1 00:00:00,320 --> 00:00:03,000 Speaker 1: Brought to you by the reinvented two thousand twelve Camray. 2 00:00:03,240 --> 00:00:10,000 Speaker 1: It's ready. Are you welcome to stuff Mom Never told you? 3 00:00:10,200 --> 00:00:17,639 Speaker 1: From House top Works dot Com. Hello, and welcome to 4 00:00:17,680 --> 00:00:21,520 Speaker 1: the podcast. I'm Kristen, I'm Molly. So Molly, you know 5 00:00:21,600 --> 00:00:26,520 Speaker 1: you and I both enjoy the tabloid magazine every now 6 00:00:26,560 --> 00:00:30,200 Speaker 1: and then, I think I think that's safe to admit. Yeah, 7 00:00:30,240 --> 00:00:32,440 Speaker 1: we've read a lot of we read a lot of 8 00:00:32,479 --> 00:00:37,599 Speaker 1: research and very books, credible information, and every now and then, 9 00:00:37,640 --> 00:00:39,760 Speaker 1: you know, we just need a little little brain relief 10 00:00:40,400 --> 00:00:43,559 Speaker 1: in the form of tabloids. And I think one of 11 00:00:43,600 --> 00:00:47,040 Speaker 1: our favorite parts of tabloids, if I may speak for you, Molly, 12 00:00:47,880 --> 00:00:53,160 Speaker 1: the celebrity photo analysis of the body language body language analysis. Yes, 13 00:00:53,240 --> 00:00:57,240 Speaker 1: this couple really in love? Or are they headed for Splitsville? Right? 14 00:00:57,560 --> 00:01:00,280 Speaker 1: Justin Timber Like Jessica Bill sitting at the Nicks game. 15 00:01:00,360 --> 00:01:05,160 Speaker 1: He's turned away, she's looking forward. Doesn't look very good. 16 00:01:05,280 --> 00:01:08,160 Speaker 1: I know. I love that because I feel like it 17 00:01:08,240 --> 00:01:12,080 Speaker 1: is just I mean, it's there. They are random photographs 18 00:01:12,520 --> 00:01:15,560 Speaker 1: taken you know, to random moment in time. Uh, and 19 00:01:15,600 --> 00:01:18,199 Speaker 1: so I think they're total bunk. I like to believe 20 00:01:18,200 --> 00:01:21,319 Speaker 1: in them. Yeah, you put full stock in that. Well, 21 00:01:21,360 --> 00:01:23,640 Speaker 1: you know that they always make a really good case 22 00:01:23,720 --> 00:01:26,720 Speaker 1: for them not really being in sync. Not that that 23 00:01:26,800 --> 00:01:29,080 Speaker 1: wasn't even a one for Justin timber Lake, but you know, 24 00:01:29,200 --> 00:01:31,959 Speaker 1: that's that's what they always come that's the conclusion, that's 25 00:01:31,959 --> 00:01:34,560 Speaker 1: the worst conclusion a celebrity couple could hear in their 26 00:01:34,600 --> 00:01:38,199 Speaker 1: photo analysis is they are not in sync. They shall 27 00:01:38,240 --> 00:01:42,000 Speaker 1: not last. Yeah, they need some synchronization. Um. So we 28 00:01:42,080 --> 00:01:44,280 Speaker 1: decided to do a little bit of research on body 29 00:01:44,360 --> 00:01:47,760 Speaker 1: language to find out if there really is anything to 30 00:01:48,000 --> 00:01:50,360 Speaker 1: all of this, if our if our bodies really do 31 00:01:50,480 --> 00:01:54,520 Speaker 1: communicate what's going on in our hearts and minds. And 32 00:01:55,080 --> 00:01:58,559 Speaker 1: the first thing that I ran across was a recent 33 00:01:58,640 --> 00:02:02,080 Speaker 1: article in New York Time m spinad Lang here about 34 00:02:02,120 --> 00:02:04,800 Speaker 1: a field of study, pretty robust field of study now 35 00:02:05,000 --> 00:02:10,320 Speaker 1: called embodied cognition, which is basically the concept that your 36 00:02:11,120 --> 00:02:14,960 Speaker 1: brain we we communicate what's going on in our brain 37 00:02:15,000 --> 00:02:18,799 Speaker 1: and how we process language through physical movement. Like there 38 00:02:18,919 --> 00:02:23,040 Speaker 1: was a study that was published in Psychological Science that 39 00:02:23,320 --> 00:02:28,440 Speaker 1: uh found that when participants were thinking about the past, 40 00:02:29,080 --> 00:02:31,720 Speaker 1: reflecting on the past, they would lean slightly backward, whereas 41 00:02:31,720 --> 00:02:34,720 Speaker 1: when they were asked to project on the future their 42 00:02:34,880 --> 00:02:38,480 Speaker 1: movement would go forward. And that article was full of 43 00:02:38,560 --> 00:02:43,040 Speaker 1: examples of ways that your body just is affecting your 44 00:02:43,080 --> 00:02:45,760 Speaker 1: thought process and and vice versa, like I liked the 45 00:02:45,800 --> 00:02:48,720 Speaker 1: one the example from this article about students who are 46 00:02:48,720 --> 00:02:51,200 Speaker 1: holding a warm beverage as students that were holding a 47 00:02:51,200 --> 00:02:54,360 Speaker 1: cold beverage, and all the students were asked to evaluate 48 00:02:54,360 --> 00:02:57,760 Speaker 1: whether the people they were seeing this hypothetical person had 49 00:02:57,760 --> 00:03:00,760 Speaker 1: a warm personality or was you know, kind of stand offish, 50 00:03:01,240 --> 00:03:06,640 Speaker 1: and the beverages they held corresponded with their opinion of 51 00:03:06,680 --> 00:03:08,079 Speaker 1: the person. So if they were holding, like, you know, 52 00:03:08,120 --> 00:03:10,200 Speaker 1: a cup of coffee, they're like, oh, this person seems 53 00:03:10,280 --> 00:03:12,760 Speaker 1: nice enough, warm hearted. Yeah, I get to know them. 54 00:03:12,880 --> 00:03:17,360 Speaker 1: And similarly than a related study, the participants were asked 55 00:03:17,400 --> 