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Speaker 1: Oh my god, I do love that. Award season is

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Speaker 1: like way way over, but it is so nice watching

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Speaker 1: everybody just like dress up in their finest because it

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Speaker 1: is giving prom for actors. Yeah, oh my gosh, and

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Speaker 1: everyone's just like, who are you wearing? Who are you wearing?

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Speaker 1: And I just wish people would be like, oh, zampig,

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Speaker 1: help in my face? Do you know what I mean?

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Speaker 2: Oh? Yeah, I love a good red carpet. You know,

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Speaker 2: I've had brushes with fame. You know what I'm saying.

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Speaker 2: I've had brushes, I've had combs. There was a moment,

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Speaker 2: a moment, but I was definitely occupied, you know what

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Speaker 2: I'm saying, Oh my god. A young uh and I

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Speaker 2: were both in the carpet. I was interviewing people, asking

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Speaker 2: your standard questions, who.

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Speaker 3: Are you wearing? What are you wearing?

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Speaker 2: What's the story for the night?

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Speaker 3: You know?

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Speaker 2: And it was for a movie. You can look it up.

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Speaker 2: It's called Uh, It'll come to me. But I think

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Speaker 2: it's something like no, oh, no, oh gosh.

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Speaker 1: This is what it's like telling a story in your forties.

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Speaker 3: Yes it is.

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Speaker 1: Hey, everyone, welcome to adulting. I'm a Shelby to This

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Speaker 1: is Jordan Carlos, and we're really just trying to get

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Speaker 1: through the day. When you were in your forties, it

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Speaker 1: just feels like a game of trivia and you don't

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Speaker 1: know the answer. It is giving jeopardy, it is giving.

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Speaker 1: Life has an emotional panic room, and you just need

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Speaker 1: the next clue to get to the next thing.

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Speaker 3: I got it.

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Speaker 2: It's called Trust the Man and it starked David Dukovney

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Speaker 2: and let me just say this. Okay, so was in

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Speaker 2: it and I just changed it on a diamond, said

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Speaker 2: who am I wearing? And she was like what cock?

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Speaker 2: And so now we're having a little parley back and forth,

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Speaker 2: and I'm like, what's happening right now? I Am actually

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Speaker 2: like she's looking at me. This is crazy. She's looking

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Speaker 2: into my soul. Her publicist is grabbing her arm and

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Speaker 2: pulling her away, and she said, I'll see you after

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Speaker 2: the movie, and nice. I was like, I don't have

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Speaker 2: a ticket. And so that was the end of it.

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Speaker 2: But let me tell you something, okay, hm, when this

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Speaker 2: nerd gets in gear, okay, dangerous.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, what really makes me sad is like when people

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Speaker 1: are surprised by you. But then like, what makes me

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Speaker 1: even more says when you're surprised by yourself. You gotta

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Speaker 1: going on, friend. You're great, You're a good person, you

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Speaker 1: got good skin, you're attractive, you got a sturdy gate,

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Speaker 1: you could touch your toes.

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Speaker 2: Thank you, like it's true. Yeah, it's all true, but

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Speaker 2: you know it's just New York will tell you otherwise.

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Speaker 1: Do you have a gap in your teeth?

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Speaker 2: I have two gaps. I'm Afrikaan. You know Afrikaan. I

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Speaker 2: got two gaps. We got two guys top end bottom.

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Speaker 1: You got gat That is a lot of personality. It's

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Speaker 1: a lot of character. You have a gap is giving

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Speaker 1: Eddie Murphy upstairs and down. So like you go, boy,

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Speaker 1: the only.

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Speaker 2: Person that can roast me better than anybody else. It's

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Speaker 2: my best friend, shall be told. Michelle comes on, what

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Speaker 2: did you call me?

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Speaker 3: Waldough?

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Speaker 2: The other day? I was like, I was like, I'm

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Speaker 2: looking too tough. I'm looking too tough. I walked out.

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Speaker 2: I have these new glasses. I'm throwing them away because

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Speaker 2: they're like they do give weares Waldough and I can

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Speaker 2: never unsee it. Thank you so much, Michelle.

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Speaker 1: Yes, it's only because I love you so much. Okay,

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Speaker 1: you guys, we have a fabulous episode ahead. Of us.

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Speaker 1: I mean, I love truth tellers, I love art I

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Speaker 1: love artists, I love people that use their platform for good.

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Speaker 1: And you know I love me some icn So here

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Speaker 1: we go is Queen Jean. Everyone, Hello, Why I love queen.

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Speaker 1: It's so nice to meet you. I'm Michelle. This is Jordan.

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Speaker 1: Welcome to adulting.

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Speaker 3: I'm so excited.

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Speaker 1: I've read so much about you. I'm just like, she's

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Speaker 1: the most adult person in this episode right now, because

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Speaker 1: it's giving. I do a lot of work, but I

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Speaker 1: still have fun boots. Yeah, you know, like have you

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Speaker 1: always been like that? Are you always like I got

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Speaker 1: this work ethic, and I'm also like gonna do me, I.

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Speaker 4: Would say, so, I mean, I think I learned very

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Speaker 4: quickly trying to please everybody is not going to be it.

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Speaker 4: And also, you know, I don't have to buy into

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Speaker 4: like respectability, especially when they don't actually respect me as

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Speaker 4: like a person.

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Speaker 3: So I just show up and move as me, unapologetically.

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Speaker 4: And at times, I know, obviously sometimes we have to

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Speaker 4: like decode put on a different mass right in certain spaces.

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Speaker 3: But oftentimes the thing.

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Speaker 4: That actually irks me is like when folks are like,

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Speaker 4: oh my god, you're so articulate. You mean, I guess

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Speaker 4: it's a compliment, but I'm also just like, are we

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Speaker 4: not articulate?

