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Speaker 1: Yes, I've been cheated on, but I also have cheated

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Speaker 1: before you, guys, and it's something that I'm not proud of,

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Speaker 1: and it definitely ruined the relationship. If I look back now,

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Speaker 1: everything that I've learned, how I've matured, there's absolutely no

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Speaker 1: way on earth that I would deal with half of

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Speaker 1: the things I dealt with in that relationship. I'm not

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Speaker 1: going to tell you that if your partner cheated or

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Speaker 1: you're cheated, the relationship is broken forever. It's going to

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Speaker 1: take a lot of work, though, and you have to

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Speaker 1: forgive and try to forget. Hello everyone, Happy Monday. Today

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Speaker 1: is actually the last Monday in the month of June,

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Speaker 1: and that means we're pretty much halfway through the year.

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Speaker 1: I hope you're all doing great and counting your blessings

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Speaker 1: if you didn't know, that's something I do every single morning,

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Speaker 1: and I recommend you guys do it too. We have

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Speaker 1: a pretty interesting episode in store for you today. It's

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Speaker 1: all about cheating in relationship. So let's get into it

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Speaker 1: and do the damn thing. This is checks and chill. Alright, guys,

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Speaker 1: So let's talk about cheating. It's obviously a major form

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Speaker 1: of betrayal when you cheat on someone you supposedly care about,

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Speaker 1: your violating their trust. I don't know if you guys know,

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Speaker 1: but I've been cheated on in the past. It's something

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Speaker 1: I've talked about briefly in a recent interview, and I

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Speaker 1: want to talk about it more here on my podcast

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Speaker 1: because this is where I feel safe. So Wow, Like

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Speaker 1: I said, cheating is definitely a form of betrayal. It

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Speaker 1: is disrespectful. Obviously, there are people that feel that texting

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Speaker 1: someone that you shouldn't be texting is cheating, Flirting is cheating. Basically,

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Speaker 1: anything that you wouldn't want your partner to do you

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Speaker 1: should not be doing. And I completely agree with that.

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Speaker 1: And I'm going to start off by first saying that, yes,

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Speaker 1: I've been cheated on, but I also have cheated before

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Speaker 1: you guys, and it's something that I'm not proud of.

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Speaker 1: I was young and it definitely ruined the relationship. So

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Speaker 1: let me go back. So, the first time I was

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Speaker 1: cheated on that I knew of, that I found out

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Speaker 1: was with my very first boyfriend, my former boyfriend, the

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Speaker 1: one that I think I talked about a little bit

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Speaker 1: here um on one of the episodes. I was basically

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Speaker 1: nineteen when I met him. We lasted like four years.

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Speaker 1: We were engaged. We were going to get married in December,

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Speaker 1: I believe of like two thousand six. Oh my gosh, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I was December December sixteen, two thousand six, I remember precisely.

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Speaker 1: So a lot happened. I'm telling you. I was young.

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Speaker 1: I was very attached to my siblings, I was attached

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Speaker 1: to my mom. I was afraid of marriage. Basically, I

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Speaker 1: woke up one day and I said, I don't want

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Speaker 1: to get married. I told him on a Wednesday, I'll

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Speaker 1: never forget. A month before getting married, we had the location,

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Speaker 1: we had the honeymoon, I was getting my dress made,

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Speaker 1: and I just woke up one Dana said I can't

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Speaker 1: marry you. Like I'm not ready. I still want to

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Speaker 1: be with you, but I'm not ready to get married.

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Speaker 1: Of course, he was devastated, he was heartbroken. He was

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Speaker 1: just like, how can you do this to me? Which

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Speaker 1: I completely understand. I was just afraid. I was afraid

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Speaker 1: to leave the nest. I was afraid of not being

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Speaker 1: there for my siblings, for my mom. And although my

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Speaker 1: mom loved him and said he can move in with us,

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Speaker 1: obviously he didn't want that He's like, no, we need

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Speaker 1: to have our own home. But I was just very

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Speaker 1: attached and that I think was the first big thing

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Speaker 1: in our relationship. Um, he started acting different, and of

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Speaker 1: course I got attention from someone else and I kissed him.

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Speaker 1: Here's here's the thing. He never found out about that.

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Speaker 1: But I don't know if he listens to this podcast.

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Speaker 1: Maybe his because I'm really cool with his wife now

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Speaker 1: they have three boys, he's happily married. I'm very happy

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Speaker 1: for him. Her and I are cool, so I'm sure

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Speaker 1: she listens to it. I think so now he's going

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Speaker 1: to know, but he doesn't know. And the reason I'm

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Speaker 1: saying is because I don't want to talk about being

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Speaker 1: cheated on and not first saying that I have also

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Speaker 1: felt in this area. And anyways, I got some attention.

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Speaker 1: He was acting weird, as he should because I had

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Speaker 1: just broken his heart and I just canceled our engagement,

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Speaker 1: our wedding. I called it off, and he just wasn't

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Speaker 1: being the same. And I got attention from someone. I

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Speaker 1: went out to like a nightclub with my friends, and

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Speaker 1: he was a very cute guy. He was a lot

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Speaker 1: older than me, a lot older than him, and I

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Speaker 1: don't know, I just I liked him. There was something

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Speaker 1: about him. He flirted with me and gave me some attention.

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Speaker 1: We kissed and nothing went further than that, but we

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Speaker 1: did kiss, and that's still cheating, you guys, even flirting.

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Speaker 1: I was I was wrong, and again he didn't find out,

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Speaker 1: but then he continued to act weird, and I found

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Speaker 1: out that he had also gone out and met this

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Speaker 1: girl at like, like I think I was working or so.