00:03:20,560 Speaker 1: to hold a heavier object and a lighter object, and 56 00:03:20,639 --> 00:03:23,480 Speaker 1: when they were holding the heavier object, they tended to 57 00:03:23,520 --> 00:03:27,840 Speaker 1: give more weight or importance to whatever person or thing 58 00:03:27,919 --> 00:03:30,600 Speaker 1: they were asked to judge. So it seems like, if 59 00:03:30,680 --> 00:03:32,720 Speaker 1: you know you're not taking your job seriously enough, you 60 00:03:32,760 --> 00:03:35,840 Speaker 1: just need a heavier bag to carry around, because then 61 00:03:35,840 --> 00:03:38,320 Speaker 1: I'll be like, wow, I'm really being weighed down. Or 62 00:03:38,360 --> 00:03:40,880 Speaker 1: maybe just ask next time you're in the elevator with 63 00:03:40,920 --> 00:03:44,240 Speaker 1: your boss, ask if he can't hold your bag for 64 00:03:44,240 --> 00:03:46,560 Speaker 1: a little while, and then ask for of you, and 65 00:03:46,560 --> 00:03:48,640 Speaker 1: then they'll be like, Wow, this person is important. Yeah, 66 00:03:48,720 --> 00:03:51,480 Speaker 1: maybe I should do that anyway. But I think that 67 00:03:51,480 --> 00:03:53,520 Speaker 1: that's what that article illustrated is all these ways we're 68 00:03:53,520 --> 00:03:56,920 Speaker 1: not even thinking about we're being subtly influenced by things 69 00:03:57,840 --> 00:03:59,920 Speaker 1: that our body is doing. So in the early twin 70 00:04:00,120 --> 00:04:03,640 Speaker 1: a century, a guy named Rudolph Laban sort of took 71 00:04:03,680 --> 00:04:06,760 Speaker 1: this idea of the connection between the brain and the 72 00:04:06,800 --> 00:04:09,480 Speaker 1: body and put it in the reverse of what we're 73 00:04:09,480 --> 00:04:15,000 Speaker 1: talking about, and decided to look at and analyze body 74 00:04:15,160 --> 00:04:18,160 Speaker 1: movement to then interpret what was going on in our 75 00:04:18,200 --> 00:04:22,640 Speaker 1: minds and also how that what that communicated about our personalities. 76 00:04:22,640 --> 00:04:27,039 Speaker 1: And so he developed these things called Laban movement analyzes, 77 00:04:27,240 --> 00:04:32,200 Speaker 1: which he basically described people's movements based on two categories 78 00:04:32,240 --> 00:04:37,080 Speaker 1: of space, harmony, and effort. And there's no need to 79 00:04:37,120 --> 00:04:39,960 Speaker 1: really like go into the specifics of what it is 80 00:04:40,520 --> 00:04:43,240 Speaker 1: um if only to say that, uh, he just looked 81 00:04:43,240 --> 00:04:46,159 Speaker 1: at how people's bodies, like we move our bodies intentionally 82 00:04:46,240 --> 00:04:49,440 Speaker 1: through through space. And the example that kind of made 83 00:04:49,480 --> 00:04:52,360 Speaker 1: sense to me was one from the last presidential campaign 84 00:04:52,360 --> 00:04:56,000 Speaker 1: where if candidate leaned on a podium, it really showed 85 00:04:56,040 --> 00:04:59,000 Speaker 1: that they were taking up space relation to the podium. 86 00:04:59,120 --> 00:05:02,120 Speaker 1: That would be like the space harmony part and showing 87 00:05:02,200 --> 00:05:05,679 Speaker 1: like I need the support of this podium, cry for support, 88 00:05:05,720 --> 00:05:07,960 Speaker 1: which makes sense for presidential candidate to say I need 89 00:05:08,000 --> 00:05:11,120 Speaker 1: your support. That's time leaning on this podium, right. And 90 00:05:11,160 --> 00:05:14,240 Speaker 1: then you know, for another example, they were talking about 91 00:05:14,920 --> 00:05:17,880 Speaker 1: Hillary Clinton and they was saying that she makes good 92 00:05:18,000 --> 00:05:21,200 Speaker 1: forming or shaping motions when her body would mold a 93 00:05:21,279 --> 00:05:24,560 Speaker 1: space as if wrapping itself around an object, and in 94 00:05:24,640 --> 00:05:28,080 Speaker 1: that way she kind of shows her assertion, you know, 95 00:05:28,080 --> 00:05:30,520 Speaker 1: because probably, as you know, the female candidates, she needed 96 00:05:30,560 --> 00:05:33,520 Speaker 1: to show a little more assertive behavior when she was 97 00:05:33,560 --> 00:05:37,719 Speaker 1: standing up next to you men. So you need five 98 00:05:38,240 --> 00:05:42,960 Speaker 1: hours of training to become a laban certified movement analyst. 99 00:05:43,560 --> 00:05:46,240 Speaker 1: But really, I think that a lot of body language 100 00:05:46,240 --> 00:05:50,440 Speaker 1: is is pretty self explanatory and obvious. It's really intuitive, 101 00:05:50,640 --> 00:05:53,400 Speaker 1: and I think the most basic example is something that 102 00:05:53,440 --> 00:05:55,200 Speaker 1: my mom always did tell me is in a job 103 00:05:55,240 --> 00:05:58,560 Speaker 1: interview to always go in and have a nice, firm handshake. 104 00:05:59,520 --> 00:06:01,960 Speaker 1: But what was interesting to me is we were looking 105 00:06:02,040 --> 00:06:05,159 Speaker 1: at some body language basics from web m D. And 106 00:06:05,200 --> 00:06:09,200 Speaker 1: it's not so much the grip and the strength of 107 00:06:09,240 --> 00:06:12,520 Speaker 1: your your shake. It's all about palm to palm. Yeah, 108 00:06:12,760 --> 00:06:15,640 Speaker 1: evidently the making the palm to palm contact is even 109 00:06:15,680 --> 00:06:19,000 Speaker 1: more significant than your grip because it expresses an intention 110 00:06:19,040 --> 00:06:23,120 Speaker 1: of honesty and openness because you're making that physical contact. 