WEBVTT - Congress Shall Make No Law Yada Yada Yada...

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<v Speaker 1>Congress shall make no law. YadA, YadA, YadA. It's one

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<v Speaker 1>more thing.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm strong and Joe just YadA, YadA YadA. James Madison,

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<v Speaker 2>I'm talking about the.

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<v Speaker 1>Fourteenth Amendment during the show, did you just YadA YadA YadA,

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<v Speaker 1>the Bill of Rights. We're talking about the fourteenth Amendment

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<v Speaker 1>and the question of birthright citizenship, which is a hot

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<v Speaker 1>conversational topic these days and actually really interesting. And I

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<v Speaker 1>mentioned that the fourteenth Amendment is actually five paragraphs long

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<v Speaker 1>and it would take a long time to read to you.

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<v Speaker 1>The first part is about all persons born or naturalized, YadA, YadA, YadA,

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<v Speaker 1>the birthright thing. Second part is representatives shall be apportioned

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<v Speaker 1>among the several states according to their respective numbers. Blah

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<v Speaker 1>blah blah.

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<v Speaker 2>The next it's about streaming contracts, which is really weird.

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<v Speaker 1>Right exactly, Yep, you gotta be able to cancel them.

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<v Speaker 1>Third one is about senators and congress people who or

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<v Speaker 1>may not have been involved in an insurrection or rebellion.

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<v Speaker 1>Remember that one came up, you know, after January sixth

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<v Speaker 1>uh and a couple more paragraphs. Nobody knows, but I

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<v Speaker 1>was looking at the amendments and it would appear that

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<v Speaker 1>in a close race. The shortest amendment is the eighth Amendment.

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<v Speaker 1>Excessive bails shall not be required, nor excessive finds imposed,

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<v Speaker 1>nor cruel and unusual punishments.

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<v Speaker 2>Inflicted cruel or unusual cruel end on us and unusual.

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<v Speaker 1>Right, And you know my theory, then one of the

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<v Speaker 1>cruel and unusual. Right. If it's merely cruel, but you

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<v Speaker 1>do it a lot, that's fine. And if you know,

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<v Speaker 1>a beating from a clown is certainly unusual, but it's

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<v Speaker 1>no more cruel than any other sort of beating. Clown

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<v Speaker 1>beatings would be approved in the court of Joe Getty's justice.

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<v Speaker 2>So you're on somebody over with a car. People get

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<v Speaker 2>hit by cars all the time. There's nothing unusual about that.

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<v Speaker 1>Now, it's cruel, unspeakably cruel, but not unusual. I think

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<v Speaker 1>we're missing a loophole here, folks. But I think everybody

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<v Speaker 1>knows the Oh my god, I almost said one of

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<v Speaker 1>the stupidest things things I've ever said. I think everybody

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<v Speaker 1>knows what's in the Bill of Rights. No, obviously most

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<v Speaker 1>people don't. You should, but you don't, which is why

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<v Speaker 1>you end up quartering troops, You jackasses. Study history.

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<v Speaker 2>I just learned the other day James Madison was really

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<v Speaker 2>against the Bill of Rights, really thought it was a terrible,

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<v Speaker 2>terrible idea. But then when the vault went against him,

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<v Speaker 2>he like, we should do more often now decided Okay,

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<v Speaker 2>well that's been decided. Now I'm going to argue what

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<v Speaker 2>they ought to be because it's going to happen, even

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<v Speaker 2>though I didn't want it to happen in the first place.

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<v Speaker 1>And indeed he brought it to the floor of the

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<v Speaker 1>House immediately as he said he would.

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<v Speaker 2>The reason he didn't like the Bill Rights is he

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<v Speaker 2>is afraid that now that makes it seem like outside

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<v Speaker 2>of these ten things, everything else the government can do.

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<v Speaker 2>That was his concern.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, yeah, I think history is proved that he was

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<v Speaker 1>wrong as real statesman. And yeah, oh yeah, tiny, tiny lady.

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<v Speaker 2>And I've never seen a smaller founding father.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh boy, not a long hitter, James Madison. So everybody

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<v Speaker 1>knows freedom of religion, press expression, the first right to

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<v Speaker 1>bear arms, quartering of soldiers, that's the third.

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<v Speaker 2>I don't have to work, so man, when I get home,

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<v Speaker 2>I got some news for those guys.