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Speaker 3: Like can we not?

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Speaker 1: Like it's not it's not you know, I get your

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Speaker 1: funny for female, You're very articulate, Jordan, don't do it.

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Speaker 2: I apologize.

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Speaker 4: I think I'm just so acutely aware of Like you know,

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Speaker 4: I think it's very easy to like be swallowed or

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Speaker 4: engulfed into exceptionalism and ultimately that you're exceptional to somehow

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Speaker 4: be valid, to like have your rights and your identity,

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Speaker 4: your humanity honored.

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Speaker 3: And I think that's like bogus.

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Speaker 4: You can be exactly who you are and still receive

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Speaker 4: equal and fair treatment, you know, even if the world

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Speaker 4: is there.

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Speaker 1: Thank you, the podcast is over.

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Speaker 2: Oh my god, we're good. I mean, yeah, for real.

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Speaker 1: Now, I feel like this speaks to I mean, this

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Speaker 1: speaks to more than both of us. It is a

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Speaker 1: word because Jordan and I often talk about being the

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Speaker 1: only black student in a school, and you know what

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Speaker 1: that meant at the time, and what the carryover is

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Speaker 1: and how we don't, you know, want to put stuff

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Speaker 1: that we went through on our children, and also we

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Speaker 1: want our children to go to a good school, But

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Speaker 1: why does that mean a white school? And like, you

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Speaker 1: know what good actually means? And you know, my dad's

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Speaker 1: from Haiti. I know your Haitian. What part of hate

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Speaker 1: are you from?

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Speaker 3: Jac Men?

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Speaker 1: Oh my goodness, beautiful, my dad's okay, okay, yeah. So

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Speaker 1: it's giving all beach all the time, which I love,

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Speaker 1: but you know, I'm definitely sometimes I feel like peripherally

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Speaker 1: Haitian because when my dad came here, it was all

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Speaker 1: about assimilation. And so it was like, you know, don't

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Speaker 1: learn Creole, learn French, like you know, and if you

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Speaker 1: don't learn French, just fine, just like get good grades,

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Speaker 1: cover your freckles straight in your hair. It was like

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Speaker 1: assimilate in a way that didn't feel right or healthy.

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Speaker 1: And then behind closed doors, everybody was just celebrating everything.

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Speaker 1: So I'm just like, oh, being proud of ourself all

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Speaker 1: together as a family is a secret, you know. And

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Speaker 1: so it was just I think, I I not. I

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Speaker 1: think I know that I'm still working through it. And

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Speaker 1: this is why I have a microphone in front of

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Speaker 1: my face every day for money, because you know, if

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Speaker 1: I can make one person feel less lonely. What was

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Speaker 1: it like coming here as a young in and just

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Speaker 1: being thrown in the world of whatever the fuck this is.

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Speaker 4: I think I've always been as my parents to define

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Speaker 4: like artistic. Wow, oh yeah, you're not about to become

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Speaker 4: dot you have to be Okay, So it didn't work out.

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Speaker 3: That far for me anyways. I was like, yeah, that's

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Speaker 3: not me.

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Speaker 4: But I think it was undeniable, like just the social

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Speaker 4: disparities and the race disparities.

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Speaker 3: Uh. And that was like is and has always been

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Speaker 3: so blatant. And I think trying to figure out now,

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Speaker 3: like you know, as an adult, right, like how do

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Speaker 3: you show up and hold on to your truth and

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Speaker 3: not lean into these like archetypes, Like whatever systemic barriers

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Speaker 3: there are. I don't let that barricade my own dream

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Speaker 3: to my own pursuits.

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Speaker 2: Wait where did you grow up exactly when your family came.

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Speaker 4: In so uh Huntsville and then I and then I

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Speaker 4: moved to Florida, Florida.

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Speaker 1: Oh my god, I went to college in Florida. What

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Speaker 1: part of what part of Miami were talking?

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Speaker 3: Okay?

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Speaker 1: Hi Aaliyah Opal Luck, Hya open lock Hyaliga is a

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Speaker 1: place to be.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: I went to Saint Thomas University off a two six

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Speaker 1: or one exit away from Flomo Plomo Florida Memorial. If

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Speaker 1: y'all don't know, that's the hood. Ship is a community.

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Speaker 1: I don't even know college. Yeah, Flom. That's the first

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Speaker 1: time I really heard gunshots properly at a party number one,

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Speaker 1: number two, I mean the mail strip reviews. I said, Oh, okay,

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Speaker 1: wo what wa wa wow, that's the first time I

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Speaker 1: had alis A two.

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Speaker 3: Oh wow, okay, is that the blue one?

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Speaker 2: That's the blue one?

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Speaker 3: Yeah? Word no hypnoticus blue alic like.

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Speaker 1: I think it was orange or red. I don't remember

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Speaker 1: what it looked like when I was vomiting it.

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Speaker 3: I think I was definitely of the four Local Generation era.

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Speaker 2: Oh my god, poor Loco, the.

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Speaker 4: Little the little bull in the brown paper bag. I

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Speaker 4: feel like the bulls only in a bag, of course,

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Speaker 4: so they can sell it regular. Yeah, the bottle comes

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Speaker 4: with a bag.

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Speaker 3: Yeah. Mad Dog, Mad.

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Speaker 1: Dog twenty twenty. It was only the purple flavor left

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Speaker 1: all the time. I mean, my right eye just got

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Speaker 1: a heartbeat thinking about those times. I'm so glad I

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Speaker 1: made it out wow, out alive, but also out.

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Speaker 2: I was just gonna say they didn't allow those drinks

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Speaker 2: in study hall where I was, but I'd heard about them.

