1 00:00:12,440 --> 00:00:13,160 Speaker 1: Nice to meet you. 2 00:00:13,760 --> 00:00:16,840 Speaker 2: Very nice to meet you. I'm a pretty big fan. So, oh, 3 00:00:16,880 --> 00:00:20,000 Speaker 2: thank you. You're like the holy Grail of women entrepreneurs. 4 00:00:20,200 --> 00:00:23,040 Speaker 1: Oh well, I appreciate that. Thank you so much. So 5 00:00:23,920 --> 00:00:27,560 Speaker 1: I found you on social media. And you do sort 6 00:00:27,600 --> 00:00:32,720 Speaker 1: of like these therapy snippets on relationships in the car 7 00:00:33,479 --> 00:00:37,120 Speaker 1: and you have a practice, you have patients. I do. 8 00:00:37,240 --> 00:00:38,280 Speaker 2: I have clients. 9 00:00:38,320 --> 00:00:41,000 Speaker 3: I'm a relationship coach and I've been running my practice 10 00:00:41,000 --> 00:00:45,240 Speaker 3: now for about four years. So it's been a real 11 00:00:45,280 --> 00:00:48,559 Speaker 3: blessing and a real joy. I was in academia before that. 12 00:00:48,760 --> 00:00:51,840 Speaker 3: I was the director of a clinical psychology program at 13 00:00:51,840 --> 00:00:54,040 Speaker 3: a university, and so I did that for a number 14 00:00:54,080 --> 00:00:55,520 Speaker 3: of years and taught in psychology. 15 00:00:56,480 --> 00:01:01,480 Speaker 1: Okay, so my question is one of the most intellectual 16 00:01:01,520 --> 00:01:04,000 Speaker 1: reasons I think that a person shouldn't have sex too early, 17 00:01:04,040 --> 00:01:08,520 Speaker 1: which we've all done, is because it could make you 18 00:01:08,600 --> 00:01:13,080 Speaker 1: so deeply insecure to blame. Like, let's say that you 19 00:01:13,160 --> 00:01:15,200 Speaker 1: have this thing right here, like, Okay, I've been out 20 00:01:15,240 --> 00:01:18,640 Speaker 1: with someone and on the first night, we're gonna do this, 21 00:01:18,720 --> 00:01:20,240 Speaker 1: and we're gonna do that, and oh my god, you're 22 00:01:20,240 --> 00:01:22,800 Speaker 1: this and you're that, and like I'm into it and 23 00:01:22,800 --> 00:01:25,119 Speaker 1: I'm believing it. At the same time, I'm an investigative 24 00:01:25,120 --> 00:01:26,920 Speaker 1: reporter in my own mind, not trusting any of it. 25 00:01:27,000 --> 00:01:28,680 Speaker 1: I don't believe it. There's no way that you don't. 26 00:01:28,880 --> 00:01:30,080 Speaker 1: You feel as way just with me, and you didn't 27 00:01:30,080 --> 00:01:31,520 Speaker 1: feel as way with someone two nights ago. And it 28 00:01:31,520 --> 00:01:34,039 Speaker 1: could be possible we have felt ways that we've never 29 00:01:34,080 --> 00:01:37,000 Speaker 1: felt before, but it could so. Now, if you sleep 30 00:01:37,040 --> 00:01:40,840 Speaker 1: with someone and they don't call you or interact or 31 00:01:40,840 --> 00:01:43,040 Speaker 1: text in the way that you want them to, you're 32 00:01:43,120 --> 00:01:45,080 Speaker 1: blaming it on the sex you don't and it might 33 00:01:45,080 --> 00:01:47,080 Speaker 1: not be the sex they might I've found that the 34 00:01:47,120 --> 00:01:48,880 Speaker 1: guy that I don't have sex with does this also, 35 00:01:49,480 --> 00:01:51,840 Speaker 1: But if I had sex, I'd be blaming all of 36 00:01:51,880 --> 00:01:54,920 Speaker 1: it on sex. So it's like a recipe. You added cilantro, 37 00:01:55,000 --> 00:01:57,520 Speaker 1: you added garlic, you added all these things. You don't 38 00:01:57,840 --> 00:02:01,120 Speaker 1: know what it was, don't know what the allergen was 39 00:02:01,720 --> 00:02:04,880 Speaker 1: because you did all the things. So the only way 40 00:02:05,480 --> 00:02:07,240 Speaker 1: to find out what you're really allergic to or what 41 00:02:07,280 --> 00:02:09,920 Speaker 1: the problem is is like sort of they call it 42 00:02:09,919 --> 00:02:11,920 Speaker 1: like an elimination diet, you know what I mean, or 43 00:02:12,160 --> 00:02:16,640 Speaker 1: or elimination add on yes, or add one ingredient at 44 00:02:16,639 --> 00:02:18,919 Speaker 1: a time, and that's why it's the same thing as 45 00:02:18,960 --> 00:02:20,440 Speaker 1: making your own money. I'm not saying you have to 46 00:02:20,440 --> 00:02:22,480 Speaker 1: make your own money in life or use it. It 47 00:02:22,600 --> 00:02:25,560 Speaker 1: just sets you up for success not having sex. It's 48 00:02:25,560 --> 00:02:28,160 Speaker 1: not slut shaming. It's saying, like, we want to be 49 00:02:28,200 --> 00:02:32,239 Speaker 1: able to assign what ingredients are the problem, and you 50 00:02:32,639 --> 00:02:35,120 Speaker 1: need to go slow so you can see what's going 51 00:02:35,160 --> 00:02:36,079 Speaker 1: on with a new person. 