over the story because he tells the story so much
Speaker 1: better than me, because it's actually is a purpose behind it.
Speaker 1: So so all right, so I'll tell I'll tell the
Speaker 1: bravery love birds. I'll tell the abbreviated version. That's the
Speaker 1: first time we've ever done anything like really exciting. Thanks
Speaker 1: you guys, y'all just getting married all over again. If
Speaker 1: you know who we will, Yes, I will ordain a
Speaker 1: merry look. Yeah, the cute is okay, So tell your
Speaker 1: love story. Let's okay. So I had just come back
Speaker 1: from a speaking gig and I was actually overseason. So
Speaker 1: I had a long flight from London and was watching
Speaker 1: movies and I watched the movie because we bought a zoo.
Speaker 1: You know, yeah, you know that one. Okay, so um,
Speaker 1: A lot of men would not because it's kind of
Speaker 1: a chick flig, but that's when I love watching chick
Speaker 1: flits on long planes. But I uh, there is a
Speaker 1: theme in that movie where it's Matt Damon and Scarlett Johansson.
Speaker 1: And but Scarlett was who he met after his wife
Speaker 1: had passed, Remember his first wife, He met her and
Speaker 1: all you need is twenty seconds of courage, and I
Speaker 1: will change your life. Remember that, Yes, that is so true.
Speaker 1: To it's true. Then for me, I contend to be
Speaker 1: I think it's funny that a lot of people would
Speaker 1: think that because of the space that we're in where
Speaker 1: this picture of emotional health and we're actually a hot
Speaker 1: mess most days. To see. I think being a picture
Speaker 1: of emotional health is admitting that you're a hot mess,
Speaker 1: you know, because you're not going to avoid the human condition,
Speaker 1: especially when you're combining life of someone. Okay, go ahead,
Speaker 1: Well there was a there was a gift in a
Speaker 1: burden of learning how to analyze yourself in your process,
Speaker 1: because you can become over analytical. And it tripped me
Speaker 1: up for years because I had this. I dreamed of
Speaker 1: being married and having a family, and obviously the dream
Speaker 1: we all have a lot of people have, and but
Speaker 1: but I had it as perfect, which doesn't exist. But
Speaker 1: it was just unconscious. So I would either get in
Speaker 1: a bad relationship or I would get in one that
Speaker 1: wasn't perfect, and I just I struggled relationally for a while, which, honestly,
Speaker 1: when you're the face of a place that teaches people
Speaker 1: how to do healthy relationship, that's tough. Seriously, we're like,
Speaker 1: why why can't you work out? Our relationships just supposed
Speaker 1: to be the relationship I can help you. And finally,
Speaker 1: you know, I kind of surrendered to the idea that
Speaker 1: the tools that we sometimes have when we're really intimacy
Speaker 1: and up close in our own process, they go out
Speaker 1: the window and we just have to sometimes go with
Speaker 1: their instinct, their heart, our gut, and sometimes the bigger
Speaker 1: picture to help us navigate that. That's what happened in
Speaker 1: this case. That little simple phrase, with all the therapeutic
Speaker 1: jargon I know about how to take emotional risk and
Speaker 1: commit all that ship with another one. And I had
Speaker 1: one little phrases twenty seconds of courage, and I thought,
Speaker 1: you know what, And so I see her, But you
Speaker 1: see Vanessa, When you see Vanessa, what do you think
Speaker 1: when you Well, I wasn't in I wasn't in a
Speaker 1: great space. I just come out of relationship and I
Speaker 1: was like, I'm gonna give this some time. I'm not
Speaker 1: gonna date. I was so you guys are an identical situation.
Speaker 1: I'll tell you how sad I was. I was actually
Speaker 1: out with the intern. It was like, oh, so you
Speaker 1: were like you were like dying for who wasn't my idea.
Speaker 1: But she I think she kind of felt sorry for me,
Speaker 1: and she's like, you should go out. So but I
Speaker 1: did and she actually turned into a great friend. She's
Speaker 1: she's been great. But I was out with the intern
Speaker 1: sol Vanessa, and I was like, she's beautiful. She stunningly beautiful.
Speaker 1: I saw her from across the room. She was sitting
Speaker 1: at the bar with Brooke and I typically, historically have
Speaker 1: never approached. I just don't do that, um, you know,
Speaker 1: to hit on somebody, because I just don't have much game.
Speaker 1: I'm kind of clumsy. So I was all right, um,
Speaker 1: this is where I would just acknowledge that and move on.
Speaker 1: But I thought, you need twenty seconds occur. What is
Speaker 1: your yeah, yes, what's the worst that could happen? Seriously,
Speaker 1: what's the worst that can happen? Well, in those twenty
Speaker 1: seconds of courage, it feels like the end of the
Speaker 1: world because you get rejected. I can throw my drink
Speaker 1: in your face like they do in the movies. Yeah,
Speaker 1: So I went for it. So I started walking towards her.
Speaker 1: Oh God, and you felt that would have been the
Speaker 1: best hard and love. So I got from like me
Speaker 1: to you and I pan it on the inside and
Speaker 1: I was like exit stage laft. I was like, get
Speaker 1: out of here because I didn't know what I was
Speaker 1: gonna say. But now, but now that you see him
Speaker 1: approaching in the panic, I can see it like you're happening. Okay,
Speaker 1: Well I got that close without having any line or
Speaker 1: anything like this is not a good plan stressing for
Speaker 1: you right now. I feel like I was just getting
Speaker 1: ready to pull out, like like dark like the minute
Speaker 1: I got to when I was about to pull out,
Speaker 1: she pulled up her camera to take a selfie. Thank
Speaker 1: you Jesus did say that. I'm not Jesus. I think
Speaker 1: I thank God, but you are too. And I just
Speaker 1: reached and grabbed it and I said, can I take
Speaker 1: that picture? Stop? That was well, that was that was
Speaker 1: the movie universe was helping you out. So I took
Speaker 1: the picture. It started in a conversation. One cool thing
Speaker 1: something we do it on site a lot of people
Speaker 1: that have been their nose. We asked people not to
Speaker 1: reveal their profession, the whole town. They're there, which is
Speaker 1: very cool because people and so it's a thing that
Speaker 1: is kind of pretty special as part of our process,
Speaker 1: but I've never really practiced it outside of it unconsciously.
