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Speaker 1: Relax, it's just a boat all. What's up, y'all. It's

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Speaker 1: your girl may DV from the Horrible Decisions podcast, and

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Speaker 1: I'm super excited to let you guys know that I

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Speaker 1: have dropped my very own merch so you can go

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Speaker 1: on over to mandy Be dot com and get your

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Speaker 1: merch now. I am super excited again for all of

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Speaker 1: you guys, um to where this merch. I have tripod

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Speaker 1: Mommy relax is just a Buddha hole and I ain't

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Speaker 1: gonna hold you merch, So go on over once again

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Speaker 1: to mandy Be dot com and get your merch today.

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Speaker 1: That is m A N D I I B dot com. Um. Also,

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Speaker 1: there is no episode of Horrible Decisions this week, However,

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Speaker 1: I adore the hor Hive and I've really really really

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Speaker 1: been focusing on just awareness of of so many things

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Speaker 1: that we as women have to go through, and so

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Speaker 1: I wanted to share my most recent episode of period

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Speaker 1: sis with you guys, brought to you by the official

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Speaker 1: box owner. UM. Again, I do also want to add

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Speaker 1: a trigger warning. This is a very very very serious

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Speaker 1: UM conversation. Me and the guests actually cried um. But

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Speaker 1: again it's it's definitely needed to be heard. So please

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Speaker 1: go ahead, sit back, relax, get in front of your computers.

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Speaker 1: You don't have to worry about turning the your headphones

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Speaker 1: down for this one, um, and enjoy. It's hard to

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Speaker 1: let go of that. I mean, it's still hard to

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Speaker 1: let go of that that you're not going to carry

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Speaker 1: the baby? Yeah, and did I miss? Did I fail

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Speaker 1: in some kind of way? Did I? Am I defective

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Speaker 1: in some kind of deep? You know, it's just am

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Speaker 1: I defective in some kind of way? Am I less than?

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Speaker 1: In some kind of way? Am I less worthy in

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Speaker 1: some kind of way? Hey, guys, welcome to another episode

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Speaker 1: of periods Is. I'm your host Mandy B. And I'm

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Speaker 1: bringing you guys this bonus episode this week because it's

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Speaker 1: probably one of those really, really really hard episodes that

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Speaker 1: I've had had to get through. But it's why this

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Speaker 1: podcast an official box owner means so much to me. Honestly,

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Speaker 1: this week's episode, I'm joined by Melissa. I do want

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Speaker 1: to give a trigger warning to this episode before we start.

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Speaker 1: Melissa has p o F and that's not to be

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Speaker 1: confused with the dating app Plenty of Fish. She has

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Speaker 1: premature ovarian failure and for those of you who do

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Speaker 1: not know what that means you gonna learn today. Have

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Speaker 1: your napkins ready. H This was one of the most

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Speaker 1: touching and heartbreaking stories I've done here on period Sis,

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Speaker 1: where I was crying. So without further ado, I want

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Speaker 1: to be sure that preface this with there is a

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Speaker 1: trigger warning for anyone experiencing fertility issues at the moment,

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Speaker 1: or anyone who may also have POF. It's another tale

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Speaker 1: of womanhood for women by by Hey, guys, welcome to

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Speaker 1: another episode again of period Sis. I'm super excited for

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Speaker 1: this conversation today. It the acronym that I fucked up

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Speaker 1: in the email, but guys, again, I'm super excited to

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Speaker 1: once again be shared on this microphone with a woman,

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Speaker 1: to share a journey of something that is so common

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Speaker 1: but yet I had no idea of. Today we were

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Speaker 1: talking about Melissa's journey with p o F and you

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Speaker 1: know what, let's go ahead and start it there. Po

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Speaker 1: F stands for what and what is it? It stands

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Speaker 1: for premature ovarian failure UM and in a nutshell, it's

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Speaker 1: when you have lost your eggs um and you are

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Speaker 1: unable to carry your own DNA of an egg UM.

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Speaker 1: So and see and me looking it up. It actually

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Speaker 1: for for those of you who are still just like

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Speaker 1: I can't carry my eggs. When I was looking it up,

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Speaker 1: it compared it to pretty much an early onset of

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Speaker 1: menopause exactly. Um, so did you receive eve, Like were

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Speaker 1: you getting those symptoms from menopause? Where in which, Like,

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Speaker 1: let's start from the very beginning. When did you find

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Speaker 1: out that you had pos So I found out, um

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Speaker 1: August of UM that I had pos um and the

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Speaker 1: symptoms were definitely there. So five years prior I had

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Speaker 1: been dealing with um pre menopause symptoms. So hot flashes,

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Speaker 1: which I still get. Um, but where do you live?

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Speaker 1: Where do you live in Virginia? How do you know

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Speaker 1: the difference between because again I want to make this,

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Speaker 1: as you know, just elementary as possible. If I live

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Speaker 1: in the South, how do I know the difference between

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Speaker 1: a hot flash and it just right? Maybe I'm just

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Speaker 1: it's just hot. So originally when it all this came about,

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Speaker 1: I was in Texas. Um, That's where I'm originally from.

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Speaker 1: So yeah, so when I was getting and I was

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Speaker 1: like what is this? But I would literally just be

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Speaker 1: sitting having a phone call with a friend and all

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Speaker 1: of a sudden, my tea zone started like just yeah, okay,

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Speaker 1: so um, M'd be like, what is this? What's going on?

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Speaker 1: I didn't understand, um, and I couldn't really figure it out.

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Speaker 1: So the only thing I knew was drink more water,

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Speaker 1: like maybe I'm hot or maybe I'm behind. Yeah, so um.

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Speaker 1: But one of the other things was that again my

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Speaker 1: cycle was irregular. Um. But that had like slowly started

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Speaker 1: to progress, and I'm like, and by irregular, so my

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Speaker 1: cycle would disappear for like two or three months. I

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Speaker 1: want to get a cycle. Um. And in my mind,

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Speaker 1: the only thing I knew about having an irregular cycle

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Speaker 1: was that, Okay, I must be pregnant, because yeah, there's

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Speaker 1: a baby. That's why we're taking I mean, I think

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Speaker 1: the only other thing that I normally attached to, like

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Speaker 1: if my period is late, I'm like, was I stressing

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Speaker 1: a lot um? Just because again, your regular period. If

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Speaker 1: you go to the doctor, they're gonna be like, oh,

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Speaker 1: well most women that happens. I regular periods are normal,

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Speaker 1: you know, and anything can throw it off, from you

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Speaker 1: traveling too much or exercising more, any change in your

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Speaker 1: daily routine. So you were getting just irregular periods and

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Speaker 1: you started noticing, Okay, this is happening more often than not. Right.

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Speaker 1: And my original go to was because I'd ask other

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Speaker 1: women that I worked with, older women, you know, what's

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Speaker 1: going on? What do you think? Oh, it's just stressed. UM.

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Speaker 1: I went to different doctors. I had like five different

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Speaker 1: doctors that I went to, and each doctor continued to

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Speaker 1: tell me that it was just stressed. I'm a teacher,

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Speaker 1: and of course you know we're stressed, right, but not

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Speaker 1: during the summer. I'm free. So UM. So I didn't understand.

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Speaker 1: And every time a doctor told me that, it would

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Speaker 1: be so frustrating because I'm like, no, there's something something

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Speaker 1: is something's wrong. I don't know what it is, but

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Speaker 1: something's wrong. Um. But everyone kept telling me the same thing.

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Speaker 1: So when the um hot flashes started coming was about

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Speaker 1: three years ago. UM. I went to two different doctors

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Speaker 1: at that time to find out what was going on

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Speaker 1: on Again it was stress UM or that. So at

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Speaker 1: that time I was At that time, I was thirty

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Speaker 1: four UM when it was happening, I started my cycle

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Speaker 1: started disappearing UM about twenty eight UM. And so again

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Speaker 1: every doctor was like, no, don't worry about it's just stressed.

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Speaker 1: During this time, I had gone to or B G

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Speaker 1: y N and I was telling her was like, some

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Speaker 1: weird things living happening. She was really dismissive. She wouldn't

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Speaker 1: take me seriously. She and asked me any follow up questions.

