WEBVTT - I Choose...To Stop Overthinking with Dr. Jenny Taitz

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<v Speaker 1>You're listening to I Choose Me with Jenny Garth. Hi, everybody,

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<v Speaker 1>welcome to I Choose Me.

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<v Speaker 2>This podcast is all about the choices we make and

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<v Speaker 2>where they lead us. This is a special day today

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<v Speaker 2>on the podcast. All of you listeners have gotten to

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<v Speaker 2>know some of the other people in my inner circle,

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<v Speaker 2>but today you get to meet my youngest daughter, Fiona. Hi,

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<v Speaker 2>Fiona Bai.

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<v Speaker 1>Welcome to the podcast.

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<v Speaker 3>So happy to be here.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh, I'm happy to have you here.

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<v Speaker 2>Now it's I think I've had everyone. Oh maybe not Luca,

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<v Speaker 2>I can't remember. Anyways, Today we're going to talk about

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<v Speaker 2>something that affects both of us, I know, stress and overthinking,

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<v Speaker 2>and we're going to be joined by a psychologist and

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<v Speaker 2>author of Stress Resets, doctor Jenny Taits a little bit later,

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<v Speaker 2>but first I want to kind of just talk about

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<v Speaker 2>the fact that we're overthinkers.

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<v Speaker 1>M hmm, yeah, I know.

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<v Speaker 2>I've been overthinking most of my life, certainly upon becoming

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<v Speaker 2>an adult. I think that's when it really started for me.

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<v Speaker 2>Before I was an adult, I was working in an

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<v Speaker 2>adult environment, so I had a lot of stress, and

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<v Speaker 2>I think that caused me to overthink more than a

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<v Speaker 2>normal person.

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<v Speaker 4>Perhaps I can imagine.

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<v Speaker 1>I don't know.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm trying to think of like, what are certain things

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<v Speaker 2>I overthink about? What are things that you overthink everything? Everything?

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<v Speaker 4>But I feel like recently it's gotten worse as I've

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<v Speaker 4>gotten a little bit older, with all the stresses and

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<v Speaker 4>end of high school and all that, just thinking about

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<v Speaker 4>my future and stuff. But yeah, yeah, honestly, I feel

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<v Speaker 4>like my brain is constantly on a spiral at all times.

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<v Speaker 4>And I know you sometimes feel like that.

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<v Speaker 2>You said you're a senior. Yeah, for those of you

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<v Speaker 2>that don't know, she's in her senior year of high school.

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<v Speaker 2>And so I think during a senior year for teenagers,

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<v Speaker 2>there is a lot more stress all of a sudden,

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<v Speaker 2>and it comes fast and it comes hard, and you're like,

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<v Speaker 2>wait what.

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<v Speaker 4>Yeah. I remember the first day of senior year. I

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<v Speaker 4>was like so overwhelmed because I had all these college

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<v Speaker 4>applications that I hadn't even started thinking about. But yeah,

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<v Speaker 4>it's been a lot. Even though it's over the college applications,

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<v Speaker 4>I still feel myself like always feelings I have something

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<v Speaker 4>I need to be doing.

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<v Speaker 2>So college preparing is a stressor for you, it makes

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<v Speaker 2>you overthink what else?

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<v Speaker 4>Hm, I feel like just life and future, I beyond college,

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<v Speaker 4>just what I'm gonna do, and every day just where

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<v Speaker 4>you're gonna live, Yeah, where I'm gonna live, Where I'm

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<v Speaker 4>How'm gonna make money.

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<v Speaker 1>Who's gonna do your laundry?

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<v Speaker 3>Exactly? I feel like a lot is just hitting me.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, what about like social media?

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<v Speaker 3>Social media for sure.

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<v Speaker 4>Yeah, I feel like it's just constantly stressing me out,

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<v Speaker 4>especially TikTok. I feel like recently just scrolling and there's

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<v Speaker 4>always something new that I'm seeing, and sometimes it can

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<v Speaker 4>be really scary, and sometimes it's like just very stressful.

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<v Speaker 4>It feels like there's something always on my mind.

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<v Speaker 1>M hm, how did this?

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<v Speaker 2>I don't know how the TikToker works. Do you like

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<v Speaker 2>pick who you're gonna follow and that's all you see

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<v Speaker 2>or do you get random stuff all the day? No?

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<v Speaker 4>Well, yes, you can follow certain people, but there's also

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<v Speaker 4>like a for you page, which isn't really for me

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<v Speaker 4>anymore because I feel like my algorithm is so weird recently,

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<v Speaker 4>and like it'll just show me random videos of like

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<v Speaker 4>stressful things and it's like I got hooked to them,

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<v Speaker 4>you know.

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<v Speaker 2>And before you know it, you're yeah, yeah, it's like.

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<v Speaker 4>Ten minutes long, and I just keep watching, keep watching,

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<v Speaker 4>and I feel like I just think about that all day.

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<v Speaker 2>And well, for example, like, what's an example of something

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<v Speaker 2>you saw that made you think about it all day?

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<v Speaker 5>Well, the other day I saw the saddest edit of

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<v Speaker 5>like just the state of the world right now and

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<v Speaker 5>all that stuff, and it just kind of got me

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<v Speaker 5>thinking and stressing about these greater things than I am,

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<v Speaker 5>and you know, climate changed.

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<v Speaker 4>And all these things that I shouldn't really have to

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<v Speaker 4>be worrying about, but like I am, And I feel

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<v Speaker 4>like it just escalates it so much on TikTok, because

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<v Speaker 4>it's once you watch one video, then there's another video

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<v Speaker 4>about it, and the amount of times you're watching the

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<v Speaker 4>video then gives you more videos like that, and it's

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<v Speaker 4>just it's a lot.

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<v Speaker 3>It's very stressful.

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<v Speaker 2>So your algorithm isn't just puppies anymore.

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<v Speaker 1>No, it's not.

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<v Speaker 4>I mean I thought it was. And then you watch

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<v Speaker 4>one video about World war and then there's ten videos

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<v Speaker 4>about World war and then it's like I don't even

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<v Speaker 4>know how that got there, but.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh man, yeah, yeah.

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<v Speaker 2>I Mean when I was younger, I didn't have those

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<v Speaker 2>kind of stressors. I didn't have that access to all

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<v Speaker 2>the bad things happening all across the world. Yeah, my

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<v Speaker 2>fingertips exactly.

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<v Speaker 4>There's like a lot of news channels on tichnokal news

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<v Speaker 4>accounts that just.

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<v Speaker 3>Kind of update.

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<v Speaker 4>I remember when the were happening in California, every single

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<v Speaker 4>video my for you page was about the fires and

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<v Speaker 4>how they're getting worse. And it can be really stressful

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<v Speaker 4>because not only does it set you into thinking about that,

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<v Speaker 4>but then when you turn off TikTok, that's also all

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<v Speaker 4>you can think about, and then you're you know, spiraling

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<v Speaker 4>and just going off in your head about it.

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<v Speaker 2>So I'm sure that can be really hard on a person,

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<v Speaker 2>especially a young person's nervous system. Yeah, yeah, that doesn't

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<v Speaker 2>I remember when you know, social media started for you,

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<v Speaker 2>and I think my biggest concerns were like, oh no,

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<v Speaker 2>she's gonna see naked people or like poorn or something

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<v Speaker 2>like that was my biggest concern. But I think just

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<v Speaker 2>the state of the world and politics and everything right

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<v Speaker 2>now is more concerning than that. Okay, that's so true.

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<v Speaker 2>As a mother and a daughter, let's talk about what

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<v Speaker 2>causes each of us to get stressed with each other.

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<v Speaker 2>Because you're the baby of the family. I was the

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<v Speaker 2>baby of the family, so we have a lot in

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<v Speaker 2>common you. I think you know that we're very similar.

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<v Speaker 2>I don't know if you like that. It's good, right,

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<v Speaker 2>but what do you think? I'll just tell you what

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<v Speaker 2>are some of the things that I get stressed about

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<v Speaker 2>with you?

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<v Speaker 1>Okay, okay, here we go.

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<v Speaker 2>How about for the Super Bowl, you decided to go

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<v Speaker 2>into your stepdad's closet and take out one of his

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<v Speaker 2>vintage Eagles shirts from when he was a child, and

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<v Speaker 2>you decided to be a good idea to cut it

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<v Speaker 2>into a tummy show. Yeah, who's cute.

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<v Speaker 1>That stressed me out.

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<v Speaker 2>You look really cute, but he did not look so cute.

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<v Speaker 1>I mean no, okay.

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<v Speaker 3>It was at the bottom of his dresser.

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<v Speaker 2>And yes, that's where you keep things that are important

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<v Speaker 2>to you.

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<v Speaker 1>Probably just moving forward.

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<v Speaker 4>It says something like, what did it say? It's just

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<v Speaker 4>it doesn't matter, he said, I manage what it said,

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<v Speaker 4>because it said like you want a piece of this,

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<v Speaker 4>get in line or.

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<v Speaker 2>Some Oh you like the slogan. Okay, well you can

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<v Speaker 2>explain that to him further. One of the other things

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<v Speaker 2>that stresses me out is when you drive. Every time

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<v Speaker 2>you walk out the door. I stress out until you

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<v Speaker 2>walk back in the door. That's not your fault, that's

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<v Speaker 2>just being a mom. Yeah. I stress about your stress

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<v Speaker 2>level honestly, Like I worry that you have too many

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<v Speaker 2>things to deal with at such a young age. I

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<v Speaker 2>stress also about just your experience. I stress so much

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<v Speaker 2>about you being on the social media because I see

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<v Speaker 2>you in the morning, you're on it, and right before

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<v Speaker 2>you go to sleep, you're on it like you're going

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<v Speaker 2>to sleep with some maybe not so great imagery and messaging.

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<v Speaker 4>I feel like I try to do a good job

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<v Speaker 4>of you did trying, but it can be.

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<v Speaker 3>A lot sometimes.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, what do you stress out when with regard to me?

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<v Speaker 4>I mean, I don't even know. I feel like it's

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<v Speaker 4>just a constant stress sometimes with like you know, making

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<v Speaker 4>you proud and all that, and I mean, I don't

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<v Speaker 4>really know what I stress about with you.

