Speaker 1: I think dating is like finding an apartment. So if
Speaker 1: you if you're not a billionaire, and I even mean
Speaker 1: people who have like tens of millions of dollars and
Speaker 1: maybe even like one hundred million dollars or fifty million dollars,
Speaker 1: are going to have to compromise in some way in
Speaker 1: an apartment in New York City? What do I mean? Okay,
Speaker 1: it's very hard to find high ceilings, bright, good location,
Speaker 1: doorman amenities. For me, a small building, maybe a situation
Speaker 1: where you don't really have to like interact with other
Speaker 1: people in an elevator, like I said, a good location, privacy,
Speaker 1: maybe your own parking spot, maybe a garage next door,
Speaker 1: like even for someone who has one hundred million dollars,
Speaker 1: like you might not find all of this. Okay, you
Speaker 1: have to decide what you want, right, What do you want?
Speaker 1: Do you need a view? Or do you like I
Speaker 1: like to walk off the street. I don't like to
Speaker 1: get in an elevator and talk to other people and
Speaker 1: press a button to get a view. So where are
Speaker 1: you getting a massive view on by yourself? You're building
Speaker 1: a three billion dollar high rise for yourself. Like, so
Speaker 1: I'm saying, there's always gonna be some sacrifice. Take it
Speaker 1: all the way. What if you want a JACUZI, you
Speaker 1: want to pool, you want outdoor space, you have dogs,
Speaker 1: you want to entertain outside. You want a barbecue outside.
Speaker 1: Whatever it is finding a New York City apartment, there
Speaker 1: will always be a compromise fireplace. You can't have a
Speaker 1: real wood burning fireplace, but you can have a gas
Speaker 1: you can't have either. There will always be something central
Speaker 1: ac like it never ends. I've found amazing places. There's
Speaker 1: always a rub. That's what a relationship is. So what
Speaker 1: is most important to you me in an apartment. The
Speaker 1: size of the space and the way the space is
Speaker 1: used is critical. I don't need a very fancy lobby.
Speaker 1: I don't need people to be impressed when they walk
Speaker 1: into my lobby. I really need nondescript and clean. But
Speaker 1: my apartment to be what I need it to be.
Speaker 1: I don't really need a view per se, but I
Speaker 1: need some version of a view, like it doesn't have
Speaker 1: to be of the ocean or of the mountains, but
Speaker 1: it has to not be that I look in the
Speaker 1: back to like a hedge, like I'm in some basic,
Speaker 1: normal backyard. I have to have some version of a
Speaker 1: view or something that feels great, and if I don't,
Speaker 1: something else has to be that amazing. So I've had
Speaker 1: crazy multi million dollar apartments in New York City. There
Speaker 1: were forty two hundred square feet. But I'm kind of
Speaker 1: looking at nothing. And I have a place in Miami
Speaker 1: that every room has ocean view, but it's a small
Speaker 1: place and I'm compromising on my closet. It's like, that's
Speaker 1: what relationships are. So what is important to you? So
Speaker 1: is it the most important that you feel safe? What
Speaker 1: if you need to feel safe, cared for and loved,
Speaker 1: but then you won't have good sex and you won't
Speaker 1: feel like you're having fun. What if you feel safe
Speaker 1: and are having fun, you know someone loves you, but
Speaker 1: you're having fun, but that person is a drug addict
Speaker 1: literally because you know, I have you ever been in
Speaker 1: a relationship with someone who has like an alcohol issue
Speaker 1: or a drug issue? But what if they're a good person?
Speaker 1: Are they going to change? Like? Are you going to
Speaker 1: be there for that change? What is most important? What
Speaker 1: if the person is a great father, or you're divorced
Speaker 1: and they're great to your kids, but you you often
Speaker 1: feel like you're on shaky ground. What if someone has OCD.
Speaker 1: What if someone has massive anxiety, they get really anxious.
Speaker 1: What if someone's bipolar, what if someone's depressed? Like, what
Speaker 1: if someone has an eating disorder? Like? What is it?
Speaker 1: We're never getting something perfect? So how much can someone change?
Speaker 1: And how do you decide what's on your menu? And
Speaker 1: does your menu change? You know? Sometimes the pendulum swings.
Speaker 1: You get in one relationship and you are with someone who,
Speaker 1: let's just say, is fun is wild? Like you love it,
Speaker 1: you love their family, you love their mom, you love
Speaker 1: their kids, you think they're hot, but you don't feel
Speaker 1: that safe. Then in the next relationship you want to
Speaker 1: feel really, really safe, but the person is not fun
Speaker 1: and you don't like their family and it's boring. How
Speaker 1: do you decide what needs to change, what you're willing
Speaker 1: to settle for, Like what if it's a religious thing,
Speaker 1: like someone is not doesn't or doesn't align with you
Speaker 1: on politics? My friend says, you weigh the pros and cons.
