WEBVTT - Cheating and Dealing with Betrayal 0:00:00.560 --> 0:00:06.480 Yes, I've been cheated on, but I also have cheated 0:00:06.519 --> 0:00:08.880 before you, guys, and it's something that I'm not proud of, 0:00:09.600 --> 0:00:14.840 and it definitely ruined the relationship. If I look back now, 0:00:15.200 --> 0:00:19.120 everything that I've learned, how I've matured, there's absolutely no 0:00:19.239 --> 0:00:21.200 way on earth that I would deal with half of 0:00:21.200 --> 0:00:23.800 the things I dealt with in that relationship. I'm not 0:00:24.040 --> 0:00:26.720 going to tell you that if your partner cheated or 0:00:26.720 --> 0:00:29.760 you're cheated, the relationship is broken forever. It's going to 0:00:29.840 --> 0:00:31.920 take a lot of work, though, and you have to 0:00:32.200 --> 0:00:41.320 forgive and try to forget. Hello everyone, Happy Monday. Today 0:00:41.479 --> 0:00:44.159 is actually the last Monday in the month of June, 0:00:44.560 --> 0:00:46.840 and that means we're pretty much halfway through the year. 0:00:47.159 --> 0:00:49.760 I hope you're all doing great and counting your blessings 0:00:49.840 --> 0:00:52.880 if you didn't know, that's something I do every single morning, 0:00:52.920 --> 0:00:55.000 and I recommend you guys do it too. We have 0:00:55.040 --> 0:00:57.800 a pretty interesting episode in store for you today. It's 0:00:57.800 --> 0:01:01.720 all about cheating in relationship. So let's get into it 0:01:02.040 --> 0:01:11.720 and do the damn thing. This is checks and chill. Alright, guys, 0:01:12.080 --> 0:01:15.240 So let's talk about cheating. It's obviously a major form 0:01:15.280 --> 0:01:18.240 of betrayal when you cheat on someone you supposedly care about, 0:01:18.360 --> 0:01:21.440 your violating their trust. I don't know if you guys know, 0:01:21.520 --> 0:01:23.560 but I've been cheated on in the past. It's something 0:01:23.640 --> 0:01:26.319 I've talked about briefly in a recent interview, and I 0:01:26.360 --> 0:01:29.000 want to talk about it more here on my podcast 0:01:29.280 --> 0:01:33.440 because this is where I feel safe. So Wow, Like 0:01:33.480 --> 0:01:36.640 I said, cheating is definitely a form of betrayal. It 0:01:36.800 --> 0:01:42.080 is disrespectful. Obviously, there are people that feel that texting 0:01:42.120 --> 0:01:47.640 someone that you shouldn't be texting is cheating, Flirting is cheating. Basically, 0:01:47.680 --> 0:01:49.880 anything that you wouldn't want your partner to do you 0:01:49.880 --> 0:01:51.920 should not be doing. And I completely agree with that. 0:01:52.480 --> 0:01:57.000 And I'm going to start off by first saying that, yes, 0:01:57.040 --> 0:02:00.000 I've been cheated on, but I also have cheated before 0:02:00.040 --> 0:02:02.160 you guys, and it's something that I'm not proud of. 0:02:02.560 --> 0:02:08.440 I was young and it definitely ruined the relationship. So 0:02:08.520 --> 0:02:10.600 let me go back. So, the first time I was 0:02:10.639 --> 0:02:12.920 cheated on that I knew of, that I found out 0:02:13.400 --> 0:02:16.560 was with my very first boyfriend, my former boyfriend, the 0:02:16.600 --> 0:02:20.560 one that I think I talked about a little bit 0:02:20.639 --> 0:02:23.920 here um on one of the episodes. I was basically 0:02:24.000 --> 0:02:26.920 nineteen when I met him. We lasted like four years. 0:02:27.720 --> 0:02:32.440 We were engaged. We were going to get married in December, 0:02:32.480 --> 0:02:36.240 I believe of like two thousand six. Oh my gosh, yeah, 0:02:36.280 --> 0:02:41.080 I was December December sixteen, two thousand six, I remember precisely. 0:02:42.320 --> 0:02:44.200 So a lot happened. I'm telling you. I was young. 