WEBVTT - That's Not Queen Treatment 0:00:00.200 --> 0:00:03.159 Welcome to Can't Fully Reckless, the production of iHeart Radio 0:00:03.279 --> 0:00:17.320 and the Black Effects, And just like that, we're back 0:00:17.320 --> 0:00:20.760 with yet another carefully reckless just Fix My Mess episode 0:00:20.840 --> 0:00:24.000 with your Girl just hilarious. I'm on Breakfast Club all 0:00:24.360 --> 0:00:27.040 this week again. But listen up, y'all. We got some 0:00:27.120 --> 0:00:30.320 interesting stories today and all of them were delivered voice memo. 0:00:30.600 --> 0:00:31.960 I love it. I love it. 0:00:32.200 --> 0:00:33.600 So let's get into the first one. 0:00:34.080 --> 0:00:37.200 Hey, Jess, So I'm just trying to make this quick. 0:00:37.280 --> 0:00:40.240 So basically, I just got broken up with three days 0:00:40.240 --> 0:00:42.560 ago from with my man. 0:00:43.000 --> 0:00:46.560 We were together for him, well, yesterday would have been ten. 0:00:46.479 --> 0:00:48.959 Months, so I guess we were together for almost ten 0:00:49.000 --> 0:00:49.919 months and. 0:00:50.960 --> 0:00:53.960 There are ten months in total. Like they weren't bad, 0:00:54.000 --> 0:00:56.720 but I feel like the last two months we kind 0:00:56.720 --> 0:00:57.160 of just. 0:00:57.120 --> 0:01:01.000 Like argued about a lot, like and honestly, like some 0:01:01.040 --> 0:01:03.960 of the arguments woul be intense, but I feel like 0:01:04.080 --> 0:01:06.520 half the time the arguments were something like over He 0:01:06.600 --> 0:01:10.600 started it because he would just like try so hard 0:01:10.680 --> 0:01:15.560 to like control my every move, and that's not like 0:01:15.800 --> 0:01:18.760 what I wanted to allow. Like I feel like he 0:01:18.800 --> 0:01:21.319 wanted to like control everything that I did, you know, 0:01:21.440 --> 0:01:22.240 like he wanted me. 0:01:22.880 --> 0:01:25.200 To do what he said and how he said it. 0:01:25.240 --> 0:01:27.400 So, for example, like if he told me to go 0:01:27.959 --> 0:01:31.240 right when I was originally going straight, I would be 0:01:31.319 --> 0:01:32.840 questioning it, like why. 0:01:32.640 --> 0:01:34.800 Do you want me to go right? You know which 0:01:34.840 --> 0:01:37.400 one was straight? And he just gets so angry like 0:01:37.880 --> 0:01:38.840 and be like, oh. 0:01:38.680 --> 0:01:41.520 My god, you don't listen, like if I'm telling you 0:01:41.560 --> 0:01:44.759 to do something like just do what kind of vibes? 0:01:45.080 --> 0:01:48.120 And that's not the same timing that I like. 0:01:48.200 --> 0:01:50.800 To be on, Like, you know, if I'm curious about something, 0:01:51.240 --> 0:01:54.360 I'm curious, you know, like just answer. 0:01:54.680 --> 0:01:57.320 The question like why do you want me to go right? 0:01:57.800 --> 0:01:59.840 When usually I would go straight? 0:02:00.240 --> 0:02:01.520 But yeah, So I feel like a lot of our 0:02:01.600 --> 0:02:05.400 arguments was over that and they got bigger and like 0:02:06.040 --> 0:02:09.080 blown out of proportion. And at one point, I remember 0:02:09.120 --> 0:02:11.560 I hung out with my friend. So I was at 0:02:11.600 --> 0:02:13.920 his house or whatever, and he fell asleep. So I 0:02:13.960 --> 0:02:16.960 went to go hang out with my friend and I 0:02:16.960 --> 0:02:19.040 told him I I'll be back. I'm gonna go get pillows. 