Speaker 1: Let's say what's up. What's up is lip Service. I'm
Speaker 1: Angela Yee, I'm Gi McGuire, I'm Stephanie Santiago, and our
Speaker 1: guest Rainbow Barriss, Rainbow Barris is here with us. I
Speaker 1: was just saying that I love lip service has set
Speaker 1: a variety of guests. Last week we had porn start
Speaker 1: shot in there, Lisa Annon. And now we have somebody
Speaker 1: who is a perser in the bedroom for her husband,
Speaker 1: but also an author and acesiologist, a doctor, a mom
Speaker 1: and all of that. So let's give some background on
Speaker 1: who Rainbow barrisses. Um. I think you summed it up
Speaker 1: pretty well. I mean, I think the most important thing
Speaker 1: for me really is being a mom. Um. I do
Speaker 1: have six kids. Um, I've been married a long time
Speaker 1: for especially these days and times. Um. Our oldest just
Speaker 1: turned twenty, same day the baby turned three. So my
Speaker 1: first of my last had the same birthday. Wow, the
Speaker 1: same birthday, same birth And he was like a guy, like, up,
Speaker 1: you're done. Um, And he was two months early on
Speaker 1: her birthday, so I was like, this is really assigned.
Speaker 1: So uh, June ninth. Nice? But oh and they are like,
Speaker 1: I hope today is a good day. You got some
Speaker 1: built in babysitters already best you know, the oldest to
Speaker 1: And when I first got pregnant with the baby, they
Speaker 1: were like, we need to talk to you. And I'm
Speaker 1: like about what They were like, we don't know if
Speaker 1: this is the best thing for you. Would like, no,
Speaker 1: you don't know if it's the best thing for you. Um,
Speaker 1: so you know it's they are built in babysitters and
Speaker 1: and built in arguers and all that. I told him,
Speaker 1: I said, what do you think I had you for?
Speaker 1: You know? So it's it's good. It's a good age range. Um.
Speaker 1: And and first we had three girls first, and we
Speaker 1: had three boys. Second. Wow, it's like a perfect life perfect.
Speaker 1: Nothing is perfect, but close to it as far as
Speaker 1: the kids, Like, that's kind of dope, like three and
Speaker 1: then three because you know, you have three girls, Like
Speaker 1: I really want a boy exactly. And then and then like,
Speaker 1: oh yeah, we had a boy. That's great, he's happy.
Speaker 1: And then I was like, we'll never have another boy. Well,
Speaker 1: I'm like, won't have any more kids, but if we
Speaker 1: did with a girl and then it was a boy
Speaker 1: and I was like, oh and then we had I'm like,
Speaker 1: this is so interesting. So it is a blessing. So
Speaker 1: let's talk about that. Because the character of Bow I'm
Speaker 1: black Ish is based on you in real life, but
Speaker 1: not completely, but that's basically where the character came from. Yes, correct.
Speaker 1: So sometimes do you get to like know what's going
Speaker 1: to happen on the episodes before it happens, Like you
Speaker 1: guys have to sit down discussion, you and your husband Ken.
Speaker 1: You're like, okay, so we're going to discuss this that
Speaker 1: we're gonna tackle this, Like how much input do you
Speaker 1: give based on your real life? Um? Usually I find
Speaker 1: out after, but it depends. I mean if it's something
Speaker 1: tough like um, you know he did. It was a
Speaker 1: couple of seasons ago he did, you know, very tough. Um.
Speaker 1: It was the first and only I think arc that
Speaker 1: they did. So it was you know, three I think
Speaker 1: episodes and followed each other where bo Andre were having
Speaker 1: some uh marital uh differences I guess, and um, he
Speaker 1: had gotten a lot of pushback about like, you know,
Speaker 1: I don't know if you shouldn't do this. People don't
Speaker 1: think this is your life and you know he so
Speaker 1: he did ask me about that, and I was like,
Speaker 1: I absolutely think you should do it. Because you know,
Speaker 1: one of the things that UM, people appreciate about this
Speaker 1: show is that they feel like they can relate to
Speaker 1: these characters. And if you're only showing the positive, then
Speaker 1: that's not relatable. And UM, I'm like, so what if
Speaker 1: people think that it's us right now? Like what does
Speaker 1: that matter? You know? Um? We we are examples in
Speaker 1: so many ways for so many couples and so many people,
Speaker 1: And UM, I think it's important to be vulnerable and
Speaker 1: to be honest, even when it's uncomfortable. So um, he
Speaker 1: did ask me about that. But other than that, you know,
Speaker 1: I usually find out after. But you know, a lot
Speaker 1: of the stuff is is like oh, I didn't know
Speaker 1: you were gonna write about that. It sometimes also like,
Speaker 1: well that's how you saw it, but I saw it differently,
Speaker 1: absolutely absolutely, because you know, when things happen, we look
Speaker 1: at it differently than they always have our different point
Speaker 1: of view, right, and that's we're usually right, we're right,
Speaker 1: my woe man, Just let's me be right. And that's
Speaker 1: his thing, Like he's like, right, how did you get that?
Speaker 1: And you're not even married. I don't know he understands,
Speaker 1: and I think like he probably feels like, well, probably
Speaker 1: because I am, but also because I think he's just
Speaker 1: like we have petty arguments that's not even worth it,
Speaker 1: And usually I am right and probably are right. It's
Speaker 1: not right, it's right true most of them. I feel
Speaker 1: like women are like I look at my sons and
Speaker 1: I look at my daughters, and I'm like, how are
Speaker 1: men in control of the world because they are so
Speaker 1: below like like just women just get it in a
Speaker 1: different way, like mediocre, like they're not. They just can't
Speaker 1: reach the level I'm thinking as the same as a woman.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry. If men just don't have it, it's something
Speaker 1: missing with them. I don't know. I think we also
Speaker 1: a lot of times I kind of step back and
Speaker 1: let them. I think we have to be because if
Speaker 1: you let them think of they're in charge, then it's
Speaker 1: like more smooth. But that's another mental tactic on a man.
Speaker 1: Yeah no, yeah, because I feel like, yeah, you got it,
Speaker 1: Yeah right, I can't. I can't do that. It's really
Speaker 1: hard and let him do and be like, yeah I
Speaker 1: did that yesterday. But we do sacrifice sometimes. I feel
Speaker 1: like I think being a one man, I think it's
Speaker 1: a sacrifice, but I think it is the best sacrifice
Speaker 1: but I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.
Speaker 1: I think it's such a special gift to be a
Speaker 1: woman and um with all of the challenges and the
Speaker 1: responsibility I think it is. I think it's just so
Speaker 1: powerful and amazing. And we were talking about what we
Speaker 1: do we had a penis for a day, like, what
Speaker 1: would that be? Like? Can you imagine what would you
Speaker 1: do if you had a penis for a day? Swinging
Speaker 1: around in the helicopter, in the mirror, in the mirrorge
Speaker 1: in the mircause I gotta see it might get an STD.
Speaker 1: I don't know, I'm right, And then I would just
Speaker 1: go sticking in as many pussies as I can. You
Speaker 1: think you would do an of course I would. I
Speaker 1: would with a female, you know, well, I don't think
Speaker 1: I would be um, you know, I would be a man,
Speaker 1: like I'm thinking if I'm a man, so I don't
Speaker 1: want to be, you know, I just want to him
Speaker 1: regulars like it's not coming out right here. I get
Speaker 1: what she's saying. So I think that sounds right. I
Speaker 1: mean that's what they do anyway, right, they're swinging around
Speaker 1: in the circle in the mirror. Never done it, but
Speaker 1: they do. They do you guys pay helicopter with your penis?
Speaker 1: You've done? My god, look at a little kid when
Speaker 1: you realize that the dangled and hanged and swung like
Speaker 1: a pendulum. You shoot that. Don't act like you don't
Speaker 1: do it at these ones when when they get older,
Speaker 1: Look do they do it? No? See, they probably don't
Speaker 1: do it as adult. They won't admit it, especially if
Speaker 1: it's long. I can't lu So you guys really swing
Speaker 1: your like the elephant trunk? What did I say? You're like,
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, there's some guys in the room. Do you
Speaker 1: guys play with your balls when you masturbate or just
Speaker 1: the penis? That's a good question. I'm really like when
Speaker 1: we like, you like rush your balls? You're saying yes, okay, yes,
Speaker 1: oh yes, no, yes, I no, no, okay, So you
Speaker 1: don't like can you imagine if you walked in and
Speaker 1: you're a man like fingering himself in the butt and okay,
Speaker 1: oh my god, and take it to the next level,
Speaker 1: like right? Why did you call me? Right? Do you
Speaker 1: for you think guys would want to have a vagina
Speaker 1: for a day to see what it feels like? You
Speaker 1: think we just would like to have a penis for
Speaker 1: a day. I would like to have a penis for
Speaker 1: a day. You wouldn't want to have a penis for
Speaker 1: no I would wake up like, oh my god, right,
Speaker 1: we're gonna go through. That would be a good movie.
