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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Annie and Samantha.

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Speaker 2: I'm welcome stuff. I never told you prediction Iyheart Radio.

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Speaker 1: Oh okay, we are back to the part too. I

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Speaker 1: actually did a part two. Ah man, I was doing

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Speaker 1: so good, Annie, I was doing so I had some thoughts.

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Speaker 1: I've kind of derailed it to No. We knew this

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Speaker 1: was going to happen, because this is, like I will say,

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Speaker 1: as we have talked about this episode, so we are

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Speaker 1: coming back to Chante Joseph's article is having a boyfriend

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Speaker 1: embarrassing and there's a lot of feels. So there's a

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Speaker 1: lot of fels to the point that I every time

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Speaker 1: I think I've talked, I have now mentioned it twice

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Speaker 1: on interviews to say have you read this article. I

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Speaker 1: have mentioned it to you. I have mentioned it to

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Speaker 1: a friend of the show previous. I was Caroline. I've

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Speaker 1: been spreading this article out everywhere because I'm like, we

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Speaker 1: all need to talk about this. This is legitimate. We

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Speaker 1: as a coalition of marginalized feminist female representing people, need

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Speaker 1: to talk about this article. Yeah, and why it resonated

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Speaker 1: so much, Yes, and why there's so many like reactions

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Speaker 1: to it. Of course, we know any type of statement

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Speaker 1: like this, this is going to get some type of reaction,

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Speaker 1: good or bad. But she really brought out some thoughts

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Speaker 1: in this conversation. If you haven't listened to the part one,

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Speaker 1: pause here, go back to part one because we talk

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Speaker 1: about some of the things that she alludes to, some

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Speaker 1: of her quotes and what she specifically has seen in

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Speaker 1: this conversation with other writers and creatives as well. So

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Speaker 1: an activist, So you should stop here, go back. Okay,

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Speaker 1: welcome back. But yeah, so she had some really big

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Speaker 1: thoughts and man, people, people have things to say. So

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Speaker 1: Joseph often says throughout her article, it isn't that falling

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Speaker 1: in love or being in a happy, healthy relationship is

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Speaker 1: bad or that it demonizes a person. It doesn't make

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Speaker 1: you a villain for being that. But it is all

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Speaker 1: about the fact that it is restructuring a narrative that

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Speaker 1: once villainized the group of women whose self worth is

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Speaker 1: not hinged on the ever exhausting quest of finding their soulmates. Which,

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Speaker 1: by the way, I just heard someone say that to me,

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Speaker 1: and I really want to be like, no, really, yes,

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Speaker 1: she was so recently divorce. I think she just came

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Speaker 1: out of a relationship and like She's like, I just

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Speaker 1: like she's feeling that loneliness even though she knew she

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Speaker 1: was so excited about coming out of that relationship and

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Speaker 1: understanding how bad it was. But now her new quest

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Speaker 1: is to fine that one again. And I was like, no,

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Speaker 1: I need to teach you to rethink this, because you

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Speaker 1: will in any perfect relationship, it can be the most perfect,

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Speaker 1: genuinely great relationship. If your search is based on someone else,

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Speaker 1: your happiness based on someone else, You're gonna be unhappy. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: And it's going to make you sad and like rip

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Speaker 1: that your expectations. Yeahs to you. That term soul mate,

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Speaker 1: I just hate it so much. But as again, as

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Speaker 1: we talked about all of these things, especially again in

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Speaker 1: that dating episode, Oh it is exhausting mm hmm. And

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Speaker 1: and that search being for us being told this is

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Speaker 1: the end goal. Yeah.

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Speaker 2: And you know, we've talked about this in so many episodes,

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Speaker 2: but I don't know if I've ever shared this story.

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Speaker 2: When I was in high school, I created what I

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Speaker 2: called Operation Hot Husband. Oh h h uh, and I

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Speaker 2: was determined to find my and I was in high school,

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Speaker 2: you know, and uh also gay.

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Speaker 1: But whatever, it's okay, we understand that I was.

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Speaker 2: I legitimately actually was, but I would go, like, looking

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Speaker 2: back at it, everything was fine, but I could have

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Speaker 2: put myself in some pretty dangerous situations because I was.

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Speaker 1: I was going to like bars as a high schooler, wow, to.

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Speaker 2: Meet a man, because I have this timeline and I'm

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Speaker 2: so sure by this time I had to do this.

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Speaker 2: By this time, I had to do this. I had

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Speaker 2: a whole like plant like home alone style, this is

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Speaker 2: how you do it. But I could have really put

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Speaker 2: myself in a dangerous situation for this story that has

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Speaker 2: been fed to me that is not.

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Speaker 1: True and doesn't take.