52 00:02:36,600 --> 00:02:37,560 Speaker 2: I agree totally. 53 00:02:37,639 --> 00:02:40,480 Speaker 3: And there's hormonal things that happen to both male and 54 00:02:40,520 --> 00:02:44,639 Speaker 3: female that are very different after sex happens. So men 55 00:02:44,800 --> 00:02:47,440 Speaker 3: really thrive in the dating phase on vasipressin, which is 56 00:02:47,480 --> 00:02:50,600 Speaker 3: like the protector and provider hormone, which makes them want 57 00:02:50,639 --> 00:02:53,080 Speaker 3: to feel like they're protective over you, like you're theirs, 58 00:02:53,240 --> 00:02:54,760 Speaker 3: you know. It makes them want to claim you, It 59 00:02:54,760 --> 00:02:57,359 Speaker 3: makes them want to provide for you, do things for you. 60 00:02:57,800 --> 00:03:01,640 Speaker 3: And as you are bonding, macipressing will increase. Once you 61 00:03:01,639 --> 00:03:03,560 Speaker 3: have sex with them, it massively decreases. 62 00:03:03,960 --> 00:03:05,160 Speaker 2: Wow, And so. 63 00:03:05,520 --> 00:03:07,920 Speaker 3: Then that's where they get the I don't know how 64 00:03:08,160 --> 00:03:10,040 Speaker 3: like if we can say this on the podcast, but 65 00:03:10,120 --> 00:03:13,799 Speaker 3: the like post nut clarity right that that guys talk about. 66 00:03:13,560 --> 00:03:16,040 Speaker 1: Wait say it again, the post nut. 67 00:03:15,840 --> 00:03:18,120 Speaker 3: Nut clarity right, Well, after they have sex and then 68 00:03:18,120 --> 00:03:19,880 Speaker 3: they're like, oh my gosh, I don't really like this shick, 69 00:03:19,960 --> 00:03:21,280 Speaker 3: Like I just wanted to have sex with her, and 70 00:03:21,320 --> 00:03:23,639 Speaker 3: I couldn't tell the difference. And a lot of men 71 00:03:23,760 --> 00:03:25,760 Speaker 3: can't tell the difference if they really just want to 72 00:03:25,760 --> 00:03:27,880 Speaker 3: have sex with a woman or if they really like them. 73 00:03:28,120 --> 00:03:28,760 Speaker 2: So what I tell? 74 00:03:28,800 --> 00:03:31,320 Speaker 1: And then what does oral sex count for that for 75 00:03:31,360 --> 00:03:34,079 Speaker 1: a man or it's really being inside someone. 76 00:03:34,240 --> 00:03:36,240 Speaker 3: I'm not sure exactly. I know that the studies have 77 00:03:36,320 --> 00:03:39,760 Speaker 3: really focused on you know, actual traditional sex, okay, additional 78 00:03:39,800 --> 00:03:43,160 Speaker 3: sex and vacipressing levels. But we see those levels drop 79 00:03:43,240 --> 00:03:45,160 Speaker 3: and they get this all of a sudden that can 80 00:03:45,200 --> 00:03:48,920 Speaker 3: make that strong instinct that I want to claim this person, 81 00:03:49,280 --> 00:03:51,680 Speaker 3: like really pull back, and all of a sudden they're like. 82 00:03:51,680 --> 00:03:53,200 Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, what did I do? Like I don't 83 00:03:53,320 --> 00:03:55,120 Speaker 2: well these feelings. 84 00:03:54,640 --> 00:03:59,240 Speaker 1: Okay, but that combined a woman who gets the oxytocin 85 00:03:59,320 --> 00:04:02,600 Speaker 1: and more cling because they have let someone literally inside 86 00:04:02,640 --> 00:04:05,480 Speaker 1: of them. It's different being inside of someone and someone 87 00:04:05,520 --> 00:04:08,760 Speaker 1: being inside of you you want like your The combination 88 00:04:08,880 --> 00:04:09,720 Speaker 1: is lethal. 89 00:04:09,840 --> 00:04:12,040 Speaker 3: Yes, absolutely, And I was just about to say that 90 00:04:12,040 --> 00:04:15,440 Speaker 3: that women's oxytocin, which is their bonding hormone actually increases 91 00:04:15,480 --> 00:04:16,039 Speaker 3: after sex. 92 00:04:16,360 --> 00:04:18,479 Speaker 2: So we have this disparity. 