Speaker 1: We didn't try, but we talked for an hour and
Speaker 1: neither of us ever mentioned what the other did for
Speaker 1: a living. Stop cool is that? So did you know
Speaker 1: right away when you were chatting with them? Oh? Yes,
Speaker 1: well I didn't, Okay, So in that moment, I was
Speaker 1: just thinking it was like building inside. I was like,
Speaker 1: oh my gosh, oh boy, here I go. Oh no,
Speaker 1: oh no, And I'm falling careful and love this quick
Speaker 1: because that's possible. I mean, I started me these thoughts. Um. Yeah,
Speaker 1: at the restaurant, I was definitely into him. And then
Speaker 1: but then I thought, yeah, I was really well. I
Speaker 1: was glad at the psychic that I met with months
Speaker 1: before told me that I would be in the South
Speaker 1: a lot. I thought she was full of it. Now
Speaker 1: I know what, I'll send anyone to her now. Um,
Speaker 1: But anyway, yes, I know she was great. But so
Speaker 1: though I was, I was, I did think he was wonderful,
Speaker 1: but I was like, I've got to go back to
Speaker 1: l A. I'm not gonna. I'm not gonna. I put
Speaker 1: the brakes on the feelings and you're like hardcore pursuing
Speaker 1: movies and I was pursuing it and I was in it,
Speaker 1: and I'm just like, I'm an actor, a guy like
Speaker 1: life is in l A. You know, it's not really
Speaker 1: I'm not like Scarlett JR. Hansen, So l A wouldn't
Speaker 1: miss me too much. One movie away is so true.
Speaker 1: But but no. So he he was very um, he
Speaker 1: was very charming. And what got me actually was the
Speaker 1: next morning he called me in the morning, not text me.
Speaker 1: He called. He picked up the phone, dialed my number
Speaker 1: and he was like, hey, sunce On, that's a horrible
Speaker 1: access Sunshine, and he called the Sunshine and I literally
Speaker 1: almost dropped the phone. I was like, he just called me, Sunshine,
Speaker 1: Like this guy is my husband or he's the biggest
Speaker 1: con artist and totally well. I definitely thought that for
Speaker 1: a minute. So then I thought, oh my gosh, I
Speaker 1: don't know anything about him. I've got to like look
Speaker 1: into this guy, like what if he's like, you know,
Speaker 1: he could be a serial kid's way too good to
Speaker 1: be true. He's real slick and cute, and just like
Speaker 1: that smiling. You're a little slick, but like in a
Speaker 1: good he thought he was gonna like flub it. But yeah,
Speaker 1: in your mind, it's like he's got all the moves. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I love then he definitely. But then that night he
Speaker 1: we uh he we met up again and he came
Speaker 1: to the birthday party. Was the next time, Yeah, it
Speaker 1: was the next night after he called you. That morning
Speaker 1: he called me and we invited him to the to
Speaker 1: the whatever it was. So we we ended up hanging
Speaker 1: out again, and I that's when I sent that text
Speaker 1: to my mom that said I think I'm sitting next
Speaker 1: to my future husband. And we took a picture. And
Speaker 1: then the third day, Yeah, he didn't see it till
Speaker 1: our wedding day. Yeah, my mom framed it and it
Speaker 1: was really sweet. And then the third day, the third day,
Speaker 1: he was leaving to go out of town again and
Speaker 1: I was leaving back to Los Angeles and we had
Speaker 1: our first proper date at the airport. And I'll never
Speaker 1: forget that. Yeah, the guy when we were going through
Speaker 1: security thought we were married for years. He said something
Speaker 1: to us on and forget that, and uh yeah, and
Speaker 1: so and then we had a long, long distance for
Speaker 1: a long time. I was gonna say this is only part.
Speaker 1: This is just the beginning of the last. Nobody probably
Speaker 1: cares about the whole thing, and they do need the
Speaker 1: whole picture, which is it was. It was a four
Speaker 1: to him for you, it was almost a five year
Speaker 1: well for Jerny. That was tough and we I wouldn't
Speaker 1: trade a second of it because we got to know
Speaker 1: each other so intimately, the hard parts and the good
Speaker 1: parts throughout that relationship. And but it was we thought
Speaker 1: geography was going to get the best of us at
Speaker 1: one point, because yeah, we used to have conversations while
Speaker 1: we were together about how this isn't gonna work because
Speaker 1: of our looks. We broke up a couple of times,
Speaker 1: I think maybe twice. And then it was interesting that
Speaker 1: both of us I would say, hey, add somewhat of
Speaker 1: a spiritual awakening individually, like solo journeys, like what happened?
Speaker 1: How did the spiritual wakening happen? And what did you learn? Surrender?
Speaker 1: That has been if I have ever learned one thing,
Speaker 1: I remember the first time I ever experienced surrendering, and
Speaker 1: it is the most liberating feeling because you realize, why
Speaker 1: are you even trying to control it anyway, right, true, Yeah,
Speaker 1: because you have no control if it's gonna, if it's
Speaker 1: meant to be, it'll be. It's Surrendering to love is
Speaker 1: a whole other balt Wax and surrendering to your own
Speaker 1: personal journey. I feel like, because like we were sort
Speaker 1: of talking about this earlier, loving someone you have there's
Speaker 1: so many there's so many things you have to do
Speaker 1: to love someone. You have to get so far outside
Speaker 1: of yourself, even if you love them, even if you
Speaker 1: and we knew we loved each other. But I think,
Speaker 1: and I've always I always tell this to my friends
Speaker 1: or anyone who's like looking for love or I'm a
Speaker 1: total I guess I learned from on site. I'm a
Speaker 1: love I'm a love addict. I'm not a sex addict.
Speaker 1: I'm a love at just let's just make that clear.
Speaker 1: And I didn't know what that meant. I got really
Speaker 1: offended in the beginning when I heard that. But love
Speaker 1: addiction is like you're always looking for that feeling, that
Speaker 1: romance stuff. I think it's everyone, honestly, like we all
Speaker 1: want to have a romance like that fairy tale kind
Speaker 1: of what were you gonna say? I just said that
Speaker 1: I don't want to. That's different than love addiction. It's
Speaker 1: not everyone because there are some love eggs out there
Speaker 1: that really struggle. That's when he gets obsessive. Yeah, I'm
Speaker 1: not obsessive with it. I just I did really really look. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I was like, why don't I have that feeling all
Speaker 1: the time, Like when I look on Instagram and I
Speaker 1: see all these people and they're like throwing each other
Speaker 1: in the air and they're like catching each other, and
Speaker 1: I'm like, that is not real life. Real life is
Speaker 1: making a choice to love someone. And that's what I
Speaker 1: did with Myles. I remember, I will never forget it.