0:02:44.360 --> 0:02:47.360 I was very attached to my siblings, I was attached 0:02:47.400 --> 0:02:51.360 to my mom. I was afraid of marriage. Basically, I 0:02:51.400 --> 0:02:53.480 woke up one day and I said, I don't want 0:02:53.480 --> 0:02:56.000 to get married. I told him on a Wednesday, I'll 0:02:56.000 --> 0:03:00.680 never forget. A month before getting married, we had the location, 0:03:00.800 --> 0:03:03.240 we had the honeymoon, I was getting my dress made, 0:03:03.400 --> 0:03:05.239 and I just woke up one Dana said I can't 0:03:05.280 --> 0:03:07.480 marry you. Like I'm not ready. I still want to 0:03:07.520 --> 0:03:09.960 be with you, but I'm not ready to get married. 0:03:10.000 --> 0:03:12.040 Of course, he was devastated, he was heartbroken. He was 0:03:12.080 --> 0:03:13.440 just like, how can you do this to me? Which 0:03:13.480 --> 0:03:16.880 I completely understand. I was just afraid. I was afraid 0:03:16.880 --> 0:03:19.560 to leave the nest. I was afraid of not being 0:03:19.560 --> 0:03:21.760 there for my siblings, for my mom. And although my 0:03:21.800 --> 0:03:24.200 mom loved him and said he can move in with us, 0:03:24.400 --> 0:03:26.440 obviously he didn't want that He's like, no, we need 0:03:26.480 --> 0:03:29.200 to have our own home. But I was just very 0:03:29.200 --> 0:03:32.840 attached and that I think was the first big thing 0:03:32.880 --> 0:03:37.680 in our relationship. Um, he started acting different, and of 0:03:37.720 --> 0:03:42.240 course I got attention from someone else and I kissed him. 0:03:42.400 --> 0:03:44.360 Here's here's the thing. He never found out about that. 0:03:44.560 --> 0:03:46.240 But I don't know if he listens to this podcast. 0:03:46.320 --> 0:03:49.120 Maybe his because I'm really cool with his wife now 0:03:49.480 --> 0:03:52.600 they have three boys, he's happily married. I'm very happy 0:03:52.640 --> 0:03:54.200 for him. Her and I are cool, so I'm sure 0:03:54.200 --> 0:03:56.400 she listens to it. I think so now he's going 0:03:56.440 --> 0:03:59.400 to know, but he doesn't know. And the reason I'm 0:03:59.400 --> 0:04:00.920 saying is because I don't want to talk about being 0:04:00.960 --> 0:04:03.960 cheated on and not first saying that I have also 0:04:04.040 --> 0:04:08.000 felt in this area. And anyways, I got some attention. 0:04:08.080 --> 0:04:11.120 He was acting weird, as he should because I had 0:04:11.160 --> 0:04:13.400 just broken his heart and I just canceled our engagement, 0:04:13.480 --> 0:04:16.880 our wedding. I called it off, and he just wasn't 0:04:16.880 --> 0:04:19.240 being the same. And I got attention from someone. I 0:04:19.240 --> 0:04:21.560 went out to like a nightclub with my friends, and 0:04:21.600 --> 0:04:23.600 he was a very cute guy. He was a lot 0:04:23.640 --> 0:04:26.360 older than me, a lot older than him, and I 0:04:26.440 --> 0:04:28.200 don't know, I just I liked him. There was something 0:04:28.240 --> 0:04:30.800 about him. He flirted with me and gave me some attention. 0:04:30.960 --> 0:04:35.039 We kissed and nothing went further than that, but we 0:04:35.080 --> 0:04:37.320 did kiss, and that's still cheating, you guys, even flirting. 0:04:37.360 --> 0:04:40.880 I was I was wrong, and again he didn't find out, 0:04:41.400 --> 0:04:45.160 but then he continued to act weird, and I found 0:04:45.200 --> 0:04:47.720 out that he had also gone out and met this 0:04:47.760 --> 0:04:50.240 girl at like, like I think I was working or so. 0:04:50.320 --> 0:04:52.520 Then I remember exactly why I wasn't with him that night, 0:04:52.920 --> 0:04:55.680 but I didn't go, and he went out and there 0:04:55.760 --> 0:04:58.760 was a very pretty girl. She had black hair with 0:04:58.839 --> 0:05:02.520 green eyes, and I think I looked through his phone 0:05:02.640 --> 0:05:04.880 or something and he was texting this Girl'll never forget 0:05:04.960 --> 0:05:08.960 because we were baptizing his sister's son, who is still 0:05:09.000 --> 0:05:12.280 my godson. I love their family very much, and he 0:05:12.360 --> 0:05:14.400 was like on his phone and I'm like, he's been 0:05:14.480 --> 0:05:17.760 so weird, like ever since we like called off the engagement. 