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<v Speaker 2>What do you mean making me proud? Like you stress

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<v Speaker 2>about making me proud?

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<v Speaker 1>Grades I want to.

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<v Speaker 3>Make you proud, but you do.

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<v Speaker 4>Sometimes the way I act can be I have a

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<v Speaker 4>lot in my head and a lot I'm overthinking about.

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<v Speaker 4>Sometimes I lash out at you or you know, I

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<v Speaker 4>can get irritable and stuff like that, and I and

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<v Speaker 4>I stress about how you think of me and stuff

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<v Speaker 4>like that. So I do I stress about when you're stressed.

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<v Speaker 4>I can feel it by the way I know when

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<v Speaker 4>you're stressed.

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<v Speaker 1>These are both It makes me stress. So, yeah, we're

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<v Speaker 1>gonna have to talk to the doctor about that.

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<v Speaker 3>I do want to know how to deal with that.

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<v Speaker 2>H Do you stress about the way you look? Do

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<v Speaker 2>you stress about things like that?

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<v Speaker 4>Yeah? I think that's always a stress in a lot

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<v Speaker 4>of people's minds, absolutely, especially with social media and all that.

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<v Speaker 4>I think like it's very heightened the way the girls

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<v Speaker 4>see each other like themselves right now in comparison to others,

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<v Speaker 4>comparing yourself. I stress about like what people think of

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<v Speaker 4>me all the time, even though I try to not

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<v Speaker 4>so is you know high school too has been really

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<v Speaker 4>hard for me. I know, like I know other people

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<v Speaker 4>have had hard times too, but it's very stressful. A

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<v Speaker 4>lot of girls pitted against each other, a lot of

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<v Speaker 4>conflict and drama, and that just make someone stress about

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<v Speaker 4>who they are though.

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<v Speaker 2>That that whole competition with girls your age or just

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<v Speaker 2>other girls in general, is so damaging. Yeah, And you

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<v Speaker 2>can you know if you start that in high school

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<v Speaker 2>you carry that around with you for a while, Yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>until someday you're just free of it and it's the

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<v Speaker 2>best feeling ever. But I remember that feeling as a

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<v Speaker 2>young adult, certainly a young girl working as an actress.

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<v Speaker 2>That made me feel like I was against other girls times,

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<v Speaker 2>and I hated that feeling.

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<v Speaker 4>It stresses you out because you know that that's not

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<v Speaker 4>who you are and that's not what you want to do.

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<v Speaker 4>But then it feels in the moment that that's what's happening,

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<v Speaker 4>you know, And it also causes you to overthink. I

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<v Speaker 4>know it causes me to overthink a lot, just kind

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<v Speaker 4>of going on in your head down this spiral of

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<v Speaker 4>like am I good enough? What? You know?

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<v Speaker 3>All those thoughts that come up?

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, so all the thoughts that's the ruminating. I think

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<v Speaker 2>that's the like obsessing on one thought and then it

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<v Speaker 2>sort of just spirals and you start thinking about all

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<v Speaker 2>the other bad thoughts that can.

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<v Speaker 1>Go with it.

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<v Speaker 2>How do you stop yourself from doing that? Before we

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<v Speaker 2>talk to the doctor and find out, Like, I'd love

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<v Speaker 2>to know.

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<v Speaker 4>How she stulls it, But I think sometimes for me

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<v Speaker 4>is I do have a really hard time stopping you

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<v Speaker 4>when I start to like go down that hole. I

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<v Speaker 4>want to ask the doctor this. But I did see

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<v Speaker 4>something where like if you say a certain word out loud,

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<v Speaker 4>it kind of stops.

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<v Speaker 3>The thought cycle.

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<v Speaker 4>I don't know if that's accurate information, but I want

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<v Speaker 4>to know how, like psychologically you can really stop yourself

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<v Speaker 4>from ruminating, because I feel like when I start it,

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<v Speaker 4>just I'm thinking about something and it starts into something else,

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<v Speaker 4>and before I know what, I'm spend forty five minutes

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<v Speaker 4>of just spiraling in my head.

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<v Speaker 2>And I don't even what if you, like, say you're

0:11:19.520 --> 0:11:22.040
<v Speaker 2>ruminating on the way to school about something. When you

0:11:22.080 --> 0:11:24.560
<v Speaker 2>get to school and your body's doing something different and

0:11:24.600 --> 0:11:28.120
<v Speaker 2>you're seeing different things, do you do those thoughts end

0:11:28.320 --> 0:11:29.160
<v Speaker 2>or Yeah?

0:11:29.160 --> 0:11:30.040
<v Speaker 3>I can get distracted.

0:11:30.120 --> 0:11:34.240
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, distraction especially I heard one thing naming just like

0:11:34.320 --> 0:11:36.960
<v Speaker 4>pointing out five things you see and like smell and hear,

0:11:37.000 --> 0:11:40.120
<v Speaker 4>and you know, stuff like that can help you make

0:11:40.160 --> 0:11:43.000
<v Speaker 4>your mind think in a different pattern. But yeah, I

0:11:43.000 --> 0:11:45.880
<v Speaker 4>do get distracted when I start thinking about certain.

0:11:46.720 --> 0:11:49.800
<v Speaker 2>How how do you feel in your body when you're

0:11:50.840 --> 0:11:53.960
<v Speaker 2>at your most stressed? Like where does it show up

0:11:53.960 --> 0:11:54.560
<v Speaker 2>in your body?

0:11:56.280 --> 0:11:57.440
<v Speaker 3>I actually was thinking.

0:11:57.200 --> 0:11:59.240
<v Speaker 4>About that the other day because I don't know if

0:11:59.280 --> 0:12:04.280
<v Speaker 4>I you. But I tend to get really sweaty. That's normady, Okay,

0:12:04.320 --> 0:12:06.360
<v Speaker 4>I really have a problem with that. All my friends

0:12:06.440 --> 0:12:08.960
<v Speaker 4>like nowhere where like sweatywear.

0:12:09.880 --> 0:12:11.040
<v Speaker 1>I don't want to get into that.

0:12:11.120 --> 0:12:16.000
<v Speaker 2>But armpit, sweat, hands, sweat, yes, okay, okay, do your

0:12:16.080 --> 0:12:17.160
<v Speaker 2>feet sweat us?

0:12:18.160 --> 0:12:21.120
<v Speaker 4>You know? But I think I don't know what that

0:12:21.240 --> 0:12:23.240
<v Speaker 4>is about. But definitely very tense.

0:12:24.000 --> 0:12:26.480
<v Speaker 2>I feel tense overall. Do you feel like your shoulders

0:12:26.480 --> 0:12:27.000
<v Speaker 2>are up here?

0:12:27.040 --> 0:12:28.760
<v Speaker 3>Sometimes? Oh? Me too.

0:12:29.120 --> 0:12:32.120
<v Speaker 4>I also genuinely like my head starts to her. I

0:12:32.160 --> 0:12:34.520
<v Speaker 4>don't know, like it's just what I'm thinking so hard

0:12:34.559 --> 0:12:37.760
<v Speaker 4>about something for a long time. It's like I feel

0:12:37.760 --> 0:12:39.800
<v Speaker 4>like I start to get like physically sick about it.

0:12:39.920 --> 0:12:42.840
<v Speaker 2>So you remember when you used to go on airplanes.

0:12:42.960 --> 0:12:46.880
<v Speaker 2>You were eight seven six in those years, and we

0:12:47.000 --> 0:12:51.000
<v Speaker 2>traveled a lot, and you used to get so worked up,

0:12:51.559 --> 0:12:53.440
<v Speaker 2>whether it was f four in the morning when we

0:12:53.440 --> 0:12:55.800
<v Speaker 2>were getting on the way to the airport the night

0:12:55.880 --> 0:12:58.200
<v Speaker 2>before you knew we were taking an airplane, you would

0:12:58.240 --> 0:13:01.240
<v Speaker 2>work yourself up so much, stress about it so much

0:13:01.679 --> 0:13:04.680
<v Speaker 2>that you would oftentimes make yourself sick, like physic I

0:13:04.679 --> 0:13:08.440
<v Speaker 2>can remember physically sick, actually running through the airport to

0:13:08.480 --> 0:13:12.000
<v Speaker 2>catch a flight, and just trying to get back and

0:13:12.040 --> 0:13:14.120
<v Speaker 2>forth to new garbage cans for you to throw up

0:13:14.120 --> 0:13:15.800
<v Speaker 2>in on the way to the gate.

0:13:16.040 --> 0:13:20.439
<v Speaker 4>I definitely think that was thought induced, like fear paralyzing fear,

0:13:20.520 --> 0:13:24.080
<v Speaker 4>Like I was really anxious when I was little. You were, Yeah,

0:13:24.120 --> 0:13:25.760
<v Speaker 4>I know. It was like a bunch of different things.

0:13:25.760 --> 0:13:27.560
<v Speaker 4>And I had those I don't know what that was,

0:13:27.640 --> 0:13:30.400
<v Speaker 4>those ticks I had where I would like have to

0:13:30.480 --> 0:13:34.400
<v Speaker 4>touch the car ceiling when when we were passing a

0:13:34.440 --> 0:13:35.360
<v Speaker 4>red light or else.

0:13:35.360 --> 0:13:36.480
<v Speaker 3>My whole family was gonna die.

0:13:36.520 --> 0:13:39.600
<v Speaker 4>And that was because I was like overthinking, huh so much.

0:13:39.840 --> 0:13:44.760
<v Speaker 2>You have a massively powerful brain. You're so smart, and

0:13:44.800 --> 0:13:48.640
<v Speaker 2>you are so in tune to people's emotions. I think

0:13:48.679 --> 0:13:52.439
<v Speaker 2>that that might make it even harder for a person

0:13:52.600 --> 0:13:55.840
<v Speaker 2>to get control of it. Yeah, so I think it's

0:13:55.880 --> 0:14:05.600
<v Speaker 2>really important that you get control of it. I think

0:14:06.200 --> 0:14:08.640
<v Speaker 2>now would be a really good time to bring in

0:14:08.880 --> 0:14:09.560
<v Speaker 2>doctor Jenny.