Speaker 1: We were Miles was taking me. I think he was
Speaker 1: taking me. We were either going out to on site,
Speaker 1: we were going somewhere and we were in the middle
Speaker 1: of this awful like figuring it out again and he
Speaker 1: just slipped at me. He's like, I can't do this anymore?
Speaker 1: What what are you doing? Because I was trying to
Speaker 1: almost be like be mean. I don't know what I
Speaker 1: was trying to get out of it, just go through
Speaker 1: all that. Yeah, I was just just like trying to
Speaker 1: maybe if I poke him enough, he'll he'll like throw
Speaker 1: me in the air and catch me like I'll become Cinderella.
Speaker 1: I don't know what I was looking for. And then
Speaker 1: I remember in that yeah, but he he like flipped,
Speaker 1: he said, I can't do this anymore. You have you
Speaker 1: need to make a choice right now. And I remember
Speaker 1: in that moment, thinking, this is it. I'm about to
Speaker 1: lose this guy and I don't want to, and I
Speaker 1: really need to choose to love him the way I
Speaker 1: know I love him, and to be loving and to
Speaker 1: act loving and not just you know, stop running back
Speaker 1: to California, stop acting like a jerk, and just be
Speaker 1: present and be love. Like yeah, be love, Yeah, I
Speaker 1: swear to you. I had a similar thing with Michael,
Speaker 1: my husband. We dated four years, broke up two years,
Speaker 1: and that whole yo yo of like and everyone see
Speaker 1: us and think, oh my gosh, you guys have this
Speaker 1: awesome marriage and we do. But it's only because we
Speaker 1: both choose love. To you have to choose love, choose
Speaker 1: love and see the best another person. Yeah, you have
Speaker 1: to see that, and you take like, I know, Miles
Speaker 1: knows what he's getting with me. He knows the good,
Speaker 1: he knows the bad, and like, that's one thing that
Speaker 1: I love so much about our relationship is he really
Speaker 1: is able to see through like the crazy parts of
Speaker 1: me and through the parts like even now having a child,
Speaker 1: like I went through I've had, um, you know, the
Speaker 1: depression that follows pregnancy that a lot of women get,
Speaker 1: and um, he's just been able to really understand and
Speaker 1: love me through it and not like I really there's
Speaker 1: been times where I was like I would leave myself
Speaker 1: if I were me, Like I don't know who I
Speaker 1: am right now, And um, I think that's one thing.
Speaker 1: Being in a relationship with somebody who does what he
Speaker 1: does has its has its like benefits, and then it
Speaker 1: obviously has times where I'm like, you're not my therapist,
Speaker 1: but I'm like your But he's so great at letting
Speaker 1: me like go through my process and actually helping me
Speaker 1: kind of come out of out of parts that are
Speaker 1: really like heart that I can't see, like my stubbornness,
Speaker 1: like walking out of my own way and just letting
Speaker 1: me kind of circle back and be like, Okay, know
Speaker 1: this is what's going on. It is so interesting though,
Speaker 1: especially when you get in a relationship like you guys,
Speaker 1: where y'all are both like you said, working on yourself
Speaker 1: you're having your individual revelations and then you're having revelations
Speaker 1: together as a partner. Like I feel like that is
Speaker 1: how you really build a foundation or something that can last.
Speaker 1: You have to deal with that, You have to get dirty,
Speaker 1: You have to get into the nitty gritty face, the
Speaker 1: parts that are ugly. And a lot of people, do
Speaker 1: you think a lot of people are just too scared
Speaker 1: to even analyze their own selves, So then when it
Speaker 1: comes to being in a relationship, they don't want to
Speaker 1: They can't go there with someone else. How do Yeah, Actually,
Speaker 1: when you all were saying earlier about you just have
Speaker 1: to choose love as a couple, I was thinking, first,
Speaker 1: you got to choose love here yourself. I almost think
Speaker 1: love I think grace almost trumps it. I think until
Speaker 1: I learned to be gracious about myself and my process,
Speaker 1: there's no way I could extend that to another human. Unconsciously,
Speaker 1: I had this judgment in this microscope on her process,
Speaker 1: which was not fair at all because all it was
Speaker 1: is a reflection of my own process. And so I
Speaker 1: think what helped us get there was we both had
Speaker 1: the courage to do our own work, and it didn't
Speaker 1: happen naturally, we kind of were forced into it because
Speaker 1: our relationship was just colliding and we ended up being
Speaker 1: this great mirror for each other. And the mirror initially
Speaker 1: was like, let's look at our relationship. That's what's wrong
Speaker 1: with this situation. And then it was like, well, no, actually,
Speaker 1: both of us have individual work to do. And when
Speaker 1: we started reconciling our own story, we put down the
Speaker 1: microscope which we had on each other and picked up
Speaker 1: the mirror, which was our relationship, and we were like,
Speaker 1: we've got something pretty special when we get out of
Speaker 1: the way of it, surrender and realize there's more to
Speaker 1: this relationship meaning us and you know, I know God.
Speaker 1: And then it changed things and we still have them
Speaker 1: like I'll put the mirror up on him all the
Speaker 1: time and then I'm like, oh my gosh, what am
Speaker 1: I doing? Like to this day, I'll still and then
Speaker 1: and then I have that moment where I've got just
Speaker 1: take it down and be like this is my issue,
Speaker 1: not his. You know, Yeah, we're God say, we're pretty
Speaker 1: good at catching I think a lot of people would
Speaker 1: assume that we as I say, we got it together,
Speaker 1: and we don't, but we do. I love the way
Speaker 1: you reframe that in the beginning, we just we I
Speaker 1: think an absence of conflict is dangerous in relationships totally,
Speaker 1: and we've got pretty healthy great putting it. And I
Speaker 1: had not like when we first met, I literally had
Speaker 1: never I don't think I ever fought with any guy
Speaker 1: I've ever dated ever. Literally would just like stuff it.