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Speaker 1: Then I remember exactly why I wasn't with him that night,

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Speaker 1: but I didn't go, and he went out and there

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Speaker 1: was a very pretty girl. She had black hair with

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Speaker 1: green eyes, and I think I looked through his phone

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Speaker 1: or something and he was texting this Girl'll never forget

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Speaker 1: because we were baptizing his sister's son, who is still

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Speaker 1: my godson. I love their family very much, and he

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Speaker 1: was like on his phone and I'm like, he's been

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Speaker 1: so weird, like ever since we like called off the engagement.

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Speaker 1: He was acting very very different, and he was just like,

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Speaker 1: not like it seems like at all into me. I

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Speaker 1: felt like he was a little disgusted. He was just

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Speaker 1: very disappointed. But then I never will forget that he

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Speaker 1: was just on his phone the entire time at the party,

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Speaker 1: like the family was there, everything, and he was just

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Speaker 1: in a corner texting. So I looked through his phone,

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Speaker 1: and sure enough, he was talking to a girl, and

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Speaker 1: I got her number, and of course I called her

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Speaker 1: and I spoke to her, and I was devastated. Mind you,

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Speaker 1: I knew what I had done, but we were, I guess,

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Speaker 1: doing the same thing at the same time, which means

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Speaker 1: a relationship was over obviously, and he had just met her,

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Speaker 1: I think, like two weeks ago, and she told me,

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Speaker 1: Oh my god, I had no idea he had a girlfriend.

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Speaker 1: He told me he was single. He told me that

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Speaker 1: he had just broken up with his girl friend. But

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Speaker 1: the thing is her friend. I guess I knew who

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Speaker 1: he was, had noticed him from, like I don't know where,

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Speaker 1: but this friend of hers knew that he worked with

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Speaker 1: my mom and that he was my boyfriend. So I

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Speaker 1: think she knew. I don't know if she was lying,

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Speaker 1: but legs skip they were talking. She said that they

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Speaker 1: had only kissed, they hadn't had sex. It had only

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Speaker 1: been two weeks that they had like been talking, and

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Speaker 1: apparently he's like, I could see myself marrying you. I

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Speaker 1: could see myself having kids with you, this and this

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Speaker 1: and that, and then she was at first really cool

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Speaker 1: when I spoke to her, and then she became a

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Speaker 1: bit and I was like, what the hell. Of course

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Speaker 1: I was devastated. Of course I told him off. I

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Speaker 1: was just like, how could you do this to me?

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Speaker 1: This entire time, you guys, I was being a hypocrite

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Speaker 1: because I knew what I had done. Obviously I didn't

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Speaker 1: tell him, but of course either way, I was hurt.

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Speaker 1: I was just like, I can't believe you do this

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Speaker 1: to me. I never in a million years thought that

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Speaker 1: he would do that to me. He bought her flowers,

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Speaker 1: he took her in our car. She's like, oh yeah,

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Speaker 1: I was in his car and his BMW and your

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Speaker 1: guys initials are on the head rest, and I'm like,

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Speaker 1: oh my gosh, she's not lying. So she told me

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Speaker 1: all these details. I like was obsessed with her. She

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Speaker 1: was a beautiful girl, like fellow negro, like completely different

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Speaker 1: from me. I have green eyes, but they're a little

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Speaker 1: bit like hers were like green green. So I was

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Speaker 1: just like obsessed. I was like, oh my god. So

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Speaker 1: of course we broke up for a little bit. He

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Speaker 1: begged me and I just it was never the same.

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Speaker 1: It was never the same. The relationship was over when

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Speaker 1: him and I think him and I were actually I

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Speaker 1: think I had just done the same thing, like maybe

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Speaker 1: like a month before, you know what I mean. So

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Speaker 1: it's like we were both, like I think, just trying

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Speaker 1: to make it work because we were comfortable. But I

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Speaker 1: guess it was just over anyways. I forgave him, and

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Speaker 1: I told myself, I'm gonna make him fall in love

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Speaker 1: with me even more and I'm going to let him

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Speaker 1: go when I'm ready. And that's not the right thing,

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Speaker 1: but um, I was younger, and I'm admitting to it

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Speaker 1: because I've learned so much from that situation that I

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Speaker 1: feel like I ruined something good. And I've told you

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Speaker 1: guys this before. He was a really great guy. He

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Speaker 1: is a great guy. I love his family. I still

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Speaker 1: have communication with Michael mare her little boy. That's out

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Speaker 1: a little boy anymore. He's like sixteen years old now.

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Speaker 1: And you know, I learned from that situation at maslic Okay,

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Speaker 1: you cheated on me, I'm gonna make you fall in

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Speaker 1: love with me, and then I'm going to leave you.

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Speaker 1: I never felt the same after that, and I basically

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Speaker 1: broke up with him. I think we lasted maybe like

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Speaker 1: a couple of months. It just didn't work out because

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Speaker 1: it wasn't the same, and quite frankly, I was having

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Speaker 1: feelings for this other person. I had stopped talking to

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Speaker 1: him after I was like, no, this isn't right. But

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Speaker 1: then once we broke up him and I started talking again,

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Speaker 1: he was no good for me, that other dude at all.

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Speaker 1: I met him at a club. Okay, he was like

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Speaker 1: a bouncer at a club. It's just it was not good.