0:14:09.600 --> 0:14:10.120
<v Speaker 1>What do you think.

0:14:10.200 --> 0:14:11.880
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, I'd love to hear what she has to say.

0:14:12.000 --> 0:14:13.559
<v Speaker 3>I'm really excited to me. Let's do it.

0:14:14.200 --> 0:14:16.960
<v Speaker 6>Hi, Hi Jenny, Hi Fiona.

0:14:17.080 --> 0:14:17.440
<v Speaker 3>Hi.

0:14:17.840 --> 0:14:20.120
<v Speaker 2>Fiona was just telling me earlier that she's a big

0:14:20.160 --> 0:14:20.800
<v Speaker 2>fan of yours.

0:14:20.880 --> 0:14:23.320
<v Speaker 4>Yes, I watched you on call her daddy.

0:14:23.680 --> 0:14:25.960
<v Speaker 6>Oh thank you, that was why I got up. Thank you.

0:14:26.480 --> 0:14:30.600
<v Speaker 2>Yes, well, you were listening into our conversation, right I was.

0:14:31.520 --> 0:14:34.240
<v Speaker 6>I was listening in and I firstly like applaud your

0:14:34.280 --> 0:14:38.680
<v Speaker 6>courage and vulnerability, and I also totally relate. I was

0:14:38.680 --> 0:14:42.760
<v Speaker 6>like a professional ruminator until realized that it was a

0:14:42.800 --> 0:14:46.240
<v Speaker 6>toxic habit and that there were ways to free yourself

0:14:46.280 --> 0:14:46.920
<v Speaker 6>from this habit.

0:14:47.720 --> 0:14:50.120
<v Speaker 2>I like that a professional ruminator.

0:14:51.640 --> 0:14:53.720
<v Speaker 6>Sign me up, professional X ruminator.

0:14:54.080 --> 0:14:57.320
<v Speaker 2>I'm hopefully after this episode, I want to be an

0:14:57.360 --> 0:15:00.920
<v Speaker 2>official X ruminator. Do you I think that as parents,

0:15:00.960 --> 0:15:05.440
<v Speaker 2>we kind of disregard our our especially our teenagers stress levels,

0:15:06.560 --> 0:15:09.400
<v Speaker 2>like what maybe not taking the time to fully hear

0:15:09.440 --> 0:15:12.800
<v Speaker 2>them out, or you know, we ourselves as parents are

0:15:12.840 --> 0:15:14.360
<v Speaker 2>so stressed out and spread so thin.

0:15:16.080 --> 0:15:16.600
<v Speaker 3>It seems like.

0:15:16.600 --> 0:15:20.480
<v Speaker 6>There's so much variability between different parents. I think some

0:15:20.680 --> 0:15:24.200
<v Speaker 6>parents can really empathize, and for some parents it's too

0:15:24.240 --> 0:15:26.440
<v Speaker 6>painful and they don't want to hear it and they

0:15:26.480 --> 0:15:28.680
<v Speaker 6>want to try to change the channel or they and

0:15:29.280 --> 0:15:32.440
<v Speaker 6>there's there's like a dance, like you want to be

0:15:32.560 --> 0:15:35.440
<v Speaker 6>empathic and validating, but you don't want to fall into

0:15:35.920 --> 0:15:39.480
<v Speaker 6>co ruminating or like removing together in a way that's

0:15:39.520 --> 0:15:42.960
<v Speaker 6>not helpful. And so I think it really depends. But

0:15:43.000 --> 0:15:45.600
<v Speaker 6>I think the first place that's important to start is

0:15:45.680 --> 0:15:48.000
<v Speaker 6>kind of what do we make of our thinking habits.

0:15:48.200 --> 0:15:52.320
<v Speaker 6>A lot of people think that the conscientious, like responsible

0:15:52.360 --> 0:15:54.200
<v Speaker 6>thing to do is if there's a problem that you

0:15:55.040 --> 0:15:56.720
<v Speaker 6>are trying to figure out, like where you're going to

0:15:56.800 --> 0:15:59.960
<v Speaker 6>go to college or climate change, that keeping it top

0:16:00.080 --> 0:16:03.240
<v Speaker 6>of mind all the time, especially if you're smart, is

0:16:03.280 --> 0:16:07.120
<v Speaker 6>going to somehow lead to some sort of solution or breakthrough.

0:16:07.520 --> 0:16:10.400
<v Speaker 6>Or we have a lot of positive beliefs about worry

0:16:10.440 --> 0:16:12.960
<v Speaker 6>that like if I worry about this, then I'll get

0:16:13.000 --> 0:16:17.120
<v Speaker 6>into my choice school, or I'll keep my family safe.

0:16:17.640 --> 0:16:19.320
<v Speaker 6>But we really need to take a step back and

0:16:19.400 --> 0:16:22.480
<v Speaker 6>kind of see or is kind of overthinking in this

0:16:22.520 --> 0:16:26.160
<v Speaker 6>way actually empowering us or depleting us? And is there

0:16:26.200 --> 0:16:29.480
<v Speaker 6>like a sweet spot where we can like literally schedule ruminating,

0:16:29.520 --> 0:16:32.680
<v Speaker 6>like schedule time to worry, like cap it at twenty minutes,

0:16:32.720 --> 0:16:36.960
<v Speaker 6>like you get twenty minutes to really think about, like

0:16:38.480 --> 0:16:41.000
<v Speaker 6>where do I want to be next fall?

0:16:41.560 --> 0:16:43.680
<v Speaker 2>Is that term you use worry time?

0:16:44.720 --> 0:16:46.520
<v Speaker 6>You could call it worry time, you could call it

0:16:46.600 --> 0:16:49.640
<v Speaker 6>like I call it in stress, resets, reschedule, ruminating. Because

0:16:50.200 --> 0:16:54.120
<v Speaker 6>the problem is is we know, we're really clear that

0:16:54.160 --> 0:16:57.280
<v Speaker 6>the more present in the moment you are, the happier

0:16:57.320 --> 0:17:00.480
<v Speaker 6>you are. And fifty percent of the time we're not

0:17:00.680 --> 0:17:03.480
<v Speaker 6>in the present moment. For the course of the day,

0:17:03.520 --> 0:17:07.280
<v Speaker 6>you could have anywhere between like twelve thousand and sixty

0:17:07.320 --> 0:17:11.560
<v Speaker 6>thousand thoughts. So often we're worrying about things that will

0:17:11.600 --> 0:17:16.200
<v Speaker 6>never happen, and we're anticipating things that are just totally painful.

0:17:16.520 --> 0:17:20.120
<v Speaker 6>But if we can like move worry or overthinking from

0:17:20.160 --> 0:17:23.280
<v Speaker 6>like a news ticker that's like sucking energy and joy

0:17:24.280 --> 0:17:27.400
<v Speaker 6>out of you, or like Fiona so really and courageously

0:17:27.440 --> 0:17:31.359
<v Speaker 6>talked about like causing physical symptoms sweating, nausea, if we

0:17:31.359 --> 0:17:33.880
<v Speaker 6>can sort of see, oh my gosh, I'm doing the thing.

0:17:34.680 --> 0:17:36.720
<v Speaker 6>And there's a lot of different techniques that work for

0:17:36.760 --> 0:17:40.040
<v Speaker 6>different people. I go through, like you know, so many

0:17:40.080 --> 0:17:42.080
<v Speaker 6>tools to break free in this habit and happy to

0:17:42.080 --> 0:17:42.760
<v Speaker 6>go through a bunch.

0:17:42.960 --> 0:17:44.400
<v Speaker 1>Yes, yes, give us the tools.

0:17:45.040 --> 0:17:48.600
<v Speaker 4>I'm wondering when you're starting to get into that ruminating

0:17:48.640 --> 0:17:51.359
<v Speaker 4>spiral and you can't even get to yourself to the

0:17:51.400 --> 0:17:53.240
<v Speaker 4>point to be like I need to put this away

0:17:53.280 --> 0:17:55.800
<v Speaker 4>I'm gonna worry about this later. What are some tools

0:17:55.800 --> 0:17:57.920
<v Speaker 4>you could do in that moment that you would give?

0:17:58.840 --> 0:18:02.200
<v Speaker 6>Yeah, and there's so many and different again, like different

0:18:02.240 --> 0:18:04.840
<v Speaker 6>things work for different people. I think this is so

0:18:05.040 --> 0:18:08.280
<v Speaker 6>person specific, Like if like, first, the first thing I

0:18:08.320 --> 0:18:11.720
<v Speaker 6>think is really knowing your triggers, like if you went

0:18:11.760 --> 0:18:15.120
<v Speaker 6>to a high stakes social thing or a college interview

0:18:15.359 --> 0:18:18.560
<v Speaker 6>or you had a stressful conversation with someone, Like knowing

0:18:18.560 --> 0:18:20.720
<v Speaker 6>your triggers like when am I going to be most triggered,

0:18:21.160 --> 0:18:23.840
<v Speaker 6>and then having a game plan for them, like, Okay,

0:18:24.040 --> 0:18:26.960
<v Speaker 6>if I go on a date, prime time for ruminating

0:18:27.040 --> 0:18:29.280
<v Speaker 6>is going to be afterwards, I'm going to be replaying

0:18:29.280 --> 0:18:32.080
<v Speaker 6>what I said and wondering what the person thought. I'm

0:18:32.080 --> 0:18:34.280
<v Speaker 6>going to get into all that. What can I do

0:18:34.359 --> 0:18:36.520
<v Speaker 6>in those moments? And so maybe it's like this seems

0:18:36.520 --> 0:18:39.359
<v Speaker 6>so silly, but like I have little kids and I

0:18:39.440 --> 0:18:41.159
<v Speaker 6>do paint by sticker with them a lot. It's kind

0:18:41.160 --> 0:18:42.879
<v Speaker 6>of like paint by number, but with stickers. Do you

0:18:42.880 --> 0:18:43.080
<v Speaker 6>know what I.

0:18:45.280 --> 0:18:45.440
<v Speaker 2>Mean?