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Speaker 2: Into account the reality of a lot of things.

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Speaker 1: Oh age ah.

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Speaker 2: Operation hot husband ye wow, wow, Yeah that's a nugget.

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Speaker 1: I not know that was new. It was new for me.

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Speaker 1: That was new. But yeah, with all of these things, well,

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Speaker 1: there are some interesting responses to the article to the

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Speaker 1: fact again, other articles have been written in this conversation.

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Speaker 1: There are many also response videos talking about how they

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Speaker 1: aren't embarrassed by their boyfriends and and the such, and

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Speaker 1: seemingly to show off their boyfriend or more likely appealing

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Speaker 1: to the sexist audiences they have cul cultivated, being like

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Speaker 1: kind of like the treadwife type of conversation of like,

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Speaker 1: I'm not a feminist, I can cook video if you

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Speaker 1: know you know, if you know you know. This is

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Speaker 1: the same level of being like, not being embarrassed in

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Speaker 1: my boyfriend, my boyfriend does this, my boyfriend does this,

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Speaker 1: and this. I'm like, okay, this is one of those moments.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, tell me you haven't read the article without

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Speaker 1: telling me you haven't read the article type of conversation.

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Speaker 1: And one of those articles came from The Guardian. She

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Speaker 1: did read it. I think she did read it, to

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Speaker 1: be honest, but part of her response was kind of

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Speaker 1: a level of like, oh, well, if boyfriend having a

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Speaker 1: boyfriend is embarrassing me, having a husband is even more so,

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Speaker 1: Like but tell me gen z or because I don't

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Speaker 1: know Justph's age or anything. But it seemed like a

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Speaker 1: very much like that type of conversation, like does is

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Speaker 1: marring mom pants still as embarrassing as that is? Are

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Speaker 1: these things as embarrassing as that? I'm like, that's not

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Speaker 1: not necessarily, not necessarily what she's saying, and then criticizing

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Speaker 1: and being like, well, if that's embarrassing, what other types

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Speaker 1: of relationships would you consider embarrassing type of conversation. I'm like, wow, again,

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Speaker 1: I don't think you read what this article is. It's

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Speaker 1: not them versus us, it's not relationship versus single women. Like,

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Speaker 1: there's so much nuances to this conversation about like where

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Speaker 1: we have come and how far we have come along

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Speaker 1: and understanding we should have an identity beyond I am

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Speaker 1: someone's partner, I am someone's girlfriend, I am someone's wife, mom,

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Speaker 1: and I am someone's mom. But I like, that was

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Speaker 1: one article, but there's others who are like, you know what,

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Speaker 1: I get it, let's talk about this. So this is

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Speaker 1: from Dailyfreepress dot com and I believe it's an asque

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Speaker 1: abby but it's actually ask anal Analise Brunos the author,

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Speaker 1: and she writes women are not merely choosing to stay

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Speaker 1: single because boyfriends are embarrassing. As an abstract concept, this

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Speaker 1: isn't a quirky, cool, a chkh lifestyle choice. It's a

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Speaker 1: response to a much deeper systemic reality. Gender violence and

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Speaker 1: misogyny and the longstanding societal expectation that women exist primarily

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Speaker 1: as caregivers. With quote added romantic perks have shaped the

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Speaker 1: way women navigate intimacies. For centuries. The real truth behind

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Speaker 1: why so many women are deliberately single is more empowered

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Speaker 1: and profound. They are finding fulfillment, growth, and autonomy outside

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Speaker 1: of romantic relationships. I think it's what like that is

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Speaker 1: exactly like the level of understanding, and it's kind of

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Speaker 1: like that adventure in being able to do whatever you want,

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Speaker 1: however you want to eat, however you want to keep

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Speaker 1: the house, however you want to If you want that cat,

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Speaker 1: get that cat. If you don't want that cat, don't

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Speaker 1: get that cat. It's this level of understanding you really

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Speaker 1: only need to care for one person and you're not

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Speaker 1: responsible for multiple Yeah.

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Speaker 2: I think about this a lot with my mom because

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Speaker 2: you know, if a lot of times these conversations do

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Speaker 2: get kind of that's gen Z doing whatever. You know

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Speaker 2: what I you know, but my mom, after my dad died,

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Speaker 2: she's just said to me several times, have no interest

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Speaker 2: in finding anybody else. It's nice that I don't have

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Speaker 2: to worry about because he would get cranky, he needed

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Speaker 2: like food at this time, he hated going out with

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Speaker 2: the kid.

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Speaker 1: Like.