Speaker 1: They always do wake up as a kid, right, So
Speaker 1: you like switched like breaky Friday Friday. Yeah, you know
Speaker 1: you're gonna have it a hard day with that change
Speaker 1: if you know it's only for a day. If it
Speaker 1: was only for a day, I'm like, all right, I'm
Speaker 1: just gonna stay in the house and smoke weed and
Speaker 1: just wait to wait it out. Yeah, I'm gonna master mead,
Speaker 1: That's exactly what I'm gonna I'm gonna master. I don't
Speaker 1: have today exactly. Like, pens are fascinating, Like how often
Speaker 1: do you find yourself like playing with your man's penis
Speaker 1: just like alive and they hate for you to test
Speaker 1: it when they're not hard? I don't so ashamed are
Speaker 1: you doing? And had an exit I such the penis
Speaker 1: like this, and he got so mad at me, like,
Speaker 1: don't be with the ferny, Like are you trying to
Speaker 1: see how big it is? I want you to use
Speaker 1: the whole hand because if you're not using the whole hand.
Speaker 1: They don't feel manly if you use just the finger.
Speaker 1: And the dumb was just a heart attack. I would
Speaker 1: have had the grap his penis like this. Yeah, really, yeah,
Speaker 1: I've heard about those. I've only heard about about you
Speaker 1: never had to witness it. Okay, let's just say I
Speaker 1: had a lot of annal sex during that relationship because
Speaker 1: I had to feel that. I'm sorry, but wow, where
Speaker 1: am I? Yeah? I have like so many questions for
Speaker 1: you guys. So you're sending in a committed relationship for
Speaker 1: such a lot. So that's why I'm like, wow, So like,
Speaker 1: does everybody have ain't no, even if you're not married,
Speaker 1: Like is that I've never had? You know, I don't
Speaker 1: do an't know either. I might try, It's too painful.
Speaker 1: I can't do it. I tried to, it never went
Speaker 1: all the way in. I wanted to. But you know what,
Speaker 1: and I learned this from Lisa and the porn star
Speaker 1: who was here last week. She said, when you clench
Speaker 1: your teeth, it makes your buck clench. So if you
Speaker 1: were like ya, why couldn't sept you that? Because when
Speaker 1: you have a pap smere if you clench your upper body.
Speaker 1: Then your vagina clenches, and so it's good to put
Speaker 1: your arms up because it makes you relax. I never
Speaker 1: do that way, so we gotta add that to our list.
Speaker 1: If you put your arms out, you're like this, it's
Speaker 1: harder for you to like, you know, because your whole
Speaker 1: body will be doing this. But when your arms are
Speaker 1: like this, you could do this. So you put your
Speaker 1: arms up and then if you breathe and then it's
Speaker 1: easier and any way to do an then probably need
Speaker 1: to use loose for anal as opposed to water base
Speaker 1: water base because it's more slippery. I've done anal or
Speaker 1: like if guys would like average sized phoenises, but it
Speaker 1: just so happens like the more recent relationships, like I
Speaker 1: wouldn't even thank god, never like thank god, you don't
Speaker 1: even have to Yeah exactly, they don't even like it
Speaker 1: because they've never been able to get it because it's
Speaker 1: just too it's uncomfortable. Yeah, so yeah, I don't know. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I feel like I was young when I wasn't married,
Speaker 1: but I was I was prudish. I mean i'm not now,
Speaker 1: but before I'm like, maybe it was just young. So
Speaker 1: I'm gonna have been like you want to do what? Yeah,
Speaker 1: because it does sound more shocking when you're young. I'm
Speaker 1: gonna tell you this that I went to public school
Speaker 1: and I went to private school for high school. Right,
Speaker 1: public school, nobody was doing that. But in private school,
Speaker 1: were you a white girls? Yeah, that's my private school was.
Speaker 1: And then I remember this one white girl was like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, and then he put it in my
Speaker 1: butt and I was bleeding, you know, and I was like,
Speaker 1: I didn't even know I had anything about that. I
Speaker 1: didn't either, I literally I didn't. I didn't even get
Speaker 1: it in the wood. And taking it in the mouth
Speaker 1: and still seeing the day were virgins. That's that's crazy.
Speaker 1: That's actually it's actually very scary because that's how a
Speaker 1: lot of bad things happened to people. And they, you know,
Speaker 1: my my little Dominican friends, they were taking it in
Speaker 1: the ass and not keeping their pussy aversion when I
Speaker 1: was a kid, really yeah, my little Dominican friends. And
Speaker 1: they were younger than me. I remember I was like thirteen,
Speaker 1: she was like eleven, and they were little kids, and
Speaker 1: her boyfriend was like fourteen, Oh my god, and they
Speaker 1: were having anal sex. But how do you even know
Speaker 1: about that when you're that. That's when I said, I'm
Speaker 1: like what I was like, what, like, why are you
Speaker 1: guys so horny? But trying to make someone else happy?
Speaker 1: So I don't know, I know, I think they were horny.
Speaker 1: And remember my little sister, my cousins when we used
Speaker 1: to go to Puerto Rico. My cousins, they were kids
Speaker 1: and they were doing all kinds of ships. We were
Speaker 1: little kids, Like why are y'all so horny? Not me
Speaker 1: though with others, Like I was always real quiet and
Speaker 1: by myself. They were all like just older than me
Speaker 1: and doing weird ship but were they doing stuff with
Speaker 1: other kids? Kids? They were kids. It was just man
Speaker 1: though they were kids. They were all like twelve and yeen,
Speaker 1: that's what I'm saying, Like, how are y'all also horny?
Speaker 1: I was little though, like I was like ten eleven nine.
Speaker 1: They were kicking me out the room and be making
Speaker 1: out like why are y'all so horny? Yeah, hormones raging.
Speaker 1: I don't know. For girls, it's so different. I think
Speaker 1: it's it's taking me a long time in life to
Speaker 1: really be like really horny, like I've had I've had
Speaker 1: had to get older to be like, oh no, this
Speaker 1: is like really for me. I was horny when I
Speaker 1: was young. I was masturbating when I was young. But
Speaker 1: I wasn't horny for other people. I was horny for
Speaker 1: the ship that I was watching on TV. I wasn't
Speaker 1: mastered anybody. I did make my dolls have sex with
Speaker 1: each other, ye like yeah, yeah, I wasn't the dolls
Speaker 1: playing house. Yeah, they But I didn't really know anything
Speaker 1: about sex. I just you know, and Kent didn't have
Speaker 1: a dick. She just had that weird little space in
Speaker 1: between the sides. The guy have the like the pubic
Speaker 1: like finger, right, it's just like a curve. You can't
Speaker 1: should have had a dick? No, No, I don't think
Speaker 1: anatomically incorrect. Yeah, but because then now we walk around
Speaker 1: thinking men just have like a but Barbie had. Barbie
Speaker 1: had like a vage area that she had booze and
Speaker 1: everything she had booze. Did she had a little crease?
Speaker 1: Did she have a crease in there? I don't remember. No, No,
Speaker 1: it was the same thing. It's like that. Yeah, it
Speaker 1: was it was like blocked out right. Oh, I know
Speaker 1: what it was. It was the crease in the thighs
Speaker 1: that went like this because the legs moved. That's what
Speaker 1: I'm thinking of. Yeah, you really studied it. I mean
Speaker 1: I had Barbie dollars, Barbie dogs. She also have like
Speaker 1: a little bit of hair on their legs. I think
Speaker 1: Barbie should have hair, ever stubble. They should have pubes.
Speaker 1: Like I'm people not having pubes, it's like this, that's
Speaker 1: not appropriate. But even laser hair removo. I feel like
Speaker 1: when young kids first start getting pubes, it's really imagine
Speaker 1: if every adult you saw had no pubes and you
Speaker 1: start getting pubes, what is that? Like that like yeah,
Speaker 1: you're like, what is this? What's wrong? Or you know exactly,
Speaker 1: and and it's initially it's a lot of fucking air,
Speaker 1: you know. And I feel like we have to teach
Speaker 1: our kids like no, this is normal, this is you know,
Speaker 1: not you are not supposed to not have any hair.
Speaker 1: Now you can choose to. But I still I mean, yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean laser hair moble. For me, it's been important
Speaker 1: because I get in grown hairs, my daughters get them,
Speaker 1: so in that aspect, it's actually really important. It's the
Speaker 1: only thing that prevents them from happening. But um, I
Speaker 1: had to like, do I take it all off or
Speaker 1: do I not. I'm like, I have to show my
Speaker 1: daughter at least, but have exactly because I feel like
Speaker 1: I have to show my daughter's like no, you're supposed
Speaker 1: to have exactly, and I feel like to me, I
Speaker 1: feel like that's really really important. I've never seen my
Speaker 1: parents naked, even when you were younger. I don't remember
Speaker 1: nothing I remember. I don't remember if I'm younger, but
Speaker 1: I don't recall seeing the naked. I'm always naked. It
Speaker 1: from I see my mom naked all the time. Whether
Speaker 1: used to always be naked. I still always be like, mom,
Speaker 1: pust some clothes on. My mother was always naked. I
Speaker 1: just think it's important for them to see, like, oh, yeah,
Speaker 1: this is what your body. I have to see that.