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Speaker 1: I needed to learn my lesson. So I feel like

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Speaker 1: I lost something good. And it was because I was young,

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Speaker 1: because I was too attached to my family, and I'll

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Speaker 1: never forget he told me, if you give so much

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Speaker 1: for your family that one day, this is what he said,

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Speaker 1: word for word he said, and I was like, no,

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Speaker 1: that's never gonna happen. Like I'm gonna always be there

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Speaker 1: for my mom, always going to be there for my siblings.

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Speaker 1: And basically that relationship ended him and I tried maybe

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Speaker 1: like a couple of years after, and it just didn't work.

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Speaker 1: It's just once you break that glass and that trust you, guys,

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Speaker 1: just it's never the same. And now he's happy and

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Speaker 1: everything happens for a reason, and I'm happy for him.

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Speaker 1: And I learned myself that I don't ever want to

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Speaker 1: treat someone that way because I was so focused on

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Speaker 1: my siblings, on my mom, that I was not giving

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Speaker 1: my relationship the place that it required, the place that

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Speaker 1: it deserved. And I learned because there were times on

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Speaker 1: him and I were on our way to a date

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Speaker 1: and we had things planned, my mom would call me

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Speaker 1: or one of the kids, and I would just like

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Speaker 1: drop it just to go, you know, to go help

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Speaker 1: my mom or whatever. And because I felt for a

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Speaker 1: long time that's what I had to do, you know

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Speaker 1: what I mean. But I also always left him like

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Speaker 1: well where do I stand? You know? And he was

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Speaker 1: a good guy. He was loving to me, he was respectful.

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Speaker 1: I was just afraid, and I also did things that

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Speaker 1: I think karma came back and bit me in the ass.

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Speaker 1: So that's what happened with the first time I found

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Speaker 1: out that they cheated on me, and that was tough.

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Speaker 1: And from there I was like, Okay, I'm gonna make

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Speaker 1: sure that in every relationship I am, if we break up,

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Speaker 1: it's going to be because of them, not because of me,

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna do what I can, and I'm gonna be

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Speaker 1: good and I'm gonna be respectful. And then I met

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Speaker 1: someone else, and he also cheated on me. So a

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Speaker 1: few years go bye, I meet someone else. I was

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Speaker 1: with him for about four years and a half. I

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Speaker 1: was determined to make the relationship work for many, many,

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Speaker 1: many reasons. Uh, if you guys want to know you

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Speaker 1: guys can read both of my books. I mentioned it

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Speaker 1: in pradon or Forgiveness and in Unstoppable, so I talked

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Speaker 1: about a little bit more in depth. But anyways, I

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Speaker 1: was determined to make that relationship work. I was going

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Speaker 1: to be the best girlfriend ever. I was not going

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Speaker 1: to cheat. I was afraid of what could come around

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Speaker 1: and bite me in the ass. Like I had ruined

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Speaker 1: that first relationship. I feel like I ruined it. Anyways,

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Speaker 1: he also did his thing. You know, it wasn't right

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Speaker 1: what he did, but I take responsibility for my part.

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Speaker 1: And I was also afraid of him. I thought, oh

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Speaker 1: my gosh, this guy. I don't know what he could do,

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Speaker 1: you know what I mean. So I was faithful. I

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Speaker 1: gave my everything to the relationship. I wanted it to

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Speaker 1: work because my mom did not approve of that relationship

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Speaker 1: from the beginning, because he had five kids, because he

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Speaker 1: had two baby mamas, so on and so forth, and

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Speaker 1: I was determined. I was like, I'm gonna make this

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Speaker 1: relationship work. And it did for a little while. It

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Speaker 1: was a very odd relations ship. If I look back now,

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Speaker 1: everything that I've learned and now that how I've matured

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Speaker 1: and I've grown as a woman, there's absolutely no way

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Speaker 1: on earth that I would deal with half of the

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Speaker 1: things I dealt with in that relationship now. But I

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Speaker 1: was young, and to be honest, he helped me grow

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Speaker 1: up in every way, So I'm grateful. He helped me

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Speaker 1: grow up as a woman, as an artist. He taught

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Speaker 1: me a lot of the business. He helped me a

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Speaker 1: lot with Johnny, like a lot. So I'm grateful. He

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Speaker 1: has his business, he has his record label. And back

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Speaker 1: then he had what you would call del models, And

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Speaker 1: there was just a bunch of these girls, hot girls

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Speaker 1: you know that would you know, take pictures with their merchandise,

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Speaker 1: with the tanga, the whole thing. I knew a few

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Speaker 1: of them. I was cool, I was cordial with them.

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Speaker 1: They were nice to me, They knew who I was.

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Speaker 1: They knew I was his girl, and basically he cheated

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Speaker 1: on me with one of them. Again. I had his

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Speaker 1: past code to his phone. He gave it to me

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Speaker 1: like pass code. He said, here, here's the past code.

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Speaker 1: And I never really looked into the phone because I

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Speaker 1: felt like, if he's giving it to me by himself

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Speaker 1: without me asking, then he's probably not doing anything right.

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Speaker 1: So I would never look at his phone, not even

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Speaker 1: when he was asleep or anything like. I just I thought,

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Speaker 1: oh my god, he gave me his past code. How

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Speaker 1: nice he has mine, Like there's nothing to hide. Anyways,

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Speaker 1: we were at his office one day and he had

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Speaker 1: mosticos there and a few friends and some of his

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Speaker 1: friends girlfriends. We were all sitting together and he left

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Speaker 1: his phone on the table and I got curious. He

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Speaker 1: was drunk, and I just got the phone. I picked

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Speaker 1: it up. This was, I want to say, two years

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Speaker 1: into the relationship. And I picked up the phone and

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Speaker 1: I put in the past code and I just looked

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Speaker 1: and then there was like an email that I was like,

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Speaker 1: oh what, I wonder why this email is not registered?