111 00:06:23,400 --> 00:06:25,680 Speaker 1: So the limp handshake, it's not so much a matter 112 00:06:25,800 --> 00:06:28,520 Speaker 1: of you know, not shaking vigorously enough. It's just you 113 00:06:28,640 --> 00:06:31,960 Speaker 1: probably haven't gotten the hand to hand contact. That's what's 114 00:06:31,960 --> 00:06:33,640 Speaker 1: really important. Yeah, you don't want to make you don't 115 00:06:33,640 --> 00:06:35,919 Speaker 1: want to create that distance. No, I want to Sam, 116 00:06:35,960 --> 00:06:38,040 Speaker 1: I'm here and I'm open. I'm here. I will do 117 00:06:38,080 --> 00:06:40,880 Speaker 1: that work for the right amount of money, exactly. And 118 00:06:40,880 --> 00:06:43,000 Speaker 1: when you're making those kind of demands, why one thing, 119 00:06:43,320 --> 00:06:45,680 Speaker 1: you know, in this job interview setting, which is a 120 00:06:45,720 --> 00:06:49,560 Speaker 1: great example of when body language is really important, eye contact. 121 00:06:49,560 --> 00:06:51,200 Speaker 1: It's all about eye contact. You don't want to be 122 00:06:51,279 --> 00:06:54,640 Speaker 1: have some kind of death stare on whoever is interviewing you, 123 00:06:54,680 --> 00:06:57,320 Speaker 1: because then that just gets uncomfortable. But you definitely want 124 00:06:57,320 --> 00:06:59,880 Speaker 1: to maintain eye contact like I'm doing with you right now. 125 00:07:00,120 --> 00:07:01,880 Speaker 1: I know, I wish this was a time when you 126 00:07:01,920 --> 00:07:04,080 Speaker 1: guys could see us in this studo because we're kind 127 00:07:04,080 --> 00:07:06,520 Speaker 1: of having a stair down. Kristen's eye contact is I 128 00:07:06,560 --> 00:07:08,920 Speaker 1: just broke it because I was getting uncomfortable. I'm therefore 129 00:07:08,920 --> 00:07:13,000 Speaker 1: the more assertive and dominant. Oh, there's so many things 130 00:07:13,040 --> 00:07:16,520 Speaker 1: I could say right there. Um, let's talk about another thing, 131 00:07:17,600 --> 00:07:22,600 Speaker 1: mirror ring image, mirroring images, Like right now, I kind 132 00:07:22,600 --> 00:07:25,200 Speaker 1: of have my head tilted to the side. I'm kind 133 00:07:25,200 --> 00:07:27,040 Speaker 1: of hoping Krystal will do it too, because it will 134 00:07:27,080 --> 00:07:29,920 Speaker 1: show that we're really you know, I really think yeah, 135 00:07:29,960 --> 00:07:32,240 Speaker 1: because we're both leaning on on the table right now. 136 00:07:32,640 --> 00:07:35,760 Speaker 1: And a lot of body language experts will say that 137 00:07:36,160 --> 00:07:38,880 Speaker 1: mirroring when you can naturally fall into a pattern of 138 00:07:38,920 --> 00:07:42,440 Speaker 1: mirroring the person's the other person's movements, it's a sign 139 00:07:42,960 --> 00:07:45,480 Speaker 1: of you know, rapport, which is one of those big 140 00:07:45,520 --> 00:07:48,960 Speaker 1: things you'll hear about in those tabloid photo spreads who 141 00:07:48,960 --> 00:07:50,600 Speaker 1: were talking about earlier. You know, if the if the 142 00:07:50,640 --> 00:07:53,640 Speaker 1: celebrities happened to be walking together and one of them 143 00:07:53,640 --> 00:07:56,000 Speaker 1: stepping forward with the right foot and I'm stepping forward 144 00:07:56,040 --> 00:07:59,440 Speaker 1: with the left foot, woe one to you, celebrity couple 145 00:07:59,600 --> 00:08:03,080 Speaker 1: should be you walking in sync? People, I hope you 146 00:08:03,160 --> 00:08:06,240 Speaker 1: have decided who was keeping all the jewelry and bling. 147 00:08:06,320 --> 00:08:10,640 Speaker 1: Because you are not, you shall not last. But Molly, 148 00:08:11,040 --> 00:08:15,040 Speaker 1: you're talking about established couples, true, who may or may 149 00:08:15,040 --> 00:08:19,600 Speaker 1: not be out of step literally or metaphorically. But before 150 00:08:19,600 --> 00:08:23,960 Speaker 1: that even happens, body language plays, I would say, a 151 00:08:24,000 --> 00:08:30,480 Speaker 1: far more important role with initial attraction. So shifting gears here. 152 00:08:30,760 --> 00:08:33,560 Speaker 1: So let's back up to those days of first dates, 153 00:08:33,840 --> 00:08:37,280 Speaker 1: first glances, perhaps even the initial meeting. What can you 154 00:08:37,320 --> 00:08:40,640 Speaker 1: tell about a fella or a lady when you're in 155 00:08:40,679 --> 00:08:44,800 Speaker 1: the bar looking to meet some people? Normally, I think 156 00:08:44,840 --> 00:08:48,880 Speaker 1: what you're referring to, at least in our situation, our 157 00:08:48,920 --> 00:08:52,680 Speaker 1: personal situations, would be something that scientists refer to as 158 00:08:52,720 --> 00:08:59,240 Speaker 1: heterosexual relationship initiation processes, or as I have decided to 159 00:08:59,240 --> 00:09:05,520 Speaker 1: call it, hup h rip. Yeah, heterosexual relationship initiation process 160 00:09:05,760 --> 00:09:12,839 Speaker 1: is just half salutin language for flirtation among obviously heterosexual people, right, 161 00:09:12,840 --> 00:09:15,679 Speaker 1: which is who most of the studies have focused on. 162 00:09:16,840 --> 00:09:19,840 Speaker 1: So how are we going to start the a trip? Well, 163 00:09:19,920 --> 