0:18:45.560 --> 0:18:47.960
<v Speaker 6>How can you possibly be like let me perfectly align

0:18:48.080 --> 0:18:51.280
<v Speaker 6>number twelve into this thing and also be so having

0:18:51.320 --> 0:18:54.280
<v Speaker 6>like some sort of compelling I mean, again, there's a

0:18:54.280 --> 0:18:57.680
<v Speaker 6>lot of different tools. But for some people, having a

0:18:57.680 --> 0:19:01.760
<v Speaker 6>activity that requires your full folks that totally blocks you

0:19:01.800 --> 0:19:04.760
<v Speaker 6>from doing something else, whether that's doing the paint by stick,

0:19:04.800 --> 0:19:07.520
<v Speaker 6>or whether that's reading a book that really captivates you,

0:19:07.560 --> 0:19:11.320
<v Speaker 6>whether that's really listening to a friend, baking, whatever. The

0:19:11.359 --> 0:19:14.160
<v Speaker 6>thing is having a specific plan for you of something,

0:19:14.160 --> 0:19:16.160
<v Speaker 6>and like knowing at a time, like I'm doing this thing,

0:19:17.160 --> 0:19:19.399
<v Speaker 6>there's a really good chance afterwards I'm going to be

0:19:19.560 --> 0:19:23.240
<v Speaker 6>tempted to fall into like the tar pits of torturing myself.

0:19:24.040 --> 0:19:26.879
<v Speaker 6>Here's what I can do instead, and something that I

0:19:26.920 --> 0:19:30.280
<v Speaker 6>think works across the board regardless. And I want to

0:19:30.280 --> 0:19:31.840
<v Speaker 6>hear I Fiona and Jennie, what are some of your

0:19:31.840 --> 0:19:35.080
<v Speaker 6>thoughts on what would be kind of a thing that

0:19:35.119 --> 0:19:38.200
<v Speaker 6>would distract you. But one other thing I'll say before

0:19:38.200 --> 0:19:40.600
<v Speaker 6>I get to that is there's a tool that I

0:19:40.640 --> 0:19:43.440
<v Speaker 6>teach in stress resets, which I love. It's called TIP

0:19:44.320 --> 0:19:48.440
<v Speaker 6>and it's an acronym for changing your temperature. This sounds

0:19:48.440 --> 0:19:51.359
<v Speaker 6>so cooky, but like if you took a salad bowl

0:19:51.440 --> 0:19:55.240
<v Speaker 6>with ice water and you hold your breath instet a

0:19:55.280 --> 0:19:58.040
<v Speaker 6>timer for thirty seconds. If you submerge your face in

0:19:58.080 --> 0:20:02.840
<v Speaker 6>the ice water, you so totally transform your nervous system.

0:20:02.920 --> 0:20:05.080
<v Speaker 6>We all have a lot of us think that solutions

0:20:05.119 --> 0:20:08.919
<v Speaker 6>are outside of ourselves, but we have this incredible pharmacy

0:20:08.960 --> 0:20:11.960
<v Speaker 6>within us, Like your body is a walking pharmacy.

0:20:12.960 --> 0:20:13.840
<v Speaker 3>That's so interesting.

0:20:14.359 --> 0:20:16.720
<v Speaker 6>Literally, put your face in a salad wole full of ice.

0:20:16.880 --> 0:20:19.240
<v Speaker 6>Your current weight will slow down. You won't be thinking

0:20:19.240 --> 0:20:20.680
<v Speaker 6>about the same thing. I mean, if you've ever jumped

0:20:20.680 --> 0:20:23.480
<v Speaker 6>in a cold pool, like you're not thinking about anything except.

0:20:23.280 --> 0:20:25.960
<v Speaker 4>Is it the same with like baths and hot water?

0:20:26.119 --> 0:20:27.240
<v Speaker 4>Is it only cold water?

0:20:28.040 --> 0:20:31.240
<v Speaker 6>So my response is like a special like evolutionary thing

0:20:31.280 --> 0:20:34.600
<v Speaker 6>that our bodies do. We're like drowning. So it's with

0:20:34.800 --> 0:20:37.840
<v Speaker 6>cold water and specifically like holding your breath and getting

0:20:37.840 --> 0:20:38.800
<v Speaker 6>your nose submerged.

0:20:39.119 --> 0:20:42.119
<v Speaker 2>That's a problem for me. I can't do that, but

0:20:42.200 --> 0:20:43.520
<v Speaker 2>I don't like the water.

0:20:43.240 --> 0:20:47.520
<v Speaker 6>Cold, Okay, So that's cold water. The rest of the

0:20:47.560 --> 0:20:50.639
<v Speaker 6>acronym of tip is intense exercise. And that's like ninety

0:20:50.680 --> 0:20:53.119
<v Speaker 6>seconds not ninety minutes. If you start doing burpies, like

0:20:53.440 --> 0:20:56.359
<v Speaker 6>you cannot be doing burpies and like replaying a conversation

0:20:56.440 --> 0:21:01.200
<v Speaker 6>that you think badly, and so ninety seconds of burpies, paste,

0:21:01.280 --> 0:21:07.840
<v Speaker 6>breathing breathing in for five five again very cognitively like sorbing,

0:21:07.920 --> 0:21:11.120
<v Speaker 6>Like you can't be counting your breath. And we could

0:21:11.119 --> 0:21:13.320
<v Speaker 6>even do this together, like breathing in for five with

0:21:13.400 --> 0:21:15.120
<v Speaker 6>our nose and out for five with our nose.

0:21:15.800 --> 0:21:18.720
<v Speaker 2>It always resets you so nicely, right the breathing.

0:21:19.200 --> 0:21:22.160
<v Speaker 6>Yeah, And then progressive muscle relaxation. That tip is two peas,

0:21:23.000 --> 0:21:25.760
<v Speaker 6>tensing and relaxing your muscles, like from head to toe.

0:21:26.480 --> 0:21:29.400
<v Speaker 6>These are like quick things in the moment, but bigger picture,

0:21:29.520 --> 0:21:34.159
<v Speaker 6>we also really need to work on accepting uncertainty, like

0:21:34.800 --> 0:21:36.720
<v Speaker 6>we need to drop the rope and know that we'll

0:21:36.720 --> 0:21:40.640
<v Speaker 6>never know like what other people totally think of us,

0:21:40.760 --> 0:21:44.120
<v Speaker 6>or what's going to happen tomorrow, or what climate change

0:21:44.160 --> 0:21:46.520
<v Speaker 6>is going to do in fifteen years. But I think

0:21:46.520 --> 0:21:48.440
<v Speaker 6>we need tools for the moment and tools make picture.

0:21:48.480 --> 0:21:50.080
<v Speaker 6>But I'm so curious, Jennie, and if you wona, what

0:21:50.160 --> 0:21:54.280
<v Speaker 6>are some things that would help you get really present

0:21:55.000 --> 0:21:58.320
<v Speaker 6>even if you feel like you're on the cusp of

0:21:58.520 --> 0:22:01.479
<v Speaker 6>spiraling and once you it's stuck, it's hard to stop.

0:22:02.560 --> 0:22:05.480
<v Speaker 2>You go first me. Yeah, I know you like to

0:22:05.520 --> 0:22:06.040
<v Speaker 2>take baths.

0:22:06.080 --> 0:22:08.920
<v Speaker 4>I read I'm a big bath taker. I love taking

0:22:08.960 --> 0:22:10.040
<v Speaker 4>baths I also love.

0:22:10.080 --> 0:22:11.919
<v Speaker 2>But do you ever sit in the bathtub and just

0:22:11.920 --> 0:22:13.240
<v Speaker 2>think about your problems more so?

0:22:13.359 --> 0:22:17.120
<v Speaker 4>Yes, that's usually how they go. But recently I've been

0:22:17.160 --> 0:22:20.760
<v Speaker 4>trying to. I've been taking a lot of my books

0:22:20.760 --> 0:22:23.320
<v Speaker 4>with me in the bath and honestly reading. I think,

0:22:23.640 --> 0:22:26.560
<v Speaker 4>especially with social media and phone time and all that stuff,

0:22:26.680 --> 0:22:31.040
<v Speaker 4>being a teenager brings. I think, the books and reading

0:22:31.080 --> 0:22:34.080
<v Speaker 4>and really slowing down and thinking about something else that's

0:22:34.520 --> 0:22:37.520
<v Speaker 4>helping me and stuff like that helps a lot for me.

0:22:37.720 --> 0:22:40.480
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, there's something right, doctor Jenny about the reading and

0:22:40.520 --> 0:22:43.160
<v Speaker 2>the eyes going back and forth. It like does something

0:22:43.320 --> 0:22:44.359
<v Speaker 2>to your brain, right.

0:22:44.840 --> 0:22:46.840
<v Speaker 6>I think even what you just said was so brilliant,

0:22:46.840 --> 0:22:48.680
<v Speaker 6>Like leaving the phone, I mean again, like the phone

0:22:48.680 --> 0:22:51.119
<v Speaker 6>and I know you guys were talking about that the

0:22:51.119 --> 0:22:54.199
<v Speaker 6>phone is like training me to jump and red like

0:22:54.280 --> 0:22:56.280
<v Speaker 6>you can't. I mean you don't want to. You need

0:22:56.280 --> 0:22:58.160
<v Speaker 6>to pay attention. You need to like use your full

0:22:58.200 --> 0:23:00.719
<v Speaker 6>brain to like remember who is this carricter? Or what

0:23:00.760 --> 0:23:03.640
<v Speaker 6>do they say? And so I love what you're saying

0:23:03.680 --> 0:23:05.720
<v Speaker 6>for you, and I like stacking things like it's not

0:23:05.760 --> 0:23:07.560
<v Speaker 6>just the bath, it's getting rid of the phone plus

0:23:07.600 --> 0:23:10.919
<v Speaker 6>the bath. Plus maybe there's a pleasant smell. Plus the book,

0:23:12.040 --> 0:23:14.760
<v Speaker 6>we have like a whole plan of the things that

0:23:14.800 --> 0:23:17.239
<v Speaker 6>will really center you in this moment, Jenny, What are

0:23:17.240 --> 0:23:18.159
<v Speaker 6>some of the things.