Speaker 1: It did. It made us such a normal thing to
Speaker 1: go and shave my legs when I was going through
Speaker 1: puberty and to you know, want to take care of
Speaker 1: myself and groom myself. Watching my mom like I couldn't
Speaker 1: imagine seeing my mom with no hair, right, you know,
Speaker 1: like it would just be like I never imagine. You
Speaker 1: don't remember. I don't remember. I don't think I've ever
Speaker 1: seen it because I feel like I would remember that
Speaker 1: and I remember the first time I shaved my legs.
Speaker 1: I was embarrassed. I didn't say anything, and I cut
Speaker 1: my whole leg like from all the way down by
Speaker 1: my ankle, all the way at my shop, one of
Speaker 1: your friends, and somebody legs yes, and I guess I
Speaker 1: pressed down to her and I really like cut it
Speaker 1: all the way. And then you know, when you cut yourself,
Speaker 1: shaving does not stop and it hurts. So then after that,
Speaker 1: I was like embarrassed. I used to wear panty holes
Speaker 1: under my shorts. Ok, I want to do a lot,
Speaker 1: but I remember my mom taking a bath. We used
Speaker 1: to take a bath together, like we'll be getting reverty
Speaker 1: quick to come on, you're gonna take a shower with me,
Speaker 1: and she'll shave her on the arms in front of
Speaker 1: us and shaved. So that would never happen if my
Speaker 1: mom about it just came so naturally to know how
Speaker 1: to do it, you know. Yeah, I think it's important.
Speaker 1: I really do. And I tell them like, I'm I'm
Speaker 1: not comfortable all the time with myself. But if I'm
Speaker 1: not comfortable with myself, and how are you going to
Speaker 1: be comfortable with yourself? So that's why you're gonna see
Speaker 1: me naked, you know, like you know until like you know,
Speaker 1: my oldest son is. But I still I don't know,
Speaker 1: just it's not weird to me because yes, see, I
Speaker 1: think I was. It was different for me growing up
Speaker 1: because even like after that, I have friends like in
Speaker 1: college that they would just be walking around naked and
Speaker 1: I'd be like, oh my god, but some clone, right,
Speaker 1: because I definitely grow up seeing anybody naked, right, Yeah. No,
Speaker 1: I mean I think for me and like around my
Speaker 1: kids and like at home, it's important, but I'm not.
Speaker 1: I mean, I guess if I'm around my friends and
Speaker 1: I'm like getting dressed, it's not a big deal. But
Speaker 1: I'm your girls for sure. But yeah, but I'm not
Speaker 1: like watching all the way around. But I'm like, yeah,
Speaker 1: have to change or like everybody's always helped me to
Speaker 1: put something on too, and I'm like, oh god, I
Speaker 1: think I'm still like I'm still kind of not like
Speaker 1: a naked person. You're not naked person. Yeah, I'm still
Speaker 1: not really Like I still would be like walking at
Speaker 1: the room and you were sleeping the bed together naked.
Speaker 1: It's like such a normal thing for us to be
Speaker 1: naked around each other. You guys, having sex. Yeah, her
Speaker 1: sex never Okay, you can't say that because you have
Speaker 1: that sex with women. So I've had women have had
Speaker 1: sex with me on me. I've never put my mouth
Speaker 1: on a girl you participated? I sure, Okay, I've had
Speaker 1: getting sex before. Okay, down out of the questioning, but
Speaker 1: not like my best Like, come on, you don't have
Speaker 1: sex with your friends. Well, sometimes you do see that.
Speaker 1: We can believe anything, alright, So people have written into questions.
Speaker 1: So here's the first question. All right, bo, So I
Speaker 1: need help. I recently just got out of a long
Speaker 1: relationship my new girlfriend who makes me very happy and
Speaker 1: has been for the last few months. She recently asked
Speaker 1: me to move in with her. EXCEPT did her invitation,
Speaker 1: but then shortly a few weeks after, she got a dog.
Speaker 1: Very much dislike animals, and I have expressed that to her,
Speaker 1: but I moved into her apartment. She has asked me
Speaker 1: to help financially around her apartment and with the dog.
Speaker 1: I want to make this work, but I want that
Speaker 1: dog gone. She claims it it's like her baby and
Speaker 1: she doesn't want to get rid of it. Would I
Speaker 1: be wrong for leaving? Even after expressing to her that
Speaker 1: I don't want this actually responsibility. Um. I think that
Speaker 1: when people are honest and they communicate, and I think
Speaker 1: if you choose to do something, I don't think you
Speaker 1: can be quote wrong or you know, wrong or right
Speaker 1: because you're being honest. And I think you have to
Speaker 1: stand in your truth and you know will be different
Speaker 1: if he was like making excuses about whatever or she
Speaker 1: had a man or woman. Um, but I think if
Speaker 1: you've expressed something and the person that you're with isn't
Speaker 1: listening to that and isn't willing to um, compromise because
Speaker 1: that's I mean, relationships, life, everything is a compromise, and
Speaker 1: you have to be willing to say what you're willing
Speaker 1: to accept and what you want person you're with to
Speaker 1: accept as well as it does work both ways. It's
Speaker 1: kind of messed up that she got the dog after
Speaker 1: he told her, yeah, I feel like I would be.
Speaker 1: I mean, he's still there like that's a good man, man,
Speaker 1: I know, I mean like you did work like this
Speaker 1: dog here, So I don't you know, I don't think so,
Speaker 1: but I think you know, talking about it and saying
Speaker 1: like I'm willing to you know, compromise on something else,
Speaker 1: then you know, I think it's fair. But you know
Speaker 1: that's I guess this part maybe like having kids, Like
Speaker 1: some people don't want to have kids and some people do,
Speaker 1: and like, you know, but you know, I think it's different,
Speaker 1: it'd be different. She had the dog already, yeah yeah,
Speaker 1: because then you're choosing to still go, but then to
Speaker 1: get it after, it's kind of like she got it after.
Speaker 1: I think she's wrong for trying to put the responsibility
Speaker 1: on him. Expressed that he wasn't like it's one thing
Speaker 1: to buy the dog, but don't expect me to take
Speaker 1: care of and that dog was gone, and like a
Speaker 1: few days, I was like I told you for years, no,
Speaker 1: don't I have too many children, do not bring a
Speaker 1: dog into this. If the kids could take care of
Speaker 1: the dog. The one who wanted it was seven, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: yeah alright, or like oh can can the nanny didn't know,
Speaker 1: they're busy with the children. Sorry, So you got rid
Speaker 1: of the dog in a few days. You didn't feel bad,
Speaker 1: absolutely not, because I had said for years I am
Speaker 1: not going to be responsible for a dog. I'm not
Speaker 1: so doc. It was my children, my seven year old,
Speaker 1: who wanted the dog. She she came to us and
Speaker 1: was crying and say, can we get rid of the
Speaker 1: dog because it was ruined in our family. It must
Speaker 1: have been really you know, you know what because she
Speaker 1: didn't want to go pick up that ship outside. That's
Speaker 1: what it was, like, Oh, I gotta go pick up ship.
Speaker 1: This dog is rolling in our family. I was like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I told you she didn't want that. Damn do that.
Speaker 1: She would have been upset. No when you got rid
Speaker 1: of it. No, No, she had a younger sibling to
Speaker 1: play with. She didn't need it, as kids are a
Speaker 1: lot of working. Dogs are work. Especially it was a
Speaker 1: puppy and you had to train it. Yeah, keep it
Speaker 1: from chewing up your front chair and pissing all over everything.
Speaker 1: You have to schedule your your days around it. And
Speaker 1: it was it was. It was a lot of work.
Speaker 1: I think we had it for like four days or something.
Speaker 1: Damn that girl. I'm not a dog person. But you know,
Speaker 1: we did find a nice home for the dogs. Someone
Speaker 1: else needed a dog, and so I was like, look,
Speaker 1: this is a win win situation. Yeah. Yeah, it worked out.
Speaker 1: And I'm not like, get rid of the dog and
Speaker 1: send it to the right Yeah, so that was important.
Speaker 1: It didn't work out. What are some of the biggest
Speaker 1: compromises that you've had to make in your marriage. Um.
Speaker 1: You know, I think recently the biggest thing for me
Speaker 1: really is is been realizing and learning that being um
Speaker 1: having equity does not mean being the same. And so
Speaker 1: I used to look for sameness to be equal. You
Speaker 1: know what, I do this, so you should do this
Speaker 1: with it. And so I think once I started to realize, like,
Speaker 1: you know, I actually really enjoy a lot of the
Speaker 1: things that I do, Like I enjoy all the things
Speaker 1: I do with the kids and those responsibilities. Why am
Speaker 1: I pitching and complaining about what he doesn't do? Is
Speaker 1: he's not uncomfortable doing a lot of the stuff, and
Speaker 1: now he does, but he will do other things that
Speaker 1: I won't do. And so I think for me, really
Speaker 1: just giving up the idea of um us not being
Speaker 1: the same, it's been like my biggest It's been like
Speaker 1: a lifesaver, really because it's eliminates all that pettiness. You know,
Speaker 1: I never thought about that. That's really that great. It's
Speaker 1: it's it took a long time. It's probably like fifteen years.