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Speaker 2: She just had all of these things, and they did

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Speaker 2: love each other and they had a relationship that I

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Speaker 2: don't think she regrets, but I do think it's pretty

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Speaker 2: telling that she's like, it's kind of a relief now

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Speaker 2: that I don't have to be managing him so much

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Speaker 2: and his emotions so much while I'm also raising kids.

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Speaker 1: I mean, we've talked about women coming in like their

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Speaker 1: second when they after their partners either divorce or die,

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Speaker 1: and the freedom and how much more they get to live.

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Speaker 2: Especially like older generations, you get married so young, so

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Speaker 2: it's so it is kind of like, well, I didn't

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Speaker 2: have that experience before I got married, so now I'm

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Speaker 2: getting to have.

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Speaker 1: It right of seeing my parents who were happily married.

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Speaker 1: And I know, if we've talked about it, when one

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Speaker 1: of them dies, the other was going to quickly go

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Speaker 1: with them, Like if there was a true soul made situation,

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Speaker 1: this is it that they are. They've always been in alignment,

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Speaker 1: whether like they've also thrown things at each other and

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Speaker 1: screamed at each other and yelled at each other for sure,

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Speaker 1: but like my mother and father still make sure to

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Speaker 1: tell each other they love each other and call them

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Speaker 1: pet names like all these things, so they really feel

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Speaker 1: like they are each other's best choices and they made

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Speaker 1: the best choices However, my mother also has moments of like,

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Speaker 1: I never got to do these things that you got

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Speaker 1: to do. And she had plans as of recently to

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Speaker 1: try to do some of those things, but age and

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Speaker 1: pain and all these things circumstances have happened and she's

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Speaker 1: not able to do it. And I can tell as

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Speaker 1: she's talking about it, wanting to do those things and

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Speaker 1: being enabled to like really has those moments, And it

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Speaker 1: has nothing to do with my dad necessarily, like he

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Speaker 1: didn't hold her back, but she definitely started a family

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Speaker 1: in her teens with him, and they were not able

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Speaker 1: to do those things. They had the obligations without the

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Speaker 1: support and ability. Of course, back then you didn't think

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Speaker 1: they could. It was a glamorous ideal for people to

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Speaker 1: travel like that, not your everyday North Georgia mountains people

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Speaker 1: who are barely working through their jobs without with barely

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Speaker 1: their high school diplomas. So it was definitely a different

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Speaker 1: time and it wasn't a reality like there was no way.

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Speaker 1: As we're today, it is more accessible, but yeah, not

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Speaker 1: if you're still bound by those same having two to

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Speaker 1: three children, having very limited funds, trying to have a house,

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Speaker 1: all those things can Yeah, it kind of does feel

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Speaker 1: like it holds you back.

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Speaker 2: It does, and it's it's one of those things that

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Speaker 2: really frustrates me because I just think this is this

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Speaker 2: is one of those it's hurting everybody because people do

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Speaker 2: want to be in relationships, and the truth of it

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Speaker 2: is that for so long, for women, a relationship does

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Speaker 2: come at a much higher cost than it does for men.

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Speaker 2: And I hate that because I have friends who want

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Speaker 2: that relationship but are like unwilling to pursue it, and

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Speaker 2: men who want to be in relationships, but women are like,

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Speaker 2: I don't know, I don't want to enter this because

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Speaker 2: I'm going to get trapped in something. And I feel

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Speaker 2: like my mom, what I would witness with her is

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Speaker 2: she was such a people pleaser and I am too,

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Speaker 2: and I'm pretty sure I got it from her that

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Speaker 2: she couldn't even though I feel like she's a strong, intelligent,

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Speaker 2: all of these things, but she felt like she had

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Speaker 2: to do this because her kids were involved, or she

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Speaker 2: just sacrificed so much. And that's it's almost kind of

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Speaker 2: a self sabotaging fear at a certain point, because I

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Speaker 2: was one of the reasons I didn't want to date

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Speaker 2: at first, was I knew that would happen to me.

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Speaker 2: I would get in a relationship and I would cave

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Speaker 2: because that's what I learned, That's what I saw growing up.

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Speaker 1: Right right, well, and again that's this whole other depth

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Speaker 1: of conversation of like motherhood and such and like this

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Speaker 1: is kind of pre because but you know what's coming

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Speaker 1: type of conversation and like is this worth sacrificing for

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Speaker 1: this dude?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, you're thinking about that. I mean, we talked about

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Speaker 2: this in the Women in Men Lying about their Politics episode.

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Speaker 2: But I remember recently before I really came into my

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Speaker 2: identity as Ace, I sat down with a dude who

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Speaker 2: wanted He was like, I think we should date, and

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Speaker 2: I said, right then and there, listen here, I don't

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Speaker 2: want to get married.

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Speaker 1: I don't want kids.