0:23:17.920 --> 0:23:24.119
<v Speaker 2>That I find nature to be really helpful for me

0:23:25.160 --> 0:23:29.879
<v Speaker 2>with any kind of stress reduction? And I feel like

0:23:30.840 --> 0:23:33.359
<v Speaker 2>playing with my dogs, like looking into the eyes of

0:23:33.400 --> 0:23:37.120
<v Speaker 2>my dogs and connecting with them and taking care of them.

0:23:37.359 --> 0:23:40.800
<v Speaker 2>I've always, my whole life been a person that loves

0:23:40.800 --> 0:23:43.639
<v Speaker 2>to take care of other people or things, or the

0:23:43.720 --> 0:23:46.960
<v Speaker 2>house or whatever it is. I'm just wired to do

0:23:47.000 --> 0:23:50.320
<v Speaker 2>things like that. So I will sometimes submerge myself in

0:23:50.359 --> 0:23:55.040
<v Speaker 2>a task like cleaning out the sink or you know,

0:23:55.160 --> 0:23:59.320
<v Speaker 2>doing something gardening, something that keeps my mind and my

0:23:59.400 --> 0:24:04.040
<v Speaker 2>hands busy and focused on something else fantastic.

0:24:04.080 --> 0:24:07.560
<v Speaker 6>And I mean, the thing that I found so surprising

0:24:07.640 --> 0:24:11.480
<v Speaker 6>and also like hopeful in my research from writing this

0:24:11.520 --> 0:24:14.359
<v Speaker 6>book was a study where people were asked in a

0:24:14.440 --> 0:24:18.080
<v Speaker 6>lab setting about something really upsetting that happened to them,

0:24:18.560 --> 0:24:21.560
<v Speaker 6>and like fifty percent of the people had the option

0:24:21.680 --> 0:24:25.480
<v Speaker 6>to like eavesdrop on research assistance chatting outside, so just

0:24:25.520 --> 0:24:29.000
<v Speaker 6>people were like having a conversation outside and ninety percent

0:24:29.040 --> 0:24:31.399
<v Speaker 6>of the people who had the chance to eavesdrop, and

0:24:31.440 --> 0:24:35.280
<v Speaker 6>these are strangers. This is not juicy like celebrity you know,

0:24:35.359 --> 0:24:39.960
<v Speaker 6>high school gossip. This is total you know, lab assistant gossip.

0:24:40.880 --> 0:24:44.000
<v Speaker 6>Those people immediately stopped ruminating, but the people that didn't

0:24:44.080 --> 0:24:48.920
<v Speaker 6>have the option to distract continued. And we don't want

0:24:48.960 --> 0:24:52.200
<v Speaker 6>to live a life that's distracting. But by really learning

0:24:52.400 --> 0:24:56.159
<v Speaker 6>it's actually the ruination becomes a distraction before really present

0:24:56.200 --> 0:24:59.480
<v Speaker 6>with our puppies or with reading, then we can get

0:24:59.480 --> 0:25:01.560
<v Speaker 6>more present. And the whole point of all of it

0:25:01.640 --> 0:25:03.679
<v Speaker 6>is to live a life that's angered in the present,

0:25:04.520 --> 0:25:08.439
<v Speaker 6>not having like you know, our minds. That can be

0:25:08.480 --> 0:25:09.160
<v Speaker 6>really tricky.

0:25:10.000 --> 0:25:12.600
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, I find that most times I'm ruminating, it's either

0:25:12.640 --> 0:25:15.520
<v Speaker 4>about the past or the future. It's never about where

0:25:15.560 --> 0:25:18.600
<v Speaker 4>I am in the moment. And I think sometimes when

0:25:18.640 --> 0:25:21.520
<v Speaker 4>I'm getting into those patterns, I do think what do

0:25:21.560 --> 0:25:23.800
<v Speaker 4>I see right now? Like what is happening right now?

0:25:24.200 --> 0:25:26.600
<v Speaker 4>And think about that moment because that kind of anchers

0:25:26.640 --> 0:25:28.800
<v Speaker 4>me down, like you were saying, so that's very helpful.

0:25:30.000 --> 0:25:31.840
<v Speaker 6>Yeah, I mean a few others. I want to make

0:25:31.880 --> 0:25:34.639
<v Speaker 6>sure that I cover like a whole range of different things.

0:25:35.000 --> 0:25:37.560
<v Speaker 6>So distraction can be helpful if you know that there's

0:25:37.560 --> 0:25:41.159
<v Speaker 6>like a particular window of time, like seven pm to

0:25:41.560 --> 0:25:46.919
<v Speaker 6>nine fifteen at night, or after a high stakes situation,

0:25:47.520 --> 0:25:50.800
<v Speaker 6>having a specific plan of something you could do. But

0:25:50.880 --> 0:25:53.600
<v Speaker 6>if there's something that I've upset you, someone betrayed you,

0:25:54.000 --> 0:25:57.159
<v Speaker 6>or you face some sort of loss, I don't want

0:25:57.200 --> 0:26:00.560
<v Speaker 6>to encourage you to just be distracting and distracting for

0:26:00.640 --> 0:26:05.159
<v Speaker 6>those situations being able to write, you know, expressive writing,

0:26:05.240 --> 0:26:09.040
<v Speaker 6>writing for twenty minutes, and research where people wrote about

0:26:09.040 --> 0:26:12.520
<v Speaker 6>something for twenty minutes the same topic over three days.

0:26:13.119 --> 0:26:16.280
<v Speaker 6>Six months later, they were significantly less depressed and less

0:26:16.359 --> 0:26:19.760
<v Speaker 6>prone to ruminating. So there's something about like actually going

0:26:19.800 --> 0:26:22.800
<v Speaker 6>through something with a beginning, middle and an end, and

0:26:22.880 --> 0:26:27.320
<v Speaker 6>like slowing down and actually letting yourself feel because ruminating

0:26:27.359 --> 0:26:31.159
<v Speaker 6>is just like touching the surface and like a not

0:26:31.920 --> 0:26:37.360
<v Speaker 6>structured way, and so actually like feeling your feelings and

0:26:37.480 --> 0:26:39.600
<v Speaker 6>going through taking the time rather than just kind of

0:26:39.680 --> 0:26:41.280
<v Speaker 6>like you know, playing whack a mole.

0:26:43.000 --> 0:26:45.679
<v Speaker 2>Wait, you said feeling your feelings. I know that in

0:26:45.680 --> 0:26:49.800
<v Speaker 2>your book you suggest giving yourself a panic attack so

0:26:49.840 --> 0:26:51.040
<v Speaker 2>you're less afraid of them.

0:26:51.160 --> 0:26:52.800
<v Speaker 1>And I don't know how to give myself.

0:26:53.040 --> 0:26:54.680
<v Speaker 2>I mean, I guess if I really put my mind

0:26:54.680 --> 0:26:56.919
<v Speaker 2>to it, I could give myself a panic attack.

0:26:57.280 --> 0:26:58.360
<v Speaker 1>But what do you mean by that?

0:27:00.080 --> 0:27:03.120
<v Speaker 6>A lot of people, if they have had panic, are

0:27:03.280 --> 0:27:06.560
<v Speaker 6>totally terrified of the sensations that resemble panic. If you

0:27:06.600 --> 0:27:09.960
<v Speaker 6>have felt short of breath, out of the blue, even

0:27:10.040 --> 0:27:13.240
<v Speaker 6>the like a touch of like breathlessness can lead to

0:27:13.280 --> 0:27:16.359
<v Speaker 6>thoughts of oh no, it's back, what is happening to me?

0:27:16.440 --> 0:27:18.919
<v Speaker 6>How is this happening again? And then your mind and

0:27:18.920 --> 0:27:23.200
<v Speaker 6>your body are doing this like tortuous tango, where your

0:27:23.200 --> 0:27:25.399
<v Speaker 6>thoughts aren't helping your body, and your body is not

0:27:25.440 --> 0:27:27.840
<v Speaker 6>helping your thoughts. It's you know, even if you start

0:27:27.880 --> 0:27:30.560
<v Speaker 6>to sweat, if you like are mentally sweating about sweating,

0:27:31.080 --> 0:27:34.600
<v Speaker 6>that's going to lead to more sweat. Yeah sure, yeah,

0:27:34.640 --> 0:27:39.080
<v Speaker 6>But what happens if you break down exactly what do

0:27:39.160 --> 0:27:41.399
<v Speaker 6>I feel when I'm really stressed? You know, if I

0:27:41.560 --> 0:27:44.919
<v Speaker 6>start to feel really stressed, I feel short of breath,

0:27:45.600 --> 0:27:48.920
<v Speaker 6>I feel a little dizzy, my body feels a little

0:27:48.960 --> 0:27:52.439
<v Speaker 6>bit shaky. Okay, great, we can help you. You know,

0:27:52.560 --> 0:27:54.520
<v Speaker 6>this is not in the peak moment of panic. This

0:27:54.560 --> 0:27:58.920
<v Speaker 6>is preemptively. Let's practice, like, let's set a timer for

0:27:59.040 --> 0:28:03.200
<v Speaker 6>sixty seconds. We can hyperventilate for sixty seconds, we can

0:28:03.240 --> 0:28:06.400
<v Speaker 6>spin in a chair for sixty seconds, we could hold

0:28:06.440 --> 0:28:09.240
<v Speaker 6>a plank. And then once you come to realize that,

0:28:09.320 --> 0:28:11.920
<v Speaker 6>like your body runs itself, you don't need to police it,

0:28:12.400 --> 0:28:14.600
<v Speaker 6>you don't need to judge it. If you like literally

0:28:14.680 --> 0:28:16.919
<v Speaker 6>say oh yeah, been there, done that, I know what

0:28:16.920 --> 0:28:21.360
<v Speaker 6>this is, it loses its bite and the next time

0:28:21.359 --> 0:28:25.040
<v Speaker 6>it shows up, you stop propelling your body with these

0:28:25.040 --> 0:28:27.840
<v Speaker 6>negative thoughts in a bad way. And so this again

0:28:27.960 --> 0:28:29.879
<v Speaker 6>is not like a random idea that I thought of

0:28:30.119 --> 0:28:34.320
<v Speaker 6>in the shower, but this is something that is really

0:28:34.400 --> 0:28:39.720
<v Speaker 6>powerful and across all anxiety conditions, whether social anxiety or

0:28:40.160 --> 0:28:45.440
<v Speaker 6>anxiety about flying, or driving anxiety or panic attacks where

0:28:45.480 --> 0:28:47.560
<v Speaker 6>you're afraid of a specific bodily response.