0:02:19.240 --> 0:02:22.120 I mean, I guess my mistake was not saying which 0:02:22.200 --> 0:02:23.840 friend that I was gonna hang out with or whatever, 0:02:24.000 --> 0:02:26.160 or saying that I was gonna include a friend in 0:02:26.280 --> 0:02:29.400 going to get the pillows, and when he woke up, 0:02:29.400 --> 0:02:31.040 he texted me. I told him, okay, like I'm gott 0:02:31.040 --> 0:02:33.679 to drop my friend off and then I'm gonna come back. 0:02:33.720 --> 0:02:35.359 And he was just like, wait a minute, you're not home, 0:02:35.400 --> 0:02:37.480 and then he started snapping on me, and then I 0:02:37.520 --> 0:02:39.920 went over to talk to him. He's like, don't don't 0:02:39.919 --> 0:02:42.359 come near my apartment, like I don't want you here, 0:02:42.520 --> 0:02:45.079 Like I'm not opening the door for you, so get 0:02:45.080 --> 0:02:46.720 out of here because my neighbors can hear. 0:02:46.560 --> 0:02:48.600 You talking like stuff like that. 0:02:48.680 --> 0:02:51.600 And I'm just like, bro, there's like you got me 0:02:51.639 --> 0:02:55.079 sitting out each side of your apartment crying over you 0:02:55.440 --> 0:02:57.160 and you don't even care, and just like get out 0:02:57.160 --> 0:02:57.760 of here because. 0:02:57.600 --> 0:02:59.800 My neighbors can hear. And then another time we got 0:02:59.919 --> 0:03:01.919 to argument. I'm sorry, it's just like I want you 0:03:02.000 --> 0:03:02.480 to grasp. 0:03:02.520 --> 0:03:05.520 But these arguments were like like because every time we 0:03:05.520 --> 0:03:07.399 would argue, I would never call him out of his name, 0:03:07.480 --> 0:03:10.080 nothing like that, Like I'm really a sensitive person, and 0:03:10.120 --> 0:03:12.160 I feel like he knew. He knew that I was 0:03:12.160 --> 0:03:15.800 super sensitive and he played on that. You know, mind 0:03:15.840 --> 0:03:20.880 you I'm twenty and he's twenty seven and he's Dominican, 0:03:21.440 --> 0:03:23.200 but like straight from the island, So I know. 0:03:23.320 --> 0:03:25.840 Like already I was going into a no way, Like 0:03:26.200 --> 0:03:26.840 you know, they have. 0:03:26.880 --> 0:03:29.680 Their own like ways and stuff like that, you know, 0:03:29.760 --> 0:03:33.600 their own traditions and beliefs. Yeah, I already knew, like 0:03:34.080 --> 0:03:36.520 it wasn't going to be like, you know, a walk 0:03:36.560 --> 0:03:37.600 in the park because of. 0:03:37.560 --> 0:03:39.600 How different we grew up the culture. 0:03:39.840 --> 0:03:42.720 But yeah, one time we got into an argument all 0:03:42.760 --> 0:03:44.160 because I asked him what he wanted to eat in 0:03:44.240 --> 0:03:46.720 Walmart and he gets mad because he he would tell 0:03:46.760 --> 0:03:48.600 me like it's kind of like as a woman, like 0:03:48.920 --> 0:03:51.280 it's my job to figure that whole thing out, like 0:03:51.400 --> 0:03:53.280 you know, like he shouldn't have to tell me. I 0:03:53.320 --> 0:03:56.200 should just know or know what to do, you know. 0:03:58.440 --> 0:04:00.760 So we got into this whole argument and walmmar and 0:04:00.800 --> 0:04:02.880 then he was talking we when we got back in 0:04:02.920 --> 0:04:04.400 the car, he was like, oh, like, the only reason 0:04:04.440 --> 0:04:07.320 I didn't leave you is because your sister's here with me, 0:04:07.960 --> 0:04:10.360 But I would have made you walk from Walmart or whatever. 0:04:10.560 --> 0:04:13.280 And girl telling me that he doesn't mind breaking up 0:04:13.320 --> 0:04:15.360 with me because we don't have no kids together, so 0:04:15.720 --> 0:04:18.520 he really has no time, no obligations, stuff like that, 0:04:19.200 --> 0:04:21.359 And I feel like those are the type of things 0:04:21.360 --> 0:04:22.799 that I used to always tell myself. 