Speaker 1: I would stuff it for days, like for years. I
Speaker 1: mean I stuffed in my whole life. And then he
Speaker 1: taught me that if you argue with me, I'm not
Speaker 1: going to break up with you, like I'm not going
Speaker 1: to leave you. And I think that that was so
Speaker 1: important because I was used to if if something wasn't
Speaker 1: going right, it was over, you know. And he taught
Speaker 1: me also how to have a healthy argument. You know,
Speaker 1: there's ways to to fight and and for it to
Speaker 1: be healthy, and you know, there's like that tipping point
Speaker 1: where it can be like really bad, a bad, bad
Speaker 1: fight where you don't want to get to that point
Speaker 1: where there's times where if you stuff it for too long,
Speaker 1: you just lose it. And that's what I was doing.
Speaker 1: And then then he taught me to unleash it so
Speaker 1: well that now I'm always just like nothing well done. Well, yeah,
Speaker 1: you know, you've given me too much credit. A lot
Speaker 1: of this you intuitively had it, you just did never.
Speaker 1: I don't think be in an emostly safe enough place
Speaker 1: in relationship to be able to express who you are
Speaker 1: because I didn't. I don't think I ever was like
Speaker 1: let me show you this. It was just like, let
Speaker 1: me love you. And you know that's how you deserve
Speaker 1: to be. Why do you guys think so many people
Speaker 1: are so unhappy in the world? Like where does the
Speaker 1: root of unhappiness come from? And you know, people wanting
Speaker 1: social this is an influencer series, so like, I feel
Speaker 1: like social media can be an amazing tool and you
Speaker 1: guys use it in an amazing way, but it can
Speaker 1: also be such a terrible tool and it can bring
Speaker 1: out so much unhappiness and other people Like where does
Speaker 1: that unhappiness stem from? And if you guys were if
Speaker 1: you were going to heal the world, how would we
Speaker 1: do that? Like? How would you encourage? What? What is
Speaker 1: what is it that's driving people to their to the
Speaker 1: darkness or two lashing out on people? Well instead of
Speaker 1: dealing with it? Do people just not want to face
Speaker 1: their own demons? Where does all that come from? I
Speaker 1: guess that's a lot of very long question make sense.
Speaker 1: I know, I mean, no, a lot of it makes
Speaker 1: a lot of sense. Actually, And I know, Miles, we
Speaker 1: both have like I'm, I'm I think a lot of
Speaker 1: I do a lot of comparing, which is so easy.
Speaker 1: It's so easy to do, and and it's so dangerous.
Speaker 1: And social media is not everything. That's why we like
Speaker 1: to do. I like to do a lot of realness
Speaker 1: in my stories and a lot of realness just on
Speaker 1: my what I'm talking about, because I think it's so
Speaker 1: important for the world to see. I mean that the
Speaker 1: real life is not I mean social media. Beautiful picture
Speaker 1: on Instagram is not real life. Real life is we
Speaker 1: woke up at six the babies has been crying, where
Speaker 1: we had an argument, no one ate this is But
Speaker 1: then then we had great moments throughout the whole day,
Speaker 1: and and I and then when we want to when
Speaker 1: I want to go zone out and look at something,
Speaker 1: I have to stop looking at all the pretty perfect
Speaker 1: things because those people have the same issues that we have.
Speaker 1: And I know that you probably could answer the question
Speaker 1: as well in a different way. Now, well, I would
Speaker 1: just echo a little bit of what you said, and
Speaker 1: what you shared. I do think we're the most disconnected,
Speaker 1: um numbed out, medicated cohart in history. Uh. And there's
Speaker 1: some research to support that due to addiction rates and
Speaker 1: mental health rates and what we're seeing in our culture
Speaker 1: right now. It's a it's a scary and confusing time.
Speaker 1: It can be a little overwhelming to be in our
Speaker 1: culture and try to figure out how to navigate it.
Speaker 1: And we're seeing it getting worse with younger people. So
Speaker 1: why is it? I think there's that's a layered answer.
Speaker 1: There's a lot of reasons I think we've headed that way,
Speaker 1: but I think the main reason is we stopped valuing
Speaker 1: uh truth, our vulnerability, our authenticity, and our truth. I
Speaker 1: don't know we ever really did, but I think a
Speaker 1: compound effect over all these generations, it's finally caught up
Speaker 1: with us where people don't have permission to put down
Speaker 1: the act and now social media is just kind of
Speaker 1: feel on the fire and actually what you said, But
Speaker 1: what do we do about it? I think self awareness,
Speaker 1: self compassion is our superpower. If I could blanket that
Speaker 1: into our government and into our leadership, and into our
Speaker 1: faith based leaders that know you before you try to
Speaker 1: know me, and teach me yes in the beginning. Well,
Speaker 1: I think if the world could get a PhD in themselves,
Speaker 1: we had a lot better world. Because when's the last
Speaker 1: time you saw a high ranking government official own a weakness? Well,
Speaker 1: stand up in a debate and say I struggle with
Speaker 1: this too, Oh my god. But I need to say
Speaker 1: about you. You we've got we both have a set
Speaker 1: of insecurities, and I think a lot of people think,
Speaker 1: even you that because I've got the my career and
Speaker 1: what I do, that I'm better at it than you are.
Speaker 1: But when it comes to social media, I would completely disagree.