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Speaker 2: That's why it was like alis As blue blue, right,

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Speaker 2: You're like, no, it's good to know people were having fun.

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Speaker 1: I love living in Miami. I talk about it in

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Speaker 1: my book because you know, I grew up in Jersey

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Speaker 1: and my dad always called like Jersey and the rest

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Speaker 1: of the country, like people say it's a melting pot,

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Speaker 1: but he always called it a salad because no matter

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Speaker 1: how much he makes it, the color still separate. What

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Speaker 1: I loved about Miami is that it really felt like

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Speaker 1: a true melting pot where you you I mean, you

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Speaker 1: could see someone else like Paris, Hilton and they don't

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Speaker 1: speak no English. They're from Cuba, you know what I mean.

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Speaker 1: It was just like the diversity was diversifying everywhere, and

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Speaker 1: I loved hearing other languages more than English and still

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Speaker 1: be in America. I realized I couldn't stay there because

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Speaker 1: it felt small town after a while, But Miami's in

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Speaker 1: my heart. My parents are still there.

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Speaker 3: Beautiful.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, what did you love Miami or were you just

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Speaker 1: like I'm good on it.

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Speaker 4: I think I was like I'm ready to fly, yeah,

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Speaker 4: and like ten, I was like, yeah, I'm ready to lead.

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Speaker 4: I think I have always really desired like unrestricted expression.

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Speaker 4: I you know, definitely grew up church and so I

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Speaker 4: felt like I felt like, if I stayed home, I

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Speaker 4: would have to like stay in line with whatever dreams,

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Speaker 4: you know, our parents were getting had for us. And

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Speaker 4: so I justinately was like, Oh my god, I gotta

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Speaker 4: get a out of here. I gotta run away, and

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Speaker 4: like part of that was me feeling like, Oh, if

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Speaker 4: I run away, I can finally be free. I can

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Speaker 4: like finally like reveal to the world my truth.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 4: I wish I could have just did that wherever I was,

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Speaker 4: and I'm so grateful to see there are many community

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Speaker 4: members and family, folks, friends, colleagues who did stay and

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Speaker 4: we're like, no, this is exactly who I am.

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Speaker 3: I'm here too, and I'm gonna be exactly who I am.

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Speaker 4: And you're gonna see me at the kmart, You're gonna

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Speaker 4: see me at the little Rite Aid.

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Speaker 3: You know you're gonna see me.

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Speaker 2: Forget publics.

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Speaker 3: Now you're in Florida.

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Speaker 1: Oh my god, we love publics. I love the Sandwich

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Speaker 1: count of Republics. What's the name of the donuts, the

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Speaker 1: hot donuts, the hot donuts. Yeah, there's like a big

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Speaker 1: k chrispy Kreme, Christy Creme, Yeah, Miami subs. Oh baby,

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Speaker 1: let's go Wynn Dixie, who got the coupons?

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Speaker 3: Yea?

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Speaker 1: When, oh my god, oh what you said when Dixie

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Speaker 1: like that?

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Speaker 3: Dumb that my keats.

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Speaker 1: I didn't even know that I left home to give

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Speaker 1: myself license to grow. I just thought it was something

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Speaker 1: that people did, like from what I saw in the movies.

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Speaker 1: But everybody I knew was staying home. Thank God, I

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Speaker 1: wasn't smart enough to get into Rutgers or whatever the

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Speaker 1: fuck they told me because I left. And I feel

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Speaker 1: like making a decision for yourself at a young age

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Speaker 1: is also an education.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, truly.

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Speaker 2: I just want to ask you also because you said that,

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Speaker 2: like James Baldwin was very inspirational to you, and I

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Speaker 2: have to say, Queen, like when you were speaking, it

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Speaker 2: does feel like you you had a bit of like

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Speaker 2: James Baldwin's cadence. Is James Baldwin just like baked into

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Speaker 2: your psyche? Like I mean, because I love the way

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Speaker 2: James Baldwin talks. You know, he was always like and

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Speaker 2: so it was important that as a black man in

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Speaker 2: this you know, like I loved how we talked like

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Speaker 2: what are his writings and or like his work that

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Speaker 2: has stayed with you and what feeds you to this

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Speaker 2: day like in your.

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Speaker 1: Word oh two part two part question, Queen.

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Speaker 3: Sorry, okay, So I will say absolutely.

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Speaker 4: I think growing up it was really important and inspiring

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Speaker 4: to see a very loving, openly queer black man be

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Speaker 4: so respected and revered and be able to show up

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Speaker 4: and to check whiteness anywhere, right. So I was always like, yup,

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Speaker 4: get them, and so I felt seen. And I also

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Speaker 4: felt excited to like learn more about their journey, like

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Speaker 4: their constant exodus or exodus to Europe and to UH

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Speaker 4: and to really survey the landscape that is America, right

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Speaker 4: or the United plantation of the States of America, whatever,

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Speaker 4: And so it was really profound as a young person,

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Speaker 4: uh to feel like, okay, like no, this person is

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Speaker 4: speaking to me directly.

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Speaker 3: At times. I remember reading like Giamana's Room, Let's the Survival.

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Speaker 4: I mean, there are so many moments of their trajectory

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Speaker 4: or or that that resonated for me in different parts

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Speaker 4: of my life.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I will say, you know.

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Speaker 4: Their conversation with Nikki Giovanni around police reality is it.

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Speaker 4: I feel like that's always going to be in my

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Speaker 4: bone marrow only because they synthesized it in so profound

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Speaker 4: right of thought but so simple right, and that a

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Speaker 4: cop is a cop and ultimately too. And I want

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Speaker 4: to mess this up, but you know, we can get along, right,

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Speaker 4: or we can agree, as long as what we're agreeing

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Speaker 4: to doesn't deny my humanity.