0:28:48.080 --> 0:28:51.360
<v Speaker 2>So you're saying, let your body have the response, allow

0:28:51.400 --> 0:28:53.440
<v Speaker 2>it to run its course, so you can kind of

0:28:53.480 --> 0:28:56.480
<v Speaker 2>observe it and realize that it's not the end of

0:28:56.480 --> 0:28:56.920
<v Speaker 2>the world.

0:28:57.120 --> 0:28:58.440
<v Speaker 1>It's going to stop eventually.

0:28:59.080 --> 0:29:02.560
<v Speaker 6>Exactly the same some people are afraid of elevators or heights,

0:29:02.560 --> 0:29:04.920
<v Speaker 6>and they need to like face that few you can

0:29:04.920 --> 0:29:07.040
<v Speaker 6>face the view that you can feel short of breath

0:29:07.160 --> 0:29:10.760
<v Speaker 6>and that actually doesn't mean you're dying. That means you're

0:29:10.800 --> 0:29:13.240
<v Speaker 6>short of breath and that will pass and your breath

0:29:13.280 --> 0:29:17.400
<v Speaker 6>will also breathe itself when you stop like hovering over

0:29:17.440 --> 0:29:21.200
<v Speaker 6>it and trying to micromanage it. And this is something

0:29:21.240 --> 0:29:22.960
<v Speaker 6>that a lot of people find can be helpful with

0:29:23.040 --> 0:29:28.080
<v Speaker 6>a therapist. But if you allow yourself to practice like

0:29:28.120 --> 0:29:31.040
<v Speaker 6>sweating and like you know, purposefully putting on a warm

0:29:31.080 --> 0:29:34.480
<v Speaker 6>coat and not sweating about sweating, do you think when

0:29:34.480 --> 0:29:37.280
<v Speaker 6>it came on it would feel less stressful or.

0:29:37.560 --> 0:29:41.440
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, I mean usually it's just it's not even that

0:29:41.520 --> 0:29:44.520
<v Speaker 4>I realize that I'm sweating. It just happens, and then

0:29:44.560 --> 0:29:46.000
<v Speaker 4>that makes causes me to overthink.

0:29:46.040 --> 0:29:48.000
<v Speaker 3>I do feel like kind.

0:29:47.880 --> 0:29:51.600
<v Speaker 4>Of preparing myself more would stop the scare, like you said,

0:29:51.640 --> 0:29:53.760
<v Speaker 4>because sometimes I like, oh no, I'm sweating, and that

0:29:53.760 --> 0:29:56.320
<v Speaker 4>means I'm overthinking, and then I overthink about overthinking, and

0:29:56.360 --> 0:29:59.400
<v Speaker 4>then you know, I don't even know, But yeah, I

0:29:59.400 --> 0:30:00.160
<v Speaker 4>do think that would help.

0:30:01.040 --> 0:30:03.080
<v Speaker 6>Yeah, maybe it's even when it comes on to not

0:30:03.160 --> 0:30:05.400
<v Speaker 6>judge it, because a huge part of not judging it,

0:30:05.440 --> 0:30:08.440
<v Speaker 6>I mean can't but I imagine if you went to hot

0:30:08.520 --> 0:30:13.280
<v Speaker 6>yoga and you were sweating. I love hot yoga, and

0:30:13.360 --> 0:30:15.840
<v Speaker 6>so you could generalize that, like, okay, sweating is great.

0:30:15.960 --> 0:30:20.280
<v Speaker 6>Sweating is healthy, It is good for you.

0:30:20.360 --> 0:30:31.080
<v Speaker 2>Actually, it's so interesting you said before, you know, when

0:30:31.120 --> 0:30:34.760
<v Speaker 2>you're looking at your social media and stuff, that you

0:30:34.840 --> 0:30:38.960
<v Speaker 2>start to think that you have symptoms of a certain illness, yeah,

0:30:39.160 --> 0:30:41.160
<v Speaker 2>or even like oh, when I get a sore throat,

0:30:41.720 --> 0:30:44.600
<v Speaker 2>then you start this is something you do. You start

0:30:44.640 --> 0:30:47.080
<v Speaker 2>worrying about your sore throat and thinking, oh, no, something's

0:30:47.120 --> 0:30:49.440
<v Speaker 2>really wrong with me. I have the sore throat and

0:30:49.680 --> 0:30:52.840
<v Speaker 2>it never it doesn't seem to go away because you're

0:30:52.960 --> 0:30:54.520
<v Speaker 2>just focusing on it so much.

0:30:54.960 --> 0:30:57.280
<v Speaker 4>And every time I look up a new symptom online

0:30:57.320 --> 0:31:01.200
<v Speaker 4>on Google, on TikTok especially, tell me a new thing.

0:31:01.480 --> 0:31:03.280
<v Speaker 4>So I'm like, okay, I have this now, and then

0:31:03.320 --> 0:31:05.800
<v Speaker 4>I also have this disease and all these things, and

0:31:06.240 --> 0:31:10.200
<v Speaker 4>in reality I'm fine. But it's just I just have

0:31:10.280 --> 0:31:13.680
<v Speaker 4>this constant worrying fear of health for some reason, and

0:31:13.720 --> 0:31:17.840
<v Speaker 4>I don't really know why or how to.

0:31:18.760 --> 0:31:20.200
<v Speaker 1>What do you think, doctor.

0:31:21.800 --> 0:31:24.280
<v Speaker 6>That like we have to accept some amount of uncertainty,

0:31:24.320 --> 0:31:26.840
<v Speaker 6>like we don't know if it is itchy because it's

0:31:26.880 --> 0:31:29.080
<v Speaker 6>dry in our house or because we might be getting

0:31:29.080 --> 0:31:32.240
<v Speaker 6>strap or something else. I mean, And so I think

0:31:32.280 --> 0:31:35.400
<v Speaker 6>accepting in this moment, it's okay. It's okay because we

0:31:35.440 --> 0:31:38.320
<v Speaker 6>can just watch like thinking those thoughts can lead to

0:31:38.360 --> 0:31:41.200
<v Speaker 6>more symptoms and then maybe you're losing time to do

0:31:41.280 --> 0:31:44.920
<v Speaker 6>something that is, you know, writing a report or calling

0:31:44.960 --> 0:31:48.239
<v Speaker 6>a friend back. And so a lot of people think

0:31:48.280 --> 0:31:51.760
<v Speaker 6>it's helpful to like Google, but Google is really accepting

0:31:51.800 --> 0:31:56.240
<v Speaker 6>it in a situation where you have recurrent fears that

0:31:56.280 --> 0:31:58.400
<v Speaker 6>like you're almost like nine times out of ten, it's like, oh,

0:31:58.440 --> 0:32:00.880
<v Speaker 6>this is just help anxiety. I know that I have this,

0:32:00.960 --> 0:32:03.320
<v Speaker 6>and I do this. I talk about something else in

0:32:03.360 --> 0:32:05.280
<v Speaker 6>the book that a lot of people find fun is

0:32:06.040 --> 0:32:08.840
<v Speaker 6>if you have a recurrent like stressful thought that never

0:32:08.880 --> 0:32:11.160
<v Speaker 6>helps you, like I'm making something up, but like I'm

0:32:11.200 --> 0:32:13.560
<v Speaker 6>going to die, and when you're not, you know, it's

0:32:13.600 --> 0:32:16.280
<v Speaker 6>like you have you know, an itchy throat does not

0:32:16.320 --> 0:32:18.920
<v Speaker 6>mean you're going to die. If you can sing that

0:32:19.240 --> 0:32:21.920
<v Speaker 6>I'm going to die to like an upbeat tune, it

0:32:22.040 --> 0:32:24.680
<v Speaker 6>automatically is like, oh, yeah, this is what you know,

0:32:24.720 --> 0:32:27.360
<v Speaker 6>This is what I do in these situations. I tell myself.

0:32:27.400 --> 0:32:29.520
<v Speaker 6>It's like almost like if you don't have plans on

0:32:29.560 --> 0:32:32.120
<v Speaker 6>a Friday night and you tell yourself you're a loser

0:32:32.200 --> 0:32:35.920
<v Speaker 6>instead of really believing that and like syncing into that,

0:32:36.120 --> 0:32:39.040
<v Speaker 6>and then then spending the night on social media and

0:32:39.040 --> 0:32:41.120
<v Speaker 6>seeing what other people are doing, and then it really

0:32:41.120 --> 0:32:43.920
<v Speaker 6>feels even more real. What if you sing I'm a

0:32:44.000 --> 0:32:47.360
<v Speaker 6>loser for like a second to a fun song.

0:32:47.400 --> 0:32:53.280
<v Speaker 1>You know, I'm a loser, Like, yeah, it's the same thing.

0:32:53.200 --> 0:32:54.960
<v Speaker 6>With it, I'm going to die. It's like, okay, you're

0:32:55.000 --> 0:32:56.920
<v Speaker 6>not going to die. Like the second you sing the song,

0:32:57.080 --> 0:33:01.360
<v Speaker 6>it loses it's sting. And do you have some perspective

0:33:01.360 --> 0:33:04.560
<v Speaker 6>because it Another huge way to change your relationship with

0:33:04.720 --> 0:33:08.320
<v Speaker 6>ruminating is even just seeing like thoughts are mental events.

0:33:08.360 --> 0:33:10.600
<v Speaker 6>Like thoughts are mental events, we can get above them.

0:33:10.920 --> 0:33:13.920
<v Speaker 6>We can see our thoughts the same way we see

0:33:13.920 --> 0:33:17.800
<v Speaker 6>clouds in the sky or but they also create very

0:33:17.800 --> 0:33:20.560
<v Speaker 6>real feelings. If I ask you to think about biting

0:33:20.560 --> 0:33:23.080
<v Speaker 6>into a lemon, and your mouth will start to water.