Speaker 1: You're You've got a resilience muscle when it comes to
Speaker 1: an unfiltered putting yourself out there that I so respect,
Speaker 1: and I struggle with it because I've kind of I've
Speaker 1: been a behind the scenes person forever who in the
Speaker 1: last two years have said, if if I'm gonna do anything,
Speaker 1: I gotta put myself out there. And I struggled doing
Speaker 1: that without worrying about what people think and what they're
Speaker 1: gonna say. I think you've been on camera since you
Speaker 1: were a kid, and you've been in auditions getting rejected
Speaker 1: since you were a kid, which working in with the
Speaker 1: acting community. I hate that, and we help people rewrite
Speaker 1: that traumatic narrative for years where people says your tooth
Speaker 1: at your tooth, all that crowd. But it did build
Speaker 1: this resilience muscle when you where you handle rejection really
Speaker 1: well and you don't mind stretching and putting your schelf
Speaker 1: out there. You don't have to edit what you say
Speaker 1: for the most part. Maybe I'll do a little, but
Speaker 1: it's pretty remarkable and she's helped me do it. Like
Speaker 1: I'm saying, because I get insecure about certain things like
Speaker 1: grammar and spelling. It's not my strong suit. And I'm like,
Speaker 1: but but yet people think I'm smart. I don't think
Speaker 1: I'm that smart. But when I put when I post them,
Speaker 1: I'm like, this has to and I'll get her to
Speaker 1: look at it or I'll get you know, I uh
Speaker 1: and over She's like, send it, thinking I just I
Speaker 1: type and send that exactly. I can take a whole book,
Speaker 1: and then I don't. I don't go back and adit
Speaker 1: it later. I'm like, oh, well, I think I think
Speaker 1: women overall are better at it. I think so too,
Speaker 1: because Michael struggles with that. I do think women are
Speaker 1: better Michael struggles with that too. He's always thinking about
Speaker 1: his captures and stuff. I think it's because girls are
Speaker 1: so talking. And I'm not trying to like genderize this,
Speaker 1: but on the whole, girls are chatty and nurturing and
Speaker 1: they want to like just spill the beans. I think
Speaker 1: women are more emotionally available, and when you have more
Speaker 1: availability to emotion, that makes you emotionally stronger. And I
Speaker 1: think historically it's totally backwards. Everybody thinks men are strong
Speaker 1: and so they put you in. You know, there's never
Speaker 1: been a female president all that. I think we've had
Speaker 1: that backwards for years. Women are overall I mean seventy
Speaker 1: the people that come to on site are women. That
Speaker 1: should be reversed because you don't see women are willing
Speaker 1: to work on it. That's it. Women are willing to
Speaker 1: work on themselves. It doesn't scare them as much. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I totally agree with that. Okay, so I shaw a
Speaker 1: few questions. Just tell me what comes to mind. Love
Speaker 1: is beautiful, grace, Darkness is oh real, could be healing.
Speaker 1: It's you gotta be a one word answer. I could
Speaker 1: keep going. Darkness is real and could be healing. Okay,
Speaker 1: let's break those two down like, I feel like all
Speaker 1: the darkness I've ever been in afterwards there's been so
Speaker 1: much growth and light that I almost liked staying in
Speaker 1: those dark places for a while. Like I remember my
Speaker 1: l a days like I have like dark days there.
Speaker 1: I had dark hair and it was dark, I was
Speaker 1: everything was dark in my life, Like yeah, but after
Speaker 1: all that, there became something beautiful from it. Yeah, or
Speaker 1: if you're willing to, if you're willing to, yeah, and
Speaker 1: you see it, yeah, and do the work. And then
Speaker 1: not not every single time, obviously, but most of the
Speaker 1: time there would be something and I'd be like, oh,
Speaker 1: that's okay, and get that. Darkness doesn't exist light. Light
Speaker 1: doesn't exist darkness. I think we have to acknowledge it.
Speaker 1: So the social media thing, I work out with the
Speaker 1: same group of guys four or five days a week,
Speaker 1: and we've turned the workout into okay, this is this
Speaker 1: taps the physical side, what are we doing on the
Speaker 1: emotional side and spiritual side. So on the emotional side,
Speaker 1: we started giving each other a challenge and once a
Speaker 1: day we do a challenge, but we determine the challenge
Speaker 1: based on what we find is a deficit among us.
Speaker 1: And so if social media is an invader in my relationship,
Speaker 1: which it is. I take it into the bedroom and
Speaker 1: I shouldn't. And instead of like the last thing I
Speaker 1: do is suck my wife, my wife, I'm on social
Speaker 1: media checking emails. Then that's that's dark for us right now.
Speaker 1: But unless I acknowledge it, than the challenge became and
Speaker 1: I'm doing it for Lynn, which I don't even practice land.
Speaker 1: I didn't grow up with that tradition. But I'm trying
Speaker 1: to keep the phone out of the bedroom until Easter,
Speaker 1: which I've done an okay job on night. It's been okay,
Speaker 1: we appreciate the effort. Yeah, it's been a couple of
Speaker 1: nights and sorry, that's really That is great though, to
Speaker 1: have accountability and call yourself out on it. And he's
Speaker 1: amazing at doing that stuff. It's like you just did
Speaker 1: another one that I love. The no complaining thing, Oh
Speaker 1: my gosh, that is so hard. I thought it was
Speaker 1: a week I was complaining about the rain. He's like,
Speaker 1: no complaining. But I know, I know if you catch yourself,
Speaker 1: if you intentionally do things like that to catch yourself,
Speaker 1: there's always so many things to work on. As soon
Speaker 1: as I like hit a level where I'm like I
Speaker 1: have that spiritual breakthrough, I'm feeling great, and then immediately
Speaker 1: like I feel like I just again and I'm like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, I'm back on the ground, Like when
Speaker 1: is this arrogant? And I like that that you're doing
Speaker 1: that though, I think that's I think that everyone should
Speaker 1: do something like that every every like once a week,
Speaker 1: where I think it's something that we we should do
Speaker 1: to guy in our relationship, like pick one thing that's smart,
Speaker 1: like every Sunday that we want to do for the week.
Speaker 1: You've really don't the no complaining thing. You have not
Speaker 1: complained about anything well, And I think too though, I
Speaker 1: think so many people don't take the time like you
Speaker 1: guys have both said this whole time to hold themselves accountable,
Speaker 1: to even take inventory of what they're doing, and to
Speaker 1: be like, Okay, I need to work on myself, like
Speaker 1: I actually need to work on me. So many people
Speaker 1: just break through their lives and let whatever happens so
Speaker 1: in they're reacting to it. They're living in their reactions,
Speaker 1: they're living in their traumas instead of being like, Okay,
Speaker 1: I don't have to live here. I actually never done
Speaker 1: working on ourselves till the day we die. I mean
Speaker 1: that we have the choice to see it differently. Right, Yeah,
Speaker 1: you're so right. It's actually it's actually not that. It's
Speaker 1: kind of fun. For the most part. There are parts
Speaker 1: of my um introspective process where I've had to work
Speaker 1: on myself that just sucked. I mean when it was
Speaker 1: like really hard. But the everyday stuff becomes easier and easier.
Speaker 1: I think it's just like working out. You don't run,
Speaker 1: you know, it's like running a marathon. You don't just
Speaker 1: do that. You have to warm up to it and practice,
Speaker 1: sit and get your emotional muscles worked out. But now
Speaker 1: that I'm doing it, I would much rather sit around
Speaker 1: at table and talk about so somebody challenge the other
Speaker 1: day because we do this game where we come up
Speaker 1: with we need to have you guys over for dinner,
Speaker 1: so we'd love to call. So I don't want to
Speaker 1: tell you much about it. We love getting cards that
Speaker 1: just provoked deep conversations and talk good people feel like
Speaker 1: I ain't coming to dinner. This it's our favorite. We
Speaker 1: did like every night to drink wine and talk about everything.