0:05:17.760 --> 0:05:21.120 He was acting very very different, and he was just like, 0:05:21.320 --> 0:05:24.359 not like it seems like at all into me. I 0:05:24.360 --> 0:05:26.080 felt like he was a little disgusted. He was just 0:05:26.200 --> 0:05:29.039 very disappointed. But then I never will forget that he 0:05:29.080 --> 0:05:31.520 was just on his phone the entire time at the party, 0:05:31.640 --> 0:05:33.560 like the family was there, everything, and he was just 0:05:33.600 --> 0:05:36.160 in a corner texting. So I looked through his phone, 0:05:36.160 --> 0:05:38.760 and sure enough, he was talking to a girl, and 0:05:38.880 --> 0:05:40.680 I got her number, and of course I called her 0:05:41.160 --> 0:05:44.360 and I spoke to her, and I was devastated. Mind you, 0:05:44.440 --> 0:05:46.440 I knew what I had done, but we were, I guess, 0:05:46.480 --> 0:05:49.120 doing the same thing at the same time, which means 0:05:49.120 --> 0:05:53.240 a relationship was over obviously, and he had just met her, 0:05:53.279 --> 0:05:55.400 I think, like two weeks ago, and she told me, 0:05:55.440 --> 0:05:57.120 Oh my god, I had no idea he had a girlfriend. 0:05:57.120 --> 0:05:58.680 He told me he was single. He told me that 0:05:58.720 --> 0:06:01.240 he had just broken up with his girl friend. But 0:06:01.640 --> 0:06:06.160 the thing is her friend. I guess I knew who 0:06:06.200 --> 0:06:09.479 he was, had noticed him from, like I don't know where, 0:06:09.520 --> 0:06:12.160 but this friend of hers knew that he worked with 0:06:12.200 --> 0:06:14.719 my mom and that he was my boyfriend. So I 0:06:14.720 --> 0:06:16.120 think she knew. I don't know if she was lying, 0:06:16.160 --> 0:06:19.600 but legs skip they were talking. She said that they 0:06:19.600 --> 0:06:21.360 had only kissed, they hadn't had sex. It had only 0:06:21.400 --> 0:06:23.560 been two weeks that they had like been talking, and 0:06:23.920 --> 0:06:26.240 apparently he's like, I could see myself marrying you. I 0:06:26.240 --> 0:06:28.719 could see myself having kids with you, this and this 0:06:28.839 --> 0:06:32.160 and that, and then she was at first really cool 0:06:32.200 --> 0:06:35.000 when I spoke to her, and then she became a 0:06:35.200 --> 0:06:38.080 bit and I was like, what the hell. Of course 0:06:38.080 --> 0:06:42.400 I was devastated. Of course I told him off. I 0:06:42.440 --> 0:06:44.800 was just like, how could you do this to me? 0:06:45.320 --> 0:06:47.279 This entire time, you guys, I was being a hypocrite 0:06:47.680 --> 0:06:50.159 because I knew what I had done. Obviously I didn't 0:06:50.160 --> 0:06:53.920 tell him, but of course either way, I was hurt. 0:06:54.320 --> 0:06:55.919 I was just like, I can't believe you do this 0:06:55.960 --> 0:06:58.640 to me. I never in a million years thought that 0:06:58.680 --> 0:07:00.560 he would do that to me. He bought her flowers, 0:07:00.600 --> 0:07:02.920 he took her in our car. She's like, oh yeah, 0:07:02.920 --> 0:07:05.160 I was in his car and his BMW and your 0:07:05.160 --> 0:07:08.159 guys initials are on the head rest, and I'm like, 0:07:08.200 --> 0:07:10.360 oh my gosh, she's not lying. So she told me 0:07:10.440 --> 0:07:13.440 all these details. I like was obsessed with her. She 0:07:13.440 --> 0:07:18.640 was a beautiful girl, like fellow negro, like completely different 0:07:18.680 --> 0:07:20.840 from me. I have green eyes, but they're a little 0:07:20.880 --> 0:07:22.640 bit like hers were like green green. So I was 0:07:22.680 --> 0:07:24.840 just like obsessed. I was like, oh my god. So 0:07:25.240 --> 0:07:26.720 of course we broke up for a little bit. He 0:07:26.760 --> 0:07:30.560 begged me and I just it was never the same. 0:07:30.760 --> 0:07:32.600 It was never the