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Speaker 3: I don't want to mess up that quote.

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Speaker 1: Lord, No, that's okay.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, while you're processing, I will give you one of

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Speaker 2: my favorite quotes. Yes, he has a debate. He had

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Speaker 2: a debate at Oxford with It was between him and

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Speaker 2: William F. Buckley, who was a leading conservative mind of

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Speaker 2: the time. And Baldwin said something that will forever be

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Speaker 2: burned on my brain, which was to be African American

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Speaker 2: is to be African with no memory and American with

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Speaker 2: no privilege. And I was like, boo, like it forever

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Speaker 2: stayed on my like burned on my brain, and that

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Speaker 2: you appreciate Bowen's work. I was like, okay, we don't

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Speaker 2: get along great now.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, Oh my goodness, what sign are you, queen, because

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Speaker 1: she's looking at it cow. Oh my god, my kids

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Speaker 1: are capricorn. Okay, I'm getting it. It's the hard worker.

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Speaker 1: It's it's like, let's get it right. I don't want

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Speaker 1: to mess it up because I love it.

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Speaker 2: I love it.

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Speaker 1: It's like I'm watching everything. I could probably do it better.

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Speaker 3: We know I could do it better, but you know,

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Speaker 3: I know you well. You know.

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Speaker 4: Sometimes we'll entertain other offerings professional, personal. But the quote

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Speaker 4: that really I it's we can disagree and still love

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Speaker 4: each other unless your disagreement is rooted in my oppression

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Speaker 4: and denial of my humanity and my right to exist.

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Speaker 4: And I think that that speaks volumes, It continues to

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Speaker 4: speak to the ongoing crisises right in this world, current

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Speaker 4: and the constant struggles, the conflicts, And I'm like, okay,

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Speaker 4: conflict sounds like you know, you want peanut butter jelly,

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Speaker 4: or you want to any sandwich to me, you know,

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Speaker 4: But conflicts, I think is just used to actually speak

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Speaker 4: to I think generational traumas and generational gaps of violence

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Speaker 4: that have yet to be reckoned, have yet to be resolved.

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Speaker 4: There's yet to be any type of restitution, and so

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Speaker 4: therefore we find ourselves constantly in a cycle of harm,

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Speaker 4: of disagreement, dispute, and ultimately we find ourselves fighting to

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Speaker 4: exist and then there are people that are like, well,

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Speaker 4: what do you mean There's no problem here, you know,

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Speaker 4: said Niki Hayle. Somebody's like, well, there's no racism in America,

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Speaker 4: and I'm like, so so so active denial of it. Also,

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Speaker 4: my okay, babe, if you're denying.

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Speaker 1: That, yes, it's gaslighting. Yeah, I have a theory. This

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Speaker 1: is why we age well, because we're gonna constantly be

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Speaker 1: gas lit.

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Speaker 3: That's all.

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Speaker 1: So we get questions from the audience. It's about adulting,

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Speaker 1: and it could be big or small. We don't really

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Speaker 1: check them. Maybe we should, but anyways, we're gonna we

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Speaker 1: try to answer them. But I can't wait to hear

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Speaker 1: what you say, Jordan, do you have the first one?

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Speaker 3: Call it?

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Speaker 1: What's your name? Where you're calling from? Just kidding, just kidding.

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Speaker 2: So this is a bit of a pivot from our

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Speaker 2: very uh you know, petty talk.

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Speaker 3: But here we go.

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Speaker 2: I got a ton of holiday cards this year from

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Speaker 2: friends and family. Is it weird to send it out?

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Speaker 2: A holiday card as a single person with just a cat?

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Speaker 2: I feel left out of the fun since I don't

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Speaker 2: have a partner or children.

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Speaker 1: Wow, my goodness, I mean, what do you say, Queen?

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Speaker 4: Okay, I think we gotta shift the attitude respectively. We

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Speaker 4: gotta shift the attitude period. We have to present ourselves

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Speaker 4: right in a way that is welcome and invite so

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Speaker 4: that the other spirits and you know, so that energies

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Speaker 4: can come and find us. So I feel that whomever

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Speaker 4: you are, sibling, how you doing, I feel that I

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Speaker 4: would invite you to go ahead to the olden males.

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Speaker 3: Right, do they have some big km right? Anyways? You know,

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Speaker 3: have your friends do a little photo shoot back dropped.

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Speaker 4: You know, look, it's been COVID, so we know how

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Speaker 4: to make it pop in love, yes, love, take your

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Speaker 4: photo shoot, feature yourself, feature your cat, Feature something that

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Speaker 4: makes me happy, heels, whatever it is. I mean literally,

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Speaker 4: I think in a way we have to still lead

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Speaker 4: with who we are, and I think like shining away

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Speaker 4: from that just you know, yeah, like like we'll get

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Speaker 4: skipped over in a way, right, absolutely.

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Speaker 2: And don't insult your cat. She's like I have nothing.

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Speaker 2: I was just gonna say, she's insulting the cat.

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Speaker 1: Having a partner does not define your worth. It's giving.

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Speaker 1: I need someone, I need a hands hole to make

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Speaker 1: me happy. You are responsible for your happiness. Everything else

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Speaker 1: is just motherfucking extra. So you know, go to Pinterest

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Speaker 1: and find a cute little like mom and cat, you know,

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Speaker 1: theme picture and just blow everybody's picture out the motherfucking water.

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Speaker 3: Like.