00:09:26,080 Speaker 1: a trip starts with something called the approach. You have 164 00:09:26,200 --> 00:09:29,920 Speaker 1: to obviously, someone has to approach the other person in 165 00:09:30,040 --> 00:09:33,720 Speaker 1: order to get the ball rolling. Now there are numerous 166 00:09:33,800 --> 00:09:37,160 Speaker 1: studies on a trip and the body language that is 167 00:09:37,200 --> 00:09:40,880 Speaker 1: inherent within them. Yeah, basically what the one thing to 168 00:09:41,000 --> 00:09:42,920 Speaker 1: me that the studies agree on, and everything after that 169 00:09:43,000 --> 00:09:44,680 Speaker 1: is a little confusing to me, and I may have 170 00:09:44,720 --> 00:09:47,880 Speaker 1: been doing everything completely wrong up to this point. They 171 00:09:47,920 --> 00:09:50,400 Speaker 1: do agree on the fact that the woman has to 172 00:09:51,120 --> 00:09:55,200 Speaker 1: essentially invite the mail over with her eyes. Yes, because 173 00:09:55,240 --> 00:09:58,920 Speaker 1: one thing to remember about these about the old h 174 00:09:59,000 --> 00:10:01,920 Speaker 1: rip as we're calling it, is that it's all pretty 175 00:10:02,000 --> 00:10:05,480 Speaker 1: much nonverbal communication. You know, you don't just call across 176 00:10:05,520 --> 00:10:11,079 Speaker 1: the bar like a dude cut a cute guy over here, single, 177 00:10:12,280 --> 00:10:14,040 Speaker 1: although it would be kind of nice if that would work. 178 00:10:14,120 --> 00:10:15,520 Speaker 1: I mean, there is an argument to be made that 179 00:10:15,520 --> 00:10:16,760 Speaker 1: we all need to be a little bit more directly, 180 00:10:16,760 --> 00:10:20,520 Speaker 1: a little more assertive. But anyway, Yes, it all starts 181 00:10:20,559 --> 00:10:23,760 Speaker 1: with the first nonverbal communication that that you will probably 182 00:10:23,800 --> 00:10:29,360 Speaker 1: have with your potential lover is the is the old 183 00:10:29,400 --> 00:10:32,120 Speaker 1: eye glance, right? And it all depends on the woman. 184 00:10:32,160 --> 00:10:34,640 Speaker 1: And this was something I thought was kind of surprising 185 00:10:34,679 --> 00:10:39,160 Speaker 1: from these studies, as there was one by Monica Moore 186 00:10:39,200 --> 00:10:43,600 Speaker 1: that was published in the journal Semiotica, and she analyzed 187 00:10:43,679 --> 00:10:48,760 Speaker 1: bar conversations between male and female strangers, and she found 188 00:10:48,800 --> 00:10:52,560 Speaker 1: that men would only approach a woman in a bar 189 00:10:52,600 --> 00:10:56,880 Speaker 1: who he didn't know after the woman had initiated some 190 00:10:56,960 --> 00:10:59,160 Speaker 1: kind of glance, like a guy is not going to 191 00:10:59,280 --> 00:11:01,600 Speaker 1: kind of see your profile, you know, and you haven't 192 00:11:01,640 --> 00:11:05,480 Speaker 1: really noticed him, and he's just gonna pop up like, Hey, 193 00:11:05,559 --> 00:11:07,720 Speaker 1: you can't just be like a pretty girl wearing an 194 00:11:07,760 --> 00:11:09,600 Speaker 1: interesting shirt and he's gonna be like, oh, I'm gonna 195 00:11:09,600 --> 00:11:11,920 Speaker 1: talk to that girl about the shirt. Yeah, you've gotta 196 00:11:12,000 --> 00:11:14,480 Speaker 1: you've gotta, you gotta taken into your own hands. Yeah. 197 00:11:14,480 --> 00:11:18,959 Speaker 1: And this whole eye contact process has been analyzed and 198 00:11:19,360 --> 00:11:23,120 Speaker 1: broken down as well, and it usually comes with something, 199 00:11:23,200 --> 00:11:25,559 Speaker 1: at least on the female part usually comes with something 200 00:11:25,640 --> 00:11:30,480 Speaker 1: called the head can't yes, which is Christen's new favorite term. Yes, 201 00:11:30,520 --> 00:11:32,600 Speaker 1: my new fit. I'm gonna try to bring up headcanting 202 00:11:32,720 --> 00:11:35,360 Speaker 1: as much as possible describe a head can't for us. 203 00:11:35,400 --> 00:11:41,480 Speaker 1: Full a head can't is basically the slow tilt of 204 00:11:41,520 --> 00:11:45,840 Speaker 1: the head which would reveal your soft, sensuous, inviting neck 205 00:11:46,559 --> 00:11:52,280 Speaker 1: to a man, accompanied by sidelong glance yes, and usually 206 00:11:52,600 --> 00:11:55,640 Speaker 1: a little bit of a smile, not a full on grin, 207 00:11:56,679 --> 00:12:00,320 Speaker 1: but just just perhaps a lhint of a smile. Well see, 208 00:12:00,360 --> 00:12:02,559 Speaker 1: now this is to me where things start to get confusing, 209 00:12:02,600 --> 00:12:05,960 Speaker 1: because one of the studies said that the slow smile 210 00:12:06,679 --> 00:12:09,000 Speaker 1: is the best way to bring a man into your layer. 