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Speaker 1: She didn't want to hear any of my questions. I

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Speaker 1: was like, okay, well this is not helpful. And I

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Speaker 1: went to a couple of other doctors and I was like, hey,

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Speaker 1: this is what's going on with me. Maybe can we

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Speaker 1: look into this? Can we talk? No, no, no, just

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Speaker 1: dismissing me and not taking me seriously. They wouldn't run

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Speaker 1: any test. I really think that's because of the bias

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Speaker 1: against black women in the medical community, because it happened

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Speaker 1: three different times and I still haven't been formally diagnosed,

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Speaker 1: but I know this is what's happened to me, and

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Speaker 1: it has been a little bit crazy. When I got

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Speaker 1: the hot flashes, I was like, okay, um, what's going on.

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Speaker 1: I went to a doctor in Dallas. She told me that,

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Speaker 1: you know, it's just stress. I went to another doctor,

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Speaker 1: my one of my best friends or my best friend

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Speaker 1: her doctor in Oklahoma, and he gave me He started

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Speaker 1: putting me on pro dressed roown to um induce my

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Speaker 1: cycles and make them come and at first. And that's

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Speaker 1: that's a hormone, that's amon and a lot of you,

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Speaker 1: I think have heard us mention it. It's one that's

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Speaker 1: often times bound in birth control. Even um. Okay, so

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Speaker 1: you were given those pills and did you see any

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Speaker 1: changes with that? Well, yeah, just the side effects of

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Speaker 1: progress room, but it's it would work. Um for about

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Speaker 1: a year it worked, and then after that it stopped touring.

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Speaker 1: And so I would literally every month on que take

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Speaker 1: the progress room for ten days and then you know,

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Speaker 1: the cycle would come. Um, but it stopped coming. And

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Speaker 1: the doctors told me, well, just come back. We'll give

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Speaker 1: you a different pill and if that one doesn't work,

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Speaker 1: then we'll try something else. And if that one doesn't work,

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Speaker 1: then we'll give you an ultrasound and see what's going on.

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Speaker 1: Just trial and error with your like light? What is this? Yes? Exactly?

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Speaker 1: Did they say what these If this doesn't work, then

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Speaker 1: maybe it's this. If this doesn't work, maybe it's that.

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Speaker 1: Why why we their solution almost a trial and errow

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Speaker 1: with medication, Like did they say what possibilities it could be?

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Speaker 1: They told me that this was normal, but they didn't

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Speaker 1: tell me what it could have been, like, what was

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Speaker 1: for bringing it on, what was causing it? What like

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Speaker 1: a diagnosis. No, it was just we'll try this pill

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Speaker 1: and that doesn't try this one. And I'm not really

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Speaker 1: a huge pill taker UM, and so I just didn't

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Speaker 1: want to do it. So I refused to UM. So

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Speaker 1: I stopped taking the production room because it wasn't working. UM.

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Speaker 1: And then I didn't go back to that doctor because

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Speaker 1: I didn't want to keep trying different pills. UM. So

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Speaker 1: my best friend got pregnant, I think last around last April,

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Speaker 1: and yep, that's about right. And and so she when

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Speaker 1: I was down there visiting her, she was like, okay,

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Speaker 1: let's we need to get you to a different doctor.

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Speaker 1: And so UM I made an appointment, but the appointment

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Speaker 1: wasn't gonna be like soon. So when I got back

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Speaker 1: to Virginia, I got on UM like the telehealth, and

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Speaker 1: I contacted I found a black doctor UM gynecologists, and

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Speaker 1: I called her. UM we did telehealth or whatever, and

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Speaker 1: we spoke and I said, look, before we go any further,

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Speaker 1: let me tell you this. Every doctor that I keep

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Speaker 1: coming across keeps telling me that it's stressed. What I'm

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Speaker 1: dealing with is not stress. I'm not If you tell

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Speaker 1: me that it's stressed, then I'm not gonna work with

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Speaker 1: this insurance anymore. I'm changing insurances and that's it. And

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Speaker 1: she was like, nice to meet you, hello, calmed down, like,

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Speaker 1: it's not me, It's it's not me. I'm like, okay,

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Speaker 1: so then what you know? What is it? So I

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Speaker 1: told her everything that I was dealing with the symptoms.

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Speaker 1: Um she said, okay, you know what, it sounds like

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Speaker 1: you might be dealing with some fertility thing, like, you know,

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Speaker 1: let's check it out. So she gave me a whole

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Speaker 1: real quick. Can I can I ask you? I know,

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Speaker 1: you know we said that the miss periods, you know,

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Speaker 1: I felt like, oh, maybe I'm pregnant. At any point

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Speaker 1: did you question your fertility or you know, dang, is

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Speaker 1: this something that you know is affecting me? Because again,

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Speaker 1: you started seeing miss periods as early as twenty seven

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Speaker 1: and so over five to six years, you were just

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Speaker 1: told it was stressed. But at any point where you

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Speaker 1: worried that this this really could be something that could

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Speaker 1: be bad? Right? Yeah? No, I never thought until I

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Speaker 1: was given this diagnosis. I never even thought about fertility,

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Speaker 1: about the option of not being possibly not being able

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Speaker 1: to have children, Like I'm it never crossed my mind.

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Speaker 1: I just thought, Okay, something's not right, but what is it.

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Speaker 1: That's something that we don't typically talk about, like it's

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Speaker 1: so taboo. So it's like it never crossed my mind

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Speaker 1: at all. Wow, yeah, okay, So so then you got

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Speaker 1: so now you're with this new doctor on telehealth. She's

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Speaker 1: a a black woman doctor. What is that conversation like,

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Speaker 1: after you know, you let her know Sis, I need

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Speaker 1: you to really give me something here, what was that

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Speaker 1: conversation like and continue one? Well, she said she felt

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Speaker 1: like I was dealing with some fertility issues, but she

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Speaker 1: wasn't sure what. Um So she said, we're gonna do

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Speaker 1: a full fertility like checked on you. So I did.

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Speaker 1: I went to the doctor. I got like twenty miles

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Speaker 1: of blood pulled pulled um so they could look at

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Speaker 1: like everything within my body. Um So I did that

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Speaker 1: and then she called me about a week or two

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Speaker 1: later and she said, okay, so I looked at everything.

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Speaker 1: Mind you, I had already googled everything because I'm like, okay, wait,

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Speaker 1: what does that zero point zero one estrogen? What does

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Speaker 1: that mean? Zero point zero one a M? H okay,

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Speaker 1: what is an A M? Like, I'm looking at everything

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Speaker 1: and I'm I'm constantly sending her messages like okay, I

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Speaker 1: saw this on Google and this is what this is saying.

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Speaker 1: So what are you thinking? Oh? I was all about it,

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Speaker 1: and my best friend and her mom were like, stop

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Speaker 1: looking at Google, like, let's wait, let's get what the

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Speaker 1: doctor has to say. So when she called me, she said, okay,

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Speaker 1: I want you to know I wasn't ignoring your messages.

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Speaker 1: It's just your your stay away from Google, Like, just

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Speaker 1: let me let you know what's going on. And she said, unfortunately, UM,

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Speaker 1: I have to tell you that you um have something

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Speaker 1: we call premature o varium failure. And I said, okay,

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Speaker 1: what is that? And she said basically, you have the

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Speaker 1: body of your thirty six and you have the body

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Speaker 1: of a fifty one year old post menopausal woman. And

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Speaker 1: I was like, okay, were you still like so what

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Speaker 1: does that mean? Or or like how did it happen?

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Speaker 1: Is it something I did? Like? Are those the questions

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Speaker 1: that you just started asking? What worried? What was your

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Speaker 1: response to that? My first response was silence. I was

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Speaker 1: like and then I was like, okay, wait what does

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Speaker 1: that mean? And she said, well, looking at all of

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Speaker 1: your hormonal levels and everything, you don't have any eggs.

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Speaker 1: I said, well, wait, not one? Not one? And she said, unfortunately,

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Speaker 1: you're in that one percentile of women who lose their eggs.

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Speaker 1: Um way sooner than you know you're you're supposed to. UM.

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Speaker 1: I said so wait, so what does that mean? What

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Speaker 1: I don't understand? And she said, the only way that

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Speaker 1: you'll be able to have a child is through egg donation.