0:33:23.560 --> 0:33:25.160
<v Speaker 6>But if you can get above that and just see

0:33:25.160 --> 0:33:27.160
<v Speaker 6>this is just a mental event, I don't need to

0:33:28.160 --> 0:33:30.400
<v Speaker 6>get sucked in. Just because I thought about alignment doesn't

0:33:30.400 --> 0:33:31.800
<v Speaker 6>mean that there's a limen in my mouth.

0:33:33.760 --> 0:33:33.960
<v Speaker 3>Yeah.

0:33:34.040 --> 0:33:37.840
<v Speaker 2>Sometimes when I will have a thought that doesn't make

0:33:37.880 --> 0:33:41.480
<v Speaker 2>me feel great, I'll just say that's interesting. I wonder

0:33:41.480 --> 0:33:44.320
<v Speaker 2>what that's about, you know, and then it kind of

0:33:44.360 --> 0:33:48.400
<v Speaker 2>just without judgment, thinking yeah yeah, and then say we'll

0:33:48.440 --> 0:33:49.520
<v Speaker 2>see what happens with that.

0:33:49.880 --> 0:33:50.240
<v Speaker 3>Yeah.

0:33:50.320 --> 0:33:52.840
<v Speaker 6>Yeah, I love that so much. I was at a conference,

0:33:52.840 --> 0:33:56.080
<v Speaker 6>a psychology conference, and a colleague he was like an

0:33:56.120 --> 0:33:59.239
<v Speaker 6>older senior person when I was in grad school, and

0:33:59.280 --> 0:34:00.920
<v Speaker 6>I had gone to his workshop and so we sort

0:34:00.920 --> 0:34:03.680
<v Speaker 6>of knew each other. And he came up to me

0:34:03.680 --> 0:34:05.040
<v Speaker 6>at the conference and he was like, oh, are you

0:34:05.040 --> 0:34:07.720
<v Speaker 6>giving a talk? And I said, oh, no, I'm not

0:34:07.760 --> 0:34:09.680
<v Speaker 6>giving a talk. You said why not? And I said, oh,

0:34:09.760 --> 0:34:13.560
<v Speaker 6>I'm not very good at giving talks. And he looks

0:34:13.560 --> 0:34:15.239
<v Speaker 6>at me and he was like, did you thank your

0:34:15.280 --> 0:34:18.239
<v Speaker 6>mind for that thought? And it was like such a

0:34:18.360 --> 0:34:21.560
<v Speaker 6>light bulb moment, like do you mind that thought? Like wow?

0:34:21.680 --> 0:34:23.800
<v Speaker 6>Like me me, I'm not good at giving talks. It

0:34:23.880 --> 0:34:25.960
<v Speaker 6>is like a story my mind.

0:34:26.000 --> 0:34:27.879
<v Speaker 1>You're telling yourself. Yeah, And I.

0:34:27.800 --> 0:34:29.359
<v Speaker 6>Can think of my mind for that thought, like thank

0:34:29.400 --> 0:34:30.239
<v Speaker 6>you mind, you know.

0:34:30.840 --> 0:34:32.879
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, but you can then you can say oh, thank

0:34:32.920 --> 0:34:35.279
<v Speaker 2>you very much for coming, but no, thank you not

0:34:35.400 --> 0:34:35.799
<v Speaker 2>right now?

0:34:36.160 --> 0:34:37.879
<v Speaker 6>Yeah, Or you could play with it like I joke

0:34:37.960 --> 0:34:39.680
<v Speaker 6>with my clients like what if your thoughts are like

0:34:39.719 --> 0:34:43.800
<v Speaker 6>Susie from Curb Your Enthusiasm. You know you automatically. I

0:34:43.800 --> 0:34:45.719
<v Speaker 6>don't know if you want to get the reference. Maybe

0:34:48.800 --> 0:34:50.480
<v Speaker 6>we look like that we need to figure out some

0:34:50.760 --> 0:34:55.839
<v Speaker 6>like annoying, complaining kind of character. Yeah, it's because again

0:34:55.880 --> 0:34:58.759
<v Speaker 6>we get sucked into ruminating because we think that we're

0:34:58.800 --> 0:35:00.160
<v Speaker 6>somehow helping ourselves.

0:35:00.600 --> 0:35:03.479
<v Speaker 2>We're going to figure it out if we think about

0:35:03.480 --> 0:35:05.080
<v Speaker 2>it more and more, we're going to figure it out.

0:35:05.560 --> 0:35:07.920
<v Speaker 6>Let's think about it in a structured way, or let's

0:35:08.040 --> 0:35:10.560
<v Speaker 6>see it with distance and humor and perspective.

0:35:12.400 --> 0:35:18.359
<v Speaker 2>What about when, like we as mother and daughter, we

0:35:18.440 --> 0:35:22.279
<v Speaker 2>have stress over a topic or a situation, how can

0:35:22.320 --> 0:35:24.680
<v Speaker 2>we handle that better in a way that's good for

0:35:24.840 --> 0:35:26.680
<v Speaker 2>our relationship at the end of the day.

0:35:28.960 --> 0:35:32.319
<v Speaker 6>Yeah, I mean so I think talking about things in

0:35:32.320 --> 0:35:35.080
<v Speaker 6>a constructive way. And so if there's something that happened

0:35:35.120 --> 0:35:38.440
<v Speaker 6>like the Eagles T shirt or something like if you

0:35:38.480 --> 0:35:41.560
<v Speaker 6>can have a timestamp like okay, let's talk about this

0:35:41.600 --> 0:35:45.000
<v Speaker 6>for fifteen minutes and then let's get really present and

0:35:45.200 --> 0:35:48.239
<v Speaker 6>do what we would do on a normal Sunday night.

0:35:48.960 --> 0:35:51.040
<v Speaker 6>Because I think a lot of people think the more

0:35:51.040 --> 0:35:53.320
<v Speaker 6>they turn it over, they're more they're again like gonna

0:35:53.719 --> 0:35:57.239
<v Speaker 6>prevent it from happening again or create some sort of

0:35:57.280 --> 0:36:01.359
<v Speaker 6>brand new insight. But can we try to understand this

0:36:01.440 --> 0:36:04.719
<v Speaker 6>with compassion and kindness, will validate one another At the

0:36:04.840 --> 0:36:06.399
<v Speaker 6>end of the day, all we want is to feel

0:36:06.480 --> 0:36:09.320
<v Speaker 6>understood and see and if you and I can totally

0:36:09.320 --> 0:36:11.239
<v Speaker 6>see how you would like this is the perfect shirt,

0:36:11.280 --> 0:36:14.319
<v Speaker 6>Like no one could, guys, sure better than this. Oh,

0:36:14.400 --> 0:36:19.160
<v Speaker 6>this shirt really means a lot to to your stepdad

0:36:19.239 --> 0:36:22.719
<v Speaker 6>and what may be a way to repair this with him?

0:36:23.200 --> 0:36:25.000
<v Speaker 6>So again, like, if we can contain it, because I

0:36:25.040 --> 0:36:27.799
<v Speaker 6>think we get into it. It's fine to talk to

0:36:27.840 --> 0:36:29.840
<v Speaker 6>your friends about something that's stressing you out, or to

0:36:29.880 --> 0:36:33.600
<v Speaker 6>complain to someone about something, but can we you know,

0:36:33.840 --> 0:36:35.760
<v Speaker 6>make it ten minutes not two hours?

0:36:37.160 --> 0:36:38.319
<v Speaker 3>That's good, that's a good.

0:36:38.880 --> 0:36:39.080
<v Speaker 1>Yeah.

0:36:39.120 --> 0:36:41.600
<v Speaker 2>I think sometimes when you're in the heat of the moment,

0:36:41.920 --> 0:36:46.120
<v Speaker 2>we're you know, butting heads about something, we don't ever

0:36:46.200 --> 0:36:49.160
<v Speaker 2>really have a conversation about it. We just kind of

0:36:49.239 --> 0:36:50.600
<v Speaker 2>vent and pop off about it.

0:36:50.640 --> 0:36:53.040
<v Speaker 4>And that also causes me to ruminate about it more

0:36:53.120 --> 0:36:54.120
<v Speaker 4>when we stop talking.

0:36:55.040 --> 0:36:57.000
<v Speaker 2>So it's better to just sort of sit down, give

0:36:57.040 --> 0:36:59.279
<v Speaker 2>us that two minutes or three minutes or five minutes,

0:36:59.280 --> 0:37:03.360
<v Speaker 2>whatever we need. Yeah, I like that. It's a great tip.

0:37:03.880 --> 0:37:06.800
<v Speaker 6>The problem solving. Problem solving is a good alternative to

0:37:06.880 --> 0:37:08.200
<v Speaker 6>ruminating instead of like what if?

0:37:08.200 --> 0:37:08.480
<v Speaker 4>What if?

0:37:08.520 --> 0:37:11.880
<v Speaker 6>What if? Can know? Problem solve? This?

0:37:13.160 --> 0:37:17.160
<v Speaker 2>Problem solving that's something we don't think about enough. We

0:37:17.280 --> 0:37:19.959
<v Speaker 2>just think about the problem. Yeah, I think I taught

0:37:20.000 --> 0:37:22.320
<v Speaker 2>you this before. One of the things that my best

0:37:22.320 --> 0:37:26.160
<v Speaker 2>friend Adele, who's a therapist, taught me was when I'm

0:37:26.400 --> 0:37:29.239
<v Speaker 2>spiraling or ruminating or like feel like I'm gonna lose

0:37:29.280 --> 0:37:32.600
<v Speaker 2>it because I can't stop thinking about something, to envision

0:37:32.760 --> 0:37:36.359
<v Speaker 2>a stop sign. To see the stop sign in my mind,

0:37:36.400 --> 0:37:40.280
<v Speaker 2>the octagonal shapes, the edges, the white line around the border,

0:37:40.320 --> 0:37:42.760
<v Speaker 2>the color of the sign, the way that the letters

0:37:42.760 --> 0:37:46.520
<v Speaker 2>are white within the red and follow each letter in

0:37:46.600 --> 0:37:49.359
<v Speaker 2>my mind. And then by the end of it, I've

0:37:49.400 --> 0:37:52.080
<v Speaker 2>stopped thinking about whatever I was thinking about. And it's

0:37:52.160 --> 0:37:56.520
<v Speaker 2>just ironic that it's the stop sign. It's just a bonus.