0:04:22.839 --> 0:04:25.320 I would never allow, like for somebody to. 0:04:25.200 --> 0:04:27.520 Talk to me like that, you know, because I felt like, 0:04:27.680 --> 0:04:29.440 you don't really love me if you could talk to 0:04:29.480 --> 0:04:30.039 me like that. 0:04:30.520 --> 0:04:33.320 But the times where it was good, it was good, 0:04:33.400 --> 0:04:33.560 you know. 0:04:33.760 --> 0:04:36.560 So it was just like I let like those good 0:04:36.600 --> 0:04:42.400 times not define the bad ones, you know, Like I 0:04:42.440 --> 0:04:44.400 saw it as MM, well, we have good times, you know. 0:04:44.520 --> 0:04:47.680 When we're happy. We're happy. He's so sweet. He says 0:04:47.680 --> 0:04:50.600 the nicest things to me, calls me beautiful. I told 0:04:50.680 --> 0:04:52.719 him so much about my life and my family, like 0:04:53.080 --> 0:04:56.240 things that I've never told anybody, even be vulnerable around 0:04:56.279 --> 0:04:58.279 him like this. I have been in one of the relationship, 0:04:58.320 --> 0:04:59.600 but I don't really count it because it was like 0:04:59.600 --> 0:05:03.160 a seak basically, and got my heart broken in that. 0:05:03.360 --> 0:05:04.800 And I was only seventeen at the time. 0:05:04.960 --> 0:05:05.760 Now that I'm twenty. 0:05:05.880 --> 0:05:07.800 Me and him met when I was nineteen, Like I said, 0:05:07.839 --> 0:05:11.600 we were together for it's almost ten months and I 0:05:11.640 --> 0:05:14.000 turned twenty with him, and I did a lot of 0:05:14.080 --> 0:05:16.880 things with him, like a lot of first as far 0:05:16.920 --> 0:05:19.800 as life goes as relationship wise and stuff like that, 0:05:19.880 --> 0:05:22.880 like real relationship. And we work at the same job, 0:05:23.080 --> 0:05:25.920 so now that we're broken up, I stuff. 0:05:25.760 --> 0:05:26.279 To see him. 0:05:26.600 --> 0:05:29.000 I haven't even gotten to why we broke up. I'm sorry, 0:05:29.240 --> 0:05:32.400 I know this is kind of long, but up. We 0:05:32.440 --> 0:05:35.440 went on a beach shape for three days, for two nights, 0:05:35.480 --> 0:05:38.600 three days to Ocean City, New Jersey, and it was me, 0:05:38.800 --> 0:05:41.440 him and my parents, and then my nephew and his son. 0:05:41.760 --> 0:05:44.680 For reference, my nephew is nine, his son is four. 0:05:45.200 --> 0:05:47.520 This is my third time seeing his son. So I 0:05:47.560 --> 0:05:50.440 never met a son previously because of the fact that 0:05:50.480 --> 0:05:51.719 he was always like he's never. 0:05:51.560 --> 0:05:54.120 Introduced his kid to any of the girl that he's. 0:05:54.040 --> 0:05:56.360 Updated outside of the mother, so like he wanted to 0:05:56.400 --> 0:05:58.839 take his time, make sure that everything felt right with 0:05:58.880 --> 0:06:01.520 me and him whatever whatever. So nine months and he 0:06:01.560 --> 0:06:04.600 finally decided to introduce me to his son. The first 0:06:04.600 --> 0:06:07.720 time him was at a cookout, and then the second 0:06:07.760 --> 0:06:10.080 time it was just like, I was at his apartment 0:06:10.120 --> 0:06:12.560 for a few hours. And then this trip would have 0:06:12.600 --> 0:06:15.280 been the third time and my first time spending nights. 0:06:15.080 --> 0:06:16.000 With the kid. 0:06:17.480 --> 0:06:17.560 Up. 0:06:17.600 --> 0:06:19.520 Hold up, I know this shit getting good, but listen 0:06:19.600 --> 0:06:21.680 to just a couple seconds of a commercial with you 0:06:21.720 --> 0:06:22.599 Love Me. You'll listen. 0:06:24.200 --> 0:06:25.760 So the first nine he was pretty good. 0:06:25.880 --> 0:06:28.840 I mean, his kid had some has some severe ADHD 0:06:29.320 --> 0:06:32.000 that he's truly in denial about. Like, I have a 0:06:32.000 --> 0:06:34.479 lot of nieces and nephews, like over sixteen, and a 0:06:34.520 --> 0:06:37.480 lot of them have ADHD. So I know the signs 0:06:37.480 --> 0:06:39.279 that I know how to tell. And so does my mother. 