same. The relationship was over when 0:07:32.680 --> 0:07:34.920 him and I think him and I were actually I 0:07:35.000 --> 0:07:38.240 think I had just done the same thing, like maybe 0:07:38.680 --> 0:07:40.360 like a month before, you know what I mean. So 0:07:40.400 --> 0:07:43.440 it's like we were both, like I think, just trying 0:07:43.440 --> 0:07:46.200 to make it work because we were comfortable. But I 0:07:46.240 --> 0:07:50.240 guess it was just over anyways. I forgave him, and 0:07:50.920 --> 0:07:53.640 I told myself, I'm gonna make him fall in love 0:07:53.640 --> 0:07:56.160 with me even more and I'm going to let him 0:07:56.160 --> 0:07:58.400 go when I'm ready. And that's not the right thing, 0:07:58.760 --> 0:08:01.440 but um, I was younger, and I'm admitting to it 0:08:01.520 --> 0:08:05.720 because I've learned so much from that situation that I 0:08:05.800 --> 0:08:08.200 feel like I ruined something good. And I've told you 0:08:08.200 --> 0:08:10.240 guys this before. He was a really great guy. He 0:08:10.320 --> 0:08:12.640 is a great guy. I love his family. I still 0:08:12.680 --> 0:08:15.880 have communication with Michael mare her little boy. That's out 0:08:15.880 --> 0:08:17.760 a little boy anymore. He's like sixteen years old now. 0:08:18.440 --> 0:08:23.600 And you know, I learned from that situation at maslic Okay, 0:08:23.640 --> 0:08:25.200 you cheated on me, I'm gonna make you fall in 0:08:25.240 --> 0:08:26.920 love with me, and then I'm going to leave you. 0:08:27.720 --> 0:08:30.960 I never felt the same after that, and I basically 0:08:30.960 --> 0:08:33.200 broke up with him. I think we lasted maybe like 0:08:33.720 --> 0:08:35.959 a couple of months. It just didn't work out because 0:08:36.720 --> 0:08:40.200 it wasn't the same, and quite frankly, I was having 0:08:40.200 --> 0:08:42.240 feelings for this other person. I had stopped talking to 0:08:42.320 --> 0:08:43.920 him after I was like, no, this isn't right. But 0:08:44.000 --> 0:08:47.640 then once we broke up him and I started talking again, 0:08:47.640 --> 0:08:49.760 he was no good for me, that other dude at all. 0:08:50.440 --> 0:08:51.880 I met him at a club. Okay, he was like 0:08:51.920 --> 0:08:54.480 a bouncer at a club. It's just it was not good. 0:08:54.520 --> 0:08:56.840 I needed to learn my lesson. So I feel like 0:08:57.000 --> 0:08:59.760 I lost something good. And it was because I was young, 0:08:59.840 --> 0:09:02.760 because I was too attached to my family, and I'll 0:09:02.800 --> 0:09:05.240 never forget he told me, if you give so much 0:09:05.320 --> 0:09:08.200 for your family that one day, this is what he said, 0:09:08.240 --> 0:09:13.680 word for word he said, and I was like, no, 0:09:13.800 --> 0:09:15.839 that's never gonna happen. Like I'm gonna always be there 0:09:15.840 --> 0:09:17.720 for my mom, always going to be there for my siblings. 0:09:18.280 --> 0:09:22.520 And basically that relationship ended him and I tried maybe 0:09:22.520 --> 0:09:25.160 like a couple of years after, and it just didn't work. 0:09:25.240 --> 0:09:28.559 It's just once you break that glass and that trust you, guys, 0:09:28.559 --> 0:09:31.600 just it's never the same. And now he's happy and 0:09:31.600 --> 0:09:33.800 everything happens for a reason, and I'm happy for him. 0:09:33.960 --> 0:09:36.560 And I learned myself that I don't ever want to 0:09:36.640 --> 0:09:40.960 treat someone that way because I was so focused on 0:09:41.040 --> 0:09:44.360 my siblings, on my mom, that I was not giving 0:09:44.400 --> 0:09:47.360 my relationship the place that it required, the place that 0:09:47.400 --> 0:09:51.640 it deserved. And I learned because there were times on 0:09:51.720 --> 0:09:53.280 him and I were on our way to a date 0:09:53.360 --> 0:09:55.080 and we had things planned, my mom would call me 0:09:55.120 --> 0:09:56.280 or one of the kids, and I would just like 0:09:56.440 --> 0:09:59.200 drop it just to go, you know, to go help 0:09:59.240 --> 0:10:01.679 my mom or whatever. And because I felt for a 0:10:01.720 --> 0:10:03.320 long time that's what I had to do, you know 0:10:03.320 --> 0:10:06.040 what I mean. But I also always left him like 0:10:06.080 --> 0:10:08.439 well where do I stand? You know? And he was 0:10:08.480 --> 0:10:11.199 a good guy. He was loving to me, he was respectful. 