Speaker 1: That's hard. When you you live you don't imagine you
Speaker 1: live with someone like your roommate, and it's like one
Speaker 1: person does all of this one thing and you're like,
Speaker 1: you don't never do this. But then you have to
Speaker 1: think about, well, well does this person do these other things?
Speaker 1: What do they do, what do they bring? And I
Speaker 1: do think there needs to be some some equity for sure,
Speaker 1: because there needs to be balanced. But being the same, like,
Speaker 1: he's a man, he's not a nurture. And that's that's
Speaker 1: the whole thing about a man and a woman complimenting
Speaker 1: each other. He's doing the things that we don't do,
Speaker 1: and vice versa. We're supposed to do the things that
Speaker 1: they don't. But it's a common argument, like I'm here cleaning,
Speaker 1: I'm here doing this. It's such a common argument. But
Speaker 1: if you really think about it, it is a petty argument.
Speaker 1: And I'm like, do I really want to talk time
Speaker 1: you're enjoying. I want to come home and see him
Speaker 1: like cooking and cleaning. I really don't't, Like it's gonna
Speaker 1: be fucked up anyway, and like gonna end up being
Speaker 1: like like you guys, don't redoing anyway, It'll be a
Speaker 1: total waste of time. Yeah, he'll have to redo and yeah,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, you know, if if you're with someone
Speaker 1: and they're not comfortable doing something like, Okay, well let's
Speaker 1: let's compromise. Let's figure out what you can do. I'm
Speaker 1: good at planning trips, so like in my relationship, I'm
Speaker 1: always going to be the person that's planning where we're
Speaker 1: gonna go, we're gonna stay in the flights and all
Speaker 1: of that. So that's and he's okay with that. He's
Speaker 1: great with that. Good, good what you planning it? I'm
Speaker 1: not there's something that he does that you don't do.
Speaker 1: M I mean, like there's a lot of things, Like
Speaker 1: I hate getting my car washed, So I'm the type
Speaker 1: of person that won't get my car washs for like
Speaker 1: six months just because I really, for some reason don't
Speaker 1: like going to the car wash. But like my boyfriend
Speaker 1: would be like, you know, like certain things, he'll handle
Speaker 1: those responsibilities and like be more responsible about other things
Speaker 1: while I'm running around doing whatever. Because I'm more of
Speaker 1: like do things as I remember to do them type
Speaker 1: of person, and so sometimes I forget to do stuff.
Speaker 1: He's more like he has like a to do list.
Speaker 1: He's more scheduled. Yeah, I'm more like spontaneous. That's that's
Speaker 1: that's good. That's that's important. That's nice. I don't that's
Speaker 1: a good compliment, you know, but I probably do more.
Speaker 1: You know, of course that we were guys both having
Speaker 1: really really busy schedules, right, was that ever an issue?
Speaker 1: Like are we home enough? Are we with each other enough?
Speaker 1: Are we with the kids enough? How does that work? Um?
Speaker 1: I think in life we are always especially as a woman,
Speaker 1: I'm always like I should be doing more. I could
Speaker 1: be doing more. You know, this kid, this person and him,
Speaker 1: you know, someone needs me more than I'm able to
Speaker 1: be there. But um, you know, I think like once
Speaker 1: I got out of school and in training residency training
Speaker 1: and gave me a lot more for lexibility because otherwise,
Speaker 1: like I have a very not flexible schedule at all,
Speaker 1: and it's difficult for people to understand when they're like,
Speaker 1: you mean you have to ask for a day, a half,
Speaker 1: a day off three months ahead of the day, and
Speaker 1: I'm like, yeah, I know, it's ridiculous, especially with kids.
Speaker 1: So um, you know, not having being in such a
Speaker 1: confined schedule as I was has been helpful. But you know,
Speaker 1: I think for for me, like I have this this
Speaker 1: mom guilt thing or it's always like I should be
Speaker 1: doing more, you know, right, and then each kid's like, oh,
Speaker 1: I need a day with you. I know, I need
Speaker 1: a day with you, you know. And six days already,
Speaker 1: literally it is my hand and everybody is okay with that.
Speaker 1: You have to be like you know what, Um, I
Speaker 1: have to not be okay with this and um you
Speaker 1: know so so it. It's challenging, but you know, you
Speaker 1: work through to it and work at it, and you
Speaker 1: just keep trying, you know. I was like I do
Speaker 1: with my kids, like I'm gonna tell you want I'm
Speaker 1: gonna tell you twice, i gonna tell you a thousand times,
Speaker 1: but I'm gonna keep saying it because that's the only
Speaker 1: way that things will will work. If I give up,
Speaker 1: then what's the point? You know? Do you know what
Speaker 1: the number one occupation for cheating is number one occupation
Speaker 1: for sent it you guys? Uh doctors? Is it? Doctors? Yeah?
Speaker 1: You remember that from a previous episode. Yeah, but what
Speaker 1: kind of doctors? Because I'm like, nobody in the hospital
Speaker 1: tells me anything. I'm so sleeping, like yeah, because I'm
Speaker 1: not in it. And we were like, well, you're married,
Speaker 1: you have kids. I'm like, but I want to know
Speaker 1: I still want the tea. Yeah, my lifelihood, But is
Speaker 1: it ever, like do doctor other people ever hit on you,
Speaker 1: like because you're around people obviously, especially when you're in
Speaker 1: your residency a lot. Girl, I have been pregnant so much,
Speaker 1: you know, like you guys like pregnant sex. God know
Speaker 1: that's something guy like pregnant women. I didn't find that
Speaker 1: out and I was like, why are you talking to me?
Speaker 1: But it wasn't at work, But are you serious people
Speaker 1: hit on you while you were pregnant? I was disgusted
Speaker 1: because I was like, this is like this is gross,
Speaker 1: Like who you know? Yeah? Does that even go down?
Speaker 1: Like how do you even have the nerve to approach
Speaker 1: to pregnant women? That's what being a man and just
Speaker 1: you know, like like complimenting you and like like why
Speaker 1: are you what are you talking about holding that pregnancy?
Speaker 1: Well my looking around, Yeah no I'm not really. If
Speaker 1: I have had people at work, I'm very oblivious. I'm
Speaker 1: like literally I go to work to work and I
Speaker 1: look if they do, I don't notice it. But I've
Speaker 1: spent like half of my adult life literally pregnant, and
Speaker 1: I'm like this is like what is it? Period? But
Speaker 1: so can you never had any like insecurities about you?
Speaker 1: Was there of any issues because you're a very attractive woman?
Speaker 1: Was he ever insecure? Because men try to act like
Speaker 1: I think they are cool with everything, have it together,
Speaker 1: but they do have insecurities. Yeah, I think. I mean,
Speaker 1: I think all smart men are insecure, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean. I think it would be foolish not to me,
Speaker 1: you know, and um, so you know, of course, but
Speaker 1: I'm like, maybe that's why I've been pregnant. Okay, nowhere,
Speaker 1: you can't exactly because imagine telling a guy like, if
Speaker 1: you don't do it, another man will. You can't ever
Speaker 1: say something like that though, oh my god, girl hard
Speaker 1: on a man. You can't say things like that to men.
Speaker 1: You can't say that to us either, because it makes
Speaker 1: think that you're already thinking about getting out to do it.
Speaker 1: You know. That's because that's how they think exactly. Like
Speaker 1: what in college, my friend's boyfriend told her we were
Speaker 1: about to go out, and he was like, oh, no,
Speaker 1: I need you to help me do my laundry. And
Speaker 1: she was like, me and are going out? Like you
Speaker 1: can do your own lundry. He was like, it's cool,
Speaker 1: I'll get someone else to help me. All my Jesus,
Speaker 1: I would it wouldn't be no laundry. You know that.
Speaker 1: You think I would have got married, so I guess it.
Speaker 1: But still it worked out. I would have been like
Speaker 1: all that bleached out on your black clothes. That's selfish,
Speaker 1: that's very selfish. But I'm never the type of person
Speaker 1: to tell somebody not to do what you want to do,
Speaker 1: like I ain't gonna tell you, as a friend saying
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna tell her, Like no, I fint that
Speaker 1: he shouldn't tell you that that. I was like, okay,
Speaker 1: I mean, if that's what you want to do, did
Speaker 1: you guys talk about it later? Like ever? Like she
Speaker 1: was upset about it, you know, and I think maybe
Speaker 1: they had their own conversation with each other afterward. But
Speaker 1: it's a foul thing to say to somebody. I mean,
Speaker 1: it shows that he has somebody on the lineup, you know,
Speaker 1: tell somebody's even Yeah, I mean for a man to
Speaker 1: say it likely they because imagine that she would have
Speaker 1: said that to him. How his reaction would have been,
Speaker 1: Oh god, he could he But we were only in college,
Speaker 1: so you know that means that he he started early.
Speaker 1: He knew that that game real early. But they've been
Speaker 1: married for a long time now, so I guess they've
Speaker 1: gotten over certain things. You know how it is when
Speaker 1: you have I'm sure like early on in your relationship
Speaker 1: there were things that happened that you you could have
Speaker 1: had a choice to either stay or go right, because
Speaker 1: I think early on guys make mistakes. We make mistakes,
Speaker 1: and either you work through it early on or you
Speaker 1: don't and we do grow right because there's those young mistakes.