93 00:04:17,960 --> 00:04:22,159 Speaker 3: Right between how women and men are handling post sex 94 00:04:22,640 --> 00:04:26,320 Speaker 3: clarity and wants and needs, And so I always tell 95 00:04:26,400 --> 00:04:28,360 Speaker 3: women and they don't necessarily love it, but I'm like, 96 00:04:28,400 --> 00:04:30,520 Speaker 3: hold off, you know, hold off as long as you can, 97 00:04:30,600 --> 00:04:32,760 Speaker 3: because essentially what has to happen is the guy is 98 00:04:32,760 --> 00:04:35,440 Speaker 3: going to go Okay, I didn't get it on the 99 00:04:35,480 --> 00:04:37,440 Speaker 3: first date. Do I really want to see her for 100 00:04:37,480 --> 00:04:39,200 Speaker 3: a second date? Okay, I see her for a second date. 101 00:04:39,240 --> 00:04:41,200 Speaker 3: I still didn't get it. Do I like her enough 102 00:04:41,240 --> 00:04:42,440 Speaker 3: to want to see her for a third date? 103 00:04:42,480 --> 00:04:42,640 Speaker 1: Oh? 104 00:04:42,680 --> 00:04:45,039 Speaker 3: I still didn't get it. Do I like her enough 105 00:04:45,040 --> 00:04:46,360 Speaker 3: to want to see her for a fourth date? And 106 00:04:46,400 --> 00:04:50,280 Speaker 3: they have to keep them actually asking themselves interesting, this 107 00:04:50,440 --> 00:04:53,240 Speaker 3: somebody that I want to connect with is our emotional 108 00:04:53,440 --> 00:04:56,760 Speaker 3: and personality connection enough to sustain me. 109 00:04:57,279 --> 00:04:57,680 Speaker 2: For a while. 110 00:04:57,720 --> 00:05:00,920 Speaker 1: And that's a man's logic, but a women's in security. 111 00:05:01,000 --> 00:05:02,680 Speaker 1: And now let's get to the real thing, because a 112 00:05:02,680 --> 00:05:04,680 Speaker 1: lot of moms are on here, a lot of women, 113 00:05:04,720 --> 00:05:07,600 Speaker 1: a lot of women dating in their forties and fifties, 114 00:05:07,600 --> 00:05:09,560 Speaker 1: but a lot of moms. So we're doing two things 115 00:05:09,600 --> 00:05:11,760 Speaker 1: at the same time. We are trying to tell our 116 00:05:11,880 --> 00:05:13,919 Speaker 1: daughters what this is the only thing they want and 117 00:05:14,040 --> 00:05:16,599 Speaker 1: hold off. But we have to get granular about it 118 00:05:16,600 --> 00:05:19,599 Speaker 1: because we know that as a fifty four year old woman, 119 00:05:20,000 --> 00:05:22,520 Speaker 1: I have been out with men, really liked them. They've 120 00:05:22,560 --> 00:05:26,560 Speaker 1: been powerhouse ball or men. It's felt good. And there 121 00:05:26,600 --> 00:05:29,160 Speaker 1: have been times when it's not that I did something 122 00:05:29,160 --> 00:05:30,960 Speaker 1: I didn't want to do. It feels good. Who cares 123 00:05:31,279 --> 00:05:34,760 Speaker 1: where I might have gone further with someone? Then I 124 00:05:34,880 --> 00:05:39,359 Speaker 1: eat intellectually wanted to more for them, to sort of 125 00:05:39,400 --> 00:05:42,279 Speaker 1: like make them feel good and check the box for them. 126 00:05:42,400 --> 00:05:45,000 Speaker 1: And now men are manipulative just like women are, and 127 00:05:45,040 --> 00:05:48,200 Speaker 1: so our daughters. How are we if we ourselves have 128 00:05:48,360 --> 00:05:50,960 Speaker 1: done things that we don't want to do, or maybe 129 00:05:51,000 --> 00:05:52,520 Speaker 1: not done what we wouldn't want to do, we wanted 130 00:05:52,560 --> 00:05:54,680 Speaker 1: to do it, but regret it because we didn't just 131 00:05:54,680 --> 00:05:56,960 Speaker 1: say no, I'm not in my mind to me, meaning 132 00:05:57,000 --> 00:05:59,279 Speaker 1: I'm strong, I can tell a man no. It's me 133 00:05:59,480 --> 00:06:02,719 Speaker 1: to me And the weirdness of how to tell a 134 00:06:02,760 --> 00:06:05,159 Speaker 1: man no? So how are you telling us to a 135 00:06:06,520 --> 00:06:10,119 Speaker 1: tell our daughters exactly how to say no? So it works? 136 00:06:10,120 --> 00:06:13,039 Speaker 1: So it lands with an adolescent boy who has blue 137 00:06:13,040 --> 00:06:15,479 Speaker 1: balls and then how are you telling us to tell 138 00:06:15,520 --> 00:06:19,480 Speaker 1: ourselves that it as middle aged women, as thirty year old, 139 00:06:19,520 --> 00:06:21,839 Speaker 1: as twenty year old, all of it, all the things. 