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Speaker 2: Like I was just laying out all of this stuff

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Speaker 2: right away, immediate.

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Speaker 1: This is my list.

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Speaker 2: If I'm not going to just stop talking to me,

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Speaker 2: I've been wish you washing on it in the past,

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Speaker 2: but I'm not going to say not anymore.

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Speaker 1: I found myself and I will say, okay, so do that.

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Speaker 1: Ask an elist article. She read this, she wrote this,

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Speaker 1: and I love it. They say it's beautiful, really whether

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Speaker 1: you're in a relationship or not. The truth is clear.

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Speaker 1: Men may need women, but women do not need men.

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Speaker 1: Understanding this is essential, not as a statement of superiority,

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Speaker 1: but as a foundation of self fulfillment. And especially as

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Speaker 1: we talk about the fact that women are having less children,

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Speaker 1: and we talked about like why are the many reasons

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Speaker 1: in financial one of them. Other part is growth in

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Speaker 1: career or other wants in their lives, and knowing that

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Speaker 1: having a child is not timely for whatever your goal

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Speaker 1: may be, especially for women men, bad life goes on oftentimes,

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Speaker 1: but like in this level of like understanding that self

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Speaker 1: fulfillment is kind of nice. Yeah, it is.

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Speaker 2: And it's interesting to me that when when you you

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Speaker 2: sent this article to me, I was reminded of when

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Speaker 2: I was in high school.

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Speaker 1: I was the local feminist.

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Speaker 2: The real rabble rouser, uh. But there was this article

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Speaker 2: that came out when I was in high school that

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Speaker 2: was basically kind of like women really scientifically don't need

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Speaker 2: men anymore, and everyone would. All these boys in my

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Speaker 2: class came up at me and they were so angry

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Speaker 2: about it, and I was like, I'm not trying to

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Speaker 2: I'm not trying to make a huge point about how

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Speaker 2: you shouldn't exist or something. I'm just saying, this is

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Speaker 2: what the science says. Uh.

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Speaker 1: And you know you don't have to date me. Uh,

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Speaker 1: I'm telling you this.

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Speaker 2: It caused a huge firestorm. I just remember it, and

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Speaker 2: I was kind of taken aback by how angry these

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Speaker 2: boys were that there.

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Speaker 1: Was this science article that I'd read that said it

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Speaker 1: explains where we are today kind of does. Oh, but

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Speaker 1: another article about it from her campus dot com had

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Speaker 1: actually a great explanation. Again, as we are talking about

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Speaker 1: the article, just this the article they write. Another big

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Speaker 1: part of this conversation is that for a lot of

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Speaker 1: straight women, it can feel like we're sleeping with the enemy. Now,

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Speaker 1: I'm not saying all men are awful people who shouldn't

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Speaker 1: be in relationships. What I'm saying is that many of

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Speaker 1: us are out here doing everything right. We're in college,

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Speaker 1: we're working full time, we have our own apartments, we

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Speaker 1: are actively dismantling the patriarchy in our personal lives. Yet

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Speaker 1: somehow a man is still in our bed, our mind,

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Speaker 1: our space. The separation of both can be hard to handle,

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Speaker 1: especially when he is the guy of your dreams. When

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Speaker 1: it is compatible, Okay, so that's the end of her quote,

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Speaker 1: and I think it's such a well said specifically for

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Speaker 1: how I feel. I'm like, Okay, I gotta do all

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Speaker 1: these things, and all these things that I did not

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Speaker 1: expect has happened, and to this point of like I

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Speaker 1: assumed I would be single for the rest of my life.

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Speaker 1: I assumed if I did date someone that one day

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Speaker 1: might be a person of color woman like a woman

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Speaker 1: of color like. But my family was very scared of this,

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Speaker 1: was very scared of this thought process. But like in

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Speaker 1: the expectation is no, Like I love my partner. He

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Speaker 1: is a good man who loves and treats me very well,

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Speaker 1: there are still things that both of us are working

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Speaker 1: through when it comes to dismantling, like internal misogyny and

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Speaker 1: patriarchy that has been systemic. Like you know when you

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Speaker 1: see generations before who are trying to unlearn that and

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Speaker 1: how far away from that they are, but they're still trying.