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Speaker 1: So, I love what you're saying, shift your energy, but

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Speaker 1: also I just want this person to have a better

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Speaker 1: opinion of themselves because that's essentially the only opinion that matters,

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Speaker 1: you know, I don't know.

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Speaker 3: I mean, look, I'll say this.

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Speaker 4: I've been waiting this entire time, you know, to find

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Speaker 4: a king to sit up in this kingdom. What I

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Speaker 4: will say is I definitely like having my own kingdom,

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Speaker 4: so you know, but if that does come or you know,

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Speaker 4: king sibling or monarch, okay, if they're able to be

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Speaker 4: in stride with me, yeah that'd be awesome.

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Speaker 3: But I don't Yeah, I definitely don't need that.

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Speaker 1: Okay, Yeah, no rush like slow summer, let it happen.

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Speaker 1: Come on, woman king.

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Speaker 4: Because you know, as we've seen on the internet, you

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Speaker 4: don't want to just find anybody and move a man

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Speaker 4: because baby, I no, don't do it.

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Speaker 1: Don't. And also can we just can I just say

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Speaker 1: if you if you've made it to the podcast this far,

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Speaker 1: and thank you so much, for listening. But I don't

400
00:20:07,640 --> 00:20:11,240
Speaker 1: think your relationship should be content for social media, like,

401
00:20:11,840 --> 00:20:14,320
Speaker 1: don't do that. Like I'm excited for you that you

402
00:20:14,400 --> 00:20:17,280
Speaker 1: found somebody, but every other post does not have to

403
00:20:17,359 --> 00:20:24,159
Speaker 1: be what you guys are eating. That feels dangerous. Next question,

404
00:20:24,960 --> 00:20:27,560
Speaker 1: what's the best way to ask someone if they're clean

405
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Speaker 1: aka free from STDs? Can you request that a new

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Speaker 1: sexual partner get tested? What say you? Queen o.

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Speaker 2: Queen on the spot?

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00:20:39,280 --> 00:20:40,400
Speaker 1: Questions all over the place?

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Speaker 3: Quick, oh, come on, let's do it. Let's I told you?

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Speaker 4: Yeah no, And this is very important. And I think

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Speaker 4: too that this extends to all communities, right, all all

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Speaker 4: backgrounds of people on various people I'll use the people.

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Speaker 4: We have to be very upfront, and I think oftentimes

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Speaker 4: we get caught up in the like okay, well, I

415
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Speaker 4: don't want to say anything to mess up the vibeck

416
00:20:59,840 --> 00:21:01,800
Speaker 4: of the vibe will be really messed up in like

417
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Speaker 4: two weeks if things ain't feeling right. So we have

418
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Speaker 4: to be earnest and be like, hey, uh yeah, this

419
00:21:07,880 --> 00:21:10,720
Speaker 4: was great, I'm feeling you. This vibe is right, Hey babe,

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Speaker 4: if the thing's okay, you know, yeah, it could be soft,

421
00:21:15,119 --> 00:21:16,639
Speaker 4: it could be like you don't have to like be

422
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Speaker 4: like you know, uh, definitely don't don't like, don't be

423
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Speaker 4: a cop about it. Yeah, but I think it's giving,

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Speaker 4: you know, I really want to continue like this moment. However,

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00:21:27,920 --> 00:21:29,399
Speaker 4: let me check in with you real quick, like is

426
00:21:29,440 --> 00:21:33,840
Speaker 4: everything copoesthetic? Yeah, that's so important, and or let's put

427
00:21:33,840 --> 00:21:36,200
Speaker 4: a condoment, you know. Yeah, I know a lot of

428
00:21:36,240 --> 00:21:41,840
Speaker 4: folks love the pure sensation, and I think that's fine,

429
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Speaker 4: but I think you need to know somebody a little

430
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Speaker 4: bit longer. However, this is not to you know, do

431
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Speaker 4: what you want is your body, you know, your body

432
00:21:48,720 --> 00:21:52,080
Speaker 4: your business. However, if you want to check in, I

433
00:21:52,160 --> 00:21:54,119
Speaker 4: think that's like completely safe.

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Speaker 1: I love that, Like same page. It's like it's not

435
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Speaker 1: what you say, it's how you say it. And so

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Speaker 1: I think we just know a lot more, not only

437
00:22:02,560 --> 00:22:04,960
Speaker 1: about our bodies, but like what our bodies can do

438
00:22:05,080 --> 00:22:08,720
Speaker 1: and get and give. And so I feel like there's

439
00:22:08,760 --> 00:22:11,440
Speaker 1: a stigma if you allow there to be a stigma,

440
00:22:11,800 --> 00:22:15,280
Speaker 1: you know. And so I think asking somebody if they're

441
00:22:15,359 --> 00:22:17,119
Speaker 1: clean or when the last time they've been tested is

442
00:22:17,200 --> 00:22:19,480
Speaker 1: okay because then you can look in their face and

443
00:22:19,600 --> 00:22:20,840
Speaker 1: see if they lie in.

444
00:22:21,200 --> 00:22:25,760
Speaker 4: Yeah, I think I would also, I think if you're clean,

445
00:22:26,240 --> 00:22:30,480
Speaker 4: I think that has a lot of negative So I

446
00:22:30,560 --> 00:22:32,920
Speaker 4: feel like, maybe like, let's not go there.

447
00:22:33,160 --> 00:22:33,480
Speaker 3: I don't know.

448
00:22:33,560 --> 00:22:36,640
Speaker 4: Sometimes I think if you're clean feels as if somehow

449
00:22:37,080 --> 00:22:41,440
Speaker 4: like what we're about to do is CD soiled, is

450
00:22:41,680 --> 00:22:45,840
Speaker 4: like wrong or so I think that we I think

451
00:22:45,880 --> 00:22:48,159
Speaker 4: we can just adjust the language a little bit too.