211 00:12:10,280 --> 00:12:13,880 Speaker 1: And you know, it can't be like really like big grin. 212 00:12:14,000 --> 00:12:17,800 Speaker 1: It's gonna be like this really slow building but not 213 00:12:17,960 --> 00:12:23,440 Speaker 1: too slow, because well he just gave me quite a head, can't. Okay, 214 00:12:23,480 --> 00:12:26,480 Speaker 1: were some crazy crazy That's the thing. Well, we have 215 00:12:26,480 --> 00:12:28,240 Speaker 1: to remember this is we're talking about a glance here. 216 00:12:28,280 --> 00:12:31,000 Speaker 1: If you if your smile is deoper long, that means 217 00:12:31,000 --> 00:12:34,960 Speaker 1: you're staring, and that means you're creepy. That's it's such 218 00:12:35,000 --> 00:12:37,320 Speaker 1: a fine line. It is such a fine line. And 219 00:12:37,520 --> 00:12:40,040 Speaker 1: but I think I think that we have a little 220 00:12:40,160 --> 00:12:43,840 Speaker 1: some timeline guid's just to show how how brief these 221 00:12:43,880 --> 00:12:47,600 Speaker 1: smiles are. In one study that I ran across as 222 00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:51,040 Speaker 1: a study from two thousand seven, the long onset smile 223 00:12:51,120 --> 00:12:54,520 Speaker 1: moll of the're referring to only last about half a 224 00:12:54,559 --> 00:12:59,199 Speaker 1: second for you to form this smile, so not that 225 00:13:00,000 --> 00:13:04,000 Speaker 1: as your cat grin that you're unfurling right now, doing 226 00:13:04,120 --> 00:13:07,559 Speaker 1: my best. I wish you guys could see this. It's great. Oh, 227 00:13:07,679 --> 00:13:09,160 Speaker 1: this is probably why I'm in the bar trying to 228 00:13:09,200 --> 00:13:13,559 Speaker 1: pick up guys working for me. But apparently it's a 229 00:13:13,640 --> 00:13:17,480 Speaker 1: universal language because they went to Africa and saw the 230 00:13:17,520 --> 00:13:20,959 Speaker 1: same smiles and headcants. Yeah, women in African tribes were 231 00:13:20,960 --> 00:13:24,720 Speaker 1: doing the same thing, same kind of headcants towards towards 232 00:13:24,760 --> 00:13:27,360 Speaker 1: men that they were attracted to. And in fact, they've 233 00:13:27,400 --> 00:13:29,920 Speaker 1: done studies where they've had both men and women watch 234 00:13:30,040 --> 00:13:34,520 Speaker 1: videos of that initial glance and meeting, and both men 235 00:13:34,559 --> 00:13:37,720 Speaker 1: and women are equally good at telling whether the relationship 236 00:13:37,800 --> 00:13:40,560 Speaker 1: is going to last or go somewhere if they're into 237 00:13:40,559 --> 00:13:44,200 Speaker 1: each other, basically um by watching the video. So it 238 00:13:44,280 --> 00:13:47,080 Speaker 1: is it is the universal language. But once, once the 239 00:13:47,080 --> 00:13:49,080 Speaker 1: head can is over, because this is a very brief, 240 00:13:49,240 --> 00:13:52,240 Speaker 1: this is a fleeting moment that we're talking about. After that, 241 00:13:52,280 --> 00:13:55,040 Speaker 1: things start to get a little more complicated because let's 242 00:13:55,080 --> 00:13:58,960 Speaker 1: say that everything has gone well. You have headcanted in 243 00:13:59,000 --> 00:14:02,240 Speaker 1: a very alloreng way, and he has worked up the 244 00:14:02,320 --> 00:14:06,640 Speaker 1: guts are possibly the liquid courage too, you know, amble 245 00:14:06,679 --> 00:14:10,920 Speaker 1: over to your table, accept your eyes, invotaous, say hello 246 00:14:11,120 --> 00:14:15,080 Speaker 1: to this hat. And then the body language gets a 247 00:14:15,120 --> 00:14:18,640 Speaker 1: little trickier because, according to these studies, men can be 248 00:14:18,720 --> 00:14:23,080 Speaker 1: very deceptive with their body language. Yes, men overall will 249 00:14:23,080 --> 00:14:28,400 Speaker 1: display more obvious body language in terms of attraction, will 250 00:14:28,400 --> 00:14:31,480 Speaker 1: show more more obvious signs that that he's he's digging 251 00:14:31,520 --> 00:14:35,440 Speaker 1: on you. But you can also be more deceptive. And 252 00:14:35,520 --> 00:14:41,880 Speaker 1: women tend to mask their outward signs of attraction initially because, 253 00:14:41,920 --> 00:14:45,880 Speaker 1: according to evolutionary psychology, there's more at risk for us. 254 00:14:46,360 --> 00:14:48,720 Speaker 1: We don't want to just jump in because if we 255 00:14:48,800 --> 00:14:51,800 Speaker 1: just jump in too fast, we might have, you know, 256 00:14:52,040 --> 00:14:54,200 Speaker 1: brought home some guy who's just gonna up and leave 257 00:14:54,240 --> 00:14:58,600 Speaker 1: the next day. Let's guys are creepy, yes, some of them, 258 00:14:58,640 --> 00:15:02,520 Speaker 1: and dangerous. Um. In fact, that study I was talking about, 259 00:15:02,520 --> 00:15:05,000 Speaker 1: where they watched the video tapes, they really couldn't tell 260 00:15:05,040 --> 00:15:07,720 Speaker 1: if the female is interested until the last half of 261 00:15:07,720 --> 00:15:10,200 Speaker 1: the tape. If they're watching let's say ten minutes of 262 00:15:10,240 --> 00:15:12,200 Speaker 1: a male and a female interacting, they would say that 263 00:15:12,240 --> 00:15:15,360 Speaker 1: the woman only started to really show this kind of 264 00:15:15,360 --> 00:15:18,320 Speaker 1: body language minutes like five through ten, the last half 265 00:15:18,360 --> 00:15:21,600 Speaker 1: the conversation. Um. And women really kind of do get 266 00:15:21,600 --> 00:15:23,760 Speaker 1: the short in the sick because they smile more often 267 00:15:24,320 --> 00:15:27,720 Speaker 1: already in conversations. So one study said that men are 268 00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:30,040 Speaker 1: more likely to think that you know, women are just 269 00:15:30,040 --> 00:15:33,600 Speaker 1: superficial and there their signs during that initial meet and 270 00:15:33,640 --> 00:15:37,480 Speaker 1: greed are too confusing and can't tell if they're into you. Yeah, 271 00:15:37,480 --> 