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Speaker 1: The next time that you feel compelled to speak to

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Speaker 1: someone about their weight, about their size, I encourage you

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Speaker 1: to ask yourself, why is it that you feel the

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Speaker 1: need to do it. Hayhurdler's Emily Body popping in with

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Speaker 1: another installment of Hurdle Moment from Hurdle I. This week,

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Speaker 1: I want to talk about something that's a little taboo,

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Speaker 1: and that is weight, kind of up there with topics

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Speaker 1: like money and dating and sex. I had an interaction

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Speaker 1: that I'm going to tell you about today that made

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Speaker 1: me want to bring this to the feed conversation over Instagram,

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Speaker 1: which kind of was off putting. And I don't know,

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Speaker 1: It's just something that's going on a lot when we

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Speaker 1: talk about in our culture someone's size and that being

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Speaker 1: smaller is quote unquote necessarily better, and I'm just I'm

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Speaker 1: tired of it. And so for Hurdle Moment today, I'm

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Speaker 1: going to be chatting a little bit about the right

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Speaker 1: way maybe to chat with someone you care about when

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Speaker 1: it comes to their weight. And I say this with

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Speaker 1: a disclaimer, and I come at this with my own

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Speaker 1: personal experience. For those of you that have been listening

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Speaker 1: to the show for a while, you know my backstory

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Speaker 1: and that I lost seventy pounds and have kept it

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Speaker 1: off since college. I'm not sitting here with this microphone

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Speaker 1: to say that I have all the right insight, I

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Speaker 1: have all of the right answers. I never claim to

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Speaker 1: have all the answers. But what I do have, again

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Speaker 1: is my own experience to bring to the table, and

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Speaker 1: you know, just a story to share. Again. Weight can

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Speaker 1: be a tough topic. So a couple things. First off,

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Speaker 1: of you are struggling with yours, you are certainly not alone.

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Speaker 1: It is a really hard thing to deal with, feeling

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Speaker 1: either unhappy in your body or being on the other

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Speaker 1: end of the spectrum sometimes being great and feeling so

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Speaker 1: confident at your side when others might have an opinion,

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Speaker 1: although who cares what they think about how you look.

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Speaker 1: If this is a topic that isn't your jam, I

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Speaker 1: respect it. It's cool. But again, here I am bringing

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Speaker 1: someone to the feed that really resonated with me this week.

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Speaker 1: If you like what you're listening to, If you feel

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Speaker 1: this hard, please post this on social, share it on social,

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Speaker 1: tag at Hurdle Podcasts and me over at Emily a Body,

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Speaker 1: And if you want to chat about this or anything else,

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Speaker 1: I'm always available for you over email. It's Emily at

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Speaker 1: hurdle dot Us. I did talk about some of the

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Speaker 1: themes I'm going to touch on in today's episode over

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Speaker 1: on the newsletter a few weeks ago, when I wrote

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Speaker 1: an essay on I don't want to talk to you

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Speaker 1: about my quote unquote tone art. So if you're a hurdler,

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Speaker 1: if you're a part of the community, you know this

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Speaker 1: has been something that's been on my mind for a

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Speaker 1: little while now, and I'm just here to jam out

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Speaker 1: with that. Let's get to hurtling. I was a lot

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Speaker 1: different in college. As I mean, any woman in her

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Speaker 1: early thirties that tells you that she was her best

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Speaker 1: in college, I would argue that maybe she needs to

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Speaker 1: do some evaluating. I was certainly growing up coming into

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Speaker 1: my own in college, and during that time, as I

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Speaker 1: mentioned in the intro, I went through a really big

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Speaker 1: life change, a really dramatic weight loss. I decided to

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Speaker 1: lose weight at that time because I didn't feel comfortable

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Speaker 1: in my own skin. I didn't feel comfortable in my body,

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Speaker 1: I wasn't happy, and I felt uncomfortable taking photos. I

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Speaker 1: felt like my negative self talk was overwhelming, and upon

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Speaker 1: stepping on a scale. That was really the tipping point

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Speaker 1: when I was confronted with what I had a feeling of,

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Speaker 1: what I had an inkling of, which was that not

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Speaker 1: only was I not feeling my best, but just seeing

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Speaker 1: a number over two hundred pounds, it really just hit

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Speaker 1: me like a ton of bricks. At the time. In college,

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Speaker 1: I knew a lot of people. I was part of

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Speaker 1: a sorority, I was involved in the Greek community. I

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Speaker 1: was on Panellenic, which I feel like won't surprise many

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Speaker 1: of you. And even though I did lose that weight

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Speaker 1: back in college, even though I was of that size

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Speaker 1: that I am right now, back then, I still get