0:10:12.040 --> 0:10:15.600 I was just afraid, and I also did things that 0:10:15.679 --> 0:10:19.120 I think karma came back and bit me in the ass. 0:10:20.000 --> 0:10:22.160 So that's what happened with the first time I found 0:10:22.160 --> 0:10:25.640 out that they cheated on me, and that was tough. 0:10:26.480 --> 0:10:28.839 And from there I was like, Okay, I'm gonna make 0:10:28.880 --> 0:10:32.400 sure that in every relationship I am, if we break up, 0:10:32.440 --> 0:10:35.559 it's going to be because of them, not because of me, 0:10:35.960 --> 0:10:38.280 I'm gonna do what I can, and I'm gonna be 0:10:38.320 --> 0:10:43.760 good and I'm gonna be respectful. And then I met 0:10:44.559 --> 0:10:56.840 someone else, and he also cheated on me. So a 0:10:56.880 --> 0:11:01.000 few years go bye, I meet someone else. I was 0:11:01.040 --> 0:11:03.640 with him for about four years and a half. I 0:11:03.679 --> 0:11:06.360 was determined to make the relationship work for many, many, 0:11:06.440 --> 0:11:09.560 many reasons. Uh, if you guys want to know you 0:11:09.559 --> 0:11:11.600 guys can read both of my books. I mentioned it 0:11:11.840 --> 0:11:16.120 in pradon or Forgiveness and in Unstoppable, so I talked 0:11:16.120 --> 0:11:18.320 about a little bit more in depth. But anyways, I 0:11:18.320 --> 0:11:20.440 was determined to make that relationship work. I was going 0:11:20.520 --> 0:11:22.920 to be the best girlfriend ever. I was not going 0:11:22.960 --> 0:11:26.600 to cheat. I was afraid of what could come around 0:11:26.600 --> 0:11:28.960 and bite me in the ass. Like I had ruined 0:11:28.960 --> 0:11:31.800 that first relationship. I feel like I ruined it. Anyways, 0:11:31.880 --> 0:11:34.040 he also did his thing. You know, it wasn't right 0:11:34.080 --> 0:11:36.120 what he did, but I take responsibility for my part. 0:11:36.400 --> 0:11:37.920 And I was also afraid of him. I thought, oh 0:11:37.920 --> 0:11:40.320 my gosh, this guy. I don't know what he could do, 0:11:40.360 --> 0:11:42.960 you know what I mean. So I was faithful. I 0:11:43.000 --> 0:11:45.280 gave my everything to the relationship. I wanted it to 0:11:45.280 --> 0:11:47.480 work because my mom did not approve of that relationship 0:11:47.520 --> 0:11:49.640 from the beginning, because he had five kids, because he 0:11:49.679 --> 0:11:53.120 had two baby mamas, so on and so forth, and 0:11:53.480 --> 0:11:54.920 I was determined. I was like, I'm gonna make this 0:11:54.960 --> 0:11:57.640 relationship work. And it did for a little while. It 0:11:57.760 --> 0:12:01.240 was a very odd relations ship. If I look back now, 0:12:02.040 --> 0:12:04.840 everything that I've learned and now that how I've matured 0:12:05.040 --> 0:12:08.160 and I've grown as a woman, there's absolutely no way 0:12:09.120 --> 0:12:10.520 on earth that I would deal with half of the 0:12:10.559 --> 0:12:13.640 things I dealt with in that relationship now. But I 0:12:13.679 --> 0:12:16.640 was young, and to be honest, he helped me grow 0:12:16.720 --> 0:12:19.079 up in every way, So I'm grateful. He helped me 0:12:19.120 --> 0:12:21.199 grow up as a woman, as an artist. He taught 0:12:21.200 --> 0:12:23.280 me a lot of the business. He helped me a 0:12:23.320 --> 0:12:28.040 lot with Johnny, like a lot. So I'm grateful. He 0:12:28.120 --> 0:12:32.280 has his business, he has his record label. And back 0:12:32.320 --> 0:12:36.720 then he had what you would call