452
00:22:48,600 --> 00:22:50,239
Speaker 3: I mean that will be my reaction. What you mean

453
00:22:51,119 --> 00:22:53,679
Speaker 3: good exactly?

454
00:22:53,720 --> 00:22:56,040
Speaker 2: And let me just say one thing, whatever happened to

455
00:22:56,119 --> 00:23:00,280
Speaker 2: the pure sexual rush of going to quest diagnosed, stick

456
00:23:00,320 --> 00:23:02,280
Speaker 2: with your partner, you know what I'm saying, and finding

457
00:23:02,320 --> 00:23:06,160
Speaker 2: out the results together. That blows my hair back. I'm

458
00:23:06,280 --> 00:23:09,680
Speaker 2: just like, wow, the man at the clinics said, we're

459
00:23:09,720 --> 00:23:11,280
Speaker 2: good and let's get it on.

460
00:23:11,520 --> 00:23:15,639
Speaker 1: Let's go celebrate. No yeah, I mean yeah, I mean okay,

461
00:23:16,000 --> 00:23:16,320
Speaker 1: go ahead.

462
00:23:17,480 --> 00:23:19,080
Speaker 3: No no no, no, no no, because I was gonna

463
00:23:19,119 --> 00:23:20,560
Speaker 3: say something else, but maybe it's not.

464
00:23:20,960 --> 00:23:24,000
Speaker 1: No, please say or you say what you want to say.

465
00:23:24,320 --> 00:23:29,480
Speaker 4: I feel like that's really beautiful, and I think that absolutely,

466
00:23:29,520 --> 00:23:33,360
Speaker 4: I think that that is something that we should aspire, right, well,

467
00:23:33,400 --> 00:23:36,880
Speaker 4: we can be that comfortable with ourselves and potential future partners.

468
00:23:37,200 --> 00:23:39,960
Speaker 4: But I'll be honest and say that, you know sometimes look,

469
00:23:40,160 --> 00:23:43,159
Speaker 4: we're human, Okay, we're flesh and we're trying to get

470
00:23:43,200 --> 00:23:45,879
Speaker 4: bitten or chewed up or how are we? So I

471
00:23:45,960 --> 00:23:48,960
Speaker 4: feel like oftentimes, like I've noticed too, like where people

472
00:23:49,080 --> 00:23:53,400
Speaker 4: exist in like a very sudden current immediate right type

473
00:23:53,440 --> 00:23:56,680
Speaker 4: of connections. You know, you could be on your little

474
00:23:56,760 --> 00:24:00,359
Speaker 4: g app, you can be on the sniffles, right. I

475
00:24:00,480 --> 00:24:04,240
Speaker 4: think that type of inquiry may not happen because it

476
00:24:04,280 --> 00:24:06,360
Speaker 4: feels like things are so immediate.

477
00:24:06,320 --> 00:24:07,800
Speaker 2: So immedia, yeah, you're right, you're right.

478
00:24:08,040 --> 00:24:10,600
Speaker 4: I think if it is moremediate like and no one's

479
00:24:10,640 --> 00:24:13,520
Speaker 4: reading the like the details, right, I just.

480
00:24:13,520 --> 00:24:16,080
Speaker 1: Want to say for anyone who's listening who isn't like

481
00:24:16,520 --> 00:24:19,560
Speaker 1: quote unquote clean or SDD free like whatever's going on,

482
00:24:20,040 --> 00:24:21,720
Speaker 1: I just want everybody else to know you're not a

483
00:24:21,760 --> 00:24:25,639
Speaker 1: bad person. There's nothing wrong with you. It's okay, and

484
00:24:26,040 --> 00:24:29,440
Speaker 1: there's ways around stuff. Yeah, and you can have pleasure,

485
00:24:30,040 --> 00:24:31,080
Speaker 1: you know, safely.

486
00:24:31,320 --> 00:24:31,480
Speaker 3: Yeah.

487
00:24:31,520 --> 00:24:34,240
Speaker 1: I think you know, we don't know people's underlying issues

488
00:24:34,280 --> 00:24:35,960
Speaker 1: and shit, and so we just want to be as

489
00:24:36,040 --> 00:24:38,600
Speaker 1: safe as possible. But yeah, man, I mean I met

490
00:24:38,600 --> 00:24:40,440
Speaker 1: my husband through one night stand and we're not promised tomorrow.

491
00:24:40,480 --> 00:24:42,119
Speaker 1: So I'm also just like sitting spin on something if

492
00:24:42,119 --> 00:24:44,119
Speaker 1: you can, because we've got to enjoy our bodies. So

493
00:24:44,680 --> 00:24:47,000
Speaker 1: we have one last question for you, Queen. We ask

494
00:24:47,119 --> 00:24:49,680
Speaker 1: all of our guests, what's the most adult thing you

495
00:24:49,720 --> 00:24:51,400
Speaker 1: want to do for yourself this year that you haven't

496
00:24:51,440 --> 00:24:54,679
Speaker 1: had time to do. It could be big or small

497
00:24:55,240 --> 00:24:57,920
Speaker 1: or petty. It could be petty pendergrass, it don't matter.

498
00:24:58,640 --> 00:24:59,879
Speaker 1: What is the adult thing.

499
00:25:00,920 --> 00:25:02,920
Speaker 3: The adult thing that I want to do is a

500
00:25:03,320 --> 00:25:08,399
Speaker 3: look into child services, like I want to become like

501
00:25:08,640 --> 00:25:08,919
Speaker 3: a mom.

502
00:25:09,359 --> 00:25:11,760
Speaker 1: Am I going to cry? Who the fuck is cutting onions?