Speaker 1: You write a list and also a good way is
Speaker 1: wants and needs. What do you want? What do you need?
Speaker 1: And you can write it out for another person. Certainly
Speaker 1: can't do that on your first date. But before you
Speaker 1: get too far into the wrong card. You may want
Speaker 1: to a write down what you want before meeting someone,
Speaker 1: but the game will move quickly and things will change
Speaker 1: and you'll have things on the menu that you didn't
Speaker 1: even think were on the menu. So once you get
Speaker 1: into a relationship, and let's say, as you're approaching three months,
Speaker 1: because three months is a critical period, you start to
Speaker 1: like hone in and be like, okay, if we're deciding
Speaker 1: whether we're really going to go the distance, do you
Speaker 1: have this? Do you have that? Can you be this?
Speaker 1: Can you not be that? Can you change? And then
Speaker 1: what if you get to six months? That's getting serious.
Speaker 1: You know, some people believe you should be with someone
Speaker 1: four seasons. So I just think it's interesting to think
Speaker 1: about if people can change and what is most important,
Speaker 1: and it will be different from men many people. Some
Speaker 1: people need autonomy, They need to feel free and independent.
Speaker 1: They can't be shackled, you know. Some people need fidelity.
Speaker 1: Some people need you to be loyal. Some other people
Speaker 1: could have an open relationship as long as they're loved
Speaker 1: and they're getting what they need, they don't care what
Speaker 1: you do, like, what are the wants, what are the needs?
Speaker 1: What are the pros? What are the cons what are
Speaker 1: the possibilities for change and what can you settle for
Speaker 1: and what can you not settle for? And also how
Speaker 1: does someone look in your future? How does someone look
Speaker 1: with you when you're eighty on the bench. Is this
Speaker 1: who you're going to grow old with? What is going
Speaker 1: to be important when you get older? I think it's
Speaker 1: an interesting conversation. As women, we are too apologetic in business.
Speaker 1: Someone recently said to me, don't apologize that you've just
Speaker 1: said that, because I had just laid down the law
Speaker 1: about something in work, and women tend to then feel
Speaker 1: badly and apologize after. Now. It doesn't mean you're not
Speaker 1: supposed to be mean, and you're not supposed to be
Speaker 1: half cocked, unhinged, abusive, nothing like that. But if you're
Speaker 1: straightforward and you lay down the law, things fall into place.
Speaker 1: And I've found that in business I've been much more
Speaker 1: successful when i've done that, and I've been doing it
Speaker 1: more lately. So let me give you an example. Someone
Speaker 1: does something that is completely unacceptable, like it has crossed
Speaker 1: the line, and it requires a very strong response instead
Speaker 1: of hedging it, instead of saying you're really great and
Speaker 1: you're doing great, and I usually say I literally said,
Speaker 1: what exactly were you thinking? Like I was intense, I
Speaker 1: was harsh. I didn't back down, and I stuck to it.
Speaker 1: Someone did apologize later in a very sort of diluted way,
Speaker 1: which did stick with me, because when you do something
Speaker 1: wrong at work or in life, it's not what you do,
Speaker 1: it's how you respond afterwards, and you better buck up,
Speaker 1: and you better apologize in a strong, meaningful, authentic manner,
Speaker 1: a genuine manner, like you mean it, not like a throwaway,
Speaker 1: because I find that sometimes people get self conscious and
Speaker 1: insecure and when they're apologizing, they're kind of like it's
Speaker 1: like a throwaway, Like it's like they're doing you a favor.
Speaker 1: And if you're going to apologize to me, it better
Speaker 1: be a fully baked apology. But also, I'm not going
Speaker 1: to apologize for saying when something is absolutely unacceptable. Another
Speaker 1: thing that goes on sometimes we do like we do
Speaker 1: at home with our kids, and we do too much,
Speaker 1: and we kind of are there as a crutch for
Speaker 1: people that work for us, and then and they lean
Speaker 1: on that, and you find yourself in every weed, and
Speaker 1: the weeds will always grow back, so you find yourself
Speaker 1: going into different weeds and people may not know what
Speaker 1: you're going through. It might happen in your life and
Speaker 1: like your household as like a parent or a mother,
Speaker 1: where you're the giving tree and people keep pulling. It
Speaker 1: might happen at work where people just the muscle. People
Speaker 1: just rely on that muscle, and so they keep asking
Speaker 1: you because you're not creating boundaries and you're not doing
Speaker 1: that in your house. And so what's been happening lately
Speaker 1: is I'll say I can do my job, I can't
Speaker 1: do yours, And that seems like a bitchy thing, but
Speaker 1: it's entirely true, and I mean it from with every
Speaker 1: fiber of my being. And a man could say that
Speaker 1: and totally get away with it without seeming like no
Speaker 1: one calls a man a bitch, you know, like people
Speaker 1: think that women are bitchy if they're tough, And you
Speaker 1: know what, if you're going to be strong in business
Speaker 1: and successful, you have to be direct, straightforward, fair, but tough.