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Speaker 1: You know, it was in his text messages, so they

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Speaker 1: were emailing from like texting. Should I say from an email.

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Speaker 1: So I looked at it and there pops a picture

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Speaker 1: of an ass, like you know, all these like provocative

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Speaker 1: photos of this girl. And at first I didn't know

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Speaker 1: who it was. I just knew it was a girl

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Speaker 1: obviously because it was it was an ass and some tits,

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Speaker 1: you know. So I was like, oh my god. And

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Speaker 1: then I saw his comments and how he said yummy

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Speaker 1: and like put the tongue and like all these emojis,

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Speaker 1: and they were like gonna meet up. I was supposed

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Speaker 1: to fly out to Miami to do like a tribute

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Speaker 1: to Selenam that weekend, and they were supposed to meet

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Speaker 1: up while I was gone. So I read all of this.

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Speaker 1: Of course, I got furious because I'm like I basically

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Speaker 1: I felt at that time that I had lost my

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Speaker 1: relationship with my mom because I defended this relationship, and

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Speaker 1: I just felt completely emotionally destroyed. Like I was like,

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Speaker 1: what the hell is going on? I got crazy. I

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Speaker 1: went up to him in front of all his friends.

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Speaker 1: I choked him. I said, I can't believe you did this.

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Speaker 1: I took his phone. I left. It got really bad,

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Speaker 1: you guys, really bad. I scratched up his car. He

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Speaker 1: was kind of staying with me a little bit, like

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Speaker 1: at my mom's house. He was helping me there. He

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Speaker 1: helped me out a lot. You guys like, he wasn't

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Speaker 1: like the type of guy that was like a freeload

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Speaker 1: or anything. He was just stayed with me because Johnny

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Speaker 1: was so young, and he really did help me a

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Speaker 1: lot in so many things. Anyway, So he was staying

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Speaker 1: with me a little bit at my mom's house, and

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Speaker 1: and he would help me financially there. And so I

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Speaker 1: had some of his stuff, so I put it all

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Speaker 1: in black bags. I stuffed it in his car. My

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Speaker 1: plan was to take his car full of his stuff

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Speaker 1: and just jam it and crashed it into his office.

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Speaker 1: That was like gonna be my grand entrance. Thank God

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Speaker 1: I never did that. That was in my thought. I

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Speaker 1: was just very furious. I wrote up, scratched up his car.

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Speaker 1: It got really bad. Anyways, With that being said, we

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Speaker 1: broke up for a couple of months. This girl, this

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Speaker 1: is the thing. I was super disappointed because, unlike the

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Speaker 1: first time that cheated on me, she said that she

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Speaker 1: had no idea who I was. We don't know her

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Speaker 1: friend knew who I was, but she says she did it.

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Speaker 1: She said that she was under the impression that he

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Speaker 1: was single. So okay, but this one they a girl

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Speaker 1: worked at the office. I was there every other day.

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Speaker 1: Everyone knew that I was his girl, and she was

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Speaker 1: disrespecting me. So I took it more of like, you're

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Speaker 1: disrespecting me as a woman, and I'm not going to

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Speaker 1: allow you to do that. Obviously, things changed after I

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Speaker 1: forgave him when we got back together, because she wasn't

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Speaker 1: a friend of mine, but I was cool with her.

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Speaker 1: I was very nice to her. I knew her brother.

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Speaker 1: Her brother and I went to school together, and there

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Speaker 1: she was filling with my man was going to meet

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Speaker 1: up with him. They were going to have sexual intercourse

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Speaker 1: while I was gone working. I just couldn't understand. I

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Speaker 1: was like, how is it that a girl could do this?

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Speaker 1: I was just more disappointed in her. Anyways, of course,

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Speaker 1: we broke up. We boke. We broke up for like

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Speaker 1: two months. I made him suffer because I was obviously devastated,

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Speaker 1: and he did. He begged me and begged me every

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Speaker 1: single day, Like I kid you, not like he begged me,

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Speaker 1: and I forgave him. I forgave him because I was

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Speaker 1: grateful with him because I wasn't ready to let him

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Speaker 1: go because I loved him. But ever since that happened,

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Speaker 1: everything changed within my heart, like it was just something

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Speaker 1: just changed and it was never the same again. And

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Speaker 1: I think the same thing happened there where I was like, Okay,

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Speaker 1: I'm not gonna let this other person, this other woman

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Speaker 1: come and think that she's gonna quote unquote take what

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Speaker 1: I've worked so hard for, because I had given so

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Speaker 1: much that relationship and I helped him change so much,

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Speaker 1: and he had already changed so much that I was like,

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Speaker 1: I've already put in so much work. I'm not just

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Speaker 1: going to move out of the way for a girl

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Speaker 1: to come in and just looking she has it easy,

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Speaker 1: you know. So it was a little bit of ego

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Speaker 1: in there as well. And of course, like everything I

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Speaker 1: just mentioned, like I there was love, there was history.

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Speaker 1: There was so much that had happened with my family,

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Speaker 1: with my mom that I felt like I need to

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Speaker 1: make this relationship work. And I tried, and again I

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Speaker 1: was still faithful. I did not cheat on him, even

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Speaker 1: though he had cheated on me when we were broken

363
00:18:04,560 --> 00:18:07,320
Speaker 1: up for those two muths. I met someone, but obviously

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Speaker 1: that's not cheating because we were together, you know what

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Speaker 1: I mean, he knew about it. He found out later.