Speaker 1: Like I think about things that I did. I was
Speaker 1: disrespectful when I was younger. You know what. Every one
Speaker 1: of my exits tells me that I always chose my
Speaker 1: friends over them. It was true though I did do that.
Speaker 1: I'm not like that anymore because I'm lazy, so I'd
Speaker 1: rather go home and be with Eddie y'all. But I
Speaker 1: will say when I was younger, I was like that,
Speaker 1: Did you do it to almost like be defiant? Did
Speaker 1: you would rather hang out with your friends? Did? My
Speaker 1: friends were like so important to me growing up, And
Speaker 1: you know what's funny. So I've been working up my
Speaker 1: book and one thing I did talk I talked to
Speaker 1: my ex boyfriend who I was with for a long
Speaker 1: time and we never like really just well we did.
Speaker 1: We broke up because he us a cheat on me
Speaker 1: a lot, right, But we talked about like how he
Speaker 1: always felt like I was choosing other things over him.
Speaker 1: He never told me that before, but I was like,
Speaker 1: I did need to do that. I was like, why
Speaker 1: did you say something? He was like, I don't know.
Speaker 1: Maybe it was my ego. I thought one day you
Speaker 1: would just you know, but you guys are friends now
Speaker 1: you speak, Yeah, we're cool. Sometimes that's good. It was.
Speaker 1: It was a long time ago, and you know, I was,
Speaker 1: I was, you know how we are. We're over it
Speaker 1: before they know over here, as you can see in
Speaker 1: many situations, yeah, we're over it before we even leave them.
Speaker 1: Were like mentally like I've been that was almost year
Speaker 1: about to be done. Now. You see, Wendy Williams is
Speaker 1: dating a guy who's twenty eight years old. I did
Speaker 1: not know that. I saw that today. I keep seeing
Speaker 1: his hand, Yeah, eight year old hands. Yeah? Why did
Speaker 1: she his hands? Does she keep posting a picture of
Speaker 1: them holding hands? But it's like just their hands? Is
Speaker 1: it like a like a baby hand, like kind of
Speaker 1: like Chevy manthing? Any work? They said he works in finance.
Speaker 1: Also it's smooth and like motion and soft supple. Where
Speaker 1: did she find him? Did she him like Craigslist or something?
Speaker 1: I don't know. I have no idea he was on
Speaker 1: because they weren't TMB. So you saw him in the
Speaker 1: car next to her, and he was looking like ship
Speaker 1: like some one you know TMZ but you know somebody
Speaker 1: sent me a d M. And they were like, Angela,
Speaker 1: you're talking about money Williams dating somebody else and you
Speaker 1: should be like this is wrong because she's just getting
Speaker 1: out of a relationship, and as a woman, you should
Speaker 1: be saying, don't jump into something else. And I was like,
Speaker 1: first of all, I don't even know her, really what what?
Speaker 1: I don't even understand what I understand? What's right? My
Speaker 1: thing is that do what you gotta do. Like they're
Speaker 1: saying like you shouldn't be happy for her, or you
Speaker 1: you're not happy enough for her? Reported on it. I
Speaker 1: didn't really get my reported it. I guess they wanted
Speaker 1: me to be like, this is terrible. You need to
Speaker 1: take time to heal why first of all, especially coming
Speaker 1: out of you like he especially especially because of why
Speaker 1: they broke up. They broke up because he already clearly
Speaker 1: moved on and do him baby, don't see I don't
Speaker 1: even know about that. Yeah, her husband had a baby
Speaker 1: with somebody else. And how how was the baby when
Speaker 1: she found out that he had a baby? Like was
Speaker 1: a woman from the baby? Yeah? It was like announced together.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, No, she needs to have like five men
Speaker 1: right now, sing like and like, honestly, I feel like
Speaker 1: I'll keep going back to the awful relationship because the
Speaker 1: guys that are trying to pick me up aren't quick
Speaker 1: enough where we wack up there immediately like like all right,
Speaker 1: I'm single, now this is your chance. But guys are
Speaker 1: intimidated too by like by by beautiful women. They are
Speaker 1: they really they're all smart. Man's insecure. No, I'm just
Speaker 1: a little bit. So it won't tell you what's the
Speaker 1: best way to get over a break up. Then you
Speaker 1: think so sometimes that makes it worse. Ain't been wrong
Speaker 1: with a little rebound to find a guy that's cool
Speaker 1: like that, and then sentence it's more depressing. But it
Speaker 1: may not be. It may not be the man that
Speaker 1: you like. You don't have to want to be with
Speaker 1: him forever, just likever whent at with a distraction and
Speaker 1: then being like why the fund did I waste my time?
Speaker 1: I have tried a distraction and thestraction of such a cornball,
Speaker 1: and it's like it makes you miss person you're missing,
Speaker 1: But you kind of have to know that. Like, look,
Speaker 1: I know, I'm just to yourself, like I tell my friends,
Speaker 1: like you know what you're doing. You know that you
Speaker 1: are just feeling to wasting some time and you probably
Speaker 1: are not allowing the energy of the person that you
Speaker 1: want in your life right now. So if you're cool
Speaker 1: with that, then keep doing it. And if not, then
Speaker 1: you're gonna have to like be comfortable being by yourself
Speaker 1: for a little while. And it may be a day
Speaker 1: and out the year. You know, you don't know, but
Speaker 1: you're blocking I think you block that energy. But as
Speaker 1: long as you're aware of it, like I mean, I
Speaker 1: think whatever it works for you. But I do feel
Speaker 1: like a bad date could like make you any more
Speaker 1: miss It can make you go back to a horrible relationship.
Speaker 1: But I also I'm not saying of keeping busy. I
Speaker 1: think that's important, marrying yourself in work or your career,
Speaker 1: spending more time with your children, doing things for yourself
Speaker 1: to make you feel better about yourself. Things always that
Speaker 1: I was able to get over break ups, but then
Speaker 1: I ended up going back to his aunts anyway. So
Speaker 1: that's what Angel always says, that we're busy. Listen, I'm
Speaker 1: so busy that like I'll get in a fight with
Speaker 1: my boyfriend and forget I got in a fight, right,
Speaker 1: or you'll forget what it was about. You're like, I know,
Speaker 1: I was mad at him for something. What was it? Anyway?
Speaker 1: All right? Let me or like, yes, I think that's
Speaker 1: important because when you're not busy, you end up, you know,
Speaker 1: searching social media looking for the person doing who's commenting
Speaker 1: on his page, data da dada, and then you're like
Speaker 1: sitting around like I don't have nothing to do. I'm
Speaker 1: so bored, I'm lonely. I don't have any friends. You know,
Speaker 1: your friends. I have no friends, I have no like
Speaker 1: And then you're like, okay, you know what, I'm just
Speaker 1: call him and that's how. But if you're busy and
Speaker 1: like moving around and forcing yourself to do things, I
Speaker 1: think that's an important anything to do, and it works.
Speaker 1: I agree, and I think everyone should be busy anyway,
Speaker 1: you know, without I mean, it's just it's important for us,
Speaker 1: it's important for you to be, you know, valid in
Speaker 1: who you are without um, someone else being a part
Speaker 1: of your validations. You're already quite busy, I am. I
Speaker 1: that's all that I know is to be like I
Speaker 1: don't even know anything different, but to be busy. Now,
Speaker 1: you decided to write this book about parenting. How long
Speaker 1: did it take you to write it? Um? Technically it
Speaker 1: took about in a year a little bit, yes, less
Speaker 1: than a year. But I started it like nine years ago.
Speaker 1: And I found some notes that I had written when
Speaker 1: I was saying that I should be doing something else
Speaker 1: with my life and it and I was moving, and
Speaker 1: my sister was like, I think you should see some
Speaker 1: stuff you wrote down. I looked in the book. I
Speaker 1: had just gotten the first copy of it that week,
Speaker 1: and I had written the date and it was, um,
Speaker 1: it was right before I got pregnant with casts, so
Speaker 1: it was two thousand Um, shoot, what do you It
Speaker 1: was two thousand nine. And I was like summing it up,
Speaker 1: and I think I should write a book. And that
Speaker 1: week I had gotten of my first copy of Life
Speaker 1: of my book, and I was like and I and
Speaker 1: I wrote it on like a day planner. I tore
Speaker 1: out some sheets so it was like, you know, just
Speaker 1: random writing, and my sister found it and I was like, wow,
Speaker 1: this is not amazing that I wrote this down. And
Speaker 1: because I remember having a conversation with Kenya, but I
Speaker 1: didn't remember that I had written down all the notes
Speaker 1: I had written down. So I started taking notes of
Speaker 1: just situations with the kids, of like someone told me
Speaker 1: just write stuff down, writes stuf down. I'm like, I'll remember,
Speaker 1: and they're like you won't. Yeah. So that was, you know,
Speaker 1: like super important for me that I don't remember what
Speaker 1: I was thinking five minutes ago, right, and it gets
Speaker 1: worse and words as you like, I really think I
Speaker 1: have like pregnant brains, Like I can't remember. I'm like,
Speaker 1: you know the thing you put food in, it keeps
Speaker 1: it full cold like refrigerator, that thing. Like literally, I
Speaker 1: like I can't remember anything at all, and it's really bad.