Speaker 1: We don't have. It's fun, but we do it, and
Speaker 1: somebody friends over you and he said, you need to
Speaker 1: turn this into a game called cards for Humanity. Yes,
Speaker 1: actually you should go with Dr Bill. You already have
Speaker 1: an end with Dr Phil. Make him and do it
Speaker 1: on his show, Get Open Done? Well you think? I mean,
Speaker 1: think about the world. Provoking emotional deep conversations can be fun.
Speaker 1: Can we practice them in community? Yeah? Why do you
Speaker 1: guys think Because you guys have both followed your calling,
Speaker 1: like you've proceed acting your whole life. You switch careers
Speaker 1: to follow your calling, why do you think so many
Speaker 1: people don't follow their calling? Because we all feel it, like,
Speaker 1: you know, like you feel that tinge Like every time
Speaker 1: I've walked down a road that I thought was shining
Speaker 1: and sparkling should be the road, but it wasn't. I
Speaker 1: feel that huge resistance, you know. But when you're on
Speaker 1: the right road, it feels free and open. But so
Speaker 1: many people, why won't they commit to their calling? Instead?
Speaker 1: They're just like, oh, I couldn't be one of those
Speaker 1: people that had a life where I got to do
Speaker 1: what I loved a lot of people will just say
Speaker 1: they'll just stay in that. I think a lot of it, um,
Speaker 1: I mean, I think it's a lot of fear for
Speaker 1: me at least one. I mean, even as pursuing acting,
Speaker 1: I was working as a waitress or I was doing
Speaker 1: anything to make ends meet, just to be able to
Speaker 1: do what I love to do. And I think that
Speaker 1: that fear over like takes over and you go into
Speaker 1: that place so well, this isn't working out, and I
Speaker 1: need to just get a job where I can make
Speaker 1: money and I can have a family and I can
Speaker 1: do I think, I think, and you do. I think
Speaker 1: I am. But I think if you just sort of
Speaker 1: and it's not so, it's not just as easy as
Speaker 1: it as it seems like, oh, I'm gonna start a
Speaker 1: business and it's going to be successful. I mean that's
Speaker 1: just not reality for a lot of people. But I
Speaker 1: think that if you are genuinely, like my dad always said,
Speaker 1: find something you love to do that you're good at
Speaker 1: as you can make money at, it's like it might.
Speaker 1: I mean, I don't want to say I didn't make
Speaker 1: millions of dollars as an actress. I struggled as an
Speaker 1: actress big time. I mean, even when I was working
Speaker 1: as an actress and doing movies or TV shows, I
Speaker 1: still wasn't making enough money to even get by half
Speaker 1: the time because California is expensive, and and I had
Speaker 1: those moments of I'm just going to give this up.
Speaker 1: I don't you know, but I kept going, kept going.
Speaker 1: But then your life, like I think that if you
Speaker 1: follow your heart and follow where you're going, like I
Speaker 1: chose love, I moved to Nashville. Nashville took me two miles.
Speaker 1: I kind of backed off on acting. I'm still doing
Speaker 1: it a little, but then, like all these other little opportunities, Yes,
Speaker 1: that's another thing you can evolve your dream. And I
Speaker 1: love acting, but like I found this joy in Obviously
Speaker 1: being a mom is like the best joy I've ever experienced.
Speaker 1: But now I'm doing the blog and I'm doing I've
Speaker 1: started a store out at on Site that I love
Speaker 1: because people that go through there get to go shop
Speaker 1: for things that make them happy. And I started the
Speaker 1: Jelry line. I'm doing all these things that kind of
Speaker 1: fill that passion inside of me. And and you know,
Speaker 1: when if an acting job comes along, great, I'll take it.
Speaker 1: But it's just sort of let yourself, letting myself be
Speaker 1: open to opportunities. And maybe I want to be an
Speaker 1: interior decorator. I want to be. I want to be
Speaker 1: I want to like dress people for for their life
Speaker 1: just because like I love fashion, so whatever, if something
Speaker 1: like that were to come my way, I might open
Speaker 1: that door. You know, I totally agree following your passion
Speaker 1: but being open to letting it evolved. Yes, I feel
Speaker 1: like I have done that too, started in music and
Speaker 1: like I twisted me here, but I would have never
Speaker 1: gotten here if I hadn't followed the curiosity. But so
Speaker 1: many people just won't go down that road because they
Speaker 1: hit one roadblock or they get intimidated one time and
Speaker 1: they're like, nope, I'm out by I'm gonna go like
Speaker 1: settle for something else. And it's not that I'm judging
Speaker 1: people for that, but I think that if people would
Speaker 1: follow their calling, it would be so much happier in
Speaker 1: their lives. I think it's it's fear of failure a lot.
Speaker 1: But there are practical things that could keep some people
Speaker 1: from going after what they want to depending on what
Speaker 1: it is. You've got socio economic challenges and uh, some
Speaker 1: people don't have the opportunity to step outside of what
Speaker 1: they're doing to make a living if they're trying to
Speaker 1: support families. Meaning if if I wanted to play you know,
Speaker 1: major League baseball, but yet I've got to support a family.
Speaker 1: It's a little late to get started on that. However,
Speaker 1: I think overall year, right, I think most people would
Speaker 1: have a fear that if I were to do this,
Speaker 1: there's a good chance I would fail, and we're naturally
Speaker 1: adverse to failure. But yet failure every time I have failed,
Speaker 1: all the failures have led up to me doing. Honestly,
Speaker 1: I can say exactly what I want to be doing
Speaker 1: right now, and these other things I dream about and
Speaker 1: I want to do, and I know I'm gonna pivot
Speaker 1: and do other things and try stuff, but I'm doing
Speaker 1: exactly what I want to do. And it's because I've
Speaker 1: failed a lot at other things. Yeah, and I failed
Speaker 1: trying to do what I want to do, And I
Speaker 1: think that's always really comforting to hear. I actually think
Speaker 1: I started this podcast two years ago because I literally
Speaker 1: just wanted to get inside of people's heads who had
Speaker 1: done really amazing things, because I always was so afraid
Speaker 1: of I don't I just worth with. I always had
Speaker 1: self worth issues. I always thought like I could never
Speaker 1: do this. Who am I? I'm not talented enough, I'm
Speaker 1: not good enough. But now talking to people for so
Speaker 1: many to two years. Now, like once a week two
Speaker 1: very interesting people like yourself. I have come to realize
Speaker 1: and I'm sure you guys have realized this through yall's
Speaker 1: lines of work. Everybody is struggling. Everybody is insecure. Everybody
Speaker 1: has their own bag of ship that they're carrying around
Speaker 1: that they have to figure out how to deal with
Speaker 1: and overcome. And that has given me so much comfort
Speaker 1: to be braver just knowing that we're all in it.