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Speaker 1: He wasn't happy about it, obviously, but I never cheated

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Speaker 1: on him anyways. That I think was the beginning of

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Speaker 1: the end for our relationship when I found that out

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Speaker 1: and it was hard to trust him. He really did

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Speaker 1: make a lot of changes and said, you know, and

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Speaker 1: it really felt like he wanted the relationship to work,

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Speaker 1: but because he had done what he had done, he

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Speaker 1: then didn't trust me because he felt that I was

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Speaker 1: going to do that. It was his guilty conscious. So

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Speaker 1: the relationship was just it was doomed to be honest

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Speaker 1: from that moment on, and a lot of things changed

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Speaker 1: in his office because of it, and a lot of

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Speaker 1: just things changed in the relationship. And anyways, it didn't work.

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Speaker 1: The bottom line is that it did not work and

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Speaker 1: the trust was lost. And I think trust is definitely earned,

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Speaker 1: and I think he was doing what he could to

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Speaker 1: make the relationship work and for me to earn his trust.

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Speaker 1: But I think ultimately was his guilty conscience that ruined

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Speaker 1: the relationship because he felt like, oh, she's out traveling,

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Speaker 1: she's gonna cheat on me. Like it was constantly in

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Speaker 1: the back of his mind, and that was a huge

387
00:19:09,320 --> 00:19:18,119
Speaker 1: part of why it didn't work out. One time, I

388
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Speaker 1: was at the gym, and it's when I lived in Corona,

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Speaker 1: and there was an older man and I told him

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Speaker 1: about what was happening. He said, look, honey, I've been

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Speaker 1: married for forty years. He said, I have cheated on

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Speaker 1: my wife. And let me tell you. This is what

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Speaker 1: he told me. He said, every man cheats at one

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Speaker 1: point in their life. One of two things happens. Either

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Speaker 1: they like it and they continue to do it, or

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Speaker 1: they don't like it and they feel so bad that

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Speaker 1: they'll never do it again. He's like, but every man

398
00:19:44,240 --> 00:19:47,600
Speaker 1: cheats at one point in their life. So I'm like, okay, well,

399
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Speaker 1: maybe it's not gonna be on me, but maybe he

400
00:19:49,359 --> 00:19:51,160
Speaker 1: cheated on his ex girlfriend and he learned his lesson

401
00:19:51,200 --> 00:19:52,520
Speaker 1: and he won't cheat on me. It's kind of how

402
00:19:52,520 --> 00:19:54,560
Speaker 1: I saw it, because it kind of did like mess

403
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Speaker 1: me up a little bit. I'm like, well, that sucks, like,

404
00:19:57,040 --> 00:19:59,919
Speaker 1: but I guess it's bound to happen. I like to

405
00:20:00,040 --> 00:20:03,120
Speaker 1: think that there are faithful guys out there now with

406
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Speaker 1: with Emilio. You know, you guys know that I'm in

407
00:20:05,119 --> 00:20:07,960
Speaker 1: a relationship and I have. I like to say, I

408
00:20:07,960 --> 00:20:10,960
Speaker 1: think the healthiest relationship I've ever been in. To be honest,

409
00:20:11,640 --> 00:20:13,680
Speaker 1: he's gone through his share of things. He also was

410
00:20:13,760 --> 00:20:18,200
Speaker 1: treated on, he also cheated, and it also taught him

411
00:20:18,240 --> 00:20:21,000
Speaker 1: what he wants in a woman and what he doesn't want.

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Speaker 1: I think that's why our relationship works because we've both

413
00:20:24,160 --> 00:20:26,840
Speaker 1: been through our share of relationships where we've hurt the

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00:20:26,880 --> 00:20:29,760
Speaker 1: person and they've hurt us, and now we're just like, Okay,

415
00:20:29,840 --> 00:20:32,439
Speaker 1: let's make this work. Let's be honest, let's put everything

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Speaker 1: on the table. But I think it takes time and

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00:20:35,119 --> 00:20:37,359
Speaker 1: it takes experience to get to that point, you know,

418
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Speaker 1: whether it be in the relationship that you're in and

419
00:20:41,720 --> 00:20:44,199
Speaker 1: they've already cheated on you, you know, and you forgave them,

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Speaker 1: and you guys, are moving past it and forward. Because

421
00:20:46,320 --> 00:20:49,120
Speaker 1: here's the thing. I'm not going to tell you that

422
00:20:49,280 --> 00:20:52,320
Speaker 1: if your partner treated or you're treated, the relationship is

423
00:20:52,400 --> 00:20:56,879
Speaker 1: broken forever. I think through therapy, through intention of you

424
00:20:56,960 --> 00:20:59,560
Speaker 1: wanting to make it work, it can work. It's going

425
00:20:59,600 --> 00:21:01,360
Speaker 1: to take a lot of work, though, and you have

426
00:21:01,480 --> 00:21:05,919
Speaker 1: to the first thing is forgive and try to forget,

427
00:21:06,080 --> 00:21:08,280
Speaker 1: because if you keep bringing that ship up all the time.

428
00:21:08,560 --> 00:21:10,440
Speaker 1: It's going to ruin the relationship. If you're going to

429
00:21:10,560 --> 00:21:13,359
Speaker 1: forgive the person, forgive them and let it go, do

430
00:21:13,440 --> 00:21:15,520
Speaker 1: your best to let it go and work past it

431
00:21:15,600 --> 00:21:19,280
Speaker 1: and work together and make the changes necessary on both ends,

432
00:21:19,640 --> 00:21:23,119
Speaker 1: on both sides to make the relationship work and move forward.