del models, And 0:12:37.000 --> 0:12:39.319 there was just a bunch of these girls, hot girls 0:12:39.559 --> 0:12:42.360 you know that would you know, take pictures with their merchandise, 0:12:42.400 --> 0:12:44.439 with the tanga, the whole thing. I knew a few 0:12:44.440 --> 0:12:46.000 of them. I was cool, I was cordial with them. 0:12:46.000 --> 0:12:47.559 They were nice to me, They knew who I was. 0:12:48.280 --> 0:12:52.640 They knew I was his girl, and basically he cheated 0:12:52.679 --> 0:12:55.200 on me with one of them. Again. I had his 0:12:55.240 --> 0:12:57.000 past code to his phone. He gave it to me 0:12:57.120 --> 0:13:00.400 like pass code. He said, here, here's the past code. 0:13:01.200 --> 0:13:03.640 And I never really looked into the phone because I 0:13:03.679 --> 0:13:06.120 felt like, if he's giving it to me by himself 0:13:06.160 --> 0:13:09.559 without me asking, then he's probably not doing anything right. 0:13:09.880 --> 0:13:12.760 So I would never look at his phone, not even 0:13:12.760 --> 0:13:15.520 when he was asleep or anything like. I just I thought, 0:13:15.559 --> 0:13:17.080 oh my god, he gave me his past code. How 0:13:17.160 --> 0:13:20.520 nice he has mine, Like there's nothing to hide. Anyways, 0:13:20.559 --> 0:13:23.439 we were at his office one day and he had 0:13:23.480 --> 0:13:26.560 mosticos there and a few friends and some of his 0:13:26.559 --> 0:13:29.360 friends girlfriends. We were all sitting together and he left 0:13:29.360 --> 0:13:32.000 his phone on the table and I got curious. He 0:13:32.080 --> 0:13:34.520 was drunk, and I just got the phone. I picked 0:13:34.559 --> 0:13:37.360 it up. This was, I want to say, two years 0:13:37.360 --> 0:13:40.240 into the relationship. And I picked up the phone and 0:13:40.280 --> 0:13:42.280 I put in the past code and I just looked 0:13:42.559 --> 0:13:44.800 and then there was like an email that I was like, 0:13:44.800 --> 0:13:47.400 oh what, I wonder why this email is not registered? 0:13:47.720 --> 0:13:50.000 You know, it was in his text messages, so they 0:13:50.000 --> 0:13:52.679 were emailing from like texting. Should I say from an email. 0:13:53.120 --> 0:13:55.600 So I looked at it and there pops a picture 0:13:55.600 --> 0:13:59.400 of an ass, like you know, all these like provocative 0:13:59.559 --> 0:14:02.360 photos of this girl. And at first I didn't know 0:14:02.400 --> 0:14:04.960 who it was. I just knew it was a girl 0:14:05.000 --> 0:14:08.240 obviously because it was it was an ass and some tits, 0:14:08.720 --> 0:14:10.040 you know. So I was like, oh my god. And 0:14:10.040 --> 0:14:12.920 then I saw his comments and how he said yummy 0:14:13.120 --> 0:14:15.559 and like put the tongue and like all these emojis, 0:14:16.080 --> 0:14:18.800 and they were like gonna meet up. I was supposed 0:14:18.840 --> 0:14:21.280 to fly out to Miami to do like a tribute 0:14:21.280 --> 0:14:24.400 to Selenam that weekend, and they were supposed to meet 0:14:24.480 --> 0:14:26.640 up while I was gone. So I read all of this. 0:14:26.840 --> 0:14:30.120 Of course, I got furious because I'm like I basically 0:14:30.160 --> 0:14:31.800 I felt at that time that I had lost my 0:14:31.840 --> 0:14:34.600 relationship with my mom because I defended this relationship, and 0:14:34.640 --> 0:14:40.280 I just felt completely emotionally destroyed. Like I was like, 0:14:40.480 --> 0:14:44.440 what the hell is going on? I got crazy. I 0:14:44.480 --> 0:14:46.040 went up to him in front of all his friends. 