0:06:39.320 --> 0:06:41.839 You know, she's a mom like and a grandmother at that, 0:06:42.440 --> 0:06:44.840 so she definitely knows. And she was even saying it 0:06:45.320 --> 0:06:47.039 and he was just like no, Like he's only four, 0:06:47.120 --> 0:06:47.799 so you know he's. 0:06:47.600 --> 0:06:49.880 Just naturally hype or whatever. And it's like, okay, you 0:06:49.960 --> 0:06:51.479 know what, you can be in denial about it. I said, 0:06:51.480 --> 0:06:52.320 you's your kid, you know. 0:06:53.560 --> 0:06:55.960 Then he at one point even told me like because 0:06:56.120 --> 0:06:58.000 every time I felt like his kid was doing something 0:06:58.040 --> 0:07:00.280 that he should have done, I told him, I told 0:07:00.320 --> 0:07:03.360 my boyfriend, as him being his father, you know, it's 0:07:03.480 --> 0:07:07.280 your choice however you choose to go about talking to him, 0:07:07.320 --> 0:07:09.720 discipline him all that. So he told me like, oh, 0:07:09.760 --> 0:07:12.080 you know, you could say something too. So at one point, 0:07:12.600 --> 0:07:15.480 his son had his feet on the pillow, and it's 0:07:15.520 --> 0:07:17.520 a big pet peeve of mine, like to have your 0:07:17.560 --> 0:07:19.960 feet on the pillow that people are putting their heads on, 0:07:20.080 --> 0:07:22.360 especially when you're running around everywhere bay your foot, you know, 0:07:22.840 --> 0:07:26.080 around this airbnb, like and outside of the airbnb. So 0:07:26.120 --> 0:07:27.520 I told him like, hey, get your feet off the 0:07:27.520 --> 0:07:28.720 pillow because that's not what it's for. 0:07:29.200 --> 0:07:31.040 And I think my man got offended by that. 0:07:31.600 --> 0:07:35.320 Like I said, he's Dominican, so his English wasn't the best, 0:07:35.760 --> 0:07:37.400 but he knew a lot. 0:07:37.440 --> 0:07:39.680 But I feel like so he made this thing up 0:07:39.680 --> 0:07:41.200 in his head that I said that. 0:07:41.320 --> 0:07:43.360 I said I didn't want to sleep with my boyfriend 0:07:43.440 --> 0:07:45.920 because his son was with him. So after that, he 0:07:45.960 --> 0:07:47.680 was like super offended, but he. 0:07:47.600 --> 0:07:49.120 Didn't say anything to me that night. 0:07:50.080 --> 0:07:52.800 And then our first night there, I slept with him 0:07:52.840 --> 0:07:55.760 and his child, but his son peed the bed. So 0:07:55.840 --> 0:07:57.880 the next night I didn't want to sleep there because 0:07:57.880 --> 0:07:59.040 you know, I was like, I don't want to sleep 0:07:59.080 --> 0:08:00.560 on blanket side have. 0:08:00.640 --> 0:08:03.240 Pists on them, you know. Like granted, now. 0:08:03.200 --> 0:08:05.240 Thinking back on it, I should have to my mom 0:08:05.280 --> 0:08:06.520 because she just suggests, like, let's go. 0:08:06.520 --> 0:08:08.320 To the laundry mat. Let's find a laundrum mat around 0:08:08.320 --> 0:08:09.840 here and go wash your blankets. 0:08:09.840 --> 0:08:11.760 But I was just thinking, like I'm on vacation, like 0:08:11.800 --> 0:08:13.400 I don't really feel like it, and my man didn't 0:08:13.400 --> 0:08:17.000 want to either, so yeah, I could have tried more 0:08:17.480 --> 0:08:20.440 for a solution, but I was just like no, like 0:08:20.520 --> 0:08:22.120 we can sleep in the living room or something like 0:08:22.280 --> 0:08:24.600 I kind of don't want to sleep on that bed 0:08:24.880 --> 0:08:29.040 with you know. It was a huge puddle of piss basically. 