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<v Speaker 1>Get out of my house. Can I get my stuff

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<v Speaker 1>at least, and I'll ship it to you. Search and seizure,

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<v Speaker 1>trial and punishment, compensation for takings. That's the Fifth Amendment.

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<v Speaker 1>Everybody knows the part about how you don't have to

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<v Speaker 1>testify against yourself, but that's actually one of many things

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<v Speaker 1>mentioned in the Fifth Amendment.

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<v Speaker 2>I didn't know that I should read that over.

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<v Speaker 1>I'd forgotten it. It's one of those things. I had

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<v Speaker 1>to memorize it at one point. But here's the entirety

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<v Speaker 1>of the Fifth Amendment. I thought this was interesting. No

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<v Speaker 1>person shall be held to answer for a capital or

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<v Speaker 1>otherwise infamous crime, unless on a presentment or indictment of

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<v Speaker 1>a grand jury, except in cases arising in the land

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<v Speaker 1>or naval forces, or in the militia when in actual

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<v Speaker 1>service in time of war public danger. Nor shall any

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<v Speaker 1>person be subject, for the same offense to be twice

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<v Speaker 1>put in jeopardy of life or limb double jeopardy straight

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<v Speaker 1>out of the Fifth Amendment. Nor shall be compelled, in

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<v Speaker 1>any criminal case, to be a witness against himself.

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<v Speaker 2>That's the wheel of fortune. After the jeopardy portion. It's

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<v Speaker 2>the wheel of fortune portion correct.

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<v Speaker 1>Nor be deprived of life, liberty, or property without due

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<v Speaker 1>process of law, that's where that very famous phrase let

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<v Speaker 1>comes from due process. Nor shall private property be taken

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<v Speaker 1>for public use without just compensation, which there's a lot

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<v Speaker 1>to the fifth Amen, we aren't always good at where's

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<v Speaker 1>the thing where you can't testify against your husband or

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<v Speaker 1>wife or you don't have to?

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<v Speaker 2>Is that in the Bill of right?

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<v Speaker 1>No, somewhere, Yeah, that's just in case law. I don't.

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<v Speaker 1>I wish I knew.

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<v Speaker 2>But why can't you testify against your husband or wife?

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<v Speaker 2>There are no other relationships like that you can justify?

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<v Speaker 1>Oh you can't.

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<v Speaker 2>You can, but just can't be required.

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<v Speaker 1>But how come you in some situation but you can.

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<v Speaker 2>Be required to testify against your kids or your kids

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<v Speaker 2>against you, but not husband and wife.

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<v Speaker 1>I was just talking to my law student daughter about

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<v Speaker 1>this the other day, and I don't remember exactly.

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<v Speaker 2>Because you and Judy's big Ponzi scheme and you're worried about.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh yeah, I tell you what. The second the cops

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<v Speaker 1>are here, I go states she was running it. She

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<v Speaker 1>made me do it right under the bus and Jody, honey,

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<v Speaker 1>I hope you're comfortable under there. Oh let's see. So

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<v Speaker 1>I think the longest of the amendments I can find

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<v Speaker 1>is uh is probably the twelfth about choosing the president

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<v Speaker 1>vice president. They had to clarify how that was going

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<v Speaker 1>to work. But man, they get long. The fourteenth is long,

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<v Speaker 1>five paragraphs long. Liquor pastards, which boo what number is

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<v Speaker 1>that you suck? That's the eighteenth And did you say

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<v Speaker 1>it is longer?

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<v Speaker 2>Is it short? No more booze? Parties jackasses? That's what

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<v Speaker 2>that one's called.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, it's it's long and boring, just like a world

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<v Speaker 1>without alcohol. Another are three shortish?

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<v Speaker 2>And then how soon after that one is the one

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<v Speaker 2>that says parties back on.

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<v Speaker 1>The twenty first? God bless it. Actually the eighteenth was

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<v Speaker 1>ratified in nineteen nineteen and it was repealed in nineteen

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<v Speaker 1>thirty three.

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<v Speaker 2>Wow, I always forget how long that period was.

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<v Speaker 1>Of no favorite. Some of my favorite writings by H. L.