140 00:06:22,120 --> 00:06:22,480 Speaker 2: Yeah. 141 00:06:22,520 --> 00:06:24,160 Speaker 3: So it just brings to mind the fact that I 142 00:06:24,200 --> 00:06:27,080 Speaker 3: have a fourteen year old daughter, say fifteen now, right, 143 00:06:27,320 --> 00:06:29,880 Speaker 3: they're going to be getting into that stage where this 144 00:06:29,960 --> 00:06:32,000 Speaker 3: is a real sexual contact is a real possibility in 145 00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:33,360 Speaker 3: the next few years, right, I will do you. 146 00:06:34,080 --> 00:06:34,920 Speaker 2: I am forty three. 147 00:06:35,279 --> 00:06:37,400 Speaker 1: Okay, so you're younger, so great, But okay, so let's 148 00:06:37,400 --> 00:06:40,320 Speaker 1: go through. Give yourself the advice and give the child 149 00:06:40,360 --> 00:06:42,680 Speaker 1: the advice. But really how to land it? Not just 150 00:06:42,760 --> 00:06:47,880 Speaker 1: the concept of like, wait, okay, great, but how exactly. 151 00:06:47,760 --> 00:06:50,240 Speaker 3: Well, First of all, I think when I was that age, 152 00:06:50,480 --> 00:06:53,240 Speaker 3: if we're talking about like teenagers, I didn't really understand 153 00:06:53,240 --> 00:06:56,080 Speaker 3: all the consequences of sex. I mean, an unplanned pregnancy 154 00:06:56,160 --> 00:06:57,680 Speaker 3: is not the worst thing that can come out of 155 00:06:57,760 --> 00:07:00,960 Speaker 3: having sex. I mean diseases that can literally kill you 156 00:07:01,640 --> 00:07:03,960 Speaker 3: can come as a result of having sex, and you 157 00:07:04,000 --> 00:07:06,200 Speaker 3: can't necessarily tell who has those diseases and who to 158 00:07:06,720 --> 00:07:06,960 Speaker 3: you know. 159 00:07:07,040 --> 00:07:08,919 Speaker 1: I've never told that to my daughter. So that's the 160 00:07:08,920 --> 00:07:11,000 Speaker 1: first thing I have literally never I've told. 161 00:07:10,800 --> 00:07:13,320 Speaker 3: My and the statistics are one in five people have herpes, 162 00:07:13,520 --> 00:07:16,360 Speaker 3: and so you know, you can't necessarily tell that they 163 00:07:16,360 --> 00:07:18,080 Speaker 3: have it. They can live with it for years without 164 00:07:18,080 --> 00:07:19,400 Speaker 3: even themselves knowing that they have. 165 00:07:19,520 --> 00:07:22,040 Speaker 1: My daughter would react to that very much, yes. 166 00:07:21,960 --> 00:07:23,920 Speaker 2: Very strongly. So I believe mine would too. 167 00:07:24,720 --> 00:07:26,360 Speaker 3: And I've had that conversation and I saw it on 168 00:07:26,400 --> 00:07:28,560 Speaker 3: her face, so I believe that she didn't have that reaction. 169 00:07:41,440 --> 00:07:43,440 Speaker 3: I think for middle aged women we're a little bit 170 00:07:43,480 --> 00:07:46,280 Speaker 3: sort of more over the fear of sexually transmitted diseases 171 00:07:46,280 --> 00:07:47,600 Speaker 3: and that kind of stuff, like we're like, oh, we 172 00:07:47,640 --> 00:07:50,160 Speaker 3: can protect ourselves or whatever. But I think you have 173 00:07:50,200 --> 00:07:51,320 Speaker 3: to realize that they're significant. 174 00:07:51,360 --> 00:07:53,680 Speaker 1: We don't think about it that much. We really don't. 175 00:07:53,720 --> 00:07:56,000 Speaker 1: You're right, it's not discussed. We don't think about it. 176 00:07:56,400 --> 00:07:59,240 Speaker 1: And because we're a certain age where you're not going 177 00:07:59,320 --> 00:08:01,280 Speaker 1: to get pregnant, you really don't think about it. To 178 00:08:01,400 --> 00:08:03,800 Speaker 1: your point, we really don't think about it. Like it's 179 00:08:03,840 --> 00:08:06,560 Speaker 1: weird for a woman and man in their fifties to 180 00:08:06,560 --> 00:08:08,240 Speaker 1: be like, do you have a condom? It's like it's 181 00:08:08,280 --> 00:08:11,239 Speaker 1: like you're in college again. It's a very interesting thing. Yes, 182 00:08:11,400 --> 00:08:13,400 Speaker 1: it is a very interesting thing. But believe it or not, 183 00:08:13,520 --> 00:08:15,160 Speaker 1: I have a lot of clients that come to me 184 00:08:15,280 --> 00:08:17,920 Speaker 1: in their forties and fifties and say, I've never had 185 00:08:17,920 --> 00:08:20,000 Speaker 1: an STD in my life, but I started dating. You know, 186 00:08:20,080 --> 00:08:22,640 Speaker 1: I didn't even think about us because they're also in 187 00:08:22,680 --> 00:08:24,480 Speaker 1: their free spirit phase where they'll do. 188 00:08:24,640 --> 00:08:25,640 Speaker 2: Or post of verse. 