Speaker 1: So me having those notes was important. And then when
Speaker 1: the time came, I was ready. So now you've also
Speaker 1: been open about Danny my postpartum depression. How did you
Speaker 1: know the signs of that, because I think some women
Speaker 1: have that and some men with women who had that,
Speaker 1: but they don't know what it is. It was. It was.
Speaker 1: I did not know until I knew until it happened.
Speaker 1: You know, I probably had a very mild postpartum with
Speaker 1: probably the second one, but it was with the third one,
Speaker 1: and I being a mom Christmas, I try to do
Speaker 1: everything myself. Wrap all the gifts, get all you know, decorations, ready,
Speaker 1: baked the cookies and and um my third daughter was um,
Speaker 1: like two weeks old. I was doing all this stuff
Speaker 1: and um, I was. I knew. I was like a zombie.
Speaker 1: I was out of it. And I may have laid
Speaker 1: down for a little bit before the kids got up
Speaker 1: to open their stuff. And that morning someone was like,
Speaker 1: how are you? And I just started crying and I
Speaker 1: was like, oh my god, what is wrong with me?
Speaker 1: So it was it was undeniable, but like I'm sure
Speaker 1: I had been feeling sad up until that day, but um, yeah,
Speaker 1: there was. It was like, okay, everything shut down, Like
Speaker 1: my mom and my sisters came over, and one of
Speaker 1: my sisters, she was living up north, she came to
Speaker 1: stay with me. I was like, wow, this is crazy,
Speaker 1: like you like, I know what stuffing is wrong with me,
Speaker 1: but I can't control it, Like I can't fix it
Speaker 1: and I can't control it. So what helps you was
Speaker 1: having your tribe of people around you to help. Yeah, yeah, no,
Speaker 1: I and I I went to, um, you know, I
Speaker 1: called my old be and she was like, you know,
Speaker 1: I want you to go and see um a psychiatry
Speaker 1: risk and it was it was a black lady and
Speaker 1: you know, like that was helpful, just you know, talking
Speaker 1: and I had to take medication for a little while
Speaker 1: and it was super super super important and like literally
Speaker 1: saved me because it's it's weird. It's weird to be
Speaker 1: experiencing something and you're like I know that this isn't right,
Speaker 1: but I can't do and there's nothing like I can't
Speaker 1: I literally can't help it. So um, you know, and
Speaker 1: we everything you know in the black community is like
Speaker 1: just go pray about it, and it's like, you know, right,
Speaker 1: I did prayer and prayer told me to see it's
Speaker 1: like exactly. So, um, you know, I think it's important
Speaker 1: to to talk about it and tell people because I
Speaker 1: think that's what takes the shame and the you know,
Speaker 1: stigma away from it because it's such a common thing,
Speaker 1: but for some reason, people aren't so open about it.
Speaker 1: You know what. It's so interesting. I remember are talking
Speaker 1: to a psychiatrist about like, how did I feel about
Speaker 1: like the baby? And I was like, I was like, well,
Speaker 1: I love the baby, you know, I was. I was like,
Speaker 1: it's me that I feel like sucks. And I think
Speaker 1: that people gets scared or you know, maybe embarrassed that um,
Speaker 1: that's my oldest baby there, that um about to get crazy.
Speaker 1: I don't know she's but you know, I think people
Speaker 1: don't want to feel like if they're having some negative
Speaker 1: feelings about the baby, then it's even like, oh no,
Speaker 1: I'm really a bad person. And so you know, and
Speaker 1: everyone is different and you know, each experience is different,
Speaker 1: but it was, it was I was very blessed and
Speaker 1: to have you know, people that supported me and that
Speaker 1: understood and and wanted, you know, the best for me
Speaker 1: as well. And Kenya you know, he really he really
Speaker 1: did too. He was like, oh, ship, can you guys
Speaker 1: come over here. They just say some men get that too.
Speaker 1: I believe that, I mean he got um. I don't
Speaker 1: know if at that time because I literally can't think
Speaker 1: of anyone but myself, but he definitely I think every
Speaker 1: time I was pregnant was he changed you know a
Speaker 1: little bit during those times, but it was always a
Speaker 1: good time as I was a blessing for us. Like literally,
Speaker 1: I feel like babies are blessings and miracles. I really really,
Speaker 1: really really really believe that. Yeah, absolutely, we left. We
Speaker 1: see daughter all the time. It's amazing that she's like
Speaker 1: a grown up now she's two. She once a birthday. Okay,
Speaker 1: and Stephanie, you get to see your son all the
Speaker 1: time now they are now that we're back in New York.
Speaker 1: But he looks at his father. He's gonna be thirteen
Speaker 1: and a few days. Wow, y'all got some little adults. Yeah,
Speaker 1: my son is big thirteen is it's hormonal? Yeah, he's
Speaker 1: a boy right now. Like I tried to be more
Speaker 1: in his face than he actually wants me to be,
Speaker 1: and his face is like, okay, mom, I think about
Speaker 1: how bad I was when I was thirteen, and um,
Speaker 1: but girls are different than that. Girls. I mean boys
Speaker 1: I at thirteen, are they already doing stuff that girls
Speaker 1: are doing? Or my brother was way better than I was.
Speaker 1: He's older than me, and I was like the bad one.
Speaker 1: That he is a good one. He would like telling
Speaker 1: me all the time, how much older is he? He's
Speaker 1: only a year and three months. That he was always
Speaker 1: telling on me. And then because he was always telling me,
Speaker 1: I would like make up ship that he was doing
Speaker 1: because he wasn't doing well he did. I'd be like, well,
Speaker 1: you know he was because he was always telling on me,
Speaker 1: but I was really doing bad, and you just would
Speaker 1: make up stuff again, and then I would make it.
Speaker 1: He was like, what why was he telling? What did
Speaker 1: he say? He just wanted you to be in trouble? Yeah,
Speaker 1: Like I would cut school some times, or sometimes like
Speaker 1: we moved to New Jersey when I was fifteam and
Speaker 1: I would like leave and take the train back to
Speaker 1: New York all the time because I was like devastated
Speaker 1: at first, and he would tell on me with that,
Speaker 1: I would have boys over. He would tell me with that.
Speaker 1: I'm like, damn, Like you can't get your own life.
Speaker 1: Do some of your do some should be supportive of this,
Speaker 1: like time for me. Isn't that when brothers and sisters
Speaker 1: are supposed to do? You know? That's why I tell Yeah,
Speaker 1: I tell them, I'm like, look, unless something like your
Speaker 1: sibling is doing something that's gonna harm themselves, yes, of
Speaker 1: course I want to know about it, but your relationship
Speaker 1: with each other is more important. Than my relationship with
Speaker 1: any of you because you guys have each other and
Speaker 1: so don't come and tell me no bullshit. My parents
Speaker 1: say that most parents do. You like, don't be here
Speaker 1: snitching all right, because you know I'm serious, because I'm like,
Speaker 1: you're gonna need your siblings one day and like I'm
Speaker 1: gonna be not here. I'm gonna be going like you
Speaker 1: guys have a life, and you like like leave me
Speaker 1: out of unless it's danger somebody's gonna be hurt or
Speaker 1: you know, other than that. Don't like, of course I
Speaker 1: want to know, but I just feel like that's not fair.
Speaker 1: That's a lot of pressure on kids when parents are like,
Speaker 1: what's your sibling doing? You can tell me, So I'm
Speaker 1: not gonna. I'm not gonna saying. You know, they're like
Speaker 1: ass up to they have punishment for two years. You're like, damn,
Speaker 1: she told me she wasn't say anything. So man, I
Speaker 1: feel bad you're doing here because it's next question. It's
Speaker 1: okay where she's good. I would tell you. So, you
Speaker 1: have six kids, so that means your sex life was popping.
Speaker 1: Was there ever a time that things got like stagnant
Speaker 1: or you guys have a different type of sex drive.
Speaker 1: I think, yeah, yeah, she can go out she was.
Speaker 1: I think that's any I think, yes, any relationship. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think it's like, you know, isn't it great when
Speaker 1: you both feel the same thing at the same time?
Speaker 1: And how often does that happen? Like it's like two
Speaker 1: days when we're like on the same page, and then
Speaker 1: it's like I love you more than the other. It's like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't love you that much, and and I love you,
Speaker 1: you know, and it's it's a cycle, so you know,
Speaker 1: I definitely think that that is kind of always how
Speaker 1: things are. But as I've gotten older, I know I
Speaker 1: have definitely changed. Like I was saying earlier, I feel
Speaker 1: like like with young girls you were like your friends
Speaker 1: who were like corning when they were young. I'm like,
Speaker 1: like that, I don't even you know. I feel like
Speaker 1: it's taking a long time for me as a woman,
Speaker 1: Like I feel like it takes time to come into
Speaker 1: your sexuality, into um just being comfortable with like I
Speaker 1: am not just here for you, like you're actually here
Speaker 1: for me. Knowing your body. I feel like as I've
Speaker 1: gotten older, I know my body more, not just sexually,
Speaker 1: but just like I can tell my cycle is coming.