433
00:21:23,840 --> 00:21:27,560
Speaker 1: For me personally, I think if Emilia were to cheat

434
00:21:27,600 --> 00:21:30,200
Speaker 1: on me at this point, I would just have to

435
00:21:30,280 --> 00:21:32,119
Speaker 1: let go of the relationship. As much as it hurt me,

436
00:21:32,160 --> 00:21:34,760
Speaker 1: I don't think I want to put myself through what

437
00:21:34,880 --> 00:21:37,240
Speaker 1: I put myself in the past, like say, Okay, I'm

438
00:21:37,240 --> 00:21:38,800
Speaker 1: gonna make this work. I'm gonna make them fall in

439
00:21:38,800 --> 00:21:40,480
Speaker 1: love with me. I'm gonna make them, in a way

440
00:21:40,520 --> 00:21:42,280
Speaker 1: suffer for what they did. You know what I mean, Like,

441
00:21:42,320 --> 00:21:44,720
Speaker 1: I don't have time for that. I'm like more mature now.

442
00:21:45,000 --> 00:21:48,119
Speaker 1: I don't have the energy, I don't have the time

443
00:21:48,160 --> 00:21:49,960
Speaker 1: for it. And we both are on the same page.

444
00:21:50,359 --> 00:21:52,040
Speaker 1: If we were to cheat on each other, it's kind

445
00:21:52,040 --> 00:21:55,679
Speaker 1: of like, okay, let's just part ways because the relationship

446
00:21:55,720 --> 00:21:58,399
Speaker 1: won't be the same and we're we have to be

447
00:21:58,480 --> 00:22:02,080
Speaker 1: okay with that decision. Now. I know of people that

448
00:22:03,000 --> 00:22:07,520
Speaker 1: other celebrities and have forgiven there their partners for cheating

449
00:22:07,720 --> 00:22:10,720
Speaker 1: and they moved past it and they're okay. Maybe I

450
00:22:11,000 --> 00:22:13,440
Speaker 1: don't know. I honestly don't know. But I think right now,

451
00:22:13,440 --> 00:22:14,840
Speaker 1: if you were asking me right now, if I found

452
00:22:14,840 --> 00:22:17,879
Speaker 1: out that the media cheated on me, right now, I

453
00:22:17,880 --> 00:22:19,879
Speaker 1: would have to let go of the relationship because I

454
00:22:19,960 --> 00:22:22,040
Speaker 1: just I don't want to deal with that, you know

455
00:22:22,080 --> 00:22:23,280
Speaker 1: what I mean. And I don't want to put him

456
00:22:23,280 --> 00:22:25,840
Speaker 1: through ship because I probably would like I would probably

457
00:22:26,320 --> 00:22:29,120
Speaker 1: become a bit and i'd probably I won't be the same,

458
00:22:29,160 --> 00:22:30,920
Speaker 1: I know myself, So why put him through that? And

459
00:22:30,920 --> 00:22:33,400
Speaker 1: why put myself through that? You know? And he's also

460
00:22:33,440 --> 00:22:35,320
Speaker 1: told me I'm not going to deal with that. It

461
00:22:35,359 --> 00:22:40,280
Speaker 1: would be done, so we have that mutual understanding. Anyways.

462
00:22:40,760 --> 00:22:46,560
Speaker 1: Someone once asked me, is an emotional versus a physical

463
00:22:47,200 --> 00:22:51,600
Speaker 1: cheating situation is one worse than the other. I think

464
00:22:51,600 --> 00:22:54,320
Speaker 1: they're both bad, to be honest, I mean, I think

465
00:22:55,040 --> 00:22:58,600
Speaker 1: it would hurt me more if my partner was emotionally

466
00:22:58,600 --> 00:23:01,280
Speaker 1: involved with someone, you know what I mean, like versus

467
00:23:01,400 --> 00:23:05,560
Speaker 1: it be just a one night stand. I think both

468
00:23:05,600 --> 00:23:08,359
Speaker 1: are bad, but I think it would be like the

469
00:23:08,400 --> 00:23:11,600
Speaker 1: one with my very first boyfriend, he was emotionally involved

470
00:23:11,600 --> 00:23:14,440
Speaker 1: with that girl, like he was talking about marriage, about children,

471
00:23:14,480 --> 00:23:18,600
Speaker 1: about moving in together within two weeks. That killed me.

472
00:23:19,480 --> 00:23:22,800
Speaker 1: That killed me because I'm like, dude, how like you

473
00:23:22,840 --> 00:23:25,080
Speaker 1: know what I mean, Like what the hell? Like I

474
00:23:25,119 --> 00:23:28,159
Speaker 1: was just I couldn't believe it. I really couldn't believe that.

475
00:23:28,200 --> 00:23:31,280
Speaker 1: I think just like devastated me even more Versus with

476
00:23:31,359 --> 00:23:33,720
Speaker 1: like that other dude. It was more of like, let's

477
00:23:33,760 --> 00:23:35,280
Speaker 1: just bone you know what I mean, Like it is

478
00:23:35,320 --> 00:23:38,399
Speaker 1: what it is, is just have sex. It still hurt me,

479
00:23:38,440 --> 00:23:41,280
Speaker 1: of course, but I feel like I was able to

480
00:23:41,280 --> 00:23:44,440
Speaker 1: get over that one a little easier because I still

481
00:23:44,440 --> 00:23:46,879
Speaker 1: stayed for two and a half years after that, Like

482
00:23:46,960 --> 00:23:49,959
Speaker 1: we still stay together anyways. I think, yeah, if you're

483
00:23:49,960 --> 00:23:53,160
Speaker 1: gonna get if you're cheating on your partner and you're

484
00:23:53,160 --> 00:23:56,800
Speaker 1: getting emotionally involved with someone else and you're giving them

485
00:23:57,400 --> 00:24:00,320
Speaker 1: more attention than you're even giving your significant other, than

486
00:24:00,359 --> 00:24:02,960
Speaker 1: you should not be in that relationship at all. You

487
00:24:03,000 --> 00:24:05,199
Speaker 1: need to let go. There's something wrong. You're obviously not

488
00:24:05,320 --> 00:24:08,800
Speaker 1: into your partner if you're emotionally involved with someone else.