189 00:08:25,960 --> 00:08:28,600 Speaker 3: You know, they're selling their wild oats. Yeah, you're trying 190 00:08:28,640 --> 00:08:31,120 Speaker 3: to find themselves and boom they get hit with this 191 00:08:31,240 --> 00:08:33,800 Speaker 3: STD and then they're like, oh my gosh, like what 192 00:08:33,880 --> 00:08:35,680 Speaker 3: do I do? And sometimes it's you know, one of 193 00:08:35,679 --> 00:08:38,040 Speaker 3: the STDs that just doesn't you know, it doesn't go well. 194 00:08:38,080 --> 00:08:41,520 Speaker 1: Now, guess what my friend did tell a guy that 195 00:08:41,600 --> 00:08:43,679 Speaker 1: he has to be tested before they're going to have sex. 196 00:08:43,720 --> 00:08:45,880 Speaker 1: And you know what, I've had people say that they 197 00:08:45,920 --> 00:08:49,880 Speaker 1: want a personality test taken or just like anecdotally the 198 00:08:49,920 --> 00:08:53,320 Speaker 1: what we talked about with an attachment test. But I 199 00:08:53,360 --> 00:08:56,960 Speaker 1: think that's a very not for a teen, but for 200 00:08:57,000 --> 00:09:00,000 Speaker 1: a woman our age my age, George, that's an empowered 201 00:09:00,000 --> 00:09:01,840 Speaker 1: growing thing and a ball or move to say to 202 00:09:01,880 --> 00:09:05,120 Speaker 1: a man, I want to get to know you emotionally 203 00:09:05,160 --> 00:09:07,079 Speaker 1: in addition to intimately, but I would need you to 204 00:09:07,120 --> 00:09:08,880 Speaker 1: take a test, And I think they would think that 205 00:09:08,960 --> 00:09:11,520 Speaker 1: was fucking sexy as fuck for a woman to say 206 00:09:11,559 --> 00:09:12,000 Speaker 1: that to them. 207 00:09:12,280 --> 00:09:15,160 Speaker 3: I mean, I think that you know your needs and 208 00:09:15,200 --> 00:09:18,120 Speaker 3: your wants are valid, whatever those things are for me personally, 209 00:09:18,160 --> 00:09:19,840 Speaker 3: what I did when I met my husband, I had 210 00:09:19,880 --> 00:09:21,600 Speaker 3: just gone through a big healing journey. 211 00:09:21,679 --> 00:09:23,280 Speaker 2: I had been single for over a year. 212 00:09:23,840 --> 00:09:25,960 Speaker 3: I had, you know, done all the stuff to work 213 00:09:25,960 --> 00:09:27,760 Speaker 3: on my attachment healing, and I was ready to put 214 00:09:27,760 --> 00:09:29,439 Speaker 3: myself on the dating market. I dated a couple of 215 00:09:29,480 --> 00:09:31,800 Speaker 3: people that you know, it just didn't take off. I 216 00:09:31,840 --> 00:09:34,840 Speaker 3: wasn't very interested. And then I met him and I 217 00:09:34,920 --> 00:09:36,960 Speaker 3: did know after a couple of dates, like, wow, I 218 00:09:37,000 --> 00:09:40,480 Speaker 3: really have something special, some special feelings for this guy. 219 00:09:40,559 --> 00:09:40,719 Speaker 1: Right. 220 00:09:40,800 --> 00:09:43,960 Speaker 3: So basically just laid it on the table, and that 221 00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:45,839 Speaker 3: way I knew I would hold myself accountable. I said, 222 00:09:45,840 --> 00:09:48,040 Speaker 3: I'm not going to have sex with you until we're 223 00:09:48,040 --> 00:09:51,560 Speaker 3: in a committed relationship. I'm not doing it like until 224 00:09:51,640 --> 00:09:54,320 Speaker 3: i'm yours and yours you know, there's exclusivity in this 225 00:09:54,400 --> 00:09:54,720 Speaker 3: ERAa and. 226 00:09:54,760 --> 00:09:57,400 Speaker 1: The way that's a confident thing to say too. That's 227 00:09:57,400 --> 00:09:59,400 Speaker 1: a confident thing to say too. I don't have sex 228 00:09:59,440 --> 00:10:00,959 Speaker 1: unless'm going to I'm in a relationship. You're allowed to 229 00:10:01,040 --> 00:10:02,560 Speaker 1: have that as your code. We want to get into 230 00:10:02,559 --> 00:10:03,880 Speaker 1: the kids and what we're going to say to them 231 00:10:03,960 --> 00:10:07,760 Speaker 1: next too. But that's a code that because the gray 232 00:10:07,880 --> 00:10:10,200 Speaker 1: is where you get confused. If you have like a code, 233 00:10:10,760 --> 00:10:14,120 Speaker 1: that's it, that's that's it. So I like that as 234 00:10:14,120 --> 00:10:15,840 Speaker 1: a code, and that's my new code. 235 00:10:16,240 --> 00:10:17,480 Speaker 2: I just didn't want him to worry. 