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<v Speaker 1>Menken were written during Prohibition. What he would describe how

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<v Speaker 1>congress people and senators Washington, DC, you could get a

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<v Speaker 1>drink practically as easy as you can right now. It

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<v Speaker 1>was everywhere because the senators were never going to hold

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<v Speaker 1>themselves to this same standards. They were just doing it

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<v Speaker 1>because it was politically popular. It was a popular movement

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<v Speaker 1>among women when women first got the right to vote,

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<v Speaker 1>because so many of their husbands would come home hammerre

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<v Speaker 1>drunk and either be useless or violent, or or have

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<v Speaker 1>spent all the money at the bar.

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<v Speaker 2>Your people, Katie to go a wear our party.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, because of what your people put us through every

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<v Speaker 3>day by being drunk a holes.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah. Well, if your people weren't all day long, maybe

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<v Speaker 1>I wouldn't need a drink.

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<v Speaker 3>Well, if you would do some things around the house,

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<v Speaker 3>maybe we wouldn't all the time.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh my God, give me the bottle. Where's the bottle?

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<v Speaker 2>I think that was the Lightning Boardwalk Empire. If you

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<v Speaker 2>never watched that series with Steve Buscemi, really great portrayal

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<v Speaker 2>of those years.

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<v Speaker 1>Nineteenth Amendment women's suffrages I was ratified in nineteen twenty.

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<v Speaker 2>Man need a due over on that one.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, So women's voting and prohibition came up at the

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<v Speaker 1>same time, although admittedly liquor was abolished just before the

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<v Speaker 1>year before women got the right to vote.

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<v Speaker 3>One of my favorite places, near the Radio Ranch in

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<v Speaker 3>San Francisco was an old prohibition bar, and the owner

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<v Speaker 3>took us down into their their storage room one day,

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<v Speaker 3>and all of the old tunnel doors were all welded

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<v Speaker 3>shut because they used to move alcohol underneath San Francisco

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<v Speaker 3>in this tunnel system.

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<v Speaker 1>But it was really cool.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah. One of my favorite liquor stores was named twenty

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<v Speaker 1>second Amendment Laquers, which I always I'm sorry not to

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<v Speaker 1>twenty thirty first Amendment. Yeah, yeah, twenty second is presidential

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<v Speaker 1>term limits. That'd just be a weird name.

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<v Speaker 2>Went to a barn term limits.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh, by the way, ladies, keep in mind nineteenth Amendment.

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<v Speaker 1>We gave you the right, we can take it away, and.

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<v Speaker 2>Yes it's on a as a needed basis.

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<v Speaker 1>Let's can anybody name the last amendment? I'll tell you

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<v Speaker 1>that it's the twenty seventh. Does anybody remember what it is?

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<v Speaker 3>Mm?

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<v Speaker 2>Well, the last one is the twenty eighth, as declared

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<v Speaker 2>by Joe Biden a week ago.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, we could go to that. That's right. On Twitter,

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<v Speaker 1>I wish i'd more carefully read article too about the presidency.

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<v Speaker 1>Turns out it says let me flip to it the

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<v Speaker 1>president shell at the time of his choosing enact new

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<v Speaker 1>amendments to the Constitution. On Twitter, I don't want a

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<v Speaker 1>senile nut job?

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<v Speaker 2>What is number two seven?

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<v Speaker 1>Limiting congressional pay increases ratified in nineteen ninety two. Essentially,

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<v Speaker 1>you don't get a raise until another round of elections

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<v Speaker 1>is held. You can vote one in, but you don't

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<v Speaker 1>get it.

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<v Speaker 2>You know, our friend Tim thinks there should be more

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<v Speaker 2>amendments that we or have been. We've made it too difficult.

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<v Speaker 2>It seem like it's acted like it's just too big

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<v Speaker 2>a crazy a deal to ever talk about amendments.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I would agree. I mean, you spend two hundred

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<v Speaker 1>and fifty years doing something you ought to get better

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<v Speaker 1>at it, figure out, oh we forgot this. I would

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<v Speaker 1>like to see some stuff clarified, like the fourteenth Amendment

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<v Speaker 1>that the birthright citizenship all I want is added on

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<v Speaker 1>if the parents have legal status in the United States.

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<v Speaker 1>You can't just sneak in.

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<v Speaker 2>All I know. I'm glad you read that. When I

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<v Speaker 2>get home, there are some soldiers sleeping soundly in my

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<v Speaker 2>bed who are gonna You're not gonna be happy to

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<v Speaker 2>hear what I now know.

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<v Speaker 1>I will court you no longer.

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<v Speaker 2>Jebediah, I declare on this twenty fourth day January twenty

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<v Speaker 2>twenty five, that is it