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Speaker 1: And I just like I lost it. I was like,

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Speaker 1: don't have me crying, stop because I'm a crier and

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Speaker 1: this is this is also something um. And again I'll

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Speaker 1: tell you this is something I'm learning more about as

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Speaker 1: far as our eggs because my best friend just got

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Speaker 1: diagnosed with breast cancer. Because of the hormonal therapy she's

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Speaker 1: gonna have to take, she has to freeze her eggs

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Speaker 1: at thirty four and so, hearing what you're saying, the

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Speaker 1: only option for you is to get an egg donor

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Speaker 1: you hearing that as a woman, what was how do

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Speaker 1: you feel about that? And I also do want to

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Speaker 1: have that conversation too, because that's something again, I'm I

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Speaker 1: have no familiarity with. What are those options looking like

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Speaker 1: for you? How do you feel about having to go

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Speaker 1: that route? Is that a route you want to go? Um? Yeah,

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Speaker 1: walk me through your emotions when she told you all

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Speaker 1: of this. Yeah, I I was at a loss for words.

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Speaker 1: I was, um, I I said what I don't so

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Speaker 1: there's nothing there, like, nothing like I won't be able

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Speaker 1: to pass on anything of me? And she said no.

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Speaker 1: And then she said, you know, and let's look into like,

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Speaker 1: because your body is the way that it is, we

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Speaker 1: need to check on your something called DEXA, which is

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Speaker 1: a bone density like scan. Just make sure because now

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Speaker 1: I'm more susceptible for osteoporosis because you know, this good

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Speaker 1: old thirty seven year old body is fifty So um um,

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Speaker 1: so I had to She was like, okay, but just

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Speaker 1: you know, soak it in, you know, and we'll talk.

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Speaker 1: So I got off the phone with her and I

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Speaker 1: just cried. I screamed and I cried because um, it

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Speaker 1: made me feel like less of a woman in that moment.

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Speaker 1: It made me feel like, you know, what did I do?

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Speaker 1: How how do we get to this point? This doesn't

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Speaker 1: even make sense and I and why me, Um, I

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Speaker 1: went through a very dark emotional time. Um, You're like,

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Speaker 1: you're gonna make me cry, like and this is this

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Speaker 1: is also again you saying this, this is why I

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Speaker 1: want to cry because there's so many men and women

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Speaker 1: that shame women for not being mothers and have no

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Speaker 1: idea like these type of things that women go through.

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Speaker 1: Did you have a partner at the time. At the time,

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Speaker 1: I did, um and um, And in that moment he

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Speaker 1: was supported. Um. Okay I cried um, and he was like, Okay,

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Speaker 1: well we'll figure it out, figure it out. But it

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Speaker 1: wasn't it wasn't something that we could figure out. Um.

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Speaker 1: I would be in the restroom like and and then

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Speaker 1: with with pof you have all these and and just

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Speaker 1: the understanding of you have all these like different emotions

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Speaker 1: and like one minute everything's fine, and then you know,

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Speaker 1: I see a woman walking down the street with her

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Speaker 1: baby and I'm just like crying, like and then and

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Speaker 1: then having this I don't know why I'm crying. I

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Speaker 1: don't know why I'm feeling this way. And then turn

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Speaker 1: around the next day and get on the computer and

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Speaker 1: virtually teach my kindergarteners. Um and I thought, you know

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Speaker 1: how all these years, I'm almost I've almost been teaching

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Speaker 1: for ten years, and I'm taking care of all these

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Speaker 1: other people's children and I can't have my own. And

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Speaker 1: you know, these kids call me their school mom, and

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Speaker 1: I can't help my own child calling me mom. Um.

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Speaker 1: It was it was hard. Um, it was really hard.

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Speaker 1: I my best friend and her sister. UM, they were

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Speaker 1: both like, okay, you know what what we'll do. Well,

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Speaker 1: you know we'll get your eggs. Well, we'll give you

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Speaker 1: your eggs, no worries. We got this, you know, we

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Speaker 1: got this. Um. I it messaged my doctor and I

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Speaker 1: was like, okay, well would I be able if I

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Speaker 1: could do egg donation? Would I be able to carry

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Speaker 1: a child? Um? So I came in and she did

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Speaker 1: like a uterus, uterus, yes, if you can actually hold

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Speaker 1: a baby, right, And so I went and did that.

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Speaker 1: And the nurse that I met was like, told me

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Speaker 1: that her sister had gone through it, and um that

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Speaker 1: she became the surrogate for her sister, and you know,

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Speaker 1: she was telling me her stories. Then so fast forward,

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00:21:43,920 --> 00:21:45,919
Speaker 1: the results come out and the doctor calls me and

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Speaker 1: she's like, okay, you you know your your uterus is good.

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Speaker 1: If you find an egg donor, then you're you'll be good.

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Speaker 1: And I'm like, okay, great, yeah, score one. There's a positive, right,

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00:21:56,520 --> 00:22:01,040
Speaker 1: all right, my uterus is good. Um. And so my

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00:22:01,080 --> 00:22:03,160
Speaker 1: best friend and her sister were like, okay, we'll give

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Speaker 1: you our eggs. And but then you found out that

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Speaker 1: well one at the time, my best friend was pregnant

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Speaker 1: and so so you know, there's a process. Can't She's like,

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00:22:13,480 --> 00:22:15,800
Speaker 1: I'm already down here, and they can go ahead and

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00:22:15,800 --> 00:22:18,520
Speaker 1: pull it out like their doctors are like, wait, there's

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00:22:18,720 --> 00:22:21,119
Speaker 1: there's more to that than than that. So no, you

349
00:22:21,200 --> 00:22:24,320
Speaker 1: can't do that. Um. And then we uh so this

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Speaker 1: whole again. I feel like you have now learned what

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00:22:27,040 --> 00:22:29,359
Speaker 1: this process is, and so I am going to have

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00:22:29,480 --> 00:22:34,200
Speaker 1: questions here, um regarding what that process looks like for

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Speaker 1: egg donors and what your doctors are telling you, um,

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Speaker 1: especially being a black woman. UM. I just want to

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00:22:41,080 --> 00:22:44,320
Speaker 1: preface before we get into this journey with you. Egg

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00:22:44,359 --> 00:22:46,800
Speaker 1: donation was something I found on Craigslist when I was

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Speaker 1: in college trying to make money, not gonna lie. And

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Speaker 1: the crazy thing about it is they requires certain b

359
00:22:52,600 --> 00:22:55,800
Speaker 1: m I height and weight and mind you I've been

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Speaker 1: considered obese since I was a kid, just because I

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Speaker 1: have hips, I have thighs, I have and you know.

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Speaker 1: And so when I used to look to donate my eggs,

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00:23:05,760 --> 00:23:07,919
Speaker 1: there was so many things that pretty much just canceled

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Speaker 1: me out that I cancel a lot of Black women

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Speaker 1: out just because of our genetics and what they consider

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Speaker 1: almost the European standard. When I initially tried to be

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Speaker 1: an egg downer, I was told that African American women

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Speaker 1: didn't have infertility issues. Hearing that made me really question,

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Speaker 1: does society really know what black women really need? Do

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00:23:30,960 --> 00:23:35,560
Speaker 1: they really care? Right now? I'm five one, I should

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00:23:35,560 --> 00:23:38,119
Speaker 1: weigh a hundred and ten pounds, and because I do not,

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Speaker 1: I am considered obese. And because I'm considered obese, they

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Speaker 1: don't want your eggs. If you're obese, they don't want

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Speaker 1: your eggs. If you smoke, they don't want your eggs.