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Speaker 1: messages from time to time from people that I knew,

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Speaker 1: maybe in my younger years freshman, sophomore, at the beginning

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Speaker 1: of junior year, and see what I'm doing with my

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Speaker 1: life now, and they're like, Wow, There's this one woman

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Speaker 1: that I went to college with that has over the

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Speaker 1: past few years messaged me time and time again, not

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Speaker 1: just asking about workout tips, as I get many dms

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Speaker 1: about workout tips. I am a fitness list, I get that,

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Speaker 1: but she has taken it upon herself to constantly comment

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Speaker 1: about my appearance, saying things like, you look so small,

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Speaker 1: your arms are so toned, Oh my god, my legs

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Speaker 1: are so fat. I could never wear something like that.

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Speaker 1: So on and so forth. And finally, earlier this week,

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Speaker 1: when one of these messages came in, I replied, and

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Speaker 1: I finally said something. I said, let me look at

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Speaker 1: my phone because I want to make sure I get

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Speaker 1: this right. I say this coming from a place of love,

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Speaker 1: but it might be great if you could think twice

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Speaker 1: before complimenting others on their size, not knowing what their

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Speaker 1: personal journeys are, what their stories are, it can be

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Speaker 1: a really dangerous rope to walk. I say this to

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Speaker 1: you because when I scroll through our interactions, you have

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Speaker 1: commented on my size many many times. And women, woman,

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Speaker 1: there are many other things worth celebrating. Now. Granted, we

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Speaker 1: went on to have a brief conversation and she said

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Speaker 1: she never really thought about it like that. I prompted

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Speaker 1: her to maybe gut check herself, and I wonder, you know,

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Speaker 1: what's the conversation that's happening inside of her head, what's

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Speaker 1: that negative self talk like? And maybe that is the

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Speaker 1: place where she could point her attention. I also reiterated,

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Speaker 1: as I said that there's a lot more to happiness

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Speaker 1: than size. People can find happiness at all different sizes,

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Speaker 1: and now is as good of a time as any

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Speaker 1: to work on her own inner dialogue and maybe challenge

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Speaker 1: the script that she has written for herself. And I've

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Speaker 1: been thinking about this interaction ever since, because happiness comes

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Speaker 1: in all sizes. So when you go to compliment someone

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Speaker 1: or comment on someone's size or appearance, you have no

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Speaker 1: idea if they're happy at the side that you think

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Speaker 1: that maybe they would be happy at. And dear, I

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Speaker 1: have spoken to so many women that have lost weight

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Speaker 1: because they are dealing with awful, awful things in their lives, right,

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Speaker 1: eating disorders, anxiety, troubling weight loss because of relationships gone wrong,

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Speaker 1: poor interactions, losing their jobs. I mean, I don't need

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Speaker 1: to tell you. The list of why weight loss can

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Speaker 1: happen is endless. And I say this just leading into

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Speaker 1: some thoughts on maybe the right way to talk to

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Speaker 1: someone about their size, which really is firstly that there

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Speaker 1: is no one right way, and secondly that really it

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Speaker 1: should never be about their size. Right if you see

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Speaker 1: someone that you care about, that you know and keep

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Speaker 1: in mind here there's a caveat here because although you

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Speaker 1: might care about someone on social media, although you might

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Speaker 1: be a part of their community, oftentimes maybe it's not

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Speaker 1: your role to comment to them or reach out to

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Speaker 1: them about their size. But that's an other issue. Also,

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Speaker 1: I bring this up with an understanding that many of

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Speaker 1: the individuals that might follow me on social media, they

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Speaker 1: reach out to me when they need help or want

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Speaker 1: help or want feedback. And I want you to know

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Speaker 1: that I will always always listen to what you have

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Speaker 1: to say and always give you my honest opinion. I

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Speaker 1: want you to feel comfortable coming to me, but you

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Speaker 1: have to understand what comes with coming to me again,

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Speaker 1: that honesty, that transparency. I will never air out your

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Speaker 1: identity or who you are. But here I am on

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Speaker 1: the pod bringing up an important conversation that just happened

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Speaker 1: to come through my DMS. I remember what it felt

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Speaker 1: like to feel alone, to feel like no one understood me,

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Speaker 1: and I would have killed to have someone who knew

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Speaker 1: how I felt back in college when I didn't feel worthy.

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Speaker 1: I get it. So in telling you this story and

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Speaker 1: being open and honest, I just hope that you understand

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Speaker 1: that I am here for you because I know that

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Speaker 1: it matters. If you have a friend that you notice

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Speaker 1: has maybe lost weight. I would encourage you to then

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Speaker 1: open up a safe dialogue with them that could lead

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Speaker 1: to a discussion on weight and what's going on there,

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Speaker 1: but really focuses bigger picture this person. They need to

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Speaker 1: know that you are there for them, regardless of how

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Speaker 1: they look, and so the conversation can look like this.