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Speaker 1: And then you see the younger generations learn even more

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Speaker 1: than that and grow out of that, but still have

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Speaker 1: to keep on learning. Like it's a concept conversation and

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Speaker 1: like it talks to we talk about this when it

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Speaker 1: comes to racism, as well, like, inherently all non black

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Speaker 1: people are racist towards black people. And I'm not saying

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Speaker 1: that we are all racists, like we're me angry like

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Speaker 1: as we see it, but there's internalized racism that have

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Speaker 1: pitoted us against a group of people because we do

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Speaker 1: not want to be at the bottom. And I say

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Speaker 1: this as a person that is Asian who have grown

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Speaker 1: up being told but you're not like them type of

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Speaker 1: rhetoric and was like, okay, like knowing that's wrong, but

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Speaker 1: knowing I also benefited off of that, you know what

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Speaker 1: I'm saying, Like there's an inherent level. And that's also

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Speaker 1: when it comes to men, like understanding being a man

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Speaker 1: is inherently meaning you have sexism built into your anatomy

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Speaker 1: because whether it was taught to you through jobs or

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Speaker 1: being treated preferentially over this or let you off on

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Speaker 1: some of these things that other people people of color

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Speaker 1: could not get away with, or women could not get

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Speaker 1: away with, or you know, like women are asked to

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Speaker 1: be have to overprove that they're qualified, that they are

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Speaker 1: never going to be okay without the extra degrees type

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Speaker 1: of thing or extra experiences or in that conversation or

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Speaker 1: you're not truly going to be believed unless you are

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Speaker 1: physically wearing the abuse on you, as in leg you

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Speaker 1: have marks on you have physical like all these things.

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Speaker 1: This is that conversation of like understanding, men are not

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Speaker 1: the enemy, but men still have a lot of unlearning. Yeah. Yeah.

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Speaker 2: And I also I think that it's misleading how some

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Speaker 2: people have reported on this article after it came out,

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Speaker 2: because people are so quick to do what I was saying,

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Speaker 2: where oh, so all men are bad? What was this?

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Speaker 2: I think that the reason this hit so hard is

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Speaker 2: not because the author was saying you shouldn't have a

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Speaker 2: boyfriend or you shouldn't have a partner or anything like that.

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Speaker 2: I mean, you're a Republican, Yeah, But I think that's

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Speaker 2: why it hits so hard, is why the question of

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Speaker 2: what is going on where so many people feel that way?

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Speaker 2: And I think it's very it's a systemic issue where

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Speaker 2: even if the person you are with is not like that,

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Speaker 2: you know that systemically, there's a lot of calls for

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Speaker 2: questions and things that need to change. So it's it's

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Speaker 2: more of a it's more of what can we do

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Speaker 2: to address why we feel like this.

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Speaker 1: Also, there's a big conversation in like I know the

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Speaker 1: queer community when it comes to intersectionally talking to two

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Speaker 1: gay white men and in like, hey, I there's a

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Speaker 1: lot of misogyny within the gay men culture and you

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Speaker 1: need to talk about it. We need to talk about that.

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Speaker 1: You don't get a pass just because you don't want

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Speaker 1: to date a woman. That's not the thing. We have

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Speaker 1: seen and witness many things where they think they can

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Speaker 1: get away with things, whether it's touch and grabbing, doing

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Speaker 1: things and things. But no, it's okay, I'm gay, which

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Speaker 1: doesn't happen a lot. There's like it's I'm not saying

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Speaker 1: because if we don't want to fit into the far

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Speaker 1: right narrative of like oh yeah, there definitely no no,

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Speaker 1: but that for some reason there is a level like

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Speaker 1: we can't hold accountability and you can't say there's misogyny

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Speaker 1: there when it's absolutely there's misogyny there. There's this conversation

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Speaker 1: that needs to be there just as much as we

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Speaker 1: have to say there's racism within the queer community as well.

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Speaker 1: Just because you're one part of the spe like intersexual spectrum,

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Speaker 1: doesn't mean the other doesn't apply to you or doesn't

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Speaker 1: affect you somehow, whether you're part of the problem or

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Speaker 1: part of like the victims like type of thing conversation,

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Speaker 1: and this is that same narrative, except we're looking at

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Speaker 1: the point of view of like me a feeling like,

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Speaker 1: how have I betrayed my people, my feminist people by

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Speaker 1: having an heterosexual assist relationship like kinds of conversation in

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Speaker 1: this and for me for again, I was single up

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Speaker 1: into my thirties, no relationships except for like a couple

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Speaker 1: of like high school relationships that were like we don't

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Speaker 1: talk to each other, we pass notes type of conversation

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Speaker 1: into my late twenties early thirties, and even then my

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Speaker 1: relationships lasted two four weeks at most. So this is

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Speaker 1: my one and only long term relationship because I didn't

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Speaker 1: mind when I let go of That'm like, oh maybe, yeah. Well.

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Speaker 2: And that's the other thing that's that's usually weaponized against

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Speaker 2: swimming is something I told another.

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Speaker 1: Person who wanted to date me.