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Speaker 1: If you don't have a certain college level degree, they

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Speaker 1: don't want And so if you guys look into this again,

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00:23:53,359 --> 00:23:56,159
Speaker 1: just because of systemic oppression and everywhere I think the

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00:23:56,200 --> 00:23:59,239
Speaker 1: Black community is, it makes it that much harder for

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Speaker 1: black women in to donate their eggs. Um And again,

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00:24:04,000 --> 00:24:05,840
Speaker 1: I only know that again just because I was looking

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Speaker 1: it up because I was like, oh I want thirty

382
00:24:07,359 --> 00:24:10,520
Speaker 1: thousand real quick, and I didn't realize how much I

383
00:24:10,600 --> 00:24:13,480
Speaker 1: just would never qualify to even be a part of

384
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Speaker 1: that that process. So now your best friend is pregnant,

385
00:24:19,160 --> 00:24:21,919
Speaker 1: so that's not an option. What about her sister? And

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00:24:21,960 --> 00:24:24,120
Speaker 1: what are the doctors telling you about what this process

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00:24:24,160 --> 00:24:27,360
Speaker 1: looks like for you to get an egg donor? Well,

388
00:24:27,400 --> 00:24:30,880
Speaker 1: again with the stipulation, so her sister is two, is

389
00:24:31,320 --> 00:24:36,840
Speaker 1: too old she's like to be able to to donate.

390
00:24:37,320 --> 00:24:41,439
Speaker 1: What is the age limit? I'm not for certain on it,

391
00:24:41,800 --> 00:24:45,960
Speaker 1: but okay, I know, um, I think it might. I

392
00:24:46,000 --> 00:24:48,560
Speaker 1: know it's like either your early thirties or right at

393
00:24:48,600 --> 00:24:53,800
Speaker 1: twenty nine. I feel like it's eighteen nine. Okay, but

394
00:24:54,440 --> 00:24:58,119
Speaker 1: um yeah. So when we found out those weren't options

395
00:24:58,160 --> 00:25:01,600
Speaker 1: for like, okay, well what do we do? So I

396
00:25:01,640 --> 00:25:06,960
Speaker 1: went online and um looked at different egg banks and

397
00:25:07,000 --> 00:25:09,920
Speaker 1: again there's not a lot of us out there, and

398
00:25:10,040 --> 00:25:14,400
Speaker 1: so you look and you're thinking, okay, well, now you're

399
00:25:14,400 --> 00:25:16,520
Speaker 1: looking for this egg donor. But I wanted to have

400
00:25:16,600 --> 00:25:20,359
Speaker 1: my skin tone. I wanted to have my kinky coally hair.

401
00:25:20,640 --> 00:25:23,120
Speaker 1: You know, I want her to have these I want

402
00:25:23,160 --> 00:25:27,920
Speaker 1: my child to look like me. UM. And and there's

403
00:25:28,080 --> 00:25:31,840
Speaker 1: very far into you in between. So there's that and

404
00:25:31,880 --> 00:25:35,880
Speaker 1: then UM and then you also have to look at

405
00:25:35,960 --> 00:25:42,199
Speaker 1: the economic financial part of it. UM. Just to do

406
00:25:42,400 --> 00:25:45,920
Speaker 1: it is just to just to do the eggs itself.

407
00:25:45,960 --> 00:25:50,480
Speaker 1: It's like twenty thirty depending and the they have what

408
00:25:50,520 --> 00:25:52,480
Speaker 1: do you call What I would say is maybe like

409
00:25:52,520 --> 00:25:54,680
Speaker 1: a v I P the v I P eggs that

410
00:25:55,119 --> 00:25:58,520
Speaker 1: you know, they it's been shown that were proven that

411
00:25:58,600 --> 00:26:03,800
Speaker 1: these girls the eggs from this donor has gotten a

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00:26:03,920 --> 00:26:07,800
Speaker 1: positive pregnancy. UM. Because sometimes you go through it and

413
00:26:07,840 --> 00:26:12,280
Speaker 1: you try and it the embryo doesn't stick UM, and

414
00:26:12,359 --> 00:26:16,200
Speaker 1: so you get your money back. No, no, you don't know.

415
00:26:16,600 --> 00:26:21,199
Speaker 1: There's some there are some companies or clinics that have

416
00:26:21,440 --> 00:26:26,399
Speaker 1: like guarantee programs like if it doesn't work, then you know,

417
00:26:26,480 --> 00:26:33,400
Speaker 1: but at that time you're paying thirty forty dollars just

418
00:26:33,520 --> 00:26:37,600
Speaker 1: for that. And I ask you with with the diagnosis though,

419
00:26:38,280 --> 00:26:41,800
Speaker 1: does insurance not help to cover those expenses at all?

420
00:26:41,960 --> 00:26:48,040
Speaker 1: Or what was that? Oh, insurance doesn't cover it? And

421
00:26:48,400 --> 00:26:56,280
Speaker 1: there goes that other part of systemic racism, because you're

422
00:26:56,320 --> 00:27:00,680
Speaker 1: there are certain companies that UM I'm in different Facebook

423
00:27:00,680 --> 00:27:06,640
Speaker 1: groups like pay for IVF and different companies that will UM.

424
00:27:06,680 --> 00:27:08,880
Speaker 1: If you work for them, they will pay for your

425
00:27:08,880 --> 00:27:13,240
Speaker 1: IVF UM, but most companies don't UM some states, if

426
00:27:13,240 --> 00:27:17,680
Speaker 1: you live in certain states, UM, it's been mandated UM

427
00:27:17,800 --> 00:27:20,399
Speaker 1: by law that the insurances have to cover it, but

428
00:27:20,560 --> 00:27:25,760
Speaker 1: most states aren't. So you're now looking at like women

429
00:27:25,800 --> 00:27:28,920
Speaker 1: who have done I v F three four different times

430
00:27:28,960 --> 00:27:33,640
Speaker 1: while their insurance pays it, or you know, I chose

431
00:27:33,640 --> 00:27:37,600
Speaker 1: the wrong career. I don't know, but they're they're able

432
00:27:37,640 --> 00:27:44,200
Speaker 1: to do it UM and unfortunately my insurance doesn't cover

433
00:27:44,280 --> 00:27:47,240
Speaker 1: it UM and so now then you have to look

434
00:27:47,240 --> 00:27:49,760
Speaker 1: at Okay, well what's it? What's it worth? Because I

435
00:27:49,800 --> 00:27:55,600
Speaker 1: had the conversation with my gynecologists, I said realistically at

436
00:27:55,640 --> 00:27:59,399
Speaker 1: this time, like how many people have you diagnosed with this? Like?

437
00:27:59,560 --> 00:28:02,360
Speaker 1: Is this normal? Is this? Said thing? And she at

438
00:28:02,440 --> 00:28:05,760
Speaker 1: that time in August, she had diagnosed five women with it,

439
00:28:06,800 --> 00:28:12,399
Speaker 1: four of them were African American and I was the

440
00:28:12,440 --> 00:28:15,679
Speaker 1: only one that was still going to move forward and

441
00:28:15,760 --> 00:28:18,720
Speaker 1: pursue it. And I asked her why is that? And

442
00:28:18,760 --> 00:28:21,320
Speaker 1: she said, well, why is it that they weren't wouldn't

443
00:28:21,320 --> 00:28:25,080
Speaker 1: continue pursuing it? Um. And the reason that they gave

444
00:28:25,160 --> 00:28:29,119
Speaker 1: her was financially they couldn't they couldn't do it. So

445
00:28:29,240 --> 00:28:31,320
Speaker 1: you're paying for this. But then you got to think, okay,

446
00:28:31,320 --> 00:28:33,880
Speaker 1: well after that, I have to now pay for all

447
00:28:33,920 --> 00:28:37,560
Speaker 1: my doctors bills and now I gotta pay have money

448
00:28:37,560 --> 00:28:39,440
Speaker 1: to raise the child, you know, so you have to

449
00:28:39,440 --> 00:28:44,640
Speaker 1: put all these different things into play and UM, and

450
00:28:44,720 --> 00:28:48,480
Speaker 1: it's difficult. So UM, where are you now in that

451
00:28:48,760 --> 00:28:51,200
Speaker 1: in that process? Then if you if since you're the

452
00:28:51,240 --> 00:28:54,680
Speaker 1: one that continued to pursue your best friend wasn't an option,

453
00:28:54,800 --> 00:28:58,400
Speaker 1: her sister wasn't an option, you realize that the bank's

454
00:28:58,440 --> 00:29:03,760
Speaker 1: here don't have as many options as you know, eggs

455
00:29:03,840 --> 00:29:06,960
Speaker 1: from women that look like you? So where are you

456
00:29:07,120 --> 00:29:11,640
Speaker 1: in this process? So? Fortunately, having a strong support system

457
00:29:11,680 --> 00:29:17,200
Speaker 1: has brought me out of the you know, the darkness. UM.