503
00:25:11,960 --> 00:25:14,480
Speaker 1: Am I going to cry?

504
00:25:15,040 --> 00:25:17,359
Speaker 4: And I think it's been something that I've been really

505
00:25:18,119 --> 00:25:20,840
Speaker 4: hesitant about, and I've just kind of been going back

506
00:25:20,880 --> 00:25:24,720
Speaker 4: my mind a lot, a lot, and I realize the

507
00:25:25,080 --> 00:25:28,399
Speaker 4: beauty and the power of being able to bring a

508
00:25:28,520 --> 00:25:33,119
Speaker 4: young life into this world. I also recognize my hesitation

509
00:25:33,320 --> 00:25:35,960
Speaker 4: has also been like knowing the type of world that

510
00:25:36,320 --> 00:25:38,000
Speaker 4: you know these kids will have to grow up in

511
00:25:38,800 --> 00:25:40,879
Speaker 4: and truly feeling like I don't want to give you

512
00:25:41,000 --> 00:25:44,639
Speaker 4: one more thing to destroy. It's something that I'm always

513
00:25:45,200 --> 00:25:48,520
Speaker 4: so acutely aware of, but knowing that there's so much joy,

514
00:25:48,800 --> 00:25:54,399
Speaker 4: beauty and possibility that this life can also inspire. This

515
00:25:54,520 --> 00:25:58,640
Speaker 4: life can also transform me and everyone else around them.

516
00:25:59,320 --> 00:26:00,800
Speaker 4: And I would love to to like be able to

517
00:26:02,119 --> 00:26:05,560
Speaker 4: you know, share my own like art history, our culture. Yes,

518
00:26:06,200 --> 00:26:09,920
Speaker 4: you know there are black queer folks in this world,

519
00:26:11,080 --> 00:26:14,160
Speaker 4: but a lot oftentimes you know, they're like kind of buried.

520
00:26:14,480 --> 00:26:17,480
Speaker 4: And so I want for my kids and my family

521
00:26:17,640 --> 00:26:19,840
Speaker 4: to not only be proud, but to actually be able

522
00:26:19,920 --> 00:26:24,800
Speaker 4: to celebrate who we are same and all of our facets,

523
00:26:24,920 --> 00:26:27,080
Speaker 4: all of our identities.

524
00:26:27,400 --> 00:26:31,560
Speaker 1: That is very adult. Yeah, and you know, I know

525
00:26:31,640 --> 00:26:34,280
Speaker 1: we just met, but if you have any questions, comments, concerns,

526
00:26:34,359 --> 00:26:36,639
Speaker 1: or you just want to like chit chat and just

527
00:26:37,080 --> 00:26:41,040
Speaker 1: bitch about family planning, just call me or text me,

528
00:26:41,160 --> 00:26:44,880
Speaker 1: because you know, I kind of been down that road.

529
00:26:45,320 --> 00:26:50,520
Speaker 1: And so, yeah, it is very daunting to even make

530
00:26:50,560 --> 00:26:52,280
Speaker 1: the decision do I want to have a family or not,

531
00:26:52,400 --> 00:26:54,520
Speaker 1: considering what the world is. But when there's like more

532
00:26:54,600 --> 00:26:56,960
Speaker 1: of us than them, I feel like that is also power.

533
00:26:57,080 --> 00:26:58,920
Speaker 1: And you're right, there is too many things to enjoy.

534
00:26:59,440 --> 00:27:02,680
Speaker 1: And you know, if we can find ways to actually

535
00:27:02,760 --> 00:27:05,280
Speaker 1: live our truth and be happy, then we can find

536
00:27:05,359 --> 00:27:11,640
Speaker 1: ways around the government and health insurance or because it's

537
00:27:11,680 --> 00:27:13,640
Speaker 1: not healthy and it's not insuring anything. So what we're

538
00:27:13,680 --> 00:27:18,320
Speaker 1: doing all of that stuff. So yeah, I mean, congratulations

539
00:27:18,400 --> 00:27:20,200
Speaker 1: on just even thinking about it.

540
00:27:20,320 --> 00:27:21,360
Speaker 3: That's exciting.

541
00:27:21,840 --> 00:27:27,080
Speaker 2: Wow, that's the most grown as adult that's grown.

542
00:27:27,680 --> 00:27:29,440
Speaker 1: Thank you. It was such a pleasure meeting you. I

543
00:27:29,520 --> 00:27:30,480
Speaker 1: hope you can hang out soon.

544
00:27:30,920 --> 00:27:31,120
Speaker 2: Yeah.

545
00:27:31,240 --> 00:27:34,879
Speaker 4: Look, I've been trying to find all the good Haitian spots,

546
00:27:34,920 --> 00:27:35,439
Speaker 4: all the good.

547
00:27:36,840 --> 00:27:40,360
Speaker 1: Let's go, let's go. I'm dying a little garbage can

548
00:27:40,560 --> 00:27:41,879
Speaker 1: I will do that with you.

549
00:27:45,240 --> 00:27:49,520
Speaker 2: I'm not, but yeah, I want to start.

550
00:27:50,480 --> 00:28:04,400
Speaker 1: Come on, come on, everybody, Thank you so much. Wow

551
00:28:04,480 --> 00:28:06,960
Speaker 1: wee wo wee, wow wowe, wowie wowie.

552
00:28:07,320 --> 00:28:11,119
Speaker 2: That was awesome. Y'all were talking in Kreole halftime. I

553
00:28:11,200 --> 00:28:12,399
Speaker 2: didn't understand what was going on.