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Speaker 2: I was I was trying so hard to figure out

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Speaker 2: I didn't want to date anybody, but anyway, I told

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Speaker 2: him I was not into romance. I didn't trust it.

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Speaker 2: And he said, that's one of the saddest things I've

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Speaker 2: ever heard. You should get into therapy, and I just

390
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Speaker 2: looking back that he he just wanted to convince me, Yeah,

391
00:24:27,640 --> 00:24:33,560
Speaker 2: you have to be in this heterosexual relationship or you're

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Speaker 2: it was it was. It was supposed to be like

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Speaker 2: a threat. It was supposed to scare me.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and it did hurt. Yeah, like it did hurt.

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Speaker 2: But I remember thinking, I don't have to deal with you, right,

396
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Speaker 2: I could go home and BILLI would you.

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Speaker 1: Would put me in therapy and cost me a lot

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Speaker 1: more money. I don't have time for this, Like that's

399
00:24:57,640 --> 00:25:01,479
Speaker 1: exactly like the But being in this relationship that I

400
00:25:01,480 --> 00:25:04,199
Speaker 1: have been currently in, this long term, happy relationship that

401
00:25:04,240 --> 00:25:08,600
Speaker 1: I'm in, it does feel like a little bit of

402
00:25:08,640 --> 00:25:10,359
Speaker 1: when I tell people, know, it's good to be single,

403
00:25:10,440 --> 00:25:15,600
Speaker 1: because I wouldn't change it for anything, But like singleness

404
00:25:15,640 --> 00:25:18,440
Speaker 1: was good to me too. Yeah, and for those who've

405
00:25:18,440 --> 00:25:24,720
Speaker 1: gone through bad relationships, try out singleness. It's wonderful. Yeah.

406
00:25:25,440 --> 00:25:29,720
Speaker 2: Yeah, And I think that's that's a good nuance to

407
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Speaker 2: add is knowing how beautiful a relationship can be if

408
00:25:36,240 --> 00:25:42,119
Speaker 2: it's supportive, but also knowing that yeah, if I'll be

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Speaker 2: all right.

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00:25:43,040 --> 00:25:46,080
Speaker 1: That's that's like this is not a or if it's

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Speaker 1: an okay.

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Speaker 2: And yeah, this is nice, right someone around as happy.

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Speaker 1: As we are. We know, things happen. Things happen, whether

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00:25:56,160 --> 00:25:58,439
Speaker 1: it's by choice or not by choice, like whatever it

415
00:25:58,440 --> 00:26:01,280
Speaker 1: may be, and you need to be okay in what

416
00:26:01,359 --> 00:26:04,399
Speaker 1: that comes. People change, people grow, People will have different

417
00:26:04,400 --> 00:26:08,960
Speaker 1: interests and ideologies. Unfortunately, I have changed from ten years

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00:26:09,000 --> 00:26:12,080
Speaker 1: to now, you know, and I'm sure things will change

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Speaker 1: even more. So hopefully we get more progressive, you know,

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Speaker 1: and more for more human humanities. What that looks like later,

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00:26:19,280 --> 00:26:23,200
Speaker 1: I don't know, And I will say. This was the

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Speaker 1: end of her Joseph's article. When talking about singleness and

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Speaker 1: all of this, they say, uh, is something to be

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00:26:32,320 --> 00:26:36,280
Speaker 1: said to embracing that singleness? She writes, this is also

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00:26:36,720 --> 00:26:41,640
Speaker 1: happening alongside a wave of women reclaiming and romanticizing their

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00:26:41,720 --> 00:26:45,240
Speaker 1: single life. Where being single was once a cautionary telle

427
00:26:45,440 --> 00:26:48,359
Speaker 1: You'll end up a spinster with loads of cats. Sounds

428
00:26:48,359 --> 00:26:51,560
Speaker 1: fun of me, and just now becoming a desirable and

429
00:26:51,640 --> 00:26:54,960
Speaker 1: covetous status, another nail in the coffin of a centuries

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00:26:55,000 --> 00:26:58,840
Speaker 1: old heterosexual fairy tale that never really benefited women to

431
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Speaker 1: begin with.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I think I think so, and I think this

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Speaker 2: is great that we're having these conversations about how relationships

434
00:27:13,200 --> 00:27:15,000
Speaker 2: can look if you want one.

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00:27:15,640 --> 00:27:18,800
Speaker 1: Women clearly.