0:08:29.120 --> 0:08:29.360 I know. 0:08:29.520 --> 0:08:31.200 And then for him, he was like a dried like 0:08:31.240 --> 0:08:34.480 it doesn't make a difference, you know, Like for me, 0:08:34.520 --> 0:08:36.360 he's like a big pet peeve where I'm sleeping. I 0:08:36.400 --> 0:08:40.160 wanted to be clean, like I don't know, and he 0:08:40.280 --> 0:08:41.719 just got super offended by that. 0:08:41.760 --> 0:08:43.920 The next morning, on our. 0:08:43.760 --> 0:08:45.480 Third day, when it was time for us to leave 0:08:45.520 --> 0:08:49.040 and stuff, I woke up early started cleaning the airbnb 0:08:49.200 --> 0:08:51.280 to make sure everything was good for when we left, 0:08:51.600 --> 0:08:54.160 and suddenly he was just like, oh, you want breakfast? 0:08:54.200 --> 0:08:55.040 And I was like okay, yeah. 0:08:55.280 --> 0:08:56.800 Then I went up to him, He's like, oh, he's 0:08:56.840 --> 0:08:58.800 not happy. He doesn't want to go to the beach today. 0:08:59.200 --> 0:09:02.360 So you didn't tell me, And just the next day 0:09:02.440 --> 0:09:04.120 everything was coming up beut how he felt. He was 0:09:04.160 --> 0:09:05.800 mad that I said I need to adjust his son. 0:09:05.880 --> 0:09:07.719 He's like, you've been with me for nine months and 0:09:07.760 --> 0:09:09.040 you know I had a son, so what is there 0:09:09.080 --> 0:09:11.000 to adjust to? And I'm like I've been with you 0:09:11.040 --> 0:09:13.640 for nine months, but those nine months has just been 0:09:13.760 --> 0:09:16.480 me and you, sleeping together, doing everything together. Adjust me 0:09:16.520 --> 0:09:19.600 and you I just met your son this month out 0:09:19.600 --> 0:09:22.199 of the nine months, Like, so yeah, I need to adjust. 0:09:22.440 --> 0:09:25.920 Then he started like projecting his childhood trauma on to me, 0:09:26.040 --> 0:09:29.040 talking about oh like his stepmom said the same thing 0:09:29.520 --> 0:09:32.240 with his dad and that she never adjusted to him 0:09:32.280 --> 0:09:34.280 as a kid. And I'm like, but that's not me. 0:09:36.280 --> 0:09:38.720 And it was just like a whole lot of back 0:09:38.760 --> 0:09:40.160 and forth and he's just like I made. 0:09:40.040 --> 0:09:40.439 Up my mind. 0:09:40.440 --> 0:09:41.960 You're not going to change my mind. Like I hate 0:09:42.000 --> 0:09:44.439 you for the way he was treating my son about 0:09:44.440 --> 0:09:45.440 the pea. He's like, I'm not going to. 0:09:45.480 --> 0:09:46.640 Forget I hate you, he said. 0:09:46.880 --> 0:09:48.960 You know, Jitless said, I'm not going to forgive you 0:09:49.800 --> 0:09:50.360 about my. 0:09:50.240 --> 0:09:53.840 Son's pee, okay. And it's so crazy to me because 0:09:54.040 --> 0:09:55.280 we were just okay. 0:09:55.480 --> 0:09:59.240 Saturday, we got into like a little bickering about him 0:09:59.440 --> 0:10:01.480 feeding my parents and stuff, but just not feeding me, 0:10:02.280 --> 0:10:03.240 and that was it. 0:10:03.559 --> 0:10:06.520 But then I didn't think like anything more into that. 0:10:06.600 --> 0:10:08.200 I guess he went to sleep that night and was 0:10:08.240 --> 0:10:10.640 just in his head because I didn't sleep with him, 0:10:11.120 --> 0:10:12.880 because how I see this. If I would have set 0:10:12.920 --> 0:10:14.160 in that bed that night, we would still being in 0:10:14.160 --> 0:10:16.640 a relationship. But then I'm also seeing it like maybe 0:10:16.640 --> 0:10:18.480 this is a sign from God, Like I don't deserve this, 0:10:18.760 --> 0:10:24.079 exactly comfortable with this person. This is my first real relationship. 0:10:24.960 --> 0:10:26.520 I normally twenty and I have more time, but I 0:10:26.520 --> 0:10:26.800 don't know. 0:10:26.840 --> 0:10:28.640 It's just like right now, I cannot see myself with 0:10:28.679 --> 0:10:29.160 anybody else. 0:10:29.160 --> 0:10:30.160 That's not a relationship. 