Speaker 1: You know, I can tell when I'm bloated, little different things,
Speaker 1: all right, I used to have that never, but yeah,
Speaker 1: it's like different things. I can tell about my body,
Speaker 1: how I'm feeling, and versus when I was younger, I
Speaker 1: would be confused, like what's going on? And I was like,
Speaker 1: this is what this is. She got her vagina. Imagine
Speaker 1: the rejuvenation. It's nice. A laser, one la, just a
Speaker 1: little lazer. It was nice. She said that. Well, can
Speaker 1: we say yes? Since she said it makes him come
Speaker 1: so fast that sometimes I feel like, but it's not
Speaker 1: that sad, but I have noticed that since I've gotten
Speaker 1: it done, things are ending a little more quicker than
Speaker 1: they have been in the past. It feels better to me,
Speaker 1: It does feel better. Sex definitely feels better to me,
Speaker 1: and then return it should feel better to him, which
Speaker 1: is why so fast does he say it feels better? No,
Speaker 1: we actually haven't talked about it. You safe, wait did you?
Speaker 1: I didn't tell him because I wanted to see what
Speaker 1: his reaction was gonna be. And then I saw his
Speaker 1: reaction and I was like, I don't even to mention it,
Speaker 1: and I just never tell he was never talking about
Speaker 1: never talked about. But I didn't because I did it
Speaker 1: because not because I wanted it for sexual reasons, but
Speaker 1: because I was releasing a little bit of yurine when
Speaker 1: I would call for sneeze sometimes, and it became to
Speaker 1: be embarrassing for me. No, I I understand, Yeah, it
Speaker 1: began to be embarrassing for me. So, um, I had
Speaker 1: spoke to someone that had brought it up and told
Speaker 1: me that they did that, and I'm like, all right,
Speaker 1: I'm looking to it. And then I found a place
Speaker 1: and I went and did it and that that part worked.
Speaker 1: But so, okay, that's interesting because it's not necessarily Um,
Speaker 1: I don't think it's like a proven treatment. It isn't.
Speaker 1: It isn't. And when I went because I'm one of
Speaker 1: those type of people that I'm going to read up
Speaker 1: on stuff and research stuff and ask questions and get
Speaker 1: you know, doctor's opinions and something like that. So I
Speaker 1: actually went to my gowna colleges before I did this treatment,
Speaker 1: and I told him that that's what I was doing
Speaker 1: it why He's like, no, he's like, this a gimmick.
Speaker 1: He said, it will make it vagina tighter, but it's
Speaker 1: not going to fix that problem. It has helped, but
Speaker 1: it might not be a permanent fix for that problem.
Speaker 1: So who knows, I might coughing people myself again, I
Speaker 1: don't know. You know what sex is good right now?
Speaker 1: That's that's good, that's import I mean the vaginasm myself,
Speaker 1: so you know, yes, and the exactly say the practic.
Speaker 1: The nurse spectations who did the procedure told me that
Speaker 1: to keego forever. Don't stop keiggling, and she said, don't Paul,
Speaker 1: don't hold it, don't stop giggling, don't stop giggling. And
Speaker 1: you got to do keegoes when you're having sex. Yes,
Speaker 1: you do. Oh that's fun, that goes. I love God.
Speaker 1: But you have to think about it. I know it
Speaker 1: does kind of take away from the right because you're
Speaker 1: mine and you want to do it at the right time,
Speaker 1: Like when he's pulling away, you want to be grabbing back.
Speaker 1: You go back and he's pulling away, you want to
Speaker 1: grab So it is like you do have to pay
Speaker 1: attention to do that. But if you think, if you
Speaker 1: do it more often and you have to think about
Speaker 1: it less because natural it doesn't come natural to me yet.
Speaker 1: But I guess I should think about it more, think
Speaker 1: about it more, and then it becomes natural and then
Speaker 1: you don't have to think about it and it just
Speaker 1: becomes like, you know, this is just what we did,
Speaker 1: what I do. So you were enjoying going out and
Speaker 1: like now that you have this book right out and
Speaker 1: I saw you've been doing a lot of press and everything.
Speaker 1: So have you ever been like a little bit where
Speaker 1: you're being in the spotlight and doing these interviews and
Speaker 1: doing press or are you okay with it? Um? No.
Speaker 1: I made a very conscious decision, like before I started
Speaker 1: even promoting the book of you know, how I was
Speaker 1: going to approach the situation. And then I felt like
Speaker 1: I'm either you know, I would either do stuff the
Speaker 1: whole way or I'm not going to do it at all.
Speaker 1: You know, like I'm not gonna do anything half ass
Speaker 1: and I'm not going to go out here and be like,
Speaker 1: oh yeah, things are great and you know, and I'm like,
Speaker 1: it was important for me to to be open, to
Speaker 1: be real, to be transparent and um two, you know,
Speaker 1: do the promotions myself. Um So it was it can
Speaker 1: it is definitely not comfortable, but I do again, I
Speaker 1: do think it's important. I really really you're doing a
Speaker 1: great job to be the most different one you've done
Speaker 1: so far. It is It's like, no, I love it.
Speaker 1: I love it. I think this is important because I
Speaker 1: think we don't do this enough, like with each other
Speaker 1: and for each other, and I think it's so so,
Speaker 1: so so important. Like you know, I I talked to
Speaker 1: my kids about sex and my um. I've talked to
Speaker 1: all the girls and my first boy. And the boy though,
Speaker 1: was the first one that came and asked me. He
Speaker 1: asked you first. He asked me first, and he's like, so,
Speaker 1: if any of my sisters ask you, and I don't know,
Speaker 1: you're the first one to you know, come to me.
Speaker 1: But I do think, you know, just talking about your body,
Speaker 1: and you know, because I think talking about sex is
Speaker 1: not just sex. It's like, you know, I want them
Speaker 1: to know about their body and you know, like it's
Speaker 1: okay to masturbate. It's better to masturbate than it is
Speaker 1: to go into you know, have sex with someone, and
Speaker 1: you know, just we I try to be open with them,
Speaker 1: and I feel like that's kind of what what this
Speaker 1: is like. We get to be open with each other.
Speaker 1: That's good. And I appreciate you for saying that because
Speaker 1: we do have great conversations about sex so that people
Speaker 1: can see whatever it is that you decide willingly to
Speaker 1: do with your partner is okay exactly. People may like
Speaker 1: things that you know I wouldn't do. People may not
Speaker 1: do that they that I would do, But that's fine.
Speaker 1: We love to hear about it though, right, And even
Speaker 1: though it's always a little bit discussion, even on this,
Speaker 1: you know, show you ladies, I've heard you all say
Speaker 1: different things. You know, somebody likes this or doesn't like this.
Speaker 1: And I do think that it's important because we put
Speaker 1: these labels on each other and you know what's normal,
Speaker 1: And I'm like, normal, how do you define what's normal? Uh?
Speaker 1: You know, is it greater than fifty of you know,
Speaker 1: any given population is doing it? So to me, I,
Speaker 1: you know, just think people sharing their experiences and what
Speaker 1: you know they like or don't like. And I think
Speaker 1: it is so important. I feel like, especially as women like,
Speaker 1: we need to talk to each other more often and
Speaker 1: be just supportive, supportive and open and not judgmental. I
Speaker 1: agree with that. I don't never call nobody a slept,
Speaker 1: a hole or none of those things unless I'm mad
Speaker 1: at h bit, right, man, But I feel like this,
Speaker 1: if you are single and you're sleeping with whoever you
Speaker 1: want that single and you're doing those things and making
Speaker 1: those decisions about your own body, you should be able
Speaker 1: to do what you want to do. Absolutely, don't tell
Speaker 1: nobody's man, right, or if you do, man, be like,
Speaker 1: be honest about it. You know what I'm saying something
Speaker 1: like you would be surprised what people would be tolerant
Speaker 1: of if you would be honest. I feel like so
Speaker 1: sad that are not honest, And it's like some people
Speaker 1: are okay with a lot of stuff, but don't be
Speaker 1: a fucking sneaky person. Like if somebody's man called you,
Speaker 1: I mean somebody's girl called you and was like, are
Speaker 1: you talking my man? Would you be like, yes, I am.
Speaker 1: It depends on what you're talking about. I feel like
Speaker 1: that's as you might not even know that that's her man. Wait, wait,
Speaker 1: and who are you calling me about? Because he wasn't
Speaker 1: sure that we're talking about the same person. But let's
Speaker 1: just say you did, Like, would you if the girl
Speaker 1: calls you're the one having sex with this guy and
Speaker 1: if you didn't know about it, Yeah, let's say you
Speaker 1: get't know about her. That such a hard question. I
Speaker 1: want to feed into this argument right now? Or do
Speaker 1: I just want to hang up and deal with it
Speaker 1: how I want to deal with it, because now I'm
Speaker 1: hurt too because I'm with somebody and I didn't know that.
Speaker 1: But if you did them now, I wouldn't be mussing
Speaker 1: with them because I'm not the type of person. I
Speaker 1: was trying to trick questions. Good answer like no, that wasn't.
Speaker 1: But I feel like as you get older, That's what
Speaker 1: I don't understand. As people get older, As women get older,
Speaker 1: don't you feel like you would you make so much
Speaker 1: you're this decisions are different and better now, Like you're like,
Speaker 1: I wouldn't mess with someone's man now when I'm older.