0:14:46.040 --> 0:14:48.440 I choked him. I said, I can't believe you did this. 0:14:48.600 --> 0:14:50.920 I took his phone. I left. It got really bad, 0:14:50.960 --> 0:14:55.680 you guys, really bad. I scratched up his car. He 0:14:55.760 --> 0:14:57.480 was kind of staying with me a little bit, like 0:14:57.480 --> 0:14:59.520 at my mom's house. He was helping me there. He 0:14:59.520 --> 0:15:01.440 helped me out a lot. You guys like, he wasn't 0:15:01.480 --> 0:15:03.040 like the type of guy that was like a freeload 0:15:03.080 --> 0:15:05.480 or anything. He was just stayed with me because Johnny 0:15:05.560 --> 0:15:08.880 was so young, and he really did help me a 0:15:08.880 --> 0:15:11.200 lot in so many things. Anyway, So he was staying 0:15:11.240 --> 0:15:12.520 with me a little bit at my mom's house, and 0:15:12.520 --> 0:15:15.360 and he would help me financially there. And so I 0:15:15.400 --> 0:15:16.640 had some of his stuff, so I put it all 0:15:16.680 --> 0:15:19.520 in black bags. I stuffed it in his car. My 0:15:19.640 --> 0:15:22.440 plan was to take his car full of his stuff 0:15:23.080 --> 0:15:25.840 and just jam it and crashed it into his office. 0:15:26.000 --> 0:15:28.200 That was like gonna be my grand entrance. Thank God 0:15:28.240 --> 0:15:29.640 I never did that. That was in my thought. I 0:15:29.680 --> 0:15:34.680 was just very furious. I wrote up, scratched up his car. 0:15:35.400 --> 0:15:39.080 It got really bad. Anyways, With that being said, we 0:15:39.160 --> 0:15:42.560 broke up for a couple of months. This girl, this 0:15:42.680 --> 0:15:46.560 is the thing. I was super disappointed because, unlike the 0:15:46.600 --> 0:15:48.680 first time that cheated on me, she said that she 0:15:48.760 --> 0:15:51.760 had no idea who I was. We don't know her 0:15:51.760 --> 0:15:53.600 friend knew who I was, but she says she did it. 0:15:53.800 --> 0:15:55.920 She said that she was under the impression that he 0:15:56.000 --> 0:16:00.440 was single. So okay, but this one they a girl 0:16:01.320 --> 0:16:04.400 worked at the office. I was there every other day. 0:16:04.440 --> 0:16:08.200 Everyone knew that I was his girl, and she was 0:16:08.320 --> 0:16:12.440 disrespecting me. So I took it more of like, you're 0:16:12.480 --> 0:16:14.720 disrespecting me as a woman, and I'm not going to 0:16:14.840 --> 0:16:18.520 allow you to do that. Obviously, things changed after I 0:16:18.600 --> 0:16:24.400 forgave him when we got back together, because she wasn't 0:16:24.400 --> 0:16:26.200 a friend of mine, but I was cool with her. 0:16:26.240 --> 0:16:28.560 I was very nice to her. I knew her brother. 0:16:28.640 --> 0:16:30.640 Her brother and I went to school together, and there 0:16:30.640 --> 0:16:32.960 she was filling with my man was going to meet 0:16:33.000 --> 0:16:35.440 up with him. They were going to have sexual intercourse 0:16:35.680 --> 0:16:39.200 while I was gone working. I just couldn't understand. I 0:16:39.240 --> 0:16:42.040 was like, how is it that a girl could do this? 0:16:42.160 --> 0:16:45.160 I was just more disappointed in her. Anyways, of course, 0:16:45.200 --> 0:16:46.640 we broke up. We boke. We broke up for like 0:16:46.680 --> 0:16:49.920 two months. I made him suffer because I was obviously devastated, 0:16:50.480 --> 0:16:53.320 and he did. He begged me and begged me every 0:16:53.360 --> 0:16:56.520 single day, Like I kid you, not like he begged me, 0:16:56.920 --> 0:16:59.040 and I forgave him. I forgave him because I was 0:16:59.040 --> 0:17:03.280 grateful with him because I wasn't ready to let him 0:17:03.280 --> 0:17:07.680 go because I loved him. But ever since that happened, 0:17:07.800 --> 0:17:11.560 everything changed within my heart, like it was just something 0:17:11.640 --> 0:17:15.359 just changed and it was never the same again. And 0:17:15.400 --> 0:17:18.880 I think the same thing happened there where I was like, Okay, 0:17:19.400 --> 0:17:22.480 I'm not gonna let this other person, this other woman 0:17:23.160 --> 0:17:26.119 come and think that she's gonna quote unquote take what 0:17:26.200 --> 0:17:29.080 I've worked so hard for, because I had given so 0:17:29.160 --> 0:17:32.320 much that relationship and I helped him change so much, 0:17:32.359 --> 0:17:34.239 and he had already changed so much that I was like, 0:17:34.640 --> 0:17:37.399 I've already put in so much work. I'm not just 0:17:37.400 --> 0:17:39.840 going to move out of the way for a girl 0:17:39.840 --> 0:17:44.000 to come in and just looking she has it easy, 0:17:44.119 --> 0:17:46.680 you know. So it was a little bit of ego 0:17:47.160 --> 0:17:49.040 in there as well. And of course, like everything I 0:17:49.119 --> 0:17:51.280 just mentioned, like I there was love, there was history. 