489
00:24:09,320 --> 00:24:13,080
Speaker 1: That's something that I'm like, I cannot and if I

490
00:24:13,119 --> 00:24:16,800
Speaker 1: could just give anyone advice, anyone that is listening that

491
00:24:16,960 --> 00:24:20,639
Speaker 1: has been cheated on. I'm not one to tell you

492
00:24:20,680 --> 00:24:24,359
Speaker 1: what to do. I can just speak from experience. And

493
00:24:24,480 --> 00:24:26,160
Speaker 1: if you have been cheated on, and if you chose

494
00:24:26,200 --> 00:24:30,159
Speaker 1: to forgive that person, that's admirable, Like I get it.

495
00:24:30,240 --> 00:24:32,520
Speaker 1: Make sure that you are forgiving for the right reasons

496
00:24:32,560 --> 00:24:35,440
Speaker 1: first and foremost, because that's something I didn't do. I

497
00:24:35,760 --> 00:24:38,120
Speaker 1: was not forgiving for the right reasons. So make sure

498
00:24:38,160 --> 00:24:41,480
Speaker 1: you are forgiving for the right reasons. Children are involved,

499
00:24:41,520 --> 00:24:44,720
Speaker 1: You have children together, you've been together for years. Obviously,

500
00:24:44,720 --> 00:24:46,960
Speaker 1: you love that person and you want to make this work,

501
00:24:47,080 --> 00:24:49,119
Speaker 1: and I think through therapy, and you both have to

502
00:24:49,119 --> 00:24:51,280
Speaker 1: be on the same page. That person also has to

503
00:24:51,359 --> 00:24:53,920
Speaker 1: want to go to therapy. And you're gonna know. You're

504
00:24:53,920 --> 00:24:56,440
Speaker 1: gonna fill it in your heart when someone is completely sorry,

505
00:24:56,520 --> 00:24:59,080
Speaker 1: but you'll know this person is really sorry, and no

506
00:24:59,119 --> 00:25:01,359
Speaker 1: one should judge you if you decide to stay with

507
00:25:01,359 --> 00:25:04,560
Speaker 1: the person and forgive them. I think that relationships can

508
00:25:04,680 --> 00:25:08,280
Speaker 1: work if both are putting in the same amount of

509
00:25:08,320 --> 00:25:11,240
Speaker 1: effort to make it work. Just make sure that you

510
00:25:11,280 --> 00:25:13,919
Speaker 1: forgive and you try to forget. I know it's easier

511
00:25:13,920 --> 00:25:15,640
Speaker 1: said than done, but you have to forget. You can't

512
00:25:15,720 --> 00:25:19,000
Speaker 1: keep bringing that thing up because it's just gonna create

513
00:25:19,040 --> 00:25:22,200
Speaker 1: more dense and more cracks in the glass. It will

514
00:25:22,280 --> 00:25:27,280
Speaker 1: eventually just break completely. Now, if you're the one cheating,

515
00:25:28,000 --> 00:25:31,720
Speaker 1: you need to check your heart personally, That's what I feel.

516
00:25:32,640 --> 00:25:36,280
Speaker 1: You need to check and reflect and analyze the relationship

517
00:25:36,320 --> 00:25:39,720
Speaker 1: you're in, because if you're doing that, then that means

518
00:25:39,760 --> 00:25:42,000
Speaker 1: you're not happy, you're not attracted to the person you're with,

519
00:25:43,119 --> 00:25:45,840
Speaker 1: or you're just greedy and you want that person. You

520
00:25:45,840 --> 00:25:47,080
Speaker 1: want to have your cake and you want to eat

521
00:25:47,080 --> 00:25:51,200
Speaker 1: it too. So I would just say leave the person

522
00:25:51,240 --> 00:25:54,960
Speaker 1: you're with. If you want to cheat, leave them, not gonna.

523
00:25:55,520 --> 00:25:57,879
Speaker 1: Don't hurt yourself and don't hurt them. That's just my

524
00:25:57,960 --> 00:26:01,560
Speaker 1: personal advice. I'm telling you. I've been on both sides

525
00:26:01,640 --> 00:26:04,399
Speaker 1: of the spectrum, and it's not nice. I don't like

526
00:26:04,480 --> 00:26:06,600
Speaker 1: to hurt anybody, and I don't want to be hurt,

527
00:26:06,800 --> 00:26:09,560
Speaker 1: and I think we just need to treat people the

528
00:26:09,560 --> 00:26:12,239
Speaker 1: way we want to be treated. We're not perfect. I

529
00:26:12,240 --> 00:26:14,720
Speaker 1: asked for forgiveness. I'm like, God, forgive me, like I don't.