236 00:10:17,480 --> 00:10:19,520 Speaker 3: I just didn't want myself to worry about him going 237 00:10:19,559 --> 00:10:21,240 Speaker 3: in sleeping with other people if I was sleeping with. 238 00:10:21,200 --> 00:10:23,080 Speaker 1: Him, or you don't want to feel like someone's not 239 00:10:23,080 --> 00:10:24,840 Speaker 1: going to call you to the point of what I 240 00:10:24,840 --> 00:10:27,680 Speaker 1: said before, like I'm you know, unless you're in that 241 00:10:27,800 --> 00:10:30,600 Speaker 1: sex and city Samantha phase which I don't go through, 242 00:10:30,880 --> 00:10:32,319 Speaker 1: which some women are. You want to go out and 243 00:10:32,360 --> 00:10:33,960 Speaker 1: get laid, fine, then someone has to use a condom 244 00:10:34,080 --> 00:10:35,400 Speaker 1: or they have to get tested. You're allowed to be 245 00:10:35,400 --> 00:10:38,240 Speaker 1: in a sexual relationship. But for me, you are correct. 246 00:10:38,320 --> 00:10:39,839 Speaker 1: I'm not having sex with someone unless I'm going to 247 00:10:39,840 --> 00:10:42,679 Speaker 1: commit a relationship. It's extremely black and white. But I 248 00:10:42,760 --> 00:10:44,480 Speaker 1: don't think I've ever said it like that, and I 249 00:10:44,520 --> 00:10:47,960 Speaker 1: think that's I've said. I want my emotions to catch 250 00:10:48,040 --> 00:10:51,160 Speaker 1: up with my physicality, but it's not quite as strong 251 00:10:51,240 --> 00:10:52,840 Speaker 1: as what were you just said. 252 00:10:52,880 --> 00:10:55,840 Speaker 3: Right, and then I also, you know, there's some confidence there. 253 00:10:55,880 --> 00:10:59,320 Speaker 3: There's some confidence there that I'm saying it's compatible. You know, 254 00:10:59,400 --> 00:11:01,920 Speaker 3: this is going to be going somewhere. There's a level 255 00:11:01,920 --> 00:11:04,680 Speaker 3: of respect for each other that has been developed. There's 256 00:11:04,720 --> 00:11:07,240 Speaker 3: a level of bay and it's been able to show 257 00:11:07,480 --> 00:11:09,959 Speaker 3: that they are capable of giving you what you need 258 00:11:10,000 --> 00:11:12,040 Speaker 3: outside of having a sexual relationship. 259 00:11:12,120 --> 00:11:15,160 Speaker 1: No, yes, but I think there's a confidence. I think 260 00:11:15,200 --> 00:11:18,000 Speaker 1: you could get two things accomplished. I think number one, 261 00:11:18,000 --> 00:11:20,240 Speaker 1: there's a confidence there with both people. But I think 262 00:11:20,280 --> 00:11:22,720 Speaker 1: a woman saying to a man who's at the level 263 00:11:23,360 --> 00:11:26,080 Speaker 1: that like is a catch that she thinks is a catch, 264 00:11:26,559 --> 00:11:29,640 Speaker 1: saying to him that makes him think she's so much 265 00:11:29,880 --> 00:11:32,200 Speaker 1: more of a catch, Like that's just such a strong, 266 00:11:32,360 --> 00:11:34,480 Speaker 1: confident thing to say. So I think you get more 267 00:11:34,520 --> 00:11:36,240 Speaker 1: than one thing accomplished. It's my new thing. 268 00:11:36,600 --> 00:11:37,079 Speaker 2: I do too. 269 00:11:37,120 --> 00:11:39,000 Speaker 3: And then I think it weeds out the bad guys 270 00:11:39,040 --> 00:11:40,960 Speaker 3: that are just like Harry and get laid right, so 271 00:11:41,360 --> 00:11:43,439 Speaker 3: you know they're going to weed themselves out. And I 272 00:11:43,480 --> 00:11:45,160 Speaker 3: would say, go see you, you know, don't let the 273 00:11:45,200 --> 00:11:47,000 Speaker 3: door hit you on the way out. And I think 274 00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:51,640 Speaker 3: also too, just being able to know that what does happen. 275 00:11:51,880 --> 00:11:55,240 Speaker 3: There's a level of comfort there that has already been established. 