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00:27:19,920 --> 00:27:22,320
Speaker 2: Are fed up that this is not working for them

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00:27:22,320 --> 00:27:26,719
Speaker 2: and it hasn't been working for them, and so I've

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00:27:26,840 --> 00:27:29,960
Speaker 2: been really hopeful about some of the conversations I've seen

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00:27:30,000 --> 00:27:33,359
Speaker 2: in recent years. There is obviously the conservative backlash that

440
00:27:33,440 --> 00:27:37,080
Speaker 2: makes me really angry, but I have been hopeful in

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00:27:37,119 --> 00:27:41,400
Speaker 2: hearing people talk about, you know, maybe we should reconsider

442
00:27:42,440 --> 00:27:46,119
Speaker 2: what this looks like and how we can make this work.

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00:27:46,200 --> 00:27:50,520
Speaker 2: And that makes me happy, right glad.

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00:27:50,880 --> 00:27:53,320
Speaker 1: Yeah, And again, like as you were saying, and I

445
00:27:55,080 --> 00:27:58,040
Speaker 1: not to tell and brag about anything, but like, I

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00:27:58,080 --> 00:28:01,560
Speaker 1: feel like my relationship is really great. We work a

447
00:28:01,600 --> 00:28:08,200
Speaker 1: lot really well together, and the traumas and the bad

448
00:28:08,280 --> 00:28:11,080
Speaker 1: things that have happened, it's been amazing to have him

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00:28:11,080 --> 00:28:14,680
Speaker 1: as a support. I also feel like I'm not embarrassed

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00:28:14,680 --> 00:28:17,639
Speaker 1: to show him off. I don't feel like he can't

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00:28:17,640 --> 00:28:19,240
Speaker 1: come out if it's just a group of girls, you

452
00:28:19,280 --> 00:28:22,600
Speaker 1: know what I mean. Like he is oftentimes the only dude.

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00:28:23,280 --> 00:28:29,199
Speaker 1: He's great. He's a great addition he is, and that

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00:28:29,359 --> 00:28:33,320
Speaker 1: is something that is beneficial. Like he adds to the conversation,

455
00:28:33,480 --> 00:28:36,359
Speaker 1: he listens, he encourages so all of those good things.

456
00:28:36,480 --> 00:28:38,480
Speaker 1: So having a relationship is not the end all. Like

457
00:28:38,600 --> 00:28:41,520
Speaker 1: we're not saying that that's bad. I'm not that saying that.

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00:28:41,720 --> 00:28:44,720
Speaker 1: But I understand this conversation and I do love the

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00:28:44,800 --> 00:28:49,440
Speaker 1: turnaround in this level of like, yeah, that's not the solution.

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00:28:50,160 --> 00:28:52,640
Speaker 1: Having a relationship is not a solution. It can be.

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00:28:52,720 --> 00:28:56,320
Speaker 1: It should be a benefit, it should be an added plus.

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00:28:56,360 --> 00:28:58,920
Speaker 1: If it's a negative, then we yes, we really need

463
00:28:58,920 --> 00:29:04,080
Speaker 1: to think about why why is this one? Right? But like,

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00:29:04,280 --> 00:29:07,400
Speaker 1: being single is not like when people say the words

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00:29:07,480 --> 00:29:09,440
Speaker 1: you're going to be single all your life, don't threaten

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00:29:09,520 --> 00:29:15,320
Speaker 1: me with a good time and more money? What? Yeah,

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00:29:15,360 --> 00:29:17,920
Speaker 1: you know, Like those are those moments and understanding that.

468
00:29:18,440 --> 00:29:23,200
Speaker 1: And of course this also has that conversation of women

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00:29:23,480 --> 00:29:27,160
Speaker 1: making like more friends and having more friends and being

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00:29:27,200 --> 00:29:29,880
Speaker 1: a little less lonely or being able to have a

471
00:29:29,880 --> 00:29:33,760
Speaker 1: solution when you feel lonely. Yeah, so that's definitely that

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00:29:33,800 --> 00:29:39,120
Speaker 1: conversation too. So but again her putting that phrase out

473
00:29:39,120 --> 00:29:42,680
Speaker 1: there really ruffle some feathers and then also really gave

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00:29:42,840 --> 00:29:48,440
Speaker 1: some victory laps to people. I love that too. It

475
00:29:48,560 --> 00:29:50,440
Speaker 1: is a conversation Starughter, and I love it.

476
00:29:52,840 --> 00:29:56,959
Speaker 2: Yeah, I do too. I really think that this is

477
00:29:58,080 --> 00:30:03,080
Speaker 2: hitting something that has just been boiling under the surface

478
00:30:03,120 --> 00:30:04,600
Speaker 2: for a while, and even looking.

479
00:30:04,400 --> 00:30:05,320
Speaker 1: Back at my own.