0:10:30.200 --> 0:10:34.360 Anybody move on quickly because he really doesn't care, and 0:10:34.640 --> 0:10:37.040 I don't know. He says he loved me, but how 0:10:37.040 --> 0:10:38.480 can you love me and be like this to me 0:10:38.520 --> 0:10:40.000 that he's acting like he treated me, not like I 0:10:40.080 --> 0:10:42.400 cheated on him. And this is all because you're angry 0:10:42.400 --> 0:10:44.920 and you're offended, and he's like, I love my son 0:10:44.960 --> 0:10:46.600 more than I love you, as you should. I'm never 0:10:46.679 --> 0:10:48.600 going to be that person who's like, choose me over 0:10:48.640 --> 0:10:51.679 your son, But damn have some more respect for the 0:10:51.720 --> 0:10:55.120 relationship that we did have, like and I never treated 0:10:55.200 --> 0:10:56.760 him bad. I would help him pay his bills, help 0:10:56.840 --> 0:10:58.959 him with everything when he got his new apartment, helped 0:10:59.000 --> 0:11:00.280 him find an apartment, all. 0:11:00.200 --> 0:11:01.040 Of that good stuff. 0:11:01.440 --> 0:11:03.120 I did so much for him when his mom kicked 0:11:03.160 --> 0:11:05.559 him out at the age of twenty. 0:11:05.280 --> 0:11:06.040 Seven years old. 0:11:06.600 --> 0:11:09.920 I helped him with the place to say, even though 0:11:10.080 --> 0:11:11.920 he's always saying like I had other options, I'd be 0:11:11.920 --> 0:11:15.040 grateful for what I did for you. You know, I 0:11:15.040 --> 0:11:16.800 feel like he was never grateful for what I did 0:11:17.040 --> 0:11:18.959 And anytime I cooked ROMI, he would never say thank you. 0:11:19.000 --> 0:11:21.280 It was just something that was I had to do 0:11:21.320 --> 0:11:23.520 as a woman, you know, it was my role as 0:11:23.520 --> 0:11:27.400 a woman. And so yeah, I don't know a lot 0:11:27.440 --> 0:11:29.800 of this is just like it's bittersweet for me because. 0:11:29.600 --> 0:11:31.960 I truly love him. I still love him. 0:11:31.960 --> 0:11:33.439 Even though I know he had his moments where he 0:11:33.520 --> 0:11:35.920 treated me like shit. There was that moment where he 0:11:35.960 --> 0:11:39.560 treated me like a queen, and so I just feel 0:11:39.600 --> 0:11:41.520 like there's nobody out there whos gonna accept me with 0:11:41.640 --> 0:11:44.960 everything like my bond and stuff like that, like all 0:11:45.040 --> 0:11:48.000 that because I loved me some like hispanics and stuff. 0:11:48.400 --> 0:11:51.320 So have some more respect for the relationship that we 0:11:51.360 --> 0:11:53.880 did have, like and I never. 0:11:53.720 --> 0:11:54.320 Treated him bad. 0:11:54.320 --> 0:11:55.920 I would help to pay his bills, help him with 0:11:55.960 --> 0:11:58.120 everything when he got his new apartment, helped him find 0:11:58.160 --> 0:12:01.080 an apartment, all of that good stuff. I guess my 0:12:01.240 --> 0:12:04.640 max that I want to be faked, is like, how do. 0:12:04.600 --> 0:12:07.240 I move on now? Like I don't know, Like it's. 0:12:07.120 --> 0:12:09.120 So hurtful, But at the same time, it's just like 0:12:09.520 --> 0:12:12.720 I feel like maybe this was needed, Like maybe we 0:12:12.720 --> 0:12:15.360 were incompatible. I really wanted us to be compatible. We 0:12:15.360 --> 0:12:18.360 felt compatible. I don't even know where we went wrong. 