276 00:11:55,520 --> 00:11:58,080 Speaker 3: It felt really good, It felt really safe, exactly, it 277 00:11:58,120 --> 00:12:03,200 Speaker 3: felt so safe. And I think people underestimate the psychological 278 00:12:03,280 --> 00:12:07,880 Speaker 3: vulnerabilities and the psychological and emotional impacts of having sex 279 00:12:07,880 --> 00:12:11,880 Speaker 3: with somebody that then turns around and you know, abandons 280 00:12:11,920 --> 00:12:14,840 Speaker 3: you or betrays you or whatnot because you didn't establish 281 00:12:14,880 --> 00:12:17,000 Speaker 3: a connection and a level of trust. And what I 282 00:12:17,040 --> 00:12:18,880 Speaker 3: tell people is, listen, you're in charge of your own body. 283 00:12:18,920 --> 00:12:20,400 Speaker 3: Go do whatever it is you. 284 00:12:20,360 --> 00:12:20,760 Speaker 2: Want to do. 285 00:12:20,840 --> 00:12:22,360 Speaker 3: I'm not going to shame you. I'm not going to 286 00:12:22,400 --> 00:12:24,439 Speaker 3: try to, you know, tell you that you should or 287 00:12:24,480 --> 00:12:26,439 Speaker 3: shouldn't do something. I'm just trying to hear to tell 288 00:12:26,480 --> 00:12:30,600 Speaker 3: you the risks and what could actually benefit you by 289 00:12:30,800 --> 00:12:34,440 Speaker 3: delaying sex is by keeping around a guy that is 290 00:12:34,480 --> 00:12:36,840 Speaker 3: becoming more confident that he wants to be with you 291 00:12:37,000 --> 00:12:39,320 Speaker 3: even in absence of that thing, which for a man 292 00:12:40,120 --> 00:12:42,680 Speaker 3: is a pretty big like revelation that they can have. 293 00:12:42,920 --> 00:12:45,880 Speaker 1: No And I yes, and I think for my daughter, 294 00:12:45,960 --> 00:12:48,160 Speaker 1: because that's as important as what we're saying, more is 295 00:12:48,200 --> 00:12:52,120 Speaker 1: more important. I would say what you said about diseases 296 00:12:52,160 --> 00:12:53,839 Speaker 1: and what I mean, I would also talk about what 297 00:12:53,920 --> 00:12:56,880 Speaker 1: men are like and that also, you don't they're going 298 00:12:56,920 --> 00:12:58,760 Speaker 1: to react to it's hard for you to understand. But 299 00:12:58,800 --> 00:13:01,200 Speaker 1: if you do it, they're going to respect you have 300 00:13:01,240 --> 00:13:05,360 Speaker 1: a less likely chance of them liking you after sadly, 301 00:13:05,760 --> 00:13:07,840 Speaker 1: and and they and they get what they want. And 302 00:13:07,880 --> 00:13:11,720 Speaker 1: I would also say that a child can also should 303 00:13:11,720 --> 00:13:13,400 Speaker 1: not be having sex, but you can't. It's like saying 304 00:13:13,400 --> 00:13:15,960 Speaker 1: they shouldn't be drinking. We can't control of that. Should 305 00:13:15,960 --> 00:13:19,440 Speaker 1: be saying I won't do this unless I'm in They 306 00:13:19,480 --> 00:13:21,360 Speaker 1: can say it too, unless I have a boyfriend. But 307 00:13:21,400 --> 00:13:24,560 Speaker 1: then also, uh, they have to use a condom. It's 308 00:13:24,600 --> 00:13:26,440 Speaker 1: gonna it's harder for them. And that's why we have 309 00:13:26,800 --> 00:13:28,880 Speaker 1: wanted pregnancy these n STDs. But I have to make 310 00:13:28,920 --> 00:13:32,000 Speaker 1: sure that that's landed. But it's also like saying I 311 00:13:32,040 --> 00:13:33,960 Speaker 1: know a lot of people. I heard recently j Loo 312 00:13:34,080 --> 00:13:37,200 Speaker 1: saying that she never drank even though she launched a 313 00:13:37,200 --> 00:13:39,360 Speaker 1: liquor brand, but then she I don't think she markets 314 00:13:39,360 --> 00:13:42,400 Speaker 1: that anymore, but that she never drank because her mom 315 00:13:42,640 --> 00:13:45,880 Speaker 1: just said to her that it was bad and her reasons. 316 00:13:45,920 --> 00:13:49,480 Speaker 1: And I'm like, look, it takes a strong person to 317 00:13:49,640 --> 00:13:52,320 Speaker 1: not drink and to say it with confidence, but you 318 00:13:52,360 --> 00:13:53,920 Speaker 1: can do it, and that's the same thing as sex. 319 00:13:54,040 --> 00:13:56,240 Speaker 3: Yeah, And I think so she give you more confidence, right, 320 00:13:56,240 --> 00:13:58,720 Speaker 3: because everybody else around you is probably gonna be giving in. 321 00:13:59,240 --> 00:14:01,680 Speaker 3: And so they're there is you know, a nature of 322 00:14:01,800 --> 00:14:04,240 Speaker 3: men that they want the special one, right, they want 323 00:14:04,280 --> 00:14:06,559 Speaker 3: the gazelle, they want the one with the high standards. 