530
00:26:14,760 --> 00:26:16,760
Speaker 1: I don't want to hurt people. I really don't like

531
00:26:17,240 --> 00:26:19,119
Speaker 1: all those things that I did when I was younger,

532
00:26:19,160 --> 00:26:21,399
Speaker 1: like it just taught me and it molded me to

533
00:26:21,440 --> 00:26:24,360
Speaker 1: be the woman I am today. And the main thing

534
00:26:24,440 --> 00:26:26,760
Speaker 1: is I want to be a positive force, a positive

535
00:26:27,400 --> 00:26:30,680
Speaker 1: addition to someone's life. I'm not here to hurt anybody,

536
00:26:30,720 --> 00:26:31,679
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. I don't want to hurt

537
00:26:31,720 --> 00:26:34,480
Speaker 1: anybody's feelings. I want to be something good in their life,

538
00:26:34,520 --> 00:26:38,320
Speaker 1: something that they can be proud of, like they had,

539
00:26:39,000 --> 00:26:41,080
Speaker 1: you know, like my footprint. I was here and it's

540
00:26:41,119 --> 00:26:43,159
Speaker 1: it's it was a good experience, you know, which is

541
00:26:43,200 --> 00:26:45,560
Speaker 1: why I feel bad for what I did when I

542
00:26:45,600 --> 00:26:49,240
Speaker 1: was three, you know what I mean. Like you're young,

543
00:26:49,320 --> 00:26:52,560
Speaker 1: You're dumb, I'm sorry, Like you're barely learning. But make

544
00:26:52,600 --> 00:26:55,280
Speaker 1: sure that the things that you've done also teach you

545
00:26:55,520 --> 00:26:57,760
Speaker 1: and you learn that lesson that you're meant to learn,

546
00:26:58,760 --> 00:27:03,520
Speaker 1: so that moving forward and in your future, you can

547
00:27:03,560 --> 00:27:05,680
Speaker 1: be happier and have peace in your heart and in

548
00:27:05,760 --> 00:27:09,080
Speaker 1: your mind. I know everyone feels differently about whether or

549
00:27:09,119 --> 00:27:11,159
Speaker 1: not you should stay with someone who has cheated, but

550
00:27:11,240 --> 00:27:14,199
Speaker 1: I think everyone should make their decision and do what

551
00:27:14,240 --> 00:27:16,280
Speaker 1: they feel is right for them. So if your friends

552
00:27:16,359 --> 00:27:18,240
Speaker 1: or family open up to you about it, just listen

553
00:27:18,280 --> 00:27:20,880
Speaker 1: and support them and try not to judge them too harshly.

554
00:27:21,000 --> 00:27:29,760
Speaker 1: That's just something that I truly believe. With that being said,

555
00:27:30,040 --> 00:27:33,040
Speaker 1: we are going to close out the episode and give you,

556
00:27:33,040 --> 00:27:37,639
Speaker 1: guys my motivational quote for this beautiful Monday. I actually

557
00:27:37,680 --> 00:27:40,959
Speaker 1: have two quotes for you guys today. One is, breaking

558
00:27:40,960 --> 00:27:44,000
Speaker 1: someone's trust is like crumbling up a perfect piece of paper.

559
00:27:44,200 --> 00:27:46,719
Speaker 1: You can smooth it over, but it's never going to

560
00:27:46,800 --> 00:27:50,119
Speaker 1: be the same. The next one is the secret of

561
00:27:50,280 --> 00:27:52,959
Speaker 1: change is to focus all of your energy not on

562
00:27:53,040 --> 00:27:57,280
Speaker 1: fighting the old, but on building the new. Alright, guys, well,

563
00:27:57,320 --> 00:28:00,560
Speaker 1: thank you so much for listening, for being here with me.

564
00:28:00,600 --> 00:28:02,560
Speaker 1: I hope that you learned a little bit more about

565
00:28:02,600 --> 00:28:05,360
Speaker 1: me from my mistakes, and a little bit for you

566
00:28:05,480 --> 00:28:14,240
Speaker 1: for your future. For your present, Elsaki, I love you guys.

567
00:28:14,400 --> 00:28:20,000
Speaker 1: Visit those and guys, I want to let you know

568
00:28:20,040 --> 00:28:22,200
Speaker 1: there's a brand new way for us to keep in touch.

569
00:28:22,400 --> 00:28:25,120
Speaker 1: You can now leave me a voice membo directly through

570
00:28:25,119 --> 00:28:28,080
Speaker 1: the I Heart Radio app. Just click the microphone at

571
00:28:28,080 --> 00:28:30,680
Speaker 1: the top of the Chickens and Shell podcast homepage within

572
00:28:30,760 --> 00:28:33,520
Speaker 1: the I Heart Radio app, and if you don't already

573
00:28:33,520 --> 00:28:36,520
Speaker 1: have the app, you can download it for free. Your

574
00:28:36,600 --> 00:28:39,760
Speaker 1: questions and comments could be featured in a future episode,

575
00:28:39,800 --> 00:28:41,880
Speaker 1: so feel free to let me know what's on your mind.

576
00:28:44,480 --> 00:28:46,800
Speaker 1: This is a production of I Heart Radio and My

577
00:28:46,920 --> 00:28:51,880
Speaker 1: coulda Podcast Network. Follow us on Instagram at Michela Podcasts

578
00:28:52,080 --> 00:28:55,440
Speaker 1: and follow me chicks That's c h i q u

579
00:28:55,600 --> 00:28:59,320
Speaker 1: i s. For more podcasts from I Heart, visit the

580
00:28:59,400 --> 00:29:02,840
Speaker 1: I Heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen

581
00:29:02,880 --> 00:29:09,440
Speaker 1: to your favorite shows. H