554
00:28:12,560 --> 00:28:14,040
Speaker 1: We didn't say anything, but you know what I do,

555
00:28:14,359 --> 00:28:16,240
Speaker 1: Like my dad has to mention now it's so hard

556
00:28:16,320 --> 00:28:18,760
Speaker 1: to say. It's say, it's impossible to like understand but

557
00:28:18,800 --> 00:28:21,320
Speaker 1: appreciate your parents while they're here, because you know, my

558
00:28:21,600 --> 00:28:23,600
Speaker 1: dad is a Haitian when my mom's the Jamaican one,

559
00:28:23,640 --> 00:28:26,160
Speaker 1: and so I do miss like a curmudgeony. It's giving

560
00:28:26,280 --> 00:28:29,680
Speaker 1: Archie Bunker, but Haitian both life get it Haitian and

561
00:28:29,800 --> 00:28:33,720
Speaker 1: so my dad would always say saw, which just means

562
00:28:33,920 --> 00:28:35,520
Speaker 1: what are you talking about? But you would say it

563
00:28:35,640 --> 00:28:37,720
Speaker 1: like and here she goes again, and I would always

564
00:28:37,720 --> 00:28:39,920
Speaker 1: get so offended and be like what my mom would

565
00:28:39,920 --> 00:28:42,400
Speaker 1: be like, don't be so sensitive. I'm just like, can

566
00:28:42,440 --> 00:28:43,520
Speaker 1: I get a fire extendi?

567
00:28:43,560 --> 00:28:43,760
Speaker 2: Sure?

568
00:28:43,840 --> 00:28:51,440
Speaker 1: Because the gaslighting somewhat? Please call nine to one one.

569
00:28:53,600 --> 00:28:56,440
Speaker 2: I love it keeping it on theme. Yeah, s parle

570
00:28:57,000 --> 00:29:04,000
Speaker 2: sawap swa saw. I love that.

571
00:29:04,280 --> 00:29:07,320
Speaker 1: I just I just miss him saying that ship. It's

572
00:29:07,440 --> 00:29:12,520
Speaker 1: very fun. But anyways, I love meeting other Haitian royalty,

573
00:29:12,680 --> 00:29:16,040
Speaker 1: especially in Brooklyn because the streets are paved with gold.

574
00:29:17,160 --> 00:29:18,760
Speaker 2: Can I say something? I would admit something to you.

575
00:29:19,760 --> 00:29:22,040
Speaker 2: Never had Haitian food in my life. I always wanted

576
00:29:22,080 --> 00:29:26,480
Speaker 2: to eat it. First time caller, longtimes listener, Where do

577
00:29:26,600 --> 00:29:33,120
Speaker 2: I start what? I've never had it? I've never had it.

578
00:29:33,280 --> 00:29:34,160
Speaker 2: You are a.

579
00:29:34,280 --> 00:29:37,120
Speaker 1: Brother that lives in Brooklyn that can speak French.

580
00:29:37,560 --> 00:29:39,600
Speaker 2: I know, but I'm like, what is.

581
00:29:41,800 --> 00:29:42,080
Speaker 3: I think?

582
00:29:42,200 --> 00:29:44,520
Speaker 1: Me, you and Queen should all go out and we

583
00:29:44,520 --> 00:29:46,720
Speaker 1: should film it because content is everything. It hasn't happened

584
00:29:46,760 --> 00:29:50,680
Speaker 1: unless it's on Instagram. Thank you guys so much for

585
00:29:50,800 --> 00:29:53,600
Speaker 1: listening and hanging with us. I hope you I don't know.

586
00:29:53,640 --> 00:29:55,160
Speaker 1: I hope you learned a little bit. I hope you

587
00:29:55,240 --> 00:29:58,760
Speaker 1: feel entertained and lighter or heavier, whatever the fuck you needed.

588
00:29:58,800 --> 00:29:59,880
Speaker 1: I hope you got it today.

589
00:30:00,080 --> 00:30:00,800
Speaker 3: I know I did.

590
00:30:01,360 --> 00:30:05,360
Speaker 1: Now I gotta go brash shopping because it real. Bye,

591
00:30:06,720 --> 00:30:08,640
Speaker 1: sew up, Parley, Parley.

592
00:30:13,760 --> 00:30:15,320
Speaker 2: This has been an exactly right production.

593
00:30:15,680 --> 00:30:17,440
Speaker 1: Our senior producer is g how Lee.

594
00:30:17,880 --> 00:30:19,720
Speaker 2: Art Associate producer is Christina Chamberlain.

595
00:30:19,960 --> 00:30:22,040
Speaker 1: This episode was mixed by John Bradley.

596
00:30:22,400 --> 00:30:23,840
Speaker 2: Our guest booker is Patrick Cotner.

597
00:30:24,000 --> 00:30:26,400
Speaker 1: Additional production support from Hannah Kyle Crichton.

598
00:30:26,600 --> 00:30:29,480
Speaker 2: Theme song and live show DJing is by DJ Don will.

599
00:30:29,760 --> 00:30:31,720
Speaker 1: Our live producer is Makala Konozovich.

600
00:30:32,120 --> 00:30:33,400
Speaker 2: Artwork by Jamie Bechtel.

601
00:30:33,680 --> 00:30:35,920
Speaker 1: Photography by Heis vander Most.

602
00:30:36,280 --> 00:30:39,960
Speaker 2: Executive produced by Karen Kilgera, Georgia Hartstar and Daniel Kramer.

603
00:30:40,240 --> 00:30:42,680
Speaker 1: Follow the show on Instagram at Adulting the Pod.

604
00:30:43,040 --> 00:30:46,280
Speaker 2: Email your questions to Adulting Questions at gmail dot com.

605
00:30:46,840 --> 00:30:47,240
Speaker 2: Mmmmm