0:37:57.719 --> 0:37:59.839
<v Speaker 6>Yeah, And there's a skill that we teach. I teach

0:38:00.120 --> 0:38:05.480
<v Speaker 6>as part of dialectical behavior therapy. Stop, slow down, take

0:38:05.480 --> 0:38:09.120
<v Speaker 6>a step back, observe, and proceed mindfully.

0:38:09.840 --> 0:38:13.279
<v Speaker 2>Would like that Stop, take a step back, step back,

0:38:13.440 --> 0:38:22.560
<v Speaker 2>slow down, Yeah, observe pndfully Already Oh my gosh, this

0:38:22.560 --> 0:38:25.240
<v Speaker 2>has been such a great conversation. Thank you, doctor Jenny.

0:38:25.880 --> 0:38:27.719
<v Speaker 2>I know that Fiona, you've loved it too.

0:38:27.800 --> 0:38:29.120
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, this is really helpful for me.

0:38:30.080 --> 0:38:32.200
<v Speaker 2>Uh, Before I let you go, I have to ask

0:38:32.239 --> 0:38:35.840
<v Speaker 2>you a question that I always ask my guests, Doctor Jenny,

0:38:35.880 --> 0:38:38.520
<v Speaker 2>What was the last I Choose me moment you had?

0:38:39.400 --> 0:38:39.640
<v Speaker 6>One?

0:38:39.960 --> 0:38:40.080
<v Speaker 5>Is?

0:38:40.200 --> 0:38:43.600
<v Speaker 6>I find like people find social media so distracting. I

0:38:43.600 --> 0:38:49.319
<v Speaker 6>find texting is so distracting. And I just yesterday someone

0:38:49.360 --> 0:38:52.440
<v Speaker 6>asked me to join a WhatsApp and I very proudly

0:38:52.440 --> 0:38:55.840
<v Speaker 6>told them that I don't use WhatsApp because it's like this.

0:38:56.760 --> 0:38:59.719
<v Speaker 6>I love like I Choose Me moments that are just

0:38:59.800 --> 0:39:04.000
<v Speaker 6>in distances but dramatically overhaul your quality of life. And

0:39:04.320 --> 0:39:07.240
<v Speaker 6>so much like ruminating takes us out of this moment,

0:39:07.280 --> 0:39:12.399
<v Speaker 6>constantly texting and messaging, of being really present and so not.

0:39:12.520 --> 0:39:15.880
<v Speaker 1>Having what's upp was your voment?

0:39:15.920 --> 0:39:19.040
<v Speaker 6>I love that group texts. Yeah, this constant noise and

0:39:19.080 --> 0:39:22.200
<v Speaker 6>pining and overthinking. And then the second one is even

0:39:22.200 --> 0:39:25.280
<v Speaker 6>in this moment, I think I'm all about removing negatives

0:39:25.280 --> 0:39:28.279
<v Speaker 6>and adding positives and even just taking a moment to

0:39:28.760 --> 0:39:31.440
<v Speaker 6>really savor this moment. I you know, it's crazy. I

0:39:31.560 --> 0:39:34.000
<v Speaker 6>used to watch Nina Tuna when I was Fiona's age.

0:39:34.840 --> 0:39:37.200
<v Speaker 6>It is surreal. I never would have thought when I

0:39:37.239 --> 0:39:40.480
<v Speaker 6>was an adolescent struggling with self doubt that I would

0:39:40.520 --> 0:39:42.040
<v Speaker 6>be sitting across from you today.

0:39:43.000 --> 0:39:45.520
<v Speaker 2>Well, I'm so glad you are because you're helping so

0:39:45.600 --> 0:39:48.160
<v Speaker 2>many people. So thank you. I know you helped us.

0:39:48.440 --> 0:39:49.319
<v Speaker 3>Yes, thank you.

0:39:50.160 --> 0:39:54.800
<v Speaker 2>I'm savoring this moment too, me too. Thank you, doctor Jenny.

0:39:55.320 --> 0:39:57.160
<v Speaker 6>Nice to see you, guys, Please stay in touch.

0:39:57.680 --> 0:40:03.359
<v Speaker 2>Yes, yes, nice to see you too. Oh my gosh,

0:40:03.440 --> 0:40:04.600
<v Speaker 2>didn't you love that conversation?

0:40:04.840 --> 0:40:06.800
<v Speaker 3>I loved it. It was really helpful.

0:40:07.239 --> 0:40:10.319
<v Speaker 2>You know what always amazes me about you. You have

0:40:11.760 --> 0:40:16.600
<v Speaker 2>a great self awareness about you, Like you know the

0:40:16.680 --> 0:40:19.239
<v Speaker 2>things that you would like to do differently. I think

0:40:19.360 --> 0:40:21.560
<v Speaker 2>you know, you know areas of your life that you're like,

0:40:21.600 --> 0:40:23.360
<v Speaker 2>I need to improve that a little bit or I

0:40:23.840 --> 0:40:26.720
<v Speaker 2>kind of don't want to be stuck in my thoughts

0:40:26.760 --> 0:40:29.520
<v Speaker 2>it doesn't feel good, and like you seek out ways

0:40:30.000 --> 0:40:33.120
<v Speaker 2>to make changes in your life. And I respect that

0:40:33.200 --> 0:40:36.040
<v Speaker 2>so much about you. Because you're just eighteen years old.

0:40:36.120 --> 0:40:40.759
<v Speaker 2>I wasn't doing any of that kind of helpful, you know,

0:40:40.960 --> 0:40:45.480
<v Speaker 2>thinking about thinking, Yeah, at my age.

0:40:45.239 --> 0:40:46.440
<v Speaker 3>You know, yeah.

0:40:46.520 --> 0:40:49.680
<v Speaker 2>I mean, yeah, you're just so ahead of where I was.

0:40:49.719 --> 0:40:53.680
<v Speaker 2>I'm proud of being so much. Okay, but before I

0:40:53.760 --> 0:40:58.799
<v Speaker 2>let you go, Fiona Vatchinelle, what was your last I

0:40:58.920 --> 0:40:59.840
<v Speaker 2>choose me moment?

0:41:00.880 --> 0:41:06.600
<v Speaker 4>Okay, let me think. You know, I feel like I've

0:41:06.640 --> 0:41:08.279
<v Speaker 4>been doing this a lot recently. I don't know if

0:41:08.320 --> 0:41:10.560
<v Speaker 4>you've noticed, but I've been taking a lot of baths,

0:41:10.600 --> 0:41:12.799
<v Speaker 4>like I said earlier, and I feel like it just

0:41:13.200 --> 0:41:15.640
<v Speaker 4>is kind of a time for me to unwind from

0:41:15.680 --> 0:41:18.080
<v Speaker 4>my day. And I know sometimes I want to bring

0:41:18.120 --> 0:41:20.960
<v Speaker 4>my computer with me, like on my little like, you know,

0:41:21.480 --> 0:41:22.960
<v Speaker 4>prop it up some more and watch my show while

0:41:22.960 --> 0:41:25.880
<v Speaker 4>I'm in the bath. But like two nights ago, instead

0:41:25.880 --> 0:41:29.160
<v Speaker 4>of doing that, I actually read like literally half of

0:41:29.200 --> 0:41:31.000
<v Speaker 4>my new book that I got, And I think that

0:41:31.080 --> 0:41:33.680
<v Speaker 4>was just a really good moment where I put myself

0:41:33.680 --> 0:41:36.239
<v Speaker 4>first and I was in a ruminating spiral, so it

0:41:36.280 --> 0:41:40.560
<v Speaker 4>did help me. And yeah, I think reading and taking

0:41:40.600 --> 0:41:42.840
<v Speaker 4>time for myself away from the phone is really just

0:41:43.160 --> 0:41:45.719
<v Speaker 4>recently what I've been feeling like, I'm choosing myself more.

0:41:46.160 --> 0:41:46.839
<v Speaker 1>That's so good.

0:41:46.840 --> 0:41:49.600
<v Speaker 2>I'm glad you're getting that now because I've been telling

0:41:49.640 --> 0:41:51.040
<v Speaker 2>you to get off that damn phone.

0:41:52.160 --> 0:41:52.840
<v Speaker 1>It's happening.

0:41:53.360 --> 0:41:53.880
<v Speaker 3>I'm trying.

0:41:54.120 --> 0:41:56.000
<v Speaker 1>Wait, what book did you take in the bath.

0:41:55.800 --> 0:41:58.640
<v Speaker 4>With the Actually you got it for me for Christmas.

0:41:58.800 --> 0:41:59.359
<v Speaker 3>It was the one.

0:41:59.400 --> 0:42:03.919
<v Speaker 4>It's called Choosing Myself. I don't know the author. It's

0:42:03.920 --> 0:42:07.600
<v Speaker 4>called Choosing Me, and it's all about how to choose yourself.

0:42:07.600 --> 0:42:08.360
<v Speaker 1>Of that great.

0:42:08.480 --> 0:42:10.040
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, it's really good. Also.

0:42:10.080 --> 0:42:13.239
<v Speaker 4>Another one is one hundred and one Essays That'll Change

0:42:13.239 --> 0:42:16.279
<v Speaker 4>the Way You Think. Best book ever. I reread it

0:42:16.320 --> 0:42:18.720
<v Speaker 4>all the time. Brianna West I think is the author.

0:42:18.800 --> 0:42:19.360
<v Speaker 3>It's great.

0:42:20.680 --> 0:42:23.920
<v Speaker 2>Good hot tip yep from the eighteen year old you guys,

0:42:24.000 --> 0:42:27.960
<v Speaker 2>You're welcome. Thanks babe, thank you for having me.

0:42:28.040 --> 0:42:29.359
<v Speaker 4>It's so much fun and learned a lot