458
00:29:17,320 --> 00:29:21,400
Speaker 1: I just kept researching and I found a clinic in Barbados.

459
00:29:21,800 --> 00:29:25,400
Speaker 1: Actually Kenya Moore UM went there to do her ivf

460
00:29:26,120 --> 00:29:30,320
Speaker 1: UM to have her baby. And I found that clinic

461
00:29:30,520 --> 00:29:37,040
Speaker 1: and financially they are way less. So it's fourteen thousand

462
00:29:37,120 --> 00:29:42,760
Speaker 1: dollars versus sixty UM out here and um, and they

463
00:29:42,800 --> 00:29:48,120
Speaker 1: have more Afro Caribbean looking women for egg donors. UM.

464
00:29:48,200 --> 00:29:51,640
Speaker 1: So they did find one egg donor, which is really

465
00:29:51,680 --> 00:29:56,040
Speaker 1: hard to find um, very rarely. Like there's a weight process.

466
00:29:56,080 --> 00:29:58,840
Speaker 1: It's a long weight process. But they did find an

467
00:29:58,880 --> 00:30:07,640
Speaker 1: egg donor for me. So yeah, yea. So the pause

468
00:30:08,240 --> 00:30:15,000
Speaker 1: is one financial and two I'm currently seeking a sperm

469
00:30:15,040 --> 00:30:19,600
Speaker 1: donor as well, and so you're not in our relationship. No,

470
00:30:20,760 --> 00:30:23,760
Speaker 1: oh wow, So it's that now it's a double door,

471
00:30:24,320 --> 00:30:27,480
Speaker 1: it is, yeah, oh wow, And what is what is

472
00:30:27,520 --> 00:30:29,920
Speaker 1: that process? Like? Do you feel like it's been harder

473
00:30:30,080 --> 00:30:32,320
Speaker 1: for the egg donor than the sperm donor. Have you

474
00:30:32,320 --> 00:30:35,160
Speaker 1: started the sperm donor process at all? So I've started

475
00:30:35,160 --> 00:30:38,000
Speaker 1: the sperm donor process, and actually it's been a lot

476
00:30:38,040 --> 00:30:40,360
Speaker 1: harder for the sperm donor. I think if I weren't,

477
00:30:40,560 --> 00:30:43,120
Speaker 1: if I were doing that, if I wasn't doing the

478
00:30:43,120 --> 00:30:47,960
Speaker 1: egg donor in Barbados, then I might have some difficulty

479
00:30:47,960 --> 00:30:52,000
Speaker 1: in finding someone. Um. The sperm donors, so they use

480
00:30:52,120 --> 00:30:57,280
Speaker 1: banks that are here, and there are very few blacks

481
00:30:57,480 --> 00:31:03,000
Speaker 1: sperm donors, so there so they have out of the

482
00:31:03,120 --> 00:31:07,360
Speaker 1: four clinics that they work with, the last time I

483
00:31:07,440 --> 00:31:11,520
Speaker 1: looked was a couple of days ago. UM, and out

484
00:31:11,520 --> 00:31:16,080
Speaker 1: of all four, I might find like five that meet

485
00:31:16,240 --> 00:31:20,880
Speaker 1: what I need. So it's crazy because when you're with someone,

486
00:31:21,080 --> 00:31:23,360
Speaker 1: you don't look into like, oh, is do you have?

487
00:31:24,160 --> 00:31:28,040
Speaker 1: You know? CMV? Are you CMV positive? You know? Do

488
00:31:28,120 --> 00:31:32,360
Speaker 1: you have like what is your medical history? Like nobody

489
00:31:32,400 --> 00:31:35,600
Speaker 1: sits and has conversations. But now that I'm looking for

490
00:31:35,640 --> 00:31:41,640
Speaker 1: a sperm donor, I have a whole of Okay, wow,

491
00:31:41,800 --> 00:31:44,240
Speaker 1: this person doesn't have that. Okay, his mom had that,

492
00:31:44,280 --> 00:31:47,200
Speaker 1: but his sister didn't, but he does. I mean, there's

493
00:31:47,240 --> 00:31:50,920
Speaker 1: so many different boxes to check off or put away.

494
00:31:50,960 --> 00:31:53,080
Speaker 1: So I have like a little notebook. I have my

495
00:31:53,160 --> 00:31:56,400
Speaker 1: pros and my cons. Donor two, three, four, five, Okay

496
00:31:56,480 --> 00:32:00,600
Speaker 1: he has this, but he has that. Um. And then

497
00:32:00,800 --> 00:32:05,560
Speaker 1: on top of that, now I'm having to determine like, Okay,

498
00:32:05,600 --> 00:32:09,240
Speaker 1: now I'm looking at okay, Latino as well as black,

499
00:32:09,320 --> 00:32:15,040
Speaker 1: because there's not a lot of black donors. Um, okay, well,

500
00:32:15,080 --> 00:32:17,200
Speaker 1: now I want one with at least curly hair. Well

501
00:32:17,200 --> 00:32:19,000
Speaker 1: I want them at least to be dark skinned. Some

502
00:32:19,040 --> 00:32:21,560
Speaker 1: of my baby can be brown. Like you look at

503
00:32:21,600 --> 00:32:28,200
Speaker 1: all these different factors and it's so hard. Um, it's hard. Uh.

504
00:32:28,240 --> 00:32:31,160
Speaker 1: And I think COVID has definitely put a halt on

505
00:32:31,200 --> 00:32:37,160
Speaker 1: things because nobody's like and about right. So yeah, So

506
00:32:37,240 --> 00:32:40,000
Speaker 1: I went to one like a webinar with one of

507
00:32:40,000 --> 00:32:42,400
Speaker 1: the banks, and I asked, like, when are you all

508
00:32:42,400 --> 00:32:46,040
Speaker 1: going to get some more black donors? Um? And so

509
00:32:46,400 --> 00:32:48,600
Speaker 1: one of the things that they try to do, are

510
00:32:48,640 --> 00:32:52,120
Speaker 1: trying to do, is to go to some more HBCUs

511
00:32:52,440 --> 00:32:55,239
Speaker 1: and you know, put it out there like there is

512
00:32:55,560 --> 00:32:57,760
Speaker 1: there you can get some money out of this guy.

513
00:32:57,920 --> 00:33:03,000
Speaker 1: So it's great. Um, but there's a lot. It's a

514
00:33:03,040 --> 00:33:07,200
Speaker 1: lot less than for eggs of course, but I'm not

515
00:33:07,240 --> 00:33:11,080
Speaker 1: gonna lie. I'm I had no idea that even the

516
00:33:11,160 --> 00:33:16,000
Speaker 1: sperm banks there was so little African Americans that were donating.

517
00:33:16,480 --> 00:33:20,360
Speaker 1: M hm. Yeah. And then so but just with the

518
00:33:20,400 --> 00:33:25,240
Speaker 1: women egg donors, there are all these stipulations for men

519
00:33:25,360 --> 00:33:29,680
Speaker 1: as well, and most of they have to be graduates

520
00:33:29,920 --> 00:33:34,600
Speaker 1: or you know, they there's like there's a lot, it's

521
00:33:34,640 --> 00:33:37,640
Speaker 1: a lot. So then after you donate, um, like I

522
00:33:37,680 --> 00:33:40,080
Speaker 1: found one guy that I was like yes, and then

523
00:33:40,120 --> 00:33:42,160
Speaker 1: I called. And the thing is it's like once you

524
00:33:42,240 --> 00:33:44,960
Speaker 1: find someone, you have to bam, show me the money.

525
00:33:44,960 --> 00:33:48,080
Speaker 1: You need to have it ready locked and loaded to purchase.

526
00:33:48,240 --> 00:33:51,760
Speaker 1: Otherwise there's a waiting list. Now, can I ask you

527
00:33:51,840 --> 00:33:56,560
Speaker 1: how much as someone who's looking for a donor, how

528
00:33:56,640 --> 00:34:00,520
Speaker 1: much is that part of the financial uh burden? How

529
00:34:00,600 --> 00:34:04,360
Speaker 1: much does it cost to receive the spur right um?