00:15:40,360 Speaker 1: because we might see more outwardly friendly, but in our 272 00:15:40,400 --> 00:15:42,840 Speaker 1: heads were like I'm not gonna call you, I don't 273 00:15:42,880 --> 00:15:47,760 Speaker 1: like you, go away sor But Molly, perhaps since we 274 00:15:47,760 --> 00:15:50,400 Speaker 1: we have that window, that kind of ambiguous window as 275 00:15:50,440 --> 00:15:53,320 Speaker 1: women when we're sort of evaluating in our head. Yeah, 276 00:15:53,320 --> 00:15:55,440 Speaker 1: we're quickly evaluating in our head, which I think a 277 00:15:55,440 --> 00:15:59,000 Speaker 1: lot of it is got unconscious anyway. But maybe that's 278 00:15:59,280 --> 00:16:02,120 Speaker 1: where the men kind of jump in and might be 279 00:16:02,160 --> 00:16:04,840 Speaker 1: a little more deceptive in that window to kind of 280 00:16:05,200 --> 00:16:09,640 Speaker 1: market themselves a little more aggressively, to break through our 281 00:16:09,760 --> 00:16:13,480 Speaker 1: our walls, break down our walls. Do you have an example, Well, Molly, 282 00:16:13,520 --> 00:16:16,800 Speaker 1: I have a study which is as good or better 283 00:16:16,840 --> 00:16:19,880 Speaker 1: than a example, and this is from this is an 284 00:16:19,880 --> 00:16:23,880 Speaker 1: older study from the Netherlands and they found that and 285 00:16:23,920 --> 00:16:27,000 Speaker 1: I guess this is sort of deception on both ends 286 00:16:27,080 --> 00:16:34,640 Speaker 1: and presenting themselves. Men will emphasize more traditionally female valued traits, 287 00:16:35,520 --> 00:16:39,200 Speaker 1: whereas women on the flip side tend to um if 288 00:16:39,200 --> 00:16:42,800 Speaker 1: they're into the guy, will uh emphasize they're more male 289 00:16:42,880 --> 00:16:46,760 Speaker 1: valued characteristics. So maybe we're both tricking each other, but 290 00:16:46,840 --> 00:16:49,680 Speaker 1: that might be after that might come after the you know, 291 00:16:49,920 --> 00:16:53,440 Speaker 1: after that window, once the woman has decided that she 292 00:16:53,600 --> 00:16:56,400 Speaker 1: is going to headcant her way into his heart. Well, 293 00:16:56,440 --> 00:16:58,920 Speaker 1: I think it's interesting. I think that male dominated behavior. 294 00:16:59,000 --> 00:17:02,400 Speaker 1: Let's take the concept dominance, because that came up in 295 00:17:02,440 --> 00:17:04,359 Speaker 1: a lot of these studies you read, and one study 296 00:17:04,480 --> 00:17:09,040 Speaker 1: called the Courtship Dance, UH talked about how they're that 297 00:17:09,160 --> 00:17:15,080 Speaker 1: men don't necessarily like the dominant female, but they will 298 00:17:15,119 --> 00:17:18,080 Speaker 1: allow her to be dominant in order to get her interests. 299 00:17:18,640 --> 00:17:20,880 Speaker 1: So maybe it is what you're talking about with that deception, 300 00:17:20,880 --> 00:17:24,600 Speaker 1: like you kind of back off your your dominant male role, right, 301 00:17:24,680 --> 00:17:28,840 Speaker 1: because studies have also shown that men who are interested 302 00:17:29,200 --> 00:17:32,439 Speaker 1: will keep their body in an open position, you know, 303 00:17:32,760 --> 00:17:37,879 Speaker 1: a vulnerable position, saying hey, I'm inviting, I'm I'm caring. 304 00:17:38,119 --> 00:17:40,199 Speaker 1: Yeah I'm not, I'm not going to be dominant. But 305 00:17:40,240 --> 00:17:44,440 Speaker 1: then on the first date, if a man is really 306 00:17:44,440 --> 00:17:46,600 Speaker 1: attracted to this woman and wants it to go somewhere, 307 00:17:46,920 --> 00:17:49,960 Speaker 1: he's probably going to dominate the conversation. Chances are he's 308 00:17:49,960 --> 00:17:53,800 Speaker 1: going to lead the conversation. So he reasserts himself. The 309 00:17:53,800 --> 00:17:56,679 Speaker 1: dominance comes back. Web MD says that women should just 310 00:17:56,800 --> 00:18:00,520 Speaker 1: make eye contact and listen. Thank you, web m D 311 00:18:01,119 --> 00:18:04,800 Speaker 1: those little nuggets. So if you're making I don't know, 312 00:18:04,840 --> 00:18:06,879 Speaker 1: it seems like such weird dating advice to give. But 313 00:18:06,880 --> 00:18:09,560 Speaker 1: if you're making too much conversation on the first date, ladies, 314 00:18:10,000 --> 00:18:13,320 Speaker 1: maybe he's not that interested. Maybe he's just not that 315 00:18:13,400 --> 00:18:16,480 Speaker 1: into you. Oh but see that's where it gets confusing. 316 00:18:16,520 --> 00:18:19,959 Speaker 1: Some of these things are very contradictory, are very contradictory. 