Speaker 1: When you're younger, you're like, yeah, right, that's I'm like,
Speaker 1: how do older women like what are you doing? Have
Speaker 1: you not learned any like life life lessons? Do things
Speaker 1: like that? Just keep doing what I'm saying, dumb sh
Speaker 1: it okay, And then that's and then those are people
Speaker 1: I feel like they don't deserve any respect. But dudes do,
Speaker 1: be lying, right, yes they do. Why the guys one
Speaker 1: guy like what, I don't want to play your name
Speaker 1: out so I'm not, but guy, somebody looking in their phone,
Speaker 1: looking at the directions, sweating, sweat beads dropping, Yes, I not.
Speaker 1: I think they have a very interesting relationship with honesty.
Speaker 1: I feel like guys lie by mistake. It's just so
Speaker 1: natural for them. But it's like it's like it's just
Speaker 1: just like it's like they fell into pussy into no.
Speaker 1: But I feel like guys forget about cheating. Of course
Speaker 1: they're always gonna lie about that, but you don't talk
Speaker 1: but like dumb shit, like what time did you leave work?
Speaker 1: I left at four thirty. Meanwhile, they left at twelve
Speaker 1: o'clock and they were doing but and they weren't even
Speaker 1: doing anything wrong. Maybe they weren't to a bookstore, or
Speaker 1: they went to have a drink, a happy hour drink
Speaker 1: or something totally innocent about store. Now, my boyfriend like
Speaker 1: it was they never went to the books. That's a girl.
Speaker 1: I'm just saying, like, guys they lie just to lie,
Speaker 1: just by mistake, Like they just lie for no reason,
Speaker 1: you know what. I do have a son and I'm
Speaker 1: like this like tried. I'm like, you gotta stop lying.
Speaker 1: I tell him, I'm like, you don't be known as
Speaker 1: a dude that people are gonna be like he's cool,
Speaker 1: but then they could be mine about dumb ship, like
Speaker 1: he puts girl. We had hand soap and it was
Speaker 1: called like Summer Breeze or something right, and it had
Speaker 1: sand in it, and I'm like, this is so com
Speaker 1: with sand and sandow I'm not peopleated sand in there.
Speaker 1: Lit Like when I say he lied to me, I
Speaker 1: don't know where that came from. As soon as the
Speaker 1: babysitter caps, he goes, hey, look what I did to
Speaker 1: the soap. It was a science project. And I was like,
Speaker 1: what hell you? And what's the big deal about? If
Speaker 1: that's what I'm dumb ship, Like he's young, he's not girl.
Speaker 1: Sand in his hand soap? That was He was like, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: I don't be believing him. And and sometimes I'm like
Speaker 1: there's been times where he'll tell me something. I'm like
Speaker 1: this name, and then I'm like, find he was telling
Speaker 1: the truth, And then I'm not, I'm like the boy
Speaker 1: you cry. That's why I tried to tell him. He
Speaker 1: thought he told me there was an owl outside one
Speaker 1: night when I was getting Sup out of the car
Speaker 1: and he was helping me, like outside and I went
Speaker 1: back the owl and I came back in the house
Speaker 1: and I was crying and I felt so I was like,
Speaker 1: you gotta stop this, You're healing me, Like this is
Speaker 1: that from this nowhere? Yeah, I don't know, but yes,
Speaker 1: I that he is a perfect you know, testament to
Speaker 1: that where I'm like, this is the damage, like stop,
Speaker 1: you gotta stop, and he's mommy prom like Roberts. I
Speaker 1: tell him like, look, there's nothing you could do ever
Speaker 1: in life that would ever, ever, ever change how I
Speaker 1: feel about you ever unless you put hand in this.
Speaker 1: But what will change, what will change our relationship is
Speaker 1: you lying right me not being able to trust you lying.
Speaker 1: I'm like, I just what it is, though it is
Speaker 1: mind boggling, Like it's like and he would come and like, mommy,
Speaker 1: I understand. I'm so sorry already. But he's such a lover.
Speaker 1: He is um you know, he's in the march is
Speaker 1: He's so he's it's the aries Aries, He's in the Yeah,
Speaker 1: and he is a lover. He's like, you didn't give
Speaker 1: me a kiss on the lips. I'm like, get out
Speaker 1: of here. That's all I even like ladies uh nine,
Speaker 1: like mommy, give me a kiss on the lift. Lives.
Speaker 1: He's gonna be a perfect liar. Please do say that.
Speaker 1: I got stuffed with that out there. I'm not going
Speaker 1: to do that now. It's a phase. He'll get over it. Yeah, okay,
Speaker 1: I hope so right, I need everyone today, right and like,
Speaker 1: let's wish this way. It's you now. But yeah, that's
Speaker 1: what I know. Seriously, you know, like everybody knows, like
Speaker 1: the dudes, and you're like, damn, they're gonna be lying
Speaker 1: all the time. You don't reason why. Man. I had
Speaker 1: a friend that lied to me about where he went
Speaker 1: to school for no, I don't even understand. Why were
Speaker 1: you gonna care? Either way? It was in high school
Speaker 1: and he said that he went to this private school.
Speaker 1: I guess because that's when I was in But he
Speaker 1: went to this public school. And so one day I
Speaker 1: was with him and his boy and he was like,
Speaker 1: you know, said something that his friends had saithing about
Speaker 1: his school. I think he went to man Luca King
Speaker 1: or something like that. And then I was like, wait
Speaker 1: a minut, and I thought she went to um little
Speaker 1: I forget what the school was called. And he was like, no,
Speaker 1: I just said that because they get caught up. Yeah,
Speaker 1: he was like I just said that because you go
Speaker 1: to pipe school. I don't know if he was gonna
Speaker 1: talk to me, and I was like, I would have
Speaker 1: liked you better everything anytime. He was going to n
Speaker 1: y you right. I've seen his mom at b J's
Speaker 1: and I was like, oh, oh his mom and I
Speaker 1: was like yes, and my mom said to her to
Speaker 1: his mom o house. He likeing, m my you. She
Speaker 1: was like everywhere you please to go to BNCC oh.
Speaker 1: I was like, I didn't lie to me about that,
Speaker 1: and then I was embarrassed because my mom was there
Speaker 1: and said that, and I was like, joy her dinner.
Speaker 1: He said lied for no reason, and then I like
Speaker 1: it was no big deal. Maybe he started like when
Speaker 1: he was ship, I got ask if you ever put
Speaker 1: sand in so, and like like like lied, like I haven't,
Speaker 1: was not me. I don't know how that got there
Speaker 1: in your eyes, like like I had footage here, No,
Speaker 1: oh my god, there is footage of Hampton her hands
Speaker 1: out with that, but something else and I was it
Speaker 1: was a robotics class and I was like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: what's wrong with you? It's kind of cute. At the
Speaker 1: same time You're like this is weird. A little law
Speaker 1: your mother little lips. I love you. Well, maybe why
Speaker 1: don't you let everybody know the book and how they
Speaker 1: can get it and where they can find you so
Speaker 1: they can follow you. So, um, the book is uh
Speaker 1: Bose Guide to Blackish Parenting, um, keeping up with the Johnson's.
Speaker 1: And it's everywhere, Um, Amazon's easiest place. But it was
Speaker 1: sold out. We reordered more. Um, you can also get
Speaker 1: it my Barnes and Nobles. They were sold out to Really,
Speaker 1: I was really excited. I'm like, you can't get anywhere
Speaker 1: in California. Um, but we ordered more. And um, I'm
Speaker 1: on Instagram at the Real Rainbow th h A. And
Speaker 1: I'm working on another book as well. I heard you
Speaker 1: say you are working on a book, So congratulation, thank you. Yeah.
Speaker 1: What's the next time it's it's it's parenting. It's just
Speaker 1: much more, um, a little bit more specific. It will
Speaker 1: be hopefully you'll have me back on the show. It'll
Speaker 1: be it'll be a very good topic of conversation. It
Speaker 1: will be perfect for this yeah spicy, yeah, yeah, Well,
Speaker 1: thank you so much, and listen, don't forget we do
Speaker 1: have and this is the last show before our live show.
Speaker 1: So our live show is June nineteen at Sony Hall.
Speaker 1: We have a new edition. Dave East is going to
Speaker 1: be joining us as well as Traina. It's Been to
Speaker 1: You has an album out as well next week and
Speaker 1: we also have Devalin, Canine Ellis who have been on
Speaker 1: Live Service before, and Styles Pete and his wife Agia.
Speaker 1: This is an all star Yeah, make sure you get
Speaker 1: your tickets. It's in all of our links on Instagram
Speaker 1: and it's a good time. We don't have a we
Speaker 1: don't have a curfew. Start I'm talking on tequila. We
Speaker 1: don't have a curfew, so it's gonna be like you know,
Speaker 1: we're gonna go and go and go, go go. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's gonna be. We don't have a curfew. Yeah, we
Speaker 1: would love for you to come. Yeah. Thank you, Thank
Speaker 1: you to ye such a good Thank you. Lift service
Speaker 1: to