0:17:51.320 --> 0:17:53.719 There was so much that had happened with my family, 0:17:53.800 --> 0:17:55.879 with my mom that I felt like I need to 0:17:55.880 --> 0:17:59.159 make this relationship work. And I tried, and again I 0:17:59.160 --> 0:18:02.120 was still faithful. I did not cheat on him, even 0:18:02.119 --> 0:18:04.520 though he had cheated on me when we were broken 0:18:04.560 --> 0:18:07.320 up for those two muths. I met someone, but obviously 0:18:07.400 --> 0:18:09.080 that's not cheating because we were together, you know what 0:18:09.119 --> 0:18:10.760 I mean, he knew about it. He found out later. 0:18:10.760 --> 0:18:13.119 He wasn't happy about it, obviously, but I never cheated 0:18:13.160 --> 0:18:17.199 on him anyways. That I think was the beginning of 0:18:17.240 --> 0:18:19.560 the end for our relationship when I found that out 0:18:19.720 --> 0:18:22.520 and it was hard to trust him. He really did 0:18:22.600 --> 0:18:24.119 make a lot of changes and said, you know, and 0:18:24.160 --> 0:18:26.360 it really felt like he wanted the relationship to work, 0:18:26.359 --> 0:18:28.800 but because he had done what he had done, he 0:18:28.920 --> 0:18:31.760 then didn't trust me because he felt that I was 0:18:31.760 --> 0:18:34.000 going to do that. It was his guilty conscious. So 0:18:34.640 --> 0:18:37.720 the relationship was just it was doomed to be honest 0:18:37.720 --> 0:18:41.200 from that moment on, and a lot of things changed 0:18:41.240 --> 0:18:43.320 in his office because of it, and a lot of 0:18:43.359 --> 0:18:46.240 just things changed in the relationship. And anyways, it didn't work. 0:18:46.440 --> 0:18:48.560 The bottom line is that it did not work and 0:18:48.680 --> 0:18:52.560 the trust was lost. And I think trust is definitely earned, 0:18:52.600 --> 0:18:55.199 and I think he was doing what he could to 0:18:55.240 --> 0:18:57.600 make the relationship work and for me to earn his trust. 0:18:57.640 --> 0:19:02.040 But I think ultimately was his guilty conscience that ruined 0:19:02.040 --> 0:19:04.600 the relationship because he felt like, oh, she's out traveling, 0:19:04.600 --> 0:19:07.040 she's gonna cheat on me. Like it was constantly in 0:19:07.080 --> 0:19:09.280 the back of his mind, and that was a huge 0:19:09.320 --> 0:19:18.119 part of why it didn't work out. One time, I 0:19:18.160 --> 0:19:20.440 was at the gym, and it's when I lived in Corona, 0:19:20.560 --> 0:19:22.960 and there was an older man and I told him 0:19:22.960 --> 0:19:24.879 about what was happening. He said, look, honey, I've been 0:19:24.880 --> 0:19:28.240 married for forty years. He said, I have cheated on 0:19:28.320 --> 0:19:30.399 my wife. And let me tell you. This is what 0:19:30.440 --> 0:19:34.840 he told me. He said, every man cheats at one 0:19:34.880 --> 0:19:38.480 point in their life. One of two things happens. Either 0:19:38.560 --> 0:19:40.480 they like it and they continue to do it, or 0:19:40.520 --> 0:19:42.040 they don't like it and they feel so bad that 0:19:42.040 --> 0:19:44.119 they'll never do it again. He's like, but every man 0:19:44.240 --> 0:19:47.600 cheats at one point in their life. So I'm like, okay, well, 0:19:47.600 --> 0:19:49.320 maybe it's not gonna be on me, but maybe he 0:19:49.359 --> 0:19:51.160 cheated on his ex girlfriend and he learned his lesson 0:19:51.200 --> 0:19:52.520