Speaker 1: Nobody has this like perfect ride Like now, it's even
Speaker 1: like hilarious to me that I ever thought anyone ever
Speaker 1: did you know? Because like, like you guys are saying, comparison,
Speaker 1: you can easily compare, but once you really get to
Speaker 1: know the stories, everybody is going through something and you
Speaker 1: just have to like go all in. Everyone's fighting their
Speaker 1: own fight, and that's why I think it's so important
Speaker 1: to share about it. And that's why Myles and I
Speaker 1: like to be open and vulnerable with our struggles, because
Speaker 1: we're helping if we share where we're at and we're
Speaker 1: in the process of, like if we're in the midst
Speaker 1: of like a real big struggle, we share it and
Speaker 1: someone's like, oh, you're you're not alone. And I'm like, oh,
Speaker 1: I'm so glad that I brought that up, because had
Speaker 1: I not brought it up, then I wouldn't. I don't
Speaker 1: feel alone anymore, you know. I just I just think
Speaker 1: it's so important to be real and and to not
Speaker 1: pretend that you're okay. If you're not okay, it's not
Speaker 1: it's okay to be okay, Like that's one thing that's okay.
Speaker 1: Yeah it's okay. Yeah, it's okay. It's okay to not
Speaker 1: be okay. Yeah. So and I think that I'm I'm
Speaker 1: not okay a lot of the times too, you know,
Speaker 1: all the time. So yeah, like I have like a
Speaker 1: meltdown at least once a day, especially that as a
Speaker 1: new mom, like all these things and trying to be
Speaker 1: a good wife and trying to take care of things
Speaker 1: in trying to just manage it all. It's like, and
Speaker 1: and I'm a career person. I always thought I was
Speaker 1: at least you know that's the well it changes you. Yeah,
Speaker 1: well you know what you're in the if you're everyone's
Speaker 1: go lose myself and you work so hard to get
Speaker 1: this thing going in your career and finally get your
Speaker 1: head on straight. And I feel like, for the first
Speaker 1: time in my life, I'm like, Okay, I feel good
Speaker 1: about myself. And then you have a baby and everything
Speaker 1: you do lose yourself a little. And the thing is is,
Speaker 1: like I said this to somebody the other day and
Speaker 1: they reassured me. They said it so perfectly. They said,
Speaker 1: having a baby is like it's like the death of
Speaker 1: who you were, and then you're becoming this new person
Speaker 1: and you don't know that person anymore. So you're trying
Speaker 1: to figure figure out who you are all of a sudden.
Speaker 1: But your husband still knows who he is. He's still working.
Speaker 1: Thank God. I'm so grateful, Like I wouldn't be able
Speaker 1: to do any of the things that half the things
Speaker 1: I'm doing if he wasn't like a stable person. I'm
Speaker 1: like like floating around like a butterfly. I'll do this,
Speaker 1: I'll do that. But I think that really being able
Speaker 1: to talk and say you know, also, mom Brane, I
Speaker 1: literally have no idea what I was just saying. No,
Speaker 1: we're talking about not one, not one clue, like why
Speaker 1: I'm on this rampage. I think the overall thing is
Speaker 1: it's okay to not be okay. Yes, I have mombrane too,
Speaker 1: like my god, right going down right now, But it
Speaker 1: is okay to not be okay, and especially as females
Speaker 1: like I do want to talk about that. One point
Speaker 1: you said that has been my number one fear about
Speaker 1: having kids is I am so scared of losing my life. Yes,
Speaker 1: that's what we're talking about. Yes, I love my marriage
Speaker 1: the way it is right now. I love that we
Speaker 1: can do whatever we want right now. I love that
Speaker 1: I feel like my career is finally like getting on
Speaker 1: a path that I love. And it's like once you
Speaker 1: have a baby, I am so afraid of losing myself,
Speaker 1: but you can't once again have fear on the show,
Speaker 1: but you become this amazing new you and like you
Speaker 1: will find that person again. I'm slowly finding her again.
Speaker 1: I'm I don't know still who she is, but like
Speaker 1: I'm finding out that I like doing other things I
Speaker 1: used to do a lot less, and things that I
Speaker 1: used to care about I don't care about. Right, your
Speaker 1: priorities get real clear. What has being a new dad
Speaker 1: taught you and what have you learned about what goes
Speaker 1: on with women when in all of this, because women
Speaker 1: really it's a lot of changing four miles and he's like,
Speaker 1: I'll learn a lot. It is a lot of change.
Speaker 1: I I you know what, have I learned more than
Speaker 1: I could summarize. I can say that it's but the
Speaker 1: good news is it's exactly what you said about changing
Speaker 1: to Oh hi girl, that's our pop. I'm not sure
Speaker 1: if she's in the first child she heard us talking
Speaker 1: about her, but I I think we went into her.
Speaker 1: I went into it with a realistic expectation of how
Speaker 1: we were going to become parents, meaning it's gonna be messy. Uh,
Speaker 1: We're gonna We're not gonna do it perfectly. We're gonna
Speaker 1: I don't know one parent on the planet that didn't
Speaker 1: screw up their kids some um. And then there's extreme
Speaker 1: cases where people did awful things, but for the most part,
Speaker 1: everybody's it's it's just it's an imperfect process. So I
Speaker 1: went into it with an open stance. I didn't read
Speaker 1: a lot because naturally I'm a reader. I would research
Speaker 1: like how do you be the perfect dad? And how
Speaker 1: do you do secure attachment? All the stuff I care about,
Speaker 1: And I was like, Doro that I'm just gonna heart instinct,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna talk to other dad's other moms, and we're
Speaker 1: gonna figure this thing out because it's what we're wired
Speaker 1: to do. We're naturally wired to do this. So but
Speaker 1: I have learned patients in and grace at a whole
Speaker 1: new level. I would say more with our relationship than
Speaker 1: with my son, just because it has been an incredible
Speaker 1: strain on you. Uh, and I get it. I mean
Speaker 1: a lot of people talk about you mind me. A
Speaker 1: lot of people, uh talk about postpartum depression. Not men
Speaker 1: need to talk about postpartum anxiety. And it's it's a
Speaker 1: real thing. Especially you carry some anxiety anyway, which I
Speaker 1: do too, But it really accelerated once the baby got here.