480
00:30:06,800 --> 00:30:10,520
Speaker 2: Dating experiences, where you know, in the beginning, I would

481
00:30:10,560 --> 00:30:15,480
Speaker 2: be very sure, I'll make your food or whatever whatever

482
00:30:15,520 --> 00:30:19,040
Speaker 2: it looks like, and to getting into huge fights with

483
00:30:19,120 --> 00:30:23,600
Speaker 2: my last X or I just wouldn't have ever done

484
00:30:23,640 --> 00:30:28,640
Speaker 2: that before. But I just felt there wasn't inequality in

485
00:30:28,680 --> 00:30:32,640
Speaker 2: our relationship and that he didn't see it. And I

486
00:30:32,680 --> 00:30:36,560
Speaker 2: think that's happening more and more with people, and we

487
00:30:36,600 --> 00:30:37,760
Speaker 2: should be asking.

488
00:30:38,960 --> 00:30:40,440
Speaker 1: Why why is that?

489
00:30:43,920 --> 00:30:49,360
Speaker 2: So many thoughts, so many thoughts I didn't even get into.

490
00:30:49,880 --> 00:30:53,120
Speaker 2: I recently stumbled into a whole argument about women changing

491
00:30:53,160 --> 00:30:56,880
Speaker 2: their married name their name when they get married, and

492
00:30:56,960 --> 00:30:59,960
Speaker 2: I didn't I used to. We did an episode on

493
00:31:00,080 --> 00:31:03,280
Speaker 2: That's Minty long time ago, and I got a lot

494
00:31:03,280 --> 00:31:05,240
Speaker 2: of angry male about it, but I wasn't saying there's

495
00:31:05,240 --> 00:31:08,080
Speaker 2: anything bad about it. I was just kind of going

496
00:31:08,080 --> 00:31:11,480
Speaker 2: over the facts of the history of it. But apparently

497
00:31:11,520 --> 00:31:18,920
Speaker 2: this is still a huge, huge contention point. So weds, Yes,

498
00:31:19,040 --> 00:31:20,640
Speaker 2: Kristen got called up for that.

499
00:31:20,960 --> 00:31:26,120
Speaker 1: Yeah, like weddings like that's still very controversial type what

500
00:31:26,120 --> 00:31:29,960
Speaker 1: do you what does the symbolize do you want this exactly?

501
00:31:30,680 --> 00:31:31,520
Speaker 1: That's a lot, you know.

502
00:31:31,640 --> 00:31:38,120
Speaker 2: Sometimes sometimes you just want to have a tradition, but you.

503
00:31:38,160 --> 00:31:42,040
Speaker 1: But of what you want exactly.

504
00:31:42,920 --> 00:31:47,720
Speaker 2: But clearly it is still something that people are feel

505
00:31:47,720 --> 00:31:52,040
Speaker 2: a certain way about. They do and we did as well.

506
00:31:52,120 --> 00:31:55,640
Speaker 2: That's why it's a two parter. And and I feel

507
00:31:55,640 --> 00:31:57,920
Speaker 2: like my next one about moms being mad in media

508
00:31:58,000 --> 00:31:59,680
Speaker 2: is actually related to all of this.

509
00:32:00,120 --> 00:32:01,000
Speaker 1: I'm very excited.

510
00:32:02,000 --> 00:32:06,440
Speaker 2: You can listen out for that one, but in the meantime, listeners.

511
00:32:06,520 --> 00:32:09,200
Speaker 2: If you have any thoughts about this, you can email

512
00:32:09,280 --> 00:32:11,479
Speaker 2: us at hellot Stuffnever Told You dot com. You can

513
00:32:11,480 --> 00:32:13,320
Speaker 2: find us on blue Sky at mom Stuff. Podcasts are

514
00:32:13,320 --> 00:32:16,120
Speaker 2: on Instagram and TikTok at stuff I Never Told You

515
00:32:16,360 --> 00:32:18,960
Speaker 2: for us on YouTube. We have some new merchandise at

516
00:32:18,960 --> 00:32:21,440
Speaker 2: Common Bureau and we have a book you can get

517
00:32:21,440 --> 00:32:23,880
Speaker 2: wherever you get your books. Thanks It's Always too our

518
00:32:23,920 --> 00:32:25,960
Speaker 2: super produced Christina executive produced to my and.

519
00:32:25,960 --> 00:32:28,440
Speaker 1: Your contributor Joey. Thank you and thanks to you for.

520
00:32:28,440 --> 00:32:30,600
Speaker 2: Listening Stuff Never Told You to put to my heart Radio.

521
00:32:30,640 --> 00:32:32,280
Speaker 2: For more podcasts from my heart Radio, you can check

522
00:32:32,280 --> 00:32:34,120
Speaker 2: out the heart Radio app app a podcast wherever you

523
00:32:34,120 --> 00:32:35,520
Speaker 2: listen to your favorite shows,