317 00:18:20,119 --> 00:18:24,160 Speaker 1: But I think that we can it can't boil down 318 00:18:24,200 --> 00:18:26,880 Speaker 1: to to some things. It all starts with the eye 319 00:18:26,960 --> 00:18:32,119 Speaker 1: contact you make women the time. Women may initiate that, 320 00:18:32,320 --> 00:18:38,359 Speaker 1: initiate that gaze. He picks it up, comes over, slow, 321 00:18:38,440 --> 00:18:41,680 Speaker 1: smile a little little head, can't. He likes he likes 322 00:18:41,680 --> 00:18:45,560 Speaker 1: what you're tossing. So he comes over, makes the contact, 323 00:18:45,840 --> 00:18:49,280 Speaker 1: you know, open positions, open body. If he's open body, 324 00:18:50,080 --> 00:18:52,679 Speaker 1: Uh that if his hand points to his stomach, is 325 00:18:52,680 --> 00:18:55,480 Speaker 1: that it, Kristen. Yeah, Usually he will um, he will 326 00:18:56,119 --> 00:18:59,600 Speaker 1: position his arms to draw your attention to his lower 327 00:18:59,640 --> 00:19:06,240 Speaker 1: abb men row okay, okay, And then it's up to 328 00:19:06,320 --> 00:19:13,000 Speaker 1: the woman to lead this process. Coming back to synchronization, Yeah, 329 00:19:13,080 --> 00:19:16,480 Speaker 1: so then the goal, according to some theorists of the 330 00:19:16,560 --> 00:19:19,040 Speaker 1: a trip is basically that your bodies will look like 331 00:19:19,160 --> 00:19:22,120 Speaker 1: mirror images. But what some of these days have said 332 00:19:22,200 --> 00:19:25,440 Speaker 1: is that is actually not true. It's not the ultimate goal. Yeah, 333 00:19:25,440 --> 00:19:28,920 Speaker 1: you're not necessarily going to fall exactly. If you're sitting 334 00:19:28,920 --> 00:19:31,760 Speaker 1: there with beers, you're gonna be lifting the beers up 335 00:19:31,760 --> 00:19:33,480 Speaker 1: to your lips at the same time. I mean, it's 336 00:19:33,520 --> 00:19:37,399 Speaker 1: not creepy and robotic like that, but it does seem 337 00:19:37,440 --> 00:19:43,600 Speaker 1: like women will, I guess, initiate the synchronization process and 338 00:19:43,680 --> 00:19:47,479 Speaker 1: men will kind of have to mirror whatever they're doing, 339 00:19:47,560 --> 00:19:50,760 Speaker 1: kind of take their cues if you will. What this 340 00:19:50,840 --> 00:19:54,160 Speaker 1: means for my main interest, which is of course celebrities, 341 00:19:54,520 --> 00:19:56,399 Speaker 1: is if they do take a photo of a person 342 00:19:56,400 --> 00:19:58,920 Speaker 1: at a random time and they aren't completely in sync, 343 00:19:59,000 --> 00:20:03,679 Speaker 1: it does not mean that love has disappeared from the relationship, 344 00:20:03,880 --> 00:20:07,760 Speaker 1: right because going back to the courtship dance study which 345 00:20:07,760 --> 00:20:13,200 Speaker 1: you mentioned, uh, the introduction points out that one study 346 00:20:14,040 --> 00:20:16,439 Speaker 1: showed that people perceive others is more similar to them 347 00:20:16,440 --> 00:20:19,879 Speaker 1: when their behaviors are congruent. And obviously you can't you 348 00:20:19,920 --> 00:20:23,920 Speaker 1: can't take a picture of, you know, their inner behaviors UM, 349 00:20:23,920 --> 00:20:27,600 Speaker 1: and people who teach you as you and people who 350 00:20:27,640 --> 00:20:31,919 Speaker 1: show similar postures are judged to have a higher rapport. 351 00:20:33,000 --> 00:20:34,920 Speaker 1: So maybe it's not so much about you know, these 352 00:20:34,960 --> 00:20:40,800 Speaker 1: like mirroring movements, but comparing comparing their postures. You know, 353 00:20:41,480 --> 00:20:43,440 Speaker 1: how are you when you're when you're facing each other, 354 00:20:44,280 --> 00:20:47,320 Speaker 1: it's one person sitting up straight in the more dominant 355 00:20:47,359 --> 00:20:53,280 Speaker 1: posture and the other person's slumping back disinterest, disinterested. So 356 00:20:53,320 --> 00:20:55,560 Speaker 1: there are ways that we can lean our body towards 357 00:20:55,600 --> 00:20:59,840 Speaker 1: each other that does indicate attraction and interest. And I, 358 00:21:00,040 --> 00:21:02,240 Speaker 1: for one, plan to master the art of the head. 359 00:21:02,280 --> 00:21:05,719 Speaker 1: Can't as soon as possible. I'm just gonna start slowly 360 00:21:05,720 --> 00:21:09,040 Speaker 1: with the slow smile. That's nice. That's not good. She 361 00:21:09,119 --> 00:21:11,720 Speaker 1: just had a good head. Can't she made a head? 362 00:21:11,760 --> 00:21:15,840 Speaker 1: Can't into a head? Can if you will like, well, 363 00:21:15,880 --> 00:21:20,080 Speaker 1: I think that we have possibly thoroughly confused everyone with 364 00:21:20,200 --> 00:21:26,040 Speaker 1: the very complicated language of UM. But it's it's cool 365 00:21:26,040 --> 00:21:27,920 Speaker 1: stuff to look at there because there have been all 366 00:21:27,960 --> 00:21:30,560 Speaker 1: these studies done and they found him. It's a cross 367 00:21:30,600 --> 00:21:36,439 Speaker 1: species sign of attraction that all animals will exhibit. And 368 00:21:36,480 --> 00:21:38,320 Speaker 1: I will say it's been interesting to read these studies 369 00:21:38,359 --> 00:21:40,560 Speaker 1: where they try and break down something as simple as 370 00:21:40,600 --> 00:21:44,880 Speaker 1: a glance into this very complicated process. So I mean, 371 00:21:44,920 --> 00:21:47,199 Speaker 1: and that goes back to the original Nalie Angier arc 372 00:21:47,240 --> 00:21:49,119 Speaker 1: we were talking about. It's just how things were not 373 00:21:49,200 --> 00:21:52,840 Speaker 1: even conscious of are influencing us. Yeah, and I also 374 00:21:52,880 --> 00:21:55,480 Speaker 1: say to take heart women. It might it might seem 375 00:21:55,520 --> 00:21:58,040 Speaker 1: like the guys have all the power in the stating situation, 376 00:21:58,119 --> 00:22:02,560 Speaker 1: but just remember so many percent of the time sees 377 00:22:03,200 --> 00:22:06,800 Speaker 1: him over. So there you go. It sounds good. Take 378 00:22:06,840 --> 00:22:12,400 Speaker 1: it or leave it. Let's move on to listener mail. Okay, 379 