Speaker 1: I'ad about that song was like first moms, they can
Speaker 1: get super protective and and fear a lot about but
Speaker 1: you've certainly had a lot of that. But every turn
Speaker 1: we've talked about it, every single time we've talked about it, No,
Speaker 1: not honestly, as hard as our relationship can be some
Speaker 1: days now harder than it was. I'm gonna be honest,
Speaker 1: harder than it was. Pretty baby. Oh yeah, definite, Like
Speaker 1: it's never been better. I mean, I would it is.
Speaker 1: I feel more in love watching her as a mom
Speaker 1: I do love watching her as a mom than I
Speaker 1: ever more something in than today that I'm married. It's
Speaker 1: just it is the most beautiful thing. I asked the
Speaker 1: question every day why did I wait till now? And so?
Speaker 1: But I had a lot of the fears you did too,
Speaker 1: about it's going to change things, and it has um
Speaker 1: but has changed things in a beautiful way. Okay, Well,
Speaker 1: that's a great place to run about because I can
Speaker 1: talk to her forever. I like to leave with leave
Speaker 1: your light. So this whole obviously, this whole thing has
Speaker 1: been inspirational. But leave some inspiration to especially young people
Speaker 1: who are maybe trying to get their lives going, want
Speaker 1: to get into entertainment, want to matter, want to find
Speaker 1: theirselves worth. Like, leave some inspiration of just how you
Speaker 1: want to inspire people. Okay, um, I feel like I don't.
Speaker 1: I'm I don't know a lot about a lot, but
Speaker 1: I know a little about something. Um. I think that
Speaker 1: what I would say is I started everything, I feel
Speaker 1: like a little later in life. We got married later
Speaker 1: in life, and we had a baby later in life,
Speaker 1: and I'm I always thought, oh I want to get
Speaker 1: do it all early, and I want to have it
Speaker 1: all together and I think that you're on your path.
Speaker 1: If you're not married yet and you're looking for love,
Speaker 1: just be patient. Don't settle, is what I always tell
Speaker 1: people to. Just do not settle um someone will will
Speaker 1: find you. And just if you love something, follow your heart.
Speaker 1: If you have a passion, if you want to be
Speaker 1: a social media person, you know, get on there and
Speaker 1: do it. But don't do it because you want to
Speaker 1: be famous. Do it because you want to make a change,
Speaker 1: Do it because you love what you're doing. And just
Speaker 1: really embrace. Like if you're in a relationship and you're struggling, like,
Speaker 1: embrace each other, talk to each other. Just choose love.
Speaker 1: Every day I'm trying more and more to choose love
Speaker 1: because I can have tendency to not choose it as
Speaker 1: much and be resentful and then but yeah, she's love
Speaker 1: and I love. That looks good that I can say
Speaker 1: anything better than that. You're good at wrapping things up
Speaker 1: and putting it all like in good wording. Yes, really
Speaker 1: don't have a boat today, but uh oh wow, I
Speaker 1: spent a lot of time I still do, but not
Speaker 1: near what I used to, focusing on worrying about, obsessing
Speaker 1: about in fear about things that just didn't matter that much,
Speaker 1: and and I don't do that as much. There are
Speaker 1: still days when I can forget about all the beautiful things.
Speaker 1: But when I sit and I connect with my wife
Speaker 1: and I think about myself, I mean, I can't wait
Speaker 1: to go see my son and he's just in a moment. Then, um,
Speaker 1: that's what matters the most. And their career is awesome.
Speaker 1: Chase it have a big time, but be anchored and
Speaker 1: who you are and who you love. And if you
Speaker 1: don't have that, start with you. Um, it is out there.
Speaker 1: But but anchor into what matters, and the rest of
Speaker 1: the world will kind of start to fall in place. Okay,
Speaker 1: that was a perfect bow. He's a great bow of
Speaker 1: the bows. I don't know my words these days, but
Speaker 1: you did ask somethinking you can take this south if
Speaker 1: you want. That needs to be where we stopped. But
Speaker 1: I think creatives because you said, what about people who
Speaker 1: want to get into entertainment. I watched so many people
Speaker 1: get into that, um, not thinking about what it's going
Speaker 1: to do to them personally. They just think about this
Speaker 1: is what I want and all fancy things that come
Speaker 1: with it. Trying to get trying to get your art
Speaker 1: out there in a meaningful way requires you to build
Speaker 1: a platform to deliver it, and building a platform means
Speaker 1: you're signing up for a public profession. Public professions create
Speaker 1: abnormal life circumstances, they just do. Abnormal life circumstances create
Speaker 1: high levels of stress. High levels of stress create loneliness, addictions, depression, anxiety,
Speaker 1: all of which kill creativity. And so the very thing
Speaker 1: that brought you to the dance for entertainers is your creativity,
Speaker 1: and you're signing up for a career that in some
Speaker 1: ways is designed to kill it. Interesting, that's not a
Speaker 1: bad thing, but I just want people to know that
Speaker 1: before you sign up for the dance that protect your creativity,
Speaker 1: meaning protect your heart. I love that. That's a big bow.
Speaker 1: That's a big bow and so true. That makes so
Speaker 1: much sense, it really does. And miles of y'all for president? Seriously, yo,
Speaker 1: would heal the world? Thanks? How amazing was that interview?
Speaker 1: Are you not just blown out of the water by
Speaker 1: their wisdom? They're so young, What an incredible couple. It
Speaker 1: is so incredible and inspiring to see couples who have
Speaker 1: done so much personal work so that they can become
Speaker 1: such a strong united force. That was such an inspiring interview.
Speaker 1: I hope you all loved it. And you guys, we
Speaker 1: are not even done at all of the Influencer series.
Speaker 1: We're probably about three fourth of the way finished. But
Speaker 1: I have another Influencer episode coming at you next week.
Speaker 1: You will not want to miss it.