Speaker 1: And so I've recently been not apologizing about the basic
Speaker 1: standards of what needs to happen in a workplace. And
Speaker 1: when you become more successful and things start thriving, you're
Speaker 1: going to find that not everybody is up to snuff.
Speaker 1: You will find that people get left behind. And it's
Speaker 1: really not show friends, it's show business. You should always
Speaker 1: be loyal and honest. And I do have people that
Speaker 1: work with me that work fewer hours and get paid
Speaker 1: more money, and they've been with me forever because trust
Speaker 1: is massive, and so is hard work and loyalty and honesty.
Speaker 1: It's invaluable. But some people will be left by the
Speaker 1: waystside if they're not meeting you where you're at and
Speaker 1: rising to the occasion. And you will see a change
Speaker 1: in people when you know employees can like almost bully employers,
Speaker 1: meaning they can sometimes like push to as far as
Speaker 1: you'll let them, and you decide where the line is
Speaker 1: and what's acceptable and what's unacceptable, and who's going the
Speaker 1: extra mile and who's like only counting every single minute,
Speaker 1: every single hour, every single lunch break and really just
Speaker 1: is waiting to get to that. You know the difference.
Speaker 1: You know who's going all the way, And you take
Speaker 1: the people all the way that work from day one,
Speaker 1: like they're going all the way, even if they're not
Speaker 1: getting paid, like they're going all the way, even if
Speaker 1: they have the grunt work job. Like that's when you
Speaker 1: really see who people are. But I am a person
Speaker 1: that will say this is unacceptable and I will only
Speaker 1: do my job. I will not do yours because as
Speaker 1: those days are over, business is too big and if
Speaker 1: you are spending time in the weeds, you're not spending
Speaker 1: time on the big picture. If you have to be
Speaker 1: the rain maker and make the big decisions and the
Speaker 1: strategic decisions. Or even at work, if you work for
Speaker 1: somebody else or you work with other people, you're pulling
Speaker 1: someone else's weight. Absolutely not. Doesn't mean you won't help
Speaker 1: someone out, especially if someone's drowning, but it means day
Speaker 1: to day you have to do your job to the
Speaker 1: best of your ability, because if you're doing someone else's job,
Speaker 1: then you're slacking on your own. And ultimately, everybody has
Speaker 1: to do the job that is at the seat that
Speaker 1: they're in, and doing extra is great when you finish,
Speaker 1: it's great, but we all, as parents and as professionals,
Speaker 1: get sucked into weeds. You've got to try as you
Speaker 1: go into twenty twenty five to not get sucked down
Speaker 1: in the weeds. They will drown you, they will strangle you,
Speaker 1: and you can't get out, and other people will get
Speaker 1: used to you being in those weeds. So the balance
Speaker 1: has been critical for me. It's such a good feeling
Speaker 1: when you just have that boundary and you just absolutely
Speaker 1: will not do a job it's not your own, and
Speaker 1: you will not accept other people not doing their jobs.
Speaker 1: And people need to work smart. It's not about working harder,
Speaker 1: it's about working smarter. I find so many people expend
Speaker 1: so much energy in the wrong area, like they just
Speaker 1: you watch them flailing. They're not efficient, they're not organized,
Speaker 1: they're not path of least resistance, and you're sitting there
Speaker 1: saying you're exasperated and exhausted because you're not working smart.
Speaker 1: And people have to be in the right seats to
Speaker 1: be able to work smart. It's a very, very big thing.
Speaker 1: And when you're talking about your staff, you have to
Speaker 1: think about who's in what seat, because if someone's in
Speaker 1: the wrong seat, if you have someone playing the wrong
Speaker 1: position on a basketball team or a football team or
Speaker 1: in crew or anything, they could be terrible. Someone could
Speaker 1: be terrible if they're playing the wrong sport the wrong position.
Speaker 1: So you make sure as you look at your business
Speaker 1: and people around you, that everybody is sitting in the
Speaker 1: best seat for them to thrive in