00:22:13,359 --> 00:22:18,240 Speaker 1: I have one here from TiO in California, and he says, 380 00:22:18,280 --> 00:22:20,960 Speaker 1: I thought i'd pass along a bit of interesting news 381 00:22:21,000 --> 00:22:24,960 Speaker 1: regarding comics and graphic novels. Marvel Comics is releasing a 382 00:22:25,040 --> 00:22:28,800 Speaker 1: three issue anthology series called Girl Comics, which is written, drawn, 383 00:22:28,880 --> 00:22:32,800 Speaker 1: inch colored, edited, and completely done by only female creators 384 00:22:32,840 --> 00:22:37,120 Speaker 1: within the industry. The first issue ships on March three, 385 00:22:37,480 --> 00:22:40,879 Speaker 1: which was actually yesterday, so March start is probably long gone. 386 00:22:41,040 --> 00:22:43,520 Speaker 1: Do you listeners out there? And it might be a 387 00:22:43,520 --> 00:22:46,000 Speaker 1: good way for people who have been curious to experience 388 00:22:46,040 --> 00:22:48,200 Speaker 1: some fun comics made only by girls in an industry 389 00:22:48,240 --> 00:22:50,560 Speaker 1: that's mostly male dominated. So I thought I would try 390 00:22:50,560 --> 00:22:52,920 Speaker 1: to spread the word because these there are talented ladies 391 00:22:52,960 --> 00:22:55,840 Speaker 1: out there making great comics and graphic novels, and hopefully 392 00:22:55,840 --> 00:22:57,840 Speaker 1: help people understand that there are girls who love the 393 00:22:57,880 --> 00:23:00,879 Speaker 1: medium just as much as any boy does. And also 394 00:23:00,920 --> 00:23:03,840 Speaker 1: if you get a shout out to my girlfriend Katie Graves, 395 00:23:04,720 --> 00:23:08,240 Speaker 1: that would be awesome. So Katie Graves, here's to you. 396 00:23:10,280 --> 00:23:13,480 Speaker 1: All right. I've got an email from Diana who um 397 00:23:13,520 --> 00:23:15,440 Speaker 1: and actually a few other listeners have written in about 398 00:23:15,440 --> 00:23:17,000 Speaker 1: this as well, But I just happen to have Diana's 399 00:23:17,320 --> 00:23:19,600 Speaker 1: email in front of me, and this is a relation 400 00:23:19,640 --> 00:23:22,360 Speaker 1: to some listener mail. We we read about um deodorate 401 00:23:22,400 --> 00:23:27,120 Speaker 1: and body odor internationally, and so Dianna rights, body odor 402 00:23:27,160 --> 00:23:28,879 Speaker 1: is real. Have you ever spent three hours locked in 403 00:23:28,920 --> 00:23:31,639 Speaker 1: a classmate preteens after gym class? There are plenty who 404 00:23:31,640 --> 00:23:33,520 Speaker 1: have not been introduced to deodorate, and I can tell 405 00:23:33,560 --> 00:23:35,639 Speaker 1: you that the smell is something to be feared, just 406 00:23:35,720 --> 00:23:38,200 Speaker 1: as Gatting middle school junior high teacher they'll tell you. 407 00:23:38,760 --> 00:23:40,959 Speaker 1: But race plays a part as well. I spent two 408 00:23:41,040 --> 00:23:43,440 Speaker 1: years in a large school that was taught predominantly by Koreans, 409 00:23:43,440 --> 00:23:45,040 Speaker 1: and I can tell you that, in addition to growing 410 00:23:45,080 --> 00:23:47,919 Speaker 1: less body hair. They also have less glands president in 411 00:23:47,920 --> 00:23:50,399 Speaker 1: their body that cause body odor. One of my teachers 412 00:23:50,440 --> 00:23:52,600 Speaker 1: actually discussed this with me at length, as she neither 413 00:23:52,600 --> 00:23:54,800 Speaker 1: has to shave her legs or armpits, but also for 414 00:23:54,880 --> 00:23:58,560 Speaker 1: a go deodor altogether. Her insistence that this was based 415 00:23:58,560 --> 00:24:00,520 Speaker 1: on her race led me to dig around online and 416 00:24:00,520 --> 00:24:03,200 Speaker 1: what I found is this Asians have the smallest of 417 00:24:03,240 --> 00:24:05,600 Speaker 1: apocorn glance, which are what caused body it, or an 418 00:24:05,600 --> 00:24:08,560 Speaker 1: approximately of them don't have any of these glands at all. 419 00:24:09,119 --> 00:24:12,720 Speaker 1: Caucasians and Hispanics have a middling size, and African Africans 420 00:24:12,720 --> 00:24:15,240 Speaker 1: and African Americans have the largest size of these glands, 421 00:24:15,240 --> 00:24:18,400 Speaker 1: which can cause a stronger snow. So that just clarifies 422 00:24:18,440 --> 00:24:23,000 Speaker 1: a bit uh email we got about race and deal writch. Well, guys, 423 00:24:23,000 --> 00:24:26,479 Speaker 1: thanks for writing in and if you would like to 424 00:24:26,560 --> 00:24:29,840 Speaker 1: send us your thoughts, shoot us an email at moms 425 00:24:29,880 --> 00:24:33,600 Speaker 1: Stuff at how stuff works dot com. And during the 426 00:24:33,640 --> 00:24:36,600 Speaker 1: week you should check out our blog. It's called how 427 00:24:36,680 --> 00:24:40,720 Speaker 1: to Stuff and you can find it and other articles 428 00:24:40,760 --> 00:24:46,199 Speaker 1: written by yours truly and the lovely Molly Edmunds on 429 00:24:46,280 --> 00:24:51,960 Speaker 1: how stuff works dot com for more on this and 430 00:24:52,040 --> 00:24:56,160 Speaker 1: thousands of other topics because at how stuff Works dot Com. 431 00:24:56,440 --> 00:24:59,159 Speaker 1: Want more how stuff works, check out our blogs on 432 00:24:59,240 --> 00:25:06,240 Speaker 1: the house stuff work dot Com homepage. 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