0:12:18.559 --> 0:12:21.760 I don't know why he started like mentally abusing me 0:12:21.840 --> 0:12:23.520 and gaslighting me and manipulating me. 0:12:23.600 --> 0:12:26.720 Like I just don't understand. It's so confusing to me. 0:12:26.840 --> 0:12:30.080 Like we were just just on sat On Friday, you 0:12:30.120 --> 0:12:31.600 were talking about, oh, do you want to marry me? 0:12:31.679 --> 0:12:34.760 Like as a joke, and then on Saturday morning You're like, 0:12:34.800 --> 0:12:38.200 I want to break up? And now Monday, I talked 0:12:38.240 --> 0:12:39.880 to him on the phone. He's like, stop calling me. 0:12:40.040 --> 0:12:41.240 I don't want to hear good morning from you. I 0:12:41.280 --> 0:12:42.920 don't hear nothing from you. I don't want to be 0:12:42.920 --> 0:12:44.520 your friend because if I get a new girl, and 0:12:45.000 --> 0:12:46.400 I don't want you to think you have a say 0:12:46.600 --> 0:12:50.040 or anything like that. And I'm just like, bro, do 0:12:50.080 --> 0:12:51.640 you have something you're talking to you? He say no, 0:12:51.679 --> 0:12:53.640 But I'm just saying because he thinks I'm going to 0:12:53.679 --> 0:12:54.480 be like one of his other. 0:12:54.360 --> 0:12:55.640 Crazy exxes and that's not me. 0:12:57.160 --> 0:13:00.559 My whole thing yesterday is just don't treat me like you. 0:13:00.559 --> 0:13:02.200 Just fucked three times and that's it. 0:13:02.559 --> 0:13:04.400 Like put some respect on what we had and what 0:13:04.480 --> 0:13:05.240 I did for you. 0:13:05.800 --> 0:13:08.480 I don't know, I don't know, but yeah, what do 0:13:08.559 --> 0:13:10.960 you think do you think? Like? I don't think there's 0:13:10.960 --> 0:13:13.240 no going back for and honesty my family. 0:13:13.280 --> 0:13:15.400 She's talking about, oh, like he's gonna try to come back, 0:13:15.440 --> 0:13:17.280 and I don't see it. He's like a very stubborn, 0:13:17.600 --> 0:13:19.760 set in his way man, like he thinks this is 0:13:19.760 --> 0:13:21.760 like old school type of days and it's not. This 0:13:21.840 --> 0:13:24.680 is twenty twenty three. I don't believe in those gender rules. 0:13:24.720 --> 0:13:26.280 Whatever I can do, you can do too. And he 0:13:26.360 --> 0:13:28.680 would cook and stuff, but still I feel like he 0:13:28.760 --> 0:13:30.760 was just always trying to be little me. I'm sorry 0:13:30.800 --> 0:13:33.800 I'm dragging this on, but I love you, thank you 0:13:33.880 --> 0:13:36.240 so much, And I'm going to listen to your podcast 0:13:36.240 --> 0:13:37.400 today where I'm at work to. 0:13:37.640 --> 0:13:38.280 Get me through. 0:13:39.160 --> 0:13:41.480 If you love me, you'll listen to this commercial and 0:13:41.520 --> 0:13:42.480 then we'll be right back. 0:13:44.200 --> 0:13:45.839 Well, thank you, beautiful girl. 0:13:45.960 --> 0:13:48.400 I'm glad I can tell by your last name that 0:13:48.520 --> 0:13:50.960 you a little Latin. I tho you know what I'm saying, 0:13:51.000 --> 0:13:54.200 so you like your island men, your Caribbean men. When 0:13:54.200 --> 0:13:56.679 you first started telling me your story, until you started 0:13:56.679 --> 0:13:58.679 answering your questions about him, I was like, Okay. 0:13:58.480 --> 0:14:00.680 Is he older than you? Is he the child? Is 0:14:00.679 --> 0:14:02.240 he African? Jesus Christ? 0:14:02.600 --> 0:14:05.600 Just the way you said that, he's controlling and you're 0:14:05.600 --> 0:14:07.960 a sensitive person, you know what I'm saying. And then 0:14:08.000 --> 0:14:10.600 he broke up with you, you know, and then just how 0:14:10.600 --> 0:14:12.600 he's all over the place. I'm gonna tell you something 0:14:12.679 --> 0:14:15.079 right now, it's bigger than you. I'm just gonna shop 0:14:15.120 --> 0:14:16.840 your neck with that, like it is bigger than you. 0:14:16.880 --> 0:14:20.000 This ain't even about you. You said something that stuck out. 0:14:20.040 --> 0:14:24.040 You said, he projects. He started projecting his childhood trauma 0:14:24.040 --> 0:14:27.920 and his differences and his own deeply rooted issues on me, 0:14:28.640 --> 0:14:31.240 comparing them to what we're going through now. People do 0:14:31.320 --> 0:14:34.800 that when they're so deeply swallowed by their trauma and 0:14:34.840 --> 0:14:38.240 it still affects them, but they don't know how to 0:14:38.280 --> 0:14:41.680 express that they're even still feeling trauma or even still 0:14:42.040 --> 0:14:44.680 haunted by trauma. You know, he may not even know subconsciously. 0:14:44.720 --> 0:14:47.680 That's just probably how he's been since. 0:14:47.440 --> 0:14:48.480 He was little. You know. 0:14:48.480 --> 0:14:50.720 So people grow up thinking that they're fucking normal and 0:14:50.760 --> 0:14:52.520 they're really fucked up mentally. 0:14:52.280 --> 0:14:52.880 You know what I mean. 0:14:53.080 --> 0:14:55.640 And it's very very hard to get a man to 0:14:55.720 --> 0:14:59.840 see that he's fucked up, especially if he's been fucked 0:14:59.920 --> 0:15:02.800 up for some time. You know, you said he projected 0:15:03.120 --> 0:15:05.240 shit talking about his stepdad and his mom, or his 0:15:05.320 --> 0:15:08.400 mom and stepdad what, you know, whatever the parents' rules 0:15:08.440 --> 0:15:10.160 were you, that's what you said. 0:15:10.240 --> 0:15:11.320 You understand what I'm saying. 0:15:11.320 --> 0:15:14.840 And I just, in my opinion, I feel like this 0:15:15.000 --> 0:15:17.440 is deeper than you, This is bigger than you. 0:15:17.520 --> 0:15:20.600 This has nothing to do with you. Just like when 0:15:20.600 --> 0:15:21.640 his son pissed. 0:15:21.320 --> 0:15:23.240 Into bed and he made a big ass dal out 0:15:23.280 --> 0:15:25.040 of it, you know, telling you, you know, because you 0:15:25.080 --> 0:15:27.440 don't want to sleep in a pissy ass bed that 0:15:27.480 --> 0:15:30.360 could not only fuck your skin up, it could give 0:15:30.400 --> 0:15:33.320 you bedbugs and all types of rashes and shit. You 0:15:33.360 --> 0:15:37.040 know what I'm saying. That wasn't about no piss. It 0:15:37.080 --> 0:15:39.520 was bigger than a piss. It wasn't about that. He 0:15:39.640 --> 0:15:41.080 was also projecting as well. 0:15:41.360 --> 0:15:42.040 You know what I'm saying. 0:15:42.440 --> 0:15:44.800 Everything that he does is a projection of how he's 0:15:44.800 --> 0:15:47.840 been treated or how he has lived up until this point. 0:15:47.920 --> 0:15:49.280 You know, or how he was raised. 0:15:49.640 --> 0:15:51.520 I don't know if you know his baby mother, but 0:15:52.200 --> 0:15:54.760 I ain't gonna say look to her for insight, but 0:15:54.840 --> 0:15:56.840 I would ask him about his relationship. I mean, if 0:15:56.880 --> 0:15:59.200 y'all were together for a year, well you said ten months, 0:15:59.280 --> 0:16:01.080 y'all just you know, he just broke up with you. 0:16:01.320 --> 0:16:03.600 But have you ever asked him about why he didn't 0:16:03.600 --> 0:16:06.040 make it with his son's mother or what happened in 0:16:06.080 --> 0:16:08.440 that relationship. Sometimes when you get in a new relationship, 0:16:08.600 --> 0:16:12.120 sometimes people carry baggage over from their last relationship into 0:16:12.160 --> 0:16:15.440 their new relationship, which warrants a conversation about the previous 0:16:15.480 --> 0:16:19.360 relationships between the people that are in the new relationships 0:16:19.440 --> 0:16:21.320 or whatever. And I don't know if you have ever 0:16:21.400 --> 0:16:24.080 had that, if you two ever had that conversation, but 0:16:24.120 --> 0:16:25.680