530
00:34:04,400 --> 00:34:09,080
Speaker 1: On average about a thousand, a thousand and twelve hundred UM.

531
00:34:10,200 --> 00:34:14,400
Speaker 1: If they have proven success rates as far as pregnancy

532
00:34:14,520 --> 00:34:18,480
Speaker 1: is concerned, you're on the higher end UM versus those

533
00:34:18,640 --> 00:34:23,239
Speaker 1: If somebody who hasn't had any confirmed pregnancies, you could

534
00:34:23,320 --> 00:34:27,279
Speaker 1: go further down to like eight hundred depending on the

535
00:34:27,280 --> 00:34:33,600
Speaker 1: bay mm hmmm. Wow. So this is going to be

536
00:34:35,800 --> 00:34:41,000
Speaker 1: a long process for you. How how are you going

537
00:34:41,040 --> 00:34:45,160
Speaker 1: to stay in high spirits with this, you know, being that?

538
00:34:45,320 --> 00:34:50,759
Speaker 1: And have you had someone make any uncomfortable or like,

539
00:34:50,840 --> 00:34:53,640
Speaker 1: you know, speak on your fertility without them knowing this?

540
00:34:53,920 --> 00:34:56,239
Speaker 1: Or you know, do your family members say, hey, are

541
00:34:56,239 --> 00:34:59,640
Speaker 1: you gonna give us some grandkids? Or like? Has this

542
00:34:59,760 --> 00:35:02,879
Speaker 1: come station been had with your family members? And how

543
00:35:02,960 --> 00:35:06,080
Speaker 1: do they feel any shame for maybe asking you about

544
00:35:06,280 --> 00:35:11,760
Speaker 1: children in the past? Right? No, UM. For the most part,

545
00:35:12,120 --> 00:35:17,239
Speaker 1: everyone has been very um, you know, supportive. I've had

546
00:35:17,320 --> 00:35:21,400
Speaker 1: conversations with people that I would call like family UM,

547
00:35:21,520 --> 00:35:28,600
Speaker 1: and I've had some uncomfortable conversations in which because some

548
00:35:28,719 --> 00:35:32,280
Speaker 1: people don't believe in i VS or they don't believe

549
00:35:32,280 --> 00:35:36,600
Speaker 1: in the science of it. And I had one person

550
00:35:36,800 --> 00:35:39,520
Speaker 1: tell me, well, maybe God just doesn't want you to

551
00:35:39,560 --> 00:35:42,480
Speaker 1: have kids. Maybe you just weren't meant to have kids.

552
00:35:43,360 --> 00:35:48,839
Speaker 1: And luckily for me, UM, I met way stronger than

553
00:35:48,880 --> 00:35:53,480
Speaker 1: I was, like almost a year ago. UM, because that

554
00:35:53,640 --> 00:35:57,440
Speaker 1: probably I was about to say, what was your response

555
00:35:57,520 --> 00:36:01,239
Speaker 1: to that person? It was was drong um. And I

556
00:36:01,400 --> 00:36:04,000
Speaker 1: let her know in my opinion that God is in

557
00:36:04,000 --> 00:36:10,120
Speaker 1: the science. UM. And that just because because she was

558
00:36:10,160 --> 00:36:12,720
Speaker 1: telling me that there's so many women that she knows

559
00:36:12,760 --> 00:36:15,600
Speaker 1: that doesn't have kids, and this person doesn't have kids,

560
00:36:15,600 --> 00:36:16,759
Speaker 1: and that person, I was like, what do you do

561
00:36:16,880 --> 00:36:19,480
Speaker 1: ask them? Did you stop to ask them? What's their

562
00:36:19,520 --> 00:36:23,279
Speaker 1: story or why? Like some people have just shows and

563
00:36:23,400 --> 00:36:27,120
Speaker 1: like the other three girls um that my guy in

564
00:36:27,160 --> 00:36:30,040
Speaker 1: ecologist diagnosed like have just chosen. You know what, maybe

565
00:36:30,080 --> 00:36:32,719
Speaker 1: this isn't the route that I'm gonna go, UM, but

566
00:36:32,880 --> 00:36:35,920
Speaker 1: do you know why they aren't doing it? Um? And

567
00:36:36,000 --> 00:36:37,719
Speaker 1: she stopped and she was like, you know what, I

568
00:36:37,760 --> 00:36:40,800
Speaker 1: never really thought of that. I never really thought to

569
00:36:41,040 --> 00:36:44,640
Speaker 1: ask or see if they were okay or comfortable with

570
00:36:44,760 --> 00:36:49,200
Speaker 1: not having kids. Um, so or if they even could

571
00:36:49,719 --> 00:36:53,719
Speaker 1: have them, like that's the sickness and and and unfortunately,

572
00:36:53,760 --> 00:36:57,000
Speaker 1: you know a lot of people still have this belief

573
00:36:57,520 --> 00:37:00,440
Speaker 1: that women were put onto this planet to reap produced

574
00:37:00,880 --> 00:37:04,560
Speaker 1: and so as women, when we don't have the ability

575
00:37:04,640 --> 00:37:09,239
Speaker 1: to we do we question ourselves, and society questions us

576
00:37:09,320 --> 00:37:12,120
Speaker 1: as if you know, it's a question why we're here,

577
00:37:12,160 --> 00:37:15,200
Speaker 1: then as if we can't bring anything else to the world,

578
00:37:15,239 --> 00:37:18,319
Speaker 1: and it's and it's and it's sickening. I normally like

579
00:37:18,440 --> 00:37:22,719
Speaker 1: to have our guests leave off with a tip. What

580
00:37:22,800 --> 00:37:27,920
Speaker 1: would maybe you wish someone told you at a younger age,

581
00:37:28,200 --> 00:37:31,520
Speaker 1: so when you started missing that period at or you

582
00:37:31,600 --> 00:37:35,239
Speaker 1: just knew something wasn't right, like many women again who

583
00:37:35,280 --> 00:37:37,879
Speaker 1: may be listening to this and like, WHOA, I missed

584
00:37:37,880 --> 00:37:40,400
Speaker 1: a lot of periods myself. What is a bit of

585
00:37:40,440 --> 00:37:43,480
Speaker 1: advice that you would give that maybe you wish someone

586
00:37:43,520 --> 00:37:47,759
Speaker 1: gave you earlier on well, when you see if you

587
00:37:47,840 --> 00:37:51,320
Speaker 1: start seeing something and you really feel it something's wrong,

588
00:37:52,400 --> 00:37:55,520
Speaker 1: contact one, contact doctor or find out what's going on,

589
00:37:55,800 --> 00:37:57,880
Speaker 1: but don't take no for an answer, Like if you

590
00:37:57,920 --> 00:38:00,719
Speaker 1: don't like that answer, keep going. Um. One of the

591
00:38:00,719 --> 00:38:03,360
Speaker 1: things my doctor told me, what when she gave me

592
00:38:03,400 --> 00:38:06,120
Speaker 1: this diagnosis. Was I wish you had come to me

593
00:38:06,440 --> 00:38:08,560
Speaker 1: years ago. How did you come to me years ago?

594
00:38:08,719 --> 00:38:11,239
Speaker 1: We could have there could have been possibly something we

595
00:38:11,239 --> 00:38:14,080
Speaker 1: could have done. Maybe we could have frozen your eggs.

596
00:38:14,160 --> 00:38:17,919
Speaker 1: Maybe you know, we could have done something, UM, but

597
00:38:18,400 --> 00:38:20,960
Speaker 1: I didn't know. And and it's important, I think to

598
00:38:21,040 --> 00:38:24,799
Speaker 1: have these conversations, um and know what's going on with

599
00:38:24,840 --> 00:38:27,240
Speaker 1: your body. You know, if you you're in your twenties

600
00:38:27,239 --> 00:38:29,160
Speaker 1: and you don't know whether or not you want to

601
00:38:29,200 --> 00:38:32,319
Speaker 1: have kids later on in life, still stop and think,

602
00:38:32,400 --> 00:38:35,440
Speaker 1: maybe one is this something that could be an option?