324 00:14:06,559 --> 00:14:09,280 Speaker 3: And I think men inherently know if you're sleeping with 325 00:14:09,320 --> 00:14:11,600 Speaker 3: them on the first or second date. Inherently they're like, yeah, 326 00:14:11,640 --> 00:14:13,679 Speaker 3: I'm not the only one you've done this with no 327 00:14:14,760 --> 00:14:16,880 Speaker 3: hard telling me I'm special and that you don't usually 328 00:14:16,920 --> 00:14:17,200 Speaker 3: do this. 329 00:14:17,920 --> 00:14:20,760 Speaker 2: But they're not buying it, right, No, No. 330 00:14:20,920 --> 00:14:22,920 Speaker 1: And then also the hard thing we're dealing with too, 331 00:14:22,960 --> 00:14:26,800 Speaker 1: is that, like I'm in my mind, we're so naive 332 00:14:26,840 --> 00:14:28,680 Speaker 1: and we have so many blind spots. As parents, I, 333 00:14:28,760 --> 00:14:31,320 Speaker 1: in my mind, have been most focused on the substances, 334 00:14:31,640 --> 00:14:37,000 Speaker 1: the drinking, the possibility of drugs arising. I have literally 335 00:14:37,040 --> 00:14:39,640 Speaker 1: not been thinking about the sex at all. I have 336 00:14:39,840 --> 00:14:42,880 Speaker 1: not been thinking I have a fifth Yeah, I'm good 337 00:14:42,960 --> 00:14:46,360 Speaker 1: like so to Yeah, so homework for you parents. We're 338 00:14:46,400 --> 00:14:48,520 Speaker 1: all naive, we all think it's never gonna happen to us, 339 00:14:48,560 --> 00:14:50,400 Speaker 1: and it's not our kid. So I would give you 340 00:14:50,400 --> 00:14:53,640 Speaker 1: guys the homework to now go deal with both. It 341 00:14:53,640 --> 00:14:56,120 Speaker 1: could be separately, but deal with both things like deal 342 00:14:56,160 --> 00:14:57,880 Speaker 1: with the sex of it and the drugs of it 343 00:14:58,200 --> 00:15:00,480 Speaker 1: and the alcohol of it, because they're both in existent. 344 00:15:00,600 --> 00:15:01,720 Speaker 1: Like we were all kids. 345 00:15:01,840 --> 00:15:03,880 Speaker 3: I think we take the wrong approach when we're just like, 346 00:15:04,680 --> 00:15:07,200 Speaker 3: don't do it. That's it exactly right, Like we're not 347 00:15:07,240 --> 00:15:09,320 Speaker 3: talking about this. I think you need to make your 348 00:15:09,400 --> 00:15:11,640 Speaker 3: child feel comfortable enough with you to be able to 349 00:15:11,680 --> 00:15:14,840 Speaker 3: talk about it, because if they do eventually get themselves 350 00:15:14,880 --> 00:15:17,200 Speaker 3: into a bad situation, you want them to be able 351 00:15:17,240 --> 00:15:18,720 Speaker 3: to come to you and tell you so you can 352 00:15:18,760 --> 00:15:21,280 Speaker 3: help them problem solve that and work that out and 353 00:15:21,320 --> 00:15:24,720 Speaker 3: be okay emotionally when if and if that does happen. 354 00:15:24,920 --> 00:15:26,600 Speaker 1: This is what's happening tonight. This is my night, is 355 00:15:26,640 --> 00:15:29,480 Speaker 1: my evening, is my homework. Awesome. You were amazing. I'm 356 00:15:29,480 --> 00:15:31,040 Speaker 1: so I would love to have you on again. It 357 00:15:31,080 --> 00:15:32,000 Speaker 1: was really excellent. 358 00:15:32,280 --> 00:15:35,280 Speaker 3: Thank you so much. I enjoyed chatting with excellent. Love 359 00:15:35,280 --> 00:15:37,640 Speaker 3: your TikTok videos. I love how you just you know 360 00:15:37,680 --> 00:15:40,280 Speaker 3: what you just say. Whatever it is like is really 361 00:15:40,280 --> 00:15:43,360 Speaker 3: you're really passionate about and authenticity is so regulating to 362 00:15:43,400 --> 00:15:45,600 Speaker 3: the nervous system. And I find you incredibly authentic. And 363 00:15:45,640 --> 00:15:47,560 Speaker 3: I think that's why I enjoy your TikTok, because oh 364 00:15:47,560 --> 00:15:49,440 Speaker 3: I appreciate it, just like you know what, Chase screwed 365 00:15:49,440 --> 00:15:51,040 Speaker 3: me over today and I'm gonna and I'm gonna freaking 366 00:15:51,120 --> 00:15:51,600 Speaker 3: talk about this. 367 00:15:53,240 --> 00:15:56,400 Speaker 1: They certainly did, and many people as well. Awesome, Thank 368 00:15:56,480 --> 00:15:57,160 Speaker 1: you so much. 369 00:15:57,360 --> 00:15:59,680 Speaker 2: You're so welcome, Bethany. Thank you so much for inviting me. 370 00:15:59,720 --> 00:16:01,920 Speaker 3: It was a of course, have a great day you too, 371 00:16:02,000 --> 00:16:21,479 Speaker 3: Thank you, good Bye.