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Speaker 1: It can be you asking them about how things have

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Speaker 1: been going lately. Is there anything new going on in

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Speaker 1: your life? I'm really struggling personally about eating lunch at home.

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Speaker 1: What have you been eating lately? There are so many

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Speaker 1: questions that you can ask to learn about how a

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Speaker 1: person is doing, especially if you really care about them

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Speaker 1: and they care about you, where you feel like it

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Speaker 1: can be an honest conversation where you don't need to say, hey,

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Speaker 1: I noticed that you you've lost weight. Also, by saying

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Speaker 1: that as well with like a positive connotation, you also

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Speaker 1: indicate that whatever size they were before may not have

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Speaker 1: been good enough. And what an awful feeling is that? Right?

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Speaker 1: You know, we live in this society where we're so

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Speaker 1: often complimenting others on something like their physical appearance, But

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Speaker 1: what about the stuff that's inside. I love the messages

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Speaker 1: that talk about empowerment and confidence, and I ran for

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Speaker 1: an extra three minutes today, like, let's focus on those

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Speaker 1: beautiful wins that have nothing to do with aesthetics. I

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Speaker 1: asked myself why it was that I got a little

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Speaker 1: defensive at first when I got her message the other day,

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Speaker 1: when I get messages that talk about size, that talk

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Speaker 1: about staying quote unquote fit in quarantine, and it just

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Speaker 1: it hurts my heart because it leads me to believe

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Speaker 1: that so many people just feel frustrated right now. And

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Speaker 1: although it is a comment on what might be going

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Speaker 1: on with me, it is more so or reflection of

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Speaker 1: what may or may not be going on with the

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Speaker 1: person that's reaching out. And so, rather than meeting what

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Speaker 1: is often meant to be positivity and praise with anger,

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Speaker 1: I find it to be my responsibility to turn the

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Speaker 1: dialogue around and ask them thought provoking positive questions in return,

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Speaker 1: instead of talking specifics about my workout routine or how

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Speaker 1: I am toning and I hate the word toning. I

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Speaker 1: hate it. I focus on the things that are really important,

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Speaker 1: like about my self, care about the way that I'm

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Speaker 1: giving back to me, and yes that might involve early

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Speaker 1: morning runs and lifting weights, but it is so much

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Speaker 1: bigger than that. Even the quote unquote fittest people women

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Speaker 1: and men that feel confident in their body, that are

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Speaker 1: happy with their appearance, that doesn't mean that they don't

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Speaker 1: go through challenges dealing with things like positive self image

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Speaker 1: and getting rid of negative self talk. And so the

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Speaker 1: next time that you feel compelled to speak to someone

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Speaker 1: about their weight, about their size, I encourage you to

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Speaker 1: ask yourself, why is it that you feel the need

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Speaker 1: to do it? Right now, more than ever, it is

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Speaker 1: so critical that we show up for the people that

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Speaker 1: we care about. We stop making others feel as though

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Speaker 1: they are not good enough in one way or another

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Speaker 1: because of the way that things might look, and we

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Speaker 1: approach situations with an understanding that we are always only

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Speaker 1: seeing a piece of the puzzle, especially when it comes

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Speaker 1: to someone that you may not know all that well

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Speaker 1: via social media. What you see on social media, you

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Speaker 1: hear it time and time again. It is a highlight reel,

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Speaker 1: a very carefully curated highlight reel. If this is resonating

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Speaker 1: with you, if you feel what I have to say,

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Speaker 1: let it be a reminder that you are not alone.

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Speaker 1: Will always come to you from a place of honesty,

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Speaker 1: bringing to you my own experiences. And while yes, I

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Speaker 1: could sit here and talk to you about the things

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Speaker 1: that have worked for me when it came to losing

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Speaker 1: weight back in college and even at points during this quarantine,

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Speaker 1: my goal has never been a number on the scale,

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Speaker 1: but rather just for me to find my happiest self.

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Speaker 1: That self is possible at so many different numbers on

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Speaker 1: that scale. I know it, and you know it. And

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Speaker 1: what's important is that we support one another in getting

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Speaker 1: to that happy, safe place. And if you're going to

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Speaker 1: dare to approach conversations that have to do with someone's

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Speaker 1: size or appearance, gut check yourself and have a little

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Speaker 1: bit of grace. Okay At Emily Abadi at Hurdle Podcast,

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Speaker 1: Another Hurdle conquered. Catch you guys next time in my