603
00:38:35,560 --> 00:38:37,560
Speaker 1: Maybe you do. Maybe it's a good idea to go

604
00:38:37,640 --> 00:38:40,719
Speaker 1: and get yourself checked. UM, see what's going on with

605
00:38:40,760 --> 00:38:43,880
Speaker 1: your uterusy, what's going on with if there's any eggs

606
00:38:43,880 --> 00:38:49,840
Speaker 1: in there? Um and possibly you know, freeze them or

607
00:38:50,000 --> 00:38:52,040
Speaker 1: if you're somebody that's you're like, you know what, I

608
00:38:52,080 --> 00:38:55,839
Speaker 1: don't want to have kids, Go get a little get

609
00:38:55,840 --> 00:39:00,360
Speaker 1: a little bit of money and um and freezer. I

610
00:39:00,400 --> 00:39:03,400
Speaker 1: mean sorry, donate your eggs for someone else who who

611
00:39:03,440 --> 00:39:08,319
Speaker 1: could possibly want to have them but aren't able to UM.

612
00:39:08,440 --> 00:39:12,240
Speaker 1: One of the things in um Barbados, the women who

613
00:39:12,600 --> 00:39:18,799
Speaker 1: donate the eggs um do it voluntarily. So out there

614
00:39:18,840 --> 00:39:22,759
Speaker 1: they're not able to get any money for it, which

615
00:39:22,840 --> 00:39:27,239
Speaker 1: is why they're costs are cut. So that's why I'm

616
00:39:27,280 --> 00:39:31,800
Speaker 1: trying to raise fourteen thousand dollars versus sixty um, because

617
00:39:31,840 --> 00:39:35,319
Speaker 1: out there they aren't it's just completely out of their

618
00:39:35,360 --> 00:39:41,640
Speaker 1: hearts um that they donate so UM. But here, you

619
00:39:41,680 --> 00:39:44,360
Speaker 1: know you're able to get a little something and and

620
00:39:44,560 --> 00:39:47,040
Speaker 1: help yourself out, but at the same time help someone

621
00:39:47,080 --> 00:39:49,799
Speaker 1: else out. UM. Same thing with the guys. Get it

622
00:39:49,800 --> 00:39:53,959
Speaker 1: out there, but you know what's going on with your body. Um.

623
00:39:54,000 --> 00:39:58,600
Speaker 1: One of the things that I feel is so helpful,

624
00:39:58,840 --> 00:40:02,800
Speaker 1: it's just having a strong support system. So the times

625
00:40:02,800 --> 00:40:06,359
Speaker 1: when I have these conversations with people who don't want

626
00:40:06,400 --> 00:40:09,520
Speaker 1: to support me or who I've kind of lost friends

627
00:40:09,680 --> 00:40:12,600
Speaker 1: over um because of the choice that I'm making to

628
00:40:12,680 --> 00:40:16,920
Speaker 1: move forward with it. It's it's hard, it's difficult, UM.

629
00:40:16,960 --> 00:40:20,120
Speaker 1: But having that support system, having my my best friend,

630
00:40:20,160 --> 00:40:23,840
Speaker 1: her sister being like, you know what, we're raising this money. Hey,

631
00:40:23,880 --> 00:40:28,480
Speaker 1: look you know your go foundy like I need. And

632
00:40:28,560 --> 00:40:33,960
Speaker 1: for those of you listening, like I have a strong sisterhood. Uh.

633
00:40:34,000 --> 00:40:37,319
Speaker 1: I call them the box owners over here. UM. But

634
00:40:37,520 --> 00:40:41,080
Speaker 1: I definitely would love that go fund me and I

635
00:40:41,120 --> 00:40:44,319
Speaker 1: want to push it to as many women, um that

636
00:40:44,440 --> 00:40:46,520
Speaker 1: I know, on all of the platforms that I have. UM,

637
00:40:46,560 --> 00:40:50,080
Speaker 1: because again, I mean, you brought tears in my eyes

638
00:40:50,080 --> 00:40:54,080
Speaker 1: with your story. But it's it's so unfortunate that like again,

639
00:40:54,360 --> 00:40:58,880
Speaker 1: because of how society views women, they don't take the

640
00:40:58,920 --> 00:41:02,680
Speaker 1: courtesy of what a woman is really going through, you know.

641
00:41:02,880 --> 00:41:06,560
Speaker 1: And so the idea that again people throw out the

642
00:41:06,600 --> 00:41:09,239
Speaker 1: fact both women and men, well you're not a mother yet,

643
00:41:09,360 --> 00:41:11,120
Speaker 1: you wouldn't know. And it's just like you don't even

644
00:41:11,200 --> 00:41:14,120
Speaker 1: know that that is an option for me. So Melissa,

645
00:41:14,239 --> 00:41:17,920
Speaker 1: I do see your strength. Again. We're both sitting here

646
00:41:18,000 --> 00:41:21,279
Speaker 1: just crying at this point. UM, but I I have

647
00:41:21,360 --> 00:41:23,640
Speaker 1: your number. I want to stay in touch with you. UM,

648
00:41:23,800 --> 00:41:26,319
Speaker 1: and we're gonna help you raise this money. That's what

649
00:41:26,520 --> 00:41:29,000
Speaker 1: that's what we're gonna do over here. So, UM, guys,

650
00:41:29,000 --> 00:41:32,719
Speaker 1: if you're listening to this episode, UM, the go fund

651
00:41:32,760 --> 00:41:35,040
Speaker 1: me link is gonna be in the bio of this episode.

652
00:41:35,360 --> 00:41:38,280
Speaker 1: And also stay tuned. I always drop stats in facts.

653
00:41:38,320 --> 00:41:41,360
Speaker 1: I was sharing a little bit with you that I found. Um,

654
00:41:41,400 --> 00:41:45,160
Speaker 1: this is a lot more common then actually, these doctors

655
00:41:45,160 --> 00:41:47,960
Speaker 1: are making it seem it's not just stressed, it's not

656
00:41:48,600 --> 00:41:52,040
Speaker 1: it's not regular to be ill regular UM. And so

657
00:41:53,160 --> 00:41:55,600
Speaker 1: stay tuned because there's a lot of stats to where

658
00:41:55,760 --> 00:41:57,800
Speaker 1: the next time you go to your doctor, I want

659
00:41:57,840 --> 00:42:02,800
Speaker 1: you to get checked uh see fertility, seek gynecology. Don't

660
00:42:02,800 --> 00:42:04,800
Speaker 1: just get tested for s TVs. There's a lot that

661
00:42:04,920 --> 00:42:08,200
Speaker 1: go on with women just being a woman, UM, and

662
00:42:08,239 --> 00:42:12,040
Speaker 1: I think that we need to normalize checking earlier on

663
00:42:12,080 --> 00:42:16,279
Speaker 1: than than being too late. And you're the second episode

664
00:42:16,800 --> 00:42:20,120
Speaker 1: where I just sat here and cried. So Melissa, thank

665
00:42:20,160 --> 00:42:22,520
Speaker 1: you so very much for joining me today. I see

666
00:42:22,560 --> 00:42:25,399
Speaker 1: nothing but strengthen you. And we're gonna help you. We're

667
00:42:25,400 --> 00:42:28,279
Speaker 1: gonna help you get this a okay, we're gonna help

668
00:42:28,320 --> 00:42:31,319
Speaker 1: you get a baby. UM. Melissa, thank you again, and guys,

669
00:42:31,320 --> 00:42:34,279
Speaker 1: stay tuned for stats and facts. Thank you, Melissa, thank

670
00:42:34,360 --> 00:42:44,960
Speaker 1: you so much. Before we get into our stats and facts,

671
00:42:46,160 --> 00:42:49,000
Speaker 1: I just want to say thank you again to Melissa

672
00:42:49,120 --> 00:42:53,000
Speaker 1: for being so brave UM to share your story here

673
00:42:53,040 --> 00:42:57,719
Speaker 1: on this platform. I I truly do, I truly do

674
00:42:57,760 --> 00:43:01,440
Speaker 1: appreciate it. And guys, as men sinned if you go

675
00:43:01,560 --> 00:43:05,319
Speaker 1: to my Instagram at full Court Pumps or follow us

676
00:43:05,880 --> 00:43:09,880
Speaker 1: UM on the podcast pages at official box owner. Guys

677
00:43:09,920 --> 00:43:12,440
Speaker 1: can find the link as well as in the description

678
00:43:12,480 --> 00:43:16,000
Speaker 1: of this episode for Melissa's go fund me. I definitely

679
00:43:16,080 --> 00:43:18,759
Speaker 1: want to use all of the power that I have

680
00:43:19,480 --> 00:43:25,560
Speaker 1: UM to help her with her expenses in her fertility

681
00:43:25,640 --> 00:43:31,880
Speaker 1: journey UM and creating a child. UM. Again, that go

682
00:43:32,080 --> 00:43:35,400
Speaker 1: fund me link is in the in the bio and

683
00:43:35,480 --> 00:43:38,400
Speaker 1: the description of this episode UM. I do also do

684
00:43:38,560 --> 00:43:40,640
Speaker 1: again as always, I want to share some stats and

685
00:43:40,680 --> 00:43:43,480
Speaker 1: facts for some of you who may not have known

686
00:43:44,160 --> 00:43:48,920
Speaker 1: what POF or premature ovariant failure was, But simply put,

687
00:43:48,960 --> 00:43:51,960
Speaker 1: it is early menopause. Normally, a woman will start to

688
00:43:52,000 --> 00:43:54,799
Speaker 1: go through menopause between the ages of two and fifty six,

689
00:43:55,400 --> 00:43:59,080
Speaker 1: but POF will occur in one in a thousand women

690
00:43:59,400 --> 00:44:02,520
Speaker 1: between the just a fifteen and twenty nine, and one

691
00:44:02,600 --> 00:44:05,239
Speaker 1: in a hundred women between the ages of thirty and

692
00:44:05,239 --> 00:44:10,239
Speaker 1: thirty nine, one in a hundred women, one in a

693
00:44:10,320 --> 00:44:13,839
Speaker 1: hundred those odds. The fact that this is something that

694
00:44:13,880 --> 00:44:16,840
Speaker 1: so many of us do not know about or are

695
00:44:17,040 --> 00:44:20,879
Speaker 1: educated on, or the fact that fucking these doctors are

696
00:44:20,920 --> 00:44:26,880
Speaker 1: still telling us that it's stress or the abnormal things

697
00:44:27,200 --> 00:44:32,279
Speaker 1: are normal in regards to our periods, in regards to

698
00:44:32,400 --> 00:44:36,840
Speaker 1: our reproductive systems and organs and everything. The funk else

699
00:44:37,920 --> 00:44:45,640
Speaker 1: is the very basis of how we are valued in society,

700
00:44:45,760 --> 00:44:52,279
Speaker 1: And you're telling me doctors still are finding any excuse

701
00:44:52,800 --> 00:44:56,560
Speaker 1: to send us on our merried motherfucking way. Yes, Like,

702
00:44:56,719 --> 00:45:02,080
Speaker 1: I'm just upset. This was one of those stories. Again, Um,

703
00:45:02,440 --> 00:45:04,640
Speaker 1: if you guys haven't yet checked out with here on

704
00:45:04,719 --> 00:45:08,399
Speaker 1: period says, there's so many stories where it's just like,

705
00:45:09,920 --> 00:45:12,400
Speaker 1: if I would have known sooner, or if all of

706
00:45:12,440 --> 00:45:16,840
Speaker 1: these doctors would have just not misdiagnosed me, I could

707
00:45:17,360 --> 00:45:19,279
Speaker 1: very well be in a different place than where I'm

708
00:45:19,280 --> 00:45:23,640
Speaker 1: at now. The average age of early onset for POF

709
00:45:23,800 --> 00:45:27,920
Speaker 1: is twenty, which aligns with Melissa, and in some cases

710
00:45:28,400 --> 00:45:32,560
Speaker 1: of family history of POF is actually linked in about

711
00:45:32,560 --> 00:45:36,480
Speaker 1: four percent of women that experienced the condition. Um. Again,

712
00:45:36,600 --> 00:45:42,040
Speaker 1: some of the symptoms that you may be experiencing us experiences,

713
00:45:42,080 --> 00:45:45,000
Speaker 1: such as hot flashes, no period. Of the things that

714
00:45:45,040 --> 00:45:48,160
Speaker 1: Melissa actually was upset that she didn't get to mention

715
00:45:48,800 --> 00:45:52,200
Speaker 1: is the fact that vaginal dryness is one of the

716
00:45:52,239 --> 00:45:55,359
Speaker 1: things that she's also going through as a symptom, which

717
00:45:55,400 --> 00:46:00,799
Speaker 1: makes sex very unpleasurable, which is why, again, ladies, we

718
00:46:00,880 --> 00:46:04,240
Speaker 1: ain't all just born with wops And there can also

719
00:46:04,360 --> 00:46:07,080
Speaker 1: be buying reasons we're not as wet as we should be,

720
00:46:07,840 --> 00:46:10,160
Speaker 1: and it may not have anything to do with our

721
00:46:10,200 --> 00:46:15,000
Speaker 1: attraction to our partners or something being wrong. Something could

722
00:46:15,000 --> 00:46:20,319
Speaker 1: be wrong, actually, like, don't hold it against yourself, but

723
00:46:20,520 --> 00:46:22,879
Speaker 1: get checked. Go to the doctor. And again, I know,

724
00:46:23,440 --> 00:46:26,240
Speaker 1: I know, we all kind of hate the doctor because

725
00:46:26,320 --> 00:46:32,160
Speaker 1: fuck them. Melissa saw five before she got correctly diagnosed,

726
00:46:32,360 --> 00:46:35,120
Speaker 1: so I understand me. Even telling you to go see

727
00:46:35,160 --> 00:46:38,560
Speaker 1: a doctor could be hypocritical. And the fact they still

728
00:46:38,560 --> 00:46:41,040
Speaker 1: telling us the wrong ship we're just sending us on

729
00:46:41,040 --> 00:46:44,360
Speaker 1: our merry motherfucking way. I'm doing a lot of cursing.

730
00:46:44,520 --> 00:46:49,400
Speaker 1: This episode brought so much passion, and a part of

731
00:46:49,440 --> 00:46:54,360
Speaker 1: it as well just makes me so happy to hold

732
00:46:54,640 --> 00:46:57,720
Speaker 1: a space and platform like this. If you haven't yet,

733
00:46:58,120 --> 00:47:01,000
Speaker 1: check out the link for Melissa's go fun meat. Donate

734
00:47:01,040 --> 00:47:05,200
Speaker 1: even if it's only a dollar, even if it's only

735
00:47:05,239 --> 00:47:11,520
Speaker 1: a dollar. Um. Also, don't forget uh join our mailing lists.

736
00:47:12,360 --> 00:47:16,680
Speaker 1: Go on over to www dot official box owner dot com.

737
00:47:17,000 --> 00:47:20,680
Speaker 1: Follow us on our social media platforms that's Instagram at

738
00:47:20,760 --> 00:47:23,840
Speaker 1: official box owner and on Twitter at a box owner.

739
00:47:24,960 --> 00:47:29,400
Speaker 1: We have our very own products coming out, so I'm

740
00:47:29,440 --> 00:47:33,920
Speaker 1: super super super super super excited. We have the Balance Box,

741
00:47:34,400 --> 00:47:39,000
Speaker 1: which is our very own official box owner bork Acids depositories,

742
00:47:39,400 --> 00:47:42,600
Speaker 1: and we also are dropping the Yummy Box, which is

743
00:47:43,040 --> 00:47:48,040
Speaker 1: the official box owner Apple Cider Vinegar gummies. You will

744
00:47:48,080 --> 00:47:51,759
Speaker 1: be notified before the public if you just join our

745
00:47:51,800 --> 00:47:55,160
Speaker 1: mailing list, so go on over. That's www dot official

746
00:47:55,200 --> 00:47:58,120
Speaker 1: box owner dot com. I'm your host, Mandy B. Thank

747
00:47:58,160 --> 00:48:02,160
Speaker 1: you so so so very much. As always every week

748
00:48:02,680 --> 00:48:07,720
Speaker 1: for Tales of Womanhood for Women, by women, Thank you guys,

749
00:48:07,840 --> 00:48:11,760
Speaker 1: and until next week, bye yeah